Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

L

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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label, as in "a label":

1. A strip of material employed, for instance, for identification, categorization, description, pricing, or instruction in cleaning and use.

2. Metaphorically, a designation that has the effect of categorizing. With regard to such a designation for persons, the effect is often a categorization that many view as relating to identity, such as one's ethnicity or one's sexuality.

See also new scarlet letter, scarlet letter, wear a label.

label (someone):

1. To attach a strip of material (to a person) for purposes of identification or categorization.

2. Metaphorically, to impose (upon a person) or to adopt (for oneself) a particular categorization, especially with regard to a matter many view as relating to identity, such as one's ethnicity or one's sexuality.

Comment: The term is sometimes used pejoratively, implying an encroachment upon selfhood in all its dynamic complexity and an impingement upon personal freedom.

See also pomosexuality, sexuality, sexual orientation.

labor of love (American spelling), or labour of love (British spelling):

Exertion motivated by or as a natural expression of love (q.v.), especially:

1. Work voluntarily undertaken for someone else's benefit, as for a beloved; attending to one or more persons out of compassion or out of one of the other types of love.

2. Work voluntarily undertaken out of enjoyment or for a desired end product.

Comment: The phrase is sometimes borrowed from the Authorized (King James) Version of the Bible, which was first published in 1611. However the phrase appeared earlier in the Geneva Bible. (I'm looking at the 1599 edition, but The Nevve Testament was first published in 1557.) In the original Greek, the phrases are:

• At 1 Thessalonians 1:3: tou kopou tês agapês. The nominative form is: ho kopos tês agapês.
• And at Hebrews 6:10: tou ergon humôn kai tês agapês; translated word for word: "the work of yours and the concern." The nominative form is: ton ergon kai hê agapê.
  

See also agapic love.

x Bible.

x ergon kai hê agapê.

x kopos tês agapês.

ladder disparity:

In ladder theory, the difference between two people in their attraction to each other, that is, the difference on their respective scales of sexual attraction.

See also attraction, ladder theory.

x disparity.

ladder of love:

Ascending stages in love's (erôs') perception, per Diotima in Plato's Symposium 210a-212a; either that or an adaptation of her scheme, or a scheme analogous to it.

See also carte de tendre, love, trattàto di amore.

x Shakespeare, William.

Diotima's Summary of the "Ladder"
Such is the experience of the man who approaches, or is guided towards, love in the right way, beginning with the particular examples of beauty, but always returning from them to the search for that one beauty. He uses them like a ladder, climbing from the love of one person to love of two; from two to love of all physical beauty; from physical beauty to beauty in human behaviour; thence to beauty in subjects of study; from them he arrives finally at that branch of knowledge which studies nothing but ultimate beauty. Then at last he understands what true beauty is. That, if ever, is the moment, my dear Socrates, when a man's life is worth living, as he contemplates beauty itself.
From: Plato, Symposium 211b-d, as rendered in: Symposium of Plato = Platönos Symposion, translated by Tom Griffith; engraved by Peter Forster (London: Collins Harville, 1989): p. [113].

Quotation from Maurice Charney Illustrating the "Ladder of Love"
It is worth remembering that all love is sexual in Shakespeare -- there is no ladder of love as in [Marsilio] Ficino [1433-1499], where sexual atttraction leads upward to spiritual enlightenment.
From: Shakespeare on Love & Lust, [by] Maurice Charney (New York: Columbia University Press, c2000): p. 7. For Ficino's De Amore (1484), see: Marsilio Ficino's Commentary on Plato's Symposium, the text and a translation, with an introduction, by Sears Reynolds Jayne (Columbia: University of Missouri, 1944); or: Commentary on Plato's Symposium on Love, by Marsilio Ficino; an English translation by Sears Jayne (2nd revised ed. Dallas, Tex.: Spring Publications, c1985). "The present translation is completely new, with entirely new introduction, notes, and bibliography. It does not correspond to the 1944 version in any way." -- T.p. verso.

Quotation from George Weigle Illustrating the "Ladder of Love"
[Regarding Brideshead Revisited, by Evelyn Waugh (1945)] This is a novel about conversion, and conversion understood as a climb up the sometimes steep steps of the ladder of love. Seen another way, [the character] Charles Ryder is a man who grows from lesser affections to harder, yet truer loves. Evelyn Waugh's Catholic genius really kicks in, though, when we understand that Charles grows into the richest of loves -- love for God in Christ -- not merely from lesser loves but through them.
From: Letters to a Young Catholic, [by] George Weigle (New York: Basic Books, c2004): p. 107.

ladder theory:

An elaborate tongue-in-cheek explanation of how men and women relate to each other, part of which goes like this: A man ranks each and every woman on one scale (or ladder), this according to how much he would like to have sex with her (which, per the theory, makes genuine male/female friendships impossible in most cases); whereas a woman ranks men in two different scales (or ladders), one for acquaintances and friends (called the never or friends ladder) and one for possible sex partners (called the potential or real ladder). The ranking of possible sex partners depends foremost upon money or power, then upon attraction (broken down primarily by looks, the need to compete, and novelty), and then upon far more negligible factors, if truly factors at all, such as a sense of humor, intelligence, sensitivity, and emotional stability.

Comments: Abbreviated LT.

The ladder theory has its own vocabulary.

See also attraction, code, counter-Rules, cuddle bitch, friend zone, intellectual pimp, intellectual whore, kiss of death, ladder disparity, LT, mate selection, men are all the same, nice guy, rich man/biker paradox, Tao of Steve.

x theories.

ladies' man, or lady's man:

A human male who, for amorous reasons, attempts to make himself attractive to and seeks the company of women, especially such a one who is popular with women.

See also agapet, bimbo, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, flirt, gallant, gay spark, general lover, God's gift to women, heartthrob, jock, lady-killer, lover, lustworthy, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, masher, multimitus, pick up artist, playboy, rake, roué, rover, satyr, skirt-chaser, stud, vert galant, wolf, womanizer.

x lady's man.

Quotation from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Illustrating "Lady's Man"
Every thing about him [Hiram Adolphus Hawkins] spoke the lady's man. He was, in fact, a perfect ring-dove; and, like the rest of his species, always walked up to the female, and, bowing his head, swelled out his white crop, and uttered a very plaintive murmur.... | He imagined that it was impossible for any woman to look upon him and not love him.
From: Kavanagh, a Tale, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Boston: Ticknor, Reed, and Fields, 1849): pp. 80-81.

Ladino terms:

See balabusta (balabusha).

See also Spanish and Spanglish terms.

lady caller:

1. A female visitor.

2. A female who is seeking to court or otherwise to attract a person, typically a male, by seeking to spend time with that person.

Contrast "gentleman caller" (q.v.). See also caller, courtship, date, wooer.

lady friend or lady-friend:

1. A female love interest who returns affection.

2. A female companion.

3. A female friend, that is, a person whom one knows and likes, the feeling being reciprocated.

4. Euphemism for a mistress, courtesan, or hetaera.

Comment: Given polite usage, the term suggests maturity or sophistication or both on the part of the person being referred to.

See also companion, courtesan, friend, gentleman friend, girlfriend, hetaera, jelly, landlady, love interest, lover, mistress, partner, romantic friend, woman friend; prostitute.

lady in the parlor:

An allusion to the saying, which takes many forms, that a woman should be a lady in the parlor, a chef in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. It is one conception of the ideal wife, the last element meaning not that she should take money for sex but that she should be eager and willing to please, that she should become increasingly skilled at exciting sexual interest and giving sexual pleasure, and that she should be sexually voracious.

Comments: The order within the saying shown above is not always followed; and often the saying has only two elements, perhaps most commonly, "a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom" or with roughly equivalent substitutions.

In a book by Stephanie Blake, the saying, "A good wife should be a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor, and a whore in the bedroom," is attributed to Abraham Lincoln. However, the first two elements of the saying (with variations) go back at least to 1841, in a sermon by Elbridge Gerry Paige; and the earliest documentation I have found for the third element dates back only to 1946. (See quotations below.)

I've also seen the saying, "A woman should be a lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom" attributed to the actor, Joan Crawford, who is said to have made the comment to the gossip columnist, Luella Parsons, in the 1940s.

Variations on "A Wife Should Be a Lady in the Parlor, a Chef in the Kitchen, and a Whore in the Bedroom"
Lead in phrase (often omitted)	A Lady	In the Parlor	A Chef	In the Kitchen	And	A Whore	In the Bedroom
- The best wife is - A good wife should be - An ideal wife should be - A perfect woman should be - Men want - Treat her (a woman, a wife) like - A woman should be	- a duchess - a gracious queen - a hostess - a lady - a maid - a perfect lady - a princess - a queen - a saint	- in company - in public - in the drawing room - in the living room - in the parlor - in the parlour - in the street - in the streets - outside - with company	- a chef - a cook - a good cook - a gourmet - a maid - an economist - a pot-sluer - a wife	- in the kitchen	- and	- a bitch - a bocat - a harlot - a hooker - a hot-blooded temptress - a hussy - a marvelous bitch - a playmate - a prostitute - a sex object - a temptress - a tiger - a vixen - a wanton - a whore - a witch	- in bed - in the bedroom - in the boudoir
Among other variations: I want an angel to come home to and a whore in bed. The wife of any man's dreams: lovely, obedient, and a whore in bed.

Reference
A Glorious Passion, [by] Stephanie Blake (New York: Jove Publications, 1982; "A Jove Book"): p. 278.

See also girl of (one's) dreams, goodwife, ideal, madonna/whore complex, woman of (one's) dreams, whore.

x chef in the kitchen.

x whore in the bedroom.

x "A wife should be a lady in the parlor, a chef in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom."

Quotation from Elbridge Gerry Paige (1816-1859) Illustrating "Every Female is a Lady in the Parlor, and a Pot-Sluer in the Kitchen"
Suffice it to say, that every female is a lady in the parlor, and a pot-sluer in the kitchen, according to the opinion of mankind generally.
From: "On Modern Gentlemen," being number 12 in: Short Patent Sermons, by "Dow, Jr." [i.e. Elbridge Gerry Paige] (Revised and corrected. New York: Lawrence Labree, 1841): pp. 29-31, specifically p. 30. "Originally published in the New York Sunday Mercury.

Quotation from John Klempner Illustrating "A Cook in the Kitchen, a Lady in the Parlor, and a Whore in the Bedroom"
"My Dad used to say something about a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlor, and a whore in the bedroom." "I'd still rather be a lady in the bedroom than a whore in the parlor."
From the novel: Letters to Five Wives, by John Klempner (New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1946): p. 84. <I've seen a snippet view only>

Lady Jane:

1. A hearty woman who is both merry and fair. "Jane" being a common name for a woman, it seems to have been applied to many a woman otherwise named or, in the next definition, to a part of each and every woman.

2. A woman's genital region.

3. A woman in all her femaleness as a sexual being, with special reference to her most intimate erogenous zone, especially as that zone is conceived as the complement to a particular individual's phallus. See, for example, Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence (1928), chapters 15 and 16 and the final paragraph of that book.

4. In the phrase, "to do a Lady Jane": to engage in innocent flirtation; to flirt without any intention of moving on to a sexual encounter or of starting a sexual relationship, as in a UST relationship -- from the character, Lady Jane Felsham, in the British television drama series, Lovejoy (broadcast on BBC1 in the United Kingdom from 1986 to 1994). Lady Jane had such a relationship with the title character and was also his landlady (for part of the series) and collaborator.

5. Most famously in history, Lady Jane Grey, also known as Lady Jane Dudley (1537-1554), who is often referred to simply as Lady Jane, for instance in the 1986 movie of that name. In a context of intense political machinations by others -- especially her father, Henry Grey, Duke of Suffolk, and her husband's father, the Earl of Northumberland -- Lady Jane Dudley, a Protestant, was persuaded against her own wishes to accept the crown of England, this without parliamentary approval. She ruled for nine days and was promptly deposed by the woman who became Mary I, a Roman Catholic. Lady Jane was arraigned for high treason and kept in the Tower. She was eventually beheaded because her father could not keep himself from political intrigues. Many historians represent Lady Jane as an innocent. Though young, she was highly accomplished quite apart from politics; and some today are making of her a heroine of woman's history.

Comment: A related word beyond the scope of this glossary is "demijohn." Evidently "Dame Jane" is part of the history of that word.

See also affair, betty, Carmela effect, cockteaser, Dear Jane letter, flirt, gay spark, jelly, jeune première, landlady, mary jane, plain Jane, spark, shipper, Sunday husband, tease, UST relationship.

x do a Lady Jane.

x Jane.

lady-killer:

1. A man who readily garners attention from women; a man for whom some women will literally or figuratively swoon.

2. A man who attracts one woman after another and who is ruthless in moving from one to the next.

Comment: Some find this term objectionble, because:

• It is violent sounding.
• It seems to play off of the battering and murder of women, even though it does not connote either.
• The word "lady" itself is objectionable to some, since in many of its senses it suggests to them either restrictions upon a woman's humanity or classism.
• There is no precisely comparable word for a woman; and thus, until there is, the term perpetuates gender unfairness in language.

See also agapet, crumpet man, die with love, general lover, God's gift to women, heart-slayer, ladies' man, lover, love-struck, masher, pick up artist, rake, raked fore and aft, roué, rover, shark, slay one's heart, smitten, stud, Valentino, womanizer.

lady-love:

1. A female love-interest.

2. Romance as experienced by a woman.

See also landlady, love, love-interest, midons, romance.

Lady Macbeth syndrome:

Covert exercise of power in or through a marriage on the part of a wife; given to entangling a husband in power plays.

Comment: The term alludes to the William Shakespeare's play, Macbeth (1606), specifically to a character who resolutely plotted to make her husband King of Scotland, the results being tragic for both and for others besides.

See also bedroom politics, femme fatale, maneater, marry for politics, political marriage, power couple, pussy-whipped, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches.

x Macbeth, Lady.

x Shakespeare, William.

x syndromes.

lady's man:

See ladies' man.

laid:

See need to get laid.

lairwite or lairesite (Old English legal term):

A fine for adultery (q.v.) or fornication (q.v.).

See also amober, formariage, maritage, mercheta mulierum.

laminated list:

See freebie list.

landlady:

1. A woman to whom one pays rent for one's dwelling place.

2. The mistress of an inn.

3. A girlfriend or wife that a sailor has left behind on shore, especially one left behind in his homeland.

Comment: A shortened form of "landlady" is "lanlady."

Although the second sense is old, dating back at least to the 17th century, I do not see it in The Oxford English Dictionary. The definition given above is inferred from the first two quotations below.

See also bundle man, country wife, dobash, fishing fleet, girlfriend, girl in every port, knitting, lady friend, Lady Jane, lady-love, long-haired chum, party, pash, personal attachment, popsey, wife.

x lanlady.

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Lanlady"
The Gallant SEAMAN's RESOLUTION: Whose full Intent was, To try his Fortune at SEA, and at his Return marry his Lanlady. If Heaven be pleas'd to bless him with his life, None but his Lanlady shall be his wife: She being a Widow, as 'tis understood, Of Carriage and Behaviour very good. To the Tune of, Think on thy Loving Lanlady, &c.   [Narrator] A Gallant youth at Gravesend liv'd, __a Seaman neither rich nor poor; But when his means was almost spent, __he bravely went to Sea for more: [Lanlady] Turn to thy Love and take a kiss, __this Gold about thy wrist i'll tye; And always when thou look'st on this, __think on thy loving Lanlady.   [N] His Father being dead and gone, __he lov'd his Mother as his Life, And did maintain her gallantly; __it was well known he had no Wife: [L] Turn to thy Love, etc.   [N] He was belov'd of Rich and Poor, __and still kept company with the best, A gallant Widow in the Town, __her love unto him thus exprest: [L] Turn to thy Love, etc.   Young Man could I thy favour win, __or might thy company but crave, To come and live at home with me, __i'll make the Lord of all I have: Turn to thy Love, etc.   [Sailor] Fair Mistress, I am for the Seas, __here's Gold and Silver in my hand, And when the Drums and Trumpets sound, __I'll bid adieu to fair England: And if thou wilt with patience stay, __till I from Sea return again; For every kiss thou lendest me, __I will repay thee ten times ten.   [L] Do but resolve to stay at home, __I'll put another in thy place. [S] No, that will be a shame, quoth he, __and to my name a foul disgrace: [L] Turn to thy Love, etc.   I have five hundred pound at least, __of Silver which I never sold, Besides, I have in store for thee, __five hundred pound in good red Gold: Turn to thy Love, etc.   [S] If you could give me all the wealth, __that ever Europe did afford: A faithful promise I have made, __and I will not be worse than my word: And if thou wilt, etc.   [L] If neither strength nor policy, __can further me in my design, Remain a constant Friend to me, __and I for ever will be thine: Turn to thy Love, etc.   And whilst that breath and life doth last, __to me this thing i'll verifie; Though you at Sea, and I on shore, __I'll pray for thy prosperity: Turn to thy Love, etc.   Heaven bless the Ship thou sailest in, __whether it swim with wind or tide, And all that with thee comes or goes, __I hope that Neptune will them guide: Turn to thy Love, etc.   From Pyrates knocks, and bloody blows, __great Mars protect thee still; Nor may Quick=sands or stony Rocks, __have power to do thee any ill: Turn to thy Love, etc.   And whilst that thou art far away, __in Holland, Flanders, France or Spain, As thou in safety didst launch forth, __Heaven bring thee safely home again: Turn to thy Love, etc.   If I may speak without offence, __my hear will never quiet be, Till thou give me full recompence, __and said that I thy Wife shall be: Turn to thy Love, etc.   Yet one thing here I beg of thee __before from me thou dost depart, That thou wilt let no one know __the thoughts and secrets of thy heart: Turn to thy Love, etc.   When thou art gone out of my sight, __and com'st where pretty Lasses are, Thou wilt fall in love with some of them, __that is the thing I most do fear; Turn to thy Love, etc.   If I should hear in any case, __that to some other thou shouldst married be, Then would I weep, lament and grieve, __and break my heart for love of thee: Turn to thy Love, etc.   The SEAMAN's REPLY HArk, hark, I hear the Trumpet sound, __and calleth me to come away, Therefore in hast I must be gone, __I can nor will no longer stay: And if thou wilt, etc.   Therefore sweet Lady now farewel, __more than a thousand times adieu; Where=ever I pass by Land or Sea, __I'll still be faithful unto you: And if, etc.   This Golden Ribbon wh'ch you ty'd __about my hand=wrist in pure love, Shall be a token whilst I live, __that I to you will constant prove: And if, etc.   And when that I return again, __if Heavens afford me breath and life, You that are now my Lanlady, __shall then be made my wedded Wife, And if, etc.   The Bells shall ring melodiously, __the Musick shall most sweetly play, And all our Friends will then rejoyce, __to see out happy wedding=day: And if thou wilt with patience stay, __till I from Sea return again; For every kiss thou lendest me, __I will repay thee ten times ten. London: Printed by and for W. O. for A. M. and sold by J. Bissel in West-smithfield.
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 192.
A likely candidate for "W. O." is William Onley, who, according to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968), was a printer in London from 1697-1709. Plomer doesn't have an entry for J. Bissel.
For a list of other printings of the ballad, see the "Broadside Ballad Index" (site 1, 2), where the ballad is given the number code, ZN944. By the way, this index lists many ballads sold by J. or James Bissel.
Textual notes: One illustration accompanies the ballad. Many of the words throughout are indistinct. I'll mention only the most problematic. In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in four columns. The lyrics are in black letter, except for the refrains and these words: "Gravesend," "England," "Europe," "Neptune," "Holland," "Flanders," "France," "Spain." Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u." I've taken the liberty of indicating, within square brackets, the speaker of a given portion. "her love": Indistinct. Alternatively: "Let it be..." "To come": Possibly, "Do come." "make the Lord": One would expect "thee." "here's Gold": In the facsimile, no more than a dot is visible for a letter after the "here'." "never sold": Possibly "never told." "good red Gold": The word "Gold" is indistinct. In reference to money, as opposed, for instance to blood, the expression is not familiar to me, which causes me to doubt the reading. Should my formatting drop away, every second line of the lyrics is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

Quotation from William Congreve Illustrating "Landladies"
We're merry Folk, we Sailors, we han't much to care for. Thus we live at Sea; est Bisket, and drink Flip; put on a clean Shirt once a Quarter ---------- Come home and lie with our Landladies once a Year, get rid of a little Mony; and then put off with the next fair wind. How de'e like us?
From: Love for Love: A Comedy ..., written by Mr. Congreve (London: Jacob Tonson, 1695): Act 3, scene 1, lines 799-803. As reprinted in: The Complete Plays of William Congreve, edited by Herbert Davis (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1967): p. 275.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray Illustrating "Landlady"
What old lady is there, my dear sir, who would take in you and me, were we ever so ill to do, and comfort us, and clothe us, and give us her money, and her silver forks? Alas and alas! what mortal man that speaks the truth can hope for such a landlady?
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 32, p. 155. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February 1847, under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221.

Land of Matrimony:

Marriage conceptualized metaphorically as a geographical region and often, as such, a destination.

See also carte de tendre, geography of love, geography of marriage, map of matrimony, marriage, matrimony, Reich der Liebe, River of True Love, royaume d'amour, sentimental cartography, station amoureux, topography of love, Truelove River.

Quotation from William Congreve Illustrating "Land of Matrimony"
Ben.  ... Look you forsooth, I am as it were, bound for the Land of Matrimony; 'tis a Voyage d'ee see that was none of my seeking, I was commanded by my Father, and if you like of it, may-hap I may steer into your Harbour.
From the play: Love for Love: A Comedy ..., written by Mr. Congreve (London: Jacob Tonson, 1695): Act 3, scene 1, lines 371-375. As reprinted in: The Complete Plays of William Congreve, edited by Herbert Davis (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1967): p. 263.

Langdon chart, or Langdon diagram:

A chart composed of lines connecting the names of those who have engaged in sexual activity together. In more refined form, different kinds of lines indicate who is attracted to whom and distinguish past and present relationships. The chart was originally developed to illustrate who within San Francisco Bay area science fiction fandom had had sexual relations with whom.

Comment: Coined by Kevin Langdon, mid 1960s.

For more information, see Fandom in the 1960s, compiled by Richard Lynch, chapter 1, "New Frontiers."

See also chains of affection, contact tracing for sexually transmitted infections, cycling, daisy chain, dating chain, diagramming a love relationship, distal partner, freebie list, genogram, Leporello list, letter group, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, merry-go-round of love, romantic resumé, sex history, sexual connection, sexual network, sheet partner, trail.

language:

See love language. 

language cross-references:

See under Acoli, Algonquian, Arabic, Creole of Carriacou, Dutch, Eskimo (for Inuit and Yupik), French, Fulani, Gaelic, German, Greek, Hebrew, Hindi, Italian, Japanese, Kiriwinian, Kuikuro-Kalapalo, Latin, Nyaturu, Old English, Portuguese, Sanskrit, Spanish and Spanglish, Swedish, Tahitian, Tongan, Welsh, Yiddish, Yoruba.

langue d'Oc:

See Occitan.

language of love:

1. A flexible system of communication -- typically characterized by terms, ways of syntactically arranging them, and ways of vocalizing them -- that lends itself well to the soft and lilting tones of affectionate expression and that has arisen from a culture which has cultivated romance, which has an extensive vocabulary devoted to romance, and which has romance as a major theme in much of its literature and music. The Occitan of the late Middle Ages, modern French, and modern Italian have each been often called a language of love. Some people would argue that certain other languages deserve the appellation as well, for instance, classical Greek, modern Spanish, and modern English.

2. The vocabulary used to express affectionate, romantic, or sexual feelings and/or that is used in discussion of romance, affection, and sexual relationships.

3. The sum of the various ways that romantic sentiments are expressed or represented, or one such way.

4. Working from the preceding definition, often more specifically the forms and mechanisms of either poetry or music as effectively used and as available to be used to express romantic sentiments.

Comments: Regarding English as a language of love (an appellation it may deserve), here's a counter-argument: English is a special case given its exceptional absorbency; for rather than being in competition with other languages for a claim to this or that trait, its stance vis-à-vis other languages is often how it might use them. In other words, the term "language of love" in English has tended to operate functionally rather than as an aspiration or point of pride: typically English speakers, despite the richness of their romantic heritage and vocabulary, have looked to languages of love rather than imagining themselves in possession of one. (The alternatives often chosen are to stick to a basic vocabulary of love in English or to invent romantic expressions on the spot, with the curious result that much of the extensive romantic vocabulary in English already extant is often ignored, which is another argument against regarding English as a language of love.)

Many other arguments and counter arguments come to mind. What a fine debate could be developed!

See also city of lovers, discourse of desire, lexicographer of love, love, love language, love lyrics, love poem, love poetry, love song.

lanlady:

See landlady.

laotong (Chinese):

"Old same": a woman who is matched for life with another woman in a bond, generally nonsexual, that is conceived of as more durable and potentially deeper than mere sisterhood or friendship.

See also adoption, blood brother, Boston marriage, kinship, partner, platonic relationship, water brother.

x Chinese terms.

Quotation from Lisa See Illustrating "Laotong"
A laotong relationship was completely different from a sworn sisterhood. It involved two girls from different villages and lasted their entire lives, while a sworn sisterhood was made up of several girls and dissolved at marriage.
From: Snow Flower and the Secret Fan: A Novel, [by] Lisa See (New York: Random House, c2005): p. 22.

lap to lap:

See jump from lap to lap.

lasslorn:

Forsaken or stood up by one's female sweetheart and feeling the accompanying sense of abandonment.

See also broken heart, cri de coeur, déception d'amour, desertion, heartache, jilt, lovelorn, lovesickness, love trauma syndrome, love-trouble, love withdrawal, withdrawal anguish.

Lasterkatalog; plural, Lasterkataloge (German):

"Catalog of vices"; vice list; an itemizing of some types of transgressions and/or some types of transgressors, especially as a literary form.

Comments: Where it is a type of transgressor that is mentioned, the vice is said to be personalized; and where the list is of types of transgressors, it is said to be a personalized Lasterkatalog.

Although Lasterkataloge are found in many ancient writings, the most famous are found in the Bible. They are sometimes coupled or mixed with catalogs of virtues (Tugenkataloge).

Ancient vice lists, not least those of the Bible, are notoriously difficult to decipher, for a vice list is usually simply a list of words, each capable of bearing a wide range of meanings; and sometimes some of those meanings have nothing to do with vice at all. In order to gain a handle on the actual vices being referred to, an interpreter must go through a series of steps, among them:

• Determine the range of lexical usage for those words, giving special attention to time frame and culture.
• Examine both the situational context that was being addressed and the situational and literary context out of which the vice list arose.
• Examine the immediate textual context.
• Determine the literary structure within which the vice list is set, noting parallelisms and so forth that might give clues as to meaning.
• Discern any patterns that might exist within the vice lists themselves.
• Determine word associations that may control meaning, for example, in Romans 13:13, "coition and intemperance" as possibly meaning, at least in part, "being given over to copulation."
• And determine possible allusions and dependencies, for example, sexual immorality (porneia) in 2 Corinthians 12:21 as silently referencing the decree of the Apostolic Council of Jerusalem recorded in Acts 15:20, 29, which in turn silently references Leviticus 18; or, for another example, a much more tenuous one, the first triplet in 1 Timothy 1:10 as alluding to the myth of Ganymede and Zeus (cf. 1:4).

Here are a few other important tips to keep in mind when interpreting vice lists:

• They may be drawing upon various sources, each with a different standing. For example, ancient Jewish and Christian vice lists may draw upon, among other possible sources, the laws given to Noah (hence to humankind generally), the Mosaic Law for Israelites, and wisdom admonitions.
• Although biblical Lasterkataloge have long served as part of the basis for Jewish and Christian condemnations of certain types of sexual activities, not all vice lists are necessarily about condemnation. Some could instead be about freedom from those sorts of victimizations. In other words, the author may be saying that ultimately those whom God favors will no longer be subjected to such things or to such people. Note, for example, how 1 Corinthians 6:7-11 is completely recast as one understands it one way and then the other.
  
• Vices mentioned are not necessarily mutually exclusive. In fact, sometimes one or more vices mentioned are a deliberate breaking out of some subcategories of another mentioned vice.
• Avoid loading supposed meanings of ancient words with modern baggage, that is, avoid falling into the fallacy of anachronism. Thus, for example, it is easy to suppose that, when the Apostle Paul spoke of homosexuals (if in fact he did in 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10), he was thinking of them as a social category as they are often thought of today, when probably he was merely using a concise method of referring back to the prohibition of a male lying with a male as with a female (Leviticus 18:22 = 20:13). For another example, with regard to sexuality, it is easy to suppose, given a modern mentality, that the concern was with physicality, such as anal sex, when in fact the concern might have have been instead for proper relationships and self-control for right living.

 Lasterkataloge or a precursory form of them appear in the Hebrew Bible (Proverbs 6:16-19; 8:13; Jeremiah 7:9; Ezekiel 18:6-8; 22:6-12; Hosea 4:2) and in the Apocrypha/ Deuterocanonical Books (Wisdom 14:22-30; 4 Maccabees 1:2-4, 26-27; 2:15). They are numerous in the New Testament (see chart below).

Lasterkataloge in the New Testament and Their Bearing on Sexual Relationships
Text1	Accompanied by Tugenkatalog2	Among the sexual transgressions and trangressors mentioned (giving chiefly lexical forms of Greek words)3
Matthew 15:19	-----	adulteries (moicheia) , sexual immoralities (porneia)
Mark 7:21-22	-----	adultery, sexual immorality
Luke 18:11	-----	adulterers (moichos)
Romans 1:29-32	-----	preceded by references to bestiality(?) and male homosexual behavior or a kind thereof
Romans 13:13	-----	being given over to copulation (koitê)
1 Corinthians 5:10	-----	the sexually immoral (pornos)
1 Corinthians 5:11	-----	the sexually immoral
1 Corinthians 6:9-104	-----	the sexually immoral, adulterers, males who lie with males as with women (arsenokoitês; for discussion see under "arsenokoitês")
1 Corinthians 13:4-6	1 Corinthians 13:4, 6-8	-----
2 Corinthians 12:20-21	2 Corinthians 6:6-7	sexual immorality
Galatians 5:19-21 (compare the Community Rule (1QS) 4:9-14 in the Dead Sea Scrolls)	Galatians 5:22-23 (compare the Community Rule (1QS) 4:3-8)	sexual immorality
Ephesians 4:31; 5:3-5	Ephesians 4:2-3, 32-5:2, 9	sexual immorality, the sexually immoral
Colossians 3:5, 8	Colossians 3:12-17	sexual immorality
1 Timothy 1:9-105	1 Timothy 3:2-12; 4:12	the sexually immoral, males who lie with males as with women
1 Timothy 6:4-5	1 Timothy 6:11, 18	-----
2 Timothy 3:2-4	2 Timothy 2:22-25; 3:10-11	-----
Titus 1:7	Titus 1:8-9; 2:2-10	-----
Titus 3:3	Titus 3:1-2	-----
James 3:14-16; 4:1-3	James 3:13, 17-18	-----
1 Peter 2:1	1 Peter 3:8-9	-----
1 Peter 4:3	-----	-----
1 Peter 4:15	----	----
Revelation 9:21	-----	sexual immoralities
Revelation 21:8	-----	the sexually immoral
Revelation 22:15	-----	dogs (inflected form kunes; lexical form kuôn; refers to male cult prostitutes; cf. Deuteronomy 23:18), the sexually immoral
1 Among texts not included because probably not qualifying as Lasterkataloge is the Apostolic decree in Acts 15:20, 29, which mentions porneia. Actually the parameters of Lasterkataloge are not precisely defined, so some scholars may reject some of the lists mentioned above and some might add others.
2 Other Tugendkataloge in the New Testament include Philippians 4:8; Hebrews 7:26; and 2 Peter 1:5-7.
3 I am mentioning above only those vices most definitely sexual in nature, however, others may have a sexual component or sexual overtones, for example (giving below chiefly the lexical forms of Greek words): intemperance (aselgeia in Mark 7:22; Romans 13:13; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; 1 Peter 4:3); covetousness (pleonexia in Mark 7:22; note epithumeô below); jealousy or envy (phthonos in Romans 1:29; Galatians 5:21; 1 Timothy 6:4; Titus 3:3; 1 Peter 2:1; see also zêloô below); the covetous (pleonektës in 1 Corinthians 5:10, 11; 6:10; Ephesians 5:5; note epithumeô below); the morally lax (malakos in 1 Corinthians 6:9; for discussion see under "malakos"); to be jealous or envious (zêloô in 1 Corinthians 13:4; James 4:2) impurity (akatharsia in Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5); filthy speech (eutrapelia in Ephesians 5:4); passion (pathos in Colossians 3:5); kidnappers (andrapodistês in 1 Timothy 1:10, a possible reference to abduction for sexual purposes); given over to pleasure (philêdonos in 2 Timothy 3:4); enslavement (douleuô) to desire (epithumia) and to various kinds of pleasure (hêdonê) in Titus 3:3 (for epithumia, cf. 1 Peter 4:3; for hêdonê, cf. James 4:3); to covet (epithumeô in James 4:2; recall both the Tenth Commandment at Exodus 20:17 = Deuteronomy 5:21, where the Septuagint uses epithumeô, and Matthew 5:28, where the author of the Gospel uses the same word in alluding to that Commandment); having led a life (poreuomai) of orgiastic partying (kômos in 1 Peter 4:3); those who have committed abominations (inflected form: ebdelugmenois, from bdelussomai, in Revelation 21:8, which may recall the various abominations of the Hebrew Bible and the Septuagint, including certain sexual transgressions; cf. Leviticus 18:30).
4 Each Lasterkatalog in 1 Corinthians builds upon the preceding one, and the first expands upon a comment made in an earlier epistle (cf. 1 Corinthians 5:9). For an examination of the patterns and dependencies of the Lasterkataloge in 1 Corinthians, see my "Excursus on Male Homosexuality in the Bible."
5 For an examination of patterns within 1 Timothy 1:9-10, see my "Excursus on Male Homosexuality in the Bible."

See also abomination, adultery, arsenokoitês, carnally minded, catamite, ethical hedonism, Holiness Code, household rules, illicit relationship, jealousy, Law and gospel, lust (noun), lust (verb), malakos, moral code, Noachian laws, no sex outside of marriage, orgy, porneia, pornos, purity myth, Seventh Commandment, Seven Capital Sins, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sodomite, Tenth Commandment, "wine, women, and song."

x German terms.

x Greek terms.

last favor; British spelling: last favour:

1. A final deed of kindness for somebody.

2. A granting of full sexual access, generally by a woman.

Comments on the second sense: Often expressed in the plural, "the last favors." Note the French equivalent, les dernières faveurs.

By "last" here is not usually meant "last in time" (favors done for soldiers going away to war might be one of the exceptions); nor does it imply that a person's last favor can be granted to only one person; rather what is meant is "the ultimate" favor that can be bestowed. The thinking is concentric rather than linear.

One of the perennial questions in romantic thought is whether last favors are toxic to or nourish true love.

Regarding an implicit double standard, see the note under "free with her favors" (q.v.).

Contrast cruelty (q.v.). See also dernières faveurs.

x favor.

Quotation from William Wycherley Illustrating "Last Favour"
Ver. [that is, Vernish to Manly]. But, methinks, she that granted you the last favour, (as they call it) shou'd not deny you any thing ----------
From the play: The Plain-Dealer: A Comedy (originally published 1676/1677): Act 5, scene 2, lines 305-306, as found in: The Works of the Ingenious Mr. William Wycherley, Collected into One Volume ... (London: Richard Wellington, 1713): p. 117. The line numbers above are as given in The Plain Dealer, [by] William Wycherley; edited by Leo Hughes (Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, c1967; in: Regents Restoration Drama Series): p. 157, which is based upon the first edition.

Quotation from William Congreve Illustrating "Last Favour"
Mrs. Foresight. But you have a Villainous Character; you are a Libertine in Speech, as well as Practice. Scandal. Come, I know what you wou'd say, ---------- you think it more dangerous to be seen in Conversation with me, than to allow some other Men the last Favour ...
From the play: Love for Love: A Comedy ..., written by Mr. Congreve (London: Jacob Tonson, 1695): Act 3, scene 1, lines 692-696. As reprinted in: The Complete Plays of William Congreve, edited by Herbert Davis (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1967): p. 272.

last love:

1. The person for whom one felt romantic feelings and after whom one has not experienced romantic feelings for another.

2. One's romance with such a person.

3. One's previous lover, that is, before the present one.

4. One's romance with one's previous lover.

5. The person with whom one has a romance after which one expects no further romances due to, for instance, age, loss of attractiveness, diminishment of sex drive, terminal illness, or a commitment either to lifelong exclusivity to that person or to celibacy.

6. One's romance with the preceding.

See also December-December romance, first love, late-life romance, love, lover, old-age romance, romance, univera, wrinkly romance.

last person on earth:

See wouldn't marry (you) if (you) were the last person on earth.

last time, as in "last time together" or "our last time":

1. The most recent occurrence of being together or of engaging in sexual relations together.

2. The most recent occurrence of partners being together in a relationship before a final cessation brought about by a break-up or death.

3. The most recent instance of engaging in sexual relations together or sexual relations altogether, after which a final cessation occurs, as in, "You never know when it will be your last time."

See also break-up, divorce, over, separation.

Las Vegas wedding:

A marriage-initiation ceremony held in Las Vegas, Nevada, where no blood tests are required, no waiting period is required, the hours of the Marriage License Bureau are generous, and many wedding chapels are open around the clock -- all of which tends towards maximizing convenience.

See also Flagg marriage, Fleet marriage, gretna green wedding, wedding.

x Vegas wedding.

late-life romance:

1. A romance (q.v.) between individuals who are old in age although evidently not in spirit; love between individuals who are past the normal age of retirement.

2. A romance on an old person's part, even a romance with a significantly younger person.

See also anilogamy, gerontogamy, December-December romance, last love, menopausal romance, mature person, mid-life romance, old-age romance, opsigamy, sex after fifty, take the dottle-trot, take the giggle-trot, wrinkly romance.

late marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) entered into at an older age than is typical for members of one's sex; a marital union entered into when one is no longer young.

See also anilogamy, gerontogamy, mature person, old-age romance, opsigamy, sex after fifty, wrinkly romance.

Latin lover:

A lover (q.v.) or would-be lover or somebody who presents the image of a lover -- one such whose primary language is a Romance language, especially Italian or Spanish, and whose culture of origin was heavily influenced by Roman Catholicism and once kept elements of certain movements in English-speaking and northwestern European countries, such as the Enlightenment and Feminism, on the sidelines.

Comments: The term is without gender and can apply to any sex; however, unless a female is specified, its use generally brings to mind a male.

The concept of the Latin lover is rather amorphous. However, various archetypes of the Latin lover are often mentioned, for instance, the fictional character Don Juan; and various people have been named as embodiments of a Latin-lover archetype, for instance Giacomo Casanova (1725-1798), Rudolf Valentino (1895-1926), Marcello Mastroianni (1924-1996), and Julio Iglesias (born 1943). Furthermore, a set of cultural stereotypes are often drawn upon both in depictions of the Latin lover and in the way some people live out being Latin lovers. For instance, the stereotypical male Latin lover often models a cultural idea of aggressive manliness, sex appeal, and seductiveness, all laced with the desire to pleasure the woman he has set his eyes on. The stereotypical female Latin lover often models sensuality and fiery emotions.

Generally Latin lovers hail from southern Europe, South America, Latin America, or certain Spanish-speaking islands in the Caribbean, most notably Cuba, or from among immigrants from those regions. Yet, in some minds, the term may be regarded as either much more restrictive or much broader. For instance, on the one hand, it may be regarded as equivalent to "Latin American lover," perhaps inclusive also of Hispanics elsewhere of Latin American descent; and, on the other hand, it may be regarded as referring to anyone from any culture who fits certain of the stereotypes of the Latin lover.

The Enlightenment and Feminism are mentioned above as cultural divides with great tentativeness, both because of the amorphousness of the term and because broad generalizations are being made, never mind that other cultural complexities are involved. However, southwestern Europe had a cultural evolution that was profoundly different from that of northwestern Europe. Northwestern Europe largely broke away from the influence of the Roman Catholic Church, first through the Reformation and then the Enlightenment, which was in some places, such as France, followed up with an anticlerical movement. However, southwestern Europe continued to be deeply influenced by the Roman Catholic Church long after the Enlightenment, and this affected the ongoing development of its mores and the ways that the people dealt with them. Similarly with regard to feminism: elements of the analysis of sexual politics found in English-speaking and northwestern European authors, were often rejected by Italian and Spanish-speaking women who wanted their men to be men -- that last word dripping with cultural overtones. (For this reason, one Hispanic woman told me that she calls herself a womanist, not a feminist.) This comment, of course, is merely to underscore the cultural component embedded in the term "Latin lover" and to suggest that a historical analysis may help to bring out the dimensions of the related archetypes and stereotypes with greater clarity.

See also Casanova, Don Juan, Valentino.

Latin terms:

See accubitus; adventia dos; agapêtê (agapetae); agapêtos (agapeti); amantium irae; amicus certus; amor mixtus, amor platonicus; amor profanus; amor purus; amor sacer; amor sui; amor umbratilis; -amory; art of love (Ars Amatoria), bacchanalia; bi-; caritas; catamite (comments); cinaedus; cleave (adhaereo); coemption (coemptio); confarreation (confarreatio); conjux; consensus nuptialis; consensus sponsalitius; contubernium; Cupid's golden arrow (sagitta), diffarreation (diffarreatio); divorce a mensa et thoro; divorce a vinculo matrimonii; dos; dos rationabilis; duplicem valorem maritagii; febris amatoria; girdle of Venus (cestus); grex; hearth and home (focus et domus); heroina conjunx; homo; in flagrante delicto; ius connubii; ius mariti; ius primae noctis; levir; libido; love, as in "love for another" (amicitia, amor, benevolentia, caritas, studium); love, as in "God is love" (Deus caritas est); "love the sinner, hate the sin" (cum dilectione hominum et odio vitiorum); ludus; luxuria; Mater semper certa est, pater est, quem nuptiae demonstrant; mea Iuno; mercheta mulierum; mulier; nuptias non concubitus sed consensus facit; omnia vincit amor; "one flesh" (carne una); passion (passio); pellicacy (pellicatus); Pericope de Adultera; poet of love (vates Veneris); post coitum triste; praegustator; privilegium Paulinum; profectitia dos; prophet of love (vates Veneris); radical sanation (sanatio radice); receptitia dos; relicta; sacramental marriage (sacramentum); salvator femininus; self-love (sicut te ipsum); Seven Capital Sins (fornicatio, luxuria); sex radical (radix); spintries (spintriae); sponsalia; sponsalia per verba de futuro; sponsalia per verba de praesenti; subintroducta; univera; unnaural (contra naturam, in vase indebito); usus; uxor; valorem maritagii; via tertia; viduage (vidua); Virgin Mary (Dei Genetrix).

LAT relationship:

A "living apart together relationship": a love relationship in which the partners have separate primary homes, this especially as a long-term situation that the partners do not presently intend to change.

See living apart together, relationship, särbo.

"Laugh freely, love fully, treasure every moment":

See "Love well, laugh often, live much."

lausengier:

See lauzengier.

lauzengier, or lausengier (Occitan):

1. Flatterer.

2. Deceiver; liar; a person who distorts the truth.

3.  Someone who accuses falsely; a slanderer.

4. A person who speaks ill of another; a defamer; an evil gossip; a person who spreads hurtful or malicious rumors.

5. A troubadour's disparaging rival.

6. A person hired to spy upon and disrupt lovers.

Comment: The precise meaning in old Occitan is unclear. The above represent various definitions suggested by scholars.

References

Besides the sources quoted below, I have consulted: Lexique Roman, ou, Dictionnaire de la Langue des Troubadours ..., par M. Raynouard (Paris: Chez Silvestre): t. 6 (1844), p. 339. Altprovenzalisches Elementarbuch, von O. Schultz-Gora (4. vermehrte Auflage. Heidelberg: Carl Winter's Universitätsbuchhandlung, 1924; in series: Sammlung romanischer Elemetar- und Handbücher. 1 Reihe, Grammatiken ; 3): p. 197.

See also cockblocker, sweet talker.

x lausengier.

x Occitan terms.

Quotation from Robert S. Briffault Illustrating "Lauzengier"
There is much reference in Provençal poetry to lauzengiers, a term which has unnecessarily perplexed critics, for although etymologically it contains the idea of flattery, its use in Provençal is identical with its current use in Italian, where lusinga, lusingiero simply means "deception," "deceiver." Deceivers are they who do not respect a lady's secret. The love relationship extracts from both lovers a loyalty that is proof against such deception and that of slanderers who charge lovers with being guilty of  the breach of faith.
From: The Troubadours, [by] Robert S. Briffault (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1965): p. 123.

Quotation from Meg Bogin Illustrating "Lauzengier"
[Regarding lauzengiers] Omnipresent characters in troubadour poetry. Lauzengiers were spies in the employ of the jealous husband; they not only eavesdropped on the lovers but did everything possible to thwart their secret meetings. The figure of the lauzengier probably corresponds to the very real difficulty of finding privacy in the courtly setting. The poet's enemies—and he spends much of his time defaming them—are those who "speak ill," the lausengiers . Marcabru has also called them trobador bergau , "hornet troubadours." They are rivals, bent on destroying or stealing the poet's reputation, love, and songs. They do not "speak ill" merely by gossiping, but by singing badly: they twist one's words. Much like the comic figure of the blundering jongleur, and often indistinguishable from him as an avol chantador (bad singer), the lausengier makes songs pejurar (get worse), and instead of singing he shouts (cridar ), twitters (braire ), or bleats (bramar ). His evil speech (mal dich ) brings dan, mal trach , and trebalh —damage, abuse, and trouble.
From: The Women Troubadours, [by] Meg [i.e. Magda] Bogin (New York: W. W. Norton, 1980): p. 91, footnote. Originally published: New York: Paddington Press, c1976.

Quotation from Amelia E. Van Vleck Illustrating "Lausengier"
The poet's enemies -- and he spends much of his time defaming them -- are those who "speak ill," the lausengiers. Marcabru has also called them trobador bergau, "hornet troubadours." They are rivals, bent on destroying or stealing the poet's reputation, love, and songs. They do not "speak ill" merely by gossiping, but by singing badly: they twist one's words. Much like the comic figure of the blundering jongleur, and often indistinguishable from him as an avol chantador (bad singer), the lausengier makes songs pejurar (get worse), and instead of singing he shouts (cridar), twitters (braire), or bleats (bramar). His evil speech (mal dich) brings dan, mal trach, and trebalh -- damage, abuse, and trouble.
From: Memory and Re-Creation in Troubadour Lyric, [by] Amelia E. Van Vleck (Berkeley: University of California Press, c1991): p. 21.

lavender marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) between a man and a woman in which at least one of the partners is homosexual and using the marriage to conceal that fact.

See also bearding, half-husband, homosexuality, MarBLes, mixed-orientation marriage, pass.

law:

Besides terms that begin with "law," see bed law, enoch arden law, Jim Crow bed law, sumptuary law, Ten New Laws of Love.

See also statute.

Law and gospel:

The commandments and ordinances of the Torah (the first five books of the Hebrew Bible), collectively considered, in relation to the message of Jesus and the Apostles as that message is represented in the New Testament.

Comments: Note the capitalization. Ordinarily when the word "Law" is used to stand for either the Torah or Mosaic Law, it is capitalized; and when "gospel" is used for the message rather than a book or particular collection of books (for example, "the Four Gospels"), it is generally lower-cased.

The relation of Law and gospel is a key theme in the New Testament (see especially the saying of Jesus on the subject at Matthew 5:17-20 = Luke 16:16-17, and these epistles: Romans, Galatians, Hebrews, and James); and it is a major topic in Christian ethics. It is sometimes dealt with under the rubric of the relation of the covenants -- Adamic, Noachic, Abrahamic, and Mosaic, each in relation to the covenant of grace; or under the rubric of Law and grace; or under the rubric of faith versus works; or even under the rubric of the relation of the Old and New Testaments.

Much of the ethical discussion has to do with the continuing effect and applicability of the Law; and central to many of those discussions are the laws bearing on sexual behavior and relationships, since the prohibition of porneia, which is commonly translated "sexual immorality," is clearly one of the categories of prohibition carried over to the Christian era both by Jesus himself (for instance, at Matthew 15:19 = Mark 7:21) and by the Apostles (for instance, at Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25); and since the continuation of that prohibition is theologized in relation to Leviticus 18-21 (albeit silently) by the Apostle Paul, most notably in 1 Corinthians 5-7.

Sometimes Christian theologians divide the Law into moral law and ceremonial law, saying that the moral law remains in effect but that the ceremonial law has been completed in the work of Jesus Christ.¹ However, this may be criticized as overly reductionistic, since the Law, its continuing effect, and its present-day applicability could all be conceived of as more irreducibly complex. It may be further criticized as generating a morality fallacy by suggesting that whatever of the Law is not ceremonial is automatically to be categorized as belonging to universal morality, when in fact it may be of a different character (for example, civil law or cultic law or cultural taboo or a matter of practical living in a given context) or limited, for instance, to certain people who are parties to a particular covenant or to a certain geographical jurisdiction. This morality fallacy, insofar as presumption is involved anyway, is especially common with respect to the sexual regulations of the Hebrew Bible, the issue being all the more complicated by the apparent carry-over of those regulations by the New Testament perhaps even to Gentile believers outside of Palestine. (Keep in mind that in Pauline theology, per Romans 11 and Galatians 3, Gentile believers were conceived of, not as spin-offs from Judaism, but as being grafted into the special blessings promised to the faithful children of Abraham.) In short, the theological and moral implications of categorization are far-reaching and profoundly affect how Christians and others influenced by their heritage might construct both sexual morality and morality more generally in ways that take account of both continuity and adaptability.

For all that, for most Christians the central question belonging to the issue of Law and gospel has to do with the relation of Law to Christian freedom, for believers are told that Christ has set them free and that they are not under the Law (Romans 6:14; 7:4; Galatians 5:1, 18), but that they are to be slaves of righteousness, servants of love (Romans 6:17-22; Galatians 5:13-14; 1 Peter 2:16).

Reference

1  See, for example: Systematic Theology: A Compendium and Commonplace Book Designed for the Use of Theological Students, by Augustus Hopkins Strong (Rochester: E. R. Andrews, 1886): pp. 279-281; or the same ("Revision and enlargement." Philadelphia: Griffith & Rowland Press, 1907-1909; reprinted, with modified subtitle: Valley Forge, Pa.: Judson Press, 1974 printing): v. 2, pp. 544-545. Strong, an influential Baptist theologian, writes of a two-fold "positive enactment, or the expression of the will of God in published ordinances": (a) general moral precepts and (b) ceremonial or special injunctions.

See also abomination, adultery, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, law of love, lust (noun), lust (verb), menstruant as forbidden, meta-relgious ethic, moral code, morality fallacy, Noachian laws, porneia, Seventh Commandment, sexual immorality, sexual morality, sexual sin, Tenth Commandment, "Unto the pure all things are pure."

x Bible.

x faith and works.

x gospel and Law.

lawful bedmate:

One's spouse; the person to whom one is legally married.

See also bedmate, spouse.

law of attraction:

1. The tendency of people who like each other to position themselves closer together than they otherwise would.

2. The idea that one's self-cultivation and lifestyle and behaviors have a direct effect upon the sorts of people that come into one's life, particularly, that these things will tend to bring into one's life people who befit the life one has chosen -- therefore that one should design one's life in a way to bring the kind of people that one truly wants into it.

Comments: The first sense was proposed by the American psychologist Ellen Berscheid in 1978 or earlier.

There are also laws of attraction in other fields, such as physics, music, and mysticism.

See also attraction, chemistry, Laws of Lovers' Passion, lifestyle.

law of averages:

1. With regard to marital and other relationship patterns, the theorem that a random population sample, if sufficiently large, will reflect those patterns throughout the whole of the population.

2. With regard to good and bad matches, the theorem that people can be divided into types (or karmic groups) such that, for a given person, a certain number or percentage will be suitable mates and the rest unsuitable; furthermore, that most will be unsuitable, so that any given random match is unlikely to be be suitable.

3. With regard to finding at least temporary sex partners, the theorem that:

• if an individual only approaches enough persons of a complementary sexual orientation, he or she will, sooner or later, find a willing person; and,
• for any given individual, the success rate, as a ratio or percentage of a large sample, can act as a predictor of future success, given the same range of conditions (the variables beyond that range being many).

4. With regard to divorce, the theorem that for any given set of couples in first-time marriages, the divorces among those couples will match the divorce rate in the society in which they live, at least according to the demographic break-down(s) into which they fit.

5. With regard to the qualitative character of a relationship, the theorem that if an individual is either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky in that relationship, his or her next relationship will serve to balance it out or else the next ones, collectively speaking, will (or would, if initiated) make that individual even overall with the relationship experience, qualitatively speaking, of the typical person.

Comments: The last three of these theorems (and to some extent the second) are lay notions rather than mathematical principles or summations of scientific findings. However, like proverbs, they pan out often enough for the law of averages to be widely cited, even though, in some cases, such citation is more about anxiety or wishful thinking than about a reasonable hope or a reasonable fear.

Some criticisms:

• The third theorem, about finding sex partners, does not take into account sufficiently well how sexual dynamics work.
  
• The fourth theorem, regarding divorce, treats social statistics as determinative rather than descriptive. Whether a marriage ends in divorce depends upon the internal dynamics of that marriage and upon the degree of freedom to divorce, not upon statistics. Another fallacy in this theorem: The divorce rate can be and generally is much affected by individuals who have multiple divorces; it does not apply evenly across first-time marriages.
  
• The fifth theorem, regarding the quality of relationships, does not provide enough of a statistical sample to overcome initial anomalies, and the person him or herself may be the biggest factor in determining the character of his or her relationships.
  

Bottom line: It's the persons, not the numbers, that matter with regard to achieving success.

See also dating plan, divorce rate, Jack and Jill ("Jack shall have Jill"), pick up artist.

x averages.

x myths.

x theorems.

law of family interaction:

See Bossard's law of family interaction.

Law of Holiness:

See Holiness Code.

law of love:

1. The idea that agapic love is the principle that lies behind morality and/or Israelite Law, that justifies a code of morality or law, or that characterizes a law-abiding life.

2. A principle to be followed in order to have success at wooing or at maintaining a love relationship.

Comment: For the first sense, see the locus classicus at Matthew 22:34-40 (= Mark 12:28-34 = Luke 10:25-28), which in turn draws upon Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18. Note also Romans 13:8, 10.

See also agapic love, Holiness Code, Law and gospel, love commandments, moral law, moral precept, self-love, Seventh Commandment, Tenth Commandment; "All's fair ...," love, moral code, rules of love, sexual etiquette, sexual mores, Ten New Laws of Love.

x Bible.

Quotation from Gelett Burgess Regarding the Law of Love
For in the game of love, there is but one law: Thou shalt make neither thyself nor her ridiculous.
From: The Maxims of Methuselah: Being the Advice Given by the Patriarch in His Nine Hundred Sixty and Ninth Year to His Great Grandson at Shem's Coming of Age in Regard to Women, [by] Gelett Burgess; with illustrations, decorations, and cover design by Louis D. Fancher (New York: Frederick A. Stokes Co., 1907): 5:9 (p. 34). Indexed as "Love, law of" (p. 102).

law of propinquity:

With regard to levirate marriage, the rule that first the brother of a deceased man has the right of first refusal to marry the widow and that, if he refuses, then that right passes on to the next to him in blood kinship, and so on.

See also levirate marriage, propinquity, right of first refusal.

Law of the Conquered:

Any of various sorts of utter submission to one who has subdued by force -- with regard to relationships, sexual submission, even to the point of willingness.

See also capture marriage, concubine, conquest, droit de seigneur, ius primae noctis, rape, trophy wife.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein Illustrating "Law of the Conquered"
But he [Hugh Farnham] was sourly aware of something that [his son] Duke, in his delusions, apparently did not realize -- the oldest Law of the Conquered, that their women eventually submit -- willingly. Whether his ex-wife [Grace] had or had not was a matter almost academic. He suspected that she had never been offered opportunity. Either way, she was obviously contented with her lot -- smug about it. That troubled him little; he had tried to do his duty by her, she had long since withdrawn herself from him. But he did not want [his current wife] Barbara ever to feel the deadening load of hopelessness that could -- and had, all through history -- turned chaste women into willing concubines. Much as he | loved her, he had no illusions that Barbara was either angel or saint; the Sabine women had stood no chance and neither would she. "Death before dishonor!" was a slogan that did not wear well. In time, it changed to happy cooperation.
From: Farnham's Freehold: A Novel, by Robert A. Heinlein (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c1964): pp. 235-236.

Laws of Love:

See Ten New Laws of Love.

Laws of Lovers' Passion:

The natural inclinations of intense attraction and emotional involvement that are ordinarily associated with people in love, such as -- or even especially -- yearning to be with the beloved.

See also amour-passion, chemistry, crush, crystallization, infatuation, in love, law of attraction, limerance, love, love-passion, new relationship energy, passion, passionate love, proceptive phase.

Quotation from a Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Laws of Lovers Passion"
Bleeding Lovers lamentation: Fair Clorindas sorrowful complaint for the loss of her Unconstant Strephon. To the Tune of The Ring of God. Licensed according to Order.   [Four verses of the lyrics snipped]   In vain this moan I make, __he will not hear me, Altho' my heart should break __he'll not come near me; But Violates the Laws __of Lovers Passion, What have I done to cause __this seperation.   [Five verses snipped] Printed for P. Brooksby, J. Deacon, J. Blare and J. Back.
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 68.
According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968): Philip Brooksby was a bookseller in London from 1672-1696; John Deacon from 1682-1701; Josiah Blare from 1683-1706; and, John Back from 1682-1703.
Textual notes: Three illustrations accompany the ballad. In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in five columns. The top title and the lyrics are in black letter. Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u." Of the top title, the last four letters of "Lovers" and the first letter of "lamentation" are indistinct in the facsimile. "break": A comma is expected following this word, but none appears in the facsimile. "seperation": Note the spelling, "seperation" rather than "separation." In the facsimile, the last letter looks more like a "v" than an "n." If the letter as printed is not an "n," then, I suppose, I have corrected a misprint. Should my formatting drop away, every second line of the lyrics is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

lax-hwa'nEmLk^u (Tsimshian):

One wife on each side (q.v.).

Comment: More literally it means, "on each side sitting."

Reference: Tsimshian Texts, by Franz Boas (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1902; in: Bulletin [of the] Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology; 27): p. 194.

x Tsimshian language.

LBD:

Lesbian bed death (q.v.).

L-bomb:

A premature "I love you," that is, before the one it is spoken to is ready to reciprocate or is at least well along the path to such readiness, as in: "She dropped the L-bomb on me today, when we were on just our fourth date; and I sat there stunned!"

Comments: A premature "I love you" can be explosive, like a bomb, in many ways, for example:

• it can shock the person to whom it is uttered;
  
• it can throw a budding relationship out of balance -- once said and unreciprocated, it can't easily be taken back;
• it can destroy a friendship, since it can change the way the speaker and the addressee relate to each other;
  
• it can convey a strong impression of neediness, from which many people run;
• it can evoke rejection, even, in some cases, repulsion; and,
• if not well received, it can cast the speaker into deep dejection.
  

See also express love, I love you, love.

LDR:

Long-distance relationship (q.v.).

See also personal ad.

lead a double life:

To segregate into two parts significant activities that one conducts on a regular basis, this in such a way that at least one of those sets of activities is kept secret from key people associated with the other set of activities. Common examples include:

• appearing ordinary on a day-to-day basis though a spy;
• appearing ordinary on a day-to-day basis though a superhero (in fiction);
• appearing to be an upstanding citizen, while secretly engaged in criminal activities;
• living conventionally for public consumption while living clandestinely in a licentious way;
• having two current spouses that are unknown to each other;
• living as a heterosexual with one's family while clandestinely finding homosexual outlets.

Comment: "To lead a double life" sometimes bears connotations of duplicity and hypocrisy. Furthermore, sometimes leading a double life of one sort or another is regarded as symptomatic of an unintegrated inner life or as a generator of inner conflict and tension.

See also bigamy, bisexuality, double-life man, double-life woman, on the down low.

x double life.

lead apes in hell:

1. To die never having been married, said of a woman.

2. Possibly also: To reject marriage, thereby, in general terms, tempting men to engage in sexual intercourse outside of marriage, thereby rendering their behavior subhuman by certain standards and serving to induce them into perdition; said of a woman.

Comments: The earliest examples I've found are:

• George Gascoigne, A Discourse of the Adventures Passed by Master F. J. (1573): chapter 9.
• John Lyly, Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit (1579; edited by Edward Arber, 1869): 75.
• George Peele, The Arraignment of Paris (1584), in the form: "halter apes in hell."
• Rob Greene, Greene's Never Too Late (1590): p. 11.
• William Shakespeare, Taming of the Shrew (1590-1591): Act 2, scene 1, line 34 (Katherine speaking).
• William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (1598-1599): Act 2, scene 1, lines 35-36 (Beatrice speaking).
• The Returne from Parnassus (Part I) (performed 1599; published 1886): Act 3, scene 1, lines 939-940.

Many variations on the theme can be found, for example, Benjamin Franklin in Poor Richard (1735),: "Old Maids lead Apes there, where the old Batchelors are turn'd to Apes."

See also ape leader, dance barefoot, play the ape.

x leading apes in hell.

x old maids leading apes in hell.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from The London Prodigall Illustrating "Lead Apes in Hell"
But tis an old prouerbe, and you know it well, That women dying maides lead apes in hell.
From: The London Prodigall, As It Was Plaide by the Kings Maiesties Seruants, by William Shakespeare (London: Printed by T. C. for Nathaniel Butter, 1605). As found in: The Shakespeare Apocrypha: Being a Collection of Fourteen Plays Which Have Been Ascribed to Shakespeare, edited, with introduction, notes and bibliography by C. F. Tucker Brooke (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1908): p. 196.

leaden arrow of Cupid:

See Cupid's leaden arrow.

leading apes in hell:

See lead apes in hell.

leading lady:

1. Actor who plays the foremost female role in a theatrical or movie production.

2. A female partner in a love relationship.

Comment: Sometimes the term "leading woman" is used instead, as seeming to some more politically correct.

See also date movie, dramatic lover, heartthrob, jeune première, Juliet, leading man, love scene, Mae West, screen lovers.

leading man:

1. Actor who plays the foremost male role in a theatrical or movie production.

2. A male partner in a love relationship.

See also date movie, dramatic lover, heartthrob, jeune premier, leading lady, Lothario, love scene, Romeo, screen lovers, Valentino.

lead (somebody) on:

1. To entice (a person), as into a trap or into being deceived.

2. To create expectations in (a person) unfairly; to generate false hope in (a person).

2. To give (a person) the impression that one is more interested in (that person) either sexually or romantically than one is, especially to do so deliberately.

See also flirt, make (a person) fall in love with, seduce, tease (somebody).

lead to the altar (or to the hymeneal altar):

To take in marriage by way of a religious ceremony, especially a Christian ceremony.

Comments: In this phrase, the word "altar" is often figurative, having reference to whatever place the religious ceremony is held. If a particular altar is indicated, as in "the village altar," typically it means a spot in the sanctuary of a given church. Sometimes the word is used literally and means, in a Christian context, the table where the Eucharist (or Communion) is celebrated or, otherwise, a consecrated, typically elevated spot before which religious ceremonies are performed.

Often the phrase is: "lead a bride to the altar."

See also bride, ecclesiastical marriage, give away in marriage, hand in marriage, leave (someone) at the altar, left at the altar, marry, parsonify, wed.

x altar.

x hymeneal altar.

league:

See date out of (one's) league, out of (one's) league.

leanain sidhe:

See leannan sidhe.

leannan (Gaelic):

A lover; a sweetheart.

See also lover, sweetheart.

x Gaelic terms.

leannan sidhe (Irish Gaelic):

Fairy sweetheart.

Comments: "Sidhe" is pronounced "shee."

Other spellings: leanain sidhe; lenanshee.

The Scottish Gaelic form of the term is "leannan sith."

See also demon-bride, demon-lover, genicon, incubus, succubus.

x Gaelic terms.

x leanain sidhe.

x leannan sith.

x lenanshee.

Quotation from Ronan Coghlan Illustrating "Leannan Sidhe"
Sometimes a mortal may be sought by a fairy lover (leannan sidhe). If he refuses her advances, he is her master; if he succumbs she dominates him.
From: Pocket Dictionary of Irish Myth and Legend, [by] Ronan Coghlan (Belfast: Appletree Press, 1985): s.v. "Fairy" (p. 31).

leannan sith:

See leannan sidhe.

learn to love:

1. To develop the capacity for caring for family and friends, yearning for another person, bonding, and compassion.

2. To develop skills in love-making.

3. In the phrase, "to learn to love again," to find a way to venture one's affections after having been, for instance, rejected, emotionally scarred by a relationship, or in grief for a beloved.

See also couple skills, love, love quotient, make love to, marital aptitude, relational intelligence, relationship quotient, sexual intelligence.

learn to love (someone):

To cultivate one's affection for a person such that said affection takes root and grows, in part by responding favorably to a person's likable qualities, kindnesses, and loving attentions, by building on common interests, and by responding sympathetically or, at least, with toleration to that person's faults and vulnerabilities. In the case of marital partners -- for instance, in the case of an arranged marriage -- such cultivation may entail recognition that one's partner is worthy of one's loyalty, also that what adversely affects one's partner adversely affects oneself; furthermore, mutual pleasuring may encourage a favorable response, and resignation to one's fate and making the best of it may be a factor as well.

Comments: The term may seem to imply a cold start; but often a precondition for learning to love somebody is some measure of affinity or attraction. Repulsiveness or incompatibility will often dim the chances for the taking root of affection.

Learning to love somebody again may entail forgiveness, as with a wayward spouse, or overcoming an expanse of time, as with a former lover.

See also affection, arranged marriage, love.

A Postcard Illustrating "Learn to Love Me"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Romantic "post card" showing a young red-headed woman seated on a pier railing next to a red-headed man in suit and tie, in the light of a full moon over calm water; with caption: "Could you learn | to love me?" ([U.S.A.]: S. B., [between 1907 and 1914]). Date based on divided back style. Numbered S.263. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

leather spinster:

A heterosexual or asexual woman who is happily unmarried, who sees her life as fulfilling and complete without a mate, and so has no desire to seek one.

Comments: Supposedly coined in the 1980s and used in print by 1998.

The word "leather" is meant to be suggestive of her toughness: She's tough enough to live alone.

See also single, spinster.

leave-'em-alone crowd:

Let-'em-aloners, collectively speaking.

Comment: Coined by NEA, October 3, 2001.

See let-'em-aloner.

leave her barefoot and pregnant:

See barefoot and pregnant.

"Leave her shoes under my bed":

See "She can park her shoes under my bed."

leave (someone):

To exit a relationship with (a particular person); to break up with (somebody) and depart; to separate from (a partner).

Comment: For a lexical example of the past tense, "left," see under "beau."

See also break up, call it quits, ditch, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, give the mitten, go back to (someone), jilt, leave (someone) at the altar, left at the altar, love and leave, "love them and leave them," plaquer, sack, separate, throw over, uncouple, walk out.

leave (someone) at the altar:

With the wedding ceremony about to commence or having commenced, to abandon one's bride or groom prior to the exchange of vows.

See also annulment, breach of promise, former fiancé, former fiancée, lead to the altar, leave (someone), left at the altar, stand (somebody) up.

x altar.

lech:

1. Short for "lecher"; a lewd or lascivious person.

2. Short for "lechery"; lewdness or lasciviousness.

3. A person possessed of a strong sexual desire for or who enjoys a wide range of erotic activities with someone in particular; in this sense, sometimes used playfully in a way approaching a term of endearment between lovers.

4. Sexual desire for or sexual pleasure in someone in particular; lust for someone.

See also lust, rake, roué, seven ages of lechery, slut, term of endearment.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Lech"
[Regarding the One to Talk To about one's lover] You want him to stay objective, and therefore he should not have even the hint of a lech for you.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 123.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Lech"
[Aviva, playfully, to Guido] "You're crazy, you're fun, you're adorable, I love you ... And you're also a lech."
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 87; cf. p. 98. The elision is Leviant's.

lecherous:

1. Of a person: manifesting sexual desire beyond the bounds of propriety or personal acceptability; motivated by sexual desire that is about sex rather than about love; debauched; lewd; lustful.

2. Of a thing, such as a remark: generated by sexual desire beyond the bounds of propriety or personal acceptability; revelatory of such desire.

Comment: The term is usually used with pejorative moral overtones. As such, like the words "debauched" and "lewd," it is particularly poor for use in defining other words (even though much used for the purpose in many a dictionary), unless they have a similar pejorative range, both semantically and in terms of intensity.

See also lustful, randy.

left at the altar:

1. With the wedding ceremony about to commence or having commenced, abandoned by one's bride or groom prior to the exchange of vows.

2. What way to turn: Turn not right but in the opposite direction after having arrived at the eucharistic table. (Either for real or as an old joke.)

See also annulment, breach of promise, former fiancé, former fiancée, lead to the altar, leave (someone), leave (someone) at the altar, stand (somebody) up.

x altar.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Left Me Standing at the Altar"
[Abigail Washburn narrating; Thelma Maypole speaking] "Francis was fine with our engagement, but backed out of getting married." She chugged the rest of our wine. "At the last minute. He literally left me standing at the altar."
From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 15, p. 170.

left-handed marriage:

1. Morganatic marriage.

2. A marital union in which the wife is considered a social inferior to her husband or otherwise less socially acceptable than a different sort of wife would be.

Comment, by way of explanation: "In these marriages the husband gives his left hand to the bride, instead of the right, when he says, 'I take thee for my wedded wife.'"

Reference
Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged, to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 741.

See also anuloma marriage, cross-class romance, folly, hypergamy, hypogamy, left-handed marriage, marriage, marry down, mating gradient, mésalliance, morganatic marriage.

Quotation from Leigh Buchanan Bienen Illustrating "Left-Handed Marriage"
Isabel [an English woman] came to Kenya when she married Abu, a Kenyan African .... Abu's family called his marriage to this European a left-handed marriage, a liaison with an unsuitable partner, a union which would be grudgingly acknowledged if it produced children, but never really accepted by his family or the community. Because Abu was educated, everyone expected he would have a future in politics, all the more reason why a foreign wife was not desirable ...
From the short story: "The Left-Handed Marriage," in: The Left-Handed Marriage, [by] Leigh Buchanan Bienen (Princeton, N.J.: Ontario Review Press, c2001): pp. [55]-101, specifically p. 65.

left her barefoot and pregnant:

See barefoot and pregnant.

left-over desire:

Continuing sexual attraction to a person after divorcing or otherwise breaking up with that person; a physical longing for one's ex.

See also break-up, divorce, ex, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, ex with benefits, ghosts of relationships past, left-over love, old boyfriend, old girlfriend, old sweetheart, past attachment, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, razbliuto, rekindle the flame, retrosexual, right of return, saudade.

left-over love:

A continuing concern for a person and/or a residual bond with that person after divorcing or otherwise breaking up with him or her; caring still about one's ex.

Comment: As expressed literarily by Jane Austen, "retentive feelings" or "a remainder of former sentiment."

Reference
Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 7, p. 75; chapter 10, p. 111. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

See also break-up, dead love, divorce, dormant love, ex, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, old boyfriend, old girlfriend, old sweetheart, once-beloved, past attachment, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, razbliuto, rekindle the flame, retrosexual, saudade, "We'll always have Paris."

legally married:

Married (q.v.) according to the laws of a jurisdiction; officially and properly registered as wed and so enjoying the rights and privileges afforded marriages under the law.

See also civil marriage, institutionalized marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage license, solemnization, spouse-of-record, wed.

legislate morality:

1. To make laws that will instill virtue in the people within the jurisdiction of those laws, that is, that will instill a sensibility such that they will consistently prefer to avoid doing harm to each other as well as to other people and instead opt for acts of kindness towards each other as well as towards other people or, alternatively, such that they will naturally prefer a divinely revealed pattern for human behavior.

2. To codify into law traditional prohibitions with regard to both public and private behavior and, possibly, certain injunctions to kindness and responsible behavior as well, such as a Good Samaritan Law.

3. To attempt the restriction and control of sexual behavior by way of lawmaking, ordinarily by codifying in law traditional standards for sexual behavior, although conceivably it could instead be by codifying in law new standards of sexual behavior that are meant to displace old ones.

4. To use at least some traditional prohibitions and/or injunctions as a basis for lawmaking, even though the field of coverage in law may be lesser than in traditional prohibitions and injunctions. This sense may be largely limited to critics of the idea that "you can't legislate morality," as when they argue that much legislation is an embodiment of morality in law.

See also public character of sex, separation of sex and state, sexual morality, statism, sumptuary law, traditional morality.

x "You can't legislate morality."

lek, as in "a lek":

A place where males and females of any species congregate to find sex partners or long-term mates; a mating ground.

lek, as in "to lek":

To congregate specifically for the purpose of finding sex partners or long-term mates.

Comment: The term is usually but not exclusively applied to birds. For a human example of the practice, see Judges 21.

See also lekking, nidificate.

lekking or leking:

A mating ritual in which members of one sex (usually female) select sex partners or long-term mates from members of a different sex (usually male) that have gathered together.

See also lek, nidification.

leman:

1. A lover (q.v.), especially the female lover of a male or the male lover of a female.

2. A spouse (q.v.).

3. A person one loves when a relationship with that person is disapproved of by others, for instance, a mistress (q.v.) where having a mistress is considered illicit.

Comments: The root meaning is "dear person."

This word was prematurely dubbed obsolete by Merriam-Webster. Many examples of its use can be found in literature to this day.

See also amari, backdoor lover, boytoy, cavaliere servante, chevese, cicisbeo, dearest friend, gallant, gigolo, girl toy, illicit lover, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, kept man, kept woman, lemanless, lemanry, leveret, male concubine, other man, paramour, partner, poplolly, spark, Sunday husband, toy boy.

lemanless:

1. Lacking a lover (q.v.).

2. Without one's lover.

See also leman.

lemanry:

Love (q.v.) with an objective considered to be illicit.

See also leman, lovertine, promiscuity.

lenanshee:

See leannan sidhe.

lending:

See wife-lending.

Leporello list:

A catalog of a person's amatory conquests; a record of a person's lovers.

Comments: The term comes from the list of Don Giovanni's conquests that the character Leporello unfurls, in the opera by Mozart.

The accordion-style book format is called leporello, and there is likely a relation between that term and the character with the list.

See also Don Juan, erodyssey, erotic journal, freebie list, Langdon chart, little black book, love reminiscences, romantic resumé, sex history.

The Leporello List per Mozart
Italian	English
Leporello: Madamina, il catalogo è questo Delle belle che amò il padron mio; un catalogo egli è che ho fatt'io; Osservate, leggete con me. In Italia seicento e quaranta; In Almagna duecento e trentuna; Cento in Francia, in Turchia novantuna; Ma in Ispagna son già mille e tre. V'han fra queste contadine, Cameriere, cittadine, V'han contesse, baronesse, Marchesine, principesse. E v'han donne d'ogni grado, D'ogni forma, d'ogni età. Nella bionda egli ha l'usanza Di lodar la gentilezza, Nella bruna la costanza, Nella bianca la dolcezza. Vuol d'inverno la grassotta, Vuol d'estate la magrotta; È la grande maestosa, La piccina e ognor vezzosa. Delle vecchie fa conquista Pel piacer di porle in lista; Sua passion predominante È la giovin principiante. Non si picca - se sia ricca.	Leporello: My dear lady, this is a list Of the beauties my master has loved, A list which I have compiled. Observe, read along with me. In Italy, six hundred and forty; In Germany, two hundred and thirty-one; A hundred in France; in Turkey, ninety-one; In Spain already one thousand and three. Among these are peasant girls, Maidservants, city girls, Countesses, baronesses, Marchionesses, princesses, Women of every rank, Every shape, every age. With blondes it is his habit To praise their kindness; In brunettes, their faithfulness; In the very blond, their sweetness. In winter he likes fat ones. In summer he likes thin ones. He calls the tall ones majestic. The little ones are always charming. He seduces the old ones For the pleasure of adding to the list. His greatest favourite Is the young beginner. It doesn't matter if she's rich.
From the opera Don Giovanni, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Leporello "Catalogue" Aria, Act 1, Scene 2, Aria: "Madamina, il catalogo è questo." The first performance was in 1787.

Quotation from George Bernard Shaw Illustrating "Leporello List"
She [May Morris] set no bounds to her relations with men whom she liked, and already had a sort of Leporello list of a dozen adventures, none of which however, had led to anything serious. She was in violent reaction against Victorian morals, especially sexual and domestic morals ...
From: Shaw: An Autobiography, 1856-1898, selected from his writings by Stanley Weintraub (New York: Weybright and Talley, c1969): p. 165. Per the citation, taken from: "An Explanatory Word from Shaw," introduction to Florence Farr, Bernard Shaw and W. B. Yeats, edited by Clifford Bax (Dublin: Cuala Press, 1941).

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Leporello's List"
[Aviva to Charlie]: "He [Guido] had a list of questions, I guess if you put them one after the other the list would be as long as Leporello's list of Don Giovanni's conquests." I [Charlie] looked blank. "You don't know the image." "I'm afraid not." "From Don Giovanni, Mozart's opera. When Leporello, his servant. unfurls a megilla as long as the stage with the names of the women Don Giovanni had."
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 281.

lesbian, as in "a lesbian":

1. A person of the female sex whose primary sexual preference is for one or more other persons of the same sex.

2. A person of the female sex who pleasurably engages in sexual activity principally with one or more other persons of the same sex.

3. A woman who forms a household with another woman not her sister, mother, or daughter, a household that does not include an adult male.

4. Capitalized, pertaining to an inhabitant of the island of Lesbos, where the famed poet, Sappho once lived. (She was born in the second half of the 7th century B.C.E.)

Comment: When the term is used in the last uncapitalized sense, it almost always has to be explained -- "not in a sexual sense" or "not necessarily in a sexual sense." Even then its use may be considered inappropriate or offensive, because of its usual association with sexual senses.

Contrast gay male (q.v.); also sodomite (q.v.) in one of its senses. See also female couple, gaydar, hasbian, homosexual, household, lesbianism, LUG, MarBLes, particular relationship, sexual minority, skirt-chaser, zami.

lesbian, as in "lesbian lovers":

1. Pertaining to or characterized by sexual activity between persons of the female sex, especially between persons of the female sex whose sexual orientation is to individuals of the same sex.

2. Pertaining to a household of adult women, not closely related and without a male, or to one or more women in such a household.

3. Capitalized, pertaining to the island of Lesbos or to inhabitants thereof.

Comment: See comment under the preceding entry.

See also gay, homosexual, lgbt, queer.

lesbian bar:

See gay bar.

lesbian bed death:

Demise of genital sexual activity over the course of a long-term sexual relationship between women.

Comments: Abbreviated LBD.

Attributed to JoAnn Loulan (ca. 1984 or 1987). The research findings that suggested a widespread pattern of such a demise were published in American Couples: Money, Work, Sex, [by] Philip Blumstein & Pepper Schwarz (New York: William Morrow, 1983).

The concept of lesbian bed death has sparked much controversy, especially on three fronts: (a) the research findings have been called into question, due to methodological issues; (b) reasons suggested for bed death that are distinctive to lesbians have been challenged; and (c) the elevation of lesbian bed death to a clinical issue has been challenged, on the theory that there's nothing wrong with it. The term itself has likewise been criticized, for instance, because of its suggestion of finality, as though no relationship can recover from it.

See also asexuality, bed death, frigidity, hyphedonia, hyposexuality, LBD, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, undersexed.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "Bed Death" on the Part of Lesbians
In the 1980s, the term "bed death" was used to refer to the often observed phenomenon that sex disappears in ongoing lesbian relationships because you need a guy and his testosterone level to provide the kind of excitement and tension that leads to sex. Some people suggested that the type of fusion of kindred souls that bonds lesbians and promotes affection diminishes lust. The Lipstick Lesbians of the '90s disputed this lesbian physics theory, insisting they were as sex-driven as anyone else.
From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 266.

lesbian pub:

See gay bar.

lesbian relationship:

A love relationship (q.v.) between females.

See also gay relationship, homosexual relationship, relationship.

lesbianism:

1. Erotic activity in general between females.

2. A particular manifestation of erotic activity between females.

3. Erotic orientation or incidental attraction to one or more females on the part of a female.

4. Erotic orientation primarily to members of the same sex as oneself, this on the part of a female.

Comments: It is notable that distinctively lesbian activity is nowhere specifically prohibited in the Hebrew Bible.

As for the New Testament, some interpret Romans 1:26 as a condemnation of lesbianism, the crux of the argument resting on the similarity being drawn with male homosexual activity (or a type thereof) in verse 27. However, the similarity may be of genus rather than species (as in Jude 7); and the parallel in the concentric literary structure, which has at its center the end of verse 25, is service to the creature in verse 25. This parallel hints that the reference is to bestiality (q.v.). A male lying with a male as with a woman and bestiality are the last two prohibited sexual connections mentioned in Leviticus 18. Their mention in reverse order on the outgoing side of the concentric structure of the Romans passage suggests that more of the list of sexual transgressions mentioned in Leviticus 18 is implied. (For a possible exception, see under "menstruant as forbidden.") In other words, the author, the Apostle Paul, was evoking sexual transgression generally by mentioning just two types.¹

This interpretation fits neatly:

• It respects the hermeneutical rules of the period, which did not allow for the derivation of a prohibition of lesbianism from a prohibition of a male lying with a male as with a woman (Leviticus 18:22 = 20:13) or even for them to be considered comparable.²
• It does not assume that Paul was inventing a new law.
• It does not assume a particular problem with lesbianism in Rome, for which evidence is lacking.
• It respects the past tense of the text, allowing for the author's mind being steeped in the lessons of the Torah (the first five books of the Hebrew Bible).
• And it reinforces the message of Romans 1 and indeed of the whole epistle without allowing any part of that message to be coopted by a prominently positioned idiosyncratic condemnation.

The record for the interpretation of Romans 1:26 as referring to the practice of lesbianism begins with John Chrysostom (circa 347-407).²³ However, certain other Church Fathers cast aspersions upon the practice, including Clement of Alexandria (ca. 150-ca. 215), Tertullian (circa 160-circa 240), and Augustine of Hippo (354-430).⁴

Meanwhile rabbinic Judaism likewise started to address the practice.

• The earliest recorded Jewish mention might be Pseudo-Phocylides, Sentences 192 (between the 2nd century B.C.E. and the 5th century C.E.), which simply says, "let women not imitate the sexual role of men."⁵
• Sifra (3rd or 4th centruy C.E.), which is a rabbinic commentary on Leviticus, derives a prohibition of a woman marrying a woman from Leviticus 18:3, saying that it was one of the practices of the Egyptians and Canaanites forbidden to Israel.⁶ Much later Maimonides (1135-1204 C.E.) interpreted this in a general way as applying to erotic contact between women, which, however, in his view, did not warrant even a flogging except for disobedience to a husband.⁷
• Talmud Yerushalmi (ca. 400 C.E.) mentions an earlier debate, apparently predicated on the prohibition of a priest marrying a loose woman (Leviticus 21:7, 14): "As to two women who had sexual relations with one another &emdash; the House of Shammai declare them invalid for marriage into the priesthood. And the House of Hillel declare them valid."⁸ It was considered desirable to keep open the possibility of marrying into the priesthood. The opinion of R. Huna (2nd half of 3rd century C.E.) on the matter was the same as that of the House of Shammai.⁹ The opinion of Maimonides was the same as that of the House of Hillel.¹⁰
• Another concern expressed with the practice of lesbianism, or even with a man's daughters sleeping together, was that a woman might become accustomed to a "foreign body."¹¹

Even though the practice of lesbianism was described by several of the rabbinic sages as a form of lewdness¹² and as unnatural,¹³ none ever treated it as on a level of seriousness with a male lying with a male as with a woman (Leviticus 18:22 = 20:13). The expressed concerns were to preserve sexual roles, to differentiate Israel from Egypt and Canaan, to discourage disobedience to a husband, to maintain priestly purity, and to prevent habits that might lead to adultery.

References
1 For presentation of evidence, see my book, Lesbianism and Female Bisexuality in Ancient Literature.
2 For the seven middoth, or rules of interpretation, of Hillel (1st century B.C.), see Sifra, introduction, 1:7 (3a); Tosefta Sanhedrin 7:11; and Avot de Rabbi Natan 37:10 (32a-b). For the thirteen middoth of Rabbi Ishmael (1st-2nd centuries C.E.), see Sifra, introduction, 5 (II.iii.8A = 1a-1b, Weiss).
3 John Chrysostom, In Epistolam ad Romanos. Homily 4.
4 Clement of Alexandria, Paedagogus 2.10.87; 3.3.21; Tertullian, De carnis resurrectione 16.6; De pallio 4.9; Augustine, Epistolae 211.14.
5 P. W. Van der Horst in The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday), v. 2 (1985): p. 581.
6 Sifra, Aharé Mot, Parasha 8.7 (Neusner) = 337a, on Leviticus 18.3.
7 Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Kedushah, Issurei bi'ah = Code. Book 5, Holiness. Treatise 1, Forbidden intercourse 21.8.
8 Talmud Yerushalmi, Gittin 8 II D-F (Neusner) = 8, 49c, 58 (Krakov, 1609). For the translation, see: Gittin, translated by Jacob Neusner (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1985), in set: The Talmud of Israel: a preliminary translation and explanation; v. 25; in series: Chicago studies in the history of Judaism. See p. 218.
9 Talmud Bavli, Shabbath 65a-b; Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 76a.
10 Maimonides as already cited.
11 Talmud Bavli, Shabbath 65a-b.
12 Talmud Bavli, Shabbath 65a-b; Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 55b; 76a.
13 Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 55b.

See also androgyne archetype, bisexuality, Boston marriage, confirming, donas amizu, female couple, female marriage, gay lifestyle, gynophilia, Holiness Code, homosexuality, lesbian, lovestyle, love that can never be told, love that dare not speak its name, particular relationship, practice love, sexual connection, sexuality, sexual sin, she-troth.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Lesbianism"
[Carolyn Simpson] "I hate to lie too, but people will say we're lesbians." [Moly Bolt] "Aren't we?" "No, we just love each other, that's all. Lesbians look like men and are ugly. We're not like that." "We don't look like men, but when women make love [to each other] it's commonly labeled lesbianism so you'd better learn not to cringe when you hear the word."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 9, p. 82. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

lesser wife:

1. A concubine (q.v.) in a polygynous marriage where there is also a wife of higher caste or status.

2. A wife (q.v.) in a polygynous marriage who is under the supervision of and whose sexual access to the husband is controlled by another wife of his.

See also concurrent wife, junior wife, nirimoua, partner, plural wife, polygynist, second wife, secondary wife.

let-'em-aloner:

A straight person who, for whatever reason, thinks that gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transsexuals should be left alone -- that is, unbothered -- and that a decision regarding the morality of their homosexual, bisexual, or transsexual behavior per se for them should be up to them, while yet leaving room for an ethics of sexual behavior applicable to all.

Comments: Coined by NEA, October 3, 2001.

Let-'em-aloners naturally divide into three groups:

• those who think that homosexuals and company should be left alone both in society and in the "church."
• those who think that homosexuals and company should be left alone in society but not in the "church"; and,
• those who think that homosexuals and company should be left alone both in society and in the "church," except for the ordained clergy of the "church."

The quotation marks around the word "church" are used to indicate that it might mean any religious body, and particularly the religious body to which the let-'em-aloner belongs.

See also homosexuality, leave-'em-alone crowd, libertarian, sexual ethics.

let go:

1. To release physically or from one's proximity.

2. To release emotionally.

3. To allow a bond to be dissolved.

Comment: In the emotional sense, letting go is usually a process.

See also break up, ditch, divorce, get over, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, ghosts of relationships past, give the mitten, jilt, sack, separate, split up, throw over, uncouple; aeipathy, broken heat, cri de coeur, grief, heartbreak, lovelorn, love sickness, love trauma syndrome, love withdrawal, miss, pine away, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, withdrawal anguish.

"Let's make beautiful music together":

See make beautiful music together.

letter group:

Any love or sexual relationship involving three or more persons that is represented by a single capital letter, because, for instance, either:

• the connections between persons are similar to the line connections in a particular letter;
• the shape of the letter suggests a type of relationship;
• the symbolism of the letter is suggestive of a type of relationship; or,
• the letter stands for a word indicating the type of relationship.

Any given letter would represent either a set of love connections or a set of sexual connections or a set of connections all of which entail both love and sexual relations. Sometimes the word "group" is affixed, as in "S-group," and sometimes not, as in "vee"; and sometimes, rather than a letter, a term describing the shape of the letter may be used, as in "zygal-group." Of course, the letters of the Greek and anglicized Roman alphabets hardly exhaust the possible combinations.

Comment: Coined by me.

Letter Groups
Letter	Meaning	Status	See also
A	Five-person relationship, in which three persons are partners of each other and two have one other partner each, not the same	Suggested	moresome, pentacle, pentad, pentangle, quadramory
B	Two open relationships connected at one or more points	Suggested	intimate network, open relationship Compare C, P, phi (in this chart)
C	Two partners plus other much less regular partners, as a group consisting of a married couple and their comarital relationship partners	Suggested	comarital, flexible monogamy, new adultery, open couple, open marriage Compare B, P, phi (in this chart)
D	A group that is only part of the size intended, one that has a deficit in numbers	Suggested	----
E	A six-person relationship in which one person has three partners, two have two each, and three have one each	Suggested	hexad, InSix, moresome, sextet
F (not to be confused with F as female)	A five-person relationship in which one person has three partners, one has two, and three have one	Suggested	moresome, pentacle, pentad, pentangle, quadramory
G	A group that has gelled as a mutually self-aware relationship	Suggested	love relationship
H (zygal)	A six-person relationship in which two persons have three partners each, including each other, and four have one each	Suggested	hexad, InSix, moresome, pentamory, sextet x zygal-group
I	A group relationship that incorporates diversity, whether "racial," ethnic, religious, or of some other type, especially when this is by design; the "I" is as in intermarriage	Suggested	beloved stranger, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, interracial marriage, interreligious marriage, mixed marriage, "unequally yoked," white wife
J	A subgroup within a group relationship, such as a council, a committee, an interest group, or those members who are living together; a junto	Suggested	household, living together, ménage
K (or X)	A five-person relationship in which one person has four partners, each of whom has only that person as a partner	Suggested	moresome, pentacle, pentad, pentangle, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, quadramory, quadrigamist
L	A group relationship in which three or more people are linked consecutively in a chain with two ends	Suggested	M, V, Z (in this chart); contrast O (in this chart)
M (or W; not to be confused with M as male)	A five-person relationship in which three persons have two partners and two have one	Suggested	moresome, pentacle, pentad, pentangle, quadramory
N	See Z	Established	----
O	A group relationship in which every person has exactly two partners, in other words, a chain that runs in a circle	Suggested	Contrast L (in this chart)
P	A partially open, partially closed relationship	Suggested	closed group marriage, closed relationship, new adultery, open couple, open group marriage, open marriage, open relationship Compare B, C, phi (in this chart)
Q	A group relationship that deviates from a simple pattern; a relationship pattern with one or more quirks	Suggested	----
R	Reserved	Reserved for suggestions	----
S	A synthetic family group	Established	S-group
T (or Y)	A four-person relationship in which one person has three partners, each of whom has only that person as partner	Suggested	foursome, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, quad, quartet, tetrad, triamory
U	A group relationship the extent of which or the precise connections within which are deliberately undetermined by the participants	Suggested	hot and cool sex
V (vee)	A three-person relationship in which one person has two partners, each of whom has only that person as partner	Established	biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, hinge, ménage à trois, pivot point, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, vee
W	See M	Suggested	----
X	The group comprised of one's ex-partners.	Suggested	ex, ex-partner, old boyfriend, old girlfriend, old sweetheart, past attachment
Y	See T	Suggested	----
Z (zee or zed; or N)	A four-person relationship in which two persons have two partners each, including each other, and two have one	Established	double love triangle, foursome, quad, quartet, tetrad, triamory, Z
delta (triangle)	A three-person relationship in which each person is a partner of the other two	Suggested	biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, ménage à trois, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika
theta	A group relationship organized around one strong pair-bond	Suggested	comarital, new adultery, open couple, open marriage, open relationship
xi (the Greek letter, not the roman numeral)	A six-person relationship organized on the basis of three pairs	Suggested	hexad, InSix, moresome, pentamory, sextet; compare: four-cornered marriage
pi (4-pi or 6-pi)	A four-person relationship in which three are full participants and the fourth's participation is approximately 14% that of any of the others; or a six-person relationship in which two persons have three partners each, sharing one in common, and four have one each	Suggested	foursome, quad, tetrad, triamory; hexad InSix, moresome, pentamory, quartet.
phi	A group relationship that is analogous to Saturn and its rings, that is, with three or more individuals forming a domestic center and others in fairly regular orbit around them, all of them together forming part of the system of relationship dynamics	Suggested	primary relationship, satellite relationship, secondary relationship; compare: comarital also compare B, C, P (in this chart)
psi	A group relationship that is being analyzed psychologically and otherwise	Suggested	----
omega	A group relationship designed to maximize the best that individuals can be and the best that a relationship of such individuals can be, in terms of both internal dynamics and relation to the world, especially such a group that is designed to anticipate the heavenly state or that is designed to last for many generations, perhaps even for as long as humankind does; based on the symbolism of omega as the ultimate goal	Suggested	complex marriage, line marriage, sexual golden age, sexual utopia, spiritual marriage, utopian swinging

2+ persons	3 persons	4 persons	5 persons	6 persons
C	V	N = Z	A	H
theta	delta	T = Y	F	xi
xi = 3 couples	----	4-pi	K = X	6-pi
----	----	----	M = W	----

See also alternate relationship geometries, diagramming a love relationship, dyadic notation, genogram, group complexity theory, group love relationship, group marriage, Langdon chart, lgbt, lovestyle, multilateral marriage, non-monogamy, n-tuple, polyamory, polygon, poly web, relationship levels, relationship orientation, sex partner, sexual connection, sexual geometry, triadic notation.

levament:

Lightening of the burdens of life, especially by way of a spouse; the comfort one finds, particularly in a marital partner.

See also conjugal felicity, domestic happiness, happily married, helpmate, helpmeet, keep (someone) happy in bed, nomogamosis, successful marriage.

level:

See take (it) to the next level.

leveret:

A pet mistress (q.v.).

See also leman, partner, poplolly.

levir (Latin):

A husband's brother.

See also -in-law, levirate, uncle, yavam.

x Latin terms.

levirate:

The custom whereby, under certain circumstances, a man is bound to marry the widow of his deceased brother or other male relative -- circumstances such as the deceased not being survived by a son.

See also levir, levirate marriage, leviritic, sororate.

levirate marriage:

A woman's marriage to her deceased husband's brother or other male relative of his, particularly when this is according to custom, as among the ancient Hebrews (Deuteronomy 25:5-10; Ruth).

Comment: Note that here the modifier is a noun.

See also halitzah, kiddushim, law of propinquity, leviration, maamar, marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," niyoga, onanism, preferential marriage, right of first refusal, saved in childbirth, sororate marriage, uncle, yibbum.

leviration:

Levirate marriage (q.v.).

leviritic or leviritical:

Pertaining to or in accordance with the levirate (q.v.).

Comment: Often the noun "levirate" is used as a modifier instead.

See also sororatic.

lexicographer of love:

A poor sap who spends large amounts of time collecting and defining terms related to affectionate relationships when he or she would, by instinct and inclination, rather be romancing someone of a complementary sexual orientation.

See also discourse of desire, language of love, love, love guru, relationship guru.

lgbt, or LGBT:

Abbreviation, used as a collective adjective, for: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender.

Comments: Alternatively: glbt. Is built upon and, as of the 1980s, has come to replace "lgb."

The inclusion of "transgender" indicates that the organizing principle of "lgbt" is not just minority sexual orientation, but having been culturally marginalized on the basis of gender, sexuality, or romantic passions. Sometimes other letters are added in order to include an additional group or to be more specific about a particular group, letters such as:

• A = allies; alternative; asexual
  
• C = curious
• etc. = and other descriptors in a similar vein
  
• I = intersex
• O = other
• P = pansexual (usually covered under the "B"); polyamorous
• Q = queer; questioning
  
• SA = straight allies
• T = transsexual; transvestite
• U = unsure
• 2 (or TS) = two-spirit
  

See also alternative sexuality, bisexual, community, -curious, gay, gay curious, homosexual, lesbian, letter group, lifestyle, sexually marginalized, sexual minority, sexual orientation, straight ally, transgender, TS, two-spirit person.

x glbt.

lgbt-friendly:

1. Supportive of lgbt persons collectively, though not one oneself.

2. Tolerant or supportive of lgbt people.

3. Being friends with somebody one knows to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender without trying to make that person become straight.

4. Being neither hostile to those who fall in the lgbt category nor inclined to cast them collectively in a bad light.

Comment: Alternatively: glbt-friendly.

See also -friendly, gay-friendly, polyfriendly, straight ally.

x lgbt-friendly.

liaison:

A temporary non-marital sexual relationship.

See also action on the side, affair, affairette, amourette, cinq à sept, dalliance, escapade romantique, expiration dating, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, fling, flirtation, insignificant other, intrigue, out-of-marriage love affair, short-term relationship, whirlwind romance.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Liaison"
[Regarding the character, Rupert Birkin] True, he hated promiscuity even worse than marriage, and a liaison was only another kind of coupling, reactionary from the legal marraige. Reaction was a greater bore than action.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 16, p. 191. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

liaison platonique (French):

Platonic relationship (q.v.).

x French terms.

liberal:

In sexual matters:

1. Characterized by a greater freedom in custom and law or a preference for such greater freedom, relative in time or place to what is had.

2. Characterized by a greater freedom or a preference for such, relative to traditional morality.

3. Characterized by a platform in favor of (a) equal rights with regard to the sexes, (b) choice with respect to abortion, (c) freedom as to whom to associate with sexually, and (d) gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender rights.

4. Characterized by an approach to scripture that, by way of interpretation or application, allows for more lattitude than has traditionally been the case, especially as opposed to approaches that try to protect scriptural morals by insisting on being even more restrictive than the scripture is.

See also liberal to a fault, libertarian.

liberal to a fault:

1. Generous to the point of doing injury.

2. Not only generous, but less restrained than one should be in giving away one's sexual favors.

See also easy, free with (her) favors, liberal, loose, open legs policy, promiscuous.

Quotation from Herman Melville Illustrating "Liberal to a Fault"
A certain Frenchman of New Orleans, an old man, less slender in purse than limb, happening to attend the theatre one evening, was so charmed with the character of a faithful wife, as there represented to the life, that nothing would do but he must marry upon it. So, marry he did, a beautiful girl from Tennessee, who had first attracted his attention by her liberal mould, and was subsequently recommended to him through her kin, for her equally liberal education and disposition. Though large, the praise proved not too much. For, ere long, rumor more than corroborated it by whispering that the lady was liberal to a fault. But though various circumstances, which by most Benedicts would have been deemed all but conclusive, were duly recited to the old Frenchman by his friends, yet such was his confidence that not a syllable would he credit, till, chancing one night to return unexpectedly from a journey, upon entering his apartment, a stranger burst from the alcove: "Beggar!" cried he, "now I begin to suspect'."
From the novel: The Confidence-Man, by Herman Melville (New York: Grove Press, 1949; I'm using the 1st Evergreen ed., 1955): chapter 6, p. 43. Originally published: New York: Dix, Edwards, 1857.

liberated marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) that is structured not according to traditional cultural norms insofar as those norms either disadvantage one sex or another or define the role and duties of each partner, but according to how the spouses decide together how to structure it, when the result is a rough parity between them, under ordinary circumstances, of freedoms, of pleasures, and of the allotment and performance of unpleasant duties, all in a context of ongoing mutual support and with a goal of emotional fulfillment on the part of each partner.

See also democratic family, equalitarian family, feminism, union of equals.

libertarian, as in "a libertarian":

A person who espouses libertarianism (q.v.).

See also apolygist, eleutherophilist, let-'em-aloner, non-monogamist, sex radical.

libertarian, as in "libertarian outlook":

Characterized by or pertaining to libertarianism (q.v.).

See also liberal.

libertarianism:

A set of political views that emphasizes maximizing individual liberty both by way of and in relation to government. With regard to the latter, libertarianism emphasizes restricitng government and minimizing its authority and interference in private life and/or the private sector.

Left libertarians emphasize restraining government from legislating or regulating sex lives and from invading the spheres of private life and love relationships without strong justification, insisting that it is instead the government's duty to protect both the private sphere and free personal associations. Often they also throw the net of concern and desired restriction more broadly than government, addressing any sort of power that may detract from individual freedom; although here there are yet other divides, for instance, between those who think it appropriate for government to restrict addictive substances, since they attenuate free will, and those who think that one has a right to initiate self-destructive behavior, even if one loses one's free will because of that decision.

Right libertarians emphasize leaving as much as possible to the private sector, the foremost exceptions being national defense and justice, and restricting government from interference with business, except to ensure fairness.

Libertarianism is not to be confused with libertinism (q.v.) or licentiousness, although the fungibility of freedom and licentious behavior, if not universally inevitable, is sometimes observable.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," bodily integrity, eleutherophilism, family sovereignty, get government out of the bedroom, heart balm statute, libertarian (both as noun and adjective), liberty, moral code, new morality, nonjudgmental, pankoitism, public character of sex, radical love, relationship choice, relationship freedom, right to sex, romantic rights, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual justice, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual toleration, statism, sumptuary law.

liberties:

See take liberties.

libertine:

A person who espouses or practices libertinism (q.v.).

Comment: The word "libertine" is often used pejoratively with a meaning roughly equivalent to "debauchee" or "voluptuary," a meaning which carries overtones of moral depravity. However, it is for some a gladly adopted label for a philosophical position and practice.

See also apolygist, cooster, eleutherophilist, free agent, hedonist, lovertine, noceur, non-monogamist, pankoitist, sex radical, sexual nomad, voluptuary.

Quotation from the Angus Davidson Translation of Alberto Moravia Illustrating "Libertine"
This Antonio was a libertine, and it was even possible that he had actually tried to seduce my wife.
From the novel: Conjugal Love, by Alberto Moravia (New York, N.Y.: New American Library, 1952, c1951; in publisher's series: A Signet Book; 922): chapter 8, p. 62. Translated from the Italian of L'Amore Coniugale (1949) by Angus Davidson. Originally published in English: New York, Farrar, Straus and Young, 1951.

libertinism:

1. Defiance in thought, word, or deed of the prevailing sexual mores (q.v.).

2. Sexual activity as such -- that is, without unwelcome admixtures such as the violation of another's freedom -- conducted in rejection of what others think is proper as expressed in laws, social mores, or codes of religious purity; licentious sexual behavior. The pejorative tag is "liberty without virtue," although that tag falsely implies that all people who practice libertinism in this sense lack virtue.

3. The view that sexual intercourse outside of marriage is okay.

4. The view that one is morally free to engage in sexual activity without incurring marital obligation, whether first or afterwards, with as many willing people as one wishes.

5. Polygamy (q.v.) or the approval of polygamy, as viewed from a stance that adheres to monogamy-only (q.v.).

6. The theological position that a human being who has been reborn spiritually can no longer incur guilt with the body, for instance, by engaging in sexual relations outside of monogamous marriage.

Comment: Among the Christian sects or elements thereof that have held to libertinism of one sort or another or that have been accused of doing so are the Nicolaitans (1st-2nd Century), the Borborians (2nd-5th Centuries), the Carpocratians (2nd-4th Century), the Brethren of the Free Spirit (13th Century), the Beghards and Beguines (late Middle Ages), and the Quintinists (16th Century).

Not to be confused with libertarianism (q.v.). See also antinomianism, "Anything goes," Casanova complex, Catherine the Great complex, dérèglement de tous les sens, Don Juanism, eleutherophilism, ethical hedonism, free love, hedonism, high libertinism, indiscriminate sex, libertine, licentiousness, low libertinism, Messalina complex, metasex, moral code, moral equivalence, new morality, pankoitism, pansexualism, polyeros, promiscuity, public character of sex, radical love, relationship freedom, serial philandering, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual liberation, sexually uninhibited, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual varietism, slut, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, unbridle sex, unconditional sex, universal permanent availability, zipless f***.

Related terms beyond the scope of this Glossary: Aghora (Vamacara sect), Aghoris, Ali Ullaheahs, Amaurians = Amauricians (Christian sect), Beghards (male Christian group), Beguines (female Christian group), Bogomiles (Balkan sect of Manichaean origin), Brethren of the Free Spirit (Christian sect), Carpocratians (Gnostic sect), Cathari = Cathars (medieval dissenters from the Roman Catholic Church), Church of All Worlds (religious movement based on Robert A. Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land), Eleutherians (assortment of Christian sects), Free Spirit Movement = Sect of the New Spirit (Christian sect), Great Brotherhood of God (occult group), Huang-Chin = Yellow Turban Society (Taoist movement), Kerista Commune (San Francisco), Khlysti (Slavic Christian sect), Madhyama Vamacara, Nessereah, Nicolaitans (Gnostic sect), Nizari Isma'ilis = Order of Hashishins (Islamic secret society), Oneida Community (Christian sectarian commune), Ordo Templi Orientis (occult group), Paulicians (sect of the Byzantine Empire), Sabbatians (Hebrew sect), Sahaya = Sahajiya (Bengali sect), Shakta (a religious system of Hinduism), Tachikawa (a Japanese Tantric school), Tantrism, Uttama Vamacara, Vamacara = Vamamarga (the "left-hand path" of Tantric worship), Vratyas (possibly prototype Tantrics), Way of Supreme Peace (school of Taoism), Wu-tou-mi Tao = Five Pecks of Rice Taoism, Zentrum für Experimentelle Gesellschafts Gestaltung = Center for Experimental Culture Design (ZEGG, a German commune).

liberty:

1. Freedom either from restriction generally or from a certain restriction or set of restrictions.

2. The state of being unconfined or unconstrained.

3. The state of being free from a commitment or a contract.

4. Not being under the yoke of conquest, occupation, or oppression.

5. A condition in which one is able to do as one chooses, subject to the laws of nature; the extent to which one is able to do as one chooses; the realm of conscience rather than coercion.

6. A condition of society in which each adult is able, without restriction, to do as he or she chooses, so long as the rights of others are not impinged upon.

7. A condition in which the rule of law prevails, law fairly framed and administered by a government that represents the majority of the people and that protects the human, constitutional, and civil rights of all.

8. A condition in which all individuals are treated equally under the law and in which no individual is disadvantaged before the law relative to a corporate entity.

9. A condition in which spheres of sovereignty -- of the individual in his or her private affairs, of the family, of academic and religious institutions, and of the government, perhaps among others -- are protected and in which conflicts between them are resolved fairly.

10. A condition in which human, constitutional, and civil rights are respected and defended for each individual; a condition in which power, including the power of the state, is limited and checked so that the individual has the opportunity to flourish.

11. A right -- that is, a restriction upon the intrusion of power, especially governmental power, due to what is considered an innate or customary or widely recognized or granted freedom worth defending corporately -- generally one of a set of rights, such as the right to free speech, the right to practice the religion of one's choice freely, the right to associate freely, the right to assemble peaceably, the right to bear arms, the right to privacy, the right to be free of involuntary servitude, the right to equal protection of the laws, the right to vote, the right to due process, habeas corpus, and a fair trial, etc.; hence one's liberties.

12. The freedom of intimate association; the freedom, generally shared among all adults in a jurisdiction, to conduct one's sex and love life as one sees fit, that is, without interference from those with the power to pressure or coerce -- or at least freedom along these lines in some respect, for instance, the freedom to marry according to one's wishes.

13. A move to a greater level of familiarity, especially if self-initiated, as in, "May I take the liberty of calling you by your first name?" Often the familiarity referred to is sexual in nature, as in (to a young man), "Just what liberties did you take with my daughter?" Sometimes the term implies specifically an impolite, unwarranted, or unwelcome familiarity, as in, "Miss, do not take liberties with me!"

14. An exaggeration or an unwarranted or unsubstantiated infusion, often in the form "liberties," as in, "He took liberties in his account of his fishing trip."

15. A permission or the freedom enjoyed because of a permission.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," bodily integrity, consexuality, eleutherophilism, family sovereignty, feminism, free agent, free female sexuality, free love, free male sexuality, get government out of the bedroom, heart balm statute, libertarianism, new morality, private life, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual justice, sexual permissiveness, statism, sumptuary law.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Liberties"

The truth is, she [Mrs. Slipslop] was arrived at an age when she thought she might indulge herself in any liberties with a man, without the danger of bringing a third person into the world to betray them.

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 6, p. 25. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Liberty"
[Edmund Audley to Alicia Malcolm] "I have followed your steps, dearest Alicia, from the moment I received your letter. We are now in Scotland -- in this blessed land of liberty. Every thing is arranged; the clergyman is now in waiting; and, in five minutes, you shall be my own beyond the power of fate to sever us."
From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 14, p. 91. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

liberum maritagium (legal term):

Frankmarriage (q.v.).

See also avail of marriage, maritagium.

libido:

1. Latin senses:

• Inclination; appetite; pleasure; desire; longing; eagerness.
• Unrestrained or immoderate desire; inordinate desire.
• Lust; lewdness; sexual craving, especially that associated with perverse behavior.

2. Sigmund Freud (1856-1939):

• Early period: Mental energy fundamentally sexual in nature.
• Later period: Energy in the instinct to life.

3. Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961):

• Psychic energy.

4. In common parlance:

• Human sexual desire.
• The sex drive in a human being, often with this connotation: that a natural result of the human sex drive is the quest for copulation, however it can be redirected, sometimes productively, or misdirected, sometimes destructively.
• The implacably recurring impulse to eroticism.

See also attraction, eroticism, horniness, hypersexuality, hyposexuality, inner slut, lust, needs, object cathexis, oversexed, randy, romance drive, sex crazed, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexual desire, sexuality, sexual need, silent epidemic, tragolimia, undersexed, urge to merge.

x Latin terms.

libraries married:

See marry libraries.

library widow:

A person whose spouse spends large amounts of time, some of that encroaching upon what would otherwise be personal time together, with a collection of books, especially books housed in a building other than the home. Said especially of a librarian's spouse, a scholar's spouse, or a student's spouse.

See also blog widow, business widow, cyber widow, facebook widow, fishing widow, golf widow, hunting widow, marry libraries, media widow, sports widow, spouse, tennis widow, widow, Xanthippê.

licentious:

Characterized by the taking of liberties, especially with regard to sexual matters, as though there were no law, custom, or moral rule that prohibited such behavior.

See also carnally minded, fast, gay dog, immoral, licentiousness, unchaste, wanton.

licentiousness:

The taking of liberties, especially with regard to sexual matters, as though there were no law, custom, or moral rule that prohibited such behavior; the placing of one's own selfish pleasure above any rule of right and wrong or of acceptable and unacceptable behavior; the giving of imprudent license to oneself, especially with regard to behavior stemming from one's sensual whims or romantic emotions.

See also antinomianism, "Anything goes," compartmentalization, easy virtue, eleutherophilism, facile virtue, free love, libertinism, licentious, misbehave, sexual immorality, sexual permissiveness, unbridle sex.

lie about sex:

1. To communicate intentionally a falsehood that is meant to conceal sexual behavior or that is regarding sexual behavior, whether one's own or another's or sexual behavior in general, for instance:

• to spread false information about human sexuality;
• to misinform a minor about procreation;
• to falsely accuse a person of untoward sexual behavior;
• to deceive other people about the gender that one is, one's sexual orientation, or one's erotic proclivities;
  
• to misrepresent one's physical attributes or sexual prowess;
• to misrepresent one's sexual satisfaction;
• to misrepresent or cover for a buddy's sexual activities in order to protect him or her;
  
• to misrepresent one's sexual history; or, often more specifically,
• to attempt to conceal one's sexual activity by denial or by using a cover story.

Comments: Some people regard lying about sex as an indicator of a general corruption of character. Other people regard it as belonging to a person's private life and as not bearing on that person's character in other areas of life. Each of those models may be in the process of being superseded by the suggestion that keeping at least part of one's own sex life obscure is a special category framed by human biology.

Many people who lie about sex will yet be scrupulously honest about everything else; but for some of them sex may be compartmentalized -- often, given certain sorts of sex lies, with the self-justification (which sometimes has merit) that "my sex life is my own private business, and lying is the only way I can keep other people out of my private business; besides it would be wrong for me to kiss and tell and thereby place my sex partners in a hurtful set of circumstances." Such justification, though, is not fully adequate as explanation.

Some scientists think that many of the motivations behind sex lies ultimately derive from our genes, which evolutionarily predispose human beings, some more than others, to do whatever is in the interest of maximizing the propagation of those genes; and that "whatever" often includes keeping one's sexual behavior obscure, which in turn sometimes includes lying. In fact (so the hypothesis goes), human physiology itself is geared to the obscuring of fertility.

An example of the relation of lies to genetic interest: A woman may lie to her provider mate about her having had sex with another man, one who is more virile. On the one hand, sex with the virile man maximizes the potential for the long-term survivability of her genes in terms of nature; and on the other hand, keeping her mate uninformed and thereby unruffled maximizes the long-term survivability of her genes in terms of nurture.

Regarding one's sexual behavior being one's own business, some people regard not telling one's mate about extra-mate sexual activity as a tacit lie, since (in their view) it is very much the mate's business and it is so in a way that overrides the countervailing interests of the "cheating" mate. (See the Baker quotation under "infidelity.")

Moral teachings in favor of truth-telling discourage lying about sex, but they generally do so without special attention to sex and without addressing sex as a special category. Polyamory is one phenomenon which does give special attention to the matter of sex and honesty, in that it is in part about being open and above board with each of one's lovers about one's other lovers and in that, typically, much effort is spent on the dynamics to make that work. However, lying about sex or, more broadly, the obscuration of sexual behavior has been opening up far beyond the marker set by polyamorists as a significant field for scientific investigation and ethical discussion, this even as, culturally (at least in many English-speaking countries), greater and greater emphasis is being placed upon dishonesty as one of the key elements of wrongness, if not the key element, in sexual infidelity.

Reference
Regarding the obscuring or hiding of sex, see: Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex, [by] Robin Baker (New York, NY: Basic Books, c1996): p. 10 et passim.

See also absolute code; "All's fair ..."; betray; cheat; closeted; code; code of discretion; code of silence; conflict of gender interest; discreet; don't ask, don't tell; infidelity; kiss and tell; moral code; next-tier sexual ethics; polyamory; reproductive strategy; secret-false; sex; sex scandal; sexual ethics; sexual etiquette; sexual hypocrisy; sexual immorality; sexual morality.

Liebestempel:

See temple of love.

Liebestod (German):

"Love-death."

1. A love that is consummated only in death or that is thought to find fulfillment only after death.

2. Passionate love or sexual activity associated with death.

See also eternal union, love, love-death, mizpah, suttee, undying love, wertheritis.

x German terms.

life:

See facts of life, light of one's life, someone special in (one's) life, want (someone) in (one's) life.

life-love:

A durable bond between individuals, as in a lasting marriage.

See also love, love of (one's) life.

lifeboat:

1. A water craft carried aboard a larger vessel and used to escape that vessel in the event of an emergency, such as a sinking.

2. By analogy, a potential mate one keeps waiting in the wings in the event that one's current love relationship founders.

See also rebound relationship, return to dating.

lifemate:

1. A person with whom one is in a committed love relationship, the intent being that the relationship last for life.

2. A person with whom one has spent much of one's adult life, especially a person who is not a close consanguineous relative and with whom one has been sharing living arrangements.

See also duet for life, life partner, life's companion, lovemate, man in one's life, mate, partner, woman in one's life.

life partner, or life-partner, or partner in life:

1. A person with whom one is in a committed love relationship, the intent being that the relationship last for life.

2. A person with whom one has spent much of one's adult life, especially a person who is not a close consanguineous relative and with whom one has been sharing living arrangements.

Comment: For lexical example (for "partner in life"), see under "unequal marriage."

See also duet for life, lifemate, life's companion, man in one's life, partner, woman in one's life.

x partner in life.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Life Partner"
[Paul, age 59, speaking]: "Yes. I was happy before, why can't I be happy again? My wife was a nurturer, she was a mother, she was a homemaker, she raised my son, she took care of me and the house..." I suggest to Paul that he has just described the kind of partnership more appropriate to the child-rearing years. But at this later stage, women are looking more for a life partner.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 113.

life's companion:

1. A close friend one has or intends to have for life.

2. A spouse or domestic partner.

See also companion, domestic partner, friend, lifemate, life partner, long-time companion, partner, shared memory, spouse.

Sheet Music Illustrating "Life's Companion"
<Picture of sheet music not yet posted>
Be My Life's Companion, words and music by Bob Hilliard and Milton DeLugg (New York, N.Y.: Edwin H. Morris, c1951).

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Life's Companion"
He [Rev. Luke Shepherd] then turned to face Rich and Godwin, saying, "Rich Kingsley, do you take this man [Godwin] to be your life's companion, to live together in the estate of marriage as provided by the church? Will you love, comfort, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep you only unto him, so long as you both shall live?" "I will," Rich said. The vows were repeated to Godwin, who answered. "With God's help, I will."
From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): p. 175.

lifestyle, as in "to change one's lifestyle" or "the gay lifestyle":

A distinctive manner of being, whether it is distinctive to an individual, a group, or a culture. Speaking at the level of the individual, external aspects of a lifestyle include such things as one's home, comforts, and activities; internal aspects include such things as interests pursued and the cultivation and suppression of proclivities; and relational aspects include such things as the associations one has and one's lovestyle as it interacts with others. In other words, at the individual level, a lifestyle is how one spends one's time, the choices one makes regarding with whom one spends it, and the means one employs for spending it.

Comment: The term provokes a strong reaction in some people when applied to sexuality, a common reaction being that someone's sexuality is not a lifestyle; that, for instance, the so-called "gay lifestyle" and the so-called "polyamorous lifestyle" are pretty much the same as the lifestyle of the neighbors. For further comment, see under "lovestyle."

See also alternative lifestyle, alternative sexuality, bohemianism, fling, gay lifestyle, law of attraction, lgbt, love life, lovestyle, sex life, sexual behavior, sexways, slutstyle, traditional ways.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Lifestyle"
[Abigail Washburn] "Your sexual orientation is none of my business, doctor. And I apologize for having even gone there. I must say your reaction surprises me, however. From what I hear, Charleston is a fairly tolerant city, as long as one doesn't confront anyone directly with one's lifestyle. You know, get in their face."
From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 16, p. 190.

lifestyle, as in "the lifestyle":

1. Eroticism between human beings (ordinarily other than male/male and adult/minor eroticism) that extends beyond the bounds of traditional monogamy and that is meant to supplement and enhance any committed relationship of which one is a part. Although extra-pair copulation is not necessary to participation, swinging is the quintessential example. Polyamory is to a large extent included, although its focus is on love more than on eroticism and, in some cases, it does encompass male/male eroticism.

2. Existence in a relationship characterized by dominance and submission.

See also condone, comarital, consensual adultery, cuckoldom, extra-pair copulation lifestyler, lovestyle, multilateral sexuality, new adultery, non-monogamy, open couple, open group marriage, open marriage, open relationship, polyamory, polyfidelity, sexual nonexclusivity, sumptuary law, swing, synergamy.

Quotation from Terry Gould on the Lifestyle
But where did this term 'lifestyle' come from? Aren't the couples who say they are 'in the lifestyle' talking about swinging -- the free and easy sharing of spouses at parties? Lifestylers will patiently tell you that some of their number don't go that far. They adopted their global name in the 1980s because more and more 'straight' couples were attending their events and they wanted to be freed from the snappy terms that made them into media fast food. A lifestyle party quite often does not culminate in sexual intercourse among couples; roughly 10 percent of the people who attend just like being in an atmosphere where such an interchange is conceivable. Lifestylers believe they live in a certain style that melds responsible family values -- matrimony, children, emotional monogamy -- with the erotic cultivation of their marriages through the practice of rites they celebrate as fun and natural.
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): pp. 4-5.
Comment on the quotation: Matrimony is not necessary to participation in the lifestyle. Not all couples that participate are married; and, although the lifestyle is generally oriented to couples and, to some extent, groups, singles, especially single women, are sometimes included (Gould, p. 160). Furthermore, emotional monogamy is not necessary to participation in the lifestyle. Otherwise polyamory and polyfidelity would not be covered under the rubric of "the lifestyle," yet they are (Gould, pp. 75, 131, [265], 273). However, in general lifestylers support sustaining committed relationships and family ties.