Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

Norman Elliott Anderson

D

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

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Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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daddy/boy relationship:

1. A male homosexual relationship in which one partner is old enough to be the other's father, even if both are adults.

2. A male homosexual relationship in which the older partner adopts the younger as his son, this as a way of circumventing obstacles to gay marriage.

See also domestic partnership, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, intergenerational relationship, male marriage, man-boy love, same-sex marriage.

x boy/daddy relationship.

DADT:

Don't ask, don't tell (q.v.).

dainty love:

To indulge an affection or passionate desire for someone, especially to do so beyond one's means.

Comment: Note the English proverb: "Who dainties love shall beggars prove."

See also dote, love.

Daisy Dumpling:

A middle-class married woman conceived as the ideal of femininity.

Comment: Gay slang from the 1970s, generally used in a disparaging way.

See also wife.

dalliance:

1. A short trifling relationship; a casual affair (q.v.) of brief duration.

2. An episode of flirtation and, perhaps, more intense amorous play.

Comment: The first meaning is often overlooked in dictionaries, but see the lexical example below.

See also action on the side, amourette, casual relationship, casual sex, comet, escapade romantique, expiration dating, fling, flirtation, insignificant other, intrigue, liaison, ludic love, married at Finglesham Church, one-night stand, peccadillo, philander, pickup, short-term relationship, slut, tertiary relationship, zipless f***.

Quotation from Ethel S. Person Illustrating "Dalliance"

A married woman or man who takes a lover may only be indulging in a dalliance, in which case he or she may view it as irrelevant to the marriage.

From: Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion, [by] Ethel S. Person (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1989; originally published 1988): p. 227.

Quotation from Ethel S. Person Illustrating "Dalliance"
A married woman or man who takes a lover may only be indulging in a dalliance, in which case he or she may view it as irrelevant to the marriage.
From: Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion, [by] Ethel S. Person (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1989; originally published 1988): p. 227.

dance barefoot:

To yet be an unwed woman after one's younger sister has wed.

Source: The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): s.v. "To dance barefoot."

See also angélica, bachelorette, feme sole, lead apes in hell, maiden, miss, never married, nubile, single, unmarried, unwed.

danger:

See in danger.

danger myth of sexual desire:

The (supposedly) false notion that physical attraction and, more especially, acting on it entail a large risk of adverse consequences and therefore must be tightly controlled -- consequences such as anarchism, predatory behavior, the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, unhappy matches, single-parent families, family break-ups, and, ultimately, eternal damnation.

Comment: This "notion" has been identified as a myth by various sex radicals. However, obviously, identifying it as such is controversial. I have provided a name for the supposed myth, without, for now, weighing in on the controversy (October 14, 2006).

This "notion" is thought by some to have contributed to double standards. For instance, one line of thought said to derive from it is this: Men are a combination of power and desire, a combination which must be brought under control by purity and sexual reluctance on the part of women, if civilization is to flourish and not degenerate into barbarism.

Typically, in place of the "myth" is substituted the idea that both sexual desire and its expression in a consensual context are healthy and even subversive of various tyrannies over our lives, and that the possibility of adversities can be separately addressed with little impingement on sexual desire.

See also attraction, double standard, lust, sexual desire, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x myths.

Dante Alighieri syndrome (Edward M. Brecher, 1969):

Loving intensely and enduringly but only from afar and in such a way that inwardly one separates love from sexual relations.

Contrast brothel behavior (q.v.). See also love, salutation of Beatrice, secret love, theology of romantic love, undeclared love.

x syndromes.

Quotation from Edward M. Brecher on the Dante Alighieri Syndrome

Their behavior [that of the Italian poet Dante Alighieri (1265-1321) and the German novelist Hermann Sudermann (1857-1928)] is an illustration of precisely the evil against which Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell [1821-1910] and other Victorians fulminated: the divorce of sex from love.

The Victorians focused their attention on only one aspect of that divorce, sexual indulgence in the absence of love -- what might be called brothel behavior. They failed to recognize the close tie between brothel behavior and what I shall call 'the Dante Alighieri syndrome' -- sexual paralysis in the face of the most transcendent and enduring love. These are the two faces of the same coin. Both represent the divorce of love from sex. Victims of the Dante Alighieri syndrome are not only unable to achieve sexual fulfillment in the arms of the most dearly beloved; they are prevented even from seeking it.

From: The Sex Researchers, by Edward M. Brecher; with a foreword by William H. Masters & Virginia E. Johnson (Boston: Little, Brown, c1969): pp. 241.

Quotation from Edward M. Brecher on the Dante Alighieri Syndrome
Their behavior [that of the Italian poet Dante Alighieri (1265-1321) and the German novelist Hermann Sudermann (1857-1928)] is an illustration of precisely the evil against which Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell [1821-1910] and other Victorians fulminated: the divorce of sex from love. The Victorians focused their attention on only one aspect of that divorce, sexual indulgence in the absence of love -- what might be called brothel behavior. They failed to recognize the close tie between brothel behavior and what I shall call 'the Dante Alighieri syndrome' -- sexual paralysis in the face of the most transcendent and enduring love. These are the two faces of the same coin. Both represent the divorce of love from sex. Victims of the Dante Alighieri syndrome are not only unable to achieve sexual fulfillment in the arms of the most dearly beloved; they are prevented even from seeking it.
From: The Sex Researchers, by Edward M. Brecher; with a foreword by William H. Masters & Virginia E. Johnson (Boston: Little, Brown, c1969): pp. 241.

darling:

1. A term of endearment for someone with whom one is in a close love relationship or of whom one is fond.

2. A person who is particularly beloved by someone, as in, "She is his darling."

See also babe, baby, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, poplet, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

date, as in "she is his date for the evening":

1. A companion, who is of complementary sexual orientation, for a social occasion or activity.

2. A person with whom one is becoming acquainted or more acquainted, through a social activity, for the purpose of assessing whether he or she would be a desirable sex or relationship partner.

See also beau, blind date, caller, cheap date, companion, datemate, dating chain, dating pool, dinner date, dream date, escort, friend with potential, gentleman caller, lady caller, lunch date, meal ticket, partner, plus one, prom date, prospect, sex partner.

date, as in "I'm going on a date" or "we're on a date together":

A social activity with someone, or even more than one person, of complementary sexual orientation.

See also ask out, bachelor auction, bachelorette auction, blind date, chaperon, cheap date, dater, date rape, dating agency, dating ritual, dating service, dinner date, double book, double date, dream date, first date, fraternization, go Dutch, go out, fix up, little black book, lunch date, pity date, precondition for sex, Sadie Hawkins Day, three-date rule, VBD.

date, as in "I have a date with twins" or (as an understanding between friends planning a social activity together) "but it's not a date":

An appointment to engage in a social activity with someone, or even more than one person, of complementary sexual orientation, not for the sake of business or friendship but for the fun of being with someone of complementary sexual orientation and for what it might lead to sexually and/or relationally.

See also blind date, pick-up joint, stand (somebody) up.

date, as in "I want to date only kind people" or "I am dating again":

1. To have social encounters by prearrangement with persons of complementary sexual orientation, especially encounters that may lead to sexual activity.

2. To have social encounters by arrangement for the purpose of exploring or further exploring whether any of those being dated might be a suitable partner in a love relationship.

See also alternative dating, court, courtship, cyberdating, date around, dating down, dating plan, dating up, double-date, escort, expiration dating, fish, fish off the company pier, fraternize, go out, hang out, hook up, in circulation, online dating, pair dating, scent-free dating, see, speed dating, step out, uncommitted dating, video dating.

date around:

To date a variety of people, not just one person.

See also butterfly, date, dating plan, jump from lap to lap, mate sampling, play the field, put it about, shark, shop around, sleep around, swingle.

datemate:

1. A companion, who is of complementary sexual orientation, for a social occasion or activity.

2. A person with whom one is becoming acquainted or more acquainted, through a social activity, for the purpose of assessing whether he or she would be a desirable sex or relationship partner.

See also date, little black book.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "datemate"

In the 1959 Ask Any Girl, Shirley MacLaine snares Gig Young by stealing his little black book and imitating his favorite girlfriends. He likes one datemate's red hair. She dyes hers flame-colored. He like's another's perfume. She douses herself in it.

From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 22.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "datemate"
In the 1959 Ask Any Girl, Shirley MacLaine snares Gig Young by stealing his little black book and imitating his favorite girlfriends. He likes one datemate's red hair. She dyes hers flame-colored. He like's another's perfume. She douses herself in it.
From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 22.

dater:

Someone who participates in a social activity with someone, or even more than one person, of complementary sexual orientation; someone who dates.

See also date.

date rape:

Rape (q.v.) by the person with whom the victim is on a date (q.v.).

Comment: The social line is crossed after the victim either has been impaired enough so as not to be able to resist or in any way has said "No!" to a sexual activity. The legal line depends on the laws of the jurisdiction.

See also crime against the heart.

dating agency:

A business that matches individuals, who have paid a fee, for dates.

See also date, dating service.

dating buddy:

1. A friend who provides advice and support with regard to one's social activities with persons of a complementary sexual orientation. Typically such a person will make sure that one is properly groomed and dressed, will know where and with whom one is going, and is available to come and take one home if a date doesn't go well.

2. A person who accompanies one for moral support to an event where dating -- speed dating, for instance -- is expected to take place.

3. A person in a list of instant massaging contacts whom one might date. (In the AOL Instant Messenger program, contacts are called "buddies.")

See also friend, grenade jumper, instant messaging, speed dating, wingman, wingperson, wingwoman.

x buddy.

dating chain:

1. In a way somewhat analogous to a food chain and with some similarities to a pecking order, a rankimg by which individuals may be ordered relative to their ability to attract a particular person for a date.

2. A group of couples within a social orbit, each individual being conceived of as a link, such that when one couple breaks up others are affected and likewise break up, most forming new couples months later, however typically with one or more links missing, leaving at least one individual to be either lonely or irregularly attached until the next set of break-ups.

Comment: Regarding the latter sense, the dating-chain hypothesis was popularized by the movie "Dog Park," directed by Bruce McCulloch (1998), where it is put forward by the character, Rachel. In real life, rather than being a serious hypothesis, it is referred to chiefly "where the shoe fits," so to speak. The hypothesis reminds one of the game, musical chairs.

See also assortive mating, cycling, date, Langdon Chart, sexual network, trade up.

dating down:

1. An incidence of courting or otherwise socializing with a person considered to be of lower status, as measured, for instance, by class, power, wealth, intelligence, or attractiveness.

2. The practice of courting or otherwise socializing with persons considered to be of lower status.

Contrast dating up (q.v.). See also date, marry down, mating gradient.

dating plan:

A set of goals and strategies to achieve them with respect to meeting and socializing with people of a complementary sexual orientation.

See also alternative dating, attraction venue, cyberlove, date, date around, dating service, fish off the company pier, fix up, flirtation, gay bar, instant messaging, man plan, match-maker, mate sampling, mate selection, online relationship, open party, personal ad, pick-up artist, pick-up joint, relationship coaching, Rules Girl, shop around, singles bar, singles party, speed dating, toothing.

dating pool:

The totality of those looking for a date (q.v.), sometimes as delimited geographically or in some other way.

See also availability index, marital opportunity ratio, marriage market, universal permanent availability.

dating ritual:

Standardized behavior and interactions leading up to, during, and in the aftermath of a date.

See also rules of courtship, date.

dating service:

1. A business that matches individuals, who have paid a fee, for dates.

2. Any entity or person who assists in setting up dates, even if for free.

See also alternative dating, attraction venue, cyberdating, date, dating agency, dating plan, fix up, go-between, mail-order bride, mail-order husband, match-maker, mate selection, online dating, Web-husband, Web-wife, wink.

dating up:

1. An incidence of courting or otherwise socializing with a person considered to be of higher status, as measured, for instance, by class, power, wealth, intelligence, or attractiveness.

2. The practice of courting or otherwise socializing with persons considered to be of higher status.

Contrast dating down (q.v.). See also date, marry up, mating gradient.

daughter-in-law:

See -in-law.

DB:

Deal breaker (q.v.).

dead love:

A state of feelings in which sexual desire and special affection for a particular person are no longer present or able to be rekindled; a romance that is over forever.

See also die with love, dormant love, ghosts of relationships past, false love, left-over love, love, love-death, "marriage is forever" myth, undying love.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Dead Love"

He put out his large hand and stroked my cheek. Nothing stirred at his touch. And I had written a whole book about him! Four hundred pages -- more ...

"Nothing so dead as a dead love," my friend Grace used to say.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 104. The elision is hers.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Dead Love"
He put out his large hand and stroked my cheek. Nothing stirred at his touch. And I had written a whole book about him! Four hundred pages -- more ... "Nothing so dead as a dead love," my friend Grace used to say.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 104. The elision is hers.

deal breaker, or deal-breaker (DB):

1. An unmet criterion, especially for entering into or continuing or advancing to the next level of a relationship.

2. An unacceptable expectation, especially with regard to entering into or continuing or advancing to the next level of a relationship.

Comment: Typical deal breakers include:

With regard to entering a relationship or the next level of one -- an insistence upon or against monogamy, desire or unwillingness to have children, and insistence upon or against a pre-nup.

With regard to an on-going relationship: cheating, childlessness, abuse, insufficient attention to sexual relations, and growing fat.

See also grounds for divorce, incompatibility, ROI.

dear, as an adjective:

1. Cherished; precious; as in, "dear to my heart."

2. Having qualities that elicit affection or kindly sentiments, qualities such as gentleness and generosity, as in "what a dear person!"

3. Important; vital; as in, "he was dear to our success."

4. Esteemed, especially in a conventional form of address at the beginning of a letter; as in, "Dear Mr. Anderson."

See also beloved, heart.

dear, as a noun:

1. A term of endearment for one's spouse or partner in a love relationship, as in, "Yes, dear."

2. A beloved.

3. A person who elicits one's affection or kindly sentiments, as in, "What a dear your child is!"

4. A gentle and generous soul, as in: "Thank you. What a dear you are!"

Comment: Also "dearie" and "deary," although these forms often have an ironic overtone.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dearest friend, dearheart, Dear Jane letter, Dear John letter, erstwhile dear, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, spouse, studmuffin, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

x dearie.

x deary.

dearest friend:

An affectionate appelation for one's spouse (q.v.).

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearheart, friend, honey, jaina, leman, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, spouse, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

dearheart (DH):

1. A term of endearment for one's spouse or partner in a love relationship; an appelation for one who is dear to one's heart.

2. A person who elicits one's affection or kindly sentiments, as in, "What a dearheart your child is!"

3. A gentle and generous soul, as in: "Thank you. What a dearheart you are!"

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, DH, heart, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, spouse, studmuffin, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

dearie:

See dear.

Dear Jane letter:

A message written to inform the female addressee that the love relationship with her is now broken off.

Comment: This term is on analogy with the much more commonly used, "Dear John letter."

See also break-up, dear, Dear John letter, Lady Jane, love letter, mary jane.

x Jane.

Dear John letter:

A message written to inform the male addressee that the love relationship with him is now broken off.

See also break-up, dear, Dear Jane letter, love letter.

x John.

deary:

See dear.

deathbed bride, or death-bed bride:

1. A woman who marries a man even as one of them lies dying.

2. A female lover who brings a man to his ultimate demise; or, metaphorically, something to which a man has become joined, at first pleasurably, that has the same effect, such as a malignant veneral disease.

See also bride, femme fatale, siren, white widow.

Quotation from Stephen Jeffreys Illustrating "Death-bed Bride"

[54] JANE. [snip] They say men fall three times. First is calf love. Second is the one you marry. Third ...

ROCHESTER. Yes?

[55] JANE. Third ... is your death-bed bride. Sniff her, sniff your own shroud.

Jane (as played by Kelly Reilly): They say men fall three times. First is calf love. Second is the one you marry.

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (as played by Johnny Depp): And third?

Jane: Third, third is your deathbed bride: you sniff her, you sniff your own trough [i.e. coffin].

The first version is from: The Libertine: A Play, by Stephen Jeffreys (Woodstock, Ill.: Dramatic Publishing, c1997): pp. 54-55. The "snip" is mine and the elisions are Jeffreys'.

The second version is as transcribed by me from the movie based on the play: "The Libertine" (c2005), directed by Laurence Dunmore; screenplay by Stephen Jeffreys. I have seen the exchange quoted differently, one of the differences being, "... a calf's love ..." As to the "trough" variant, that may be simply due to my mishearing of "shroud."

Quotation from Stephen Jeffreys Illustrating "Death-bed Bride"
[54] JANE. [snip] They say men fall three times. First is calf love. Second is the one you marry. Third ... ROCHESTER. Yes? [55] JANE. Third ... is your death-bed bride. Sniff her, sniff your own shroud.
Jane (as played by Kelly Reilly): They say men fall three times. First is calf love. Second is the one you marry. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (as played by Johnny Depp): And third? Jane: Third, third is your deathbed bride: you sniff her, you sniff your own trough [i.e. coffin].
The first version is from: The Libertine: A Play, by Stephen Jeffreys (Woodstock, Ill.: Dramatic Publishing, c1997): pp. 54-55. The "snip" is mine and the elisions are Jeffreys'. The second version is as transcribed by me from the movie based on the play: "The Libertine" (c2005), directed by Laurence Dunmore; screenplay by Stephen Jeffreys. I have seen the exchange quoted differently, one of the differences being, "... a calf's love ..." As to the "trough" variant, that may be simply due to my mishearing of "shroud."

deathbed bridegroom:

1. A man who marries a woman even as one of them lies dying.

2. A male lover who brings a woman to her ultimate demise; or, metaphorically, something to which a woman has become joined, at first pleasurably, that has the same effect, such as a malignant veneral disease.

Coined by me in 2006 on analogy with "deathbed bride."

See also homme fatale.

deceased wife's sister question:

In reference to Leviticus 18:18, the centuries old issue of whether or not it is incestuous to marry the sister of one's wife, after one's wife has died.

See also adultery, affinity, arsenokoitës, bestiality, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, forbidden degrees, Holiness Code, incest, menstruant as forbidden, porneia, pornos, rival, sexual immorality, sororate marriage.

x marriage with a deceased wife's sister.

December-May romance:

See May-December romance.

déception d'amour (French):

Disappointment in love.

Comment: Note that this term is a "false friend," that is, a foreign word similar to a familiar English word but with a different meaning.

See also broken heart, cri de coeur, grief, lasslorn, lovelorn, lover's leap, love trauma syndrome.

x French terms.

declaration:

1. An expression of one's desire to marry the person one is addressing; a marriage proposal.

2. A statement, especially a first-time statement, to the effect: "I love you." This would be called, more fully, "a declaration of love."

See also declare, gamomania, grand gesture, love, offer of marriage, proposal, undeclared love.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Declarations"

They [Frederick Wentworth and Anne Elliot] were gradually acquainted, and when acquainted, rapidly and deeply in love. It would be difficult to say which had seen highest perfection in the other, or which had been the happiest: she, in receiving his declarations and proposals, or he in having them accepted.

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 4, p. 35. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Declarations"
They [Frederick Wentworth and Anne Elliot] were gradually acquainted, and when acquainted, rapidly and deeply in love. It would be difficult to say which had seen highest perfection in the other, or which had been the happiest: she, in receiving his declarations and proposals, or he in having them accepted.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 4, p. 35. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

declare:

1. To propose marriage.

2. To say, for the first time, "I love you," or something to that effect.

See also ask for (someone's) hand in marriage, declaration, love, pop the question, propose.

decoy:

Another person who serves in a pretended capacity in relation to oneself, this as a stratagem to divert suspicion or attention away from one's actual sexual orientation or some other aspect of one's self.

See also beard, frock, screen for love.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Decoys"

[144] Like many passers in the workplace, the Careerist [a lesbian in the U.S. Navy, where homosexuals known to be such are unwelcome] set up decoys. A male friend back home agreed to marry her -- for the record... The two never lived together as a couple, but the marriage license allowed her to produce for the record the "idea of a husband" and gave her the use of his name as spouse on official documents... "You'd be surprised how many women do the 'marriage of convenience' thing. There are really a lot of them." And this is not only true in the military.

In her case, the fact of the marriage -- ostensible testament to her heterosexuality -- could be "verified absolutely and it kept the questioning off my back. It would be like, Well, why aren't you [145] dating anyone? and I would say, I don't date because I'm married." She snapped her fingers. "Boom! End of discussion."

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): pp. 144-145.

decree nisi (legal term):

A divorce (q.v.) decree that is not yet finalized.

deep in love:

See in love.

de facto:

A lover (q.v. in the first sense) with whom one shares a domicile.

Comment: From the Latin, meaning literally, "after the fact"; used in English to mean "actual, even if not in name.," in this case implying, "actually a spouse, though not legally confirmed as such."

The term is used in Australia and New Zealand.

See also cohabitant, cohabitee, domestic companion, domestic partner, in-house friend, live-in boyfriend, live-in companion, live-in girlfriend, live-in lover, partner, POSSLQ, umfriend.

de facto monogamy:

Each spouse having only one spouse, not as a matter of moral conviction, law, or custom, but as a matter of happenstance or personal preference -- said either of a couple or of a segment of a society.

See also monogamy.

de facto polygamy:

Having more than one person who functions as a spouse, even though no more than one person is legally recognized as one's spouse.

See also adultery, clandestine polygamy, extramarital affair, extramarital love affair, out-of-marriage love affair, polyamory, polygamy.

Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA):

1. A federal law in the United States of America designed (a) to allow various jurisdictions not to recognize same-sex marriages solemnized in another jurisdiction and (b) to define the terms "marriage" and "spouse" for legal purposes within the jurisdiction of federal law -- all in order to protect the institution of marriage as traditionally structured.

2. A similar law at other than the federal level -- that is, one designed to prevent same-sex unions formed in other jurisdictions from being recognized in that jurisdiction and to define marriage as being between one man and one woman.

See also DOMA, marriage, same-sex marriage, spouse.

Defense of Marriage Act, 110 Stat. 2419 (1996)

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the "Defense of Marriage Act" .

SECTION 2. POWERS RESERVED TO THE STATES.

(a) IN GENERAL.-CHAPTER 115 OF TITLE 28, UNITED STATES CODE, IS AMENDED BY ADDING AFTER SECTION 1738B THE FOLLOWING:

"1738C. Certain acts, records, and proceedings and the effect thereof

"No State, territory, or possession of the United States, or Indian tribe, shall be required to give effect to any public act, record, or judicial proceeding of any other State, territory, possession, or tribe respecting a relationship between persons of the same sex that is treated as a marriage under the laws of such other State, territory, possession, or tribe, or a right or claim arising from such relationship.".

SECTION 3. DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE.

(a) IN GENERAL.-CHAPTER 1 OF TITLE 1, UNITED STATES CODE, IS AMENDED BY ADDING AT THE END THE FOLLOWING:

"7. Definition of 'marriage' and 'spouse'

"In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word 'spouse' refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.".

Defense of Marriage Act, 110 Stat. 2419 (1996)
SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE. This Act may be cited as the "Defense of Marriage Act" . SECTION 2. POWERS RESERVED TO THE STATES. (a) IN GENERAL.-CHAPTER 115 OF TITLE 28, UNITED STATES CODE, IS AMENDED BY ADDING AFTER SECTION 1738B THE FOLLOWING: "1738C. Certain acts, records, and proceedings and the effect thereof "No State, territory, or possession of the United States, or Indian tribe, shall be required to give effect to any public act, record, or judicial proceeding of any other State, territory, possession, or tribe respecting a relationship between persons of the same sex that is treated as a marriage under the laws of such other State, territory, possession, or tribe, or a right or claim arising from such relationship.". SECTION 3. DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE. (a) IN GENERAL.-CHAPTER 1 OF TITLE 1, UNITED STATES CODE, IS AMENDED BY ADDING AT THE END THE FOLLOWING: "7. Definition of 'marriage' and 'spouse' "In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word 'spouse' refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.".

defense polygyny:

See female-defense polygyny, resource-defense polygyny.

deficiency love (Abraham Maslow):

A bond between people that is characterized by possessiveness, dependency, and/or a lack of concern for the welfare of others.

Contrast being love (q.v.). See also jealousy, love, possessiveness.

degrading sex:

1. Activity involving genitalia or other erogenous zones that entails a loss or perceived loss of human dignity.

2. Bringing about the fall of the sexual activity of one or more persons from what is regarded by the speaker as a high estate, for example, a sole use for reproduction within marriage.

3. Mixing sexual activity with unwelcome admixtures, such as taunting, coercion, or commercialism.

Comment: Degradation is sometimes associated with:

a sense of one's own baseness or low self-esteem;

animal-likeness (in a context where people aspire to be unlike animals or define themselves over against animals);

comparative weakness; or,

vulnerability to haughty eyes.

Both the body and sexual activity have variously lent themselves to use as symbols of degradation. What one regards as degrading sex is often a gauge of one's attitude towards sexuality in general. People draw lines differently:

For some, exposure of the human body or certain parts thereof is degrading, either in and of themselves or because of felt inadequacies, perhaps by comparison.

For some, sexual activity is degrading in and of itself.

For some, it is certain types of sexual activity that are degrading; for example, a rear-entry position may be described as degrading because it is said to signify, first, a break in intimacy and, second, animal-like copulation.

For some, exposure outside the bonds of intimacy and shared passion is degrading, since a gulf of inequity in sympathy exists between the lovers and the onlookers.

For some, there is nothing whatever degrading about the human body or sexual activity, dignity being a state of mind and heart, not a matter of physicalities; but it is unwelcome admixtures -- from taunts to coercion to commercialism -- that introduce degradation and that thereby degradation itself becomes an unwelcome admixture; and there the primary, the inherent, degradation is of the one introducing those unwelcome admixtures and the secondary, the contingent, degradation is the discomfort felt and, as the case may be, the internalization experienced by those who are the targets.

To the extent that the assessment of degradation is either subjective or culturally relative, it can be respected in personal ethics but poses various challenges to social philosophy and relational ethics. For example, are the prudes to veto the nudists or the nudists the prudes?

By the way, of special interest in the analysis of the nature of degradation is bdsm, that is, "bondage, domination, sado-masochism," which sometimes explores what is often viewed as degradation but, generally, on a voluntary basis.

See also bodily integrity, perversion, prudery, rape, sexual degradation, sexual ethics, sexual immorality, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

degrees:

See forbidden degrees.

Dei Genetrix:

See Virgin Mary.

Delilah:

A woman who betrays or can be expected to betray her male lover to his enemy.

Comment: From the story of Samson and Delilah in the Bible at Judges 16:4-21.

See also betray, betrayal, dulcinea, femme fatale, Jezebel, Juliet, Mae West, Messalina, siren, white widow.

x Bible.

delusional jealousy or amorous paranoia:

Irrational conviction that one's partner is being unfaithful, every possible sign, even maunfactured signs, being adduced to support that conviction.

See also conjugal paranoia, jealousy.

x amorous paranoia.

demimondaine:

A woman of the demimonde (q.v.).

See also courtesan, demirep, kept woman.

demimonde (French; Alexandre Dumas fils, 1855):

"Half-world"; the class of kept women that strive for an appearnace of respectability, especially such women of 19th century France.

Comment: The term is sometimes used broadly to refer to people on the margins, fringes, or outskirts of respectability.

For lexical example, see under "demi-vierge."

See also demimondaine, kept woman.

x French terms.

demirep:

"Half reputable" and half reprobate; a woman of doubtful chastity.

See also bimbo, box of assorted creams, courtesan, demimondaine, güila, kept woman, multicipara, punch board, punchbroad, shiksa, slut, whore.

demi-vierge (French):

1. "Half-virgin"; a woman who has engaged in sexual activity with one or more men, but not coitus of the penis-in-vagina sort; a woman whose hymen has remained intact despite sexual activity with one or more men.

2. A woman who is married and not a virgin but who is now living without phallic intromission, this last due not to a religious vocation but to some other factor, such as paraplegia on the part of her spouse.

Comment: With regard to the first sense, when the concern is a moral one, the point is often to avoid the charge of fornication (q.v.). For a similar concern, see under "adultery."

See also abstinence, amor purus, compromise, virgin; agenobiosis, celibate marriage, diasteunia, intramarital chastity, involuntary celibate, mariage blanc, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, syneisaktism, white marriage.

x French terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Demi-Vierge"

[Chapter 1, page 1] She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917 [during World War I], when he was home for a month on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders: to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old, and he was twenty-nine.

His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands. Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralyzed forever.

This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home, Wragby Hall, the family "seat." [snip]

[Chapter 2, page 17] It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: "I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge."

"A demi-vierge!" replied Connie vaguely. "Why? Why not?"

"Unless you like it, of course!" said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: "I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge."

"A half-virgin!" replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it. [snip]

He [Clifford] wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi-vierge business ... the half-virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate enough. He was so very [p. 18] much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but bodily they were non-existent to one another, and neither could bear to drag in the corpus delecti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of touch.

Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether she were demi-vierge or demimonde, so long as he didn't absolutely know, and wasn't made to see.

From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): pp. 1, 17-18. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928." The elision is Lawrence's.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Demi-Vierge"
[Chapter 1, page 1] She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917 [during World War I], when he was home for a month on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders: to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old, and he was twenty-nine. His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands. Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralyzed forever. This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home, Wragby Hall, the family "seat." [snip] *[Chapter 2, page 17] It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: "I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge."* *"A demi-vierge!" replied Connie vaguely. "Why? Why not?"* *"Unless you like it, of course!" said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: "I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge."* "A half-virgin!" replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it. [snip] He [Clifford] wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi-vierge business ... the half-virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate enough. He was so very [p. 18] much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but bodily they were non-existent to one another, and neither could bear to drag in the corpus delecti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of touch. Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether she were demi-vierge or demimonde, so long as he didn't absolutely know, and wasn't made to see.
From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): pp. 1, 17-18. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928." The elision is Lawrence's.

democratic family:

A family (q.v.) in which the members that are old enough to be competent have equal say in family matters; a family in which the majority rules.

See also equalitarian family, household rules.

demon-lover, or demon lover:

1. A person with whom one is sexually involved who is both irresistably attractive and bad either for oneself or with regard to the effects of the relationship on others, or both.

2. A person with seemingly magical seductive power over oneself and others, especially such a person with whom one becomes sexually involved.

3. A being of the spiritual realm, such as an incubus (male spirit) or succubus (female spirit), who seeks sexual intercourse with a human being -- whether this being is understood as a matter of the imagination, as a symbol, or as a reality.

4. The spirit of creativity in intimate relation with oneself, especially insofar as it is fickle, driving, ecstasy-producing, demanding of sacrifice, or in some other way seemingly separate from the self.

5. An allusion to "Kubla Khan," a poem by Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834). See below.

Comments: Some of the legends about demon-lovers are rooted in the story of Genesis 6:1-4, about the sons of God taking as wives the daughters of men and having children by them called Nephilim (cf. Numbers 13:33).

Even earlier, given the chronology of Genesis, but much later than Genesis in the telling, are Jewish legends of Lilith, in some accounts a demonic being and the first wife of Adam.

References

For more on Lilith, see:

In the Bible, Isaiah 34:14, maybe.

In the Talmud Bavli: Shabbat 151b, 'Erubin 100b, Baba Bathra 73a, and Niddah 24b.

The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai (New York: Ktav Pub. House, c1967): chapter 7.

"Lilith," [by] Lowell K. Handy, in The Anchor Bible Dictionary, v. 4 (1992): pp. 324-325.

See also demons of relationships past, Dirty Harry syndrome, genicon, leannan sidhe, lover.

References
For more on Lilith, see: In the Bible, Isaiah 34:14, maybe. In the Talmud Bavli: Shabbat 151b, 'Erubin 100b, Baba Bathra 73a, and Niddah 24b. The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai (New York: Ktav Pub. House, c1967): chapter 7. "Lilith," [by] Lowell K. Handy, in The Anchor Bible Dictionary, v. 4 (1992): pp. 324-325.

x Bible.

Quotation from Samuel Taylor Coleridge Illustrating "Demon-Lover"

A savage place! as holy and enchanted

As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted

By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

From: "Kubla Khan," in: The Complete Works of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, with an introductory essay upon his philosophical and theological opinions, edited by Professor Shedd (New York: Harper, 1853): v. 7, pp. 212-214, specifically p. 213.

Quotation from Samuel Taylor Coleridge Illustrating "Demon-Lover"
A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
From: "Kubla Khan," in: The Complete Works of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, with an introductory essay upon his philosophical and theological opinions, edited by Professor Shedd (New York: Harper, 1853): v. 7, pp. 212-214, specifically p. 213.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Demon Lover"

[309] It was the ancient phallic mystery, the ancient god-devil of the male Pan. Cipriano unyielding forever, in the ancient twilight, keeping the ancient twilight around him. She [Kate Leslie] understood now his power with his soldiers. He had the old gift of demon-power.

He would never woo; she saw this. When the power of his blood rose in him, the dark aura streamed from him like a cloud pregnant with power, like thunder, and rose like a whirlwind that rises suddenly in the twilight and raises a great pliant column, swaying and leaning with power, clear between heaven and earth....

[310] She looked back at him, wordless. Language had abandoned her, and she leaned silent and helpless in the vast, unspoken twilight of the Pan world. her self had abandoned her, and all her day was gone. Only she said to herself:

"My demon lover!"

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, pp. 309-310.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Demon Lover"
[309] It was the ancient phallic mystery, the ancient god-devil of the male Pan. Cipriano unyielding forever, in the ancient twilight, keeping the ancient twilight around him. She [Kate Leslie] understood now his power with his soldiers. He had the old gift of demon-power. He would never woo; she saw this. When the power of his blood rose in him, the dark aura streamed from him like a cloud pregnant with power, like thunder, and rose like a whirlwind that rises suddenly in the twilight and raises a great pliant column, swaying and leaning with power, clear between heaven and earth.... [310] She looked back at him, wordless. Language had abandoned her, and she leaned silent and helpless in the vast, unspoken twilight of the Pan world. her self had abandoned her, and all her day was gone. Only she said to herself: "My demon lover!"
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, pp. 309-310.

Quotations from Erica Jong Illustrating "Demon Lover"

[63] But Ted [Hughes] was a force of nature -- a walking talking demon lover -- and he knew it. You [Sylvia Plath] not only kissed him but bit him on the cheek, drawing blood. You were determined to leave your mark on him. Biting him was also a communication. It said: "You may be a demon lover but I am a powerful witch. My magic is stronger."

[137] Of course, the muse or demon lover is an aspect of self. I know damn well that when I am summoning this creature, I am really trying to connect with the part of myself that is free, imaginative and able to fly... I objectify my imagination as a separate creature, knowing this is metaphor. The muse or demon lover is [138] inside me.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): pp. 63, 137.

Quotations from Erica Jong Illustrating "Demon Lover"
[63] But Ted [Hughes] was a force of nature -- a walking talking demon lover -- and he knew it. You [Sylvia Plath] not only kissed him but bit him on the cheek, drawing blood. You were determined to leave your mark on him. Biting him was also a communication. It said: "You may be a demon lover but I am a powerful witch. My magic is stronger."
[137] Of course, the muse or demon lover is an aspect of self. I know damn well that when I am summoning this creature, I am really trying to connect with the part of myself that is free, imaginative and able to fly... I objectify my imagination as a separate creature, knowing this is metaphor. The muse or demon lover is [138] inside me.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): pp. 63, 137.

demons of relationships past:

Destructive psychological aftereffects of certain personal ties one once had -- destructive either to one's peace of mind and sense of self or to one's current or budding ties.

Comment: Generally cast in the plural, although sometimes one might see "demons of a relationship past."

See also demon-lover, dysfunctional relationship, ghosts of relationships past, toxic relationship

deprived sexually:

See sex-deprived.

derecho de pernada (Spanish):

See ius primae noctis.

dérèglement de tous les sens (French):

"Derangement (or deregulation) of all the senses"; a process of cultivation of the soul -- which may entail, among other things, disregarding social mores -- a process whereby one supposedly is able to reach depths otherwise unknown to human experience.

Comment: A phrase associated especially with the French poet, Arthur Rimbaud (1854-1891).

The word dérèglement is masculine and so is often preceded by the definite article, le; hence le dérèglement de tous les sens.

See also libertinism, mores.

x French terms.

x sensory deregulation.

Quotation from Arthur Rimbaud Illustrating "Dérèglement de tous les sens"

Je dis qu'il faut être voyant, se faire voyant.

Le Poëte se fait voyant par un long, immense et raisonné dérèglement de tous les sens. Toutes les formes d'amour, de souffrance, de folie; il cherche lui-même, il | épuise en lui tous les poisons, pour n'en garder que les quintessences. Ineffable torture où il a besoin le toute la foi, de toute la force surhumaine, où il devient entre tous le grand malade, le grand criminel, le grand maudit, -- et le suprême Savant! -- Car il arrive à l'inconnu! Puisqu'il a cultivé son âme, déjà riche, plus qu'aucun! Il arrive à l'inconnu, et quand, affolé, il finirait par perdre l'intelligence de ses visions, il les a vues!

[Oliver Bernard's translation]:

I say that one must be a seer, make oneself a seer.

The poet makes himself a seer by a long, prodigious, and rational disordering of all the senses. Every form of love, of suffering, of | madness; he searches himself, he consumes all the poisons in him, and keeps only their quintessences. This is an unspeakable torture during which he needs all his faith and superhuman strength, and during which he becomes the great patient, the great criminal, the great accursed -- and the great learned one! -- among men -- For he arrives at the unknown! Because he has cultivated his own soul -- which was rich to begin with -- more than any other man! He reaches the unknown, and even if, crazed, he ends up by losing the understanding of his visions, at least he has seen them!

Letter to Paul Demeny, written at Charleville, May 15, 1871, as found in: Rimbaud, introduced and edited by Oliver Bernard; with plain prose translations of each poem (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1962): pp. 7-17, specifically 10-11.

Quotation from Arthur Rimbaud Illustrating "Dérèglement de tous les sens"
Je dis qu'il faut être voyant, se faire voyant. Le Poëte se fait voyant par un long, immense et raisonné dérèglement de tous les sens. Toutes les formes d'amour, de souffrance, de folie; il cherche lui-même, il \| épuise en lui tous les poisons, pour n'en garder que les quintessences. Ineffable torture où il a besoin le toute la foi, de toute la force surhumaine, où il devient entre tous le grand malade, le grand criminel, le grand maudit, -- et le suprême Savant! -- Car il arrive à l'inconnu! Puisqu'il a cultivé son âme, déjà riche, plus qu'aucun! Il arrive à l'inconnu, et quand, affolé, il finirait par perdre l'intelligence de ses visions, il les a vues!
[Oliver Bernard's translation]: I say that one must be a seer, make oneself a seer. The poet makes himself a seer by a long, prodigious, and rational disordering of all the senses. Every form of love, of suffering, of \| madness; he searches himself, he consumes all the poisons in him, and keeps only their quintessences. This is an unspeakable torture during which he needs all his faith and superhuman strength, and during which he becomes the great patient, the great criminal, the great accursed -- and the great learned one! -- among men -- For he arrives at the unknown! Because he has cultivated his own soul -- which was rich to begin with -- more than any other man! He reaches the unknown, and even if, crazed, he ends up by losing the understanding of his visions, at least he has seen them!
Letter to Paul Demeny, written at Charleville, May 15, 1871, as found in: Rimbaud, introduced and edited by Oliver Bernard; with plain prose translations of each poem (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1962): pp. 7-17, specifically 10-11.

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Le dérèglement de tous les sens"

And there was a romantic rationale behind all this fast living [in the 1960s and '70s]: Le dérèglement de tous les sens. Deregulate the senses. Great truths come from great sensations. The best live passionately and for the moment. The brave ones live free and fast and penetrate into the profound realms.

From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): p. 195.

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Le dérèglement de tous les sens"
And there was a romantic rationale behind all this fast living [in the 1960s and '70s]: Le dérèglement de tous les sens. Deregulate the senses. Great truths come from great sensations. The best live passionately and for the moment. The brave ones live free and fast and penetrate into the profound realms.
From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): p. 195.

descort (Occitan = langue d'Oc):

1. "Discord"; a song of being at variance or, often, more especially of unrequited love.

2. The genre of such song lyrics.

Comment: The term is associated with the troubadours of Provence (southeastern France) in the late Middle Ages.

In this genre, irregularities were often used in verse form in order to express the sentiment.

Source: The historical novel, The Fool of Venus: The Story of Peire Vidal, by George Cronyn (New York: Covici-Friede, 1934): p. 434.

See also comjat, courtly love, discourse of desire, escondich, love lyrics, love poem, love song, maldit, unrequited love.

x Occitan terms.

desertion:

Abandonment of one spouse by another, especially for a duration defined by law. Often considered one of the legitimate grounds for divorce (q.v.) or a form of divorce (q.v.) in itself.

See also agunah, conjugal rights, enoch arden law, jilt, lasslorn, lovelorn, quasi-desertion, relict, surfeit response.

desire:

See sexual desire.

desperate:

1. Characterized by an urgency, a chronically unmet need, or an unbearable situation.

2. Driven to take extreme measures.

3. Unable to find acceptable solutions to an inadequate love life or an unhappy home life and frazzled because of that situation.

4. Urgently in need of human touch, cuddling, sex, or compassion.

5. Suffering intensely due to unrequited love or the absence of a loved one or a trauma with regard to love.

See also blue balls, heartache, incompatibility, lover's leap, lover's nut, lovesickness, love trauma syndrome, marital blues, marriage shock, pine away, pine for, sex-deprived, sex-starved, unhappily married, unrequited love, wertheritis.

desponsate:

Betrothed (q.v.).

desponsation:

Betrothal (q.v.).

desponsories:

1. Betrothal (q.v.).

2. A ceremony celebrating a betrothal.

3. A written declaration of a betrothal.

despotism of the petticoat:

See petticoat despotism.

despouse:

1. To arrange that a dependent marry a particular person.

2. To betroth.

3. To give in marriage.

4. To take in marriage; to marry.

Comment: Note that the meaning is the opposite of what one might expect. The term is not "de-spouse," which would be to rid oneself of a marital partner.

See also betroth, espouse, give away in marriage, marry.

deuterogamist:

1. A person who marries a second time.

2. A person who is supportive of deuterogamy (q.v.).

See also bigamist, digamist, digamite.

deuterogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by deuterogamy (q.v.).

deuterogamy:

1. Remarriage after a divorce from or the death of one's first and, until then, only spouse; or, in general, the practice of such remarriages.

2. A personal history of having had two spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the second.

3. A second marriage, whatever the state of the first; or, in general, the practice of entering into second marriages.

Also called digamy (q.v.). Contrast monogamy (q.v.). See also bigamy, deuterogamist, deuterogamous, divorced, duogamy, -gamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, widow-bride, widowed.

devalue sex:

To diminish or to fall short of expectations with regard to human sexuality, especially in one of the following ways:

1. To commercialize human sexiness or human sexual activity and thus to remove it from the sphere of purely personal exchange, body to body and spirit to spirit -- a moralistic sense.

2. To separate sexual activity from love or marriage or both; to engage in sexual activity simply for the sake of sexual gratification and not as an expression of love and commitment -- also a moralistic sense.

3. To be insufficiently selective with regard to sex partners.

See loveless sex, personalism, precondition for sex, sex, sexual ethics, sexual immorality, sexual morality.

develop eyes for:

See have eyes for.

devirginator:

1. A person, male or female, who has relieved someone of his or her virginity.

2. A person whose practice it sometimes is to relieve virgins of their virginity; a person who has been the first to have sexual intercourse or sexual intercourse of a certain type with a number of different individuals.

3. The organ that acts as the instrument for relieving someone of his or her virginity.

See also seducer, seductress, virginity.

Beyond the scope of this glossary: defloration, devirginate.

devitalized relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

devotion:

Ardent heart-felt loyalty; intense attachment or dedication; a deep affection, especially one that orients the will.

See also affection, ardor, belong to, courtly love, faithfulness, love, true love, unconditional love, worship one's spouse.

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Devotion"

Of her [Chloe Burnett's] friends, of her young male friends especially, pleasant as they were, there was not one, she thought, who held that friendship important for her sake rather than for his own enjoyment. Even that again was but her own selfishness; what right had she to the devotion of any other? And was there any devotion beyond the sudden overwhelming madness of sex? And in that hot airless tunnel of emotion what pleasure was there and what joy? Laughter died there, and lucidity, and the clear intelligence she loved, and there was nothing of the peace for which she hungered.

From the novel: Many Dimensions, by Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1970): p. 51. Previously published: London: Victor Gollancz:, 1931; London: Faber & Faber, 1947; New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, 1949.

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Devotion"
Of her [Chloe Burnett's] friends, of her young male friends especially, pleasant as they were, there was not one, she thought, who held that friendship important for her sake rather than for his own enjoyment. Even that again was but her own selfishness; what right had she to the devotion of any other? And was there any devotion beyond the sudden overwhelming madness of sex? And in that hot airless tunnel of emotion what pleasure was there and what joy? Laughter died there, and lucidity, and the clear intelligence she loved, and there was nothing of the peace for which she hungered.
From the novel: Many Dimensions, by Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1970): p. 51. Previously published: London: Victor Gollancz:, 1931; London: Faber & Faber, 1947; New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, 1949.

DF:

1. Dear fiancé.

2. Dear fiancée.

Comment: This abbreviation is sometimes used in place of the word "fiancé" or "fiancée," as in: "My DF and I will be married soon."

See also DH, DW, fiancé, fiancée.

DH:

1. Dearheart (q.v.).

2. Dear husband.

3. Husband, modified by a contextually appropriate adjective that begins with the letter "d," for instance, "darling husband," "delicious husband," "dense husband," "doofus husband," "dumb husband."

Comment: This abbreviation is sometimes used in place of the word "husband," as in: "My DH and I are now parents."

See also BH, DF, DW, husband.

diagramming a love relationship:

Schematically presenting connections between the people in a love relationship (q.v.), especially the primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships (see under each). A primary relationship is represented by three parallel lines, a secondary relationship by two parallel lines, and a tertiary relationship by a single line.

See also alternate relationship geometries, dyadic notation, genogram, group complexity theory, Langdon chart, letter group, relationship levels, romantic network, sexual network, triadic notation, vee, Z.

diagramming kinship ties:

Schematically presenting in chart form how people are related to one another by consanguinity (q.v.) or affinity (q.v.). A triangle (or circle with an arrow extending from the outer edge upwards) represents a male, a circle (or a circle with a cross extending downwards from the outer edge) a female, an equal sign (=) an affinal or marital tie, and a line a consanguine tie. Generally such a chart represents the elder generations above and the younger generations below.

See also genogram, kinship.

diamond jubilee:

A sixtieth wedding anniversary.

See also anniversary, jubilee.

diasteunia:

The habitual practice, on the part of some married partners, of sleeping in separate beds in order to avoid having sex with each other.

Comment: I've seen this word only online in the Sex-Lexis.com Sexual Dictionary. I speculate that it is to be broken down so: dia- ("in opposite directions"; Greek) --> diastema ("space between"; Latin); unio ("unity"; Latin); -ia (suffix indicating a disorder). Thus diaste + un + ia. In other words: a disorder of separated unity.

See also abstinence, agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibate marriage, cock-teaser, cuntteaser, demi-vierge, drone, intramarital chastity, mariage blanc, sexless love, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos, white marriage.

die for love:

See love-death.

die with love:

To be consumed with romantic passion (for somebody).

Comment: Hyperbole.

See also dead love, heart-slayer, in danger, in love, lady-killer, love-death, love-struck, raked fore and aft, slay (someone's) heart, smitten, undying love, violently in love.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Dying With Love"

[Gudrun Brangwen to Gerald Crich] "Ah, Gerald," she laughed, caressively, teasingly. "Ah, what a fine game you played with the Professor's daughter -- didn't you now?"

"What game?" he asked, looking around.

"Isn't she in love with you -- oh dear, isn't she in love with you!" said Gudrun, in her gayest, most attractive mood.

"I shouldn't think so," he said.

""Shouldn't think so!" she teased. "Why the poor girl is lying at this moment overwhelmed, dying with love for you. She thinks you're wonderful -- oh marvelous, beyond what man has ever been..."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 29, p. 406. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Dying With Love"
[Gudrun Brangwen to Gerald Crich] "Ah, Gerald," she laughed, caressively, teasingly. "Ah, what a fine game you played with the Professor's daughter -- didn't you now?" "What game?" he asked, looking around. *"Isn't* she in love with you -- oh dear, isn't she in love with you!" said Gudrun, in her gayest, most attractive mood. "I shouldn't think so," he said. ""Shouldn't think so!" she teased. "Why the poor girl is lying at this moment overwhelmed, dying with love for you. She thinks you're wonderful -- oh marvelous, beyond what man has ever been..."**
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 29, p. 406. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

diffarreation (Anglicized form of the Latin, diffarreatio):

"Breaking of spelt-cake," that is, divorce (q.v.).

Comment: This term is reminiscent of a divorce custom of the ancient Romans.

See also confarreation.

x Latin terms.

different-sex marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) between people of different sexes, that is, typically, between a man and a woman.

Contrast same-sex marriage (q.v.). See also heterosexual marriage.

digamist:

A person who has married twice but without the marriages overlapping.

Comment: For lexical example, see under "octogamist."

See also deuterogamist, digamite, digamy.

digamite:

A person who has remarried after being divorced.

Comment: "Digamite" is generally used as a term of disapprobation.

See also deuterogamist, digamist, digamy, divorced.

digamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by digamy (q.v.).

digamy:

1. Remarriage after a divorce from or the death of one's first and, until then, only spouse.

2. A personal history of having had two spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the second.

Also called deuterogamy (q.v.). Contrast monogamy (q.v.). See also bigamy, digamist, digamite, digamous, divorced, -gamy, octogamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, serial marriage, serial monogamy, trigamy, widow-bride, widowed.

Quotation from Henry R. Percival Illustrating "Digamy"

To distinguish contemporaneous from successive bigamy I shall use throughout this volume the word "digamy" to denote the latter, and shall thus avoid much confusion which otherwise is unavoidable.

"Excursus on Second Marriages, Called Digamy," in The Seven Ecumenical Councils of the Undivided Church: Their Canons and Dogmatic Decrees, Together with the Canons of All the Local Synods Which Have Received Ecumencial Acceptance, edited with notes gathered from the writings of the greatest scholars by Henry R. Percival, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume XIV, The Seven Ecumenical Councils (preface dated 1899): pp. 72-73, specifically p. 72.

Quotation from Henry R. Percival Illustrating "Digamy"
To distinguish contemporaneous from successive bigamy I shall use throughout this volume the word "digamy" to denote the latter, and shall thus avoid much confusion which otherwise is unavoidable.
"Excursus on Second Marriages, Called Digamy," in The Seven Ecumenical Councils of the Undivided Church: Their Canons and Dogmatic Decrees, Together with the Canons of All the Local Synods Which Have Received Ecumencial Acceptance, edited with notes gathered from the writings of the greatest scholars by Henry R. Percival, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume XIV, The Seven Ecumenical Councils (preface dated 1899): pp. 72-73, specifically p. 72.

digeneia:

Two marriages that together extend or, if one or both are merely contemplated, would extend affinal relations, especially insofar as such affinity (q.v.) is capable of impeding another marriage under a given code.

Comment: Such affinal relations might be created, for instance, when an individual marries one person, divorces, and then marries another; or, when one person marries and then his or her blood relative marries.

Source: New Catholic Encyclopedia (1967): v. 13, p. 615.

See also forbidden degrees, impediment, incest, trigeneia.

DIL:

Daughter-in-law.

See -in-law.

dilution hypothesis:

See resource dilution hypothesis.

dinner date:

1. A social activity with someone, or even more than one person, of complementary sexual orientation, an activity that begins with or features a midday or, more usually, an evening meal as the main meal of the day.

2. One's companion(s) in such an activity.

See also breakfast together, date (twice), lunch date, meal ticket.

direct-affront myth of affairs:

The often false notion that extra-relationship sex is something a person meant to do to his or her partner in the primary relationship instead of simply for him or herself (an exception being revenge sex).

Comments: The identification of this notion as a myth arises out of the school of thought that insists that individuals are wholly responsible for their own emotions, including their sense of hurt. I have provided a name for the supposed myth without, for now, weighing in on any controversy that might surround it (October 18, 2006).

A frequently constructed corollary to the myth is that this notion on the part of a partner must be compensated for by covering up in order to protect the partner from a sense of betrayal.

See also affair, betrayal, extramarital affair, extra-relationship sex, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, myth of affairs as symptomatic.

x myths.

diremption:

1. Forced separation of marital partners who do not desire to be separated.

2. A forcible separation more generally.

Compare and contrast fribusculum (q.v.). See also separation.

diriment impediment:

An impediment (q.v.) to marriage that would render it null and void from the beginning.

Comment: Regarding diriment impediments to marriage as determined by the Roman Catholic Church, see Code of Canon Law (1983), Canons 1073-1094.

diritto feudale (Italian):

See ius primae noctis.

Dirty Harry syndrome:

1. A confrontational, unsympathetic-to-supposed-bad-guys, ready-to-break-the-rules-to-get-results, quick-to-pull-a-gun, tough-guy attitude, especially in law enforcement and, by extension, in international politics.

2. With regard to romance, thinking one wants a Dirty Harry type but really wanting a Clint Eastwood type. (Dirty Harry is a tough-guy movie character; Clint Eastwood is the mild-mannered actor who played him.)

Comment: The allusion is to Inspector Harry Callahan in the movie "Dirty Harry," directed by Don Siegal, screenplay by Harry Julian Fink, Rita M. Fink, and Dean Riesner (1971); and in the sequels.

Source for the second sense: The pilot for the American TV drama series, "Men in Trees," season 1, episode 1, written by Jenny Bicks, directed by James Mangold (first aired, September 12, 2006).

See also bad boy syndrome, demon-lover, dream date, fantasy life, genicon, ideal, lovemap, Mister Wrong, perfect catch, template (for a lover), type.

x syndromes.

discourse of desire:

A verbal expression, especially in literary form, of sexual or romantic longing, or regarding sexuality or love more generally.

Comment: Largely an academic term.

See also blue verse, carte de tendre, comjat, descort, erotographomania, escondich, express love, instant messaging, love letter, love lyrics, love poem, love song, love story, maldit, Mary Sue story, romance novel, romantic comedy, romantic drama, sexual desire, trattàto di amore.

Quotation from Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth Illustrating "Discourse of Desire"

[1] If love is a pervasive subject in Renaissance literature, attitudes toward it are hardly uniform. The discourses of desire of the period embrace works as dissimilar as the sonnets of frustrated love that [2] dominated the late Elizabethan era and the libertine invitations to lust that prevailed in Caroline court circles. They include both the obsessive (and resentful) devotion of Sharkespeare's sonnets to a young man and Spenser's (uncharacteristically placid) celebrations of chaste married love. Among Renaissance discourses of desire are world-weary expressions of disgust with physicality as well as idealistic Neoplatonic love lyrics; and they incorporate traditions of erotic poetry ranging from the urgency of carpe diem to the philosophical bemusement of the senex amans.

[4] The cultural specificity of sexual attitudes demands a historical approach to discourses of desire. Insofar as literature documents (or challenges) its period's sexual beliefs and prohibitions, it is an extraordinarily valuable resource for setting and charting the outlines of sexual ideology at any particular time. More than any other form of discourse, literature most fully articulates desire, presenting it from the inside rather than from the outside, expressing emotion and subjectivity as well as reason and logic.

"Introduction," [by] Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 1-12, specifically 1-2, 4.

Quotation from Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth Illustrating "Discourse of Desire"
[1] If love is a pervasive subject in Renaissance literature, attitudes toward it are hardly uniform. The discourses of desire of the period embrace works as dissimilar as the sonnets of frustrated love that [2] dominated the late Elizabethan era and the libertine invitations to lust that prevailed in Caroline court circles. They include both the obsessive (and resentful) devotion of Sharkespeare's sonnets to a young man and Spenser's (uncharacteristically placid) celebrations of chaste married love. Among Renaissance discourses of desire are world-weary expressions of disgust with physicality as well as idealistic Neoplatonic love lyrics; and they incorporate traditions of erotic poetry ranging from the urgency of carpe diem to the philosophical bemusement of the senex amans.
[4] The cultural specificity of sexual attitudes demands a historical approach to discourses of desire. Insofar as literature documents (or challenges) its period's sexual beliefs and prohibitions, it is an extraordinarily valuable resource for setting and charting the outlines of sexual ideology at any particular time. More than any other form of discourse, literature most fully articulates desire, presenting it from the inside rather than from the outside, expressing emotion and subjectivity as well as reason and logic.
"Introduction," [by] Claude J. Summers and Ted-Larry Pebworth, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 1-12, specifically 1-2, 4.

disenchantment:

The end of romantic idealization on the part of a spouse sometime after his or her marriage has taken place, typically after the honeymoon (q.v.).

Contrast enchantment (q.v.). See also jaded, marriage shock, shock theory of marriage.

disespouse:

To divorce (q.v.).

disordered ontically:

See ontically disordered.

displaced homemaker:

A person whose principal job has been the management of her or his own household but who has lost the main source of income due to the death or disability of a spouse, separation, divorce, or the loss of eligibility for public assistance.

See also alimony, child support, divorced, homemaker, separation, widowed.

displaced incestuous triangle:

A triad (q.v.) in which a person who has lost out in a rivalrous triangle (q.v.) now psychologically compensates for that loss by dividing his or her attention between two people who are close relatives of each other. This is a sub-species of the reverse triangle (q.v.), which in turn is a type of split-object triangle (q.v.).

See also triangle, vee.

disposable bachelor:

An unmarried man who can be called upon from time to time to serve as an escort but who is not a candidate to become either a long-term lover or a husband.

Comment: This term can easily be perceived as callous.

See also bachelor.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Disposable Bachelor"

... it never hurts to have a disposable bachelor on tap to stand escort duty when necessary.

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 69.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Disposable Bachelor"
... it never hurts to have a disposable bachelor on tap to stand escort duty when necessary.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 69.

disposable bachelorette:

An unmarried woman who can be called upon from time to time to serve as an escort but who is not a candidate to become either a long-term lover or a wife.

Comments: Coined by me, 2006, on analogy with "disposable bachelor." But perhaps it already exists.

This term can easily be perceived as callous.

See also bachelorette.

dissolution:

1. The melting away of personal and social barriers with a lover during sex, especially during orgasm, such that one seems to meld with one's lover and perhaps also with the universe itself; the temporary loss of a sense of self which can happen during sexual activity and especially orgasm.

2. The cessation of a bond between individuals, whether it be a personal bond, a formal bond, or both.

See also jouissance (note lexical example), mystic marriage, one flesh, spiritual connection, unitive meaning; break-up, divorce.

distributed commitment:

An arrangement in which the partners in a non-monogamous love relationship live separately, typically because they are geographically distant from each other.

See also commuter marriage, commuter romance, duolocal residence, e-mail marriage, hundred-mile rule, long-distance relationship, non-monogamy, telegamy.

divorce, as in "a divorce":

1. Kicking out or leaving of a spouse with the expressed understanding that the marriage with that person is over. In some cultures only a man has the power to effect a socially acceptable divorce.

2. Termination of a marriage by agreement of the spouses.

3. Official social recognition that a marriage is over although the parties are still alive.

Comments: Divorce generally implies the freedom of the divorced parties to marry others, even if one or both were previously restricted in this regard. It also generally implies the freedom of the parties to remarry each other, although some cultures limit such remarriages (see, for example, Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Divorce has been one of the biggest traditional issues of sexual morality.

See also agunah, annulment, apopemptic, apopemtoclinic, bomber, bona gratia divorce, braking hypothesis, break-up, Carmela effect, covenant marriage, decree nisi, desertion, diffarreation, dissolution, divorcé, divorce a mensa et thoro, divorce a vinculo matrimonii, divorce by consent, divorce from bread and board, divorced, divorcée, divorcer, divorce rate, do-it-yourself divorce, domino effect, ecclesiastical divorce, emotional divorce, enoch arden law, estrangement, ex, ex-husband, ex parte divorce, ex-wife, foreign divorce, four-year itch, get, grounds for divorce, indissolubility doctrine, judicial divorce, judicial separation, left-over desire, left-over love, limited divorce, live-in divorce, mail order divorce, migratory divorce, no fault divorce, over, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, privilegium Paulinum, rabbinical divorce, reject, remarriage, separation, serial monogamy, seven-year itch, sexual immorality, sexual morality, surfeit response, talak, toleramus, voidable marriage, void marriage.

x Bible.

divorce, as in "to divorce":

1. To kick out or leave a spouse with the understanding that the marriage is over.

2. To terminate a marriage by agreement of the spouses.

3. To obtain official social recognition that a marriage is over though the parties are still alive.

Comment: One of the biggest influences on the discussion of divorce and morality has been the Bible. Hence the following charts, which I have lifted from another book of mine, Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus: Mark 10:11-12 and Parallels (as last modified, February 12, 2001).

Hebrew Terms Related to Divorce

Hebrew Term

Basic Meaning of Hebrew Term

Greek Term Used in Septuagint (LXX)

Basic Meaning of Greek Term

Sample References

bagad

"to deal faithlessly"

atheteö

"to disregard"

Jeremiah 3:20; 9:2 = 9:1 (LXX); Lamentations 1:2

anomeö

"to act lawlessly"

Psalm 25:3 = 24:3 (LXX)

Not specifically family related, but note the qualification, "without cause"

asynthetos

"not standing by a covenant," "untrustworthy," "undutiful"

Jeremiah 3:8, 11 (cf. 3:7, 10)

enkataleipö

"to leave behind"

Exodus 21:8; Hosea 5:7; Malachi 2:11, 14, 15, 16

kataphroneö

"to disdain"

Hosea 6:7 (may evoke the bagad of 5:7)

get

(last letter is teth)

"certificate of divorce"

(not applicable)

(not applicable)

MGittin 1:1

garash

"to banish" or "drive out"

ekballö

"to throw out"

Leviticus 21:7, 14; 22:13; Numbers 30:9; Ezekiel 44:22

chalitsah

(from chalats; begins with the letter heth)

Rite of "drawing off" the shoe in response to the refusal of a man to perform his levirate duty

hypoluö

"to untie from below"

Deuteronomy 25:9; MYebamoth 12:1-6

For a First Century description in Greek, see Josephus Antiquities 4:254-256 = 4:23

yalak

"to go away"

aperchomai

"to go away"

Genesis 38:19; Judges 19:2

yatsa^,

(last letter is aleph)

"to lead out"

ekballö

Compare 1 Esdras 8:93 = 8:90; 9:20 (contrast 9:9, which uses chörizö, and 9:36, which uses apoluö)

Compare also Sirach 7:26 (contrast 25:26, which has apotemnö, meaning "to cut off")

"to throw out"

Ezra 10:3

For the Hebrew word, see also MYebamoth 3:5 and MEduyoth 4:9

ekpherö

"to take out"

Ezra 10:19

kerithuth

(from karath)

"divorce"

Root meaning is "to cut off"

apostasion

"divorce"

Deuteronomy 24:1, 3; Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8

sefer kerithuth

(begins with the letter samekh)

"certificate of divorce"

biblion apostasiou

"certificate of divorce"

Deuteronomy 24:1, 3; Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8

`azab

(begins with the letter Ayin)

"to forsake"

apoleipö

"to abandon"

Proverbs 2:17

aphiêmi

"to leave" or "to send away"

2 Samuel 15:16 (note the result in 16:21-22; 20:3)

enkataleipö

"to leave behind"

Joshua 22:3; Psalm 27:10 = 26:10 (LXX); 94:14 = 93:14 (LXX); Proverbs 4:6; Ezekiel 24:21

kataleipö

"to leave behind"

Genesis 2:24; Exodus 2:20; Ruth 2:11

shalach

"to send away"

apostellö

"to send away"

Genesis 21:14

exapostellö

"to send away"

Deuteronomy 21:14; 22:19, 29; 24:1, 3, 4; Malachi 2:16

Greek Terms Related to Divorce and Remarriage

From the New Testament

Greek Term

Basic Meaning

Sample References

apoluö

"to release" or "to send away"

Matthew 1:19; 5:31-32; 19:3, 7-9; Mark 10:2, 4, 11-12; Luke 16:18

apostasion

"certificate of divorce"

Matthew 5:31

aphiêmi

"to send away"

1 Corinthians 7:11-13

biblion apostasiou

"certificate of divorce"

Matthew 19:7; Mark 10:4

deö

"to bind"

Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:27

douloö

"to enslave"

1 Corinthians 7:15

eleutheros

"free" or "independent"

Romans 7:3; 1 Corinthians 7:21, 22, 39

exerchomai

"to go away"

Mark 10:12 (some manuscripts)

katargeö

"to be released" (passive sense)

Romans 7:2, 6

katechö

"to be bound" (passive sense)

Romans 7:6

luö

"to release"

1 Corinthians 7:27

hypandros

"subject to a husband"

Romans 7:2

chörizö

"to separate"

Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 15

Comment: There are yet other Greek terms for the verb "divorce," besides those terms used for "divorce" in the New Testament, such as apopempö, "to dismiss," and ekpempö, "to send away." By the way, those are lexical forms, which are in the first person singular, despite the infinitives given as meanings.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, break a marriage, break up, disespouse, dump, give up on a marriage, let go, split up, uncouple, walk out.

Greek Terms Related to Divorce and Remarriage From the New Testament
Greek Term	Basic Meaning	Sample References
*apoluö*	"to release" or "to send away"	Matthew 1:19; 5:31-32; 19:3, 7-9; Mark 10:2, 4, 11-12; Luke 16:18
*apostasion*	"certificate of divorce"	Matthew 5:31
*aphiêmi*	"to send away"	1 Corinthians 7:11-13
*biblion apostasiou*	"certificate of divorce"	Matthew 19:7; Mark 10:4
*deö*	"to bind"	Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:27
*douloö*	"to enslave"	1 Corinthians 7:15
*eleutheros*	"free" or "independent"	Romans 7:3; 1 Corinthians 7:21, 22, 39
*exerchomai*	"to go away"	Mark 10:12 (some manuscripts)
*katargeö*	"to be released" (passive sense)	Romans 7:2, 6
*katechö*	"to be bound" (passive sense)	Romans 7:6
*luö*	"to release"	1 Corinthians 7:27
*hypandros*	"subject to a husband"	Romans 7:2
*chörizö*	"to separate"	Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 15
Comment: There are yet other Greek terms for the verb "divorce," besides those terms used for "divorce" in the New Testament, such as apopempö, "to dismiss," and ekpempö, "to send away." By the way, those are lexical forms, which are in the first person singular, despite the infinitives given as meanings.

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrew terms.

divorcé:

1. A divorced man.

2. A divorced person of any sex. This usage of the word has been suggested in recent decades for the sake of expanding the availability of common-gender words.

See also divorce, divorced, divorcée, divorcer, formerly married, frequently married and seldom divorced, marital status, only parent, parent without partner, re-singled, single, single parent, starter husband.

divorce a mensa et thoro (legal term, Latin):

"Divorce from table and bed"; a limited divorce in which the spouses cease to cohabitate and any control of one spouse over the other is terminated, but which leaves the marriage and property rights in full effect.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, divorce, divorce from bread and board, judicial separation, limited divorce.

x Latin terms.

divorce a vinculo matrimonii (legal term, Latin):