Merry Christmas Jenna
our
Christmas Angel
You're spending your first Christmas in heaven, what a wonderful gift you've
been given. To be with Jesus on his birthday and hear the choirs of angels
singing his praise.
Though we miss you terribly, we know you are in a better place then we can ever
imagine.
The blessings we received that glorius day you were born, brought us so much
joy, though you were taken from us too soon, we wouldn't trade our time with
you for the world.
Our love for you will continue to grow each and every day. May your Christmas
be filled with the beauty that you brought our way.
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I imagine what this Christmas would be like if you would have lived...I'm sure
you'd be wearing that adorable red velvet outfit that Maria wore on her first
Christmas. You would have been beautiful. I'm sure that Christmas is going to
be very emotional - thinking of all the what-if's...wondering how you'd react
to all the overstimulation. I know Maria would have wanted to pick out a toy
just for you - she has already picked out ornaments for you to hang on the
tree.
I like to think about what you would be like - I bet you would be laid back,
more like your daddy, then Maria and I are. I wonder with that full head of
hair you had if you would have curls like Mommy did when I was little and if it
would be red like mine was, or would it be chestnut brown like Maria's. What
would your favorite toy be? Would you love to do things like sort the Sunday
newspaper, jump in your johnny-jump-up, read books for hours on end like Maria
did at this age? Or, would you be a baby that was constantly on the go - always
after the Christmas tree ornaments, the kitties and puppy, anything you could
get your hands on? I wonder if you would be crabby this Christmas because you
were teething - would you be crawling yet? There are so many questions I'll
never have the answer to, but one thing I do know is the strength of your
spirit. It still amazes me how many people you affected in the six short days
you lived on this earth. Your beautiful spirit continues to shine through in so
many ways. How your short life has changed me and so many people around me for
the better.
Your daddy and I wanted to do something for you for Christmas and since we
really can't buy you things the way we do with Maria, we decided to make our
annual Christmas gift to you to be our resolutions. We are going to resolve to
do something or change somthing about ourselves to be better people. That will
be our gift to you.
We are also going to make it an annual tradition to go to the cemetary every
Christmas day in between dinner and opening of gifts. That way we will feel
more like you are part of our day.
Merry Christmas Jenna!
We love you!
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December 23, 2004
Today is the first day of our Christmas celebrations. We have so many each year
it is sometimes overwhelming. Today we have over Daddies family, your Grandma
Helen, Grandpa Ed, Uncle Jeff, Aunt Diane, Elisa and Noah and Aunt Shelly,
Meliss and Kayla to open gifts. This is a very laid back celebration - we just
order pizza sit and chat and open gifts - nothing fancy which is just the way I
need it this year.
As this holiday begins I find my emotions are on quite a roller coaster. The
excitement I see in Maria's face is so amazing to me - she is just as excited
to open her own presents as she is to give everyone else the presents she
picked out for everyone. I wish you could be here to share this with us Jenna.
I know you're spirit is always with us but I wish you were here for me to hold
and help unwrap presents. I wish I could see your eyes light up when looking at
the Christmas tree.
It's amazing how far I feel I've come through this grief cycle but one thing
that never changes - never lessens is how terribly I miss you! I know you are
in a wonderful place - I know your spirit is with me but if I could have only
one Christmas wish granted - it would be to hold you again.
I love you Jenna,
Mommy.
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Christmas, 2005
As your big sister, Maria, Daddy and I await the arrival of your baby sister,
Emilia, this Christmas I am filled again with so many emotions. Many
bittersweet. We are so full of hope that Emilia will be born in just a few
short weeks and will be healthy, will be able to come home with us to stay. We
look forward to meeting her, learning about her, holding her. Maria, as she did
with you, looks forward most to tickling her. She wanted to do that more then
anything with you and now again, that's her common saying.
I pray that next Christmas we will have Emilia home with us, then she will be
almost one, and though I know she'll never replace you, I hope that a new phase
of this journey will start with her birth. I think about how I would possibly
get through if something did happen again - yet I remember not knowing how I
was going it make it through your death Jenna. Yet, God granted me the strength
to continue on.
Your spirit surrounds us everyday. I feel you with me and know that you are
watching us from up above. Last year I said that if I could have only one
Christmas wish granted it would be hold you again. This year I still have that
same wish but I also have a wish of hope for the future. Hope for Emilia's
birth that all will go right. Hope that Maria will continue to grow in the
amazingly wonderful person she is. Hope that your Daddy and I will continue to
draw strength and love from eachother. Hope that a year from now I will be even
further in this journey.
My Christmas gift to you last year Jenna was to work on being a better, more
patient person. Sometimes I feel as though I've failed in doing that - but I
know in my heart that it is an on going process. Something I will work on for
the rest of my life. So again, Jenna, my gift to you will be to try, every day,
to be the best person I can be. To strive always to be a better mother, better
wife, less selfish and more compassionate person. So when the day comes that I
join you in heaven, I can hold you in my arms knowing that I lived my life as
best I could...never having regrets for not trying and always, always, trying
to live more like God intended for me.
May your Christmas celebration be beautiful. Know that your Daddy, Maria and I
miss you and love you.
Mommy
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Christmas, 2006
Merry Christmas Jenna!
This year you would be almost 3 years old. I was wondering the other day as I
was wrapping Maria's & Emilia's presents, what we would have bought for
you. What would be on your Christmas list? Would you love dolls? Books?
Puzzles? Would you love dressing up or hate it? Would you tear into your
presents or sit and take your time - cherishing each one?
Our Christmas this year is sure to be filled with such happiness - watching
Maria and now for the first time Emilia enjoy the wonder of Christmas. Watching
Emilia grow brings back so many emotions knowing we missed out on all of that
with you. Yet, our hearts are full of love and contentment. Emilia brought hope
back to our hearts and now as we watch her grow we know our lives were meant to
have her with us. We will never stop missing you but we have moved to a
different place now and I think we all feel very much thankful for you and the
impact you had and continue to have in our lives.
My Christmas gift to you this year Jenna is to show the people I love how much
they mean to me. I know I'm not very good at that and want the people I love to
never wonder, to never have to guess.
I work every day on being a more patient person and feel I have come a long way,
though I still find myself losing my patience over little things I think I have
become a more accepting person.
I cannot begin to explain how losing you has changed my life. I cannot begin to
explain how my emotions still catch me by surprise sometimes and how everyonce
in a while the pain is still as raw as it was that day you were born.
Yet, time changes everything. Including grief. With the birth of your baby
sister, Emilia, I have found happiness again. I still long to hold you but your
short life was such a blessing to me just as your sisters lives are. Everytime
I look at them I am thankful to God that I could be their mother and everytime
I think of you Jenna, I am thankful that God blessed me to be the one that was
your mother for those 6 shorts days on earth and for eternity in my heart and
eventually in heaven.
Enjoy your Christmas with Jesus, the angels and all of our loved ones. Someday,
when I come your way, you can show me all the glory of God's kingdom.
I love you, Jenna.
Mommy
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December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas baby!
Hard to belieive we are
nearing your 4th birthday in April, that this is your 4th
Christmas in heaven. We are left here
to remember and honor you and though time changes so many things it’s amazing
how it never takes the pain away.
As I watched Maria and
Emilia open their presents this morning, I looked up at your picture and imagine
what you look like, imagine how it would be to have you here. All the same feelings come rushing back this
time of year. Longing to hold you and
the sheer missing my baby. This year
has brought many blessings our way and of course many trials. It just amazes me that no matter how content
we are in our lives, no matter how blessed we may feel, nothing is truly as
happy without you here. The hole you
left in our hearts has never and will never be filled.
Yet, time changes so
much. Time makes the unbearable, tolerable
and makes the worst pain manageable.
My year has been full
with Maria’s school work, functions and girl scouts as well as chasing after
Emilia as she becomes a full fledged toddler.
I have also spent a lot of time at the hospital, which can be very
emotional but makes me feel closer to you.
I feel that finally, I have done something in your honor. Finally, I can say that the cookbook we
worked so hard on is out there for all to here, even just a glimpse of your
story. I am so thankful I have been
able to work with such wonderful women who are so sympathetic to my situation
and try to understand. I hope you know
that all my work in getting the cookbook together was for you. I want to be sure that even though you have
been gone for almost 4 years, your legacy lives on. Hopefully, your story, along with all the other babies’ can help
future families through such a difficult time in their lives.
Now, as 2008
approaches, I am trying to come up with my next task, in your honor to make a
difference in even one person’s life. I
try every day to work to be a better person.
Some days I succeed, often I fail, but I continue trying. I hope you can help to guide me down the
right path in my life. I want to work
to become closer to God, be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister and
friend. I want to stop being selfish
and find a way to put other’s needs in front of my own. I want to learn patience.
May your Christmas in heaven
be the most glorious you’ve seen and know you are in our hearts every second of
every day!
I love you Jenna!
Mommy