My So-Called Spiritual Life

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.
-- Dr. Seuss

I practice Korean-style Zen at Empty Gate Zen Center.

Here's a video of Zen Master Bon Soeng (Jeff Kitzes), the abbott and guiding teacher of Empty Gate. It's from the PBS show Roadtrip Nation:

The next video is from our first public program of 2009. It starts with my own intro talk, then the Dharma Talk and Q&A from ZM Bon Soeng. (This video and the one above can also be found on the emptygatezen YouTube channel.

More Zen stuff:

• A guide to the meditation and practice forms we use, and downloadable chants..
• Lots of dharma talks by teachers of the Kwan Um School of Zen (KUSZ), both transcripts and audio MP3s. Zen Master Bon Soeng’s Buddha’s Enlightenment Day Speech as mp3; more ZMBS Dharma talks as transcripts. Videos of older talks at Korean temples; two talks from KUSZ founding Zen Master Seung Sahn; two talks by his American student Zen Master Dae Bong.
• Teaching letters from Zen Master Seung Sahn. A cute pdf illustrating ZMSS’ teaching. More video, photos etc on his memorial site.
• Links, transcripts, and audios of teachers from various other Zen schools.
• Transcripts of talks I've given: Hot Tub Zen, Square One, Vegas Zen, and Circle Talk
• My Buddhism Q&A at allexperts.com
• My blog, Random Thoughts
• Sangha Photos (various events, including ceremonies and travels in Korea etc)

My blog includes a series of posts I wrote in 2007 to chronicle my decades of exporation in the spiritual/philosophical realm, focusing on what's led to my facinating with Zen, particularly the experience of my first retreat with this practice in 1988. I've entitled this mini-memoir Autobiography of a Boo Boo

My so-called spiritual life has of course included the obligatory psychedelic experiences, which were helpful in inspiring me to explore formal meditation practice since about age 18. I spent 5 years with the Siddha Yoga (SYDA) organization of guru Swami Muktananda and his successor Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. After leaving that group, I began Zen practice with a week-long sitting retreat at the beginning of 1988.

Here's a wide selection of spiritual and quasi-spiritual sites I've come across. Try whatever you like, as long as you do no harm!

• ZEN and BUDDHISM: The Kwan Um School has a collection of key koans called the Twelve Gates. Online koan collections can be found through ZenPages and thezensite.com. Find Zen stories at Zen Stories and All Things Zen. The ancient poem Verses on the Faith Mind is a beautiful teaching device, as are the Ten Ox-Herding Pictures. The Ox has never really gone astray, so why search for it? -- Zen Master Kakuan.

  From the Japanese Soto Zen school, I've enjoyed the writings of American Punk rocker/Zen priest Brad "Doubtboy" Warner. His site is Sit Down and Shut Up, and there's a video of him on his blog, Hardcore Zen. More Buddhist blogging is found at Flapping Mouths. BuddhaNet offers Buddhist links and resources. The Wanderling is a Japanese-style Zenist who's created lots of online resources, including a free Dharma course called Awakening 101. Christopher Titmuss teaches the Vipassana style. Buddhism is nothing if not questioning, so Skepticism within Buddhism has many links that examine Buddhism agnostically.

  ADYASHANTI speaks often in the Bay Area, mixing Advaita (non-dualism teachings from India) with Zen. I like him, even though his "awakening" poem on the When I Awoke site uses the word I practically every line! Watch a video of him teaching. Or read this cool piece on Spiritual Addiction, in which he speaks of Zen teaching, and the habit of wanting to get something from meditation. Adya's students Mokshananda and Jon Bernie hold regular satsangs around here.
  
  

• HINDUISM and YOGA: One of my earliest exposures to the traditions of India was reading Ram Dass’ stories of Baba Hari Das. Hari Das is now involved with the Hanuman Foundation in Santa Cruz. I’ve gotten my hug from “Divine Mother” Ammachi. To this casual visitor, her scene was sweet and fuzzy, like a Grateful Dead concert, but offered precious little cognitive clarity. Paul Mason wrote a biography of the Maharishi (packager of Transcendental meditation). His website has meditation teachings, and tales of his visits to India, starting with his 1970 hitch-hiking trip through Europe and Asia when he met the man himself. When I lived in Muktananda's Indian ashram, I played chess with fellow devotee Swami Shankarananda, who now heads Shiva Ashram in Australia. (Back in the 70s, Swami Shanks was one of those crazy hippies who went to India with Ram Dass to see Neem Karoli Baba.) For Yoga instruction in the San Francisco Bay Area, see Yoga Bliss. Here's a 50-minute video from someone who visited Bhagawan Rajneesh (Osho) in the 70s. And in 2007, Time created a neat slide-show of the Kumbh Mela; this religious festival is the largest gathering of humanity on the planet. As a youth in the 1920s, J. Krishnamurti was hailed as New World Teacher. He famously renounced his guruhood in 1929; the speech in which he did so stands up well after nearly a century: "I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect." When I was into the India thing, I used to love the classic scripture Ashtavakra Gita.
  
  
• RAMANA MAHARISHI offshoots: John Sherman was in federal prison (for politically-motivated bank robbery) when he encountered Ramana Maharishi's teachings on self-inquiry. He says that the only problem is believing that my life story is me. See through that mistaken belief, and it becomes clear that we have no stake in this life story. I attended a Sherman satsang in Berkeley (courtesy of East Bay Open Circle) and liked his sincere, unassuming, accessible style. Online, Sherman offers a Self-Inquiry blog, virtual satsangs through the River Ganga Foundation, and lots of videos. Robert Adams, who died in 1997, was another low-key American Advaita teacher in the tradition of Ramana. His friend and student Ed Muzika carries on Adams' work on his blog. Ed's site It Is Not Real also has tons of stories of his work with a number of teachers of Zen, Yoga, etc. He overlaps my own experience in spending time with both Swami Muktananda and Zen Master Seung Sahn (though in the opposite order). Stuart Schwartz is another former student of Adams. Schwartz now offers public and private satsangs around the country; his free site includes transcriptions of his dialogues with students. Pamela Wilson leads satsangs herself, and her site also links to lots of other satsang givers.

  For more traditional Hindu-style, an online friend recommended Ramana admirer Sadguru Sri Nannagaru. And the Association of Happiness for All Mankind runs Ramana-inspired retreats in North Carolina and India. They've got programs for a price, and a free Ramana book and on-line meditations.

  MASTER NOME of Santa Cruz claims to uphold Ramana's tradition. There are reports of a dark side to Nome, which perhaps caused his brother and former disciple Russell Smith to split off into the nearby Way of Sudden Awakening. I’ve made my own visits to Nome; the scene is long on beautiful poetry, blissing out, and amusing goofiness, short on common sense and connecting to ordinary life functioning. Nome disciple cee has the Present Non-Existence group in Berkeley, though she herself recently moved to Hawaii.
   

• HARI LAL POONJA also considered Ramana his teacher. H.L. Poonja (aka Poonjaji or Papaji) spawned many teachers, including Gangaji and her husband Eli Jaxon-Bear. They offer intelligent words and good feelings, but no practice. All these satsang teachers seem to emphasize special awakening experiences rather than simple, moment-to-moment clarity. The Gangaji/Eli community was rocked in October 2006, when Eli's sexual relationship with a student was revealed. Initially they were more open about the controversy, but then clammed up on the advice of their lawyers. Copies of documents relevent to this scandal are available here. The Guruphiliac blog provides various viewpoints from the duo's reeling students.

  Poonjaji's original successor, ANDREW COHEN rejected him after a few years. Cohen presents himself in messianic terms ("Very few people like me exist in the world. I can destroy a person’s karma."), which predictably leads to scandals and alienated former followers, including his own mother! Cohen responds by calling his critics spiritual failures; he writes, "As far as I’m concerned, the spiritual life is just like any other endeavor—you can succeed or fail." But success and failure (not to mention spiritual!) are ideas made by thinking; we can question whether Andrew's (or anyone's) ideas should be taken as Truth.

  Cohen has teamed up with self-proclaimed philosophical genius KEN WILBER. Many have praised Wilber's Theory of Everything, in spite of its sketchy scientific foundation. Wilber has a history of being dazzled by another authoritarian guru, Adi Da, aka Bubba Free John. It was a red flag when Wilber wrote of his worshipful view of Da, "This is not merely my personal opinion; this is a perfectly obvious fact." Online criticisms include David Lane's critique, Geoffrey Falk's "Norman Einstein," and critical appraisals on the Kheper site. In June 2006 on his blog, Wilber ranted at his critics: "I should mention that I am at the center of the vanguard of the greatest social transformation in the history of humankind..." and "I simply cannot stand this simple criticism of simply anything, let alone 'simply,' so simply suck my dick, whaddaya say?" Integral World does a fine job of rescuing the baby from the bathwater. One of the Integral World contributors has created enlightenment.com.

• NISARGADATTA MAHARAJ offshoots: Aging disciple Ramesh Balsekar carries on the non-dual teaching of patriarch Nisargadatta in India. Ramesh isn't free from scandal, but has a unique teaching style. Here's a very cool story about a visit to Ramesh in Jan 06 (by Steven Sashen). Ramesh's disciple Wayne Liquorman has an impressive website, including live feeds of his teachings. John Wheeler is another California teacher in this lineage, based near L.A. but sometimes appearing around here. Another offshoot, Australian teacher "Sailor" Bob Adamson even offers an advaita podcast.
   
• LOOSE CANNONS (unaffiliated): Ken Russell drew on his training in Psychology and Buddhism to create The Way of Seeing. His site offers meditation and awareness practices, without dogma, salesmanship, or self-promotion. Eckhart Tolle claims that Enlightenment hit him out of the blue, and now offers seminars, books, etc. on The Power of Now; watch a video of Tolle teaching. U.G. Krishnamurti was the "anti-guru" who had the profound realization that all profound realization is bullshit. U.G. lived as a radically simple wanderer who didn't publicize his whereabouts, but The Natural State provides a wealth of info on his life and words, including audios and videos and stories of travels with him. When U.G. died in 2007, his admirers were saddened, but the man himself was rather indifferent, at least as far as I can tell from the deathbed video.

  Recently deceased RICHARD ROSE was a down-home, self-taught, West Virginia farmer, who had a Big Experience in the 30s and finally found some followers in the 60s. His work is carried on by the TAT Foundation and Search Within. His student David Gold offers an online book on Rose's inner teachings, and student Augie Turak created the Self-Knowledge Symposium at a few Southern Colleges. Rose's students use the word Zen a lot, but their teaching is about becoming more enlightened or spiritual, rather than the true Zen style of pointing to the truth that's already appeared in ordinary, everyday life. Rose's teachings are very much like those of Jed McKenna, author of the popular book SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT: The Damnedest Thing, which I reviewed on amazon. McKenna's actual identity is shrouded in mystery; I'm confident that it's just a pseudonym and McKenna doesn't exist as a flesh-and-blood teacher.

  Byron Katie teaches how to examine thoughts to see if they're true and beneficial. She says, When you argue with reality, you lose... but only 100% of the time. Katie has a blog and some videos on Google. Hippie-freedom-style spirituality is offered at Stephen Gaskin's The Farm (High Times made a short film about Gaskins). See Radiant Mind for a course presenting non-dualism in a style more psychological than religious. Michael Hutchison offers an extraordinary story of big awakening in the most difficult of situations. Amigo is an irregularly appearing periodical with lots of articles and talks from a variety of non-dual approaches. And how could you resist the online Church of the Churchless?

  Steven Sashen creates the ANTI-GURU BLOG. It isn't guru-bashing; it's about looking to yourself for the answers. Check out his posts on Ramesh Balsekar, I Had a Dream..., and Become a Millionaire Self-Help Guru: "The key here is to engender an AHA! experience ... This is especially easy in a workshop setting where, frankly, if you charge enough money and put a bunch of strangers in an unusual place you’re guaranteed to get 'results.'" He also offers an online Instant Advanced Meditation Course.

  I've often chatted about philosophical matters on the Yahoo Group NonDualPhil, which I believe was started by New York "Philosophical Counselor" Greg Goode.
   

• LGATs (Large Group Awareness Trainings) were all the rage when I was growing up in the 70s. They include Werner Erhart's now-defunct est, its successor The Forum (aka Landmark Education), Lifespring, and many spin-offs. I've never attended these, though the many Intensives I experienced with Swami Muktananda were heavily influenced by Werner, and gave me a strong taste of the group dynamic. The Truth about Human Potential Seminars is a blog covering the LGATs; The Awareness Page offers many links they say will help Awareness consumers make conscious informed decisions; and Rick Ross' site has the video Voyage to the Land of the New Gurus, a 2004 French TV report with hidden cameras inside an actual Landmark training.
   
• EXes and ANTIs: Rick Ross has tons of info on destructive cults, skewering Sri Chinmoy and many others. Get the latest world-wide updates from the Cult News Network. Guru Maharaj Ji was a teen-aged Indian God-man in the 70s; now he's ditched the Indian trappings but continues his show under the name Prem Rawat. Disillusioned exes of Rawat/Maharaji run the excellent Ex-premie site, the Prem Rawat aka Maharaji Information Resource with lots of old photos and videos, and this talk forum. Lord of the Universe is a documentary of this guru from his 70s hey-day. Adi Da is debunked at the Beware of the God blog. The online book Stripping the Gurus hits lots of them, including Yogananda's Spiritual Realization Fellowship. This book's author, Geoff Falk, keeps an entertaining, intelligent, and bitter blog. David Lane's Neural Surfer deconstructs a number of teachers, including Ken Wilber and Satya Sai Baba (subject of the BBC expose The Secret Swami). To reject the whole Christian Ball-O-Wax, take the Blashphemy Challenge. Some former students of Transcendental Meditation (TM) believe that the organization and founder Maharishi Mahesh Yoga have been deceptive. TM secrets are revealed, and possible harmful effects of its "trance suggestions" are explored, at TranceNet, the TM-Free Blog, Behind the TM Facade, and Falling Down the TM Rabbit Hole. John Knapp, who runs the TM-Free Blog, also offers private cult recovery counseling.

  Betrayal of the Spirit is a sincere examination of the HARE KRISHNA movement from ex-member Nori Muster. Other thoughtful accounts of leaving the movement include On Leaving ISKCON and I was a Teenage Hare Krishna. The Krishna teaching stresses an absolute duality between pure and impure... and yet in practice, the movement degenerated to the point where gurus valued fund-raising over honesty ("We can do anything in Krsna's service... Krsna is the most expert cheat... It belongs to Krsna anyway.") Since Krishna founder Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada died in '77, the movement remains in disarray, with the original organization ISKCON debating the ISKCON Revival Movement and other independent voices over who the real Spiritual Master should be. The newspaper article Rebuilding its temple suggests that today, the typical Krishnas aren't young Americans renouncing the world for a life of monkish spirituality, but more likely a congregation of expatriate Indian householders. On that page, click the Krishnas Come Home video link to see footage of devotees at the New Vrindaban Krishna farm in 2006. More Krishna-themed videos at the KrishnaTube site. Two stories of my own encounters with the Krishnas are included on my Strange Trips page.

  David Lane powerfully argues that special experiences reliably happen to a percentage of people given simple meditation instruction, but gurus can con people by claiming to be the source of the experience. He calls his thesis The KIRPAL STATISTIC (after one such guru, Kirpal Singh). He contends that "Mystical Fireworks are Self-Generated and NOT caused by a GURU." Lane writes, "...people when given a meditation sitting will report seeing and hearing things... It is the disciple's own brain (or, again, to be generous, their 'Self') which is causing it, but the disciple wrongly believes that the Guru is doing the transmitting... It is EXACTLY that MIS-taken belief which FUELS the would-be claims of complete frauds... Kirpal Singh didn't transmit the experience; the disciples GENERATED it. Kirpal Singh simply took credit for that which he did NOT cause. It's an advertising ploy and a deceptive one at that. I have had hundreds of students in my classes see light and hear sounds and see radiant beings and leave their bodies... Did 'I' cause it? NOPE. They did. The difference here, of course, is that I EXPOSED THE SECRET. Kirpal took CREDIT for it and gained 'followers' on just such a deception."
   

• TEACHER LISTS and GUIDES: The Guruphiliac blog provides a running commentary on the spirituality biz. Sarlo's Guru Rating Service covers 'em all. The Guide to Spiritual Teachers is a similar site, more focused on non-dual schools, as are Realization.org and Advaita.org.uk. VirtualScience is a vast gateway to reviews of "Guides, Gurus, and God Beings," organized geographically. The Nonduality site goes meta with its List of Teachers Lists. Find satsang by location on the Satsang-Worldwide map or the Satsang Teachers list. The Open Directory Project has an extensive list of links for Advaita teachers. Enough?
   
• VISUALS: Some sites with visuals and sounds you may find mind-blowing: Self Hypnosis, The Great Illusion, Eye Tricks, and Escher Web Sketch. Do Not ZZZ gives Zen instruction with neat multimedia effects. Women in Art is a stunning video portrait of a lady whom I swear I've seen during the peak of an acid trip. She's also depicted in this dance performance.
   
• KURZWEIL: I had an interesting email exchange with Singularity guru Ray Kurzweil regarding the Buddhist view of Consciousness.
   
• SPECIAL MEDICINES: Salvia Divinorum is a visionary plant from Mexico, legal in most places. Absolutely amazing, as big a WOW experience as you could ask for. See Daniel Siebert for sales and information, also Erowid and Lycaeum. For latest on legal status, see the Center for Cognitive Liberty and Ethics. The Psychedelic Library holds general articles on psychedelics and religious experience, including Are Psychedelics Useful In the Practice of Buddhism? More scholarly works: The LSD Experience attempts a coherent, logical framework; The Entheogen Theory of Religion and Ego Death connects all religion and mythology to mind-altering substances. Rick Strassman uses his grounding in science, psychology, and Buddhism to examine the spirit molecule DMT. My friend David Ledeboer combines Buddhism with Shamanism. For my personal experiences, see Salvia Stories, and Adventures In Entheogens.
   
• THE LAST WORD: "When you hear that Buddha Nature is the same as now, you might be disappointed. I know I was. What's so big about now? Now is just something you have to suffer through until the party which is later on. We always compare now to the past and compare it to the future. Maybe it's not as good as last Tuesday. Or maybe it's way better, but even if it is really cool now, we know it's not gonna last. But the fact is that now is freakin' awesome. Now is the freakin-est most awesome thing there is. Now is the only place you can ever live. It's the only place where you can really feel the sunshine, or the cool breeze or the toothache or the violent urge to belch right in front of everybody. And now includes everything. There is no separation now between you and the whole of the universe and all of time. All you have to do to know this is just pay a little bit of attention." -- Brad Warner

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