A List of Five Hundred (Give or Take) Things we Like Less Than Kate Rothwell Cuz Everyone Likes Improved Sequels, Which Are Very Rare These Days 1. Che Guavera 2. Nouns 3. Adjectives 4. Pronouns 5. Adverbs 6. Lemon Custard 7. Flan 8. Bad Sci-Fi films 9. Sixties Sitcoms 10. Djinni 11. White Mice 12. The Mason-Dixon line 13. Gettysburg 14. Fredericksburg 15. Antietam 16. Shiloh 17. The Seven Days Battle 18. Stonewall Jackson’s Shenandoah Campaign 19. Spotsylvania 20. Cold Harbor 21. Petersburg 22. Bull Run 23. Appomattox Courthouse 24. Chancellorsville 25. Little Round Top 26. Culp’s Hill 27. Little Bighorn 28. Little Anywhere 29. Mr. Steele 30. All the “_ _ _ _ _ of the Dead” movies. 31. Strength for now 32. Strength for later 33. Strength that you kinda put in the back of the fridge with the old Chinese food till it grows a fine layer of mold, and then you take it out and say “What the hell is this?” 34. Grammar 35. The UN 36. Deep Throat 37. Bob Woodward 38. That other Watergate guy 39. Watergate 40. Nixon 41. Bears 42. The ultimate answer (get it? IT’S ON 42! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HA! HA! Cough splutter die.) 43. The question to the aforementioned answer. 44. Bigfoot 45. Sasquatch 46. Solitaire 47. Minesweeper 48. Saskatchewan 49. Ontario 50. Yukon 51. Quebec 52. Huron 53. Ontario 54. Michigan 55. Erie 56. Superior 57. Talavera 58. Salamanca 59. Vittoria 60. Waterloo 61. Bears 62. Crazy Bruce 63. Bob 64. Canoes 65. Kayaks 66. Paper hats 67. Giraffes 68. Slightly more than Monty Python 69. Dead Parrots 70. Eric the Half a Bee 71. WITCHES 72. MORE WITCHES 73. Boogers 74. Mitochondria 75. Chloroplasts 76. Ribosomes 77. Golgi Apparati 78. Rough Endoplasmic Reticulum 79. Smooth Endoplasmic Reticulum 80. Unintelligible Words 81. YATTA 82. Superman 83. Beanses 84. Penguins 85. Gollum 86. Three for elves, fairest under the sky 87. Seven for the dwarves in their halls of Stone 88. Nine for Mortal Men Doomed to Die 89. One for the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne 90. The Land of Mordor Where the Shadows lie. 91. Beowulf 92. Neo 93. Trinity 94. Borpheus 95. Agent Smith 96. Paris Hilton 97. Peter Pan 98. Orpheus 99. Mornings 100. Cobblestones 101. Love 102. Grooves 103. Lamppost 104. Flowers 105. Rhymes 106. Knights Who Say Ni 107. Nirvana 108. Notorious B.I.G. 109. Bloodhound Gang 110. The Clash 111. Devo 112. Goldfinger 113. Liam Lynch 114. Pink Floyd 115. Sublime 116. Encyclopedias 117. Dictionaries 118. Chickens 119. Bears 120. Owls 121. Starbucks 122. Las Vegas 123. The Onion 124. Cecelia 125. Jon Stewart 126. Samantha Bee 127. Stephen Colbert 128. Ed Helms 129. Rob Corddry 130. Zip Disks 131. Sushi 132. Blazing Saddles 133. Snidely Whiplash 134. Dudley Doright 135. Frodo Baggins 136. Bilbo Baggins 137. The Dealer of Death 138. Wuntvore 139. Ebenezum 140. Hendrick 141. Norei 142. Headbasher 143. A Pointad Stack 144. Bananas 145. Communists 146. Socialists 147. Nazis 148. Fascists 149. Monarchs 150. Apple 151. Pineapple 152. Sour Apple 153. Bears 154. Oranges 155. Peaches 156. Grapefruits 157. Tomatoes 158. Potatoes 159. Tomahtoes (tom-ah-tos) 160. Potahtoes (po-tah-tos) 161. Pubic Hair 162. Constipation 163. Bad Wigs 164. The Whig Party 165. Michael Jackson 166. Rocky 167. Bullwinkle 168. NWA 169. WWF 170. ACLU 171. NAMBLA 172. ACC 173. NCAA 174. PLO 175. OMG 176. LOL 177. ROFL 178. GAO 179. NBA 180. MLS 181. MLB 182. NFL 183. NHL 184. All acronyms (‘specially NAMBLA) 185. The Judean People’s Front 186. The Peoples Front of Judea 187. The Bright Side of Life 188. Bears 189. Boxer’s 190. Briefs 191. Pie 192. Pi 193. Doo hickeys 194. Lag 195. The Who 196. The Inner Eye 197. Annabelle the Sheep 198. Death 199. Life 200. Suspended Animation 201. Radon 202. Argon 203. Helium 204. Inert Gases 205. Clip Art 206. Halo 207. Halo 2 208. Flamethrowers 209. Sherman Tanks 210. Panzer Tanks 211. Grant Tanks 212. Matildas 213. K’nex 214. Gloves 215. Bears 216. Calvin 217. Hobbes 218. The Homosexual Agenda 219. The homosexual Controversy 220. Spongebob Squarepants 221. Warren G. Harding, who is a piece of Shit 222. Seriously 223. All sentences more then, but not exceeding 2 letters 224. Chicken Pot Pie 225. Pots 226. Millard Fillmore 227. Muttonchops 228. Beefses 229. Monkeys 230. Hambags 231. Inelligent Design vs. Darwinsism 232. Babies. The evil, evil babies 233. Chimpanzees 234. Diapers 235. Bucky Dent 236. The word “yogurt” 237. Yogurt 238. A 239. B 240. C 241. D 242. E 243. F 244. G 245. H 246. I 247. J 248. K 249. L 250. M 251. N 252. O 253. P 254. Q 255. R 256. S 257. T 258. U 259. V 260. W 261. X 262. Y 263. Z 264. Alpha 265. Beta Delta 266. Theta 267. Sigma 268. Those goddamned Greeks 269. Not being able to think of things for this list 270. Trey Parker 271. Matt Stone 272. Bears 273. Petco 274. Little 275. Baby 276. Bunnies 277. And their noses 278. And their fluffy widdle tails 279. Your bear hat 280. Capitolization 281. Badd Speeling 282. Those annoying red lines that appear under misspelled words 283. Dilbert 284. Cheese 285. Stephen Spielberg 286. All those who enter 287. The Three Stooges 288. The Bridge of Death 289. The questions five 290. Er, three 291. Botox injections 292. Simon 293. Garfunkel 294. Garfield 295. Snoopy 296. Animated animals, including Bambi, who is an evil extra dimensional entity bent on destruction. 297. Filler Material 298. Long lists 299. That Peanut guy whose name ends in Carver 300. IMPROVED LISTS! 301. Swivel Chairs 302. Lazy Susans, whatever the hell those are 303. Secret Agendas 304. George Bush 305. Shakespearean Comedies 306. Misshapen blobs of semi-hardened Earwax 307. Canon Ink Jet Printers 308. PRUNSES 309. Shirley Temple, Child Star or Alcohol 310. The Demented Cartoon Movie 311. Osama Bin Laden 312. Saddam Hussein 313. Gitmo 314. The Japanese 315. The Island of Sri Lanka 316. The land of Djibouti 317. ص ßthis sign 318. Browning Automatic Rifles 319. M-16s 320. The NRA 321. Lobbyists 322. G-Unit 323. WMDs. Oh, they exist. 324. They exist. 325. Square roots 326. Cubed Roots 327. Tree Roots 328. Binomial Nomenclatures 329. The Bridge on 59th Street 330. All those whose name end in “Khan” 331. Al those whose names end in “Hun” (Attila, Bleda) 332. Elephants 333. Apple Cheesecake, for Alex 334. Silver bells 335. Golden bells 336. Brazen bells 337. Iron bells 338. The bells, bells, bells, bells. 339. Twelve Drummers Drumming 340. Eleven Pipers Piping 341. Ten Lords a-Leaping 342. Nine Ladies Dancing 343. Eight Maids a-Milking 344. Seven Swans a-Swimming 345. Six Geese a-Laying 346. Five Golden Rings 347. Four Calling Birds 348. Three Frenchmen 349. Three French Hens 350. Two Turtle Doves 351. And Partridges 352. And Pear Trees 353. Tyr, Mighty Norse God, whose arm was bitten of by Fenrir 354. Fenrir, a Large Dog that supposedly Eats the Sun and the Moon on Ragnarok 355. ODIN’S BEARD 356. THOR’S HAMMER 357. Joe’s (lesser god of Kleenex) bottle cap collection 358. Hyperlinks 359. Lists of Random Objects 360. Weasels 361. Skateboards 362. Trolls 363. The word “Schism” 364. Bears 365. Richard the Lionheart 366. “Draconian Measures” 367. Tokyo 368. Mothra 369. Rodan 370. Godzilla 371. Megalon 372. Rhubarb 373. Circes 374. Odysseus 375. Agamemnon 376. Achilles 377. Paris 378. Aenid 379. Hector 380. Rhubarb. YES AGIN, YOU GOT A PROBLEM? 381. Road Rage 382. Shamans 383. Samurai 384. Bellybutton Lint 385. Chili 386. Chile 387. Argentina 388. Onomatopoeia 389. Sub Poenas 390. Idaho 391. India 392. Native Americans 393. Traditional Spanish 394. Lisps 395. Goths 396. Haiti 397. Hades 398. Guayule 399. Guatemala 400. Guatapeor 401. Nathaniel Hawthorne 402. Geology 403. Biology 404. Glands 405. Germany 406. Hitler 407. Himmler 408. The NSA 409. Erosion 410. Firearms 411. Scuds 412. ICBMs 413. The Fish of Raul 414. Anabolic Steroids 415. The Axe of my Aunt 416. Piss 417. Skunks 418. Carbon Monoxide 419. Beef Jerky 420. Coca Cola 421. Spoonses 422. The Isle of Wite, or White, or whatever 423. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince 424. Emperor Nero 425. Caligula 426. Rasputin 427. Czar Nicholas 428. Lenin 429. Mao Ze Dong 430. Mao Tse Tung 431. Mao Tze Dong 432. Jell-O 433. Farts 434. Bears 435. Bars 436. Lumberjacks 437. Norwegian Blues 438. Beautiful Plumage 439. The Babe They Called Brian 440. Whatever the Hell This Thing is 441. Cows 442. Cowlicks 443. Cow Pies 444. Asljdsfgiurehgiuedhgusrgtjrtsjgorijkblorfgboisr 445. Milk 446. Sickle Cell Anemia 447. Malaria 448. The Heterozygote Advantage 449. The Atkins Diet 450. The Scarsdale Diet 451. The Seven Day Whatever the Hell you Want to Eat Diet 452. The Three Day Diet 453. Bulimia 454. Bulls 455. Fatal Cow Gas 456. Hornos de Microondas 457. Snails 458. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 459. Summer Devon 460. The Fun That is Involved in Laughing And Singing A sleighing Song this Night 461. Millard Fillmore 462. People who Say that They will Help with a gift, but instead just Read the Onion, and Dance Retarded Dances with their Younger Brothers. Not That I’m Talking About Anyone Specific 463. S.A.D.D. 464. People who write about you behind your back, EVEN THOUGH they have helped you this whole time, and refuse to let you take a break or they will say it is only from THEM. Not That I’m Talking About Someone Specific. 465. People Who have no work ethic, and want to take too many breaks, and whose idea of helping is contributing A MERE 50 WORDS TO THE LIST, and then quit on word 465. 466. People Who needlessly Slander Their Younger Brothers, Who helped A Whole Lot More Than Fifty Words, You Jackass. GO TO HELL! 467. NO YOU GO TO HELL! 468. _ _ | _ _ (the middle finger) 469. Hell 470. Splinters 471. BCI-21 Color printer Cartridges 472. Beavers. The Insidious Beavers 473. And Taxis. The Dark Members of the Beaver –Taxi Alliance 474. The Tripartheid Pact, or however the hell you spell that. Damned foreign languages 475. Speaking of which, foreign languages 476. InconSistEnt CapiTalIzaTioN of LeTteRs. 477. Angels 478. Demons 479. LISTS THAT GO ON WAY TOO FRIKKIN LONG 480. Lindsay Lohan 481. Ground Beef 482. Bad Jokes 483. Stop and Shop 484. Tacky Sweatshirts 485. Fajitas 486. The Worm at The Bottom of the Tequila Bottle 487. Sean Connery 488. Sean Hannity, and his tiny Remora, Allan Colmes 489. Bill O’Reilly 490. Fox News Network 491. The Crown of Thorns 492. The Fact that all good lists must end 493. For if they do not, then they go on for infinite 494. And That is impossible 495. 8 (turn paper to the side, this is the infinite sign) 496. Acuras 497. Tomagachi 498. Canada 499. Moose 500. ENCORES!! YAY!! WOO 15 More Things We like Less Than Kate Rothwell (In Bold) 501. Pollos De Muerte 502. The Shift Key 503. Bill Gates 504. Monthly Fees 505. Fecal Matter 506. ummmmmmmm… 507. Lack of ideas 508. Ann Coulter 509. Bazookas 510. Shakespeare 511. Catchy Jazz Tunes 512. Tito Puente 513. Life 514. The Universe 515. EVERYTHING 516. Okay I lied about the number of entries. Bears, cuz they so damn dangerous, man.
