by Warboss Gnarkbag
WARLORD GNARKBAG AND DA MASSIV
WAAAGGGGHH!
EPISODE II
WEEDYGITS
From a recent interview with Warboss Bork of the Cleaver Mob:
...So, Itz a tippical sunday mornin'. I'm sittin' 'ome -
threatnin' da snots - wen dis Boar charrerot pulls up. An a
couple a big ladz gets out, an dey tellz me dat Gnarkbag wants ta
'ave a chat. So dey
chains me to da back 'a da rig, and takes me fer a scrape 'round
ta Gnarkbag'z.
Wen we getz dere, I see Gnarkbag - in da conversation pit - wit
'iz shaman Rumshag, 'Ol Bill Shakes-Spear - da well-known bard,
an a couple 'a witch-elves, an an 'oomie dey called Van
'Orstmenn who jus sat dere bitin' da 'eads off whippits. So
Gnarkbag cums up ta me an 'e sayz "Yoo've benn a naughty
boy, Clement", an 'e slits me nostrils open, an 'e breaks me
kneecap, an 'e
pulls me liver out. Den I say "My name'z not Clement."
an dat's wen 'e loozes 'is temper. Den 'e nailed my 'ead to da
floor.
So I break a bunch of 'is fingas, an I stabbed 'im in da
privates, an I pull one a da 'orns off 'is 'elmet an poke 'im in
da face wid it. Den 'e shoutz "Gork!" 'an I shoutz
"Mork!" an I sayz "Tastes
Great!" an 'e sayz "Less Fillin'" an da necks ting
I know we got all our ladz lined up outside and ready ta bash
each udder inta da ground.
So, yeahr, it waz a pretty tippical sunday mornin'...
DA FIGHT
This is a pitched battle played on a 4' x 4' table. Gnarkbag's
Boyz (mostly Orcs) set up on the south side and Bork's Boyz
(mostly Weedy Gobbos) set up on the North Side. Five turns. Both
side
are pretty much ready to just charge in and beat the hell out of
each other.
WAAAAGGGHHH GNARKBAG
My thus far typical Orc Infantry army:
Orc Warboss Gnarkbag with Armor of Fortune, Sheild, and Flail of
Skulls; BSB Umrot with Lt Armor & Sowrd of Bork; 18 Big 'Uns
with Shld, Lt Armor, & Spears, Standard, Musician
Orc Big Boss Sharkfang with Bone Blade leading 15 Orc Boyz w/
extra hand weapons, Standard & Musician
Orc Boss Spike w/ extra hand weapon leading 15 Orc Boyz w/ extra
hand weapons
3 Stone Trolls
2 units of 6 Arrer Boyz
Small Rock Lobba
Goblin Big Boss Snikker on Wolf with Spear & Sheild leading
13 Wolf Boyz with Spear & Sheild, standard & musician
Rumshag, lvl 2 Orc Shaman w/ rod of power
WAAAAGGHHH BORK
Orc Warlord Bork leading 18 Orc Boyz with lt armor & sheild,
Standard & Musician & lvl 3 Orc Shaman
2 Units with Gobbo Boss leading 19 Night Goblins with bows &
3 fanatics, standard, musician
1 Unit with Gobbo Boss leading 19 Night Goblins with bows & 2
fanatics, standard, Musician
2 Snotling Pump Wagons
2 Small Rock Lobbas
1 Unit with Gobbo Boss leading 19 Gobbos with spears, sheilds, lt
armor
7 or 8 Squig Hopperz
DEPLOYMENT
Gnarkbag's deployment Zone had a hill on the east and a wood on
the west. One unit of Arrer Boyz goes into the woods, and the
other onto the hill. The Lobber goes on top of the hill.
Gnarkbags
command unit goes in the middle with the Trolls and then the
wolfriders on the east side and Spikes ladz and then Sharkfang's
ladz on the west side.
Bork deploys his command unit near the center flanked by the pump
wagons, and then 2 units of Gobbos on either side. The two Rock
Lobbas deploy on either flank in the back and the Hoppers
make a loose screen in front.
Gnarkbag wins turn one.
DA BATTLE:
TURN 1 ORCS (Gnarkbag)
With a mighty "WAAAAGGGHHH" the Orcy Line surges
forward as fast as it can except for the arrer boys. The Wolf
Boyz run round to the far flank and the trolls move up to
Threaten Bork's
command unit's Flank.
Da Arrer boys are too far away to hit anything yet. The lobba
drops a rock on Bork's unit but only does one or two casualties.
Rumshag casts "Ere We Go" on Gnarkbag's unit.
GOBBOS TURN 1(Bork)
The Gobbo Units All Rush forward and Bork Advances slowly up the
middle. Fanatics pop out all over the eastern flank, two hitting
the trolls, two stalling in front, and one hitting Snikker's Wolf
Boys.
The Squigs hop around quite a bit, and do spotty casualties.
Them pump wagons lumber forward a bit but one can't get up much
steam and the other slams into one of the Squig hoppers and comes
to a halt as it chews up the squishy morsel. The snotling
cheer, failing to notice that they've just krumped one of their
own.
The Rock Lobber's let fly and just barely miss Gnarkbag's Boys.
Goblin archery brings down a single orc.
The Trolls take heavy damage, but they manage to literally pull
themselves back together and only suffer one wound in total.
The Wolfboyz get off with only two casualties and (surprisingly)
hold firm.
The Shaman casts "Mork Wants Ya" on Rumshag, and he is
lifted on high to commune with da godz. Rumshag sings the praises
of Gork and Mork as he is lifted out of the battle.
ORCS TURN 2
"CHAAARRGE DA WEEDYGITZ!" shouts Gnarkbag. The Wolfboyz
slam into one of the night gobbo units and the Trolls charge
Bork's boys in the flank. Sharkfang's boyz and the Arrer Boys in
the woods start squabbling amongst themselves and they west flank
stalls a bit. Spikes Boys move up a bit.
Da Rock Lobba destroys itself in a catastrophic misfire, sending
crewmembers flying through the air, but the Arrer boys on the
hill manage to bring down one the fanatics.
The Wolf Boys hit the Night Goblins hard in a frontal charge and
break them (but its a close fight!). They run down the Gobbos and
their follow-up takes them ALMOST into one of the other rock
lobbas.
The Trolls inflict quite a few casualties but cannot Break Bork's
Boyz, which is too bad because there's a pump wagon bearing down
on their flank. Oh dear.
Bork's Shaman is on the front lines and he realizes that now that
it's time to take his Waaaggghh test he is surrounded by MANY
MANY units of Orcs and Gobbos on BOTH sides, some in combat.
(a situation he wasn't quite prepared for) He tries to control
the Waaagghhh in his addled brain but he 'eadbangz spectacularly,
taking one of Bork's Ladz with him. "Mork Wants Ya"
goes out of
play, and Rumshag falls to earth, shouting "Wot a
Rush!".
GOBBOS TURN 2
More Gobbo Units on the West flank move up and three more
fanatics pop out! (Gnakrbag is reported as saying Z@$%#ING D%#M
#?$*! BLOODY S@*#S!) One of the Pump Wagons rolls into
the Troll's flank. The other one hits a suig hopper. (again?) Two
of the fanatics on the east side slam into each other and a third
spins himself into the ground, while another one flies off
towards the
table edge. THe Hoppers do a few more casualties along the line,
including one hopper landing on another and squashing him flat!
Two of the fanatics on the west hit Spikes Ladz! One of the Night
Goblin units turns around to try to get a bead on Snikkers boyz
The Two Rock lobbers let loose again and this time one of them
hits Gnarkbags unit, but casualties are light. Goblin archery is
ineffective.
The Pump wagon hits the Trolls and the meat-grinder on the front
sends bits of troll flesh and bone flying every which way. There
is literally not enough gore left to make up a single troll when
the
dust settles. The line holds firm despite a few faces turning
greener than normal.
Their shaman is a bubbling puddle of goo, and so the Gobbos have
no more magic.
ORCS TURN 3
CHARGE!!! Gnarkbag's lads slam into Borks Boyz and the Two
Warlords challenge each other. Both Spike and Sharkfang have
Animosity problems this turn and are too busy cracking heads to
do
anything. The Wolfboyz Charge one of the enemy rock Lobbas.
Orcy archery brings down a couple of Squig Hoppers and a Fanatic.
Believe it or don't!
Gnarkbag swings the Flail of Skulls but Bork is made of pretty
stern stuff and won't lie down. The other lads are somewhat
effective, and though Bork looses the combat his unit stands
tough.
The Wolfboys slaughter the Rock Lobber Crew and realize they are
stranded with their back to a mob of Night Goblins with bows.
eep!
Rumshag once more casts "Ere We Go" on Gnarkbag's unit.
GOBBOS TURN 3
POW! One of the Pumpwagons hits Gnarkbags Boys in the flank!
Ouch!
The Other has to move into a better position to avoid hitting
their own lads. Fanatics and Hoppers score a few more hits, but
the fanatics are pretty much out of the fight now.
The remaining Lobber's shot goes wide, but the Goblins Bring down
another Orc or two. One of the Night Goblin units panicks the
Wolfboys with missile casualties. The Wolf Boys will not rally
again.
Despite a close fight, the pumpwagon's attack is too devastating
and Gnarkbags boys are forced to... ahem... withdraw temporarily.
Spikes Ladz decide to join them in their strategic march to the
rear. Bork's Boys pursue but can't catch them.
ORCS TURN 4
GnarkBag and Spike both Rally their lads. Sharkfang Turns to Get
a bead on Bork's Flank.
Orcy Archery brings down the crew of one of the pump wagons,
sending it out of the fight. Another fanatic falls.
Rumshag again casts "ere we go" on Gnarkbag's Unit.
GOBBOS TURN 4
There is a confusion of compulsory movement as the fanatics crash
into the hill, run back through gobbo units, and generally become
annoying. The remaining Hoppers get in each others' way and
one of them gets in the way of the remaining Pump Wagon. In the
confusion Bork forgets to charge Ganrkbag again and finds himself
exposed.
The Gobbo Archers continue to pick off Wolfboys as they run.
ORC TURN 5
CHARGE!! Gnarkbag once again charges the remnants of his unit
into the last rag tag orcs of Bork's Boyz. Sharkfang adds insult
to injury by charging the flank. Spikes Ladz Charge two of the
remaining Hoppers.
Gnarkbag finally remembers how to use his flail and he lays out
Bork once and for all. The remaining Gobbo Units immediately
panic and flee. The Weedygit army is broken, never to recover!
Hail
to the TRUE WAAAAAGGGHHH, BABY! GORK! GORK! GORK!
...So den after da scrap, Gnarkbag comez up ta me, and he kicks
me in da 'ead, an says "Dat'll teach youz ta misbe'ave,
Clement!" an I sayz "My name's not Clement", and
den 'e loozez 'is temper,
an 'e nails my 'ead to da floor again. Den 'e screwed my pelvis
to a cakestand.
So, yeahr... tippical sunday...