Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

B

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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babe:

1. A term of endearment for one's child or lover.

2. A girlfriend (q.v.) or boyfriend (q.v.).

3. A physically attractive woman.

4. A naive person.

5. An infant.

Comment: "Babe" is a shortened pronuciation of "baby."

See also babe ratio, babies-in-the-eyes, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, fox, honey, hot bi babe, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), look babies, lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, righteous babe, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, tottie, valentine.

babe ratio:

Of the sex to which one is oriented, the proportion of those in a group that one finds attractive.

Comment: Often expressed as a percentage.

See also assortive mating, attractive, availability index., babe

babies-in-the-eyes:

1. One's reflections in someone else's pupils.

2. The look of love in and around the organs of sight, the "babies" being Cupids as suggested by the reflection of the beloved in one's eyes or of lovers in each other's eyes.

See also babe, baby, blindness of love, cherub, Cupid's golden arrow, eye of love, have eyes for, look babies, once-over.

x eyes.

baby:

1. A term of endearment for one's child or lover.

2. A girlfriend (q.v.) or boyfriend (q.v.).

3. A result of a union of gametes, usually due to an occurrence of sexual intercourse between a male and a female -- not that each occurrence will have that result; an infant.

Comment: Some call a fetus and even an embryo a baby, especially if it is wanted. Others reserve the term for a born child, very young.

See also babe, babies-in-the-eyes, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, honey, jaina, look babies, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, snowflake baby, studmuffin, sugar, sugar baby, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, test-tube baby, valentine.

babycakes:

A term of endearment, implying cuteness and sweetness in multiples.

See also babe, baby, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, dulcinea, honey, honeybunch, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, shmoopy, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, toots, valentine.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Babycakes"
"Mouse!" After seven years of friendship, she [Mary Ann Singleton] still couldn't tell when he was kidding. "Relax, Babycakes. My waiter was raving about you."
From the novel: Babycakes, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1984; "Perennial Library"; Tales of the City Series; v. 4)): p. 23; cf. pp. 56, 90, 206, 208, 294, 300, 302, 313.

baby-daddy or baby's-daddy (BBD):

1. The biological (genetic) father of a given child, a father who is no longer in a sexual relationship with the mother of the child but with whom she retains some connection. Thus she or, as a step-parent, her current mate might refer to "my baby-daddy."

2. A man conceptualized as one a woman chooses in large measure for the purpose of being impregnated by him.

Comment: If the mother retains no connection with the baby-daddy, then he would more probably be referred to as "my daughter's (or son's) father" or as "the father of my child(ren)."

See also baby-mama, BBD, co-parent, father of [my, your, her] child(ren), sperm hunter, sugar daddy.

Babylon the Great, the Mother of Harlots and Abominations of the Earth:

See Whore of Babylon.

babymaker:

1. A fertile person, most commonly said of a woman.

2. A person's set of reproductive organs or some key part thereof, such as a penis or a uterus.

See also breeder, broodmare, heterosexual, parent, surrogate mother.

baby-mama or baby's-mama:

The biological mother of a given child, a mother who is no longer in a sexual relationship with the father of the child but with whom he retains some connection. Thus he or, as a step-parent, his current mate might refer to "my baby-mama."

Comment: If the father retains no connection with the baby-mama, then she would more probably be referred to as "my son's (or daughter's) mother" or as "the mother of my child(ren)."

See also baby-daddy, broodmare, co-parent, mother of [my, your, his] child(ren), motorcycle mama, sugar mama.

baby swinger:

A person who is engaging in open swinging (q.v.) for the first time.

See also swinger.

baby talk:

1. Utterances of infants, insofar as they differ from the ordinary speech of most older children and adults.

2. A diminutive, cutesy form of speech used in some cultures by adults when addressing infants and/or pets, speech characterized in English by cooing intonations, distinctive pitches often with glides between them, certain substitutions of consonants (for instance, "w" for "l" and "r"), special vocabulary, shortening of words, frequent addition of a "-y" or "-ie" ending, and simplified syntax.

3. A form of intimate speech that is somewhat in imitation of the preceding and that is sometimes employed between lovers or spouses; a loveydovey way of speaking.

Comment: As, of course, with almost any speech, baby talk can be put to use in attempts to put down the one being spoken to or imitated, as in bullying and sarcasm.

See also cutie pie, express love, intimate talk, love-prate, loveydovey, pillow talk, schmoopy, sweetie, sweet talk.

x talk.

bacchanalia:

1. A party where wine flows freely and sometimes where sexual appetites are indulged; an orgy (q.v.).

2. Capitalized, a festival in honor of Bacchus, the ancient Roman god of wine and revelry (equivalent to the Greek god, Dionysus).

See also heart, satyr, sex party.

x Latin terms.

bachelor:

1. If unqualified, an unmarried man.

2. If qualified, as in "female bachelor," an unmarried person.

3. A code word for a male homosexual (q.v.).

Contrast bachelorette (q.v.). See also bachelor girl, bachelor man, célibataire, confirmed bachelor, disposable bachelor, eligible bachelor, female bachelor, free agent, homosexual, husband material, marital status, marriage material, never married, old bachelor, single.

x batchelor.

bachelor auction:

A public event where bids are made for the privilege of going on a date with an eligible male who has volunteered to make himself available for the purpose, such bidding generally occurring multiple times according to the number of volunteers.

Comment: Typically such auctions are fundraising events for charities.

Some people object to such auctions on the grounds that they promote the objectification and monetary quantification of human beings.

When bidding is for both males and females, the event is called a bachelor/bachelorette auction.

See also bachelorette auction, date, date auction, objectification.

bachelorette:

An unmarried young woman.

Contrast bachelor (q.v.). See also angélica, bachelor girl, célibataire, confirmed bachelorette, dance barefoot, disposable bachelorette, eligible bachelorette, female bachelor, feme sole, free agent, jeune fille à marier, maiden, marital status, marriage material, miss, nubile, odd woman, single, singlette, spinster, wife material.

bachelorette auction:

A public event where bids are made for the privilege of going on a date with an eligible female who has volunteered to make herself available for the purpose, such bidding generally occurring multiple times according to the number of volunteers.

Comment: Typically such auctions are fundraising events for charities.

Some people object to such auctions on the grounds that they promote the objectification and monetary quantification of human beings.

When bidding is for both males and females, the event is called a bachelor/bachelorette auction.

See also bachelor auction, date, date auction, objectification.

bachelorette pad:

An abode where one or more single women live on their own.

Comments: The term often implies:

• freedom of lifestyle, so the term is not usually used of, say, a prison cell or a dormitory room;
• a base of operations for dating, meaning, in part, a place where a woman can retreat with a date for privacy or, at least, a measure thereof.

Typically a bachelorette pad would be a house, apartment, or room.

See also bachelor pad, familistere, love-nest, love shack.

bachelor girl:

A bachelorette (q.v.).

See also bachelor.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Bachelor Girl"
Geordie [Davies] was a true bachelor girl, who liked her life exactly the way it was.
From the novel: Significant Others, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1987; "Perennial Library"; Tales of the City Series; v. 5)): p. 58.

bachelorhood:

The state of being a bachelor (q.v.).

See also singlehood.

bachelor man:

An unmarried or (as in the lexical example below) inadequately mated male of marriageable age.

See also bachelor.

Quotation from James Stephens Illustrating "Bachelor Man"
[The "big, comely woman" to the Philosopher] "Ten years married and only one child," said she. "Why, man dear, you're not a married man. What were you doing at all, at all! I wouldn't like to be telling you the children I have living and dead. but what I say is that married or not you're a bachelor man. I knew it the minute I looked at you..."
From the novel: The Crock of Gold, by James Stephens (New York: Macmillan Co., 1913, c1912, t.p. 1939): p. 83.

bachelor pad:

An abode where one or more single men live on their own.

Comments: The term often implies:

• freedom of lifestyle, so the term is not usually used of, say, a prison cell or a dormitory room;
• lack of a woman's decorative touch; and,
• a base of operations for dating, meaning, in part, a place where a man can retreat with a date for privacy or, at least, a measure thereof.

Typically a bachelor pad would be a house, apartment, or room.

See also bachelorette pad, familistere, love-nest, love shack.

bachelor's wife:

An unmarried man's mistress (q.v.).

backdoor lover:

A lover (q.v.) who is kept secret; a clandestine, hence, by usual implication, also an illicit paramour.

Comment: Be careful in using the adjective, "backdoor," since it is ambiguous. It can mean either "pertaining to clandestine activity" or "pertaining to anal sex."

See also backdoor man, backstreet mistress, clandestine polygamy, illicit lover, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, leman, paramour.

backdoor man:

1. A human male who is having a clandestine affair, especially with a married woman.

2. A human male who likes anal intercourse.

3. Captialized, a blues song written by Willie Dixon for Howlin' Wolf, released in 1961; also performed by others, such as the Doors.

See also backdoor lover, backdoor woman.

backdoor woman:

1. A human female who is having a clandestine affair, especially with a married man.

2. A human female who likes anal intercourse.

See also backdoor lover, backdoor man.

backstage romance:

A love affair involving members of an entertainment production, especially a theater production, an affair that takes place out of view of the general public and, at least in part, at the site of the production.

See also casting couch, offscreen squeeze, on-set romance, romance.

backstreet mistress, or back-street mistress, or back street mistress:

1. A woman with whom a person is having a clandestine affair.

2. A woman who shares sexual intimacies with a man but who does not have legal status as his wife.

See also action on the side, backdoor lover, illicit lover, lover, mistress, other woman, out-of-marriage lover, side girl.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Back Street Mistress"
Behaving like a Back Street mistress, hidden away from life, and devoting yourself entirely to just one man, is a bigger waste of time than remaining a virgin all your life.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 131; cf. 12.

bad boy:

1. A young human male who has been naughty.

2. A human male who is a social misfit, who lives dangerously, or who is abusive.

Contrast nice guy (q.v.); See also bad girl, boy next door, wanton man.

bad boy syndrome, or bad-boy syndrome:

Attraction to a human male who is a social misfit, who lives dangerously, or who is abusive.

See also attraction, attraction junky, Dirty Harry syndrome, lovemap, Marilyn syndrome, Mister Wrong, template (for a lover).

x syndromes.

bad breaker-upper:

A person who ends a love relationship in a way that adds unpleasantness to unpleasantness.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 8, Episode 136 (or 144?), "The Andrea Doria," written by Spike Feresten, directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, December 19, 1996).

See also break up, dump, sack, throw over, unflushable.

bad girl:

1. A young human female who has been naughty.

2. A human female who deliberately violates parental expectations regarding her sexual behavior or who violates sexual mores, especially when either sort of violation is a way of turning on a lover.

contrast nice girl (q.v.). See also bad boy, girl next door, slut, wanton woman.

bad match:

See poor match.

bait:

See man bait.

balabusta (Yiddish):

A housewife, especially a good one; a wife who fulfills her duties, not least her spiritual duties, with regard to her household.

Comments: Derived from the Hebrew term ba`alat ha-bayit ("mistress of the house").

This term has entered English through Ashekenazi Judaism. Sephardi Judaism has a comparable Ladino term: balabusha.

Of course, the Yiddish term lends itself to puns off of "ball-buster," from which, however, it should be clearly distinguished.

See also ball-buster, homemaker, housewife.

x Hebrew terms.

x Ladino terms.

x Yiddish terms.

ball and chain:

A metaphor for either the restrictiveness of marriage or the restrictions set by one's spouse, on analogy with the way that the movements of prisoners have sometimes been restricted.

Comment: Often expressed as the old ball and chain.

See also maritodespotism, marriage, pussy-whipped, uxorodespotism.

x old ball and chain.

ball-buster:

1. Someone who or something that forcefully strikes a male's testicles thereby causing crippling pain.

2. A taskmaster who or a pressing situation that saps a person of his (or, by extension, her) strength; an exceptionally or excessively arduous expectation or challenge.

3. A woman who, figuratively, emasculates a man; a woman who disrupts or destroys a man's sense of his manhood; a female who dominates a male and who, in doing so, deprives him of a large measure of masculinity as it is understood in his or the speaker's social circles.

See also balabusta (see note there), blue balls, petticoat despotism, she who must be obeyed, uxorodespotism.

ban:

See bann.

ban-charach (Welsh):

"Cherished woman"; a mistress (q.v.).

x Welsh terms.

band moll:

A fanatical or devotedly enthusiastic follower of a rock band, especially such a follower who seeks attention from one or more members of the band, for instance by offering sexual favors.

See also band moll, heartthrob, moll, offscreen squeeze.

banish (a person one's) bed and company:

To sever a partner from oneself, especially from intimate life with oneself.

See also cagamosis, divorce, divorce a mensa et thoro, divorce from bed and board, estranged, separate.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Banish"
DUKE OF GLOSTER. ... And, for my wife, I know not how it stands; Sorry I am to hear what I have heard: Noble she is; but if she have forgot Honour and virtue, and conversed with such As, like to pitch, defile nobility, I banish her my bed and company, And give her, as a prey, to law and shame, That hath dishonour'd Gloster's honest name.
From: William Shakespeare, The Second Part of King Henry the Sixth (circa 1590-1592): Act 2, Scene 1, lines 186-193.

bann, or ban:

Announcement of an upcoming marriage (q.v.), as has in some times and places been required by law, typically on three successive Sundays preceding nuptials (q.v.).

Comment: The word is almost always seen in the plural: "banns" or "bans," as in, "to publish the banns." A series of proclamations of banns of marriage is called "the cries," and to proclaim the marriage banns is "to cry."

See also forbid the banns, married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney, sibred.

x ban.

banns up the chimney:

See married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney.

bar:

See gay bar, singles bar.

bard of Venus:

See poet of love.

barefoot and pregnant:

1. Said of a woman who stays home (where she need not wear shoes) due to an unborn child in the womb, this generally either as a matter of female felicity or to keep her out of trouble or to keep her out of the job market. This is a typical sense as the term is used in the proverbial advice, "Keep her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen."

2. Impoverished and with an unborn child in the womb -- a typical sense as the term is used in the phrase, "left her barefoot and pregnant."

Comment: Advice to keep a woman barefoot and pregnant has been widely regarded as an example of chauvinism.

See also dance barefoot, homemaker, housewife, mother, sexual chauvinism.

x keep her barefoot and pregnant.

x leave her barefoot and pregnant.

x left her barefoot and pregnant.

Quotation from Will Cuppy Illustrating "Barefoot and Pregnant"
Peter kept Catherine barefoot and pregnant most of the time. They had twelve children ...
From: The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody, by Will Cuppy; edited by Fred Feldkamp [or Feldcamp]; drawings by William Steig (New York: Holt, 1950): p. 138. <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from Clifford Kirkpatrick Illustrating "Barefoot and Pregnant"
On the other hand, a husband may accept the "Keep them barefoot and pregnant" philosophy and seek to restrain his wife from "gadding about" by repeated impregnation.
From: The Family, as Process and Institution, by Clifford Kirkpatrick (2nd ed. New York: Ronald Press Co., 1963: p. 460. The first edition was 1955. <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from Emily Hahn Illustrating "Barefoot and Pregnant"
He hangs up -- and there is a bright speculative gleam in his eye. A baby -- why not? -- will fix matters for a little while. He smiles. Keep them barefoot and pregnant -- where had he heard that? The half-remembered folklore of the male Spouse has come to his aid.
From: Spousery: His Edition, by Emily Hahn; illustrated by Laz�lo (New York: Watts, 1956): p. 34. With Spousery: Her Edition, by Eric Hatch, inverted. <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from Joseph H. Peck Illustrating "Barefoot and Pregnant"
Some forty years ago, Dr. Hertzler advanced a hypothesis which young women of today seem bent on proving correct. "The only way to keep a woman happy," he said, "is to keep her barefoot and pregnant."
From: All about Men, by Joseph H. Peck; drawings by Larry Reynolds (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1958): p. 89. <Not examined in hard copy> Is the reference to Dr. Arthur E. Hertzler?

Quotation from Helen McLeod Illustrating "Barefoot and Pregnant"
The destiny of a white woman in New Guinea is not solely to be "kept barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen", as some of the men in that Man's Country might suppose.
From: Cannibals Are Human: A District Officer's Wife in New Guinea, by Helen McLeod (Sydney: Angus and Robertson, 1961): p. 214. <Not examined in hard copy>

bash:

See dobash.

bashert (Yiddish):

1. Destiny.

2. A fortuitous coming together.

3. A male soul mate; a man's soul that completes one's own.

Comment: In Yiddish (for those who wish to look up the term), the second letter is an aleph.

See also soul mate.

x Yiddish terms.

basherta:

A female soul mate; a woman's soul that completes one's own.

See also soul mate.

bashow minhag, or baShow minhag (Hebrew):

The custom, according to Jewish law, of having a brief pre-arranged in-home meeting between a potential bride and groom.

Comment: This is in lieu of dating and in anticipation of a possible betrothal, generally in the context of a system of arranged marriages.

Minhag is the Hebrew word for "custom," but I have not yet confirmed the origin of the word bashow.

See also arranged marriage, date.

x Hebrew terms.

basket auction:

A public event where bids are made for the privilege of going on a picnic with a person who has volunteered to make him or herself available for the purpose, such bidding generally occurring multiple times according to the number of volunteers.

Comment: Typically such auctions are fundraising events for charities.

See also bachelor auction, bachelorette auction, date auction.

x auction.

batchelor:

Obsolete spelling of bachelor (q.v.).

bath zug (Hebrew):

See bat zug.

batter:

To subject a member of one's own household to violence, psychological cruelty, sexual abuse, or damaging physical neglect, especially to do so persistently.

Comment: Among the terms for an adult victim of battering are: battered husband, battered man, battered partner, battered spouse, battered wife, and battered woman.

See also abuse, domestic violence, ran-tan, spouse abuse, wife abuse.

bat zug, or bath zug (Hebrew):

Roughly translated: "female member of a couple."

1. Female soul mate.

2. Wife.

3. Female partner in a love relationship.

Contrast ben zug (q.v.). See also soul mate (includes quotation), wife.

x bath zug.

x Hebrew terms.

BAV:

Born-again virgin (q.v.).

BBD:

1. Baby-daddy (q.v.).

2. Bigger, better deal (q.v.).

bdelugma:

See abomination.

be-all and end-all:

A person to whom or a thing to which someone is wholly oriented; the totally encompassing purpose of someone's life.

Comment: The term is often used for a lover or spouse, sometimes negatively as in, "You're not my be-all and end-all!"

See also be all things to, made for each other, true love.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Be-All and End-All"
... he has a girlfriend, an attractive woman considerably younger than he. But he knows he's not her be-all and end-all.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 112.

be all things to:

1. To be fully adequate in terms of relational needs and desires; to suffice, in a plenary way, in all aspects of a person's life that relationships are capable of addressing or enhancing.

2. To satisfy a person's deepest longings in a way that permeates his or her life with a sense of fullfillment.

Comment: I detect (or am I imagining?) a subtle difference between "be all things to" and "be everything to." "Be all things to" tends to be used sarcastically or as a criticism, especially in the first sense. "Be everything to" tends to be used romantically, especially in its first sense.

See also be-all and end-all, be everything to, made for each other.

x all things to.

Quotation from Jack Nichols Illustrating "Be All Things To"
[246] Human beings are complex creatures, and in an era when the media add to their sense of options, no single person can be expected to be all things to another.
[247] If two people cannot be all things to each other, neither can they expect of each other that each forfeit all other loving relationships.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 17, p. 246, 247.

beard:

1. Someone who accompanies another in a pretended role in relation to that person in order to protect that person from suspicion or to provide that person an advantage.

2. A man (relative to a lesbian) or a woman (relative to a gay male) who serves, by way of one or more dates or hanging out together or even marriage, as part of a disguise to provide the illusion that a gay male or a lesbian is straight. Often more specifically:

3. A woman whom a man has accompanying him or has married in order to conceal his homosexuality; a gay male's cosmetic date or wife.

Comments: Regarding the second definition, I have seen various delimitations, for instance, that to be a beard, a person must be willing to serve as such or must be a woman or, even more specifically, must be a lesbian. However, great flexibility characterizes today's general usage.

Sometimes the term is used adjectivally, as in, "a beard bride."

See also bearding, decoy, fag hag, frock, half-husband, homosexuality, MarBLes, merkin, mixed-orientation marriage, on the down low, pass, screen for love.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Beard"
[Regarding a female confidante of the female lover of a married man] She can also serve another useful purpose: being a beard. Although the beard role is generally played by another man, it can be handled with equal efficacy by a woman. Very few people suspect a man of any hanky-panky when he's seen with more than one woman at any given time, so if you want him to take you to some place that might appear to be less than safe, take your friend along ...
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 91.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Beard"

This [a lesbian's frequent hanging out with a male friend] was particularly useful to her because of his reputation in navy circles as an inveterate philanderer. She let folks think what they liked, a passing strategy rumored to be as common among big-time gay Wall Street investment bankers, actors, and fashion designers -- bring a "beard" to the big closing dinner, marry someone of the opposite sex for show -- as it is among soldiers and sailors.

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): p. 145.

bearding:

1. The practice of using one's association with another person to protect oneself or somebody else, such as one's lover, from suspicion or to disguise one's sexual orientation.

2. The practice of serving as a beard.

See also beard, lavender marriage, merkin, mixed-orientation marriage, sexual orientation, straight credentials.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Bearding"
[Regarding a female confidante of the female lover of a married man, a confidante who is suffering from a broken heart] ... don't use her for bearding during this time. She won't be able to stand being around two people who are happily in love, and it isn't fair to put her through it.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 94.

Beatrice:

See salutation of Beatrice.

beau; plural, beaus or beaux:

1. A woman's male lover (q.v.).

2. A female's boyfriend (q.v.).

3. A human male who escorts a human female.

Comment: In French, "beau" is the masculine form and "belle" the feminine form of the same word. However, in English they function as completely different terms with different senses. "Belle" means "an attractive, charming, and popular woman, especially a young woman."

See also cavalier, date, gentleman friend, partner, plus one.

x French terms.

beau mariage (French):

Un beau mariage means "a good marriage"; le beau mariage means "the good marriage," sometimes with the connotation of meeting or, at least, nearing the ideal, so "the perfect marriage."

Comment: "Le beau mariage," may be a reference to a movie of that title directed by Eric Rohmer (1981).

See also good match, made for each other, marriage, match made in heaven.

x French terms.

beauty:

See human beauty, inner beauty, outer beauty.

Beauty-and-the-beast relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that in some way resembles the central relationship in the fairy tale "Beauty and the Beast" (French: "La Belle et la Bête"), especially a romance between a lovely woman and a man not considered handsome or a man who is large and hirsute.

Comments: The first published version of the fairy tale, which was in French, was by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve (1740). It is probably best known in the abridged version by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont (1756).

See also heterogamy, interfacial couple, interfacial marriage, just friends.

x fairy tales.

becco (Italian):

A cuckold.

Comment: From the Italian word for "goat," hence horned. In Italian, becco bears the secondary sense of "cuckold."

See also cuckold, horned.

x Italian terms.

become engaged:

To agree to wed.

See also accept (someone's) hand, affiance, assure, betroth, catch (someone) on the rebound, engagement, pin, take the plunge, wed.

bed buddy:

1. A person with whom one shares a bed and with whom one might engage in sexual relations but with whom one does not have a love relationship, such as an ex who hasn't yet left or a friend with benefits.

2. A gay lover.

See also bed-fellow, bedmate, bed partner, ex, friend with benefits, homosexual, lover, partner.

x buddy.

bedding:

Custom of putting a newly wedded couple to bed together.

See also marriage bed, wedbed, wedding.

bed death:

Demise of genital sexual activity between partners over the course of a long-tern sexual relationship.

Comments: Originally, back in the 1980s, the term was applied to lesbian partners; and often bundled up in the concept were reasons distinctive to lesbians for the phenomenon. However, by extension, the term came to be applied to any long-term sexual relationship that exhibits such a demise.

Some object to the finality implicit in the term, as though a resurrection miracle were needed to overcome it.

See also aphanisis, asexuality, frigidity, hyphedonia, hyposexuality, lesbian bed death, sexless love, silent epidemic, undersexed.

beddie:

See betty.

bed-fellow or bedfellow:

1. A person with whom one shares a bed.

2. A person with whom one shares a bed and sexual intimacies.

Comment: For lexical example, see under "play-fellow."

See also bed buddy, bedmate, bed partner, partner, play-fellow.

bedhopper:

A sexually promiscuous person, that is, one who goes from one person's bed to another's and perhaps another's and so on and so forth.

See also agapet, box of assorted creams, crumpet man, lovertine, multicipara, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rake, roué, slut, smellsmock, stud, tart, tramp, whore, womanizer.

bed-match:

Marriage (q.v.).

bedmate:

1. A person with whom one shares a bed.

2. A partner in a common law marriage.

3. A sex partner; sometimes the term is nuanced to indicate:

• such a partner with whom one lives, especially one to whom one is not married; or,
• a person with whom one shares a bed for sexual purposes away from either person's home.

See also bed buddy, bed-fellow, bed partner, common law marriage, mate, partner, sex partner.

bed partner:

1. A person with whom one shares a bed.

2. A person with whom one shares a bed and sexual intimacies.

See also bed buddy, bed-fellow, bedmate, partner.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Bed Partner"
[Connie Bradshaw] "Do you treat all your bed partners that way?" [Brian Hawkins] "What way?" "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!"
From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 91.

bedroom:

1. A space, usually with walls, designated for sleeping inside a building.

2. A figure of speech (a metonymy, more precisely) for one's sphere of personal privacy.

3. A euphemism for marital or other sexual relations where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy.

See also bedroom politics, family sovereignty, get government out of the bedroom.

bedroom politics:

1. The dynamics of power within an intimate relationship, especially as expressed through sexual relations or the lack thereof.

2. The working out of sex roles in sexual relations and relationships, whether those roles are physically determined, culturally determined, negotiated, or a combination of any of the above.

3. The use of sexual relations to achieve goals having nothing to do with sexual desire, bonding, or procreation.

4. Discussion, within an intimate relationship or context, of social issues, of governmental policies, or of contentions for social power, plus the effects such discussion has upon the intimate relationship.

5. Negotiations in private regarding public policy between polticians who are also sex partners.

6. The use of the sex lives of politicians against them in the social arena.

See also bedroom, boundary, feminism, Lady Macbeth syndrome, maritodespotism, marry for politics, political marriage, power couple, power exchange, public character of sex, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sex scandal, sexual chauvinism, uxorodespotism.

x politics.

bedswerver, or bed-swerver:

A spouse who commits adultery.

See also adulterer, adulteress, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreach, spousebreaker, two-timer, whore.

Beelzebub's order:

See order of Saint Beelzebub.

beena marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which a man leaves the family of his birth and joins for life his wife's family, for which he works and to whom his children belong.

Contrast marriage by service (q.v.).

been and done it:

Have gotten married.

See also cash and carried, cut and carried, dot and carried, gone and done it, hitched, married, yoked.

be everything to:

1. To satisfy a person's deepest longings in a way that permeates his or her life with a sense of fullfillment.

2. To be fully adequate in terms of relational needs and desires; to suffice, in a plenary way, in all aspects of a person's life that relationships are capable of addressing or enhancing.

See comment under "be all things to."

See also be-all and end-all, be all things to, made for each other.

x everything to.

be fond of:

See fond of.

"Be fruitful and multiply":

1. In the Bible, a divine imperative for sea creatures (Genesis 1:22), and a principle to be specially protected with regard to humankind's fellow land creatures: birds and animals and creeping things (Genesis 8:17).

2. In the Bible, the first divine command to humankind, imparted upon the creation of humankind as male and female (Genesis 1:28). Taking into account the second creation account (Genesis 2:4-4:26), that would be before the Fall from innocence. Long after the Fall, it was reiterated to Noah as the representative of all future generations -- in fact twice, as both first and last command in covenantal context (Genesis 9:1, 7). Long after that, it was reiterated to Jacob upon his renaming as Israel (Genesis 35:11; cf. 47:27; Exodus 1:7).

Comments: The Hebrew phrase, roughly transliterated, is peru urebu. <check>

Some take the first divine command to humankind not as a literal utterance, but as symbolic language for the survival instinct of the species, infused with a valuing of that survival and of the natural mechanisms of that survival.

Although the Bible presents "Be fruitful and multiply" as a command being imparted both to humankind in general and to Israel specifically, it functions more as a blessing of which God is the enabler (for example at Genesis 16:10; 17:2, 20; 22:17; 26:24; 28:3; 48:4; Exodus 1:20; 32:13; Deuteronomy 1:10; Joshua 24:3; 1 Chronicles 27:23; Nehemiah 9:23; Psalm 107:38; Isaiah 9:3; Jeremiah 23:3; 30:19; 33:22; Ezekiel 36:10-11). With regard to the Israelites, observance of Mosaic Law is presented as a prerequisite (for example, at Leviticus 26:3-9; Deuteronomy 6:3; 7:12-13; 8:1; 13:17; 28:58-63; 30:1-5, 16).

The command is understood in the Bible to apply to the human species as a whole and to the nation of Israel as a whole, not to each and every individual. Thus, for instance, room is made for eunuchs in salvation history (Isaiah 56:3-5; Matthew 19:12; Acts 8:26-39; contrast Deuteronomy 23:1).

The command is not one to over-populate the earth or to engage in a population race (q.v.), although some take it in those ways.

See also "blessings of the breasts and of the womb," Holiness Code, "saved in childbearing," sex-positve stance, Urfamilie.

be gone on:

See gone on.

being love (Abraham Maslow):

A bond between people in which the emphasis is on mutual benefit and the welfare of others.

Contrast deficiency love (q.v.). See also agapic love, love.

belamour:

1. A love interest.

2. A sweet look of love; a loving glance.

Comment: This term, which literally means "beautiful love," seems to have been little used since the 1600s.

See also love interest.

Quotation from Edmund Spenser Illustrating "Belamour"
Malbecco, cuckolded, seeks his wife Hellenore, who has run away with Paridell: "One day, as he forpassed by the plaine With weary pace, he farr away espide A couple, seeming well to be his twaine ....   But, as he nigher drew, he easily Might scerne, that it was not his sweetest sweet, Ne yet her Belamour, the partner of his sheet."
From: Edmund Spenser, The Faerie Queene (1590-1596): III.x.20-22; cf. II.vi.16.

belief in love:

1. Intellectual investment in and devoted reliance upon a goddess of love, such as Aphrodite (Greek) = Venus (Roman), or a god of love, such as Erôs (Greek) = Cupid (Roman), whether that deity be considered real or symbolic.

2. Adherence to the view that God is love, in combination with a devoted reliance upon God so described (cf. 1 John 4:8, 16).

3. Adherence to the view that agapic love is the supreme virtue (cf. 1 Corinthians 13).

4. Adherence to the view that love or some type thereof has cosmological significance.

5. Adherence to the view that romantic love between two people can transcend the physical plane and in some sense have a life of its own, even once the bodies have perished.

6. A deep-seated trust that romantic love is worth any personal investment as well as any discomfort, pain, or grief that might attend it.

7. The attitude that one will find satisfaction in or continue to find satisfaction in a love relationship.

8. Adherence to the view that one should always follow one's heart in matters of romance, even if the heart is fickle.

See also agapic love, belief in marriage, believe in love, eternal union, love, mystic betrothal, romantic love, romantic theology, spiritual marriage, theology of romantic love, undying love.

x Bible.

belief in marriage:

1. The regarding of marriage (q.v.) as desirable for oneself or, at least, acceptable for oneself.

2. Adherence to the view that a man and a woman can bond and form a fundamental social unit worthy of respectful treatment as such, as opposed to thorough-going treatment simply as individuals irrespective of their bond. In some cases this view is expanded to cover also two individuals of the same sex (gay marriage) and/or to embrace more individuls within a bond (polygamy or group marriage).

3. Adherence to the view that the formalities for forming a marital union are worthwhile, for example, in order to command social respect for the relationship or to ensure legal protections and rights.

4. Adherence to the view that at least some institution that claims the rights to define, to regulate, and to legitimate marriage -- an institutions such as a religious organization or the state -- does indeed properly hold those rights.

5. Adherence to the view that the institution of marriage is a social good, for instance as a foundation for child-rearing.

6. Acceptance of the forms of, functions of, and regulations regarding marriage in traditional morality or in contemporary mores as best.

Contrast give up on marriage (q.v.). See also belief in love, believe in marriage, ceremonial marriage, civil marriage, ecclesiastical marriage, family values, public character of sex, statism, theology of marriage, traditional morality.

believe in love:

1. To invest intellectually in and and to rely devotedly upon a goddess of love, such as Aphrodite (Greek) = Venus (Roman), or a god of love, such as Erôs (Greek) = Cupid (Roman), whether that deity be considered real or symbolic.

2. To adhere to the view that God is love and to rely devotedly upon God so described (cf. 1 John 4:8, 16).

3. To adhere to the view that agapic love is the supreme virtue (cf. 1 Corinthians 13).

4. To adhere to the view that love or some type thereof has cosmological significance.

5. To adhere to the view that romantic love between two people can transcend the physical plane and in some sense have a life of its own, even once the bodies have perished.

6. To have a deep-seated trust that romantic love is worth any personal investment as well as any discomfort, pain, or grief that might attend it.

7. To think that one will find satisfaction in or continue to find satisfaction in a love relationship.

8. To adhere to the view that one should always follow one's heart in matters of romance, even if the heart is fickle.

Contrast give up on love (q.v.). See also agapic love, belief in love, believe in marriage, love, spiritual polyamory.

x Bible.

believe in marriage:

1. To regard marriage (q.v.) as desirable for oneself or, at least, acceptable for oneself.

2. To adhere to the view that a man and a woman can bond and form a fundamental social unit worthy of respectful treatment as such, as opposed to thorough-going treatment simply as individuals irrespective of their bond. In some cases this view is expanded to cover two individuals of the same sex (gay marriage) or to embrace more individuls within a bond (polygamy or group marriage).

3. To regard as worthwhile the formalities for forming a marital union, for example, in order to command social respect for the relationship or to ensure legal protections and rights.

4. To regard at least some institution that claims the rights to define, to regulate, and to legitimate marriage -- an institution such as a religious organization or the state -- as properly holding those rights.

5. To regard the institution of marriage as a social good, for instance, in its function as a relatively stable environment for child-rearing.

6. To accept as best the forms of, functions of, and regulations regarding marriage in traditional morality or in contemporary mores.

Comment: Nowadays in the midst of the debates over gay marriage, some people are choosing to boycott, on the grounds of unfairness, either ecclesiastical or civil marriage or both where gay marriage is not recognized but heterosexual marriage is. Such people might be said not to believe in marriage in the last sense and yet to believe in it in the preceding four senses.

The general prejudice is to want to believe in marriage; and so, in answer to the question, "Do you believe in marriage," a person is likely to answer "yes," if any of the above definitions apply.

See also belief in marriage, believe in love, civil marriage, ecclesiastical marriage, public character of sex, traditional morality.

belle-épouse (French):

Sister-wife (q.v.).

bellibone:

A woman both beautiful and good.

Comment: From French belle ("beautiful") and bonne ("good").

See also attractive, babe, cherub, cutie, fox, pulchritude, righteous babe.

bellitude:

A person's beauty; loveliness.

See also attraction, pulchritude.

belong to:

1. To be romantically oriented to a particular individual or, rarely, two or more particular individuals.

2. To have a loyal attachment to.

3. To have a mystical union with.

4. To be associated with or a member of.

5. To be the exclusive possession of.

Comments: "My heart belongs to him"; "I belong to her, body and soul" -- such comments often imply exclusivity, but not always. For instance, one might hear, "My heart belongs to both of them, each in a different way but also in ways that overlap."

In some quarters, the term has fallen into disfavor when a person is the subject, since it can sometimes mean or be taken to mean "to be the exclusive possession of," in other words, "that a person has lost his or her freedom to him (or her) and is thus enslaved to him (or her)." Furthermore, the term invites other language sometimes used for possession: "You are mine"; "I am yours." However, discouraging the use of the term in reference to a person is to allow one sense to shove out all of the others.

See also attached, bodily integrity, devotion, in love, night-wife, "one flesh," possessive jealousy, possessiveness, stand by my man, stand by my woman.

beloved, as in "my beloved":

1. A person whom one loves.

2. A term of endearment for a person with whom one is in a love relationship.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, bevy of beloveds, Bonnie, cadre of beloveds, cherub, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, dulcinea, flame, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, mother of love, partner, shmoopy, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

beloved, as in "beloved person":

Held in deep affection.

See also dear, love (as in "love for another").

beloved stranger:

A spouse or love relationship partner of a faith different from one's own.

Comments: The word "stranger" implies the partner's adherence to a belief system and a set of values that either are or appear to others to be unlike one's own.

In many quarters, the term is considered archaic.

See also interethnic marriage, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, interreligious marriage, letter group (I), married contrary to discipline, marry out of meeting, partner, Sixth Commandment of the Church, spouse, "unequally yoked."

belover:

A lover (q.v.).

Comment: The latest example of usage given in The Oxford English Dictionary is from the 15th century.

be man to a woman:

To make oneself available to a particular female for the performing of sexual functions together, said of a man.

See also be woman to a woman (which see for a close lexical example), partner sexually.

x man to a woman.

benedict, or benedick:

A married man who was recently a confirmed bachelor.

Comment: The term seems to derive from a character in Much Ado About Nothing (circa 1598-1600), by William Shakespeare, namely Benedick, a young lord of Padua, into whose mouth Shakespeare places this word play: "Prince, thou art sad; get thee a wife, get thee a wife: there is no staff more reverend than one tipt with horn" (Act 5, Scene 4, lines 122-124).

For lexical example, see under "liberal to a fault."

See also husband.

x Shakespeare, William.

benefit:

1. Social permission and the advantages that affords, as in "benefit of marriage."

2. Official approval; solemnization and blessing, as in "cohabiting without benefit of clergy."

3. Enjoyable sexual activity, as in "friend with benefits."

4. Something that is good for one's well-being; an advantage.

See also benefit of marriage, benison, friend with benefits, living in sin, out of wedlock.

benefit of marriage:

The marital state, such that social permission and advantages apply.

See also benefit, marital state, marriage, solemnization, other terms than marriage, state of marriage

Bengali terms:

See boshTomi.

benison:

1. A benediction; expressing a wish for divine kindness upon someone.

2. A blessing; an expression of divine kindness.

3. Something or someone -- a lover (q.v.), for instance -- that makes one happy.

See also benefit, partner.

ben zug (Hebrew):

Roughly translated: "male member of a couple."

1. Male soul mate.

2. Husband.

3. Male partner in a love relationship.

Contrast bat zug (q.v.). See also husband, soul mate (includes quotation), zug.

x Hebrew terms.

be on the pull:

See pull.

besom wedding:

Initiation of a marriage without formal ceremony or legal proceedings.

See also broomstick-marriage, jump over the broomstick (especially the comment), jump the besom, marry over the broomstick, wedding.

besotted:

In the condition of being a fool for the love of someone; intoxicated with love for another; wrapped up romantically and emotionally in somebody to such an extent that one's way of relating to the universe changes; infatuated.

Comment: The term is sometimes used wistfully, sometimes pejoratively, and sometimes, perhaps only with difficulty, objectively.

See also amour fou, amour-passion, assot, bitten by the love bug, blinded by love, captivated, carry a torch for, crazy about, crush, crystallization, enamored, enchantment, engouement, folie à deux, go gaga over, gone on, goner, head over heels in love, infatuated, in love, limerent, love-cracked, love-passion, love-struck, madly in love, mashy, religion of two, romantic love, smitten, sprung, torchy, wildly in love with.

bestiality:

1. Sexual relations between a human being, whether male or female, and an animal.

2. Inhuman or repugnant behavior on the part of a human being; behavior that reflects the basest or most carnal elements of a human being's nature; not animal-likeness but operating without spiritual qualities, hence a distortion of humanity, hence monstrous.

3. The nature of being an animal.

Comments: Mating with an animal is one of the forbidden types of sexual connections listed in the Bible. See Exodus 22:19; Leviticus 18:23 = 20:15-16; and Deuteronomy 27:21; cf. Sirach 23:17 (bestiality may be a subcategory of the practices of those "to whom all bread is sweet") and Romans 1:25-26 (bestiality may be the "unnatural intercourse" referred to in verse 26).

Mating with an animal has sometimes been treated as a form of sodomy.

See also adultery, arsenokoitês, deceased wife's sister question, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, Holiness Code, incest, klepsigamy, lesbian, porneia, pornos, sexual connection, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sodomite, traditional morality, unnatural.

bestow in marriage:

To place into another's care as that person's spouse.

Comment: One may bestow oneself or another.

See also give away in marriage, marry.

betray:

1. To bring harm or disadvantage to a person by way of disloyalty to that person, for instance, by placing that person at the mercy of his or her enemies.

2. To undermine another's goal.

3. To be unfaithful to the fundamental terms of a love relationship.

4. To provoke mistrustful feelings in a partner by being unfaithful to the fundamental terms of the relationship or by including in one's intimacies an unacceptable other.

5. To seduce and then abandon.

6. Sometimes the phrase, "to betray oneself," means to undermine certain potentials due, for instance, to passionate love.

See also betrayal, cheat, commit adultery, Delilah, feel betrayed, run astray, seduce, tip, two-time, yard on.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Betrayed Herself"
And a black gloom of anger, and a tenderness of self-effacement, fought in his [Tom Brangwen's] heart. She [his stepdaughter, Anna, who had fallen in love] did not understand what she was doing. She betrayed herself. She was a child, a mere child. She did not know how much of herself she was squandering.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 4, p. 109.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Betrayed"
[119] After marriage (he [Harold little-Smith] had been old: twenty-six) there had been business trips, and call girls, generally doughy and sullen, with whiskeyish breaths and terrible voices; but he had never betrayed [his wife] Marcia with a social equal.
[154] She [Janet Appleby] decided that with Harold [little-Smith]'s acquiescence in the end of deception she had been betrayed. [Harold's wife] Marcia had entered adultery [with Janet's husband, Frank] freely whereas Janet had thrown herself upon Harold to assuage their despair. A cynical ménage cheated her of such justification.
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): pp. 119, 154.

betrayal:

1. The bringing of harm or disadvantage to a person by way of disloyalty to that person, for instance, by placing that person at the mercy of his or her enemies.

2. Unfaithfulness to the fundamental terms of a love relationship.

3. The provocation of mistrustful feelings in a partner by being unfaithful to the fundamental terms of the relationship or by including in one's intimacies an unacceptable other.

4. Seduction followed by abandonment.

5. Sometimes the phrase, "betrayal of oneself," means the undermining of certain potentials due, for instance, to passionate love.

See also adultery, betray, cyber-betrayal, Delilah, direct-affront myth of affairs, feel betrayed, infidelity, seduction, unfaithfulness.

betroth:

To pledge to take up conjugal life together.

See also affiance, affy, assure, become engaged, despouse, pin, plight troth.

betrothal:

A pledge conferring marital status or a degree thereof upon a human male and a human female and giving to the male exclusive sexual rights to the female, all of this looking forward to a time of celebration, consummation (q.v.), and, generally, the taking up of a residence in common; becoming half-married. The pledge might be made either by family heads with the consent of the principals if old enough or by the principals themselves.

Contrast engagement (q.v.). See also arrha, assurance, beweddung, child-betrothal, consensus sponsalitius, desponsation, desponsories, erusin, hand-fasting, kiddushim, mystic betrothal, sponsalia, sponsalia per verba de futuro, sponsalia per verba de praesenti, subarrhation, trothplight, wedding, weotuma.

betrothed:

1. A spouse with whom one has not yet taken up conjugal life.

2. A person to whom one is pledged to marry.

3. In the sentence, "we are betrothed," the passive of betroth (q.v.).

See also conjux, deponsate, fiancé, fiancée, intended.

better half:

One's spouse (q.v.), to whom one is referring in a complimentary way.

See also partner.

betty:

1. An attractive woman.

2. A beach girl wearing a bikini (in volleyball slang); also spelled beddie.

See also attractive, cherub, fox, Lady Jane, mary jane, tottie, volley dolly.

x beddie.

bevy of beloveds:

1. The set of people loved romantically by a polyamorist (q.v.).

2. The set of partners in a group love relationship (q.v.).

Comment: E. Cobham Brewer gives "bevy" as a collective term for roes, quails, larks, pheasants, and ladies. James Lipton adds beauties, roebucks.

References
Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 901, s.v. "Numbers."
An Exaltation of Larks, or, The Venereal Game, by James Lipton (New York, N.Y.: Grossman Publishers, c1968): pp. 26, 38.

See also beloved, bundle of freemates, cadre of beloveds, clutch of lovers, covey of lovers, cuddle of lovers, imbroglio of polyamours, string of lovers, stud, syndicate of lovers.

beweddung (Old English):

"Pledging"; betrothal (q.v.); a legally binding first step in marriage.

x Old English terms.

be woman to a man:

To make oneself available to a particular male for the performing of sexual functions together, said of a woman.

See also be man to a woman, partner sexually.

x woman to a man.

Quotation from Dorothy Bryant Illustrating "Being Woman to a Man"
[107] "I am to be woman to you," she [Augustine] said simply, without any expression.... [108] [Augustine] "I had hoped it was over. I had hoped I was through with it..." [The first-person male narrator] "Through with what?" "With being woman to a man." I laughed. "You hoped you were through with sex?" She nodded, and I laughed again.... [109] "You will leave a child behind." "You're pregnant?" "Yes." We sat quietly for a minute... "So that is why you decided . . ." I had to ask her for the possessive "my"; the word was rarely used. ". . . that you are my woman." Her eyes flashed. "I am not your woman. No one belongs to anyone. I said I would be woman to you. Why should I say that because I am pregnant? I do not belong to the man who fathered my other one." .... [110] Face to face we looked at each other again, and I said, "I will be man to you." [111] I meant it too, but my attempts to prove it got nowhere. I wanted to build a ka [a hut for sleeping] for the two of us, apart from the others, as man and wife should live, I told her. But she seemed horrified at the idea that the two of us should leave the ka [where twelve slept] to live alone... Then she said, "Before long, we will not want to make love so much. Then if we lived alone, we should have nothing but each other. Two is the number for making love. Two is a very strong number; for other things it is too strong."
From the feminist utopian novel: The Kin of Ata Are Waiting for You, [by] Dorothy Bryant (Berkeley, Calif.: Moon Books; New York, N.Y.: Random House, 1976, c1971): pp. 107-111. Originally published as: The Comforter: A Mystical Fantasy (Berkeley, Calif., Evans Press, c1971). The marks of omission (...) are mine; the ellisions (. . .) are the author's.

BF:

Boyfriend (q.v.).

BFF:

Best friends forever.

See also friend.

BH or bh:

Beloved husband.

Comment: In some usage, BH indicates a deceased husband.

See also DH, husband.

bi-:

1. The part of a word formation that means "two" or "twice," as in "bigamy" (q.v.) and "bisexual" (q.v.). From Latin.

2. The part of a word formation that refers to one or more bisexuals or to bisexuality, as in "bipoly-" (q.v.) and "bi-trio" (q.v.).

See also bi-poly, homo-.

x Latin terms.

biamorist:

1. A person who is in love with two people at the same time or in a love relationship with each of two people at the same time.

2. A person who is particularly given to or has the particular potential for two love relationship partners at a time.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries and glossaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "biamory," so here included.

See also biamory, duogamist, monamorist, monoamorist, polyamorist, triamorist.

biamorous:

1. Pertaining to loving two at one time.

2. Pertaining to above-board non-monogamy in which one person has two partners.

3. Particularly given to or having the particular potential for two love relationship partners at a time.

See also biamory, monoamorous, polyamorous, triamorous.

 

biamory:

A form of polyamory (q.v.) in which a person is in love with two people at the same time or in a love relationship with each of two people at the same time.

See also biamorist, biamorous, bigamy, bi-trio, domestic trio, duogamy, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, heart-swapping, hinge, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, monoamory, notr'amour, partner sharing, pivot point, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triadic notation, triamory, triangle, troika, vee.

bi-asexual, as in "a bi-asexual":

A person who can be romantically attracted to both males and females, but who is sexually attracted to none.

See also asexual, bi-romantic, bisexual.

bi-asexual, as in "a bi-asexual person":

Characterized by being capable of romantic attraction to both males and females, but not of sexual attraction to anyone.

See also asexual, bi-romantic, bisexual.

bibe:

A vibe given off by a bisexual; a nonverbal communication of sexual or romantic interest in one or more persons regardless of their sex.

See also bisexy, gaydar, limbic resonance, vibe.

Bible:

See abomination, Adam's rib, adultery, agapic love, Amnon-Tamar syndrome, androgyne archetype, antinomianism, apodictic law, arsenokoitës, "as with womankind," "Be fruitful and multiply," belief in love, believe in love, bestiality, biblical sexual morality, blessings of the breasts and of the womb, casuistic law, cleave, conjugal rights, Celestial Marriage, cherub, contextualism, deceased wife's sister question, Delilah, demon-lover, divorce (as in "a divorce"), divorce (as in "to divorce"), double paternity, egotisme à deux, erëbu marriage, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, forbidden degrees, forgiveness, fornication, function of marriage, give away in marriage, "Greater love hath no man ...," Greek terms (cross-reference), halitzah, "hate his wife," Haustafeln, "head of the wife," Hebrew terms (cross-reference), Holiness Code, homophobia, household rules, "husband of one wife," illicit relationship, incest, indissolubility doctrine, jealousy, jezebel, kiddushim, kiss of death, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, law of love, lesbianism, levirate marriage, Lilith, lord, love commandments, "love the sinner, hate the sin," lust, malakos, marital love, marriage-is-forever myth, menstruant as forbidden, mizpah, mohar, monogenism, moral absolutism, morality fallacy, moral law, moral precept, "neither male nor female," "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," new morality, New Testament monogamy, Noachian laws, Noah's Ark syndrome, nonjudgmental, no sex outside of marriage, Oholah and Oholibah, onanism, "one flesh," ontically disordered, paradisal marriage, passion, Pericope de Adultera, polygenism, polygyny, poor match, porneia, pornos, postlapsarian marriage, prelapsarian marriage, privilegium Paulinum, prophet of love, purity, purity myth, Quiverful, respect, rival, romantic theology, sacramental marriage, Samaritan woman at the well, "saved in childbearing," secondary incest, Seventh Commandment, sexual morality, sexual purity, sexual sin, sexual taboo, Sodomite, sotah, stepmother, substituted love, temple of love, Tenth Commandment, Three Ways, traditional monogamy, traditional morality, "unequally yoked," unnatural, Urfamilie, venereal transgression, Virgin Mary, virtuous woman, "was Jesus married" question, water of jealousy, Whore of Babylon, worship one's spouse, yebamah.

biblical sexual morality:

1. The set of rules laid out in any one of the sacred canons of the Bible (for instance, the Hebrew, Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, or Protestant canon) regarding sexual behaviors, sexual relationships, including marital relationships, and dispositions of the heart regarding the proceeding.

2. The sexual and marital behavior and the attitudes pertaining thereto of characters in narratives of the Bible.

Comments: A sacred canon is a set of texts with which a community chooses specially to interact for the sake of that community's religious and moral teachings and practices. Hence formulations of sexual morality of ages long past may have a direct bearing upon sexual morality in the present day. This is the case with regard to each canon of the Bible in relation to the Jewish or Christian community that adopts it.

A SKETCH OF BIBLICAL SEXUAL MORALITY

Introductory

What follows is a brief sketch of biblical sexual morality, speaking of the first sense of the term in the definitions above. It is meant to be an integrative essay, integrative in two senses: first, to show the internal (as opposed to externally imposed) interrelationships between the principal biblical statements on sexuality and marriage, which were written over a long span of history, and, second, to provide an overview that will serve as a general context for the many biblical entries in this Glossary.

Any such sketch is difficult to accomplish without treading on controversial ground, for example, Law versus gospel, universal morality versus special morality, or rabbinic hermeneutics versus that of Christian commentators; and this is to say nothing of the controversies over the meaning of the biblical passages on sexuality themselves. This sketch, which I will base upon the Protestant canon (invoking author's privilege), will skirt the general controversies (perhaps without much success) and unhesitatingly take positions on the meaning of biblical passages pertaining to sexuality.

Approaching Interpretation

Before proceeding, a several hermenuetical points are in order:

• First, sex is not central to the Bible. Even though the first imperative to humankind in the Bible is about sex (Genesis 1:28), sex is not the forefront issue of morality taught in the Bible; nor is there a sexual code that defines either Judaisms or Christianities based on the Bible. Rather adherence to a sexual code serves as a prerequisite for belonging, and sexual concerns stand in a proportionate balance with much else, some of which is given much greater emphasis and importance. Certainly various historical factors have brought sexuality to the fore as an issue over the last two centuries or so. One thinks, for instance, of feminist, utopian, and Freudian thought, the development of pencillin and the pill, the sexual revolution, the tragedy of AIDS with all that it has implied, and the demise of the sway of Christianity over public life, including the reactions to that demise. That is all a matter of historical course, but to read centrality back into the Bible is to distort the picture.
• Second, it should be remembered that the sweep of history both in the Bible's coverage and its composition was large and that later books often drew upon earlier books. That which is strictly biblical is that which takes account of all the books of a given canon, inclusive of their interrelationships, and which takes account of them solely in terms of their own contexts.
• Third, at any given point in the Bible, the political context, as portrayed, makes a great deal of difference. It makes a difference in terms of the original meaning and implications of the Israelite laws. To give two possible examples:
  (a) If enforcement was meant to be solely in response to a victim's complaint (as it seems usually to have been), then the victim had the power to treat a violation as if there were none, that is, unless he or she felt a holiness obligation.

  (b) If a specified punishment was a limit imposed with respect to what the victim might demand (which could have been the meaning of the lex talionis -- that is, the "eye for eye" -- in Exodus 21:23-25 (cf. Leviticus 24:19-20; Deuteronomy 19:21), then, in Deuteronomy 22:28-29 -- which specifies that the rapist of an unengaged virgin shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver, marry the girl, and be unable ever to divorce her -- no obligation is laid upon the victims, that is, the woman and her family.

  It also makes a difference in terms of how the injunction functioned historically. Again, two examples:

  (a) Enforcement varied according to the political system in place. For instance, when Israel was independent, it could employ the death penalty specified in its Law code; but this was not always the case when the people were ruled by other nations.

  (b) The relation between Law and sexual morality was intimate, and it varied with time. Consider the prohibition of a man having his father's wife (Leviticus 18:8 = 20:11; Deuteronomy 22:30 = 27:20; 1 Corinthians 5). In Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the prohibition has the force of civil law. But is Paul's use of that prohibition in 1 Corinthians more about civil law or more about morality? Paul, in this instance, was speaking to Jewish believers in Jesus Christ (cf. 5:1) in a free city under Roman rule, where Jewish customs were tolerated up to a point; and his statement had force for the church alone.

• Fourth, biblical sexual morality per se must be clearly distinguished from:
  (a) conclusions drawn regarding various sexual and marital issues within later hermeneutical traditions, however, keeping in mind that the shape of any canon has been influenced by one or more hermenutical traditions;

  (b) misinterpretations, however, keeping in mind that any restatement or application of the Bible necessarily entails the risk of misinterpretation, including the present sketch;

  (c) later cultural accretions claiming biblical warrant; and,

  (d) conventional or bourgeois mores as such.

  Anachronism -- reading later developments back into a text, in this case the Bible -- should be particularly avoided.

The Hebrew Bible: Genesis

At the foundation of all sexual morality in the Bible is the story of the creation of humankind as male and female (Genesis 1:27), which is part of what God regarded as good (1:31). Even before the loss of innocence in the Fall, the imperative was to "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth" (1:28, NASB). In the creation account of the next chapter, and still before the Fall, the man has a wife (2:22-25), and this account is portrayed as precursory to the pattern for later marriage (2:24). Among the implications that were teased out over the course of Jewish history and that were assumed in late biblical compositions:

1. Sexuality is fundamentally good. Although sexual relations are not mentioned in the story until after the Fall (4:1), this in connection with the birth of a child, clearly sexuality and sexual relations are portrayed as part of the divine design, part of the fabric of the way the world is supposed to be.

2. A husband and wife form a unit, which is profoundly personal and which serves as a building block of society. In fact, such units taken collectively form the most basic institution of society, even more elemental than government (although government was latent in the biblical husband-wife archetype). Thus, for instance, no king has the right to break up a marriage (notice 2 Samuel 12:9-10).

3. The unitary, cohesive nature of husband and wife implies that others have no right to interfere. This in turn implies the development of law protecting marriages, there being but one thing that trumps marriage, namely, holiness or an orientation to God.

4 The archetypal couple, Adam and Eve (Eve is named in 3:20), represent, in various ways, the whole of humankind. In the way most relevant here, the whole variety of peoples is latent in them as progenitors, such that what applied to them, namely, the above-mentioned set of implications, applies to all peoples, most particularly the necessity of the legal protection of marriage and, by extension, the desirability of the regulation of sexual behavior. Such regulation, however, might be different in different cultures, given the generality of the principle.

An aside: Many will argue that the archetypal couple implies a definition of marriage as one man united with one woman; and, indeed, the power of the archetype is such as to drive many to discount alternatives to heterosexual monogamy. However:

(a) The above-cited passages are not addressing the issue of homosexuality any more than they are addressing the phenomenon of hermaphroditism or forbidding patrilocal residence (note 2:24), rather they are speaking in typical terms; and,

(b) Polygyny -- one man with more than one wife (here each wife apparently being a unit with him) -- is recognized in the same book, not just as a practice among the nations (4:19), but as a practice particularly among the people of God, starting with Abraham (16:1-6; 25:1-6) and possibly even his father, Terah (Genesis 11:26-29; 20:12).

Thus the archetype, conceived of as heterosexual and monogamous, might be a vision that some would consider worthy to aspire to, even for widespread aspiration; but to take it as fundamental to biblical sexual morality is to distort the picture.

Post-Fall and with a fresh beginning of humankind, the original imperative is reiterated, this time to Noah and his sons: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth" (9:1; cf. 9:7, 19). This evokes the whole panoply of prelapsarian (that is, pre-Fall) implications, including the application to all peoples and even the positive attitude towards sexuality; for much later in the book of Genesis, we see it as a blessing: Joseph 's father, Jacob, wishes him, "Blessings of the breasts and of the womb" (49:25), although now, in the post-Fall period, negative consequences can attach (3:16). By the way, the laws given to Noah, most of which carried forward those given to Adam and Eve, are called, extrabiblically, the Noachian laws.

The Hebrew Bible: The Ten Commandments

The next major milestone is the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17 = Deuteronomy 5:6-21). In some traditions, the Ten Commandments, which were delivered by Moses specifically to the Israelites, are considered to be an elaboration of the Noachian laws, and are thereby considered universally applicable to human beings. Some other traditions arrive at a similar conclusion in other ways, for example that the Ten Commandments are a perfect expression of natural law or that they are consistent with loving behavior, which is to be universally valued. In any case, the Ten Commandments proscribe both adultery, which is not there defined, and coveting the wife of one's fellow, which, it is to be noticed, addresses the heart.

The Hebrew Bible: The Holiness Code of Leviticus

The core of laws on marriage and sexuality specific to Israel is found in Leviticus 18-21, part of what is called the Holiness Code. (Compare the closely related passages at Deuteronomy 27:20-23 and Ezekiel 22:9-11. For discussion, see my little study, The Statutes of Leviticus 18 regarding Marriage and Sexuality, with Parallels from the Torah.) Chapter 20 largely repeats chapter 18, albeit in a different order and with varied wording, a significant difference being in the punishment: often death in 20, being cut off from the Israelites in 18:29, a punishment which applied to both the Israelites and the non-Israelites among them in Palestine (18:26). All of the laws on marriage and sexuality in the Holiness Code are relational in character, that is, they do not concern themselves with what acts may be performed but with who is prohibited to the Israelite man and, by implication, to the Israelite woman. By the way, here adultery for the Israelite man is implicitly defined: to "have intercourse with your neighbor's wife" (18:20; cf. 20:10; Deuteronomy 22:22). Chapter 19 has little on the subject of marriage and sexuality, except with regard to another man's slave woman (verse 20) and more generally -- to be of great importance later on (see the discussion of Jesus below) -- the command to "love your fellow as yourself" (verse 18). Chapter 21 (verses 7-15) concerns itself with priestly marriage, which shall also figure significantly later on (see the discussion of 1 Corinthians 6 below).

The Hebrew Bible: The Rest of the Torah (or Pentateuch)

Other laws on marriage and sexuality specific to Israel are scattered throughout the books of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. For instance:

• Exodus 21:1-11 - Slaves and marriage.
• Exodus 22:16-17 - Seduction of a virgin.
• Exodus 22:19 - Bestiality.
• Leviticus 15:16-18, 32 - Seminal discharges.
• Leviticus 15:19-30, 33 - Female discharges.
• Numbers 5:11-31 - The suspected adulteress.
• Numbers 27:11-11 - The inheritance of daughters.
• Numbers 36:1-12 - A wife's inheritance.
• Deuteronomy 7:3-4 - Intermarriage.
• Deuteronomy 13:6 - The wife who entices to idolatry.
• Deuteronomy 17:17 - A king who multiplies wives to himself.
• Deuteronomy 21:10-14 - Wife capture.
• Deuteronomy 21:15-17 - Birthright under polygyny.
• Deuteronomy 22:13-21 - The bride charged with playing a harlot.
• Deuteronomy 22:22 - Adultery.
• Deuteronomy 22:23-27 - The betrothed virgin.
• Deuteronomy 22:25-29 - Rape.
• Deuteronomy 22:30 - The father's wife.
• Deuteronomy 23:1 - The emasculated.
• Deuteronomy 23:2 - Bastards.
• Deuteronomy 23:10 - Nocturnal emissions.
• Deuteronomy 23:17-18 - Cult prostitution.
• Deuteronomy 24:1-4 - Divorce.
• Deuteronomy 24:5 - Exemption from the military for newlyweds.
• Deuteronomy 25:5-10 - Levirate marriage.
• Deuteronomy 25:11 - Unwifely assistance in a brawl.
• Deuteronomy 27:20-23 - Incest and bestiality.

The Hebrew Bible: Rationale in the Torah

The rationale behind the biblical laws on marriage and sexuality is not given; therefore the operative principles are difficult to infer and interpretations have been wide-ranging. However it seems that part of the point was to make the Israelites distinct in the region, separated out for God (18:1, 24-30; 20:22-26). Furthermore, the laws were fashioned in a way consistent with both Israelite patriarchism (for example, Leviticus 18:20 = 20:10) and an agrarian culture (the last being perhaps most evident in Numbers 27 and 36). More broadly speaking, the Law Code brought with it a promise of peace, prosperity, and future generations (Leviticus 26:3-12).

It is sometimes asserted that a mercenary motive lay behind many of the Israelite laws on marriage and sexuality. Certainly financial concerns are part of the picture, however, two points should be made:

• First, financial concerns were tied to how women fit into the Israelite welfare system, and no statement about a dowry, bride price, inheritance, or slave should be detached from that context.
• Second, where it seems that women were being treated as commodities, at least some of the time that is precisely what they were being protected from. For instance, in the Ten Commandments a wife is lumped together with a house, a servant, an ox, and a donkey as something not to be coveted (Exodus 20:17 = Deuteronomy 5:21); but that does not mean that the rationale for each is the same; and, besides, it is the proscribed coveting that makes of her a commodity.

The Hebrew Bible: Influence of the Torah and A Key Omission

With regard to sexual morality, the rest of the Bible is wholly dependent, or almost so, upon the Torah, that is, its first five books. If any exceptions are to be argued, the burden is to prove that the exceptions really are exceptions.

One of the glaring omissions in Israelite Law is a definitive prohibition against prostitution and the visiting of prostitutes. (The closest such prohibition is of a child of Israel becoming a cult prostitute; see Deuteronomy 23:17-18). Far from a definitive prohibition, we find instead a matter-of-fact account of the visiting of a supposed prostitute, Tamar, by the patriarch Judah, his failure in righteousness in that story being his failure to see that levirate marriage was implemented (Genesis 38:6-26; compare the story of the heroine prostitute, Rahab, in Joshua 2 and 6). However, subsequently we find the Book of Proverbs warning men to stay away from prostitutes, first, so as not to be victimized and, second, in order to preserve their wealth (7:6-27; 29:3). These wisdom admonitions may well have some of their roots in the story of Judah, who was tricked by Tamar, in the guise of a prostitute.

It should also be noted that prostitution was considered a profanation, which disqualified a woman for marriage to a priest (Leviticus 21:7, 14) and which profaned her father if he happened to be a priest (21:9). This idea of profanation was to have implications in New Testament thought.

The Hebrew Bible: Song of Songs

Before moving on to the New Testament, special mention should be made of the Song of Songs, which is also known as the Song of Solomon. If it is read literally, it is an unabashed celebration of sexual love; and if it is read allegorically (a reading that probably accounts for its inclusion in the canon), the celebration of sexual love becomes a type for the intimate relationship between God and Israel (some would say between Christ and his church). Given either reading, a more positive attitude towards sexual love can scarcely be found in all of literature.

The New Testament: Key Points of Reference

The New Testament teaching regarding sexual morality cannot be adequately covered without reference to Jesus, the Council of Jerusalem, and Paul (or, some would say, Paul and the school of those who wrote in his name -- I will refer simply to Paul). Furthermore, these three are representative of almost all of the New Testament on sexuality and marriage.

The New Testament: Jesus

Earlier it was stated that the rationale behind the laws on sexuality and marriage is difficult to infer. Jesus went a long ways towards addressing that vacuum by insisting that the Law and the Prophets in their entirety depend upon these two key laws: to love God wholly and to love one's fellow as oneself (Matthew 22:40; cf. Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18). In other words, love, specifically agapic love, defines the limits of the Law; and the Law provides an enabling structure for love. Thus, in the Christian tradition, agapic love became normative for all Christian morality, although the implications are still hotly debated to this day.

The canonical sayings of Jesus more specifically on marriage and sexuality are few, the following being the chief among them:

• Matthew 5:28 - Jesus taught not to lust after -- that is, set one's heart on taking -- another man's wife. This was an allusion to a portion of the Tenth Commandment, namely, "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife" (Exodus 20:17 = Deuteronomy 5:21), which he then linked with the Seventh Commandment, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14 = Deuteronomy 5:18). For discussion, see under "lust."
• Matthew 5:32; 19:9 = Mark 10:10-12 = Luke 16:14-18 - Jesus on divorce: Many scholars treat these verses as parallels deriving from a single saying. I treat them as originally a cluster of sayings. Many theologians treat them (a) as a repudiation of polygyny in favor of monogamy and (b) as teaching the indissolubility of marriage or, at least, of Christian marriage or, at least, that as the way Christian marriage should be. However, neither polygyny nor indissolubility is the subject of these sayings; rather it is faithlessness towards God. For interpretation, see my Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus.
• Luke 14:26; cf. Matthew 10:34-38 - Jesus taught that no man can be his disciple unless that man hate his own wife and, indeed, other family members -- that is, he must not love them more than he loves Jesus (cf. Matthew 10:37). For discussion, see under "hate his wife."
• Matthew 15:15-20 = Mark 7:17-23 - Jesus noted that adulteries (Greek: moicheiai), violations of the Israelite sexual code (porneiai), and, in Mark, debauchery (aselgeia) -- among other things -- come out of the heart and thereby defile a person. (Adultery, which is a form of porneia, may be separated out because of its place also in the Noachian laws.)
• Matthew 19:12 - Jesus spoke of eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven in a way that seemed to affirm the idea of celibacy (a word not used) for those able to accept it.
• Matthew 22:23-32 = Mark 12:18-27 = Luke 20:27-39 - Jesus taught that "in the resurrection they [those resurrected] neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females], but they are as angels in Heaven." In my view, Jesus was speaking neither of spiritual nuptiality nor of an end of conjugal love but rather of the more limited phenomenon of marrying in its earthly, social aspects. For discussion, see my article, "The Angels of 1 Corinthians 11:10," subsection, "Angels as Undefined but Subordinate to a Woman."

The New Testament: The Council of Jerusalem

Circa A.D. 48, roughly 18 years after the departure of Jesus from the scene, the apostles and elders of the church held the Council of Jerusalem, the principal account of which is found in Acts 15.¹ The topic: What is to be specially required of those turning to God from among the Gentiles? The decision was made that circumcision not be required of these Gentiles, but that they "abstain from things contaminated by idols and from fornication [porneias] and from what is strangled and from blood" (Acts 15:20, 29, NASB) -- in other words, the "cut off" offences in Leviticus that applied to aliens among the Israelites.² These were in addition to the Noachian laws, which applied to and, evidently in the view of the apostles, were well established among all the nations.

The four special rules, it should be kept in mind, were to make these Gentiles compatible with Jewish believers in Jesus, Christianity then being chiefly a movement within Judaism (a Christianity that was primarily Gentile in character was more than a generation away), and to enable them to enjoy the earthly blessings available to the descendants of the ancient Israelites. (Keep in mind also that at that time, the Second Temple was still standing as a symbol of Jewish cohesion and welfare.) However, the significance of the Council with regard to the topic under discussion is that it had the effect of exporting the rules in the Holiness Code on marriage and sexuality, specifically those of Leviticus 18, which were particular to the Israelites and the aliens among them in Palestine, into Gentile Christianity, even Gentile Christianity found elsewhere other than in Palestine.

The New Testament: The Apostle Paul

The Apostle Paul underscored the teaching of Jesus on agapic love as the fulfillment of law, although Paul extended the teaching to cover not just Israelite Law but also Gentile law (Romans 13:8-10). In terms of specific application to our topic, it is worth noting that when Paul urged men to love their wives, he used the word agapaô = to love with agapic love (Ephesians 5:25-33). As an aside, notice too that, in his view, agapic love is not jealous (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Paul wrote much, comparatively speaking, on marriage and sexuality. Following up on the Council of Jerusalem, Paul extensively addressed two of the four prohibitions brought forward for Gentile believers: the eating of food offered to idols (Romans 14; 1 Corinthians 8) and sexual immorality (Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 5-7), each of which he theologized differently. Furthermore, he included sexual violations in various vice lists (for discussion, see under Lasterkatalog). And he affirmed the goodness of marriage (1 Timothy 4:1-5; cf. Genesis 1:31 and Hebrews 13:4, which is by an anonymous writer), even regarding marriage as analogous to the relation of Christ to the church (Ephesians 5:21-33; for discussion, see under "head of the wife"). However, he felt ambivalence about his fellow believers getting married, given the harshness of the times he was anticipating and the divided interests of married believers (1 Corinthians 7:25-35; regarding divided interests, compare Luke 14:26).

By the way, it is from Paul that we learn that the Apostles had wives (1 Corinthians 9:5; cf. Matthew 8:14 = Mark 1:30 = Luke 4:38).

Rather than delineating the sexual and marital prohibitions that Paul affirmed, allow me to suggest some hermeneutical approaches for understanding him on the topic.

Romans 1:26-27 is frequently interpreted as a prominently placed round condemnation of lesbianism and male homosexuality among the Romans of Paul's day. Instead:

• It is part of a historical piece cast in the past tense and referring to Mosaic times and earlier.
• Is is part of a concentric literary pattern with its center being the end of 1:25. Verses 26 and 27 are not parallel but rather allusions, in reverse order (appropriately reverse given the place in the concentric pattern), to the last two sexual prohibitions in Leviticus 18.
• It is an evocation of the whole sexual code of Leviticus 18, not just the prohibition of an Israelite man lying with a male as with a female (Leviticus 18:22) and not because Paul thought that code universal in its details, but because the story he was recounting at that point was the story of the ancient Israelites falling into sin.

The interpretation of Romans 1:26 as referring to lesbianism has these faults, among others:

• It has Paul inventing a new law (the Hebrew Bible did not specifically condemn a woman being with a woman sexually), when the rhetoric of the passage is oriented to old sins.
• It has Paul making lesbianism legally parallel to male homosexuality, which the ancient rabbis did not do.
• And it has lesbianism as a prominent practice in Rome, of which we have no evidence.

For further discussion, see under "as with womankind" and under "lesbianism"; see also my book Lesbianism and Female Bisexuality in Ancient Literature.

1 Corinthians 5-7 is in part a christological midrash on Leviticus 18 and 21. It begins with a case at issue in the Corinthian church, a case where a man, evidently a Jewish believer in Jesus Christ, had taken his father's wife, which is a violation of Leviticus 18:8 (cf. 20:11; Deuteronomy 22:30; 27:20; Ezekiel 22:10; and maybe Amoss 2:7). Paul, consistent with the reasoning of the Council of Jerusalem, enjoined the penalty of Leviticus 18:29, that the violator be cut off (1 Corinthians 5:2, 13), not the death penalty of Leviticus 20:11. Later, in the wake of the violator's sorrow for his sin, Paul counseled restoration (2 Corinthians 2:6-11).

Much of the remainder of the passage (that is, 1 Corinthians 6-7) is a discourse demonstrating how to resolve moral and practical questions related to sexuality and marriage, in part in response to issues the Corinthians themselves had raised (7:1). Evidently 6:12-20 draws upon:

• the priestly regulations in Leviticus 21, which prohibit priests from taking prostitutes;
• the prophet Amos' lack of a distinction between marrying a prostitute and visiting one (Amos 2:7 in relation to Leviticus 18:8, 15); in combination with,
• early Christian temple theology, which interpreted a temple saying of Jesus as applying to himself (John 2:19-21) and therefore his body as holy, and therefore those who were mystically a part of his body as also holy. (Compare Jesus as a high priest in the book of Hebrews, albeit not according to Aaron's order but the more ancient order of Melchizedek. Compare also the priesthood spoken of in 1 Peter 2:4-10.)

The upshot is that those to whom Paul was addressing himself, the "holy ones" (1 Corinthians 1:2; 6:1-2), were not to join themselves to prostitutes.

Who were these "holy ones"? If Jewish priests, then Leviuticus 21 would naturally apply. If other Jewish believers in Jesus, then a theological justification would have been needed and that may explain his theologizing. If among them were Gentile believers, then Paul appears to have exceeded the decision of the Council of Jerusalem, since he has moved beyond the "cut off" offences of Leviticus; and that too may explain his theologizing. In any of these cases, it is possible that Paul was addressing a priestly class among believers, although many interpreters think that Paul regarded all believers of his day (and perhaps of the future as well) as "holy ones." (Regarding "all believers of his day," Paul was working with a limited timeframe in mind. Cf. 1 Corinthians 7:29-31).

1 Corinthians 7 brings to bear certain sayings of Jesus, which, however, Paul does not quote (cf. 7:10, 12, 25). It appears that the saying behind 1 Corinthian 7:10-11 (and possibly also 7:27-28, 39) was similar to the divorce saying of Jesus at Mark 10:11-12. (For discussion, see my Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus.) Furthermore, Paul's ambivalent discussion with regard to getting married may be conditioned, first, by a saying similar to Luke 23:29 (corresponding to 1 Corinthians 7:26-31):

"For behold, the days are coming when they will say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed." (NASB) (Contrast Luke 11:27, which in turn alludes to Genesis 49:25.)

It may be conditioned, second, by a saying similar to Luke 14:26 (corresponding to 1 Corinthians 7:32-34), which says that to be a disciple one must hate one's wife..

With the teachings of Jesus, Paul mixed his own opinions, evidently not restricting himself here in 1 Corinthians 7 to the Holiness Code of Leviticus.. For example, he may be alluding to Exodus 21:10, which speaks of conjugal rights, when he counsels husbands and wives to "stop depriving one another (1 Corinthians 7:2-6), but his counsel does not have the force of law or command, rather of wisdom: "lest Satan tempt you" (7:6).

Paul's language lent itself to later misinterpretation as the social contexts in which his words were used changed. To give three examples:

• Paul's preference for the unmarried state (1 Corinthians 7:8, 32) as well as his attacks on passion (pathos at Colossians 3:5), on being given over to pleasure (philêdonos in 2 Timothy 3:4), and on enslavement (douleuô) to desire (epithumia) and to various kinds of pleasure (hêdonê in Titus 3:3) lent his words to ascetic misinterpretation, when he was working within the framework of the Hebrew Bible and the sayings of Jesus, not the worldview of ascetism.
• Paul's concession, "let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (1 Corinthians 7:2) has been taken as enjoining monogamy. However:
  • Polygyny was not the issue under discussion;
  • The language, being general, could have encompassed polygyny; and,
  • Paul's instruction that a wife should be reconciled to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:11) might have been meant to apply whether by then the husband had another wife or not, just as the Israelite injunction to marry a deceased brother's wife applied, whether a man was already married or not (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).

  Similarly at 1 Timothy 3:2, 12 and Titus 1:6, Paul enjoins bishops, deacons, and elders to be "the husband of one wife." Those enjoinments can be interpreted as:

  • no more than one;
  • exactly one, no more and no less; or,
  • at least one.

  The last is not out of the question, since polygyny was a common practice among Jews before Paul (see my Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index), contemporaneous with Paul (Josephus, Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2), and after Paul (see the Babatha Archive). However, Roman mores excluded the last interpretation; and the ascetic temperament, which later infused the church, preferred the first and found justification of that interpretation in Paul's preference for the unmarried state as well as in Jesus' affirmation of being a eumuch for the sake of the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:12). This is not to say that a case cannot be argued for monogamy on the basis of Paul's writings. (I personally think the best texts for the purpose are 1 Corinthians 7:4 and Ephesians 5:21.) It is, however, to say that, to understand Paul on his own terms, layers of anachronistic misinterpretation must be swept away.

• Paul used abbreviated methods to refer to violations of Israelite law, and these methods lent themselves to the later labeling and marginalization of groups of people as opposed to the straightforward condemnation of behaviors -- with regard to sex, remember, relational behaviors. A case in point is his use (and possible invention) of the word arsenokoitês (1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10), which means, literally, "male-copulator." This was his handy way of referring to Leviticus 18:22: "You [the Israelite man] shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female" (NASB). In the law, it is a precise behavior that is prohibitted, and Paul had nothing more in mind, but some have used the Pauline language to label and condemn a whole category of persons and everything specifically associated with them. In Paul's mind, I dare to suggest, the behavior can be anybody's.

Some Disjunctions with the Present

A great deal about sexuality is not specifically covered in the Bible. If the interpretation of Romans 1:26 above is correct, lesbian sexuality is an example. Among countless other examples are masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex. However, each of these later found those who would condemn them, in part by reference to general biblical attitudes towards lewdness (Leviticus 18:17; cf. Ezekiel 22:9; 23:48-49), towards lust (Romans 13:13; Galatians 5:16-24; 2 Timothy 2:22; Titus 2:11-12; James 1:14-15; 1 Peter 2:11; 4:2; 1 John 2:15-17), and towards behavior "against nature" (Romans 1:26); in part by way of misinterpretation. For example, the account of Onan's sin in Genesis 38:8-10 was used to condemn masturbation, and the term "onanism" even came to be used for the practice; but Onan's sin was failing, by way of coitus interruptus, to inseminate the wife of his deceased brother at his father's command. Another prominent example of a practice not directly addressed in the Bible is contraception, although the Roman Catholic Church prohibits it, taking its cue in part from the original imperative, "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). But what does one do when the imperative to fill the earth (also at 1:28) has been fulfilled, when, in fact, the earth is over-populated? (Keep in mind that the imperative to "fill the earth" was for humankind as a whole, not for any particular sect or ethnic group. Note its absence, for instance, at 35:11 and at Deuteronomy 8:1 and 30:16.)

Some of biblical sexual morality belongs to a social system that is now long past. Levirate marriage (Deuteronomy 25:5-10) and the regulation of polygyny (for example, at Deuteronomy 21:15-17) are often mentioned in this regard. However, the biblical teachings on what we would now call premarital sex (for example, at Exodus 22:16-17, Deuteronomy 22:20-21, 28-29, and, possibly, 1 Corinthians 7:36-38) were also geared to the social system of the ancient Israelites and, in their specifics, don't neatly fit the present-day social system of any English-speaking country.

Some of biblical sexual morality is now widely discarded except among the strongest adherents to biblical Law. Perhaps most notably with regard to Christians, since it is part of the Leviticus 18 passage that the Council of Jerusalem brought forward for Gentile believers, would be the prohibition of sex during menstruation (18:19; cf. 20:18). Some discard the prohibition on theological grounds, arguing, for instance, that the sacrifice of Jesus Christ sanctified the bodies of believing women. Others discard it on scientific grounds, arguing that the prohibition embodies a superstition that can be safely dropped. (For further discussion, see under "menstruant as forbidden.") These days many are applying such reasoning to the issue of homosexuality.

Furthermore, many sexual mores of the present day are not specifically addressed in the Bible. To give two significant examples:

• The present-day concern for emotional exclusivity in a relationship, that is, the concern that the partners love only each other in a romantic way. The Bible does not concern itself with such exclusivity but expects self-control and obedience to the code on marriage and sexuality.
• The present-day distaste for inequity of power in a sexual relationship, for instance, between a military officer and an enlisted person. The approach generally found in the Bible is to regulate inequitable relationships (for example, at Exodus 21:2-11; Leviticus 19:20; and Deuteronomy 21:10-14).

Theologizing Post-Biblically

The Bible left much to be theologized about sexuality and marriage. To mention just a few questions that emerge out of this short survey:

• What about atypical circumstances? For instance, where do hermaphrodites (intersex persons) fit in?
• Are sexual and marital regulations developed among the nations under the Noachian laws sufficient, even if they differ from those of the Israelites, particularly at Leviticus 18? How is the issue of universal versus special to be resolved?
• With the social system of the Israelites long past and with it the context within which the biblical laws on sexuality and marriage operated, how is the spirit of biblical teaching on sexuality and marriage, insofar as that spirit is charaterized by peace, compassion, and holiness, to be kept alive in a way that is fresh and viable?

As a general rule, tough stances in response to these and other questions evolved among the churches. However, the Protestant Reformation opened the door a bit for reevaluation (hence a rejection of celibacy as a requirement for clerics); and developments in the Twentieth Century threw the door wide open for fresh assessments of biblical sexual morality and its continuing relevance and for further theological developments regarding marriage and sexuality.

References
1 Alas, chronologies differ. I am using the "Chronological Table" found in The New Jerusalem Bible (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1985): pp. [2055]-2074, specifically 2069-2070.
2 For the classic essay on the Council, see: "The Prohibitions of the Council at Jerusalem (Acts xv 28, 29)," [by] J. W. Hunkin, The Journal of Theological Studies; v. 27, no. 107 (April 1926): pp. 272-283.

For cross-references see under Bible. See also Noachian laws, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual sin, theology of marriage, theology of sex, traditional morality.

bicurious, bi-curious, or bi curious:

Characterized by the exploration or the wish to explore one's own internal responses to bisexuality; aware of one's heterosexual attractions while attempting to determine the extent of one's attraction also to members of the same sex, or vice versa.

See also bisexual.

x -curious. 

bigama:

A woman who has two husbands at the same time.

Comment: This term seems to have been little used since the 1500s.

See also bigamist, bigamy.

bigamist:

1. An individual who marries a person while still legally married to another, when doing so is fraudulent or illegal.

2. A person who practices a form of polygamy in which he or she has exactly two spouses; a man with two concurrent wives or a woman with two concurrent husbands.

3. A person who remarries after the death of his or her first spouse.

4. A person who marries a widow or widower.

See also bigama, bigamy, deuterogamist, duogamist, frequently married and seldom divorced, husband [a certain number of times] over, juggler, monogamist, polygamist, polygamy, trigamist, triogamist, wife [a certain number of times] over.

bigamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by bigamy (q.v.).

See also duogamous, monogamous, polygamous, trigamous, triogamous.

bigamy:

1. The practice of marrying a person while still legally married to another, when doing so is fraudulent or illegal.

2. A form of polygamy (q.v.) in which a person has exactly two spouses.

3. Remarriage after the death of one's first spouse.

4. Marriage to a widow or widower.

Comment: Often the word "bigamy," even in the second sense, is used in a pejorative way.

For lexical example, see under "digamy."

Contrast the first sense with duogamy (q.v.) and polygamy (q.v.). See also bi-, biamory, bigama, bigamist, bigamous, deuterogamy, digamy, -gamy, have two strings to (one's) bow, klepsigamy, lead a double life, marriage fraud, monogamy, sexual immorality, trigamy, triogamy.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Bigamy"
[Luise] "Otto, much as I now regret it, you are still my husband." "You have clouds in your head silly child." "If you marry another woman you will be committing bigamy."
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 10, p. 138.

bigger, better deal (BBD):

1. Someone one is willing to leave one's present partner for, because that "someone" is thought sexier, wealthier, more powerful, or more famous.

2. A partner or prospective partner one considers a step up from one's immediately preceding partner.

See also BBD, hypergamy, male insanity syndrome, marry up, order of Saint Beelzebub, trade up.

big "R" relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) in which the parties are aware of mutual love for one another of a romantic sort and in which a bond has developed that has the potential to last, especially such a relationship that the parties have agreed to cultivate.

Contrast small "r" relationship (q.v.). See also committed love relationship, love relationship, meaningful relationship, romantic love.

bigynist:

A man who engages in sexual activity with two women at the same time or with one woman in the presence of another woman.

See also bivirist, group sex, trisexual, troilism.

bike:

1. A bisexual.

2. A person who is "ridden" sexually by various people; either a prostitute or simply a promiscuous person.

Comment: In the second sense, the term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. The analogy is to a shared bicycle.

The term is often qualified by territory, as in "office bike," "town bike," and "village bike."

See also bisexual, office bike, promiscuity, slut, whore.

x town bike.

x village bike.

BIL:

Brother-in-law.

See -in-law.

billet-doux; plural: billets-doux (French):

"Sweet note": love letter (q.v.).

x French terms.

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Billets-Doux"
[Speaking of the period, 182-149 B.C.E.] The hills round the Bay of Naples were covered with these villas; and to that charming region it became the fashion to resort at a certain season of the year. In such places gambling, drinking, and love-making shook off all restraints. Black-eyed soubrettes tripped perpetually about with billets-doux in Greek ...
From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): p. 114. Originally published, 1872.

bilocal residence:

In reference to the married, living in either the husband's or the wife's place of origin, generally in accordance with custom.

Also called ambilocal residence (q.v.). See also amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, duolocal residence, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

bimbette:

An attractive but shallow young woman.

See also bimbo.

bimbo:

1. A person not respected or taken seriously by the speaker or whomever that person stands in relation to, especially with regard to that person as a love relationship partner; a lightweight in the speaker's opinion.

2. The considerably less socially valued lover of a pair of lovers, especially in the context of a love affair between them that has broken out into a scandal.

3. A little-valued lover or would-be lover.

4. A sexually loose person.

5. An attractive but shallow young woman or man.

Comments: In Italian, where the word means "small child," the feminine form is "bimba" and the masculine form "bimbo."

In English, the term is usually derogatory. Curiously it is typically used without qualification for a female but with qualification for a male, hence: "male bimbo." Gender fairness would call for "female bimbo," by analogy, as in the sentences: "Show me a female bimbo" (generic) and "I was considered a female bimbo but was really a male bimbo" (particular).

See also bimbette, box of assorted creams, boytoy, demirep, flirt-gill, Friday night girl, giglet, gigolo, girl toy, güila, himbo, hoochie, jock, ladies' man, lothariette, lover, masher, mimbo, mistress, multicipara, other woman, poplolly, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, shiksa, side girl, slut, tart, tertiary partner, toy boy, tramp, wanton woman, whore, wolf.

x Italian terms.

biological clock:

1. Any organic mechanism that regulates the periodicity of a bodily function.

2. The ongoing depletion of one's natural reproductive capacity up to a point where it no longer exists, especially the depletion of a woman's limited number of ova between puberty and menopause.

Comments: The statement, "My biological clock is ticking," often implies eagerness to have children, or to find a mate and have children; it might also convey anxiety on that score, especially if it is suspected that the end of one's reproductive capacity is drawing near. "My biological clock has run out" generally means, "It's too late for me to have children by natural means."

Although menopause marks the technical end of a woman's reproductive capacity by natural means, in many women, practically speaking, that time may arrive much earlier. In other words, when a woman says that her biological clock is running out, she may have more in mind age 40 than age 50. Of course I'm speaking here in typical terms.

With regard to the "clock" metaphor, think of a battery-run clock. The analogy to a stopwatch also works.

See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, biological clock, itchy ring finger, Torschlusspanik.

biphobia:

1. Dread of or hatefulness towards bisexuals.

2. A revulsion to bisexual practices, lifestyles, or subcultures that is more than a matter of conscience or rational concern.

Comments: The complex sets of attitudes that tend to contribute to the generation of biphobia overlap extensively with those that tend to contribute to the generation of homophobia. However, with regard to biphobia, other elements are often present, for instance:

• The view that there is no such phenomenon as true bisexuality.
• The view that bisexuality automatically implies promiscuity or, at least, non-monogamy.
• The view that a bisexual can always choose to live as a heterosexual without suffering.

See also bisexual, bisexuality, homophobia, stigmatic guilt.

bi-poly:

Characterized by or pertaining to being both bisexual and polyamorous.

See also bi-, bi poly switch, bisexual, bi-trio, polyamorous.

bipoly- (prefix, as in bipolywoman):

Pertaining to a person who is both bisexual and polyamorous.

See also bi-, bisexual, bi-trio, polyamorous.

bi poly switch:

A person who is bisexual (open to either a male or female sex partner), who is polyamorous (open to having more than one love at a time), and who is open to changing roles in erotic play, for instance, from being sexually domineering to being sexually submissive and vice versa -- in other words, a person who is flexible, in some ways unbounded, in terms of sexual orientation, romance, and sex play.

Comments: Sometimes the term will be punctuated with commas, hyphens, or slashes, thus: bi, poly, switch; bi-poly-switch; bi/poly/switch.

A button reads: "Bi Poly Switch: I'm not indecisive, I'm greedy." A T-shirt reads: "I'm a bi poly switch and I still won't sleep with you."

See also bi-poly, bisexual, mono/poly switch, polyamorist, polyamorite, polyamorous.

x switch.

biracial couple:

A couple (q.v.) in which the partners are of different races from each other; a dyad in which the partners are descended from peoples that had been largely separated from each other for millennia, each partner from a different people -- for instance, Caucasian and Native American, or Black African and Asian.

Comment: See notes under "interracial marriage" (q.v.).

See also allotriorasty, couple, couple of mixed ethnicity, creolism, dyad, Eurasian couple, interethnic marriage, intermarriage, interracial couple, interracial marriage, miscegenation, mixed marriage, mixed race couple, racial commingling, white wife.

bird:

1. A girl.

2. A girlfriend; a female sweetheart.

3. A prostitute.

See also girlfriend; moll.

bird dog:

1. A male who pursue's another male's female sweetheart.

2. A person who fixates on someone for purposes of sexual or romantic pursuit.

Comments: The term was popularized in the first sense by the Everly Brothers in the song, written by Boudleaux Bryant, "Bird Dog" (1958). The first lines of the refrain are: "Hey, bird dog get away from my quail | Hey, bird dog you're on the wrong trail."

See also buddyf***er, brother starling, cornutor, other man, San Quentin quail.

bi-romantic, as in "a bi-romantic":

A person, whether sexual or asexual, who can be romantically attracted to both males and females.

See also bi-asexual, bisexual, hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, romantic.

bi-romantic, as in "a bi-romantic person":

Characterized by being capable of romantic attraction to both males and females.

See also bi-asexual, bisexual, hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, romantic.

bisexual, as in "a bisexual":

1. A person whose erotic desires are oriented to both males and females -- sometimes a bit more one, sometimes a bit more the other, or roughly in balance -- or whose sexual orientation is to one or more persons without regard as to whether they are male or female.

2. A person who pleasurably has sexual relations with one or more members of each of the two most prevalent sexes.

Contrast double mono (q.v.), heterosexual (q.v.), homosexual (q.v.), and monosexual (q.v.). See also bi-, bi-asexual, bike, biphobia, bipoly-, bi-poly, bi poly switch, bi-romantic, bisexuality, bi-trio, BUG, come out, double-life man, double-life woman, family, gaydar, half-husband, hasbian, homophobia, hot bi babe, lover, MLTR², omnisexual, pansexual, pomosexual, sexual nomad, switch hitter, zami.

bisexual, as in "bisexual desire":

1. Erotically oriented to both males and females or to either depending on the person fixed upon.

2. Pertaining to a person having sexual relations with members of both sexes.

Contrast double mono (q.v.), heterosexual (q.v.), homosexual (q.v.), and monosexual. See also androgynophilia, bi-asexual, bicurious, bi-romantic, bisexuality, lovestyle, omnisexual, pansexual, pomosexual, queer, sexually marginalized, swing both ways.

x -sexual.

bisexuality:

1. Erotic orientation or incidental attraction to both males and females or to a member of either sex depending on the person fixed upon.

2. Erotic orientation to males and females in approximately equal measure, or, in a generally dimorphic context, to an individual without regard to that person's sex.

3. Erotic activity with both males and females in general.

4. A manifestation of erotic activity on the part of an individual with at least one female and at least one male, not necessarily on the same occasion.

5. Enjoying sexual activity with both males and females, the occasions of enjoyable sexual activity being approximately equally divided between males and females over time.

Comment: In definitions where bisexuality entails an approximate balance between orientation to or sexual activity with males and females, it is often contrasted with heterosexuality and homosexuality. Otherwise, both heterosexuality and homosexuality in some of their senses might be conceived of as components of bisexuality.

See also biphobia, bisexual, bisexual, gay lifestyle, heterocentrism, heterosexuality, homophobia, homosexuality, lead a double life, lesbianism, lovestyle, monosexism, monosexuality, omnisexuality, on the down low, pansexuality, pomosexuality, sexuality, sexual orientation, stigmatic guilt.

bisexy:

Having sex appeal for members of any sex, said of a person.

See also attractive, bibe, sexy.

bisocial:

1. Characterized by having at least two behavioral styles in one's interaction with other people.

2. Characterized by more or less equal comfort with regard to associating with men in non-sexual ways and associating with women in non-sexual ways.

3. Characterized by more or less equal comfort in associating with one's partner's friends and acquaintances as with one's own.

See also bisociality, heterosocial, homosocial, monosocial.

bisociality:

The state of being bisocial (q.v.) or of acting bisocially.

See also heterosociality, homosociality, monosociality.

bitch:

1. A female dog, fox, or wolf.

2. A makeshift portable lantern -- also called a bitch lamp.

3. A complaint.

4. A difficult problem.

5. A vulgar, often derogatory term for a woman or a demeaning one for a man.

6. A mean, carping, obstinate, lewd, or promiscuous woman; or a human female who fits any of those adjectives in the moment.

7, A prostitute, whether female or male.

8. A person who is at another's beck and call for sexual services.

9. A girlfriend.

10. A gay man who flaunts his homosexuality.

11. Someone who must submit or yield to another, generally as part of a status of degradation.

Comment: In all senses except the first two, the word is widely regarded as vulgar; and, in reference to human beings, it is generally (but not in all circles) considered deeply offensive, sometimes being called "the 'B' word." However, as with many a vulgar word, in some attempts at humor and in some sexually charged situations, it may be welcomed.

See also blowen, "B" word, cuddle bitch, gay male, girlfriend, homosexual, moll, parnel, promiscuous, slut.

bitten by the love bug:

To have a crush on or to have fallen in love with somebody, conceived -- not always seriously -- as an experience initiated from outside of oneself.

Comment: Presumably the image is due to the physiological changes that take place in a person when in love, on analogy with transmission of a disease through an insect bite.

See also besotted, captivated, Cupid's golden arrow, crazy about, crush, enamored, gone on, infatuated, in love, limerent, love-cracked, love-kindling, love-struck, smitten, sprung.

x love bug.

bi-trio:

A threesome (q.v.) comprised of two women and one man or two men and one woman in which at least one of the partners is bisexual and engages in sexual activity with each of the other two.

See also bi-, biamory, bipoly-, bi-poly, bisexual, domestic trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, group sex, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, mixed relationship, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, three-way sex, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee.

bitter water that causeth the curse:

See water of jealousy.

bivirist:

A woman who engages in sexual activity with two men at the same time or with one man in the presence of another man.

See also bigynist, candaulism, group sex, sloppy seconds, trisexual, troilism.

blackmail of the sexual sort:

See sexual blackmail.

blended family:

A family (q.v.) that is created when two people marry and incorporate into their household one or more children that at least one of them has previously had by one or more other partners that are not part of the household.

Contrast compound family (q.v.). See also comprivigni, new family, single-parent family, step-, stepfamily, stepism.

Blessed Virgin Mary:

See Virgin Mary.

"blessings of the breasts and of the womb":

In the Bible, part of Jacob's favorable prediction that his son, Joseph, and Joseph's progeny, the tribes of Manasseh and Ephraim, would enjoy domestic happiness and many offspring (Genesis 49:25; cf. Deuteronomy 33:17).

Comments: The Hebrew phrase transliterated is birkoth shadayim wa-racham.

This would appear to be the third part of a comprehensive blessing -- blessings from above, blessings from below, and blessings where one lives and into the future. Even so, by its very expression, it is indicative of a positive attitude towards marriage and sexuality among the ancient Hebrews (cf. Genesis 1:28; 2:24; 9:7; Song of Songs).

Prophetic utterances sometimes played off of this blessing. See Isaiah 66:7-13; Hosea 9:11-14; Luke 11:27-28; 21:23 (= Matthew 24:19); 23:29.

See also "Be fruitful and multiply," "saved in childbirth," sex-positive stance.

blind date, as in "he is her blind date for the evening":

A person of complementary sexual orientation whom one has presumably not met before but whom one is to meet by arrangement for a social occasion or activity.

See also companion, date, partner.

blind date, as in "I'm going on a blind date":

A social activity with someone one has presumably not met before, or even more than one such person, of complementary sexual orientation.

See also date, goukon.

blind date, as in "I have a blind date with twins":

An appointment to engage in a social activity with someone one hasn't met, or even more than one such person, of complementary sexual orientation, not for the sake of business or friendship but for the fun of being with someone of complementary sexual orientation and for what it might lead to sexually and/or relationally.

See also date, fix-up.

blinded by love:

Inability to see or to take into adequate account the faults of a person with whom one has fallen in love or to whom one is emotionally attached, an inability which is due to the emotions involved and, perhaps, other factors, such as (a) the strong identification with that person's perspective and (b) belief that his or her faults are offset by one's own strengths or that they can be eliminated by the power of love.

Not to be confused with love blindness. Note also the distinction from blindness of love. See also besotted, captivated, crystallization, enamored, enchantment, eye of love, have eyes for, in love, love-cracked, we of me.

blindness of love:

A leap into utter and blissful subjectivity in one's perception of a love interest thus freeing love from the more objective considerations of others.

Comment: This is the blindness associated with the cliché, "love is blind."

Not to be confused with love blindness (q.v.). Note also the distinction from being blinded by love (q.v.). See also babies-in-the-eyes, crystallization, enchanted, eye of love, fallacy of a cherished affection, have eyes for, love.

x love is blind.

Quotation from Ethel S. Person on the Blindness of Love: "Love is Blind"
The confidantes to the love affair invoke the cliché 'love is blind,' while the lovers tell themselves and each other that their friends are just jealous. There is some truth to both claims, but the perceptual dissonance between lovers and observers goes beyond this, straight to the very essence of the experience of love. It is precisely the lovers' leap out of objectivity and into subjectivity that signals the liberation of love.
From: Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion, [by] Ethel S. Person (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1989; originally published, 1988): p. 14.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Referring to the Blindness of Love: "Love as Blind"
"The eye is just one of the human senses, and vanity is finally the enemy of sex. Lust must be as blind as love, if it is to attain its heights."
A "male friend," as quoted in: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 189.

bliss:

1. A serene or ecstatic happiness; a mystical joy.

2. A real or imagined state of happiness in fulfillment.

3. A real or imagined state of sexual satisfaction.

Comment: Often used in formulaic phrases, like "marital bliss" and "wedded bliss." As such it is often used simply to refer to the marital state, that is, without serious reference to happiness per se. However, in the case of "unwedded bliss," it probably means happily unmarried.

Contrast, for example, marital blues (q.v.). See also conjugal felicity, domestic happiness, happy marriage, match made in heaven, nomogamosis, shalom bayit, successful marriage, true love, Xanadu.

x marital bliss.

x unwedded bliss.

x wedded bliss.

blood brother:

A male friend whom one regards as family and due family loyalty by way of a ceremony in which drops of each other's blood are mixed.

See also adoption, kinship, water sibling.

bloss:

1. A term of endearment, short for "blossom."

2. A young woman whose breasts have more than budded.

3. A pretend wife, for instance of a shoplifter.

See also term of endearment; blowen, faux wedding, jactitation of marriage, marriage in jest, mock wedding, shadow wife, sham marriage, spoffskins, wife.

blowen:

1. A pretend wife, for instance of a shoplifter.

2. The mistress of a highwayman.

3. A hooker with a highwayman for a pimp.

See also bloss, doxy, faux wedding, gunsel, jactitation of marriage, marriage in jest, mistress, mock wedding, spoffskins, Westminster wedding, wife; bitch, courtesan, güila, hoe, moll, parnel, shadow wife, sham marriage, slut, squaw, tart, tottie.

blue ball:

To excite someone sexually without providing for that person's organsmic release, thereby bringing about an ache in that person's groin.

See blue balls, flirt, play with fire.

blue balls:

An ache in the groin due to extended sexual excitation without orgasmic release. The ache can be mild to severe -- temporarily incapacitating burning-embers-in-the-groin-like severity. It is generally associated with petting, although it can also be brought about just by being in the presence of a person to whom one is intensely attracted or even by being in remote conversation with such a person, for instance online or by telephone.

Comments: The "blue" presumably refers to congested blood needing oxygenation (although "blue" in the sense of "disappointed" also works). This does not mean that any blueness will necessarily be visible.

The "balls" are testicles (which does not mean that achiness is necessarily restricted to the testicles); hence, "blue balls" is a term usually used with regard to men. However, some women are susceptible to vascocongestion in the vulva with similar effect; and sometimes the term "blue balls" is used to describe that experience.

Blue balls is occasionally called a form of testalgia (testicular pain) or of epididymo-orchitis (inflammation of the epididymus and testicles). Furthermore, symptoms may be similar to congestive epididymitis. However, blue balls is an ordinary rather than medical condition and is relieved simply by waiting half a day, more or less, or by achieving orgasm.

Other terms for blue balls include hot rocks, love nut, lover's nut, and stone ache.

If I may register an opinion: Vascocongestion is not a fully adequate explanation of all that happens to bring about blue balls. It does not automatically explain the relational effect, that is, blue balls tending to be an aftereffect of a response to a particular person rather than of a general sexual excitation. It doesn't automatically explain how blue balls can be absent following repeated detumescence during a lengthy episode of non-orgasmic petting until after that episode is over. It doesn't explain the absence of blue balls in some examples of coitus reservatus (intercourse without ejaculation, as in some Tantric practice). It doesn't explain how it is that semen should cause pain in congestive epididymitis (for instance, after a vasectomy) but not in blue balls. And it doesn't automatically explain why achieving orgasm afterwards can be harder than usual. It seems to me that this is an area where sex researchers could be providing the public with much more information.

See also ball-buster, blue ball, cruelty, cuddle bitch, desperate, lover's nut, post coitum triste, sex-deprived, sex-starved, take a cold shower.

x epididymo-orchitis.

x hot rocks.

x stone ache.

x testalgia.

blues:

See marital blues, morning-after blues, postmarital blues, wedding bell blues.

blue verse:

Frankly erotic poetry.

Source: The Faber Book of Blue Verse, edited by John Whitworth (London; Boston: Faber and Faber, 1990).

See also discourse of desire, love lyrics, love poem, love poetry, love song, obscene language, obscene words.

bodily integrity:

A moral principle or social construct whereby each person's body and the immediate confines it inhabits are ceded to that person for self-direction. Honoring bodily integrity means forfeiting any claim to possess or control another person's body within its rightful orb and protecting the principle from powers that would violate it.

Source: Presbyterians and Human Sexuality, 1991 (Louisville, Ky: Office of the General Assembly, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), c1991): p. 88.

See also belong to, boundary, consent to sex, consexuality, degrading sex, libertarianism, liberty, moral equivalence, possessiveness, rape, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual degradation, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual morality, sexual mores, statism.

body fluid monogamy:

1. The practice, on the part of an individual, of limiting to but one partner any activity that involves the transfer of bodily fluids, such as unprotected sexual intercourse.

2. The practice, on the part of a couple, of limiting to each other any activity that involves the transfer of bodily fluids, such as unprotected sexual intercourse.

See also closed circle of f*** buddies, closed loop relationship, condom commitment, fluid-exchange relationship, fluid monogamy, monogamy, protected sex.

bohemian:

1. A person with artistic, literary, or thespian interests and a lifestyle that flouts social conventions, including, in much usage of the term, sexual mores.

2. Pertaining to or characterized by such persons, communities of such persons, or their lifestyles.

For a quotation regarding London Bohemia, see under "girl who lives her own life."

Comment: Sometimes (since the 1980s) shortened to "boho."

See also bohemianism, open-minded.

x boho.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Bohemian"
[Gudrun Brangwen speaking to herself] "... It will be amusing to take part in German Bohemian life. And Loerke is an artist, he is a free individual. One will escape from so much, that is the chief thing, escape so much hideous boring repetition of vulgar actions, vulgar phrases, vulgar postures. I don't delude myself that I shall find an elixir of life in Dresden. I know I shan't. But I shall get away from people who have their own homes and their own children and their own acquaintances and their own this and their own that. I shall be among people who don't own things and who haven't got a home and a domestic servant in the background, who haven't got a standing and a status and a degree and a circle of friends of the same...."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 30, p. 455. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Bohemian"
[67] Strictly speaking, bohemianism is only the social manifestation of the romantic spirit. But for clarity's sake, and because the word romanticism has been stretched in so many directions, in this book I mostly use the word bohemian to refer to both the spirit and the manners it produces.
[68] The bohemians identified with others they saw as victims of the bourgeois order: the poor, the criminals, the ethnic and racial outcasts. They admired exotic cultures that were seemingly untouched by bourgeois mores... They elevated sex to an art form (actually, they considered every aspect of life an art form) and scorned the prudery of the bourgeoisie.
[75] Malcolm Cowley, a Greenwich Village habitué who was also a writer and editor, summarized the priorities of early-20th-century American bohemians in his 1934 book, Exile's Return. The bohemians, he said, stood for the following ideas: "the salvation by the child" -- each of us is born with special potentialities that are slowly crushed by society; "the idea of self-expression" -- the purpose of life is to express the full individuality of one's inner being; "the idea of paganism" -- the body is a temple, so there is nothing unclean about nudity and sex; "the idea of living for the moment"; "the idea of liberty" -- every law and convention should be shattered; "the idea of female equality"; "the idea of psychological adjustment" -- people are unhappy because they are repressed or maladjusted; "the idea of changing place" -- truth could be found if one got on the road and moved to someplace new or vital.
From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): chapter 2, p. 67, 68. The word "bobos" is Brooks' coinage for "bourgeois bohemians." The cited book is: Exile’s Return: A Narrative of Ideas, by Malcolm Cowley (New York: Norton, 1934).

bohemianism:

A lifestyle characterized by artistic, literary, or thespian interests and that flouts social conventions, including, in much usage of the term, sexual mores.

Contrast, for example, bourgeois marriage (q.v.). See also alternative lifestyle, bohemian, lifestyle, sexual avant-garde, sexually marginalized, sexual mores, slutstyle.

boho:

See bohemian.

bomber:

bona fide marriage:

"Marriage in good faith"; a marital union entered into without pretense or fraudulent intent; a marital union entered into with the intent to make it a genuine union.

Contrast, at least to some extent, faux wedding (q.v.), marriage fraud (q.v.), mock wedding (q.v.), and sham marriage (q.v.). See also marriage.

bona gratia divorce (Roman law):

A divorce by one party for legal cause without implying guilt or offense on the part of the other party.

See also divorce.

bond, as in "a bond":

A deep emotional attachment of two or more individuals to each other.

See also alliance, ally, attached, attachment, conjunction, in love, knot, love, more "married" than, more of a couple than, pair-bonding, sexual connection, tie, tie that binds, togetherness.

bond, as in "to bond":

To develop a deep emotional attachment to each other.

See also affection, ally, attached, in love, inseparable, love, pair-bonding.

Bonnie:

The subject of a folk song, the first lines of which are: "My Bonnie lies over the ocean | My Bonnie lies over the sea | My Bonnie lies over the ocean | Oh bring back my Bonnie to me."¹ "Bonnie" represents, to many, a beloved who is far beyond reach and who is remembered wistfully and longingly.

Comments: The origins of the song are obscure. It is generally said to be a traditional Scottish ballad and is sometimes said to refer to Charles Edward Stuart (full name: Charles Edward Louis Philip Casimir Stuart or Stewart; 1720-1788), the pretender to the thrones of England, Scotland, and Ireland, who was known as Bonnie (or Bonny) Prince Charlie and who lived in exile for much of his life. Some go so far as to attribute the song to Flora McDonald (1722-1790), the woman who, in June of 1746, helped him escape. However, clear evidence of any of this is lacking.²

The earliest known printed history of the song is American. It has been traced back to 1881 in a version by William H. Hills, published in Cambridge, Massachusetts.³ In the following year a substantially changed version, credited to H. J. Fulmer (pseudonym for Charles E. Pratt) was published in New York in a sheet music edition.⁴ The song was published in Scotland by 1891.⁵

The word "bonny" is an adjective, which means "good-looking," happy-looking," "healthy," "welcomely large," or "fine."

References
1 The text of the lyrics as given follows perhaps the most popular form. Sometimes "Bonnie" is spelled "Bonny," and sometimes "Oh" is spelled "O." Punctuation varies.
2 So far as I can determine, the association with Bonnie Prince Charlie is prompted solely by the presence of the name "Bonnie" in the song. However, other Scottish ballads (if indeed this is one) sing of Bonnies. To give two examples: "Bonnie James Campbell," also known as "Bonnie George Campbell." Its history in print dates back, presumably, to the 1790s. It may refer to one of two cousins, Archibald or James Campbell, who died in the battle of Glenlivet on October 3, 1594. See The English and Scottish Popular Ballads, edited by Francis James Child (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1882-1898): v. 4, p. 142, ballad 210. <Citation to be verified> "Bonnie Mary Hay," which was edited by Robert Archibald Smith and published under that title in Edinburgh, by Paterson, Mortimer & Co, circa 1825.
3 See "My Bonnie," in the second edition of Students' Songs (Cambridge, Mass.: G. W. Sever, 1881), which was compiled by William H. Hills in twenty-two pages. The song was copyrighted by him. The first lines in the Hills version are: "My Bonnie is over the ocean, | My Bonnie is over the sea; | My Bonnie is over the ocean, | Oh! bring back my Bonnie to me." (I'm using the 13th ed., 1887. See p. 29.)
4 "In a sheet music edition published in 1882 under the title Bring Back My Bonnie to Me by T. B. Harms & Co., New York, N.Y., the words and music are credited to H. J. Fulmer, a pseudonym for Charles E. Pratt; JF [James Fuld?]. This edition makes substantial changes from the traditional song and it is likely that the authorship claim relates to the changes, not to the traditional song. Spaeth, p. 224." From: The Book of World-Famous Music: Classical, Popular, and Folk, [by] James J. Fuld (5th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Dover Publications, 2000): p. 381, footnote 2. Fuld's reference is to: A History of Popular Music in America, by Sigmund Spaeth (New York: Random House, 1948): p. 224.
5 Scottish Students’ Song Book, published by authority of the Students’ Representative Councils of Scotland (Glasgow: Bayley & Ferguson, [1891]): p. 168 (at least in the 6th ed., 1897). According to bibliographical data from the British Library, the book was edited by Millar Patrick, William Nelson, J. Malcolm Bulloch and A. Stodart Walker; introduction by John Stuart Blackie. The first two lines of the song in this edition are "My Bonnie is over the ocean, | My Bonnie is over the sea." <All to be verified>

See also beloved, lost love, saudade.

bonobo way:

Enjoyment of considerable variety in sex partners and sexual practices without male chauvinism and in such a way as to reduce tension and conflict within the social group. Called this, especially by some swingers, after aspects of the sexual lives of bonobo chimpanzees (Pan paniscus), which are among the closest, if not the closest, living relatives of Homo sapiens and whose sexual practices bear some striking resemblances to those of humans.

See also minx, pankoity, primemate, promiscuity, rabbit, sexual varietism, swing, utopian swinging, wild.

book:

See little black boo, love-book, pillow book.

born-again virgin:

1. A non-virgin who purposefully resumes the life of a virgin, that is, a life without engaging in sexual intercourse with another person.

2. A person, especially a non-virgin, who, due to a religious conversion or a spiritual renewal, believes him or herself to have entered into a chaste state and who is in a period of abstinence from sexual activity that is meant to last until such activity occurs with a marital partner.

3. A person who, due to not having had sex in a long time, exhibits the sexual anxieties common to virgins.

Comments: Abbreviated BAV.

Plays off of the religious term, "born again" (cf. John 3:3-8).

In none of the senses is any suggestion intended that the hymen would grow back in a female.

See also BAV, born-again virginity, virgin.

born-again virginity:

1. Purposeful resumption and living out of the life of a virgin by a non-virgin, that is, a life without engaging in sexual intercourse with another person.

2. The state on the part of a person, especially a non-virgin, of living in a period of abstinence from sexual activity that is meant to last until such activity occurs with a marital partner, a state that is due to religious conversion or spiritual renewal.

3. A state wherein one exhibits the sexual anxieties common to virgins, due to not having had sex in a long time.

Comment: Plays off of the religious term, "born again" (cf. John 3:3-8).

See also abstinence, born-again virgin, celibacy, chastity, revirginization, secondary virginity, virginity, virginity pledge.

born out of wedlock:

See out of wedlock.

boshTomi (Bengali?):

1. Female lifemate.

2. Devotee.

Comment: A term commonly used by members of a religious sect of Bangladesh and the Indian state of West Bengal, known as the Bâuls.

See also wife.

x Bengali terms.

bosom-right:

Acceptability by custom of unmarried lovers sharing the same bed with the idea that sexual intercourse will not take place, in part to determine their suitability for each other.

See also bundling, night courting, proof-night, queesting.

Bossard's law of family interaction (James H. S. Bossard, 1945):

The mathematical formula that determines the relation of the number of family members to the number of interrelationships within the family if the family is fully interactive.

See also group complexity theory.

x law of family interaction.

Bossard's Law of Family Interaction (Quotation)
[292] Within every family there are two variables which submit to precise mathematical determination. One of these is the number of members of the family, i.e., the size of the group; the other is the number of [293] personal relationships between its members. If these two variables are considered mathematically, what happens with the addition of each new member of the family group may be set forth in the following two sets of numbers: Number of persons ..... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Number of personal relationships ..... 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28 .... Considering these two series of numbers, the first is a series of ordinary numbers, changing in the simplest arithmetic progression in whole numbers; the second is a series of triangular numbers. The law may be stated then as follows: With the addition of each person to a family or primary group, the number of persons increases in the simplest arithmetical progression in whole numbers, while the number of personal interrelationships within the group increases in the order of triangular numbers. The mathematical formula involved may be set forth as follows: x = the number of interpersonal relationships y = the number of persons x = (y2 - y) ÷ 2 .... The basic meaning of this law is that every increase in the number of members of a primary group results in more than a corresponding increase in the number of sets of personal relationships and that, the larger the group becomes, the more disproportionate the increase becomes.
From: "The Law of Family Interaction," [by] James H. S. Bossard, in The American Journal of Sociology; v. 1, no. 4 (January 1945): pp. 292-294. I have had to adjust the representation of the formula in order to conform to the limitations of hypertext.

Boston marriage:

1. A situation in which two women, not sisters and not mother and daughter, are living together under their own aegis and by their own means.

2. A lesbian domestic partnership.

Comments: The term apparently devolved from two characters, Olive Chancellor and Verena Tarrant, in the novel by Henry James, called The Bostonians (1886). Perhaps the most famous real-life couple with whom the term is often associated was the American novelist, Sarah Orne Jewett (1849-1909), and Annie Adams Fields (1834-1915).

The tension between the term "Boston marriage" and the expression, "banned in Boston," reflects Boston's mixed heritage with regard to attitudes towards sexuality.

See also domestic partnership, female couple, female marriage, Fleet marriage, gay marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, homosexual marriage, household, lesbianism, marriage, married at Finglesham Church, particular relationship, same-sex marriage, she-troth, zami.

boundary, often in the plural: boundaries:

1. A border, limit, excluding barrier, or confining barrier.

Hereafter it is the plural form that is defined first:

2. Geographical or jurisdictional borders or some portions thereof; in the singular, if not the whole, a particular section thereof or a particular crossing point.

3. Geometrical parameters; in the singular, if not the whole, a particular portion thereof.

4. Divides between groups, such as territorial divides and ethnic divides; in the singular, a certain type of divide or a particular divide of a certain type between particular groups.

5. Confines of thought or behavior.

6. The extent of the membership in a relationship, a family, or other group.

7. Where one considers one's personal space to begin, from the outside in.

8. The limits of one's comfort zone.

9. Restrictive rules, understandings, or expectations within a relationship.

10. Tipping points between what is moral and what is not, what is socially acceptable and what is not, or what is legal and what is not; in the singular, where one would cross into a particular wrongful, unacceptable, or illegal behavior.

See also adultery-toleration pact; bedroom politics; bodily integrity; compartmentalization; consensual sex; consent to sex; consexuality; don't ask, don't tell; family; hot and cool sex; hundred-mile rule; moral code; relationship; separation of sex and power; sexual autonomy; sexual communism; sexual morality; sexual mores; SSC; unilateralism; unwanted sex; unwelcome admixure with sexuality; veto rule.

bourgeois marriage:

1. A marital union in which the spouses live as members of the middle class or in which at least one of the spouses is a capitalist.

2. A marital union that seeks affirmation on the basis of middle class values, for instance formal societal approval of a sexual relationship.

3. A marital union in which the wife is financially dependent upon the husband, as opposed, for instance, to a marital union in which each spouse is a wage earner.

4. A marital union that, in the grand scheme of things, functions principally as a cog in the economic machine of society.

Comment: The term is often used perjoratively.

Contrast, for example, bohemianism (q.v.). See also conventional marriage, family values, function of marriage, marriage, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, traditional monogamy.

box of assorted creams (Australian):

A promiscuous female, on analogy with a container of chocolate candies filled with cream in a variety of flavors.

See also bedhopper, bimbo, demirep, Don Juaness, flirt-gill, giglet, güila, hoe, hoochie, hotwife, lothariette, make-out artist, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, playgirl, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, sex maniac, she-wolf, shiksa, slut, tart, tramp, wanton woman; buttered bun, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, sperm wars, stir the porridge.

boy bar:

See gay bar.

boy-bridegroom:

1. A young fiancé.

2. A human male who marries at a young age or while still immature.

3. A young or immature husband.

4. The male-child partner in a mock wedding.

Contrast girl-bride (q.v.). See also bridegroom, child-husband, fiancé, groom, husband, manwalan, mock marriage, partner.

boy crazy:

Fascinated with young human males, due to an awakening or recently activated male-oriented libido; attracted to, obsessively thinking about, and desirous of mingling with human males, especially pre-adolescent or adolescent human males. Said especially of a girl or young woman or of a group of girls or young women.

See also andromania, androphilia, girl crazy, heterosexual, man-keen, straight.

boy crush:

See man crush.

boy/daddy relationship:

See daddy/boy relationship.

boyfriend:

A male love interest who returns affection.

Comment: Abbreviated BF.

Whereas "girlfriend" can mean "a female's female friend," ordinarily "boyfriend would not be used to mean "a male's male friend." A word like "comrade" would come fairly close to performing that function.

See also babe, baby, beau, BF, boyfriend zone, boytoy, camp boyfriend, college sweetheart, ex-ex, friend, gentleman friend, girlfriend, high school sweetheart, huapala, husbe, husfriend, ipo, live-in boyfriend, love interest, lover, lover boy, man, man friend, new man in (her) life, novio, old boyfriend, partner, romantic friend, steady, summer lover, toy boy, trophy boy, uncle.

boyfriend in common:

A shared boyfriend (q.v.).

Comment: Can be expressed as "a common boyfriend"; however, that term introduces ambiguity, since it can also mean "an ordinary boyfriend" or, in some contexts, "a low-class boyfriend."

See also bukis, girlfriend in common, sexual network.

x common boyfriend.

boyfriend zone:

The state of being a particular person's boyfriend (q.v.), especially insofar as it entitles one to certain privileged information or intimacies.

Source: The BBC television sitcom, "Coupling," series 1, episode 1, "Flushed," written by Steven Moffat; directed by Martin Dennis (first aired, May 12, 2000).

See also girlfriend zone.

x zone.

boy next door:

1. A male child or young man who is one's immediate neighbor.

2. A man, generally one who is relatively sweet and approachable, who evokes the feeling that one is beholding wholesome masculinity.

3. The stereotype of the preceding.

Comment: Also called "guy next door."

The term sometimes connotes, especially for many women, an object of unsatisfied longings, or of wistful sexual memories or of ready domesticity as, proximally, the most available potential partner.

See also girl next door, nice guy, propinquity, proximity.

x guy next door.

boy-next-door theory:

1. The idea that the stereotype of a wholesome young man will have a special appeal for a particular purpose, as in entertainment.

2. The idea that proximity plays an important role in whom a woman selects for a husband.

See also girl-next-door theory, Metuchen theory, nearest donut theory, propinquity factor, proximity.

x theories.

boytoy, or boy toy, or boy-toy:

1. A young man as sex object and lover, especially of a much older, much wealthier, or much more powerful person.

2. A human male one uses merely for sexual play; a male lover the relationship with whom is not taken seriously.

3. A young woman who is used by a man for sexual play.

Contrast cougar (q.v.) and girl toy (q.v.). See also amour de vanité, bimbo, boyfriend, casual sex, cicisbeo, gigolo, leman, lover, male concubine, mistress, paramour, partner, side girl, tertiary partner, toy boy, trophy husband.

braking hypothesis (Lynn K. White and Alan Booth, 1985):

The idea that being a parent causes more careful consideration of divorce (q.v.) than there might otherwise be, sometimes with the effect of delaying divorce.

See also family values, parental marriage.

breach of promise (legal term):

Failure to fulfill a pledge, especially to marry somebody.

See also heart balm statute, left at the altar, marry out of duty.

breadwinner:

A person who earns money for the basic support of a family or group or who otherwise provides for that family or group.

See also family, juggler family, meal ticket, provider.

break:

1. With regard to a relationship:

• A period of separation for purposes of relief, renewal, or reassessment; a temporary time apart for the good of the relationship or of any of the partners in the relationship.
• A deliberate cessation of sexual relations for a limited period of time.

2. In "Give me a break!"

• A chance to get out from under; an opportunity to escape oppressive circumstances.
• At least momentary freedom from criticism or from nagging; an at least temporary cessation of unfavorable or pushy comments.

See also grass-widow, grass-widower, holiday from marriage, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, separate vacations, separation, vacation from marriage; hen-peck, man-tired, woman-tired.

break a marriage:

To bring a marriage to an end by way of annulment or divorce.

See also annulment, divorce.

breakfast together:

The first meal of the day in each other's company.

Comment: Occasionally the phrase implies sleeping together, as, at times, when the question is asked the night before, "Shall we have breakfast together?"

See also confarreation, dinner date, lunch date, sleep together, together.

break matrimony:

To commit adultery.

See also break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, commit adultery, fool around, matrimony, run astray, tip, yard on.

break (someone's) heart:

1. To hurt someone's feelings deeply, especially with regard to a matter of love.

2. To be a cause of grief or loss of hope.

See also broken heart, cri de coeur, grief, heart.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Broke My Heart"
[Carrie to her step-daughter, Molly Bolt] "So Carl broke off with that woman and I forgave him. But he broke my heart. I could never forget it. To this day I can't believe he did that to me." Her voice trailed off into a whine.
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 17, p. 187. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

break spousehood:

To commit adultery.

See also break matrimony, break wedlock, carry on, commit adultery, fool around, run astray, spousebreak, tip, yard on.

break up:

1. To terminate a mutual understanding that a love relationship is continuing to exist.

2. To coerce or otherwise to pressure individuals who are in a love relationship to end that relationship.

See also bad breaker-upper, break-up, couple-buster, ditch, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, let go, on the rocks, sack, separate, split up, uncouple, unflushable, walk out.

Related terms not yet in this glossary: break off with, bust up, kick out, send packing, show (him or her) the door, steal, throw over.

break-up, or breakup:

Termination, by at least one of the parties, of a mutual understanding that a love relationship is continuing to exist.

See also break up, break-up buddy, break-up by association, break-up rules, broken heart, bust-up, catch (someone) on the rebound, cruelty, Dear Jane letter, Dear John letter, death spiral of a relationship, dissolution, divorce, extinct relationship, garage time, "I'm not sure I don't want (her or him) anymore" syndrome, "It's not you, it's me," last time, left-over desire, left-over love, love withdrawal, on the rebound, over, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, preemptive break-up, quasi-breakup, rebound relationship, reject, serial monogamy, surfeit response, turkey drop.

break-up buddy; plural: break-up buddies:

1. A friend one turns to for support and advice in the wake of a divorce or the termination of a love relationship.

2. A fellow member of a support group composed of those who have recently gone through a divorce or the termination of a love relationship.

3. Metaphorically, something one turns to in order to ease the pain caused by the ending of a relationship -- generally something unhealthful such as junk food, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or promiscuous sex; but even something healthy, such as strenuous exercise.

See also break-up, friend.

x buddy.

break-up by association:

Loss of two friends to each other by virtue of one of them breaking up with a closer friend of the other.

See also break-up, friend.

break-up rules:

1. Short pieces of advice, generally composed in a list, on how to handle a break-up (q.v.) and its aftermath.

2. The set of social expectations as to how to behave with regard to a break-up and its aftermath; etiquette for the end of a relationship and a period thereafter, for instance, in answer to the question, "How soon is it appropriate to start dating again?"

3. The set of expectations that one lays upon oneself as to how to behave with regard to a break-up and its aftermath.

See also absolute code, alimony, child support, code, household rules, hundred-mile rule, kiss and tell, moral code, palimony, rebound relationship, rules of adultery, sexual etiquette, sexual mores, veto rule.

x rules.

break wedlock:

To commit adultery.

See also break matrimony, break spousehood, carry on, commit adultery, fool around, run astray, tip, wedlock, yard on.

bream:

To have sexual desire, said of a sow (which ordinarily breams for a boar) or a boar (which ordinarily breams for a sow) or, metaphorically, of a person.

Comment: Variant spellings include "breem," "breme," and "brim."

See also clicket, desire, eassin, go to his towrus, horny, lust, sexual desire.

x breem.

x breme.

x brim.

breastband of Aphrodite:

See Aphrodite's girdle.

breeches:

See wear the breeches.

breed:

1. To mate.

2. To produce offspring by sexual means; to reproduce.

3. To bring about a mating that leads to or is meant to lead to reproduction.

4. To develop certain characteristics in offspring by exercizing some degree of genetic control.

5. To inculcate, for instance, good manners.

See also eugenics, interbreed, mate, outbreeding, stirpiculture.

breeder:

1. A person who breeds animals.

2. A person who has or is attempting to have genetic offspring.

3. A heterosexual.

Comment: In the last two senses, sometimes used pejoratively and perhaps more often regarded as pejorative, because of its animalistic associations.

See also babymaker, broodmare, heterosexual, parent.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Breeder"
[Molly Bolt, as a lesbian] Polluted, packed, putrid, it's the only place where I have any room, any hope. I got to go back and stick it out. At least in New York City I can be more than a breeder of the next generation.
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 16, p. 173. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Breeder"
"I came up here once," said Brian, "to the jazz festival." Michael turned and smiled at him. Sterile or not, this man was breeder through and through. "Best of Breeder," he had called him once. Surely there were gay men somewhere who revered jazz, but Michael didn't know any.
From the novel: Significant Others, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1987; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 5): p. 120.

breem:

See bream.

breme:

See bream.

brethren of the forked order:

See forked order.

bridal:

1. Pertaining to brides or a bride (q.v.).

2. Pertaining to a wedding (q.v.), especially the bride's side of it.

Comment: Nowadays in the West, inclusive terms, such as "connubial" or "nuptial," are preferred unless only the bride or her side of a wedding are meant -- thus, "wedding consultant" instead of "bridal consultant." However, even practices are becoming more inclusive, so that instead of a bridal shower for the bride, there might instead be a wedding shower for the couple.

See also conjugal, connubial, epithalamic, hymeneal, marital, matrimonial, nuptial, spousal.

bride:

1. A woman as she presents herself to a man for the beginning of conjugal life with him, especially (as applicable) during the wedding and honeymoon.

2. A wife, especially as romantically conceived in the eyes of her husband.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A thrill of brides. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 157.

See also bridal, bridegroom, Bridegroom Fallacy, brideless, bride-wife, catch, child-bride, conjux, deathbed bride, fiancée, forest bride, girl-bride, give away in marriage, groom, lead to the altar, mail-order bride, newlywed, novia, partner, picture bride, runaway bride, tree bride, wahine male, war bride, widow-bride, wife.

bride burning:

Incinerating a new wife, the reason generally being that the dowry presented by her family is considered to be inadequate or that dowry installments have fallen behind.

Comment: The practice is still known in India, where such murders are often disguised as suicides or accidents.

See also dowry death, jauhar, spousal homicide, suttee, uxoricide.

bride-catching:

See capture marriage.

bride-couple:

A man and a woman who have been newly wedded.

See also couple.

bridegroom:

A man as he presents himself to a woman for the beginning of conjugal life with her.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A thrall of bridegrooms. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 157.

See also boy-bridegroom, bride, Bridegroom Fallacy, child-husband, deathbed bridegroom, fiancé, groom, husband, newlywed, novio, partner, war groom.

Bridegroom Fallacy:

The notion that the bride is all and the bridegroom nothing, that she is divine and he mundane.

See also bride, bridegroom, dulia, pedestalism, place on a pedestal.

x fallacies.

bridegroom shortage:

A scarcity of men available for mating in a given population.

Coined by me, June 2006, on analogy with "bride shortage." But perhaps it already exists.

Contrast bride shortage (q.v.). See also female surplus, spanandry, spaneria.

brideless:

1. Single (q.v.), said of a man.

2. Still single, especially after a point in time that one had expected to be married, said of a man.

3. Celibate (q.v.), said of a man.

4. Unaccompanied by a bride (q.v.).

5. Without a bride's presence, especially her expected presence.

bridelock (Old English):

Marriage (q.v.).

See also wedlock.

x Old English terms.

bride-mass:

Celebration of the Eucharist by a newly married couple shortly after their wedding, typically a day after, according to the custom of some Christian churches.

brideprice, or bride-price:

Payment made by a man or on his behalf to secure a wife. The brideprice might serve any of a variety of purposes, for instance, it might add to the assets of the bride's family, it might pay for the wedding, or it might provide the bride with assets in the event of divorce.

Comment: Also called bride wealth.

See also amober, arrha, avail of marriage, bride-service, divorce-by-purchase, dowry, mahr, maritagium, marriage by purchase, marriage portion, mercheta mulierum, mohar, morganatic marriage, village wife, weotuma, wife-purchase.

bride-service:

Labor, instead of money or goods, for payment of a brideprice (q.v.) or some portion thereof.

bride shortage:

A scarcity of women available for mating in a given population.

Contrast bridegroom shortage (q.v.). See also male surplus, spanogyny.

bride-stealing:

A custom whereby young men steal a bride out of the bridal chamber forcing her new husband to rescue her, all done as a sham.

bride-wealth, bride wealth, or bridewealth (E. E. Evans-Pritchard, 1936):

See brideprice.

bride-wife:

A newly wedded woman, in relation to her husband.

See also bride, wife.

bride-wooer:

A friend used by a suitor (q.v.) to woo (q.v.) a woman.

See also gentleman caller, wooer.

brim:

See bream.

broken heart:

1. The set of emotions, including profound grief, that ensues when one has lost a love; metaphorically expressed, the as yet unhealed open wound that results from the ripping apart of two hearts that have been knit together.

2. Grief for what has been lost in a love relationship when it falters in a fundamental way.

3. The depressed feelings that accompany dashed hope for a love relationship with a person with whom one is in love.

Comment: Occasionally a nicety of qualification is added, as in Jane Austen's phrase, "a heart pierced, wounded, almost broken!" The implication seems to be that if a heart were actually broken, the person could not live. But such a nicety as that "almost" has largely fallen away.

Reference
The quotation is from the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 20, p. 219; cf. chapter 23, p. 284. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

See also break (someone's) heart, break-up, cri de coeur, déception d'amour, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, grief, heart, heartache, heartbreak, in love, lasslorn, lovelorn, lover's leap, lovesickness, love trauma syndrome, love-trouble, love withdrawal, miss, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, rebound relationship, withdrawal anguish.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Broken Heart"
[Mrs Bennet to her daughter of another daughter]: '... Well, my comfort is, I am sure Jane will die of a broken heart, and then he [Charles Bingley] will be sorry for what he has done.' But as Elizabeth could not receive comfort from any such expectation, she made no answer.
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 40, p. 290. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

broker:

See love-broker, marriage broker.

bromance:

A male friendship that entails mutual infatuation or that gives the impression thereof; a two-way man crush.

Comment: A combination of "brother" and "romance."

See also friendship, man crush, romance.

broodmare, or brood mare:

1. A female horse kept for breeding.

2. A woman whose primary function is considered to be the bearing and rearing of children.

See also babymaker, baby-mamma, breeder, mother of [my, your, his] child(ren).

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Brood Mare"
[Luise] I wondered if he [Otto Winther] had loved me at all, or had I never represented anything but a brood mare?
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 17, p. 238.

broomstick-marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) initiated without formal ceremony or legal proceedings.

See also besom wedding, cohabitation, common law marriage, concubinage, consensual marriage, handfasting, jump over the broomstick (especially the comment), jump the besom, living together, long engagement, marriage by contract, married but not churched, married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney, marry over the broomstick, other terms than marriage, paperless marriage, temporary marriage.

x broomstick match.

broomstick match:

See broomstick-marriage.

brothel behavior:

Engaging in sexual relations without love or long-term commitment, as prostitutes often do.

Contrast Dante Alighieri syndrome (q.v.). See also indiscriminate sex, metasex, promiscuity, recreational sex.

brother-in-law:

See -in-law.

brotherly love:

See agapic love.

brother-sister marriage:

A mating of siblings of different sexes.

See also adelphogamy, incest.

x sister-brother marraige.

brother starling:

A man who is a co-lover of a woman with one or more other men, in relation to those other men; any of the men who have sex with a given woman, in relation to the other men.

Comment: The idea is that they are making use of the same nest.

See also assistant, bird dog, buddyf***er, buksvåger, co-husband, cornuto, cornutor, co-spouse, cuckold, husband-doubling, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, ménage à trois, notr'amour, partner, partner sharing, polyandrist, share (one's partner) with, sheet partner, sloppy seconds, troilism, wife-sharing, wittol.

x starling.

brydthing (Old English):

A wedding (q.v.).

x Old English terms.

buckle:

1. To join (certain individuals) in marriage.

2. To unite oneself in wedlock (with).

See also marry, splice, tie the knot, tie up, wed.

bucsweger:

See buksvåger.

budding relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that has recently begun and that is developing.

See also acceptive phase, courtship, hit it off, new relationship energy, proceptive phase, romance, xship.

buddy:

See break-up buddy, closed circle of f*** buddies, cuddle buddy, dating buddy, porn buddy, sex buddy.

buddyf***:

To copulate with a male friend's girlfriend without his consent, said of a male.

See also cuckold, extra-pair copulation.

buddyf***er:

A male who copulates with a male friend's girlfriend without the friend's consent.

See also bird dog, brother starling, cornutor.

BUG:

"Bisexual until graduation": a person who experiments with being bisexual in high school or college but afterwards adopts a heterosexual identity.

See also bisexual, GUG, heterosexual, LUG.

bukis; plural, bukisar (Swedish):

An individual who has engaged in sexual relations with a person with whom one has also engaged in sexual relations; a lover (q.v.), especially a former or passing one, of one's current or former lover.

Comment: This is an obscure gender-free slang term derived by shortening buksvåger or buksvägerska and adding the suffix "-is."

For discussion, see message from Anders Hultman (August 8, 2002), in the thread entitled "For Word Lovers," on the USENET newsgroup, alt.polyamory.

See also assistant, boyfriend in common, buksvåger, buksvägerska, chains of affection, distal partner, girlfriend in common, -in-law, lover-once-removed, sexual network, sheet partner, smismar, TOCOTOX, ungetaken.

buksvåger; plural buksvågrar (Swedish); anglicized, bucsweger (neologism):

"Belly brother-in-law"; a man who has engaged in sexual relations with a person with whom one has also had sex; a male lover (q.v.), especially a former or passing one, of one's current or former lover.

Comments: A man can be the bucsweger of either a man or a woman, however a man and a woman cannot be bucswegers of one another. If they have had the same person as a lover, he would be her bucsweger and she would be his bucswegerska.

Regarding the anglicized form, in Old English "buc" = belly and "sweger" = mother-in-law. ("Sweor" = father-in-law.) By way of Swedish, where "svåger" = "brother-in-law," a "bucsweger" is made to mean a brother-in-law not by marriage but by sexual relations and without any kinship obligation.

Examples of use (adapted): "Hey you, John! Your girlfriend has Rick as a coach. Do you realise that the risk of becoming a bucsweger with him is imminent? He is awfully good at getting chicks in bed with him." "We are already bucswegers of one another."

For discussion, see the thread entitled "For Word Lovers," on the USENET newsgroup, alt.polyamory (July-August 2002). The thread can be searched using the Google Groups search engine.

Parallel term in Icelandic: kvi(th)mágur.

See also assistant, brother starling, bukis, buksvägerska, chains of affection, distal partner, -in-law, lover-once-removed, polyrelationship, sheet partner, sloppy seconds, TOCOTOX, ungetaken.

buksvägerska; plural buksvägerskor (Swedish); anglicized, bucswegerska (neologism):

"Belly sister-in-law"; a woman who has engaged in sexual relations with a person with whom one has also had sex; a female lover (q.v.), especially a former or passing one, of one's current or former lover.

Comments: A woman can be the bucswegerska of either a woman or a man, however a woman and a man cannot be bucswegerskas of one another. If they have had the same person as a lover, she would be his bucswegerska and he would be her bucsweger.

Regarding the anglicized form, in Old English "buc" = belly and "sweger" = mother-in-law. By way of Swedish, where "svägerska" = "sister-in-law," a "bucswegerska" is made to mean a sister-in-law not by marriage but by sexual relations and without any kinship obligation.

Examples of use: "She is about to make you her bucswegerska." "We are bucswegerskas of one another."

For discussion, see the thread entitled "For Word Lovers," on the USENET newsgroup, alt.polyamory (July-August 2002). The thread can be searched using the Google Groups search engine.

See also assistant, bukis, buksvåger, chains of affection, distal partner, -in-law, lover-once-removed, polyrelationship, sheet partner, TOCOTOX, ungetaken.

bukumatula (Kiriwinian):

Young people's house (q.v.).

x Kiriwinian terms.

Quotation from Bronislaw Malinowski Illustrating "Bukumatula"
But the most important change, and the one which interests us most, is the partial break-up of the family at the time when the adolescent boys and girls cease to be permanent inmates of the parental home. For brothers and sisters, whose avoidance has begun long before in childhood, must now keep an extremely strict taboo, so that any possibility of contact while engaged in sexual pursuits must be eliminated. This danger is obviated by a special institution, the bukumatula. This name is given to special houses inhabited by groups of adolescent boys and girls. A boy as he reaches puberty will join such a house, which is owned by some mature youth or young widower and tenanted by a number of youths, from three to six, who are there joined by their sweethearts. Thus the parental home is drained completely of its adolescent males, though until the boy's marriage he will always come back for food, and will also continue to work for his household to some extent. A girl, on the rare nights of chastity when she is not engaged in one bukumatula or another, may return to sleep at home.
From: Sex and Repression in Savage Society, by Bronislaw Malinowski (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1927): p. 67. In the index the term is translated, "young people's house" (p. 281).

bull:

A man who cuckolds another; a man who engage in sexual relations with a woman married to another.

See also adulterer, cuckold, horned, hotwife.

bull's feather:

One of the imaginary or symbolic horns of a cuckold.

Sources:

• The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): s.v. "He wears the bull's feather." The expression, "bull's feather," is documented back to 1662 and is said to derive from a French proverb.
• A 17th century ballad called "The Bulls Feather," found in: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 152.

See also cornute, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horned, horn-mad, horns, horns hung on, wear the horns.

bump on a log:

An inactive and uncommunicative person, referred to by way of metaphor (as in, "He's the proverbial bump on a log") or simile (as in, "She just sits there like a bump on a log").

See also aphanisis, aterpist, "Communicate, communicate, communicate," frigid, prude.

bundle man, or bundleman:

A married guy in the Royal Navy, so-called because married guys tended to take packages with them on shore leave.

Source: Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 20. In case I've misinterpreted, here is Bowen's own wording: "A married rating in the Royal Navy from the fact that he generally went on leave with a bundle."

Also: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 48. Granville offers this explanation: "At one time sailors were allowed to take food ashore when 'proceeding' on leave, and married men seemed always to carry ashore the largest bundles."

See also fishing fleet, fit double clews, hen frigate, husband, jump off the dock, lanlady, married, personal attachment, pleasing appendage, sloping billet, splice, war groom.

bundle of freemates:

Three or more members of a committed love relationship (q.v.) in bed together.

Comment: Coined by T. Rifkin Elliott.

See also bevy of beloveds, cadre of beloveds, clutch of lovers, covey of lovers, cuddle of lovers, freemate, imbroglio of polyamours, partner, string of lovers, syndicate of lovers.

bundling:

1. Unmarried lovers sharing the same bed with their clothes on -- that is, with the idea that sexual intercourse will not take place -- in part to determine their suitability for each other.

2. Sharing a bed with a visitor or passing stranger of the opposite sex, due, for instance, to a shortage of beds.

Comment: A colonial New England custom most associated with the Puritans.

See also bosom-right, courtship, night courting, proof marriage, proof night, puritan, queesting, sex hospitality, Shunammitism.

bungalowing:

Living together, for the time being, as sex partners without the benefit of marriage.

See also cohabitation, cosominate, living together, long engagement, paperless marriage, shack up, share the same bedroom, sleep together.

bust up:

To break up.

See also break up, bust-up, couple-buster, slump buster.

bust-up:

A break-up.

buttered bun:

A woman who has just had sex with a man and who is now engaged in sexual activity with another.

See also box of assorted creams, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, sperm wars, stir the porridge.

butterface, or butter face:

A woman who is attractive in every way "but her face."

See also attractive.