In loving memory of
Jenna
Marshal
April 3 - April 9, 2004
"Those we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold
in our hearts forever."
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I was 38 weeks pregnant with our angel Jenna when I woke up
feeling like something was wrong. I waited to get out of bed for a while to see
if she would start moving but she never did. When we arrived at the hospital we
were relieved to find that Jenna's heartbeat was strong - however after an hour
or so Jenna's heartbeat was not reactive and she still wasn't moving. After
several hours of labor, which they induced, Jenna's heart stopped. I was rushed
in for an emergency c-section and woke up to find out that Jenna was not doing
well. The doctor thought that she had suffered severe brain damage and probably
would not survive. We later learned that there was a true knot in Jenna's
umbilical cord and that she had been deprived of oxygen and blood for an extended
period of time. Even if she did survive in the short term she would never be
conscious - never open her eyes - never cry...Jenna died when she was six days
old. We were lucky to have those 6 wonderful days with Jenna - though she never
woke up we were able to hold her, bathe her, change her diaper, sing to her and
love her. Our 2 1/2 year old daughter Maria was able to be a big sister to her
for a few days - she held her, sang to her, touched her, hugged her and though
I'll always cherish this time we spent with her it simply wasn't enough. I am
able to find some peace in knowing that she no longer has to fight just to
breathe and that she is not suffering...I just never imagined I would have to
bury my own child. Jenna was buried on her due date, 4/13/04.
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Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I wanted to be the one to show you
your first sunrise and sunset; I guess I'll have to leave that in the hands of
God. I know that you are in a far better place where there is no suffering, no
pain...but still I want you here with me so badly that sometimes it's all I can
do to keep breathing.
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