The Guest List
                by Cyn



If and when I do get married I already have the list of who is NOT invited.  The List has grown to 52 names at last count.  It includes everyone whoever made a crack about my condition.  I am single at 28.

Single does not mean stupid. People ask thinly veiled questions trying to find out whether I'm seeing anybody special. I took a psychology course in college.  I know what it means when someone asks,

"Anything exciting going on in your life?"

They are not interested in my writing, yoga or martial arts training. After cataloging my unique talents, I am asked again.

"So, anything else exciting going on in your life?"

Part of me wishes to shock them by replying,  "I'm gay." However, I'm frightened that this falsehood would travel quickly, as fact, through my family.

The mumbled,  "I'm dating. No one special, just dating," seems to be the best reply.  But it also elicits a look of pity with the unspoken assumption, 'You must have a miserable life since you are not engaged or married.'

I picture my friends who are involved in relationships.  Most of them are unhappy and advise me to stay single for as long as possible.  Their other warning: "Don't settle!"

Most people don't understand the "settling" concept. I could find a guy to go with if I really wanted to.  But why invest time in someone you hardly know and maybe don't even like, just for the sake of having a date?

I hate being invited to family parties, because inevitably I will be asked,

"Are you bringing anyone?" 

So I have started to play a game with the hosts. I purposely leave my guest's gender ambiguous.  Saying, "a friend" gets the family grapevine going.

I started keeping The List when I was 25. My cousins began to marry.  I was a bridesmaid in every wedding. At these weddings, strangers would greet me.  Many conversations opened with something like:

"I am your Uncle Tony's cousin.  You probably don't remember me."

And ultimately, we'd get around to The Question:

"When will you be getting married?"

So I started The List.  And Gina is the first person on it. Gina's father is my grandfather's first cousin.  I didn't realize we were related until I saw her at my cousin Erica's bridal shower.  She was seated at my mother's table. At another table, a distant cousin announced that she was engaged. I congratulated her. Suddenly, I found Gina beside me. She grabbed my hand.

"Is there something you want to say?" 

I was wearing a blue dress and on my RIGHT hand I wore a blue topaz ring I had recently purchased. 

She lifted my hand.  I looked back at her, puzzled.
 
"Sure," I replied.  "I bought myself a ring with my birthstone in it."

Marie also holds a special place on The List. She is the only person on The List who did not ask me any questions.  Instead, she interfered with destiny.  My cousin Michelle had tossed her bouquet.  It was heading straight to me.  From the sidelines, Marie, a married woman, tipped the flowers, causing them to skid across the floor.  On the re-toss, someone in a red, slinky dress caught it.  She is married now.

My favorite comments come from elderly people.  For some reason, senior citizens are drawn to me. I like them too-- until they ask The Question.

"Are you married or seeing anyone, dear?"

When I say no, they're shocked.

"I can't believe you haven't found somebody yet."

I laugh. Neither can I!  Secretly, I hope they will introduce me to a grandson. Otherwise, their name gets added to The List.

I have dated more than 50 men--but no one I consider "special." Then again, would I really want to bring Mr. Right to a family gathering?  I can only imagine the level of scrutiny he'd get.

"Where did you meet?"

"How long have you been together?"

All this leads back to the Real Question:

"When are you getting married?"

My parents have told me that when I find the right man, they will be happy to pay for a wedding.  Meanwhile, I just keep adding names to The List. There were 200 guests at my sister's wedding.  I am already down to 150.  My folks will be happy. And I hear small weddings are very fashionable.