Week of October 21st, 2004

    Hello all, good morning on this Friday, October 21, 2004. This is Furry News, and I am your host, Jarylan Vulpine. With me today is Kan`a Desuk`ta, to give me someone to talk with while I run down our top furry stories today. Anyway, enough babbling eh? Here come the news!

"And now, let's all relax, with Sir Jarylan and the furry news..."

Jarylan: The first story is "Man shoots at mouse, hits girlfriend"... Oh...so many directions I can go with THIS one...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Pennsylvania? Shoot at a mouse? The guy's obviously a redneck, by Jeff Foxworthy's definition.

Jarylan: Well, you know how dangerous mice are. You just gotta whip out the AK for those horrors!

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Confuscious say: Don't shoot at fly with cannon.

Jarylan: That dude is darn afraid of mice...though actually...I bet there wasn't a mouse.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Shoot at mouse... hit girlfriend in arm... shoot at mouse... hit girlfriend in arm? How short is this woman? She 'walked into the bullet's path'.

Jarylan: Heh. Something's just don't add up here. Sounds like an abusive relationship...that's also giving mice a bad name. I hope they crawl up his pants and bite his balls. Maybe he'll show some couth once the supply of testosterone is cut off.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: 'Okay, honey, here's what we're gonna do, see... I'm gonna shoot you in the arm, and I'll tell the cops I was shooting at a mouse, see? They'll gotta believe it.'

Jarylan: Further proof...rednecks dumb, media dumber...(Except us of course! Trust the FNN! FNN is life! Trust the FNN! =^.~=)

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Okay... I just caught that the woman was taken to the hospital by her 16 year old daughter... HOW? On her trike? Sadly, Mommy bled to death on the ride over.

Jarylan: I shudder to think. Next story, our of Alaska...moose hoisted 50ft into the air... Or perhaps it's just a very lifelike ornament?

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Dave Davenport, of the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, said: "It's not uncommon for bull moose to challenge inanimate objects to a battle during the rut when testosterone has taken over. That must have been one very confused moose.

Jarylan: Ahh...moose. Twelve hundred pounds of attitude. The only bad thing is the moose had to be put down, but then, I'm sure being lifted up that high hurts...and when he got down, I'm sure he was PISSED.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: 'Hey, that thin, round-ish moose is challenging my dominance, I better show it the what-for!'

Jarylan: *chuckles* "Oh no, it's a pair of them!I got'em now...hey...what tha?! Get me down from here!"

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Oh, god, his chiropractor bills must be huge.

Jarylan: For some reason, I imagine that moose sounding like Cartman from South Park. =^.^= "Respect my authoritah!!!"

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!

Jarylan: *laughs* Coulda been worse I guess...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: How?

Jarylan: He could have challenged some airplane landing gear.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Yick.

Jarylan: And suddenly moose are on the Homeland security black list for domestic aviation terrorism...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Anyone for... *looks around sneakily* Mousse?

Jarylan: *chuckles* That'd be all that was left...next story...let's see... "Peru develops edible super guinea pig!"

Kan`a Desuk`ta: University spokeswoman Gloria Palacios said: "It is well known that Peruvians eat guinea pig." I didn't know that!

Jarylan: Well known by whom? Peruvians likely.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Sorry, kids, Hamtaro's Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Jarylan: You know, it's not breeding guinea pigs for food that I disagree with... But...it took them 34 years to get it right?!

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Hee. "I think if they become familiar with the cuisine, maybe suddenly they'll give in and be tempted to try it. It is really delicious." Why does that sound like an episode of Fear Factor?

Jarylan: Why not guinea pig? Set up a cage with some cedar chips. It'll be way fresh.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Roast it in some almandine sauce... mmm, that's a spicy meatsaballa.

Jarylan: Heh. I doubt it'd work as well really. I doubt it'll get big here, due to western rod-up-the-ass-of-the-rod-in-my-ass culture shock. I'd eat them. But then, I do enjoy munching on small furry animals...rabbits are quite delicious, espeically barbecued.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: I've often said the same about human young.

Jarylan: I'll agree with that too...darn babies... Too many years of babysitting ruined any conceptions I had of babies being cute. Worst thing is I never volunteered for it. I always ended up watching the kids by defacto...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: It was developed at La Molina National University. I knew it! I thought this had the trademark handiwork of Doctor Octavius.

Jarylan: *chuckles*

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Someone stole your radio? Sounds like the work of The Penguin.

Jarylan: *jokingly* Let's not bring Auburn into this...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Auburn?

Jarylan: 2's cohost. He's a penguin. He always cohosts...except when he doesn't.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Ah. I love the first picture in that article, of the guy holding the pig. He's got this look like: Help! My back just went out, and I can't believe it's because I picked up dinner!

Jarylan: Yeah, that's one of the boneless guinea pigs, notice the limpness... Anyway...enough fun with guinea pigs...you should never play with your food after all.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Aww... pity.

Jarylan: Cat and squirrels in single cage. The fun with this article comes at the end...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: This sounds like a job for: Riki-Tiki-Tavi!

Jarylan: Heh. "I killed Nagg! He was already dead when the big man blew him in two." Somehow...I really think this next experiment will be less successful. It's like those damn vegetarians... "We should all get along and eat plants." Let's see how well it works on this one, eh?

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Feed the lion tofu...? Why... that's madness, Madness! I say.

Jarylan: And then they want it to lie with the sheep. It will lie near the sheep... *pause* ...'s carcass.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: *scoffs* Simba, did you eat that sheep while I was away? *Whaa-whaa-whaa*

Jarylan: Domesticated cats and squirrels are not the same as cold-blooded snakes and mongooses, believe me. I can only hope that not too many will die needlessly before this guy gets it.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: *nods* I've got a story to offer, if you don't mind, found it on Fark just now...

Jarylan: Sure. Shoot. I should check Fark more often.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Dolphin undergoes fin reconstruction surgery... becomes aquatic Michael Jackson.

Jarylan: *laughs* And with the high pitched squeaks and squeals, he sounds just liike MJ!!

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Ee-hee-hee!

Jarylan: I wonder if he grabs himself and makes lewd advances on young boys as well...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: "Dad, what's the blowhole for?"

Jarylan: *laughs* Hmm...they did this with pig bladder. I'm at once impressed....and disgusted.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: I can see Liko going... "Oh... man... I gotta pee... from my fin!"

Jarylan: Oh, ewwwww...*chuckles* Still, this is pretty neat. Regenerative sugery has come a long way. And it's things like this that actually demonstrate that humans have the capability to be superior to other animals...though we rarely rise that high.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Interesting that they called the 'regenerative structure' the... 'Matrix'... "Liko, they have you."

Jarylan: Heh. "It's a tracking program!"

Kan`a Desuk`ta: "In an easy to swallow suppository form!"

Jarylan: *snerks* Oh god...anyway...I think that's all for this week...unless you have more?

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Hold on. Apparently, Hitchcock wasn't too far off... Seagull bites girl's hand to steal sandwich.

Jarylan: I've said it before...and I'll say it again...birds are mean!!

Kan`a Desuk`ta: I guess the sandwich wasn't chicken salad?

Jarylan: Heh. Maybe it was tuna... But yeah, I used to live in Cali. Seagulls are like little winged vandals, just eatting and pooping and attacking.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Rats with wings! The lot of you!*grins* "Mine?"

Jarylan: *giggles* "Mine? Mine?" That about sums up their personality. Finding Nemo had it right on. Anyway, that's all I have patience for this week. *chuckles* Thanks again to Kan`a Desuk`ta for being here and putting up with my attention whoring.

Kan`a Desuk`ta: No problem, that was fun.

Jarylan: Good bye everyone and remember...

Kan`a Desuk`ta: Guinea pigs melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

Jarylan: ... I'm so not touching that one. Good bye everyone!

This site is the intellectual property of Jarylan Blackwell, aka, Joseph Nicholas Garbo. Images are used without permission, but are usually to the benefit of those that provide them, since I advertise and give credit. News stories are skimmed from various sources, whom I credit when I post. If you have a problem with how your image/story is displayed, you may contact me a TheFox77@comcast.net.