The Board
You know how sometimes we say things or we hear people say things that are so stupid or ridiculous that we just want to write it down so everyone can read it and get a good laugh? Well, once upon a time, in an IMAX theater not too far away, a "Board" was created where everything stupid out of someone's mouth was chronicled and put up for everyone's enjoyment. After discussing it with a few of the guys from the theater last night, and after an idea from my Latina soul sista, Shannon, I decided that I would create an online board so that EVERYONE could pop in and get a good laugh. If you have anything to add, feel free to submit a quote. Here at my website, we promote equal opportunity. We will make fun of anyone who deserves it!
On the Definition of a Water Fountain
Becky: She's over there by the water fountain.
Steve: There's a water fountain over there?
Becky: Well, there is a drink machine...and you can get water from it...
--Becky Palmer
On Political Correctness
Woman: I want to go to that new restaurant. They have gelato there.
Man: I don't think that's a very nice word for bi-racial people, you know.
--Overheard
On the Whereabouts of the Man in Charge
I think Salt Lake City is where the head nacho lives.
--Rhonda Pratt
On the Untrustworthiness of Artists
"You can't trust an artist not to get creative."
-- Brenda Puckett
On the Nature of Dogs
-- Katie McGee
On the Relativity Of Time for a Child
Forty-five minutes! That'll take hours!
--Katie McGee
On School Calendars:
"You know, we never had a fall break. I had to go to school 365 days
a week."
--Shannon Sanford
On Sizes
Q: How many apples tall are Smurfs?
"You mean, in real life?"
--Becky Palmer During a Trivial Pursuit game
On Unusual Piggy Banks
News commentator on the Reagan funeral : "There's the Presidential seal, symbolic of his role as the 40th president of the United States."
Kid on the playground, playing football: "Greg, you're out of bounds."
On Difficulty
"This is as dark as it's going to get. Except for, you know, night."
On Sports Equipment
"It's called a clap skate. Listen to the sound (clap-clap). It's like people clapping their hands. That's why it's called a clap skate."
--Olympic Speed Skater on IMAX film "Olympic Glory"
On Movies and Their Subjects
Parisian's Clerk: What's playing at the IMAX now?
Greg: We're about to start "Everest"
Parisian's Clerk: Oh! is that about Mount Everest?
On the Magic of Technology
"Hey, check it out! I can move these mirrors!"
--Steve Pratt while running the laser board
On Getting Things Done
"Yeah. That way we can kill one bird with two stones."
--Steve Pratt
On Body Fluids
"That stuff is like acid...it is acid"
--Greg Sanford referring to vomit on the hallway carpet.
On the Hilarity of Heaviness
"These are so heavy, sometimes they make me laugh. It's one of those wacky things."
--Susan Cooper on the weight of a movie platter
On Personality Traits
"I'm not a hand slappy kind of guy."
--Jim Brown's reply to someone wanting a high five.
On Technology
"...and that 's done with Lasers?"
--Diane, while watching the laser show.
On the Obvious
"When you're solo, you're alone."
--Ice Climber from IMAX movie "extreme"
On Clever Comebacks
“It’s take a long walk off a short “pier”, not “bridge”…a bridge, no matter how short, would still make it to the other side.”
--unknown poster on a college football message board
On Culinary Favorites
“I like homemade biscuits like Kroger makes”
--Stephen Pratt age 5
On the Beauty of Nature
“That sunset is so pretty …..swirls of yellow and pink and white….it’s like gay camouflage”
--Greg Puckett
On Good Looking Football Players
“No…but we have a black one who is almost bald”
--Greg Puckett (Age 8) responding to his sister Amy Puckett, when she asked him if there were any Baldwins on his football team.
On "The Road Less Traveled"
“As I was walking through the woods, I came upon this fork in the road. I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference”
--Stephen Pratt, trying to quote Robert Frost off the top of his head.
On Elusive Geography
“It’s over in…..Raiders of the Lost Ark’s house”
--Garry Puckett, when he couldn’t think of Egypt.
On Condiment Advice
“Keep Cool”…wisdom from a box of mayonnaise jars.
--Jon McGee
On Good Ideas
Hairdresser Guy--"Well, he's crazy if he thinks I'm not going to take a drink on my birthday, but now I've got to find someone who will drive me home."
Kelly--"You know, they ought to have a company called 'Designated Driver' who you can just call if your drinking, and they will take you home."
Hairdresser Guy-- "Sweetie, they have something like that, it's called a taxi."
On "The Passion of the Christ"
"OOOOOOOhhh, I want to see that movie too! Just don't tell me how it ends."
--Nedia Keel
On Tax Forms
"Well, we already did our taxes, but then we got another one of those WD-40 forms in the mail."
--Kelly Pratt
On Atmospheric Phenomena
Mechele - Hey, I hear that we'll have a good chance of seeing the Aurora Borealis tonight!
Kelly - Oh Really? Which direction?
On Body Parts
"In order to have a boob, you have to have a boob"
--Cathy Christa
On Presidents
"He's the blackest president that we've ever had, that was white."
--Cassandra Wilkins on Bill Clinton
On Methods of Violence
"I'm going to break you in your face!"
--Cathy Christa
On Technology
"Do you have a computer?"
--Becky Ferguson while helping an online customer on PHP Live (the live, online helpdesk).
On Elusive Phone Numbers
"I can't find your phone number, can you please give it to me so I can call you back?"
--Customer who CALLED the call center
On Schedules and How To Keep Them.
"To get back into my 'mowing-the-yard-on-Saturday' schedule, what I'm going to do is mow on Saturday."
--Stephen Pratt