"All things in this world are impermanent. They have the nature to rise and pass away. To be in harmony with this truth brings true happiness."

A lesson learned

Today I decided to see if I could fit my torso inside my wicker laundry basket. I was taking it downstairs so I stopped midway and put the whole basket over my head. I could fit!

Life inside the basket was great. I didn't have to answer to anyone! I strolled about the downstairs relm, confusing my brother, sisiter, and father.

Finally the day arrived when I needed to take it off and return to my normal way of life. Just one problem: it wouldn't come off. I finally had to duck down and attempt to pull myself out. It finally started coming off...

WACK!

It hit my nose and I fell onto the bed.

My father tells me I learned a valuable lesson: don't stick your head in laundry baskets or your nose will get hurt.

Ruin to a Stress-free Night

After my second strawberry daiquiri (virgin, darling) I let loose and took to the dance floor. Though I hadn’t seen her for a while, the now-16 Scherezad was still as crazy as ever. Her friends were pretty cool, and Sarah was there. She’s the best other Sara I know!

However, her male friends, though well-dressed, lacked subject matter in their conversations, besides things in regards to “putting down my pants” or “remember the time you put ______ down your pants at ______?” Ah well, 15-16 year olds.

Ah, the stress and exhaustion from this week melted away.

We went back to Scherry’s house, and while Meg, Jennifer, and I waited for our ride home we all watched some old movies we had made. Hahaha.. ah, we had too much free time. Scherry’s exchange student Rena, from Jordan, really liked them and couldn’t stop laughing.

Finally our ride came and we said our goodbyes to Scherezad, Rena, Schezaer, and the parents. I was surprised how warm it still was outside, and that cool mist-rain was still going on.

When I got in the car I thought I smelt the faded but undeniable scent of beer. I tensed up, but allowed myself to fall back into the “you’re just being paranoid” routine. Then I became less convinced I was...

He lost his way while trying to find the highway, but I figured it was just because it was so dark out and he didn’t come here too often. He drove a little fast, but maybe that was just his style. Then we got onto the freeway…

He merged; fast lane, middle, slow lane. Maybe he was just in a hurry.

I sniffed some more, it really did smell like beer…

In the middle lane again and on the right there was a large truck. He moved to the edge of the lane. Bump bump bump bump bump… the car was going over the little bumps between the lines. I supposed he just wanted to give the truck some room, but he continued to do it even after we had passed.

He swerved again, passed cars in all lanes, even the far right-hand one. I was tensed up, ready to spring at any moment and take the wheel, though I doubted it would do any good. I imagined the various ways I could die… he could crash into a car on my side, we could flip, hit something… cut someone off...

And right at that moment he swung back into the middle lane, forcing a large, white truck to swerve away just in time, perhaps missing us by maybe two feet (if that). I shut my eyes and prayed.

None of us talked, he did though... for a while. Something about me not being a good driver, but better than him… but not. I couldn’t understand. Then he took Jennifer home, except he missed the turn and had to take another, longer way.

Then, even though he had been coming to the Jennifer’s house for 10 years, he “forgot” where she lived and pulled into the wrong driveway.

“Isn't this your house?” he asked.

“Um…” Jennifer looked back towards her house. “I... I can walk from here. Bye!”

I got out of the car to let Jennifer out and took many breaths of fresh air. I got back in and sniffed. Now I was certain it was beerI smelled...

He went about 45-50 on Theissin. A statistic flashed though my head: “Over 60% of car accidents happen very close to home.” I gripped the seat cousins.

I made it home alright, though shaken. I just couldn’t understand why he would have done it... it was very out of character.

And the stress-free feeling I had gotten from the party was all but diminished.

Verisimilitude

This was probably the worst (and longest) week I can remember. As a rule, I don’t have many bad days, and never before have I had so many in a row! But it’s been that way for a lot of people, and most everyone at school has been super tired.

I really do try to be a nice person, but I can’t do everything right all the time. I get confused a lot… people say something but don’t really mean it… then others tell me it wasn’t my fault while more say I’m a horrible person... I just have a problem with sacrificing my own happiness or well being for other's, and am constantly agreeing to do everything. I just need to remember what Max told me: "I dunno.. maybe, we'll see." I just feel so bad saying.. no.

Well, you can’t win them all I guess. Still, it all made me quite upset and ready to cry at almost anything. Like this evening...

Diana needed her dress to be shorter for tomorrow’s choir thing, and Bridget, her, and I just realized she really wouldn’t have time to do it in the morning. So we all went back to my house and my mom helped her out.

I went downstairs to sort through our “needle jar” and get some safety pins out of it. Then my mom came down.

She started saying something about how it was good to help people but not if it messed up other people’s plans. She said I should have called first and asked, even though she would have said yes.. I still should have called.

I said nothing and she walked out of the room. None of the previous confusion of this week could compare to this; my brows furrowed, eyes watery with frustration. I did try to call her, she didn’t pick up. What was I to do? Leave Diana to walk home in the rain to her empty house and attempt to pin up her dress alone? Was my mother saying it’s bad to help people if.. if it makes us delayed for dinner? No more spontaneous acts of kindness? It seems I just couldn’t do anything this week without doing it wrong!

Suddenly the voice of Robert Pirsig came into my head: “I should have expected a lecture. It was common for me to be scolded just after I felt I had finally done something completely right for a change.”

I am holding on for the end of Friday. For tomorrow I get to spend an evening with strangers and those friends I see only once in a blue moon. I remember the last time things were getting bad-ish I went out to dinner with my Humane Society friends (the human ones) and it was great. Not that I don’t care for the people I see all the time, they happen to be my favorites, it’s just that sometimes it’s good to go to a place where people don’t know your current situation.

Then again, no one really knows their friend’s real “situation.” But we’ll leave that sort of talk to Pirsig.

On the Verge of a Rant

‘Being a part of student council and being a drinker must go hand in hand,’ I thought, resting my head against the cold desk. The blond haired vice president went on talking about his various exploits to the boys who sit behind me in the back row.

I remembered Ryan talking about his drinking in chemistry too; I think he’s one of our class representatives or something.

I stared down at the math problems on my paper (which seemed to contain no meaning for my life) and decided it would be much more interesting if all the leadership kids did shrooms or were part of an underground society that worshiped corn stalks. Anything more interesting than getting wasted anyway.

~-~

I drove up and down McLoughlin for an hour or so, stopping at every pawn shop and thrift store I could think of to look for a Nintendo or Super Nintendo for my brother's xmas present. I had no luck at Goodwill, Red White and Blue, or Value Village (though I did see some interesting toasters). Finally I found one at that A1-Hawk place, but the scallywags wanted nothing less than $49.00 for it! I stormed out of the store.

Dedede... waiting at the stop sign. My turn to go and... hey! Jerk! It’s my turn! Gosh, I hate stupid drivers. Oh, what a surprise, he’s on a cell phone. I had cell phones too.

~-~

Ms. Denis, after finishing her rant about the lack of school funding in America, finally got back to the topic of Catholicism. Luckily the class was almost over.

“I was reading this report,” she said. “It said that over 53% of practicing Catholics do not believe the Eucharist is actually the body of Christ. Isn’t that just shocking? Horrible?”

The Spanish kids, my brother, and I exchanged glances.

I was surprised she would be, well… so surprised by it. There are a lot of beliefs we Catholics are supposed to follow, like how we’re not supposed to use contraceptives and yet more than 60% of Catholics do not follow this rule! Personally, I don’t want to have a kid as soon as I’m married, but I sure do want to have sex. So yes, I will be on birth control. Besides, I’m taking it to regulate my period anyways so I guess I’m already going to hell. Well, at least it will be warm there. Nah, I don’t want to go to hell, but I’m not ready to trust in the Church’s “natural birth control” of judging your cycle because

A- They ain’t always regular

B- Sperm can stay in the uterus for a while afterwards

C- My sister was conceived in a time the church told my mother she “couldn’t be so no worries.”

Hmm, enough of that. I looked around the classroom and out into the hallway and wondered how many kids WERE NOT there because their parents forced (not so much physically, but... yeah) them to confirm. I guessed 5%.

I guess I just haven't met many kids these days who "want" to be Catholic. Most just don't care about religion. I mean... maybe they believe in God and all that but they don't really care what religion they are in, so long as it doesn't take up too much of their time. It's sad. Seems like you're either unsure about the whole Catholic scene, or you're some closed-minded lunitic who thinks all gays should burn in hell and we should all believe everything George Bush says. Garakr!!!

Catholic leaders are afraid of change, fear other churches ("Their youth groups will suck the kids in!!" Because their better programs...) , won't let women be preists, and irk me quite frequently.

For now I will continue on in my quest to become a good human being who's generally nice and all that jazz.

“I just don’t know about this whole Confirmation thing,” my brother said on the way home.

“Meh,” I replied, speeding my way up McLoughlin. “At least it’s an old religion.”

“Um..”

“Don’t worry about it Jason, just don’t kill anyone.”