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February 10th, 2005

   German zoo tempts gay penguins to go straight

    A German zoo has imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight.

    The four Swedish females were dispatched to the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen after it was found that three of the zoo’s five penguin pairs were homosexual. Keepers at the zoo ordered DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks. It was only then they realised that six of the birds were living in homosexual partnerships. Director Heike Kueck said that the zoo hoped to see some baby penguins in the coming months.

    She said that the birds had been mating for years and one couple even adopted a stone that they protected like an egg. Kueck said that the project has the support of the European Endangered Species Programme because the penguins, which are native to South America, are an endangered species.

    A biologist will be on hand to monitor the experiment. But introducing the Bremerhaven penguins to their new Swedish friends may not be as successful as hoped after earlier experiments revealed great difficulties in separating homosexual couples.

    In case they show no interest, the zoo has also flown in two new male penguins “so that the ladies don’t miss out altogether”, Kueck added.

    You know, this would seem to me to be totally stupid, but the fact they're sending more male penguins as well shows that the zoo is at least thinking about this. I don't believe that their gay penguins are just going to turn straight. There are females already present apparently, so it would seem the males are simply homosexual. Or at the very least, bisexual, but committed to their current mate. I joked that Falwell was moonlighting as a zoo keeper and a  friend of mine, MaximusCoolman, mentioned that this has nothing to do with morals and more to do with the fact they're endangered. However, I can't help but recall the big hissy fit pitched when the New York City zoo announced they had gay penguins. Honestly, is it that hard to accept that homosexuality just might be normal for some people? No one is asking you to go homosexual. So just chill.

    - Jarylan Blackwell

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