I Don't Like This

There are things that drift away, like our endless numbered days,
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made...

So far senior year has been habitually lame over all.

I don’t know what to do when it comes to college and all of that. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about Max. I don’t want a boyfriend but I don’t know why that is; I am afraid things won’t work. I’m afraid I don’t really want to get back together with Max but that I don’t want him to go away. I tell myself he wouldn’t take me back anyway, and he shouldn’t even if he wanted to because I’ll probably just ruin it all over again.

Sometimes it feels like I don’t really have a best friend any more. I have good days but they’re over powered by days when I’m constantly worried I’ll do something wrong.

That’s why I keep thinking I should just move far away to Bozeman. Why can’t I stop thinking about marrying Max? I think I’m going crazy.