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Hatshepsout
TX Member
Posts: 409
(9/28/01 10:48 pm)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
soulsisters,
Quote:
posted by sousisters:
CALLISTO TO XENA
There's a moment
when I look at you...
and I think I’m looking at me,
but
that makes sense, right?
Because the writers wrote me crazy,
right?
and I talk to myself,
and listen to myself,
and
write poetry to myself, or so it seems to me.
Am I listening?
Is anyone there?
GAB TO VARIA
There's a moment when I
look at you...
and I want to smash your face in,
because
I’M Queen, not you,
and you embarrassed me in front of the
tribe.
And I tremble and am a weeney,
and know if I
confront you,
you’ll take me down again, or so it seems to
me.
B**CH.
BRUNNHILDA TO GAB
There's a moment when I
look at you...
and I stupidly take my life in my hands,
by
trying to win you from THE Xena.
And you say "Are you
insane?"
Perhaps. Then fire races through my skin,
not to
mention over everyone else’s,
and I shimmer,
and
combust,
and…are things getting warm in here?..
or so it
seems to me.
XENA TO GAB
Well, now, that’s kinda scary
Gabrielle
Because ya see
There's a moment when I look at you
TOO...
And I wonder just what the hell you’re thinking,
because frankly, I’m a fencesitter,
and I can’t believe
you’re reading this girly poetry to me,
and I tremble,
that
you might jump my bones in the night.
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING
WRONG WITH THAT,
but being pregnant once (by Callisto no less)
was plenty
enough, or so it seems to me.
 By
the gods, you're hilarious...Or so it seems to me.
Thanks for
the laugh!
Edited by: Hatshepsout
at: 9/28/01 9:49:13 pm
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soulsisters
TX Member
Posts: 1797
(9/28/01 11:13 pm)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
Why, thanks, HAT! 
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antony
girl
TX Member
Posts:
1519
(9/29/01 3:20 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
Welcome to the jungle, Roxy dahlin!
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soulsisters
TX Member
Posts: 1805
(9/30/01 12:19 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
The Ballad of Xena and Gab
Snorkeling toward the dock at
Higuchi,
tryna scrape some points off my debt.
The Battling
Bard said Hon!
you’re trying too hard!
You know she get’s just
what she wants when she’s wet!
GODS! you know it ain't
easy.
You know how hard it can be.
I crave my
redemption,
but wanna stay with Gabby.
Finally doused the
fire in midtown,
feeling like I knocked off that
debt.
Harukata, he say,
"No! You no make it okay!
You no
paid until we lop off your head!”
GODS! you know it ain't
easy.
I think we outta try and dash.
The way things are
going,
they’re gonna turn me into ash.
Showed Gab the
Pinch and went off to battle,
catching arrows flying so fast.
Ended up on display,
in Kiwi Sam’s sickening way.
At
least they got my atomic blast!
HA! you know it ain't
easy.
You know how hard it can be.
If this was Rome,
Italy,
they would have crucified me.
Saving Greatest Good
acts for a rainy day,
giving all you’ve got to folks in
need.
Last night the wife said,
Oh, Girl when you’re
dead,
you won’t take nothing with you but
Akeeeeemi.
THINK!
Found myself inside of a
teahouse,
red kimono chafes like a thong.
Yodoshi, he
said,
”you just don’t know that you’re dead.”
Man! I need a
hit off that bong.
GODS! you know it ain't easy.
You know how
hard it can be.
If I don’t get outta here,
they're gonna
ghostify me.
Made a lightning trip up to Fuji,
ingested
extra strength from my Gab.
Yodoshi ‘s decapped.
Released all
those trapped.
But only vengeance cancels my tab.
SURPRISE!
you know it ain't easy.
My Gab is waiting at the Font.
The way
things have ended,
all I can ever do is haunt.
The way things
have ended,
all I can ever do is haunt.
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antony
girl
TX Member
Posts:
1543
(9/30/01 12:47 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
Soul-an! You're home! At
last...
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Tango
TX Member
Posts: 646
(9/30/01 1:51 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
*claps enthusiastically* LOL, soulsisters! Great parody, I was
singing along the whole way through!
Tango
There is nothing worse than
having to rely on someone to carry your head around in a jar
whenever you want to go out.
-- My friend in Bioethics,
voicing her disapproval of keeping certain organs alive
artificially.
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soulsisters
TX Member
Posts: 1807
(9/30/01 8:42 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
Tango! Your bioethics quote is a parody until itself!! !
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Tango
TX Member
Posts: 647
(9/30/01 10:39 am)
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
Soulsisters - yep, so I noticed...
Tango
There is nothing worse than
having to rely on someone to carry your head around in a jar
whenever you want to go out.
-- My friend in Bioethics,
voicing her disapproval of keeping certain organs alive
artificially.
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antony
girl
TX Member
Posts:
1619
(10/1/01 7:01 pm)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
The State of Florida’s Correctional System and The XXHC are proud
to present a RenSux production…
“MOONS! A Musical Homage to
Love, Redemption, and Gratuitous Violence”
Original
concept by: John Soul-i-an
Story by: Diogenes Tapert
Teleplay
by: A.G. Stewart
Music by: Ananaranga Galore
Edited by: Agnes
Gooch
Directed by: Diogenes Tapert
[TEASER, JULIUS
TEASER]
Xena and Gabrielle are camping at an REI campground
near Thrace. Gab is propped up on her elbows, thumbing through a
glossy periodical…
G: You know, looking through Cosmo makes
ya wonder… About who we are, where we’re going, who exactly Mariah
Carey thinks she is now… Mighty Aphrodite, just look at her! How
many chinchillas had to die to make that weave? And what the hell is
keeping Helen Gurley Brown alive?
X: I hear ginseng and fetal
grindings.
G: [giggling] Oh, Kate Winslet! Who told you you could
pull off a pleather jumpsuit?
X: Hey, Gabrielle! You know what I
could go for? Some chicken-fried lamb and collards. And goat cheese
grits. Ooh, and a honey-glazed doughnut! Hey, why don’t we go now? I
mean, what are we going to do? Wander around Greece our whole lives
waiting for someone to open up a decent soul food joint?
G: Hmm?
[looking up] Sorry, sweetie! [holds up the magazine] Fall fashion
review. 750 pages. You’ve been nothing but a series of whoops and
growls to me since breakfast.
X: [sighing] I said, why don’t we
go south to the land of cotton? Good times there are not
forgotten—at least, not until you’ve had a mint julep or twelve…
Whaddya think?
G: I think I can't believe I'm awake, much less
listening to you. [continues to flip through Cosmo, idly wondering
if "19 Ways to Great Sex That Will Drive Him Wild” could be adapted]
You know the guy with the mail-order backpack is still out there,
don’t you?
X: Yeah, he’s been hiding behind the Winnebago for the
past half-hour… I hate voyeurs! I’d like to kill ‘em all! But I’ll
settle for just one… [snarling her terrible snarl] For now…
G:
[distractedly] Okay, honey, have fun… [flipping the page] Sweet
Deceased Athena! That girl’s upper lip is fuzzier than a camera
pointed at Cybill Shepherd…
[Xena disappears behind the
camper, then almost immediately reappears with a young man in a
flannel kimono in tow]
Kenny: Ouch! Owww! Hey, watch the
backpack! I’ve got a sandwich in there!
X: Are you
suicidal?
Kenny: Who’s asking? [Xena looks confused—she thought
that was supposed to be her line] Please, I have a message for you,
if you’re Xena…
X: Who's asking? [See? Told ya]
Kenny:
Ahkickme.
G: [zeroing in on the confused/guilty look on Xena’s
face] Who’s Ahkickme?
Kenny: [to Xena] You remember, don’t you?
Ahkickme? [giving Gabs a furtive look and whispering to Xena]
28-18-32? Banjos? Birkenstock ice sandals? Cedar chips?
G: [green
eyes flashing] Cedar chips?
Kenny: Couple of weeks ago, I was on
a canoeing trip on the Swinee River with my buddy Burt—we were
camped in a forest just outside a little town called Hoochee
Coochee—you know it? Got a real good Wal-Mart? Right next to
T.R.I.C.H.I.N.O.S.I.S. Friday’s? No? Well, anyhoo, it started to
rain, like it does down there this time of year, and we sought
shelter inside a Krispy Kreme Doughnut Shoppe…
[The recent
past]
Burt: Kenny, don’t tell me you’re a afraid of a little
cholesterol!
Kenny: [speaking to a beautiful waitress expertly
playing a banjo] Your glazed crullers have great dignity and
beauty.
Waitress: [whose name was Ahkickme] You must leave now!
Oops! Too late! It’s the boss, Yo!DoesShe?
[The plate-paper
windows of the store are suddenly torn to shreds, as a whirlwind of
swirling jimmies blasts into the room, then condenses in the form of
an evil pastry chef…in drag.]
Burt: [screams!]
Kenny:
[screams!]
Burt: Damn, Kenny! You squeal like a pig, boy!
Kenny: What in the Sam Hill is that thing? Do you know?
Yo!DoesShe?
Burt: I dunno… I’ll ask her… Say, sweetness, do you…
[Burt is suddenly pelted by a mighty wind of jimmies, then gobbled
up by the portly transvestite spirit]
Yo!DoesShe?: Mmm…
Sprinkles…
Ahkickme: [grabbing Kenny] You must
leave—now!
Kenny: [reaching out for the display case] But I
didn’t get my Thracian Crème! [Ahkickme slaps his hand away and
drags him to safety outside] Who was that demon? A baker? A butcher?
A candlestick maker?
Ahkickme: The Landlord of the Doughland.
Yo!DoesShe? is preparing an army to wage war on the competition in
Hoochee Coochee, and eventually the entire known world. Honorable
hillbilly, I beg you to do what must be done—to stop him from
inhaling every single doughnut in the city, even Winchell’s and
DonutTime’s, which really aren’t very good, but still…
Kenny:
[still pouting over the lost Thracian Crème, he takes a half-eaten
Subway Italian salami and provolone sub out of his backpack] But I
know nothing about the art of pastry! And, let’s face it, I’m no
hero. Sandwich?
Ahkickme: Uh, no thanks. [handing Kenny the
sacred Ka-tong-as] There is one who is in the Yeast, far beyond the
setting sun.
Kenny: A doctor? A lawyer? An Indian
chief?
Ahkickme: Actually, depending on the episode, sometimes
she’s all three, but no! A warrior princess!
***
Has
your beloved soul mate left on a pointless guilt trip AGAIN? Then
you need Time Life’s new collection: “The My Warrior Done Left Me
for Some Foreign Skank Again Blues!” This timely compilation
features such classics as “Gimme a Ticket for the Indus Plain,”
“Leavin’ on the Midnight Yak to Jappa,” “That G*ddamn F*cking China
Girl!” and many more! Order yours now and we’ll include the
companion album, “Jazz for Chakram-Inflicted Gaping Head Wounds!”
Call now! Operators (and grief counselors) are standing
by!
**
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Runt
TX Member
Posts: 382
(10/4/01 6:22 am)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
AG! "Your glazed crullers have great dignity and beauty"
ROFLMAO!
And the WP from "the Yeast".... I can barely breathe
from laughing so hard.... you simply must go on, don't be brul and
leave us on the rack here in the donut escapades!
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Tango
TX Member
Posts: 674
(10/4/01 7:28 am)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
AG!!!
Wow... You've got TALENT - I just missed my bus so I could
finish reading that parody!!!
Tango
There is nothing worse than
having to rely on someone to carry your head around in a jar
whenever you want to go out.
-- My friend in Bioethics,
voicing her disapproval of keeping certain organs alive
artificially.
|
LadyKate63
TX Member
Posts: 1223
(10/4/01 2:16 pm)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
AG... a fellow Auntie Mame fan???
(Hilarious, btw! I
hope you continue this!)
LADYKATE
ARES'
PR REP HERE ON EARTH
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soulsisters
TX Member
Posts: 1913
(10/12/01 10:01 am)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
bump
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soulsisters
TX Member
Posts: 2085
(10/29/01 9:19 pm)
Reply
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Re: The Parody
du Jour (encore encore)
X: By the Gods, I'm hungry.
G: In that case, we're in luck.
I think I see
Falafel's food stand in that meadow.
X:
That's his stand….but that's not Falafel.
Let's check it
out.
G: Hello, sir. This is Xena and I'm Gabrielle.
Where's Falafel?
Z: Falafel felt awful, was sneezin' ears
buzzin'.
He called me to help out. You see, I'm his
cousin.
X: So, what's on the menu, Mr…….?
Z: My
moniker's Zeuss. Can I serve you dried moose?
Got no cooking
juice, since we ran out of goose.
X: Falafel makes sure, I've
got gravy that's lumpy.
He knows that I like my moose dinner
real clumpy.
G: And I want some nutbread, devoid of the
drugs,
that make me hear voices, see squigglies and bugs.
Z: Gab I can help with a nutbread that's fab.
It will not
require one bit of rehab.
But Xena's a problem, her choices sure
stump me.
Let's find something else since she's getting quite
plumpy.
X: (unsheathing her sword) Why, I outta….
G:
(holding off Xena and taking Zeuss aside)
Every 28 days, she
gets frumpy and jumpy.
I'd take that back now lest you make her
more grumpy.
Z: I meant no offense, why's she such a mean
crab?
It's enough her personality's incredibly drab.
X: I
heard that!
While I don't hold a candle to Gab's scrumptious ab,
I dare you to pinch even one ounce of flab.
So you'll cut me
some slack and a quarter rib slab,
or when cousin returns, all
he'll find is a scab.
Z: Certainly, certainly, what 's all
the trouble?
It’s not like I claimed that your butt has grown
double!
Eat what you want, pour it on, run a tab.
Ketchup and
mustard and a big mayo dab.
X: That’s what I like, he knows
when to quit,
lest I toss his smart ass in the next lava
pit!
He needs a good lesson, to not give me crap,
but not just
this moment, cuz I need a short nap.
Xena lies down and
begins to snore.
G: When Xena does carbos, she gets
Aphrodital.
Lucky for you, since you seem suicidal.
Hurry and
leave while she basks in this idyll,
before she awakens and turns
homicidal.
Z: Thank you! Oh thank you! you’ve been simply
fab.
O’er glade, o’er meadow, I’ll sing of sweet Gab.
She came
to my rescue, curtailed all my sass,
stopped Xena Warrior
Princess from kicking my ass.
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