2005 Talisman Tournament

Invitation

OUR STORY SO FAR…

“Rome has ruled too long,” the gruff voice spoke out of the darkness. “It is time for stronger kingdom’s to make themselves known.”

A tall €gure stepped forward, allowing himself to be seen by the moon’s glow. “Truth you speak, cavern-dweller, but of how you plan to make this happen, without our own people tearing at each other €rst, remains the greater key to this puzzle.”

“You elves and your backward tongues, I swear I could understand an injured boar before one of your kind. But I am not here to pick arguments. The TRUTH is that our kingdoms remain unnoticed because of our petty bickering.” The dwarf glanced down the side of the mountain to see what he could in the blue glow. “If we can only make our kind known, either or both, we could put an end to this tasteless human rule. The glory of Rome--HA! We’ll see how glorious they are when the dwarven and elven houses have had their way with them.”

“But as you said, it is the trick in convincing the folk of our kinds €rst. If the Vampiric lords could not keep Rome at bay I see not how we stand a chance whilst battling both each other,” the elven lord said, looking down his nose at his shorter companion.

“Aye, that is the trick. You and I are the €rst of our kind. The peacemakers. Together we have to make our people see the importance of strength in numbers. Rumors say the great Lord on the mountain is aged in years. Just like a human to live such a short time with such great power at his €ngertips, and when he dies, one of our kind should be there to claim the Crown of Command! Mark my words.”

And so it was that the house of the dwarves and elves began a rise to take power of the land. A proclamation went out to all lands to wrest control of the Crown of Command away from the aging ruler.
Eleven Adventurers responded to the call: the drow; a dwarf warrior; another dwarf known as the dragon slayer; a troll; the questing knight; a conjurer; a dragon rider; strangely enough, a leprechaun; a pirate; a paladin; and a classic knight.

Pictures Coming Soon!

TROLL

A great troll started out to bash things. He discovered a rabid wolf and approached it. “Hello puppy. Nice puppy. Stop biting me puppy.” The troll ran to a nearby cave to hide from the foaming puppy. Inside he found a few gold pieces. “Maybe I can find my riches here!” he said and he proceeded to spend many many days digging through the cave. “The doggies might be outside,” he would tell himself when wondering why he hadn’t left the cave yet. As he searched he found an abandoned nag and a broken sword. “I’se rich beyond me greatest dreams!” He happened upon a system of hidden caverns and with his nag and sword handle in tow he found himself at the Valley of Fire. “OUCH! Where’s the safety of my caves?” he cried. “I’ll make my way over to that sunny land over there,” he thought to himself as he traveled into the desert and died of thirst. On his carcass the following note was found scribbled: I’SE BLAMES IT ON THE PUPPY.

LEPRECHAUN

From a far distant land came the Leprechaun. He happened upon a princess with a golden statue. Instantly the two fell in love, though many were curious as to whether the leprechaun was in love with the princess or the golden statue. But love is harsh because soon the statue was taken by a group of raiders to the lands of sand. Angered by this theft the little faerie conjured up a magic mace. “Let’s see those raiders laugh at my size now!” Venturing forth, the leprechaun and his lady entered the foreboding forest. “I’m hungry,” said the princess. “No problem, let’s find a group of villagers and I can get them to feed us.” So they found a small village and the Leprechaun began to tell them the recipe to stone soup. “We’ve heard that one,” said a rather put out villager. And with that they mobbed the leprechaun. Lying dying in the dirt, he looked up to see a pack of wolves approaching. “Oh, why don’t you go find a Troll to gnaw on?” he screamed as they gobbled him down.

CONJURER

The conjurer and the dragon rider started together, having come from the same town. “If you attack me, I’ll pull a rabbit out of my hat!” the conjurer threatened. Then as an encore to his wicked threat, he went to the village and put a warrant out for the dwarven warriors arrest. As the dwarf never planned to venture out of the forest or mountains, it seemed rather pointless to most of the adventurers but the conjurer just cackled his piercing laugh and proclaimed it was all part of his evil plan.

OSCAR THE DRAGON RIDER AND FELIX THE KNIGHT

The dragon rider, impervious to the conjurer’s threats, had started on the wrong foot. Finding himself slightly injured before the adventure had truly begun, he sought out the healer at the tavern. After the healer did a magnificent job patching him up, the rider was so overjoyed that he bought the house an ale, and another ale, and another, and… the next morning he woke up in the middle of the woods with a hang over so grand that he had to go in search of another healer. While wandering the woods he came upon a knight fighting a forest giant. “I will aid you sir knight!” “Thank you,” replied the knight, “With your help we can rid this land of this oversized oof.” And with those words of bravely the two warriors were promptly beaten and made fun of unmercilessly by the giant. When they regained consciousness, the two began to quarrel. “It’s all your fault!” they shouted at each other. With harsh words said, they began to battle, but as the day wore on, neither could strike a blow on the other. “We are so inept!” shouted the frustrated dragon rider. Wrestling around with each other they looked up to see a charging dwarf. “He looks angry,” said the dragon rider. “This isn’t good,” said the knight. “It’s all your fault,” said the dragon rider. And with that, the two were taken from the world.

A TALE OF TWO DWARVES… KIND OF

Out of the mountain lands rose two dwarves. The first was the dwarf warrior. Determined to make a stand for his people, he started his adventure by taking on the Dragon Prince! There was no pussy footing around this dwarf! After the battle, the dwarf decided to call upon the wisdom of the dwarven elders and sought them out in the mountain pass.

The second dwarf, known as the slayer, left his cottage and promptly stubbed his toe. “I hurt myself!” he cried.

After some time he came to the Valley of Lost Honor where many dwarves and elves were slaughtered. He paused for reflection and left feeling a little wiser for the journey. Among the ruins he discovered a dwarven statue. “This will make a great gift for the dwarven counsel,” he marveled. Finding his people, the elders told him to leave the mountains and rid the land of the humans. “Their pesky type have been ruling this land for long enough,” they implored him. “Make sure another one doesn’t take the throne.” “Fair enough,” he replied and he ventured toward the broad expanse of the forest. He happened upon a pair of armoured humans arguing with each other. “That was easy,” he said as he drew his axe…
When he had drawn his axe out of the two human bodies he turned to see another dwarf challenging him. “I was going to claim the humans for the counsel. I’ve had a bad day. I stubbed my toe and all this time I’ve just been wandering around waiting for something to happen worth telling around the camp fire. So prepare to battle, brother.” The battle was swift and the warrior sighed as he pulled his blade from the third dead body of the day. As he was cleaning his axe he heard someone applauding. “That was the best slaughter I’ve ever seen,” said a voice. Turning, dwarf saw a dog leaning against a tree clapping his hands. “Are you supposed to be talking,” asked the surprised dwarf. “What else do expect me to do? Fetch?” And so the talking dog and murdering dwarf became fast friends. “Let’s go claim a crown, fido!” said the dwarf. He had done as the elders bid him to do—he had ensured that two humans would not be claiming the crown. Everything was looking good; he had a new best friend, a trusty axe and he knew the people would soon be singing his praises. Then the tarantula ate him.

PIRATE

From over the seas sailed a pirate looking for more booty. He had a secret weapon, the exorcist blade that he had found on one of his many voyages. “With this, I can take out all the dragons, and build a reputation that will allow me to take over the world!” When he landed at the wharf, full of confidence, a passing patrol arrested him and imprisoned him in the city. “Well, that wasn’t what I planned,” he grumbled. Told he would be facing trial soon, the pirate decided he had enough of that idea and escaped from his cell. “How very Errol Flynn of me,” he said proudly. As he began to leave the city, a war broke out. “The city gates are closed,” announced a herald from the city walls. So the pirate snuck around the city streets looking for trouble when he was suddenly attacked by a water elemental. “I’m a pirate and I’m going to be killed by a puddle?” he shouted as it tried to drown him. With bruised pride he then went to the armourer and repaired a broken helmet he found in a back alley. “Now maybe I’ll blend in,” he thought as the newly donned helmet fell over his eyes. He wandered blindly until he got lost. “Can someone point me in the direction of the slave trade?” he shouted. A local citizen found him and helped take off his helmet. “Why don’t you stop your evil ways and come work for me?” the store owner asked. So the Pirate decided to settle down and get a job. After a few weeks he decided that being legit was boring and left the storekeeper to rob the bank. He is immediately captured by the local watch but he escaped by bribing the guard, leaving him penniless again. “Well that didn’t work!” he whined as he was suddenly attacked by the town Sheriff.

DRYAD

With all the activity in the forest, a Dryad was awakened. She tried to take out a few of the invaders to her land but she was still a bit too groggy and ended up blundering the spell and casting it on herself. She looked in front of her to see the giant alpha wolf she just conjured up. “Oh rats!” she spat as the wolf attacked. Suddenly, a red hooded girl came to the rescue. “Don’t worry, I’ve dealt with his kind before,” the girl said as she sent the wolf running. So the two set off together to the red hooded girl’s grandmother’s house. Along the way the stumbled upon a spider’s nest which unfortunately held the great and magnificent spider queen. She summoned a giant tarantula to her aid but the Dryad banished it to the desert. “It’s just you and me, witch!”

PALADIN

The king bade one of his most trusted warriors, the paladin to go and fight for him. “Claim the crown in my name,” commissioned the king. With that he awarded the paladin with an errand boy. “Couldn’t I have a sword instead,” questioned the paladin. Exiting the castle with his new follower, the Paladin bumped into a wizard on the streets. “Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going because I’m sort of put out with the king.” “You think YOU’RE grumpy?” shouted the wizard and he teleported the paladin to a nearby chasm, where the errand boy fell to his death. “Huh,” pondered the paladin, “the sword WOULD have been more useful.” So the Paladin returned to town to find some equipment. He stopped along the way at the Temple where he was yelled at by the local priest. Feeling down, and having a whopper of a headache from the teleportation, he went to the local alchemist who took several years off his life… literally. He sought help at the local temple. The priests responded kindly to the holy warrior by healing him. Feeling strong again he went back to the alchemist who enthusiastically took life from him, again. The temple healed him again. The alchemist took life, again. The priests began to question the intelligence level of their hero.

QUESTING KNIGHT

The questing knight was after dragons. In his heart he knew that he didn’t particularly want the crown of command, but he really wanted to go down in history as the man who rid the world of all the dragons. Full of purpose and self righteousness, he ventured out on his quest. In a bend in the road he came upon a group of revelers dining and drinking away the day. “Join us,” said their provider, a fat man who went by the name of Baccus. The knight didn’t know what to do. He wanted to join them but he had just started his quest. “Okay,” he told them. “You’re just full of resolve, aren’t you?” said Baccus laughing. “I can make use of a pliable man such as you.” So they roamed the land, spreading laughter and mirth where ever they went. They came upon a tavern and Baccus looked unto all the revelers and said “Come, let us go in and fight drunken farmers” and so lo the questing knight and all the people went into the tavern and did fight drunken farmers. After the row was over, the knight asked the bartender to serve up some of his special brew. After drinking it he discovered that his pockets were full of gold! “Strange brew you got there barkeep.”

SOLDIER

A local citizen of the city heard of the ill fate of a few of the adventurers and decided to finish his ale and join in on the quest. “Come with me, baby. Let’s ditch this crazy scene,” he bid the local tavern whench. So the two of them started off together. “War is over!” the people were running through the streets shouting. “Hey that was convenient as I just decided to get started,” thought the soldier. He then threw a coin into a well and made a wish. Suddenly he was completely outfitted for the adventure. “Dang, this really is my day. I’m sure to get the crown!” Suddenly, his luck went sour as he discovered that all his gold was gone, “it was like someone in far off place suddenly drank a mystical brew that sucked all the gold in the land to him.” So he went to the bank and got a loan for 5G. “I’m feeling like my calling in life is to remain in the city,” the soldier told his wench, “so I believe I will apply for the position of sheriff. Besides, the military doesn’t pay so well these days if I’m having to apply for loans.” The first commission he had in his newly acquired position was to take out a rather annoying Pirate who had been lurking in the city for some time.

BARBARIAN

One of the few humans living in the mountains heard the dwarven horns calling and decided to investigate. As he roamed through the plains he found a tavern and entered. There at the counter was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen… actually, she was the first woman he’d seen in a long time. “Will you marry me?” he queried from bent knee. She accepted but he had to convince her father, the surly farmer.

DROW

Meanwhile, a drow, one of the dark elves, returned to the forest to draw on whatever strength she could of her mother land. While in a clearing, a fairy godmother came to her asking her to win the heart of the local prince. “By doing so, you can secure the safety of the forest people no matter who becomes the eventual ruler.” After this she came upon a talking pig, and then a talking donkey joined her. Not to be outdone, a talking cat and a talking rooster decided to join the fun as well. “SHOO!” cried the Drow, “leave me alone! Get off me! And would you all just shut up? Wait, did you hear that?” she stopped and for the first time her talking menagerie also stopped and listened. It was a dragon coming through the forest. “Quick, jump on my back” shouted the donkey. “Use the lance strapped under my saddle.” “You have a lance hidden in your saddle?” queeried the drow. “Just shut up and get ready,” scolded the donkey. “Why do I feel like Don Quiote?” she asked as they galloped toward the dragon.

PILGRIM

The Temple, seeing the strange wisdom possessed by the Paladin decided to call up another warrior at this time and discovered a humble gentleman to take on their mantle of hero. “We present to you a follower to help you in your quest,” they said to the pilgrim. “He’s a goblin,” said the surprised pilgrim. “Yes, but he was sent with high recommendations,” they assured him, looking at one another nervously. “He’s foaming at the mouth!” “Details,” they replied as they walked away. “Okay goblin,” lectured the pilgrim, “You must prove your worthiness of me. Attack that Dragon Prince over there.” The goblin took off at a trot, gargling and snarling the whole way, until half way to the dragon he got too excited and wrapped the chain of his flail around his own neck and died. “I thought as much,” said the pilgrim, picking up his pack and starting off on his journey. Along the road he found a group of bandits who asked him to give up his good ways and join the agnostics. “After the wisdom displayed by the Temple priests, you don’t have to work hard to convince me.” God, not so thrilled with the way His people were acting, saw the Pilgrim’s conversion as the last straw and threw out a gigantic thunder storm.

The Pilgrim died on the spot and to this day holds the record for the shortest pilgrimage of all time. You can catch his full tale in the soon to be released “Canterbury Tales: The Pilgrims Strike Back” from Talisman House Printing.

The Dwarven Warrior had at this time just hacked his way out of the gullet of the tarantula, stood up, wielded his axe which attracted the lighting and killed him.

The Oracle, who’s story was so insignificant that this is the only sentence she receives in this tale, was also killed by the storm.

LIFE GOES ON

The Soldier, curious as to all the racket caused by electrocution throughout the countryside, left the city to investigate. The bank wizard, thinking the Sheriff was leaving without paying on his loan turned him into a Toad. The Barbarian, still looking for a ring for his fiancé and enough of a treasure to convince the farmer to give the barbarian his daughter’s hand, found a small toad sitting amidst a great deal of armor and weaponry. “Wow, this is my lucky day!” Shortly afterwards he was captured by dragon cultists and chained to a stone altar. “Or maybe not.” Suddenly he found himself transported to a great arena. Standing in front of him was the conjurer who apparently hadn’t given up on his tricksy ways. “How ya doin?” sneered the conjurer. “You do realize that I’m very strong, right?” clarified the barbarian. “Hey, I figured it was worth the try said the conjurer, who promptly lost so badly that the crowd immediately asked for his imprisonment and made the barbarian the new Roman champion.

The Dryad, having last been seen triumphant from battling the Spider Queen, was back on the path to grandmother’s house when he happened upon a crispy dwarf. “Ooo! Free stuff!” squealed the red hooded girl.

The Paladin had meanwhile given up on the alchemist helping him find the super potion of his dreams and found a dungeon doorway. “Perhaps there were more potions down here,” he thought out loud, “BUT I’M NOT ADDICTED! I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!” he said loudly in case someone was listening to him.

The Pirate in all the commotion of the storm and the Sheriff’s transformation, took the opportunity to high tail it out of the city. “None shall pass!” came a voice ahead of him on the trail. He turned the bend and saw a large intimidating man in black armor. “Listen matey,” said the Pirate, taking the time to catch his breath and rub the ache in his side. “I’m just getting away from those pesky law abiding city men. Looking at the color of your armor, I’m assuming you’re not a goody two shoe likes them landlubbers so…” The Black Knight cleaved him in two. The drow emerged from the forest to find the pirate’s carcass and found a belt of strength amongst his possessions. She grabbed it and a Talisman that the Pirate didn’t know he had, and dodged out of the way of the black knight. Heading for the Portal of Power, the talking donkey was curious as to why they were heading to the center. “Life is not worth living unless you take some chances,” replied the Drow.

The Barbarian, now empowered by the citizens of Rome entered into the Portal behind the Drow but could see that he would not be able to catch her. Knowing that the only way to win his love’s hand in marriage he’d have to prove himself ruler of the land, he took a short cut toward an old hermit’s house that was set up outside an old Crypt. The Hermit hearing the sad tale of love not quite yet won, gave the Barbarian a Talisman, but it was obvious that he would not make it in time. Screaming out to the people of the land he knew that without a victory he would lose the farmer’s daughter and would die of a broken heart. “Would anyone like to join me in ritual suicide in protest to the Drow’s win?” he yelled.

But there was still a chance that the Drow would find something horrible awaiting her. Something terrible like a bottomless pit or a giant crafty demon. She opened the door to the tower and found…

A sleeping dragon which she immediately dispatched, claiming the throne.

…the dryad finally made it to grandmother’s house and couldn’t bear to leave the little girl and her family. Using all the dwarf’s discarded stuff they started up “Granny’s Forest Pawn Shop and Emporium” which makes a tidy profit to this day.

…the conjurer was forced to fight in the coliseum for his practical jokes. After three unsuccessful attempts the people decided they’d used him for their amusement for long enough. He was offered an honorary citizenship to Rome but he turned it down. He was last seen heading toward Mount Olympus where it is theorized that he pulled a joke on the wrong god.

…the Paladin finally found his potion. No one knows for sure what happened but near the entrance to an abandoned dungeon someone reported finding an empty flask alongside an empty suit of armour.

…the questing knight became so obsessed with the mystic brew that he became an alcoholic. You can find him camped out next to the fire place in Black’s Tavern ready to tell you all sorts of made up tales about his life when he was an adventurer—if you buy him a mystic brew.

…the soldier was humiliated when he became human again, seeing as all his objects and clothes had been stolen while he was a toad. He married the wench and they rented a lovely two bedroom house overlooking the wishing well. He’s now the minister of finance in Talisman city.

…the barbarian didn’t actually die of a broken heart. He went back to the tavern and, after tripping over the questing knight who was passed out on the floor, spilled his emotions proclaiming his love for the farmer’s daughter. The farmer finally gave in if the barbarian would spend his days pulling the farmers plow. The barbarian and the farmer’s daughter now have 3 kids and a dog and live with her parents.

The dwarven elders congratulated the elven elders for the victory of putting one of their own on the throne. Ultimately, the dwarves didn’t mind too bad that an elf would rule… just as long as it wasn’t going to be one of those pesky humans.