Cabal Agent Phoenix Eulogises Richbull.com
Date: Fri, 20 Aug 1999 15:44:28 -0600
From: LART@UPYOURS.EDU (Phoenix)
Newsgroup: alt.usenet.kooks, alt.flame, alt.fan.karl-malden.nose, alt.slack.sputum, alt.idiot.richard-the-stupid
Subject: Requiem for Richbull.Com
Message-ID: <LART-ya02408000R2008991544280001@209.233.135.233>
As of late we have all been factually informed that good ol' Richbull.Com
has plowed itself under like so much chaff at the barnyard slop trough.
Given what it is, and who was its instrument of utter destruction and
provider of its one-way ticket to the 7th circle of net.hell, I felt it only
fitting and proper we give Richbull.Com a proper sendoff to that great
ISP down below.
In this world there are few people whom it is more pleasurable to
ridicule than the powerless fanatic. When it comes to the Stupid
powerless fanatic, it is second to none. A village Idiot never ceases to
amaze, and the villagers cannot help but MARVEL at the FREAK. Point
and laugh at the loon. Piss upon the pillory. This village Idiot wearing
the pillory is the subject of our wake tonight.
Kind of sad, really. Richbull.Com's passionate performance in the end only
got a moderate scattering of ridicule. The villagers in the end looked sadly
down upon the Idiot, shaking their heads at the sight. He proclaimed
himself The Guru, but was reality-challenged. He proclaimed
himself The Soldier, and then got many purple hearts of futility. He
proclaimed himself The Expert, but FSCKED UP at every turn.
He proclaimed himself The Trucker, and then proceeded to
impersonate knowledge. He proclaimed himself against the Cabal, and
was generally laughed and pointed at. Finally, with a dire warning of
apocalypse, he enlisted The Skidmark, and the villagers at long
last buried him in the dunghill.
Enough with ceremony; the village crapper is enough for that crappy
website. Before I intern it for eternity in my Net Loonz House of the
Damned, here's my final report card for dear ol' Richbull.Com:
The worst designed website in the history of the web has now officially
kicked the bucket, bought the farm, six feet under, paid the piper, served
a major in the pine penalty box, deep sixed, met the pale horse, down the
drain, blitzed, slammed, nuked, fried, upchucked and died, croaked,
booked the penthouse suite at the Motel Deep Six, taken a little ride,
snorkeled with cement overshoes, done, finis, dunno, D'OH, fubar'ed,
expired, given a ticket, got a life misconduct, done in, buggered off.
It has been confirmed the ultimate treachery has taken place, Richard the
Stupid cut his own website's balls off. What's even more pathetic is
that this sorry excuse of a wretched human life does not, so far, merit
even a full lart.com write-up.
He's dead, Jim. Make no Bones about it, this is as humiliating as hell
for Bullis. You have to understand his mentality. It just drives him
nuts knowing that every single opponents' websites are still polluting his
browser's space, but he can't have a piece of the action. It has to be
very embarassing for Stupid, having to now grovel on the floor begging
for advice on how to reverse one of the most spectacular self-LARTs in
Internet history.
I am moved to wax poetic by the gravity and solemnity of the present
occasion...
Requiem for Richbull.Com
here I sit, all broken hearted,
Richbull.Com, dear self-LARTed
on this day, your luck ran out,
we said it would, so please don't pout
in news and website you've had your say,
but as we told you, ye ought not bray
now you'll have to beg alone,
from your chickenbone littered trailer home
a moaning whino, perhaps albino,
with how much you be outside,
the hell if I know.
or Psychic Friends with Earl Curley sidekick,
with five hundred kiddy porns to make people sick
Of course if you're desperate
there's always Lart.Com
even though you're aware,
it ain't a kind mom,
we cannot begrudge you one last futile try,
to convince us you say something humans might buy
but when that's all done you must be going,
epithets no more shall you be throwing
its been fun to the last,
but the die has been cast
now everyone doth know
your stupidity's showing
OH! HOW I LOVED THAT DEAR OLE RICHBULL!!!
I'll miss it like a wart on a salamander's tongue.
From where the sun now stands I shall LART thee no more forever.
Alas, poor Richbull, we flamed thee well! Let it not be said that Richbull
didn't give it its all, trying to convince one and all of its service to "Bob"
and Country! What the hell am I saying?!! That was the crappiest website on
the net that couldn't even produce a valid link; of COURSE it didn't give its all!!
And so we end the laughter, and let the stage lights fade. Poor Richbull
exits stage left, yanked by the neck by its own cane.
Lest we praise Richbull, let us bury it! But I see that the job is already complete,
for Richard dug its own hole, chiseled its own tombstone and threw it in with
chained-closed-casket last rites. Now that the sun sets, and the shadows stretch
long on Richbull's 15 minutes of non-fame, I can only think back on the times
we've all shared with Richard and smile. Then giggle. Then laugh uncontrollably.
Make milk shoot out my nose. Fall out of my chair and make my ribs hurt from
laughing so much. A lot like when we buried he that buried this website.
So long Richbull.Com! Farewell! Adieu! Remember: The pain of a SPANK itself
is temporary, unless of course it comes at the jizz-encrusted hands of your own
creator. Kinda brings a whole new philosophical perspective to "I brought you
in to this world, I can take you out!" Remember, as you look back to see your
tormentors here wishing you well in your future pushing up daisies, that the
humiliation of a SELF-SPANK is eternal. The fun has only just begun, as untold
hundreds, thousands, millions will search your name out in DejaNews and see what
has transpired here. Your place in Internet history is secured.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Your Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler
--
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill."
"Werewolf Bridge" - Robert Anton Wilson
--
"Please remove my name from your .signature line before you die, Nazi." - Z.Kittrie
--
/\ The Syndicate, Operative X (Control), known also as CNS CXCIX
\ /\ Visit the Cabal Network Security home page - http://www.cabal.net
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