Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

M

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
Feedback opportunity

M:

1. Abbreviation for male.

2. Abbreviation for married.

3. A punning abbreviation for the French word aime ("loves").

See also dyadic notation, F, married, personal ad, triadic notation.

maamar (Hebrew):

A claim made upon one's brother's widow (q.v.) as part of the procedure towards bringing about a levirate marriage (q.v.).

Contrast halitza (q.v.). See also kiddushim, yavam, yibbum.

x Hebrew terms.

macadam (Spanglish):

A male seducer of women.

Source: Spanglish: The Making of a New American Language, by Ilan Stavans (c2003), which gives New York as a location for usage of the term.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, gay deceiver, jock, Lothario, ladies' man, macadamo, make-out artist, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, player, roué, rover, skirt-chaser, smellsmock, stud, wolf, womanizer.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

macadamo (Spanglish):

A male seducer of women.

Source: Spanglish: The Making of a New American Language, by Ilan Stavans (c2003), which gives New York as a location for usage of the term.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, gay deceiver, jock, ladies' man, Lothario, macadam, make-out artist, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, player, roué, rover, skirt-chaser, smellsmock, stud, wolf, womanizer.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

macadamizar (Spanglish):

To seduce (q.v.).

Source: Spanglish: The Making of a New American Language, by Ilan Stavans (c2003).

See also make-want, pick up.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

macarism:

1. Joyfully calling one or more others happy or blessed.

2. Taking pleasure in or sharing the happiness of one or more others.

3. The state of taking pleasure in or sharing the happiness of one or more others.

See also compersion, love, macarism, mudita, seeble, synletitia.

Macbeth, Lady:

See Lady Macbeth syndrome.

machine:

See love machine, sex machine.

mad:

See man-mad, woman-mad.

madcap romance:

A rash or impulsive love affair.

Comment: This is a stock term in describing the subject of many a movie.

See also amour fou, folie à deux, love affair, romance, wild.

made for each other:

To be an especially good match for a marriage or love relationship in terms of the combination of similarities and complementarities.

Comment: The phrase suggests that God created these individuals to be companions in life, but it is often used without intending any theological connotation.

See also affinity, be-all and end-all, be all things to, beau mariage, be everything to, belong together, compatibility, connaturality, good match, happily married, ideal, intended, kinship, lovemap, love-match, love of one's life, make beautiful music together, marriage of destiny, match made in heaven, meant for one another, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, nomogamosis, one, one-and-only, one true love, perfect catch, sexual compatibility, shalom bayit, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, true love.

madly in love:

In love, especially in such a way that the emotions associated therewith are intensely felt, perhaps even at a feverish pitch.

See also amour fou, besotted, crazy about, engouement, folie à deux, go gaga over, head over heels in love, infatuated, in love, limerent, love-cracked, Sappho's signs, sprung, violently in love.

mad money:

1. Return fare in the event that one wishes to bring a date to an abrupt end.

2. By extension, currency for an emergency or for an irresistable opportunity.

Comment: The phrase goes back at least to 1916.

I have seen the word "mad" in the phrase variously explained: (a) her date was too amorous ("mad") for her, or (b) they quarreled.

See also bad date, date, date background check, one-night-stand kit, safe call.

x money.

Madonna:

See Virgin Mary.

Madonna-whore complex:

The mental classification of women as either purely chaste and therefore as wifely material or as sexually impure and therefore as having sexual value at most only as short-term partners. This is as distinguished from regarding women according to their qualities rather than according to their sexual histories.

Comments: The division of women into these two categories is called the Madonna-whore dichotomy. The position that this is the correct way to view women is called the Madonna-whore theory.

Both men and women are susceptible to the complex. A woman might build her self-image or judge other women accordingly. A man will sometimes relate to a woman according to which way he perceives her.

See also alabaster, chastity, damaged goods, fallen, lady in the parlor, obscenity-purity complex, purity myth, sexism, sexual bigotry, sexual purity, sexual shame, Virgin Mary, whore.

x complexes.

x theories.

Mae West:

A woman with one or more characteristics associated with the American film actor and sex symbol, Mae West (1892-1980), especially a seductive, voluptuous, full-bodied, mature woman with wit, who makes evident her wide-ranging interest in sex.

Comment: Mae West was called the mistress of innuendo.

See also chubby chaser, date movie, Delilah, Don Juaness, dramatic lover, dulcinea, jeune première, Juliet, leading lady, lothariette, love scene, Messalina, screen lovers, sex goddess, Valentino.

MAFM:

Mean age at first marriage.

Comment: Used in poipulation studies.

See also nuptiality, singulate mean age at marriage, SMAM.

x statistics.

magic:

See white magic of marriage.

magnetism:

1. The set of invisible forces that draw particular individuals together.

2. The power of an individual to attract another or others more generally.

Comment: This is, of course, imagery drawn from magnets. Sometimes the imagery is carried further as in "opposites attract" or "women are just drawn to him."

See also allure, attraction, charm, chemistry, chick magnet, draw to, electric between (us, you, or them), je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, pull, sex appeal, shiksappeal, string, X-appeal, x-factor, za za zoo.

mahala (Yokut in derivation?):

Woman.

Comments: Alternative spellings include "mahaley," "mahaly," "majella," and "mohales."

In the North American West, often used instead of "squaw," the derivation of which is associated with some of the Algonquian dialects of the North American East.

The term is usually thought to derive from the Northern Valley Yokut (Chukchansi) word muk'ela, which means "woman."¹ The Yokuts are Native Americans living along the San Joachin River and to the east in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, and their family of languages falls within the Penutian phylum.

Among other hypotheses:²

• It derives from a mispronunciation, on the part of Mission Indians in California, of the Spanish word mujer ("woman" or "wife").
• Since the plant known as the mahala mat is also called "squaw carpet," it was assumed that "mahala" is equivalent to "squaw."
• Sometimes the preceding two theories are combined: "mahala mat" was thought to derive from the Spanish words mujer (because of the "squaw carpet" parallel) and mat. However, mat in Spanish means "bush," and the mahala mat is not a bush; so that hypothesis would work only if some figurative sense is meant.
  
• It derives from a female name commonly used among southeastern Native Americans, perhaps one adapted from an English name, such as "Mary" or "Michaela."
• It derives from the word mahei in the now extinct Saponi and Tutelo languages of the North American southeast.
• It derives from an African language as mediated through a southeastern Native American language, such as that of the Saponi.
  

References
1 See, for example: A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Mathews (Chicago, Ill.: University of Chicago Press, 1951): p. 1016. Dictionary of Native American Terminology, [by] Carl Waldman; pen-and-ink drawings by Molly Braun (New York, NY: Castle Books, 2009): p. 131. Originally published under title: Word Dance: The Language of Native American Culture (New York: Facts on File, c1994).
2 For these theories, see the "Native Languages of the Americas" site, particularly the page entitled "'American Indian' Names That Don't Have The Meaning They're Supposed To" (c1998-2007), which I accessed February 21, 2010, here.

See also squaw, woman.

x majella.

x mohales.

x Yokut terms.

mahr (Arabic):

In Islamic law, the gift given by the bridegroom to the bride upon their wedding and which is hers to keep.

See also arrha, brideprice, nikah, `umra, `urs, weotuma.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

maiden:

1. A young woman who has never been married.

2. A virgin.

Comment: Among the variations: "maid" and "maidie."

See also angélica, bachelorette, cherry, dance barefoot, feme sole, jeune fille à marier, miss, never married, nubile, nymph, single, unmarried, virgin.

maiden aunt:

An unmarried woman.

See also ape leader, never married, odd woman, old maid, single, spinster, unmarried.

maiden name:

A woman's family name prior to her marriage.

See also miss, née.

mail marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) that eventuates after the parties have met through a matchmaking agency and have come to know each other by writing to each other and, typically at least, by sending pictures to each other.

See also e-mail marriage, long-distance relationship, love letter, mail-order bride, mail-order husband, pen pal, picture bride.

mail-order bride, or mail order bride (MOB):

A woman whom a man of another country or jurisdiction met through a fee-for-service program operated by an international or cross-jurisdictional matchmaking agency and who has become his fiancée or wife.

Comments: Sometimes the circumlocution, "pen pal," is used for a prospective mail-order bride, especially one with whom a man is corresponding. Use of this circumlocution sometimes helps agencies avoid laws regarding mail-order brides.

In the United States, the idea of mail-order brides sometimes carries a romantic mystique, since, according to legend, mail-order brides helped to populate the American West. See, for example, the 1951 movie, "Westward the Women," directed by William A. Wellman; starring Robert Taylor, Denise Darcel, and John McIntire.

Sometimes use of mail-order bride services do result in successful marriages and turn out to be advantageous to both bride and groom.

However, nowadays the accusation is made that much of what happens in the mail-order bride industry amounts to trafficking in women; and certainly problems abound:

• The mail-order bride business is indicative of and often takes advantage of a host of inequities with regard to sexes, ethnic groups, social classes, and countries.
• Often matchmaking agencies take advantage of dire circumstances in which women find themselves in their own countries, even to the point that sometimes matchmaking services are indistinguishable from bartering in women. Furthermore, agencies, in trying to sell their services, will often both employ ethnic stereotypes and play off of the prejudices of men.
• Women are often accused of immigration fraud or gold-digging or seeking sugar daddies, and sometimes the accusations are on the mark.
• Men sometimes, rather than being companionable and supportive, turn out to be deceitful, abusive, or exploitive and may use various means of control to keep the women in what amounts to sexual slavery. Furthermore, the men sometimes dash the women's hopes of being able to assist their families back home. Some mail-order brides are shown off as trophy wives.
• Whether this is indicative of a problem or not is a matter of debate, but anisonogamia is common, the typical mail-order bride being decades younger than the typical groom.
• A woman's ethnic community and perhaps others in her new country may stigmatize her for being a mail-order bride.
• If the marriage falls apart, the woman may find herself in desperate circumstances.
• Finally, the laws in either the woman's country of origin or her new country may work against her. Even more likely, her confusion about the laws may work against her, especially if she has been deceived about them.

Consequently there have been calls for either the greater regulation or the outlawing of the mail-order bride business. Meanwhile, mail-order bride support groups have been founded to help address the problems faced by mail-order brides.

The point is that this is a term that carries a lot of baggage.

Contrast mail-order husband (q.v.). See also anisonogamia, bride, dating service, fiancée, gold-digger, mail marriage, matchmaking, MOB, pen pal, picture bride, trophy wife, Web-wife, wife.

mail-order divorce, or mail order divorce:

A divorce (q.v.) obtained in a jurisdiction where one is neither living nor physically present. Generally such divorces are not recognized elsewhere.

See also foreign divorce.

mail-order husband, or mail order husband:

A man whom a woman of another country or jurisdiction met through a fee-for-service program operated by an international or cross-jurisdictional matchmaking agency and to whom she has since become engaged or married.

For comments, see under "mail-order bride."

See also dating service, fiancé, husband, mail marriage, matchmaking, pen pal, trophy husband, Web husband.

main lady:

One's only or principal current female lover, as opposed, for instance, to one's baby mama.

See also lover, main man, main squeeze.

main man:

1. The person one chiefly relies upon, said of a human male.

2. The key person at the moment, said of a human male.

3. One's best male friend.

4. One's only or principal current male lover.

See also lover, main lady, main squeeze.

main squeeze:

The only or principal person with whom one is in a love relationship; the person one hugs the most, other than a consanguine relative.

See also amari, lover, main lady, man man, major sqeeze, offscreen squeeze, partner, squeeze.

majella:

See mahala.

major squeeze:

The only or principal person with whom one is in a love relationship; the person one hugs the most tightly, other than a consanguine relative.

See also amari, lover, main squeeze, offscreen squeeze, partner, squeeze.

make a fox paw:

See fox paw.

make a move:

1. To take action to try to establish a love relationship with a person.

2. To approach a person in order to see whether that person might be amenable to a sexual relationship or encounter.

Comment: Also "make the move," "make my move," "make your move," "make his move," "make her move," etc. Often followed by the preposition "on." as in, "He made a move on her."

See also hit on, love relationship, make a pass at, make a play for, make love to, put the make on, sexual advances, sexual relationship, solicit, take a run at (someone), throw (oneself) at (somebody).

make an honest woman of:

To render an unmarried adult female respectable in society by way of marriage, especially such a one who has lost her virginity or, even more especially so, such a one who is pregnant; to cover the potential ignominy in society of a woman who has lost her virginity or who has become pregnant, by marrying her.

Comment: The phrase comes from a past in which the double standard prevailed. To make an honest man of somebody was to give him a moral upbringing and to educate him -- obviously not the complement of "make an honest woman of somebody."

See also do right by (her), do the honorable thing, marry.

x honest woman.

make a pass at:

To indicate to a person one's willingness to begin the steps towards either a sexual relationship or, perhaps, just a sexual encounter with that person; to make a sexual invitation or overture to a person.

See also come on to, cruise, flirt, hit on, make a move, make a play for, make love to, philander, proposition, put the make on, sexual advances, sexual relationship, solicit, take a run at (someone), take liberties, throw (oneself) at (somebody).

x pass.

"Make a pass at an ugly woman to earn credit in heaven":

make (a person) fall in love with, or make (a person) in love with, or make (a person) love:

1. To exert or to attempt to exert such a force of attraction upon a person that it is almost as though that person were being compelled to experience the set of feelings associated with being in love for the one exerting that force of attraction.

2. To cause someone to development feelings of intense attraction to another, for instance by means of a love potion or an enchantment.

See also come on to, conquest, endear, fall in love, flirt, get (one's) hooks into, get under (one's) skin, limerence, make a play for, make-want, philander, put the mojo on, sweep (somebody) off (her) feet, take (one's) breath away.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Make ... Love"
"I wouldn't make Anthony love you, Ursula, if you don't want him. It is not nice." "But, Maggie, I never made him love me," cried Ursula, dismayed and suffering, and feeling as if she had done something base.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 14, p. 394.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Make ... In Love"
[Gudrun Brangwen contemplating Gerald Crich] "... Every woman he comes across he wants to make her in love with him..."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 30, p. 454. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

make a play for:

To attempt to win someone as a lover.

See also come on to, flirt, hit on, make a move, make a pass at, make (a person) fall in love with, make love to, proposition, put the make on, put the mojo on, seduce, set (her) cap at him, sexual advances, take a run at (someone), throw (oneself) at (somebody).

x play.

make babies together:

See have babies together.

make beautiful music together:

1. To sing and/or to play instruments in perfect harmony.

2. By analogy, to develop a loving relationship in which similarities and differences function harmoniously.

Comment: Often implied is that the individuals are especially suited to become a harmonious match.

Although much older, the expression was popularized in the Warner Bros. Looney Tunes short animated film, "For Scent-imental Reasons," written by Michael Maltese; directed by Chuck Jones; voices by Mel Blanc (1949). In that film, the line, "We will make beautiful music together," was used by the character Pepé LePew in romantic pursuit of Penelope Pussycat.

Note the common one-liner, "Let's make beautiful music together."

See also happily married, made for each other, opening line, proposition, together.

x beautiful music.

x "Let's make beautiful music together."

x music.

make (her) (my) wife:

To succeed at wooing (a particular woman) so that (one) becomes married to (that woman).

See also make (him) my husband, marry, wife.

make (him) (my) husband:

To succeed at wooing (a particular man) so that (one) becomes married to (that man).

See also husband, make (her) my wife, marry.

make like Lochinvar:

See Lochinvar.

"Make love, not war":

A slogan that encapsulated two of the key stances of of a large part of the counterculture of the 1960s and '70s, which spurred the sexual revolution and opposed the Vietnam War. The slogan has been used in opposition to wars ever since.

Comment: Attributed to Gershon Legman, American social critic and folklorist, 1963, who however decryed the sexual revolution as a fake revolt. In his view, the repression of sexuality and the toleration of social violence are connected. This slogan confronts and combats that connection.

See also Age of Aquarius; bed-in; love fest; love generation; sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; sexual revolution.

x slogans.

make love to:

1. To court or woo.

2. To attempt to initiate consensual sexual activity or at least some measure of physical intimacy with someone.

3. To engage in consensual sexual activity or at least some measure of physical intimacy with someone, especially as an expression of an emotional bond.

4. A euphemism meaning to engage in coitus with.

5. To attempt to charm.

Comment: The term "make love to" in the third sense is sometimes contrasted with "just have sex with," the first indicating the context of a loving relationship and the second a context simply of erotic attraction, as in casual sex.

See also act like a husband, act like a wife, after (somebody), art of love, clicket, coitus, conjugal love, consensual sex, consort with, copulate, court, fornicate, GGG, go near (someone), good in bed, jump (somebody's) bones, jump steady, learn to love, love, love-making, make a move, make a pass at, mate, make a play for, mell, obligatory sex, pas de deux, philander, procreative meaning, pursue, put the make on, sexual advances, sexual intercourse, solemnize, spoon, sprog, stud, take, take a run at (someone), throw (oneself) at (somebody), woo.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Making Love"

They [Ursula Brangwen and Anton Skrebensky] continued to be lovers, in the first wondering state of unrealization. Ursula told nobody; she was entirely lost in her own world. Yet some strange affectation made her seek for a spurious confidence. She had at school a quiet, meditative, serious-souled friend called Ethel, and to Ethel must Ursula confide the story. Ethel listened absorbedly, with bowed, unbetraying head, whilst Ursula told her secret. Oh, it was so lovely, his gentle, delicate way of making love! Ursula talked like a practised lover. "Do you think," asked Ursula,"it is wicked to let a man kiss you -- real kisses, not flirting?"

From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 11, p. 282.

A Postcard Illustrating "Making Love"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Comic linen-style "post card": showing a colored cartoon sketch of a couple against the backdrop of an orange-red heart; with heading: "Making love to my sweetie here"; and with caption: "Put your nose to the center of the card and watch us kiss," [signed] Larry Smith (Boston, Mass.: A "Colourpicture" Publication,  [1951?]). Date from postmark: Aug. 2, 1951. Numbered on front: 1182. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

make-out artist:

1. An individual who, by experience, has become adept at drawing people -- typically one partner per encounter -- into sexual activities, including necking, petting, and maybe more.

2. An individual who is skilled at lovemaking, due to practice with various partners.

Comment: With either sense, the term generally carries strong overtones of promiscuity.

See also agapet, box of assorted creams, crumpet man, giglet, hoe, hoochie, jock, ladies' man, lover, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, make-out date, masher, multicipara, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rover, seducer, seductress, she-wolf, skirt-chaser, slut, whore, wolf, womanizer.

make-out date:

1. A date (q.v.) meant for necking and petting or one that turned out that way.

2. A date limited to petting and kissing above the waist.

See also make-out artist, three-date rule.

make (someone) feel special:

To give (a particular person) loving attentions appropriate to that person's personality, needs, and wants and thereby to cause that person to feel loved, affirmed, and encouraged in facing in the world.

See also attentions, love.

x special.

make (them) one:

To officiate the wedding of (certain individuals); thus a justice of the peace or a member of the clergy makes certain individuals one, such that their loyalty is now properly to each other and to their immediate family above all other people, such that their paths in and resources for life are now merged, and such that they now have officially approved sexual access to each other.

Comment: Often consciously related to the "one flesh" concept.

See also marry, one flesh, unit.

make up:

See kiss and make up.

make-want, as in, "It's all make-want":

A set of techniques for attracting a particular person.

See also approach invitation, attentions, attraction, cap-setting, come-on, comether, feminine wiles, flirtation, masculine wiles. seduction, set (her) cap at him, sexual invitation.

make-want, as in, "One must make-want":

To attempt to attract a particular person actively, in fact, to do better than merely attempt; to ignite and fan the flames of desire in another for oneself.

Comment: The verb is intransitive.

See also assot, attract, come on to, conquest, endear, get (one's) hooks into, get under (one's) skin, macademizar, make (a person) fall in love with, philander, pull, put the mojo on, seal the deal, seduce, throw (oneself) at (somebody), turn (somebody) on, want.

mal-aimé (French):

1. Ill-loved.

2. Poorly liked.

See also faux amour, like, love.

x French terms.

Quotation from Shirley Abbott Illustrating "Mal-Aimé"
That afternoon I sat dejected, tearful, reading Guillaume Apollinaire, mad poet, who appeared before my eyes like an image on the silver screen. Here in my book was his photograph: he'd been shot in battle and his head was swathed in a white bandage. His head ached, no doubt, as mine ached. He wandered the streets of Paris, singing the song of the mal-aimé, the badly loved, the man who had never been loved properly, the man crazed by the sun in the day, the fog in the night, without enough sense just to go ahead and die. So he claimed, stumbling.
From: Love's Apprentice, [by] Shirley Abbott (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 1998): p. 119; cf. p. 59. The Apollinaire reference is to "La Chanson du Mal-Aimé" (inscription dated 1903).

malakos (adjective, masculine singular form); plural, malakoi (Koine Greek):

1. Soft; genteel; given to finery; or, as a masculine substantive, a pampered person.

2. Faint-hearted; cowering; or, as a masculine substantive, a coward; a sissy.

3. Lax; yielding; or, as a masculine substantive, a person who lacks either a character-edge or clear moral boundaries; a person who is lax personally or with others.

4. Softly seductive; enticing; or, as a masculine substantive, an enticer.

5. Effeminate; or, as a masculine substantive, a male who habitually affects traits culturally associated with females or who seeks to be treated as a female.

6. Given to playing the receptive role in sex; or, as a masculine substantive, a pathic (q.v.). This sense seems to have been rare and other terms were generally preferred; but it can be documented, for instance in pseudo-Aristotle, Problems 4.26. Compare, perhaps, the Latin, cinaedus malacus, at Plautus, Miles Gloriousus 668; however, contrast the apparently heterosexual moechum malacum, at Plautus, Truculentus 609-610. (I would deem that these Plautus references are better understood as Latin examples of sense 4.)

Comments: The term is often discussed in English because of its appearance in a vice list at 1 Corinthians 6:9, where, possibly, the Apostle Paul was pairing its plural, malakoi, with arsenokoitai. Of the many senses of the term in Greek, above only some of those that might fit into a vice list are given.

If, as some interpreters suggest, malakoi in 1 Corinthians means "catamites" and "arsenokoitai" means "pederasts," then the two terms together may be alluding back to and perhaps even interpreting the prohibition in Leviticus 18:22 = 20:13 of a man lying with a male as one lies with a female -- either interpreting it or designating one application of it. Since that prohibition is about a certain type of sexual connection (q.v.), malakoi as it appears in 1 Corinthians, rather than indicating a category of persons, would instead be a relationship term.

However, that interpretation is just one of many that are possible. Among them are these:

• Paul had in mind something along the lines of one of the other definitions mentioned above, such as "those who are morally lax."
• Paul had in mind Deuteronomy 22:5, which prohibits a woman from wearing a man's apparel and a man from wearing a woman's.
• Paul had in mind people who were flexible about the marital and sexual boundaries of Leviticus 18-21.

At this writing, I tend to favor the last of these interpretations.

By the way, according to the Greek Grammar, by Herbert Weir Smith; revised by Gordon M. Messig (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, c1956): §1015, "The masculine is used for person in general."

For scholarly discussion of the term, see my "Excursus on Male Homosexuality in the Bible."

See also active-passive split, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," catamite, cinaedus, condone, gay male, homosexual, Lasterkatalog, man-boy love, porneia, pornos, purity myth, pussy-whipped, sexual immorality, sexual permissiveness, sexual sin, sodomite, wittol.

x Greek terms.

Quotation from Dionysius of Halicarnasus Illustrating "Malakos"
The tyrant of Cumae at that time [504-ca. 490 B.C.] was Aristodemus ... who was called by the citizens Malacus ... either because when a boy he was effeminate [thêludrias] and allowed himself to be treated as a woman, as some relate, or because he was of a mild nature and slow [malakos] to anger, as others state.
From: Dionysius of Halicarnasus (fl. 30-7 B.C.), Roman Antiquities 7.2.4 (Loeb Classical Library, 1950). See 7.9.3-5 for a description of effeminacy in children, which, by the way, lacks a sexual component.

maldit (Occitan = langue d'Oc):

"Bad thing to say."

1. A complaint or invective in the form of song lyrics, commonly, but not always, against a beloved or a former beloved.

2. The genre of such song lyrics.

Comments: The term is associated with the troubadours of Provence (southeastern France) in the late Middle Ages.

Such lyrics in the form of a complaint plus a dismissal are called a maldit-comjat or maldit-comiat.

See also comjat, courtly love, descort, discourse of desire, escondich, love lyrics, love poem, love song.

x Occitan.

male chauvinism:

1. A view that asserts either a generally natural superiority of human males over human females or a formal superordination of human males over human females.

2. On the part of a human male, acting out of a belief in the superiority or formally higher status of human males relative to human females or acting as though he believed in it.

Contrast female chauvinism (q.v.) and feminism (q.v.). See also discrimination on the basis of sex, double standard, "goose and gander" theory, "head of the wife," patriarchalism, serve the revolution on (her) back, sexism, sexual chauvinism, sexual politics.

x chauvinism.

male code of silence:

See code of silence.

male concubine:

1. A kept man (q.v.)

2. A man who is a woman's lover (q.v.) without being officially married to her.

3. A man who is a secondary partner.

Contrast concubine (q.v.). See also boytoy, cavaliere servante, cicisbeo, gigolo, leman, other man, partner, sanky panky, secondary partner, toy boy.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Male Concubine"
[Chapter 18, page 332, the character Constance Chatterley to her lover, Oliver Mellors] "But you don't want me to go back to Clifford, do you?" she asked him. "What do you want yourself?" he replied. "I want to live with you," she said simply. [333] ".... I hate the impudence of money, and I hate the impudence of class. So in the world as it is, what have I to offer a woman?" "But why offer anything? It's not a bargain. It's just that we love one another," she said. "Nay, nay! It's more than that. Living is moving and moving on. My life won't get down the proper gutters, it just won't. So I'm a bit of a wasste ticket by myself. And I've no business to take a woman into my life, unless my life does something and gets somewhere, inwardly at least, to keep us both fresh. A man must offer a woman some meaning in his life, if it's going to be an isolated life, and if she's a genuine woman. I can't be just your male concubine." "Why not?" she said. "Why, because I can't. And you would soon hate it." "As if you couldn't trust me," she said. The grin flickered on his face. "The money is yours, the position is yours, the decisions will lie with you. I'm not just my lady's fucker, after all."
From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): pp. 332-333. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928." The elision is mine.

male couple:

Two men who are in a dyadic homosexual relationship together.

Contrast female couple (q.v.). See also couple, dyad, gay male, homosexual, male marriage.

male-dominance polygyny:

Acquisition of a harem by a male, which is achieved by using his appealing personal traits and characterisitics to his advantage, thus outshining his revivals and attracting several females. Said of any harem-gathering species as apropos.

See also female-defense polygyny, harem, intrasexual competition, mate guarding, polygyny, resource-defense polygyny, search polygyny.

male-female friendship:

A boy and a girl or a man and a woman knowing each other, enjoying conversation together, enjoying time in each other's company, and being mutually aware of liking each other.

Comment: It is often said that it is good to pick one's love relationship partner(s) from among one's friends; also that spousal relationships are enhanced by the spouses being best friends. However, many do not believe that a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman can be just friends, for (they argue) there is always sexual tension between them if they enjoy each other in the least and friendship between a man and a woman is but a stage in a development towards romantic love. Others argue the opposite, that male-female friendship need not entail romantic love and, in fact, is an important sort of relationship to respect in a culture where men and women routinely work together. After all, a man and a woman might be just friends because, for instance:

• they are not physically attracted to each other;
• their friendship is limited to spheres where sexual activity would be out of place;
• each or at least one of the friends is sexually exclusive to someone else;
• neither wants to endanger a valued friendship by submitting it to the risks of a sexual relationship;
• one or both may be living by a religious code that, for some reason, prevents their coming together sexually;
• one or both may be commited to celibacy;
• one or both may be prohibited from stepping over a professional boundary;
• they've put a sexual phase of their relationship behind them and are now "just friends"; or,
• neither views their friendship as being any different from a same-sex friendship.

All of this discussion is frequently present as an overtone when the term is used.

See also amour de tête, comarital, cuddle buddy, dammerel, erotic friendship, friendship, friendship-wih-sex, heterosexual frienship, intimate friendship, just friends, platonic love, platonic relationship, relationship, spiritual connection, soul mate, Sunday husband, umfriend, UST relationship.

x female-male friendship.

male gynophilia:

See gynophilia.

male insanity syndrome:

The tendency of many a man always to be looking for a woman better than the one he has.

See also bigger, better deal; can do better than him (or her); order of Saint Beelzebub; trade up.

x syndromes.

male marriage:

1. A situation in which two men, not brothers and not father and son, are living together.

2. A male homosexual domestic partnership.

3. An instance in which men are legally married to each other.

See also civil union, counterfeit bride, daddy/boy relationship, domestic partnership, female marriage, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, household, male couple, marriage, same-sex marriage.

male-partner duplication:

See husband-doubling.

male surplus:

More men than women in a given context, especially more men available to become mates than women available to become mates.

Contrast female surplus (q.v.). See also bride shortage, sex ratio, spanogyny.

male widow:

A man not currently married who has lost his most recent wife.

See also husband, widow, widower, widow man.

mama:

See baby-mama, birth mama, hot mama, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," mother, motorcycle mama, sugar mama.

man:

1. An adult human male; a human male who has passed through puberty and, in some cultures, adolescence as well.

2. A human male who is ready for or has taken on adult responsibilities.

3. A human male who is no longer a virgin.

4. A human male who is sexually viril.

5. Boyfriend or husband, as in "my man," "your man," "her man."

6. An adult human male to be one's mate, as in "looking for a man."

Comment: Regarding the last sense, note, for instance, the Loretta Lynn lyrics, "You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man" (1966) and the Tammy Wynette/Billy Sherrill lyrics, "Stand By Your Man" (1968).

Constrast woman (q.v.) See also "Behind every great man is a great woman," boyfriend, first man, husband, kick for a man, look for a man, new man in (her) life, other man, put (her) off men, stag, wanton man, widow man, wingman.

man bait:

1. Anything used to entice a human male, such as a free beer.

2. A woman used to entice a human male, for instance as part of a blackmail scheme.

3. An attractive woman.

4. A woman's physical attributes or a particular attribute, such as a prominently displayed bust, insofar as they are or it is used to attract a human male.

See also attraction, cougar bait, Delilah, fatal attraction, femme fatale, jail bait, maneater, siren, temptress, white widow.

x bait.

man-boy love:

Homoeroticism between an adult male and a male minor, sometimes involving a continuing relationship between the two.

Comments: In modern cultures, such a relationship is sometimes compared to the erastës-erömenos (or pederast-catamite) relationship accepted in some ancient Greek-speaking cultures. However, the pedophilia aspect of man-boy love is widely regarded with horror in modern times, even where homoeroticism is accepted; and lasting psychological harm to minors has been, if not universally, at least widely documented.

Many issues are raised by man-boy love, for instance:

• Is harm to minors inherent or culturally induced? Is there a moral difference for the adult involved? What are the moral implications for a culture?
• In a modern culture where there is a divide between responsibility allotted to minors and responsibility allotted to adults, can such a relationship ever be characterized as chiefly one of affection rather than one of exploitation of a less powerful party?
• How does a society mentally frame and cope with such sexual desire on the part of some of its members, particularly when such desire is persistent and when the fulfillment of a large variety of other sexual desires is widely regarded as a good or even requisite?

See also active-passive split, arsenokoitês, campsite rule, catamite, daddy/boy relationship, gay male, gugusse, gunsel, homosexual, jail bait, love that can never be told, love that dare not speak its name, malakos, pornos.

man crush:

Infatuation of a straight human male with another human male.

Comment: Also called "boy crush" and "guy crush."

Contrast girl crush (q.v.). See also bromance, crush, friendship, infatuation, straight.

x boy crush.

x guy crush.

 

M&FT, or M and FT:

1. Marriage and family therapy.

2. Marriage and family therapist.

See also family therapy, marital therapy.

x marriage and family therapy.

Mandingo party:

An orgy arranged for men of black African descent to copulate with non-black women (usually white) in the presence of their non-black husbands or boyfriends.

Comments: In standard parlance, Mandingo refers to a black-skinned person inhabiting the upper Niger river valley, to such persons collectively, or to any of their languages. As a slang term, it refers to a man of black African descent, especially one endowed with an exceptionally large penis.

See also allotriorasty, candaulism, creolism, hotwife, martymachlia, miscegenation, mixoscopia, mudshark, orgy, racial commingling, sex party, watching, white wife.

x party.

maneater:

1. A carnivorous beast known to attack human beings and to consume human flesh.

2. A human female who uses her sexual charms to exploit one or more human males for self-aggrandizement, after which she discards the males; a woman whose practice (to use figurative language) is to chew men up and to spit them out.

Comment: Although the term is generally defined along these lines, there is nothing inherent in the term itself to keep it from being used in the second sense (with the appropriate adjustments) of a gay male.

See also bunny boiler, deathbed bride, Delilah, fatal attraction, femme fatale, Lady Macbeth syndrome, man bait, maneating, siren, tart noir, temptress, white widow.

maneating:

The use of sexual charms to exploit one or more human males for self-aggrandizement, those males afterwards being discarded.

See also maneater.

m'anenet (Hebrew):

A woman or girl who seeks to have her betrothal as a minor annulled, this before taking up residence with her husband, which might otherwise occur upon her reaching maturity.

Comment: The root meaning of the word is "to refuse."

See also kiddushim.

x Hebrew terms.

man friend, or manfriend:

A physically mature male who returns affection.

Comment: This term is sometimes used as a substitute for the more juvenile sounding "boyfriend," although there is no age limit on "boyfriend."

See also beau, boyfriend, friend, gentleman friend, partner, romantic friend, Sunday husband, woman friend.

man-hungry:

Desirous of men, especially when this is due to having a strongly male-oriented libido or to having gone a long time without sexual relations. Said especially of a woman.

See also andromania, androphilia, boy crazy, kick for a man, man-keen, man-mad, sex-starved, starvation economy, woman-hungry.

manic love:

An obsessive self-consuming attraction to or attachment to a person that is characterized by emotions, such as jealousy and possessiveness, taken to extremes. Typically such emotions have a destructive effect upon ties with the one so loved.

See also love.

man in one's life:

1. A male with whom one is, was, or hopes to be in a love relationship.

2. A male family member.

3. A male who has affected one's life, especially in a beneficial way.

Comment: With this phrase, articles, singulars, plurals, and even tenses, along with context, tend to nuance meaning. Consider:

• "She wants a man in her life": she's looking for a mate.
• "You are the man in my life": you are central to me, other males don't compare.
• "You've had many men in your life": you've had many male lovers; or, many men have imparted something of themselves for your benefit.
• "The men in your life are so supportive of you": your male family members have a record of backing you impressively well; or, you have a record of choosing male lovers who back you impressively well; or (if applicable), your current male lovers back you impressively well.

See also lifemate, life partner, lover, mate, partner, woman in one's life.

man-keen:

Keen on men; having an activated male-oriented libido; desirous of mingling with human males, especially for the purpose of finding one or more partners in sex or love. Said especially of a woman.

See also andromania, androphilia, boy crazy, heterosexual, man-hungry, man-mad, straight, woman-keen.

x keen.

man-mad:

Crazy about adult human males, even to the point of social detriment; extremely desirous of sexual relations with men. Said especially of a woman.

See also andromania, androphilia, boy crazy, man-hungry, man-keen, woman-mad.

x mad.

Quotation from Malcolm Muggeridge Illustrating "Man-Mad"
About the siren in the attic window I had heard her [the author's mother] mutter splenetically: 'Man-mad!'
From the autobiography: Chronicles of Wasted Time. Chronicle I: The Green Stick, [by] Malcolm Muggeridge (New York: William Morrow, 1973, c1972): chapter 2, p. 39.

mannered love:

See amour-goût.

man of easy virtue:

See easy virtue.

man of (one's) dreams:

A human male who appears to fit the image of what one imagines to be an ideal mate for oneself.

See also Adonis, boy of (one's) dreams, demon-lover, dream, dream date, fantasy life, hunk, ideal, love dream, lovemap, Mister Right, Mister Wonderful, perfect catch, person of (one's) dreams, Prince Charming, strong silent type, template (for a lover), unicorn, woman of (one's) dreams.

man (one) wants to spend the rest of (one's) life with:

A human male one wishes to have as a mate or companion until one dies.

See also companion, grow old together, husband, mate, woman (one) wants to spend the rest of (one's) life with.

x spend the rest of one's life with.

man plan:

A course of action to incorporate a male into one's love life.

See also dating plan, Rules Girl.

man's sphere:

The range of activity, especially fields of work, to which adult human males tend to be relegated according to cultural expectations, usually on the theory that this is the range of activity for which they are the most suited. Traditionally in Western cultures, the core areas of activity include providing for a wife and any children and defending the community or nation.

See also family values, feminism, sex relation, sex roles, sexual politics, traditional ways, two-spirit person, woman's sphere.

x sphere.

man-tired:

Wearied from being hassled by one or more human males; fatigued from being nagged by one or more men.

Comment: Coined by me, July 8, 2009, on analogy with "woman-tired."

See also break, maritodespotism, woman-tired.

x -tired.

man to a woman:

See be man to a woman.

manus (legal term):

Special legal power held by a husband.

See also gamical, "head of the wife," ius mariti, mund.

manushi (Romany):

1. Woman.

2. Wife.

Comment: This term is part of the recorded vocabulary of English Gypsies.

Source: Romano Lavo-Lil: Word-Book of the Romany or, English Gypsy Language ..., by George Borrow (London: John Murray, 1905, prefatory note dated 1873): p. 44.

See also juva, mort, woman, wife.

x Romany language terms.

manwalan (Hindi?):

The boy-bridegroom in the Nayar rite known as the tali-kettu-kalyanam.

See also boy-bridegroom, tali-kettu-kalyanam.

x Hindi terms.

manwhore:

1. A male prostitute.

2. A sexually promiscuous male.

3. A male who wastes his charms on one or more persons who are not interested sexually.

Comment: Generally used pejoratively.

See also gigolo, lecher, philanderer, promiscuity, prostitute, sex worker, whore, womanizer.

many-splendored thing:

See "Love is a many-spendored thing."

map of matrimony:

A cartographical representation of the journey, speaking allegorically, to or during marriage or of where such a journey could go.

See also carte de tendre, discourse of desire, geography of love, geography of marriage, Land of Matrimony, matrimony, Reich der Lieber, River of True Love, royaume d'amour, sentimental cartography (which see for a chart of maps), topography of love, Truelove River.

x matrimonial map.

map of tenderness:

See carte de tendre.

marble:

An acronym standing for "married but lesbian": a woman who is married to a man but of same-sex orientation.

Comment: Apparently a shortening of MarBLes in order to have a natural singular, as in, "I am a marble."

See also MarBLes.

MarBLes, or marbles:

An acronym standing for "married but lesbian": the set of women who are married to a man but are of same-sex orientation.

Comments: The abbreviation MBL is also used.

"Marbles" is also slang for "testicles."

See also beard, homosexuality, lavender marriage, lesbian, marble, MBL, merkin, mixed-orientation marriage.

Margaret Mead's Law of Human Migration:

A humorous observation attributed to American cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead (1901-1978), which bears on the spread of humankind. The observation has appeared widely in two forms:

• At least fifty percent of the human race doesn't want their mother-in-law within walking distance. (The above title is usually attached to this form.)
• Of all the peoples whom I have studied, from city dwellers to cliff dwellers, I always find that at least 50 percent would prefer to have at least one jungle between themselves and their mothers-in-law. (This form appears without the above title generally but sometimes with the claim that she "wrote" it -- as opposed to just "said" it.)

Comment: I've not located a textual source among Mead's writings, which means that the attribution has yet to be confirmed.

See also Algren's Third Rule, "All the good ones are taken," Arthur's Laws of Love, Beifeld's Principle,  Colvard's Logical Premise and Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary, First Law of Socio-Genetics, Hartley's Law for Lovers, in-law, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, Murphy's First Law for Husbands, Murphy's Second Law for Husbands, Murphy's Laws of Love, Murphy's Laws of Marriage, O'Reilly's Observation, Tao of Steve, Thoms's Law of Marital Bliss.

x law.

x Law of Human Migration.

x Mead's Law.

x Migration.

marginalized sexually:

See sexually marginalized.

mariage à la mode (French):

See marriage à la mode.

mariage à trois (French):

A marriage (q.v.) of three; usually one man and two women living together, especially where one woman is more particular at satisfying the man's sexual needs and the other his soul.

See also domestic trio, French arrangement, ménage à trois, non-monogamy, spiritual husband, spiritual wife.

x French terms.

mariage blanc (French):

"White marriage"; unconsummated marriage.

Comment: Un mariage blanc means "an unconsummated marriage"; le mariage blanc means "the unconsummated marriage."

See also abstinence, accubitus, agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibacy, celibate marriage, consummation, demi-vierge, diasteunia, drone, intramarital chastity, involuntary celibacy, marriage, sexless love, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos, white marriage.

x French terms.

Quotation from Deborah Davis Illustrating "Mariage Blanc"
[Regarding Virginie Amélie Avegno Gautreau (1859-1915) and her husband, Pedro] According to one tale that spread rapidly throughout Paris after her wedding, Amélie's husband was so obsessed with the virginal young Amélie that he had agreed to a mariage blanc -- a sexless marriage -- to persuade her to be his wife. Pedro Gautreau upheld his end of the bargain by not forcing her to fulfill her wifely duties.
From: Strapless: John Singer Sargent and the Fall of Madame X, [by] Deborah Davis (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2004, c2003): p. 106.

mariage de convenance (French):

Marriage of convenience (q.v.).

See also marriage, marriage of reason.

x French terms.

mariage de raison (French):

"Marriage for reason"; marriage of convenience (q.v.).

See also marriage, marriage of reason.

x French terms.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone Illustrating "Mariage de Raison"
Young women in his day [the day of Choderlos de Laclos, 1741-1803] were given very little grounding in the facts of life...The marriage, moreover, would have been arranged solely on a basis of mutual advantage to the families concerned. The mariage de raison was an almost universally accepted institution -- and almost the only obligations it imposed were economic ones.
From the introduction to the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): p. 11. The mark of omission is mine.

mariage d'inclination (French):

Marriage of inclination (q.v.).

See also marriage.

x French terms.

Marilyn syndrome:

Proneness to damaging romantic errors; a tendency to fall love with the wrong people, especially to do so in such a way that one becomes as strongly attached to each of them as a drug addict is to a drug.

Comments: By "wrong people" is usually meant "wrong men."

Named after the actress, Marilyn Monroe (born, Norma Jeane Mortenson; baptized, Norma Jeane Baker).

Source: Lovesick: The Marilyn Syndrome, [by] Elizabeth Macavoy and Susan Israelson (New York : D. I. Fine, c1991).

See also attraction junky, bad boy syndrome, demon-lover, Dirty Harry syndrome, limerence, love addiction, lovemap, Mister Wrong, multiphilia, poor match, relationship addiction, romance junky, sexual addiction, template (for a lover).

x syndromes.

maritage:

1. A feudal lord's right to dispose in marriage of a vassal's minor heir, heiress, or widow.

2. A fee paid by a vassal for the waiver of such a right.

3. A fine assessed a vassal for the violation of such a right.

4. A variant form of maritagium (q.v.).

See also avail of marriage, custom of the country, droit de seigneur, formariage, ius connubii, lairwite, mercheta mulierum, widow.

maritagium; plural, maritagia:

1. The property given with a daughter in marriage, especially per feudal custom.

2. A variant form of "maritage" (q.v.).

See also amober, arrha, avail of marriage, brideprice, dowry, duplicem valorem maritagii, frankmarriage, liberum maritagium, valorem maritagii, weotuma.

Quotation from William Blackstone Illustrating "Maritagium"
BUT, before they came of age, there was still another piece of authority, which the guardian was at liberty to exercise over his infant wards; I mean the right of marriage, (maritagium, as contradistinguished from matrimonium) which in it's feodal sense signifies the power, which the lord or guardian in chivalry had of disposing of his infant ward in matrimony. For, while the infant was in ward, the guardian had the power of tendering him or her a suitable match, without disparagement, or inequality: which if the infants refused, they forfeited the value of the marriage, valorem maritagii, to their guardian; that is, so much as a jury would assess, or any one would bona fide give to the guardian for such an alliance: and if the infants married themselves without the guardian's consent, they forfeited double the value, duplicem valorem maritagii.
From: Commentaries on the Laws of England. Book the Second, [Of the Rights of Things], by William Blackstone (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1766): chapter 5, §1.5, p. 70. Regarding the age of wards, see §1.4, p. 67 and chapter 6, §2.7, p. 88. By "infant" was meant "minor."

marital:

Of or relating to marriage (q.v.).

See also bridal, comarital, conjugal, connubial, extramarital, gamical, hymeneal, intermarital, intramarital, matrimonial, nonmarital, nuptial, postmarital, premarital, relational, spousal.

marital aptitude:

A person's suitability for marriage in terms of internal and relational capacities and characteristics, especially insofar as those capacities and characteristics can be quantified and used either:

• as indicators of how counseling should proceed; or,
• when compiled with quantifications for a group of people, as prediction factors with regard, for instance, to the upcoming incidence of divorce within a certain number of years.

Comment: Attributed to Lewis M. Terman and Paul Wallin, 1949.

See also compatibility, couple skills, good match, incompatibiity, learn to love, love quotient, poor match, relational intelligence, relationship quotient, romantically challenged, sexual intelligence.

x aptitude.

x statistics.

Quotations from Terman and Wallin Illustrating "Marital Aptitude"
[502] Terman's marital aptitude (prediction) test and his marital happiness test were administered in 1940 to more than 600 of his gifted subjects and their spouses.
[503] The prediction test used in the comparison of divorced and non-divorced couples does not include the numerous items relating to the background of the marriage. The information on such items is usable only with married subjects or with subjects tested immediately before marriage, and it was desired to make the test one which could be used with any unmarried subject so that it could serve as a test of the individual's marital aptitude. In the remainder of the discussion it will be designated as the marital aptitude test.
[504] ... husband-wife composite marital aptitude score ...
"The Validity of Marriage Prediction and Marital Adjustment Tests," [by] Lewis M. Terman and Paul Wallin, in: American Sociological Review; v. 14, no. 4 (August 1949): pp. 497-504, specifically pp. 501-504.

marital bliss:

See bliss.

marital blues:

Sadness about one's present marriage; depression, a set of sad emotions, or a melancholy mood due to problems or suspected problems in one's marriage or due to problems with marriage itself as one is experiencing it; unhappiness, be it only temporary and partial, with:

• one's spouse,
• something one's spouse has said or done or is suspected to be guilty of,
• what one has said or done that would or has hurt one's spouse,
• the way one is relating with one's spouse, or
• the conditions of one's marriage.

Contrast, for example, bliss (q.v.). See also cagamosis, cavel, desperate, dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estrangement, fall out of love, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, loveless marriage, love-resolves-all myth, love-trouble, marital conflict, marital hell, marital issue, marriage from hell, marriage shock, marriage-trap, misérables, poor match, post break-up funk, post coitum triste, postmarital blues, punishment through marriage, relationship trouble, rocky relationship, soul-mate problem, toxic relationship, troubled marriage, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, where things went wrong for (us), WMD.

x blues.

x marriage blues.

marital communications privilege:

See marital confidences privilege.

marital confidences privilege:

A legal protection in the United States -- which originated at common law, was built into state and federal rules of evidence, and has been supported with qualifications by the Supreme Court, for instance, in Wolfle v. United States 291 U. S. 7 (1934) -- to the effect that a court may not compel a person to testify against his or her spouse, in either civil or criminal cases, regarding private communications between them during their marriage to each other.

Comment: Also known as the marital communications privilege.

The point is to promote marital discourse. Generally the privilege is understood to be held by both the witness spouse and the defendant spouse, and it survives divorce.

Among the qualifications and restrictions developed by courts:

• It is necessary to the privilege that both spouses intended the communication to be confidential.
• The voluntary inclusion of a third party is understood to render a communication non-confidential, in which case the privilege does not apply.
• The privilege does not apply in prosecutions for crimes against the spouse or against their children.
  

See also spousal privilege, spousal testimonial privilege.

x communications.

x confidences.

x marital communications privilege.

x privilege.

marital conflict:

1. A verbal fight between spouses.

2. Chromic fighting between spouses.

3. Opposition within a marriage on one or more matters.

Comment: The term does not automatically imply unresolvable conflict. Quite the contrary. Many marital conflicts are resolvable and resolved.

See also cagamosis, Drachenfutter, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, lovers' quarrel, lovers' spat, marital blues, marital hell, marital issue, relationship trouble, spousonomics, stormy relationship, strain on a marriage, troubled marriage, unhappily married, where things went wrong for (us).

x conflict.

marital counseling:

1. Advisory and/or mediatorial assistance given spouses in working through issues in their marriage and in clarifying a course of action with respect to their marriage. Typically such assistance is given by a member of the clergy, a therapist, a psychiatrist, or a medical doctor, as appropriate.

2. The benefit or practice of the above.

See also couples counseling, family counseling, genetic counseling, love dare, love guru, marital counselor, marital therapy, marriage ministry, premarital counseling, relationship counseling, relationship guru, save a marriage.

x counseling.

x marriage counseling.

marital counselor:

A person who provides marital counseling (q.v.).

See also couples counselor, couples ministry, couples therapist, love coach, love guru, relationship coach, relationship counselor, relationship guru.

 x counselor.

marital duty:

1. A responsibility specifically associated with marriage, such as giving birth to and rearing the family's next generation, if the spouses are able and willing.

2. The responsibility to satisfy the sexual needs of one's spouse on an ongoing basis.

3. The responsibility to satisfy the sexual needs of one's spouse in the moment.

Comment: In either of the sexual senses, the term is often cast in the plural, "marital duties," even when only one instance of fulfilling a responsibility is contemplated.

See also be there for (someone), conjugal rights, consortium, keep (someone) happy in bed, marriage debt, married life, needs, partner sexually, play the dutiful spouse, right to sex, sexual needs, sexual partnering.

x duty.

marital exchange:

See generalized marital exchange, restricted marital exchange.

marital hell:

1. An extremely unhappy marriage.

2. An extremely unpleasant situation that arises from being married to a particular person or simply from being married.

See also abuse, cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, dysfunctional family, emotional divorce, estrangement, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, loveless marriage, love-trouble, marital blues, marital conflict, marital issue, marriage from hell, marriage shock, marriage-trap, misérables, poly-agony, poly hell, poor match, punishment through marriage, relationship parasite, relationship trouble, rocky relationship, toxic relationship, troubled marriage, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage.

x hell.

marital issue:

1. Progeny of a marriage; a child or children.

2. An area of conflict, frustration, or reluctant toleration on the part of one spouse with another; an as yet unresolved problem in a marriage; something irritating about one's spouse.

Comment: In counseling, the word "issue" has become a euphemism for "problem," just as in business "challenge" has become a euphemism for "problem." In many a venue, the useful word "problem" has become nearly taboo.

See also cagamosis, heterogamosis, marital blues, marital conflict, marital hell, strain on a marriage, where things went wrong for (us).

x issue.

maritality:

Extraordinary affection of a wife for her husband, especially where undue.

Contrast uxoriousness (q.v.). See also affection, conjugal love, marital love, meritorious, Pygmalion effect.

marital love:

An abiding affection and caring of one spouse for another, inclusive of sexual expression.

Comment: Marital love has been classified variously over the millennia. Paul the Apostle spoke of agapë as a form of love to be desired in marriage (Ephesians 5:25-33). Thomas Aquinas (circa 1225-1274), the Scholastic philosopher and theologian, regarded marriage as a form of amicitia or friendship (Summa Contra Gentiles, book 3, chapters 123-124), hearkening back to Aristotle's more general comments on friendship (philia) in the Nichomachian Ethics 8.5-6 (1157b 36; 1158a 10). Many today would regard marriage as either an expression or culmination of romantic love (q.v.) and as a relationship of ongoing affection with an erotic component.

See also affection, agapic love, conjugal love, love, maritality, married life, "one flesh," uxorious.

marital monotony:

A stale, unimaginative, unexciting sex life between people who are married to each other, typically after they've been married for years or decades.

Contrast Coolidge effect (q.v.). See also bed death, low-sex marriage, sex life, sexual starvation, twin-bed syndrome.

marital opportunity ratio:

The number of men seeking marriage compared to the number of women seeking marriage, relative to certain criteria such as proximity and age range.

Comment: Abbreviated MOR.

See also "All the good ones are taken," assortive mating, availability index, dating pool, marriage gap, marriage market, marriage squeeze, mating gradient, MOR, propinquity factor, sex ratio, spanandry, spaneria, spanogyny.

x ratio.

x statistics.

marital rape:

1. The act of forcing sexual activity upon one's nonconsenting spouse or of coercing one's nonconsenting spouse to engage in sexual activity.

2. The perpetration of non-defensive violence against one's spouse in a way that involves genital or anal contact.

Comments: By force or coercion is meant overpowering by strength or the use of threat of bodily harm. Thus, for example, a threat to leave would not be covered.

The precise legal definition of marital rape varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and in many places is not recognized in the law at all.

See also abuse, consent to sex, domestic violence, honeymoon assault, rape, spousal rape, spouse abuse, wife abuse.

marital state:

The condition of being joined together as spouses, spoken of either generally or in reference to certain individuals; the condition of being married.

See also benefit of marriage, marriage, state of marriage.

marital status:

1. In official documents, ordinarily one's legal, public footing in relation to marriage, typically either single (never married), married, divorced (not remarried), or widowed (not remarried).

2. In personal conversation, one's current eligibility, ultimate eligibility, or ineligibility for marriage.

3. Also in personal conversation, one's eligibility or ineligibility for a love relationship in the eyes of the other, which often means a fine parcing of the type of any relationship one is in, of what the conditions of the relationship are, and even of whether or not one is happy in it.

Comment: Sometimes abbreviated MRTL.

See also attached, divorcé, divorced, divorcée, eligible, estranged, ever-married, feme sole, formerly married, free agent, happily married, in circulation, ineligible, marriagefree, married, miss, Mrs., MRTL, never-married, out of circulation, previously married, re-singled, separated, single, unattached, widow-bewitched, widowed.

x statistics.

marital therapist:

One who provides marital therapy (q.v.).

See also couples counselor, couples ministry, couples therapist, love coach, love guru, marital counselor, relationship coach, relationship counselor, relationship guru.

x therapist.

marital therapy:

1. The use or benefit of professionally developed methods to help the spouses in a troubled marriage cope better with or alleviate problems in that marriage and to help them clarify a course of action as to what to do with the marriage.

2. Professional counseling of partners in troubled marriages as a practice.

See also couples therapy (especially the comment), family therapy, love guru, M&FT, marital counseling, relationship coaching, relationship guru, relationship therapy, save a marriage.

x marriage and family therapy.

x therapy.

marital virginity:

1. The state of never having consummated a marriage; celibacy within marriage from the start.

2. The state, during the betrothal period, of never having had sex with someone, where betrothal is regarded as the first stage of marriage.

3. The state of never having been married before.

4. The state of never having had extramarital sex before. Sometimes more specifically:

• Married without yet having had a sexual affair.
  
• Married without yet having engaged in mutually consensual cuckolding or swinging.
  
• The state of (a) being separated from one's spouse, after having been sexually exclusive to him or her, and (b) not yet having had sex with someone else.
  

Comment: In the last sense, also called "extramarital virginity."

See also agenobiosis, betrothal, celibacy, celibate marriage, cuckoldry, diastunia, extramarital affair, intra-marital chastity, mariage blanc, separated, sexless marriage, swinging, syneisaktism, unmarried, virginity, white marriage.

x extramarital virginity.

mariticidal:

Characterized by or pertaining to mariticide (q.v.).

mariticide:

Murder of one's spouse.

See also abuse, black widow, crime of passion, domestic violence, mariticidal, spousal homicide, spouse abuse, uxoricide, viricide, widow maker.

maritodespotic:

Pertaining to or characterized by maritodespotism (q.v.).

maritodespotism:

Use of fear or force by a husband to dominate his wife; marital tyranny on the part of a husband.

Contrast: uxorodespotism (q.v.). See also abuse, androcracy, androlatry, ball and chain, bedroom politics, conjugal fetters, doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, gyves, "head of the wife," high maintenance, husband worship, lord, man-tired, maritodespotic, master, possessiveness, rule the roost, spouse abuse, toxic relationship, unilateralism.

maritorious:

Given to doting on one's husband.

Contrast uxorious (q.v.). See also loveydovey, maritality.

market:

See in the market, marriage market, meat market.

marriage:

1. An ongoing commitment of a man and a woman to each other to be bonded sexually and to be loyal one to the other.

2. An ongoing commitment of two people to each other to be bonded sexually and to be loyal one to the other.

3. An ongoing commitment of at least one man and at least one woman to each other to be bonded sexually, either directly or through one or more other partners, and to be loyal to one another.

4. An ongoing commitment of two or more people to each other to be bonded sexually, either directly or through one or more other partners, and to be loyal to one another.

5. A socially recognized institution in which a man and a woman function together domestically as a basic unit of society, part of the idea being that sexual urges and emotions can thereby be channeled in an orderly direction and another part of the idea being that a large subset of marriages will function as the setting for the birthing and rearing of children.

6. A relationship that is socially approved for both copulation and procreation.

7. The state of primary affinity (q.v.) through which kinship obligations are conferred upon a certain set of people.

8. Formal civil recognition of a domestic unit composed of at least two partners -- the range of recognized composition being defined by the state -- for the purpose of both social management and the appropriate assignment of child custody and distribution of assets in the event of the break-up of that unit.

9. A sexual union that meets the following criteria:

• It is between one man and one woman.
• It is by mutual consent.
• The intent is for each partner to be sexually and especially procreatively exclusive to the other.
• The intent is to remain united until parted by death.

10. A marrying, wedding, or uniting.

11. A relationship that is conceived of from its inception to its end and that encompasses a marriage in one of the narrower senses of the term. (See lexical example under "romantic theology.")

Comment 1: Substantive definitions of marriage can generally be sorted into three categories:

• Some are essentialistic and attempt to describe the universal heart of a widespread phenomenon. Paradigm: Individuals before each other and God. (Definitions 1-4 above.)
• Some are positivistic, merely describing broad parameters of word usage and leaving to each individual culture the exact definition of marriage. Paradigm: Marriage as an artificial construction by society. (Definitions 5-8 above.)
• Some are prescriptive, laying out criteria that must be met for a relationship to be a marriage. Paradigm: A religious institution or the state either mediating between an essentialistic ideal and cultural forms or imposing an artificial construction. (Definition 9 above.)

Comment 2: The set of all marriages and the set of all committed love relationships overlap but are not coterminus. Some marriages are loveless, and some committed love relationships do not meet a given definition of marriage.

See also accouplement, ad hoc union, adultery, alcoholic marriage, anisonogamia, anti-marriage league, anuloma marriage, arranged marriage, arrangement, ask for (someone's) hand in marriage, autonomistic marriage, ball and chain, beau mariage, bed-match, beena marriage, belief in marriage, believe in marriage, benefit of marriage, bona fide marriage, Boston marriage, bourgeois marriage, bridelock, broomstick-marriage, Californian marriage, capture marriage, celebrity marriage, Celestial Marriage, celibate marriage, ceremonial marriage, child-marriage, civil marriage, civil union, clandestine marriage, clandestine polygamy, class-marriage, clerical marriage, closed group marriage, closed marriage, cluster marriage, coemption, colleague marriage, collusional marriage, committed love relationship, common law marriage, communal marriage, commuter marriage, companionate marriage, companionship marriage, complementary marriage, complex marriage, confarreation, conjugal, conjunction, connubial, consanguine family, consensual marriage, consent to marriage, consequences of sex outside of marriage, consolation marriage, contract marriage, conventional marriage, corporate marriage, couple, covenant marriage, cross-cousin marriage, Defense of Marriage Act, different-sex marriage, doll's house marriage, DOM, domestic partnership, dual-career marriage, dual-employed marriage, dual-military marriage, duet for life, ecclesiastical marriage, electronic wedlock, e-mail marriage, equal marriage, erëbu marriage, fairy-tale marriage, female marriage, fight for (one's) marriage, first-cousin marriage, first-time marriage, five kinds of relationship, Flagg marriage, Fleet marriage, flexible monogamy, four-cornered marriage, free marriage, frontiers of marriage, function of marriage, future together, gamical, -gamy (see there for a list of words ending in -gamy), gay marriage, geography of marriage, gerontogamy, give up on a marriage, give up on marriage, good-enough marriage, green-card marriage, group marriage, grow old together, half-marriage, hand in marriage, happy marriage, have babies together, heterosexual marriage, his and her marriage, hollow marriage, Hollywood marriage, holy matrimony, holy wedlock, homosexual marriage, husband-wife relationship, hysterical marriage, icebreaker marriage, immigration marriage fraud, individual marriage, informal marriage, inoculated for marriage, institutionalized marriage, institution of marriage, interethnic marriage, interfacial marriage, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, international marriage, interracial marriage, interreligious marriage, intrinsic marriage, jactitation of marriage, kiddushim, kinship, knot, Land of Matrimony, late marriage, lavender marriage, left-handed marriage, levirate marriage, liberated marriage, line marriage, long-splice, love in a cottage, loveless marriage, love marriage, low-sex marriage, mail marriage, male marriage, mariage à trois, mariage blanc, mariage d'inclination, mariage de raison, marital, marital state, marriage ..., marriagefree, married, married couple, married life, married name, marry, martyr of the marriage system, mate, mate selection, matrimony, mésalliance, miscegenation, military marriage, mixed marriage, mixed-orientation marriage, mock marriage, monogamous marriage, monogamy, morganatic marriage, multilateral marriage, multiple marriage, Murphy's Laws of Marriage, M word, mystic marriage, nikah, no-sex marriage, no sex outside of marriage, nuptial, nuptial knot, nuptias non concubitus sed consensus facit, occult marriage, off-the-rack marriage, "one flesh," open-ended contract marriage, open group marriage, open marriage, other terms than marriage, outmarriage, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, pairing family, paperless marriage, paper marriage, paradisal marriage, parental marriage, partner, patriarchal marriage, peer marriage, permanent arrangement, planned marriage, plural marriage, political marriage, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, polymarriage, postlapsarian marriage, practice marriage, pratiloma marriage, precocity of marriage, precondition for sex, preferential marriage, prelapsarian marriage, prender de baron, presumptive marriage, primary relationship, procreative marriage, procreative meaning, progressive marriage, proof marriage, proxy marriage, punaluan family, putative marriage, quality relationship, quickie marriage, ratified marriage, reconstituted marriage, reiterated marriage, remarriage, romantic marriage, romantic theology, rotating marriage, runaway marriage, sacramental marriage, sambandham, same-sex marriage, save a marriage, Scotch marriage, seasonal marriage, secret marriage, separation of marriage and state, serial marriage, sexless marriage, sex-starved marriage, sexual connection, sexuality, sexual relationship, S-group, sham marriage, she-troth, shidduch, shift marriage, shotgun wedding, smock marriage, sororate marriage, spiritual marriage, spiritual wifery, splice, spouse, starter marriage, state of marriage, strain on a marriage, strange union, successful marriage, symbiotic marriage, syndyasmian family, synergic marriage, temporary marriage, time marriage, traditional monogamy, training marriage, trans-conference marriage, tree marriage, trial marriage, tribal marriage, troubled marriage, Turkish marriage, two-step marriage, unequal marriage, union, unit, unitive meaning, unsuccessful marriage, usus, utilitarian marriage, vacation from marriage, visiting marriage, voidable marriage, void marriage, voluntarily child-free marriage, walk-in marriage, wedding, wedlock, white magic of marriage, white marriage, widow marriage, work at a marriage, yoke, zug.

Quotations from Mary Baker Eddy Illustrating "Marriage"
Marriage is the legal and moral provision for generation among human kind.
Marriage should improve the human species, becoming a barrier against vice, a protection to woman, strength to man, and a centre for the affections.
From the religious manual: Science and Health, with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy (Boston: Writings of Mary Baker Eddy, c2000; originally c1875): chapter 3, "Marriage," p. 56, lines 7-8; and p. 60, lines 16-18.

Quotation from Havelock Ellis Illustrating "Marriage"
Sexual union, involving the cohabitation, temporary or permanent, of two or more persons, and having for one of its chief ends the production and care of offspring, is commonly termed marriage. The group so constituted forms a family.
From: Studies in the Psychology of Sex. Volume VI, Sex in Relation to Society, by Havelock Ellis (Philadelphia: F. A. Davis Co., 1913, c1910): chapter 10, "Marriage," p. 421.

Quotation from Ambrose Bierce Illustrating "Marriage"
Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
Humor from: The Devil's Dictionary, [by] Ambrose Bierce (New York: Dover Publications, 1958): p. 86. Originally published in full in v. 7 (1911) of The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce (New York: Neale Publishing Co., 1909-1912).

Quotation from Frederick Parker Walton Illustrating "Marriage"
In the Institutes of Justinian marriage is defined as the union of the male and the female, involving an unbroken intimacy for life -- viri et mulieris conjunctio individuam vitae consuetudinem continens. This is perhaps a modification of the definition by the jurist Modestinus given in the Digest [of Justinian] which is as follows: -- Marriage is the union of the male and the female and "a partnership in the whole of life, a sharing of rights both sacred and secular" -- nuptiae sunt coniunctio maris et feminae, et consortium omnis vitae, divini et humani juris communicatio. The definition of Modestinus is very likely a traditional one. At any rate it brings out clearly the religious character of marriage which is so prominent in the earlier law.
From: Historical Introduction to the Roman Law, by Frederick Parker Walton (Edinburgh and London: William Green, 1912): chapter 19, "The Early Law of Marriage," p. 163. Walton provides these citations (here expanded): Justinian, Institutiones 1:9. Justinian, Digesta 23.2.1. He has borrowed the translation from: Studies in History and Jurisprudence, by James Bryce (New York: Oxford University Press, American Branch, 1901): p. 400. <Not examined>

Quotation from Edward Westermarck Illustrating "Marriage"
Marriage, as a term for a social institution, may be defined as a relation of one or more men to one or more women which is recognized by custom or law and involves certain rights and duties both in the case of the parties entering the union and in the case of the children born of it. These rights and duties vary among different peoples, but there must of course be something that they have in common. Marriage always implies the right of sexual intercourse: society holds such intercourse allowable in the case of husband and wife, and, generally speaking, even regards it as their duty to gratify in some measure the other partner's desire. But at the same time marriage is an economic institution, which may in various ways affect the proprietary rights of the parties... It is, finally, necessary that the union, to be recognized as a marriage, should be concluded in accordance with the rules laid down by custom or law, whatever these rules may be.
From the article: "Marriage," [signed] E.W. [i.e. Edward Westermarck], in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): pp. 507-542, specifically p. 507.

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Marriage"
Marriage (whether registered or not) begins, not with setting up house, counting wedding presents, blowing kisses, looking at wedding groups, but with two bodies confronting one another like two wrestlers.
From the autobiography: Chronicles of Wasted Time. Chronicle I: The Green Stick, [by] Malcolm Muggeridge (New York: William Morrow, 1973, c1972): chapter 4, pp. 142.

Merriam-Webster Adds a Same-Sex Definition of "Marriage"
the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex ~>
From: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (11th ed. Springfield, Mass: Merriam-Webster, 2003): p. 761, s.v. "marriage" 1a(2). Angle brackets theirs.

marriage à la mode:

Marriage (q.v.) "per the fashion," that is, fashionable marriage.

Comments: The "à la mode" part is French. The French term in full is "mariage à la mode." The Italian form of the term is "matrimoni alla moda."

The "fashion" may be that of high society or of culture at large; or it may refer to progressive marriage of the sort that entails creative solutions to sexual problems, such as occurred within certain literary circles in England between 1910 and 1939 (to give a nod to Katie Roiphe's quite specific application of the term in a recent book).

In 1673, John Dryden published a play called Marriage a-la-Mode, and since then many titles have included the term or some close variant thereof, most notably a series of paintings from 1743-1745 by William Hogarth (now in the National Gallery, London); a book chapter by Richard Le Gallienne (book 3, chapter 4, in The Quest of the Golden Girl, 1896); books by Mrs. Humphry Ward (Daphne, or "Marriage a la Mode," 1909), Arthur S. May (1925), and Vida Hurst (1929); and a short story by Katherine Mansfield (first published in The Sphere, December 31, 1921).

References
Uncommon Arrangements: Seven Marriages, [by] Katie Roiphe (New York, N.Y.: Dial Press, 2008): especially pp. 1-2.
Marriage a-la-Mode. A Comedy. As It Is Acted at the Theatre-Royal, written by John Dryden (London: Printed by T[homas]. N[ewcomb]. for Henry Herringman, 1673).

See also progressive marriage.

x à la mode.

x French terms.

x Italian terms.

x mariage à la mode

x matrimoni alla moda.

marriage and family therapy:

See family therapy, M&FT, marital therapy.

marriage bed:

1. A euphemism for conjugal sexual relations.

2. The bed shared by individuals who are married to each other, especially for sexual relations.

See also bedding, wedbed.

marriage blues:

See marital blues.

marriage broker:

A person who, for a fee, acts as an agent for the purpose of arranging a marital union.

See also affiance, affy, go-between, love-broker, matchmaker, proxenete, shadkahn.

x broker.

marriage bureau:

A matrimonial agency or office, the nature and services of which vary considerably according to context. It may be governmental or adjunctive to government or religious or private; and it might facilitate matches, provide premarital and marital counseling, dispense marriage licences, and/or officiate weddings.

Comments: The plural of "bureau" can be either "bureaus" or "bureaux."

Marriage bureaus were once a controversial subject in public policy.

See also dating agency, dating service, play Cupid.

x bureau.

marriage by capture:

See capture marriage.

marriage by contract:

Marriage (q.v.) that is made by agreement, typically a witnessed written agreement, on the authority of the parties or their families. In some times and places, such marriages are recognized under civil law.

Contrast civil marriage (q.v.), ecclesiastical marriage (q.v.). See also broomstick-marriage, contract marriage, common law marriage.

marriage by declaration:

A marriage (q.v.) that is formed by the parties themselves, and which becomes legally and retroactively recognized upon declaration of the parties according to terms laid down by law.

See also contract marriage.

marriage by exchange:

Receiving a wife in exchange for a kinswoman, such as a daughter or sister.

See also marriage.

marriage by inclination:

Marriage (q.v.) in which the spouses have freely selected one another according to their own feelings.

See also choice of one's heart, free marriage, love marriage, love-match, marriage of inclination., marry for love, romantic marriage.

 

marriage by purchase:

Acquiring a spouse by payment.

Contrast free marriage (q.v.). See also brideprice, divorce-by-purchase, own (somebody), wife-purchase.

 

marriage by service:

Working for a family for a specified time in order to obtain a spouse, typically a bride, from that family.

Contrast beena marriage (q.v.). See also marriage.

marriage ceremony:

A formal process for entry into marriage (q.v.), normally a social process for public entry. In North America, that process is generally either civil (q.v.) or a combination of civil and ecclesiastical (q.v.).

See also anti-wedding, ceremonial marriage, legally married, marriage in jest, solemnization, renew vows, wedding.

marriage cohort:

A defined group of people married for the first time within a specified period and designated a unit for purposes of research.

See also assortive mating.

x cohort.

x statistics.

marriage contract:

The agreement by which individuals become spouses of one another.

marriage counseling:

See marital counseling.

marriage debt:

Conjugal rights, especially with regard to sexual relations.

See also conjugal rights, consortium, deadbeat spouse, marital duty.

x debt of marriage.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Dette"
Why sholde men elles in hir bokes sette, That man shal yelde to his wyf hir dette? Now wher-with sholde he make his payement, If he ne used his sely instrument? Than were they maad up-on a creature, To purge uryne, and to eek engendrure.... In wyfhode I wol use myn instrument As frely as my maker hath it sent. If I be daungerous, god yeve me sorwe! Myn housbond shal it have bothe eve and morwe, Whan that him list com forth and paye his dette. As housbond I wol have, I nil nat lette, Which shal be bothe my dettour and my thral, and have his tribulacioun with-al Up-on his flessh, whyl that I am his wyf. I have the power duringe al my lyf Up-on his propre body, and noght he.
From: Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, "The Wife of Bath's Tale," prologue, lines 128-134, 149-159, in this edition: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; from the text of W. W. Skeat; with a note on the language and metre and a glossary (New York: Avenenl Books; distributed by Crown Publishers, 1985; in series: Oxford World's Classics): pp. 294-295. First published in The World's Classics in 1906.
Quotation from the Burton Raffel Translation of Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Marriage Debt"
Why else should wise men write in their holy texts That a man is bound to pay his marriage debt To his wife? How could he possibly make that payment If he never used his God-given implement? God gave his creatures these tools for urine excretion, And also for making new lives in God's creation.... When I'm a wife, I'll use his gifts to me As he [God] has given them, all generously. If I am ever reluctant, God send me sorrow! My husband will have it at night, and in the morning, Whenever he wishes to come and pay his debt. And I want a husband, the youngest one I can get, And he will owe me my debt, and serve me, too, For I will make my pound of his flesh a duty He must fulfill, as long as I'm his wife. His body owes me this, for the rest of my life, And nothing can interfere or ever deprive me.
As translated in: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; a new unabridged translation by Burton Raffel; introduction by John Miles Foley (New York: Modern Library, 2008): pp. 162-163.

marriage fraud:

Deceptive use of a wedding or marital union in order to acquire a benefit.

Contrast bona fide marriage (q.v.). See also bigamy, faux wedding, immigration marriage fraud, klepsigamy, pseudoromantic, shadow husband, shadow wife, sham marriage.

marriagefree:

1. Without having succumbed to the institution of marriage, typically said of an individual.

2. Having broken away from the institution of marriage and now not married, typically said of an individual.

3. Characterized by the non-recognition of institutionalized marriage, said, for example, of an environment or community.

See also agamy, divorced, marital status, marriage, misogamy, never married, nonogamy, single, unattached, unmarried, widowed.

marriage from hell:

A marital union that in one or more ways serves as an earthly image of the fabled place of everlasting punishment and torment.

Comment: I say "fabled" not by way of expressing a theological judgment, but by way of recognizing that what is thought about hell in the popular imagination is often (a) based on translations, frequently mistranslations, or (b) derived most directly from sources other than the primary documents of a given faith.

See also abuse, cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, dysfunctional family, emotional divorce, estrangement, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, loveless marriage, love-trouble, marital blues, marital hell, marriage shock, marriage-trap, misérables, poly-agony, poly hell, poor match, punishment through marriage, relationship parasite, relationship trouble, rocky relationship, toxic relationship, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage.

x hell.

marriage gap:

The difference between the number of men seeking marriage and the number of women seeking marriage, relative to certain criteria such as proximity and age range, especially where monogamy-only is the social expectation.

See also assortive mating, availability index, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, mating gradient, propinquity factor, sex ratio, spanandry, spaneria, spanogyny.

x statistics.

marriage gradient:

See mating gradient.

marriage: hers and his:

See his and her marriages.

marriage in jest:

The immediate result of going through a legally recognized marriage ceremony (q.v.) without each party consenting to and intending to initiate an actual marriage (q.v.). Typically annulment (q.v.) is the remedy.

See also bloss, blowen, faux wedding, jactitation of marriage, mock wedding, shadow husband, shadow wife, sham marriage, spoffskins, shotgun wedding.

marriage in the resurrection:

See "neither marry, nor are given in marriage."

marriage in two steps:

See two-step marriage.

marriage-is-forever myth:

1. The notion that once married divorce cannot happen; the delusion that a marital union cannot come to an end while the spouses still live, especially such a delusion that affects one's actions and attitudes, for instance, how hard one works at a marriage, how one functions in a marital crisis, or the letting-go process before and after a divorce.

2. The idea that a marital union lasts beyond the deaths of the spouses.

Comment: Regarding the first sense, a distinction should be made between the myth and the ethical idea that marriage should continue till the death of a spouse. However, some might argue that the ethical injunction is, in many cases, unrealistic and that it therefore both perpetuates the myth and itself bears a mythic dimension.

Regarding the second sense, the locus classicus that forms the basis for much discussion is Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:34-36. For discussion, see under "neither marry, nor are given in marriage."

See also dead love, indissolubility doctrine, love-devouring, "Once married, always married," "one flesh," privilegium Paulinum, sacramental marriage, suttee, undying love.

x Bible.

x foreverness of marriage myth.

x myths.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "'Marriage is Forever' Myth"
The "marriage is forever" myth has been unquestioningly accepted by generation after generation, despite all the evidence to the contrary, and because we've been taught that there's something nasty about divorce, we're riddled with guilt and a sense of failure whenever this very natural phenomenon occurs.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 99.

"Marriage is honourable in all":

Part of a verse in the Authorized (King James) Version of the New Testament at Hebrews 13:4, which reads more fully: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." In the original Greek, the verse reads: Timios ho gamos en pasin kai hê koitê amiantos, pornous gar kai moichous krinei ho theos.

Comments: This statement appears to address an attack upon the sexual code of the Israelites from two angles. On the one hand were those who wanted to do away with marriage as a social institution and who considered either marital sexual activity generally or a certain type or more than one type of sexual activity within marriage something that rendered the participants ritually and perhaps even more fundamentally unacceptable. On the other hand were practitioners of sexual immorality (pornous, probably those who violated the sexual code as delineated chiefly in Leviticus 18-21, despite the AV translation "whoremongers"), not least any man who engaged in nefarious copulation with his fellow's wife or any wife who engaged in nefarious copulation with a man other than her husband (Leviticus 18:20; 20:10), thus disrespecting the sexual code.

The statement appears to be in chiastic form, that is, a "b-a-a'-b'" pattern. Given that pattern, gamos ("marriage") corresponds to or, more precisely, stands in opposition to moichous ("adulterers"); and koitê amiantos ("bed undefiled") stands in opposition to pornous ("the sexually immoral"). The latter opposition suggests that the author had in mind fairly precise lines of demarcation. On the one side, whatever goes on sexually within a legitimate marriage is okay and does not render any of the participants either sinful or ritually unclean. On the other side, there is a limit to what should be called sexually immoral. Sexual prohibitions have been spelled out in the Torah, the law code of the Israelites, and are not to be extended in ways that intrude upon mutually voluntary activities between husband and wife.

There is one area of overlap between the two sides, and that is the forbidden menstruant (see, for example, Leviticus 18:19 = 20:18). Is a man who makes love to his wife during her period considered to be acting in a sexually immoral way? Or is one implication of the phrase "the bed undefiled" that the old taboo is no longer considered operational? When it came to Gentile believers, the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15) had already decided that only certain prohibitions distinctive to Israelite law applied to them, namely the cut-off offenses in the Holiness Code of Leviticus that applied to aliens living among the Israelites. Thus, for example, the ejaculate of a Gentile believer was not considered ritually unclean (notice Leviticus 15:16-18, 32). However, for a man to have sex with a menstruating woman was a cut-off offense even for aliens living among Israelites (Leviticus 18:19, 26, 29). Consequently an additional theological rationale would have been needed in order to overturn the Israelite taboo against sex with a woman during her period.

In any case, the statement is a strong affirmation of marriage and of sexual expression within marriage and, simultaneously, a strong rejection of those -- to speculate with greater specificity about the author's antagonists -- who tried to bring the heavenly state to earth prematurely by doing away with earthly institutions, who denigrated the body, who imposed sexual asceticism upon others, and/or who flaunted the sexual code of the Israelites, despite the decision about its applicability even to Gentile believers made by the Council of Jerusalem.

See also "Be fruitful and multiply," "blessings of the breasts and of the womb," "forbidding to marry," Holiness Code, menstruant as forbidden, porneia, pornos, sex-positive stance, "Unto the pure all things are pure."

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x Timios ho gamos en pasin.

marriage license:

Written permission granted by public authority for two people to marry. Typically it is addressed to a person authorized to solemnize marriages and is a prerequisite for the legal solemnization (q.v.) of a marriage (q.v.).

See also civil marriage, legally married, separation of marriage and state, statism.

marriage market:

1. The totality of people among whom a future spouse might be found; the pool of people eligible to become one's spouse.

2. A periodic gathering of singles for the purpose of scouting out and meeting potential mates.

See also "All the good ones are taken," "Anybody is fair game," availability index, available, dating pool, eligible, marital opportunity ratio, marriage minded, poach, shop around, somebody for everybody, stud book, "There are other fish in the sea."

x market.

marriage material:

A person eligible or suitable to take on spousal duties.

See also bachelor, bachelorette, husband material, marrying kind, single, wife material.

x material.

marriage minded:

1. Looking for a person to wed.

2. Inclined to view dates as prospective spouses.

3. Internally driven to become wedded.

See also anuptaphobia, azygophrenia, eligible, itchy ring finger, look for a man, look for a woman, marriage market, marrying kind, single, unhappily single.

marriage ministry:

One or more religious programs that are oriented to married couples. Such programs typically entail opportunities for both marital counseling and family counseling according to religious guidelines and instruction in the particular religion's teachings on marriage, as well as discussion of issues, encouragement, and emotional support, much of this (private counseling aside) in a group context.

See also couples ministry, family counseling, family ministry, love guru, marital counseling, realtionship guru.

x ministry.

marriage of conscience:

A marriage (q.v.) that is contracted before a priest and witnesses but otherwise in secret, this for a serious reason, for instance, to avoid illegitimacy of offspring in circumstances where making the marriage known would be dangerous.

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, occult marriage, secret marriage, shtille khuppeh.

marriage of convenience:

A marriage (q.v.) in which one or both partners either have united or remain united not for love but for advantage, or to avoid a disadvantage.

For a lexical example, see under "decoy."

See also convenient woman, crime of the heart, mariage de convenance, mariage de raison, marriage of reason, pragmatic love, romance-intolerant, slob love, trophy husband, trophy wife, utilitarian marriage.

x convenience.

marriage of convention:

See conventional marriage.

marriage of destiny:

A marital union of people who are meant for each other; a union of soul mates.

See also affinity, connaturality, eternal union, made for each other, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, meant for one another, soul mate, spirtual marriage.

marriage of inclination:

Marriage (q.v.) in which the spouses have freely selected one another according to their own feelings.

See also choice of one's heart, free marriage, love marriage, love-match, mariage d'inclination, mariage de raison, marriage by inclination., marry for love, romantic marriage.

Quotation from Edward Bellamy Illustrating "Marriages ... of Inclination"
[266] "One result which must follow from the independence of women I can see for myself," I said. "There can be no marriages now except those of inclination." "That is a matter of course," replied Dr. Leete. "Think of a world in which there are nothing but matches of pure love! Ah me, Dr. Leete, [267] how far you are from being able to understand what an astonishing phenomenon such a world seems to a man of the nineteenth century!" "I can, however, to some extent, imagine it," replied the doctor. "But the fact you celebrate, that there are nothing but love matches, means even more, perhaps, than you probably at first realize. It means that for the first time in human history the principle of sexual selection, with its tendency to preserve and transmit the better types of the race, and let the inferior types drop out, has unhindered operation..."
From the utopian novel: Looking Backward, 2000-1887, by Edward Bellamy (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1926; in: The Riverside Library): chapter 25, pp. 266-267. Originally published, Boston: Ticknor, 1888.

 

marriage offer:

See offer of marriage.

marriage of minds and bodies:

See true marriage of minds and bodies.

marriage of punishment:

See punishment through marriage.

marriage of reason:

A marriage (q.v.) that results not from romantic passion but from consideration of such things as alliances, personal benefits, and compatibility of temperaments; a marital union that results from a pragmatic evaluation.

Contrast love marriage (q.v.). See also mariage de convenance, mariage de raison, marriage, marriage of convenience, planned marriage, pragmatic love, romance-intolerant, utilitarian marriage.

marriage of true minds:

An ongoing mental communing of individuals who are sincere (or constant) in their deep affection for one another; ordinarily an allusion to William Shakespeare's Sonnet 116 (which is quoted in full below).

Comments: Evidently Shakespeare used "The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony" in The Book of Common Prayer (BCP) as a foil for the message of his Sonnet. The BCP has this instruction:

"At which day of Marriage, if any man do allege and declare any impediment, why they may not be coupled together in Matrimony, by God's law, or the laws of this Realm; and will be bound, and sufficient sureties with him, to the parties; or else put in a caution ... to prove his allegation: then the solemnization must be deferred, until such time as the truth be tried."

"Marriage," "impediment," "prove," "truth" -- all have their echoes in the Sonnet. However, the marriage of which Shakespeare speaks is of minds, not necessarily of bodies; and thus the sense of all of these echoes is recast:

• Marriage is an intimate communion, an ongoing conversation between people drawn to each other, to continue hopefully for the remainder of one's life.
• An impediment is any pretext that would prevent or hinder such communing, any obstruction that can be overcome. Legal impediments -- adultery, incest, homosexuality, and such -- are, presumably, irrelevant here.
• Proving is not a matter of legality but of experience or reason.
• And the truth of the "true mindes" is a constancy of mental orientation to each other, an unswervingness, a steadfastness whatever ravages time may bring. Yet other senses of "true" are also evoked: honest, sincere, loyal, operating at a fundamental level, right and proper for each other. Furthermore, unless the argument of the Sonnet is read as the elaboration of a tautology, "constant minds are constant," it would seem that one of these other senses is needed, to say, for instance, "that sincere minds are constant."

See also affinity, connaturality, husband in truth, marriage, marriage of destiny, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, noeclexis, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual marriage, true, true love, true marriage of minds and bodies, union of hearts, wife in truth.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Marriage of True Mindes"
LEt me not to the marriage of true mindes Admit impediments, loue is not loue Which alters when it alteration findes, Or bends with the remouer to remoue: O no, it is an euer fixed marke That lookes on tempests and is neuer shaken; It is the star to euery wandring barke, Whose worths vnknowne, although his higth be taken. Lou's not Times foole, though rosie lips and cheeks Within his bending sickles compasse come, Loue alters not with his breefe houres and weekes, But beares it out euen to the edge of doome: If this be error and vpon me proued, I neuer writ, nor no man euer loued.
Sonnet 116, in: Shake-speares Sonnets ... (London: By G. Eld for T.T. and are to be solde by Iohn Wright ..., 1609). Helen Vendler suggests that this Sonnet should be read not as a definition of true love but as a rebuttal, which encapsulates the argument it refutes, namely that as people alter so one's love alters. See: The Art of Shakespeare's Sonnets, [by] Helen Vendler (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 1997): p. 488.

marriage per verba de futuro:

See sponsalia per verba de futuro.

marriage per verba de praesenti:

See sponsalia per verba de praesenti.

marriage portion:

1. That money or property which a bride brings to her husband at their marriage (q.v.).

2. That money or property which a man settles on his wife at their marriage.

3. That part of a deceased husband's estate which properly goes to his widow, in case he has not endowed her.

Comment: Often expressed simply as "portion," as in the vicious use of the term in the quotation below.

See also brideprice, dos, dowager, dowry, frankmarriage.

x portion.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Portion"
[Lady Audley speaking to her son, Edmund] "Go, then -- go, marry her; but first hear me swear, solemnly swear!" -- and she raised her hands and eyes to heaven -- "that my malediction shall be your portion! ..."
From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 14, p. 92. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

marriage problem:

1. A resistance to or set of reservations about becoming wed, as in, "What's your marriage problem?!"

2. A difficulty in a given marital union.

3. A question or set of questions regarding marriage (q.v.) in relation to society, such as:

• How is contentment in marriage and stability for the rearing of children to be promoted, and how are divorce rates to be reduced?
• To what extent should patterns of marriage within a culture be accepted, and when should they be actively opposed and changed?
  
• Is pure monogamy between a man and a woman the only sort of marital relation that represents human progress and therefore the only sort to be recognized and encouraged, or are there other sorts that should also be included, such as monogamy between two members of the same sex and egalitarian polygamy?
• How does a society best manage shifting marital patterns?
  
• How and in what ways should reason and science play roles in marital formation and marital life, especially when it comes to supplanting emotion and traditional ways?
• What is the proper role of law vis-à-vis marriage, and how are laws regarding marriage best designed?
  

See also public character of sex, sexual ethics, troubled marriage, where things went wrong for (us).

x problem.

marriage proposal:

See proposal.

marriage reconstituted:

See reconstituted marriage.

marriage retreat:

A gathering of married couples, typically lasting a few days, in a setting where they can escape from the daily grind of life and focus on, renew, and develop their marital relationships with the aid of marriage-focused lectures and seminars conducted by church leaders, marriage counselors, or other experts.

Comment: Besides "retreat," other terms are sometimes used such as "seminar" or "workshop," the differences in nuance generally being according to setting and type of interaction expected.

Persons in or interested in alternative lovestyles will typically use the same terms, but with a different modifier -- for example, instead of "marriage retreat," "poly retreat" -- or else they will call their gatherings conventions, conferences, or cons (often as a suffix), thus, for example, Alt.Polycon, an annual conference for the readers of the USENET newsgroup alt.polyamory and their partners and friends.

marriage sabbatical:

Time away from one's marital partner(s) and family, typically on the order of a few months, especially to pursue a goal.

See also break, break from each other, grass-widow, grass-widower, hall pass, holiday from marriage, hundred-mile rule, pi supuhui, separate vacations, singles privileges, vacation from marriage.

x sabbatical from marriage.

marriage shock:

Surprise and distress upon discovering from personal experience, especially for the first time, difficulties of spousehood; adjustment difficulty as a result of becoming married; said especially of some women upon their undertaking of a wifely role in a traditional mold.

See also cagamosis, consummation, desperate, disenchantment, honeymoon assault, honeymoon jitters, love-found-solves-all myth, marital blues, marital hell, marriage from hell, marriage-trap, misérables, "shock" theory of marriage, unhappily married.

marriage solves all:

See love-found-solves-all myth.

marriage squeeze:

The difficulty experienced by a percentage of the males or females of a certain population in finding marital partners, insofar as that difficulty is due to an imbalance in the number of men seeking marriage and the number of women seeking marriage, especially where monogamy-only is the social expectation.

See also assortive mating, availability index, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, mating gradient, propinquity factor, sex ratio, spanandry, spaneria, spanogyny.

x statistics.

marriage tether:

Any restriction or set of restrictions upon a spouse meant to keep him or her from straying.

See also ball and chain, bond, knot, conjugal fetters, gyves, long-splice, marriage tie, marriage-trap, nuptial knot, splice, tie, tied up, tie that binds.

x tether.

marriage tide:

1. A shift in attitudes towards marriage or towards a particular kind of marriage, such as gay marriage.

2. A shift in the demographics of marriage.

Comment: To be distinguished from "marriage-tide" (q.v.).

See also geography of marriage.

x tide turning on marriage.

marriage-tide:

Wedding time.

Comment: To be distinguished from "marriage tide" (q.v.).

See also wedding.

marriage tie:

1. The bond between individuals who are spouses of each other.

2. The institution of marriage as represented by that bond.

See also bond, institution of marriage, knot, marriage, marriage tether, nuptial knot, tie.

marriage-trap:

Marriage (q.v.) insofar as it results in difficult-to-escape unhappiness.

See also ball and chain, cagamosis, conjugal fetters, gyves, loveless marriage, marital blues, marital hell, marriage from hell, marriage shock, marriage tether, misérables, slob love, unhappily married.

x trap.

Quotation from Victor Robinson Illustrating "Marriage-Trap"
To make the marriage-trap easy of access and difficult of escape is one of man's crowning stupidities.
From the "Editorial Introduction," [signed] Victor Robinson, to: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. xv.

marriage with a deceased wife's sister:

See deceased wife's sister question.

married:

1. Used adjectivally, as in "a married person":

• Mated -- some might say blessed, others might say encumbered -- with one or more spouses.
• Subject to restrictions, especially sexual restrictions, and also rights and privileges associated with being a husband or a wife.
• Profoundly bonded.
  

2. Used substantively, as in "the married": Those who are in the marital state; those who have a spouse.

Comment: Abbreviated M.

In a context where sexual exclusivity (q.v.) is the expectation, the word "married" sometimes connotes unavailability for a love relationship apart from the marriage, unless the word is qualified. So phrases like "unhappily married" and "married but separated" sometimes connote availability.

See also attached, been and done it, bundle man, cash and carried, coverture, cut and carried, dot and carried, ever-married, gone and done it, happily married, have (someone), hitched, legally married, little bit married, M, marital status, marriage, married lover, married man, married woman, mate, misérables, more "married" than, M word, never married, never-married, once married, "Once married, always married," out of circulation, rommado, seriously married, sexually exclusive, Smug Married, spouse, spousehood, traditional monogamy, unmarried, wived, WMD, yoked, zeoman.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Married"
[Leroy] "Well hell, Molly, what's being married?" [Molly Bolt] "It's a piece of paper, that's all I can figure. Some people don't even have to stand in front of a preacher, so it ain't religion. You can go on down to the courthouse and sign up like Uncle Ep signed up for the Marine Corps. Then you hear words said over you and you both sign this piece of paper and you're married."
[Leota Bisland] "I like you best, but I still think girls can't get married [to each other]." [Molly Bolt] "Look, if we want to get married, we can get married. It doesn't matter what anybody says..."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 4, p. 28 and chapter 5, p. 38. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

married all over:

1. Taking one's spouse for granted and thus letting one's appearance deteriorate; out of shape and/or dumpy looking as a result of no longer having to attract potential mates, being already mated.

2. Devoted to one's marriage and thus sexually inaccessible to anyone but one's spouse.

See also attraction, interfacial marriage, plain Jane; sexual exclusivity.

married at Finglesham Church:

To have engaged in casual sex together.

Comment: "There is no church at Finglesham; but a chalk-pit celebrated for casual amours; of which kind of rencounters the saying is us'd." -- The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs, compiled by William George Smith (1935): p. 497.

See also affair, amour, Boston marriage, casual sex, dalliance, Fleet marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, intrigue, married but not churched, marry over the broomstick.

x Finglesham Church.

married but looking:

A person who is seeking a date or a lover, even though he or she already has a spouse.

Comment: Abbreviated mbl.

This designation is sometimes used in personal ads. It might indicate any number of possibilities, for instance that the person is unhappily married and looking to change spouses, or that the person is in an open marriage, or that the person is polygamous or polyamorous, or that the person is simply looking for an additional social and/or sexual outlet.

Often the term implies an ironic mix of the straightforward and the clandestine.

See also alternative dating, go looking, mbl.

 

married but not churched:

1. Mated without having followed proper social procedure.

2. Legally wedded but without the involvement of ecclesiastical institutions.

3. Wedded, perhaps even in a church, but not currently involved with a religious congregation, at least not a Christian one.

Comment: The phrase assumes the dominance of Christianity in the given culture or subculture.

See also broomstick-marriage, common-law marriage, ecclesiastical marriage, holy matrimony, holy wedlock, jump over the broomstick, jump the besom, jump the broom, little bit married, living together, married at Finglesham Church, married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney, marry over the broomstick.

married by proxy:

See marry by proxy.

married contrary to discipline:

Wed, against Quaker rules, to a non-Quaker.

Comment: Abbreviated M.C.D.

See also beloved stranger, interethnic marriage, intermarriage, interpretative adultery, interreligious marriage, marry out of meeting, M.C.D., mixed marriage, "unequally yoked."

Quotation from Mary Bywater Cross Illustrating "Married Contrary to Discipline"
Mary Carpenter Pickering was from an affluent Quaker family in Belmont County, Ohio.... [John Bruce] Bell was a Scotch Presbyterian... According to family records, Mary and John were married in September 1861, M.C.D., meaning "married contrary to discipline," referring to their different religious backgrounds.
From: Treasures in the Trunk: Quilts of the Oregon Trail, [by] Mary Bywater Cross (Nashville, Tenn.: Routledge Hill Press, c1993): p. 124.

married couple:

Two who have entered into a marital union with each other, especially a monogamous union.

See also couple, duet for life, marriage.

married life:

The way that a husband and wife are in relationship to each other over the course of their time together, and all that attends their relationship, from the mundane aspects of domesticity to sexuality to the maritally related principles of conduct by which they live.

Comment: This term is sometimes preferred to "marriage" in order to avoid the ambiguities of the latter term, for instance, does "the marriage" refer to the wedding or to wedded life?

See also conjugal love, conjugal rights, home-fire, marital duty, marital love, marriage, wedded life.

married man:

An individual who is a husband and, perhaps, also a father; a human male with a spouse.

Comment: Identifying oneself as a married man is a common way of putting off advances.

See also husband, married, married man's route, spouse.

married man's route:

The safer course, which ostensibly would be chosen by a married man (q.v.) because he has one or more family members to worry about, should he be hurt or killed, and not just his own hide; the skittish way. Particularly:

1. In horse racing, along the outside of the pack.

2. In rock climbing, a relatively safe climb.

See also husband.

x route.

married name:

A proper noun adopted as a personal designation by an individual when that individual begins wedded life.

Comments: A married name replaces a birth name or, in the case of a woman, more specifically a maiden name. Commonly the surname (or family name) is affected and often the middle name(s) as well. Thus Jane Lee Ann Doe may become Jane Doe Smith, née Jane Lee Ann Doe (the née indicating her maiden name).

Traditionally in English-speaking cultures, the wife has adopted her husband's surname.

In modern times in English-speaking cultures, the surnames of the spouses are sometimes combined (with or without a hyphen) or even blended. Thus, John Smith and Jane Doe may become John and Jane Doe-Smith (or, not to enumerate all the possibilities, Smith-Doe or Smithdoe).

Frequently nowadays, a woman will refrain from adopting a married name, typically for feminist reasons, or else, especially in cases of celebrity, continue to use her maiden name in public while using her married name in private and in legal documents.

See also family, marriage, marry into the family, wedding.

x name.

married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney:

Mated without having followed proper social procedure.

See also bann, broomstick-marriage, common-law marriage, jump over the broomstick, jump the besom, jump the broom, living together, married but not churched, marry over the broomstick.

x banns up the chimney.

married lover:

A person who is having an extramarital affair, relative to the person he or she is having the affair with.

Comments: Abbreviated M.L.

The term is sometimes reserved for a man and used in company with a different term for a female partner in the affair, such as "his mistress" or "the other woman."

See also lover, married, M.L.

married woman:

An individual who is a wife and, perhaps, also a mother; a human female with a spouse.

Comment: Identifying oneself as a married woman is a common way of putting off advances.

See also married, spouse, wife.

marry:

1. To take a spouse or to take each other as spouses.

2. To have someone in one's family take a spouse.

3. To officiate the wedding of.

Comments: Also commonly expressed as "to get married."

Nowadays in the West, generally it is said that a man and a woman marry each other. He marries her, she marries him. However, it used to be said instead and in some circles still is said that he marries her, but she is given in marriage or is married off to him. Note the example under "give in marriage."

See also annex, bestow in marriage, buckle, cleave, commit marriage, conjoin, couple, despouse, do right by (her), do the honorable thing, find a mate, fish two together, fit double clews, join, jump off the dock, jump over the broomstick, jump the besom, jump the broom, lead to the altar, make an honest woman of, make (her) (my) wife, make (him) (my) husband, make (them) one, marriage, marry ..., mate, matrimonify, outmarry, parsonify, remarry, "right to marry and to found a family," settle down, splice, take, take a cottage course, take the giggle-trot, take the plunge, tie the knot, tie up, unite, urge to merge, wed, wouldn't marry (you) if (you) were the last person on earth.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Marrying"
The loss of her daughter [Lydia] made Mrs Bennet very dull for several days. 'I often think,' said she, 'that there is nothing so bad as parting with one's friends. One seems so forlorn without them.' 'This is the consequence you see, Madam, of marrying a daughter,' said Elizabeth [Bennet]. 'It must make you better satisfied that your other four are single.' 'It is no such thing. Lydia does not leave me because she is married; but only because her husband's regiment happens to be so far off...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 53, pp. 409-410. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

marry above:

See marry up.

marry beneath:

See marry down.

marry by proxy:

Wedded, with someone else, by arrangement, as a stand-in for either the bride or the groom, since the bride or the groom is unavoidably absent.

See also proxy marriage, wed.

x married by proxy.

marry down:

Taking a spouse who comes from a lower social stratum than one does oneself.

Comment: Alternatively, "marry beneath."

Contrast marrying up (q.v.). See also class marriage, cross-class romance, dating down, folly, hypogamy, left-handed marriage, marry, mating gradient, mésalliance, settle for.

x marry beneath.

marry for love:

1. To have as one's principal motivation for entering into a conjugal union with a particular person a deep affection for and bond with that person.

2. On the part of a couple, to have as the principle motivation for each to enter into a conjugal union with the other a deep affection for and bond with that person.

Contrast marry for money (q.v.), marry for politics (q.v.), and marry out of duty (q.v.). See also demon-bride, love, love marriage, love-match, marriage by inclination, marriage of inclination, marry, mate selection, romantic marriage.

marry for money:

To have as one's principal motivation for entering into a conjugal union with a particular person that person's wealth, especially the prospect of enjoying, sharing, or possessing it or the prospect of not having to dilute one's own wealth because of the other's comparable wealth.

Contrast especially marry for love (q.v.). See also court an estate, cross-class romance, get (one's) hooks into, gold digger, high maintenance, hypergamy, marry, marry into dough, marry out of duty, marry up, marry well, mate selection, mating gradient, matrimonial adventurer, order of Saint Beelzebub, prostitute, rich man/biker paradox, slob love, state-sanctioned prostitution, trade up, trophy husband, trophy wife, widowhunter, widow-snatcher.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Married for Money"
'Mr [William] Elliot,' replied Mrs Smith, 'at that period of his life, had one object in view: to make his fortune, and by a rather quicker process than the law. He was determined to make it by marriage...' [Three paragraphs snipped] [Anne Elliot]: '... Mr Elliot married, then, completely for money? The circumstances, probably, which first opened your eyes to his character.' Mrs Smith hesitated a little here. 'Oh! those things are too common. When one lives in the world, a man or woman's marrying for money is too common to strike one as it ought. I was very young, and associated only with the young, and we were a thoughtless, gay set, without any strict rules of conduct. We lived for enjoyment. I think differently now; time and sickness and sorrow have given me other notions; but at that period I must own I saw nothing reprehensible in what Mr Elliot was doing. "To do the best for himself", passed as a duty.' 'But was not she a very low woman?' 'Yes; which I objected to, but he would not regard. Money, money, was all that he wanted..."
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 21, pp. 241-242. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Married Her for Her Money"
[Lady Maclaughlan] "... Your mother was an heiress, your father married her for her money, and she married him to be a countess, and so that's the history of their marriage -- humph."
From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 9, p. 48. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

marry for politics:

To have as one's principal motivation for entering into a conjugal union with a particular person the preservation or expansion of power, typically marriage being a means of cementing an alliance to that end.

Contrast especially marry for love (q.v.). See also bedroom politics, Lady Macbeth syndrome, marry, marry out of duty, political marriage, power couple.

x politics.

Quotation from Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson Illustrating "Married for Politics"
[Regarding Duke Paulus Atreides and his wife, Helena] Now their marriage was strictly political. "I married for politics in the first place, lad," he had said. "Never should have tried to make it otherwise. At our station, marriage is a tool. Don't muck everything up by trying to throw love into the mix."
From the science fiction novel: Dune. House Atreides, [by] Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson (New York: Bantam Books, 1999): p. 23 (hardcover edition); p. 27 (mass paperback edition, 2000).

marrying kind:

Type of person, especially a single person, who finds marriage suitable; the sort of person who prefers to have a spouse, who prefers to leave singlehood behind.

See also available, eligible, in circulation, itchy ring finger, marriage material, marriage minded, not the marrying kind, unhappily single.

marry into dough:

To marry (q.v.) a wealthy person or a person who is a member of a wealthy family.

See also gold digger, marry for money.

marry into society:

To come to associate with high-class people and to be regarded as a member of a high class, all by way of marriage.

Comment: Among the variations: "to marry into that crowd."

See also class marriage, cross-class romance, hypergamy, marry up, mating gradient.

marry into the family:

To join an extended family by wedding a member of that family; to become an in-law by wedding somebody; to gain a set of in-laws by marrying somebody related to them.

See also cunhadismo, extended family, family, in-law, married name, marry.

marry libraries:

To merge more than one collection of books and/or other information materials, said especially when partners in a love relationship or marriage merge their collections.

Comment: It might also be said that someone marries a library as well as a person, when the person married has a large collection of books.

See also library widow.

x libraries married.

Quotation from Anne Fadiman Illustrating "Marrying ... Libraries"
A few months ago, my husband and I decided to mix our books together. We had known each other for ten years, lived together for six, been married for five.... Promising to love each other for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health -- even promising to forsake all others -- had been no problem, but it was a good thing the Book of Common Prayer | didn't say anything about marrying our libraries and throwing out the duplicates. That would have been a far more solemn vow ...
From the essay: "Marrying Libraries," in: Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader, [by] Anne Fadiman (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1998): pp. [3]-10, specifically pp. [3]-4.

marry-me:

Someone whose goal is to wed the person or type of person she (or he) pursues as a groupie.

See also groupie.

marry off:

To have someone in one's family take a spouse, especially if one or more family members have been actively engaged either in bringing that about or in helping it to come to pass.

Comment: Sometimes only the word "marry" is used for this sense.

See also give away in marriage, marry.

Quotation from Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson Illustrating "Married Off"
... Helena's family had salvaged some of its respectability through an arranged marital alliance with the Atreides; several of her sisters had been married off to other Houses.
From the science fiction novel: Dune. House Atreides, [by] Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson (New York: Bantam Books, 1999): p. 23 (hardcover edition); p. 26 (mass paperback edition, 2000).

marry out:

See marry out of meeting.

marry out of duty:

1. To have as one's principal motivation for entering into conjugal union with a particular person a sense of obligation, for example, to obey one's parents, to cement an alliance, to enhance the standing of one's family, or to uphold a promise.

2. To have as one's principal motivation for entering into any conjugal union at all a sense of obligation, for example, to obey the first divine command to humankind ("Be fruitful and multiply," Genesis 1:28), to produce an heir, or to appease a parent.

Contrast especially the first sense with marry for love (q.v.). See also arranged marriage, breach of promise, marry, marry for money, marry for politics, political marriage.

marry out of meeting, or marry out:

As a Quaker or Amish person, to marry someone not of one's sect.

Comment: The practice has sometimes been viewed with horror.

See also beloved stranger, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, interreligious marriage, married contrary to discipline, marry, mixed marriage, "unequally yoked."

x marry out.

marry over the broomstick:

To jump over the broomstick, that is, to marry informally.

See also besom wedding, broomstick-marriage, handfasting, jump over the broomstick (especially the comment), jump the besom, jump the broom, married at Finglesham Church, married but not churched, married on the carpet and the banns up the chimney, marry.

marry up:

To take a spouse who comes from a higher social stratum than one does oneself.

Comment: Alternatively, "marry above."

Contrast marry down (q.v.). See also bigger, better deal; can do better than him (or her); Cinderella story; class marriage; cross-class romance, dating up; gold digger; hypergamy; marry; marry for money; marry well; mating gradient; matrimonial adventurer; order of Saint Beelzebub; out of (one's) league; trade up.

x marry above.

marry well:

1. To enter into conjugal union with someone who is financially better off than one's parent or parents.

2. To enter into a marriage where the odds are good that one will be free of serious or chronic financial worry.

Comment: The term has most often been used for women; and the parent, in the first sense, has generally meant the father.

See also can do better than him (or her); cross-class romance; gold digger, hypergamy, marry, marry for money, marry up, order of Saint Beelzebub, matrimonial adventurer, trade up.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Marrying Well"
[Elizabeth Bennet]: '... Wickham will never marry a woman without some money. He cannot afford it. And what claims has Lydia [Bennet], what attractions has she beyond youth, health, and good humour, that could make him for her sake, forgo every chance of benefiting himself by marrying well? ...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 47, p. 351. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

martymachlia:

1. "Witnesses to [one's] lewdness"; desire that one's sexual activities be observed.

2. Arousal from being observed during sexual activity.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, candaulism, dogging, ethical voyeur, exhibitionism, group sex, Mandingo party, mixoscopia, troilism, watching.

martyred spouse:

1. A husband or a wife who sacrifices his or her own interests for the sake of the other spouse(s) or who suffers in a marriage because of the dynamics of that marriage or whose personality is effaced by his or her marriage.

2. A husband or a wife for whom marriage constitutes a net loss with regard to his or her sense of fulfillment in life.

See also abuse, martyr of the marriage system, misérables, spouse, unhappily married.

x syndromes.

martyr of the marriage system:

Someone rendered lonely or otherwise unhappy as a result of social conventions regarding marriage (q.v.).

See also martyred spouse.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Martyrs of the ... Marriage System"
"And here's your famous theory of poor marriages!" Essex Temple cries ... "How do you know that I don't want to marry myself? How do you dare sneer at my poor sister? What are we but martyrs of the reckless marriage system which Mr. Snob, forsooth, chooses to advocate?"
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 36, p. 176. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221.

Mary:

See Virgin Mary.

mary jane:

1. A girlfriend, especially a marine's girlfriend.

2. A woman's genital region. (Compare "Aunt Mary.")

3. Capitalized, the tradmark name for a type of sandal worn by girls.

See also betty, Dear Jane letter, girlfriend, jelly, Lady Jane, plain Jane.

x Jane.

Mary Sue story:

A fictional tale featuring a character who is too good to be true and who thus represents an ideal of wishful thinking, especially a tale in which such a character exists in sexual tension with or has a romantic or sexual relationship with a character from an already established fictional universe.

Comments: After the main character in a parody of such stories: "A Trekkie's Tale," by Paula Smith, in: Menagerie; #2 (December 1973): 6. <Unexamined>

The term "Mary Sue" may apply to either a female or a male character, although male characters fitting the bill are often given instead a rhyming name, such as Larry Stu.

See also discourse of desire, genicon, ideal, jeune premier, jeune première, love scene, love story, shipper.

x stories.

masculine wiles:

A man's use of his male charms, or of supplements to them, in order to attract and hold onto a person of a complementary sexual orientation or otherwise in order to get his own way.

See also attraction, feminine wiles, flirtation, make-want.

x wiles.

mashed:

See mashy.

mashed on:

In love with.

See also captivated, enamored, head over heels in love, in love, mashy.

masher:

1. A man who excites attention from women; a lady-killer (q.v.).

2. A male lover.

3. A flirtatious dandy; a man who makes passes at women.

See also agapet, bimbo, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, flirt, gallant, gay spark, general lover, God's gift to women, heartthrob, jock, ladies' man, lover, lustworthy, make-out artist, multimitus, pick up artist, rake, roué, rover, squish, satyr, skirt-chaser, smellsmock, stud, vert galant, wolf, womanizer.

mash note or mash-note:

Love letter (q.v.).

mashy:

Feeling smitten by love; in love; amorous.

See also besotted, in love, love-passion, lustful, mashed on, torchy.

x mashed.

master:

In the context of marriage, the husband in relation to his wife (or wives), insofar as he is conceived of, whether seriously or jocularly, as having control over her (or them).

See also androcracy, "head of the wife," husband, husband worship, lord, maritodespotism, patriarchal marriage, worship one's spouse.

Quotations from Abigail and John Adams Illustrating "Master"
[Abigail Adams to, her husband, John Adams, Braintree, Massachusetts, March 31, 1776] ... and by the way in the new Code of Laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make I desire you would Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favourable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could. If perticular [sic] care and attention is not paid to the Laidies [sic] we are determined to foment a Rebelion [sic], and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation. That your Sex are Naturally Tyrannical is a Truth so thoroughly established as to admit of no dispute, but such of you as wish to be happy willingly give up the harsh title of Master for the more tender and endearing one of Friend. Why then, not put it out of the power of the vicious and the Lawless to use us with cruelty and indignity with impunity. Men of Sense in all Ages abhor those customs which treat us only as the vassals of your Sex. Regard us then as Beings placed by providence under your protection and in immitation [sic] of the Supreem [sic] Being make use of that power only for our happiness.
[John to Abigail, April 14, 1776] ... We know better than to repeal our Masculine systems. Altho they are in full Force, you know they are little more than Theory. We dare not exert our Power in its full Latitude. We are obliged to go fair, and softly, and in Practice you know We are the subjects. We have only the Name of Masters, and rather than give up this, which would compleatly [sic] subject Us to the Despotism of the Peticoat [sic], I hope General Washington, and all our brave Heroes would fight. I am sure every good Politician would plot, as long as he would against Despotism ...
[Abigail to John, Braintree, May 7, 1776] .... I can not say that I think you very generous to the Ladies, for whilst you are proclaiming peace and good will to Men, Emancipating all Nations, you insist upon retaining an absolute power over Wives. But you must remember that Arbitrary power is like most other things which are very hard, very liable to be broken -- and notwithstanding all your wise Laws and Maxims we have it in our power not only to free ourselves but to subdue our Masters, and without voilence [sic] throw both your natural and legal authority at our feet ...
From: The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family, 1762-1784, edited and with an introduction by L. H. Butterfield, Marc Friedlaender and Mary-Jo Kline (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1975): pp. 121, 123, 127.

master-key of love:

1. A metaphor in which love (q.v.) in a preeminent position is conceived of as a means of gaining full or multiple access or as a means of solving a complicated problem, for instance, the reign of agapic love as a means to make all other sorts of love fit together and work properly.

2. A single type of loving approach that will touch the best emotions of any person.

3. An allusion to one of two popular quotations about love, the first by James Harrington Evans (1785-1849) and the second by Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894). See below.

See also agapic love, door of the heart.

x key of love.

A Postcard Illustrating "Master-Key of Love"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Embossed "post card," in landscape format, showing a gold skeleton key labeled "Love," sandwiched between these verses: "There are keys to doors and keys to books | And 'keys to situations' | Sometimes they fit, sometimes they miss | And drive one to vexation. || But this key I am sending you | Reliable will prove, | It fits the doors to happiness | This master-key of love." (Buffalo, N.Y.: Prince Pub. Co., [between 1907 and 1915]). Date from divided back style and the heyday of Prince Pub. Co. postcard publishing. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Quotation from James Harrington Evans Illustrating "Love is the Master-Key"
Love is the master-key that fits every ward in the heart of man.
From: Vintage Gleanings, gathered from sermons delivered by James Harrington Evans (2nd ed., enlarged. London: John Farquhar Shaw, 1850): p. 153. This quotation inspired the title of a novel by Florence Warden (pseudonym of Florence Alice Price, afterwards James), namely, The Master-Key (London: C. A. Pearson, 1898).

Quotation from Oliver Wendell Holmes Illustrating "Love is the Master-Key"
... love is the master-key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.
From the novel: A Mortal Antipathy: First Opening of the New Portfolio, by Oliver Wendell Holmes (Boston: Houghton, Mifflin, 1895, c1891; in set: The Writings of Oliver Wendell Holmes, Riverside Edition; v. 7): chapter 20, p. 246. Originally published, 1885.

master of (one's) domain:

A person who, from a certain point in time, is continuing to abstain from sexual activity, including masturbation, by dint of will.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 4, Episode 49 (or 51?), "The Contest," written by Larry David, directed by Tom Cherones (first aired, November 18, 1992).

See also abstinence, celibate.

matching hearts:

1. Lovers who belong together or would seem to because of the bond they have forged.

2. Lovers who complement each other well or who have comfortably adjusted themselves to complement each other well.

See also compatibility, good match, heart, lover, soul mate.

match made in heaven:

1. A union of soul mates.

2. An exceptionally happy union of (usually) two people.

Comment: Sometimes the phrase is used with the idea that two people were meant for each other even before they were conceived. Sometimes it is used instead simply to indicate their heaven-like happiness together. Often the emphasis is on the intangible aspects of the relationship -- compatibility of temperaments, attitudes, and so forth -- but not necessarily.

See also affinity, beau mariage, bliss, Celestial Marriage, compatibility, connaturality, eternal union, good match, happy marriage, ideal, intended, kinship, love-match, love of one's life, made for each other, marriage of destiny, meant for one another, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," nomogamosis, one, one-and-only, one true love, perfect catch, shalom bayit, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, successful marriage, true love, Xanadu.

matchmaker, or match-maker:

1. A person who deliberately brings individuals together with the idea that if they meet they might marry.

2. A person who helps to arrange marriages.

See also affiance, affy, dating service, go-between, love-broker, marriage broker, municipal matchmaker, proxenete, shadkahn, yenta.

matchmaking:

1. Bringing individuals together with the idea that if they meet they might form a love relationship or even marry.

2. Helping to arrange marriages.

See also dating plan, good match, mail-order bride, fix up, mail-order husband, matchmaker, mate selection, municipal matchmaking, outsource romance, play Cupid, set (somebody) up. wink.

mate, as in "a mate":

1. A spouse.

2. A partner (q.v.) in a committed love relationship.

3. A lover (q.v.) with whom one feels a strong bond.

4. A person with whom one spends time or anticipates spending time.

For lexical examples, see below and under "run astray."

See also amari, bedmate, by (one's) side, conjux, face mate, find a mate, Fon-Fon Ru, freemate, helpmate, keeper, lifemate, love interest, love mate, man in one's life, man (one) wants to spend the rest of (one's) life with, muster of mates, Net mate, provider, serial mate, sign mate, soul mate, win a mate, woman in one's life, woman (one) wants to spend the rest of (one's) life with.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Mate"
She [Ursula Brangwen] had the potent, dark stream of her own blood, she had the glimmering core of fecundity, she had her mate, her complement, her sharer in fruition. So, she had all, everything.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 15, p. 424.

mate, as in "to mate":

1. To go through the process leading up to and including sexual intercourse; to copulate.

2. To find a sex partner (q.v.) for whatever duration.

3. To enter into a committed love relationship (q.v.).

4. To marry (q.v.).

See also breed, cleave, coitus, consort with, copulate, couple, epigamic, find a mate, hitched, join, make love to, marriage, married, mating habits, mating rituals, reproductive strategy, sexual intercourse, sexuality, take, union, yoked.