by Warboss Gnarkbag
WARBOSS GNARKBAG AND DA MASSIVE
ORCY WAAAAGGGHH
EPISODE VI(?)
"Stunties iz Fun!"
Herrik Ironeye frowned as he heard the report from his
lieutenant.
"The Greenskins have moved out of the pass and into the
valley. The engineers clashed with them three times in the hills,
but were overwhelmed by the sheer
nuber of Orcs!"
"What about the Organ Gun?" asked Herrik.
"Destroyed in the first engagement by their primitive
stone-thrower. They treat that thing like some sort of holy
relic."
"And the Gyrocopter? Did that escape?"
"Shot down by goblins sir"
"What about Barrak's Slayers?"
"Chased a unit of goblins into the mountains and not heard
from since!"
"Harrumph. Well, Tormas always did put too much faith in
those contraptions. Looks like we'll have to face these
Greenskins toe to toe like in the old days.
Ready the troops! We've got a grudge the size of Karak Eight
Peaks to settle today!!"
"Very good, sir!"
"Just one thing," said Herrick, the frown returning to
his face. "Tell me again how many of those dammned orcs
there are?"...
A NEW GRUDGE!
My orcs have been kicking around the Stunties for weeks now at
the shop. Well, tonight a new player threw down against Waaagghh
Gnarkbag in an attempt to
salvage the Dwarfs wounded Honor. This fellow was undefeated so
far in the in-store campaign, so I was understandably nervous
going in.
THE FORCES:
Waaaggghh Gnarkbag was out in (almost) full force. Campaign
battles are 1500 points, but each player is allowed a Lord choice
for General. Because I
currently hold a Mountian Pass, the Orcs have a 75 point
advantage over the Dwarfs:
Warboss Gnarkbag w/ Lt. Armor, Shield, Fumpa's Club uv Fumpin',
(146) and
BSB Umrot w/ Lt. Armor & Gork's Waaaagghh Banner, (122)
leading
Da Boss Mob - 34 Big Un's w/ Lt. Armor/Choppa w/ Musician. (243)
Spike's Ladz - 36 Orc Boyz w/ lt. arm, Choppa, full command (208)
Craknek's Black Bruzerz - 20 Black Orcs w/ hvy armor, Great
Weapons, Banner of Butchery, full command (298)
Dedeye's Ladz - 15 Arrer Boyz w/ Standard (115)
Snikka's Wulfboyz - 16 Wolf riders w/ Lt. Armor, sheild, spear,
full command (238)
Stonky's Ladz - 30 Night Goblins w/ Hand Weapon & Shield,
Standard, 2 Netters (71)
Slappy's Stikkaz - 20 Night Goblins w/ short bows, 2 netters.
(64)
Da Hand of Gork! - Rock Lobba (70)
Great iz Gork!!
The Stunty force was rather conservative - but what else would
you expect from Dwarfs? Don't remember exactly what my opponent
took, but here's the meat of
it:
Herrik's Bodyguard - Dwarf Lord leading 19 Iron-Breakers w/
standard & Musician
Thor's Tunnel Gang - 20 Miners w/ Full Command
Bugman's auxiliaries - 12 Rangers w/ full command
The Dragoons - 12 thunderers
The Marksmen - 12 dwarfs w/ xbows.
The Artillery - 2 Dwarf Cannons
DEPLOYMENT:
The field was 4' x 4', with the Dwarfs deploying in the West and
the Orcs in the East. In the dwarfs deployment zone is a long
Hill on the North Side of the
field. The Orcs also have a smaller hill in their zone to the
south. In the Middle of the field near the southern edge is a
single pine tree. On the Northern side
near the Orc's zone is a medium-sized wood.
The Dwarfs put One Cannon and the Marksmen on the Hill. The
Thunderers line up along the base of the hill. In the Center of
their Zone near the hill are the
Iron Breakers, with the Rangers stretched out in a long line to
the south of them. The Other Cannon is off in the North-east
corner, partially screened by the
woods, but still with a large field of fire. The miners are in
reserve... where will they appear? Hmmm....
The Orcy deployment is as usual something of a mess, with a lot
of models fighting for space along a rather small frontage. There
are two waves of Troops. In
the First wave are Spike's Ladz, off towards the woods, Snikka's
Boys, screened by the woods and preparing to move up into them,
the Stikkaz in the center and
the Arrer Boyz on the South flank. Behind them is Craknek in the
Center, flanked by Gnarkbag's Unit and Stonky's Ladz. The Hand of
Gork takes the High
Ground, the gobbos cackling as they cranked the windlass.
The battle will be 6 turns long, and the Dwarfs win the first
turn. Herrik nervously fingers his axe and signals the cannon to
fire...
DA BATTLE
DWARFS TURN 1:
Herrik bellows out "Open Fire!! Mow the heathens
down!!!" and his troops do their best. Because everyone is
sitting so far back in the deployment zone,
however, only the Cannon and the Rangers can reach the Orcs. One
Cannon places a well-aimed shot that could threaten two or three
units, but the shot sticks
harmlessly in the mud right in front of the Stikka's. The other
one manages to take a few goblin heads, but they were unpopular
grots and are not missed. The
rangers shooting is spotty, and they seem to be too far away to
wound at the moment.
ORCS TURN 1:
"KRUMP Da Stunty Bast'ads!!" shouts Gnarkbag, and the
Line surges forward. Spike's Boyz start to squabble a bit, but a
dark look from Craknek gets them
back in line. While the stikkaz sweep North towards the Cannons,
Dedeye's ladz do their best to get out of Gnarkbag's way and move
towards the Ranger's
flank. Snikka's wolfboyz surge madly towards the woods in an
effort to get through them and to the juicy cannon crew on the
other side.
"Lob da Stone!" shouts Gnarkbag, and the Hand of Gork
is released in the direction of the Stunty hill emplacement. It
misses hitting the cannon directly, but
doesn't deviate by much, and the crashing stone sends two of the
crew to meet their ancestors. Great is Gork!!
DWARF GITS TURN 2:
The sound of metal implements moving stone and earth erupts from
the ground and the Miners Burst into view! They have elected to
Head off Snikka and hold
the Flank from his Lightning attack. They interpose their mighty
bulk in front of his Wolves and bring the ladz up short.
Meanwhile, another round of shooting from the dwarfs is slightly
more effective. Slappy's Stikkaz are whittled down significantly,
but these grotz have icewater
in their veins and murder in their eyes - they're not panicking
for anything!! A couple of Orcs fall to the cannon, but the Crew
seem to be having problems with
their shots going wide. One ball actually hits the Lobba, but
only manages a dent! Bloody Cheek!
HEROIC YET BRUTAL ORCS TURN 2:
"GERROUT DA WAY!!!" shouts Gnarkbag "KEEP MOVIN'
YA GITS!! and the Line surges forward again. Snikka has had way
too much success recently
to break stride for a bunch of mud-covered stunties, so he orders
his mob to charge in with their spears. As the Arrer units
continue to sweep sidewayz, the Orcy
Units squeeze side by side into the gap together. Spike is having
a hard time navigating around the woods and even now it looks
like he may not get to the fight
in time.
The Lobba chucks another rock at the hill and this time it lands
square on the cannon. Although it merely dents the well-forged
Dwarf machine, the stone
unfortunately ricochets right into the head of the final
remaining crewman, putting him down. GREAT IS GORK!!
The Arrer boyz and the Stikkaz finally start shooting, and boy
are they terrible! A Ranger goes down.
Meanwhile Snikka and his Ladz crash into the startled miners. The
Miners are a bit too skilled with those pickaxes, however, and
the combat is a draw.
STINKIN' UGLY STUNTIES TURN 3:
"For Grungi's Sake, keep Shooting!!!" shouts Herrik
"There's so dammned MANY of them!" The Miners continue
to Struggle with Snikka and his wolves,
while the remaining Dwarfs stand and shoot for all their worth. A
few orcs and several Goblins fall, but everyone knows what
happens to deserters in this army:
todays deserters are tomorrows dessert! No one panics from the
onslaught.
The Miners however, gain the upper hand and Snikka is forced to
make a, uh... temporary withdrawl. Fortunately wolves are a lot
faster than dwarfs.
MASSIVE GODS OF WAAAAGGGHH TURN 3:
"KEEP IT MOVIN', YA SODS!! ALMOST THERE!!" shouts
Gnarkbag. The Stikka's are suddenly overcome with the
Waaaagghh-ness of it all and charge
forward, shoutin' "We'll Show 'Em, Boyz!" While
Stonky's Ladsz run towards the Thunderers. Spike has gotten Mired
in the Backfield, but the Arrer Ladz have
achieved the Ranger's Flank, and Gnarkbag and Craknek are bearing
down on the main part of the line.
The Stikka's stop their advance long enough to shoot at the crew
of the remaining cannon, but only bring down one of the buggers.
Another Ranger goes down
from the Arrer Boyz.
The Hand of Gork cranks back yet again and plants a rock right in
the middle of the Thunderers. Two of them are smashed flat by the
incoming boulder. "Oi
boss, Look! Stunty Flapjacks!"
Snikka realizes that he's running from guys with REALLY short
legs and turns his lads around again.
SMELLY BEARDED SHORT GUYS TURN 4:
"There's too many of them!!" shouts the captain of the
Rangers. "Where are those Miners?!?"
Unfortunately, the miners are playing with the Wolf boys on the
other side of the board. The Dwarfs again unleash a barrage of
Missiles, but no matter how
many Orcs and goblins they bring down, there are just too many
and they can't cause a panic test to save their miserable stunty
lives. Great is Gork!
UNSTOPPABLE GREEN JUGGERNAUT TURN 4:
"GET READY LADZ!!! WAIT FER IT!!!" Gnarkbag and Craknek
are now just outside the Dwarfs' charge range and ready to move
in for the kill. Stonky's
Ladz march practically into the teeth of the thunderers while the
Stikkas continue their misguided rush towards a cannon
emplacement.
Snikka, however, is impatient for the fight, and he once again
leads his lads in a charge on the miners. The combat is feirce
again, but once again he only
manages a draw.
The Lobba smacks the thunderers yet again! Another stunty goes to
meet Grungi with his helmet pounded down over his eyes.
Another Ranger falls to the Arrer Boyz, but the Stikkaz are
running out of lads and can't kill the cannon crew.
BLOODY-MINDED SHORT-LEGGED SOTS TURN 5:
Things are starting to look bad. The Grim Dwarves stand their
ground with typical stoicism while they load their weapons once
more. This time the Stikkaz are
reduced to just Slappy and his banna-wavin' mate. The pair decide
that they've just had about enough missile fire and decide that
hiding behind Spike's lads
might be a better way to spend the rest of the battle after all.
They high-tail it out of there are do not return.
The cheeky cannon crew decide they've had enough of the Hand of
Gork and take aim at the mighty Lobba of Doom. Sadly, a well
placed shot knocks it over,
and the grotz will not be able to get her in working order again
'til after the fight.
The Miners once again manage to see off Snikka and his boys, this
time for good. Their joy is short-lived when they realize how far
they are from the rest of the
fight, however.
MEAN GREEN KRUMPIN' MACHINES TURN 5:
"CHEEARRRGE!!" shouts Gnarkbag. Unfortunately, things
aren't as well-coordinated as he would like. The Arrer-boys try
to get into the Ranger's Flank, but
fall just shy. Gnarkbag and his boys rush the Rangers front, and
shrug off an inconsequential stand-and-shoot. Craknek realizes
that he is not quite close
enough to reach the Iron Breakers, so he moves right up into
Gnarkbag's flank, guarding against a counter-charge. Stonky's
Lads fall a half-inch short of the
Thunderers, and sadly are left out of the fun.
Gnarkbag and his lads, however, make up for all of them. Gnarkbag
wades in and challenges the Ranger Champion, who wisely decides
to hide at the back of
the unit. With irresistable might his lads roll right over the
Rangers, turning them into hamburger. The Rangers flee and the
Orcs turn towards the Ironbreaker's
flank as they run them down.
POOR DOOMED BUGGERS TURN 6:
Herrik knows he's allowed himself to be trapped. With Dogged
Determination he charges Craknek's ladz - hoping to push through
them and get away from the
Rampaging mountain of Orcflesh on his Flank. Meanwhile the
Marksmen and the Thunderers open up on Stonky's lads, stranded in
front of the guns. The unit
is cut down considerably, and the gobbos decide that Slappy has
the right idea. They run Behind Spike's Lads, who are
unfortunately too far away to do much
other than duck a final cannonball.
Herrik and his Iron-Breakers crash into the Black Orcs, but these
ladz are tougher than mere Iron! The Dwarfs win the combat, but
the margin is too small.
Craknek sees Gnarkbag wheeling around and his boys hold fast.
Herrik's face sets hard as stone as he realizes how bad things
are. His ladz start to sing an old
drinking hymn as they clash with the Greeskins.
MURDEROUSLY STRONG YET LOVEABLE GREENSKINS TURN 6:
"CHEEEAARRGEE!!!" shouts Gnarkbag as he personally
becomes the Hammer to Craknek's Anvil. The Iron-breakers are
broken themselves and run down
into the dirt as they are caught in a vise of pure carnage.
With half the Dwarfs dead or dying, and the majority of the Orcs
still going strong, it becomes clear that the Waaaaggghh has
carried the day. The tally of the
points confirms it: a solid victory for the Orcs!
EPILOGUE:
Well, if there's one thing I've learned from this battle, it's
never bring arrer-boyz to fight dwarves! While they weren't
completely useless, they did seem to get in
the way more than they helped. Meanwhile Waaaagghhh Gnarkbag
rolls on - I know I'll face this Stunty bloke again soon, but it
won't be so easy next time!
GREAT IS GORK!! WAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!
Gnarky