Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

Norman Elliott Anderson

E - F

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

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Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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E&E:

Eject and explain, that is, to leave a sexual or potentially sexual relationship with someone but in a way that allows that person an opportunity to understand why one is leaving and to correct matters in a way that could lead to reconciliation.

See also break up, ditch, dump, EwE, flush, get the sack, get the shaft, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over, unilateralism, walk out.

x eject and explain.

eassin:

To have sexual desire, said of a cow (which ordinarily eassins for a bull) or, metaphorically, of a woman.

Comment: Variant spellings include "easten," "eicen," and "eisen."

I've also seen the word "abutting" used to describe a cow in heat.

See also bream, clicket, desire, go to his towrus, horny, kate, lust, sexual desire.

x easten.

x eicen.

x eisen.

easten:

See eassin.

easy:

1. With regard to a person:

a. Not difficult to get along with or to please; laid-back; characterized by companionable qualities.

b. Promiscuous; characterized by susceptibility to being engaged in sexual activity by an indefinite number of people.

2. With regard to a relationship, characterized by affinity or compatibility.

See also easy virtue, liberal to a fault, loose, promiscuous, round-healed, sexually non-monogamous, slutty, wild; affinity, compatible.

easy lay:

A person who readily yields to sexual advances; a person who is not difficult to engage in sexual activity; a person who, with little effort, can be enticed to copulate.

See also Friday night girl, slut.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Easy Lay"

"How long did it take for you to seduce her?" Dix pressed on.

[Molly Bolt] "Oh, about one week."

[Faye Raider] "Yeah, I was an easy lay."

From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 10, p. 95. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Easy Lay"
"How long did it take for you to seduce her?" Dix pressed on. [Molly Bolt] "Oh, about one week." [Faye Raider] "Yeah, I was an easy lay."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 10, p. 95. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

easy talk:

1. Relaxed conversation, as in "free and easy talk."

2. Words used that stroke the ego of the person being addressed and are therefore "easy" to listen to, such as flattery or verbal flirtation.

See also flirtation, sweet talk.

x talk.

easy virtue:

Moral laxness, especially with regard to one's own sexual behavior; the inclination to follow one's desires, especially one's sexual desires, rather than rules when desire and rules conflict.

Comments: The term is common in the phrase, "woman (man, person) of easy virtue."

Generally the phrase is not used of violent behavior.

See also easy, licentiousness, sexual immorality, sexual permissiveness, slut, virtue, zipper morals.

x man of easy virtue.

x woman of easy virtue.

ecclesiastical divorce:

Divorce (q.v.) of a Christian believer that is granted or formally recognized by the church to which he or she belongs. The grounds for divorce (q.v.) and the procedures may differ from civil divorce, so it is possible to be divorced under civil law but not under ecclesiastical law. Most Protestant churches yield to the civil authorities on matters of divorce but take moral positions on the grounds for divorce.

See also porneia, rabbinical divorce.

ecclesiastical marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) of a Christian believer that is formally sanctioned by a church; a marriage that employs ecclesiastical authority for official recognition, particularly one where the wedding is conducted by a member of the clergy in ecclesiastical capacity. (Members of the clergy sometimes and in some places function instead or in addition as civil magistrates.) In most jurisdictions these days, ecclesiastical marriage is recognized by civil law, although civil law may add certain requirements.

Contrast belief in marriage, believe in marriage, civil marriage (q.v.), informal marriage (q.v.), and marriage by contract (q.v.). See also lead to the altar, irregular marriage, marriage ceremony, married but not churched, sacramental marriage.

eclectic relationship:

A love relationship, generally of three or more people, entailing diversity, for example with regard to sexual orientation, such that one or more members are heterosexual and one or more are homosexual.

See also mixed relationship.

ecosexual, as in "an ecosexual":

A person who, in choosing a mate, places a premium on a shared concern for the enviroment.

See also ecosexuality.

ecosexual, as in "ecosexual concern":

Characterized by or pertaining to ecosexuality.

See also ecosexuality, geosexual.

ecosexuality:

An exclusive or near exclusive orientation to people who share a concern for the environment as potential love interests or sex partners.

See also ecosexual, sexual orientation, vegansexuality.

effects:

See Florence Nightingale syndrome, Pygmalion effect, Romeo and Juliet effect, Westermarck effect.

See also phenomena.

e-flirt, or eflirt:

An electronic flirtation, particularly online; an act of cyberflirting; an act of being erotically playful or amorously teasing online, especially in order to attract the person on the other end.

See also cyberflirtation, eflirtee, flirtation.

e-flirtee, or eflirtee:

The person with whom one is flirting online; the person to whom one is directling erotically playful or amorously teasing acts online.

Contrast cyberflirt (q.v.), eflirter (q.v.). See also eflirt, Net mate, target.

e-flirter, or eflirter:

A person who acts in an erotically playful or amorously teasing manner online, especially in order to attract the person on the other end.

Contrast eflirtee (q.v.). See also cyberflirt, firt.

égoïsme à deux, or egotism à deux:

1. "Selfishness of two" or "double selfishness"; a satirical description of love, variously and dubiously attributed sometimes to the French medieval writer of romances, Antoine de la Sale (circa 1385-circa 1460), to the 18th century philosophe, Antoine de Lassalle, and to the Swiss-French belle-lettrist, Madame de Staël (1766-1817): "L'amour est un égoïsme à deux," which translates as: "Love is a selfishness of two."

2. A situation in which two people are in love with each other but lack brotherly love for others.

See also égotisme à deux, folie à deux, love, religion of two.

x egotism à deux.

x French terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"

[Rupert Birkin] "... marriage in the old sense seems to me repulsive. Egoïsme à deux is nothing to it. It's a sort of tacit hunting in couples: the world all in couples, each couple in its own little house, watching its own little interests, and stewing in its own little privacy -- it's the most repulsive thing on earth."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 25, p. 344. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"
[Rupert Birkin] "... marriage in the old sense seems to me repulsive. Egoïsme à deux is nothing to it. It's a sort of tacit hunting in couples: the world all in couples, each couple in its own little house, watching its own little interests, and stewing in its own little privacy -- it's the most repulsive thing on earth."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 25, p. 344. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"

Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment. One can often find two people "in love" with each other who feel no love for anybody else. Their love is, in fact, an egotism à deux; they are two people who identify themselves with each other, and who solve the problem of separateness by enlarging the single individual into two. They have the experience of overcoming aloneness, yet, since they are separated from the rest of mankind, they remain separated from each other and alienated from themselves; their experience of union is an illusion. Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all that is alive.

From: The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm (New York: Harper, c1956; in series: World Perspectives; v. 9): p. 55.

*Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"*
Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment. One can often find two people "in love" with each other who feel no love for anybody else. Their love is, in fact, an egotism à deux; they are two people who identify themselves with each other, and who solve the problem of separateness by enlarging the single individual into two. They have the experience of overcoming aloneness, yet, since they are separated from the rest of mankind, they remain separated from each other and alienated from themselves; their experience of union is an illusion. Erotic love is exclusive, but it loves in the other person all of mankind, all that is alive.
From: The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm (New York: Harper, c1956; in series: World Perspectives; v. 9): p. 55.

egoistic ethical hedonism:

See ethical hedonism.

ego jealousy (Ronald Mazur, 1973):

1. Placing one's own ego above one's partner's need for freedom and quest for self-actualization.

2. Fear of what others will think of oneself if one's partner has another lover, that is, fear of being humiliated or judged. Typically the less desirable the lover, the greater the humiliation.

Comment: Also called egotism jealousy.

See also amour de vanité, jealousy.

x egotism jealousy

egotism à deux:

See égoïsme à deux, égotisme à deux.

egotism jealousy:

See ego jealousy.

égotisme à deux (Oneida community):

"Egotism for two"; monogamy (q.v.).

Comment: The 19th Century utopian community in Oneida, New York considered pairing off to be contrary to the ideals taught by Jesus. See, for example, Matthew 22:23-30 and John 17:21.

See also égoïsme à deux.

x French terms.

eicen:

See eassin.

eisen:

See eassin.

eject and explain:

See E&E.

eject with explanation:

See EwE.

elective affinity:

Being allowed to choose a mate on the basis of spiritual connection, even if, as in a monogamy-only system, that requires divorcing one's present spouse.

See also affinity, connaturality, Hauerwas's Law, husband in truth, mystic betrothal, night-wife, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, union of hearts, universal permanent availability, wife in truth.

electronic wedlock:

The union of individuals as spouses of each other, this as a result of a marriage ceremony performed online, typically via the Internet.

See also cyber relationship, e-mail marriage, onlne relationship, marriage, wedding, Web husband, Web wife, wedlock.

elementary family:

A social unit consisting of a husband, a wife, and at least one child.

See also family, nuclear family, two-parent family.

eleutherophilism:

1. A doctrine that promotes freedom.

2. Liking the idea, practice, or advocacy of free love.

See also eleutherophilist, free love, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, licentiousness, pankoitism, radical love, sexosophy, sexual freedom, sexual permissiveness.

eleutherophilist:

1. A freedom lover.

2. A person who likes the idea, practice, or advocacy of free love.

See also apolygist, eleutherophilism, free lover, libertarian, libertine, non-monogamist, pankoitist, sex radical.

eligible:

1. Unmarried and appropriate to be a given person's spouse.

2. Suitable, as in "an eligible match."

3. Especially desirable to have as a partner.

Contrast ineligible (q.v.) See also available, free, jeune fille à marier, marital status, marriage market, marriage minded, marrying kind, single, unattached, unmarried.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Eligible"

[Luise to Erik] "You must be very eligible," I murmured.

"Eligible?"

He [a Dane] was pretending not to understand the word. Or was he? Behind his facetiousness, I sensed pain.

"It means a desirable partie."

From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 11, p. 173.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Eligible"
[Luise to Erik] "You must be very eligible," I murmured. "Eligible?" He [a Dane] was pretending not to understand the word. Or was he? Behind his facetiousness, I sensed pain. "It means a desirable partie."
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 11, p. 173.

eligible bachelor:

Relative to a particular woman or group of women, an unmarried man who is appropriate and desirable for marriage. As for a man who is in a committed love relationship but not legally married, some women may regard him as an eligible bachelor and others not.

See also bachelor, eligible bachelorette.

eligible bachelorette:

Relative to a particular man or group of men, an unmarried woman who is appropriate and desirable for marriage. As for a woman who is in a committed love relationship but not legally married, some men may regard her as an eligible bachelorette and others not.

See also bachelorette, eligible bachelor

elixir of love:

A liquid, meant for drinking and used in the practice of magic, that supposedly has the property of exciting romantic attraction.

See also aphrodisiac, attraction, chemistry of love, love, love-juice, love potion, perfume, philter.

elope:

To run away with a lover, especially with the intent of marriage or cohabitation and generally without parental consent.

See also elopement, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, Lochinvar, run away with.

elopement:

A running away with a lover, especially with the intent of marriage or cohabitation and generally without parental consent.

See also elope, Flagg marriage, gretna green wedding, quickie marriage.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"

... though she [Elizabeth Bennet] did not suppose [her sister] Lydia to be deliberately engaging in an elopement, without the intention of marriage, she had no difficulty in believing that neither her virtue nor her understanding would preserve her from falling an easy prey.

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 46, p. 348. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"
... though she [Elizabeth Bennet] did not suppose [her sister] Lydia to be deliberately engaging in an elopement, without the intention of marriage, she had no difficulty in believing that neither her virtue nor her understanding would preserve her from falling an easy prey.
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 46, p. 348. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

e-mail marriage, or email marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) that eventuates from a relationship that was largely conducted by e-mail, that is, by way of typed messages sent electronically (hence the "e") from computer to computer.

2. A marital relationship that is being conducted, at least for the time being, largely by e-mail.

See also commuter marriage, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, duolocal residence, electronic wedlock, long-distance relationship, love letter, mail marriage, online relationship, telegamy, Web husband, Web wife.

emotional cheating:

Emotional infidelity (q.v.).

See also cheat.

emotional divorce:

A marital situation in which bonding has faded and the spouses live parallel lives with little interaction with each other.

See also cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, divorce, dysfunctional relationship, estrangement, fall out of love, hollow marriage, loveless marriage, marital blues, mock marriage, slob love, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, WMD.

emotional fidelity:

Refraining from falling in love with someone outside of one's marriage or love relationship, especially when this is according to expectations within the marriage or relationship.

Comments: Sometimes the expectations are for both emotional fidelity and sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sometimes not. For instance, swingers often expect emotional fidelity but not sexual exclusivity.

Some people regard emotional fidelity as an unrealistic expectation, since love happens. In other words, it has been the observation of many that they did not seek or choose to fall in love, but they did anyway; therefore to expect emotional fidelity is like expecting the weather to conform to one's wishes. There is much to unpackage here in terms of psychology, ethics, mores, and the institution of marriage relative to love.

See also constancy, emotional infidelity (especially the comment), exclusivity, extramarital friendship, fidelity, free affection, give one's heart away, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, matrimonialism, monamory, monoamory, monogamy, open marriage, open relationship, sexual monogamy, swing, zero-sum view of love.

emotional incest:

1. Treating a close consanguine relative as if he or she were one's lover.

2. Ties of erotic feeling between close consanguine relatives.

See also incest.

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest

Incest victims are not only physically violated, but emotionally violated as well. Daughters who are emotionally treated as if they are their father's lover, mistress, wife or mother are denied their childhood, their trust in parental figures, which sometimes extends to loss of trust of the world at large; sometimes they lose trust in themselves as well.... Aside from these [and other] considerations, I believe that emotional incest (emotional intercourse) is the basis of all family social ties -- and without it, family social roles (such as mother/son, father/daughter, brother/sister) would not have historically developed into the rigid role sets we see today. Thus certain forms of emotional incest are healthy and functional for family life, while others are dysfunctional and damaging.

From: Lesbian Origins, [by] Susan Cavin (San Francisco: Ism Press, c1985): pp. 57-58.

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest
Incest victims are not only physically violated, but emotionally violated as well. Daughters who are emotionally treated as if they are their father's lover, mistress, wife or mother are denied their childhood, their trust in parental figures, which sometimes extends to loss of trust of the world at large; sometimes they lose trust in themselves as well.... Aside from these [and other] considerations, I believe that emotional incest (emotional intercourse) is the basis of all family social ties -- and without it, family social roles (such as mother/son, father/daughter, brother/sister) would not have historically developed into the rigid role sets we see today. Thus certain forms of emotional incest are healthy and functional for family life, while others are dysfunctional and damaging.
From: Lesbian Origins, [by] Susan Cavin (San Francisco: Ism Press, c1985): pp. 57-58.

emotional infidelity:

1. Falling in love with another person besides the person or persons with whom one is in a committed love relationship when doing so is contrary to the expectations of the relationship or detracts from emotional investment in the relationship.

2. Diverting to others or to another attentions that one should be giving to one's partner or partners, e.g. flirting with others but not with one's spouse.

Comment: Traditional ideas of infidelity focus exclusively upon sexual relations; and chaste love for another outside of one's institutionally framed marriage has a long tradition of being celebrated. However, the idea of emotional infidelity naturally arises where there is a convergence of sexual exclusivity and affectional ties as the heart and rule of committed love relationships.

The idea of emotional infidelity lends itself easily to a zero-sum view of love, whereby it is thought that the supply of love is exhaustible. For more, see comments under "in love" (q.v.).

See also adultery, alienation of affections, cheating curve, comarital, double adultery, emotional cheating, emotional fidelity, extramarital friendship, feel betrayed, forbidden love, free affection, heart-swapping, imaginative split triangle, inconstancy, infidelity, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, love more than one person at a time, male-female frienship, more evolved, peccadillo, polyrelationship, soul mate, soul-mate problem, unfaithfulness, zero-sum view of love.

emotional-jealous intimacy:

A friendship or love relationship that is characterized by the sharing of feelings and expressions of jealousy, especially in a way that dominates or excludes communion at the level of ideas; or else that sharing and those expressions themselves.

See also intimacy, jealousy, spiritual intimacy.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"

[Rupert Birkin to Ursula Brangwen regarding Hermione Roddice] "But Hermione's spiritual intimacy is no rottener than your emotional-jealous intimacy."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 300. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"
[Rupert Birkin to Ursula Brangwen regarding Hermione Roddice] "But Hermione's spiritual intimacy is no rottener than your emotional-jealous intimacy."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 300. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

empty love:

In the trianguylar theory of love, love (q.v.) that is characterized by commitment, but neither passion nor intimacy.

See also committed love relationship, triangular theory of love.

empty-nester:

A parent who no longer has any child at home.

Comment: Generally the picture is that the children are now grown and that the parent is middle-aged and free to pursue a new lifestyle, including a more rewarding love life.

See also love life, parent.

enamored (British spelling, enamoured):

In love or infatuated.

See also besotted, bitten by the love bug, blinded by love, captivated, doughy-nosed, enchanted, gone on, head over heels in love, infatuated, in love, love-cracked, love-struck, mashed on, pussy-struck, smitten, sprung.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"

[Henry Wimbush] "... if he [Ferdinando] had not had the good fortune to become so madly enamoured of the Rector's daughter as to make a proposal of marriage..."

From the novel: Crome Yellow, [by] Aldous Huxley (New York: Harper & Row, 1974; in publisher' series: Perennial Library; P 336): chapter 19, p. 90. Originally published: London: Chatto & Windus, 1921; in the United States: Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, Page, 1922.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"
[Henry Wimbush] "... if he [Ferdinando] had not had the good fortune to become so madly enamoured of the Rector's daughter as to make a proposal of marriage..."
From the novel: Crome Yellow, [by] Aldous Huxley (New York: Harper & Row, 1974; in publisher' series: Perennial Library; P 336): chapter 19, p. 90. Originally published: London: Chatto & Windus, 1921; in the United States: Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, Page, 1922.

enate:

1. Related by female descent.

2. Related on the mother's side.

Contrast agnate (q.v.). See also cognate, kinship.

enchanted:

1. Emotionally riveted as though under a spell, for instance, the spell of a person's physical beauty or personality.

2. In the grip of romantic idealization, such that the person now beloved is perceived anew, as if by magic.

3. Thoroughly delighted, especially by a particular person's presence.

4. A greeting meant to suggest any of the above, but usually only as a politeness. Often the French form is used: enchanté, which is roughly equivalent to, "Delighted to meet you!"

See also blinded by love, captivated, enamored, enchantment, in love, love-cracked.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"

[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She looked at him. He seemed still so separate. New eyes were opened in her soul. She saw a strange creature from another world in him. It was as if she were enchanted, and everything were metamorphosed. She recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis, where the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair. And he was one of these, one of these strange creatures from the beyond, looking down at her, and seeing she was fair.

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 304. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"
[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She looked at him. He seemed still so separate. New eyes were opened in her soul. She saw a strange creature from another world in him. It was as if she were enchanted, and everything were metamorphosed. She recalled again the old magic of the Book of Genesis, where the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair. And he was one of these, one of these strange creatures from the beyond, looking down at her, and seeing she was fair.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 304. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

enchantment:

1. The condition of being emotionally riveted as though under a spell, for instance the spell of a person's physical beauty or personality.

2. Existing under the influence of romantic idealization.

3. A state of thorough delight, especially with regard to a particular person's presence.

Contrast disenchantment (q.v.). See also admiration, Aphrodite's girdle, Armida's girdle, attraction, blindness of love, chemistry, crystallization, enchanted, girdle of Venus, heartthrob, incandescence, love-passion, new relationship energy, proceptive phase, propassion, zsa zsa zsu.

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"

[The character David Kepesh ruminating] It's nice that she's from Cuba, it's nice that her grandmother was this and her grandfather was that, it's nice that I play the piano and own a Kafka manuscript, but all this is merely a detour on the way to getting where we're going. It's part of the enchantment, I suppose, but it's the part that if I could have none of, I'd feel much better. Sex is all the enchantment required. Do men find women so enchanting once the sex is taken out? Does anyone find anyone of any sex that enchanting unless they have sexual business with them? Who else are you that enchanted by? Nobody.

From: The Dying Animal, [by] Philip Roth (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2001): pp. 15-16.

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"
[The character David Kepesh ruminating] It's nice that she's from Cuba, it's nice that her grandmother was this and her grandfather was that, it's nice that I play the piano and own a Kafka manuscript, but all this is merely a detour on the way to getting where we're going. It's part of the enchantment, I suppose, but it's the part that if I could have none of, I'd feel much better. Sex is all the enchantment required. Do men find women so enchanting once the sex is taken out? Does anyone find anyone of any sex that enchanting unless they have sexual business with them? Who else are you that enchanted by? Nobody.
From: The Dying Animal, [by] Philip Roth (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 2001): pp. 15-16.

endogamic:

Pertaining to endogamy (q.v.).

Comment: "Endogamy" has two adjectival forms, "endogamic" and "endogamous" (q.v.). Where there is any distinction at all, "endogamic" tends to be more specialized and technical than "endogamous," as in, "the endogamic system" but "an endogamous culture."

endogamist:

1. A person who marries within his or her social group.

2. A person who, without dissent, lives in a society where the prevailing custom is endogamy (q.v.).

3. An advocate or supporter of endogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "endogamy," so here included.

endogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by endogamy (q.v.).

See comment under "endogamic."

endogamy:

1. Marrying within one's group -- for instance, kinship group --per social expectation.

2. The degree to which people within a given community or society marry others who share a common background, for example, an educational, occupational, religious, or social class background.

Contrast exogamy (q.v.). See also assortive mating, endogamic, endogamist, endogamous, -gamy, homogamy, kinship, positive assortive mating, Westermarck trap.

engaged:

See become engaged.

engagement:

1. A verbalized agreement to wed.

2. The period of the relationship between such an agreement and the wedding.

Contrast betrothal (q.v.). See also assurance, become engaged, long engagement, pinning, sponsalia, sponsalia per verba de futuro, wedding.

engouement (French):

Infatuation (q.v.); obsession (with a person).

See also amour fou, besotted, go gaga over, hot love, love-passion, madly in love, white whale, wildly in love with.

x French terms.

enoch arden law:

A statute that addresses situations in which a spouse is missing and is supposed dead, even if the spouse should later turn up alive, by providing for divorce or by exempting from liability for remarriage after a specified period of time has elapsed. Named after the character of the poem, "Enoch Arden" (1864), by Alfred Lord Tennyson.

See also demi-relict, desertion, divorce, heart balm statute, remarriage, statism, sumptuary law.

entelechy:

1. In philosophy:

The state of completion or perfection (Aristotle).

The tendency towards completion or perfection (Aristotle).

A monad, since it possesses the above qualities (Leibniz).

The inner controlling force of an organism (Hans Driesch).

2. In psychology, self-actualization.

3. In matters of love, the realization or supposed realization of an ideal in a particular individual, especially an individual who is a desired mate.

Comment: Entelechy is also the name of the kingdom of Queen Quintessence in the History of Gargantua and Pantagruel (1532-1534), by François Rabelais.

See also ideal, Michelangelo phenomenon, Pygmalion effect, vision of romantic love.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"

Ente'lechy....

The word is used to express the realisation of a beau ideal. Lovers have preconceived notions of human perfections, and imagine that they see the realities in the person beloved, who is the entelechy of their beau ideal.

From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 421.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"
Ente'lechy.... The word is used to express the realisation of a beau ideal. Lovers have preconceived notions of human perfections, and imagine that they see the realities in the person beloved, who is the entelechy of their beau ideal.
From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 421.

envy:

See envy jealousy, ex-husband envy, ex-wife envy.

envy jealousy:

The desire to have another person's partner for oneself alone.

Comment: Coined by Ronald Mazur, 1973.

See also cowboy, cowgirl, jealousy.

x envy.

EPC:

Extra-pair copulation (q.v.).

See also IPC.

ephebophilia:

1. A psychological condition on the part of a non-adolescent in which sexual arousal is dependent upon having a sex partner that is post-pubescent but still in adolescence, either in reality or in the imagination.

2. A dominant and compelling sexual attraction to post-pubescent youths.

See also gerontophilia, nepiophilia, pederasty, pedophilia, -philia.

epididymo-orchitis:

See under "blue balls."

epigamist:

1. A person who mates primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

2. A person who advocates or supports mating primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "epigamic," so here included.

See also epigamy.

epigamic:

1. Relating to features on the part of males that serve to attract females for mating and on the part of females that serve to attract males for mating.

2. Tending to attract a mate or mates during breeding season.

See also epigamy, mate.

epigamy:

1. A mating primarily on the basis of physical features and displays.

2. Attraction of a mate or mates during breeding season.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "epigamic," so here included.

See also epigamic, epigamist, -gamy.

epithalamiast:

Composer of an epithalmium.

See also epithalamium, prothalamiast.

epithalamic:

Pertaining to a wedding or a nuptial song.

See also bridal, epithalmium, hymeneal, matrimonial, nuptial, wedding.

epithalamium; plural, epithalamia:

A poem or song in honor of a bride and groom at their union.

Comment: Alternative forms: epithalamion; epithalamy. Alternative plurals: epithalamiums; epithalamions; epithalamies.

From the Greek epi- ("upon") + thalamos ("bridal chamber").

See also epithalamic, love poem, love song, prothalamium, wedding.

equal marriage:

A political slogan on behalf of the view that gay marriage ought to be legal and and share in all the civil rights afforded heterosexual marriage.

See also gay marriage, homosexual marriage, marriage, same-sex marriage.

equalitarian family:

A family (q.v.) in which the members, especially the spouses, are considered equal, that is, as having the same standing.

See also democratic family.

erastes:

See pederast.

erëbu marriage:

A situation in which a male leaves his parents to take a wife.

See also marriage, uxorilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

x Akkadian terms.

x Bible.

Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu Marriage"

The Nuzi tablets confront us with some illustrations of marriage whereby the husband is to live with his wife in her father's domain. The plainest reference to this kind of marriage appears in the Assyrian Laws. Normally, in the Near East (ancient and modern), including the Assyrian Laws, the wife leaves her own family to join the house of her husband. However, Assyrian Law A:27¹ reads: "If a woman is residing in her father's house, (and) her husband pays visits² to her, any settled property³ which her husband has given to her, he may take back; (but) he shall not touch⁴ what belongs to her father's house." The Akkadian verb erëbu, as used here, has given rise to the terminology whereby such marriages are called "erëbu marriages." Yet this is illogical because in normal marital arrangements, where the wife enters the husband's house, the same verb (erëbu) is employed (as in A:28⁵ and A:29⁶).

"Erëbu marriage" is not necessarily a permanent arrangement obliging the couple to reside in the house of the bride's father as long as the couple remains wed to each other.

[Gordon's Footnotes]

1 G. R. Driver and J. C. Miles, The Assyrian Laws, Scientia Verlag Aalen (Germany), 1975 (reprint of the Oxford edition of 1935), p. 399.

2 The frequentative -tan- infix in e-ta-na-ra-ab (literally, "he keeps entering") suggests that the husband does not reside steadily in her father's house, but instead visits his wife there regularly.

3 Nu-dun-na-a.

4 The verb (i-qa-ar-ri-ib) is literally "he shall draw near" (i.e. to claim).

5 Gt te-ta-ra-ab "she has entered."

6 Again Gt, this time spelled te-ta-rab "she has entered."

From: "Erëbu Marriage," [by] Cyrus H. Gordon, in: In Honor of Ernest R. Lacheman on His Seventy-Fifth Birthday, April 29, 1981, edited by M. A. Morrison and D. I. Owen (Winona Lake, Ind.: Eisenbrauns, c1981; in series: Studies on the Civilization and Culture of Nuzi and the Hurrians; [v. 1]): pp. 155-160, specifically p. 155. Spine title: Nuzi and the Hurrians.

Erëbu has an "e" with a line over it, which, due to html limitations, I have rendered as an "ë."

Among the literary examples of erëbu marriage offered by Gordon are these: Genesis 2:24; 29-31; Exodus 2:16-3:1; 4:18-20; 18; Judges 14-15:8; Homer, Odyssey 6:244-245.

*Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu* Marriage"**
The Nuzi tablets confront us with some illustrations of marriage whereby the husband is to live with his wife in her father's domain. The plainest reference to this kind of marriage appears in the Assyrian Laws. Normally, in the Near East (ancient and modern), including the Assyrian Laws, the wife leaves her own family to join the house of her husband. However, Assyrian Law A:27¹ reads: "If a woman is residing in her father's house, (and) her husband pays visits² to her, any settled property³ which her husband has given to her, he may take back; (but) he shall not touch⁴ what belongs to her father's house." The Akkadian verb erëbu, as used here, has given rise to the terminology whereby such marriages are called "erëbu marriages." Yet this is illogical because in normal marital arrangements, where the wife enters the husband's house, the same verb (erëbu) is employed (as in A:28⁵ and A:29⁶). *"Erëbu* marriage" is not necessarily a permanent arrangement obliging the couple to reside in the house of the bride's father as long as the couple remains wed to each other.**
[Gordon's Footnotes] 1 G. R. Driver and J. C. Miles, The Assyrian Laws, Scientia Verlag Aalen (Germany), 1975 (reprint of the Oxford edition of 1935), p. 399. 2 The frequentative -tan- infix in e-ta-na-ra-ab (literally, "he keeps entering") suggests that the husband does not reside steadily in her father's house, but instead visits his wife there regularly. *3 Nu-dun-na-a.* *4 The verb (i-qa-ar-ri-ib) is literally "he shall draw near" (i.e. to claim).* *5 Gt te-ta-ra-ab* "she has entered." 6 Again Gt, this time spelled te-ta-rab "she has entered."**
From: "Erëbu Marriage," [by] Cyrus H. Gordon, in: In Honor of Ernest R. Lacheman on His Seventy-Fifth Birthday, April 29, 1981, edited by M. A. Morrison and D. I. Owen (Winona Lake, Ind.: Eisenbrauns, c1981; in series: Studies on the Civilization and Culture of Nuzi and the Hurrians; [v. 1]): pp. 155-160, specifically p. 155. Spine title: Nuzi and the Hurrians. Erëbu has an "e" with a line over it, which, due to html limitations, I have rendered as an "ë." *Among the literary examples of erëbu* marriage offered by Gordon are these: Genesis 2:24; 29-31; Exodus 2:16-3:1; 4:18-20; 18; Judges 14-15:8; Homer, Odyssey 6:244-245.**

eromance:

Romantic sexual love.

See also amour-physique, carnal love, erotic love, erotosexual, love, love's lust, romantic love, sexualove.

eromenos:

See catamite; also discussion under "pederast."

erôs or eros (Greek):

1. Erotic love (q.v.).

2. Captialized, the Greek god of love, the Latin equivalent being Cupid.

Comment: Sometimes the term is capitalized in the first sense as well.

See also agapê (which see for additional lexical example), Cupid's golden arrow, Love.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"

Does passion necessarily diminish over time? How reliable is romantic love, really, as a means of choosing one's mate? Can a marriage be good when Eros is replaced with friendship, or even economic partnership, two people bound by bank accounts?

From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"
Does passion necessarily diminish over time? How reliable is romantic love, really, as a means of choosing one's mate? Can a marriage be good when Eros is replaced with friendship, or even economic partnership, two people bound by bank accounts?
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35

erotic:

1. Characterized by or pertaining to either sexual attraction, the mental and physical excitement of sexual desire, the physical expression of sexual desire, or romantic love.

2. Characterized by the depiction of that which can be expected to arouse sexual desire, a depiction meant to be received appreciatively.

Comments: The word "erotic" is sometimes used synonymously with "sexual"; however, sometimes they are nuanced differently: For instance, "erotic" may connote stimulation by way of the brain or it may connote a sensual atmosphere; whereas "sexual" may connote more of a biological emphasis.

The word "erotic" is occasionally used synonymously with and often in contrast with the word "romantic." When contrasted, "erotic" often emphasizes the sensual and "romantic" the emotive, the engendering of love.

The word "erotic" is sometimes used synonymously with and sometimes in contrast with the word "pornographic." Ever since the publication of a famous essay by Gloria Steinem, "erotic" has sometimes connoted, as a characteristic, a celebration of sex without the denigration of any participants, that is without violence to any of them and without a power imbalance; and the word "pornographic" has connoted denigration as a characteristic.

Reference

"Erotica vs. Pornography," in: Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, [by] Gloria Steinem (New York: Holt, Reinhart and Winston, c1983): pp. 219-230. Adapted from "Erotica and Pornography: A Clear and Present Difference," Ms. magazine, November 1978, p. 53, and "Pornography--Not Sex But the Obscene Use of Power," Ms. magazine, August 1977, p. 43.

See also amative, amorous, eroticism, love-performing, loving, passionate, romantic, sexual.

Reference
"Erotica vs. Pornography," in: Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions, [by] Gloria Steinem (New York: Holt, Reinhart and Winston, c1983): pp. 219-230. Adapted from "Erotica and Pornography: A Clear and Present Difference," Ms. magazine, November 1978, p. 53, and "Pornography--Not Sex But the Obscene Use of Power," Ms. magazine, August 1977, p. 43.

erotic capital:

The power of an individual's sex appeal, both to provide sexual advantage and to be converted into financial, social, or other gain; the amount of potential for a person's sexual charisma to be turned to advantage.

See also attraction, sex appeal, sexual field.

erotic connection:

1. Mutual attraction, especially when combined with shared desires as to sexual activities.

2. Being mentally attuned to each other in such a way as to be specially capable of turning each other on sexually, even if not in proximity with each other.

See also connection, cyber relationship, cybersex partner, irregular connection, long-distance relationship, online relationship, phone sex partner, sexual connection, soul mate, vibe.

erotic deontology:

The theory or study of moral obligation and commitment with respect to human sexuality.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," consent to sex, ethics, moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality.

x theories.

erotic friend:

A partner (q.v.) in an erotic friendship (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries and glossaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the term "erotic friendship," so here included.

See also cuddle buddy, friend, friend with benefits, f*** buddy, intimate friend, lover, mistress, poplolly, sex buddy, umfriend.

x friend.

erotic friendship:

An amiable and sexual relationship between individuals living apart, a relationship from which the ties often associated with romantic love and the restrictions often associated with committed love relationships are excluded by design.

See also casual relationship, erotic friend, friendship, heterosexual friendship, intimate friendship, male-female friendship, physical relationship, secondary relationship, sexual relationship, tertiary relationship.

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship

Tomas desired but feared them [women]. Needing to create a compromise between fear and desire, he devised what he called 'erotic friendship.' He would tell his mistresses: the only relationship that can make both partners happy is one in which sentimentality has no place and neither partner makes any claim on the life and freedom of the other.

To ensure that erotic friendship never grew into the aggression of love, he would meet each of his long-term mistresses only at intervals. He considered this method flawless and propagated it among his friends: 'The important thing is to abide by the rule of threes. Either you see a woman three times in quick succession and then never again, or you maintain relations over the years but make sure that the rendezvous are at least three weeks apart.'

From: The Unbearable Lightness of Being, [by] Milan Kindera; translated from the Czech by Michael Henry Heim (New York: Harper & Row, c1984): p. 12.

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship
Tomas desired but feared them [women]. Needing to create a compromise between fear and desire, he devised what he called 'erotic friendship.' He would tell his mistresses: the only relationship that can make both partners happy is one in which sentimentality has no place and neither partner makes any claim on the life and freedom of the other. To ensure that erotic friendship never grew into the aggression of love, he would meet each of his long-term mistresses only at intervals. He considered this method flawless and propagated it among his friends: 'The important thing is to abide by the rule of threes. Either you see a woman three times in quick succession and then never again, or you maintain relations over the years but make sure that the rendezvous are at least three weeks apart.'
From: The Unbearable Lightness of Being, [by] Milan Kindera; translated from the Czech by Michael Henry Heim (New York: Harper & Row, c1984): p. 12.

erotic hostility:

A state in which the expression of antagonism masks sexual attraction.

See also ambivalent feelings, love-hate relationship.

eroticism:

1. Appreciation of sexual desire and sexual love.

2. An orientation to sexual desire or sexual love.

3. A permeation of sexual desire in something, such as a piece of literature or a party; an erotic spirit, ambiance, or character.

4. The cast of one's own sexuality; distinctives with regard to one's own sexual attractions and arousal.

5. A set of factors that leads to sexual arousal.

6. Sexual arousal itself.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, attraction, erotic, erotism, libido, lust, passion, sexual correspondence, sexuality.

erotic journal:

A record of one's sexual adventures, fantasies, dreams, observations, and/or thoughts; a running account of one's love life, one's sex life, the sexually charged part of one's fantasy life, and/or one's observations of the sexual behaviors of others.

See also Casanova, discourse of desire, erotographomania, fantasy life, Leporello list, little black book, love-book, love life, pillow book, romantic resumé, sex life, tell all.

erotic justice:

See sexual justice.

erotic love:

1. Intense sexual attraction to a particular individual or between individuals.

2. A passionate desire to know and to enjoy another person's body and mind, accompanied by a strong sense of deprivation if separate from that individual.

See also amour-physique, carnal love, eromance, erôs, kama, love, love's lust, romantic love, sexual desire, sexual love.

x erös (Greek)

x Greek terms.

erotic revolution:

See sexual revolution.

erotic suicide pact:

A promise that lovers have made to each other to die together, this by their own hands or by way of one taking the life of both. (Nowadays, the latter is called a form of murder-suicide.)

Comment: A famous case was that of the German author, Heinrich von Kleist, and Frau Henriette Vogel on November 21, 1811.

See also desperate, lover's leap, wertheritis.

x suicide.

erotism:

Eroticism (q.v.), albeit sometimes with more of a medical nuance, especially in the sense of sexual arousal.

erotogenesis of religion:

The impulse to worship, the desire for communal fellowship, the quest for personal and corporate ecstasy, the turn to inwardness, and the placing of trust in a higher power for both the preservation of life and fulfillment in life all having their origin in sexual energy.

Comments: The theory of the erotogensis of religion is offered both as a historical explanation for the rise of some or all religions and as a psychological explanation for the development of religiousness in many an individual, a development which typically occurs during adolescence. (The two explanations can be distinguished by speaking of the theory of the erotogenesis of religions versus the theory of the erotogenesis of religiousness.)

The observation that some religions suppress sexual expression, far from demolishing the theory, first, points to the relevance of sexuality to religion; second, puts a finger on one of the mechanisms by which sexual energy is diverted; and third, needs to be held in tandem with the observation that physical sexuality, rather than going away, becomes associated with opposing powers, such as the demonic, in the world-views of those religions.

Among the many objections to erotogenesis as a historical explanation for religion is the observation that each of the three so-called "great" monotheistic religions -- Judaism, Christianity, and Islam -- originally provided a place for sexuality and its regulation in balance with many other aspects of life and that as the social systems to which the regulations were native passed into history and restrictions accumulated, sexuality became increasingly a central focus, to the point that the most sexually restricitive (if not severe) of the three religions, Christianity, is today largely defined by its attitude towards sexuality in the minds of many people. In other words, the history of religions provides counter-examples, examples where the direction of development is exactly the reverse of the theory: from sex as peripheral to sex as central.

Among the many objections to erotogenesis as a sufficient psychological explanation for religiousness are these: (a) the fact that many asexual people are religious, and (b) the observation that spirituality and other religious phenomena are separate from sexuality in the lives of many people.

One underlying conflict with respect to many of the issues raised is a conflict of world-views, the world-veiw that gives primacy to materiality versus the world-view that gives primacy to spirit. Thus, from the latter perspective, the tables could be turned and it might be argued that some of the erotic impulse that is in excess of what is needed for the propagation of the species, if not every erotic impulse, has its roots in religious energy or the drive towards spirituality.

Of course, not all issues raised by the theory need be resolved on the basis of "either/or"; resolution might sometimes be a matter of degree.

See also sexual morality.

x theories.

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"

EROTOGENESIS OF RELIGION, the theory held by some modern psychologists, that religion had its origin in primitive man's ignorant mystification over sex, through which originated sex worship. Sex is the oldest and geographically the widest spread object of religious adoration. According to this theory the advent of religion was a phenomenon of racial adolescence. The theory, that individual evolution is a condensed recapitulation of our racial evolution, finds confirmation in the fact that even in our time, religion is peculiarly a phenomenon of adolescence and pubescence....

[Bibliography] The phrase, erotogenesis of religion, was first used by Theodore Schroeder (Alienist and Neurologist, 1907, 330-41)...

From the article: "Erotogenesis of Religion," [signed] T.S. [i.e. Theodore Schroeder], in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. 200.

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"
EROTOGENESIS OF RELIGION, the theory held by some modern psychologists, that religion had its origin in primitive man's ignorant mystification over sex, through which originated sex worship. Sex is the oldest and geographically the widest spread object of religious adoration. According to this theory the advent of religion was a phenomenon of racial adolescence. The theory, that individual evolution is a condensed recapitulation of our racial evolution, finds confirmation in the fact that even in our time, religion is peculiarly a phenomenon of adolescence and pubescence.... [Bibliography] The phrase, erotogenesis of religion, was first used by Theodore Schroeder (Alienist and Neurologist, 1907, 330-41)...
From the article: "Erotogenesis of Religion," [signed] T.S. [i.e. Theodore Schroeder], in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. 200.

erotographomania:

An obsessive desire to write of amorous love or sexual desire.

See also cyber relationship, cybersex partner, discourse of desire, erotic journal, food of love, instant messaging, love-book, love letter, obscene language, obscene words, online relationship, pillow book, sexting, sexual correspondence, trattàto di amore.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: poitriniographia.

erotomania:

Insatiable or over-abundant sexual desire, especially as a symptom.

See also andromania, erotomaniac, gynecomania, horniness, hypersexuality, libido, nymphomania, oversexed, satyriasis, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexual addiction, sexual desire, tragolimia.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"

It's that old erotomania thing -- the irresistable urge to get your hands on an unappetizing man.

From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 301.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"
It's that old erotomania thing -- the irresistable urge to get your hands on an unappetizing man.
From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 301.

erotomaniac:

A person subject to insatiable or over-abundant sexual desire.

See also erotomania, nookie junkie, nymphomaniac, satyr, sex addict, sexaholic, sex maniac.

erotophilia:

Being especially attracted to, being comfortable with, and/or enjoying sexuality and sexual matters.

Contrast erotophobia (q.v.). See also sex-joy, sex-positive stance, -philia.

erotophilous, or erotophilic:

Characterized by erotophilia.

Neologism?

See also erotopositive, sexually positive.

erotophobia:

Being repulsed by, uncomfortable with, and/or irrationally fearful of sexuality and sexual matters.

Contrast erotophilia (q.v.). See also aterpism, gamophobia, genophobia, -phobia, prudery, sex-negative stance.

erotophobic:

Characterized by erotophobia (q.v.).

See also sexually negative.

erotopositive:

1. Pertaining to the view that human sexuality, including one's own, is delightful in itself, even apart from attempts at procreation; pertaining to the view that the stimulation of the mind-genital axis is, in itself apart from unwelcome admixtures, entirely appropriate for human beings.

2. Pertaining to the belief that healthy sexual expression should be encouraged.

See also erotophilous, sex-joy, sexually positive.

erotosexual:

Having to do with both sexual arousal and the process of reproduction, which are separable.

See also acceptive phase, conceptive phase, eromance, love's lust, metasex, proceptive phase, romantic love, sexualove.

error of fancy:

An infatuation that failed to result in a love relationship; a wished-for romance with a particular person that never materialized.

See also crush, fancy, infatuation, unfulfilled love, unrequited love.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"

[Jane Bennet] '... I will not repine, It cannot last long. He [Charles Bingley] will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before.'

Elizabeth looked at her suster with incredulous solicitude, but said nothing.

'You doubt me,' cried Jane, slightly colouring; 'indeed you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not that pain. A little time therefore. I shall certainly try to get the better. '

With a stronger voice she soon added, 'I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself.'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 24, pp. 174-175. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"
[Jane Bennet] '... I will not repine, It cannot last long. He [Charles Bingley] will be forgot, and we shall all be as we were before.' Elizabeth looked at her suster with incredulous solicitude, but said nothing. 'You doubt me,' cried Jane, slightly colouring; 'indeed you have no reason. He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not that pain. A little time therefore. I shall certainly try to get the better. ' With a stronger voice she soon added, 'I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself.'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 24, pp. 174-175. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

erstwhile dear:

A person who is a past love; someone one had a temporary love relationship with.

Comment: Often an allusion to the poem, "Passer Mortuus Est," from Second April, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: M. Kennerley, 1921).

See also dear, ghosts of relationships past, lost love, lover, old boyfriend, old girlfriend, old flame, promisacuity, TOTGA.

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"

After all, my erstwhile dear,

My no longer cherished,

Need we say it was not love,

Just because it perished?

From: Collected Poems, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: Harper, c1956): p. 75. This is the third stanza of "Passer Mortuus Est."

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"
After all, my erstwhile dear, My no longer cherished, Need we say it was not love, Just because it perished?
From: Collected Poems, [by] Edna St. Vincent Millay (New York: Harper, c1956): p. 75. This is the third stanza of "Passer Mortuus Est."

erusin (Hebrew):

Betrothal (q.v.); in Judaism, the ceremony by which a woman becomes a wife so that she can marry no one else unless she is parted from her husband by death or divorce. This is the first ceremonial stage of becoming married.

Comment: The second stage is nissuim (q.v.).

See also hatunnah, kiddushim, sponsalia per verba de futuro, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

escapade romantique (French):

"Romantic escapade": an adventure involving love; a temporary affair.

See also affair, affairette, amourette, conquest, dalliance, fling, intrigue, liaison, one-night stand, peccadillo, pickup, short-term relationship, whirlwind romance, zipless f***.

x French terms.

x romantic escapade.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"

[Harold little-Smith to Janet Appleby] "Of course, we won't [go to bed together]. We're married now and we've had our flings, our escapades romantiques. We have others besides ourselves to think about."

From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 120.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"
[Harold little-Smith to Janet Appleby] "Of course, we won't [go to bed together]. We're married now and we've had our flings, our escapades romantiques. We have others besides ourselves to think about."
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 120.

escape into love:

See love-found-solves-all myth.

escondich (Occitan = langue d'Oc):

1. "Exculpation"; a defense of oneself cast in lyrics, especially a song of self-justification to a beloved.

2. The genre of such song lyrics.

Comment: The term is associated with the troubadours of Provence (southeastern France) in the late Middle Ages.

Source: The historical novel, The Fool of Venus: The Story of Peire Vidal, by George Cronyn (New York: Covici-Friede, 1934): p. 434.

See also comjat, courtly love, descort, discourse of desire, love lyrics, love poem, love song, maldit.

x Occitan terms.

escort, as in "an escort":

A person, generally of a complementary sexual orientation, who accompanies another either to a social event or for a period of time.

Comment: Escort services provide such accompaniment for a fee.

Contrast, for instance, consort (q.v.). See also arm candy, cavalier, companion, date, escort, plus one.

escort, as in "to escort":

To accompany a person, generally of a complementary sexual orientation, either to a social event or for a period of time; to serve as a temporary companion to.

See also date, escort.

eshet-hayil (Hebrew):

See virtuous woman.

Eskimo terms:

See aiparik, aleupaaktuat, allupaareik, angutawkun, aypareet, aytpareik, doused lights, in^yukawtigicuq, ketuuneraareic, kipuktu, nangsaegaek, nukaxrareik, nuliaqatigiit, nuliaqpak, nuliinuaroak, nusukaaktuat, qatangun, seed raising, simmixsuat, tapicigga, ungetaken(?), young people's house.

esposa (Spanish):

Wife (q.v.).

x Spanish terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"

He [Cipriano Viedma] asked for a room where his esposa could rest....

"I said you were my wife," he said [to Kate Leslie], in his small, soft Indian voice. "It is true, isn't it?"

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, p. 318.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"
He [Cipriano Viedma] asked for a room where his esposa could rest.... "I said you were my wife," he said [to Kate Leslie], in his small, soft Indian voice. "It is true, isn't it?"
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 20, p. 318.

esposo (Spanish):

Husband (q.v.).

x Spanish terms.

espouse:

1. To take to oneself, for instance, to adopt an idea.

2. To take a person in marriage.

See also despouse, wedding.

esteem, as in "esteem for":

High regard; respect; a valuing of a person's innate qualities.

Comment: In some modelings of romance, esteem is a prerequisite for and potentially a precursor to love, as well as a vital component in ongoing love. The association with love can be so close that the term is used as a misdirection away from an admission of love or even as a euphemism for love.

See also admiration, esteem (verb), love, pretz, proceptive phase, respect, secret of a successful marriage.

esteem, as in "to esteem":

To have a high regard for; to respect; to value a person's innate qualities.

See also admire, esteem (noun), love, propassion, respect.

estovers:

Necessities as allowed by law, alimony (q.v.) and child support (q.v.) being examples in the case of divorce (q.v.).

estranged:

No longer emotionally bonded; alienated from one another.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, divorced, estrangement, fall out of love, kill the feeling for each other, marital status, separated, stranger, widow-bewitched.

estrangement:

The condition of having once been emotionally bonded but now no longer so; a state of alienation from one another.

Comment: In some marital scenarios, estrangement progresses to separation and divorce.

See also cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, divorce, dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estranged, hollow marriage, loveless marraige, marital blues, separation, slob love, stranger, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, WMD.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"

They [Anne Elliot and Frederick Wentworth] had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing! There had been a time, when of all the large party now filling the drawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult to cease to speak to one another... there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 8, p. 78. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"
They [Anne Elliot and Frederick Wentworth] had no conversation together, no intercourse but what the commonest civility required. Once so much to each other! Now nothing! There had been a time, when of all the large party now filling the drawing-room at Uppercross, they would have found it most difficult to cease to speak to one another... there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 8, p. 78. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

^hetaira (Greek):

See hetaera.

eternal triangle:

A couple plus a lover of one or both, or else three lovers at least one of whom is involved with the other two -- either way conceived of as an ever-repeating pattern found within humankind.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, French arrangement, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, vee.

eternal union:

A bond and communion between certain individuals that is conceived of as transcending even death.

See also belief in love, Celestial Marriage, Liebestod, love-death, match made in heaven, mizpah, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," soul mate, spiritual marriage, spiritual wifery, undying love, union.

ethical hedonism:

1. The philosophical position that human life and activity ought to be oriented, at least over the long-term, to pleasure.

2. The philosophical position that an individual can both satisfactorily fulfill civic and private responsibilities -- including responsbilities to his or her family and primary relationship -- and, at the same time, pursue pleasure with multiple sex partners on a consensual basis, in fact that doing both is a greater good than doing just one or the other, provided that one's primary partner is agreeable.

Comments: Ethical hedonism in the first sense has many permutations. For instance, egoistic ethical hedonism holds that a person ought to act in a way that will bring him or her the most pleasure in the long run. This contrasts with universal ethical hedonism, which maintains that each person ought to act in a way that will bring the most pleasure to the greatest number over the long run.

Ethical hedonism in the second sense is particularly associated with the swinging lifestyle.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," ethical hedonism, ethics, hedonism, Lasterkatalog, moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, primemate, sex-positive stance, sexual ethics, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, swing.

x egoistic ethical hedonism.

x universal ethical hedonism.

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism

[112] ... "ethical hedonism" ... was defined by Dr. Susan Block, the most popular seminar leader at Lifestyles conventions, as "an erotic etiquette to guide you (and me) toward fully and dramatically expressing our sexual, animal nature, while maintaining the peace as civilized, considerate ladies and gentlemen."

[115] ... in Susan Block's words ... "the pursuit and cultivation of pleasure within strict limits of consensuality for the peaceful benefit of the individual, the couple, the family, and society."

From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, 2000): pp. 112, 115.

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism
[112] ... "ethical hedonism" ... was defined by Dr. Susan Block, the most popular seminar leader at Lifestyles conventions, as "an erotic etiquette to guide you (and me) toward fully and dramatically expressing our sexual, animal nature, while maintaining the peace as civilized, considerate ladies and gentlemen." [115] ... in Susan Block's words ... "the pursuit and cultivation of pleasure within strict limits of consensuality for the peaceful benefit of the individual, the couple, the family, and society."
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, 2000): pp. 112, 115.

ethical non-monogamy, or ethical nonmonogamy:

Non-monogamy (q.v.) practiced in an above-board manner with each of one's partners in sex or love, that is, so that each is made aware of the others in a timely manner and can decide whether to consent, accede, or depart with that knowledge in view. (In the view of some, acceding is not enough: negotiated consent or even a prior understanding is necessary for ethical non-monogamy to be ethical.)

Comments: Often used synonymously with "polyamory."

To some "ethical non-monogamy" sounds like an oxymoron. How, they ask, can a practice widely regarded as immoral -- that is, non-monogamy -- be considered ethical? Answers typically run alog the following lines:

In different cultures and different ages, different virtues have been at the forefront of moral consciousness. In the Middle Ages, honor was often at the forefront. In many countries influenced by modern Western ideals, honesty is at the forefront. In terms of importance to the continuation of a relationship, trustworthiness, as measured largely by honesty, often trumps even love.

Furthermore, many analyze the essential moral problem with non-monogamy in the past as being two-fold: (a) sexual inequality, which is or can be rendered null where there is social equality of the sexes and where mutual consent is the ground rule; and (b) dishonesty in matters of love and sex. The remainder of the suppoed moral content in positions against against non-monogamy (so it is argued) is, first, a residue of patriarchalism, which should go the way of the dinosaur, and, second, a concession to jealousy, which is an inappropriate foundation for morality and which is best viewed as a signal of problems to be addressed in a relationship.

Honesty is viewed not just as vital, but also as a constructive value. It means (again, so it is argued) living authentically, in touch with one's feelings and acting upon those that are well received by a love interest -- each and any love interest of age. It means fostering intimacy by together grappling with needs, jealousies, anxieties, insecurities, resentments, and other feelings that monogamy is supposed to keep in abeyance but often fails to do. It can mean laying a ground for a new future for relationships, one that affirms honesty as a preeminent value in conjunction with affirming the axiom that one's body belongs irrevocably to oneself; affirming romantic love, without requiring that one love be supplanted when another comes along; breaking down barriers to intimacy, both between people who are drawn to each other and within each relationship; and setting a stage both where personal fulfillment and growth can be enhanced by a multiplicity of intimacies and where a person's various love relationships have the capability of benefiting each other. Regarding the future, some go even further with a utopian vision, seeing ethical non-monogamy as a key way of reducing social conflict, radical honesty being viewed as a prerequisite for ultimate peace. However, it should be said that many who embrace ethical non-monogamy reject utopianism and seek only to live in a way they see fit.

See also "Communicate, communitate, communicate," ethical slut, new paradigm relating, polyamory, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual utopia, utopian swinging.

ethical relativism:

The view that there are no universally applicable criteria for moral judgments, for instance, the view that external criteria that do exist quite properly vary from culture to culture.

Comment: The cultural-variation example is associated with the Finnish philosopher and historian of marriage, Edward Westermarck (1862-1939).

In some forms of ethical relativism, mores, taboos, and other behavioral patterns are immune from the sort of critique that is capable of leading to reform, although they might be demoted from being regarded as absolutes. In other forms, such as situation ethics, a spiritual principle, such as agapic love, might enable such a critique, while yet respecting a diversity of cultural systems.

See also contextualism, ethical subjectivism, ethics, geosexual ethics, mores, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual mores, situation ethics, taboo.

x moral relativism.

x relativism.

ethical slut:

A person who is in charge of his or her own body as a matter of principle, who likes sex, and who will have sex however and with whomever he or she pleases, however in a way that treats everybody involved respectfully, the emphasis commonly being upon consent, honesty, and minimizing emotional pain; especially such a person who practices ethical non-monogamy.

Comment: The term was popularized by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.

See also ethical non-monogamy, lifestyler, non-monogamist, polyamorist, sexual ethics, sexual morality, slut.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"

[21] We are ethical people, ethical sluts. It is very important to us to treat people well and not hurt anyone. Our ethics come from our own sense of rightness, and from the empathy and love we hold for those around us....

Most of our criteria for ethics are quite pragmatic. Is anyone being harmed? Is there any way to avoid causing that harm? Are there any risks? Is everybody involved aware of those risks and doing what can be done to minimize them?

And, on the positive side: How much fun is it? What is everybody learning from it? Is it helping someone to grow? Is it helping make the world a better place?

First and foremost, ethical sluts value consent....

[22] Ethical sluts are honest -- with ourselves and others....

Ethical sluts also recognize the ramifications of our sexual choices....

[Etc.]

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 21-22. For their definition of "slut," see under "slut." For their definition of "consent," see under "consent to sex."

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"
[21] We are ethical people, ethical sluts. It is very important to us to treat people well and not hurt anyone. Our ethics come from our own sense of rightness, and from the empathy and love we hold for those around us.... Most of our criteria for ethics are quite pragmatic. Is anyone being harmed? Is there any way to avoid causing that harm? Are there any risks? Is everybody involved aware of those risks and doing what can be done to minimize them? And, on the positive side: How much fun is it? What is everybody learning from it? Is it helping someone to grow? Is it helping make the world a better place? *First and foremost, ethical sluts value consent....* *[22] Ethical sluts are honest* -- with ourselves and others.... Ethical sluts also recognize the ramifications of our sexual choices.... [Etc.]**
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 21-22. For their definition of "slut," see under "slut." For their definition of "consent," see under "consent to sex."

ethical subjectivism:

1. Formally: The view that any ethical judgment is able to claim correctly no more than that the person making it has an attitude of approval or disapproval towards the behavioral choice in question.

2. Less formally: With respect either to all areas of life or to a particular area, such as human sexuality, the theory that no external, objective standards or criteria exist for the determination of right and wrong behavior or of good and bad effects., especially standards or criteria that are universal in nature, and that the feelings of affected individuals are the sole measure of goodness and badness. In this theory, a broad consensus of the feelings of individuals.would be the closest approximation to a universal standard.

Comment: The formal sense of the term is associated with the Finnish philosopher and historian of marriage, Edward Westermarck (1862-1939).

See also ethical relativism, ethics, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual morality.

x subjectivism.

ethics:

1. The study and critique of types of behavior and relationships and of mores and morality, all relative to ideas of goodness and badness or better and worse.

2. One's personal code of behavior.

Comment: Regarding the first definition, some will object that ideas of goodness and badness or better and worse assume that mores and morality can be measured against universal principles. However, even the idea that there are no universal principles to which an individual or culture ought defer is, paradoxically, in form a universal principle. Having criteria for the critique of mores and morality is not so easy to escape.

See also contextualism, erotic deontology, ethical hedonism, ethical relativism, ethical subjectivism, hedonism, moral absolutism, personalism, pragmatism, public character of sex, relationalism, sexual ethics, situation ethics, third way in sexual ethics.

etiquette:

See sexual etiquette.

et uxor:

See uxor.

eugenics:

1. The pseudo-science that seeks to improve future generations of human beings by genetic means, especially breeding.

2. Improvement of future generations of human beings by genetic intervention as a social philosophy.

Comments: The term "eugenics" was coined by the British biologist, Francis Galton (1822-1911), in 1883,¹ from the Greek word, eugenês, which means "well-born." Subsequently, in a paper read before the Sociological Society on May 16, 1904, he elaborated upon the term. Therein Galton defined it, saying,"Eugenics is the science which deals with all influences that improve the inborn qualities of a race; also with those that develop them to the utmost advantage."² He said, "The aim of Eugenics is to bring as many influences as can be reasonably employed, to cause the useful classes in the community to contribute more than their proportion to the next generation."³ He urged that eugenics "be introduced into the national conscience, like a new religion. It has, indeed, strong claims to become an orthodox religious tenet of the future, for Eugenics co-operate with the workings of Nature by securing that humanity shall be represented by the fittest races. What Nature does blindly, slowly, and ruthlessly, man may do providently, quickly, and kindly."⁴

In the following year appeared his more widely disseminated definition of eugenics as "the science which deals with those social agencies that influence, mentally or physically, the racial qualities of future generations."⁵

Galton was merely applying a new name to an old idea, indeed one that arose anciently in various cultures. See, for example Theognis (6th century B.C.E.), lines 183-192; and the Laws of Manu (1st century C.E. or earlier) 3:4-10.

By the 1960s eugenics had fallen into disfavor as a principle of medical and social policy, in part because it was shown to be highly susceptibe to subjective, often discriminatory, values, including classism and racism; furthermore many people were involuntarily sterilized under eugenic policies, a fact which offended the consciences of many. That the Nazis took up eugenics and bound it together with an ideology of racial superiority didn't help. To top all of this off, it has become increasingly clear that the human gene pool is far more complex than many advocates of eugenics took account of. For all those reasons the term carries an odium in many a circle to the present day.

Ordinarily instead of eugencis, genetic counseling, in which the values of the parents are preeminent, and gene therapy, which places the emphasis upon the health of offspring, are practiced.

See also breed, genetic counseling, stirpiculture.

References

1 Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development, by Francis Galton (London: Macmillan, 1883): p. 44 or 49. Not examined.

2 "Eugenics: Its Definition, Scope and Aims," by Francis Galton, Sociological Papers [1904] (London: Macmillan, 1905): pp. [45]-50, which was followed by discussion (52-63), written communications (64-78), Mr. Galton's reply (78-79), and press comments (80-84). For the quotation, see p. [45].

3 Galton (1905): p. 47. The italics are his.

4 Galton (1905): p. 50.

5 "Restrictions in Marriage," by Francis Galton, in Sociological Papers; v. 2 (London: Macmillan, 1906): pp. [3]-13, specifically the footnote on p. [3].

References
1 Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development, by Francis Galton (London: Macmillan, 1883): p. 44 or 49. Not examined.
2 "Eugenics: Its Definition, Scope and Aims," by Francis Galton, Sociological Papers [1904] (London: Macmillan, 1905): pp. [45]-50, which was followed by discussion (52-63), written communications (64-78), Mr. Galton's reply (78-79), and press comments (80-84). For the quotation, see p. [45].
3 Galton (1905): p. 47. The italics are his.
4 Galton (1905): p. 50.
5 "Restrictions in Marriage," by Francis Galton, in Sociological Papers; v. 2 (London: Macmillan, 1906): pp. [3]-13, specifically the footnote on p. [3].

Eurasian couple:

A couple (q.v.) in which one partner is ultimately of European descent (generally Caucasian) and the other is ultimately of Asian descent; a Westerner and an Asian in a dyad.

See also Asian fetish, biracial couple, couple of mixed ethnicity, dyad, interracial couple, mixed race couple, Pinkerton syndrome.

ever-married:

1. The class of persons who have been wedded according to socially recognized procedures, at least at one time, whether currently married or not.

2. The class of persons who consider or have at one time considered themselves married; the class of persons who either have or have had a mate.

Contrast never-marrried (q.v.). See also divorced, formerly married, marital status, previously married, re-singled, separated, widowed.

x statistics.

everything to:

See be everything to.

evolved:

See more evolved.

EwE:

Eject with explanation, that is, to leave a sexual or potentially sexual relationship with someone but in a way that allows that person an opportunity to understand why one is leaving and to correct matters in a way that could lead to reconciliation.

See also break up, ditch, dump, E&E, flush, get the sack, get the shaft, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over, unilateralism, walk out.

x eject with explanation.

ex; plural, exes:

1. A former spouse; a person from whom one is divorced.

2. A former lover (q.v.).

Comment: Sometimes a spouse from whom one is separated is called an ex, but some regard that a deceptive use of the word unless explained.

See also ancient history, bed buddy, divorce, ex-boyfriend, ex-ex, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-lover, ex-partner, ex-wife, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), old boyfreind, old girlfriend, old flame, past attachment, postmarital blues, quondam husband, quondam wife, retrosexual, right of return.

x X.

ex-boyfriend:

A person who was once one's boyfriend, but who is so no longer.

Contrast ex-girlfriend (q.v.). See also ex, ex-lover, ex-partner, old boyfriend, past attachment.

exception-game list:

See freebie list.

exclusion jealousy (Ronald Mazur, 1973):

Fear of being left out or neglected by one's partner.

See also jealousy, odd-one-out syndrome.

exclusive relationship:

A relationship not open to bringing in more lovers.

Contrast inclusive relationship (q.v.). See also exclusivity, lovestyle, monogamism, monogamy-only position, sexual exclusivity.

exclusive sexually:

See sexually exclusive.

exclusivity:

A shutting out of all other people with regard to one or more aspects of a relationship.

See also caging, closed group marriage, closed marriage, closed relationship, compulsory monogamy, emotional fidelity, exclusive relationship, faithfulness, fidelity, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, matrimonialism, monamory, monoamory, monogamism, monogamy, monogamy-only position, myth of togetherness, polyfidelity, reconstituted marriage, sexual exclusivity, sexually exclusive, zero-sum view of love.

ex-ex:

A person with whom one had once been in a love relationship and with whom one may now be forming a fresh love relationship but whom one is not yet ready to call a girlfriend (q.v.) or boyfriend (q.v.) or partner (q.v.).

See also ex.

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"

#14 ex-ex

"Who's your hot new girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Aww, you're embarrassed."

"Look, she's my ex-girlfriend. The one Donkey Kong kidnapped. We're not at a point in our new relationship where I feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend. I prefer to call her my ex-ex."

From the Web comic strip, Nestacos, by Nester Taconnus (last modified April 12, 2003) at: http://nestacos.fefea.org/14-ex-ex.html

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"
#14 ex-ex "Who's your hot new girlfriend?" "She's not my girlfriend." "Aww, you're embarrassed." "Look, she's my ex-girlfriend. The one Donkey Kong kidnapped. We're not at a point in our new relationship where I feel comfortable calling her my girlfriend. I prefer to call her my ex-ex."
From the Web comic strip, Nestacos, by Nester Taconnus (last modified April 12, 2003) at: http://nestacos.fefea.org/14-ex-ex.html

ex-ex-gay:

A person who had quit homosexual practices and who had tried to take up either exclusively heterosexual practices and desires or perpetual abstinence but who abandonned the effort and resumed homosexual practices.

Comment: Naturally the exes can keep accumulating, so one might also find the term, "ex-ex-ex-gay."

See also ex-gay, gay, homosexual.

exfamiliation:

Being kicked out of or excluded from one's family.

See also divorce, family.

ex-gay:

A person who has quit homosexual practices and who has tried to take up either exclusively heterosexual practices and desires or perpetual abstinence.

Comment: Typically the effort is associated with religious convictions, either one's own or those of others.

See also ex-ex-gay, gay, homosexual.

ex-girlfriend:

A person who was once one's girlfriend (q.v.), but who is so no longer.

Contrast ex-boyfriend (q.v.). See also ex, ex-lover, ex-partner, old girlfriend, past attachment.

ex-husband:

A man to whom one was once married; a man from whom one is divorced.

Contrast ex-wife (q.v.). See also divorce, ex, ex-husband syndrome, ex-partner, ex-wife, husband, past attachment, quondam husband, stephusband.

ex-husband envy:

A sense of jealousy ostensibly because one's ex-wife's current husband has what one once had or what one once wanted to have with her or because of his relationship with one's own children.

Comment: Coined by NEA, 2008, on analogy with "ex-wife envy."

See also ex-wife envy, jealousy, lust, stephusband, Renth Commandment.

x envy.

ex-husband syndrome:

The inability of a man to move on with his life in a happy and fulfilling way after the loss of a wife, whether the loss be due to death or divorce -- especially insofar as this inability is distinct from the common effects of grief and it entails feelings and behaviors that are injurious to his happiness.

Comment: Coined by NEA, September 23, 2006, on analogy with "ex-wife syndrome" (q.v.).

See also broken heart, ex-husband, ghosts of relationships past, grief, jealousy, left-over desire, left-over love, love trauma syndrome, miss, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, saudade, second-husband syndrome, withdrawal anguish.

x syndromes.

ex-lover:

A person who was once one's lover (q.v.).

See also ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-partner, old boyfriend, old girlfriend.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"

[Michael Toliver] "... and last year I happened to mention this to my ex-lover.... I mean, he's my ex-lover now.... He was my lover at the time."

From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 158. The elisions are Maupin's, except that the first also functions to indicate omission, on my part, of speech within quotation marks.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"
[Michael Toliver] "... and last year I happened to mention this to my ex-lover.... I mean, he's my ex-lover now.... He was my lover at the time."
From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 158. The elisions are Maupin's, except that the first also functions to indicate omission, on my part, of speech within quotation marks.

exogamic:

Pertaining to exogamy (q.v.).

Comment: "Exogamy" has two adjectival forms, "exogamic" and "exogamous" (q.v.). Where there is any distinction at all, "exogamic" tends to be more specialized and technical than "exogamous," as in, "the exogamic system" but "an exogamous culture."

exogamist:

1. A person who marries outside of his or her social group.

2. A person who, without dissent, lives in a society where the prevailing custom is exogamy (q.v.).

3. An advocate or supporter of exogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "exogamy," so here included.

exogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by exogamy (q.v.).

See also exogamic.

exogamy:

1. Marrying outside of one's group -- for instance, one's kinship group -- per social expectation.

2. The degree to which people within a given community or society marry others who have a different background, for example, an educational, occupational, religious, or social class background.

Contrast endogamy (q.v.). See also allotriorasty, assortive mating, exogamic, exogamist, exogamous, -gamy, group switching, heterogamy, intermarriage, kinship, miscegenation, negative assortive mating, outbreeding, rule of the gift, sunasova, xenogamy, Westermarck effect, Westermarck hypothesis.

expanded family:

1. A conjugal family (q.v.) composed not only of a husband, a wife, and their children, but also of one or more single relatives living with them.

2. A household with a nucleus of three or more adults who have chosen to be in a committed love relationship together, whether or not all are sexual with each other.

See also cellular family, compound family, extended family, family, intentional family, multimate relationship, non-monogamy, polyfamily, stem family.

ex parte divorce (legal term):

A divorce proceeding with only one of the parties present or participating. Typically a divorce may go ahead if sufficient notice has been given to the absent spouse.

See also divorce, unilateralism.

ex-partner:

A person who was once one's spouse or lover, but who is so no longer.

See also ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband, ex-lover, ex-wife, letter group (X), old boyfriend, old girlfriend, partner, past attachment.

experienced:

See sexually experienced.

experimental marriage:

An arrangement in which a man and a woman live together to test their compatibility and to see whether they wish to marry each other formally.

See also companionate marriage, living together, Portland custom, trial marriage.

expiration dating:

The practice of dating a person knowing that he or she will be available to date for only a limited period of time; to go on a series of dates with someone up to and only up to a deadline.

See also affair, affairette, amourette, casual relationship, dalliance, date, fling, liaison, one-night stand, short-term relationship, speed dating.

express love:

To show one's affection, ordinarily by verbal means, by tender touch, or by pleasuring.

See also affection, baby talk, discourse of desire, intimate talk, I love you, L-bomb, love, love coupon, love letter, love-prate, pillow talk, public display of affection, rose.

extended family:

1. A social unit made up of parents and children plus some of their close relatives living together.

2. A social unit made up of at least three generations of close relatives.

3. A social unit made up of two or more nuclear families (q.v.) tied together by at least one member of each having a common ancestry.

4. A social unit made up of two or more nuclear families tied together by having at least one spouse in common.

5. One's relatives, especially as gathered together.

See also clan, compound family, expanded family, family, family life, great-family, immediate family, polygamy, stem family.

extinct relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that once was and is no more; one that is over.

See also break-up, death spiral of a relationship, divorced, over.

extracurricular:

1. Outside a school's curriculum; not for credit.

2. By analogy, extramarital (q.v.).

extradyadic:

Beyond the confines of a two-person love or marital relationship.

See also dyad, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, extramural sexual affair, extra-pair copulation, nonmarital sex, open couple, out-of-marriage love affair, step out.

extramarital:

On the part of a married person, outside of or beyond that person's marriage.

See also comarital, extracurricular, extra-relational, intermarital, intramarital, marital, nonmarital, postmarital, premarital, step out.

extramarital affair:

A sexual relationship between two people not married to one another, at least one of whom is married to someone else.

Comment: The term is often used in a pejorative way, implying immorality and/or destructive competition with at least one marriage.

See also adultery; affair; ajois relationship; arrangement; clandestine polygamy; comarital; de facto polygamy; don't ask, don't tell; extradyadic; extramarital lark; extramarital love affair; extramarital sex; extra-mateship liaison; extra-pair copulation; illicit love; intrigue; liaison; love affair; myth of affairs as symptomatic; nonmarital sex; out-of-marriage love affair; out-of-marriage lover; overlapping; play around; rules of adultery.

extramarital friendship:

An affectionate relationship with a person of the opposite sex outside of one's marriage, especially such a relationship that is not characterized by sexual activity.

See also comarital, emotional fidelity, emotional infidelity, free affection, Sunday husband.

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Extramarital Friendship"

[133, the character T. E. Frazier speaking] "... Our marriage ceremony is unambiguous, and I'm sure it's entered into in good faith. If in the course of time extramarital friendships weaken the original tie, we try to avoid an open break. A disinterested person, usually one of our psychologists, gives immediate counsel and guidance. Frequently the matter straightens itself out, and the original tie is preserved. But if the old affection is quite dead and the new one genuine, a divorce is carried through."

From: Walden Two, by B. F. Skinner; with a new preface [dated November 1969] by the author (London: Macmillan Co., c1948): chapter 17, p. 133.

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Extramarital Friendship"
[133, the character T. E. Frazier speaking] "... Our marriage ceremony is unambiguous, and I'm sure it's entered into in good faith. If in the course of time extramarital friendships weaken the original tie, we try to avoid an open break. A disinterested person, usually one of our psychologists, gives immediate counsel and guidance. Frequently the matter straightens itself out, and the original tie is preserved. But if the old affection is quite dead and the new one genuine, a divorce is carried through."
From: Walden Two, by B. F. Skinner; with a new preface [dated November 1969] by the author (London: Macmillan Co., c1948): chapter 17, p. 133.

extramarital lark:

1. Taking a lover besides one's spouse or otherwise engaging in sexual activity with someone besides one's spouse -- in either case, the event expressed as a whimsical adventure.

2. The lover so taken.

Comment: This term entails a wordplay, on the one hand, in reference to a carefree adventure and, on the other, in reference to a bird of the family Alaudidae.

See also extramarital affair, extramarital love affair, extramarital sex.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Extramarital Lark"

[42] If your M.L. [married lover] has had affairs before you, he may [43] not need much training. In the event, however, that you are his first crack at the Extramarital Lark (bird which spends most of its life in bedrooms) have him memorize the following ...

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): pp. 42-43.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Extramarital Lark"
[42] If your M.L. [married lover] has had affairs before you, he may [43] not need much training. In the event, however, that you are his first crack at the Extramarital Lark (bird which spends most of its life in bedrooms) have him memorize the following ...
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): pp. 42-43.

extramarital love affair:

1. A relationship between two people who are in love with each other but not married to one another, at least one of whom is married to someone else.

2. A sexual relationship between two people not married to one another, at least one of whom is married to someone else.

Comment: The term itself is ambiguous as to whether or not there is a component of physical intimacy; however, even in some contexts where the first sense is intended, the term is often meant to imply physical intimacy.

See also adultery, affair, ajois relationship, clandestine polygamy, comarital, de facto polygamy, extramarital affair, extramarital lark, forbidden love, in love, love affair, love relationship, out-of-marriage love affair, polyamory, romantic love, soul-mate problem.

extramarital sex:

Sexual activity with someone other than one's marital partner(s), though married.

See also action on the side; adultery; arrangement; don't ask, don't tell; direct-affront myth of affairs; extradyadic, extramarital affair; extramarital lark; extramural sexual affair; extra-pair copulation; extra-relationship sex; hundred-mile rule; intermarital sex; liaison; nonmarital sex; no sex outside of marriage; out-of-marriage love affair; play around; play with fire; postmarital sex; premarital intercourse; premarital sex; rules of adultery; sex; sexual immorality; traditional morality; wanton woman.

extra-mateship liaison:

Sexual activity with someone other than one's marital or love relationship partner(s).

See also extramarital affair, out-of-marriage love affair.

extramural sexual affair:

1. A sexual relationship outside the bounds of a primary relationship (q.v.).

2. A sexual relationship between two people, at least one of whom is in a committed love relationship (q.v.) with someone else.

See action on the side, also affair, extradyadic, extramarital sex, extra-pair copulation, intrigue, out-of-marriage love affair, overlapping, play around.

extra-pair copulation (EPC):

Engaging in sexual intercourse with an individual other than one's regular mate, said of a member of any apropos species.

See also action on the side, adultery, buddyf***, cheat, cuckoldry, cuckquean, dyad, EPC, extradyadic, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, extramural sexual affair, genetic monogamy, infidelity, intra-pair copulation, the lifestyle, monogamy, nonexclusive monogamy, open couple, out-of-marriage love affair, paternal discrepancy, polyfuckery, polykoity, sexual monogamy, sexual nonexclusivity, social monogamy, step out, unfaithfulness.

extra-partner sex:

Sexual activity with someone other than one's marital or love relationship partner(s).

See also affair, extramarital affair, extra-relationship sex.

extra-relational:

Outside of or beyond a relationship, especially on the part of a member of that relationship.

See also correlational, extramarital, interrelational, intra-relational, multirelational, non-relational, post-relational, pre-relational, relational.

extra-relationship sex:

Sexual activity with someone other than one's marital or love relationship partner(s).

See also affair, direct-affront myth of affairs, extramarital affair, extra-partner sex, myth of affairs as symptomatic.

ex-wife:

A woman to whom one was once married; a woman from whom one is divorced.

Contrast ex-husband (q.v.). See also divorce, ex, ex-husband, ex-partner, ex-wife syndrome, past attachment, quondam wife, stepwife, wife.

ex-wife envy:

A sense of jealousy ostensibly because one's ex-husband's current wife has what one once had or what one once wanted to have with him or because of her relationship with one's own children.

Source: Stepwives: 10 Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Stepmothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First, [by] Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn; with Marjorie Vego Krausz (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2002; "A fireside book": p. 94ff.

See also ex-husband envy, jealousy, lust, stepwife, Ten Commandment.

x envy.

ex-wife syndrome:

The inability of a woman to move on with her life in a happy and fulfilling way after the loss of a husband, whether the loss be due to death or divorce -- especially insofar as this inability is distinct from the common effects of grief and it entails feelings and behaviors that are injurious to her happiness.

Source: The Ex-Wife Syndrome: Cutting the Cord and Breaking Free After the Marriage Ends, [by] Sandra S. Kahn (New York: Random House, c1990).

See also broken heart, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife, ghosts of relationships past, grief, jealousy, left-over desire, left-over love, love trauma syndrome, miss, post break-up funk, post-marital blues, saudade, withdrawal anguish.

x syndromes.

eye:

See rolling eye, roving eye.

eye candy:

A physically attractive person.

See also arm candy, attractive, cherub, fox, honey, outer beauty, pulchritude, sex appeal, sky candy, sugar, sweetie, tottie.

eye of love, or eyes of love:

The inner agency by which one perceives a beloved in an idealized way, or as the beloved looked at an earlier time, or with sympathic understanding, or in a way in which faults are overlooked or at least regarded as worth the trouble.

See also babies-in-the-eyes, blinded by love, blindness of love, double vision, have eyes for, human beauty, look babies, romantic theology, vision of romantic love.

x eyes of love.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Eye of Love"

Douglas remained silent, mortified and provoked at the weakness of his wife, which not even the silver tones of her voice, or the elegance of her manners, could longer conceal from him. But still there was a charm in her very folly, to the eye of love, which had not yet wholly lost its power.

From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 4, p. 24. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Eye of Love"
Douglas remained silent, mortified and provoked at the weakness of his wife, which not even the silver tones of her voice, or the elegance of her manners, could longer conceal from him. But still there was a charm in her very folly, to the eye of love, which had not yet wholly lost its power.
From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 4, p. 24. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

eyes:

See babies-in-the-eyes, have eyes for.

eyes of love:

See eye of love.

Abbreviation for female.

See also dyadic notation, M, personal ad, triadic notation.

factor X:

See x-factor.

fag hag:

1. A woman who is especially keen on seeking the company of homosexual men, or of one in particular.

2. A straight man who is especially keen on seeking the company of homosexual men, or of one in particular.

Comment: Sometimes the term is shortened to "hag."

See also beard, homosexuality.

x hag.

Quotations from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Fag Hag"

[101] [Mona Ramsey] "So you're going straight?"

[Michael Toliver, a.k.a. "Mouse"] "I didn't say that."

[snip]

"Do you think I'm a fag hag?"

"What?"

[snip]

"Look at the symptoms. I hang around with you, don't I? [snip]"

"Mona ..."

"Hell, Mouse! I hardly know any straight men anymore."

"You live in San Francisco."

[102] "It isn't that. I don't even like most straight men. [snip]"

From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): pp. 101-102. The snips are mine, the elision Maupin's.

[Brian to Michael regarding Thack] "C'mon. He likes you a helluva lot more than he likes me." He threw up his hand in a gesture of resignation. "That's cool. I'm a fag hag. I can handle it."

From the novel: Significant Others, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1987; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 5): p. 118.

Quotations from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Fag Hag"
[101] [Mona Ramsey] "So you're going straight?" *[Michael Toliver, a.k.a. "Mouse"] "I didn't say that."* [snip] "Do you think I'm a fag hag?" *"What?"* [snip] "Look at the symptoms. I hang around with you, don't I? [snip]" "Mona ..." "Hell, Mouse! I hardly know any straight men anymore." "You live in San Francisco." *[102] "It isn't that. I don't even like* most straight men. [snip]"**
From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): pp. 101-102. The snips are mine, the elision Maupin's.
[Brian to Michael regarding Thack] "C'mon. He likes you a helluva lot more than he likes me." He threw up his hand in a gesture of resignation. "That's cool. I'm a fag hag. I can handle it."
From the novel: Significant Others, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1987; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 5): p. 118.

fairy-tale marriage, or fairy tale marriage:

A marital union in which the partners have found true love and "live happily ever after," that being the closing line of many a fairy tale, or one that in some other way resembles the circumstances in a fanciful story, as in the joke, "I have a fairy-tale marriage: I'm married to the witch."

See also happy marriage, marriage, true love.

x fairy tales.

x myths.

fairy tales:

Beauty-and-the-beast relationship, fairy-tale marriage, frog kisser, Cinderella story, Prince Charming.

See also stories.

faith and works:

See Law and gospel.

faithful:

1. Characterized by steadfast adherence to a pledge or personal commitment, especially to the terms of a relationship to which one has committed oneself.

2. Characterized by continuous adherence to an expectation of sexual exclusivity, for instance in a monogamy-only context.

3. Characterized by loyal and responsible behavior in one's relationship with a person; characterized by steadfast devotion.

See also constant, fidelious, loyal husband, loyal wife, true, unfaithful.

faithfulness:

1. Steadfast adherence to a pledge or personal commitment, especially to the terms of a relationship commitment.

2. Continuous adherence to an expectation of sexual exclusivity, for instance in a monogamy-only context.

3. Acting in a loyal and responsible manner in one's relationship with a person; steadfast devotion and acting in consonance with that devotion.

See also constancy, devotion, exclusivity, faithful, fidelity, hereism, keep safe what [one is] to [somebody], monogamism, monogamy-only position, relationship commitment, sexual exclusivity, troth, unconditional love, unfaithfulness.

fallacies:

See Bridegroom Fallacy, fallacy of a cherished affection, morality fallacy.

See also cross-references from "myths."

fallacy of a cherished affection:

The delusion that one is truly loved by one's partner, whom one loves, when one is not.

See also affection, blindness of love, folly, unfulfilled love, unreciprocated love.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Fallacy of a Cherished Affection"

[116] Confounded by this reproach, Henry eagerly snatched up the paper, and his eye fell on the fatal paragraph; the poisoned dart that struck the death-blow to [117] all that now remained to him of happiness -- the fond idea that, even amidst childish folly and capricious estrangement, still, in the main, he was beloved! With a quivering lip, and cheek blanched with mortification and indignent contempt, he laid down the paper; and, without casting a look upon, or uttering a word to, his once adored and adoring Juliana, quitted the apartment in all that bitterness of spirit which a generous nature must feel when it first discovers the fallacy of a cherished affection. Henry had, indeed, ceased to regard his wife with the ardour of romantic passion; nor had the solid feelings of affectionate esteem supplied its place: but he loved her still, because he believed himself the engrossing object of her tenderness; and in that blest delusion, he had hitherto found palliatives for her folly, and consolation for all his own distresses.

To indifference he might for a time have remained insensible; because, though his feelings were strong, his perceptions were not acute. But the veil of illusion was now rudely withdrawn. He beheld himself detested where he imagined himself adored; and the anguish of disappointed affection was heightened by the stings of wounded pride and deluded self-love.

From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 17, pp. 116-117. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Fallacy of a Cherished Affection"
[116] Confounded by this reproach, Henry eagerly snatched up the paper, and his eye fell on the fatal paragraph; the poisoned dart that struck the death-blow to [117] all that now remained to him of happiness -- the fond idea that, even amidst childish folly and capricious estrangement, still, in the main, he was beloved! With a quivering lip, and cheek blanched with mortification and indignent contempt, he laid down the paper; and, without casting a look upon, or uttering a word to, his once adored and adoring Juliana, quitted the apartment in all that bitterness of spirit which a generous nature must feel when it first discovers the fallacy of a cherished affection. Henry had, indeed, ceased to regard his wife with the ardour of romantic passion; nor had the solid feelings of affectionate esteem supplied its place: but he loved her still, because he believed himself the engrossing object of her tenderness; and in that blest delusion, he had hitherto found palliatives for her folly, and consolation for all his own distresses. To indifference he might for a time have remained insensible; because, though his feelings were strong, his perceptions were not acute. But the veil of illusion was now rudely withdrawn. He beheld himself detested where he imagined himself adored; and the anguish of disappointed affection was heightened by the stings of wounded pride and deluded self-love.
From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 17, pp. 116-117. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

fallen:

No longer of unimpeached moral stature; no longer innocent relative to the mores, especially the sexual mores, of a certain culture or subculture; characterized by having violated one or more standards of propriety, especially with regard to sexual behavior.

See also damaged goods, Madonna-whore complex, sexual purity, stigmatic guilt.

fall for:

1. To be somewhere on the continuum that runs from being romantically drawn to somebody to falling in love with that person.

2. To be duped into believing.

See also fall in love.

fall in love:

To undergo the process -- instantaneous, short, middling, or long -- of becoming emotionally attached to a person in a romantic way.

Contrast fall out of love (q.v.). See also call of the heart, catch feelings, conditional love song, coup de foudre, fall for, Florence Nightingale syndrome, frisson, give one's heart away, head over heels in love, hit it off, in love, lose one's heart, lose one's heart to, love, love at first sight, love at first text message, love-spring, make (a person) fall in love with, proceptive phase, put the mojo on, pygmalionism, romance, slay (someone's) heart, steal one's heart, win one's heart.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Falling in Love"

There is no accepted agreement upon what the state which our grandfathers used to call "falling in love" involves. It is neither sex appetite pure and simple; nor, on the other hand, is it necessarily related to marriage. It is something like a state of adoration ...

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," p. 88. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Falling in Love"

The question is like asking "What is falling in love?" There is no standard procedure, no fixed time.

From: Confessions of a Twentieth-Century Pilgrim, [by] Malcom Muggeridge (San Francisco: Harper & Row, c1988): p.15; cf. 140.

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Falling in Love"
The question is like asking "What is falling in love?" There is no standard procedure, no fixed time.
From: Confessions of a Twentieth-Century Pilgrim, [by] Malcom Muggeridge (San Francisco: Harper & Row, c1988): p.15; cf. 140.

fall out of love:

1. To become romantically indifferent to or to come to despise a person with whom one was once in love; to cease to experience the set of feelings associated with either new love or more settled love; to experience one's emotional bond to a mate or the desire for a romantic bond to a particular person dissolve.

2. To lose on one's own part what one experiences as or considers a vital element of an emotional bond with a mate or potential mate -- a vital element such as, perhaps, sexual desire for that person, affection, respect, trust, a sense of shared goals, or a desire to remain with that person.

3. To recognize that one's feelings for a person neither constituted nor were evidences of true love and thus to break out of an illusion of love. In this sense in some contexts, a person might consider it necessary to qualify the term, for instance, "I fell out of what I thought was love."

Comment: These definitions, especially the first, assume simplicity when the psychology of love is boundlessly complex. To illustrate:

A person may feel indifferent at a conscious level but emotions may yet lie in wait within the subconscious.

A person may cease wanting a romantic relationship with someone and may even redirect that desire to another yet still have feelings of affection and desire for the first person.

A person may eventually come to forget a person with whom he or she was in love, never have a moment of "falling" into indifference, and quite possibly have a resurgence of feelings when that love is recalled.

A person may feel alienated from a spouse, fall in love with and have an affair with another, and yet find the bond so strong with the spouse after all that a choice is made for continuing the marriage whatever it takes.

For further comment, see under "in love" (q.v.).

Contrast fall in love (q.v.). See also alienation of affections, Amnon-Tamar syndrome, cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, estranged, kill the feeling for each other, love, love-hate relationship, loveless marriage, love remembered, marital blues, mock marriage, out of love, slob love, unlove, unsuccessful marriage.

false heart:

1. An attitude whereby one plays on the hope of another for a serious and loving relationship simply for one's own gratification.

2. Defective loyalty in love; insufficient staunchness with regard to love-relationship commitments, especially when secretly insufficient from the start.

See also cad, cheatin' heart, false love, false lover, heart, woo for cake and pudding.

Quotation from the Wallich Translation of Von Grimmelshausen Illustrating "False Heart"

[146] The closest I came to her was on the way to and from church, when I would seize my chance to approach her and heave a passionate sigh or two, which I did most convincingly albeit from a false heart....

[147] From that evening on, though I behaved decorously enough towards the girl, I showed all the symptoms of love-sickness, so that she and her parents had every reason to believe that I had swallowed the bait. Yet my intentions were anything but serious and my only concern how to enjoy married bliss without a wedding.

From: The Adventures of a Simpleton (Simplicius Simplicissimus), [by] Hans Jacob Christoffel von Grimmelshausen [d. 1676]; newly translated from the German by Walter Wallich (New York: Frederick Ungar Publishing Co., 1963): pp. 146-147. This German novel was originally published in 1669.

Quotation from the Wallich Translation of Von Grimmelshausen Illustrating "False Heart"
[146] The closest I came to her was on the way to and from church, when I would seize my chance to approach her and heave a passionate sigh or two, which I did most convincingly albeit from a false heart.... [147] From that evening on, though I behaved decorously enough towards the girl, I showed all the symptoms of love-sickness, so that she and her parents had every reason to believe that I had swallowed the bait. Yet my intentions were anything but serious and my only concern how to enjoy married bliss without a wedding.
From: The Adventures of a Simpleton (Simplicius Simplicissimus), [by] Hans Jacob Christoffel von Grimmelshausen [d. 1676]; newly translated from the German by Walter Wallich (New York: Frederick Ungar Publishing Co., 1963): pp. 146-147. This German novel was originally published in 1669.

false hearted:

Characterized by a false heart (q.v.).

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "False-hearted"

The Young

Seaman's Misfortune;

or, THE

The False-hearted Lass of Lymus.

To the Tune of The Spinning Wheel. Licensed according to Order.

YOU loyal lovers far and near,

__that live and reign in Cupid's Court,

I'll have you freely lend an Ear,

__while I my Sorrows do report:

She that I lov'd has left me o'er,

__I'll never trust a Woman more.

In her I plac'd my chief Delight,

__and was her Captive night and day;

For why? her charming Beauty bright

__had clearly stole my Heart away:

But she will not my Joys restore,

__I'll never, etc.

On Board of Ship I chanc'd to go,

__to serve our good and gracious King;

Now when she found it must be so,

__she did her Hands in Sorrow ring,

Yet Wedded when I left the Shore,

__I'll never trust a woman more.

My dearest Love, she often cry'd

__forbear to sail the Ocean Sea;

If fortune shall us now divide,

__alas! what will become of me?

This she repeated ten times o'er,

__yet I'll never, etc.

A thousand solemn Vows I made,

__and she return'd the like again,

That no one should our Hearts invade,

__but both in loyal Love remain;

Yet she another had in store,

__I'll never, etc.

I was oblig'd to leave the Land,

__and ready to go hoist up Sail,

At which Tears in her Eyes did stand,

__and bitterly she did bewail;

Yet she another had in store,

__I'll never, etc.

I gave her then a Ring of Gold,

__to keep in Token of True Love,

And said, My dearest Dear behold!

__I evermore will Loyal prove;

She married when I left the Shore,

__I'll never, etc.

Five Months I plough'd the Ocean Main,

__with Courage bold of dread and fear,

At length with Joy return'd again,

__to the Embraces of my Dear,

But she another had in store,

__I'll never, etc.

Constancy doth torture me,

__and makes my Sorrows most sever

Like a keen Dart it pierc'd my Heart,

__for why I did the Tydings hear,

As soon as e'er I came on Shore;

__I'll never, etc.

Now must I wander in Despair,

__I find it is the Fates Decree;

My Grief is more than I can bear,

__I can love none alive but she:

Farewell, farewell, my Native shore,

__I'll never trust a Woman more.

Printed for P. Brooksby, J. Deacon, J. Blare, and J. Back.

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 224.

According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968):

Philip Brooksby was a bookseller in London from 1672-1696;

John Deacon from 1682-1701;

Josiah Blare from 1683-1706; and,

John Back from 1682-1703.

Textual notes:

Four illustrations accompany the ballad.

The repetition of "The" in the title is as it appears in the facsimile.

In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in four columns.

In black letter are the words, "To the tune of"; the words, "Printed for"; and the lyrics, except for these words: "Cupid's," "I'll never trust a Woman more" (thrice), "I'll never" (seven times).

Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u."

"but she": The "b" is indistinct in the facsimile.

"cry'd": A comma following the word is expected, but none appears in the facsimile.

"If Fortune": Possibly "Il Fortune" = "Il" being an obsolete form of "Ill."

"sever" presumably = "severe." A punctuation mark following the word is expected, but none appears in the facsimile.

Should my formatting drop away, every second line of the lyrics is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

false love:

1. Insincere show of affection.

2. Lack of stauchness with regard to love-relationship commitments.

Contrast true love (q.v., and note lexical example there). See also dead love, false heart, false lover, faux amour, love, woo for cake and pudding.

false lover:

1. A person who feigns being in love or who otherwise feigns meeting expectations in love.

2. A person who is less than staunch with regard to love-relationship commitments.

For lexical example, see under "carte de tendre."

Contrast true lover (q.v.). See also cad, coquette, false heart, false love, fribbler, gay deceiver, lover, woo for cake and pudding.

familial love:

Affection between members of a family.

See also affection, antipelargy, domestic love, family, fondness, love, storgic love.

familism:

1. An attitude that emphasizes the family (q.v.).

2. An attitude that gives the family higher priority than competing values, such as the building of wealth or career advancement.

Comment: Indicators of familism in a culture often include a high incidence of marriage and childbearing at a young age and of large families.

See also family sovereignty, family values.

familistere or familistery:

An abode for a group living together communally.

See also bachelorette pad, bachelor pad, group love relationship, group marriage, living together, love-nest, nest.

famille-souche:

See stem family.

family:

1. A fundamental social unit consisting of a group of two or more individuals related by marriage, common ancestry, or adoption.

2. A group of two or more individuals functioning as a household.

3. A group of people who love and care for each other.

4. A person accepted as a member of a family in any of the above senses, as in "She's family."

5. A fellow homosexual or bisexual.

6. The gay community in general.

Comments: In the third sense, the term may sometimes be either idealistic or exclusionary. In other words: Loving and caring for each other is what someone wants a group to strive for under the rubric of "a family." Or loving and caring for other members of the group is a prerequisite for being considered part of the family, perhaps with some allowance for those, like young children, requiring nurture.

When the term is used in the third sense, it may imply analogies to the first sense according to the speaker's experience or expectations, for example, with respect to roles and dynamics. In this regard it might be neither idealistic nor exclusionary but quite practical for somebody (for some value of "practical").

A proposed collective term: A clutch of families. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 131.

See also adoption, atomistic family, autonomous family, blended family, boundary, breadwinner, cellular family, clan, community, companionship family, compound family, conjugal family, consanguine family, democratic family, domestic family, dysfunctional family, elementary family, equalitarian family, exfamiliation, expanded family, extended family, familism, family based on consanguinity, family life, family love, family of choice, family of orientation, family of procreation, family values, father-absent family, father-only family, fishing fleet, generation, great family, heteronomous family, household, individual family, instant family, institutional family, juggler family, kinship, little social commonwealth, marriage, matriarchal family, matricentric family, mother-absent family, mother-only family, new family, nuclear family, one-parent family, pairing family, parent, patriarchal family, patricentric family, primary family, procreative marriage, procreative meaning, provider, punaluan family, reunion, romantic family, secondary family, settle down, S-group, single-parent family, stem family, stepfamily, Syndyasmian family, tribe, trusteeship family, two-parent family, Urfamilie, virtual community; bisexual, homosexual.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Family"

The fixed cultural definition of family is also changing. In the matter of New York's rent-control laws, the state's highest court, drawing on the dictionary definition of family, extended its meaning to include relationships beyond those of blood and legal ties to include an understanding of family as a functional unit. This in turn has made it possible for surviving unmarried life partners whose names do not appear on the rent-controlled leases of apartments in which they live, to remain in their homes under the same rent-control provisions after the partner-leaseholder's death.

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): p. 215. The rent control case referred to is Braschi v. Stahl Associates, 543 N.E. 2d 49 (1989).

family based on consanguinity:

A family (q.v.) in which three successive generations -- parents, brother(s) and sister(s), and their children -- all have sexual access to one one another.

Comment: According to some theories, this was a stage in the cultural development of sexual relations.

See also consanguine family.

family counseling:

1. Advisory and/or mediatorial assistance given family members in working through issues in their families. Typically such assistance is given by a member of the clergy, a therapist, a psychiatrist, or a medical doctor, as appropriate.

2. The benefit or practice of the above.

See also couples counseling, family therapy, genetic counseling, marital counseling, premarital counseling, relationship counseling.

x counseling.

family life:

1. The set of behaviors and activities on the part of members of a household, especially in their interactions either with each other or with one particular member, plus their living conditions.

2. The set of behaviors and activities on the part of members of an extended family in their interactions with each other.

See also compartmentalization, extended family, family, group complexity theory, household, lovestyle.

family love:

Affection that exists between members of a family (q.v.) or that is felt or exercized by one family member towards another.

See also affection, antipelargy, domestic love, familial love, fondness, love, storgic love.

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Family Love"

He [Charles Harcourt's grandfather] said to the abbot, "I must apologize for this unseemly family quarrel. It does not often happen. I'm sorry that you had to witness it."

"It was a quarrel," the abbot said smoothly, "that was filled to overflowing with deep family love..."

From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 37.

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Family Love"
He [Charles Harcourt's grandfather] said to the abbot, "I must apologize for this unseemly family quarrel. It does not often happen. I'm sorry that you had to witness it." "It was a quarrel," the abbot said smoothly, "that was filled to overflowing with deep family love..."
From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 37.

family of choice:

Those people, collectively considered, whom one voluntarily associates with as family members or voluntarily counts as family members; a group that functions as a family (q.v.) which one has assembled or helped assemble or joined.

Comment: A family of choice is sometimes spoken of in contrast to the family in which one is raised or any family where association is by expectation rather than present choice.

See also adoption, intentional family.

family of orientation:

The family (q.v.) in which one is raised.

Contrast family of procreation (q.v.). See also group switching.

family of procreation:

The family (q.v.) formed when one takes a mate and has children.

Contrast family of orientation (q.v.) and, in a different way, procreative marriage (q.v.). See also group switching, procreative meaning.

family-shaped architecture:

Thorough-going accommodation in the design of a dwelling to the domestic relationships of those living there or expected to live there, especially with regard to the form and nature of those relationships and the number of people to be accommodated.

Comment: I coined the phrase in 2006, but, of course, none of the words.

Contrast residence-shaped architecture. See also feng shui love, household architectonics, household architecture, household proxemics, interpersonal enhancement architecture.

family sovereignty:

1. The idea, especially in an actuated form, that the family has a sphere of rights that are not to be usurped but only protected by the state and of responsibilities that are not to be interfered with but only supported by the state. In some formulations of the idea, the state serves as a back-up in lieu of a family or in the event of a serious family failure.

2. The idea, especially in an actuated form, that the family is a more fundamental institution than the state and that the state therefore has no right to demand of a family member loyalty to the state's expectations over peacefully expressed loyalty to the family or to another family member, for instance, in a case of harboring or giving testimony. In some formulations of the idea, the state would have no right to regulate the shape of the family; nor would it have a right to interfere in family life, except, perhaps, when a family member seeks state interference or when serious abuse becomes evident.

See also bedroom, familism, family values, libertarianism, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of marriage and state, statism, Urfamilie.

family therapy:

1. The use or benefit of professionally developed methods to help members of a troubled family cope better with or alleviate problems in that family.

2. Professional counseling of troubled families as a practice.

See also couples therapy, family counseling, marital therapy, relationship coaching, relationship therapy.

x therapy.

family values:

1. The standards and principles cultivated within a family (q.v.).

2. A political agenda that reinforces families, that supports parents, and that gives children a high social priority.

3. Code for a political agenda against abortion, homosexuality, and public school sex education and in support of ceremonial marriage, traditional monogamy, the two-parent family (father and mother), and sexual abstinence outside of heterosexual marriage. The agenda sometimes includes disincentives for varying from the norm it sets, for example, it sometimes includes the suppression of any promotion of safer sex practices to minors, the stigmatizing of unwed motherhood, and tight restrictions on divorce, especially for parents. In other words, it tends to promote a high degree of state regulation with respect to marriage and private sex lives as well as a high degree of state involvement in the inculcation of traditional values through law, but a low degree of state interference with family sovereignty and the values regarding sexuality, marriage, and family life that parents choose to inculcate in their children.

See also abstinence, abstinence only, abstinence pledge, belief in marriage, believe in marriage, bourgeois marriage, breaking hypothesis, ceremonial marriage, chastity, compulsory monogamy, familism, family sovereignty, grounds for divorce, hot and cool sex, institutionalized marriage, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-only position, moral equivalence, out of wedlock, public character of sex, safe sex, square, sexual counterrevolution, traditional monogamy, traditional morality, true love pledge, two-parent family, unwed father, unwed mother, unwed parent.

fancy:

1. To like; to be fond of.

2. To be attracted to; to desire sexually.

3. To be infatuated with.

See also dote, error of fancy, fancy-free, fancy-monger, fancy-sick, fond of, infatuation, like, take a shine to.

fancy-free:

1. Without commitment, especially a singular commitment, or the responsibilities arising therefrom; not focused upon any one object; carefree.

2. Neither in love nor burdened with family responsibilities; not under the power of love; without any amorous attachment.

Comment: Often used in the expression, "footloose and fancy-free."

See also fancy, love-lacking.

fancy-monger:

A person who peddles his or her romantic feelings without being serious about any particular love interest.

See also fancy, love-monger.

x Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-monger"

ROSALIND.

[snip]
There is a man haunts the forest, that abuses our young plants with carving Rosalind on their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns, and elegies on brambles; all, forsooth, deifying the name of Rosalind: if I could meet that fancy-monger, I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the quotidian of love upon him.

ORLANDO.

I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you, tell me your remedy.

From: William Shakespeare, As You Like It (1599-1600): Act 3, Scene 2, line 377-385.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-monger"
ROSALIND. [snip] There is a man haunts the forest, that abuses our young plants with carving Rosalind on their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns, and elegies on brambles; all, forsooth, deifying the name of Rosalind: if I could meet that fancy-monger, I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the quotidian of love upon him. ORLANDO. I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you, tell me your remedy.
From: William Shakespeare, As You Like It (1599-1600): Act 3, Scene 2, line 377-385.

fancy-sick:

Lovesick, albeit more from infatuation than a serious love.

See also fancy, lovesick.

x Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-sick"

OBERON.

About the wood go swifter than the wind,
And Helena of Athens look thou find:
All fancy-sick she is, and pale of cheer
With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear ...

From: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream (1594-1596): Act 3, Scene 2, line 94-97.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-sick"
OBERON. About the wood go swifter than the wind, And Helena of Athens look thou find: All fancy-sick she is, and pale of cheer With sighs of love, that costs the fresh blood dear ...
From: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream (1594-1596): Act 3, Scene 2, line 94-97.

fantasy life:

1. One's daydream experiences and the content thereof in running form.

2. Often specifically: The running fictional content of one's sexual and romantic imagination.

See also Dirty Harry syndrome, dream date, erotic journal, genicon, ideal, love life, lovemap, man of (one's) dreams, person of (one's) dreams, porn addiction, Prince Charming, sex life, template (for a lover), woman of (one's) dreams.

far-away sweetie (FAS):

A person with whom one is in a long distance relationship.

See also cyber relationship, FAS, hundred-mile rule, long-distance lover, long-distance relationship, love letter, once-in-a-while lover, online relationship, sweetie.

farmer's wife:

Female spouse of a man who grows crops or raises livestock.

Comment: Because of a history of social patterns, not because of anything inherent in the term, "farmer's wife" generally implies domestic and other duties on a farm. For the same reason, "farmer's husband" tends to imply duties away from the farm. When the connotations are not comparable, there would seem to be unfairness in language with respect to gender; and so some recommend that the terms not then be used. In many cases, "farmer" is the suggested substitute for "farmer's wife." One implication: "farmer's daughter" might often be preferably rendered, "farmers' daughter."

See also consort, partner, pastor's wife, spouse, wife.

FAS:

Far-away sweetie (q.v.).

fast, as in "fast living" or "fast women":

1. Devoted to the pleasure of the moment, even if at the expense of morals and mores.

2. Characterized by the flouting of conventional or moral standards, especially with regard to sexual activity.

See also immoral, licentious, unchaste, wanton.

fastlane swinger:

A person who engages in hard-core swinging (q.v.) and, relative to other hard-core swingers, is more promiscuous and readier to engage in group sex (q.v.).

See also hard-core swinger, swinger.

fast worker:

A person who is adept at the art of the pickup, that is, at finding, meeting, and attracting desirable people with whom to engage in sexual activity.

See also operator, pick up artist, seducer, seductress.

fatal attraction:

An obseession with a person that masquerades as love and that leads to stalking and ultimately somebody's death.

Comment: Often an allusion to the movie, "Fatal Attraction" (1987), directed by Adrian Lyne and starring Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, and Anne Archer.

See also attraction, femme fatale, homme fatal, man bait, siren, white widow.

father:

A male parent.

Contrast mother (q.v.). See also dad-shock; genitor; husband; Mater semper certa est, pater est, quem nuptiae demonstrant; parent; pater; paternity; surprise father; surrogate father; unwed father.

father-absent family:

A household (q.v.) that includes children without a father as a member of that household, especially a one-parent family (q.v.) in which the children are being raised by the mother.

Contrast father-only family (q.v.) and mother-absent family (q.v.). See also family, mother-only family, single-parent family.

father-in-law:

See -in-law.

father of [my, your, her] child(ren):

1. The biological (genetic) father, typically the man by whom a woman has had one or more children, often in contradistinction to a man or men with whom she has raised her children or with whom she is now in a love relationship.

2. The man who raised a certain child or children, often in contradistinction to the biological father on the grounds that the former's claim to fatherhood is superior.

See also baby-daddy, mother of [my, your, his] child(ren), paternity.

father-only family:

A household (q.v.) that consists of a father and the children he is raising, without a mother as a member of the household.

Coined by me on analogy with "father-only family." But perhaps it already exists.

Contrast father-absent family (q.v.) and mother-only family (q.v.). See also family, mother-absent family, one-parent family, paterfamilias, patricentric family, single-parent family.

father surrogate:

See surrogate father.

father's wife:

A formulaic kinship term used in the Bible, most notably, perhaps, at Leviticus 18:8 = 20:11,¹ to refer to any woman that one's father marries -- whether monogamously, polygynously, or otherwise -- including any concubine of his,² perhaps even any woman that he takes sexually,³ especially a woman other than a man's own mother, since a man's mother is separately treated in Leviticus 18:7.

Comment: The Hebrew phrase roughly transliterated is 'eshet-'avika.

In all of the Hebrew Bible references given in the definition and box above, the ego, in terms of kinship relationships, is the Israelite man, the scope extending also to "aliens sojourning among" the Israelites (Leviticus 18:26). In the New Testament references (1 and 2 Corinthians), identifying the ego is more problematic. Among the candidates:

a Jewish-Christian male (note the contrast made with Gentiles in 1 Corinthians 5:1);

a Gentile who had joined the Jewish-Christian church (cf. Acts 15:19-20, 29); and,

a person of priestly standing (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:19 and the allusions in 1 Corinthians 5-7 to Leviticus 18-21, the last of these chapters being particularly for priests in the order of Aaron; take note also of the extent of priestliness in 1 Peter 2:5, 9 and Revelation 1:6, including the allusion in those passages to Exodus 19:6 and Isaiah 61:6; 66:21).

The last option is not mutally exclusive with the preceding two.

Identification of the ego may make a difference in determining who was considered to be subject to the law against "uncovering the nakedness of your father's wife" (Leviticus 18:8). However, the Apostle Paul suggested that even the Gentiles lived in conformity with it (1 Corinthians 5:1). That in turn suggests that he may have considered it a universal more deriving from a Noachian law, that is, a divine imperative delivered either to Adam and Eve or to Noah and his sons (for example, at Genesis 9:7) and applicable to all of the descendents of Noah, Noah being representative of the progenitors of all humankind.

References

1 Cf. Deuteronomy 22:30; 27:20; possibly Ezekiel 22:10; and 1 Corinthians 5:1, followed up, perhaps, by 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 and 7:11-12.

2 Cf. the Reuben incident at Genesis 35:22; 49:4; 1 Chronicles 5:1; the Absalom incident at 2 Samuel 16:21-22; 20:3; and, conceivably, the Adonijah incident at 1 Kings 2:13-25. However, also take note of Leviticus 25:44-46.

3 Cf. Amos 2:7; 1 Corinthians 6:16.

See also adultery, affinity, arsenokoitês, bestiality, deceased wife's sister question, first-cousin marriage, forbidden degrees, harem, Holiness Code, incest, menstruant as forbidden, nirimoua, Noachian laws, "one flesh," plural wife, polygynist, porneia, pornos, sexual immorality, sexual sin, stepmother.

References
1 Cf. Deuteronomy 22:30; 27:20; possibly Ezekiel 22:10; and 1 Corinthians 5:1, followed up, perhaps, by 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 and 7:11-12.
2 Cf. the Reuben incident at Genesis 35:22; 49:4; 1 Chronicles 5:1; the Absalom incident at 2 Samuel 16:21-22; 20:3; and, conceivably, the Adonijah incident at 1 Kings 2:13-25. However, also take note of Leviticus 25:44-46.
3 Cf. Amos 2:7; 1 Corinthians 6:16.

x Hebrew terms.

fatuous love:

In the triangular theory of love, love (q.v.) that is characterized by passion and commitment but that lacks intimacy.

See also committed love relationship, passion, triangular theory of love.

faux amour (French):

"False love."

See also amour, false love, love, mal aimé.

x French terms.

fauxmosexual, or faux-mosexual, as in "a fauxmosexual":

1. A person who pretends to be gay.

2. A person who mistakenly thinks he or she is gay.

Comment: From the French word faux ("false"), pronounced like "foe," plus the last four syllables of "homosexual."

See also fauxmosexual (adjective), fauxmosexuality, hasbian, homosexual.

x -sexual.

fauxmosexual, as in "fauxmosexual confusion":

Characterized by or pertaining to fauxmosexuality (q.v.).

See also fauxmosexual (noun), gay, homsexual.

fauxmosexuality:

1. A pretense of gayness, especially as an ongoing image that one projects of oneself.

2. A belief or suspicion that one is gay when one is not.

See also fauxmosexual, homosexuality.

faux wedding:

A fake or improper marriage ceremony.

Contrast, to some extent, bona fide marriage (q.v.). See also bloss, blowen, immigration marriage fraud, jactitation of marriage, marriage fraud, marriage in jest, mock wedding, paper marriage, shadow wife, sham marriage, spoffskins, wedding.

FB:

F*** buddy (q.v.).

fear jealousy (Ronald Mazur, 1973):

Anxiety about being left for someone else; fear of losing to one or more others a person to whom one desires to be close or of losing a significant degree of such a person's attentions.

See also jealousy.

febris amatoria (Latin):

"Love fever": chlorosis (greensickness), once so-called (that is, called febris amatoria) because it was thought that this iron-deficiency anemia in young girls would vanish once they were married.

Comment: Along the same vein, also called the virginal disease or, in Latin, morbus virgineus.

See also lovesickness.

x Latin terms.

x morbus virgineus.

x myths.

x virginal disease.

feel betrayed:

1. To suffer internal devastation and a radical loss of trust in a person with whom one is intimate, when that person is perceived to have been unfaithful to the fundamental terms of the relationship or to have included in his or her intimacies an unacceptable other. Often feeling betrayed includes the sense that one had never been loved by that person in the way that one had imagined and that one has been living in a web of falsehood. It may also include an intense sense of inadequacy and an acute feeling of loneliness.

2. To feel that someone close has turned on you, exploited and dumped you, exposed your vulnerabilities, damaged another of your relationships, or aided your enemy.

See also alienation of affections, betray, betrayal, emotional infidelity, infidelity, unfaithfulness, zero-sum view of love.

x feelings of betrayal.

x sense of betrayal.

feeling for, or feelings for:

A set of emotions associated with affection or with being in love.

See also affection, fellow feeling, in love, kill the feeling for each other, love, sentiment, tenderness.

feelings of betrayal:

See feel betrayed.

fellow feeling, or fellow-feeling:

1. A sense of affinity on a general level; sympathy or even, in some cases, empathy; a caring participation, in part through imagination, in the sensations and emotions of another.

2. A sense of affinity on a basis of commonality; a sense of community or of connection on the basis of a shared interest, experience, or opinion.

3. A mutual understanding; a shared opinion.

4. Rapport; a vibe.

See also affinity, agapic love, connection, feeling for, limbic resonance, loa, love, vibe.

female bachelor:

A bachelorette (q.v.).

See also bachelor.

female chauvinism:

1. A view that asserts either a generally natural superiority of human females over human males or a formal superordination of human females over human males.

2. On the part of a human female, acting out of a belief in the superiority or formally higher status of human females relative to human males or acting as though she believed in it.

Contrast male chauvinism (q.v.). See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, double standard, matriarchalism, sexism, sexual chauvinism.

x chauvinism.

female code of silence:

See code of silence.

female couple:

Two women who are in a dyadic homosexual relationship together.

Contrast male couple (q.v.). See also Boston marriage, couple, dyad, female marriage, homosexual, lesbian, lesbianism, she-troth, zami.

female-defense polygyny:

Acquisition of a harem by a male, which is achieved by rounding up some females and forcibly keeping other males away from them. Said of any harem-gathering species as apropos.

See also harem, intrasexual competition, male-dominance polygyny, mate guarding, polygyny, resource-defense polygyny, search polygyny.

x defense polygyny.

female gynophilia:

See gynophilia.

female-male friendship:

See male-female friendship.

female marriage:

1. A situation in which two women, not sisters and not mother and daughter, are living together under their own aegis and by their own means.

2. A lesbian domestic partnership.

3. An instance in which women are legally married to each other.

See also Boston marriage, civil union, counterfeit bridegroom, domestic partnership, female couple, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, household, lesbianism, male marriage, marriage, particular relationship, same-sex marriage, she-troth, zami.

female surplus:

More women than men in a given context, especially more women available to become mates than men available to become mates.

Contrast male surplus (q.v.). See also bridegroom shortage, spanandry, spaneria.

female widow:

A woman not currently married who has lost her most recent husband.

See also relict, relicta, widow, widow woman, wife.

feme covert (legal term):

A married woman.

See also coverture, wife.

feme sole (legal term):

A single woman, whether divorced (q.v.), widowed (q.v.), or never married (q.v.).

See also aloneness, angélica, bachelorette, dance barefoot, divorcée, free agent, jeune fille à marier, maiden, marital status, miss, odd woman, single, solemate, spinster, unmarried.

feminine wiles:

A woman's use of her female charms, or of supplements to them, in order to attract and hold onto a person of a complementary sexual orientation or otherwise in order to get her own way.

Comments: Feminine wiles encompass a wide variety of activities, among them the use of make-up and sexy clothing, flirtation, adaptation (perhaps only temporary) to the interests of a love object, the cultivation and use of erotic and culinary talents, the calibration of physical intimacies to correspond to what it takes to draw in a love object, extortion by tears or by the withholding of sexual relations, and the adminstration of love potions.

One hears much more of feminine wiles than of masculine wiles, which suggests that feminine wiles have long been a means of compensating for power inbalances that have disadavantaged women.

See also attraction, courtesan wiles, flirtation, make-want, masculine wiles.

x wiles.

feminism:

An ideology of women's liberation from injustices being suffered due to their sex, plus an evolving set of ideas that is meant to lead to the empowerment of women and the ever greater fulfillment of their potential. The ideology, which is owned by many women and seconded by many men, is generally characterized by:

opposition to patriarchalism (q.v.) and male chauvinism (q.v.);

advocacy of each woman's sovereignty over her own body and all that resides therein, and of informed choice with respect to her body;

advocacy of conditions wherein no woman is either penalized for or otherwise socially disadvantaged by her participation in reproduction and nurture;

advocacy of opportunity for women equal with that of men in all spheres of society;

advocacy of equal pay for equal work; and,

advocacy of the equal status of women and men in all spheres of society, including, together with much else, before the law, in the political process, and in marriage and love relationships.

Comments: Feminism is not confined to any particular culture but belongs to the world-wide feminist movement or, some might say, cluster of movements. Within feminism is found a great diversity of views, such that some speak of a variety of feminisms.

In some circles, especially some traditionalist ones, the term "feminism" is used derisively because of the feminist movement's sometimes strident challenge to long-standing social conventions and to rationales for those conventions; because many feminist institutions and thinkers advocate reproductive rights, including the right to contraception and the highly controversial right to choose with regard to abortion; because certain vociferous strands of feminism have taken a hostile posture towards men and rejected heterosexuality in favor of lesbianism; because certain other strands have advocated free love; and, of concern particularly to some in academe, because some feminist thinkers have denied the possibility of either historical or scientific objectivity and have engaged in anti-objective revisionism.

Some who believe in women's equality reject the label "feminist" in order to avoid such associations or because they take issue with a stance on one issue or another taken by some feminist organization (typically the pro-choice stance) or because they are averse to ideologies or labeling. However, many of the principles of feminism are now widely assumed in Western societies, even among many who have rejected the label; and those principles have made significant inroads in many other societies as well.

See also bedroom politics, conflict of gender interest, cupcake party, double standard, feminist, free female sexuality, free love, liberty, Lilith, matriarchalism, pussy-whipped, radical love, ruin, Sadie Hawkins Day, sexism, sex service, sexual chauvinism, sexual revolution, sexual suicide, union of equals, womanism, zipless f***.

feminist:

A person of any sex who espouses feminism (q.v.), especially someone who tries to work out the implications of feminism in real life.

See also womanist.

Beyond the scope of this glossary: shrieking sisterhood (See E. Cobham Brewer), suffragette.

femme fatale; plural, femmes fatales (French):

1. A woman whose beauty and charm entice one into a compromising or dangerous position, perhaps even leading to one's death.

2. A woman whose passions and intrigues lead one who is sexually involved with her into a life-threatening situation.

3. A woman, especially one swathed in an aura of mystery, who is considered dangerous because of her self-confident seductive power.

4. A woman thought worth dying for because of her charm and beauty.

5. A dangerous woman, for instance, because an agent of vengeance.

6. A story character fitting one of the preceding definitions. A femme fatale is often such precisely because of her role in a story, whether real or fictional.

Comment: On the one hand, some think the term ought to lapse into disuse, since they know of no precise equivalent for a man. (However, there is homme fatal.) On the other hand, some applaud the term, since it implies a woman of power and (it is thought) more such terms are needed.

See also deathbed bride, Delilah, fatal attraction, homme fatal, Lady Macbeth syndrome, man bait, Messalina, siren, tart noir, white widow.

x French terms.

femme galante (French):

A promiscuous woman.

Comment: French has a variety of other terms with similar meanings, such as femme facile and femme légère.

See also gallant, promiscuous, punch board, punchbroad, slut, tail-femme.

x French terms.

feng shui love:

A romance that is engendered, reactivated, or nurtured under the influence of an environment that has been designed and organized to be conducive to personal relationships by way of harmony with nature, balance in the positioning of objects, and the appropriate use of symbols.

Comments: "Feng shui" is Mandarin for "wind (and) water."

Feng shui is the art, rooted in Chinese beliefs about yin and yang (complementary cosmological principles) and the flow of chi (vital energy), of positioning objects to have beneficial effects.

See also abode effect, family-shaped architecture, household architecture, household proxemics, interpersonal enhancement architecture, love, love nest, relationship ecology, residence-shaped household, romance.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: built environment, environmental psychology, geomancy, green architecture, interior design, spatial organization.

fere:

1. A companion (q.v.) or fellow-traveler, as in life, whether male or female.

2. A consort (q.v.).

3. A spouse (q.v.).

fiancé:

1. A man who is engaged to be married to a particular woman.

2. A person, of any sex, who is engaged to be married. This usage of the word has been suggested in recent decades for the sake of expanding the availability of common-gender words.

See also affiance, affy, betrothed, boy bridegroom, bridegroom, catch, child-husband, DF, fiancée, groom, intended, mail-order husband, novio.

fiancée:

A woman who is engaged to be married to a particular man.

See also affiance, affy, betrothed, bride, catch, child-bride, DF, fiancé, girl-bride, intended, mail-order bride, novia.

fictive widow:

A wife who behaves as if she had no husband; a married woman whose husband is unable or unwilling to govern her, in a culture, such as one dominated by Puritanism, where he is expected to do so.

Source: Founding Mothers & Fathers: Gendered Power and the Forming of American Society, [by] Mary Beth Norton (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1996): p. 140.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, gynocracy, hen-peck, meacock, pussy-whipped, she who must be obeyed, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, widow, womaned.

fidelious:

Characterized by fidelity (q.v.).

Comment: Labeled an obsolete term in the Oxford English Dictionary.

See also constant, faithful, infidelious, infidous, true.

fidelity:

1. Steadfast adherence to a relationship commitment.

2. Continuous adherence to an expectation of sexual exclusivity, for instance in a monogamy-only context.

3. Acting in a loyal and responsible manner in one's relationship with a person.

See also closed group marriage, constancy, emotional fidelity, exclusivity, faithfulness, fidelitous, hereism, infidelity, intra-pair copulation, keep safe what [one is] to [somebody], monogamism, monogamy-only position, polyfidelity, relationship commitment, sexual exclusivity, troth, unconditional love, uncuckolded.

fight for (someone):

1. To enter or remain in the contest to win (someone) as a mate; to court, despite competition.

2. To put concentrated effort into winning (someone) over as a mate or keeping (someone) as a mate, despite obstacles.

See also court, win a mate.

fifth wheel:

1. Someone, especially but by no means necessarily in a group of five, who feels unnecessay or ignored or out of place or like a drag on the others; the odd person out.

2. A person who is largely left out while the four people (perhaps two couples) that he or she is accompanying socialize together or make love.

3. A person who has an inhibiting effect upon the four people (perhaps two couples) whose company he or she is keeping.

See also chaperon, cockblocker, mixoscopia, third wheel.

FIL:

Father-in-law.

See -in-law.

FILF, or filf:

Acronym for "father I'd like to f*ck."

1. A man who is old enough to be one's father and whom one finds sexually desirable.

2. A mature man considered sexually desirable.

Comment: This term is hardly as popular as "milf," given, in part, that it is so difficult to pronounce without stumbling over one's lips.

See also HILF, -ILF, MILF.

fin' amors (Occitan):

"Fine love."

See also courtly love.

x Occitan terms.

Quotations from Meg Bogin Illustrating "Fin' Amors"

Later poets used a single term to designate the set of feelings that Guilhem [de Poitou, d. 1127] had first expressed. They called in fin' amors, literally "fine love" (as opposed to the lustier variety he had also glorified), but more appropriately translated as courtly love.

From: The Women Troubadours, [by] Meg [i.e. Magda] Bogin (New York: W. W. Norton, 1980): p. 38. Originally published: New York: Paddington Press, c1976.

Quotations from Meg Bogin Illustrating "Fin' Amors"
Later poets used a single term to designate the set of feelings that Guilhem [de Poitou, d. 1127] had first expressed. They called in fin' amors, literally "fine love" (as opposed to the lustier variety he had also glorified), but more appropriately translated as courtly love.
From: The Women Troubadours, [by] Meg [i.e. Magda] Bogin (New York: W. W. Norton, 1980): p. 38. Originally published: New York: Paddington Press, c1976.

financially independent:

1. Having enough assets or little enough need so as to not have to work for a living or be dependent upon others.

2. On one's own with regard to making a living, especially as opposed to being dependent upon one's parents.

3. With regard to a person in a relationship:

Having one's money and other assets separate from those of one's relationship partner and under one's own control; or,

Having enough money and other assets separate from those of one's relationship partner so as not to be dependent upon one's partner.

See also pre-nuptial agreement, separate finances, société d'acquets.

find, meet, attract, close:

See FMAC.

Finglesham Church:

See married at Finglesham Church.

Finnish terms:

See temple of love (Rakkauden Temppeli).

first:

See first lover.

first-cousin marriage:

Marriage (q.v.) to an offspring of a parent's sibling. First-cousin marriages are not prohibited in the Bible (see Leviticus 18 and 20), but they are sometimes prohibited under systems of forbidden degrees (q.v.).

See also adultery, arsenokoitês, bestiality, deceased wife's sister question, father's wife, Holiness Code, incest, menstruant as forbidden, porneia, pornos, secondary incest, sexual immorality, sexual sin.

x cousin marriage.

first date:

1. One's initial experience, generally as a person who has reached sexual maturity, of engaging in a social activity with a particular person (or, in some cases, more than one) of a complementary sexual orientation.

2. One's initial social activity with a particular person (or, in some cases, more than one) of a complementary sexual orientation.

Comment: The term "first date," as opposed to, say, "second date" or "third date," often carries with it a special set of overtones: in either sense, anxiety and awkwardness; in the first sense, entry upon the world of romance; in the second sense, first impressions, finding connections, and a delicate interplay that will decide whether there will be future dates together. Furthermore, some people set rules for their first dates, for instance, "I never sleep with a guy on the first date."

See also date.

first love:

1. One's initial experience of romantic attachment (sometimes, but not always, distinguished from an initial infatuation).

2. The object of one's initial experience of romantic attachment.

3. One's initial experience of reciprocated romantic feelings.

4. The blossoming period of a romance, when the parties each realize their own feelings for the other person and they recognize their feelings for each other.

See also love.

Quotation from Richard Le Gallienne Illustrating "First Love"

Thus they [Pagan Wasteneys and Daffodil Mendoza] completed the second hour of their acquaintance.

They were in all the exaltation of first love experienced for the twentieth time. Sudden love had come upon them while they were drinking tea at Mrs. Lanyon's that very afternoon. In an instance they had known each other, swooped down into each other's eyes. Their first words had been almost a declaration.

From the novel: The Love-Letters of the King, or, The Life Romantic, by Richard Le Gallienne (Boston: Little, Brown, c1901, t.p. 1904): chapter 1, p. 1.

Quotation from Richard Le Gallienne Illustrating "First Love"
Thus they [Pagan Wasteneys and Daffodil Mendoza] completed the second hour of their acquaintance. They were in all the exaltation of first love experienced for the twentieth time. Sudden love had come upon them while they were drinking tea at Mrs. Lanyon's that very afternoon. In an instance they had known each other, swooped down into each other's eyes. Their first words had been almost a declaration.
From the novel: The Love-Letters of the King, or, The Life Romantic, by Richard Le Gallienne (Boston: Little, Brown, c1901, t.p. 1904): chapter 1, p. 1.

first lover:

1. The person with whom one shares one's initial experience of making love.

2. The person who will be, is, or was one's partner in one's earliest love relationship.

Comment: Often shortened simply to "first," as in, "He was my first."

Mention of a first lover sometimes connotes inexperienced bumbling, sometimes memories best forgotten, sometimes wistfulness, sometimes gratitude, sometimes a special impression that has been made, sometimes a linkage that will never entirely fade away so long as one lives. Rarely is it used without some significance beyond the mere denotation of the term.

See also lover.

x first.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "First Lover"

Ivor had done that to me [Louise Amberley]. He had printed himself forever on my body and in my eyes. I suppose a woman's first lover always does that.

From the novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 1, p. 14.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "First Lover"
Ivor had done that to me [Louise Amberley]. He had printed himself forever on my body and in my eyes. I suppose a woman's first lover always does that.
From the novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 1, p. 14.

fish:

To try to find a mate by way of dating.

See also date, mate sampling, stringer.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Fishing"

All of this experience made her more strategic at "fishing" in the vast seas of Internet dating sites and pulling out a catch she might want to keep.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 30.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Fishing"
All of this experience made her more strategic at "fishing" in the vast seas of Internet dating sites and pulling out a catch she might want to keep.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 30.

fishing fleet:

1. "The wives and families of naval officers spending the season at Malta."¹

2. "Women who frequent the Ladies' Lounge at the Union Club, Malta, in peacetime, fishing for eligible males."²

References

1 Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 48.

2 Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 96.

See also bundle man, dobash, family, girl in every port, hen frigate, knitting, lanlady, long-haired chum, owneress, party, perambulating navy lists, pash, personal attachment, pleasing appendage, popsey, sloping billet, wife.

References
1 Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 48.
2 Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 96.

fishing widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to the sport of fishing, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

Comment: Sometimes "fishing widow" is used for a female and "fishing widower" for a male.

See also cyber widow, golf widow, media widow, sports widow, spouse, tennis widow, widow.

fish off the company pier:

To date or to try to date some of those in the place of business where one works.

See also date, dating plan, fraternize, office bike.

fit double clews:

To marry.

Comment: A sailor's expression, "deriving from the time when women went to sea in H. M. Ships. Double clews were fixed to the hammocks," clews being cords by which a hammock is suspended.

Reference

Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 96.

See also bundle man, hen frigate, jump off the dock, marry, sloping billet.

Reference
Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 96.

five kinds of relationship:

A classification of qualitative differences between relationships according to a key feature of each -- in perhaps the most famous such classification, according to the dominant psychological feature of each, whereby long-term marriages especially are grouped into five categories: the conflict-habituated, the devitalized, the passive-congenial, the vital, and the total.

See also fusion, marriage, relationship.

x classification of relationships.

x conflict-habituated relationship.

x devitalized relationship.

x kinds of relationship.

x passive-congenial relationship.

x total relationship.

x types of relationship.

x vital relationship.

Quotation from John F. Cuber and Peggy B. Harroff Describing the "Five Kinds of Relationship"

[43]

FIVE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIP

THE qualitative aspects of enduring marital relationships vary enormously. The variations described to us were by no means random or clearly individualized, however. Five distinct life styles showed up repeatedly and the pairs within each of them were remarkably similar in the ways in which they lived together, found sexual expression, reared children, and made their way in the outside world.

The following classification is based on the interview materials of those people whose marriages had already lasted ten years or more and who said that they had never seriously considered divorce or separation... 107 men and 104 women....

[44] Examination of the important features of their lives revealed five recurring configurations of male-female life, each with a central theme -- some prominent distinguishing psychological feature which gave each type its singularity. It is these preeminent characteristics which suggested the names for the relationships: the Conflict-Habituated, the Devitalized, the Passive-Congenial, the Vital, and the Total.

The Conflict-Habituated

... In this association there is much tension and conflict -- although it is largely controlled... There is private acknowledgement by both husband and wife as a rule that incompatibility is pervasive, that conflict is ever-potential, and that an atmosphere of tension permeates togetherness....

[46] So central is the necessity for channeling conflict and bridling hostility that these considerations come to preoccupy much of the interaction....

The Devitalized

The key to the devitalized mode is the clear discrepancy between middle-aged reality and the earlier years. These people usually characterized themselves as having been "deeply in love" during the early years, as having spent a great deal of time together, having enjoyed sex, and most [47] importantly of all, having had a close identification with one another. The present picture, with some variation from case to case, in in clear contrast -- little time is spent together, sexual relationships are far less satisfying qualitatively or quantitatively, and interests and activities are not shared, at least not in the deeper and meaningful way they once were. Most of their time together is now "duty time" ...

Two rather distinct subtypes of the devitalized take shape by the middle years [one "accepting and quiescent" (p. 48), the other not; there are also those who are "ambivalent" (p. 54)]....

[49] Regardless of the gracefulness of the acceptance, or the lack thereof, the common plight prevails: on the subjective, emotional dimension, the relationship has become a void. The original zest is gone. There is typically little overt tension or conflict, but the interplay between the pair has become apathetic, lifeless....

[50] The Passive-Congenial

The passive-congenial mode has a great deal in common with the devitalized, the essential difference being that the passivity which pervades the association has been there from the start. The devitalized have a more exciting set of memories; the passive-congenials give little evidence that they had ever hoped for anything much different from what they are currently experiencing....

[55] The Vital

.... the mates are intensely bound together psychologically in important life matters. Their sharing and their togetherness is genuine. It provides the life essence for both man and woman....

The presence of the mate is indispensable to the feelings of satisfaction which the activity provides....

[57] This does not mean that people in vital relationships lose their separate identities, that they may not upon occasion be rivalrous or competitive with one another, or that conflict may not occur. They differ fundamentally from the conflict-habituated, however, in that when conflict does occur, it results from matters that are important to them ...; it is devoid of the trivial ... A further difference is that people to whom the relationship is vital tend to settle disagreements quickly and seek to avoid conflict, whereas the conflict-habituated [58] look forward to conflict and appear to operate by a tacit rule that no conflict is ever to be truly terminated and that the spouse must never be considered right. The two kinds of conflict are thus radically different. To confuse them is to miss an important differentiation.

The Total

The total relationship is like the vital relationship with the important addition that it is more multifaceted. The points of vital meshing are more numerous -- in some cases all of the important life foci are vitally shared....

[59] The various parts of the total relationship are reinforcing ....

[61] ... the five types represent different kinds of adjustment and different conceptions of marriage. This is an important concept which must be emphasized if one is to understand the personal meanings which these people attach to the conditions of their marital experience.

From: The Significant Americans: A Study of Sexual Behavior Among the Affluent, by John F. Cuber, with Peggy B. Harroff (New York: Appleton-Century, c1965): chapter 3, "Five Kinds of Relationship," pp. 43-65. The underlining is mine.

Quotation from John F. Cuber and Peggy B. Harroff Describing the "Five Kinds of Relationship"
[43] FIVE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIP THE qualitative aspects of enduring marital relationships vary enormously. The variations described to us were by no means random or clearly individualized, however. Five distinct life styles showed up repeatedly and the pairs within each of them were remarkably similar in the ways in which they lived together, found sexual expression, reared children, and made their way in the outside world. The following classification is based on the interview materials of those people whose marriages had already lasted ten years or more and who said that they had never seriously considered divorce or separation... 107 men and 104 women.... [44] Examination of the important features of their lives revealed five recurring configurations of male-female life, each with a central theme -- some prominent distinguishing psychological feature which gave each type its singularity. It is these preeminent characteristics which suggested the names for the relationships: the Conflict-Habituated, the Devitalized, the Passive-Congenial, the Vital, and the Total. The Conflict-Habituated ... In this association there is much tension and conflict -- although it is largely controlled... There is private acknowledgement by both husband and wife as a rule that incompatibility is pervasive, that conflict is ever-potential, and that an atmosphere of tension permeates togetherness.... [46] So central is the necessity for channeling conflict and bridling hostility that these considerations come to preoccupy much of the interaction.... The Devitalized The key to the devitalized mode is the clear discrepancy between middle-aged reality and the earlier years. These people usually characterized themselves as having been "deeply in love" during the early years, as having spent a great deal of time together, having enjoyed sex, and most [47] importantly of all, having had a close identification with one another. The present picture, with some variation from case to case, in in clear contrast -- little time is spent together, sexual relationships are far less satisfying qualitatively or quantitatively, and interests and activities are not shared, at least not in the deeper and meaningful way they once were. Most of their time together is now "duty time" ... Two rather distinct subtypes of the devitalized take shape by the middle years [one "accepting and quiescent" (p. 48), the other not; there are also those who are "ambivalent" (p. 54)].... [49] Regardless of the gracefulness of the acceptance, or the lack thereof, the common plight prevails: on the subjective, emotional dimension, the relationship has become a void. The original zest is gone. There is typically little overt tension or conflict, but the interplay between the pair has become apathetic, lifeless.... [50] The Passive-Congenial The passive-congenial mode has a great deal in common with the devitalized, the essential difference being that the passivity which pervades the association has been there from the start. The devitalized have a more exciting set of memories; the passive-congenials give little evidence that they had ever hoped for anything much different from what they are currently experiencing.... [55] The Vital .... the mates are intensely bound together psychologically in important life matters. Their sharing and their togetherness is genuine. It provides the life essence for both man and woman.... The presence of the mate is indispensable to the feelings of satisfaction which the activity provides.... [57] This does not mean that people in vital relationships lose their separate identities, that they may not upon occasion be rivalrous or competitive with one another, or that conflict may not occur. They differ fundamentally from the conflict-habituated, however, in that when conflict does occur, it results from matters that are important to them ...; it is devoid of the trivial ... A further difference is that people to whom the relationship is vital tend to settle disagreements quickly and seek to avoid conflict, whereas the conflict-habituated [58] look forward to conflict and appear to operate by a tacit rule that no conflict is ever to be truly terminated and that the spouse must never be considered right. The two kinds of conflict are thus radically different. To confuse them is to miss an important differentiation. The Total The total relationship is like the vital relationship with the important addition that it is more multifaceted. The points of vital meshing are more numerous -- in some cases all of the important life foci are vitally shared.... [59] The various parts of the total relationship are reinforcing .... [61] ... the five types represent different kinds of adjustment and different conceptions of marriage. This is an important concept which must be emphasized if one is to understand the personal meanings which these people attach to the conditions of their marital experience.
From: The Significant Americans: A Study of Sexual Behavior Among the Affluent, by John F. Cuber, with Peggy B. Harroff (New York: Appleton-Century, c1965): chapter 3, "Five Kinds of Relationship," pp. 43-65. The underlining is mine.

five Ms:

See panchamakara.

fix up:

To arrange a date for; to see that (typically) two people are brought together to consider each other for romantic involvement.

Comment: Not to be confused with "fix" in the sense of "render infertile by surgical means."

See also date, dating plan, dating service, go-between, love-broker, matchmaker.

fix-up:

A person with whom someone is fixed up.

See also blind date, fix up.

Flagg marriage:

A wedding conducted without previously having been publicly announced, as in the case of an elopement.

Comment: A New England term.

See also Boston marriage, elopement, Fleet marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, Las Vegas wedding, marriage, Scotch marriage, wedding.

Quotation from Alice Morse Earle Illustrating "Flagg Marriage"

Such an unpublished marriage was known in New Hampshire as a "Flagg marriage," from one Parson Flagg, of widespread notoriety, of Chester, Vermont [i.e. New Hampshire], whose house was a sort of Yankee Gretna Green.

From: "Old-Time Marriage Customs in New England," [signed] Alice Morse Earle, in: Journal of American Folklore; 6 (April-June 1893): 97-102, specifically 98. For a version in HTML, by Dinsmore Documentation (November 25, 2006), see: http://www.dinsdoc.com/earle-1.htm (which is the version I used).

In the course of fact-checking, I have found no Parson Flagg of Chester, Vermont. However, there was an Ebenezer Flagg (1704-1796) who ministered in Chester, New Hampshire for the last sixty years of his life. In an email of December 26, 2006, the Chester Historical Society (N.H.) confirmed that Ebenezer Flagg of Chester, N.H. was in fact the Flagg of Flagg marriage

flame:

A person with whom one is in love (q.v.).

Comment: Nowadays a more common sense of "flame" is "an online message or portion thereof that is intended to generate emotional heat by attacking, insulting, or provoking." The use of ALL CAPS is conventional for a flame. "To flame" is to attempt to generate emotional heat by means of such a message.

See also beloved, carry a torch for, Cupid's torch, have the hots for, heartthrob, inamorata, inamorato, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, masher, old flame, partner, squish, torchy.

flame of love:

A person's love (q.v.) metaphorically conceived of as a fire, when one or more of its properties are thought analogous to those of fire.

See also rekindle the flame.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Flame of Love"

[Mona Ramsey to Michael Toliver] "My! How soon the flame of love can die!"

From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 143.

Fleet marriage:

A wedding in the Fleet debtors' prison area of London conducted without the usual social precautions, or a wedding of that ilk. Fleet marriages were generally cheap, generally unpublicized weddings that invited a horde of abuses.

See also Boston marriage, Flagg marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, Las Vegas wedding, marriage, married at Finglesham Church.

flesh:

See affair of the flesh.

flexible monogamy:

A dyadic marriage that allows for occasional sexual relations with persons outside of that marriage.

See also comarital, dyad, letter group (C), marriage, monogamy, new adultery, nonexclusive monogamy, open couple, open marriage, sexual nonexclusivity.

fling:

1. An energetic sexual relationship of short duration, characterized by abandon to physical desire for one another.

2. A partner in such a relationship.

3. A fun-loving lifestyle, especially one that entails the pursuit of one or more casual love affairs, during a limited period of one's life when one is without marital obligations.

4. A period of living without seriousness.

See also affair, affairette, affair of the flesh, amourette, conquest, cyberfling, dalliance, escapade romantique, expiration dating, insignificant other, intrigue, liaison, lifestyle, one-night stand, peccadillo, pickup, short-term relationship, slutstyle, whirlwind romance, zipless f***.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fling"
She [Kate] had had her fling, even here in Mexico. And these men [including her new Mexican husband] would let her go again. She was no prisoner. She could carry off any spoil she had captured.
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 27, p. 439.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fling"

"I'm not sure one shouldn't have one's fling till one is twenty-six, and then give in, and marry!"

This was Lucille's philosophy, learned from older women. Yvette was twenty-one. It meant she had five more years in which to have this precious fling. And the fling meant, at the moment, the gipsy. The marriage, at the age of twenty-six, meant Leo or Gerry.

So, a woman could eat her cake and have her bread and butter.

From: The Virgin and the Gypsy, [by] D. H. Lawrence (New York: Vintage Books, 1984): chapter 8, pp. 143-144. Originally published, 1930.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Fling"

Currently 57, Bebe has felt a major internal shift. With some reluctance, because she loved all her flings, she acknowledges that at this stage she is less interested in short-term romance and hungry for something much more soulful.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. [248].

flirt, as in "a flirt":

A person who teases amorously, especially someone who does so habitually.

Contrast target (q.v.). See also cockteaser, cuntteaser, coquette, cyberflirt, e-flirter, flirt-gill, hoochie, ladies' man, masher, peacock, slutwitch.

flirt, as in "to flirt":

1. To act in an erotically playful manner either leading up to a sexual invitation or as though leading up to a sexual invitation; to tease amorously; to direct one's sexual allure towards someone.

2. To trifle with.

Comment: For lexical example, see under "make love to."

See also blue ball, chat up, come on to, consummate, cruise, cyberflirt, flirtation, geek-flirt, hit on, Lady Jane, look babies, make a pass at, make (a person) fall in love with, philander, play hard to get, play with fire, put the mojo on, solicit, vamp.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: approach invitation (AI), attract, coquet, coquetry, coquette, lovers' gaze, make a play for, make eyes at, proposition, pull, put the make on, sexual invitation, sexual overture, smirt, tease, work the biscuit.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Flirting"

In Lydia [Bennet]'s imagination, a visit to Brighton comprised every possibility of earthly happiness. She saw with the creative eye of fancy, the streets of that gay bathing place covered with officers. She saw herself the object of attention, to tens and to scores of them at present unknown. She saw all the glories of the camp; its tents stretched forth in beauteous uniformity of lines, crowded with the young and the gay, and dazzling with scarlet; and to complete the view, she saw herself seated beneath a tent, tenderly flirting with at least six officers at once.

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 41, pp. 295-296. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

flirtation:

1. The practice of or an instance of flirting.

2. A light, casual romantic involvement, especially one of short duration; or, as in "he's just a flirtation," the person with whom one has such an involvement.

3. A brief involvement of any sort.

See also amourette, approach invitation, attentions, attraction, cap-setting, casual relationship, chat-up line, come-on, comet, comether, consummation, cyberflirtation, dalliance, dating plan, discourse of desire, easy talk, e-flirt, feminine wiles, fling, flirt, flirtspeak, insignificant other, liaison, lordosis behavior, love-prate, ludic love, make-want, masculine wiles, once-over, opening line, passive smirting, peccadillo, pick-up line, proposition, rolling eye, romance, scamming, short-term relationship, smirting, sweet talk, wink.

Quotation from Spider Robinson Illustrating "Flirtation"

The temporary insanity with Diane [Levy] was my [Joel Johnston's] last flirtation with grand | passion and romance. After that I was more in the market for companionship, intellectual stimulation, perhaps a little cautious friendly sex every now and again, perhaps not.

From the science fiction novel: Variable Star, [by] Robert A. Heinlein and Spider Robinson (New York: TOR, A Tom Doherty Associates Book, 2006): pp. 202-203.

flirt-gill:

A flirtatious Gillian, that is, an erotically playful and, perhaps, wanton young woman.

Comment: For a quotation from Shakespeare, see under "skains-mate."

See also bimbo, box of assorted creams, coquette, flirt, fribbler, giglet, girl toy, güila, lothariette, minx, multicipara, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, slut, slutwitch, wanton woman, whore.

flirting wink:

See wink.

flirt party:

A gathering of people for the express purpose of their amorous teasing of each other, by way of, for example, suggestive dancing, sensual touching, and intimate kissing.

Comments: The ultimate purposes of such a party typically include:

to provide an atmosphere friendly to the development of flirtation skills;

to provide an environment for people to find prospective partners; and,

to provide an environment where partners can come to be aroused for coital activity afterwards.

Commonly rules include:

Women set the tone and are not to be offended.

Women are to dress in a sexy manner and men in such a way as to accent their dates.

No nudity and no coital activity on premises.

See also friction party, skin party.

x party.

flirtspeak:

Language used in flirting; verbal communication, sometimes indirect, of amorous interest in the person with whom one is communicating; words, phrases, and sentences used in an erotically playful manner either leading up to a sexual invitation or as though leading up to a sexual invitation -- when in person, typically used with suggestive intonations, eye-play, and body language.

See also flirtation, love letter.

Florence Nightingale effect:

See Florence Nightingale syndrome.

Florence Nightingale syndrome:

1. The compulsion to try to rescue others, especially when it is out of a need to feel loved or wanted.

2. Especial attraction to individuals one perceives as needing to be rescued; attraction to so-called "bad boys" or "bad girls" or to broken souls, when it is bound up with a desire to to rescue them.

3. The act of caregiving serving as a catalyst for romantic passion, with the result that:

a caregiver falls in love with the patient (also called the Florence Nightingale effect);

a patient falls in love with the caregiver; or,

the two fall in love with each other.

4. Confusion, in a patient's heart, of appreciation of a caregiver and gratitude for caregiving with romantic love.

Comments: Named after Florence Nightingale (1820-1910), who worked assiduously for improvements in nursing care. As to her association with the set of syndromes listed above: Her motives who can second-guess? And she is not known to have fallen in love with any of her patients; although some of her Crimean War patients, it was said, kissed her shadow. (Compare the 1857 poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, "Santa Filomena.") The association seems to be based chiefly on her being, in the view of many, the archetypal nurse.

In some professional settings, the Florence Nightingale syndrome is considered inappropriate on the part of the caregiver.

See also altrusim, attraction, clericolagnia, countertransference, dual relationship, fall in love, rescuer, sacrificial love, transference.

x Florence Nightingale effect.

x Nightingale syndrome.

x syndromes.

fluid-exchange network:

A set of unprotected sexual encounters and relationships over time that informally link people together, whether individuals are linked directly or indirectly, thus potentially allowing for the transmission of a sexually transmitted disease.

See also chains of affection, fluid-exchange relationship, safe sex circle.

x network.

fluid-exchange relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) in which sexual activity is conducted in such a way as to enable the transmission of a sexually transmitted pathogen, such as the HIV virus, if one is present.

Comment: The idea is that bodily fluids are allowed to make contact with parts of another person's body that can serve as portals of entry for a pathogen -- in the case of the HIV virus, fluids like semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, and blood. The word "exchange" is a bit of a misnomer, in that fluids need not move two ways.

See also body fluid monogamy, fluid-exchange network, fluid monogamy, safe sex.

fluid monogamy:

Restriction of unprotected sex to members of a safe sex circle (q.v.) comprised of two or more people, this for the sake of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Commonly testing for STDs plays a big role in such a circle, both to gain entry and to remain a member allowed to participate in unprotected sex after unprotected outside sexual contact or other possible exposure to an STD.

Comment: What a strange use of the word "monogamy"! Apparently the restrictive aspect of monogamy suggested the term.

See also body fluid monogamy, closed circle of f*** buddies, closed loop relationship, condom commitment, fluid-exchange relationship, monogamy, protected sex.

flush:

To break off a relationship with (somebody).

Comment: The term has toilet overtones and so is susceptible to being taken badly.

Source: The BBC television sitcom, "Coupling," series 1, episode 1, "Flushed," written by Steven Moffat; directed by Martin Dennis (first aired, May 12, 2000).

See also break up, ditch, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, love and leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over, unflushable, walk out.

FM:

Formerly married (q.v.).

Be careful not to confuse this with FM in dyadic notation (q.v.).

FMAC:

Find, meet, attract, close -- the basic elements of many a successful pickup (q.v.).

Comment: The term "close" is taken from sales lingo, as in "to close a deal." In this case, "to close" means "to bring the person approached to a point of committing either to sexual relations on the spot or to a track that has a good chance of leading to casual sex in the near future." Among types of closes:

those that entail an anticipatory kiss or more intimate physical activity (an *close: a kiss close or f*** close);

those that are accomplished by e-mail (an @close: an e-mail close); and,

those that entail the "target," that is, the person one is trying to pick up, providing her or his phone number (a #close: a number close).

See also pick up.

x close.

x find, meet, attract, close.

folie à deux (French):

"Mania of two": two friends or lovers being so wrapped up in each other that they become isolated from the rest of the world.

See also amour fou, besotted, crazy about, égoïsme à deux, go gaga over, love-cracked, loveydovey, madly in love, religion of two, violently in love.

x French terms.

folly:

1. A mistake made for want of wisdom.

2. Flouting social conventions in such a way as to make one susceptible to reaping ill rewards.

3. Marrying below one's station in life.

4. An unwise sexual escapade, at least as the speaker perceives it to be.

Comment: The term is almost always used pejoratively.

See also amixia, fallacy of a cherished affection, hypogamy, indiscretion, left-handed marriage, marry down, mésalliance, morganatic marriage, panmixia, pratiloma marriage.

Quotation from Benjamin Constant Illustrating "Folly"

[Chapter 2, page 44, the character Adolphe narrating] My father was a strict observer of outward appearances, but he quite often indulged in loose talk about love-affairs. He looked upon them, if not as legitimate amusements, at any rate as excusable ones, and in his [45] view marriage alone was a serious matter. His principle was that a young man must carefully avoid committing what is called a 'folly', that is to say embarking on a permanent relationship with anybody not fully his equal in wealth, birth and the obvious social advantages.

From: Adolphe, [by] Benjamin Constant; translated with an introduction by L. W. Tancock (Harmondsworth, Middlesex; Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1964; in series: The Penguin Classics; L134): pp. 44-45. Translation from the French of: Adolphe (1815).

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Folly"

[Chapter 16, page 286, the character Constance Chatterley to her sister, Hilda] "Well, you know I love somebody, don't you?"

[Snip]

"Do you want to tell me who he is," she said.

"He's our gamekeeper," faltered Connie, and she flushed vividly, like a shamed child.

"Connie!" said Hilda, lifting her nose slightly with disgust: a motion she had from her mother.

"I know: but he's lovely, really. He really understands tenderness," said Connie, trying to apologize for him.

Hilda, like a ruddy, rich-colored Athena, bowed her head and pondered. She was really violently angry. But she dared not show it, because Connie, taking after her father, would straightway become obstreperous and unmanageable.

It was true, Hilda did not like Clifford [Connie's husband]: his cool assurance that he was somebody! She thought he made use of Connie shamefully and impudently. She had hoped her sister would leave him. But, being solid Scotch middle class, she loathed any "lowering" of oneself, or the family. She looked up at last.

"You'll regret it," she said.

"I shan't," cried Connie, flushing red. "He's quite the exception. I really love him. He's lovely as a lover."

[Snip, p. 287]

"And tonight's business seems quite gratuitous folly. Where does the man live?"

"In the cottage at the other end of the wood."

"Is he a bachelor?"

"No! His wife left him."

[Snip]

Hilda became more angry at every reply, angry as her mother used to be, in a kind of paroxysm. But she still hid it.

"I would give up tonight's escapade if I were you," she advised calmly.

"I can't! I must stay with him tonight, or I can't go to Venice at all. I just can't."

From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): pp. 286-287. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928."

fondness:

1. Friendly feelings towards.

2. Favorable emotions precursory (perhaps) to romantic love.

3. Romantic love for a person.

See also affection, domestic love, familial love, family love, feeling for, fond of, friendship, love, regard, romantic love, storgic love.

fond of:

1. To have friendly feelings towards; to be kindly disposed towards; to like.

2. To have favorable emotions with regard to somebody in a way that is, potentially, precursory to romantic love.

3. Litotes (understatement) for "in love with" or "deeply attached to."

See also cherish, dote, fancy, fondness, in love, like, love, take a shine to.

x be fond of.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fond of"

[Kate Leslie] "Yes, I liked him [my first husband]. But I never felt anything very deep for him. I married him when I was young, and he was a good deal older than I. I was fond of him, in a way. But I had never realised that one could be more than fond of a man, till I knew Joachim..."

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 3, p. 66.

food of love:

Poetry.

See also erotographomania, love letter.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Food of Love"

'I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love,' said Darcy.

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 9, p. 64. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

fool around:

1. To engage in frolicsome or irresponsible sexual activity.

2. To conduct one or more affairs, especially affairs in which at least one of the partners is married.

3. To engage a person emotionally or physically without any intent of developing a serious relationship with that person.

See also affair, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, play around, run astray, tip, two-time, yard on.

football widow:

See sports widow.

forbidden degrees:

A system whereby incest or an incestuous marriage is determined by the closeness of kinship relation. The kinship may be consanguine, affinal, or both. Rules regarding forbidden degrees will often specifically take into account half-blood, illegitimate, and adoptive relationships.

Comment: More than one system of counting degrees is in use. To quote from The Oxford English Dictionary (s.v. "degree"): "In the Civil Law [of England?] the degree of relationship between collaterals is counted by the number of steps up from one of them to the common ancestor and thence down to the other; according to Canon Law [in the Church of England?] by the number of steps from the common ancestor to the party more remote from him; uncle and niece are according to the former related in the third, according to the latter in the second degree."

A system of forbidden degrees is to be distinguished from a definitional approach, that is, one that simply designates certain relationships as incestuous, even though other relationships not considered incestuous may be as close or closer.

A historical anomaly: The Bible employs the definitional approach (Leviticus 18, 20; 1 Corinthians 5); but much of the church, which claims the Bible as its Scripture, employs the forbidden-degrees approach.

See also adoption, affinity, consanguinity, deceased wife's sister question, digeneia, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, Holiness Code, incest, kinship, rival, sexual sin.

x degrees.

x prohibited degrees.

forbidden love:

1. Sexual attraction or romantic affection the satisfaction of which is disallowed, whether according to religious teachings, cultural mores, workplace policies, or family objections.

2. A love relationship that is disallowed, whether according to religious teachings, cultural mores, workplace policies, or family objections.

Comment: Typical sorts of forbidden loves have included incestuous love, homosexual love, extra-marital love, and love between members of feuding families. The list is, of course, endless.

See also adultery, desexed, emotional infidelity, extramarital love affair, homosexuality, illicit love, incest, love, love relationship, love that can never be told, love that dare not speak its name, Romeo and Juliet effect, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sexual taboo.

forbid the banns:

To lodge a formal objection to an intended marriage on the grounds that an impediment exists.

Comment: Such an action would typically be in response to the publication of banns of marriage.

See also bann, impediment.

foreign divorce:

A divorce (q.v.) that is obtained outside of the jurisdiction where the marriage was solemnized.

See also mail order divorce, migratory divorce.

forest bride:

1. A woman from a wild and wooded region -- for instance, an Indian woman from a North American wilderness -- who has been or is about to be taken as a wife, especially by someone from a different sort of setting.

2. A woman wedded or residing with her husband in a wooded region.

3. A wild animal from a wooded region who has been or is about to be taken as a wife, especially one who is discovered to be human after all.

4. A human being, of any sex, who is made the companion of a male beast from the woods -- in stories, typically the human companion of a bear.

Comments: Forest brides, especially in the last two senses, are the stuff of folktales and legends.

The German equivalent is Waldbraut, and this German term is sometimes used in scholarly discussion, in English, of the forest-bride motif.

References

For an example of the second sense, although the term "forest bride" is not mentioned, see the story "The Mouse Bride" in Tales from a Finnish Tupa, by James Cloyd Bowman and Margery Bowman; from a translation by Aili Kolehmaineni; pictured by Laura Bannon (Chicago: Albert Whitman, 1940, c1936; "Junior Press Books"): pp. 25-33.

With regard to Waldbraut, Jacob Grimm and Wilhelm Grimm, in their Deutsches Wörterbuch, cite as a lexical example Die Ahnen: Roman, von Gustav Freytag (1872-1880): 1, 462. For an English translation, see: Our Forefathers: A Novel (First part, Ingo and Ingraban), translated by Mrs. Malcolm (London, 1873). Source for expanded bibliographical data: the British Library.

See also bride, country wife, sleeping dictionary, squaw, tree bride.

x German terms.

x Waldbraut.

foreverness of marriage myth:

See marriage-is-forever myth.

forgiveness:

1. Restoration of another to communion with oneself after that person has caused an offense, whether deliberately or not, against oneself or a group to which one belongs.

2. Release of recriminating emotions, such as anger and resentment, that were directed against another or even against one's own self for hurtful behavior.

3. Lifting of a penalty or of other baleful consequences for an offense against oneself.

4. Release of a debt to oneself.

Comments: Forgiveness is of two kinds (to choose one of many possible ways of classifying forgiveness):

That given in the absence of a request for forgiveness or an apology, typically as an end process of achieving a measure of peace within oneself or out of a largesse of heart that looks towards an ultimate restoration.

That given in response to a request for forgiveness or an apology, in which case the forgiveness may be conditional or unconditional. Full restoration of status might not always be possible. Inner life aspects may be the same as with the first kind of forgiveness; however, inner life aspects of the forgiven one are now also part of the picture.

True forgiveness often takes much internal work -- for instance, to deal with pride and anger. Seldom is it as simple as flipping a switch, especially when the offense is grave or repetitive or has been long nursed or when forgiveness has not been sought.

Ordinarily it is understood that those who have standing to forgive are those against whom an offense is committed; per many, also God or even God alone (cf. Isaiah 43:25; Matthew 9:3 = Mark 2:7 = Luke 5:21), perhaps as petitioned by the offended party (cf. Luke 23:34; Acts 7:60). Of course, (a) many an offense entails secondary offenses against others, and (b) some sorts of offenses are also against society or humanity. Corporate forgiveness entails both practical and philosophical problems, but may find expression in a formal pardon.

Forgiveness is often paired or contrasted with forgetting as in the sayings, "Forgive and forget" and "I will forgive but won't forget."

Forgiveness or a forgiving attitude is often touted as one of the key ingredients of a successful marriage, since, as the adage goes, "nobody's perfect." Ultimately it functions to repair rifts in communion between individuals and in community interconnections. As such it serves agapic love.

The encouragement to forgive is perhaps most often associated with the teachings of Jesus. See:

Matthew 6:12 = Luke 11:4;

Matthew 6:14-15 (cf. 18:35) = Mark 11:25 = Luke 6:37;

Matthew 9:2-8 = Mark 2:3-12 = Luke 5:18-26;

Matthew 12:31-32 = Mark 3:28-29 = Luke 12:10;

Matthew 18:21-35 = Luke 17:3-4;

Luke 7:36-50 (= Matthew 26:6-13 = Mark 14:3-9 = John 12:1-8).

See also agapic love, secret of a successful marriage, unconditional love.

x Bible.

forked order:

Those who have been cuckolded, collectively considered.

Comment: Apparently an allusion to the horns it is supposed that those who have been cuckolded wear.

See also bull's feather, cuckold, cornuted, give horns to, horned, horn-mad, horns, horns hung on, wear the horns.

x Brethren of the Forked Order.

x Society of Confessing Brethren of the Forked Order.

forma divina (Italian):

God or some deity as perceived by a lover in a beloved; an inwardly perceived mystical particpation of a beloved in the Highest Being (or a deity) or in some infinite attribute thereof.

See also divine form, mystery, theology of romantic love, vision of romantic love.

x Italian terms.

Quotation from Giuseppe Verdi Illustrating "Forma Divina"

Celeste Aïda, forma divina,
Mistico serto di luce e fior,
Del mio pensiero tu sei regina,
Tu di mia vita sei lo splendor.

English translation:

Heavenly Aida, divine form,
Mystical garland of light and flowers,
You are queen of my thoughts,
You are the splendour of my life.

From: "Celeste Aida," in the opera Aida, by Giuseppe Verdi (first performed, 1871): Act 1, scene 1.

formal swap:

The hosting of a social event, generally involving a dinner, by one college society, such as a drinking society or a sports society, for another college society, generally one with members of a different sex, and its reciprocation by a similar social event hosted by that other society.

Comment: The term is closely associated with Cambridge University.

See also crewdate, goukon, group dating, team social.

x swap.

formariage:

In a feudal society, a fine for marrying outside the fiefdom without the lord's permission.

See also amober, avail of marriage, lairwite, maritage, mercheta mulierum.

formerly married:

1. Divorced and currently single.

2. More broadly, a person who considers his or her marriage to be over -- as evidenced especially by annulment, separation, or divorce -- and who has thus far not remarried.

Comment: Abbreviated FM.

See also divorced, divorcé, divorcée, divorcer, ever-married, FM, marital status, only parent, parent without partner, postmarital sex, previously married, re-singled, separated, single, single parent.

Quotation from Morton Hunt and Bernice Hunt Illustrating "Formerly Married"

Throughout this book we will often refer to that subculture as the world of the formerly married, and for convenience, to its members as the formerly married, or FMs -- those who are informally separated, legally separated, divorced, or whose marriages have been annulled.

From: The Divorce Experience, [by] Morton Hunt and Bernice Hunt (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Co., c1977): p. 5.

fornicate:

To commit fornication (q.v.).

See also make love to, stuprate.

fornication:

1. Sexual intercourse in which at least one of the parties -- in some usage, the woman -- is unmarried.

2. Sexual intercourse other than between husband and wife or concubine.

3. Sexual intercourse generally.

4. The principal word used in the Authorized (King James) Version of the Bible to translate or, rather, mistranslate porneia (q.v.).

Comment: Fornication has been one of the biggest traditional issues of sexual morality (q.v.).

See also adultery, Californication, consequences of sex outside of marriage, demi-vierge, fornicate, illicit love, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, indiscretion, irregular connection, klepsigamy, lairwite, no sex outside of marriage, scortatory love, sexual immorality, sexual sin, stupration, venereal transgression.

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Fornication"

Food is for nourishment, with gastronomy an incidental. Likewise, fornication is for procreation, with eroticism as an incidental. In the same sort of way, Truth is for enlightenment, with meaning an incidental. Change this round, and make gastronomy the end and nourishment the incidental, eroticism the end and procreation the incidental, and sickness ensues ...

From: Confessions of a Twentieth-Century Pilgrim, [by] Malcom Muggeridge (San Francisco: Harper & Row, c1988): p.91.

fortunate fall:

The paradox of a sin having a beneficial effect, for instance, adultery leading to the birth of a wonderful and beloved child or to a more generous spirit.

See also adultery, scarlet letter.

x paradoxes.

foudre (French):

See coup de foudre.

four-cornered marriage:

A group marriage (q.v.) consisting of four people, typically two men and two women, as when two couples unite.

See also cluster marriage, double love triangle, foursome, good match, heart-swapping, intermarital sex, letter group (xi), marriage, polygon, quad, quartet, spice (includes lexical example), square, synergamy, tetrad, three-cornered establishment, triamory.

foursome:

1. A love relationship comprised of four persons.

2. Four people engaging in sexual activity together.

3. A group of four people together.

See also double love triangle, four-cornered marriage, group sex, heart-swapping, letter group (T, Z, pi), moresome, polygon, quad, quartet, tetrad, threesome, triamory.

four-year itch:

A term used to refer to the fact that statistically divorces (q.v.) tend to peak when marriages are about four-years old.

See also repent being married, seven-year itch, surfeit response.

x statistics.

fox:

1. A carnivorous mammal of the family Canidae and genus Vulpes, which is similar to the more familiar member of that family, the dog (Canis lupus familiaris).

2. A sexy or attractive person, especially one with a hint of wildness; said usually of a woman.

Comment: Curiously the term "dog" is sometimes used to mean an unsexy or unattractive person. When, on USENET, a group of female polyamorites were called "a dog show," someone wittily replied: "The original poster needs to study the Canidae more closely, I think, since he cannot tell Canis from Vulpes."

Reference

For the post, see:

Newsgroup: alt.polyamory (accessible through Google Groups)

From: umar (i.e. Robert Omer Landry)

Date: November 5, 2007, 5:58 a.m.

Re: The women of alt.poly

See also arm candy, babe, bellibone, betty, cherub, cutie, eye candy, foxy, sex god, sex goddess, she-wolf, tottie, wild, wolf.

x Vulpes.

fox paw, or fox's paw:

1. A blunder, especially a social blunder.

2. A foolish succumbing to seduction.

Comments: Used in the phrase, "to make a fox paw." "Fox paw" is presumably a perversion of the French expression, faux pas ("false step," "blunder").

See also seduction.

x French terms.

x make a fox paw.

foxy:

1. Like the animal known as a fox.

2. Sly; crafty.

3. Sexy or physically attractive.

See also attractive, fox, sexy.

fragrance-free dating:

See scent-free dating.

frankmarriage or frank-marriage:

Tenure of an estate, chiefly in feudal law, held, due to marriage, to not less than the fourth generation and with fealty to the donor as the only requirement, the donor being a close relative of the bride, typically her father.

See also avail of marriage, dowry, liberum maritagium, maritagium, marriage portion.

Quotation from William Blackstone Illustrating "Frankmarriage"

THERE is still another species of entailed estates, now indeed grown out of use, yet still capable of subsisting in law; which are estates in libero maritagio, or frankmarriage. These are defined to be, where tenements are given by one man to another, together with a wife, who is the daughter or cousin of the donor, to hold in frankmarriage. Now by such gift, though nothing but the word frankmarriage is expressed, the donees shall have the tenements to them, and the heirs of their two bodies begotten; that is, they are tenants in special tail. For this one word, frankmarriage, does ex vi termini not only create an inheritance ... but likewise limits that inheritance; supplying not only words of descent, but of procreation also. Such donees in frankmarriage are liable to no service but fealty; for a rent reserved thereon is void, until the fourth degree of consanguinity be past between the issues of the donor and donee.

From: Commentaries on the Laws of England. Book the Second, [Of the Rights of Things], by William Blackstone (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1766): chapter 7, p. 115.

fraternal polyandry:

The practice on the part of a woman of having more than one male mate at a time, when her mates are brothers of one another, particularly when this is consonant with custom.

See also adelphic polyandry, adelphogamy, polyandry, sororal polygyny.

fraternity rape:

Gang rape (q.v.) committed by members of a social organization for males.

See also rape.

fraternize:

1. To engage in congenial association with others.

2. To date or engage in intimacies across a particular social divide.

See also date, fish off the company pier, fraternization, office bike.

fraternization:

1. Congenial association with others.

2. Dating or engaging in intimacies across a particular social divide.

See also date, fraternize, non-fraternization policy, interoffice romance, office romance.

Frau; plural, Frauen (German); or, anglicized, frau and frauen:

1. A wife.

2. A German woman. This is a distinctively English sense of the term.

3. A woman in a traditional wifely role. This seems to be a distinctively English sense of the term and is often employed in a derogatory way.

4. A title for a married woman, especially a German woman, comparable to Mrs.

Comment: The range of meanings in German is much wider.

See also hausfrau, Mrs., wife.

x German terms.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Frau"

"Silence, Frau!" says Gray, in a deep tragedy voice. "I will have the ordering of this repast. Do all things as I bid thee. Invite our friend Snob here to partake of the feast. Be mine the task of procuring it."

"Don't be expensive, Raymond," says his wife.

From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 34, p. 166. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221.

Frauendienst (German):

Chivalric service in honor of women.

Comments: From the German Frauen ("women") + dienst ("service").

This term appears to have entered English by way of the title of a mid-Thirteeenth Century book in German by Ulrich von Lichtenstein.

See also adoration-lust, amour de loin, Bridegroom Fallacy, cavaliere servante, courtly love, Dante Alighieri syndrome, dulia, gyniolatry, midons, Minnedienst, pedestalism, place on a pedestal, princesse lointaine, sex goddess, wife worship.

free:

1. Without the restrictions or responsibilities that come with having a spouse; unattached; single.

2. Unburdened of or otherwise without the restrictions and responsibilities associated with having children or other dependents.

See also available, eligible, free agent, in circulation, single, unattached, unmarried, unwed.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Free"

[Beauchamp Day] "You shouldn't be nervous, you know. You're the one who's free. There's a lot to be said for that."

[Mary Ann Singleton] "Free?"

"Single."

"Oh ... yeah."

"Single people can call the shots."

From the novel: Tales of the City, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1978; "Perennial Library"; in: Tales of the City Series; v. 1): p. 64. The elision is Maupin's.

free affection (B. F. Skinner, 1948):

Open, loving, and fulfilling friendship between a man and a woman in an environment where friendship between men and women is encouraged generally, even friendship between married men and married women who are not married to each other.

See also co-marital, emotional fidelity, emotional infidelity, extramarital friendship, more evolved, sexual golden age, sexual utopia, Sunday husband.

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Free Affection"

[131, the character T. E. Frazier speaking] "The simple fact is, there's no more promiscuity in Walden Two than in society at large. There's probably less. For one thing, we encourage simple friendship between the sexes. [132] The world at large all but forbids it. What might have been a satisfying friendship must become a clandestine affair. Here we give friendship every support. We don't practice 'free love,' but we have a great deal of 'free affection.' And that goes a long way toward satisfying the needs which lead to promiscuity elsewhere. We have successfully established the principle of 'Seduction not expected.' When a man strikes up an acquaintanceship with a woman, he does not worry about failing to make advances, and the woman isn't hurt if advances aren't made..."

From: Walden Two, by B. F. Skinner; with a new preface [dated November 1969] by the author (London: Macmillan Co., c1948): chapter 17, pp. 131-132.

free agent:

1. A single person, especially one who is able and ready to play the field.

2. A person who is temporarily unencumbered, both physically and mentally, by a partner jealously guarding his or her exclusive sexual access to this person.

3. A person in an open marriage or open relationship.

4. A person who is determined not to yield his or her freedom -- either in some aspect(s) of life, such as love and sexuality, or, perhaps, in any aspect of life -- to anybody.

5. A responsible person who is capable of choosing for him or herself, for instance, whether or not to enter into or stay in a closed relationship.

See also bachelor, bachelorette, confirmed bachelor, confirmed bachelorette, feme sole, free, free love, in circulation, libertine, liberty, marital status, never married, new adultery, non-monogamist, open marriage, open relationship, play the field, re-singled, single, swingle, unattached, unmarried.

freebie list:

1. An itemization of certain things that one can acquire without cost.

2. The names, gathered together, of people one is permitted, by one's significant other, to have sex with, should the opportunity arise.

Comments: With regard to the second sense, many a term has been invented for such a list:

The terms "freebie list" and "laminated list" (from the dialogue: "that list is laminated") were popularized by the American TV sitcom, "Friends," season 3, episode 5, "The One With Frank Jr.," directed by Steve Zuckerman; written by Scott Silveri and Shana Goldberg-Meehan (originally aired, October 17, 1996).

The term "celebrity list" was used on the HBO TV series, "Entourage," season 3, episode 10, "I Wanna Be Sedated," directed by Julian Farino; written by Lisa Alden and Doug Ellin (originally "aired," August 13, 2006).

Other terms include:

"celeb list";

"exception game list";

"list of (however many, typically three or five) celebrities one is allowed to have sex with";

"list of (however many) famous people one is allowed to sleep with"; and simply,

"the list."

Generally this is a fantasy list of generally unattainable people. Typically the making of such a list is used as an erotic tease between significant others.

See also Langdon chart, Leporello list, little black book, romantic resumé.

x celebrity list.

x exception game list.

x games.

x laminated list.

x list.

freedom:

See relationship freedom, sexual freedom.

free female sexuality:

Externally unconstrained sexual expression on the part of women -- unconstrained with regard to both consenting partners of choice and consensual sexual practices.

Comments: Typically this refers to freedom from constraint by patriarchal mores, any coercive enforcement of sexual restrictions, and any untoward pressure.

In this entry, the word "free" is being treated as an adjective; but it is also often used, in the same formulation, as a verb.

See also feminism, free love, liberty, non-monogamy, radical love, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, sexism, sexual autonomy, sexual chauvinism, sexual freedom, sexuality, sexual liberation.

free love:

1. The doctrine that a person's sex and love life belongs solely to him or her self and that he or she should be able to have as many or as few sex partners and as many or as few love relationships of whatever duration as he or she pleases without interference or socially imposed obligation.

2. The practice of engaging in sexual relations with other people without being married to them in a socially recognized way, without incurring or imposing obligation, and without anybody being prostituted.

3. Sexual relations, collectively considered, within a group marriage (q.v.) or free-sex colony (q.v.).

See also agapemone, compartmentalization, eleutherophilist, feminism, free agent, free female sexuality, free lover, free male sexuality, get government out of the bedroom, indiscriminate sex, libertinism, liberty, licentiousness, love and leave, moral equivalence, open-minded, pankoitism, pansexualism, polyeros, promiscuity, psychedelic free love, radical love, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual liberation, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual varietism, slut, Summer of Love, swingle, unconditional sex, zipless f***.

free lover:

An advocate of free love.

Comment: The term is sometimes used to imply that the advocate is him or herself a practitioner of free love.

See also apolygist, eleutherophilist, free love, non-monogamist, pankoitist, sex radical.

free male sexuality:

Externally unconstrained sexual expression on the part of men -- unconstrained with regard to both consenting partners of choice and consensual sexual practices.

Comments: Typically this refers to freedom from constraint by monogamous mores (monogamy often being conceived of as more a female desire), any coercive enforcement of sexual restrictions, and any untoward pressure.

In this entry, the word "free" is being treated as an adjective; but it is also often used, in the same formulation, as a verb.

See also free love, liberty, non-monogamy, radical love, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, sexism, sexual autonomy, sexual chauvinism, sexual freedom, sexuality, sexual liberation.

free marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners have chosen each other; a marriage brought about by the mutual consent of the partners; a marriage on the basis of inclination; a love-match (q.v.).

Comment: Free marriage is sometimes contrasted with arranged marriage (q.v.), capture marriage (q.v.), and marriage by purchase (q.v.); however, sometimes, even with regard to such marriages, each party has a choice.

See also freemate, love marriage, marriage by inclination, marriage of inclination, marry for love, romantic marriage.

freemate (Marion Zimmer Bradley):

1. A spouse in a free marriage (q.v.).

2. A person who became and continues to be a partner in a formally committed love relationship, along with the other partner or partners, by free choice.

3. A person who feels a sense of belonging with not to his or her partner and whose desire and commitment is to share life with, not to own his or her partner; a partner in a love relationship that is constructed in such a way as to respect both the autonomy of the partners and the value of commitment.

4. A partner in a marriage or other committed love relationship that is mid way between indissolubility and merely sharing a meal, a hearth, and a bed; a partner in a sworn love relationship who, under the terms of the relationship, is free to dissolve it simply by a declaration in front of witnesses.

5. A partner in a non-conventional committed love relationship.

6. Of or pertaining to such a partner, as in "freemate marriage."

Comments: The term is used to cover a partner of either a different sex or the same sex.

In the Darkover novels of Marion Zimmer Bradley, where, so far as I know, the term originated, a freemate is recognized under law as a spouse; and the term, in its substantive sense, bears all of the first five meanings at once. However, in the application of the term to real life, much of the scope of the term is not recognized under marriage laws. Therefore, it is often used to refer to a person to whom one is not legally married but with whom one is nevertheless in a committed love relationship, especially such a person that the law would not recognize as a spouse, such as a person of the same sex or an additional partner. Regarding the latter, note the following Darkover quotation (which, however, does not speak directly to the matter of freemates).

Quotation from Marion Zimmer Bradley on Darkovan Non-Monogamy

Kennard's expression was almost one of pity. "It must be very difficult for you. But you spent too much time among the Terrans. You've taken their neurotic codes to yourself. Marriage itself is a recent development on Darkover. What you call monogamy, more recent yet, and it's never been really accepted."

From: The Bloody Sun, [by] Marion Zimmer Bradley (New York, N.Y.: Ace Books, c1964; "A novel in the classic Darkover series"): chapter 10, p. 130. In the revised and expanded edition (c1979), which has somewhat different wording, see chapter 11, p. 258. The passage has to do with the non-monogamy of the female character, Taniquel.

See also amari, bundle of freemates, donas amizu, mate, new paradigm relating, partner.

Quotations from Marion Zimmer Bradley Illustrating "Freemate"

[Dyan Ardais]: "Well, what do you want from me. Elorie? I don't suppose you want to take your husband --" actually the word he used was freemate; if he had shaded the word to make it mean paramour, Jeff would have struck him -- "to our mad father at Ardais?"

From: The Bloody Sun, [by] Marion Zimmer Bradley (New York: Ace Books, c1979; "A novel of Darkover"): chapter 16, pp 354-355. This is the revised and expanded edition. The original edition was published in 1964. If the term "freemate" had appeared in the 1964 edition, that would have been its earliest use (I believe) in the Darkover novels, going by order of publication; but this passage is missing from the 1964 edition (see chapter 14, p. 181).

I am Menella [an Amazon] of the Naderling Forst. This is my freemate Darilyn [an Amazon and also an emmasca, that is, in this case, a neutered female] ...

From: The World Wreckers: A Darkover Novel, by Marion Zimmer Bradley (New York, N.Y.: Ace Books, c1971): chapter 7, p. 108. Going by order of publication, this is the earliest use of the term "freemate" that I've found in the Darkover novels.

[Renata]: "You do not understand me, Donal. I would rather be yours, as wife, freemate, or barragana [openly recognized mistress, kept woman, concubine], than marry some man my father chose for me without my knowledge or consent ..."

From: Stormqueen! A Darkover Novel, by Marion Zimmer Bradley (New York, N.Y.: DAW Books, c1978): chapter 21, p. 242. Cf. chapter 20, p. 238 for an adjectival use. Going by the chronology of Darkover, as distinguished from the order of publication of the Darkover novels, this is the earliest use of the term "freemate" in those novels, except for the adjectival use four pages earlier.

Quotation from a Darkover Web site on Freemate Marriage

There are three kinds of marriages on Darkover [a world imagined by Marion Zimmer Bradley in numerous science fiction novels and short stories]. The most formal is di catenas ["by linking bracelets," an arranged marriage, especially one in line with a human breeding program] which is all but impossible to dissolve and most common among the comyn. Below that is a Freemate marriage, where two people (not necessarily of a different gender) swear an oath to each other. A Freemate marriage can be dissolved by declaration in front of witnesses, and most common folk are married this way. All Terran marriages are considered to be Freemate marriages. The last kind is a mountain marriage, somewhat equivalent to a common law marriage, which occurs when two people share a meal, a hearth, and a bed.

From: Forgotten Tower character sheet description §5

free-sex colony:

A group of people concentrated in one area whose mores encourage multiple sex partnerships on the part of all adult members, including both males and females; especially an intentional community established, at least in part, for the experimental exploration of such mores in the midst of a culture with prevailing mores that are different.

See also complex marriage, free love, group love relationship, group marriage, promiscuity, sexual communism, sexual golden age, sexual utopia, tribal marriage.

free union or union libre:

Living together (q.v.) in a sexual or love relationship (q.v.) without being officially married.

See also concubine, nonmarital cohabitation, shack up, union.

x union libre.

French arrangement:

A man with both a wife and a mistress, all accepting the situation, especially such a case where the three co-exist in a ménage à trois.

See also arrangement, biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), mariage à trois, ménage à trois, notr'amour, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee.

Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "French Arrangement"

Naturally, this revelation came as something of a shock to Fair, who had not previously realized her fiance [sic] was married. Nor did a three-way meeting of wife, mistress, and middleman result in the sort of amicable French arrangement [Alexander] Crittendon had evidently hoped to broker.

From: "Laura Fair (1837-1919): In Love and War," in: Wild Women: Crusaders, Curmudgeons and Completely Corsetless Ladies in the Otherwise Virtuous Victorian Era, [by] Autumn Stephens (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, c1992): pp. 16-17.

French terms:

See affaire d'amour, affaire de coeur, à la façon du pays, amars (Old French), amant en titre, amitié particulière, amorization (amorisation), amour (and various terms beginning with that word), beau, beau mariage, belle-épouse, billet-doux, carte blanche, carte de tendre, célibataire, chippy (chipie), chou, cocotte, coup de foudre, cri de coeur, déception d'amour, demimonde, demi-vierge, dérèglement de tous les sens, droit de la vocation, droit de seigneur, égoïsme à deux, égotisme à deux. engouement, escapade romantique, faux amour, femme-fatale, femme falante, folie à deux, fox paw (faux pas), go gaga over (gaga), homme fatal, ius primae noctis (droit du seigneur), je ne sais quoi, jeune fille à marier, jeune premier, jeune première, jouissance, liaison platonique, mal-aimé, mariage à trois, mariage blanc, mariage d'inclination, mariage convenance, mariage de raison, marriage à la mode (mariage à la mode), ménage, ménage à deux, ménage à trois, mésalliance, misérables, Mrs. (Mmes.), née, né hors du mariage, noceur, notr'amour, obligation de donner, partouse, petite maison, poplet (from Old French poupelette), princesse lointaine, roué, société d'acquets, synergamy (synergamie), tart noir, temple of love (Temple de l'Amour), tenderness (tendresse), toujours perdrix, troilism (trois), vert galant, Vive la différence! Vive la similarité!

frequently married and seldom divorced:

1. A jocular circumlocution to describe a bigamist or polygamist.

2. A jocular circumlocution to describe a person who has been much widowed, especially one who is suspected of the dispatching of his or her spouses him or herself.

See also bigamist, divorcé, divorcée, polygamist, widow, widower.

fribbler:

A person who trifles with another's heart, generally a man with a woman's; a person who woos or seems to without serious intention.

Comment: To trifle is to fribble and a mere trifler is a fribble. The word "fribbler" appears to have been coined specifically for matters of the heart and of courtship, however false.

See also agapet, coquette, crumpet man, false lover, flirt-gill, gay deceiver, giglet, Lothario, lothariette, roué, seducer, womanizer, woo for cake and pudding.

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Fribbler"

They whom my correspondent calls male coquettes, should hereafter be called fribblers. A fribbler is one who professes rapture and admiration for the woman to whom he addresses, and dreads nothing so much as her consent. His heart can flutter by the force of imagination, but cannot fix from the force of judgment.

From: The Spectator; with notes, and a general index (From the last improved London edition, stereotyped. Philadelphia: J. J. Woodward, 1829): no. 288, Reply to "Melainia" (Wednesday, January 30, 1711-12). The Spectator was written by Joseph Addison, Richard Steele, and others.

fribusculum:

A temporary legal separation (q.v.) of husband and wife who have no intent to divorce.

Compare and contrast diremption (q.v.). See also grass widow, grass widower.

friction party:

A gathering of people where touching and rubbing are encouraged, but where sexual intercourse on premises is prohibited

Comment: Typically the point of such a party is to enhance sexual desire for after the party.

See also flirt party, skin party.

x party.

Friday night girl:

1. A woman who has an evening shift on the day before Saturday.

2. A woman who likes to party at the end of her work week.

3. A woman with whom a man likes to hook up at the end of his work week.

4. A woman who is considered loose or shallow and therefore not a candidate for a serious long-term relationship.

See also bimbo, convenient woman, easy lay, girl toy, mistress, party, playgirl, playmate, slut.

friend:

1. A person whom one enjoys being with.

2. A person whom one knows and with whom one is on good terms.

3. A person with whom one is in a love relationship.

For lexical examples illustrating the second sense, see under "lanlady" and "run astray." For the third sense, see under "master."

See also BFF, boyfriend, break-up buddy, break-up by association, dammerel, dearest friend, dating buddy, dobash, erotic friend, friendship material, friend with benefits, friend with potential, gentleman friend, girlfriend, husfriend, in-house friend, in (one's) life, intimate friend, just friends, lady friend, life's companion, live-in boyfriend, live-in girlfriend, man friend, mbuya, porn buddy, romantic friend, taio, umfriend, vertical friend, very good friend.

friends-first swinging:

A form of recreational sex in which the individuals involved share their sex partners solely or chiefly with those who are already close friends.

Comment: This is distinguished from polyamory by its emphasis upon recreational sex rather than romantic love. However, polyamorous relationships can readily develop out of friends-first swinging.

See also closed group swinging, polyamory, swing.

friendship:

1. A relationship between individuals who are each other's friends.

2. A durable affection for a person.

3. In the triangular theory of love, love that consists of intimacy but neither passion nor commitment; also called liking.

See also affection, alliance, amitié particulière, bromance, companionate love, erotic friendship, fondness, friend, friendship-with-sex, girl crush, heterosexual frienship, intimacy, intimate friendship, liking, love, love relationship, male-female friendship, man crush, mbuya relationship, meaningful relationship, microphily, relationship, riddle-me-ree relationship, sexless love, storgic love, taio, triangular theory of love.

Quotation from David Hume Illustrating "Friendship"

... love is a restless and impatient passion, full of caprices and variations: arising in a moment from a feature, from an air, from nothing, and suddenly extinguishing after the same manner. Such a passion requires liberty above all things; and therefore ELOISA had reason, when, in order to preserve this passion, she refused to marry her beloved ABELARD.

How oft, when prest to marriage, have I said,

Curse on all laws but those which love has made:

Love, free as air, at sight of human ties,

Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.

But friendship is a calm and sedate affection, conducted by reason and cemented by habit; springing from long acquaintance and mutual obligations; without jealousies or fears, and without those feverish fits of heat and cold, which cause such an agreeable torment in the amorous passion. So sober an affection, therefore as friendship, rather thrives under constraint, and never rises to such a height, as when any strong interest or necessity binds two persons together, and gives them some common object of pursuit. We need not, therefore, be afraid of drawing the marriage-knot, which chiefly subsists by friendship, the closest possible.

"Of Polygamy and Divorces," being part 1, essay 19 in: Essays Moral, Political, and Literary, [by] David Hume; edited and with a foreword, notes, and glossary by Eugene F. Miller; with an apparatus of variant readings from the 1889 edition by T. H. Green and T. H. Grose (Revised ed. Indianapolis: LibertyClassics, c1987): pp. [181]-190, specifically 188-189. Originally published 1741. This edition follows the 1777 edition. Some editions add after "pursuit," in part: "Let us consider then, whether love or friendship should most predominate in marriage; and we shall soon determine whether liberty or constraint be most favourable to it. The happiest marriages, to be sure, are found where love, by long acquaintance, is consolidated into friendship..." (cf. p. 628). Hume's quotation is from Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard" (1717), lines 73-76. Italics are his.

Quotation from Captain James Cook Illustrating "Friendship"

The young man I got at Otahiete left me at Ulietea two days before we sailed being inticed away by a young Woman for whom he had contracted a friendship. I took no methods to recover him as their were Volanteers enough ...

From the entry for Friday, September 17, 1773, Raiatea, in: The Journals of Captain Cook, prepared from the original manuscripts by J. C. Beaglehole for the Hakluyt Society, 1955-67; selected and edited by Philip Edwards (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1999): p. 299. The spellings are as shown, even including "their."

Quotation from Edith Wharton Illustrating "Friendship"

"Why do you talk of saying goodbye? Ain't we going to be good friends all the same?" he [Rosedale] urged, without releasing her hand.

She [Lily Bart] drew it away quietly. "What is your idea of being good friends?" she returned with a slight smile. "Making love to me without asking me to marry you?"

Rosedale laughed with a recovered sense of ease. "Well, that's about the size of it, I suppose. I can't help making love to you -- I don't see how any man could; but I don't mean to ask you to marry me as long as I can keep out of it."

She continued to smile. "I like your frankness; but I am afraid our friendship can hardly continue on those terms."

From: The House of Mirth, [by] Edith Wharton; authoritative text, backgrounds and contexts, criticism, edited by Elizabeth Ammons (New York: W. W. Norton, c1990; "A Norton Critical Edition"): book 7, chapter 6, p. 199. The text is based on the first edition in book form: New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1905.

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Friendship"

I learned a lot from Rich and Godwin. I learned that none of us can love without commitment; that friendship, like love, requires its own kind of covenant.

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): p. [134].

friendship material:

1. A person whom one would like to have as a friend.

2. A person with the qualities one expects in a friend.

Comment: Sometimes contrasted with lover material.

See also friend, lover material.

x material.

friendship-with-sex:

The relationship between persons who are to each other friends with benefits.

See also casual sex, friendship, friend with benefits, heterosexual friendship, male-female friendship, sex buddy.

friend with benefits:

1. A person one enjoys being with and with whom one can enjoy sexual intimacies, especially such a person with whom one is not in a committed love relationship.

2. A code term for a person one knows with whom one has casual sex without emotional attachment.

Comment: Abbreviated FWB.

See also bed buddy, benefit, casual sex, cuddle buddy, erotic friend, friend, friendship-with-sex, friend with legal benefits, f*** buddy, FWB, just friends, partner, sex buddy, slump buster, umfriend.

friend with legal benefits:

A person other than "next of kin" to whom one designates certain legal rights, such as the right to make medical decisions for oneself in the event of one's incapacity.

Comment: The term does not imply a sexual relationship.

See also domestic partner, domestic union, friend with benefits.

friend with potential:

A person who could become more than simply someone one knows and with whom one is on good terms, that "more" being a person to date, a lover, or even a partner in marriage; a person with whom one could conceivably move from being buddies to partners in a budding romance; an acquaintance one would not rule out for a date.

See also date, friend.

friend zone:

The position one is in when viewed, by a person one is in love with, solely as a friend and not as a potential lover or mate.

See also cuddle bitch, intellectual whore, just friends, ladder theory.

x zone.

Quotation from the TV Show "Friends" Illustrating "Friend Zone"

Joey Tribbiani (played by Matt LeBlanc): It's never gonna happen.

Ross Geller (played by David Schwimmer): What?

Joey: You and Rachel.

Ross: What? Why not?

Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.

Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.

Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.

Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to --

Joey: -- priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.

From the American TV sitcom, "Friends," Season 1, Episode 7, "The One with the Blackout," directed by James Burrows, written by Jeffrey Astrof and Mike Sikowitz (first aired, November 3, 1994).

frigid:

1. Relationally cold; strongly prone to avoid personal intimacy; lacking in warmth of feeling; characterized by stiffness in manner.

2. Sexually unresponsive, either relationally or physically, so:

Characterized by balking at sex; unforthcoming sexually due to a disinclination; or,

Finding little or no pleasure in sexual activity; in some usage more specifically, incapable of satisfying orgasms.

Comments: In the second sense (both 2a and 2b), generally said of a woman, although I know no reason why it wouldn't apply equally well to a man.

Often the word is used to indicate a coldness or unresponsiveness in general, but sometimes it is used in a way that is specific to a relationship, for example, "She's frigid with me."

Since the term has frequently lent itself to the verbal abuse of women and since, in the second sense, it is scientifically imprecise, covering a wide array of phenomena from normalcy for some people to various psychological and physical disorders, it seems to be avoided more and more in polite educated speech.

For a brief historical discussion from a feminist perspective, see: Womanwords: A Dictionary of Words about Women, [by] Jane Mills (New York: Free Press, 1992, c1989): pp. 99-100.

See also anhedonic, aphanisis, asexual, bump on a log, hyposexual, jaded, love-lacking, prudish, romance-intolerant, undersexed, withhold sex.

frigidity:

The condition of being frigid.

See also anhedonia, asexuality, bed death, frigid, hyphedonia, hyposexuality, lesbian bed death, sexual deprivation, silent epidemic.

For related terms beyond the scope of this Glossary, see under hyposexuality.

frisson:

1. A shiver of excitement; a shudder of emotion; a chill of anticipation, as in the presence of imminent danger; the tingle of the thrill, sometimes accompanied by goosebumps or a feeling of butterflies in the stomach.

2. Often more particularly, the physical part of a feeling of excitement that one experiences upon falling in love or upon being near a beloved.

See also catch feelings, chemistry, fall in love, proceptive phase.

frock:

1. A man whom a woman has married in order to conceal his homosexuality.

2. A lesbian's cosmetic husband.

See also beard, decoy, homosexuality, MarBLes, merkin, pass, screen for love.

frog kisser, or frog-kisser:

A woman who tries to find her prince by dating a lot of men who are anything but.

Comment: The allusion is to the proverb, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince." That in turn is an allusion to the fairy tale, known as "The Frog-king" or "The Frog-Prince," which, in some versions, has a frog turn into a prince upon being kissed by a woman.

See also Prince Charming.

x fairy tales.

front:

See couple front.

frubbilicious:

With regard to one's partner or friend taking pleasure in another person, delightful, delicious!

Comment: The adverbial form is "frubbiliciously."

See also frubbly, poing, synletitious.

frubble:

To take or display joy in one's partner or friend taking pleasure in another person, especially another partner.

See also poing, synletilate.

frubbliness:

Joy in one's partner or friend taking pleasure in another person, especially another partner.

Contrast jealousy (q.v.) and wibble (q.v.). See also ask-and-tell eroticism, compersion, compreciation, polyamory, polyglow, synletitia, vicarious relationship high.

frubbly (Simon MacMullen, May 1, 2000):

Pertaining to joy in one's partner or friend taking pleasure in another person, especially another partner.

See also frubbilicious, poing, synletitious.

fruit of love:

1. Good deeds performed out of benevolence; kind behavior.

2. A sense of satisfaction.

3. Productive results of devoted labor.

4. A child or children.

See also love.

FTC:

In the lingo of cuddleparty.com, "first-time cuddler," that is, a person who is or is about to attend a cuddle party for the first time.

See also cuddle monster, cuddle party.

f*ckable:

1. Sexually desirable.

2. Capable of sexual intercourse.

3. Available for sexual intercourse.

See also attractive, lovable, loveworthy, lustworthy, milf, osculable, phat, sexy, spongeworthy.

f*ck buddy:

1. A friend with whom one has sexual relations.

2. A sex partner.

Comment: Abbreviated FB.

Comment: This term is considered vulgar by some, and so its use is generally confined to an "in" group.

See also closed circle of f*** buddies, cuddle buddy, erotic friend, FB, friend with benefits, partner, sex buddy, slump buster, umfriend.

x buddy.

f*ck-happy:

1. Sexually promiscuous.

2. Hypersexual; oversexed; ever eager to have sex.

3. Unconcerned with the cares of life because of a preoccupation with sexual activity or because of satiation and an utter sense of satisfaction from sexual activity.

See also hypersexual, jouissance, oversexed, polyglow, promiscuous, sexual addiction.

f*ck mate:

A partner in an ongoing sexual relationship.

Comment: This term is considered vulgar by some, and so its use is generally confined to an "in" group.

See also partner.

fugitive wife:

A woman who has run away from her husband, when the way that she has done so has broken the law, for instance, in some times and some jurisdictions, if her flight was financed by another man.

See also wife.

Fulani terms:

See put the mojo on (moco'o).

fulfilling relationship:

1. From the point of view of the partners collectively:

A relationship (q.v.) in which needs and desires are met and which brings out the best potential of each; or,

A relationship that, with respect to each, engages a sense of purpose in life, especially by making key elements of life fall into place with respect to love.

2. From the point of view of a given partner:

A relationship in which his or her needs and desires are met and in which his or her best potential is brought out; or,

A relationship that engages one's sense of purpose in life, especially by making key elements of one's life fall into place with respect to love.

See also meaningful relationship, quality relationship.

fulltime wife:

A woman whose sole job is homemaking and caring for her husband and children.

Comment: I have not seen the complementary term, "fulltime husband." Given that "fulltime wife" is defined according to a traditional role, would "fulltime husband" be a man who works fulltime to provide for his wife and children, that is, would this term also be defined according to a traditional role? These remarks themselves point to a problem with both terms in a culture that values equal treatment of the sexes.

See also homemaking, wife.

function of marriage:

1. The set of ends that the institution of marriage (q.v.) is meant to accomplish, which traditionally are threefold: (a) procreation; (b) intimate companionship, and (c) prevention of sexual immorality. For biblical prooftexts, see, for example: Genesis 1:28; 2:24; and 1 Corinthians 7:2.

2. The role that marriages are meant to play or actually play in a society, for example with regard to social stability, the raising up of a citizenry, the provision of a measure of social welfare, and serving as a groundwork for economic motivation with regard to both production and consumption.

3. The role that marriage is meant to play or actually plays in a person's life or in the lives of marital partners.

Comment: In the first sense, also called the purpose of marriage, which, however, implies a bit more strongly both an intention and an intender.

See also bourgeois marriage, function of sex, intimate companion, procreative meaning, sexual immorality, sexual morality.

x Bible.

x purpose of marriage.

function of sex:

1. The role that sexual activity plays both in the life of a species and in the lives of its members.

2. The role that sexual activity is meant to play in human life (the "proper function of sex") or that it actually plays in human life; what human sexual activity is for.

3. The role that sexual activity plays in the life of an individual or of a relationship.

Comment: Delineations of the functions of sex sometimes have a bearing on how people define "sex," and they certainly have a bearing on ethical analyses. To illustrate:

Some say that sex is for the sole purpose of procreation, procreation being reinforced by the intimate bonding that sex can foster. Others turn this around and say that sex is therefore that which is for procreation, that any other activity does not count as sex.
Some expand upon the functions of sex, saying, for instance (to quote from an unpublished manifesto by T. Rifkin Elliott), that it is "for (a) maintenance of the economy of the human body; (b) nourishment of the human psyche; (c) release of sexual tension; (d) recreation and enjoyment (that is, pleasure, fun, and play); (e) the attraction of sexual partners and retention of long-term mates; (f) the intimacies of love and bonding, intimacies wherein, among other things, sexual activity can serve as a vehicle of openness and renewal; (g) procreation; and (h) spiritual exaltation." Such a list suggests a core drive with countless legitimate expressions and ramifications in human life, some even mystical.

See also function of marriage, metasex, right to sex, sex, sexual ethics.

funk:

See post break-up funk.

fusion:

An ongoing or completed process in which the personalities of different people who are close melt into each other in such a way that individuality largely disappears, a process that is regarded as pathological when it results in arrested personality development, especially as manifested in inappropriately infantile or juvenile behavior.

See also five kinds of relationship.

fusion wedding:

A wedding (q.v.) in which the customs of at least two different cultures are blended, for example, certain Asian customs and certain American customs.

See also couple of mixed ethnicity, interethnic marriage, intermarriage.

future together:

1. An eventual or indefinitely ongoing relationship, especially one that entails a level of commitment that is satisfying to each of the partners.

2. A circumlocution for reasonable hope for an eventual marriage, as often in the question, "Do we have a future together?"

See also marriage, relationship, together.

FWB:

Friend with benefits (q.v.).

Go to report: The Theory of Human Sexuality and Marriage.

Go to main page.

Begun, March 16, 1999; posted, July 26, 2002; new url, January 28, 2004; last modified, November 20, 2009, by NEA

Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

E - F

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Easy Lay"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "égoïsme à deux"

Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Eligible"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Elopement"

Quotation from Susan Cavin on Emotional Incest

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Emotional-Jealous Intimacy"

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Enamoured"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustraing "Enchanted"

Quotation from Philip Roth Illustrating "Enchantment"

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Entelechy"

Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu Marriage"

[Gordon's Footnotes]

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Eros"

Reference

Quotation from Milan Kundera on Erotic Friendship

Quotation from Theodore Schroeder Illustrating "Erotogenesis of Religion"

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "erotomania"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Error of Fancy"

Quotation from Edna St. Vincent Millay Illustrating "Erstwhile Dear"

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Escapades Romantiques"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Esposa"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Estrangement"

Quotations from Susan Block on Ethical Hedonism

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Ethical Slut"

References

Quotation from Nester Taconnus Illustrating "Ex-Ex"

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Ex-Lover"

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Extramarital Friendship"

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Extramarital Lark"

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Eye of Love"

Quotations from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Fag Hag"

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Fallacy of a Cherished Affection"

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Falling in Love"

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Falling in Love"

Quotation from the Wallich Translation of Von Grimmelshausen Illustrating "False Heart"

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "False-hearted"

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Family"

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Family Love"

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-monger"

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Fancy-sick"

References

Quotations from Meg Bogin Illustrating "Fin' Amors"

Quotation from Richard Le Gallienne Illustrating "First Love"

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "First Lover"

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Fishing"

References

Reference

Quotation from John F. Cuber and Peggy B. Harroff Describing the "Five Kinds of Relationship"

Quotation from Alice Morse Earle Illustrating "Flagg Marriage"

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Flame of Love"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fling"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fling"

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Fling"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Flirting"

Quotation from Spider Robinson Illustrating "Flirtation"

Quotation from Benjamin Constant Illustrating "Folly"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Folly"

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Fond of"

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Food of Love"

References

Quotation from Giuseppe Verdi Illustrating "Forma Divina"

Quotation from Morton Hunt and Bernice Hunt Illustrating "Formerly Married"

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Fornication"

Reference

Quotation from William Blackstone Illustrating "Frankmarriage"

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Frau"

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Free"

Quotation from B. F. Skinner Illustrating "Free Affection"

Quotation from Marion Zimmer Bradley on Darkovan Non-Monogamy

Quotations from Marion Zimmer Bradley Illustrating "Freemate"

Quotation from a Darkover Web site on Freemate Marriage

Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "French Arrangement"

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Fribbler"

Quotation from David Hume Illustrating "Friendship"

Quotation from Captain James Cook Illustrating "Friendship"

**Quotation from Erich Fromm Illustrating "Egotism à deux"**

**Quotation from Cyrus H. Gordon Illustrating "Erëbu Marriage"**