Poetry

Poetry for my beautiful daughter Jenna Marshal

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you; before you were born, I loved you; before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life."

This poem I found while picking out the prayers/poems for your funeral service and it touched me heart so deeply.

A Butterfly

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam and for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to the world.

But then it flies on again, and though we wish it could have stayed we feel so lucky to have seen it.

~unknown author

Remember Me

Remember me when flowers bloom in the early spring.

Remember me on sunny days in the fun that summer brings.

Remember me in the fall as you walk through the leaves of gold and remember me in the wintertime stories that are told.

But most of all remember each day right from the start I will forever be near for I live within your heart.

~unknown author

The After Loss Creed

I need to talk about my loss
I may often need to tell you what happened or to ask you why it happened
Each time I discuss my loss, I am helping myself
Face the reality of the death of my loved one

I need to know that you care about me
I need to feel your touch, your hugs
I need you just to believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in my own way (and in my own time)

Please don’t judge me now –Or think that I’m behaving strangely…remember…I’m grieving. I may be in shock. I may feel afraid. I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty, but above all I hurt.
I am experiencing a pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before.

Don’t worry if you think I’m getting better and then I suddenly I seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times and please don’t tell me you “know how I feel” or that it’s time for me to get on with my life
(I am probably already saying this to myself).
What I need now is time to grieve and to recover.

Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.

And remember…in the days or years ahead,
After your loss…when you need me,
As I have needed you…I will understand.
And then, I will come and be with you.

Barbara Hills Les Strange

This is a poem I found about being a grandparent and the grief a grandparent feels for both their own child's loss and the loss of their grandchild. Though I am not a grandparent myself, I can understand how hard it must be to watch your own child go through such horrible pain.

There was a Time

There was a time when I could make it all better. That time is no more. I could kiss your hurts and mend them in an instant. I could wipe away your tears and see your beautiful smile return to your face. And when your hopes were dashed I could help you find a reason not to give up. But that as when the world only knew you as a fresh young rose. That was when life was sweet and the worst thing that ever happened was a broken heart from the boy next door. There was a time when I could make it all better. That time is no more.

from the book "A Grandparent's Sorrow" by Pat Schwiebert, RN

Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually, this is how it should be. It is the only way of perpetuating the love which we do not want to relinquish.

~Sigmund Freud

I'll be there

Daddy please don't look so sad, momma please don't cry because I'm in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.

Please, try not to question God, don't think He is unkind. Don't think He sent me to you, and then He changed His mind.

You see, I am a special child, and I'm needed up above. I'm the special gift you gave Him, the product of your love.

I'll always be there with you, and watch the sky at night. Find the brightest star thats gleaming, that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost, that mists your window pane. That's me, in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze, from a gentle wind that blows, that's me, I'll be there, planting a kiss on your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug, that's me, I'll be there, giving your heart a hug. So daddy, please don't look so sad, and momma don't you cry, I'm in the arms of Jesus, and He sings me lullabies.

~~Author Unkown~~

"And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss of one small creature makes a void in any heart, so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of vast eternity can fill it up..."

Charles Dickens

And I heard a cry

That of a mother weeping for the child that was no more.

And the wail echoed across the mountain peaks of her agony

And it sounded down the years it seemed to all eternity

It was a cry of such utterable pain and grief from a mother's shattered heart...

from "At the Death of Child" by Donald L. Deffner

Children too are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward.

(Ps. 127:3)

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I prayed for this child, and the Lord granted my request. Now I, in turn, give him to the Lord.

(I Samuel 1:26-27)

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You will grieve, but your grief will become joy. When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived; but when she has given birth to a child, she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy that a child has been born into the world. So you also are now in anguish. But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.

(Jn. 16: 20-22)

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There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens...A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.

(Eccl. 3: 1-4)

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Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight in ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the sweet uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.

~Anonymous~

Grandma Sheila wrote these poems to you and as she claims "I never said I was a poet!" But I feel they came from her heart and that matters more then anything else.

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Our butterfly has flown away when we only hoped that she could stay.

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Our love for you is always there - from morning dawn to midnight air.

Our lives will never be the same, forever we will speak your name...

Jenna

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Yes, I miss you so very much, your little face, I long to touch.

The day will come, O Lord I pray, when I too will come to stay I will thank God for all his grace then I'll search for your sweet face...

finally, there you'll be.

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A friend of our wrote this but wishes to remain anonymous.

I know your story, baby Jenna,
Your mom keeps your memory bright.
You left too soon, little one
It just wasn't right.

We know that God has a plan
for everything that happens to us,
So I give my pain up to Him
And give Him all of my trust.

Because to lose you, dear one
and to feel all of this pain we are going through
When we want only one thing
and that is to hold you

The way you were taken
has yet to make sense to me
But I know you're in heaven
So we'll just have to wait and see

Please watch over your mommy,
your daddy and sister, too.
They can't wait till the day
When they can be with you!

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I wrote these and though they aren't "award winning" it again helps me just to write how I'm feeling.

JENNA

Just when I feel like maybe I can start living life normally,
Excruciating pain hits me like it was yesterday that we lost you.
Never before could I imagine this unending ache I have in my heart.
Never again will my life be the same.
Angel, please help me find a way to live this life without you.

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How many times have I asked myself why?
How many times have I cried myself to sleep?
How many times have my arms ached to hold you just one more time?
How many times have I struggled just to get through the day?
How many times have I asked God why you couldn’t stay?
How many times have I begged for this to all be a dream?

Only the Lord knows.

So many times, I’ve wished I had held you a little longer.
So many times, I’ve tried to find some sort of sign that you’re still with me.
So many times, I’ve prayed to God for strength.
So many times, I’ve fallen to my knees, trying to live through this pain.
So many times, I’ve looked at your picture and cried.
So many times, I’ve wondered what it was that I’ve done.

Everyone of these times, I find myself screaming inside
Everyone of these times, I can feel my heart breaking.

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A friend of our wrote this poem from me to Jenna.

Run thru the heavens, dear one.
Up where the clouds and sky are one.
Be free from limitations and from pain
be graceful as the falling rain.
I will always love you here on Earth,
I always have, even before your birth
You will never be forgotten, even as the pain fades away.
You will always be my daughter, and that's all there is to say.

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We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

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How very softly you tiptoed into my world

Almost silently

Only a moment you stayed

But what an imprint

Your footprints have left

Upon my heart

-Dorothy Ferguson

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"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively. "You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

~Trina Paulus

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And if I go, while you’re still here…
know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure behind a thin veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,
so you must have faith.

I wait for the time when we can soar together again, both aware of each other.

Until then, live your life to its fullest and when you need me, just whisper my name in your heart…I will be there.

~Emily Dickinson~

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The Elephant in the Room

There's an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with "How are you" and "I'm fine..." and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else-except the elephant in the room.

There's an elephant in the room. We all know it is thre. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk. It is constantly on our minds. For you see, it is a very big elephant. But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.

Oh, please say her name! Oh, please say Jenna again. For if we can talk about her death, perhaps we can talk about her life. Can I say "Jenna" and not have to look away? For if I cannot, you are leaving me alone...in a room...with an elephant.

~by Terry Kettering~

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Go Ahead

Go ahead and mention my child,
the one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further,
the depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry,
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing,
the tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I am doing,
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing,
I feel it will take a lifetime.

~Author unknown~

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Our hearts still ache in sadness and secret tears still flow...

What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.

~Author Unknown~

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When tomorrow starts without me and I am not here to see, if the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you, and each time you think of me I know you'll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand, that an angel came and called my name
and took me by the hand.

~Author unknown~

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Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all of those things and still be calm in your heart.

~Unknown~

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