AMAZING GRACE BIBLE CLASS
Program #1095January 24, 1993
You know there was a time in America where it just seemed like everybody was married, and there's a reason for that. There was a time in America when just about everybody was married. When you go back to World War II and all of the GIs coming home, marriage began to just propagate in record numbers. In fact by 1948, 96 percent of all adults in America of marriageable age were married. Isn't that something? Then babies began to be born, we had the baby boom and television came into being and households watched programs like "Ozzie and Harriet," "Leave it to Beaver," "Father Knows Best," "The Life of Riley," everything was focused around that nuclear family. It was the most family-oriented period in the history of the United States of America. America had moved to the suburbs, bought a dog, had 2.8 children.
Now not surprisingly, churches were quick to respond to all that. They saw the trend and they reacted quickly. Churches began to be built in or moved to the suburbs, Bible teaching programs like Sunday school were put in place for children. Churches created a new position called the "youth minister" and everything generally catered to that nuclear family.
Oh, but times have changed. We talked about that last week in our introductory lesson to this series, "Family Faces." In 1948, only four percent of American adults of childbearing age were single. In the year 1990, almost 50 percent of American adults of childbearing age were single and every year that percentage continues to grow.
Currently and this is really a shocking figure to some, there are right at 67 million single adults living in the United States of America. Let me break that down a little further for you. Of those 67 million, 54 percent of them have never been married. That's right at 35 million adults who've never married and the statistics say many of them will choose never to marry. Another 22 percent of those single adults in America are widowed, 18 percent are divorced and five percent are separated. Sixty-seven million are single.
Now business and Madison Avenue have recognized this trend early on. They've been cashing in on it for a long time. But, by and large the church has been resistant to what's been obvious. Most churches have still continued to focus on programs for the traditional family and as we talked about last week, well we should. The traditional family as God's ideal will always have a place among God's people, it will always be a cornerstone of society. But it is foolish and it is wrong not to provide a setting of warmth and belonging and inclusion to the single adult. It is wrong, if for no other reason, because it violates the golden rule. It's simply not doing unto somebody else what you would have them do unto you. And it is foolish and that 50 percent of our American population are single adults.
Well, I want us to focus on that today and I want us to ask primarily two questions. What does the Bible say about singleness? And then let's talk about how the church can begin to better utilize singles in ministry and as a part of the body.
Number 1, what does the Bible say about singles? You know we've always generally assumed that God intended for all people to marry. Going back to Genesis, chapter 2, when God created Eve from Adam, listen to verse 18. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'" Six verses later, verse 24, how many times have you heard this at weddings? "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." God's manual for the cornerstone of the family. Centuries later Jesus would quote Genesis 2:24 in Matthew 19, and he would add to it this admonition, "'Those whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder.'" Amen.
And then the Bible continues to hold up marriage, Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage should be honored by all,..." Paul had a deep appreciation for marriage. If you don't believe that, take your Bible and read Ephesians 5 and I Corinthians 7. Listen there is no question that marriage is God's plan for a man and woman to know the greatest sense of permanent companionship, intimacy and togetherness that humans can experience. And most people do in fact marry, even today.
But, having said that, the Scripture does not require, in fact Scripture doesn't even recommend marriage for everyone. Think with me for a moment about some of the great spiritual leaders in days gone by who were single. In the Old Testament, how about Samuel, or Deborah, or Anna, or the prophet Elijah, or how about Amos, or Jonah? And we get down to the New Testament, I think of John the Baptist, the great forerunner of Jesus who wandered in the wilderness and preached in that camel hair, no wonder nobody married him, but he was single---never married. How about Paul? Paul, the greatest servant in Christian history. He never married apparently. Certainly in everything we read he was single. And frankly one look at his travel log and you begin to realize why he made that choice...beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, imprisoned, hardly the lifestyle for a wife and little children. Paul made a conscious choice.
And then of course our Lord, Jesus Christ, never married. Now I don't doubt that Jesus could have had a wife and a family and if he had chosen that he would have been the model husband, the model father. And frankly sometimes as a husband and father, I wish he had. I need even more help. I wish he could model those roles specifically, but he didn't because his life was one of ultimate servanthood and ultimate personal sacrifice. And for him to do what he had to do it was best done without the responsibility of a wife and family.
You know there are a lot of great people who chose to be single. And in fact beyond those personal examples, Scripture admonishes singleness for some. Did you listen closely to our Bible reading today from I Corinthians 7, verse 32? Let's read it again, it's important. Paul said, talking to the members of the church at Corinth, he said, "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs---how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world---how he can please his wife---and his interests are divided." I don't want you to misunderstand that, Paul is not saying that married people can't serve the Lord or be concerned about the Lord, but if you aren't married, or if you have been married, you know what he's saying here is true. That as you take on a positional relationship, a spouse, and then as that spouse bears children and all of those things have to be cared for, you begin to realize some immediate duties at home that can keep you from becoming a servant to people outside those home bonds, where you could show them the Lord as freely as you would like.
He goes on to say, "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world---how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you,..." He's not saying anybody can't get married, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. What's he saying? Some individuals need to choose singleness. It will be their calling if you will and through it they can serve the Lord in an unparalleled way. My point is what does the Bible say about singleness well while marriage is wonderful, it's to be held in esteem by all, God never intended for everyone to marry.
Well, then that leads us to the role of the church and singleness. I think it ought to be clear from what we've said thus far, what the theme of this lesson is: the church today needs to attract, to minister to and to minister hand in hand with singles, be they never married, or divorced, or those who've been widowed. If they are God's people, then God needs to use them and they need to be used by God and it is imperative that the Lord's church make them feel warmth, feel at home and to feel essential, for they are. Now specifically, how are ways that those of us who are God's people who may be married, how do we do this, how do churches do this?
The first thing is so practical, but I just wanted to say it's almost embarrassing to bring it up, but let's debunk some myths about singles. You know there have been some things that have been kind of whispered all along, that we don't say out loud, but let's get them out in the open and just get rid of them. For example, the myth that singles are wild, carefree, party-going, pleasure seekers, who are all out to have a good time. I'll tell you what, we can thank the beer companies for that stereotype. You know the beach party commercials, where everybody...? I mean that's the stereotype that's been put into our mind. And that's the image that the beer companies want to use to sell beer to the fat guy in the lazy boy who's lying there in his undershirt. You know. But to be honest, I don't know many people who look like those folks in the commercial do you? And I'll tell you something else, I don't many people who act like those persons in the commercial. Oh, that's not to say there aren't people who aren't carefree and wild and partying all the time. That doesn't describe the bulk of the 67 million singles who live in America. Let's do away with that myth.
And while we're at it, throw away the one about them being irresponsible and undependable. That's not true either, not anymore than the population at large. Or one that you hear whispered just ever so often is: "You know if they're single, something must be wrong or else they'd be married." Wrong. Wrong. I want to tell you something, that's not to say that I have never met and eccentric single, I've know a few but for everyone I've met, I've known two or three eccentric married folks, how about you? Seriously, the point I am trying to get across is, some of the most sweetest, most talented, attractive, caring, well-balanced people I know, are single adults. And often these folks have chosen to be single with the same prayerful consideration that others have used in choosing marriage. And that decision needs to be honored. Many are following Paul's very admonitions in I Corinthians 7.
And one other myth, the myth that they are all seeking someone to marry. Well, that's not true. You know they may be interested in marriage if they find the right person or the right circumstances, but the fact that a person is still single beyond the early years of adulthood, is a good indication that they are not anxious to run into a relationship that would be short of their expectations. Singles aren't all out there looking to get married. And let's avoid the temptation to play matchmaker with our friends who are in that status and position in life.
The second thing we can do in addition to debunking those myths, is just show basic respect. Beyond labeling with myths, let's don't act or insinuate that single individuals whether they be never married, or divorced, or widowed, are people to be pitied. I've never met a single adult who wanted pity, like everyone else, they want simple respect and compassion and concern as a human being.
A third thing we need to do is understand that single adults like all of us have the same needs. You know if you think about that, humankind has far more in common than we have in opposition or difference with each other. We've all got a need for personal self worth, for occupational goals, every human I know has a need for financial stability and good relationships with others. The greatest need we all have is the right relationship with God and Jesus Christ. We've all got a need for acceptance, everybody is seeking to find God's will for their life. You see we're far more alike than we are different. Let's understand as we deal with anybody that they share those common needs and goals.
And then a fourth thing the churches need to be aware of and this may be the most important one of the ones we've listed. We need to be keenly aware and helpful of those who find themselves in situations of being single again. You know what I mean by that. I mean they were married, but now they're single. Now that could come about from one of two reasons. They are a widow or a widower. I'm sure that I speak not from experience, but just from speculation. I'm sure there is no pain comparable to losing a mate whom you've shared the deepest bonds of love, interdependency, and you've share life itself sometimes for decades and decades. That is a pain that time will not take away, but rather just soothe a little bit.
James 1:27 tells us that pure and undefiled religion is this, we take care of the orphans and we look out for the widows. And that doesn't just mean physically folks, I believe that means emotionally, spiritually, trying to lift up those who are single again and go through traumatic times.
But, now let me add the other group to that list. A person can be single again through widowhood or through divorce. And I want to tell you something with all my heart, divorce persons need an extra measure of love and concern, because oft times they are the most deeply wounded of all.
I had a Christian psychologist friend of mine tell me that divorced people, and again I don't speak from experience, but that divorced individuals hurt more deeply than anyone else because they go through the loss of a mate without the benefit of grief support. You know their pain is often magnified by a sense of failure and guilt, whether it's deserved or not, and they're often hurting and confused and angry and rejected and they're seeking forgiveness and self esteem and acceptance and they long for a new beginning and the sad thing is, sometimes they've not found that from God's family. And because of a fear of rejection, most religious divorced persons stop going to church. One survey I encountered this week indicated that 80 percent of all individuals, who are Christians/who go through a divorce, they suddenly drop out from active participation, even attendance at their home congregation.
Folks, I don't know how to say it any plainer, but we need to come to the aid of those who are going through and who've gone through the agony of divorce. I mean we just need to hold a hand and tell them we're praying for them. Somebody says, "Well, wait a minute we don't know all the facts about that divorce." That's right, but we're not investigators, we're brothers. And we're not trying to condone, we're trying to console. I think that is so important, and Jesus in his ministry to hurting people in the gospel account, shows us that over and over again.
Well, the last thing I want to say about the role of singles in the church and family of God is: Singles, you need to be active as well. I've spent most of this time talking to the church. Singles, don't wait to be put on a committee to take your role as an active leader in the Lord's people. If I read the Bible right, the only condition wherein singles may not serve in leadership roles would be the position of elder and deacon, but beyond that they can do just anything. I have a feeling, Paul didn't wait for the mission committee at Antioch to tell him that a single man could go out and do mission work. He went. He went because he felt God's calling on his life, he recognized his abilities. I would encourage all single adults, make sure that you become a catalyst in doing God's will wherever you may be.
Well, there's so much more we could talk about, but our time is more than up. Next week, we're going to look at another family face and I hope you'll join us, but as we close our lesson today.
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