Happy 3rd Birthday!!
Happy Golden birthday Jenna!
Three years have gone by and it still seems like yesterday in so many ways. I still miss and think of you every single day.
The picture above is one I combined - you with your sisters - how wonderful it would have been to have the three of you together here on earth.
I have often wondered what your place in our family would have been had you lived. Maria is the drama queen, Emilia the ham - what would you have been? I always think to myself that you would be the peace keeper between these two strong willed little girls and in my heart I know that in so many ways you still are. I feel you with us so often and wonder if you are the one that Emilia so often talks to and giggles at.
Your death was not in vain my sweet girl. You touched so many lives and though their lives have gone on, you have not been forgotten. I have tried my best to keep my promise to you and to make a difference for other families that are faced with our situation. I am still on the NICU board at the hospital and am so glad to say that families that now go through losing their child have a much more aware and senstive staff to deal with. They aren't bound by so many restrictions and can come and go as they please, spending as much time as they need with their soon to be angels.
I am also going to work with the hospital to help the staff outside of the NICU to become more aware and to hopefully make some changes there as well. I try to be open with anyone that approaches me with a story or a friend who is faced with losing their child. Sometimes I don't feel I'm very good at comforting them - you would think I would know the perfect words to say having lived through such a loss but sometimes I just seem to freeze up, not knowing what to say.
I am still working on my other promise to you to be a more loving, patient mother to your sisters. That seems to be the most trying for me. I adore my girls, all 3 of you, but I was not naturally blessed with patience and have to remind myself of that very often. It is the hardest when I'm telling your big sister Maria something for the 10th time in a row! That's when I need you - I need your strength to help me through those moments.
My life was so blessed the day you were born. I only wish that I would have had more time to learn all about you. I think to myself so often, usually in the car when all is quiet, what you would be like, what our lives would be like if you had lived.
Being three years old is so much fun - you would be exploring all the wonderful things in God's world more on your own then ever before - you would be more aware of your independence - then I remind myself that no matter what beauty we see on this earth it can't compare to what you experience in heaven and that helps my heart be at peace.
Like I said, I miss and think of you every day. I love you baby!
Happy 3rd Birthday!
Mommy
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