Bob Wagner - What Friendship Is

They are NOT rules. You should not have to navigate a set of un-written, un-spoken, and ever-changing set of rules. When you have to set down rules for someone to be your friend, you are NOT telling them you are their friend. You are saying that you are in my life right now, I do NOT know how I can get rid of you, but to make MY life better you need to follow these rules so you don't bother me too much.

NEVER

Hug me
Kiss me
Tell me "I love you"
Ask where I am going
Ask who I am with
Ask who I am talking to
Ask who I am out with
Ask what I am going to be doing
Do Not look at me
Say the word DATE
Say anything that I might think is rude.
Say anything not previously approved by me around any of my friends
Disregard my feelings even though I totally don't care about yours

ALWAYS

Accept anything that I say as acceptable and right
Respond to me immediately even though I may not be acknowledging that you are alive
Listen and follow my advice about your life although I really can't show you a smidgeon of respect
Accept that is perfectly fine for me to treat you like shit anytime that I want to, just don't say anything about it to me