WELCOME TO SUPER HART'S JOKE PAGE !
Glad you could stop by!
SUPER HART'S JOKE COLLECTION
********************************************************************************
The following are a sampling of supposedly real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Motor Vehicles.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
************************************************************************
Little Bobbie comes home with a note from his teacher indicating, "Bobbie is having a problem with the difference between boys and girls. Would you please have a serious talk with him about this." His mother takes him upstairs to her bedroom and closes the door. "First, Bobbie, I want you to take off my blouse." He unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "OK, now take off my skirt." He takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra." He removes her bra. "And now, please take off my panties." After Bobbie has removed her panties, his mother looks him straight in the eye and says, "Now Bobbie, PLEASE, don't wear any of my clothes to school ever again!"
************************************************************************
Bill Clinton was at a baseball game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear. President Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first pitch."
************************************************************************
A young lady goes to the doctor a few days before her wedding night. She's very nervous as she had never been with a man before. When she goes in she asks the doctor a few questions. "Doc, what's is that THING that hangs between a man's legs?" "Well my dear, that is the male organ, the penis..." he answers. "O.K. doc, well what's that big red knob at the end of it?" He tells her that it is the glans, the head of the penis "Fine doctor, one more question...what are those two big round things about 12 inches behind the head of the penis?" He says "Ma'am, I don't know about your fiancee' but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!!!"
************************************************************************
There's this kid who lives on a farm. He comes home from school, in a really bad mood. He sees a pig and kicks it. Then he sees a chicken and kicks that. Then he walks into the house. "I saw you kick those animals", his mother said, "For kicking the pig, you'll have no bacon for a week. For kicking the chicken, you'll have no eggs for a week." The kid's about to say something, when his father walks in the door, also in a foul mood, and kicks the cat.
************************************************************************
An elderly couple made a visit to their doctor's office for the old man's annual check-up. While examining the old man, the doctor asked him if he had any problems that the doctor should know about. The old man said, "No, Doctor, I'm feeling pretty well. The Lord has been taking very good care of me. In fact, the Lord takes such good care of me that when I get up at night to go to the bathroom, He turns on the light for me and when I'm through, He turns it off again. So, I go back to bed and sleep well, knowing that the Lord is looking after me." The doctor completed his examination and asked the old man to wait out in the lobby while he talked to his wife. The doctor told the woman that her husband was in good health considering his age. "But," he said, "I'm concerned about one thing. He spoke of something about the Lord taking care of him and turning on the bathroom light for him. What did he meant by that?" The old woman frowned and shook her head slowly. "That son of a bitch," she said. "He's been pissing in the refrigerator again!"
************************************************************************
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multimillionaire".
************************************************************************
"I've been married 9 times.................
Let me tell you what went wrong with each........
My first husband was a MUSICIAN, and all he wanted to do was sing to it.
My 2nd husband was a DOCTOR, and all he wanted to do was examine it.
My 3rd husband was a POLITICIAN, and all he wanted to do was make promises.
My 4th husband was a PSYCHIATRIST, and all he wanted to do was talk about it.
My 5th husband was a PHOTOGRAPHER, and all he wanted to do was take pictures of it.
My 6th husband was a HAIRDRESSER, and all he wanted to do was tease it.
My 7th husband was a GOURMET, and all he wanted to do was taste it.
My 8th husband was a POLICEMAN, and all he wanted to do was keep it under lock & key.
My 9th husband at last, is the one I'm married to now and I like him the best. He's a MECHANIC. He tore it up the first night and he's been working on it ever since!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
************************************************************************
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
************************************************************************
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they talk of their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, mate, how did ye end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut me hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did ye get the eyepatch"? "A seagull dropping fell into me eye," replied the pirate. "Ye lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well...," said the pirate, "....it was me first day with the new hook."
************************************************************************
There were 3 men - Italian, Irish and Jewish - walking down the street when they saw a man coming towards then who looked like Jesus Christ. The Irishman said to him, "You look just like Jesus Christ". And he replied, "I am. Can I help you?'' The Irishman said "Oh, Christ, my shoulder has been bothering me for years and I can't move my arm but no doctor can help me." Jesus said to him, "I will place my hand on your shoulder and heal you." Afterwards, the Irishman could move his arm and shoulder and do things he never could do before. The Italian said, "I have been praying to have my hip healed. I need a hip replacement and I am in constant pain." Jesus said, "I will heal you my son." And sure enough, the Italian man could dance and jump and move in ways that he never could move. Then Jesus looked at the Jewish man. The Jewish man backed away yelled, "Don't touch me! I am on disability."
***********************************************************************
How smart are you really? Take the Idiot Test and find out.
21 Correct - Genius
17 Correct - Above Normal
15 Correct - Normal
8 Correct - Nincompoop
6 Correct - Moron
3 Correct - Idiot
****************** Questions ****************
1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?
8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?
1. Yes
2. One
3. All of them (12)
4. The beggar is her sister.
5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
6. 6
7. No - because he is dead.
8. They aren't playing each other.
9. 70
10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.
11. 2
12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel)
13. The match.
14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.
15. 1 Hour
16. 9
17. None - Noah took them on the ark.
18. Meat
19. 12
20. Same as it is now.
************************************************************************
A cucumber and a pickle are having a conversation and the pickle says to the cucumber, "You know my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and stick me in a jar." So the cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that is bad, whenever I get big, fat and juicy they slice me up and they put me over salad." So the penis is walking by and overhears their conversation and says, "You think that your life is tough?! Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they put a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, smelly room, and make me do push ups until I throw up!"
************************************************************************
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
************************************************************************
Sweatshirts
~~~~~~~~~~
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"
************************************************************************
A Girl's Tattoos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl and guy were on a date when things got a little passionate. The guy noticed that the girl had two tattoos on her inner thighs. He asked her what they were. She said "Can't you tell? On my right inner thigh it's Mike Tyson and on my left inner thigh its George Foreman! Don't you think it looks like them? He said "Not really....but the guy in the middle looks like Don King !
************************************************************************
Kids & Sunday School (This stuff is an absolute RIOT)
(What follows are some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasions. They are absolutely precious)
In the first book of the bible, Guinneses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night..
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the xe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made nleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
************************************************************************
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. My husband just walked in the door."
************************************************************************
Dear Mother and Dad: It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Your Loving Daughter
************************************************************************
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
Bo! Bo! Comeback with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
What's this doing here?
I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
That's cool! now can you make his leg twitch?!
I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
************************************************************************
According to 'GOLF MAGAZINE' the continued fear of Sexual Harassment Phobia in the workplace is beginning to pour over into the Recreational areas of our everyday lives. With more and more women enjoying the game of golf, both public and private golf courses are posting the following "Politically Correct" rules to protect themselves against impending Sexual Harassment lawsuits.
Although the following quotes are nothing more than casual conversation often heard on and around golf courses, they are no longer permitted:
1). "NUTS... MY SHAFT IS ALL BENT"
2). "AFTER 18 HOLES, I CAN BARELY WALK"
3). "YOU REALLY WHACKED THE HECK OUTTA THAT SUCKER"
4). "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS PUTTER"
5). "KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND SPREAD YOUR LEGS A BIT MORE"
6). "I THINK YOU NEED TO TIGHTEN YOUR GRIP ON YOUR SHAFT"
7). "MIND IF I JOIN YOUR THREESOME?"
8). "MY HANDS ARE SO SWEATY, I CAN'T GET A GOOD GRIP"
9). "NICE STROKE, BUT YOUR FOLLOW-THRU LEAVES A LOT TO BE DESIRED"
10). "HOLD UP... I NEED TO WASH MY BALLS"
So, have fun and play golf.
************************************************************************
Final Request
An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven. I smell your grandmother's strudel." "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man begs with what is left of his final breath. One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns ......empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries. "I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral."
************************************************************************
THERE IS A MAN AND A WOMAN AND EVERYDAY THE MAN COMES HOME AND SMACKS HIS WIFE ON THE BUTT AND SAYS, "HI BEAUTIFUL BUTT!" WELL ONE DAY IT WAS THEIR ANNIVERSARY, SO THE WIFE DECIDES TO GET A TATTOO. THE LADY WENT TO A TATTOO PARLOR AND TOLD THE GUY SHE WANTED 'BEAUTIFUL ON ONE BUTT CHEEK AND 'BUTT' ON THE OTHER. THE GUY SAYS, "THAT IS $25 PER LETTER. THE LADY ONLY HAD $50, SO SHE TOLD HIM TO JUST PUT A 'B' ON ONE CHEEK AND A 'B' ON THE OTHER. THE LADY GOES HOME. HER HUSBAND SHOWS UP AND HE SMACKS HER ON THE BUTT AND SAYS, "HI BEAUTIFUL BUTT!" THE LADY SAYS, "WAIT A MINUTE, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU. IT IS YOUR ANNIVERSARY GIFT. SHE PULLS DOWN HER PANTS AND TURNS AROUND. THE GUY EXCLAIMS, "WHO THE HELL IS BOB?"
************************************************************************
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain that the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home from the hospital, they found the mailman dead on their front porch.
************************************************************************
SOME OF THESE JOKES MAY BE CONSIDERED OFFENSIVE....CAUTION
What do jello and a woman have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do you call a truck loaded with vibrators?
Toys for twats.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What do women and condoms have in common?
They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
Odor eaters
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
Why do men name their penis?
They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
What kind of bees give milk?
Boo bees
What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
Speed bumps
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a woman.
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
If a light sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a hard sleeper sleep with?
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.
Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
If it were more, it would be Hell.
What has three teeth and is sixty feet long?
The entire front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
What is the new O.J. website address?
slash slash backslash escape
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
The balls are just for decoration.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are YOU shaking for? She is going to eat me!
Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning?
They have no balls to scratch
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
About three inches.
What is the difference between O.J. and the Lion King?
One is a "lion" African the other is an African lion.
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasorass
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One..Men will screw anything
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....the other is used to carry groceries.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh look! Doughnut seeds!
What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
The 1983 Blonde Hide and Seek Champion.
************************************************************************
Headaches
~~~~~~~~~~
Joe was suffering from excruciating headaches. The Doctor told him that he could cure the headaches, but it would require castration. "You have a rare condition that causes pressure to build up against your spine," the Doctor explained. "This, in turn, causes headaches. The only cure is surgery." Joe was shocked but had the operation. When he left the hospital, Joe was depressed , so he stopped at a men's shop for a new suit. The salesman eyed him and said "44 long?" "That's right," Joe said. He tried on the suit and it fit perfectly. "How about a new shirt?" the salesman asked. "Let's see, a 34 sleeve and 16 1/2 neck ought to do it." "Right again,'" Joe said. "You are simply amazing" "While we are at it, how about some new underwear?" the salesman suggested. He eyed Joe's waist and said "Size 36." "Nope, you finally missed one," Joe said , chuckling. "I wear size 34." "You couldn't possibly," replied the salesman. "Underwear that tight would cause a great deal of pressure against your spine and cause you one Heck of a headache."
************************************************************************
This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the House. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more--would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa. The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?" The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?" Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today." He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?" "Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them." "Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?" he asked. She smiled. "What do I look like? Betty Crocker?"
************************************************************************
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesss, ssshombody stole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key", the man says. At this point the cop looks down to see that the man's penis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks the man, "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? "The man looks down woefully and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got my girlfriend, too!!"
************************************************************************
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The Pastor said, " Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner." The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father Pastor, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."
*********************************************************************
John came back from a safari in Africa. Upon arrival, he went to his partner, Mark, and old him of his adventures. "I was out in the jungle" he said, "when all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me. Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away, and made towards it. As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time. With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion's face. "That's some story there, John. Hell, I would have shit my pants in such danger" "Mark, Mark, What do you think the lion kept slipping on..?
*********************************************************************************
The Lord is my Dispatcher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?". "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road!", replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer". "That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!
*****************************************************************************
This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his wife one day. As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says, "If you firmed these up a bit you wouldn't need your bra" he laughs and walks away, The next morning he catches her again as she finishes her shower. He then grabs her ass and says" If you firmed this up a bit you wouldn't need your girdle" The wife then plots her revenge. The next morning as He steps out of the shower she then grabs his penis and says" If you firmed This up a bit, I wouldn't need to keep sleeping with your brother."
************************************************************************************
I Bet You.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly lady walked into a branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank building holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she would like to meet the President of Chase Manhattan Bank. Due to the amount of money involved, the teller seemed to think that that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills which amounted to right around $3 million, telephoned the President's secretary to obtain an appointment for the woman. The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made and she stated that she liked to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he asked. "No," she answered. "Was it from playing the stock market?" he inquired. "No," she replied. He was quiet for some time, trying to think of where this elderly woman could possibly have come up with $3 million dollars. "I bet," she stated. "As in horses?" he asked. "No," she replied. "I bet people." Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet on different things with people. All of a sudden she said, "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square."The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on her bet. He didn't know how he could lose. For the rest of the day he was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances as there was $25,000 at stake. When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure everything was okay. There was no difference in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as he always had. He went to work and waited for the woman to come in at 10:00 o'clock, humming as he went. He knew this would be his lucky day -- how often did he get handed $25,000 for doing nothing? At 10:00 o'clock sharp the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. When the bank president asked what the other man was doing in the office, she informed the president that he was her lawyer and she always took him along when there was that much money involved. "Well," she asked, "what about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this," he replied, "but I'm the same as I've always been, only $25,000 richer!" The lady seemed to accept this, but requested that she be able to see herself. The bank president thought this was a reasonable request considering the amount of money involved and dropped his trousers. She instructed him to bend over and then she grabbed hold of him. Sure enough, everything was fine. His balls were not square. The bank president then looked up and saw her lawyer, standing across the room banging his head against the wall. "What's wrong with him?" he inquired. "Oh, him," she answered. I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 o'clock this morning I'd have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."
***********************************************************************************
Why are a doctor, a dentist, a milkman, an interior decorator, a hair dresser, and a banker a womans favorite people?
doctor - says get completely undressed,
a dentist says open wide,
a milkman says do you want it in the front or rear,
the decorator says once its in you'll love it,
the hair dresser says do you want it teased or blown,
and the banker says once its withdrawn you'll lose interest.
:))
************************************************************************************
King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those lonely knights of the Round Table. So he went to his famous wizard, Merlin, for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?" "Ah, sire, just observe." said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. "Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahadhis. "Sir Galahadhis," exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!" But Sir Galahadhis was speechless.
************************************************************************************
"MARRIAGE" WHAT A WONDERFUL LIFE
1. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
2. It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
4. A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; Then, Pow! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."
5. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
6. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
7. A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
8. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her.
10. A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
11. If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose which to save, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
12. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
***********************************************************************************
A guy's getting married on Saturday. Friday night, his friends take him out, get him waylaid, bylaid, rolaid, mislaid, up, down, up, bing, bang, boom, forget it, his pecker is a mangled mess, he doesn't know what to do. He takes two popsicle sticks, puts them along side his dick, and wraps it with adhesive tape. The next day he gets married. Here they are in their honeymoon suite...she walks out stark naked...She says, "Look, honey. Untouched by human hands." He's gotta think quick...He pulls down his pants and says, "Look! Hah! Not even out of the crate."
************************************************************************************
Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!" He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!" Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect, I'm going to blast him!". The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time. "Earthling take me to your leader!" No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then says to the second Alien "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me?" The second replies "I didn't know what was going to happen, but I'm not going to mess with anyone who's penis can hang to the ground, wrap around his body twice, and still stick it in his ear!"
************************************************************************************
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Editor's note: Ouch. Cinderella agrees to be home by 2. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and *very* satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?" "I can't remember, exactly ... Peter Peter, something or other...."
***********************************************************************************
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
*******************************************************************************
A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky. He reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and says, "Mother, if this could giv milk, we could get rid of the cow." His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, "Sweet Mama, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens." His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis. "Big Daddy, if this thang could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother."
**********************************************************************************
At the county zoo, a female gorilla became very ornery and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo's veterinarian detemined the problem: she was in heat. There was no male of the species available, however. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Larry, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Now Larry, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administration thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Larry to satisfy the female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the gorilla - for five hundred bucks? Larry replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over. The following day Larry announced that he would accept the offer (we all knew he would), but only under three conditions: "First," he said, " I don't want to have to kiss her," and "Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union." The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third? "Well," said Larry, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."
*******************************************************************************
There is that percentage of the on-line population of these United States who are known to frequent the cyber-world phenomenon known as the "chat room". These people no doubt are aware of various acronyms and descriptions which are commonly used in such venue's, but may not be aware of the real meaning of some of the phrases which they read and/or write on a regular basis. Following is an interpretive expose on what some of this "chat" actually means:
Weights and Measures (Male Gender)
-----------------------------------
Cyberspeak Conversion Table
"10 inches" The length of a #2 pencil
"very thick" The width of a #2 pencil
"tall" Able to go on the big rides at Disneyland
Weights and Measures (Female Gender)
------------------------------------
Cyberspeak Conversion Table
"weight" Add a small beagle (i.e. 120 lbs. = 150 lbs.)
"bustline" Deflate for 5 seconds (i.e. 40D = 32B)
"shoe size" Add room for toes (i.e. 7 1/2 = 10)
Descriptive (Male Gender)
-------------------------
Cyberspeak Translation
"attractive" Does not induce immediate vomiting or spontaneous internal combustion
"masculine" Can grow a better mustache than his mother
"sexy" Has a way with animals
Descriptive (Female Gender)
---------------------------
Cyberspeak Translation
"attractive" Has been hit on by an adult male with less than 20% blood alcohol level (excluding relatives, lighting required)
"feminine" Does not chew plug tobacco or consider bathing to be "sissy stuff"
"sexy" Can legally belly dance without liability insurance
CYBERSPEAK STANDARD DIALECT
Intellectual Measurement Translations
-------------------------------------
"genius" Agrees with you
"160 IQ" Once outwitted a cocker spaniel
"moron" Disagrees with you
"idiot" Was outwitted by you
Common Acronym Translations
---------------------------
"brb" My mother is in the room
"rofl" Rolling on the floor with Lassie
"lol" Luvin' on Lassie
"roflmao" Lassie and I have decided to get married
Heckler Subdialect Translations
-------------------------------
"check your Terms of Service (TOS)" I want my mommy
"if you don't like it here, leave" I want my mommy
"(yawn)" My brain needs more oxygen, as usual
"heckler of the day" The one who laughs most at your jokes
"cyberbrawl" Twenty HEK's alone in a room, late at night
********************************************************************************
POLITICALLY CORRECT USAGE WHEN TALKING TO/ABOUT FEMALES :
She does not: GET PMS, She becomes: HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL
She does not have: A KILLER BODY She is: TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE
She is not: A BAD COOK She is: MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not: A BAD DRIVER She is: AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED
She is not a: PERFECT 10 She is: NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR
She is not: EASY She is: HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not: HATE SPORTS ON TV She is: ATHLETICALLY BIASED
She does not have: SEXY LIPS She is: COLLAGEN DEPENDENT
She does not get: DRUNK She is: ACCIDENTALLY OVER-SERVED
You do not ask her: TO DANCE You request a: PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE
She is not: A GOSSIP She is a: VERBAL TERMINATOR
She does not: WORK OUT TOO MUCH She is an: ABDOMINAL OVERACHIEVER
She does not have: A GREAT BUTT She is: GLUTEUS TO THE MAXIMUS
She is not: HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS She is: MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED
She is not: COLD OR FRIGID She is: THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE
She does not: WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP She is: COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED
She does not have: GREAT CLEAVAGE. Her breasts are: CENTRALLY LOCATED
She will never: GAIN WEIGHT She will become: A METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not: A SCREAMER OR MOANER She is: VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
She does not: SHAVE HER LEGS She experiences: TEMPORARY STUBBLE REDUCTION
She does not have: A HARD BODY She is: ANATOMICALLY INFLEXIBLE
She does not: SUN BATHE She experiences: SOLAR ENHANCEMENT
Her breast will never: SAG They will: LOSE THEIR VERTICAL HOLD
She does not: SHOP TOO MUCH She is: OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS
She does not: CUT YOU OFF She becomes: HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE
She does not have: BIG HAIR She is: OVERLY AEROSOLED
She does not: SNORE She is: NASALLY REPETITIVE
She does not: GET DRUNK She becomes: VERBALLY DYSLEXIC
She does not have: BIG HOOTERS Her: CUPS RUNNETH OVER
She is not: TOO SKINNY She is: SKELETALLY PROMINENT
**********************************************************************************
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
***********************************************************************************
An old Conductor named Joe was riding the rails and collecting tickets, when he came upon a rather shabby man seated by the window. "Ticket please,"Joe said. "I don't need no ticket! I'm a free spirit! I go where I want when I want!" the hobo answered. Well, Joe was having a tough time that day, so in a fit of rage, he grabbed the hobo by the scruff of his neck and threw him off the train. Unfortunately, the Hobo's head struck a rock when he landed and the poor slob died. They arrested Joe at the very next stop. Joe was convicted of murder and sentenced to death in the electric chair. They strapped old Joe in and the Warden asked him if he had any last requests. Joe replied, "Yep! Can I have a bananaand an ounce of palm oil?" An odd request, but the Warden granted it and stood by as Joe ate the bananaand rubbed the palm oil on his chest. The time came to pull the lever, but when they did, NOTHING HAPPENED! They pulled it again and NOTHING HAPPENED! Well under the law, if two pulls fail to kill the convict, he must go free! As Joe was preparing to leave, the Executioner suspected Joe had pulled a fast one. He grabbed Joe and yelled, "I' ve gotta know! What's with the banana?" Joe replied, "Well, I like bananas." The Executioner screamed, "Then what's with the palm oil??!" Joe exclaimed, "Waitin' in prison gives me a rash. The oil soothes it!" The frenzied Executioner cried, "HOW DO YOU KEEP SURVIVING THE CHAIR??!" Joe scratched his head, thought a moment and said, "Well sir, I guess I'm just not a very good conductor!"
***********************************************************************************
A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years. One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he answers. She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky? He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him. He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!"
************************************************************************************
A lovely woman decided to visit a penthouse restaurant. So she rode the elevator to the top floor of the building. She had a drink at the bar and then decided to get some fresh air, so she walked out on the balcony. She got too close to the railing and fell over the side. As she was falling about thirteen floors, a man was standing on the balcony below. He reached out his arms and engulfed her, pulling her to his chest. He asked, "Do you fuck?" She answered, “Of course not, I'm not a slut!" The man opened his arms and said, "sorry!" As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing n a balcony, and he reached out, grabbed her in his arms, pulled her to his chest and asked, "Do you suck?" She answered, "Of course not. What kind of a girl do you think I am?" The man opened his arms, and said, "Sorry!" As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony. He reached out, engulfed her with his arms, and pulled her to his chest. Before he had a chance to say anything, she says, "Look, I fuck, I suck, and I'll do anything else you want! He opens his arms and says, "You slut!"
************************************************************************************
Once there were two dumb guys who decided to go to a restuarant. At the place there was a lady choking on something, her face was blue. The two guys noted that no one was helping her and decided to take some action. One guy pulled down his pants and the other started licking his butt, the lady was sooo grossed out she barfed up the food she was choking on. Seeing that their job was done the two guys pulled up their pants and said " It's a good thing we learned that hind lick manuver"
************************************************************************************
THANKS VERY MUCH TO EVERY PERSON WHO CONTRIBUTED TO THIS JOKE FILE. HERE'S HOPING IT CONTINUES TO GROW AND PUTS SMILES ON MANY FACES.
Please send your jokes for my Joke Page by clicking here
