Jay Leno Jokes

Here are some jay leno jokes, courtsey Late Night Jokes Archive:

Welcome to "The Tonight Show.” I’m Jay Leno, the "American Idol.” Thank you very much.

As I’m sure you know, last night on "American Idol,” Fantasia Barrino beat out Diana Degarmo. "American Idol” – sounds more like "The Sopranos,” doesn’t it?

"American Idol” received a record 65 million votes. 65 million votes! And today Bush and Kerry both started singing lessons.

A lot of people voted twice. Today John Kerry said he actually voted for Diana before he voted for Fantasia.

In more serious news, hundreds of Iraqi detainees were released today from the Abu Ghraib prison. They celebrated their freedom by getting naked and putting underpants on their heads and running around.

Security officials in Iraq say that a number of suicide bombers there are detonating prematurely. The bombs are going off before they even reach their target. And the problem is ...?

I saw Old Yeller on TV yesterday – Al Gore.

Yesterday a fiery Al Gore called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and CIA Director George Tenet. Bush was furious. He said to Gore today, "Hey, who elected you president?!”

John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president ... did you see it on the news? This is a really cool plane. In the event that Kerry starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.

Kerry told reporters it’s not his plane, "It belongs to my wife."

Last night President Bush announced his plan for Iraq. He called for the rebuilding of a wrecked economy, getting international cooperation and bringing in new leadership. You know ... the same thing Kerry is calling for here.

So far, opinion is split on the president’s plan. Republicans say the outlook is Sunni or, as Democrats say, we’re in deep Shiite.

President Bush said last night there will be a new president of Iraq. In fact, to give him a chance, they’re going to give him a thirty-yard head start.

The White House announced the notorious Abu Ghraib prison will be torn down, demolished and done away with. But don’t worry, we’ll always have our memories – and, of course, the photographs.

President Bush fell off his mountain bike over the weekend. He wasn’t hurt too badly. Luckily he was wearing the same helmet he wears when he eats pretzels.

First Kerry fell off his bike, and now Bush fell off his. Can’t we get a man who can pedal a bicycle and be president at the same time?