Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity



Norman Elliott Anderson





Table of Contents


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- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

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- D -


- R -


- E -

- L -

- S-Si -



- M -

- Sk-Sz -


- G -

- N -

- T -


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See as though spelled "H and."


HAB; plural HABs:

"Husband and/or boyfriend" or, plural, "husbands and boyfriends."

Comment: An acronym, usable for instance in gossip columns ("The team members were accompanied by their HABs") and in invitations ("Bring your HAB").

See also boyfriend, GHAB, GWAG, husband, partner, significant other, SWAG, WAG.

x abbreviations and acronyms.

habit of each other:

The state that people who live together might find themselves in of being accustomed to each other and of functioning together as a unit, especially after having made acceptable adjustments.

See also cohabitation, compatibility, conceptive phase, domestic love, established relationship energy, good match, household rules, living together, long-term love, mature love, old relationship energy, "one flesh," stable relationship.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Habit of Each Other"


[The character Clifford Chatterley to his wife, Connie] It's the life-long companionship that matters. It's the living together from day to day, not the sleeping together once or twice. You and I are married, no matter what happens to us. We have the habit of each other. And habit, to my thinking, is more vital than any occasional excitement. The long, slow, enduring thing ... that's what we live by ... not the occasional spasm of any sort. Little by little, living together, two people fall into a sort of unison, they vibrate so intricately to one another. That's the real secret of marriage, not sex; at least not the simple function of sex. You and I are interwoven in a marriage.

From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): p. 49. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928." The elisions are Lawrence's. For the sentences immediately preceding, see under "sexual connection."



See mating habits.


See fag hag.



See purity.



Hugs and kisses.

See also C.Y.K., H&K, KTOL, SWAK, SWALK, VH, VX, XM, XOXO.

x abbreviations and acronyms.
x hugs and kisses.
x kiss.


Besides terms that begin with "half," see better half, lesser half, other half.


A male having one biological parent but not another in common.

See also half-sibling, half-sister, kinship.



1. A married man whose time is divided between his wife and activities, at least those other than parenting activities, that take him away from his wife.

2. A man who engages in homosexual behavior while married to a woman.

3. A man who is ready to become a husband but hasn't yet found a wife; a man who is looking for his other half.

See also beard, bisexual, gay male, half-worker, homosexual, husband, lavender marriage, mixed-orientation marriage, other half, single.



1. Betrothal (q.v.).

2. A marriage (q.v.) that feels incomplete to at least one of the partners because of insufficieny of affection or the expression thereof.

See also hollow marriage, loveless marriage, slob love.



A cuckold.

Comment: In reference to his having horns that form the shape of a half-moon.

See also cuckold, horned, moony.

half-open marriage:

A marital union between two people in which, by mutual agreement, only one of the partners is allowed to engage in sexual relations with other people.

See also arrangement, half-open relationship, marriage, new cuckolding, open marriage, sanctioned adultery.

half-open relationship:

A love relationship between two people in which, by mutual agreement, only one of the partners is allowed to engage in sexual relations with other people.

See also arrangement, half-open marriage, love relationship, new cuckolding, open relationship, relationship.

Half Right:

See Miss Half Right, Mister Half Right.


A person having one biological parent but not another in common; a half-brother or half-sister.

See also half-brother, half-sister, kinship, nukaxrareik, step-.



A female having one biological parent but not another in common.

See also half-brother, half-sibling, kinship.



1. A woman whose husband is missing, status unknown, and who has yet to behave on the presumption that he will never return, due, for instance, to death, abandonment, or imprisonment.

2. A person whose spouse has disappeared and is still awaited.

See also demi-relict, enoch arden law, widow.


A man whose wife is missing, status unknown, and who has yet to behave on the presumption that she will never return, for instance, due to death, abandonment, or imprisonment.

See also enoch arden law, widower.


1. A married woman whose time is divided between her husband and activities, at least those other than parenting activities, that take her away from her husband.

2. A woman who engages in homosexual behavior while married to a man.

3. A woman who is ready to become a wife but hasn't yet found a husband; a woman who is looking for her other half.

See also beard, bisexual, half-worker, homosexual, lavender marriage, lesbian, MarBLes, mixed-orientation marriage, other half, single, wife.


A person who is not content with just a spouse but who must also have a lover to the side; a person whose time is divided, not necessarily equally, between a spouse and a lover; a person who, because of a lover, is capable of only a portion of the normally expected effort with marriage and home.

Comment: The term is pejorative, implying an expectation that the person has fallen short of.

See also adulterer, adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-husband, half-wife, lover, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreach, spousebreaker, two-timer, whore.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Half-worker"



Is there no way for men to be, but women
Must be half-workers? We are all bastards all,
And that most venerable man which I
Did call my father was I know not where
When I was stamped. Some coiner with his tools
Made me a counterfeit ...

From: William Shakespeare, Cymbeline (1610-1611): Act 2, scene 5, lines 1-6.


halitzah (Hebrew):

The Jewish rite by which a widow is rendered free to marry a man other than one of her deceased husband's brothers.

Comment: The basic meaning of the term is "drawing off" in reference to the removal of the sandal as prescribed in Deuteronomy 25:9.

Contrast maamar (q.v.). See also kiddushim, levirate marriage, onanism, yavam, yibbum.

x Hebrew terms.


hall pass:

1. A permission slip given to a student by a teacher or school administrator allowing the student to be outside of the classroom when he or she should otherwise be in it.

2. By extension, a written permission or, in cases where the only one to care would be the one giving the permission, even just a verbal permission.

3. Permission granted by a partner in a relationship to spend time away from the relationship, as with friends.

4. Permission from one's relationship partner, especially from a spouse, to have a period of time off from one's relationship to do as one pleases, even to have an extramarital affair, and a promise on the partner's part that one will not suffer consequences from him or her for it.

5. Permission on the part of one's relationship partner to follow up on one's freebie list should the opportunity ever occur.

One source for definition four: The movie "Hall Pass," written by Pete Jones; directed by Bobby Farrelly and Peter Farrelly (2011).

See also adultery-toleration pact, area-code relationship, arrangement, break, break from each other, consensual adultery, date night, freebie list, gentleman's intermission, geographical non-monogamy, grass-widow, grass-widower, holiday from marriage, hundred-mile rule, lady's intermission, marriage sabbatical, open-marriage pact, open-relationship pact, pi supuhui, polycy, sanctioned adultery, separate vacations, sexual permissiveness, singles privileges, vacation from marriage, "What goes on the road, stays on the road," "When the husband's away, the wife will play," wild card.

hanakotoba (Japanese):

See language of flowers.


See relational handbook.


1. Betrothal (q.v.).

2. A joining ceremony showing intent of living together as sexual and domestic partners.

3. A pagan wedding (q.v.) ceremony.

4. An irregular wedding for a marriage not recognized by law.

See also anti-wedding, broomstick-marriage, jump over the broomstick (especially the comment), jump the besom, jump the broom, marry over the broomstick.


hand in marriage:

A figure of speech, specifically a metonymy or synecdoche, in which the "hand" represents a whole person reaching out to join with another in a marital union.

Comment: Often expressed with brevity simply as "hand" (a brachylogy, unless the "in marriage" is considered a pleonasm). Among the common phrases that employ "hand in marriage," here usually giving the briefer form, just "hand": to ask for one's hand in marriage, to bestow one's hand, to claim one's hand, to give one's hand, to give away her hand, to possess one's hand, to take one's hand.

Traditionally, the hand was the bride's or the prospective bride's; and the giving away of her hand symbolized the transfer of possession and control, ordinarily from the father to the bridegroom. Nowadays in many English-speaking countries, the hand can be either male or female and the old symbolism has either died out or is merely vestigial, except among highly traditional families.

See also lead to the altar, marriage.

Quotations from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Hand"


[86, Edmund Audley to Alicia Malcolm] ... I am cheered with the prospect of the unspeakable happiness that awaits me — the possession of your hand ...


[96] Alicia ... felt, with exquisite anguish, that she had no means to put a final stop to Sir Edmund's pursuits, and to her own trials, but by bestowing her hand on another.

From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 14, pp. 86, 96. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.



Hugs and kisses.

Comment: An abbreviation used especially in texting, that is, online communication.


x abbreviations and acronyms.
x hugs and kisses.
x kiss.


Good-looking, largely because symmetrical, well-proportioned in face and body, and graceful in movement, all suggestive of good breeding material.

Comment: The term is more generally used of a man than a woman, just as a woman is more often described as beautiful, but can apply to either.

See also Adonis; attractive; beefcake; comely; cute; drop-dead gorgeous; easy on the eyes (which see for lexical example); handsomeness; human beauty; hunk; knockout; tall, dark, and handsome; ten; waist-to-hip ratio.


The state or condition of being good-looking.

See also charms, handsome, human beauty.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Handsomeness"

[Abigail Timberlake narrating] He [Roderick] is an extremely good-looking young man, better looking even than Caleb, the Widow Saunders's boy toy. Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy handsomeness.
From the mystery novel: Nightmare in Shining Armor: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 2001): chapter 16, p. 151.

H&W couple:

A husband and wife team.

See also couple, husband, wife.

x abbreviations and acronyms.


hang out:

To spend time together; to engage in social activities together on an informal and friendly basis.

Comment: When persons of complementary sexual orientation hang out together, hanging out can be a matter simply of friendship or it can be a form of dating without overtones of formality.

See also date, hook up, see (someone).

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "Hanging Out"


"Dating, in the proper sense of the word, has unfortunately become less and less common and too often confused with 'hanging out,'" Marc [Santora] explained. "'Hanging out' may lead to 'hooking up,' but I notice a lot of friends, men and women, looking for some basic rules of courtship they can understand and follow..."

From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 37.


hangover hots:

1. A period of horniness while suffering from the otherwise unpleasant after-effects of a heavy consumption of alcohol, typically on the morning after an evening of such consumption.

2. A tendency, after sobering up and while suffering from the unpleasant after-effects of a heavy consumption of alcohol, to want to have sex again with the person with whom one had sex while still much under the influence of alcohol and beside whom one has slept, regardless of what he or she looks like. The motives vary, for example:

See also beer goggles, have the hots for, horniness.

x hots.

hang the moon for (someone); past tense: hung the moon for (someone):

1. To perform superlatively so as to evoke in (a person) feelings of awe and admiration or even infatuation.

2. To go to extraordinary lengths to please (a person, especially a beloved).

Comment: The image is not of a gallows (in which case the past tense would be "hanged"), but of placing a certain celestial object in the sky as if one were a god or goddess.

See also infatuation, love-feat, Tao of Steve, win a mate.

happiest words in matters of love:

See most romantic expressions.

happily married:

1. Content with each other; said of persons married to each other.

2. Content with one's spouse; said of a married person.

3. Having enough good thoughts about one's marriage to sustain its continuance and not looking either to take a lover due deficiencies in one's marriage or to dump a spouse.

4. Preferring for oneself the marital state, as one is experiencing it, to singlehood.

Comment: "So you're married, are you? But are you happily married?" This has become such a frequent come-on, that saying one is happily married has almost become a formulaic way of saying, "Please don't come on to me."

Contrast unhappily married (q.v.). See also cavel, come-on, compatibility, levament, made for each other, make beautiful music together, marital status, married, seriously married, shalom bayit, Ten New Laws of Love.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Happily Married"


[Chiz, who is exceptionally handsome] "Would you like the full tour?"

[Abigail Washburn narrating] I recoiled, as if he'd asked if I'd like the Full Monty. Yes, I know, I'm happily married, but my libido is alive and well, and occasionally requires a little extra effort to keep it in check.

From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 18, p. 220. "The Full Monty" here means "complete nudity."


happily single:

1. Content to have no spouse.

2. Content not to be in an exclusive relationship.

Contrast unhappily single (q.v.). See also single.



See f*ck-happy, keep (someone) happy in bed.

"happy anniversary!"

An expression of celebration and well-wishing generally timed for the day of the year on which a wedding or other joyous relationship event is particularly remembered.

Comment: Often used as a greeting on such days. Sometimes implies "congratulations," "be merry on this day," and/or "may this whole coming year of your relationship be a good one." Sometimes when used between spouses, it conveys, "See, I remembered!"   

See also anniversary.

happy marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) in which the spouses are loving with each other and content with their marital framework; a marital union in which the spouses are well-matched in terms of similarities and complementarities such that their individual fulfillment and personal growth are enhanced and they find with each other a comfort zone consisting of love; a connubial union in which the delight and satisfaction of the spouses in each other outweighs any disappointments with regard to what was expected of the marriage.

2. A loving union in which spouses meet each other's basic needs and desires with regard to loyalty, companionship, and sex.

Contrast cagamosis (q.v.). See also androgyne archetype, bliss, conjugal felicity, conjugalism, domestic happiness, fairy-tale marriage, get enough at home, good-enough marriage, match made in heaven, nomogamosis, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, quality relationship, shalom bayit, successful marriage, true love.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Happy Marriage"


She [Elizabeth Bennet] began now to comprehend that he [Darcy] was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she must have received benefit of greater importance.

But no such happy marriage could now teach the admiring multitude what connubial felicity really was.

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 50, p. 387. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).


"happy Valentine's Day!"

A romantic or playful expression of celebration and well-wishing generally timed for February 14th and used with each other especially by children, by spouses, and by members of a love relationship.

See also Valentine's Day.

"Happy wife, happy life":

An adage to the effect that, if a man wishes to be content in his life, he had first better be sure that his female partner is content. (The adage can also be applied to a woman in a same-sex marriage, that is, not only to a man.)

Comments: The phrase was coined by comedian Jeff Allen and trademarked by him (filing date, December 17, 1998). It has since taken on a life of its own as an adage both in publications and in the general populace.

Among the variants: "Happy wife, happy home."

See also husband, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," wife.


He's a cutie.

See also QT.

x abbreviations and acronyms.
x He's a cutie.


See textual harassment.


See wife-harboring.

hard casting:

The process whereby a person auditions for an erotic performance by performing, usually in front of a crew and perhaps also a camera, the sex acts required in the performance — this, in part, as proof of willingness. Enthusiastic performance of the sex acts is no guarantee of being accepted for the part.

See also casting couch, love scene, sex worker.

hard-core swinger, or hardcore swinger:

A person who participates in hard-core swinging.

See also fastlane swinger, hard-core swinging, swinger.


hard-core swinging, or hardcore swinging:

Swinging even with people who are total strangers.

Comment: It has been reported that about one quarter of swingers participate in hard-core swinging.

Contrast soft swinging (q.v. in the fourth sense). See also swinging.


"A hard man is good to find":

A quip playing off the common observation, "A good man is hard to find," and a double entendre, suggesting at once a strong man and a man whose penis has become erect in response to one's stimulating presence, either of which, it is suggested, is considered welcome.

Comment: Long attributed to Mae West (1893-1980).

See also beefcake, hunk, Mae West, man, strong silent type, "They don't tell, they don't yell, they rarely swell — and they're grateful as hell."

Quotation from Mae West Illustrating "A Hard Man is Good to Find"

[Mae West being interviewed] "As far as my attraction to him [James A. Timony] goes, I've always liked a big strong man. Like I say, a hard man is good to find. And I don't have anything against him being smart either..."

From: She Always Knew How: Mae West, A Personal Biography, [by] Charlotte Chandler (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2009): two pages from the end of chapter 2.

hard swap:

An exchange of sex partners for a range of sexual activities that includes either coitus of the penis-in-vagina sort or anal sex of the penis-in-rectum sort or both.

Comments: Also called a full swap.

Typically such exchanges take place between couples, and two or more couples may be involved. However, it may also take place between groups or between couples and groups.

Contrast soft swap (q.v.). See also coitus, copulation, full swap, PIV intercourse, pussy privilege, sexual intercourse, swing.

x swap.

hard swinging:

Participation in a swing party where each person is expected to engage in sexual activity.

Contrast soft swinging (q.v. in the first sense). See also swinging.


hard to get:

See play hard to get.



1. In polygyny, a man's wives and concubines.

2. In polyandry, a woman's husbands and cicisbei.

3. The area reserved for the women of a household, especially a Muslim household.

Comment: From the Arabic harim, meaning "forbidden place."

See also alpha cuckold, beta cuckold, cenogamy, cicisbeo, claustration, concubine, concurrent wife, father's wife, female-defense polygyny, group switching, husband, imbroglio of polyamours, male-dominance polygyny, mental harem,  odalisque, plural wife, polyandry (note the lexical example), polyandry threshold, polygyny, polygyny threshold, resource-defense polygyny, search polygyny, seraglio, serai, sex segregation, stable, Turkish marriage, wife, zenana.

x Arabic terms.



The part of a dwelling where a harem (q.v.) is kept.

See also seraglio, serai, sex segregation, zenana.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: gynaeceum, gynaeconitis, gynegium.



1. A person who, rather than remaining sexually monogamous, has a wandering sex life involving multiple partners.

2. Much more usually: A woman who plies prostitution as a trade.

See also bedhopper, roving kind, tramp; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, dry stick, floozy, moll, parnel, prostitute, squaw, tottie, town pump, whore.

"Harm none":

See "an it harm none, do what ye will."


Harris' Lament:

See "All the good ones are taken."

Hartley's Law for Lovers:

An adage, which serves as romantic advice and which reads: "Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you are (or, than yourself)."

Comment: Also called Hartley's Second Law. Author unknown.

Note the similarity to Algren's Third Rule.

See also Algren's Third Rule, "All the good ones are taken," Arthur's Laws of Love, Beifeld's Principle, Colvard's Logical Premises, Einstein's Law, Farmer's Credo, First Law of Socio-Genetics, Gillenson's (de-sexed) Laws of Expectation, lover, Margaret Mead's Law of Human Migration, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, Murphy's First Law for Husbands, Murphy's Laws of Love, Murphy's Law of Marriage, Murphy's Second Law for Husbands, O'Reilly's Observation, Ron's First Observation for Teenagers, Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters, Shirley's Law, Tao of Steve, Thoms' Law of Marital Bliss.

x law.
x Law for Lovers.


A woman who once had a strong sexual preference for women but who is now more open to men; a heterosexual or bisexual woman who once identified as a lesbian; someone who "has been" self-identified as a "lesbian" but who no longer does.

See also bisexual, faumosexual, heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, LUG, sexual orientation.

"hate his wife," or, more precisely, "hate ... his ... wife":

The rendering given in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible of a Greek phrase found at Luke 14:26: misei ... tên gynaika. The saying in which it occurs is attributed to Jesus. For fuller context and parallel passages, see the following box.

Sayings of Jesus about Hating One's Family

Matthew 10:34-38

Luke 14:26-27

Gospel of Thomas 55 = Grant 56 = 90:25-29

Gospel of Thomas 101 = Grant 98 = 97:32-98:1

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

37 He that loveth [Ho philön] father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me is not worthy of me.

39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

Jesus said, "Whoever does not hate father and mother cannot be my disciple, and whoever does not hate brothers and sisters, and carry the cross as I do, will not be worthy of me."

"Whoever does not hate [father] and mother as I do cannot be my [disciple], and whoever does [not] love [father and] mother as I do cannot be my [disciple]. For my mother [...], but my true [mother] gave me life."

The Matthew and Luke quotations are from the Bible in the Authorized Version (1611), also known as the King James Version, which was chosen because of its long use in English-speaking countries.

The Gospel of Thomas quotations are from: The Complete Gospels: Annotated Scholars Version, Robert J. Miller, editor (Sonoma, Calif.: Polebridge Press, c1992): pp. 314, 320. Square brackets indicate lacunae in the Coptic text.

Comments: Some scholars challenge the authenticity of these sayings, especially their allusions to the cross, since (supposedly) cross symbolism was adopted by Christianity only after the crucifixion of Jesus. However, the sayings indicate both a toughness of spirit and rhetorical twists that are consistent with less challenged sayings of Jesus; and the very difficulty of harmonizing these sayings with passages in the Bible that urge love of and respect for others,1 including members of one's own family,2 suggests an originator not to be overridden, an originator at least of the basic thoughts.

To suggest, though, that Jesus was outside the bounds of his tradition would be to overstate the matter. The Torah contains similar passages where faithfulness is placed ahead of family, most notably the Akedah, that is, the story of Abraham's binding of Isaac (Genesis 22:1-19). More like these Jesus sayings is the blessing in Deuteronomy 33:9, where Moses is represented as commending the tribe of Levi for unswerving faithfulness to God — Levi, "Who said of his father and his mother, 'I did not consider them'; And he did not acknowledge his brother, Nor did he regard his own sons" (NASB; cf. Exodus 17:7; 32:25-29).3 In other words, Jesus was, in a way, consonant with Hebrew tradition in demanding the same sort of faithfulness that the tribe of Levi gave to God as God was represented by Moses.

The saying in Luke and its parallels are often described as instances of hyperbole, that is, of overstatement for rhetorical effect. Labeling as hyperbole may at least partially suffice for harmonizing these sayings with other passages in the Bible. However, it leaves everything to be explained about how the hyperbole functions.

In that vein, first a few observations on the saying in Luke:

Second, the parallel saying in the Gospel of Matthew interprets the word "hate" (if it is interpreting that word at all) as being simply the opposite of loving someone more than Jesus.

Third, the parallel saying in the Gospel of Matthew presents the thought as foundational and transformational, especially in 10:39. Stripping oneself of personal attachments, even at the most intimate and meaningful and value-laden level, is vital for discipleship; and in discipleship is the possibility of a restoration of relationships on a new basis.

Fourth, the Gospel of Thomas 101 has an interesting delimitation in the words, "as I do" — not more, not less, not differently from, but "as I do" or "in my way." (Note: This is not to be translated "which I do" and thus made into another supposed piece of evidence for Jesus' conflict with his family.)

Fifth, the Gospel of Thomas 101 indicates both hatred and love of the mother, although it is not clear that the same mother is meant. For instance, one could be the biological mother, the other a spiritual mother; or both mothers could have been intended to have a typological rather than a common meaning.

In other words, to sum up, the point is spiritual and the word "hate" is used to indicate the intensity of the point, not to urge people towards a seething hatred of others that functions as a motivation for hurtful unloving actions.

A few additional comments:


1 See, for example, Jesus in Matthew 22:34-40 = Mark 12:28-34 = Luke 10:25-28.

2 See, for example, Exodus 20:12 = Deuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 5:25-33.

3 Compare Philo's treatment of Deuteronomy 33:9 in his Legum Allegoriae 2:51 = 2:14 = 75.

See also celibacy, love, "one flesh," "was Jesus married" question, wife.

x Greek terms.


"hate the sin, love the sinner":

See "love the sinner, hate the sin."


hatunnah (Hebrew):

A wedding ceremony, especially a Jewish one.

See also erusin, kiddushim, nissuim, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.


Hauerwas's Law:

The adage, "You always marry the wrong person."

Comment: The point of the adage is to challenge romanticism and to suggest that "marriage among Christians requires an account that allows us to form a life together where fidelity and love are required without assuming 'common interests.'"


"Sex in Public: How Adventurous Christians Are Doing It," in: The Hauerwas Reader, [by] Stanley Hauerwas; edited by John Berkman and Michael Cartwright (Durham: Duke University Press, 2001): pp. 481-504, speciftically p. 502, note 29.

See also affinity, elective affinity, one, one true love, public character of sex, romance, sexual ethics, sexual morality, soul mate, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife.


Hausfrau; plural, Hausfrauen (German); or, anglicized, hausfrau and hausfraus:

1. A housewife.

2. The head female of a household.

See also Frau, housewife, missus, mistress, squaw.

x German terms.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Hausfraus"

The self-righteous Belgian hausfraus had always thought they were too good for her [Branca], even before the rumor started. And what made them so special? They were only the wives of the white-collar mine workers.

From the novel: The Witch Doctor's Wife, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, NY: Avon, 2009): chapter 8, p. 51; cf. chapter 25, p. 183.


Haustafeln (German):

Household rules (q.v.).

x German terms.


have (a place):

See "We'll always have Paris."

have a thing for:

To be in love with, or in lust with, or attracted to, or whatever.

Comment: The "whatever" reflects the nondescript nature of the phrase.

Typically the person one "has a thing for" is somebody with whom one is not or not yet in a love relationship.

By the way, the term is often expressed colloquially: "have got a thing for."

See also crush, have eyes for, have the hots for, in love, in lust, thing.

x thing for.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Had a Thing For"

[Gilbert Sweeny to Abigail Timberlake] "I always had a thing for you, Abby."

"Look, Gilbert —"

"It wasn't Debbie Lou I wanted to marry. It was you. If you'll just just give me a chance, I think — I know — I can get you to see that you and I belong together."

From the mystery novel: Estate of Mind: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; with imprint: Avon Twilight): chapter 3, p. 30.


have a way with (said sex):

To enjoy an ability to establish easily a sense of connection with (many a member of the mentioned sex); to be possessed of and to employ a facility for arousing the sexual interest in oneself of (many a member of the mentioned sex).

Comment: Examples of the said sex may include, for example: men, the fair sex, the ladies, members of the same sex, the opposite sex, or women.

See also attract, charm, charms, connect, have (one's) way with (somebody), mating intelligence, sex.

x way.

have babies together:

To be partners in sexual reproduction, generally over a course of time, and thereby parents of multiple children.

Comment: Among the variations: make babies together.

This is a common dream of young couples and a common intent in marriage. Often marriage is implied.

See also function of marriage, grow old together, marriage.

x babies together.            
x make babies together.
x together.

have breakfast together:

See breakfast together.

have designs on (someone):

To have secret plans for (a particular person) that involve seduction or acquiring that person as a mate, either for oneself or (in rarer usage) for somebody else.

See also seduction, steal (a man or a woman).

x designs.

have each other:

To be companions sharing a bond; to be together as friends, lovers, or members of the same family.

See also be there for (someone), companion, family, friend, lover, together.

have eyes for:

1. To be particularly attracted to.

2. To be in love with or else in lust with.

Comment: A frequent use of the term is in the sentence, "They have eyes for each other."

This term is to be distinguished from "make eyes at," which is a form of flirtation.

By the way, the term is often expressed colloquially: "have got eyes for."

See also babies-in-the-eyes, blinded by love, blindness of love, cast a sheep's eye at (somebody), crush, eye of love, have a thing for, have eyes for, in love, in lust, look babies, lovers' gaze, ogle, twinkle in (your) mother's eye, vision d'amour.

x develop eyes for.
x eyes.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Had Eyes For"

[Abigail Washburn narrating] Normally, I find it hard not to look at Sergerant Scrubb. Heck, I've even fantasized about him — well, never mind about that. My husband Greg was in the room with us, and even though he still smelled like raw shrimp, he was all I had eyes for.

From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 5, p. 51.

have feelings for:

See feelings for.

have hot pants for (somebody):

To have strong sexual desire for (a particular person) combined with an intense romantic interest in (that person); to be in love with.

See also hot pants, in love.

have it all:

1. To possess or to have at hand the totality of something.

2. To complete the acquisition of everything that one intended to acquire.

3. To possess the full range of talents and/or skills sought.

4. To be wealthy, healthy, and married to an attractive person.

5. To be well-loved and not wanting.

6. Relative to a position of want or envy or extreme insecurity, to be comfortably stable, for instance, in a middle-class suburban home with a white picket-fence and a two-car garage.

7. To have both a career and a family. Said especially of women in the wake of the feminist revolution of the 1960s and '70s.

See also do it all, feminism, homemaker, it.

x all.

have (one's) way with (somebody):

To enjoy the sexual activities (one) wishes with (said person) — in a male-female situation, especially coitus.

Comment: A euphemism.

To be carefully distinguished from "to have a way with (somebody)," which often means, "to be able to make (said person) calm or happy."

See also coitus, copulation, have a way with (said sex), sexual activity, sexual intercourse.

x way.

have (somebody) by his balls:

See lead (somebody) around by his penis.

have (someone):

1. To be able to reap the benefits and suffer the drawbacks of (a particular person), because that person is a functioning member of a household, team, business, institution, or other corporate group.

2. To enjoy (a particular person's) exclusive loyalty.

3. To enjoy (a particular person's) admiration or affections; to hold (a person) captivated by one's charms.

4. To be in a love relationship or marriage with (a particular person).

5. To engage in sexual intercourse with (a particular person).

6. To imagine that one possesses (a particular person) or otherwise has (a particular person) under one's control.

7. To hold (a person) as a captive or prisoner.

8, To fool (a person). Usually cast in the past tense, as in: "I had you." Compare the expressions, "I got you" and "I had you going."

See also attached, belong to, exclusivity, heart belongs to, married, me and mine, own (somebody), possessiveness, possessive pronouns, sexually exclusive.

x "You had me at ..."

Quotation from Anne Fulton Hope's Rendition of Katherine of Aragon Illustrating "You Had Me"

[Katherine of Aragon (1485-1536) to Henry VIII]: "... For twenty years I have been a true wife to you, and by me you have had several children, though it has pleased God to call them out of this world, which is no fault of mine; and when you had me at the first, I take God to be my | judge that I was a very maid, and whether it be true or no I put it to your conscience..."

From: The First Divorce of Henry VIII: As Told in the State Papers, by Mrs. [Anne Fulton] Hope; edited, with notes and introduction, by Francis Aidan Gasquet (London: Kegan Paul, Trench, Trübner, 1894): chapter 14, p. 129-130.

Quotation from Francis Warrington Dawson Illustrating "You Had Me"

[Howard To Eleanor]: "... You've enough charm to fascinate any man, if you want to. You had me, at one time." Whether made intentionally or not, the confession that his admiration was a thing of the past, smote Eleanor.

From the novel: The Scar, by Francis Warrington Dawson (2nd ed. London: Methuen, 1906): chapter 18, p. 174.

Quotation from the Angus Davidson Translation of Alberto Moravia Illustrating "Has a Woman"

[Antonio speaking]: "Why, Signor Baldeschi, everybody likes women. . . .  Even the priest over there at San Lorenzo has a woman, and that woman has presented him with two children. If you could look inside people's heads you'd see that everyone's got some woman or other . . .

From the novel: Conjugal Love, by Alberto Moravia (New York, N.Y.: New American Library, 1952, c1951; in publisher's series: A Signet Book; 922): chapter 8, p. 59. The elisions are in the book. Translated from the Italian of L'Amore Coniugale (1949) by Angus Davidson. Originally published in English: New York, Farrar, Straus and Young, 1951.

Quotation from the Movie "Jerry Maguire" Illustrating "You Had Me at 'Hello'"

[Jerry Maguire, played by Tom Cruise]: "I love you. You... you complete me. And I just..."

[Dorothy Boyd, played by Renée Zellweger]: "Shut up, just shut up. You had me at 'Hello.'"

From the movie: "Jerry Maguire," written and directed by Cameron Crowe (1996).  This scene in the movie popularized the construction, "You had me at ..."


have someone special in (one's) life:

See someone special in (one's) life.

have the hots for:

1. To have a crush on someone.

2. To lust for someone.

Comment: Often expressed colloquially, "have got the hots for."

See also carry a torch for, crush, Cupid's torch, Cyprian torch, flame, hangover hots, have a thing for, have eyes for, hot love, incandescence, infatuated, in heat, in lust, kindled to one another, limerent, love fever, lustful, old flame, slow-burn romance, spark of love, sprung, torchy, wildly in love with.

x hots.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Had the Hots for"

[C.J.] "But don't worry, Abby, you won't be alone for long. For some strange reason, men seem to be attracted to you. Take that hunky sheriff, for instance. He had the hots for you."

[Abigail Timberlake] "He did not!"

"Ooh, but he did. What did he want to see you alone about? Was he asking you on a date?"
From the mystery novel: So Faux, So Good: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1998; with publisher's imprint: Avon Twilight): chapter 24, p. 218.


have two strings to (one's) bow:

1. To be provided against contingencies; to have another in reserve.

2. To have a pair of concerns.

3. To have a double supply of lovers; to have one sex partner plus another in reserve; to have two sweethearts at the same time, especially so that one can fall back on one or the other.

Comments: There are many variations, for instance: "have many strings to one's bow," "have more strings to one's bow," "have three strings to one's bow," have two strings on one's bow," and "have two strings to Cupid's bow."

The rough equivalent in several other languages:1


1 Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): pp. 1255-1256, s.v. "two strings to his bow."

See also beau (for a postcard play on words), biamory, bigamy, Cupid's golden arrow, domestic trio, duogamy, French arrangement, ménage à trois, milk two cows, polygamy, serve two studs, share (one's) favors, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, trouple, vee.

x bow.
x strings to (one's) bow.
x two beaux to every string.
x two strings to (one's) bow.

Quotation from a Translation by William Caxton Illustrating "Haue .ij. Strenges on His Bowe"


I wil wel that euery man be amerous & loue . but that he haue .ij. strenges on his bowe.

From: The History of Jason, translated from the French of Raoul Le Fèvre by William Caxton, c. 1477; edited by John Munro (London: Published for the Early English Text Society, by Kegan Paul, Trench, Trübner, and by Henry Milford, Oxford University Press, 1913; in series: Early English Text Society. Extra Series; no. 111): 57. Translation of: Jason et Medée.

Here I am following the text as it appears in: The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs, compiled by William George Smith; with introduction and index by Janet E. Hazeltine (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935): p. 521.

Quotation from Anthony Trollope Illustrating "Have Two Strings to His Bow"


There is an old song which gives us some very good advice about courting:

It's gude to be off with the auld luve,
Before ye be on wi' the new.


Of the wisdom of this maxim Mr Slope was ignorant, and accordingly, having written his letter to Mrs Bold, he proceeded to call upon the Signora Neroni. Indeed, it was hard to say which was the old love and which the new, Mr Slope having been smitten with both so nearly at the same time. Perhaps he thought it not amiss to have two strings to his bow. But two strings to Cupid's bow are always dangerous to him on whose behalf they are to be used. A man should remember that between two stools he may fall to the ground.

From: Barchester Towers, [by] Anthony Trollope; edited with an introduction and notes by Robin Gilmour; preface by John Kenneth Galbraith (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1982; "Reprinted with a new Chronology 2003"): v. 2 (of 3 in 1), chapter 8, pp. 240-241. Originally published: London: Longman, 1857. According to a note, the lines, "It's gude ... the new," come from the Scots folk song, "Here's a health to them that's awa'," published in James Johnson's Scots Musical Museum, v. 5 (1796): no. 412.

Quotation from William Schwenck Gilbert Illustrating "Two Strings Go to Every Bow" and "Two Beaux to Every String"


Tho', as a general rule, we know
Two strings go to every bow,
Make up your mind that grief 'twill bring
If you've two beaux to every string.

From the finale to: Iolanthe, or, The Peer and the Peri: A New and Original Comic Opera, in Two Acts, written by W. S. Gilbert; composed by Arthur Sullivan ([Philadelphia?] J. M. Stoddart, c1882): p. 46. "As produced by arrangement with Mr. R. D'Oyly Carte at the Bijou Theatre, Boston." Iolanthe opened at the Savoy Theatre, London, on November 25, 1882.

Hawaiian terms:

See aloha, huapala, huapala manawahi, ho'owahine, ipo, kuualoha, punalua, wahine, wahine kane make, wahine kane 'ole, wahine male.



Hot bi babe (q.v.).

x abbreviations and acronyms.


headdress keeper:

The favored wife in a Ugandan polygynous marriage.

See also monogyny, nirimoua, nuliaqpak, partner, polygynist, primary wife, sits-beside-him woman, wife.

Quotation from Okot p'Bitek Illustrating "Headdress Keeper"


A woman who is jealous
Of another, with whom she shares a man,
Is jealous because she is slow,
Lazy and shy,
Because she is cold, weak, clumsy!
The competition for a man's love
Is fought at the cooking place
When he returns from the field
Or from the hunt,
You win him with a hot bath
And sour porridge.
The wife who brings her meal first
Whose food is good to eat,
Whose dish is hot
Whose face is bright
And whose heart is clean
And whose eyes are dark
Like the shadows:
The wife who jokes freely
Who eats in the open
Not in the bed room,
One who is not dull
Like stale beer,
Such is the woman who becomes
The headdress keeper.

From: "The Woman with Whom I Share My Husband," §2 of the first song of: Song of Lawino & Song of Ocol, [by] Okot p'Bitek [1931-1982]; introduction by G. A. Heron; illustrations by Frank Horley (Oxford: Heinemann, 1984; in: African Writers Series; 266): pp. 40-41. "The Song of Lawino" was originally written in the Acoli (Acholi) language between 1964 and 1966 under the title: "Wer pa Lawino." The English translation was first published in 1966.


head of household, or head of the household:

1. The person who is recognized, if only for formal purposes, as having the primary leadership role in a domestic family unit, traditionally, in English-speaking countries, this being an adult male, unless there is none or the one present is only lossely bound to the unit, in which case it would ordinarily be an adult female.

2. A person with dependents related through blood, marriage, or adoption.

3. In the United States, a filing status for federal income taxpayers. According to the Internal Revenue Service, Publication 501 (2012), under the heading, "Head of Household":

You may be able to file as head of household if you meet all the following requirements.

1. You are unmarried or “considered unmarried” on the last day of the year.

2. You paid more than half the cost of keeping up a home for the year.

3. A “qualifying person” lived with you in the home for more than half the year (except for temporary absences, such as school). However, if the “qualifying person” is your dependent parent, he or she does not have to live with you.

See also "head of the wife," HOH, household, matriarchal family, patriarchal family, primus inter pares.

"head of the wife":

The rendering given in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible of a Greek phrase found at Ephesians 5:23: kephalê tês gynaikos. Much the same phrase appears at 1 Corinthians 11:3: kephalê de gynaikos. In both texts the husband or man (anêr) is represented as the head of the wife or woman. For fuller context, see the following box.

"Head of the Wife" Texts in the Authorized Version (1611)

1 Corinthians 11:2-16

Ephesians 5:21-26


2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them1 to you.

3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man;2 and the head of Christ is God.

4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.

5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

8 For the man is not of [ek] the woman; but the woman of [ex] the man.

9 Neither was the man created for [dia] the woman; but the woman for [dia] the man.

10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.3

12 For as the woman is of [ek] the man, even so is the man also by [dia] the woman; but all things of [ek] God.

13 Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?

14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

16 But if any man4 seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.


... 21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.1-2

22 Wives, submit yourselves3 unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he4 is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be5 to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himslef a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Notes on the 1 Corinthians Passage

1 Italicized words indicate that the Greek original lacks a comparable word. In other words, these are interpolations by the translators.

2 Throughout this passage, with the exception of verse 16, the Greek word for "man" is anër (or an inflected form thereof). Anër is often translated as either "man" or "husband"; additionally, in this passage, it sometimes refers to the primordial man functioning as archetype.

Furthermore, the Greek word for woman used throughout is gynë (or an inflected form thereof). Gynê is often translated as either "woman" or "wife," typically as "wife" when gynê is paired with anêr; additionally, in this passage, it sometimes refers to the primordial woman functioning as archetype.

With regard to both anêr and gynê, Paul shifted back and forth between senses in this passage. The question in each instance is which sense was he employing.

3 Compare this strikingly similar statement attributed to R. Akiba (ca. 40-ca. 135 C.E.):

"In the past, Adam was created from the ground, and Eve from Adam; but henceforth it shall be, In our image, after our likeness (Gen. 1, 26): neither man without woman nor woman without man, nor both of them without the Shechinah." (Bereshith Rabbah = Genesis Rabbah 22:2 = 14d)

From: Midrash Rabbah, translated into English with notes, glossary and indices under the editorship of H. Freedman and Maurice Simon; with a foreword by I. Epstein (3rd ed. London; New York: Soncino Press, 1983): v. 1, p. 181.

4 Regarding "man" (verse 16): The Greek word is tis, meaning "anyone" or "someone," whether male or female.

Notes on the Ephesians Passage

1 Regarding the phrase, "Submitting yourselves to one another": The phrase can go with either what comes before or what comes after. If before, as the Authorized Version has it, the "one another" are the holy and faithful ones mentioned in Ephesians 1:1, particularly the males (see 1:5 and 4:13). However, this option has several prolems, not least that it makes the phrase just an incidental appendage to the preceding, and this just after a mention of God the Father. If after, as critical editions of the Greek New Testament often have it, the "one another" would be either husbands and wives or the holy and faithful ones mentioned in 1:1, with special reference to the  categories of persons that follow: wives, husbands, children, fathers, slaves, and masters. See under "reverence her husband" for discussion.

2 Regarding "of God" in verse 21: The best manuscripts and current critical editions of the Greek New Testament read Christou, which would be translated "of Christ."

3 Regarding "submit yourselves" in verse 22: The best manuscripts and current critical editions omit this altogether. Thus this passage could be translated this way: "Submitting to one another in reverence of Christ, the wives are to be (or just: are) to their own husbands as to the Lord."

4 Regarding "and he" in verse 23: The "and" is absent in the best manuscripts and current critical editions, and the "he" is ambiguous. Conceivably, the antecedent of "he" could be "a husband," especially if the immediately preceding clause, "as also the Anointed One [or the Messiah] is head of the church," is read as parenthetical. However, I interpret the meaning this way: Christ is the savior of the church, which is his body; and I do so for these reasons:

  • The last possible antecedent is Christ (5:23);
  • There are earlier mentions of the church as the body of Christ (Ephesians 1:22-23; 4:15-16); and,
  • It is likely that the preceding clause was meant to parallel and help control the meaning of "he is savior [or a savior] of the body."

5 Regarding the "let ... be" in verse 24: As the italics indicate, these English words do not represent any Greek word or words, but some form of the verb "to be" is called for. So the verse could instead be translated this way: "But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives are to their husbands in all [matters]."

Comments: First Corinthians is attributed to the Apostle Paul and to Sosthenes, but especially to Paul (1:1; 16:21; cf. Acts 18:17); and Ephesians is attributed to Paul alone (1:1). The Pauline authorship of 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 has been questioned from time to time, but it is generally thought to have been composed by Paul. Much the reverse is true with regard to Ephesians: Although there are some who are unconvinced (including myself), many scholars think that Ephesians was not written by Paul but by somebody in his school of thought. For purposes of this entry, I'll treat all of both epistles as works of Paul.

The passage quoted from 1 Corinthians is couched in a discussion of traditions (11:2) and custom (11:16). Certain practices are rationalized on the basis of certain accounts in Genesis, most notably, with regard to this entry, the second creation account (2:4-4:26) in which Eve was fashioned from a rib of Adam (2:21-22). Partially on the basis of that account, Paul laid out a prelapsarian (that is, pre-Fall) order of creation: God as the head of Christ, who is the head of every man, each of whom is the head of his wife — however, there being a natural interdependence of man and woman. For more on this passage, see "A Commentary on 1 Corinthians 11:2-16" and "The Angels of 1 Corinthians 11:10."

The passage quoted from Ephesians, rather than representing an order of creation, represents an order of the salvific work of Christ. It is not an order of the prelapsarian age of innocence. It is not the postlapsarian disorder. Nor is it the order of what is sought and ultimately to come (Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35; Gospel of Thomas 22; Galatians 3:28). It is the order for the "now and not yet"; thus the parallels drawn are with Christ's sanctification of the church. If we may trust the best manuscripts with regard to Ephesians 5:22 and 24, we have two options for understanding wifely subjection:

For other New Testament passages on the submission of wives to husbands, see 1 Corinthians 7:3-4; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5; and 1 Peter 3:1-7.

Some of these verses are used by some people to justify despotic rule of a man over his wife.

See also Adam's rib, amaeru, androcracy, Cinderella complex, doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, gamical, give away in marriage, give oneself to (a particular person), head of household, household rules, husband, husband worship, lord, male chauvinism, manus, maritodespotism, master, "neither male nor female," "one flesh," patriarchal family, respect, "reverence her husband," rule the roost, "saved in childbearing," sexism, sexual chauvinism, sexual politics, wear the breeches, wife, worship (one's) spouse.

x Greek terms.
x subject to her husband.
x subordination in marriage.


head over heels in love:

Intensely passionate about someone in a romantic way.

Comments: This is an idiom generally used with the verb "to be" or "to fall," as in, "She is head over heels in love with him" or "He fell head over heels in love with her." The image is of a person tumbling, out of control, down a hill.

Even though the idiom "head over heels" has other meanings in other contexts, such as "headlong" and "impulsively," sometimes it is used alone with the remainder, "in love," merely implied.

As a twist, occasionaly the intensifier, "head over heels," is further intensified by reversing the order to "heels over head," as in: "She was head over heels about her first boyfriend, but fell heels over head in love with her second."

See also besotted, crazy about, enamored, fall in love, go gaga over, gone on, HOHIL, in love, love-cracked, love-struck, madly in love, mashed on, proceptive phase, raked fore and aft, smitten, sweep (somebody) off (her) feet, violently in love.

x heels over head in love.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Head Over Heels in Love"

[Sondra] "... When I met Hugh I fell head over heels in love. He could have asked for my right arm, and I'd [have] given him my left arm as well." She took a long drink of liquid courage. "Now I'm afraid he doesn't want any part of me."

From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 11, p. 128.


With regard to relationships:

1. To recover emotionally from a divorce, a break-up, or a now past problem or traumatic event in a relationship.

2. To recover emotionally from the loss of a loved one; to pass through grief to a new normalcy in life.

3. To mend a relationship after a period that has involved emotional pain between the partners. This typically involves a decision on the part of each partner to remain together, forgiveness, restoration, re-bonding, progress in working at the relationship, and a rebuilding of trust.

See also grief, love trauma syndrome, relationship breakdown recovery, sexual healing.


1. A biological blood pump, without which it is rather difficult for a human being to survive for long.

2. The internal seat of personal values and emotions; the source of passion and of one's way of being in the world, insofar as it is integrally woven with the core of one's personality; the matrix of character, feelings, thoughts, and volition in a person.

3. An abstract symbol for the seat of the emotions, signifying either affection or a general affirmation of romantic love. As to which, affection or romantic love, who can tell, when this symbol appears on cards exchanged between friends and classmates on Valentine's Day? As if ambiguities ended there!

4. An abstract symbol suggestive to some of cleft flesh and erogenous zones — lips or labia, breasts or buttocks, testes or even (maybe especially) the phallic corona — signifying romantic love with a strong undercurrent of erotic desire and intimating an opportunity for greater or further intimacy, be it of the heart or of the body or both.

5. An abstract symbol signifying two-lobed union or togetherness.

6. An abstract symbol signifying the spirit of Jesus, which in turn signifies agapic or charitable love.

Comments: The symbol, which is also called a loveheart (like the confectionery of the same shape) is of ancient and obscure origin and has appeared in widely diverse cultures. Among suggestions as to the derivation of the shape and its association with love:

The piercing of the heart by Cupid's arrow signifies having fallen in love.

In online communication, the heart symbol is sometimes represented this way: <3


1 This is not the first time that the ancient city of Cyrene has appeared in this glossary. See also under "ethical hedonism."

2 Regarding the use of silphium for birth control, see Soranus, Gynaecia 1.63.

3 For illustration of heart-shaped ivy leaves in association with Dionysus, see, for example: Dionysus: Archetypal Image of Indestructible Life, [by] C. Kerényi (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, c1976; in: Bollingen Series; lxv, 2): plates 49, 57, 75, 77, 84, 85.

4 For a description of the place of ivy in bacchic revelry, see Plutarch, Roman Questions 291A.

"For My Loving Husband," by Nancy Anderson (née Nancy Linda Griffin)                

 Iage of a quilted heart

A quilted heart, by the author's wife, dated, Rowley, MA, 2008.  Based upon folk art Scherenschnitte (scissor cuttings).

See also "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," affaire de coeur, affair of the heart, agapic love, amor purus, amour de coeur, bacchanalia, break (someone's) heart, broken heart, broken hearted, call of the heart, cheatin' heart, choice of one's heart, contre-coeur, courtly love, cri de coeur, crime against the heart, crime of the heart, cuisle mo chroidhe, Cupid's golden arrow, dear, dearheart, door of the heart, dream of (one's) heart, eat (one's) heart out, faint heart, false heart, gentle heart, give one's heart away, guarantee (one's) heart, heartache, heart balm statute, heart belongs to, heartbreak, heart-breaker, heartbroken, "heart has its reasons ...," heart's desire, heart-slayer, heart-swapping, heartthrob, "The heart wants what it wants," "home is where the heart is," iconography of love, in love, intimacy, juggle hearts, king of (one's) heart, lonely heart, lose one's heart, lose one's heart to, love, love coupon, love-knot, love-struck, lust, matching hearts, matters of the heart, (my) heart beats for (you), pet of (my) heart, poly symbol, queen of (one's) heart, romantic cardiology, romantic love, rose, secrets of the heart, serial heartbreaker, shower of hearts, slay one's heart, smitten, steal one's heart, sweetheart, tangled hearts, "There is a way to every woman's heart," think with (one's) heart, "Two hearts that beat as one," unfledged heart, union of hearts, valentine, Valentine's Day, "way to a man's heart," win one's heart.

x loveheart.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Heart"


He [Captain Benwick] had an affectionate heart. He must love somebody.

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 18, p. 198. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

A Postcard Illustrating "Hearts"

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Romantic color "Postkarte," embossed, showing a standing young couple clasping each other's hands, she a blonde in a light greenish-blue gown, he with a mustache and in a brown suit; with these lines at the bottom on the right: "Hands pressed together, | hearts light as feather, | The billows of life | and its dangers they'll weather." ([Berlin, Germany]: PFB [Paul Finkenrath, between 1907 and 1910]). "No. 6463 Relief, No. 6466 Brilliant." The lines are apparently original to the post card. Terminus a quo per the start of the divided back era. Terminus ad quem per when PFB stopped publishing postcards. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

A Postcard Illustrating "Heart"

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Romantic color "Postkarte," embossed, showing a standing young couple with their right arms entwined as each holds a glass of red wine to the other's lips, she a blonde in a light green gown with a white corsage, he with a mustache and in a dark blue suit; with these lines at the bottom on the left: "We'll chink the glass, sweetheart, | And drink each other's wine, | A symbol that my heart | Is yours and yours is mine!" ([Berlin, Germany]: PFB [Paul Finkenrath, 1907]). "No. 6463 Relief, No. 6466 Brilliant." The lines are apparently original to the post card. Date from postmark seen online. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Heart"


Alvina missed him [Alexander Graham], missed the extreme excitement of him rather than the human being he was. Miss Frost set to work to regain her influence over her ward, to remove that arch, reckless, almost lewd look from the girl's face. It was a question of heart against sensuality. Miss Frost tried and tried to wake again the girl's loving heart — which loving heart was certainly not occupied by that man.

From the novel: The Lost Girl, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Thomas Seltzer, 1921): chapter 2, p. 31.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Heart"


The first appearance of [Dante's] Beatrice produces three separate effects: it moves the heart as the seat of spiritual emotions, the brain as the centre of perception, and the liver as the place of corporal emotions. It is much to be wished that English literature had kept liver as well as heart; we have to use one word for both emotional states ...

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," p. 92. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Heart"

[Faye Raider] "... I can't stand it when people get all moonie [i.e. moony] about each other."

[Molly Bolt] "That's because you've never been in love. You haven't got a heart, Faysie, only a pericardium."

From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 10, p. 96. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.



Emotional agony and, commonly, psychic disturbance due to separation from or the loss of a loved one or to deep disappointment in matters of love.

See also aeipathy, broken heart, cri de coeur, cruelty, desperate, grief, heart, heartbreak, hurt, lasslorn, limerence, loneliness, lonely heart, lovelorn, lovesickness, love trauma syndrome, love-trouble, love withdrawal, miss, pine away, pine for, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, romantic cardiology, Sappho's signs, saudade, unreciprocated love, unrequited love, withdrawal anguish.

x aching heart.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Heartache"


One of my website respondents in her late fifties describes herself as "pretty" and "without problems in attracting men" but admits she retreats from them. "I just look at them as a 'heartache' waiting to happen. I miss the love factor in my life. But the awful, intense, hurtful feelings of a breakup are too much for me to bear, so I go on my merry way alone."

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 37.


heart balm statute:

A law that abolishes the right to take legal action for any or all of the following:

See also enoch arden law, get government out of the bedroom, heart, libertarianism, liberty, separation of marriage and state, sexual freedom, sexual revolution, statism, sumptuary law.

x statute.


heart beats for you:

See (my) heart  beats for (you).

heart belongs to, as in "my heart belongs to you" or "my heart belongs to another":

An idiomatic expression that is equivalent to saying: (the subject) feels emotionally bonded to (somebody), Often implied is that this feeling excludes having the same sort of bond, at least at the same time, with any others.

See also belong to, exclusivity, have (someone), heart, own (somebody), possessiveness.


The condition of suffering from a broken heart.

See also broken heart, broken hearted, cri de coeur, heart, heartache, heartbreaker, let go, lover's leap, love-trouble, love withdrawal, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, relationship breakdown recovery, withdrawal anguish, "You always hurt the one you love."



1. A person who is highly desirable and whose physical appearance incites one to romantic passion but who is unattainable, at least for a long-term relationship.

2. A particularly sad story, especially about the loss of a loved one or about a broken love relationship.

See also heart, heartbreak, heart-slayer, heartthrob, lustworthy, romance, serial heartbreaker.



Suffering from a broken heart.

See also broken heart, broken hearted, heart, heartbreak.

hearth and home:

Fireplace and residence, as indicative all at once of:

Comments: "Hearth and home" is a hendiadys, that is, a figure of speech in which two words connected by a copulative conjunction are used to evoke a single complex idea.

The Latin equivalent is focus et domus. In ancient Greek, hestia sometimes conveys the same sense.

See also bread and cheese and kisses, home, home-fire, household.

x focus et domus.
x Greek terms.
x hestia.
x Latin terms.

Quotation from The Christian Disciple Illustrating "Hearth and Home"

.... nor forfeit now
The nuptial torch, the mutual vow,
The social hall, the festal dome,
The comforts of the hearth and home!

From: "Duncan M'Intosh," The Christian Disciple and Theological Review; new series, v. 3 (for 1821, published 1822): pp. 46-49, specifically p. 48.

"heart has its reasons ...":

An allusion to a fragment by the scientist and philosopher Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) in his Pensées (1669), which was written in French. The fragment begins: "Le cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point." Translated: "The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know." This saying suggests that there are things of great importance to human beings that the purely rational mind cannot fully apprehend.

Comment: The fragment was serving an apologetic purpose on behalf of the Christian religion, and it had special application to belief in God. However, nowadays the saying is often used in reference to romantic motives.


Pascal's Pensées have been arranged by editors in countless ways, the result being many different numberings. So it is that, in citing a passage in the Pensées, if one is to have the passage readily findable, one had best provide the numbers as given in several of the major editions. The above saying is in Manuscrit 8 and is variously numbered: 1er Copie §207; 2de Copie §418; Port-Royal §XXVIII 31; Brunschvicg (1904) §277; Chevalier (1936) §477; Lafuma/Turnell (c1962) §224; Lafuma (1963) §423. For charts, I am using:
  • "Table de concordance pour les fragments des Pensées," in: Blaise Pascal: Opuscules et Pensées, publiés avec une introduction, des notices et des notes par Léon Brunschvicg (Paris: Hachette, 1897): p. [749]-773.
  • "Concordance," in: Pascal's Pensées, translated with an introduction by Martin Turnell (New York: Harper, c1962): pp. 425-436. Incidentally, Turnell claims to be using a 1952 Lafuma edition for his numbering (see pp. 21 and 425), but I haven't yet laid hands on a Lafuma edition that corresponds to his numbering.
  • "Table de concordance éditions Brunschvicg et Lafuma," in: Pascal: Œuvres complètes, préface d'Henry Gouhier; présentation et notes de Louis Lafuma ([New York]: Macmillan Company, c1963; in series: L'Intégrale): pp. 645-[649].

I'm using the French text of the Pensées as found in the Lafuma edition (1963), just cited above: p. 552, §423.

For the English translation, I'm using: The Thoughts of Blaise Pascal (London: J. M. Dent and Co., Aldine House, 1904; in series: The Temple Classics): p. 109, §277. "The translation ... has been specially prepared for this Series by Mr. William Finlayson Trotter ... from the edition of the text prepared by M. Léon Brunschvicg ..." — p. [372].

See also heart.

x "coeur a ses raisons ..."
x reasons.

heart's desire:

1. That which one wishes for from the depths of one's being.

2. A beloved, especially one with whom one is not yet in a love relationship.

See also beloved, heart, object of (one's) affection.

A Postcard Illustrating "Heart's Desire"

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"Post card" in sepia tones, with highlights in pink: showing a kissing couple in the woods on the edge of a pond, she in a long pink dress, he in a dark gray suit and leaning against a stump; with caption: "My heart's desire" (Holmfirth (England); New York: Bamforth & Co., c1910). "No. 7025." From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.


1. Someone who disposes some people to fall in love with him or her.

2. Someone who evokes overwhelming love-passion.

See also die with love, heart, heartbreaker, heartthrob, in love, lady-killer, love-struck, raked fore and aft, slay one's heart, smitten.



Falling in love with and yearning for each other's spouse or partner in love and having those yearnings shared and reciprocated, while each party yet remains deeply attached to his or her own spouse or partner in love.

See also abundant love principle, biamory, cluster marriage, emotional infidelity, four-cornered marriage, foursome, group love relationship, heart, intimate network, love more than one person at a time, mate-swapping, partner sharing, polyamory, spouse exchange, synergamy, utopian swinging.

Quotation from John Gardner Illustrating "Heart-Swapping"


[Agathon] It could have been very good for all of us. But Dorkis was a lover, not only a man with busy hands but a man who did in fact fall in love, though he did nothing about it — and so, alas, was I. So that whenever we [the two couples, Agathon and Tuka, Dorkis and Iona] came together, the four of us, there was no escape from the heart-swapping game, tiresome and futile, doomed to frustration and anger because of our natures.

From: The Wreckage of Agathon, [by] John Gardner (New York: Harper & Row, 1970): chapter 24.



1. A person whose very existence incites one to romantic passion; a person who makes one's pulse run fast; the object of one's crush or infatuation.

2. A public figure, typically an entertainer, who becomes an object of infatuation on the part of many. For example, a teen idol will often be charaterized as a heartthrob.

3. A sentimental emotion; a passion.

See also band moll, charmer, crush, crystallization, cuisle mo chroidhe, dramatic lover, enchantment, flame, God's gift to men, God's gift to women, groupie, heart, heartbreaker, heart-slayer, inamorata, inamorato, infatuation, jeune premier, jeune première, jock, ladies' man, leading lady, leading man, lover, lustworthy, masher, partner, sex god, sex goddess, squish, sweetheart, Valentino.


"The heart wants what it wants":

A tautological quotation from a letter of the poet, Emily Dickinson, to Mary Bowles, dated to the early summer of 1862, to the effect that whoever one loves is the person one wishes to be with and not someone else or that which one values from out of the core of one's being is the thing one truly values and not something else. The full sentence reads: "The heart wants what it wants, or else it does not care." Mary Bowles wanted her absent husband, Samuel, to be present with her; and that was what Emily Dickinson was talking about.


From: Letters of Emily Dickinson, edited by Mabel Loomis Todd (Boston: Roberts Brothers, 1894): v. 1, pp. 204- 205, specifically p. 205.

See also heart, want (someone).

hear with (one's) vagina:

An expression, used of a woman, meaning: to be inclined to accept sexual advances from a person one finds attractive; to be susceptible in a sexual way to sweet talk or even to mistaking ordinary talk on the part of an attractive person as sweet talk.

Comment: Given that the vagina cannot itself hear, obviously here it is a metaphor for the female libido.

Sometimes instead of "vagina" a synonym is used, such as "cunt" or "pussy."

See also horny, in heat, libido, sexual desire, sweet talk, think with (one's) penis (which see for lexical example), think with (one's) uterus.

x vagina.


See in heat.


See "To earn credit in heaven, make a pass at an ugly woman [or man]."

Hebrew terms:

See abomination (taab, toebah, and others), Adam and Eve ('ādām), agunah, "as with womankind" (mishkebay ishshah), balabusta (ba`alat ha-bayit), bashow minhag, bat zug, "be fruitful and multiply" (peru urebu), ben zug, "blessings of the breasts and of the womb"(birkoth shadayim wa-racham), cleave (dābaq), divorce (see chart), erusin, father's wife ('eshet-'avika), get, halitzah, hatunnah, ketubbah, kiddushim, know (somebody) in the biblical sense (yad`a); law of love ('aheb); lord ('adon), love commandments ('aheb), lust (chamad), maamar, mizpah, mohar, naked and not ashamed (`arommim ... we-lo' yitbishashu), nedunyah, niddah, nissuim, Noachic laws (B'nai Noach), Oholah and Oholibah, "one flesh" (basar echad), order of Saint Beelzebub (Baal-zebub), prophet of love ('aheb and 'ahabah), rabbanit, rival (tsarar), "saved in childbearing" (himlît), self-love (aheb), sex segregation (`ezrat nashim, mechitza), shadkahn, shalom bayit, shidduch, shtille khuppeh, sodomite (qadesh), sotah, strange woman (bath-el nekar, ger, ishshah acheret, ishshah nokriyyah, ishshah zarah, shegal), "thy neighbour's wife" (esheth `amithka, esheth re`eka), Virgin Mary (`almah, Miryam), virtuous woman (esheth-hayil), yavam, yebamah, yibbum, zug, zug r'ishon, zug sheni.


"He can park his shoes under my bed":

See "She can park her shoes under my bed."

hedgehog's dilemma:

See porcupine dilemma.


Short form of "hedonism" (q.v.) or of "hedonistic" (q.v.).

"He doesn't care where I get my appetite, as long as I eat at home":

See "Don't care where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home."


1. The view that human life and activity ought to be oriented to pleasure.

2. The view that human life and activity are governed principally by pleasure and the desire to avoid pain.

3. The preoccupation with and pursuit of sensual pleasure, generally inclusive, at least, of both gastronomic and sexual pleasure.

4. Euphemism for swinging.

Comments: From the Greek word hêdos, meaning "delight," "enjoyment," or "pleasure." Hedonism harks back at least as far as the Cyrenaic School, said to have been founded by Aristippus (435-356 B.C.). (By the way, for another tidbit about the ancient city of Cyrene, see under "heart.")

Sometimes the English word is shortened to "hedo," especially in reference to the last two senses.

In many a philosophy of life, hedonism, especially in the third sense, flows readily into libertinism, with which it is sometimes confused.

See also anhedonic, Bunga Bunga City, ethical hedonism, ethics, hedo, hedonist, hedonistic, libertinism, luxuria, moral code, open sexuality, sexual ethics, sexually uninhibited, swinging, "wine, women, and song," "wine, women, and wealth."

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: apolaustic.



1. A person devoted to pleasure or who otherwise subscribes to hedonism in any of its senses.

2. Euphemism for swinger.

Comment: A collective noun that has been suggested: debauchery of hedonists.

See also hedonism, jouisseur, jouisseusse, libertine, swinger, voluptuary.

x collective terms.


Characterized by hedonism (q.v.).

See also hedo.

heels over head in love:

See head over heels in love.


See mixed-height couple.


See Holiness Code.


heina (Spanglish):

An anglicized spelling of jaina (q.v.).

Comment: Sometimes spelled hyna.

x hyna.
x Spanish and Spanglish terms.


See date from hell, injured lover's hell, love (somebody) to hell and back, marital hell, marriage from hell, poly hell, woman scorned.

"Hell hath no fury ...":

See woman scorned.

"He loves me, he loves me not," or "She loves me, she loves me not":

An expression repeated over and over, while plucking petals from a flower, one petal per phrase, as a form of divination (more specifically, botanomancy or floromancy) in order to determine whether a person one is interested in returns one's affection — or simply as a solitary game. If the flower has an even number of petals, then the answer is "No," but if an odd number, the answer is "Yes." Typically a daisy is used.

Comment: The game has a name in French: effeuiller la marguerite ("to strip the daisy"). In English, the result is sometimes called the decision of the flower.

The game can have the effect of bringing one's doubts about a beloved into sharper focus or of clarifying for oneself how much one really wants the beloved's love. In other words, often, rather than being about divining the heart of another, it is about subjective states on the part of the player.


For the early history of the expression, see The Secret Middle Ages, [by] Malcolm Jones (Westport, Conn.: Praeger, 2002): pp. 166, 205-206. <Not examined>

See also "I love you," love, requite, unrequited love.

x decision of the flower.
x effeuiller la marguerite.
x games.
x "loves me, loves me not."
x "She loves me, she loves me not."

A Postcard Illustrating "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not"

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Romantic color "post card," in landscape format, showing a woman in a long white dress and a large hat with flowers seated in front of a tree plucking petals from a flower, and a man, hat in hand, looking on from a short distance behind, with caption at bottom: "He loves me, he loves me not" ([New York(?): Paul C. Koeber(?), 1909?]). Numbered L-357. Publisher presumed from "© P.C.K." Date from the split-back style, plus the artist's signature: "Tarnish(?) '09." From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Quotation from the Charles E. Passage Translation of Goethe Illustrating "He loves me — loves me not"



(She picks a star flower and plucks the petals off it one by one.)

FAUST. What is it? A bouquet?

MARGARET. No, Just a game.

FAUST. What?

MARGARET. You'd laugh at me if I should say.

(She murmurs something as she goes on plucking.) |

FAUST. What are you murmuring?

MARGARET (half aloud). He loves me — loves me not.

FAUST. You lovely creature of the skies.

MARGARET (continuing). Loves me — not — loves me — not —

(with delight as she reaches the last petal)

He loves me!

FAUST. Yes my child! And let this language of
The flowers be your oracle. He loves you!

From: Faust, Part One & Part Two, [by] Johann Wolfgang von Goethe; translated, with an introduction and notes, by Charles E. Passage (Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill Co., c1965; in: The Library of Liberal Arts; 180): Part One, scene [12], "A Garden," pp. 111-112. I've modified the formatting to save space.

In the Original German

MARGARETE. Laßt einmal!

(Sie pflückt eine Sternblume und zupft die Blätter ab, eins nach dem andern.)

FAUST. Was soll das? Einen Strauß?

MARGARETE. Nein, es soll nur ein Spiel.


MARGARETE. Geht! Ihr lacht mich aus.

(Sie rupft und murmelt.)

FAUST. Was murmelst du?

MARGARETE (halblaut). Er liebt mich — liebt mich nicht.

FAUST. Du holdes Himmelsangesicht! |

MARGARETE (fährt fort). Liebt mich — Nicht — Liebt mich — Nicht —

(Das letzte Blatt ausrupfend, mit holder Freude.)

Er liebt mich!

FAUST. Ja, mein Kind! Laß dieses Blumenwort
Dir Götterausspruch sein. Er liebt dich!

This edition has been followed: Goethes Faust, kritischdurchgesehen, eingeleitet und erläutert von Robert Petch (2. Ausgabe. Leipzig: Bibliographisches Institut, [1925]): Erster Teil, "Garten," pp. 166-167, lines 3179-3185. I've modified the formatting to save space. "Erster Teil" was originally published as: Faust: Eine Tragödie, von Goethe (Tübingen: J. G. Cotta'schen Buchhandlung, 1808).

Quotation from Letitia Elizabeth Landon (1802-1838) Illustrating "He loves me, he loves me not"

Now I number the leaves for my lot,
He loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not,
He loves me, — yes, thou last leaf, yes,
[I]'ll pluck thee not, for that last sweet guess!
"He loves me," "Yes," a dear voice sighed: —
And her lover stands by Margaret's side.

From the poem: "The Decision of the Flower," by L. E. L., in: The Museum of Foreign Literature and Science; v. 6 (January to June, 1825): p. 95.

Quotation from Francis Gribble Illustrating "He loves me, he loves me not"


Il m'aime un peu,
Pas du tout.

It is the complicated French version of our English: 'He loves me, he loves me not;' and the Princess played the game in strict accordance with the rules, plucking out and flinging away the successive petals of the daisies. But the result was far from satisfactory. The first time she played, she ended upon 'il m'aime un peu;' then, three times running, the words of the oracle were pas du tout; and choose what flower she might, the answer passionnément never came.

"I wonder," she said to herself, and turned the matter over in her mind.

For her doubts, of course, had not arisen from the foolish game that she was playing; she played the game, rather, to see if it would not dissipate the doubts she felt already. And, instead of scattering her doubts, the game had strengthened them, as such games sometimes will.

From: "The Princess Who Was Treated Badly," by Francis Gribble. Frank Leslie's Popular Monthly; v. 50, no. 5 (September 1900): p. [491]-497, specifically p. [491]. To translate the French: "He loves me a little, | Much | Passionately, | Not at all." In some versions, another line is added before the last: à la folie ("madly").


In swinger parlance, excitement on the part of a woman from watching her male mate engage in sexual activity with another woman and, perhaps also, her active participation in that sexual activity.

See also candaulism, compersion, confirming, fluffer, mixoscopia, reassurance, reconnect, swinging, three-dolphin technique, troilism, watching.

x liking to help.



1. A partner; a mate.

2. A wife.

Comment: Beware of confusing this word with "helpmeet," as has sometimes been done historically.

Contrast hindermate (q.v.). See also helpmeet, levament, mate, partner, wife.

Quotation from Woodrow Wilson Illustrating "Helpmate"


"I need you," the president wrote two days later, "as a boy needs his sweetheart and a strong man his helpmate and heart's comrad..."

Letter of May 9, 1915 to Edith Galt from Woodrow Wilson, as quoted in: Hidden Power: Presidential Marriages That Shaped Our Recent History, [by] Kati Marton (New York: Pantheon Books, c2001): p. 19. She cites: A President in Love: The Courtship Letters of Woodrow Wilson and Edith Bolling Galt, edited by Edwin Tribble (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1981).

Quotations from Cassandra King Illustrating "Helpmate"

[178] He [Rev. Ben Lynch] was used to having me [Willowdean Lynch, his wife] as his number-one helpmate; his biggest cheerleader.

[197] Ben was hell-bent on presenting himself as a dedicated minister with an adoring helpmate at his side, cheering him along.

[211] ... I vowed that I'd be a better helpmate. Somehow, I'd put the hostility and resentment of these last few months behind me.

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): p. 178, 197, 211.


A wife (q.v.).

Comment: The word is adapted from the Authorized (King James) Version of Genesis 2:18: "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet [i.e. suitable] for him."

See also Adam and Eve, Adam's rib, helpmate, heroina conjunx, levament, "one flesh," paradisal marriage, prelapsarian marriage, partner.

x myths.


hen frigate:

A ship, whether naval or merchant, "in whose working the captain's wife interfered."

Source: Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 66.

See also bundle man, fishing fleet, fit double clews, jump off the dock, owneress, war bride, war wife, wife.


hen night:

An evening set aside for a social gathering limited, apart from the entertainment, to women, especially such a gathering for a woman about to be married.

See also bachelorette party, doe, hen party, stag night.

hen party:

A gathering for women, typically with entertainment oriented to female interests.

See also bachelorette party, CFNM party, cupcake party, doe, stag party, tart party, tutting party.

x party.

hen-peck, as in "a hen-peck":

A woman who domineers or continually nags her mate.

Some similar terms: nag, scold, shrew, termagant.

Contrast meacock (q.v.). See also fictive widow, red flag, Xanthippê.


hen-peck, or henpeck, as in "to hen-peck":

To domineer or continually nag a mate, generally said of a woman domineering or nagging a male mate.

See also break, hoddy-doddy, lovers' quarrel, lovers' spat, pussywhip, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, womaned, woman-tired.



See possessive pronouns.

her and his marriages:

See his and her marriages.



See cut that (herd animal representing a particular person) out of the herd.

herd of cows:

See group sex. 


1. Fidelity in marriage.

2. Belief in marital fidelity.

3. Insistence upon marital fidelity.

Comment: Pronounced her-a-ism, which suggests that it is derived from the name of the Greek goddess of marriage and wife of Zeus, Hera, who is equivalent to the Roman goddess Juno. If that etymology is correct, the term suggests Hera-likeness. I have devolved the last two senses from this surmise as well as from a common use of "-ism."

Should someone pronounce the term this way, here-ism, the speaker may be thinking: "Be here with me, not there with somebody else" or, perhaps, "Be here for me."

See also faithfulness, fidelity, monogamism.


heroina conjunx (Latin):

"Heroic helpmeet" or "demi-goddess wife"; a wife who copes bravely, faithfully, and supportively despite enormous hardship.

See also conjux, helpmeet, spouse, wife.

x Latin terms.

Quotation from Edward Dumbauld Illustrating "Heroina Conjunx"


On July 17, 1608, Grotius married Marie van Reigersberch. Four sons and three daughters were born of this union. His heroic helpmeet (heroina conjunx) possessed the noble qualities ascribed to Dutch women by Grotius in his Parallelon Rerumpublicarum.

From: The Life and Legal Writings of Hugo Grotius, by Edward Dumbauld (Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, c1969): p. 9.



See possessive pronouns.

He's a cutie:


hestia (Greek):

See hearth and home.


Heterosexual (q.v.).


hetaera; plural: haeterae (Latinized) or haeteras (Anglicized):

1. A paid mistress, especially such a woman in ancient Greece.

2. A woman who employs her physical charms to climb the social ladder.

Also spelled: hetaira, which is the same as the word in Greek; plural: heterai (Greek) or hetairas (Anglicized). Yet another variant spelling: hetera; plural: heterae (Latinized) or heteras (Anglicized).

See also concubine, courtesan, gold-digger, kept woman, lady friend, mistress, partner, prostitute.

Beyond scope: hetaerocracy.

x hetaira.
x Greek terms.
x hetaira.
x hetera.

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Heteræ"


No Egyptian girl, as Herodotus discovered, would kiss a Greek [Histories 2:41]. But certain benevolent and enterprising men had imported a number of Heteræ or "lady-friends," the most famous of whom was Rhodopis, "the rosy-faced," with whom Sappho's brother fell in love, and whom the poetess lampooned [per the Histories 2:135].

From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): p. 37. Originally published, 1872.


hetaira; plural: hetairas:

See hetaera.



1. The practice of keeping a paid mistress.

2. Being a paid mistress.

3. A social system, such as sexual communism, in which female promiscuity is widely practiced and is considered acceptable.

See also mistress, pellicacy, sexual communism.



See hetaera.


hetero-asexual, as in "a hetero-asexual":

A person who is not sexually attracted to others but who nonetheless is capable of forming romantic attachments, this principally or exclusively with one or more members of a different sex.

See also asexual, heterosexual, homo-asexual, sexless love.


hetero-asexual, as in "a hetero-asexual person":

Characterized by not experiencing sexual attraction to others and nonetheless being capable of forming romantic attachments, this principally or exclusively with one or more members of a different sex.

See also asexual, heterosexual, heterosocial, homo-asexual, straight.

x -sexual. 


1. The belief that heterosexuality is superior to all other forms of sexuality, including homosexuality and bisexuality.

2. The organization of a group, culture, or society around heterosexuality in such a way that other sexualities are marginalized or suppressed.

Comment: "Heterocentrism" is generally used as a pejorative term.

See also alternative sexuality, bisexuality, conversion therapy, ex-gay ministry, heterosexism, heterosexuality, homosexuality, lovestyle, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, rehabilitation of homosexuals, reparative therapy, sexuality, straighten (someone) out.



1. A person who marries someone who is extraordinarily dissimilar.

2. An advocate or supporter of marriage between extraordinarily dissimilar people.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "heterogamy," so here included.

Contrast homogamist (q.v.). See also heterogamy.



The sick state of a marriage due to marital differences; a condition in which spouses are not well matched.

Contrast nomogamosis (q.v.). See also cagamosis, dysfunctional relationship, -gamy, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, love-resolves-all myth, marital blues, marital conflict, marital hell, marital issue, marriage from hell, odd couple, poor match, rocky relationship, stormy relationship, toxic relationship, "unequally yoked," unequal marriage, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, where things went wrong for (us).



Pertaining to or characterized by the marriage of extraordinarily dissimilar people.

Comment: With this sense, absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "heterogamy," so here included.

Contrast homogamous (q.v.). See also heterogamy.



Marriage of unlikes; the marriage of persons who are dissimilar in some major way, for instance, physically, psychologically, or in terms of social background.

Contrast homogamy (q.v.). See also Beauty-and-the-beast relationship, exogamy, -gamy, heterogamist, heterogamous, interfacial couple, interfacial marriage, interlofted couple, negative assortive mating, short/tall couple, Westermarck effect, Westermarck hypothesis.


heteronomous family:

A family that is not self-sufficient in producing the necessities of life but which seeks its livelihood through the participation of one or more of its members in a societal division of labor.

Contrast autonomous family (q.v.). See also family.



Pertaining to or characterized by the culturally dominant pattern of opposite-sex attraction and male/female sexual relationships as the cultural standard, especially a standard to which everybody seeking a sexual relationship is expected to conform.

Contrast, for example, queer (q.v.). See also only-right-way-to-be syndrome, sexual morality, sexual mores, square, traditional morality.


A society wherein supremacy tends to reside with men as opposed to women and with heterosexuals as opposed to those who are not heterosexual.

Comments:  A portmanteau term: heterosexuality + patriarchy.

The term dates back to at least 1988.

Adjectival form: heteropatriarchal.

See also heterosexuality, patriarchalism.

Quotation from Virginia Ramey Mollenkott Illustrating "Heteropatriarchy"


Throughout this book I refer to the structure of society as heteropatriarchy... Readers of feminist literature will be accustomed to the word patriarchy, referring to the hierarchical ways of organizing by which everything and everyone is ranked and whatever is male and white tends to get the upper hand....

But why heteropatriarchy? Because male supremacy is maintained by teaching young women that their destiny is to meet the needs of men and by teaching young men that their masculinity depends on gaining control over women. Compulsory heterosexuality is the very backbone that holds patriarchy together.

From: Sensuous Spirituality: Out from Fundamentalism, [by] Virginia Ramey Mollenkott (New York: Crossroad, 1993, c1992): p. 12.


All that obtains both between a man and a woman and between men and women generally, relative to how manhood and womanhood are shaped in a particular culture — that is, socially, economically, politically, and emotionally.

Comment: In some feminist theory, the thought is that male-female relations in present-day cultures have been shaped by men and that therefore "shaped by males" should be part of the definition of "hetero-relations."

See also discrimination on the basis of sex, double standard, feminism, male-female relations, matriarchalism, opposite sex, patriarchism, sexual chauvinism, sexual mores, sexual politics.

hetero-romantic, as in "a hetero-romantic":

A person, whether sexual or asexual, who is principally or exclusively oriented, with regard to romantic attachments, to one or more persons of a different sex.

See also bi-romantic, heterosexual, homo-romantic, romantic.


hetero-romantic, as in "a hetero-romantic person":

Characterized by being principally or exclusively oriented, with regard to romantic attachments, to one or more persons of a different sex.

See also bi-romantic, heterosexual, homo-romantic, romantic.



1. The value system that presents heterosexuality as the norm while treating homosexuality as though it does not really exist or is a chosen evil.

2. The denigration or oppression of any whose interpersonal sexuality is other than strictly heterosexual.

Comment: "Heterosexism" is generally used as a pejorative term. Some feminist theorists regard heterosexism as a key component of patriarchalism.

See also heterocentrism, heterosexuality, homorality, homosexuality, lovestyle, monosexism, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, sexuality.

Quotation from Robert T. Francoeur on Heterosexism


The term heterosexism was developed by British homosexual activists to indicate the sexual orientation biases in advertisements that show men paired with women but not men paired with men or women paired with women. In 1985, the Greater London Council was presented with guidelines that encourage advertisements with same-sex pairing as well as heterosexual couples.

From: The Complete Dictionary of Sexology, Robert T. Francouer, editor-in-chief; Martha Cornog, Timothy Perper, and Norman A. Scherzer, coeditors (New expanded edition. New York: Continuum,1995): see under "heterosexism," p. 274.


heterosexual, as in "a heterosexual":

1. A person whose erotic desires are oriented primarily to one or more persons of the opposite sex from him or herself.

2. A person whose sexual relations, by preference, are primarily with one or more members of the opposite sex from him or herself.

Contrast bisexual (q.v.) and homosexual (q.v.).

See also androgyne archetype, babymaker, breeder, BUG, double mono, Gug, hasbian, hetero-asexual, LUG, mixed-sex couple, monosexual, percso, polysexual, stray.


heterosexual, as in "heterosexual desire":

1. Erotically oriented primarily to one or more members of the opposite sex as oneself.

2. Pertaining to sexual relations between members of the opposite sex.

Comment: The term is sometimes shortened to "het," as in, "Are you het or gay?"

Contrast bisexual (q.v.), homosexual (q.v.), and queer (q.v.). See also boy crazy, double mono, girl crazy, het, hetero-asexual, man-keen, monosexual, polysexual, straight, straight credentials, woman-keen.

 x -sexual.

heterosexual contact:

See contact.

heterosexual friendship:

Friendship (q.v.). between a man and a woman.

Comment: The term that would naturally complement this one, "homosexual friendship," would suggest to many speakers of English not just a friendship between two members of the same sex, but also the presence of sexual activity. The term "heterosexual friendship" suffers from the analogy, and so often synonyms are used instead.

See also amour de tête, comarital, cuddle buddy, erotic friendship, friendship, friendship-wih-sex, intimate friendship, just friends, male-female friendship, platonic love, platonic relationship, soul mate, spiritual connection, Sunday husband, umfriend, UST relationship.

Quotation from Jack Nichols Illustrating "Heterosexual Friendship"


A great percentage of those millions [who live outside the bounds of matrimony] will never marry or remarry and hence are denied socially acceptable affectionate relationships as well as social ones for the rest of their lives. Since platonic relationships are almost unknown or are at least open to critical and gossipy evaluations and skepticism, this means that all significant heterosexual friendships have almost no chance to grow.

From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 17, p. 240.



1. Erotic activity between members of different sexes in general.

2. A manifestation of erotic activity between members of different sexes.

3. Erotic orientation or incidental attraction to one or more members of a different sex.

4. Erotic orientation primarily to members of a different sex from one's own.

Comment: According to the first three definitions, heterosexuality would be a component of bisexuality (q.v.). According to the fourth definition, heterosexuality would more or less contrast with bisexuality.

Contrast homosexuality (q.v.). See also androphilia, bisexuality, gynophilia, heterocentrism, heteropatriarchy, heterosexism, heterosexual, lovestyle, mixed-orientation marriage, monosexuality, new-inventionism, opposite-sex attraction, other-sex attraction, pansexuality, polysexuality, pomosexuality, sexuality, sexual orientation, Vive la différence!


heterosexual marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) between people of different sexes, that is, typically, between a man and a woman.

Comment: Some prefer the term "different-sex marriage" (q.v.) so as not to seem to suggest that both partners are necessarily heterosexuals, to avoid the hetero-/homo-/bisexual classification of individuals where such a distinction is not the point, and to make a natural pairing with "same-sex-marriage" (q.v.), which some regard as the most neutral of the terms with its sense.

Contrast homosexual marriage (q.v.).



Characterized by a strong preference for associating in non-sexual ways with members of a sex different from one's own.

See also bisocial, hetero-asexual, heterosociality, homosocial, monosocial.


The state of being heterosocial (q.v.) or of acting heterosocially.

See also bisociality, homosociality, monosociality.

heterozugeô (Greek):

See "unequally yoked."



See she-troth.


A love relationship consisting of six people.

See also alternate relationship geometries, dyad, InSix, letter group (E, H, xi, pi), pentad, pentamory, polygeometry, polygon, sextet, tetrad, triad.


hierarchical polyamory:

A form of polyamory (q.v.) in which relationships are organized according to primary, secondary, and, if applicable, tertiary partners.

See also co-primary, non-hierarchical polyamory, primary, primary partner, primemate, secondary, secondary partner, tertiary, tertiary partner.


1. A spouse in a sacred marriage.

2. An advocate of the view that a certain kind of marriage is sacred.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "hierogamy," so here included.

See also Basivi, hierogamy, housefather.



Pertaining to or characterized by sacred marriage.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "hierogamy," so here included.

See also hierogamy.



Sacred marriage.

See also carte blanche, Celestial Marriage, clerical marriage, double paternity, -gamy, hierogamist, hierogamous, hieros gamos, holy matrimony, holy wedlock, mystic betrothal, Oholah and Oholibah, sacramental marriage, sacred sex, sex god, sex goddess, spiritual marriage, theogamy.


hieron Aphroditês (Greek):

See temple of love.


hieros gamos (Greek):

Sacred marriage.

Comment: In English, ordinarily "hierogamy" (q.v.).

Quotation from Dan Brown Illustrating "Hieros Gamos"


Women, once celebrated as an essential half of spiritual enlightenment, had been banished from the temples of the world... The once-hallowed act of Hieros Gamos — the natural sexual union between man and woman through which each became spiritually whole — had been recast as a shameful act.

From: The Da Vinci Code, [by] Dan Brown (Special illustrated edition. New York: Doubleday, 2004): chapter 28, p. 132. Cf. chapter 74, pages 315-319; chapter 76, pages 322-323; chapter 85, p. 358.


Higamus Hogamus:

See Hogamus Higamus.


See lust high, vicarious relationship high.

high libertinism:

Libertinism (q.v.) on the part of members of the upper class.

Comment: Given the history of sexual license, this term sometimes connotes aristocratic sexual debauchery extending beyond mere sensuality into coercion and violence.

Contrast low libertinism (q.v.).

high maintenance:

1. In reference to a person in a relationship:

2. In reference to a relationship, requiring much work and/or extracting much emotional energy.

See also buy-sexual, gold digger, kept man, kept woman, low maintenance, maintenance sex, maritodespotism, marry for money, matrimonial adventurer, uxorodespotism.

x maintenance.


High Priest of Love:

See priest of love.

high school sweetheart:

1. A person with whom one was romantically affectionate during adolescence, ordinarily during each other's adolescence, prior to completion of the twelfth grade.

2. The person with whom one emerged from the twelfth grade in a love relationship.

Comment: In the United States, high school encompasses the 9th to 12th grades, the students being roughly 13 or 14 to 17 or 18 years of age. However, sometimes one or more of those lower grades are placed in a junior high school, in which case a person might speak of a junior high sweetheart.

See also boyfriend, calf love, college sweetheart, crush, girlfriend, hometown honey, hook up, lover, primo amore, prom date, puppy love, school-day sweetheart, steady, sweetheart, turkey drop.

x junior high sweetheart.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "High School Sweetheart"


The magnetism between two people who were once in love, or even just young and infatuated, is so often able to hold its charge for decades — despite distance, marriages, births, divorces, and the dimming of more prosaic memories. That's why a woman will instinctively flinch when her husband's high school sweetheart just happens to call.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 257.


high sex:

1. Sexual activity while affected by a mind-altering drug such as marijuana, LSD, heroin, or cocaine.

2. A path to as well as experience of ecstasy through sexual union in which body, mind, heart, and spirit all participate and which culminates not only in a body-to-body communion with one's partner, but also a profound soul-to-soul communion. In high sex, modern Tantric techniques and rituals are employed in order to enhance the sexual experience.

Comment: Coined in the second sense by Margot Anand.


See: The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers, [by] Margot Anand; illustrated by Leandra Hussey (Los Angeles: J. P. Tarcher, c1989).

See also enlightened sex; namaste; psychedelic free love; sacred sex; sacred slut; sex; sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; soulful sex; soul gazing; tantrika.

x Tantra.

highway of love:

1. A means by which one might find romance, such as the Internet.

2. The search for and course of a romance.

3. Euphemism for a sex tour.

See also attraction venue, love, romance.

x love highway.


hiking the Appalachian Trail:

Gone to see a lover.

Comment: Marshall Clement "Mark" Sanford, Jr., Republican Governor of South Carolina, or his staff used this as a cover story when he disappeared for several days to visit his mistress in Argentina in June of 2009. Are hikers now going to need a cover story for actually hiking the Appalachian Trail?

Variations include "going for a walk in the woods" and "taking a hike."

x Appalachian Trail.
x going for a walk in the woods.
x taking a hike.
x walk in the woods.

hilf, or HILF:

Acronym for "husband I'd like to f*ck"; a sexually desirable man who is presumed to be married; a married man with whom one would like to have casual sex; someone else's husband whom one wants as a lover.

Comment: The "h" in "hilf" is sometimes used to stand for other words, such as "hoe" or "hermaphrodite."

See also dilf, filf, gfilf, gilf, husband, -ilf, milf, tilf.

x abbreviations and acronyms.


A person who is sexually fixated on married men; a person who can't have enough sex with married men.

Comments: On analogy with "milfaholic," September 23, 2013.

Patterned after the word "alcoholic."

See also filf, husband, milfaholic, sexaholic, shagaholic, wilfaholic.

himas Aphroditou (Greek term):

See Aphrodite's girdle.



A male bimbo; an uncomplicated or shallow man with strong sex appeal for many.

Coinage: Associated with the British (BBC) TV sitcom, "Coupling"? The character, Patrick Maitland, is called a himbo.

See also bimbo, jock, mimbo.



A partner (q.v.) who is more of a bother than a help.

Contrast helpmate (q.v.).


Hindi terms:

See manwalan; sambandham; namaste; tali-kettu-kalyanam; zan, zar, zameen (jar, joru, jameen); zenana.



In a vee or in the dynamics of a more complex type of relationship, the person in the middle between two partners, the one to whom the others are more bonded than they are to each other or the one with whom the other partners have sex rather than with each other. In the usual notation — MFM, FFM, FFF, FMF, FMM, MMM — where F is a female and M a male, the middle letter represents the hinge, if there is one.

Also called pivot point (q.v.). See also biamory, chain, letter group (V), notr'amour, vee.


hip-to-waist ratio:

See waist-to-hip ratio.


hiron Aphroditês (Greek):

See temple of love.



See possessive pronouns.

his and her marriages:

A single marriage (q.v.) understood from the perspective of the husband on the one hand and the wife on the other hand.

Comments: Attributed to Jessie Bernard, 1972.

Researchers have found that in responding to questions about their marriage a husband and a wife will often have discrepant responses, so much so as to seem to be describing different marriages. Thus, in the study of marital perceptions and experiences, sociologists sometimes treat a marriage between two people as two distinct marriages.

See also hussband, wife.

x her and his marriages.
x marriage: hers and his.


his and hers:

A labeling or designation of personal items that together form a more or less matching pair, thus symbolically reflecting the relationship between their two owners, one male and the other female.

Comment: Although these are possessive pronouns in the nominal form, "his and hers" is often used as an adjective.

Examples of his and hers personal items might include towels, T-shirts, pajamas, rings, and tattoos.

See also couple, pair, possessive pronouns.


See history of sex, romantic history together, sex history.

history of sex:

1. An account of attitudes, customs, and practices as they changed and developed over time, with regard to matters of sexuality: typically nudity, eroticism, reproduction, contraception, marriage, celibacy, prostitution, and sexual abuse — also with regard to how such matters bore on relations both between the sexes and within the sexes.

2. A book or article with such an account.

Comment: Often a history of sex will have a particular theme it traces, such as class or power in relation to sexuality.

See also sex, sex history.

x history.



Comment: Perhaps most commonly used in the expression, "to get hitched."

See also been and done it, cash and carried, cut and carried, dot and carried, gone and done it, married, mate, yoked.

x get hitched.


hit it off:

To enjoy conversing or otherwise being with each other; to discover a liking for each other; or sometimes, more strongly, to fall in love with each other.

Examples: "I have hit it off with him." "They've hit it off."

See also budding relationship, fall in love, hook up, like, proceptive phase, rapport, romance, vibe.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Hitting It Off"

[Abigail Timberlake narrating] The killer stood in the doorway, blocking my view of the foyer. "Abby?"

"Is C. J. here?"

He blinked in surprise. "No."

"Where is she?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"Why not? You two were certainly hitting it off. You could have cut the pheromones with a knife."

He didn't even bother to smile. "Yeah, I was attracted to her — at first. But the woman's nuts, you know that?"
From the mystery novel: Nightmare in Shining Armor: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 2001): chapter 26, p. 259.


hit on:

1. To approach a person in order to see whether that person might be amenable to a sexual relationship or encounter.

2. To pay unsolicited sexual attention to.

3. To find something for which one had been searching.

4. To think of an answer or solution; to occur to the mind.

See also chat up, chippy, come on to, crack onto (somebody), cruise, fair-game syndrome, flirt, mack on, make a move, make a pass at, make love to, make a play for, nanpa, philander, player, proposition, put the make on, sexual advances, sexual relationship, solicit, take a run at (someone), take liberties, throw (oneself) at (somebody).



See designated hitter.


"Husband-led marriage" (q.v.).

See also MLM, MLR, WLM.

x abbreviations and acronyms.


See hoe.


See leap year, toothing.


1. A type of garden snail or its shell. The following definitions are by analogy to the snail.

2. A person who is both short and fat.

3. A simpleton.

4. A person confused by the whirl of events.

5. A cuckold (presumably due to the likeness of the snail shell to a horn).

6. A hen-pecked man.

See also cuckold, hen-peck, horned, woman-tired.

hoe, or ho; plural: hoes or hos:

1. A prostitute; a hooker.

2. A sexually promiscuous person, usually a woman; a slut.

3. A woman, being referred to in a way that emphasizes her sexuality. (See qualifying comments below.)

4. A derogatory term for a woman.

5. A girlfriend being referred to endearingly. (See qualifying comments below.)

Comments: A slang term used especially among some African-Americans. In the minds of some people, the term is so closely associated with African-Americans that they take it to refer to any African-American woman or any woman who associates with black men; but that is to misunderstand the term.

The term, which Clarence Major dates back to the 1880s, is commonly thought to be a shortening of "whore," although nowadays it sometimes substitutes for "hooker." It has also been suggested that the term is a shortening of "hole," in reference to any of various bodily receptacles for the erect penis.

The term is widely considered to be demeaning and, depending on use, has a wide range of connotations, from a woman's willingnes to use her sexuality for money or other gain (thus putting a price to a key part of her personhood), to her willingness to be utterly submissive sexually to her man and those he designates, to her supposed preoccupation with sex. If taken to be a shortening of "hole," many would be offended by the reference to a body part to indicate a whole person. As a term of endearment, it is sometimes used to indicate an appreciation for a particular woman's sexuality; however, even in such cases it is often putting a woman in her place not as wife, mother, matron, or multi-faceted person, but as mistress or play thing. 

Some regard calling a woman a ho to be as great an insult as calling her a bitch, although in either case context, tone, sensibilities, and mutual understandings (or the lack thereof) make a great deal of difference as to whether offense will be taken. Some women have fun with the term, for instance in the context of a pimps and hoes party or in the context of lovemaking.

The number 304 is sometimes used as a synonym for "hoe," since (given the right font) it seems to spell "hoe" when viewed upside down.


Juba to Jive: A Dictionary of African-American Slang, edited and with an introduction by Clarence Major (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, c1994).

See also box of assorted creams, bro code, bro rule, floozy, girlfriend, hoe (verb), hoochie, make-out artist, multicipara, pick up artist, pimps and hoes party, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, slag, slapper, slut, term of endearment; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, güila, moll, parnel, prostitute, squaw, taboo terms, tottie, walking sperm bank, whore, "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife."


hoe, as in "to hoe":

1. To ply the trade of prostitution.

2. To perform sexually for a man as a prostitute trying to please him would, with nothing barred, as in, "She wants to hoe for him."

See also hoe (noun).

hoe stroll, or ho stroll:

See walk of shame.


See blanket hog, cover hog.

Hogamus Higamus:

Nonsensical Latin-sounding words from these rhyming lines or some variation of them: "Hogamus Higamus | Men are Polygamous | Higamus Hogamus | Women Monogamous."

Comments: Among the many variations: Sometimes spelled "Hogamus bigamus" or "Hoggamus higgamus"; and sometimes the last two lines of the poem appear first.

Variously attributed to William James (1842-1910), Mrs. Amos Pinchot (but which one? Gertrude Minturn, born 1872, married 1900; or Ruth Pickering, b. 1876, m. 1919), Alice Duer Miller (1874-1942), Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), and Ogden Nash (1902-1971). The earliest attribution so far found (see below) is to a Mrs. Amos Pinchot.


In a cursory investigation, I've not done better at pushing back the first appearance of the rhyming lines than has Garson O’Toole at Quote Investigator: Dedicated to Tracing Quotations, blog post dated March 28, 2012. Available online here.

See also bigamous, polygamous, monogamous.

x Higamus Hogamus.
x Hoggamus Higgamus.

Quotation from Claire MacMurray Illustrating the Lines That Begin "Hogamus Higamus"

She [Mrs. Amos Pinchot] dreamed one night that she had written a poem so beautiful, so wise, so close to the ultimate truth of life that she was immediately acclaimed by all the peoples on the earth as the greatest poet and philosopher of all the ages. Still half asleep as the dream ended, she stumbled out of bed and scribbled the poem down, realizing that she must take no risk of forgetting such deathless lines. She awoke in the morning with the feeling that something wonderful was about to happen — oh, yes! Her poem.

She clutched the precious paper and, tense with excitement, read the words she had written. Here they are:
Hogamus Higamus
Men are Polygamous
Higamus Hogamus
Women Monogamous
From: "Thanksgiving Nightmare," by Claire MacMurray, Cleveland Plain Dealer, November 23, 1939, p. 20, column 3. <Not examined>

However, note this: "Mrs. Amos Pinchot has repeatedly been incorrectly said to have been the author of this quatrain. She denies any responsibility for it, however, and the true author appears to be shrouded in anonymity." From: Unconsciousness, by James Grier Miller (New York: John Wiley; London: Chapman & Hall, 1942; in series: Wiley Publications in Psychology): p. 131, footnote 69. But again, which Mrs. Amos Pinchot?

Hoggamus Higgamus:

See Hogamus Higamus.


A person who wants to keep a sex partner all to him or herself; a person characterized by sexual possessiveness.

Comment: A portmanteau nonce word, invented for a comic poem, by Ogden Nash: hog + -gamy.

See also -gamy, possessiveness, sexual selfishness.

Quotation from Ogden Nash Illustrating "Hogmy"

Why does the Pygmy
Indulge in polygmy?
If he sticks to monogmy
A Pygmy’s a hogmy.

From the poem: "The Third Jungle Book," in: Good Intentions, [by] Ogden Nash (Boston: Little, Brown, 1942): p. 52. <Not examined>


Head of household.

See also head of household, household.

x abbreviations and acronyms.


Head over heels in love (q.v.).

x abbreviations and acronyms.

hold an intimacy close:

To nurture the memory of a sexual affair, a mutual pleasuring, an easy rapport, or a sharing of confidences and feelings.

Comment: If the intimacy is relegated to the past, the phrase may sometimes be: "hold a former intimacy close."

See also ghosts of relationships past, intimacy, love remembered, love reminiscences, mist-curtain, promisacuity, retrosexual, saudade, "We'll always have Paris."

hole in a sheet:

See sex through a hole in a sheet.


See Roman holiday.

holiday cuckold:

See cuckold.

holiday from marriage:

1. A short period of time taken off from the social restrictions of marriage, generally during a weekend or culturally recognized holiday, such as Mardi gras, in order to release pent-up sexual tensions. It is sometimes theorized that such a holiday enables a system of restrictive sexual mores (q.v.) to function with greater ease.

2. A vacation from marriage.

See also break, break from each other, gentleman's intermission, geographical non-monogamy, grass-widow, grass-widower, hall pass, hundred-mile rule, lady's intermission, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, separate vacations, singles privileges, vacation from marriage, "What goes on the road, stays on the road."


Holiness Code or Das Heiligkeitsgesetz (A. Klostermann, 18771):

Chapters 17-26 in Leviticus (the third book of the Bible) understood as a distinct literary unit and presumed to have served as a catechism for Israelite priests.

Comments: The Holiness Code is notable in part for its regulation of sexual connections.2 It covers:

These comprise much of the core of the marital and sexual regulations within the Israelite tradition;3 and they are reflected elsewhere in the Hebrew Bible (for example, Ezekiel 18:6; 22:9-11), in the Apocrypha/ Deuterocanonical Books (for example, Sirach = Ecclesiasticus 23:16-18, which is discussed under "pornos"), and in the New Testament.

If certain scholarly analysis is correct,4 the Apostolic Council of Jerusalem understood many if not all of these regulations as applying to "those who are turning to God from among the Gentiles" (Acts 15:19-29; for a possible exception, see under "menstruant as forbidden"), since they were among the regulations applying to "the alien who sojourns among you" (Leviticus 18:26). In other words, violation constituted porneia, which is often translated as "sexual immorality." However, among the early Christians it was not the death penalties of Leviticus 20:10-16 that applied, but the "cut off" penalties of Leviticus 18:29 and those only until repentance (see the pericope about the woman caught in adultery, usually placed at John 7:53-8:11, and the Apostle Paul's handling of the man who had his father's wife in 1 Corinthians 5 and 2 Corinthians 2:6-11; 7:8-12).

The most extended passage on sexuality and marriage in the New Testament, 1 Corinthinas 5-7, may be in large part a christologically oriented midrash or commentary on Leviticus 18-21, with Paul assuming the priestly character of those he was addressing (cf. Exodus 19:6; Isaiah 61:6; 66:21; 1 Peter 2:5; Revelation 1:6).

No rationale is presented in the Bible for the particulars of the Holiness Code on marriage and sexuality, except the non-explanatory explanation that violations constitute defilement (Leviticus 18:24-30) and that observance is in keeping with holiness (20:7-8, 26). Apparently holiness meant in part separation from the practices of Egypt and Canaan (18:3, 24-30) and from idolaters in general. (For the most direct mention of sexual transgressions being rooted in idolatry, see Wisdom 14:12, 26-27). Nevertheless, it is evident that the marital/sexual system was geared towards an agrarian, patriarchal, polygynous culture concerned with the inheritance of land, the stability of a tribal system, and population growth (regarding the last, see Leviticus 26:3-9). Insofar as that yet leaves the particulars unexplained, they might be said to be apodictic, that is, based solely upon the word of authority, observance being a matter of placation, and not upon other rationale.5-6

Historically, many debates have raged around the marital/sexual portions of the Holiness Code — over, for instance, the parameters of incest; the deceased wife's sister question; first-cousin marriages; the nature of the male homosexuality that is prohibited; whether a prohibition of lesbianism can be inferred; the relation of Law and gospel when it comes to sexuality; the question of universality, given that the Hebrew Bible presents particulars for Israelites and those living among them in Palestine (Leviticus 18:26) but only generalities for others (Genesis 1:28; 9:7; however, cf. Deuteronomy 4:8); and, again, the question of universality given that, among Christians, only some of laws in the Torah are considered to have universal applicability.


1 Citation as given in The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church (1997): A. Klostermann, "Beiträge zur Entstehungsgeschichte des Pentateuchs," Zeitschrift für die gesammte lutherische Theologie und Kirche; 38 (1877): pp. 401-445.

2 For more detail, see my short study: The Statutes of Leviticus 18 regarding Marriage and Sexuality, with Parallels from the Torah.

3 For other marital/sexual regulations in the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), see:

  • "Be fruitful and multiply," Genesis 1:28; 9:7 (cf. 2:24);
  • with regard to Onan's sin, which was deliberate failure to perform his levirate duty, coitus interruptus being the method, Genesis 38:8-10 (specially mentioned here because, as is also the case with Sirach = Ecclesiasticus 23:16, it is frequently misinterpreted as referring to masturbation);
  • with regard to coveting another's wife or man-servant or maid-servant (Exodus 20:17 [14] = Deuteronomy 5:21 [18]);
  • with regard to slaves, Exodus 21:1-11 (cf. Deuteronomy 15:12-18);
  • with regard to causing a miscarriage, Exodus 21:22 (cf. 23:26; Deuteronomy 7:14);
  • with regard to the seduction of a virgin, Exodus 22:16-17;
  • with regard to intermarriage with certain tribes, Exodus 34:16; Deuteronomy 7:3-4 (cf. Numbers 25:1-8);
  • with regard to childbearing, Leviticus 12;
  • with regard to the vows of women, Numbers 30:3-16;
  • with regard to marriage and land inheritance, Numbers 36 (cf. 27:1-11);
  • with regard to the idolatrous wife, Deuteronomy 13:6;
  • with regard to the wives of kings, Deuteronomy 17:17;
  • with regard to war and marriage, Deuteronomy 20:7; 24:5;
  • with regard to a captive woman, Deuteronomy 21:10-14;
  • with regard to the favored wife, Deuteronomy 21:15-17;
  • with regard to the wearing of clothing of the opposite sex, Deuteronomy 22:5;
  • with regard to the non-virginal bride, Deuteronomy 22:13-21; cf. 22:23-27;
  • with regard to rape, Deuteronomy 22:25-29;
  • with regard to the emasculated, Deuteronomy 23:1;
  • with regard to bastards, Deuteronomy 23:2;
  • with regard to cult prostitutes, Deuteronomy 23:17-18;
  • with regard to divorce, Deuteronomy 24:1-4;
  • with regard to levirate duty, Deuteronomy 25:5-10;
  • with regard to genital contact during a struggle, Deuteronomy 25:11.

4 See, for example: "The Prohibitions of the Council at Jerusalem (Acts xv 28, 29)," [by] J. W. Hunkin, The Journal of Theological Studies; v. 27, no. 107 (April 1926): pp. 272-283.

5 The desire to be able to placate the gods for offenses that cannot be rationally known is amply illustrated in the Sumerian "Prayer to Every God." See Ancient Near Eastern Texts Relating to the Old Testament, edited by James B. Pritchard (3rd ed., with supplement. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1969): pp. 391-392. Cf. Leviticus 4; 5:14-19; Numbers 15:22-29.

6 For an early rationalized approach to the Mosaic Law on marriage and sexuality, see Philo (circa 20 B.C.E.- circa 50 C.E.), De specialibus legibus = Special Laws 3.7-82.

See also adultery, apodictic law, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," "Be fruitful and multiply," bestiality, deceased wife's sister question, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, forbidden degrees, incest, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, law of love, lesbianism, love commandments, "Marriage is honourable in all," menstruant as forbidden, moral code, moral law, moral precept, porneia, pornos, rival, Seventh Commandment, sexual connection, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sexual taboo, sodomite, stepmother, Tenth Commandment, "Unto the pure all things are pure."

x German terms.
x Heiligkeitsgesetz.
x Law of Holiness.



Acronym: Hope our love lasts and never dies.

See also hot as Dutch love, love.
x abbreviations and acronyms.

hollow lover:

A suitor with little substance behind his or her show of affection — substance being measured in terms of the depth and worth of the inner person, emotional investment, and degree of commitment; a person who is less serious in his or her romantic pursuit than the expectations call for; one who woos with sound and looks but no pith; an insincere adorer.

See also adorer, lover, suitor, wooer.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Hollow Lover"



By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise, or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you [Orlando] the most pathetical break-promise, and the most hollow lover, and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind, that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.

From: William Shakespeare, As You Like It (1599-1600): Act 4, scene 1, lines 178-186.

hollow marriage:

A spousal relationship that is missing one or more essential ingredients, typically the emotional bonds of deep affection and loyalty.

See also emotional divorce, estrangement, failed marriage, failed relationship, half-marriage, loveless marriage, marriage, mock marriage, sham marriage, slob love, unhappily married.

Hollywood marriage:

1. A wedding that takes place in the Los Angeles, California neighborhood called Hollywood, which is west northwest of the downtown area, or in any other locale called Hollywood.

2. A spousal relationship between individuals at least one of whom lives in a place called Hollywood.

3. A spousal relationship in which at least one of the partners is a member, especially as a screen actor, of the American movie industry, which has been centered in Hollywood, California.

Comment: Regarding the last sense, the image of Hollywood marriages is that they tend to be characterized by great instability, often being full of drama and short-lived, ending in divorce, due to stress, temptations, and loose Hollywood mores. Per this image, the longlasting Hollywood marriage is rare, and thus screen actors who succeed in having enduring marriages become notable for that very fact. It is probably safe to say that the reality is far more complicated than the image.

See also Californication, marriage, offscreen squeeze, on-set romance, sewing circle, swinging city.

holy matrimony:

1. A church sanctioned wedding, in which certain ecclesiastical prerequisites have been met.

2. The state of being in a church sanctioned marriage.

See also hierogamy, holy wedlock, marriage, married but not churched, matrimony, parsonify, sacramental marriage, sacred sex, secondary virginity.


holy trinity:

1. Capitalized: In Christian theology, the three persons of the Godhead, namely, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

2. "Work, play, breed" as funadamentals of life (apart from such activities as eating and sleeping) or as three leading choices, according to some people, for the modern person whose spouse brings in sufficient income that he or she need not hold down a paying job. "Play" here may mean either "engage in recreation" or "engage in recreational sex."

3. In eroticism, three distinct things having to do with sexuality and sharing a commonality. To give five examples — subdefinitions, actually — that were found online (July 21, 2012):

4. In the lingo of substance abuse, three different medications that, when taken in combination, are capable of producing a euphoric high similar to that produced by heroin.

Comments: For the "work, play, breed" sense, note a line delivered by the character Jackie Heath (played by Tamara Tunie) to the character Mary Ann Lomax (played by Charlize Theron) in the movie, "The Devil's Advocate," screenplay by Jonathan Lemkin and Tony Gilroy; directed by Taylor Hackford (1997). The movie is based on the novel, The Devil’s Advocate, [by] Andrew Neiderman (New York: Pocket Books, 1990).

The term "unholy trinity" is also used. For example, the "most unholy trinity" is defined as "rape, genocide, and war."

Source for "most unholy trinity": Websters' First New Intergalactic Wickedary of the English Language, conjured by Mary Daly; in cahoots with Jane Caputi (Boston: Beacon Press, c1987): p. 98.

See also breed, group sex, play, threesome, trifecta.

x trinity.
x "Work, play, breed."

holy wedlock:

The state of being in a church sanctioned marriage.

See also hierogamy, holy matrimony, marriage, married but not churched, sacred sex, wedlock.



1. The place or dwelling where one resides, especially if made comfortable and secure or if showing the imprint of one's character.

2. The place where one was reared, especially if one's parents still live there.

3. An ever welcome place upon which one's affections are focused.

4. Wherever one is together with one's beloved, or one's beloved him or herself. This is sometimes regarded as a figurative sense.

See also abode effect, bachelorette pad, bachelor pad, beloved, bread and cheese and kisses, bungalowing, cohabitation, couldja house, "Don't care where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home," familistere, get enough at home, hearth and home, "home is where the heart is," household, household architecture, living together, love-nest, love shack, nest, private life, settle down, sphere sovereignty.

Quotation from Mary Baker Eddy Illustrating "Home"


Home is the dearest spot on earth, and it should be the centre, though not the boundary, of the affections.

From the religious manual: Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy (Boston: Writings of Mary Baker Eddy, c2000; originally c1875): chapter 3, "Marriage," p. 58, lines 21-23.

home bed advantage:

Having a date or significant other at one's own place of residence instead of at his or hers, this as a way of putting oneself at ease, due, for instance, to the readier accessibility of toiletries and such, familiar and comfortable surroundings that suit one's tastes, and the ability to prepare for intimacies.

Comment: Presumably on analogy with the sports term, "home court advantage."

See also date, "Your place or mine?"

home-fire, or home fire:

1. Wood or coal or other fuel ablaze in a fireplace, stove, or furnace, thereby warming one's residence. This is the literal sense; other senses are figurative:

2. The inner life of a person (in this sense, usually a religious usage).

3. The domestic front, nationally speaking.

4. Family life.

5. Conjugal life, especially with regard to the state of mutual attraction and of sexual activity together.

Comment: The term is usually used in the plural, even when a figurative sense is singular; and it is often used, in any of its senses, in the phrase, "keep the home-fires burning."

See also conjugal love, conjugal passion, family, hearth and home, married life, wedded life.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Home Fires"

Don't give me that crap about the home fires being out and that's why Buford [the narrator's ex-husband] went looking. My furnace was roaring when Buford decided to trade it in for a newer model, whose pilot light has yet to be lit. Who knows, maybe Buford couldn't take all that heat. And don't even suggest that the furnace was rusted on the outside and in need of cosmetic repair. I weigh exactly the same as I did the day I was married, and my various parts are within an inch or two of their starting positions. How many other forty-six-year-old women can make the same claim?

From the mystery novel: Larceny and Old Lace, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, NY: Avon Books, 2000, c1996: in series: A Den of Antiquity Mystery): chapter 7, p. 46.

"Home is where the heart is":

A proverb dating back at least to the mid 19th century, which is generally used to suggest that one feels most comfortable where one's affections lie.

See also heart, home.

Quotation from Joseph C. Neal Illustrating "Home Is Where the Heart Is"


But Snippe never stayed at home again, not he. Home is where the heart is; and Snippe's heart was a traveler — a locomotive heart, perambulating; amd it had no tendencies toward circumscription and confine. That put him out of heart altogether.

From the short character sketch: "Singleton Snippe, Who Married for a Living," by Joseph C. Neal, in: Graham's Magazine; v. 30, no. 3 (March 1847): p. [165]-168, specifically p. 166.


A person who has principal responsibility for management of his or her own household.

See also balabusta, barefoot and pregnant, displaced homemaker, do it all, have it all, household, househusband, housewife, nestcock.



Management of one's household and care of its members.

See also fulltime wife, homemaker, nest-building, nidification.


hometown honey, or home-town honey, or home town honey (HTH):

1. A sweetheart from where one lives or was raised, especially:

2. An attractive woman with a girl-next-door appeal, or an attractive man with a guy-next-door appeal.

Comments: Sometimes accompanying the first sense are connotations of a tenuous bond. For instance, a current cynical contribution to the online Urban Dictionary, under "HTH," defines a home town honey as "That person on whom you cheat while you're away at prep school or college"; and a tongue-in-cheek Yale publication says, "Statistics show that 0.3 precent of such relationships last beyond Valentine's Day of the first year in college."


For the tongue-in-cheek Yale publication, see: "The Yale Abridged Dictionary of Standard English," s.v. "HTH," in: Light Truth; v. 6, no. 1 (1999 Survival Guide): p. 24. For the PDF file, click here.

See also high school sweetheart, hometown honey syndrome, homey, honey, HTH, school-day sweetheart, sweetheart.

Quotation from Ron Suskind Illustrating "Home Town Honey"


The nearest one [a photo] is of him dancing, sweaty and close, with his girlfriend at his high school prom.... He broke it off with her this summer, and it's just as well, he realizes now, that he doesn't have an HTH (home town honey) like some of the guys. It would make things so complicated.

From: A Hope in the Unseen: An American Odyssey from the Inner City to the Ivy League, [by] Ron Suskind (New York: Broadway Books, c1998): p. 178.


hometown honey syndrome (HTHS):

The bundle of difficulties and associated stress that occur as part of coping (or failing to cope) with a long-distance relationship with one's sweetheart, after one has left him or her behind upon entry into a new situation in life — for instance, upon attending prep school or college.

Comment: Often when the syndrome is discussed, the focus is on how one's adjustment — for instance, one's emotional, social, financial, or academic adjustment — to the new situation is adversely affected.

See also hometown honey, HTHS, long-distance relationship.

x syndromes.


homewrecker, or home-wrecker or home wrecker:

1. An outside party who is one cause of setting a marriage or some other sort of domestic union, especially one with children, on a course leading to disruption and even break-up, for example, by having an affair with one of the spouses; a person from outside who destabilizes a household, for instance, by being a partner in adultery with one of the adults of the household.

2. Any person who or thing that severely disrupts or destroys a household or residence.

Comment: Generally used as a term of disapprobation.

See also adulterer, adulteress, alienation of affections, couple-buster, homewrecking, household, lizard, lose (someone) to another, mate poacher, thief of love.



1. The destabilization or destruction of a household.

2. Characterized by or pertaining to the destabilization of a household.

See also homewrecker, household, mate poaching, netori, steal (a man or a woman).


homey, as in, "He (or she) was my homey":

1. A person one both likes and trusts; a fond friend; a person one can relate to; a person who will watch one's back and whose shoulder one can lean on; a person whom one feels at home with, that is, especially compatible and comfortable with.

2. A person who provides a measure of comfort, when one is away, by reminding one of being with a beloved partner at home.

3. A person who, because of certain familiar characteristics, serves as a refuge while one is away from home.

4. A term of endearment for any of the above.

See also hometown honey, term of endearment.


homey or homy, as in, "The shelter felt homey":

1. Cozy; comfortable and warm.

2. Informal.


homme fatal; plural, hommes fatals (French):

1. A man whose handsome features and charm entice one into a compromising or dangerous position, perhaps even leading to one's death.

2. A man whose passions and intrigues lead one who is sexually involved with him into a life-threatening situation.

3. A man, especially one swathed in an aura of mystery, who is considered dangerous because of his self-confident seductive power.

4. A man thought worth dying for because of his charm and handsome appearance.

5. A dangerous man, for instance, because an agent of vengeance.

6. A story character fitting one of the preceding definitions.

Comment: Sometimes appears in English as homme fatale, that is, with a feminine adjectival ending, evidently on analogy with femme fatale.

See also bunny boiler, deathbed bridegroom, fatal attraction, femme fatale.

x French terms.



1. The genus to which human beings belong, often capitalized, as in Homo sapiens. From Latin.

2. Short for "homosexual" as a noun (q.v.).

Comment: In the latter sense, the term "homo" sometimes carries derogatory overtones.

x Latin terms.



1. The part of a word formation that means "same" or "like," as in "homogamy" (q.v.) and "homosexual" (q.v.). From Greek.

2. The part of a word formation that refers to one or more homosexuals or to homosexuality (q.v.), as in "homophobia" (q.v.) and "homorality" (q.v.).

See also bi-.

x Greek terms.


homo-asexual, as in "a homo-asexual":

A person who is not sexually attracted to others but who nonetheless is capable of forming romantic attachments, this principally or exclusively with one or more members of the same sex.

See also asexual, gay-A, hetero-asexual, homosexual, sexless love.


homo-asexual, as in "a homo-asexual person":

Characterized by not experiencing sexual attraction to others and nonetheless being capable of forming romantic attachments, this principally or exclusively with one or more members of the same sex.

See also asexual, hetero-asexual, homosexual, homosocial.

x -sexual.



1. A person who marries someone who is similar in some major way.

2. An advocate or supporter of marriage between people who are similar in some major way.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "homogamy," so here included.

Contrast heterogamist (q.v.). See also homogamy.



Pertaining to or characterized by the marriage of people who are similar in some major way.

Contrast heterogamous (q.v.). See also homogamy.



Marriage of like to like; the marriage of persons who are similar in some major way, for instance, physically, psychologically, or in terms of social background.

Contrast heterogamy (q.v.). See also assortive mating, endogamy, face mate, -gamy, homo-, homogamist, homogamous, inbreeding, isonogamia, Noah's Ark syndrome, positive assortive mating, Westermarck trap.



1. Dread of homosexuals; revulsion towards people who engage in or wish to engage in homosexual acts.

2. Self-loathing due to one's own homosexuality or homosexual tendencies.

3. Hatefulness towards homosexuals.

4. A revulsion against homosexual practices, lifestyles, or subcultures that is more than a matter of conscience or rational concern.

Comments: This term is often either bandied about loosely or subjected to hairsplitting rhetoric. The plenary meaning of the word in a given context is often heavily colored by the perspective of the user.

Sometimes homophobia is selective, for instance a person may have a revulsion towards male gays, but not towards lesbians. Furthermore, sometimes the word "homophobia" is used inclusive of revulsion towards bisexual people, and sometimes not.

Some religious bodies have condemned both homosexuality and homophobia on the theory that the Bible prohibits all homosexual practices but encourages the believer to be charitable towards all. (The catch-phrase is, "love the sinner, hate the sin.") In other words, in the view of these religious groups, homophobia is strictly an attitude towards persons and not behaviors.

However, a large number of people do not think it so easy to separate homosexual orientation from homosexual behavior. So, for many of them, a revulsion to homosexual behavior and, sometimes, even moral condemnation of homosexual practices are readily perceived as forms of homophobia.

See also biphobia, bisexual, bisexuality, dark-dirty-secret generation, homo-, homorality, homosexual, homosexuality, "love the sinner, hate the sin," not that there's anything wrong with that, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, on the down low, psychomachy, sexual bigotry, stigmatic guilt, transphobia.

x -phobia.

Quotations from George Weinberg on Homophobia


[4] Homophobia is "the dread of being in close quarters with homosexuals — and in the case of homosexuals themselves, self-loathing."

[133] It is "the revulsion toward homosexuals and often the desire to inflict punishment as retribution."

From: Society and the Healthy Homosexual, by George Weinberg (New York: St. Martin's Press, c1972): pp. 4, 133.

Regarding the history of the term, Byrne Fone writes: "The word, which may have been coined in the 1960s, was used by K. T. Smith in 1971 in an article entitled 'Homophobia: A Tentative Personality Profile' [in Psychological Reports 29 (1971), 1091-1094]." See Homophobia: A History, [by] Byrne Fone (New York: Henry Holt, 2000; imprint: "Metropolitan Books"): p. 5. Only after mentioning Smith does Fone mention Weinberg, although I vaguely recall reading somewhere that Weinberg coined the term years before his 1972 book.

Quotation from Rosalie Maggio on Homophobia


homophobia defined as an irrational fear of gay and lesbian acts, persons, and sentiments, today this term includes hatred, prejudice, and discrimination and covers a range of anti-gay behavior and attitudes.

From: The Dictionary of Bias-Free Usage: A Guide to Nondiscriminatory Language, by Rosalie Maggio (Phoenix, Ariz.: Oryx Press, 1991): p. 134. The boldface is hers.

Quotation from Byrne Fone on Homophobia


The term 'homophobia' is now popularly construed to mean fear and dislike of homosexuality and of those who practice it.

Homophobia: A History, [by] Byrne Fone (New York: Henry Holt, 2000; imprint: "Metropolitan Books"): p. 5.



1. The construction of other-centered moral values among gay men and lesbians, and living out those values.

2. The stand, generally on the part of critics of homosexuality, that non-hateful criticism of homosexuality on either moral or practical grounds is not a form of homophobia (q.v.).

3. A principle for the discussion of the morality of homosexuality whereby both hatefulness and the accusation of homophobia are set aside.

Comment: The earliest use of the term in first sense that I've seen was by Dann Hazel in his "Column of July 1999."

The term was independently coined in the second sense by Otis Page, Jr., in 2000.

The third sense represents my refinement of the second sense in conversation with Mr. Page during 2001.

For extensive discussion of homorality in the second and third senses, see the conversation entitled Homosexuality and Christianity.

See also heterosexism, homo-, homosexuality, "love the sinner, hate the sin," sexual etiquette.


homo-romantic, as in "a homo-romantic":

A person, whether sexual or asexual, who is principally or exclusively oriented, with regard to romantic attachments, to one or more persons of the same sex.

See also bi-romantic, hetero-romantic, homosexual, romantic.


homo-romantic, as in "a homo-romantic person":

Characterized by being principally or exclusively oriented, with regard to romantic attachments, to one or more persons of the same sex.

See also bi-romantic, hetero-romantic, homosexual, romantic.


Homo sapiens:

See humankind.

homosexual, as in "a homosexual":

1. A person whose erotic desires are oriented primarily to one or more persons of the same sex as him or herself.

2. A person whose sexual relations, by preference, are primarily with one or more members of the same sex as him or herself.

Comment: These days the term tends to be used less as one of self-identification — for which see "gay," "gay male," and "lesbian" — and more as a term for social, scientific, and moral discussion or for distinction in relation to bisexual (q.v.) and hetersexual (q.v.).

Some people object to the term altogether, one reason being that it has frequently been used pejoratively.

A collective noun that has been suggested: ensemble of homosexuals.

See also androgyne archetype, arsenokoitês, bachelor, bed buddy, bitch, booth troll, catamite, cinaedus, chicken party, come out, confirmed bachelor, dark-dirty-secret generation, domestic partner, double mono, ex-ex-gay, ex-gay, family, fauxmosexual, gay, gay male, gay sex, half-husband, half-wife, hasbian, homo, homo-, homo-asexual, homo-romantic, homosexuality, husband, huzbear, lesbian, love-companion, lovestyle, malakos, male couple, man-boy love, monosexual, omnisexual, pansexual, percso, pathic, pederast, pig pile, polysexual, pomosexual, pornos, queen, same-sex couple, sexual minority, slut, sodomite, stray, wife.

x collective terms.


homosexual, as in "homosexual desire":

1. Erotically oriented primarily to one or more members of the same sex as oneself.

2. Pertaining to sexual relations between members of the same sex.

Comment: Homosexuality has been one of the biggest traditional issues of sexual morality (q.v.).

Contrast bisexual (q.v.) and heterosexual (q.v.). See also double mono, fauxmosexual, FFF, gay, gay-A, homo-, homo-asexual, homophobia, homo-romantic, homosexuality, lesbian, lgbt, MMM, monosexual, omnisexual, pansexual, polysexual, pomosexual, queer, unnatural.

x -sexual.

homosexual contact:

See contact.


1. Erotic activity between members of the same sex in general.

2. A manifestation of erotic activity between members of the same sex.

3. Erotic orientation or incidental attraction to one or more members of the same sex.

4. Erotic orientation primarily to members of the same sex as oneself.

5. A stage in the development of some human beings when gratification of the libido is sought with members of their own sex.

Comment: According to the first three definitions, homosexuality would be a component of bisexuality (q.v.). According to the fourth definition, homosexuality would more or less contrast with bisexuality.

Contrast heterosexuality (q.v.). See also active-passive split, alibi, alternative sexuality, amitié particulière, androphilia, "as with womankind," beard, circuit party, circumstantial homosexuality, community, conversion therapy, donas amizu, ex-gay ministry, fag hag, fauxmosexuality, forbidden love, frock, gay lifestyle, gay mafia, gay spark, gynophilia, half-husband, heterocentrism, heterosexism, homo-, homophobia, homorality, homosexual, homosexual, homosexual marriage, lavender language, lavender lexicon, lavender linguistics, lavender mafia, lesbianism, let-'em-aloner, lovestyle, love that can never be told, love that dare not speak its name, "love the sinner, hate the sin," MarBLes, mixed-orientation marriage, monosexuality, new-inventionism, not that there's anything wrong with that, omnisexuality, on the down low, ontically disordered, pansexuality, particular relationship, polysexual, pomosexuality, practice love, rehabilitation of homosexuals, reparative therapy, same-sex attraction, sexual connection, sexuality, sexual morality, sexual orientation, sexual orientation change efforts, stigmatic guilt, straight credentials, straighten (someone) out, Three Ways, transformational ministry, velvet mafia, Vive la similarité!


homosexual marriage:

An ongoing commitment of persons of the same sex to each other to be bonded sexually and to be loyal one to the other. Generally the social patterns for heterosexual marriage are followed as much as possible, such that the marriage is solemnized in a public ceremony (even if the marriage is not recognized by law), a domicile is shared, property is pooled, and monogamy is the expectation. Furthermore, additional arrangements are often made for matters that the law has taken care of for heterosexual but not gay marriages, such as next-of-kin status and the disposition of property in the event of separation or death.

Contrast heterosexual marriage (q.v.). See also Boston marriage, civil union, counterfeit bride, counterfeit bridegroom, daddy/boy relationship, domestic partnership, equal marriage, gay lifestyle, gay marriage, female marriage, homosexuality, male marriage, marriage, same-sex marriage, she-troth, traditional morality.


homosexual relationship:

A love relationship (q.v.) between individuals of the same sex.

See also gay relationship, lesbian relationship, relationship.


Characterized by a strong preference for associating in non-sexual ways with members of one's own sex as opposed to members of any other sex.

See also bisocial, heterosocial, homo-asexual, homosociality, monosocial.


The state of being homosocial (q.v.) or of acting homosocially.

See also bisociality, heterosociality, monosociality.

honest woman:

See make an honest woman of.


1. A term of endearment for someone with whom one is in a close love relationship or for whom one is fond.

2. A person who inspires in one sweet feelings of fondness or love.

See also arm candy, babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, eye candy, hometown honey, honeybunch, honey pot, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, spice, studmuffin, sugar, sugar doll, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

Sheet Music Illustrating "Honey"

<Picture of sheet music not yet posted>

I'll Be Walking with My Honey (Soon, Soon, Soon), words by Buddy Kaye; music by Sam Medoff (New York, N.Y.: Republic Music Corp., c1945). 


honey and hug:

1. As a noun: A show of affection.

2. As an adjective, typically in the form "honey-and-hug": Affectionate.

3. As a verb, in the form "a-honeying and a-hugging": showing affection.

Source: A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Matthews (Chicago, Ill.: University of Chicago Press, 1951).

See also affection.

x a-honeying and a-hugging.
x hug.


1. Popular name for a beetle that is supposedly attracted to the sweet fluid produced by bees that is known as honey. (I've not discovered the scientific name of the beetle.)

2. Popular name for an insect, Boisea (formerly Leptocoris) trivittatus. It is more commonly called the eastern boxelder bug. The name "honey-bug" may be due to the foul odor it gives off and hence is used ironically.

3. A term of endearment.

Source for the first sense: Quinby's New Bee-Keeping: The Mysteries of Bee-Keeping Explained ..., [by] L. C. Root (New and revised ed., illustrated. New York: Orange Judd Co., 1918, c1884): p. 222, with picture.

Source for the second sense: "Leptocoris trivittatus (Say): The Box-Elder Plant-Bug," Fourth Report on the Injurious and Other Insects of the State of New York ..., by J. A. Lintner (Albany: James B. Lyon, 1888): pp. 156-158, specifically p. 157, with picture.

See also animalistic, term of endearment.

Quotation from R. M. Daggett and J. T. Goodman Illustrating "Honey-Bug"

Minnie [Lattimer, a pretty street-walker, speaking of Philo Bundy, a countryman]. Let my honey-bug alone, won't you?

From the play: The Psychoscope: A Sensational Drama in Five Acts, by R. M. Daggett and J. T. Goodman (Virginia, Nev.: Printed by the authors for private circulation, 1871): Act 2, scene 3, p. 31.

Quotation from Mary E. Anderson Illustrating "Honey-Bug"


WHAT is the little baby's name?
    Tell me at once, I pray;
'T is scarcely ever twice the same,
    It changes every day.

Now she is papa's honey-bug,
     And mamma's little mouse;
She's kitty-witty, funny rogue,
    The sweetie of the house.

She's sister's lovey-dovey-dear;
     She is her brother's "plump";
Our bright-eyed bird that sings so clear,
     And mamma's sugar-lump.

Muffin and cherry, too, is she;
     Sweetheart, and pet, and curls;
Old lady, honey, little wee;
     The darling of the girls.

But still the name I like the best
     To use for every day,
Her own name, sweeter than the rest,
     Is dearest little May.

From: New Songs for Little People, by Mary E. Anderson; illustrated by Lizzie B. Humphrey (Boston: Lee & Shepard, 1874, c1873): pp. 91-92.

Quotation from Maude Radford Warren Illustrating "Honey-Bug"

[Sallie, speaking to Janet] "Why honey-bug, whether you love or not, you have to have three meals a day and a roof..."

From the novel: The Main Road: A Novel, by Maude Radford Warren (New York: Harper, 1913): chapter 10, p. 109.

honeybunch, or honeybunches:

A term of endearment for someone with whom one is in a close love relationship or for whom one is fond.

Comment: "Honeybunches," though plural-looking, is often used in reference to one person.

See also babycakes, honey, sugar, sugar doll, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment.

honey bunny:

1. A rhyming term of endearment, which is usually for a female and which is indicative of the sweetness of honey and the soft warm cuteness of a bunny rabbit.

2. Capitalized, often a reference to a cartoon character, a female rabbit, who is associated with Bugs Bunny.

See also term of endearment.

x bunny.

honeymoon, as in "a honeymoon":

1. A period when newlyweds get away together.

2. The first month of a marriage; that is, marriage during the first full cycle of a moon, typified as a time of unallayed tenderness and pleasure.

See also bed-in, destination wedding, disenchantment, f*ckathon, honeymoon (verb), honeymooner, honeymoon jitters, moon, newlywed, newlywed syndrome, second honeymoon, second honeymoon syndrome, tinsel weeks, weddingmoon.

Entry by E. Cobham Brewer for "Honeymoon"

Honeymoon. The month after marriage, or so much of it as is spent away from home; so called from the practice of the ancient Teutons of drinking honey-wine (hydromel) for thirty days after marriage. Attila, the Hun, indulged so freely in hydromel at his wedding-feast that he died.

From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable ..., by E. Cobham Brewer (New ed., revised, corrected, and enlarged ... Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 617. This "Altemus' edition" contains the preface to the 1894 edition. By the way, regarding Attila (fl. 434-453), that is but one theory of how he died.


honeymoon, as in "to honeymoon":

To go on a vacation together, generally alone together, shortly after being wed.

Comment: Often expressed instead as "to go on a honeymoon."

See also honeymoon (noun).

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Honeymooned"

[Abigail Washburn narrating] We'd honeymooned in Portugal. It was my idea; I'd always had a thing for that Iberian country...  At any rate, I | did my homework well before the trip, and once there —- when we weren't in our romantic hotels, doing the romantic thing — I dragged my new husband to every museum, palace, and church I could squeeze into the agenda.

From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 6, pp. 60-61.

honeymoon assault:

Defloration of a bride by her new husband accomplished violently.

See also marital rape, marriage shock.


honeymoon before the wedding:

A period when individuals contemplating marriage to each other or engaged to each other get away together, in order, for instance, to test their compatibility, to form a tighter bond, or simply to enjoy the opportunity.

See also honeymoon, proof marriage, proof night.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Honeymoon Before the Wedding"


"Of course," said Ursula [Brangwen] at last, "she [Gudrun Brangwen] might just be willing to rush into marriage. You can see."

"Yes," smiled Gerald [Crich]. "I can see. But in case she won't — do you think she would go abroad with me for a few days — or for a fortnight?"

"Oh yes," said Ursula. "I'd ask her."

"Do you think we might all go together?"

"All of us?" Again Ursula's face lighted up. "It would be rather fun, don't you think?"

"Great fun," he said.

"And then you could see," said Ursula.


"How things went. I think it best to take the honeymoon before the wedding — don't you?"

She was pleased with this mot. He laughed.

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 27, p. 363. Early editions:

  • New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
  • London: Martin Secker, 1921.


honeymoon cottage:

A small house used for romantic get-aways.

See also love in the rough, love-nest, petite maison, love shack, pied-à-terre, sugar shack, temple of love.

x cottage.


A newlywed person, especially one who is on a first romantic get-away with his or her spouse.

See also honeymoon, newlywed.

honeymoon jitters:

Anxiety during one's honeymoon (q.v.) about one or more aspects of one's new marriage, such as the sexual aspect.

See also marriage shock.

honey pot:

1. The seducer in a honey trap.

2. One's sex partner.

See also honey, honey trap, partner, raven, seduction squad, sex partner, swallow.

x spy terms.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Honey Pot"


[Abigail Washburn narrating] For all the progress I was making, I would have been better off going to the movies with the gang. I could be snuggling up next to my honey pot [Abigail's husband, Greg] ...

From the mystery novel: Splendor in the Glass: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books,  c2002): chapter 23, p. 221.

honey trap:

1. The use of seduction in order to ensnare or otherwise gain influence over someone, as in spycraft.

2. A display of desirable material possession, such as a castle or a vacation home or an expensive car or a rich personal library, in order to attract a mate.

See also attraction, dating scam, honey pot, online dating scam, raven, romance scam, seduction, swallow, swallow's nest.

x spy terms.

honorable thing:

See do the honorable thing.

honor defense:

A legal argument on behalf of a person who murdered her or, more usually, his spouse, a defense capable of leading to exoneration if the defendent is shown to have been provoked, for instance, by an affair of the part of the murder victim.

Comment: The honor defense is slowly being rendered obsolete world-wide.

See also honor killing.

honor killing, or honour killing (British spelling):

Taking the life of a person, almost always of a woman by her husband or other male relative, ostensibly in order to preserve the family's dignity and reputation, this in response to the person's sexual defilement — defilement being understood (or misunderstood) relative to a cultural or subcultural norm, sometimes encompassing not only voluntary but even forced behavior.

Comment: Honor killings tend to be most associated with Lebanon, Jordan, the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, Egypt, Yemen, and Pakistan. In some cases, the killer is treated as a hero by the community, whereas most of the world regards such a person as a murderer and the killing as far more hurtful and shameful than any sexual "defilement."

See also crime of honor; crime of passion; domestic violence; honor defense; spousal homicide; uxoricide; xan, zar, zameen; zina.


hoochie, or hootchie:

A young woman who is sexually promiscuous.

See also bimbo, box of assorted creams, flirt-gill, giglet, güila, hoe, lothariette, make-out artist, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, shiksa, slut, tart, tramp, walking sperm bank, wanton woman, whore.

x hootchie.



See get (one's) hooks into.

hookup, or hook-up, as in "a hookup (or hook-up)":

1. A connection of some sort, especially one made as a service or a favor.

2. As an alternative to traditional dating, a pairing off, within a group of males and females who have gotten together, with someone one likes, the pairing lasting a period of time, and an engagement with that person in physical intimacies, such as oral sex.

3. Sexual relations without commitment.

4. A person with whom one is physically intimate on a casual basis.

For lexical example, see under "zipless encounter."

See also booty call, casual sex, hook up, one-night stand, paratrooping sex, "Your place or mine?"

hook up, as in "to hook up":

1. To meet with.

2. To become regular dating partners.

3. To enter into an exploratory relationship with someone in order to see whether it might turn into a love relationship (q.v.).

4. To enter into a love relationship.

5. To become physically intimate.

6. As an alternative to traditional dating, to pair off, within a group of males and females who have gotten together, with someone one likes, to remain paired with that person for a period of time, and to engage with that person in physical intimacies, such as oral sex; or, more generally, to engage in sexual relations without commitment.

Comment: This term is commonly (but not exclusively) used by adolescents and is typically applied to a period of life for which marriage is not contemplated. However, hooking up can be precursory to eventual marriage.

See also calf love, catch feelings, crush, date, fall in love, go steady, hang out, high school sweetheart, hit it off, hookup, pin, poing, puppy love, unite.


hooky party:

1. A social gathering of students who are skipping school.

2. Sometimes more specifically, a gathering of students who are skipping school for the purpose of engaging in sex; both playing hooky and hooking up within a group of one's fellow students who are away from school without leave; unsupervised play, inclusive of sexual activity, on the part of a group of students who are supposed to be in school but aren't.

See also group sex, sex party.

x party.


See hoochie.

hootchy-cootchy game, or hootchie-coochie game:

1. Sex play with a woman while reclining.

2. By extension, a sexual affair.

Comments: "Cootchy" and "cootchie" are sometimes spelled with a "k": thus "kootchy" and "kootchie."

"Cootchy" is apparently from the French word coucher ("going to bed").

A hootchy-cootchy is a sensual unpartnered dance on the part of a woman.

See also affair.

x games.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Hootchy-Cootchy Game"

[Abigail Timberlake speaking, regarding Eulonia and Tony] "... If they weren't playing the hootchy-cootchy game, then why did she leave him her bed?"

From the mystery novel: Larceny and Old Lace, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, NY: Avon Books, 2000, c1996: in series: A Den of Antiquity Mystery): chapter 20, p. 169.

ho'owahine (Hawaiian):

1. To behave like a woman.

2. To grow into womanhood.

3. To become a wife.

4. To take a wife.

See also take, wahini.

x Hawaiian terms.


hopeless romantic:

1. A person who can't help but dream of making a more beautiful world.

2. A person who can't help but dream of or even seek adventure.

3. A person who can't help but dwell on matters of love, root that love will have its way, or dream of being in love. In this sense, often used in personal ads.

Comment: Ironically the term in each sense describes a hopeful person. Presumably the hopelessness comes in with the impossibility of disabusing the person of his or her hopefulness or of reigning in the time, energy, and resources that such a person puts into his or her dreams.

See also personal ad, romantic.

Quotation from Winthrop Sargeant Illustrating "Hopeless Romantic"

To functionalists and other doctrinaire utilitarian architects, [Bernard] Maybeck is a madman, a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. Yet he has one characteristic common to all important architectural thinkers since the days of the ancient Greeks. They have all wanted to to charm and astound their fellow men with buildings that are something more than masterpieces of efficiency or shelters from the weather.

From: "Bernard Maybeck: He Is a Sage, a Dreamer, an Eccentric and California's Greatest Architect," by Winthrop Sargeant, Life; v. 24, no. 20 (May 17, 1948): pp. 141-142, 144, 147-148, 150, 153, specifically p. 148.

Quotation from Stephen Mason Illustrating "Hopeless Romantic"

In the bedroom, an excess of white suggests frigidity. Black suggests depression and lavender might point to a hopeless romantic in search of storybook love.

From: "Windows to the Psyche: Your Decorating Taste Reveals Your Personality," by Stephen Mason, Orange Coast; September 1984, pp. 42-48, specifically p. 45.

horizontal friend:

A person whom one likes and whom one has come to know or know better through mutual engagement in swinging activity.

Contrast vertical friend (q.v.). See also swinger.

horn dog, or horndog:

A person who is often or easily excited sexually, especially one who makes his or her sexual excitement obvious; a person whose life is dominated by his or her sexuality.

Comment: Whereas the term "lecher" tends to be used pejoratively, "horn dog" tends to be used humorously.

See also animalistic, cockhound, dog, erotomaniac, horny, lecher, oversexed, pussyhound, root rat, sex addict, sexaholic, sex maniac, wolf.



See also actaeon, becco, bull, bull's feather, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, half-moon, hoddy-doddy, horns, horns hung on, wear the horns.

horn in:

1. To interject one's presence or voice without invitation.

2. To join others, such as a couple on a date, without the happy (that is, nonbegrudging) consent of each person involved.

See also cut in.

Quotation from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Horn In"


[Holden Caulfield narrating] He [George] didn't hesitate to horn in on my date, the bastard. I even thought for a minute that he was going to get the goddam cab with us when the show was over ...

From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chapter 17, p. 166. Italics his.


The set of sensations that make up sexual desire; impetus towards a release of sexual tension; a surging of one's sex drive.

See also erotomania, hangover hots, horny, keep it in your pants, libido, lust, lust high, needs, passion, sex crazed, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexual desire, sexual urge, urge to merge.


1. Disturbed enough to gore someone, "to gore" literally or metaphorically.

2. Enraged at having been made a cuckold.

See also bull's feather, cornuted, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horns, horns hung on, jealous, wear the horns.

Quotation from a Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Horn-Mad"



Well-Approved DOCTOR:


An Infallible Cure for CUCKOLDS.


It did appear from far and near,
__they travel'd not in vain,
For they were sure to have their Cure,
__when they to London came.
To the tune of, The Two English Travellers.
This may be Printed, A. P.


[The first two verses snipped]
The doctor himself he doth freely unfold,
That he can cure Cuckolds though never so old;
He helps this Distemper in all sorts of men,
At forty, and fifty, yea threescore and ten.
There was an old Man lived near to the Strand,
Decreped and Feeble, scarce able to stand;
Who had been a Cuckold full forty long years,
But hearing of this, how he pickt up his ears.
Away to the Doctor he went with all speed,
Where he struck a Bargain, they soon were agree'd:
He cured his Forehead that nothing is seen,
And now he's as brisk as a Youth of Fifteen.
Now this being known, how his fame it did ring,
And unto the Doctor much trading did bring;
They come to the Doctor out of e'ry Shire,
From all parts and places, yea both far and near.
Both Dutchmen and Scotchmen to London did ride,
With Shonny a Morgan and thousands beside;
Thus all sorts and sizes both rich men and poor,
They came in whole Cart=Loads to this Doctors door.
Some Whining, Some Weeping, some careful and sad,
And some was contented, and others Horn=mad;
Some crooked some straight Horns, & some overgrown
The like in all Ages I think was n'er known.
[Six verses snipped, plus an addendum containing a caption and two verses with "the Receipt of his Infalible Medicine"]
Printed for J. Deacon, at the Angel in Guilt=Spur
Street, without Newgate.

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 149.

According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968), John Deacon was a bookseller at the Angel in Giltspur Street in London from about 1694 until 1701, or perhaps a little later.

Textual notes:

  • Three illustrations accompany the ballad.
  • In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in three columns. No lines are indented.
  • "London" (in the caption) and the initials "A. P." appear in black letter; also the lyrics, except for these words: "Dutchmen," "Scotchmen," "London," and "Shonny a Morgan." Furthermore, part of the imprint is in black letter.
  • Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u."
  • "pickt": In the facsimile, a reverse comma appears after the "p." I have not attempted to reproduce it.
  • "overgrown": A comma is expected following that word, but none appears in the facsimile.
  • Should my formatting drop away, every other line of the caption is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)



Symbolic imagery representing the cuckolding of a person.

See also bull's feather, cornute, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horned, horn-mad (especially the quotation there, which has a description of the variety of horns), horns hung on, wear the horns.


horns hung on:

To be cuckolded.

See also bull's feather, cornuted, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horned, horn-mad, horns, wear the horns.



Feeling sexual desire; wanting a release of sexual tension; feeling stirrings in one's generative organs that are either readying certain tissues for erection or making them erect.

Comment: Presumably the term is due to the similarity of erectile tissue to horns.

See also amative, amatory, animalistic, bream, can't keep it in (his) pants, clicket, desire, eassin, erotomania, goat-drunk, go to his towrus, hear with (one's) vagina, horn dog, horniness, ile a ride, in heat, interested in sex, kate, libido, lustful, need to get laid, passion, randy, RUH, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexual desire, think with (one's) penis, think with (one's) uterus, urge to merge, viagravate.

hospitality sex:

See sex hospitality.



1. A person who is receiving guests or who is providing the facilities for guests.

2. In swinging, a person who provides the facilities for a gathering of swingers.

See also director, foursome coach, pampas grass, swap coach, swinger.

hostages to fortune:

An allusion to the English proverb, "He that hath a wife and children hath given hostages to fortune"; hence, one's wife and children.

Source: The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935).

See also "All's fair ...," Westminster wedding, wife.



1. Able or nearly able to burn or to scald or to produce a burning sensation.

2. Characterized by an uncomfortably high or relatively high temperature.

3. Sought after by many.

4. Attractive; appealing.

5. Sexy; sexually exciting.

6. Sexually excited (of an organism).

7. Inclusive of sexual excitation (of an occurrence).

See also attractive, blow hot and cold, drop-dead gorgeous, in heat, hot tomato, hottie, play hot and cold, sexy, smoking, sultry, toothsome.

hot and cool sex:

Two broadly contrasting paradigms having to do with modes of expressing sexuality. Hot sex is high definition sexuality, and cool sex is low definition sexuality. See the chart below for examples.

Hot Sex

Cool Sex

Parameters are socially imposed

Parameters if any are up to the individuals and negotiation between them

Sex-role stereotypes are reinforced

Sex-role stereotypes are irrelevant

Relations between sexual partners or potential sexual partners incorporate chauvinism

Interrelations are non-chauvinistic

Characterization of sexual behavior is defined by a social code and cultural taboos

Personal choice and negotiation rule

Sexuality is largely boxed in by restrictions and negative attitudes

Sexuality, insofar as it is free of unwelcome admixtures like force and abuse, is largely unboxed

Each sex has a different standard

The same standard applies to everybody

There is a narrow scope for what are considered acceptable relationships

There is a wide scope for what are considered acceptable relationships

One's partner(s) is selected according to certain attributes, such as physical features or wealthiness

One's partner(s) is selected on the basis of connection and mutual fit, inclusive of both spiritual and physical attraction

Mating is highly ritualized

Mating is ritualized in basic and simple ways

A relationship is heavily structured

A relationship is lightly structured

The time and place of sexual expression are regulated or otherwise limited

Sexual expression is spontaneous

An encounter with a potential sex partner is conquest oriented

An encounter with a potential sex partner is oriented to knowing that person more deeply

Committed relationships are possession-oriented

Committed relationships are person-oriented

Committed relationships are exclusive of others

Committed relationships are open to including others

Affection is conceived in a quantitative way, such that when divided each part is a reduction relative to the whole

Affection is seen as boundless and synergistic, such that when divided each part is as great as and increases the whole

Fidelity is adherence to sexual exclusivity

Fidelity is as defined by the partners or, more generally, is acting loyally and responsibly

Extramarital affairs reinforce boundaries and undermine marital relationships

Comarital relationships blur boundaries and reinforce marital relationships

Sexuality is either segregated from responsibility or artificially coupled with it

Sexuality is integrated with responsibility

Sexuality is segregated from emotions

Sexuality is integrated with emotions

Sexual expression as such is impersonal

Sexual expression is intimate

Sexual relations are conceived of as hedonistic

Sexual relations are conceived of as communicative

The functions of sexual relations are severely limited, for instance, to the release of sexual tension and procreation

Sexual relations have a multiplicity of functions, which vary from occasion to occasion

Sexual relations are performance oriented

Sexual relations are relationship oriented

Reinforcement of social institutions is the effect of one's sexual expression and relationships, even one's violation of taboos

Self-actualization is the effect of one's sexual expression and relationships

For a similar chart, which has greatly informed the present one, see Hot & Cool Sex: Cultures in Conflict, by Anna K. and Robert T. Francoeur; introduction by Robert H. Rimmer (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, c1974): pp. 86-87.

Comments: Attributed to Marshall McLuhan and George B. Leonard, 1967.

"Hot sex," in this sense, is not to be confused with "hot sex" as erotic stimulation that particularly turns one on. And "cool sex "is not to be confused either with "kewl sex" (to use a popular alternate spelling) — that is, acceptable or excellent sex — or with sexual relations characterized by emotional distance, frigidity, or restriction.

Obviously some aspects of both paradigms are highly controversial, in terms of both morality and realism. However, together they form merely one of many tools for analysis.

See also abundant love principle, boundary, family values, letter group (U), moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, new paradigm relating, old paradigm relating, possessiveness, relationship freedom, scarcity model of romantic love, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, third way in sexual ethics, traditional morality, zero-sum view of love.

x cold and hot sex.
x cool sex.
x stereotypes.


hot as Dutch love:

1. In its apparently original, sarcastic sense, not warm, perhaps even chilly.

2. Especially in later usage, intense in its heat or its heating effects.

Comments: The origin of the expression is obscure. It appears to be American and may refer to the Pennsylvania Dutch (i.e. Germans; however, this is not to forget the Dutch of, for instance, New York). Despite that, the expression is commonly understood to refer to the culture of the Netherlands, which used to be strongly influenced by Calvinism and in the 20th century became one of the most open of European nations with regard to sexuality, thus paralleling chronologically the shift in use of the expression from meaning "chilly" to meaning "heated."

The expression can be traced back at least to 1899 (see below); and its variant, "hotter than Dutch love," can be traced back at least to 1905 (again, see below). If the variant had once had a sarcastic element to it, one would expect that element to be brought out in the phrasing, as in, "At least it was hotter than Dutch love"; but I have observed no evidence of such a usage. Therefore I would assign the variant only the second sense.

The expression, especially in the second sense, sometimes refers to the physical temperature, for instance, the weather may be as hot as Dutch love or a kitchen may be. However, often other senses of "hot" are meant. For instance, a hot pepper dish may be as hot as Dutch love, or political conflict may be, or a sports player on a winning streak may be, or a sexy looking man or woman may be, or the physicality of lovers with each other and their passionate feelings may be. It is sometimes said that nothing is hotter than Dutch love, and so the expression functions well in hyperbole.

Since the term entails an ethnic generalization (that Dutch love is usually exceptionally hot) and conceivably a backhand slap at other ethic groups (Dutch love is hotter than theirs), some people may take offence upon hearing it used; although neither implication need be read into the expression.

See also HOLLAND, hot love, love, love's thermometer, lustful, passionate, sexy.
x Dutch.
x hotter than Dutch love.

Quotation from Edwin Erle Sparks Illustrating "Hot as Dutch Love"


The Germans who settled in Pennsylvania have always borne the name of "Dutch," possibly from the Deutsch of their common Teutonic origin. Their slow adaptation of new fashions may have given rise to the contemptuous expression, "O that's so Dutchy." It may have been the same lack of ardor which caused the sarcastic comparison, "As hot as Dutch love."

From: "American Colloquialisms Based on American History," [signed] Edwin Erle Sparks, Self Culture: A Magazine of Knowledge; v. 9, no. 3 (May, 1899): pp. 371-372, specifically p. 372.

Quotation from Among Ourselves Illustrating "Hot as Dutch Love"


[The big chief in the shipping room wonders] How Miss Van Tassal knows it is hotter than "Dutch love" in this room.

From: "The Big Chief in the Shipping Room Wonders Why," Among Ourselves: A Monthly Magazine Devoted to the Interests of the Employes [sic] of Montgomery Ward & Co., Chicago; v. 1, no. 9 (June 1905): p. 479-480, specifically p. 480.

A Postcard Illustrating "Hot as Dutch love"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted. Try this..>

Two-paneled "post card," embossed, with white borders, and in landscape format, showing, on the right, an affectionate couple in Dutch costume seated opposite each other in front of a mantel and, on the left, a man on a sidewalk overheated from the sun; with caption: "Hot as Dutch love" ([Denver(?): F. A. Moss(?)], c1907; in series: Trite Sayings Illustrated; no. 16; in set: Sixteen Designs; 2045-16). The artist and copyright holder is Fred C. Lounsbury. Postmarked, Dec. 26, 1907. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

hot bi babe:

A person who is perceived as or who is presenting him or herself as a desirable and highly erotic individual whose choice of sex partner(s) is not limited by sex.

Comment: Abbreviated HBB.

The term has highly charged positive overtones, part of which come from the idea that a hot bi babe might relate sexually to both the male(s) and the female(s) in a three-or-more-way relationship or in swinging. This idea makes a hot bi babe willing to live up to it highly desirable in a wide range of group scenarios. However, some who identify as hot bi babes are monogamous.

See also babe; bisexual; HBB; MLTR2; polyamorist; swinging; tall, dark, and handsome; unicorn.


hot date:

1. A social activity with a person, or even more than one person, to whom one is attracted.

2. A social activity with one or more persons of a complementary sexual orientation that is anticipated to include or that entails or that included sexual excitation.

3. A social activity, with one or more compnaions, that one is excited about because of the nature of the activity.

4. A companion, for a social occasion or activity, to whom one is especially attracted.

See also date (twice).


A man who, for his own and his wife's pleasure and with her consent, engages in sexual activity with other women, while, typically, she, the willing cuckquean, refrains from extramarital sex.

Comments: See comments under "hotwife," which all apply given the appropriate adjustments.

The term "hothusband" appears to be much rarer than the term "hotwife."

See also adulterer, cornuta, cuckquean, cuckquean fetishist, cuckquean husband, husband, reverse cuckold, slut, swinger, watching.


hot love:

Intense, passionate desire for a person or of persons for each other, especially when manifested by upheavals.

Comment: Note the English proverb, "Hot love is soon cold."

See also amour-passion, ardor, crush, engouement, have the hots for, hot as Dutch love, infatuation, in love, limerance, love, love fever, love-passion, love's thermometer, lust, new relationship energy, passionate love, proceptive phase, wildly in love with.


hot mama:

1. A largish fun-loving woman.

2. Regarding either a mother, a pregnant woman, a woman with a child, or simply a mature woman, one who is:

Comments: "Mama" is informal for "mother."

The term "hot mama" is often intensified, as in the stock phrases, "one hot mama," "red-hot mama," and "white-hot mama."

As with many such terms, the social context makes a big difference as to whether the term is received as offensive or as a compliment. For instance, in the workplace calling a woman a hot mama could expose one to a charge of sexual harassment. There might sometimes be a racial component too in how the term is received, since it has historical associations with the African-American community.

See also attractive, big beautiful woman, cougar, hot tomato, hottie, mature person, milf, mother, OHM, old gal, old lady, playgranny, pleasingly plump, Rubenesque, "They don't tell, they don't yell, they rarely swell — and they're grateful as hell," yummy mummy.

x mama.
x one hot mama.
x red-hot mama.
x white-hot mama.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "One Hot Mama"


[Abigail Timberlake regarding her ex-husband, Buford] Before Buford gained those extra sixty pounds, I was one hot mama. And even after the love handles developed into valises, I played the dutiful wife. It was only after his betrayal that the door to my love palace closed.

From the mystery novel: Baroque and Desperate: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; in publisher's series: Avon Twilight): chapter 16, p. 179.

hot pants:

1. Strong sexual desire.

2. Tight shorts that have little if any material covering the thighs; in some variations they leave even the lower buttocks uncovered; such shorts came into fashion in the late 1960s and have been worn usually by young women.

See also have hot pants for (somebody), lust, sexual desire.

hot rocks:

See blue balls.



See hangover hots, have the hots for.


hot tomato:

A sexy, luscious woman.

See also attractive, hot, hot mama, hottie, sexy, woman.

x tomato.

hotter than Dutch love:

See hot as Dutch love.


1. A person one finds intensely attractive.

2. A person who enjoys sex a lot.

See also Adonis, attractive, hot, hot mama, hot tomato, hunk, sexy.

hotwife or, sometimes, hot wife:

A woman who, for her own and her husband's pleasure and with his consent, engages in sexual activity with other men, while, typically, he, the willing cuckold or wittol, refrains from extramarital sex.

Comments: Abbreviated HW.

In some cases, the husband does not refrain from extramarital sex and the wife might still be called a hotwife, insofar as she is engaging in sexual activity with other men; but, where a distinction is called for, ordinarily she would be called something else, such as a swinging wife.

There are a variety of hotwife/cuckold relationships, for instance where a white woman married to a white man has extramarital sex with only black men.

In severe forms of a hotwife/cuckold relationship, the husband may be deprived of all sexual contact with both his wife and others, this by agreement.

An attractive woman who is married, especially one who is intensely sexual or who gives the impression of being so, might be called a hot wife. In order to avoid confusion, use "hotwife" in the one-word form for the wife who engages in sexual activity with other men with the consent of her husband and "hot wife" in the two-word form for the attractive wife.

See also adulteress, arrangement, box of assorted creams, bull, candaulism, condone, cuckold, cuckoldress, cuckold wife, cucky angst, hotwife anklet, HW, interracial sex, loving wives, Mandingo party, multicipara, new cuckolding, non-exclusivity pact, queen of spades, secondarism, sloppy seconds, slut, slut wife, swinger, tail-femme, walking sperm bank, watching, whore, wife, wife-date, wittol.

Some closely related terms probably not yet codified enough to be entries in this glossary include: sexy wife, shared wife, swinging wife.


hotwife anklet:

A bracelet worn on the woman's right ankle meant to indicate, especially to those within the new cuckolding community, that she has a husband but is available to other men.

Comments: An "HW" on the bracelet indicates that she is identifying herself as a hotwife. A queen of spades symbol on or dangling from the bracelet indicates that she likes to have black lovers. CB radio call handles on tags dangling from the bracelet indicate truckers with whom she has had sex (although the existence of such tags may be pure fiction). And a birth symbol, such as an asterisk or a baby carriage, indicates that she wants to be made pregnant by one of her lovers.

See also hotwife, HW, new cuckolding, queen of spades, swinger anklet, trucker anklet.

x anklet.


See cockhound, pussyhound.


1. In a common Islamic idea of paradise, one of the beautiful virgins there to attend a man. See the Koran, suras 44, 52, 55, 56.

2. By analogy with the preceding, a voluptuous woman ready to attend a man.

Comment: Some find the second sense of the term demeaning of women.

Contrast odalisque (q.v.).

x Koran and Islamic law.

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Houris"


Sounds of laughter proceeded fvrom the house [of Darius]; lattices were opened; ponderous doors swung back, and out poured a troop of houris which a Persian poet alone would venture to describe. For there might be seen the fair Circassian, with cheeks like the apple in its rosy bloom; and the Abyssinian damsel, with warm brown skin and voluptuous drowsy eyes; the Hindu girl, with lithe and undulating form and fingers which seemed created to caress; the Syrian, with aquiline and haughty look; the Greek, with features brightened by intellect and vivacity; and the home-born beauty prepared expressly for the harem, with a complexion as white as the milk on which she had been fed, and a face in form and expression resembling the full moon.

From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): p. 46. Originally published, 1872.



See couldja house.


A priest with a wife and children.

Source: Table Talk, edited and translated by Theodore G. Tappert; general editor, Helmut T. Lehmann (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, c1967; in set: Luther's Works; v. 54): no. 2925b, p. 181; compare no. 4412, p. 337.

See also clerical marriage, hierogamist, "husband of one wife," parnel, partner, pastor's wife, petronalla, preacher's wife, Sunday wife.


One or more persons occupying a housing unit — so says the Population Reference Bureau.

See also Boston marriage, cohabitation, domestic economy, domestic love, domestic partner, domestic relationship, family life, father-absent family, father-only family, female marriage, green household, head of household, hearth and home, HOH, home, homemaker, homewrecker, homewrecking, household architectonics, household architecture, household proxemics, household rules, househusband, housewife, ketuuneraareic, lesbian, letter group (J), living together, male marriage, materfamilias, ménage, mother-absent family, mother-only family, nuclear family, one-parent family, paterfamilias, residence-shaped household, settle down, shack up, single-parent family, sphere sovereignty, split-parent household, two-earner household, two-parent family, zombie household.

Related terms beyond the scope of this Glossary: head of household, materfamilias, paterfamilias.

x statistics.


household architectonics:

1. The systematization of knowledge regarding households.

2. The scientific study of residential design and of the relation of architecture to domestic relationships and family life.

See also abode effect, family shaped architecture, household, group complexity theory, household proxemics, residence-shaped household.


household architecture:

1. The art and science of designing dwellings.

2. Dwellings as designed and built structures, especially insofar as they reflect the social structure and life of the inhabitants.

See also abode effect, family-shaped architecture, feng shui love, home, household, household proxemics, interpersonal enhancement architecture, residence-shaped household.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: domestic architecture, green architecture, residential architecture.


household proxemics:

The study of variables having to do with the spatial distances between inhabitants of a domicile, especially of how the distance ranges interrelate with environmental, cultural, and behavioral factors, with the number of inhabitants, and with the form and nature of personal relationships.

Comment: I coined the phrase in 2006, but neither of the words.

See also abode effect, family-shaped architecture, feng shui love, household, household architectonics, household architecture, proximity, relationship ecology, residence-shaped household.


household rules:

1. The customs, policies, standing directions, and principles of conduct that govern the way members of a household live together.

2. The principles that govern relationships within a household, for example, between husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and slaves (or servants).

Comment: Perhaps the most famous household rules in the second sense are found in the New Testament at Ephesians 5:22-6:9; Colossians 3:18-4:1; and 1 Peter 2:18-3:7. They presuppose a patriarchal structure. "Household rules" and "Haustafeln" have each served as a technical term for those passages.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, "ask first" rule, break-up rules, contract marriage, democratic family, geographical non-monogamy, habit of each other, Haustafeln, "head of the wife," household, hundred-mile rule, Lasterkatalog, moral code, "neither male nor female," "one flesh," open-marriage pact, open-relationship pact, polycy, reconstituted marriage, rules of adultery, rules of the road for open relationships, "saved in childbearing," veto rule.

x rules.



A married man who has principal responsibility for management of his own household (q.v.).

Comment: A closely related term is "stay-at-home dad," although a stay-at-home dad is definitely a parent and not necessarily married.

See also homemaker, house husbandry, housewife, husband, nestcock.


house husbandry:

1. The function and duties of a househusband considered as an occupation; the art on the part of a nonspecific man of managing a marital home, for instance, as a stay-at-home dad; home economics for a married man.

2. The function and duties of a particular househusband.

See also househusband, housewifery.


1. A person with whom one shares a house or apartment, there being no connotation of sexual partnership.

2. A domestic partner, there being a potential connotation of sexual partnership.

See also cohabitant, cohabitee, co-vivant, domestic partner, in-house friend, live-in companion, partner, PASSLQ, POSSLQ, room-mate.


house party:

1. An overnight or multi-day recreational gathering at a residence, such as a home or fraternity house.

2.  An event intended for mate swapping and group sex. The venue may be a home, but the term encompasses other venues as well, such as a hotel or resort. Also called a private house party.

3. The guests at either of the above.

See also group sex, mate swapping, party house, swinging.

x party.
x private house party.

house rule:

One of the terms to which people must agree in order to particpate in swinging at a given home or establishment, such as "Ask permission before you touch" and "No means no."

See also No means no, swinging.

x rules.

housewife; plural, housewives:

A married woman who has principal responsibility for management of her own household (q.v.).

Comment: A closely related term is "stay-at-home mom," although a stay-at-home mom is definitely a parent and not necessarily married.

See also balabusta, barefoot and pregnant, Hausfrau, homemaker, househusband, housewifery, memsahib, wife, working wife, "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife."

x huswife.



1. The function and duties of a housewife considered as an occupation; the art on the part of a nonspecific woman of managing a marital home, for instance, as a stay-at-home mom; home economics for a married woman.

2. The function and duties of a particular housewife.

See also househusbandry, housewife.


housewife syndrome:

The destructive effects of housewifery (q.v.), as an exclusive occupation, upon mental and emotional health, where such effects can be shown to occur.

x syndromes.



Hometown honey (q.v.).

Comment: The abbreviation stands for other things as well, for instance: "hand-to-hand," "happy to help," and "hope that helps."

x abbreviations and acronyms.



Hometown honey syndrome (q.v.).

x abbreviations and acronyms.


huapala (Hawaiian):

Lover, either male or female; a sweetheart.

See also boyfriend, girlfriend, ipo, lover, sweetheart.

x Hawaiian terms.


huapala manawahi (Hawaiian):

"Free, extra, adulterous, or illegitimate lover"; concubine (q.v.).

Comment: I have also seen the spellings "manuahi" and "manuwahi."

x Hawaiian terms.



1. A colloquial term for "husband," most often used in a context of familiarity.

2. A term of endearment for a married man, usually used by the wife. (Rare usage.)

See also husband, husby, partner, term of endearment, wifey.

Quotation from Edward Ravenscroft (1654?-1707) Illustrating "Hubby"

Arab. [Arabella]  Kiss, kiss me heartily — Oh, my hubby, dear, dear, dear hubby —

Dood. [Doodle]  So, so, Wife, prithee be quiet ...

From the play: The London-Cuckolds: A Comedy ..., by Edward Ravenscroft (London: W. Feales, 1737): Act 3, scene 1, p. 39. Originally published: London: Jos. Hindmarsh, 1682.

Quotation from Thomas D'Urfey (1653-1723) Illustrating "Hubby"

Miss J. [Jenny]  A Ladder [to descend]! Oh good! What, and must I act Love with a Ladder then?

Coop. [Coopee]  A Ladder! you must do any thing for your poor Hubby that is to be; have you got the Packthread?

Miss J.  Yes, I warrant ye; what d'ye think I would forget any thing? But <will> ye be sure to marry me to night then?

From the play: Love for Money: or, The Boarding School: A Comedy ..., written by Mr. Durfey (London: A. Roper, and E. Wilkinson ... and J. Hindmarsh, 1696): Act 5, scene 1, p. 44. Originally published, 1691. A fragment is missing from one of the lines in the Google Books copy, hence the guess in angle brackets.

Quotation from Susanna Centlivre (1667?-1723) Illustrating "Hubby"

Lady [Pisalto to Don Pisalto].  What never a parting kiss, Pudsey? Oh, you don't love your Figgup! Go, go, you are a naughty Hubby ...

From the play: "A Wife Well Managed: A Farce," Act 1, scene 1, in: The Works of the Celebrated Mrs. Centlivre, Volume the Third ... (London: Published for J. Knapton ...[et al.], 1760): pp. [187]-202, specifically p. 195. Originally published under title: A Wife Well Manag'd: A Farce (London: S. Keimer, 1715).

Quotation from John Cartwright Cross (d. 1807) Illustrating "Hubby"

Mrs. [Bolus to Dr. Bolus].  In vain, old hubby, have you strove
     Your lamb to be entrapping ...

From: "The Village Doctor: A Burletta, as performed ... for the first time, on Easter Monday, March 25, 1796," the music selected and composed by Mr. Saunderson, in: Parnassian Bagatelles: Being a Miscellaneous Collection of Poetical Attempts ..., by J. C. Cross (London: Printed by Burton; published by Bellamy, 1796): pp. [139]-150, specifically p. 150. <Second line indented>

A Postcard Illustrating "Hubby"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

"Post card": colored-in drawing showing an unattractive red-headed woman in a white blouse and green skirt seated at a typewriter; with heading, which represents a series to which this card belongs: "What every Woman Knows"; and with caption: "That this Girl is the right sort for Hubby's Office" ([S.l.: s.n., ca. 1910]). On front: "C [that is, copyright?] A. P. F." On reverse: "Serie No. 82." Date from from other postmarked copies found online. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Hubby"

"Why does every woman think her aim in life is to have a hubby and a little grey home in the west? Why is this the goal of life? Why should it be?" said Ursula [Brangwen].

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 27, p. 367. Early editions:

  • New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
  • London: Martin Secker, 1921.

The allusion is to the ballad, "Little Grey Home in the West" (1911), words by D. Eardley-Wilmot (b. 1883); music by the English composer, Hermann Frederic Löhr (1871-1943).



See honey and hug.

hugs and kisses:

See HAKxx, H&K, XOXO.

human-alien sex:

Erotic, romantic, or mating activity between a human being and a sentient being not of the earth (at least as we know the earth), generally as a theme in science fiction or imaginative role play.

Comment: Sometimes a slash is used instead of a hyphen, thus: human/alien sex.

See also extraterrestrial sexuality, sex, Three Dolphin Club, xenosexuality.

x alien-human sex.

human beauty:

1. A person's attractiveness; a person's handsomeness; a person's appeal, physically and/or in terms of personality.

2. A person's dignity revealed.

3. An artistic vision of a person revealed, insofar as pleasing.

4. A romantic vision of a person revealed, especially to the person having the vision.

5. The distinctive aesthetic appeal of the body and spirit of members of the species Homo sapiens  — both in general and individually, the latter especially as they are finely adapted and honed both for variable circumstances and for the specific challenges that suit them.

Comments: Of all the projects undertaken for this Glossary, commenting on what is meant by human beauty may be the most daunting.

Human beauty as a topic is a subcategory of aesthetics in philosophy; however, literarily, it has, perhaps, been most the province of poetry. In recent decades it has increasingly become a subject of scientific investigation.

It is frequently said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That saying suggests that beauty is entirely a matter of subjective taste, and it is usually understood that subjective taste is influenced by cultural tastes. In other words, human beauty is not just a matter of personal subjectivity, but also of cultural relativity. However, from ancient times universal standards of beauty have been sought; and recent scientific investigations suggest that, despite enormous variability in what is regarded as beautiful in a human being, not all of it is reducible to subjectivity and relativity.

Hypothetically, human beings are hard-wired by evolution to consider some people more attractive than others, this for the reproductive success of the species.

Furthermore, arguments can be made for rational standards of beauty. For instance, this syllogism: Fitness is better than non-fitness for overall health and, at least up to a point, for reproductive health; reproductive health is an evolutionary criterion of beauty in the sense of attractiveness; therefore, fitness should be considered a criterion of beauty.

Such a syllogism would seem to exclude the ill and the infertile from being considered beautiful; and yet many are considered beautiful anyway, many s postmenopausal woman included. Some of that is because the criteria of attractiveness instilled by nature are hardly perfect indicators of reproductive sucess and are sometimes found among the infertile. Some is because human beauty is a complicated matter and not reducible to a single set of criteria, even those of nature.

Recognizing that subjectivity plays a role in the perception of beauty does not place that aspect of beauty beyond the reach of study. For instance, people often develop what are called scripts, templates, or mental constructs regarding an ideal mate against which potential mates are measured. These scripts are often heavily influenced by an early care-giver; and yet in some people they may be both plural and diverse; and they may change and develop over time, especially in response to new romantic or sexual models or in reaction against certain experiences. In other words, the subjective element of beauty can be analyzed and its influences examined, and general conclusions can be reached — the point being that human beauty and its perception in all of their aspects are entirely appropriate for, say, university study.

Human beauty is often spoken of as having two components, inner and outer beauty. It is possible for a person to have much of one and not much of the other. Opinions vary as to which is more important, but often those people who pay attention only to outer beauty are deemed shallow.

Sometimes there are linkages between inner and outer beauty. Outer beauty can sometimes arise out of a will to be pleasing, a will to fitness, or a self-disciplining of one's own body. The glow of a person's inner life might also come out in a person's eyes or how that person moves. Similarly outer beauty can affect the inner life; for example, a sense of physical well-being can impart a sense of inner well-being, which can, in turn, contribute to inner beauty. Many physically unattractive persons have inner beauty; however, in some people their physical unattractiveness results in a festering bitterness towards life or, conversely, their inner disdain exhibits itself in bodies that are unkempt and unfit.

Generally speaking, outer beauty is what attracts before one knows a person and inner beauty is what attracts as a result of coming to know a person; or, in other words, outer beauty is known by looks, inner beauty by words and deeds.

Well, to say that outer beauty is known by looks is, of course, oversimplifying. All the senses might be involved, although, in some cases, one sense might be used more to veto another sense's perception of beauty than to affirm it; for instance, a woman may look beautiful, but offensive breath, or clinging tobacco smoke, or skin that isn't smooth to the touch, or a part of her body repulsive to the tongue may well detract from the overall sense of her beauty. On the other hand, a pleasant-sounding voice, especially a singing voice, may open up to the senses a new dimension of beauty; and fragrances, like the smell of autumn leaves in a woman's hair after she's been outside, may well enhance the sense of her beauty both in the moment and in memory (which is to say nothing of the role of pheromones in that regard). Although looks are often emphasized in Western concepts of beauty, other senses often play a significant role; and some cultures pay special attention to their importance. Remember Esther, in the Bible, who was "beautiful of form and face," but who in preparation for King Ahasuerus spent "twelve months under the regulations for women — for the days of their beautification were completed as follows: six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and the cosmetics for women" (Esther 2:7, 12, NASB; compare the Song of Songs, in which human beauty is described as it appeals to each of the senses, although the book is often allegorically interpreted).

Physical beauty can also be enhanced by hairdressing, clothing, cosmetics, jewelry, and, in the view of some, by tattoos and modification of the body. "Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, | Your neck with strings of beads" (Song of Songs 1:10).  However, these enhancements can also be expressions of the inner person and, therefore, of inner beauty. In any case, such externals demonstrate that a person can be made both more and less beautiful; furthermore, that means has a bearing on how beautiful a person can be made. As an African saying bluntly puts it, "You are beautiful because of your possessions."

Not just means, but also other aspects of a person's life, such as fame, can have a bearing on how beautiful a person is considered. Thus, for instance, we often have this or that actress called "the most beautiful woman in the world," not because her physical beauty is greater than that of any other woman's, but because of the combination of means, fame, and physical beauty. Incidentally, the concept of "the most beautiful" is ancient. See, for example, Sappho's description of Helen as "she who far surpassed mankind in beauty" (Fragment 16, LCL).

One of the aspects of fame that contributes to how beautiful a person is regarded is shortness of supply relative to the imagined demand. A famous person's beauty is recognized by many; he or she is therefore much sought after; but only a few, comparatively speaking, are able to gain so much as a few moments of that person's attention. Like a scarce commodity that's in demand, his or her perceived value goes up — although, ironically, the result is sometimes loneliness for the famous one.

However, ordinarily it isn't the famous person that the hometown boy or girl ultimately gives full attention to, rather it is someone who is far more accessible. Thus we begin to see intimations of conflict, in this case between inaccessibility and accessibility as elements of beauty. An essay such as this one may seem to sort and neatly smooth out the conceptions of beauty, but various oppositions may be built into beauty as beauty itself. For instance:

Human beauty is often treated as a matter of the individual: It resides in the individual; the individual is complimented for being beautiful; and the individual sometimes takes pride in being beautiful, both because of his or her unique genetic combination and because of the efforts made to be beautiful. However, there is a participatory aspect of human beauty. Each beautiful person is representative of the human race in its ideal state, and any person is free to take pleasure in that, even to feel a corporate bond through their common humanity. This is not to suggest a single ideal, for there are many body types, not to mention more than one sex. But an appreciation and even, on the part of some people, what might be called a mystical participation is possible with regard to many different ideals of human beauty.

The relational aspects of beauty, apart from attraction, are often overlooked. "How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride!" (Song of Songs 4:10). Romantic love often brightens the inner life, it tends to bring out some of the best in a person, it adds buoyancy to a person's gait, and the person who is experiencing it may glow with joy. Furthermore, both the complementarity of lovers and their relationship have their own aesthetics, which has been much explored in art and especially poetry.

Beyond that, the lover's image of a beloved often entails an image of heaven. Something is seen in the beloved that non-lovers of that person do not see, and everything relational for the lover is changed. Some regard this as the blindness of love, a result of the unrealistic idealization of the beloved. Others view it as seeing to the true essence of a person, which only the light of love can penetrate. The latter is called the vision of romantic love. The mysticism might not end there, for, in the view of some, human beauty partakes of divine beauty.

Speaking of art and of vision, it should be mentioned that a person who is not considered beautiful in the flesh may be rendered in a sketch or painting or even a photograph in such a way as to bring out some beauty in that person via (a) the artistic vision and (b) removal into a different sort of reality, namely, that of art, which calls for the onlooker to make a fresh examination on the basis of a different relation to the subject. Where does this beauty reside? In the art? Yes, but also in the subject? the species? the inner scripts of the onlookers? the intangible bridges between art, subject, and onlookers?

Regarding the definition 5 above, the beauty of the human species has not been universally recognized. For example, Pope Innocent III (1160/1-1216) in his De Contemptu Mundi, sive, De Miseria Humanae Conditionis (Of Contempt of the World, or, Of the Misery of the Human Condition) finds nothing beautiful in the human body. It is rather a source of misery. The Renaissance did much to counter that view of the human body.

This brief sketch of what may be meant by human beauty at the very least demonstrates that untangling it is a complicated business.


The biblical quotations are from: New American Standard Bible (c1973).
For the African saying, see: African Proverbs, compiled by Charlotte and Wolf Leslau; and with decorations by Jeff Hill (Mount Vernon, N.Y.: Peter Pauper Press, c1962): p. 12. The saying is identified as coming from Baguirmi, which is in Chad.
For the quotation from Sappho, see: Greek Lyric, with an English translation by David A. Campbell. I. Sappho, Alcaeus (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1982; in series: The Loeb Classical Library): p. 67. The Greek text (on p. 66) reads: a gar polu perskethoisa | kallos [anth]rôpôn Elena ...
For an English translation of books 1-2 of  De Contemptu Mundi, see: Two Views of Man : Pope Innocent III On the Misery of Man [and] Giannozzo Manetti On the Dignity of Man / translated with an introduction by Bernard Murchland (New York : Frederick Ungar Publishing Co., 1966; in series: Milestones of Thought in the History of Ideas). <Check against book>

See also Adonis; allure; attractive; belle laide; big beautiful woman; "blondes have more fun"; charm; charms; comely; cute; desirable; dishy; divine form; drop-dead gorgeous; eye of love; glamour; handsome; handsomeness; ideal; inner beauty; kalleh; knockout; outer beauty; overwhelming beauty; plastic; pleasingly plump; Rubenesque; sexual imprinting; shapely; talent; tall, dark, and handsome; template (for a lover); ten; vision of romantic love; voluptuous; walk on sunshine; -wired.

x beauty.


See humankind.


See humankind.


Human beings collectively considered and conceived of as one species, all members of which are in some fashion kin. The biological classification is as follows:

Members of humankind are also a subset of all sentient beings that have existed or ever will exist, which, at least when healthy, are creatures with a capacity for:

Comments: The word "humankind" sounds new-fangled to some ears, even an invention of political correctness; but, in fact, it has a venerable history, dating back in English to the first half of the 17th century or earlier.

The terms "humanity," "human race," "man," and "mankind" have often been used instead; however each has problems:

The word "humankind" turns out to be the least problematic. It seems reasonable, then, to suggest that dominant usage should follow these lines (even though it does not yet), especially when the words are used together and distinctions are wanted:

See also kinship, man.

x Homo sapiens.
x humaneness.
x humanity.
x human race.
x mankind.
x womankind.

Quotation from the Partheneia Sacra Illustrating "Human Kind"

So our Second Eve [Maria] ... was ... fetcht from the Ocean of bitterness of human kind.

From: Partheneia Sacra, or, The Mysterious and Delicious Garden of the Sacred Parthenes ..., by H.A. ([Rouen]: Printed by Iohn Cousturier, 1633): p. 68. Generally attributed to Henry Hawkins, but sometimes to Herbert Aston.

Quotation from Richard Steele Illustrating "Humankind"

... humanity obliges a gentleman to give no part of humankind reproach, for what they, whom they reproach, may possibly have in common with the most virtuous and worthy amongst us.

From: The Spectator; with notes, and a general index (From the last improved London edition, stereotyped. Philadelphia: J. J. Woodward, 1829): no. 75, Letter, [signed] R (Saturday, May 26, 1711).  The Spectator was written by Joseph Addison, Richard Steele, and others.

human race:

See humankind.

human reproduction:

1. The birthing of babies in the species Homo sapiens.

2. The process or set of processes whereby the propagation of the species Homo sapiens is achieved, whether in general or in individual cases; sometimes meant narrowly, from the sex act (or other activity, such as in vitro fertilization) that leads to conception through birthing, and sometimes meant broadly, from attraction of a mate through the rearing of a child to sexual maturity.

See also coitus, copulation, family, father, function of sex, generation, marital relations, maternity, mother, parent, paternity, procreation, sex, sexual intercourse, sexuality.

x reproduction.


See small penis humiliation.


An act of copulation that is regarded by at least one person as fortuitous because enabled by the highly emotional and vulnerable state of one of the participants, a state precipitated by a misfortune in the form a break-up, a divorce, or the death of a partner.

Comment: The uses of this term on the Internet apparently all go back to the same source, a contribution by MegaUltraChicken (dated December 7, 2009) to the Urban Dictionary (here). The contributor did not explain the word formation, a fact which, quite naturally, inhibits the word's acceptance. So I have given a freshly worded definition — representing, of course, the same meaning — that assumes, in speculative fashion, a portmanteau word formation along these lines: hump (as an act of copulation) + fortune (both bad and good). If nothing else, this speculative word formation can serve as a mnemonic.

See also break-up, bridge sex, coitus, comfort sex, consolation sex, copulation, divorce, grief-and-comfort sex, one-night stand, rebound sex, sexual comforting, sexual intercourse, soggy seconds.

hundred-mile rule:

An arrangement between marital or relationship partners to the effect that sexual dalliances on the part of either with another or others while traveling or living temporarily a far distance from home are okay, that is, they don't count as cheating.

Comments: Also called the one-hundred-mile rule. Of course, it can be infinitely modified, thus, for instance, the five-hundred-mile rule.

Often part of the rationale for a given set distance is that it is far enough away so that others in one's usual social circle won't find out.

See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, area-code relationship, arrangement, boundary, break-up rules, cheat, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, droit de la vocation, ecdemolagnia, extramarital sex, far-away sweetie, geographical non-monogamy, girl in every port, hall pass, holiday from marriage, household rules, long-distance relationship, marriage sabbatical, new adultery, non-exclusivity pact, online relationship, open couple, open marriage, open-marriage pact, open relationship, open-relationship pact, polycy, rules of adultery, separate vacations, sexual non-exclusivity, singles privileges, "What goes on the road, stays on the road," "When the husband's away, the wife will play."

x five-hundred-mile rule.
x one-hundred-mile rule.
x rules.



An attractive man, especially a large man with a well-built physique.

Comment: The etymology is unclear, but it probably has nothing to do with the "-hunk" in "Bohunk" (regarding which, see under "beau hunk").

Adjectival form: hunky.

See also Adonis; attractive; beau hunk; beefcake; cougar bait; gerbil bait; handsome; "A hard man ihs good to find"; ottie; knockout; man of (one's) dreams; strong silent type; studmuffin (with lexical example); tall, dark, and handsome; ten.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Hunk"

[Abigail Washburn narrating] Chiz, who was both an aristocrat and a studmuffin, managed to hoist himself up on a kitchen counter. There the hunk sat, hunkered over, his face in his hands.

From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 7, p. 72.


See sperm hunter, widowhunter.


hunt for a man:

See look for a man.

hunt for a woman:

See look for a woman.

hunting widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time looking for game and engaged in related activities, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

Comments: If a male, sometimes the term "hunting widower" is used instead.

A person who loses a spouse to a hunting accident is ordinarily not called a hunting widow, but simply a widow.

See also blog widow, business widow, cyber widow, exercise widow, facebook widow, fishing widow, gamer widow, golf widow, library widow, media widow, sports widow, spouse, tennis widow, widow.

hurt, as in "to hurt":

1. To feel physical pain.

2. To ache emotionally, for instance, when slighted by a close friend or cheated on by a lover.

See also heartache, miss, pine away.

hurt (someone):

1. To cause (a person) physical pain or bodily harm.

2. To do damage to (a person's) standing.

3. To be the cause, by word or deed, of deep offense to (another person) or of heartbreak or other anguish on the part of (another person); to occasion (in a person) emotional pain. Often expressed as "to hurt (someone's) feelings."

Comments: Regarding the last sense, there is hurting somebody deliberately and hurting somebody without meaning to; and there are nuances in between, for instance, by saying something that upon reflection one knows would be hurtful but to blurt it out without thinking, or by saying something hurtful, but not meant, simply out of an emotional disturbance.

There is also hurting somebody directly and hurting somebody indirectly; and often the latter causes the greater emotional distress, as in the case of cheating on a spouse or sweetheart.

Different people gauge responsibility for emotional pain differently, one question being, "If responsibility is to be assigned for emotions (and, in the view of some, it shouldn't be), when and to what extent are we responsible for our own emotions, especially when there was no intent to cause anguish?" For many people, the emotional closeness of the offender makes a big difference: Often a beloved is far more able to have an effect upon one's emotions than a stranger.

Speaking of "cause," the idea of causation itself, when it comes to emotional pain, is quite unlike causation, say, in billiards. Part of it involves the history of a person's make-up and another (but overlapping) part is cultural expectations. That doesn't necessarily mean that responsibility is diffuse, but it does mean that there is context, complexity, and shifting values.

Nowadays, perhaps the most common maxim associated with being hurt emotionally, a maxim in which some take heart and which a few actually live out, is, "What does not kill me makes me stronger."


For the maxim, "From the military school of life. — What does not kill me makes me stronger," see: Twilight of the Idols, and The Anti-Christ, [by] Friedrich Nietzsche; translated, with an introduction and commentary, by R. J. Hollingdale (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1968): specifically, Twilight of the Idols, [part 1] "Maxims and Arrows," §8, p. 23.

This translates: "Aus der Kriegsschule des Lebens. — Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker." As found in: Götzen-Dämmerung, "Sprüche und Pfeile," §8. I'm using this edition: Nietzsche's Werke, Erste Abtheilung, Band 8 (Leipzig: C. G. Naumann, 1906): p. 62. Götzen-Dämmerung was originally published in 1889.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," betray, break (someone's) heart, "You always hurt the one you love."

x "What does not kill me ..."


1. A male partner in a marriage (q.v.).

2. The more aggressive or more stereotypically masculine partner in a gay or lesbian relationship.

Comment: The phrase "husband and wife" often is meant to indicate a particular couple or couplehood in the abstract.

Collective nouns that have been suggested: multiply of husbands, unhappiness of husbands.

Contrast wife (q.v.). See also act like a husband, all men to (me), band husband, benedict, ben zug, BH, boy-bridegroom, bridegroom, bundle man, buttinsky husband, caregiver spouse, child-husband, co-husband, common law husband, concurrent husband, cully, conjux, cuckquean husband, deadbeat spouse, DH, esposo, ex-husband, fair-weather lover, fancy man, father, find a mate, first husband, forest husband, gamical, genitor, GHAB, groom, HAB, half-husband, H&W couple, "Happy wife, happy life," harem, "head of the wife," hilf, hilfaholic, his and her marriages, hothusband, househusband, hubby, husband abuse, husband (a certain number of times) over, husband-and-wife team, husbandhood, husband in truth, husband lending, husband-sharing, husband-wife relationship, husbe, husby, husfriend, huzbear, intended, jack-gagger, junior husband, loaner husband, lord, loyal husband, mail-order husband, make (him) (my) husband, male widow, man, man (one) wants to spend the rest of (one's) life with, married man, married man's route, marrow, master, Murphy's First Law for Husbands, Murphy's Second Law for Husbands, office husband, old man, order of the patched trousers, other half, paperless husband, partner, pastor's husband, pater, practice husband, preacher's husband, prender de baron, provider, public husband, quondam husband, recession widower, "reverence her husband," rom, rommado, second-choice husband, second husband, senior husband, shadow husband, social husband, splice, starter husband, stephusband, successful husband, Sunday husband, trophy husband, über-husband, usban, visiting husband, war groom, war husband, Web-husband, "When the husband's away, the wife will play," widow, widower, widow man, work husband, zeoman; homosexual.

x collective terms.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Husband"


[Erik Winther] "It didn't occur to you to distrust Otto?"

[Luise] "Why should it? He had been courting me pretty assiduously since we met in Majorca."


"An old-fashioned word we use in England."

"It means serious intentions?"

His voice was gently humorous, and I thought he was laughing at me. I said shortly, "I am neither naïve nor a prude. It just happens I wanted a husband, not a lover. And Otto made it pretty clear he wanted a wife..."

From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 11, p. 171.

 husband abuse:

Subjection of one's own husband (q.v.) to violence or persistent psychological cruelty.

See also abuse, batter, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, intimate terrorism, marital rape, ran-tan, spouse abuse, uxorodespotism, wife abuse.

husband-and-wife team, or husband and wife team:

A man and a woman who are married to each other and who undertake a project, occupation, or vocation together.

Comment: The order of the words is both traditional and formulaic. Some people may take exception to it on the grounds that it is a vestige of sexual chauvinism.

See also "Behind every great man is a great woman," celebrity couple, dink, husband, power couple, two-earner household, wife, working wife.

husband (a certain number) of times over:

A man who has had a certain number of wives, whether serially or simultaneously.

See also bigamist, husband, polygynist, widower, wife (a certain number of times) over.


A woman serving as an active participant in an arrangement that includes her husband's consent, whereby she produces children, by natural insemination, for a partner in addition to her husband; wife-sharing, from the woman's point of view, insofar as she is an active and willing participant.

See also arrangement, brother starling, co-husband, comarital, nonexclusive monogamy, non-exclusivity pact, partible paternity, share (one's partner) with, sloppy seconds, social monogamy, wife-sharing.

x male-partner duplication.

Quotation from Sarah B. Pomeroy Illustrating "Husband-Doubling"


[39] Spartans were reputed to have chosen their spouses by several systems, some similar to those practiced in other poleis, others unique. The former were based on the oikos system and the goal was the perpetuation and prosperity of the individual family; the latter evolved from the communal ideal of equality and the goal was the production of children for the good of the state. In the former system, personal inclinations and ambitions determined the choice of a spouse; in the latter system the state provided incentives for marriage. Women were active players in both systems.

Xenophon's description shows that in his day the two systems overlapped. Although there was an oikos system in place, the welfare of society was fostered by means of what is commonly referred to by scholars as 'wife-sharing' for reproductive purposes. Although it is not always obvious that Xenophon is reporting an entirely logical system, it is apparent from his language that the wife is an [40] active participant in the arrangement whereby she produces children for a partner in addition to her husband. The practice should therefore be called "husband-doubling" or "male-partner duplication" or "nonexclusive monogamy," or, at any rate, some term that does not suggest passivity on the wife's part:

He [Lycurgus] saw, too, that during the time immediately following marriage, it was usual elsewhere for husbands to have unlimited intercourse with wives. He decreed the opposite of this: for he ruled that the husband should be embarrassed to be seen visiting his wife or leaving her. Thus the desire for intercourse was more fervent in both of them, and if there should be a child, it would be more sturdy than if they were satiated with one another. In addition to this, he took away from men the right to take a wife whenever they wanted to, and ordered that they marry in their prime, believing that this too was conducive to the production of fine children. If, however, it happened that an old man had a young wife — seeing that men of that age guard their wives — he thought the opposite. He required the elderly husband to bring in some man whose body and spirit he admired, in order to beget children. On the other hand, in case a man did not want to have intercourse with his wife but wanted children of whom he could be proud, he made it legal for him to choose a woman who was the mother of a fine family and well born, and if he persuaded her husband, he produced children with her. Many such arrangements developed. For the wives want to get possession of two oikoi, and the husbands want to get brothers for their sons who will share their lineage and power, but claim no part of the property. Thus in regard to the breeding of children he thought the opposite to those of other states. And anyone who wishes to may see whether it turned out that the men in Sparta are distinctive in their size and strength.

From: Spartan Women, [by] Sarah B. Pomeroy (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2002): pp. 39-40. The quotation is a translation of Xenophon, Constitution of the Lacedaemonians 1:5-10.



The state, quality, position, or feeling of being a married man.

Contrast wifehood (q.v.). See also spousehood, husband.



A man connected to another man through one woman who has wed and been divorced from one and has wed the other.

Comment: Formed by me on analogy with wife-in-law, August 31, 2010.

See also buksvåger, distal partner, ex-in-law, -in-law, wife-in-law.

husband in truth:

A man who has a deep love bond with a woman and with whom she happily lives, especially in contrast to a legally recognized husband from whom she is estranged (q.v.).

Contrast spouse-of-record (q.v.). See also elective affinity, husband, lover, marriage of true minds, partner, soul-mate problem, true lover, union of hearts, wife in truth.


husband-led marriage:

A marital union in which a male spouse dominantly functions as the leader.

Comment: Abbreviated HLM.

See also HLM, male-led marriage, male-led relationship, maritodespotism, marriage, wife-led marriage.

husband lending:

Turning one's husband (q.v.) over to another with the idea of allowing that other person sexual access to him. The motive may be alliance, hospitality, or friendship.

Comment: Coined by me, December 18, 2009, on analogy with "wife lending." But perhaps it has already been coined.

See also loaner husband, sex hospitality, wife lending.

husbandly duty:

1. A responsibility or set of responsibilities of a married man.

2. Often more specifically: as a man, the responsibility of attending to the sexual urges of one's wife.

Comment: Regarding the first sense, often the responsibilities of a married man are a matter of culture; and cultures vary widely in the particulars. Furthermore, in many cases, his responsibilities are defined over against those of his wife.

See also be there for (someone), conjugal rights, consortium, keep (someone) happy in bed, man's sphere, marital duty, marital relations, marriage debt, married life, needs, partner sexually, play the dutiful spouse, right to sex, sexual needs, sexual partnering, wifely duty.

x duty.

husband material:

A man who is eligible or especially suited to beoome a spouse or the spouse of someone in particular.

See also bachelor, marriage material, wife material.

x material.


"husband of one wife":

A phrase that, with slight variation, forms part of the Apostle Paul's instructions to Timothy and Titus. To quote from the Authorized (King James) Version, with the original Greek for the phrase in square brackets:

Comments: These verses strongly suggest that clerical marriage was a common practice in the early church (cf. 1 Corinthian 9:5). Various interpretations and their implications with regard to monogamy and polygamy in the early church are conceivable:

By the way, Theodore of Mopsuestia and many others have understood this passage as not prohibiting remarriage after the death of a wife.

"The Husband of One Wife" in the Questions of Bartholomew 5:8


And Jesus said: ... For a single marriage belongeth to sobriety: for verily I say unto thee, he that sinneth after the third marriage (wife) is unworthy of God.

One Latin version renders the saying this way (here translated, of course):

But if the lust of the flesh come upon him, he ought to be the husband of one wife. The married, if they are good and pay tithes, will receive a hundredfold. A second marriage is lawful, on condition of the diligent performance of good works, and due payment of tithes: but a third marriage is reprobated: and virginity is best.

For the translation, see: The Apocryphal New Testament: Being the Apocryphal Gospels, Acts, Epistles, and Apocalypses, with Other Narratives and Fragments, newly translated by Montague Rhodes James (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924): pp. [166]-181, specifically p. 181. The mark of omission and the italicized portion are mine. It is unclear as to whether this passage refers to polygyny or digamy.

See also clerical marriage, "forbidding marriage," housefather, monogamy, polygyny.

x Bible.
x Greek terms.



Giving another woman sexual access to one's husband, especially (but not necessarily) for the purpose of her bearing his children.

See also arrangement, husband, loaner husband, non-exclusivity pact, partner sharing, share (one's partner) with, wife-sharing.

husband swapping:

Women sharing with each other their consenting husbands for recreational sex.

Comment: This term has been used to balance the complementary term, "wife swapping." Thus, in the case of two couples, the husbands engage in wife swapping and the wives engage in husband swapping. However, the term "wife swapping" has been discarded by many, since to some it seems to suggest control over the wives. Consequently both terms are out of favor in some quarters.

See also intermarital sex, mate swapping, partner sharing, spouse exchange, swinging, wife exchange, wife swapping.

x swapping.


husband-wife privilege:

See spousal privilege.

husband-wife relationship:

1. Marriage in general considered with regard to the internal dynamics between spouses.

2. A particular marriage considered with regard to the internal dynamics between the spouses.

Comment: The term is often used in such a way as to connote great complexity and impenetrability by casual means.

See also husband, marriage, relationship, wife.

x wife-husband relationship.

husband worship:

1. Adoration of one's male spouse, either in a specific case or as a practice on the part of some.

2. Domestic servitude on the part of a wife for her husband.

Comment: In the second sense, often used with strong pejorative overtones.

Contrast wife worship (q.v.). See also adoration-lust, adore, conjugal passion, dulia, gyniolatry, "head of the wife," king of (one's) heart, lord, male-centered relationship, maritodespotism, master, pedestalism, place on a pedestal, worship one's spouse.

x worship.



A "would be" husband, in this sense: a man whose relationship to oneself is like that of a husband, except that one is not married to him.

Comment: A portmanteau term.

See also boyfriend, husband, partner.


See huzbear.


Term of endearment for a husband.

See also hubby, husband, partner, term of endearment, wifey.


1. A man who is affectionate towards his wife.

2. An ex-husband who is now a friend or boyfriend.

3. A boyfriend who is more like a husband; a longterm boyfriend.

Comment: Coined in the first sense by Larry Rhoads, who writes: "I first thought of the word husfriend early in 2004 and registered the domain [] on 4-19-2004." His definition of the word at that site (as accessed on December 3, 2011) reads: "a husband who loves and cherishes his wife through his affection and attentiveness towards her." Apparently the word has had at least one independent coinage since.

Although the word is extremely similar to the German hausfreund ("friend of the family," "man friend," "gallant") and the Dutch huisvriend ("friend of the home"), it seems instead to be a portmanteau word: husband + friend, or husband + boyfriend.

Apart from the above cited Web site, the earliest lexical example I have found is from 2005, which see below.


Email message from Larry Rhoads to Norman E. Anderson; Re: The term Husfriend; December 2, 2011 10:13:18 PM EST.

See also boyfriend, friend, husband, partner.

Quotation from Jill Soloway Illustrating "Husfriend"

Yes, in fact, it's a boot, a cute boot, with a Southern flair, and it's worn by the few people in my teeny tiny little brood: me, my son, my husfriend Dink and his daughters, my sister and her lesbian wife and offspring.
From: Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants: Based on a True Story, [by] Jill Soloway (New York: Free Press, c2005): chapter 8, p. 147. <snippet view only>

Quotation from Erica Kennedy Illustrating "Husfriend"

She [Sydney Zamora] meant something more along the lines of "be in a committed relationship with someone who is going to love me, support me, make me laugh, be a good father to our children, and assemble the shit we get from Ikea," She was looking for more of a husfriend than a husband.
From: Feminista, [by] Erica Kennedy (New York: St. Martin's Press, 2009): fourth page of chapter 26.


1. A now obsolete, corrupted spelling of "housewife."

2. A woman who manages her household badly.

3. A thrifty woman.

Comment: Samuel Johnson noted, "It is common to use housewife in a good, and huswife or hussy in a bad sense."

See also housewife, wife, woman.


For the quotation from Johnson, I'm using this edition: Johnson's Dictionary: A Modern Selection, by E. L. McAdam, Jr. & George Milne (New York: Pantheon Books, c1963): p. 212. The selection is taken from the first edition: A Dictionary of the English Language ..., by Samuel Johnson (London: Printed by W. Strahan, for J. and P. Knapton ... [et al.], 1755).


huzbear, or husbear:

1. A male lover, especially one in a committed gay relationship, who is husky and hairy.

2. A husband who is husky and hairy.

See also gay male, homosexual, husband, partner.

x husbear.


Hotwife (q.v.).

See also hotwife anklet.

x abbreviations and acronyms.


hydraulic view of sexuality:

The belief that the human sex drive and/or the fluids associated with it can be usefully likened to water with regard to their dynamics and management, whether in an individual, in a given sex, in society at large, or in some subset of society.

Comment: Among the metaphors typically associated with this view are channeling, damming, pressure, overflow, outlets, and the opening and closing of valves. As an overarching theory, the hydraulic view of sexuality is often characterized as outmoded; although the metaphors may work with regard to some specifics, and ever more refined versions of the hydraulic view keep appearing.

See also dating pool, sexuality, starvation economy, TEA, zero sum view of love.

x myths.

hymeneal, as in sing a hymeneal:

A wedding song.

See also wedding.

hymeneal, as in hymeneal rites:

Pertaining to marriage (q.v.).

Adverbial form: hymeneally.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, epithalamic, gamical, marital, matrimonial, nuptial, spousal.

hymeneal altar:

See lead a bride to the altar.



A wedding (q.v.) and the trappings thereof.

Comment: After Hymen, the god of marriage ceremonies in Greek mythology.

See also nuptials, spousals.



See heina, jaina.


A person who marries above his or her caste, class, or rank.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "hypergamy," so here included.

Contrast hypogamist (q.v.). See also hypergamy, order of Saint Beelzebub.

Quotation from Gore Vidal Illustrating "Hypergamist"


He [John Adams] was married to Abigail Smith, a marriage somewhat similar to that of his father, John the farmer, to Susanna Boylston. Each Adams had seemed instinctively to be obeying an old law of new socieities, by marrying above his social station: farmer John to a Boylston, while Abigail's mother was a storied Quincy.

The one who moves up is known as a hypergamist and, not too surprisingly, such marriages tend to be happier than classic | love matches between like-stationed couples.

From: Inventing a Nation: Washington, Adams, Jefferson, [by] Gore Vidal (New Haven: Yale University Press, c2003): pp. 35-36. (For "hypergamous, see p .51.) I don't know where the author derived the "old law" from or how he arrived at a statistic about happy marriages.



Pertaining to or characterized by hypergamy (q.v.).

Contrast hypogamous (q.v.).



1. Marrying above one's caste, class, or rank, especially when it is a social expectation, as it may be, for instance, for one sex or the other.

2. Marriage of a female into a higher social stratum or a pattern of such marriages.

Commnent: Attributed to W. Coldstream, 1881 or earlier.

Contrast hypogamy (q.v.). See also amixia; anuloma marriage; bigger, better deal; can do better than him (or her); Cinderella story; class-marriage; cross-class romance; date out of (one's) league; -gamy; gold digger; hypergamist; hypergamous; left-handed marriage; marry for money; marry into society; marry up; marry well; mating gradient; matrimonial adventurer; mésalliance; morganatic marriage; out of (one's) league; panmixia; trade up; unequal marriage; whitening by marriage (which see for lexical example).



1. Characterized by a high sex drive; having an extraordinarily high level of interest in participation in sexual actiivity, this high level of interest being part of the general state of one's life.

2. Characterized by an unusually large amount of sexual activity.

Contrast hypersexual (q.v.). See also f*ck-happy, oversexed, sex crazed, sexual.



1. The state of having a high sex drive; the condition of having an extraordinarily high level of interest in participation in sexual actiivity, this high level of interest being part of the general state of one's life.

2. Relative to one's usual sex drive and its ordinary fluctuations, a state that represents a dramatic and generally sustained increase over it.

Contrast hyposexuality (q.v.). See also erotomania, hypersexualization, libido, nymphomania, satyriasis, sex drive, sexual addiction, sexuality, slut,  uteromania.



1. A putting of the sex drive into overdrive, for instance, by the creation of a hormonal imbalance.

2. The rendering of eroticism, whether latent or added, as overly pervasive, such that it intrudes upon spheres where it is unwelcome or such that it generates a vitality-endangering imbalance; commonly said of elements of a culture or of a culture itself.

See also hypersexuality, sexualization.


Ability to experience only faint sexual pleasure.

Source: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. 368.

See also anhedonia, aphanisis, bed death, dry stick, frigidity, hyposexuality, lesbian bed death, silent epidemic, undersexed.



See sexual hypocrisy.


A person who marries below his or her caste, class, or rank.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "hypogamy," so here included.

Contrast hypergamist (q.v.). See also hypogamy.



Pertaining to or characterized by hypogamy (q.v.).

Contrast hypergamy (q.v.).



1. Marrying below one's caste, class, or rank, especially when it is a social expectation, as it may be, for instance, for one sex or the other.

2. Marriage of a female into a lower social stratum or a pattern of such marriages.

Contrast hypergamy (q.v.). See also amixia, class marriage, cross-class marriage, folly, -gamy, hypogamist, hypogamous, left-handed marriage, marry down, mésalliance, morganatic marriage, panmixia, pratiloma marriage, settle for, unequal marriage.



1. Characterized by a low sex drive; lacking interest in participation in sexual actiivity, this lack of interest being part of the general state of one's life.

2. Characterized by an unusually small amount of sexual activity.

Contrast hypersexual (q.v.). See also anhedonic, asexual, frigid, jaded, lesbian bed death, sexual, sexually inhibited, undersexed.



1. The state of having a low sex drive; the condition of lacking interest in participation in sexual actiivity, this lack of interest being part of the general state of one's life.

2. Relative to one's usual sex drive and its ordinary fluctuations, a state that represents a dramatic and generally sustained decrease, especially a state that approaches no sex drive.

Contrast hypersexuality (q.v.). See also anaphrodosiac, anhedonia, aphanisis, asexuality, bed death, dry stick, frigidity, hyphedonia, ice queen, libido, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, sex drive, sexual inhibition, sexuality, silent epidemic, undersexed.

Related terms beyond the scope of this Glossary: erectile dysfunction, impotence, inhibited sexual desire, ISD.



See cross references under theories.

hysterical marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) significantly characterized by dovetailing neuroses (q.v.).


Go to report: The Theory of Human Sexuality and Marriage.

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