The woman at the wheel:))

THE BOOK OF SEXUAL REVELATIONS

(Alexey Vinogradov, the journalist, conducted ten years a marriage heading in the newspaper)

EROTIC AND DREADFUL DREAMS

These are the most unusual and most typical dreams ' which for last ten years the most different people have sent to me in edition for my collection.

*... Dreams me, that my dog Alma has brought to me of two puppies. Approaches to me ' makes up, and then suddenly speaks a human voice: "It is yours, you remember..." I have woken up in cold sweat ' and then I had the whole week a desire to get rid of this dog ' as though, really was (the man ' 38 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I ' excuse, pisaju in the lift. On a floor and on a wall, where still. And this my a little precious liquid suddenly turns to gold nuggets of different size. I on knees - collect on remains. Has come running home ' has got drunk to tea and in a toilet, and there gold it is impossible. I try, try, but it is impossible. I again in the lift - gold to collect. Very much the dream infectious was, but has ended badly. Has woken up little bit damp (the engineer ' 36 years).

*... All night long I beat off from a stork who wished to infect me with the child, and I very much did not wish it to take, therefore as I still study (the schoolgirl ' 13 years).

*... At me the dream was with a reality. Half, the truth. My two-year-old son in a garden has eaten something or at me that, in general, it proponosilo. All the Saturday long sat at me on a pot. Loudly sat. All has already passed, and on the night of Monday the dream, that at it again a diarrhoeia dreams me, and I have planted it on a pot. Only has turned away, as my mother-in-law (in a dream) on me shouts: "You that to a pot do not adhere the child! Search for it now..." I have turned back and obmerla: a pot has broken off, around on a floor the sea of a diarrhoeia and the son is not present - has departed. I in tears and hands get on on kake - I search for the child. I hear its crying... And instantly I wake up. My little son was frightened of something in a dream, has woken up and has cried. It is said that mother even in a dream feels the child (the woman, 24 years).

*... Has dreamt, that I with the girlfriend go on wood and I collect a raspberry. Suddenly the girlfriend sharply stops me, suggests not to rustle and shows a hand on a clearing. "You see ' - speaks ' - sponsors fly. Do not frighten away". I have attentively looked narrowly: really ' over colours and grasses muzhiks of years fly till 20-25 and smile to us. One saw and is more senior - years 30. My girlfriend began to show to me ' as it is necessary to beckon sponsors: has fallen to a grass and began to go for a drive, as often do in the street cats. Sponsors have quickened at once, and one of them, and then and the second have flown up to it and have sat down on a shoulder. I have decided not to lag behind and too have a little driven by the ground. But sponsors were afraid of me, and I began to be stolen behind them and to suffice for legs. They were thin and came off. One I all the same have caught. But as a spit, and has not understood, what for it to me. And has woken up (the woman, 43 years).

*... The dream where I had an affair with Claude Van Damme ' has dreamt went with it on a disco and kissed at an entrance, but we were seen by my mum and has withdrawn me. "He ' - speaks it ' - you not pair! You will find to yourself and it is better". I as will shout for insult... Also has woken up (the girl ' 16 years).

*... Has dreamt me, that I make love to a horse. It was opposite to me ', but ' that is strange ' pleasantly. And what orgazm was! I have almost fallen in love with this horse, but suddenly I have made out, that it not a stallion, and a mare, probably, a horse-lesbian (the woman ' 35 years).

*... In a dream me chased six muzhiks to rape. Caught up somewhere at garages, and I escaped from them and shouted, that how many women go, everyones different, force them. And all of them equally laughed and pursued only me. Have cornered also one moron with an idiotic smile approaches to me. Unbuttons trousers and gets this, and "this" at it falls off. He looks bewildered and a rage at already ownerless place and on me. And I about myself think, that as now this the swine will live further. Also has there and then laughed laughter of a witch and without fear has shouted: ' Following! ' (the woman, 34 years).

*... In a dream aliens have presented to me small inoplanetnogo the man. Growth it was centimetres twenty. I fed him and cared. Once (or at once, I do not remember) we have decided to be engaged with it love. It was the fine lover, but it everywhere should be placed (the girl, 24 years).

*... That married woman who advertised in oral sex has dreamt me. I it ' am never final ' saw, because the supporter of usual love. But the dream was as at cinema. Around a teeth ' lips ' genitals, tails and backbones. All moves and disgustingly squelches. I by miracle was pulled out and have escaped (the man ' 42 years).

*... The big tree on which ' as if nuts ' hung my former boys has dreamt me. And I with the best girlfriends went a round dance round this tree. We learnt the former admirers, but they for some reason strongly were afraid of it and hid the muzzles in foliage (the student ' 19 years).

*... My most pleasant dream recently as if from a window of the rushing car I in an emphasis shoot from automatic machine "Узи" of the lover of the former wife. Distinctly I see both the automatic machine ' and the opponent turning to a colander (the guy ' 24 years).

*... Slept and in a dream pressed a heat-spot on a nose, and instead of a core from a hole the note curtailed into a tubule was squeezed out. I have read it and have run on appointment to any girl... Also has woken up absolutely (the guy ' 18 years).

*... To me often dreams, that at me four children. Actually I mother of three children. Ridiculously, but when I wake up, mentally them I recalculate (the woman ' 42 years).

*... Has dreamt, that my mother-in-law has broken a vodka bottle, and I named her mother and have postponed an axe (the man ' 32 years).

*... Has dreamt, that me judge in court for rape of an ordinary cat. And this my cat Lepantina gives against my evidences. And I ' as to the woman-cat ' and a finger did not touch it. Only ironed on a back and fed with fish. Ridiculously ' it is final, but me a distance eight years of prison. In a dream it was not ridiculous (the man ' 33 years).

*... Has dreamt, that into Moscow has rushed armies of khan Batyja. Tatars run on streets and plunder shops. Dreamt, that the mayoralty building burnt, and in "Arena" they had a stable. Tatars were for some reason all nice. I all waited, when they will start to force Russian women. Waited-waited, but and has not waited - has woken up (the girl ' 19 years).

*... We with the girl-friend what for have got to a gang which prepared for a bank robbery. I whisper to the girl-friend, that it did nothing, that us then have not planted. And the leader has heard and has told, that the most responsible business is necessary to us: the first to enter into bank and to tempt protection. We refuse, but to us have shown the big razor ' and we have agreed at once. In day of a robbery over us have poured an erotic deodorant and have thrown with fur coats a naked body. I remember a long corridor on which densely there are security guards. When I approached to everyone for a second ploughed up a fur coat and showed it the delights. All fainted. So we with the girlfriend have laid all protection, and have come into cash desk. Cashiers-muzhiks have felt wrong, and have seized for the pistols, but I have time to outstrip them. I plough up before them a fur coat, but for some reason under it not so naked, and in a dress. Bankers already aim, that me to kill the first, and I tear on myself a dress ' to bare before them a breast... With shout I wake up: The alarm clock ' I all in tears rings, and on a breast the nightgown (the student ' 21 year) is broken off.

*... So the dream was distinctly remembered. Has dreamt, that it is possible to hand over in komissionku the old husbands, and in exchange to receive the coupon on acquisition new ' teetotal ' the husband. I have risen ' turn occupied at night, have handed over ' the coupon all happy has received '... Suddenly I wake up really somewhere in the beginning of the fifth morning and I start to gather ' the daughter wakes up and asks, where it I was adjusted, and I to it in the answer: "In komissionku"... As we then laughed (the woman ' 38 years).

*... Has dreamt, that I hand over wet and firm analyses in a polyclinic. It is very a shame to me, as sanitarka very very young and beautiful. It takes in hands a box with kakashkami ' looks inside and joyfully presses it to a breast: ' I so love the strawberry! ' (the guy ' 18 years).

*... I dream about myself on a wood edge. And from under a grass man's advantages last up. Yes all such jadrenye, that has grasped spirit. While has come round - they were gone. I search - I do not find. Only under a leaf one remained ' yes such plohonky (the woman ' 44 years).

*... My immediate superior badly dreams me. It forces to go on its reception in a half-naked kind, and instead of my dinner is engaged with me in love. And when I oppose to it, he says, that shots do all supposedly will give birth to it to the assistant on marketing then and for a dinner you will go (the secretary ' 24 years).

*... In my strange dream I have married, at me each half an hour began to be born children. Pieces to twenty for a day has given birth and is not has got tired niskolechki (the girl ' 16 years).

*... The big and pure love has dreamt. Has woken up in the morning and has decided to write down a dream, but was ashamed (the girl ' 21 year).

*... The dream recently has dreamt me: to me the girlfriend and as soon as I have undressed the girl has on a visit come, the call to a door was distributed. I have opened and have seen on a threshold voenkoma. It has adhered to me epaulets directly to a shirt and has told: "Go to army, the sonny, and I while it for you posteregu" (the guy ' 18 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that my mum has sold me for 100 million dollars to Andrey Gubin. I became his wife ' a vein in a private residence and spent its money. And when has spent everything has returned to mum (the girl ' 13 years).

*... Made love at once to three nice girls. It is my favourite dream. It is a pity, that seldom I see! (The guy ' 17 years).

*... I have fallen asleep directly on a beach and I do not know, that there the such has dreamt me, but I have suddenly jumped up from the rug and have given a slap in the face to casually passing by unfamiliar man. So we also have got acquainted, but a week later have left (the student ' 22 years).

*... My own wedding has dreamt me. The groom looked at me gentle eyes and whispered about love. Suddenly all have tried salad and have cried "bitterly" ' and we began to kiss, and when have turned back on visitors have seen, that all of them have poisoned and have died of salad (the girl ' 21 year).

*... In my dream my husband, and at me in a real life of the husband is not present, to me has changed, and I ran behind it with a dagger in hands. Ran - ran, yes and has not caught. Has woken up and think: it was necessary not to pass at school physical culture (the woman ' 27 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I kiss the cat. It very much rests, are not painfully scratched, at it a wet nose and goggle eyes. As at Svety with which we have kissed in camp (the schoolboy, 13 years) in the summer.

*... Only I have fallen asleep, as in a dream have got to the school. I sit in a class, but I know, that on a school corridor terrible monsters run and wait ' when there will come change, and all of us leave a class. And here the call has rung out, and schoolboys have run out in a corridor. Monsters with two and three heads disappointedly looked at us - such small and lean. Then one of frights has told the rest: "That here there is ' one melkota. Ajda in a teacher's room!" (The girl ' 16 years).

*... Has dreamt, that I went along the street and have met the old friend. In the street was hot, and it went in a winter cap with ear-flaps. When I have asked: "That with you?" ' - he has answered: "At me horns grow!" With tears on eyes the friend has asked to help to get rid me of them. We have gone to it and at first tried to tear off them, but left nothing, and then it was necessary to saw. I do not remember, we have sawn off them or not, but when I have met him actually, he complained of headaches (the woman, 27 years).

*... I almost in a dream give birth every week to the boy or the girl and as I yet married and conduct a monastic way of life ' that all it strange enough. I went to the psychic and have asked to explain my dreams. It took money and has told, that it is necessary to give birth really. And dreams to me now it is acted in film a little in another way: this psychic began to accept childbirth. Though small, but all the same the help (the girl ' 23 years).

*... The most dreadful dream: all was protected at night by the Mausoleum of which tried to make a paid toilet. Itself did not write also to another did not give (the man, 54 years).

*... I have beautiful ' tender ' red cat Barsik. He very much loves me, and I adore it. And here such dream once has dreamt me. Comes Barsik from a party, and at once on kitchen - to eat wants. I pour to it soup in misochku, and he looks at me and speaks humanly: "That you so badly feed me? Would give kolbaski, and that soup any! You after all do not look ' that I a cat, and I actually - the person ' the man ' only here am bewitched in a cat". I from surprise have opened a mouth. Here ' I think ' it is necessary, as in a fairy tale. And a cat again: "To me and most has already bothered with a cat to go. Here to become the person. Help me ' you after all me you love, and I marry you". Well, I also ask, that I need to make. It has appeared, that I should eat the mouse which to me Barsik will bring. At first it became a pity to me it, I have agreed, and when it has returned with the mouse in a teeth, I have not died nearly of fear. As I it in a mouth will take how to chew to a camp how then I will swallow? (The woman ' 35 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I gradually become similar to the Chechen. My companions on the tank look at me very suspiciously and hide from me pomegranates. I do not wish to turn, but I turn more and more. Each five minutes I shave and I cut the black beard, but it all grows (the guy ' 21 year).

*... Has dreamt, that I have freezed an ear, and it has fallen off absolutely., precisely I do not remember ' but, apparently, I pasted its rubber glue, but an ear such glue to paste it is impossible, and I have gone ' likely ' to the doctor. I go along the street and I bear an ear on the extended hand. And here somewhere there I have lost it. You represent a nightmare: all night long to search for own ear. Under all benches I look, snow I rake, passers-by I ask, in urns I search. Ears, but strangers come across many. Curve such or very small ' even black (from Negroes) found, but all nonsense any. So with what has woken up. Has recollected a dream and all the day long looked at ears of passing people. Also know - in a real life too anything acceptable did not come across. Such rubbish carry! (The man ' 37 years).

*... Has dreamt, that to me president Putin has on a visit come and has brought four bubbles of vodka. We have sat down to table with it ' and we did not have glasses. I have rummaged all kitchen ' but have not found anything ' than it is possible to scoop. We with Putin go then on neighbours and we ask from them a glass. Absolutely foolish dream. I call ' neighbours stare and are silent ' I shout it: the president ' so-peretak ' and to you of a glass it is a pity. Long went. In the end of a dream we again with the president at an entrance suppress from one glass. He to me admits hearts, that at this entrance its president will not choose, time even has not given a glass. Also cries. I tverezyj almost, and it hardly on a window sill sit. Then I to the Kremlin to see off him have gone and... Has woken up (the man ' 52 years).

*... I all night long doil a cow. In the first and ' I hope ' last time (the director of firm ' 44 years).

*... Vladimir Zhirinovsky has dreamt me in a bath. It held a piece of a laundry soap in hands and spoke: I will eat it if I will not execute the pre-election pledges. And there and then has for some reason eaten (the pensioner, 59 years).

*... Dreams me, that I was released after six years otsidki. Has arrived home ' has met friends and with them has gone to celebrate clearing. Fairly having drunk, we have gone on a disco. Well, and so ' fight was fastened. Me have taken away in militia, and it has appeared, that in fight have killed the person ' and this corpse sew to me. At this time I have woken up and have understood ' that it only a dream - and very much was delighted, that I still sit (the prisoner ' 23 years).

*... Absolutely awful dream. To me big another's dog has got into bed. Has laid down ' as the person ' and is silent. I do not move, I think, will fall asleep, then I on kitchen will run away from it and there I will wait. I look, and she does not sleep, and somehow humanly at me looks, a paw has put out ' as the ordinary muzhik ' and me suddenly for a breast has touched. I have blinked, I pretend, that to me it is all it seemed. And she to me ' a dog, suddenly whispers so on an ear, that it to me under the announcement from the marriage newspaper has come also number of its subscriber М-23541. That supposedly be silent now. Time has chosen me. And itself so a paw me also touches. I shout: that you, a reptile, are direct in a skin to me in a bed have got! Dirty. And itself I rest two hands... Also has woken up. In hands a pillow, which itself sgrebla, and on a pillow prints of a teeth. Even the shiver from it on a back has passed. Has looked narrowly, and my teeth (the woman ' 33 years).

*... Has dreamt, that I sit "old woman" on the bank of the river at a promade look slender trough. On coast - set of old men with fishing tackles. I sharp-sightedly look out, who the first will catch a gold small fish. But could not wait - has woken up (the young woman).

*... At night I in a dream went on any cemetery. Saw pre-revolutionary tombs, then have gone German, so it seemed to me, hillocks ' then usual tombs, tombs my native ' for some reason all together. Saw there and the tomb - to what it? Then very bright light - tombs from the future also have gone. I looked at tombs still live people and read, of what they have died. Has then seen tombs of rich men - "new Russian". I even have recollected some inscriptions: "It is shot by the Moscow racketeers", "Has sunk with the mistress in Mediterranean sea", "Has poisoned with oysters at the Parisian restaurant" and so on (the student ' 24 years).

*... Recently to me has dreamt, as I was taken prisoner to Indians. And all of them at first have raped me, and have then eaten. Has woken up hardly live (the girl ' 17 years).

*... Has dreamt me, that I pipiska has come off the habitual place and has started to run from me on apartment. I have jumped from bed ' took a net and began to chase it (the guy ' 18 years).

*... Dreams me, that I was arranged to work in any firm. I approach to cash desk to receive the salary, and the cashier speaks to me, in what office I can receive money. I come into this office, and on an ottoman the beautiful blonde there sits. She explains to me, that in the country bad economy and money they do not give out, and it pays off with the body. After that the girl starts to kiss me and to undress. We lay down with it on an ottoman and we have sex. Probably ' all workers and employees of this firm receive the salary at this beauty (the man ' 26 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I have died and have got to a hell. Devils have rushed to undress me, but I have refused their help. Not the queen, I think, I will undress itself. And veshchichki will be more whole. Has undressed, a leg water in a copper has touched. Not so hotly. Suddenly I see: and there not only women are fried, but also muzhiks naked bathe. I in a hysterics: in the general bath I will not wash, I demand a separate female copper. To me have listened-have listened, and have pushed in the general. I cook gradually and I reflect on the sins. And not so much those have appeared. I have looked narrowly on the parties, and have noticed to myself for one muzhichka. He in the neighbourhood suffered. podgrebla to it, little by little - also has tempted. We even on water in this copper have shaken up a skin. Devils in horror ' and so on (the student, 23 years).

*... Has dreamt ' at night that I am a single man, and at me never was wives. Has woken up in good mood, even to the wife has smiled (the man ' 38 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that St.-Petersburg declared war to Moscow, and me have written down in an air regiment. We for some reason flied without planes, without wings, and dressed on feet lasty for swimming and them quickly stirred. I flied almost without naprjaga, but it was necessary to take on 3-4 white silicate bricks and to fly to SPb: there we bombed our bricks the important Petersburg objects. But "their" in lastah flied to Moscow and rushed red Petersburg bricks. It was necessary to enter with Petersburg "Egyptian vultures" air fights. Here you will aim at the opponent, you will fly up sideways - and a fist in a nose, it is possible lastoj to kick or spit. But the Moscow brick has appeared much more strong: I from height of the bird's flight saw St.-Petersburg ' all thrown by bricks. And Moscow has not suffered almost: among a heap of a beaten brick there was mayor Luzhkov and victoriously swung the arms of a city of Moscow. It was a pity to wake up. And if I also have embellished something or have invented, it because of love to a native city (the worker of brick-works ' 34 years).

*... I sleep somehow and I see, as though our station has turned to a zone of operations in the Chechen Republic. The turmoil goes the concrete. And suddenly at me cartridges come to an end, I rush about, there and here, everywhere bullets whistle. Also I see, my friends from OMONa sell cartridges on 3 thousand rbl. for a small horn from "kalasha". Well, I also have bought a small horn ' have started to fasten to the automatic machine, and the automatic machine has appeared wooden. Well, here I also have woken up (the guy ' 23 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I have not learnt a lesson on history ' I stand at a board and I am turned out. The teacher long suffered, and has then got a pistol from a bag and shlepnula me is direct at a board. And in my diary and has written: it is killed for poor progress (the schoolboy ' 9 class).

*... Has dreamt, that from Chubays have taken away all its millions and have sent on pension. He also lives now at our entrance and every night unscrews at an entrance electric stoppers (the woman, 54 years).

*... To me has dreamt, that I wait for the child from Schwarzenegger and very much I protect the stomach. And all me push and try to touch for a germ of a known film actor. Year three I carried it in a stomach. People said, that Schwarz has forgotten me for a long time also the child will not be born. I have become angry and have stuck into a stomach with a plug. Kinders-surprises therefrom fell down, and all began to rummage in my stomach (the girl ' 18 years).

*... This day I have sworn with the guy-cadet, and at night the nightmare has dreamt me: ostensibly all cadets have received any irradiation from the military radio electronics, and at them mutirovalis man's bodies. It is necessary to such cadet to come nearer to any woman, at least on metre as it instantly becomes the pregnant woman. In a city the panic has begun, on streets girls and women ran and in horror shouted: "Cadets, cadets...". In the morning I went by a tram to institute, and nearby there was a cadet. I was just in case removed: early to me still to get children (the student, 20 years).

Alexey VINOGRADOV.

EROTIC DREAMS

*... My dream to oversleep with Pameloj the Anderson, with Natalia Orejro, with Vupi Goldberg, with Nina Vasilevnoj, with Love Viktorovnoj, with Anastasiej Pavlovnoj (the man, 50 years).

*... At me the dream to lay under a palm tree also is bananas. And that nearby (it after all the dream) was the beautiful man who would clean bits of bananas (the woman, 33 years).

*... I dream, that on a forehead each woman had an indelible number - with skolkimi men it was in intimate relations. Estimate, that here would begin. At many women these numbers would be such long, that began on a forehead, and came to an end on a nape. It would be convenient to shout, for example, in the bus: the girl with 124 number, transfer to the ticket, and you the grandmother at number 987 - where with bags prete (the man, 33 years).

*... I dream to become small: 2-5 centimetres ' keeping proportions ' to find to itself one more (reduced) girl and to enjoy the big products. Silently to live in the best cottage ' or in apartment ' to go on a table by small "Mercedes" ' to go for a drive on pets ' to knock at night and to frighten owners-giants (the guy ' 24 years).

*... I dream to give to all on a muzzle (the guy ' 16 years).

*... My dream to leave to America, there to buy better a dress for billion in which all do not learn me and consequently beautiful guys (the girl will love, 12 years).

*... Every day I dream to become the vampire and to death to exhaust blood of my mother-in-law, certainly, through a straw (the man, 34 years).

*... I dream to marry for the sake of accessible (when you want) sex. Finally, all girls leave for the sake of it. And know, how it would be desirable sometimes in lonely maiden bed. You will clamp, happened, a pillow feet and so you try to fall asleep and so it would be desirable in such nights that the man you without ceremony and home-style (the girl, 19 years).

*... I dream to pour gasoline over a building of the institute and to set fire from four parties. I dream to rescue from fire the most beautiful student and it is direct there and then, to tear off from it a burnt dress and to take pleasure in that has not had time to burn down. But it is even more, I dream to rescue from this fire of the rector that it for my fearlessness has given me the diploma without any examinations. So, probably, from fire the first should drag all the same the rector (the guy, 23 years).

*... Often I dream, that all girls from my course of institute sat at lectures in transparent clothes. That children could consider their bared directly at lectures. It would entertain us and has raised attendance of employment (the guy, 20 years).

*... I dream to become invisible, to go on female baths and to touch, that I want (the man, 30 years).

*... Strongly I dream about such hitrenkom priborchike. You sit with this device in the car, imperceptibly you press the button and behind some metre from you (it is better than metres for hundred) in a back place to employee GIPDD sticks sewed. It would be desirable on the handle (the man, 29 years).

Alexey VINOGRADOV.

THE FIRST APPOINTMENTS

What occurs between two strangers on the first appointment under the announcement in the newspaper?

I, as the leader of a marriage heading in the newspaper, read these reports within ten years, constantly being surprised with that such meetings are very similar at the most different people.

It comes the first is more often, but passes by an agreed place, looking around for object. As to the object it leaves at once on the purpose, stops and starts to peer at passing women sharp-sightedly.

And when it approaches, they scaredly exchange general phrases, together go in an uncertain direction and gradually come to the senses, as everyone expected, that on appointment more attractive object will come. He waited from it for more youth, symmetry, stylishness, modnosti and ulybchivosti. She expected more growth, courage, kulturnosti and accuracies.

At this moment both parties very much kompleksujut, but gradually pass to interrogation. It or it take the initiative on itself and start to ask the suspect: how many to it has written women (men), how many time it (she) earns, drinks, whether has apartment, a summer residence, the car and other.

On a measure vybivanija indications the initiative party decides what to do with a passive side. If the man it starts to arise to it on a visit interrogated or to drag the unfamiliar girlfriend to itself home. If it his name is in a bar or restaurant, to check up on greed interrogated.

More often on the first appointment they do not go anywhere, and aimlessly go on streets, she complains of a life or he tells about the work or retells jokes from last number of the newspaper.

In half of cases she takes its arm, paternal the man starts to hope strongly for something bolshee, and right now.

It leads up it to a stop and receives a working phone number in the award. In three cases from five it any more will not call.

If the man dares at the second appointment usually him invite. More often it comes with wine and a chocolate, talks much and tries to make jokes. She meets its covered table of own preparation, almost does not listen to the gentleman because worries about quality of the cooking.

They drink and relax. The miracle has already occurred. It already seems to it interesting, and it to it mysterious. This evening is already a little similar to their future home life, they at supper share the problems, askance look at the TV and move under a table tapkami. Basically, they differ from a married couple only uncertainty forthcoming night. It already anticipates meant, and she cannot decide in any way what to dress last minute.

If the man gets shy the love will begin after three o'clock in the morning if it will appear impudent it will expose for a door in nine evenings. Usually light extinguish about midnight.

Every second man after the first night vanishes for ever and if remains in a month it is visible - marries or not. All depends on qualitative leaving, goodwill and sexual playfulness of the partner.

The most true way to force it to marry - this easy jealousy. If he is not up to the end confident the irresistibility, always to suspect about presence of the contender he will want to stake out a legal marriage the right to the attracted woman. It needs to break only a little, and then to make happy the man with the consent to short travel to the REGISTRY OFFICE.

It we have described typical successful appointment to good continuation and what to do in case of unsuccessful appointment.

Well, suppose, if it comes on the first appointment drunk, easily using foul language and neatly spat. Such men marry only on extreme need, therefore women quickly escape from similar gentlemen. And if it sober, smoothfaced and washed, but the rare fool, the boor or the bore. What to do with such subject if at hand there is nothing the best. I advise month to suffer and wander with such copy on streets or to sit in cafe. This good school of courage for any woman who, having suffered much, will keep with the big diligence then beside itself the normal muzhik and to carp on trifles at really imperfect male less. Well, not knights they and not princes any, these men, and never them also were not. To them be more indulgent, and the happiness will come and in your house. And there you will wash it, will brush and will train to your taste.

And at last my council for men: if on the first appointment on you strongly run, that, means, you have casually got acquainted with the tank which to out-argue it is impossible, and to beat yet for what. It is better to escape at once.

Alexey VINOGRADOV.

LOVE SIGNS

Well, that such love as definition, with it the people have consulted for a long time. Is, for example, simply love is mutual, so to say, a shock of human bodies. And happens and strongly love - up to a stamp in the passport.

And here it is much more difficult with signs of this love as in each city they, it appears, different, whether but somehow after all precisely it is necessary to define really the bride of the groom loves or it is simply strongly pregnant.

Let's begin all one after another. These signs of love strictly share - on primary and secondary signs. Well, primary love at the girl is easily defined, as it is present at it even at full absence of the gentleman. It, first, desire of to decorate all possible means. If, for example, on the young girl there is some cosmetics, she has got tired and to what it is not ready and if it is already painted more brightly the Indian - that is almost ready on everything, especially on the bad. At guys primary signs are expressed even more brightly: if goes along the street and only on little girls turns around, means, it is not absolutely ready to fall in love yet and if it is direct in the street at the girl a name is interested and looks somehow definitely at a cut line it is the potential groom ready to bridling.

I will notice, that primary signs at adult men completely are absent, and at elderly women are expressed by desire to bake pies to each counter single man.

And now we pass to more emotional, secondary signs. At young girls it is frequent change of mood on the verge of fun and a hysterics, raised, excuse, and I do not know what for, potlivost and constant desire to look at the watch. They with hope look at hour hands even if still anybody and did not appoint it appointment, and at real expectation the girl becomes intolerable. The father with mother every minute are ready to give to drink its valerian or to beat something heavy, only not to see these secondary signs of love.

Secondary signs at young men are expressed in tearful aggression of the guy to everything a little concerning its object of love. Constantly it seems to it, that on its way different barriers fortunately are established: it and her parents, school, institute, the saleswoman from shop, the booking controller or even in what not the guilty yard keeper. On a way to a beloved the guy will constantly sweep away all these barriers by means of shout, frank rudeness, a hysterics and even not strong muscles. Over it even water at this time to pour it is useless, there's nothing to be done - love, so to say, its secondary signs - for kilometre it is visible, that it is necessary to it.

Here girls in letters asked me ten years on end how to learn, whether its guy loves or not. Yes as easy as shelling pears, the beauty if the guy grows stupid directly on yours eyes it is enamoured completely if already, apparently, has absolutely sunk into dotage he already idolises you. Well, young men at this time it is very noisy itself conduct, jokes at you to themselves tell also all of them laugh, yes such on spring, stand, neigh unjustly, and eyes on the maiden skirt feverishly run at this time, as if there a hole in a material burn.

Here secondary signs at elderly women are expressed almost the same as also primary when it the object of prospective adoration the batch lures. These second signs simply diversify its culinary assortment, and it starts to rush to sew to it buttons and to erase shirts. It vernejshy a sign - it yours. Here at thirty-year women secondary signs are more approached to the sexual. They, enamoured women, simultaneously change a hairdress, shoes, a jacket, a skirt and spirits. If from the young woman has begun to smell new spirits is last erotic sign, and it is time to man to smell, where it at herself has dropped them.

Secondary signs of love at adult men too to list simply. It, first, if at you on a visit, he starts to behave home-style: feet on an armchair under itself draws in, on a sofa conveniently leans back, can even fall asleep under the TV is it to itself lezhku prepares, as at an animal. Well, and, secondly, remember, that if the man sleeps nearby before sex with you, he already loves you, and if has fallen asleep after sex - and respects too.

Whether it is necessary to consider as a secondary sign if the man, for example, with colours has come, well, categorically it is impossible. Flowers, unfortunately, it at all a love sign, and only the prevention, that something from you is necessary to the man. Well, the same if to you chocolates and cakes brings. Here if it to you at home ware pomoet - here it really sign.

Alexey VINOGRADOV.

THE INSTRUCTION ON THE FIRST KISS

It is the instruction for young men before the kiss first in their life

Attentively look to the girl in eyes and if you see in them though a compassion drop can start the first kiss.

Strongly spread wide hands and make a step towards to the girl if it thus evades lower the hands, a head, eyes and hide on pair minutes, and then repeat rastopyrivanie hands more persistently. Usually girls surrender on 3-4 rastopyrivanii.

If the girl at last has allowed you to come nearer to itself on kiss distance, the left hand take the girl for a nape (if it is still pulled out) or it is more romantic priobnimite it under shovels (if the girl conducts to itself quietly and trustfully covers eyes). And the right hand it is tenacious seize the girl for the left shoulder to keep the partner at a short distance.

Very slowly approach the lips to the person of the girl, and thus try to clean from the person idiotic expression. Is better to represent at this time, that you teeth take out a splinter from a knee of the younger brother. These first kisses really a little bit are similar to medical procedures where quite healthy two persons for some reason treat each other.

Well, we will return to the description of the kiss. Two lips seize an upper lip of the girl and, cautiously sucking at its edges, superficially involve extraction to itself in a mouth. Try, that this short stay of the girl in your mouth did not become for it a nightmare. Calm the involved maiden lip an easy touch of the language and do not forget constantly sglatyvat the saliva which has accumulated thus not to smear its girl, itself, and on a floor can drop.

At the tightened kiss start to move ahead from the top maiden lip won by you to her mouth corner, thus it is desirable to represent passion, in the form of a short sigh. Well, also try to sniff less which only theoretically does not participate in a kiss, and actually aimlessly to rub about cheeks of the girl, causing thus an unnecessary tickling and shmygajushchie allocation.

I do not advise at the first kisses to pay attention to a lower lip of the girl, that quite often leads to traumas of your upper lip, especially if it is not protected by moustaches, and your girl is armed small zubkami, on what is desirable to pay attention to a kiss.

Well, it is possible to kiss, of course, the girl for both lips. These kisses it is much more difficult odnogubyh than kisses because all responsibility thus to lay down on the guy. At a passionate kiss, for example, if the girl will try to evade sharply from dvuhgubovogo a kiss her lips can remain on asphalt or to become so dark blue, that you should change the girl urgently.

Remember, that at dvuhgubom a kiss you should be afraid peck awkwardly, first, the girl if hasten with a kiss. And, secondly, to cover its chin sljunjami if strongly will open a mouth. It, of course, too adult kiss for the beginner, but it is not necessary to despair - the girl all the same will praise you, because they from a school bench repeat to all boys, that where they supposedly so have miraculously learnt to kiss. And it is not necessary to answer this silly question because the truth of the girl to hear do not want, and liars it to you already some guys. Is better once again repeat the kiss on even languished partner. Make, so to say, a control kiss in a head that has stopped and did not prevent to concentrate on the further seducing.

By the way, about something bolshem. Whether it is necessary to young men to dismiss hands while they still properly have not learnt to kiss. I think, costs, if it of the first has begun, and categorically I do not recommend to give vent to hands if the girl constantly turns aside from your lips and behaves in a companionable way, that is tells to you about all everyday news and problems.

And nevertheless, how technically to pass to sticking of the second level. You remember from this instruction, that your right hand at a kiss is tenacious has seized a shoulder of the girl. So try to be unhooked from its shoulder and to slip on ten centimetres downwards, but also otrojte thus eyes, to see and in time to evade from not friendly slap in the face. You in vain think, that modern girls have lost shame and without fight allow guys to hurry love relations. Attentively peer in the street at persons of passing young men and will see on them bruises, and other courageous distinctions, and so the most part of these traumas they have received scratches not in man's fights, and from the angered girls.

And as it is necessary to turn aside correctly, I will tell next time.

Alexey VINOGRADOV

RESISTANCE OF AFFINITY

For ten years of work as leader of a marriage heading in the newspaper I subtracted from love affairs of our readers of thousand female councils as it is necessary to defend correctly from undesirable man's affinity.

In the beginning we will generalise absolutely devchenochnye sovetiki on evasion from the first kisses. The most widespread reception all female owns. This classical motanie a head to the left and to the right, and, at more resolute impact, it is necessary to hide the chin in a neck.

Already practically nobody uses at uvorachivanii from kisses simple podzhimaniem lips because by such grandmother's method already you will not be rescued in any way from modern to graze the young man.

And here more adult girls and mature women already have in it sufficient experience and try to hold a distance and not to suppose a similar situation with undesirable kisses. If such nevertheless happens, the good way to unstick the man is to rest and strongly to press a hand on an Adam's apple to the man, paternal at it instantly slabnet love capture, and it spits out already zaglochennye it female lips. At all it is not recommended at potselujnyh to defend captures by everyones there priemchikami as, for example, blow below a belt the man can interpret not as defence from the woman and as encouragement to continuation of caresses. After all it is far not each woman from such difficult position will knock a fist or will kick with a knee in those magic places which so are painful at the stronger sex. Usually the woman misses, as there at men it is too much clothes, and the purpose is often unfairly small.

Well, and now let's pass from kisses to opposite obnimanijam. It still anything when on its shoulders will simply put an unexpected hand. It it is easy to shake and translate incident for fun. And if you it is suddenly strong oblapjat, moreover and by the lock it is close hands on your waist. The most effective method till now there are strict eyes or silent, but malicious comments, type - clean hands, a rhinoceros. By the way, never name them thus goats, and that they strongly take offence at the truth and obstinately continue you to squeeze painfully.

In a case if your strict sight has not stopped the impudent gentleman it is recommended or to squeal loudly or silently to use foul language. Often last so frightens embracing man, that it jumps aside, as stung in one place.

As to hlopany girls and women in a soft place in Russia with it to struggle hardly as these advances are considered for a long time a lung and for some reason quite decent. Something to explain to the man already after its clap it is practically useless. They perceive these your words, as successful continuation of dialogue with you. And the slap in the face here will not approach, in this case it is easy to run into delivery. Here some women suggest to suffice after a clap any heavy subject and is inexact to throw in the offender. It is said that helps. One woman suffered the whole year claps from the colleague, and has then told to it, that after each blow will beat a stone on a cowl of its car. Once cut a brick, and he began to avoid it.

Judging by your love stories, as the most insulting for women are considered hvatanie for a breast and podnimanie skirts. In the latter case, carelessly thrown word ' the Fool ' well helps. Well, and when nesanktsionirovanno suffice for a breast, it also is sick. In the majority female experience prompts, that the short slap in the face from below upwards cools a heat of very many impudent persons, but at blow force, how many a loud clap is necessary how many. That without training it turns out not at everything, and it is necessary to train. In the beginning it is quite good to try a slap in the face on ivy bears, and then together with the girlfriend serially to grind blow on ladoshkah. One, thus, closes the cheeks palms, and the second beats a slap in the face on the protected person. One girl to me in the letter told, that she trained on the vagabond, and, under the rate - three slaps in the face for a can of beer. So this grateful vagabond then and with friends to it approached, well that it too have pleasantly made.

In summary, about the most unpleasant stickings when the man impudently catches ' for it is impossible ' or, ostensibly joking, brings down the woman on a table or a floor. After all on concepts attacking, it is still far not rape and to it anything for not complete sexual stickings will not be. At girls and women in this respect absolutely other thoughts. What to do? In such defence it is necessary to use nails and a teeth as though you have attacked really on full power. After all the modern woman is armed by manicure much more strongly, than the man muscles.

Alexey VINOGRADOV.

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