Make Thousands of Dollars from the Comfort of Your Own Home!!!
an opportunity brought to you by Roni Y. Avis
When I first heard about this great money making plan, I at first assumed it was a scam. Thousands of dollars, with no work, for the cost of a few stamps? It certainly sounded too good to be true. So I ignored it and went about my routine. Boy, was that a big mistake! Why? Because every day I skipped over that message I missed a chance to make more money than I usually made in a month!
Finally, out of idle curiosity, I finally reread the message and decided to give it a try. I followed the instructions below, and within two weeks I was receiving cash through the mail from people all over the United States!
You may have heard that money-making offers like this are illegal, but in truth, because you are paying for a service, they are perfectly legitimate! The reason is that every letter you send out is actually a request to be added to a mailing list. Here's how it works...
*BAMM BAMM BAMM!!!*
What the hell?
"FOUL SPAMMER!!!!" Zemo screamed as he busted down the door. "You have trespassed at the wrong message board!"
What? Hey, I'm just trying to make an honest buck, here...
"Be still your lying tongue before I have it forcibly removed from your mouth!!!" The Baron said, stepping over the splintered remains of the door. He quickly drew his sword and advanced on the Spam-master. "Your putrid pyramid schemes are not welcome here! I suggest you depart, quickly, before I divest you of your head."
I got first amendment rights, pal! You can't do this! This is all free enterprise!
(Zemo, with a strike as fast as lightning, severed the right hand that the Spam-master had thrust in his face.)
Aaaaaauuugh!!!! Cripes!!! Are you nuts!? Alright, I'm leaving. But you haven't heard the last of me! I'll return with an army of spammers!!! We'll flood your messageboard!
"Hmmmm.." Zemo said thoughtfully. "Perhaps I am acting somewhat hastily." He opened his cellular phone and dialed. "Pegasus, this is Zemo. Fire up the meat-grinder in the basement."
Wha.. What?! Y..You just said you were acting too hastily!
"Quite right." Zemo said coldly. "It's clear to me now that letting you leave was far too generous. I've decided to have your carcass processed into a canned luncheon meat product." Zemo advanced on the terrified Spam-master. "Poetic, no?"
W..What the hell!? What kind of a place IS this!!!
"This is the Parodyverse." Zemo answered. "It's a nice place to live, but you really don't want to just visit..." He raised his sword. "After all, the life expectancy of minor characters is surprisingly short."
