OUCH

I just got bitchslapped by a bungee cord. I have two huge knots on my head. I also think it made me forget math.

Wow that hurt.

Maybe I can just get an implant that will upload my status on the web every twenty seconds:

Sitting. 4:15 pm
Typing 4:15 pm
Scratching Arm 4:15 pm
Looked Out of Window 4:16 pm
Adjusted My Glasses 4:16 pm
Sneezed 4:16 pm

Thrilling!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Well, I finally got my assessment and orientation completed for my gym membership! It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but still a bit disheartening. I weighed more than I thought I would (which seems strange since I just went to the doctor and weighed almost 10 pounds less only a bit more than a week ago) but other than that, it was interesting. The guy who did my assessment was Antwon, and he was really nice. I suppose he has had to deal with sensitive women in the past because he was trying so hard to be diplomatic when telling me my measurements and physical faults. It was funny, mainly because I just wanted him to be honest so that I would know what I needed to work on. I kept telling him it was OK, but he still kept back tracking to make sure he didn't offend me. As far as what I found out, it wasn't much more than I expected. I'm really out of shape, I have little to no upper body strength and I need to lose weight. Boiled down, I basically found out that if it weren't for my bones and general humanoid shape, you could carry me around in an egg shaped container and press me against news print for fun. It went a little more in depth than that, but I'm not going to talk numbers. I'm not looking to be skinny, mainly because I'm not framed to be skinny. I just don't want to wake up one day and realize that I've got heart problems, joint problems, and other bad things that could have been avoided with a little work. All I know is that I've got a ways to go before I reach my goals, so quietly cheer for me, OK? I'm going to need it.

2) This paper dragon thing is difficult. If paper craft isn't an easy thing to do on a small scale, it's certainly not easy to do on a large scale. I keep tearing pieces of the body and having to tape them back together. I just hope the thing doesn't collapse after working on it all of this time.

3) Speaking of the IMAX lobby decorations, I've basically had to go bare bones on the thing, but it may end up looking good anyways. I found a section of Chinese ideograms in a book of clip art and cut them out on my vinyl cutter to apply to the booth windows. They actually look kind of awesome, even though I'm going to have to paint in the negative spaces with white paint so that you can see them better. I hope that there aren't an awful lot of people that see them that know Chinese. Although I'm fairly positive that some of the ideograms are from the I Ching, the rest are just symbols from the Chinese New Year Calender. It seems less awesome if you know that part. However, I've already spoken to one guy who works here who said "Yeah, I totally could read some of them, but not all. Some of them are about the different styles of fighting, and one is a yin yang, but I didn't know what the others were." I knew there would be at least one smart-guy in the bunch. However, 10 bucks says that he could only read the ones he knows because there was a big picture of the animal in the middle of the graphic along with the kanji, and that he has no idea that the kanji for "Monkey" was accidentally cut out backwards! Mwahahahahhahaa.

4) My headache is back. I wish the weather would make up its mind.

5) I had to deal with a customer yesterday. I was reminded why I don't like people anymore. We are opening a new gift shop out in the park, and I was applying the window graphics on its front doors. The shop wasn't open for business yet, and there wasn't a way that the merchandise inside could be sold PLUS it isn't safe for customers to come into a place that hasn't been cleared for business because there are too many stabby, pokey, and bumpy things to get hurt on that will eventually be removed before guests are allowed inside. One family walked in to ask me questions (which I may add, could have been easily answered for themselves if they read any of the MANY signs already in the park) so I locked the doors on one side to keep guests out. Now, they didn't bother me so much except for the fact that they walked into a place that was clearly not open to the public. While I was working on the other set of doors, also locked, another woman and her kid came by and tried to open the doors I had just finished with. No dice, of course, because they were locked. Then she came over to the doors that I was working on and yanked on them. Apparently the lock wasn't fully engaged, so it opened partway and she almost caused me to fall on my face. First off, what kind of idiot opens a door that a person is working on without at least knocking first? Secondly, why didn't she realize that if the door is locked, then the place wasn't open? Well, I opened the door the rest of the way and asked what she needed. She asked if we had some kind of pin with a name on it that was sold out in our other gift shop. I told her that this shop wasn't open and that she needed to go to the main gift shop, but oh, no. She was from the UK and wouldn't ever be back again! Boo-F'in-Hoo, lady. I personally didn't think she was telling me the truth, but I couldn't call her on it. I asked if she had looked in the other gift shop (any of the other THREE gift shops) and she cut me off (which you know I hate) and reiterated that she wanted to know if we had whatever she was looking for. HATE! So me and the gift shop employee who was stocking shelves had to go on a search. We didn't have what she needed, but found something close. The girl had to take her to another gift shop to check her out. I hope that I never have to work in customer service again. Ever. As a matter of fact, I've got more to say on this matter, but it will have to wait. I've got ANOTHER bathroom sign to make.

You know, there are days that wish I still drank.

I just deactivated my Facebook account. No offense to those of you who were my friends, but it kind of blew. It basically only let me do things if I asked three or more people to join in, and quite frankly, I don't want to be anyone's spam, thanks. I also realized that some guy who I didn't know, but he seems to think we know each other, was only using his friend association with me so that he could "invite" me to do stuff so he could play games and stuff. I had such a backlog of requests from him that it took forever for me to delete them. At any rate...it's gone.

Let's see...gotten rid of Twitter, now Facebook. Now I'll just have to get rid of MySpace and then start deactivating actual, real-life-in-person friendships! Mwahahahahaaaaaaaa.

Nah, you don't have to worry. OK, well, maybe a couple of you do.

I had one of those memory flashes the other day. You know, the ones where you suddenly, and usually for no reason, start thinking of something random from your past? My flash was about "Pop Up Videos." I LOVED that show, although I can't really explain why that was. I think it was because I like trivia, and that show was full of it.

At any rate, I found the site where you can watch pop-up videos online!

The songs on there are kind of old, since the show aired from the mid to late 90's, but it had reminded me of some really great songs I used to listen to as well as some really lame ones that I didn't know were bad until I saw them again. I've also realized that even though I don't care for Celine Dion's music, that chick can SING! I've also realized that for some reason, I'd like to punch Jewel in the neck for being a self righteous neo-hippie. I'm not proud of that though.

Anyways, go and watch a few and relive songs from your past.

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I had to leave church early today due to a headache. I can't tell if it's just a sinus headache that will eventually go away, or if it's going to be one of those that will soon have me down in the fetal position trying not to puke. It's touch and go for now, and the Excedrin hasn't really done its magic like normal. At least me eye has stopped feeling as if it were going to explode out of my head. That's got to count for something, right?

2) When did Aston Kutcher become some kind of relationship guru? I just read an article in Harper's Bazaar (yeah, I know, but it was free.) where he was talking about what makes a woman attractive, in his opinion. Granted, most of what he said made sense, but I don't know if women should take his advice on how to look. His wife, although beautiful, is 80% silicone and plastic. His idea of beautiful is apparently a FemBot.

3) I made more brownies yesterday! I didn't make them from scratch, though. I added the extra ingredients for Wrath of Pecan brownies to a mix. I guess we can dub these "Warp Speed Wrath of Pecan" brownies. Could I get any geekier?

4) I went shopping yesterday and managed to spend too much money by accident. I misread a sale sign in the store. :( I was too embarrassed to say anything while I was paying, so I am going to have to go back today and return one of the things I bought. I'm not too destroyed over it, though. When I tried them on, I was reminded that short, chubby women just don't look that good in capri pants. Well, I'm generalizing, but at least I don't think I look good in them. So, back they go.

Oooh! This looked fun. Humor me.

Taken from Amy's LiveJournal:

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.

2. Go to Google Images and search for that word.

3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).

4. Put this in your own blog (if you like, but no obligation).

You can just e-mail me the picture if it won't let you add it into the comments section. :)

Now. There's your stinking archives.

Yay! Today I went out and joined a gym.

Stop. Laughing.

I actually really want to do well with this, so instead of re-joining the ghetto gym (which I was too scared to go to alone) I joined the new-ish place that is just down the road a ways and is owned by Huntsville Hospital. I'm going to have to have blood tests done before they can give me a fully personalized schedule, but I'm really hoping that I will remain motivated to actually go and do excercisy stuff. I have to go back to see them twice this week, Wednesday for assessments and Thursday for orientation. I hope they have yoga classes I can attend! I miss yoga.

Keep fingers crossed for me? kthanxbi

You know what I've been doing? I've been building a dragon!

As I said before, I am going to be decorating the IMAX lobby for the showing of Kung Fu Panda. I actually had a lot of great ideas, but it seems that every time I start working on them, someone gives me a new task. I honestly believe that don't realize I'm working on something "Work Related" and so they ask me to do something else so I don't get in trouble! It's becoming very frustrating, especially since I don't have much time to do the things I've been planning, so every day I have to cut a bit more off of my plan.

I did research on Chinese gardens and built a foam-core friendship bridge, but I haven't had time to finish everything I need for it. I've also built two trees, but I've had to resort to enlarging clip art (oy vey) to make sure that I have a quick and dirty back up plan in case I can't finish everything I want to do. I'm going to be at work on Monday, so maybe with most of the full time people off for the holiday, I can get a few things done. I've spoiled these people by being competent at my job, so they all ask for things at the last minute. Boo!

As for the dragon, if it works out the way I think it will, it will be truly awesome. My mom actually gave me the idea because she is fascinated by the papercraft models that I have done in the past. She told me that I should build a paper panda. Since the panda on the papercraft website isn't the one from the movie, I decided to make a luck dragon instead. I downloaded the template, blew it up to 5 times its original size, and have been working on putting it together. I've never worked on a papercraft model this big before. Unfortunately, I ran out of paper before I could print out all of the pieces, so hopefully the new shipment will come in before opening night! Here is the original version of what I'm doing: Canon 3D Papercraft Dragon. Now, imagine that about 5 feet long and three feet high! I'm so excited! I hope I'm able to finish it.

I have another kind of paper that I'm going to use to print out another model, so hopefully I will at least have a couple of really awesome things in the lobby, even if I don't have the time to make them from scratch. I love my job!

For Aunt Brenda: 100 more things about me.

1. What time were you born? 10:20 a.m.

2. Fat kid or skinny kid? Skinny until I had surgery, then chunky, then woah...yikes.

3. Did you have siblings? Yes. I still do, as a matter of fact.

4. Would you rather play sports, watch sports, or neither? I would rather do neither. I don't enjoy sports.

5. What's your middle name? Martin now, previously it was Diane.

6. What's your mother's middle name? Jeannie

7. What's your social security number? (just kidding)

8. Beach or mountains? BEACH! BEACH! BEACH!

9. Ocean or swimming pool? I love the ocean! If there are dangerous things swimming, I will not get into it, however.

10. When did you laugh the hardest in your life, and what were the circumstances? After our youth teacher dropped off one of our friends after a get-together, she ran to get her new puppy so that she could show him to those of us in the car. When she ran up to the window, she slipped and the dog flew one way and all we could see were her feet going the other way. I'm glad she was OK, but to this day I can't even think about that without laughing so hard I cry. It took a long time to answer this one because of the laughing.

11. Did you go to your prom? I've been to 4 of them. With my boyfriend in 10th grade (his senior prom), I went stag to my junior prom (Ahem. Yeah, you, I'm still bitter.), with a friend from church to my senior prom, and to my gay ex-boyfriend's senior prom as an unwitting beard.

12. What was your major in college, and would you choose it again? Studio Art. Heck yes, I had so much fun that it didn't feel like school half of the time.

13. What is your favorite food, and what dessert would you like to have after it? Krystal's then Stone Cold Creamery Ice Cream

14. Video games or board games or card games? Board games if they are trivia games. Only trivia games if it isn't Star Wars Trivia games.

15. War? Huah, Good God Y'all! It's a necessary evil.

16. What is your dream car? One that only had to be filled with gas once a month. Also, my current car.

17. Morning person or night person? Both. I'm annoyingly cheerful.

18. Paper or plastic? Paper, as long as everything fits into one bag. I've been trying to use my cloth bags, but I always forget to bring them shopping with me.

19. Coke or pepsi? Coke.

20. Would you rather throw a party, or go to a party? Throw one. Then I can escape into the kitchen when I get shy.

21. What household chore do you hate the most? All of them. ALL OF THEM.

22. If you got in a fight with a person similar to you in size, what would your first move be? Run. I'm big and scary.

23. Finish this sentence: My job would be better if........I could get vacation and sick leave.

24. How many languages do you speak? One

25. What is your favorite way to exercise? Crochet. I have wicked strong thumbs. ; ) Actually, I like to ride my bike, but I don't get a chance to do it that often anymore.

26. Do you consider yourself fat? I don't think I'd capsize a standard canoe or anything, but I'm certainly overweight for my height.

27. Camping? No. Not at all.

28. Finish this sentence: Women want to lose weight so they ....look better than everyone else.

29. Finish this sentence: Men want to lose weight so they ....can believe all of the girls are looking at them.

30. If you could meet any person in history, who would it be? King Henry VIII. I'd have a good chance of becoming Queen of England. He was kind of a man whore.

31. If you could have 1 super power, what would it be? Dream Control.

32. Do you like your family most of the time? Most of the time. Some of the time I want to stop being related to them altogether.

33. Where were you born? Huntsville, AL

34. Who is your favorite comedic actor? Steve Carrell (as long as it isn't in a Jud Atapow movie)

35. Who is your favorite singer? I don't have a single favorite.

36. Without looking at a dictionary, in your own words, define the word "viscosity"?
The density of a liquid and the speed at which it flows. I have no idea.

37. What is your All time favorite TV show? Star Trek

38. If someone tells you a joke you've heard 1,000 times before, you......still laugh. It's rude to say, "You've already told that one."

39. Do you talk in a crowded theater? Under my breath to the person next to me so that we can make jokes about the movie.

40. Would you rather have an appetizer or a dessert? It depends on where I'm eating.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear the following:

41. Butler: face (That is what I call my dog.)

42. Butterfly: Kisses (damned song)

43. Pancakes: Blueberry

44. Chair: Cushion

45. Grass: Mow

46. Jesus Christ: It's a Lion!

47. Computer: Savvy

48. Money: Shopping

49. Muscles: Buff Guy

50. Paper: Art

51. Ants: Still in my bathroom

52. Aunt: Peggy

53. Ain't: Misbehavin'

54. Flow: Chart

55. Heavenly body: Angels

56. Bus driver: Forrest Gump (I don't know why)

57. Homer: Simpson

58. Hola: Y'all

59. Newspaper: Weekly

60. Brass knuckles: Brass Monkey

61. Teenagers: Suck

62. Holidays: Stress

63. Prison: Folsom Blues

64. Underwear: clean

65. Politics: vomit

66. Hell: no, we won't go!

67. Night: Hawks

68. Knight: Rider

69. Reading: is fundemental

70. Sesame Street: How you get to...

71. In your own words, define the word "courage": The ability to still do the things that scare you to death.

72. In your own words, define the word "butterscotch": Yellow and yummy.

73. How tall are you? 5' 4"

74. How much do you weigh? Dude, I'm not going to tell you that!

75. Seriously, how much do you weigh? *blank stare*

76. Would you like to go to New York? Maybe. It seems kind of big and crowded for my tastes, though.

77. Were you picked first or last in school PE? I don't think we ever chose teams in PE.

78. For fun, would you rather ride a horse or a motorcycle? Motorcycle.

79. Do you prefer to read or talk? I like to do both. I don't like to do them at the same time.

80. What is your favorite part about going to carnivals? Leaving them.

81. Birthday cake or ice cream? Ice Cream.

82. If you were lost out in the woods, what would you do? Pray that the Blaire Witch was really only a movie.

83. Do you want fries with that? Always.

84. Do your friends talk about you behind your back? I'm pretty sure. It's okay, though.

85. Sunsets or sunrises? Sunsets.

86. Would you take drugs if they were legal? No. I'll be designated driver and black mail picture taker.

87. What is the first thing that attracts you to someone of the opposite sex? Eyes and Smile.

88. What is the biggest mistake America has made during the last 100 years? Reality TV

89. Why do assassins tend to go by 3 names? To be specific. You wouldn't want just any Lee Oswald to get blamed for something, would you?

90. If your ex wanted you back, what would your response to them be? Which one?

91. I have to go to the bathroom. Thoughts? Ew, thanks.

92. On your next birthday, how old will you be? 31

93. Who would win a fistfight between you and your best friend? Dear Lord, I don't know. Which best friend? That would make the difference.

94. What is the greatest compliment anyone has ever paid you? A girl I went to school with, who I'd always kind of been in awe of once said "I wish I could be like you. You aren't scared of anything."

95. To be, or not to be? Both.

96. What song is going through your head right now? "A Kiss To Build A Dream On"

97. Do you ever cry at songs, and if so, which songs? Butterfly Kisses (damned song) even more now since my father died.

98. If you were stranded on a desert island with a CD player and only 1 CD, what
would it be? How To Survive On A Desert Island For Dummies Audio Book

99. No good deed goes ____________ : unplanned.

100. How many people will fill this out? I don't know. Am I psychic or something?

Oy vey...

You know how we all have an inside voice and an outside voice? If we're lucky, the inside voice never finds its way out. I wasn't so lucky on Sunday. I was waiting for the orchestra to finish playing so that I could practice the song I was going to sing that morning. I had forgotten my lyric sheet, so I was writing down the words on the back of my bulletin and not really paying attention to what was going on. I did, however, somehow overhear an exchange between our associate pastor and his daughter, who were going to be performing a skit in that morning's service. The little girl was wearing a big Hawaiian shirt over her dress, and she was taking it off before she went to class. Her dad asked what she was doing, and she told him she was just taking it off and he said "That's OK. We'll practice the lines in my office. You don't need to wear a shirt for that." That was when my mouth took a LOA from my brain and I said "You know, people say the same thing to me all of the time." Seriously, if I had been thinking I wouldn't have said something like that to one of our pastors. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I froze. The poor man was bright red, and I didn't know how to take it back! There was nothing I could do but look embarrassed. A very mild, off-color joke takes on a whole new dimension when you say it to the wrong person. :(

Wow, I think Steve is a much better person than I'll ever be.

Think, for a moment, about your job. Some of you enjoy what you do and some of you don't, but regardless, just take a minute to think about what you do for a living. Now imagine that everywhere you go, wherever you think you'll have a moment of relaxation, someone comes over to you and starts asking questions that pertain to your job.

I suppose we all get this occasionally no matter what we do for a living. I get requests for signs and graphics from friends and family every once in a while. If I can do it, I usually do, but mainly because it isn't everyday that someone out in the general public needs graphics work done. However, poor Steve is a computer guy. No matter where we go, where we visit, or who we talk to, they begin to pester him about computers. Granted, he's great at his job and that is why people want him to help, but good Lord. He can't even go to church without people wanting him to look at something computer related! I imagine that is kind of what a doctor feels like when they go among us civilians..."Hey Doctor...it hurts when I do this." That translates into "I don't want to pay anyone to do this for me, so I'm going to ask you because I know you'll fix it for me for free and without making me wait in line!" However, he never complains. His dad even called one night and made me wake him up so that he could walk him through some kind of computer problem, and he never said a word about it. That is what I mean about him being a better person than I am. I want to help people when I can, and I always will, but if I was asked to make signs everywhere I went, I'm afraid I'd start saying some rather hurtful things to people I otherwise like a great deal.. I guess I just get irritated on his behalf, I don't know.

Anyways, Go Steve! Way to be...um...unresponsive on an emotional level to things that would drive the rest of us insane!!

Awwwwww! Something tells me I shouldn't feel so pleased, but George Takei is going to marry his long time partner. Good for him.

God save the queen.

New Template! Go Me!

I wish I could remember the HTML I used to know so that I could make it prettier. Meh...who cares. It's all about the words anyways, right? :)

Just a quickie:

Did anyone else see Battlestar Friday? How can one show kick so much butt? Go Athena!

BTW, I think Mr. Gaeta has gone mad. MAD I SAY!

Also, does the hybrid creep everyone else out, or is it just me?

Another meme stolen from Annie.

1. Do you wake up cranky?
Not usually. I will if I don't want to do something and Steve pokes at me until I'm up. That can send me into a murderous rage.

2. If an ex said he hates you, you say…?
Awwwww, princess. Bless your heart. Here, wipe the mascara off your face and tell me what I did to make you so sad.

3. Would you curse in front of your parents?
I have in front of my mom. Never in front of my dad.

4. If a fairy godmother comes into your life, you…?
Probably run and hide behind the couch. I mean, that would be weird.

5. What is your current annoyance?
Finding clothes that fit properly.

6. Do you like drama?
Not really. On Lost and Battlestar Galactica, but other than that, I can leave it.

7. What kind of camera do you have?
Kodak something. It isn't fancy, but it makes nice pictures and is uber-portable.

8. Last time you were on a boat and where?
Yikes...my senior year of high school I went on a cruise. Other than that I'm not sure unless it was at a boat show or something like that.

9. Do you take daily vitamins or medications?
Yep. Well, not so many vitamins, but other meds. I don't like pills, but I also don't want medical unpleasantness, so you know, lesser of the two evils and all.

10. Where is your computer located?
My desktop PC and iMac are on my desk in the blue office. My laptop doesn't have a permanent home.

11. Would you ever eat cow poop?
Considering where I grew up, I'm not altogether certain I haven't been tricked into doing it already. However, I wouldn't do it on purpose.

12. What was the last thing you bought?
Lunch at Wendy's.

13. What country has the best food?
Mexico or Italy. I'll tell you for certain when I go to Italy.

14. Last time you used a coupon?
I don't generally use them. I should, but I don't like to.

15. Are you afraid of roller coasters?
Not in the traditional sense. I get motion sickness easily, so they tend to make me want to vomit. I don't like to vomit, so...there you go.

16. If your best friend told you he or she was moving, you…?
Chalk it up as an extension of the trend. Then I'd ask for an address.

17. Would you rather go to a party or out of town?
Probably out of town.

18. Apple Bottom Jeans or Hollister gift card?
I'm not sure what Apple Bottom Jeans are, but they probably don't make my size. Hollister also doesn't make my size, but makes me physically ill due to the piped in stink of their cologne and loud music. I'd rather do neither. I'd rather have my own clothing line and effete salesmen who tell me everything looks fabulous on me.

19. Do you think you’re dumb?
Sometimes, but only rarely. Naive, more like.

20. Say a random word?
Fishing license.

21. Do you wear anything with skulls?
If you mean skulls printed on them, yes. If you mean things with actual skulls, no.

22. What is/was your school mascot?
High School - very non-PC Indian (heh), Calhoun I think was a hawk and UAH was a charger, which is a horse. I didn't really pay attention to that stuff, so I could be wrong.

23. Do you own a class ring or letterman jacket?
A high school class ring, but it didn't look like one. I think they are ugly! I lettered in Band (shut. up.) but I didn't get a jacket for it.

24. At what age do you want to be married?
I'm currently married and became that way at 22. If I were to ever not be married, I think I'd just live in sin with some gorgeous man until we were 90, and then marry him on the Today Show just to keep the gossip down.

25. Is divorce an option?
Everything is an option. I'd rather like to think that it would take something terribly bad to actually make cause for a divorce. If I did it over something minor, I'd feel like a quitter. That being said... sometimes it seems like a good option! :)

26. What color is your luggage?
Black with Bad Mother...oh, wait...it's black with a skull printed scarf tied around the handle and a tangent drawn on the front in gold paint pen.

27. Where and when did you last go on vacation?
Out west! Nevada, Utah and Arizona. If we passed through any other states, it all looked so similar that I didn't realize.

28. Where is your mom right now?
At her house, I'm guessing.

29. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Nothing in particular. It's 6:40 on Saturday morning, so I can do whatever I damn well please!

30. What is your 5-year plan?
I just want to be happy. However that can work is my plan.

31. What is your 10-year plan?
See above.

32. One wish?
If I could actually lose weight, that would be awesome.

Truer words have rarely been spoken:

"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction." ~ Oscar Wilde

I think the lady who cut my hair yesterday was drunk. I don't mean she messed up my hair or anything. In fact, it's probably the best haircut I've gotten in a while, but the stylist was acting very strange.

She was talking very slow and slurring her words and she kept repeating herself. She was also cutting very, very slow. She would slur a few words, take a snip, slur a few more, take a snip, stand back, take a snip and etc. It was like having Paula Abdul cut my hair. It was a bit nerve wracking to say the least. I kept picturing myself walking out of the place with a mullet or a Dudley Moore hairdo, so I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out just fine. However, she did spend an unusually long time drying my hair. It was already dry, but she just kept on drying it. She also swiped my debit card three times before she realized that she didn't have the computer on the right setting to receive a transaction.

People like her are the reason I don't get my hair cut that often. I don't think I could stand the stress.

...and now, another version of WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE!

I always like to check my blog tracker and see what sorts of things bring readers to my happy little place. I can recognize a few of you, whom I know come here out of a deep and abiding affection for me. I can also recognize a few of you as people who tolerate me because you have to, and you probably are here because you get bored at work! Some of you have me book-marked, but the fun stuff is the people who get here by pure chance.

For your entertainment, here are a few examples.

1) "i had highlights professionally done can i dye over them"

Yes, my dear. Dye over them! However, I would think that if you had them professionally done, you should probably have them professionally covered. This just avoids any strange colors appearing out of nowhere. However, if you have a temperamental, gay hairdresser that will be offended by your lack of joy over his work...do it yourself. Don't anger the queen.

2) "cursed tights"

Hmmmmmmm. I thought I was the only one. Weird. I hear if an old priest and a young priest wear them for an hour or so, the curse is lifted. Peace be with you.

3) "westeriavine"

OK, I spelled it wrong too. Leave me alone.

4) "what is the black sludge in the coolant tank in my car"

I dunno. Maybe you should talk to the old priest and the young priest when they are done wearing the tights.

5) "mikakuto juntsuyu"

Bless you. I hear Sudafed takes care of that. Actually, these are the delicious candies you have to order from Japan because out of all of the stuff we get from Japan, they haven't realized that this should be imported too. Way to drop the ball there, Japan.

6) "scrubbing my feet" ticklish

I realize that I have more than my fair share of foot talk on my blog, but you feet fetishists really need to go away. Seriously.

7) "I have ants in my bathroom"

Me too! That's such a neat coincidence! We should have coffee or something!

8) "poem i met a man who wasn't there meaning"

I've actually been getting a lot of hits because of my mention of the poem about the man that wasn't there. I suppose I'm not the only person who gets creeped out by it! However, this soul wants to understand its meaning. I don't know if I can help, but here goes: The guy was alone on the stairs. He has an imaginary friend that he doesn't get along with. The imaginary friend likes to stand on the stairs that Mr. Means is trying to climb and block his way. Mr. Means wishes he would go away. However, the refusal of Mr. Means to seek professional psychiatric help and ultimately anti-hallucinatory drugs, means that all he can do is wish for his desired end rather than take appropriate steps to banish him in the most direct way. Ergo, Mr. Means is a crazy, crazy man.

That's all for now!

HAHA! Epic Fail Averted! Go Me!

EDIT: Never let it be said that making a list, even for me, is useless! Now, no sign shall be forgotten! At least not today!

MORE RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I've been having weird dreams lately. I'd say they are recurring, but they aren't the same dreams each time. However, they do have the same subject matter. There are two distinct dreams that I keep having: One is the spider dream. Last night I dreamed that a giant spider crawled down my wall and got into my hair. I had a come apart. I woke up standing on the floor on Steve's side of the bed, pulling at my hair and saying that spiders were in my hair. Of course I was in crazy town, but I still made Steve turn on the light so that I could make sure there weren't really any spiders. He got pissed at having to turn the light on, but I think he'd be even more pissed if the giant spiders were real! The other dream is that I'm traveling with The Doctor of Doctor Who fame. Not any specific one (darn it) but I just know I'm with him. The only problem is that I'm usually the "Red Shirt" companion. We go on the trips like the ones on the show, but I'm usually the one who gets attacked by weird aliens or giant dogs. Fun stuff.

2) Epic, epic fail, by the way.

3) I finally got the decals added to the Mobile Quarantine Facility yesterday! Go Me! I walked down to the DC at about 8:00, which was just in time to completely miss everything that went on there with Good Morning America. Of course, I never watch Good Morning America, so I may have spoken to one of the reporters, or whatever they are, and never knew it. I did exchange plesantries with some of the crew, though. They are usually nicer than the talent anyways!

4) INDIANA JONES IN 9 DAYS! Fangirl mode: On.

5) Speaking on Indiana Jones, I found out that I finally have something in common with my nephews. We all like the IJ movies. We watched Raiders of the Lost Ark on Sunday afternoon and they actually asked me questions and didn't once say "Aunt Kelly, you're weird." It's a refreshing change. :)

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) I finally killed the Twitter account! I had to sneak up on it, but it allowed me to delete this time. Part of the reason was because I couldn't use Twitter while at work, which was the main reason I wanted it. The other reason was that I had no desire to get updates from people I didn't know, so I was only following three people and those three people are either living together, working together, or hanging out together. I started to feel like I was crashing their party! I know that wasn't true, but they all knew what they were talking about and I didn't, so I just bailed. Now what will be funny is to see how long it takes them to realize I've deleted my account! :)

2) Friday was a nightmare day at work. I've been carpooling with Steve three to four days a week, so I had been getting to work at 7:00 a.m. and leaving at 4:00 p.m. - and I don't take a lunch break because I don't have anywhere I can go. That leaves me with a few extra hours before the end of the week. I am not supposed to be getting any over time, so I was going to get to leave work at 12:30 that afternoon. Go me! Well, the day before, I had been getting calls all day asking if anyone had told me about a sign that was needed for the Mobile Quarantine Facility that the SpRocket is getting refurbished. Since no one had, I hadn't made anything, and by about 2:00 that afternoon, I figured that they must not have needed anything after-all. I was wrong. The COO asked if I would meet him down at the Bus Barn (the building that burned and has yet to be repaired, but is still being used apparently) so that I could see what was needed. I was peeved, because I was in the middle of something, but when the COO calls, we are expected to go! It's one of the pitfalls of working for a former Army General. When I got down there, I found out that they didn't need a sign for the MQF. They didn't need a sign, but they needed the entire outside re-outfitted with vinyl graphics! BOO!!!! I don't think they have any idea how long it takes to make those things, so they decided to tell me at the end of the day, right before I was about to leave! HASTAREDS! I had to come back and finish the current thing I was working on, so I wasn't able to start the vinyl decals until Friday morning. I was sure I was going to be able to finish them before I left for the day, but it took longer than I thought. Every time I would almost finish something, I'd get a call from another department saying that they needed something else. I was frazzled! Needless to say, I didn't get to go home at 12:30! I didn't have time to eat or drink anything all day, I had to apply the decals myself (which is not a big deal, but wasn't expected), I had to cancel dinner plans with Sara and a couple of other girls I went to HS with, and I wound up staying past closing time. I was so tired. When I finally got home, I sat down to do something on my computer and fell asleep at my desk. I think I finally got to eat at 8:30 that night. The reason for all of this rushed foolishness? Good Morning America was going to be here on Monday and we had to make everything look nice. Did they find out last minute that GMA was coming? Nope. They knew for well over two weeks, but they didn't decide to have anything done until Friday. Well, at least the COO was impressed at my decals. There's got to be a silver lining in there somewhere. I'll have more stories later.

3) I've had another life realization recently. I am the kind of person who will deeply invest myself in things if they matter to me. I mean deeply invest. That goes for jobs, friendships, relationships, hobbies and etc. I suppose that's a great kind of person to be in theory, but in reality, I don't know if I like it all that much. There isn't anything I can do to change it, because it's just who I am, but what used to be such a blessing is slowly becoming more of a curse. It isn't because I want to do things halfway, but I've realized that even when I'm dedicated to whatever it is 110%, chances are, the other people involved aren't. I've had to teach myself to step back occasionally and see how much the other people are invested and it's beginning to become clear that sometimes the answer to that isn't good. If I stop doing my normal part, just to see how much effort they usually put out, I am unpleasantly surprised more often than not. I used to want to do everything in the world for Steve, but he is so seemingly indifferent about the little nice things I want to do that I have just stopped for the most part. Occasionally I try, but it usually works out the same. That's not to say that we are completely unhappy and on the verge of splitting up, I mean, marriage is about 90% what you are willing to put up with and 10% what you are legally expected to put up with, right? :) This also happens at work. I'll work my tail off to do something well, and I feel like it's important enough to devote my time and considerable efforts to, but when it's all said and done, no one really notices. I've had that problem with certain friendships as well. I've realized that I tend to do a great deal of work to hang on to people that I care about a lot, but that it is a badly one sided relationship for the most part. Maybe I'm wrong to be hurt by that. Maybe that is just what friendships are like in real life. I don't want to give them up, but it gets embarrassing after a while. I always wind up feeling like I'm thrusting myself into a place that is important to me, but is only tolerated by everyone else. I guess the main thing is that it hurts when I realize that the things that mean so much to me, and that I thought were important to others, were really only important to me. It sucks. I just feel like I have so much to offer and it's beginning to go to waste. I don't mean to complain this beautiful morning, but that is something that has been weighing on me. I don't want to have to change, but why should I make an effort if it doesn't matter?

4) Good Thoughts For the Week: Indiana Jones, Corn Pops, Chocolate, Puppies, Funny British TV Shows, Beautiful Weather, Dinner With Friends & Cute New Shirts. I'm sure there will be more, but I'll have to take them as they come.

Not to be all conceited, but I made the best brownies the other day!

It all started when I ordered a set of sugar grinders called Cape Herb Seven Deadly Sins. Some of the bottles came with a little recipe book attached to the lid, and the one that caught my eye (of course) was the one for brownies. The brownies use the "wrath" flavor of sugar, which is basically a mix of sugar, chocolate and chilies. I got all of the stuff, basically sweat blood while trying to convert the metric measurements into something that made sense to me, and I made the brownies!

They have dark chocolate, chunks of white chocolate, wrath sugar, and pecans. They are so good! The only problem is that the chilies have a long burn, but it isn't painful. I made them in my corners pan so that every piece was crunchy around the edges! Yummers.

I call these: Wrath of Pecan Brownies!

I don't think that Twitter likes my work computer. It's only hit or miss as to whether or not I can post at all, so most of the time the things I enter never get published. My guess, since I know for a fact that Twitter works with Macintosh just fine, is that my OS is too old to handle it. My OS is too old to handle a lot of things, actually.

I've asked that my computer be upgraded to at least a more recent version of OSX, but they apparently don't feel that I need to be able to update my programs and use certain files. No, no...that's OK! I don't mind being berated because something didn't get done because I can't open a file that was created on a version of a program that was written in the past five years. No problem! I'm really not sure why they have a problem with updating my computer. I can't even get extra RAM! If I try to use a filter in Photoshop, my program crashes!

I guess I just have to wait for someone else to need a new computer so that I can have their old one. Either that, or I'm going to have to load the application beatMacwithbat.app to see if that will help. :)

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Should I be proud of being able to fix a sign? The answer is yes! HAHAHAHA!
OK, don't pity me. It was a really messed up sign that I spent a few hours scraping paint off of and sanding down so it could be repainted. I'm kind of afraid that the paint flakes I managed to inhale might have been toxic, but hey...who doesn't like to hallucinate every once in a while?

2) I finally finished the baby gift I was making for my friend's new baby. I still have to finish the couple's wedding gift too. Well, the gift itself is done, but I need to get it framed. Don't think I'm that big of a procrastinator, though, they've only been married a little over a year. It's still perfectly acceptable to send wedding gifts this late! I also have to ship them to France, so it's going to get there eventually. I've also got to send a late birthday gift I made to another friend out of state. That very hip lady's birthday was in March, but I've been debating whether or not to give her what I made. I still feel kind of silly giving people handmade things. I could be as talented as Michelangelo and I'd probably still feel cheesy giving things I made. Oh well, I've got a degree saying I'm crafty and talented, so I'll get over it one of these days.

3) I want to go see Iron Man. That isn't usually my kind of movie, but a guy I work with had a pirated copy and I got to see the first ten minutes or so. I laughed for about five of those minutes, and the simple bad-assery of the rest has piqued my interest. I'll let you know later how I felt about the rest of it. :)

4) I think Steve and I inadvertently planted salvia in our garden. We planted it mainly because it was a perennial and Steve thought it was pretty, not because we planned on smoking any of it later. However, now that I know what it can do, I'll use it to induce my shamanic visions. It's got to work better than peyote if the Aztecs liked it. I just hope I don't wind up in prison for sacrificing any neighbors to the sun god. I'm kidding, kidding. Peyote works just fine. ;)

Who loves Great Danes? I DO! I DO!

The Adventures of Kaya and Luna is a blog that showcases two beautiful dogs and some great photography by their owner. It's also written from the POV of the dogs, so that's another reason why I like it so much.

Just thought I would share!

RANDOM ACTS OF BLOGGING

1) Note to self: It's probably best if I don't include phrases like "gigantic weenie" in my blog posts from now on. This will only come back to bite me in the butt when the wrong kind of people are directed here through a search engine. Yikes.

2) The ankle is doing much better, thanks! I got some great advice and it seems to have helped. The ankle is still swollen pretty badly, but it doesn't hurt nearly as much. Either it has started to heal or I've completely destroyed my nerve endings. Either way, at least it isn't that painful.

3) The visits back to mom's house have stopped being something I look forward to and have started being an event that prompts uncomfortable silences and tension headaches. I came home yesterday, went to bed and pulled the covers up over my head. Someone please adopt me. Families aren't supposed to be that way. Also, and not completely off topic, I'd like a pox on the houses of nosey, hurtful, and gossipy small town a-holes who feel the need to spread everyone's business to anyone who will listen. Thank God I escaped at least that much.

4) Puppies, chocolate, Johnny Depp, David Tennant, Star Trek Marathons, beaches, presents, margaritas, dinner with friends, more puppies, more chocolate, and Josh Groban singing Christmas carols. These will be my happy thoughts today!

The new Indiana Jones action figures are out.

So, uh...that's what we'll be doing for the next year or so.

I am a gigantic weenie.

Any of you guys who know me well, know that I am extremely accident prone. I cut myself, fall out of chairs, trip over invisible speed bumps and generally expose my klutzy nature as easily and naturally as some people smile. Even though I am constantly hurting myself, my injuries are usually only surface damage, i.e. the cuts, the scrapes, the bruises and etc. Yesterday, however, I managed to hurt myself in a spectacularly lame way, which actually caused what I have come to think of as structural damage to my left ankle.

I was at work yesterday afternoon preparing to make a sign. Because things had gotten slow for me over the past couple of days, my drafting table was cluttered and I was clearing to off to make room for my task. I turned to move my chair out of the way when I somehow managed to fall out of my own shoe and trip over it. Granted, I was wearing flip-flops, so it wasn't as if I inadvertently popped out of my sneakers or something like that, but still, I tripped over my own shoe. My foot actually hit the edge of the afore mentioned shoe and rolled over on itself. Anyone who has weak ankles will know what I'm talking about: it's like your foot decides that it's tired of looking at the ground and suddenly decides that it wants to look at the sky. I actually heard a crunching sound when it rolled, and a network of bright, hot needles of pain stabbed into my foot and leg. I had just a moment to say out loud "whua..." and I went over. It was one of those moments where you fall in slow motion and have time to think a few things before you hit the ground. My first thought was "Oh my God, I can't believe I am actually falling down!" and my second thought was "Kelly, you're holding an Exacto knife and may very well pierce an organ, throw it!" I somehow managed to throw the blade away from myself before landing on the floor and clutching my ankle in pain.

I lay on the floor for a while, hoping against hope that no one would come back into my office and see me down there. I kept thinking that it wasn't hurt that bad, and as long as I could get up in a few minutes, I'd be fine. I'd fallen down before! NO BIGGIE! Well, I did manage to get up and put my shoe back on. My ankle hurt, but I was sure it wasn't hurt badly. I was limping, but I was sure it wouldn't last long. Well, it did last long. It lasted the rest of the day, as a matter of fact. By the time Steve came to pick me up, I had struggled to get down all three flights of stairs without screaming and limped through the museum while trying not to limp too much. I kept thinking that it would stop at any time, so I didn't do anything to help it along. When I got home, I helped Steve mow the lawn and limped around the house doing other things. Steve helped me put an ankle brace on, and I wedged my foot into a tennis shoe, but that was it. It wasn't until I awoke from a sound sleep at around 11:30 that I realized I was not just in pain, I was in Pain! I came to the conclusion that my ankle was fairly badly sprained, I had been too stupid to recognize that fact, and so I made it worse by not putting ice on it and staying off of it for a while.

As someone who has never done any kind of sport, I haven't often hurt myself in a lasting way. This was all new to me! It hurt too much to move it or put pressure on it. Hell, it hurt to look at it! I managed to get up to go to the bathroom, but couldn't walk over to it. I had to drag myself over the bed and use Steve as a crutch until I got inside. My ankle hurt so badly that I was nauseated and sweating by the time I scooted back to the bed. I kept arguing with myself that I was being a wuss and should just walk on the damn thing. The smarter part of myself argued back that if something is going to hurt this bad, it's probably actually not just in my imagination! Steve helped me elevate it and I took a few Tylenol to take the edge off. I finally went to sleep, and when I woke up this morning, it was a bit better. It still hurts and it's still swollen, but it isn't anything like it was last night. I'm able to hobble around respectably, as long as I don't hobble too far. My main problem is that I have errands I need to run today and I am going to have to wait until I'm sure I can go further than just a few feet at a time before I can do them.

I am a gigantic weenie.

Another One

1. Do you like blue cheese?
In its proper place I do!

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Not that I know of. I hope not!


3. Do you own a gun?
Yes, two of them.


4. Your favorite song?
I have too many to name just one. Right now it's the song "Mercy" by Duffy.


5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No


6. What do you think of hot dogs?
They'll do when you haven't got anything else.


7. Favorite Christmas song?
Come and Rejoice & O HOly Night


8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Chocolate milk


9. Can you do push ups?
Yes, but not that many.


What happened to question 10?
It was imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay for treason.


11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
The ring I bought myself when I graduated college.


12. Favorite hobby?
I have so many that I can't pick just one.


13. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
Roofies and boobs.


14. Do you have A.D.D?
No, not at all! Hey, let's go ride bikes!


15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
Mt weight, I guess.


16. Middle Name?
Martin

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment
I'm tired, my foot hurts, and I'm cold.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday,
Bottle of water, a hot dog, a bag of chips

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, Coke Zero, Ginger Ale


20. Current worry right now?
My mother getting married to a man I don't know very well.

21. Current hate right now?
people who don't use their blinkers!

22. Favorite place to be?
At the beach.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
I was asleep.

24. Where would you like to go?
Monterey, CA

25. Name three people who will complete this?
I don't know if anyone will or not!

26. Do you own slippers?
Four pairs, I think.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
my Wal-Mart I-Can-Get-It-Dirty one

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I'm not sure I've ever slept on satin sheets, so I don't know. I like flannel ones, though.

29. Can you whistle?
Indeed

30. Favorite color(s)?
Blue

31. Would you be a pirate?
Yarrrrr, you betcha.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Lately, Me & Mrs. Jones.

33. Favorite girl's name?
Rose

34. Favorite boy's name?
Seth

35. What's in your pocket right now?
Lint.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
A movie someone e-mailed me.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I never had characters on my sheets.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I've been fairly lucky not to have badly injured, but I did cut the crap out of my thumb once when working with stained glass. I probably should have gotten stitches, but I was tough.

39. Do you love where you live?
Sure, why not.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2 that work and 1 that died not long ago.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably Josh

42. How many dogs do you have?
2 - Butler and Bear

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't think so.

45. What is your favorite book?
I have too many favorites, so I'll just give you a core sample: Pretty much anything by Stephen King, Gone With the Wind & Circle of Friends.

46. What is your favorite candy?
Godiva Chocolates

47. What is your favorite Sports Team?
I don't really have a favorite.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
It Is Well

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Being alseep

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you
woke up?
Something along the lines of "Dear God, please don't make it time to get up yet."

*Bangs Head On Desk*

You know, I have a feeling that my family has gone insane. OK, well, maybe not "insane," but it is my professional opinion that I may be the last rationally thinking woman in my immediate family and I can't do anything to change it without causing more problems. I seem to be the only person who can be honest and open about my concerns. That probably seems very abrasive to my very southern family, I know, but I just don't happen to believe that holding things in is healthy. I'm not saying I think they should fight all the time and hate one another, but I do believe that a great deal of harm can be avoided if people are just honest with one another, even if it means that they have to disagree about things.

Although I know that one cannot run away from their problems, and that even if you choose to ignore the things you don't want to have to deal with - the same problems are going to confront you sooner or later, right? However, even knowing that, here is what I wish:

I wish I could find a friend who has nothing to do with my family, who lives far away from here - preferably in the Pacific NW, which might be far enough - and who wouldn't ask me any questions. I want to move to their house and hide in their basement until my mother and sister are honest with one another and can talk about what is going on without trying so damn hard not to hurt each other's feelings.

I know how immature and silly this sounds, but I promise I'm not being the least bit emo about this. I honestly wish I could get away from my family. I'm not enough of a drama queen to want to be a part of all of this. I don't think I'm equipped to know how to deal with it.

I need a hug.

Yesterday, while looking up crochet patterns for baby stuff (don't get excited, I have two friends who are about to spawn) I came across a charity that I think is a great idea. It's called CareWear, and it's a group that crochets, knits, and sews baby clothes, blankets and toys for hospitals.

Although I can't be sure, I think it must be for low income families who may not have the money to spend on a lot of baby stuff, or it is just a service that some places offer families of children who may have to stay in the hospital for some time. Most of the hospitals on its donation list are neonatal intensive care facilities, and a lot of the patterns are for preemies, but they are also in need of things for full term babies. I think I might like to do this. I mean, I enjoy making things, and making things for someone who actually needs them makes the idea even more appealing. Since it will take a lot of commitment on my part, I'm going to have to make sure I have the time to devote to doing it. I wouldn't want to half-ass doing something good. There is only one thing about it that breaks my heart, and that is that one of the things on their list of needs is burial gowns. They have patterns for them as well as guidelines, even for what they call Micro-Preemies. It just makes me sad. Anyways, I'm adding the link for any of you who may want to get involved if there is a hospital in your town that uses the service. It isn't anything you have to formally join. It's more of something you would do on an individual basis under the name of the charity.

CareWear