Analytical Writing for Science and Technology
Copyright © 1996 by T. M. Georges.
Lesson 11
Pin Things Down with Concrete Nouns |
In this Lesson:
- What's an abstract noun?
- Use terms your reader can picture
- Eliminate vagueness and costly ambiguity
- If you must generalize...
In this lesson, you'll learn how to substitute specific and concrete ideas for vague, abstract ones. When you do so, you'll eliminate one of the most common sources of fog in business and technical writing. The more specific and concrete your words, the more informative your writing will be.
These suffixes "kill" verbs and adjectives by turning them into nouns.
Write the verbs that are the roots of these commonly used abstract nouns:
Whenever you see a word with one of these suffixes, see if you can rewrite the sentence to use the verb root instead.
Notice all the abstract nouns in the passage above. (If you have trouble, look for words ending in the suffixes in the table at the beginning of the lesson.) Virtually all of the information in this abstract is buried in its abstract nouns. Although you can figure out what it is trying to say if you read it carefully, the stilted tone that results from all those abstractions hinders understanding rather than making it easier.
What if the abstract were rewritten this way?
| Recent increases of urban pollutant haze in the Arctic Basin could modify the Arctic climate by absorbing more sunlight. The additional heating could make the ice melt faster in the spring. |
What do you think about this new version? Does it contain all the information the first one had? Does it sound somehow "less professional"? Is it easier to read? Is it clearer and more informative? Write your impressions as specifically as you can in the space below:
Now rewrite this passage, making up some concrete facts to substitute for all the abstractions in the passage.
Which version would you, as a reader, prefer, assuming that you wanted to be fully informed about this laboratory's activities?
Which one would you, as a writer, use if you wanted to confuse your reader and keep the laboratory's work secret?
Abstractions often show up when you want to make some kind of generalization. If you must
make a general statement, there are two ways you can help make it more informative:
2. Sharpen its focus with representative examples and concrete illustrations.
Look at these "before and after" examples and learn how to replace generalizations with concrete
specifics. Mark the abstract nouns in the "General" examples with your green highlighter.
Underline the concrete nouns in the "More specific" examples:
General:
New circuit-testing methods are much faster than the old procedures, but they often overlook
faulty components.
More Specific:
The computer-controlled circuit tester checks out our memory boards ten times faster than
technicians could, but it passed twenty percent more faulty regulators last month.
General:
Pesticides increase crop yields, but often cause damage to the environment and sickness in
people.
More Specific:
Since 1975, when malathion was introduced in India, 65 percent more corn was produced, but
birth defects increased fourfold.
General:
With reference to your request for information about our new product line, we are happy to send
you our new catalog, in which prices have been substantially reduced. We would appreciate your
business.
More Specific:
Thank you for asking about our new copiers. We think the Snazzo Model 820 will suit the
needs of an office your size. Our new catalog describes a special 20-percent discount on copiers
purchased during December. May we call you to demonstrate the 820 in your office?
Notice how often abstractions appear in the general statements above and how they contribute to
their vagueness.
For practice, notice in each of the following examples how:
1. Abstract subjects attract weak verbs.
2. Awkward phrases find their way into the sentence.
3. The real subject of the sentence has been relegated to a subordinate detail (usually the
object of a preposition).
4. The sentence structure becomes convoluted and loses its force.
In this exercise, mark all the abstract nouns in green. Then rewrite each sentence to remove all of the above
faults:
The situation with regard to the fish in the water cooler came up in the meeting.
The process of retyping manuscripts is disliked by most secretaries.
All responsibilities connected with the recruiting of new members rest with the club chairman.
The results of the experiment demonstrated the soundness of his
theory.
The condition of the reactor is such that extensive repairs are required.
The nature of the offense is such that capital punishment is mandatory.
The reason the missile was not launched was due to the fact that mice had eaten the cables.
Find a couple of paragraphs from your own writing, and mark all the abstract nouns with your
green highlighter, and underline the weak verbs and awkward constructions that accompany
them. Rewrite the passage, removing as many of the abstractions as you can, and amplify any
general statements with concrete examples. This space is for your rewrite:
Here is a table of some common abstractions that often show up in scientific and technical writing. Avoid them. Look
through it and check the ones that you use most frequently:
And here is a table of awkward phrases that creep into a lot of scientific and technical writing. Read
through the list and check the ones you recognize from your own writing:
Abstract nouns are never as informative as concrete, specific nouns. The more concrete facts
and specific examples you put into your writing, the fewer people will misinterpret it.
In the next lesson, you'll learn how to make your sentences more concise and more informative
by using active verbs.
IF YOU MUST GENERALIZE...
1. Remove as many abstract nouns as you can.
ability measure
activity method approach nature
case necessity character order
circumstance policy concept position
concern possibility condition practice
connection problem course procedure
degree question effect reason
effort reference employment relation
environment respect extent responsibility
instance result intent situation
interest substance manner use
dummy utilization
as regards in view of
associated with of the order of
as to on the basis of by means of on the part of
due to the fact that relative to
for the purpose of such that in connection with the fact that
in order to the nature of
in relation to the reason for in case of through the use of
in terms of to the extent that
in the course of with reference to in the form of with regard to
in the interests of with respect to
in the light of with a view to
LESSON SUMMARY AND WHERE WE GO FROM HERE
-- End of Lesson 11 --
