"I am Barney of Borg. Being assimilated is fun!"
"Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will."
The do-it-yourself Borg kit. Some assimilation required.
McBorg: over 50 billion assimilated.
Borg-er King: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
I am Beeblebrox of Borg. Resistance is - WHOA! BABES!
I am Bubba of Borg. Y'all fixin' to be assimilated.
Borg? Where? I don't see any/%?}NO CARRIER
I am Troi of Borg. Your chocolate will be assimilated.
I am Nurse of Borg. Shall we be assimilated today?
I am Victor of Borge. Prepare to be assimil-nined.
Borg bumper sticker: "Don't like our driving? Call 1-800-IRRELEVANT.
BorgCola: choice of the Next Generation.
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If music be the food of love, there's always room for cellos.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Music is the art of thinking with sounds.
Two wrongs don't make a right...but two Wrights made an airplane!
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Lecture on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle: I can tell you the time or the place, but not both. (Bob Thaves, Frank and Ernest)
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.
All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
My opinions have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.
Two things I hate: people that can't count.
I think, therefore I am...dangerous.
In the interest of replacing the fun here, may I just say: purple furry wombat.
Be it ever so crumbled, there's no place like Rome.
Kermit the Frog does construction: "Rivet, Rivet."
Kermit the Frog does Spy work: "Pond, James Pond."
Kermit the Frog gets money back: "Rebate, Rebate."
The madcap heiress: millions of dollars, and no sense.
I'll take a rain check, if it won't bounce.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
Roses are red / Violets are blue / some poems rhyme.
Life is one silly thing after another. Love is two silly things after each other.
Money isn't everything. I have money and I have everything, and they're not the same thing.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Via ovicipitum dura est...The way of the egghead is hard. (Adlai Stevenson)
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. (Laurie Anderson)
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the Universe together.
I'd ask you to elaborate on this, but I think I'll just let my mind boggle.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
This sentence has cabbage six words.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Smoking is a choice. Breathing is a necessity.
A truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.
The trouble with computers is that they do what you tell them, not what you want.
Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
I don't have a solution, but I really admire the problem.
Life is one silly thing after another. Love is two silly things after each other.
Growing older, but not up.I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
OK, I'm weird. But I'm saving up to be eccentric.
If this is today, I must be where I am.
I'm not apathetic, but I really don't care.
On a clear night, you can see 1.4 X 10 19 miles.
I think therefore I'm single.
Looking for a good man who hates football and can cook.
Hey, it wasn't like the whole building burnt down.
Yes, I know all about "stressed": it's "desserts" spelled backwards.
You know I do this only to aggravate you.
There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
I think, therefore, I have a headache.
I think, therefore I am...I think.
I have a place in the universe, but I'm never in it.
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped.
Time for culture: gone Chopin, Bach in a Minuet.
To do is to be. To be is to do. Do be do be do.
This machine is temporarily *in* service.
Mind over matter: if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
To be or not to be - what was the question?
My job's so secret, even *I* don't know what I'm doing.
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "Envelope".
We've missed you! We;ll aim better next time.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
I'm at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.
Operator, trace this call and tell me where I am!
My ship just came in. Unfortunately, it was the Titanic.
It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288...
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
I lost a button hole today.
I think, therefore I have a headache.
Time and tide melts the snowman.
Where there's a will, there's a beneficiary.
Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh d'Etat.
I wrote it down so I wouldn't *have* to remember.
Dyslexia warns without striking.
Oh, ah.
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
I want patience, and I want it NOW!
It's 10 p.m. and time for the penguin on your telly to explode.
Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department!
Unauthorized amphibians will be toad away.
Put your seatbelt on, I wanna try something.
Just my luck; the Children's Zoo doesn't want my kids.
Me? A skeptic? Can you prove it?
I knew that you knew that...
Diet Coke, shaken not stirred.
It could lead to...DANCING.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If it ain't broke yet, let me have a shot at it.
I'm sorry...I forgot all about the amnesia conference.
Columbus had a fourth ship...it sailed over the edge.
My St. Bernard is out back burying a Yugo.
Proud to be an undercover CIA agent!
I got the pot of gold, but all I wanted was the rainbow.
74% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Smoking- one of the leading causes of statistics.
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"Au revoir"... it's French for "ciao". --Stargate SG-1
"As Orville said to Wilbur, you're wright." -Abbott & Costello
"Must have duct tape... Lots of duct tape." - MacGyver'
Life is a great bundle of little things.' - Oliver Wendell Holmes
'The Earth has music for those who will listen.' - William Shakespeare
'She is too fond of books and it has turned her brain.' - Louisa May Alcott
"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate." -Charles Dickens
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again. - Mary Pickford
We're not lost. We're locationally challenged. --John M. Ford
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."
Minutus cantorum, minutus santarum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum. ("A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down you pants")
"All for one and one for all, and alI for one am all for it." -Remember WENN
"Get out the time-fracture wickets, Hobbes! We're gonna play Calvinball!" -Calvin
In the immortal words of Socrates, "I drank WHAT?!"
Who sir, me sir? Yes sir, you sir. No sir, not I sir.
Every word is a gem...it's only the order they're put in that worries me.
One cook to another - "Do you have the thyme?"
Careful, we don't want to learn from this. -Calvin
Dad, do people ever spontaneously combust? -Calvin
"I have perfect 20-20-20-20 vision." -Kolak of Twilo
Faster. We must go faster.
Oners flysis, income beesis. Onches nobis, inob kesis.
Oh, you're an actor? Which restaurant?
I'm so hungry I could almost eat health food.
He who stick head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
Hangover - the wrath of grapes.
Have I been forgetful? Sorry, I don't remember.
I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
As my uncle used to say: All the world's a stage. You'll grow out of it.
I'm not joking. I never joke at breakfast-time.
Hello, coming to you live from a finite point in the space-time continuum.
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Virtual snack cake: a Fig Newton of your imagination.
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)
Non swinum culinare (Keep them hogs out of the kitchen)Color...it's just a pigment of your imagination.
Deja Vous: Oh no, not YOU again.
Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.
Synonym: word you use when you can't spell the other one.
WYTYSYDG: What You Thought You Saw, You Didn't Get.
Alexander Bell's Theorem: When a body is immersed in water, the phone rings.
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get.
Genius is perseverence in disguise.
MilliHelen: the amount of beauty needed to launch 1 ship.
Trees moving back and forth make the wind blow.
Vegetarians eat vegetables. Beware of humanitarians.
Smoking is a choice. Breathing is a necessity.
Purranoia: the feeling that your cat is up to something.
A mistake is proof that someone tried anyhow.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until they speak.
"Now" is a point in time that is already gone.
2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2.
1=2 for sufficiently large values of 1.
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Nightmare - a bard who plays bagpipes and cymbals.
Vuja de - the feeling you've never been here.
Junk - stuff you throw away. Stuff - junk you keep.
Thesaurus: an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Phobophobia: (n) the fear of fear itself.
Gravity: more than just a good idea. It's the law!
A pun is the lowest form of wit, therefore it is the foundation of all wit.
A pun is 2/3 PU...
A pun is the lowest form of humor, when you don't think of it first.
Mirthgirth: weight gained at parties.
A book is a garden you carry in your pocket.
Cogito, ergo Hormel...I think, therefore I Spam.
Veni, vedi, vegi - I came, I saw, I had a salad.
If it's done, it should be called a Built.
Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni. (Beam me up, Scotty)
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since
August 15, 1997

This page last updated 11/14/03.
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