= Talking Xena > Archives III > If Tapert wrote fina= les for ALL TV faves...
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Author	Comment
HowellGal TX New Member Posts: 32 (6/18/01 8:13 pm) Reply	If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... I LOVE LUCY : Lucy = dies at series end by over imbibing in Veeta-Vita-Vegemin while strapped to candy factory conveyor belt body then was dumped into wine vat for fermenting, Ethel will pick up Lucy's juices tomorrow MASH: Hawkeye Pierce dies at series end, by being fragged by a cross-dresser, who then places body on firing range for traget practice, Radar will collect pie= ces after pulling KP. WALTONS: All the Walton children were injured in a school bus accident = and eventually bled to death while waiting approval from their HMO. Grandma & Grandpa Walton will pick up their bodies, as soon as the Senior Citizen van is available. ALLY MCBEAL: Ally McBeal dies tragically when she slips thru sidewalk grating and plunges into sewer. What is left of her remains after rat infestation will be recovered by her frie= nd Elaine. THE WEST WING: President Bartlett dies at series end by suffocating in Easter Bunny costume during annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. Unfortunately Secret Service Guard Dogs we= re released thereby tearing little bunny to shreds. After a moment of silence C J recoverd what was left and sold lucky rabbit's feet on Ebay the next day.
TanyaCan TX Member Posts: 403 (6/18/01 8:22 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Brady Bunch-killed in tragic bus accident with the Partridge Family while they were coming to get happy. Andy Griffith Show-Opie is killed by the town bully because he won't gi= ve him a nickle.
skippi13 TX New Member Posts: 26 (6/18/01 8:30 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> OMG...all of those are great, I nearly sent my diet pepsi flying!!!! And we all know how difficult it is to get soda out of= the keyboard!!!!
skippi13 TX New Member Posts: 27 (6/18/01 8:39 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> The Flinstones: Tragically today, Wilma Flinstone, reportedly tired of Fred's crap, went on a rampage, killing all with a giant brontosauras..(sp?) leg. All in Bedrock were destroyed.
Kethry2 TX New Member Posts: 59 (6/18/01 8:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Granny serves up po= isoned vittles, throws the bodies in the cement pond and runs off with Miss Ja= ne to San Francisco... Voyager explodes just as Earth comes into view, killing everyone on board... Lassie bites Timmy, gives him rabies and has to be destroyed...
TanyaCan TX Member Posts: 404 (6/18/01 8:49 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> !!! Tanya Edited by: TanyaCan at: 6/18/01 8:51:07 pm
Kethry2 TX New Member Posts: 60 (6/18/01 9:01 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Shari Lewis eats Lambchop with mint jelly...
skippi13 TX New Member Posts: 28 (6/18/01 9:05 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Homer Simpson reportedly mistakes his family for a= box of doughnuts, all were consumed.
Runt TX New Member Posts: 45 (6/18/01 9:28 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Mr. Ed sacrifices h= imself to a meat-packing plant to save 40,000 pigs he never met......
Runt TX New Member Posts: 46 (6/18/01 9:31 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> OR- 40,000 fans are sacrificed for ONE vision....<= br> (tonight it's Grunt, not Runt, cause she's still kinda cranky over here= ...)
Runt TX New Member Posts: 47 (6/18/01 9:38 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> SURVIVOR: Forget it= , they'd ALL be dead THE WEAKEST LINK: Losing player has their head cut off and kicked around the stage by the other contestants, then the evil emcee grabs it, shrin= ks it and adds it to a shamanistic necklace she's wearing. FRIENDS: Talk about RIFTS.....they throw each other out the window, und= er taxis, then Ross stuffs them all at his taxidermy shop at work. But at least they're all TOGETHER displayed in the same exhibit!
Kethry2 TX New Member Posts: 61 (6/18/01 9:48 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> The Capt. is killed= in a freak accident with Grandfather Clock while Mr. Greenjean honors Bunny Rabbit by cutting off his head with a garden scythe. Dancing Bear and M= r. Moose are in seclusion...=
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1060"> TX Member Posts: 2340 (6/18/01 10:28 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> LEAVE IT TO BEAVER; Eddie haskell finally flips ou= t for good.The beave and wally are bludgeoned in their twin beds when Eddie spends the night.June has to call a cleaning service in the morning to clean the blood off the walls before Ward sees it! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
Denigin TX Member Posts: 101 (6/18/01 10:44 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I love you all...thanks for making my night!
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1065"> TX Member Posts: 2343 (6/18/01 10:50 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Touched by an Angel:The angel of death gets his own spinoff series and starring role.(self explanatory) Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 31 (6/18/01 11:06 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Andromeda I don't care HOW, just do it quick.
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 32 (6/18/01 11:21 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Frasier and Niles= are arrested at the Ankara airport for trying to smuggle Ouzo out of country in their shorts. As they are castrated in a Turkish prison, the camera fades to Roz and Daphne mourning their loss with a brief stop at Lesbos, courtesy of United Airlines Buddies-Fly-Free program. <= o:p>
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 33 (6/18/01 11:25 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> John Edwards: Crossing Over John accidentally channels 20,000 samurai who decapitate everyone in The Gallery.
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 34 (6/18/01 11:27 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Just Shoot Me He does.....every one of them. <= /span>
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1076"> TX Member Posts: 2348 (6/18/01 11:28 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> JERRY SPRINGER: Guest goes beserk on audience memb= ers with sword! All self proclaimed trailer park rednecks are decapitated! = Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie! Edited by: talldarkndeadly at: 6/18/01 11:41:52 pm
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 35 (6/18/01 11:33 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> ...somebody stop me...pleeeeeeezzzzz Gunsmoke "Miss Kittie's Revenge" Miss Kittie invents the howitzer and travels the old west stalking every guy who ever gave her the clap. =

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= Talking Xena > Archives III > If Tapert wrote fina= les for ALL TV faves...
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Author	Comment
Runt TX New Member Posts: 48 (6/19/01 5:33 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> GILLIGAN'S ISLAND: First they are attacked by the Horde, then a tsunami comes by. All are killed but Gilligan and the skipper. There is a hint of subtext in the S&G relationship......they keep referring to it as "our little island" and soon start living in the same hut.
Xandra43 TX New Member Posts: 5 (6/19/01 6:25 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... ROTFLMAO Take care Xandra
HowellGal TX New Member Posts: 39 (6/19/01 1:34 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Bump maybe to brighten someone's day
xag4evr TX New Member Posts: 12 (6/19/01 2:55 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... The Highlander Need i say more?
Chakram01 TX Member Posts: 563 (6/19/01 4:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... South Park OMG ... they killed Kenny! X:WP OMG ... she killed Kenny! (A lice to a lice about a lice in "In Sickness And In Hell") Ha! I still have my humor . Chakram --------------------
skippi13 TX New Member Posts: 37 (6/19/01 4:41 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... OMG...you all are still cracking me up here....I m= ust make sure to not have any diet pepsi around need it go flying in my hysterics.....skippi
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 49 (6/19/01 5:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Baretta Oh, wait....Robert Blake just did that ending himself...
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 50 (6/19/01 6:01 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Dawson's Creek Unbeknownst to the gentle folk of Dawson's Creek, the creek has been trickling radioactivity for years from the Dawson's Nuclear Power Plant just upstream. The series dies a slow death as, weekly, the citizens mysteriously drop from sight, the teenagers, sadly, having never experienced sex....not even the eye-candy ones.
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 51 (6/19/01 6:45 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I warned you guys t= o stop me...now I'm going for the whole alphabet. Little House on the Prairie While braiding Laura's hair in the back-40 clover field, Nellie Oleson (bearing an amazing resemblance to the pre-nubile Hope) succumbs, in a defining sub-text moment, to the urge to express her und= ying love. Alas, in their oblivion they are not aware of the, glistening, attractively back-lit Amazon warriors descending upon them, chanting the Amazon recitative: RIGHT FLANK AMAZONS: Who's my little Bubba? LEFT FLANK AMAZONS: Chookie, chookie, chookie RIGHT FLANK AMAZONS: Who's my little Bubba? LEFT FLANK AMAZONS: Chookie, chookie, chookie
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 11 (6/21/01 6:15 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I wanna play... WONDER WOMAN Wonder Woman is killed by a group of religious zealots when they discov= ered her getting to know herself in one of their tents.
HowellGal TX New Member Posts: 58 (6/21/01 6:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> LAVERNE & SHIRL= EY were brutally beaten to a pulp by neigbourhood thugs last night while Shmelizling-Shmauzling, skipping down their street. Perpetrators were said to have done this because of the items carried in victims' hand. Laverne was holding her City College TEXT Book while Shi= rley was enjoying a SUB Squiggy and Lenny will collect their remains as soon as one of them fig= ures out how to hail a taxi. MATLOCK, MAGNUM, ROCKFORD, COLUMBO & MCCLOUD were all found dead in their respective bath tubs drowned in a tub of milk and Wheaties - FBI suspects a cereal killer
graciewc TX Member Posts: 170 (6/21/01 6:46 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Grooooooannnn, HG! (heeheeheehee)
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1119"> TX Member Posts: 2452 (6/21/01 6:48 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!! Thanks for the laughs you guys!!! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
Amazonite TX Member Posts: 268 (6/21/01 6:54 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Major groan, HG! THANKS for the laugh! Amazonite
Denigin TX Member Posts: 131 (6/21/01 7:21 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> God I wish TPTB could read this! They may of kille= d Xena but not your ladies spirits!!! Special thanks to Soulsister, Runt and Hgirl!!! Battle on Xenites!!!
meggieca TX New Member Posts: 5 (6/21/01 8:52 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I LOVE you guys!! I feel better. Thanks!
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1132"> TX Member Posts: 2458 (6/21/01 9:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> RIGHT BACK ATCHA MEG!! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 68 (6/21/01 11:26 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Keep 'em coming kids...in 24 hours our healing sca= bs are gonna be ripped off with Fin 2. =
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 69 (6/21/01 11:38 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> In a defiant film-making move, cross-over series' finales of JAG and The Flying Nun find us in the skies over Bosnia, where a crazed Harmon Rab, suffering unrequited love for Mac MacKenzie, dive-bombs sister Bertrille. As a shower of red and white float toward = the earth, Bertrille's hat is sucked into the port-side engine sending Harm= 's F-16 tomcat spinning away in a firey ball. =
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 76 (6/22/01 7:08 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> = Fantasy Island In a freak accident Free Willy slams into the side of a fishing boat occupied by Mr. Rourke and Tattoo. Despite heroic resuscitative efforts= by Baywatch Babes, the men die...but not without smiles on their faces. Edited by: soulsisters at: 8/14/01 9:06:46 am

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= Talking Xena > Archives III > If Tapert wrote fina= les for ALL TV faves...
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Author	Comment
Runt TX New Member Posts: 48 (6/19/01 5:33 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> GILLIGAN'S ISLAND: First they are attacked by the Horde, then a tsunami comes by. All are = killed but Gilligan and the skipper. There is a hint of subtext in the S&G relationship......they keep referring to it as "our little island" and soon start living in the same hut.
Xandra43 TX New Member Posts: 5 (6/19/01 6:25 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... ROTFLMAO Take care Xandra
HowellGal TX New Member Posts: 39 (6/19/01 1:34 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Bump maybe to brighten someone's day
xag4evr TX New Member Posts: 12 (6/19/01 2:55 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... The Highlander Need i say more?
Chakram01 TX Member Posts: 563 (6/19/01 4:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... South Park OMG ... they killed Kenny! X:WP OMG ... she killed Kenny! (A lice to a lice about a lice in "In Sickness And In Hell") Ha! I still have my humor . Chakram --------------------
skippi13 TX New Member Posts: 37 (6/19/01 4:41 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... OMG...you all are still cracking me up here....I m= ust make sure to not have any diet pepsi around need it go flying in my hysterics.....skippi
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 49 (6/19/01 5:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Baretta Oh, wait....Robert Blake just did that ending himself...
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 50 (6/19/01 6:01 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Dawson's Creek Unbeknownst to the gentle folk of Dawson's Creek, the creek has been trickling radioactivity for years from the Dawson's Nuclear Power Plant just upstream. The series dies a slow death as, weekly, the citizens mysteriously drop from sight, the teenagers, sadly, having never experienced sex....not even the eye-candy ones.
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 51 (6/19/01 6:45 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I warned you guys t= o stop me...now I'm going for the whole alphabet. Little House on the Prairie While braiding Laura's hair in the back-40 clover field, Nellie Oleson (bearing an amazing resemblance to the pre-nubile Hope) succumbs, in a defining sub-text moment, to the urge to express her und= ying love. Alas, in their oblivion they are not aware of the, glistening, attractively back-lit Amazon warriors descending upon them, chanting the Amazon recitative: RIGHT FLANK AMAZONS: Who's my little Bubba? LEFT FLANK AMAZONS: Chookie, chookie, chookie RIGHT FLANK AMAZONS: Who's my little Bubba? LEFT FLANK AMAZONS: Chookie, chookie, chookie
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 11 (6/21/01 6:15 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I wanna play... WONDER WOMAN Wonder Woman is killed by a group of religious zealots when they discov= ered her getting to know herself in one of their tents.
HowellGal TX New Member Posts: 58 (6/21/01 6:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> LAVERNE & SHIRL= EY were brutally beaten to a pulp by neigbourhood thugs last night while Shmelizling-Shmauzling, skipping down their street. Perpetrators were said to have done this because of the items carried in victims' hand. Laverne was holding her City College TEXT Book while Shi= rley was enjoying a SUB Squiggy and Lenny will collect their remains as soon as one of them fig= ures out how to hail a taxi. MATLOCK, MAGNUM, ROCKFORD, COLUMBO & MCCLOUD were all found dead in their respective bath tubs drowned in a tub of milk and Wheaties - FBI suspects a cereal killer
graciewc TX Member Posts: 170 (6/21/01 6:46 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Grooooooannnn, HG! (heeheeheehee)
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1179"> TX Member Posts: 2452 (6/21/01 6:48 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!! Thanks for the laughs you guys!!! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
Amazonite TX Member Posts: 268 (6/21/01 6:54 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Major groan, HG! THANKS for the laugh! Amazonite
Denigin TX Member Posts: 131 (6/21/01 7:21 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> God I wish TPTB could read this! They may of kille= d Xena but not your ladies spirits!!! Special thanks to Soulsister, Runt and Hgirl!!! Battle on Xenites!!!
meggieca TX New Member Posts: 5 (6/21/01 8:52 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I LOVE you guys!! I feel better. Thanks!
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1192"> TX Member Posts: 2458 (6/21/01 9:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> RIGHT BACK ATCHA MEG!! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 68 (6/21/01 11:26 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Keep 'em coming kids...in 24 hours our healing sca= bs are gonna be ripped off with Fin 2. =
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 69 (6/21/01 11:38 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> In a defiant film-making move, cross-over series' finales of JAG and The Flying Nun find us in the skies over Bosnia, where a crazed Harmon Rab, suffering unrequited love for Mac MacKenzie, dive-bombs sister Bertrille. As a shower of red and white float toward = the earth, Bertrille's hat is sucked into the port-side engine sending Harm= 's F-16 tomcat spinning away in a firey ball. =
soulsisters TX New Member Posts: 76 (6/22/01 7:08 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> = Fantasy Island In a freak accident Free Willy slams into the side of a fishing boat occupied by Mr. Rourke and Tattoo. Despite heroic resuscitative efforts= by Baywatch Babes, the men die...but not without smiles on their faces. Edited by: soulsisters at: 8/14/01 9:06:46 am

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<= img border=3D0 width=3D24 height=3D18 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image001.gif" alt=3D"Gold Community" v:shapes=3D"_x0000_i1206">Talking Xena > Archives III > If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...	<= img border=3D0 width=3D96 height=3D21 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image002.gif" alt=3D"New Topic" v:shapes=3D"_x0000_i1207">&nb= sp; <= img border=3D0 width=3D96 height=3D21 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image003.gif" alt=3D"Add Reply" v:shapes=3D"_x0000_i1208">
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Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 15 (6/23/01 12:54 am) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= The Ghost and Mrs= . Muir ~~Variety Newsflash~~ The series has been cancelled after 6 episodes due to lack of interes= t. When asked how she felt about the show's demise, Renee O'Connor, (the actr= ess who portrayed Mrs. Muir) responded, "Relieved, actually. I just couldn't see any chemistry between me and Luce." Plus, everytime= we had to kiss, I ended up looking like a goldfish swimming into a sheet= of saran wrap." Attempts to contact Lucy Lawless, (The Ghost) for an interview were unsuccessful. According to her agent, she has not been seen nor heard= of since production ceased. Edited by: Wineskin at: 6/23/01 1:39:16 am
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 16 (6/23/01 1:30 am) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Minnie: Warrior Mouse Despite the cheesy special effects, the show about everyone's favorite rodent continues to squeak by Buffy in ratings during this, its final season. Finale rumors are running rampant on the internet. One grainy screen = grab posted at the official website shows Minnie scurrying into the er... feathers of Daisy (finally). The second grab..well it appears that Minnie's face is totally enclosed by Daisy's bill. As for the latest rumor...well no one knows what to make of the deliv= ery of 40,000 packs of rat poison to the set location.
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 17 (6/23/01 1:52 am) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Romper Room TV Guide: See Miss Nancy break all of her mirrors and order the children to cra= wl through the pretty glass. (LOL---I'm digging really deep now) =
TanyaCan TX Member Posts: 453 (6/23/01 12:26 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Romper Room! Got me with that one! Yeah, her and that mirror! Bonanza-Hoss falls off his horse and crushes Little Joe, making him F= lat Joe. Pa, filled with grief, and tells Hop Sing to fix Hoss's last meal. Tanya Edited by: TanyaCan at: 6/23/01 12:33:24 pm=
bigjimjag TX New Member Posts: 35 (6/23/01 1:39 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= "Maury", "Sallly", "Jer= ry Springer", "Ricki Lake", "Jenny Jones": They'd send these talk show hosts to boot camp and jail. bigjimjag
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 110 (6/24/01 2:14 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Quantum Leap To his confusion and horror, Dr. Sam leaps into the body of Dr. Doogie Hauser just as he is being executed for the Munchausen Syndrome death= s of 20,000 patients. (yeah, yeah...a vicious, jumping, spinning back kick) Edited by: soulsisters at: 7/12/01 6:56:49 am
sirach1 TX New Member Posts: 9 (6/27/01 9:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= These are ALL SO hysterical!! Thank you all. Man I needed this! Lambchop with mint jelly! ROFL!!!
Joxer487 TX Member Posts: 175 (6/27/01 10:12 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= E.R- With a massive strike with actors 20,000 of them r brought into the ER bcuz they were fire bombed by the producers and ultimately the doctors sacrafice themselves to save the glitz and glamor of HollyWood Buffy- Takes place after the UPN season In saving the world once again Buffy sacrafices herself in order to b= eat the same stupid plot lines used in all series and season finales so s= he gets married has a kid and then dies in one tragic episode but first = has a kiss from her secert lover Williow as the subtext rises up... Facts of Life- Mrs Garret returns from Africa or whereever she was to stop the evil nemisis of Andy who takes over the girls souls and all the others of = Peekskill NY with her sister Bev. Anne @ her side Mrs G makes her last stand and is killed leaving her sister to go on with the business of Ednas Etibles= and the other one i forgot the name
Joxer487 TX Member Posts: 176 (6/27/01 10:21 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= The Jetsons- Jane was not able to stop the crazy= thing and George was decapitated by the crazy thing
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 173 (6/27/01 10:37 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Gentle Ben ....eats Lassie
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 52 (6/28/01 3:28 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Soul....ROTFLMAO!= !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 187 (6/28/01 3:55 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Who Wants to Be a Millionaire studios were flood= ed with crazed contestants this week when news broke that, in addition to receiving FIVE million dollars for the Final Episode, the contestant winning the most amount of mone= y would be permitted to off Regis Philbin in prime-time with the weapon= of their choice.
Runt TX New Member Posts: 70 (6/28/01 4:46 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= From Joxer: "The Jetsons- Jane was not able= to stop the crazy thing and George was decapitated by the crazy thing&qu= ot; tooooo funny! How about the Flinstones- Fred is brutally squashed in the rock quarr= y at work, Dino mauls Barney to death, then Betty and Wilma start sleeping= in the same bedrock- er, bedroll....
Joxer487 TX Member Posts: 178 (6/28/01 7:52 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= YEs i know im toooo funny lol j/k its good if i = get a good joke once a week! =
xenfan25 TX New Member Posts: 2 (6/29/01 1:52 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Chip and Dale While gathering leaves for a new winter blanket, Chip falls and lands onto a jaded stump below. Dale upon his return home finds Chip after 40,000 forest critters have feasted on his limp remains for several hours. After gutting the entire population of the forrest, Dale retri= eves Chips remains and cremates them stuffing them into a ridiculously sma= ll nutshell. Several chants later Chips head appears and kisses Dale. Closing credits: Chips body was permanently harmed during the product= ion of this motion picture however, he managed to keep his head.
Salmoneus101 TX New Member Posts: 17 (6/29/01 4:57 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Star Trek The Next Generation: Captain Picard realizes, that he is responsible of the death of 40000 Borg drones, whose souls cannot rest in peace and must be avenged. He therefore quits the Ente= rprise for good and travels to the next Borg ship in order be assimilated. <= span style=3D'color:black'>
not now mavis TX New Member Posts: 16 (6/29/01 1:49 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Happy Days Realizing that he had wronged 40,000 chicks with one night stands...t= he Fonz agrees to jump the shark again only this time falls just a little short... on purpose. He plummets into the shark ring with is thumbs up and his head is bitten off in one chomp.
xag4evr TX New Member Posts: 58 (6/29/01 2:42 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= frommmmm the weakest link contested rob tapert once again loses all banked funds, can answer no questions, except one's dealing with his vision and how it was his wa= y. who's one chakram shy in the discus throw who's never mindfull of anything but his vision who has pissed off alot of fans........... r.t. you are the weakest link.........goodbye!!!!!!!!! edited by me, cause well i can Edited by: xag4evr at: 6/29/01 3:10:26 pm
not now mavis TX New Member Posts: 20 (6/30/01 7:36 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves...= Charlie's Angels The angels are FINALLY going to see Charlie. Just before he steps from behind the screen....Bozly shoots them all in the back of the head...supposedly for 40,000 bra makers. Edited by: not now mavis at: 6/30/01 7:43:53 am<= o:p>
babblingbard TX New Member Posts: 49 (6/30/01 8:19 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales= for ALL TV faves... LOL. Ahhhh, you guys are too much...

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Author	Comment
not now mavis TX New Member Posts: 21 (6/30/01 8:20 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Grizzly Adams..= .. Need I say more?
Toa Pirinihehe TX New Member Posts: 12 (6/30/01 3:05 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... hmmm thinking of posting a battle to the death sce= ne in this column. But my Fan-Fic isn't published yet - so it would be a spoiler, sorry. * * * All right then: Maxwell Smart: He survives the tommy-gun attack, survives the shark att= ack, he even survives the car-bomb. He gets killed by picking up a four-leaf clover in front of a forward moving steamroller Richard K [a.k.a.torbaykiwi] [Another-Xena-Fanclub] Inhale though the nose, exhale through slightly parted lips. Breathe.
Daring Dragoon2 TX Member Posts: 508 (7/3/01 11:25 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... LOL!These are too funny! burps"Ohh!" singsI'm--Joxer the Mighty.I roam through = the countryside.With Gabby as a sidekick.Fighting with--her little stick.Bu= t she ain't got no little stick no more!~Joxer
nemesystah TX New Member Posts: 2 (7/3/01 12:01 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I Dream Of Jeann= ie -- "Master" cannot forgive himself for having partisipated in the moon landings hoax, and has Jeannie blink him (she takes it upon hers= elf to send the equally guilty Roger, and The Major as well) to the moon. Where, lacking pressurized suits, they immediately explode. Jeannie then blinks Master's rent and freeze dried remains back, puts them in her old bottle, and proceeds to move into the main house.
talldarkndeadly TX Member Posts: 2653 (7/3/01 2:13 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... THE WEAKEST LINK!! LMAO!!!...(goodbye!!)heehee! Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
bigjimjag TX New Member Posts: 54 (7/3/01 7:22 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... "Ricki Lake" and "Jenny Jones" The same as in my earlier post. bigjimjag
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 249 (7/3/01 10:29 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... NOVA ....goes supernova...
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 250 (7/3/01 11:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Tonight! On a Very Special.....Mad About You... After weeks of whining and kvetching through their vacation in the deep wilds of Idaho's River of No Ret= urn region, Jamie and Paul Buchman are tracked and beheaded by Arian Nations skinheads who kidnap and raise their hapless daughter, Mabel, to make sandwiches and rob banks. Oy veh.
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 251 (7/3/01 11:34 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Arson is suspected in a mysterious wave of fires t= hat have plagued the set of the new series premiere: "THE MESSAGE BOARD" Police will not comment, though it is rumored that a man, dressed in chainmail and seen skulking around the soundstage, has been taken downt= own for questioning.
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 63 (7/4/01 1:37 am) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... CROCODILE HUNTER The last page of the last transcript: Steve: "Crikey, he bit off me arm!" Steve: "Crikey, he bit off me other arm!" Steve: "Crikey, he bit off both me legs!" As the sun slowly sets, we see Steve bobbing gently down the stream singing--"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily---life is but a dream."
vicki martino TX New Member Posts: 9 (7/4/01 10:11 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> = Gilligans Island..after a cannabis induced dream the professor convinces everyone they need a sac= rifice to help them get off the island..sadly Gilligan is the closest they have to a virgin.. so poor Gilligan is sacrificed never telling anyone of his secret affair with Mrs. Howell..the survivors rename the island..Ginger's Place
PTowner TX New Member Posts: 1 (7/4/01 4:11 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Oh my GOD these are too funny!!! whoo hoo! I finally made it to Mary D's....I'm so proud!
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 261 (7/4/01 4:29 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Welcome Towner! As Gab would say: "C'mon in! The water's great!
Toa Pirinihehe TX New Member Posts: 52 (7/4/01 5:54 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Wonder Woman flies her invisible jet plane over Iraq. Saddam shoots her down with his double-barrel shotgun Wonder Woman in a panic can't find the eject lever. Harmon Rabb sees her panic and commences to try to push her invisible p= lane out of Iraq and over the Mediteranean in the hope of a save splashdown. Unfortunately Harm had a little problem with his eyes and can't see Won= der Woman's invisible plane. They collide and explode in an invisible explosion. Richard K [a.k.a.torbaykiwi] [Another-Xena-Fanclub] Inhale though the nose, exhale through slightly parted lips. Breathe.
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 64 (7/4/01 9:18 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> JEOPARDY Alex: "Audience, please welcome tonight's special contestants for = the final round of Celebrity Jeopardy! They are............. Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, and fresh from Martha's Vineyard....= John-John Kennedy! Please give them a rousing hand!" Edited by: Wineskin at: 7/4/01 9:20:43 pm=
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 65 (7/4/01 9:29 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> LA LAW All of the firm's attorneys were TORTured to death.
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 66 (7/4/01 9:43 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> THE GRAMMY AWARDS - 2002 Here to accept the award for Best Pop Song By A Duet Or Group for this year's winning song - "I Lost You, Babe" are.... Sonny and Cher
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 263 (7/4/01 9:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Larry King Live! . . . . . . . . Larry King Dead!
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 67 (7/4/01 9:53 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> FLIPPER RT: "Cut! It's in the can." =
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 68 (7/4/01 9:55 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Soul, You are tooooooooo much! ROTFLMAO,PIP!!!

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soulsisters TX Member Posts: 264 (7/4/01 10:00 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> bakatcha Wine... The Mummy RT: Cut, it's a WRAP!
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 265 (7/4/01 10:15 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... In a tragic accident today, the scaffolding on Hollywood Squares collap= sed crushing all has-been stars but Whoopi Goldberg who was heard to lament, "I'm so glad Paul Lynde wasn't here to see this!"
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 69 (7/4/01 10:38 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... THE LOVE BOAT Devastated with grief over the loss of her First Mate, Gab Pote, the sh= ip's first female captain, set the LOVE BOAT adRIFT with only herself onboar= d. Dock workers reported seeing the captain standing in the bow embracing a potted plant and wailing over and over again something which sounded li= ke, "akeeemylied! akeeemylied! akeeemylied!" The LOVE BOAT was last spotted by the USS AMFIPOLASS in a northern Atlantic Ocean region inundated with icebergs. =
Runt TX New Member Posts: 78 (7/4/01 10:47 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... CUT! It's a LAUGH! These are too funny! STAR TREK- Captain Kirk, feeling remorse over the death of 40,000 Tribb= les, borrows a red shirt from an unknown ensign. Scotty becomes "defiant" and refuses to "beam anyone, anywhere, till th= ey fix my bloody accent!" Spock suddenly develops PMS and begins to wander about the command deck, crying and looking for chocolate. Doc, overwhelmed by the turn of events, declares everyone to be insane but himself, takes command, and accidently pilots the ship into an asteroid (really cool explosion at the end). Edited by: Runt at: 7/4/01 11:08:45 pm
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 70 (7/4/01 11:02 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... THE RED SHIRT DIARIES Stories about the life and times of several handsome young men who all desired the same woman. Mysteriously, each diary ends with the indentic= al final entry, "Oh sh*t, here SHE comes!"
talldarkndeadly TX Member Posts: 2692 (7/5/01 4:15 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... BRADY BUNCH: Carol, kids,and Alice all drink tainted koolaid aft= er finding out dad is gay!Dads been dating Sam the butcher.They were all f= ound in their beds.Only Tiger survives. Who's my little Bubba?My little Bubba?Who's my little Bubba?..chooki= e! chookie! chookie!chookie!
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 360 (7/11/01 10:37 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... The series finale of FEAR FACTOR has been postpone= d indefinitely while producers scurry, for the 12th week, and for an unhe= ard of grand prize of $500,000, to find 4 contestants who are willing to undergo the most horrorific, abhorrent and loathsome, but nevertheless DEFIANT, challenge of the series run: Ten minutes without ear plugs in a locked car with Rush Limbaugh, Howard Stern and Dr. Laura Edited by: soulsisters at: 7/12/01 10:07:15 pm
xag4evr TX Member Posts: 131 (7/12/01 7:30 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... AAaaakkkkk SS, I'd PAY 500,000 for that to just not happen to me!!!!!!! I dont have th= at kinda cash, but buddy i would find a wayyyyy!!!!! Multi shiver fest rac= ing up and down spine, trying to maintain control........... SS, are you sure thats not some spooky holloween story, or one to those urban legends?
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 365 (7/12/01 1:11 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... XAG, maybe when we post these things we should write a qualifier that says "keep barf bag handy" hahaha
Amazonite TX Member Posts: 490 (7/12/01 2:15 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... OMG ROTFLMAO!!!! Haven't been here for awhile, I've missed some hilarious stuff! I love the Croc Hunter, Star Trek, Brady Bunch, etal! Too funny! I think if Rush, Dr. Laura and Howard Stern were all in the same car it would explode in a fireball of self-destruction. Too many humongous yet ignorant egos in too small a space. Maybe we could make it work? hehehe Probably lots of people would donate half a million just to see it happ= en! Laughing ON! Amazonite
Wineskin TX New Member Posts: 98 (7/12/01 2:28 pm) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Rush and Dr. Laura and Howard in a car? SPAM in a can.
Runt TX Member Posts: 125 (7/12/01 10:32 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> RL, Dr. L, and HS in the car: Rush insists on driving and complains about the price of gas the whole time, "Why haven't we drilled in the Antarctic yet?", while HS tries to get Dr. L to lift her top and show him her---- uh, DOCTORAL degree! HS: "Give you a guest spot on my show, whaddaya say? Hoist the sai= ls, baby!" Dr. L: "I have my OWN show already, you d*mn hippie!" HS: "Show- you haven't shown me a THING, yet!" Rush: "Quiet back there! I can't hear the Falwell show!"
Runt TX Member Posts: 126 (7/12/01 10:49 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> THE BRADY BUNCH (BUNCH II) The entire family goes to Japan to see a "defiant" new project that Mike is hired to build. Once there they are attacked by 20,000 lot= us blossoms and their car careens off the road into a nuclear facility, causing a large, mushroom-cloud explosion. Alice and Carol live through= the explosion as they "remembered to duck". Once back home, they = are later caught "stuffing the turkey" together by Sam, who swear= s to "avenge" himself by charging for 40,000 sausage links he never delivered. Stricken by bankruptcy and too poor to cook, the girls roam = the streets until Alice finds work with "an old friend" and leaves Carol with a baking pan to treasure her memories of their time together= .
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 380 (7/12/01 10:49 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> As Pee Wee Herman and His Friends slash and burn through Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, the bludgeoned Fred Rogers pleads: "But Pee Wee, I 'feel' a need to share with you my 'feelings' about your torched earth policy. What are YOU 'feeling' right now, little one? Let's explore our 'feelings' together." Decapitating Mr. Rogers, P= ee Wee is heard to say "Ooops!!??...hahaha....myyyy mistake"
Runt TX Member Posts: 128 (7/12/01 10:56 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Hey, was Pee-wee's Secret Word of the Day- "Decapitation?" You know what to do- anytime someone says the Secret Word, SCREAM REAL LOUD!
bigjimjag TX New Member Posts: 63 (7/13/01 6:41 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Howard Stern: Mr. Stern and his cast and crew are sent to jail and boot camp. bigjimjag
Wineskin TX Member Posts: 144 (7/15/01 12:36 am) Reply \| Edit	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Bump These are too funny for folks to miss, yes?
Runt TX Member Posts: 145 (7/15/01 9:22 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> THE INCREDIBLE HULK= : The big green guy is mistaken for a large vegetable at a Japanese restaurant, and is thrown into a batch of tempura. He starts to resist, then realizes he'll never find a shirt that fits, and succumbs to his f= ate. ADAM-12 The unit gets renamed to 13- and BAAAAAAD things happen........
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1336"> TX Member Posts: 2875 (7/15/01 9:35 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> The View...Babs flips out and kills other 3 cohost= s with sharp hat pin in the eyes, when she hears them calling her BAA BAA WAA = WAA behind her back and talking with a lithp! Tapert makes mint off movie rights to mini series!He titles it..Pweese Dont call me baa baa." = "You are going to be dead in thirty seconds.You and your little= dog too!"(Xena-Old Ares Had A Farm)
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 622 (7/20/01 1:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> BUGS BUNNY Production has all but halted on the series finale of Bugs Bunny shooting in the Hassen Pfeffer Hotel in Brandenburg, Germany. T= he star has been missing for three days and Interpol has no leads. Elmer Fudd refused commentary last night in the hotel restaurant while dining on Bwandied Wabbit in Mustard Sauce... with a nice cabernet.

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soulsisters TX Member Posts: 922 (8/1/01 6:05 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> bump Let's go for 2000 hits guys!!! <= /span>
CJvR TX New Member Posts: 34 (8/1/01 8:20 am) Reply	A few suggestions on RT visio= ns... ST-TNG : after watching FIN Picard agrees with Q, mankind should be destroyed. ST-DS9 : SF decides that the station isnt very useful and that Bajor is= of no concern for the Federation and pull out. ST-Voy : LostWay & co decides that it is much more fun in their par= t of the Galaxy and stays there. SW-trilogy : Vader spits on Lukes smoking corps before turning Leia to = the darkside. Pearl Harbour : The vets return in 1= 945 only to find that their girl has married the insurance salesman. Dallas = : JR finds the real will of Jock that leaves everyting to Bobby and selfless= ly hands everything over. Jurassic-etc : The enviro-greens get eaten by the Dinos and the capital= ists get their losses covered by the goverment. Hogan's Heroes : Hogan & co is shot by sgt. Schultze while trying to escape. Saving pr. Ryan : Ryan's ship is torpedoed with no survivors on the way home. Shindlers list : The Jews are machine-gunned by retreating SS troops wh= en they reach town. X-Files : They hack the goverments super secret master computer and find the answer to all the secrets out there. For the Subtexters, Desert Hearts : One of them tripps and is run over by the train, we get= to see the post-mortem.
Midnightwriter TX New Member Posts: 13 (8/1/01 9:24 am) Reply	Re: A few suggestions on RT visions... = South Park - Kenny go= es on a rampage mumbling under his hood "somebody else's turn to die&quo= t;. Only survivor - Kenny.
Midnightwriter TX New Member Posts: 14 (8/1/01 9:31 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Law & Order: Jack the prosecuter, realizes he = can get faster justice by whacking heads off all the suspects. Then he discovers only Xena fans are on the Law & Order SUSA board. He goes= on a rapampage killing off all the characters on the show, thereby killing= the SUSA L & O board too. Edited by: Midnightwriter at: 8/1/01 9:37:48 am=
HELLtoupee2 TX New Member Posts: 6 (8/1/01 9:39 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Felicity's hair is getting too long, so she goes t= o the beauty salon for a trim. The hairstylist is having a tough time slicing through her thick mane and slips with the scissors, sending Felicity's = head tumbling from her shoulders. Meanwhile Ben races to the salon in an effort to stop Felicity from once again making a huge mistake, but is horrified when he finds the gruesome headless corps of his beloved girlFRIEND slumped over in the barber's chair. He gags, as he pulls her lifeless body out of the chair and crad= les it in his arms. After gathering his composure for a moment, he stands up and screams, "where's her head!" The camera pans to Felity's severed head wedged under the styling-tool caddy. The final scene pans out from Ben on the Staten = Island ferry babbling to an urn of Felicity's ashes. -HELLtoupee
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 930 (8/1/01 9:50 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... ROTFLOL! Hell! hahahaha!
68boss TX New Member Posts: 28 (8/1/01 9:58 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Mighty Mouse is flying thru the sky to save the da= y! He hears a goose call, turns his head to look, and flys into a plane prope= ller. The pilot, a samuri with a bad accent, looks into the camera and smiles= as he brags "I'm the man who killed Mighty Mouse".
HELLtoupee2 TX New Member Posts: 8 (8/1/01 10:31 am) Reply	All In The Family Ok, this is too much fun so here goes another one:= Edith confesses to Archie that she is a lesbian and wants a divorce. In= a fit of rage Archie hacks off Edith's head with a butcher knife and stuf= fs her severed head in the laundry chute. Coming over to the Bunker residence to pick up Edith for thier weekly g= ame of bridge, Edith's lover Ethel ususpectingly enters the kitchen where t= he headless corps of her lover is lying sprawled out on the kitchen table.= Archie is sent to prision for murdering his wife and in a strange twist= of fate, he and Ethel become pen pals. They discover that they are soulmat= es and this tragic event was the catalyst in realizing their "destiny" to be together. Archie is finally granted a conjugal visit and has a heart-attack in the middle of doing "the nasty" with Ethel. -HELLtoupee
Midnightwriter TX New Member Posts: 50 (8/3/01 8:38 am) Reply	Re: All In The Family Bump - this thread is so funny we shouldn't let it= die yet. ROTFLOL
kiwifroot TX New Member Posts: 2 (8/4/01 3:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> This is so funny. Thanks I needed this. Ok, On Who's the Boss, Tony runs over and chops up Jonathan while mowing the lawn and hides the pieces in his lasagna. All the clowns Bozo, Cookie and Oliver are missing. Their heads are lat= er found in the buckets used for the Grand Prize Game. Susan Lucci/Erica Kane bludgeons everyone to death in Pine Valley with her Emmy and then dripping in blood, gives a lovely thank you spee= ch. Darma is killed in a freak yoga accident. Greg and Darma's parents communicate with Darma by smoking her ashes. The show continues as Ashes and Greg. Ooooo this is sick. Get it Rob.<= /span>
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1363"> TX Member Posts: 3523 (8/4/01 3:57 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> EVERBODY LOVES RAYMOND...Ray finally gets fed up w= ith the whole family of nuts and cuts off their heads like a good samarai should according to the honorable ways of the japanese culture!Then he kills himself,caligula style!
IreneRenee TX New Member Posts: 93 (8/4/01 4:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> FALCON CREST....... Angela Chaning, matriarch of the Spring Mountain Valley vineyard in California, was found dead early this morning at her vineyard estate. The lifeless = body was found near the grape vat and appeared to be stomped to death. Son Richard and wife Maggie were both unavailable for comment. Grandson= , Lance Cumson, was rumoured to have run off with a motorcycle gang. The butler, Chao Li, was out of town attending an Iron Chef cooking competition and could not be reached for comment. (Remember Lorenzo Lamas starred in "Renegade" after that show= ?)
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1023 (8/4/01 7:43 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Though scheduled for a 22-episode season run, the = hit show IT'S DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN, has been abbreviated to a mere t= hree episodes. In a defiant move today the producer declared, "Who needs character arcs when you've got special effects? I think we got our mess= age across early and people should be surprised and entertained. If not, exsqueeze me."
HowellGal TX Member Posts: 289 (8/4/01 8:02 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> This doesn't fit the thread I know but I can't res= ist: Today is was announced that A&E Network cancelled their highly accl= aimed show "Biography". Last night's subject was Producer Robert Tapert and it was discovered t= hat NO television in all of TV land was tuned to A & E therefore they h= ad to refund all advertising money.
Kethry2 TX New Member Posts: 89 (8/4/01 8:06 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> In a rollicking fin= ale, Sara slips with the Witchblade and heads roll, including her own! After months of gossip, Wilbur is institutionalized and Mr. Ed is shipp= ed to the local glue factory! Dr. Quinn is hanged for malpractice! Olivia Walton snaps, poisons the apple pie and wipes out the entire clan..."It's o.k", claims Livvy, "they'll always be where they belong, in my heart!"
ArgoSit TX New Member Posts: 17 (8/4/01 8:20 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> ooohhh..oohh I got a couple Honeymooners: Ralph Kramden gets run over by his very own bus Alice runs off with Ed Norton and Trixie dies from an overdose Gilligans Island: Gilligan is killed in his sleep by Ginger because she found out Mary Ann (who we later found out was BI) was cheating on her. Mary Ann builds her own boat (cuz women can) and sails off in deep disp= air, never to be seen again The Professor has an affair with Lovey and Thurston does a double homic= ide and then "OFFS" himself. Skipper tries to console Ginger and in their intense love making he dies from a heart attack. Ginger is left alone on Gilligans deserted island ...and dies of old ag= e I don't jog ~ it makes the ice jump out of my glass.
Lucys Bard TX New Member Posts: 13 (8/5/01 1:58 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I just wanted to say...DAYUM there's a lot of hits= on this thread!!!
Yakut TX New Member Posts: 9 (8/5/01 3:40 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> CJvR, (Quote):For the Subtexters, Desert Hearts : One of them tripps and is run over by the train, we get= to see the post-mortem. This is hysterical.Especially because this is exactly how RT would have ended that love story,given his track record. Great thread.This ranks up there with Xena Warrior Pot,and Callisto's Bye-bye Boardy.
MsPeel TX New Member Posts: 12 (8/5/01 6:14 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> The Flintstones - Fred turns vegeterian. To atone = for the 40,000 brontosaurous steaks he's eaten over his lifetime Fred allows himself to be decapitated by a passing pterodactyl (I'm da bird that ki= lled Fred). Barney discovers Freds headless corpse but only after Dino has b= een feeding on it for a week. Sesame Street - Oscar finally snaps and goes on a rampage with an utzi. Ernie returns from holidays to find Burts headless corpse draped over Mr Hoopers counter.After eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich Ernie b= urns down Mr Hoopers store and places Burts ashes in a hollowed out rubber duckie. He's last seen walking off down Sesame street talking to his ru= bber duckie.
kiwifroot TX New Member Posts: 5 (8/5/01 12:28 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Ms. Peel, yours are the best yet. Perfect analogy = of FIN. Wish we could send all of these to Robert T. kiwifroot

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ubabe TX New Member Posts: 26 (8/5/01 3:14 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" After Mary tells Rhoda: 'If I had only 30 seconds to live I would want = to spend 15 of them looking into your eyes and the other 15 with a bottle = of Jack Daniels", she heads straight to work and stangles Lou Grant a= nd the others with Rhoda's bandana. To find redemption for 'The Dick Van D= yke Show', she jumps off of the Empire State Building while 40,000 viewers sing, "She going to make it after all". Rhoda finds Mary's teeth and makes a necklace out of all 50 of them and spins off. ubabe
jujunee TX New Member Posts: 24 (8/5/01 3:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!!! Peace, J
Mixxster TX New Member Posts: 2 (8/5/01 4:26 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> You guys are a hoot= ! I just read the entire thread at once and some of these literally had me LOL. = Mind if I play? After testimony from concerned citizen Gladys Kravitz, a local woman was found guilty of witchcraft and burned at the stake. Samantha Stephens is survived by her husband Darin and children Tabitha and Adam. The trial = of Tabitha and Adam Stephens, also suspected of witchcraft, begins tomorow. ("Bewitched") Tired of seeing a young neighborhood tomboy constantly wearing a boy sc= out hat, climbing trees, skateboarding and generally doing things best left= to boys, a deranged neighbor decapitated Latisha "Buddy" Lawrenc= e. He was heard to say, "I seen to it that she won't be wearing that = damn hat anymore!" ("Family") Totally disgusted that during their entire time as cops no one ever cle= aned the 14th Precinct women's restroom, Christine Cagney and Mary Beth Lacey went on a shooting rampage killing hundreds. ("Cagney & Lacey") While on her daily jog today, medical miracle Jaime Sommers' bionic imp= lants malfunctioned. She was unable to decelerate causing her lungs to explod= e. It was reported that Ms. Sommers had neglected her 100,000 mile check-u= p. ("Bionic Woman") Edited by: Mixxster at: 8/5/01 4:31:02 pm=
MsPeel TX New Member Posts: 13 (8/5/01 8:00 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Thanks for the complement Kiwifroot. Ubabe I love the tooth necklace - still laugh over the 50 of them, expl= ains her smile I guess.
garbogirl TX Member Posts: 136 (8/5/01 8:29 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> In Teletubbyland: Po rides her scooter into the big dome a= nd goes flying through the air where she goes through the hole, and falls = into the tubby toast maker. the other tubbies come in and see toast suddenly= fly out so they all sit down to eat where they become violently ill and die= , as they each die one by one they go "bye bye". noonoo then sucks them up. "Doubt who you will, but never yourself"
bigjimjag TX Member Posts: 128 (8/5/01 8:35 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I think this is now the most popular thread in ausxip.com history!(2,500 views and 125 posts) bigjimjag
talldarkndeadly <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1405"> TX Member Posts: 3574 (8/5/01 9:05 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> I think Amazon Village has tha= t beat tho! And way back when we did the Answering Machine game was really big.
ubabe TX New Member Posts: 28 (8/5/01 9:32 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> What a wonderful way to spend time, reading these!= They are all so funny. I loved them all. ubabe
Berthagrl TX New Member Posts: 3 (8/7/01 11:31 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Butthead puts the pinch on Beavis and then kicks h= is a**.
Berthagrl TX New Member Posts: 4 (8/7/01 11:32 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... That last one was especially for you Runt!
HowellGal TX Member Posts: 298 (8/8/01 6:49 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... I am so PROUD that I started this thread - Sorry s= ome days I just have to have a little pat on the back even if it's from mys= elf.
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1093 (8/13/01 9:19 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... Just bumping the fun....
Strandia Star <= img border=3D0 width=3D10 height=3D10 src=3D"IfTapert_files/image008.gif" v= :shapes=3D"_x0000_i1416"> TX New Member Posts: 36 (8/14/01 12:13 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Little House on The Prarie : Scenario Number 1: Pa? They're blowing up the town!!! Why are you locki= ng me in the barn?!!?! Number 2: NNNNNOOOOOOO JACK, That's carries FACE! 3: Pa...... horses aren't supposed to eat PEOPLE, are thehy? i think spmething migh= t be wrong........ Season Finale number 1: Mr Edwards, I don't think you're supposed to be doing that to my sister...... wait...... you're and inhumane super powe= r? Oh, i guess that's not rape!! Pokemon: All the furry creature get a horrible rabbies disease, and rip the hell outa the annoying little kids Digimon: Kari: I'm sorry..... there is nothing left to eat..... looks down Beaumon gulp Wheel of Fortune: Pat: In THIS very special episode, instead of getting letters turned over, you get to slice a piece O'Vanna! Big Brother: The inmates, disenchanted with the game, turn on the producers, re creating their own version of Murder in Small Town X. Martha Stuart: ........ Need I say MORE?
schiz0id TX New Member Posts: 30 (8/14/01 9:16 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> This has to be the = funniest thread I've read in a loooong time!! I really enjoyed it.
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1106 (8/14/01 9:19 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Schiz, Check out the 'New Gods' thread. You'll be spitting your grog all over your keyboard. soul
schiz0id TX New Member Posts: 32 (8/14/01 9:29 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Will do, soulsisters! schiz gets ready for some spittin'
bigjimjag TX Member Posts: 144 (8/14/01 6:18 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> THE WEAKEST LINK: He'd have Anne Robinson tell all the bad guys; "YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! GOODBYE!" bigjimjag
bigjimjag TX Member Posts: 145 (8/14/01 6:19 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> Let's go for 3,000! bigjimjag
Joxer487 TX Member Posts: 336 (8/15/01 11:08 am) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> hehehehe i forgot about this thread *"Wow,thanks for saving us."- Bart "Now lets get you kids home"-LL She takes off* "Wait a minute Xena can't fly"-Lisa "I told you I'm not Xena, I'm Lucy Lawless!"-LL "Oh"-Lisa**
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1130 (8/15/01 2:51 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> MURDER, SHE WROTE Taking a break from writing her latest murder mystery, Jessica Fletcher leaves her quaint cottage in coastal Maine= and heads to the shore for a relaxing morning stroll, only to find a small, beached, pilot whale helplessly rolling in the surf. As she tries to pull the hapless animal ashore, a 40-foot white shark plunges from 'neath the waves and drags Jessica under.

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bigjimjag TX Member Posts: 146 (8/15/01 7:07 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> On second thought, I think the moderators will pro= bably lock this thread soon... bigjimjag
antony girl TX Member Posts: 389 (8/31/01 11:11 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales f= or ALL TV faves... OH MY GOD! Mr. Ed, I Love Lucy, Andromeda, Little = House on the Prairie, Crocodile Hunter, Flipper, Larry King Dead… The l= ist goes on and on... The sheer fabulousness of it all overwhelms me! Aweso= me work, guys! How about… On a very special “Mad About You:” After being tracked and beheaded by local Aryan Nation skinheads while vacationing on the Snake River, Paul and Jamie Buchman’s souls are enslaved by Yo!Murray, lord of the dog land. Upon learning of her inordinately whiny parents’ ghastly fate, th= eir daughter, Mabel, who was adopted by Timber wolves after her parentsR= 17; death, asks her Alpha Male, Sam, (who, oddly enough, has a strong Kiwi accent) to tear out her throat so that she may infiltrate the dog land,= set a trap for Yo!Murray in the doghouse, and thank him for sparing her the misery of being raised by her birth parents. On a very special “Absolutely Fabulous:” After years of badgering by her mother, Saffron Monsoon finally succumb= s to the pressure and takes a sip of beer at an all-night university cram session. Then immediately dies of cirrhosis. After losing her flat over the bar, Patsy Stone once again moves in with Edina Monsoon. One night, after downing approximately 40,000 kinds of spirits at a low-rent rave in the East End, they both choke on their own vomit and die in their sleep. As they had always dreamed of doing. After the untimely deaths of Patsy, Eddie, and Saffy, loyal personal assistant Bubble is forced to take over Edina’s PR firm. At the second annual PR PR Person’s Awards Dinner of the Month Lunch, a much-la= uded Bubble is asked how she managed to revitalize the long-struggling compa= ny. “I doon’t knoow. It’s difficult to explain…R= 21; On a very special “Friends:” In the series finale, special guest star Hudson Leick is revealed to be= the father of Rachel’s baby. A distraught Ross seeks comfort in the s= trong Italian arms of Joey Tribiani, and the two once again share a passionate “nap” together, the significance of which is still being debated by fans today. While holding a séance in Monica and Chandler’s apartment, Phoebe accidentally channels the souls of 40,000 Mongol warriors while attempt= ing to talk to her dead mother. When slovenly “Pigsty” Khan accidentally knocks over a coaster, enraged neat-freak Monica goes on a killing spree, taking the lives of Phoebe, Chandler, and all 40,000 Mongols be= fore turning the eggbeater on herself. Sole survivor Gunther, still working at Central Perk, makes a note to b= ook a new musical act that can cover “Smelly Cat,” an anthem wh= ich is featured prominently in the emotional and delicate final score by Jo LoDuca. On a very special “Will & Grace:” Will and Grace die. Does it really matter how? The fabulous Jack McFarland moves into the even more fabulous Karen Walker’s apartment again, where the two share nightly bubble bath= s, in which Jack delights in "scrubbing The Beaverhausen." Outra= ged Will and Jack fans everywhere insist this interplay means nothing, absolutely nothing! One night, a giddy Jack and Karen finally find and burn Rosario Salazar’s beloved Members Only jacket. An enraged Rosario kills them both by scrubbing their mouths out with gin and toilet cleanser. She then goes to work for rival socialite Beverly Leslie, who buys her a new Members Only jacket = and sets her to work alphabetizing his Designer Impostors body sprays. Meanwhile, in the spiritual realm, Jack is working on a new cabaret act= for the XXHC’s Karaoke Bar and Lounge, which is tentatively called “Jack 40,000.” On a very special “The Real Ghostbusters:” (Wuzzup kids from the 80’s!) Following yet another failed EPA inspection, a long-maligned Mr. Peck is finally avenged when he shuts the boys down on a technicality. Lacking power, a chocked to the gills containment unit holding over 40,000 souls explodes spectacularly, leaving a mushroom cloud over Manhattan that is visible even from= space. First to die are Peter, Ray, Winston, and blonde-for-no-reason Egon. Long-suffering secretary Janine seems at first to be mortally wounded as well, but is given the kiss of life by her long-lost spiritual soul mat= e, Slimer, who was freed during the explosion. While many fans see this as= the consummation of a forbidden and much speculated about relationship, oth= ers insist it was nothing more than an ectoplasm transfer.
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1457 (9/1/01 12:38 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> AG, you are marvelously twisty. Just glorious. We should spawn an entire thread dedicated to the sheer vapidness that IS Paul Reiser, don't you think? As long, that is, as it wouldn't erroneously be viewed by anyone as some sort of 'homage' Makes my mouth water.... Thank you.
soulsisters TX Member Posts: 1821 (10/1/01 8:35 pm) Reply	Re: If Tapert wrote finales for ALL TV faves... <= /p> New season anyone??????

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