Tish and I can never fully express our humble thanks to God for the way in which He has used Gwen Shamblin, Weigh Down Workshop, and Remnant Fellowship to convict us of His truth. We have been reading His word almost as long as we have been alive, but God used a few humble hearts fixed on His Son, Jesus Christ, to fully reveal what Jesus' life, death and resurrection truly mean. We now understand with more clarity every day what the Messiah said with His life - God is the God and we are not. Our temporary lives on this temporary earth have one task: to give the one true God all the glory with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind and all our strength. His Son lived this love in complete obedience to the Father's will and God calls us to walk in His son's steps through the door the Father has provided in Him.
The following words are our testimonies to God's greatness. If you read our words and want to know more, please click on the links at the top and bottom of this page.
I'm not really sure where to begin...I've always known (as far back as I can remember) that God wants us to live holy (called out) lives. I remember being baptized as a kid and wondering if people could see the difference in me as I came out of the water (grin). For the next few years after that, I believed that one act of baptism was what saved me and that if I died I would be okay. As I grew older I questioned that and rebelled (against God) a lot late in high school and early in college. Now looking back on that, I understand the rebellion was only a symptom of the fact that I never really understood what God was calling me out of. As I got involved in youth ministry I kept searching, striving, reaching, begging for a closer relationship with God. I struggled with guilt because of the sins I kept committing and I struggled with the passages of scripture that told me to stop doing those sins once and for all.
When Tish and I got married, all I wanted to do was Kingdom work. My frustrations didn't stop though as I not only fought with my own sins, but with the sins of others as Tish and I tried to keep the church we were working with from splitting up during our first year of marriage. That experience only served to make me ask God even more what the deal was with His church. I became increasingly frustrated with the state of the church - how I believed so many churches to be "dead" and "lifeless" and how I saw others as being focused only on bringing in and pleasing people and not on pleasing God.
When Tish first came in contact with Weigh Down in Germany, I thought it was solely a Christian weight-loss program. So I tried the basic principles, but nothing really happened. I thought I could eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full and lose weight like everyone else on the program was doing. For three years I tried this while Tish kept losing weight, but nothing happened. On top of Tish losing weight, I noticed she had become more "on fire" for God's Word and doing His will. I actually felt threatened and intimidated that my wife was seeking God more than I was (I was supposed to be the paid minister!) and it made me dig deeper into what Weigh Down was teaching - comparing it to Scripture and observing its fruit.
I read Gwen Shamblin's books, I spoke with some friends who were working at Weigh Down and then I spoke with Gwen. The underlying truth of everything that has come out of Weigh Down has from the beginning been one of obedience to God because of who He is. He deserves everything - we deserve nothing. If He reveals anything in our lives as sin, we stop it right there if we claim faith in the name of His Son - how long had I been living a lie against God? I had lost a holy fear and reverence for our Creator. He is God. If we disobey Him, we are saying we are the god. For over 10 years, I and the churches I had worked with had been teaching a watered-down message that incorrectly defined God's love and grace and overlooked sin in the church for the sake of holding on to members…idols…self. I praise God for allowing me to live long enough and I thank him for placing my wife, Gwen and others in my life who were tired of seeing God ridiculed. God, through his Word and the lives of those who lived according to it, helped me understand and repent of what I had been a part of for so long. The harvest is ready, but the workers are few. We must realize that God does not listen to those who cherish sin in their hearts and if we want to come into His presence, we must lay everything down and live for Him wholeheartedly.
As a child, if I ever thought that something I did upset my parents, I would stop it because I both loved them and feared punishment. Why is it so difficult for us as adults to get that? From the beginning God has demanded total obedience. He lovingly sent His son who, for the only time in history, lived a full life that fulfilled the law to the letter and openly revealed the law of the Spirit. Through him and his example (his life of sacrifice), we have the law of the written code on our hearts and are focused not on the regulations, but rather on doing the will of God by always putting what God wants ahead of what we want - Joyfully! Our lives have become living examples of the law by our carrying our cross and sacrificing our flesh…our wants…our will daily to the will of God. Only through Christ is this made possible and we are called to be like him. Jesus calls us to be pure, Paul calls us to get rid of all sin, Peter calls us to lead holy lives, every book of the Bible calls us to live for God and God only - why do we think we have any other choice? Get behind me Satan!
I remember meeting people every once in a while who stood out in the church crowd because of the righteousness that showed in the way they conducted themselves in both word and deed. They STOOD OUT! That's ridiculous. The unrighteous person should be the one who stands out in a crowd of "Christians", but unfortunately for most churches, that is the crowd. Where is the teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness…both in word AND deed? - something's wrong! Unfortunately, what's wrong is oftentimes the fact that the leaders are part of the ones coming to church wearing their sins like a banner and are unable to correct any others due to blindness caused by the plank in their own eyes. On top of this, those who are having success laying down sin are often the ones ostracized by others in the church because their pure lives rub wrong those who are holding onto their sin.
Not once did any of God's messengers ever tell us it was okay to keep repeating the same sins over and over. Where did we go wrong? Satan has worked his way into the church and convinced the majority of those who believe in God that as long as they are doing most things right and are "good" people, they're okay.
The path this Truth takes us on brings many to consider us fools. If we are fools, we are fools for Christ. I believe God expects nothing less of us.
I believe God expects nothing less of all of us. Sometimes a preacher preaches a sermon of truth, sometimes a teacher teaches a lesson that is sound in theology, but if they are not living it with every fiber of their being, they are false teachers (and I was one of them). Jesus instructed his listeners in Matthew to do as the Pharisees say, but do not imitate their actions. Paul instructed the Corinthians to refuse to fellowship with those who claim to be believers, but deliberately hold on to sin in their lives. Every prophet of God has cried out that God does not desire empty sacrifices, but rather, first and foremost, humble hearts devoted only to Him. The Romans and Galatians (among others) were warned that following outward obedience (circumcision) was nothing if their hearts were not right (circumcision of the heart).
If we (you and me) are unable to say to those we come in contact with "follow me as I follow Christ" (as Paul said in more than one letter) then we need to reexamine our hearts. Seek out the righteous. Fellowship with those who refuse to allow you to live in any kind of willful disobedience to God. I have looked in multiple states and countries and I have met individuals who desired this walk, but only with Remnant Fellowship have I found a BODY of believers that refuses to bow their knee to anything other than The God. I don't just mean on the surface - I mean with EVERYTHING - what we wear, what we eat, how we eat, when we eat, how we work, how we live down to the detail of the very motive of our hearts on every decision made. We expect total obedience of ourselves and of each other. If your church is not demanding that from the leadership down, then they are setting up something other than God in their temples. Obedience is not a sermon topic on Sunday, it's every breath we breathe and every beat of our hearts in tune with the will of God. This can be done only if each individual is looking only to God for everything. We know well the parable of the speck of dust and the plank. We also know that Paul instructed the Corinthians to hold each other accountable for the actions of the believers. In the early church, Jews and Gentiles were joining together and many areas of living were different, but sin is sin - and if one is living to please only God, after he has (through total repentance) made his heart right with God, he can then spur others on as well by encouraging them to lay down their sin.
I apologize to God and to so many others for taking their money and teaching others only half-truths in the U.S. and Britain. God's divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness. Why did I teach as if this were not so? I taught people to "do their best, but…". That gives people a way out in so many directions. God wants everything - no if's and no but's (as part of a counterfeit church I was good at but's). I didn't demand it and I didn't live it. I was a false teacher. The desire for righteousness was there, but I was still blind in one eye. I knew there was more than what I was teaching, but I couldn't see the whole picture. But I taught anyway and lead people into a false sense of security that encouraged hiding sin rather than confronting it through total repentance.
Tish and I are living it now. We have laid down sin. This is not arrogance (as satan would have so many believe). This is humbleness. There is no other way to live. Who are we to think that we can place anything before God? When I say we have "laid down sin", I am saying that everything God has revealed to us as a sin (as something that hurts Him) we have stopped doing - not by our own power, but by the power of Christ who served as an example for us and a sacrifice of atonement for us to allow us to return into God's presence after having sinned for so long. We are simply obeying His commands. I had tried so hard for so long to keep my outside clean so no one would see what was inside. The list of sins I tried to hide is lengthy, but among them are lust, pride, slander, greed and laziness. The harder I tried to hide it, the worse things got. The truth Jesus brought was to "go and sin no more." In love and fear, I dropped to my face before the Lord as I realized I had to destroy everything sinful He had revealed in me...or I would be living a lie.
We may still stumble (hurt God unknowingly), but as He reveals those areas to us as sin, we lay that down as well. We do this wholeheartedly because of love and of fear. America has lost the fear of God. It is not beyond His nature to allow thousands to die simply to make a point that He is God. Some may think that cruel, but our time on earth is nothing more than an opportunity to glorify Him regardless of the circumstances (ask Job). When people die, those who were glorifying God are with Him (to live is Christ, to die is gain). Those of us left after a tragedy should ensure that our hearts are right before God - not get angry at God for allowing people to die. Why do "bad" things happen to "good" people? Because He is God and we are not. I cannot say whether one person's name is written in the Book of Life or not, but I can live my life to win the prize as if there is only one winner. God has the final words. I'd prefer the final words said to me to sound something like, "well done good and faithful servant."
Tish and I have come through all of this over the past few years (some of you have been witnesses to this). We are just beginning to touch the hem of His garment, but I can think of nothing more than to continue to seek Him with all of our hearts. There are those who say they are acknowledging Him…and there is the minority who are DOING it with every moment of their lives. Many have noticed our weight loss - not because we're counting calories and fat grams or exercising to burn it off, but because we realize that God is the God of everything. To grab for food (or to grab for anything) when we do not need it is nothing less than crucifying the Son of God all over again - and looking for another sin offering. Tish and I have grown closer this year than ever before - not because we focused on serving each other, but because we focused on serving God and having NO selfish expectations - of each other or of the circumstances in our lives. We realize that we deserve nothing and He deserves everything. In glorifying Him in this way, He has brought us (Tish and me) closer together each day and allowed us more and more opportunities to serve others in ways that bring glory to Him and Him only. Over this past couple of years, we have realized more fully than ever that we do not "lead" worship, but rather we "are" living worship. When a church comes together corporately, the worship is an extension of the individuals' lives. A body that does not train for a sport cannot show up on game day expecting to win. A church that does not lead obedient lives cannot expect to come together on Sundays (or any other day) and for God to be pleased with their songs and prayers. How can we even expect to hear and see what God wants to tell and show us if we are not obeying His lead?
As a man who should have been a better man over the first 30 years, I now beg others to see the world through God's eyes and His eyes only. I am finally looking through his lenses for the first time in my life and I see the hand of freedom He has extended - freedom FROM sin…not freedom to sin. I am beginning to understand His pain for the first time in my life and I refuse to live the rest of my life denying His power through the life that I lead and the words that I speak. We don't know how much more time we have, but the time we do have MUST be spent serving ONLY HIM.
From my earliest memories, I was very self-conscious, chubby and fearful. I can remember always having a fear of dying and judgment day. Even though I was visibly obedient, I knew that there was secret rebellion in my heart. Hence, I was baptized at the age of 9. After being baptized, I knew that I could fall away from God, so I clung to legalism (man-made rules), convinced that if I just did the outward things right, I would be fine on judgment day. Throughout those early years, I believe I always knew something was missing (at church, home, etc.) - but I pretty much just chalked it off as something I was missing. So I took all the energy I had and directed it into academics, trying to please my teachers and parents and practicing my flute.
While I was still young, my family switched churches due to frustrations with legalism, but I was already so focused on playing and competing that I was not that involved with our new church. These years I spent being very competitive, self-focused, and self-right at school. I was in an ungodly relationship with my boyfriend. I was already trying to control and manipulate everything. However, by this time the Holy Fear of God I had earlier in life was watered down and I was desperately clinging to the lie that "everybody struggles with lust, control, etc - God understands." Deep down I knew that I wasn't right with God, but I was conveniently ignoring Him and His Word.
Throughout high school and my first two years of college, I started really questioning things concerning God, His Word and the church, like: Why did I often see more evidence (fruits of the Spirit) of being a follower of Christ in those outside my church fellowship than in my friends from my home church? I was also questioning our stance on everything from music to the role of baptism.
During my first two years of college, God allowed me to go through some major breaking of my will. My boyfriend and I broke up. I was lonely. And, I was competing against flutists that were not only more talented but also more driven than I was. I had tried all avenues that I could see up to this point to find happiness, peace of mind and assurance of not repeating history and yet, I knew that God was the only One who had the answers. Amidst all of this, I desparately started trying to find answers by fellowshipping with an inter-denominational Christian group on campus and digging into the Word more than I ever had.
During the summer after my sophomore year, Marc and I met. I was thrilled to meet someone who was so on fire for God and spreading His Word, but I was also scared to death. It was clear that it was by no accident that Marc and I met, it was a "God-incident" and I did not want to have a marriage like so many I had seen before - unsubmissive, fighting, manipulative, etc. I told Marc early on and I meant it, "If I ever get in the way of your relationship with God, break up with me." Throughout that first year of our relationship, of course he was in Wales and I was in Chicago, we started reading the Word together and reading pre-marriage books. I wanted to do whatever it took. So I was going to every source to get answers.
During my junior year, God graciously allowed me to be in the Chicago Civic Orchestra. It was this experience that made me really question whether or not I really wanted an orchestral career. The levels of politics and pride in the orchestra were ugly to me, and yet I kept trying to play the part and live up to the expectations of grandeur I had set. Basically, all of my college years musically and spiritually could be described as one long roller-coaster ride. When I was doing well with competing or pleasing the conductors/teachers, I was up and all other times I was down. I still had the mentality that this was my talent and it was my right to make the choices for myself. How arrogant I was!!
By my senior year, Marc and I were engaged and I was completely focused on graduating, getting out of school to get away from music for a while, and getting married. The spiritual spankings, however, really started kicking in that year. God had graciously shut the door with the Civic Orchestra (but I was upset), we had 8 muggings on our street corner and we also had carbon monoxide poisoning in our apartment. Why do I mention all this?? Because God was trying to regain my attention! God was once again making me aware of the fact that I could die at any moment and I would meet Him, my Maker and I would have to give an account of the actions done in this body both good and bad! I was questioning my Salvation.
Just to clarify things a little for you, I attended several different churches and denominations during those four years. I was desperately searching for answers and seeking to be set free from the chains that I felt around me.
After Marc and I were married, God really started opening our eyes to not only our own sin, but also the sin in the churches we were working with. The church we worshipped with split while we were in the U.S. for reasons that should never have occurred. We knew something was wrong, but we thought the answer was to get more involved and try to change the youth group. Not only were we frustrated with the church situation, but we were both struggling with our weight (we tried a more vegetarian diet as well as the Dr. Adkins diet). I was also holding onto bitterness, paranoia-type fears, grieving over what I wasn't getting to do musically, and I was also watching the things I so desperately didn't want to repeat creep into our relationship! I praise God for a husband who called me on the carpet concerning the latter issues and wouldn't let me get away with excuses. During that year, God blessed us with a trip to visit family in Germany and I got to go to the first Weigh Down class there in Stuttgart. I was so excited about the truth I was hearing in that one video. It made so much sense - Marc couldn't shut me up after that. We both started applying the basic principles of hunger and fullness and we both lost weight. I lost 12 lbs and Marc lost around 15lbs.
When we moved back to the U.S., I was so excited about the physical fruit of Weigh Down, but I wanted more. I was determined to get into a class or start one to get into the Biblical side of it. Marc and I felt somewhat obligated to fellowship at the church Marc grew up in since they had been one of our biggest financial supporters during Marc's time in Wales. So we worshipped there for a year and a half. During this time, I led 3 WD classes. I found that I couldn't get enough of the spiritual meat in this class, while others were busy debating over whether or not gluttony was a sin and if so, "Didn't God just excuse that one?" I found this quite frustrating and discouraging, but God was opening our eyes to the state of His church today.
After buying a house further away from the church building, Marc and I continued to go to worship at the same place for a short time, but found the distance (only approximately 30 minutes) to be too far. So we searched out, asked around and wound up at a nearby church only 7 miles away. We were so excited because we saw lots of young people and a group of people that seemed on fire for God. It was also smaller and was "contemporary." Unfortunately, this story is pretty much the same as described before, just a different location. The more we got involved (youth group, worship team, choir, teaching Sunday school, leading VBS, helping search for a worship leader), the more we saw the sin allowed and never confronted.
It was at this church that we met Jeff and Gina Graves. They were leading a WD class and we joined right in. This was the first time Marc had ever agreed to attend the class. He had previously had the mentality that it was just a "woman" thing. During the first 9 months here, we got to witness and be a part of several WD events at our church WD class as well as around town. We were both blown away by the testimonies at these events. We were not only hearing of lives actually being changed and the truth of God's Word, but also getting to see someone willing to stand up for His Truth and not back down! Around this time, our elders met with Gwen and the leadership to talk about Remnant and this Truth of Total Lordship - No Idols! After much discussion with our church leadership and the realization that they were not on the same page with that leadership, Jeff and Gina left. God mercifully allowed for us to maintain contact with them and to hear of how they were digging into the Word, how the wives at Remnant were submitting to their husbands in everything (not just putting on the sweet face at church but manipulating at home or insulting their husbands behind their backs), how many pounds were being lost, marriages healed, etc.
After seeing Jeff and Gina leave and knowing why they left, we thought we could just stay and keep WD going and change the church from within. But after hearing of the fruit coming out of Remnant, we started having conversations with our church leadership. It seemed that there was always conviction in 2 out of the 3 elders, but no action, only an attempt to explain away God's Word and to say "We're just not there yet! Yes, there is sin on the pews and people are bringing in their idols, but they aren't ready to hear that you can lay down sin and you must!! …We will lose members if we teach this strongly! … Just give us 5 years, we're getting there." I remember reading the passage about Jesus addressing the Pharisees (scripture) and feeling like we were sitting in a whitewashed tomb!! At this point, we had been with this church for about a year and a half.
On July 17, 2000, Marc and I got to attend Desert Oasis (a yearly WD event in Nashville). We were both convicted to the core as we were confronted with the reality of God's Word. (Romans 6:1-14, Hebrews 10:26-31, Jeremiah 23, I Corinthians 5, I John 3: 6-10, Mark 9:42-48, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 - just to list a few!) It was after this event that we finally visited Remnant and Marc and I got to speak with Gwen and David Martin. Marc was still somewhat holding onto the thought that we should stay at church we were in and try to work from within...basically, be a "missionary" in the church. Then, we were confronted with Ezekiel 43. The top of the mountain MUST be most holy. That was the turning point. After one final meeting with the elders, we wrote a letter to the church, asked if the leadership would read it to the congregation and we left.
It is hard to describe the two years in one letter. After starting to worship with Remnant, God really started getting my attention in two areas - praise of men and trying to get pregnant. Through this Truth God convicted me that I had prostituted (owing my devotion to God but giving it to another) my talent with the flute and that I loved praise of men more than praise from God! My eyes were opened up to the fact that the pride and self that came with this had to die. I was lucky to be breathing and I couldn't believe that God was merciful to allow me to still play, but ONLY for His glory, not mine! (Psalm 137:4-6)
After trying to get pregnant for 2 years and after always wanting to have a house full of kids, God really started testing my motives for wanting children. Was it really for God's glory and His kingdom, or was it for us? Needless to say the possibility of infertility is humbling and I am so very thankful that God would take the time to discipline us in this way!! May God be glorified in EVERY area of our lives! Believe me we would love to have children, but now our prayer is "Not our will, but Yours be done, Oh God!"
Basically to sum this all up, obeying God and laying down all idols has absolutely been the best choice Marc and I have ever made! We have changed, not just physically, but in every way. Remnant Fellowship doesn't just talk about God's Word, we seek out the will of God and DO it!! This is not legalism - obeying man-made, self-right rules! This is about living within the boundaries God set up … and we have a great time doing that! (I John 5:3-4) God set up a line of authority and Jesus, His Son, showed us how to get in under that authority and walk in His footsteps. If we call ourselves followers of Jesus Christ, then we must walk in the footsteps of Jesus who said, "Not my will, but Yours be done!" When our will crosses God's will, we MUST submit our whole will, not just 90% and become a King Saul. It is an awesome thing to die to your will and live only for God and it is what God expects, it's on every page of His Word!!
I am 28 years old and unbelievably blessed to still have breath in my lungs. I spent a quarter of a decade completely self-focused, prideful, controlling, extremely competitive, manipulative, depressed, overweight, unsubmissive to authority when "I" was being "wronged," lonely, self-right, immoral, arrogant, greedy for the praise of man, fearful of man's opinion, fearful of dying, fearful of just about anything that could hurt "me," jealous, and selfish. I pretty much made every decision based on "how it would look" to others. I truly am amazed that I wasn't struck down a long time ago! Praise God he never allowed that list of sins to fill me up. He has mercifully used my weight, a passionate pursuit of a flute-playing career, a life-time desire to have children, and a fear of dying among other things to humble me and allow me the opportunity of "repentance unto life!"
We are happier than we have ever been and have the peace that passes all understanding. I praise God for a group of people and a husband who love God more than me, but who love me enough to tell me the truth and hold me accountable to God's Truth. My life is but a mist and I am so thankful that God has taken the time to give me opportunities to die and learn true humility. My prayer is that when God decides my time is up on this earth and I meet him face to face on Judgment Day, that I will hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant." May the rest of Marc's and my life be set on living this out and helping set the captives free!! We CAN obey and we MUST!! No greed, no immorality, no selfish ambition - NO IDOLS!!