Get Your GAME ON !!!!  TTOUR 2012 June 6 - 10

"Unlike mere games, golf is a continuum,
from round to round, from generation to generation, from parent to child,
from first tee to last putt."

History Of The TTour

The Thomas Tour was envisioned in late 1993 as an avenue for obsessed golfers to quench their thirst for a weekend of non stop golf & golf talk. Unfortunately, the inaugural Open event, played in June of 1994, did the exact opposite: the obsession was not satisfied, it was intensified. As a spouse anonymously quipped: "I don't care if you play golf for a weekend...but do you have to talk about it for the other 51 weeks?" 
Not only has family life been sacrificed, but production at work has slacked off as the golfers became obsessed with the TTour.

As the Thomas Tour progressed through the years, the pinnacle of this obsession with golf was captured in a symbol, the Thomas Tour Trophy. To win the TTour, and thus this trophy, a golfer must persevere through many obstacles.
Listed below are but a few of these obstacles:

• Practice: The thousands of balls hit in preparation of the annual Thomas Tour serve one purpose only: to permanently ingrain swing thoughts filled with shanks, slices, skulls, snap hooks, squeekers, leakers, bleeders, blades, duffs, toupees, tops, flops, pop-ups, chili-dips & yips.
• Gear: The golfer must have luck that can only be obtained by purchasing the latest and greatest overpriced golf equipment each year.  The magic that was present when the gear was purchased must somehow stay with the gear during the entire Thomas Tour.
• Guilt: Family support is critical, as is keeping your mouth shut about the latest new equipment and new swing thoughts.  New ways are constantly being developed to sneak out for a quick practice round.  Participants are frothing at the mouth come TTour time, ready to shoot their wad.
• Family Ridicule: No Comment Necessary 
• Elevated Blood Alcohol: "His alcohol was 2% blood!"  It is becoming a fact that participants who drink the most heavily are rewarded with low rounds the next day (Gary, Brian).
• Sleep Deprivation: "No one told me that I would be sleeping with Yogi The Bear!"
• Nutrition: Mass quantities of beer, bar food and junk food must be processed into usable elements by the players bodies. 
• Psyche Job: "Gotchas", "That's no gimmie", "Who's holding the snake?", "No mulligans...you mean no insurance", "You cannot ground your club in the sand".

Then why? Why do we do it? Why do we endeavor?
Do we really have a choice?

Historical Data

Scoring Averages

Full TTour Scoring MS-Excel File
(Right Click Here | Save As)

Notable Quotables

"Some people interpret Nostradameus' predictions as May 21 to be Judgement Day.  Can you think of a better way to end life than canning the winning putt on Indian Mound to win the all important 4 point Scramble and then the world ends?"
"TONY - SEND THEM THE F@$% OUT"
"STICK!!"
"Are You Chinese?"
"Son of a B!!"
"What's the obsession with the waitresses?"
“If you bet like that when playing cards…someone is going to slash your tires”
"We’re not as good as we think we are and we’re not as good as we want to be"
"It's just a F*cking Game!"
"You can't handle the truth"
"Butter Is Life"
"It's a marathon, not a sprint"
"Pit stains are a sign of manhood"
"White is for champs"
"I'd like a 1/2 carafe of Chablis", "I'd like a 1/2 carafe of Chablis", "I'd like a 1/2 carafe of Chablis".  "OK Just bring me a glass of white".
"Pot Right"
"No, She was definately a B"
"Bob's not coming next year for 2 reasons...He's too old and too cheap"
"Three Peat"
"I'm not playing bad, I just have bad partners"
"Joe, you cannot ground your club in the sand"
"Hey, what order do you have the names in?"
"Look at how many (putting) dots I have on my scorecard"
“The wheels are very wobbly” 
“Need my Mojo Juice” 
“Good usage” 
“Everyone’s different” 
“Chico” 
“I’ll tee off first” 
“I’m going low” 
“Holy Andy” 
“I don’t need any mulligans” 
“Heavy chaffing” 
“Where’s the hole?” 
“I haven’t touched a club since last TTOUR” 
“Fore!” 
“You’re only going to make 8 out of 10 two foot putts”
“How many balls did we lose today?” 
“Let’s count our putts” 
“The laser!” 
“Oh my ankle” 
“Got any Band-Aids?” 
“I’m only here to have fun!”
Club names (some retired): “Polish Rifle”, “Toski”, “the Violin”, “Large Marge”, “Teardrop”, “the Deuce”, etc..
"I'm running out of time to be competitive for the trophy"

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Pre-TTour Thoughts

This is what we dream about prior to the TTour each year....

- On the tee box of O9 #1 (looking between the two palm trees)
- The taste of the O9 water (a hint of rust, salt, & sulpher)
- The first par...the first birdie of the TTour
- The progressive "looseness" of my constitution
- The burning sensation of my O-ring starting @day 2
- The pineapple sauce that comes with the Sampler Platter...can we get more please?
- The sound of mOOse's clubs banging into each other while he is driving down the middle  of the fairway
- The first sip of beer on Wednesday night in the Bennigan's bar
- The popping up of blisters on my hands in weird places
- Hitting that perfect putt out of a bunker and seeing others shake their heads
- The entire scramble feels like an extended Christmas morning when your 7 years old
- Those damn mosquitos when you first step onto the practice putting green at 7:45am
- The second morning dump in the clubhouse knowing the ultra-power flush has you covered
- The burning sensation from heavy Gold Bond application in your crotch
- Drinking a beer in the parking lot after 36 on Thursday...wondering who else will be willing to play another 9 at the O9.
- Hoping we get at least a "B" waitress at Morgan's Grill.
- Seeing the same starter & asking him to take our annual opening day picture.
- Wondering if the mOOse will hit a low slicing liner on the opening tee shot.
- Will the starter let 3 walking women in front of us before we tee off at 8:03am?
- Seeing if we can get invited to another wedding reception...
- The "no see em's" on the O9 #2 tee box!
- Anticipating the drive on O9 #7.
- The first time someone's wheels get wobbly...do to talk to them or not?