Somber Clouds and Sunlight

Ever since I was a very small child staring wide-eyed into the dark, I have been aware that there was something deep in my brain that could make me actually go crazy.

I soon learned there wasn’t much use in trying to explain it. It caused me to sleep walk fretfully, screaming when I thought about it too much. My mom didn’t understand why I was crying and freaking out so much. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy, so would lie and say I had a dream about Jason getting hit by a car.

After fourth grade or so my sleepwalking decreased and then stopped altogether. But I knew it wasn’t gone. One night I woke up out of breath and could suddenly picture what "it" was, though it didn’t make sense. Whenever I visualized it my forehead became very tense and I got very jittery and scared.

Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy it; and as a side effect it just made me even more curious as to what it was. However, seeing as I could never seem to successfully explain whatever it was, finding out about it was pretty much impossible.

So I resigned that one day I would probably think about it too much and end up going psychotic. Ah well, what can you do? Right now it just helps to rock back and forth with tucked knees. The boyfriend was right, it is fun.


In other news, I’m not sure if I’ll help out again at the Humane Society camp next summer. It’s okay, but after nine years of attending, with five of those years helping… I’m just not sure if I’m getting anything out of it. Is that selfish? I spend three weeks or so working and working.. but maybe they could do just as well without me. I’d rather just volunteer anyway.

Besides, the junior aides seem to get less mature each year. I seem to spend more time watching their behavior and not the fourth grader’s. No, let’s not hit each other with sticks. Thank you, please go back to watching over your campers. That is what you’re here for, right?

Sigh. I guess I have all year to think about it.

Well, only two more days this week. Then three days next week and I’m all done for the summer. Maybe a Newfoundland will come in…


Today was a long day, but the rain seems to make everything fresh and tomorrow feels like a Monday.