Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

N - O

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
Feedback opportunity

N or Z:

See Z.

naive:

1. Inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

2. Sexually inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

See also virginal.

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Naive"
"You're not stupid," she [Augusta Holderfield] said softly [to Willowdean Lynch]. "Just unworldly. In spite of a rough | beginning, your life's been sheltered. You pride yourself on your backwoods savvy, but you're naive when it comes to men and women. Isn't Ben the only one you've ever slept with?"
From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): pp. 225-226.

"naked and not ashamed":

An allusion to the Bible at Genesis 2:25, which in the Authorized (King James) Version reads: "And they were both naked, the man [Adam] and his wife [Woman, later named Eve; see 3:20], and were not ashamed." This represents a state prior to the Fall. After the Fall, "the eyes of both of them were opened and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons" (3:7).

Comments: The original Hebrew phrase is `arommim ... w^e-lo' yitbishashu.

Juxtaposition of the two passages quoted above has led many to conclude that feeling shame-faced from nakedness, especially from having the genitalia uncovered, entered human history with the Fall of Humankind and particularly with the awakened consciousness that came with partaking of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (2:17; 3:1-7). It is notable that the shame felt from nakedness was not a divine punishment in the story, quite otherwise (3:11); it was just a factor attending having their "eyes opened"; although viewing somebody's nakedness came to have further negative associations, as we see later in the story of the drunkenness of Noah (9:20-27), and "uncovering nakedness" was used formulaically in the Israelite sexual code (see especially Leviticus 18).

Some people take the story literally, some as archetype, metaphor, or myth. As archetype it may suggest, for instance, degradation due to a fall from a spiritual state to a material one; as metaphor it may encapsulate an ancient observation about the only species that clothes itself, Adam and Eve representing humankind awakening to a state of moral consciousness; and as myth it provides an explanatory framework for clothing and modesty that helps to infuse a cultural behaviors with a sense of meaning.

Over the millennia, people have interpreted and used the story in a wide variety of ways. For instance, some have regarded the original primeval state of being naked and not ashamed as a way of life and attitude to be recovered or as an element of redeemed consciousness to be aspired to, whether in this life or in the afterlife; whereas others have seen in the story a basis for law, customs, and morals related to the human body and especially exposure of the genitalia.

See also Adam and Eve, intimate, Noachian laws, paradisal marriage, prelapsarian marriage, sexual golden age, sexual shame.

x `arommim ... w^e-lo' yitbishashu.

x ashamed.

x Bible.

x Hebrew terms.

x shame.

NAM:

Negative assortive mating (q.v.).

name:

See married name.

names regrets:

A phenonmenon observed in the tattoo industry: many a person who has a lover's name tattooed onto the body comes to wish that hadn't been done.

See also ane-san.

x tattoo terms.

nangsaegaek (Siberian Yupik, a form of Eskimoan spoken on St. Lawrence Island):

"Brother" or "partner"; a close male ally, most notably one of another tribe.

Comment: In a nangsaegaek relationship, wives were once often shared. A wife of one man was considered a co-wife of the wife of the other man.

Source: The Eskimo People of Savoonga, by Robert E. Ackerman (Phoenix: Indian Tribal Series, c1976): p. 64.

See also aiparik, aleupaaktuat, angutawkun, aytpareik, group marriage, lover-in-law, nuliaqatigiit, nuliinuaroak, qatang, simmixsuat, taio, wife-sharing.

x Eskimo terms.

nanpa (Japanese slang):

Men hitting on women; male pursuit of females.

Comment: This term has been adopted by some English speakers. The reverse is gyaku-nan; but, so far as I know, it has not been adopted.

See also cruise, chippy, hit on, make a pass at, pickup.

x Japanese terms.

narcissistic love:

1. Self-centeredness.

2. One's sexual instinct as focused on someone who is or those who are like oneself; an individual's sexual instinct with its love-object being persons or some one person modeled after oneself.

Comment: From the story of Narcissus, who, according to Greek mythology, fell in love with his own reflection.

Source for the second sense, where narcissistic love is contrasted with anaclitic love: "On Narcissism: An Introduction," in: Collected Papers, [by] Sigmund Freud; authorized translation under the supervision of Joan Riviere (New York: Basic Books, 1959; in series: The International Psycho-Analytical Library; no. 10): v. 4, pp. 30-59, especially pp. 44ff. First published in Jahrbuch; Bd. 6 (1914).

See also anaclitic love, love.

x myths.

Nasamonian marriage:

1. Marital practice of an ancient group that, according to Herodotus, occupied the Syrtis in Libya -- a practice whereby the bride copulates with the guests.

2. By extension, any marital custom similar to that of the Nasamonians.

See also otiv bombari.

Quotation from Herodotus Describing Nasamonian Marriage
Each man among them [the Nasamonians] has several wives, in their intercourse with whom they resemble the Massagetæ; when a man has set up a staff, he is lying with a woman. When a Nasamonian first marries a woman, the custom is that the bride on the first night lies with all the guests in turn; as each lies with her, he gives her a gift which he has brought from his house.
Herodotus, Histories 4:172. Regarding the location of the Nasamonians, see 2:32. Regarding the Massagetæ, who held all wives in common and who used a similar sign, see 1:216. Compare the Agathrysi of 4:104 and the Gindanes of 4:176. The edition used: The Histories, [by] Herodotus, translated by George Rawlinson; with an introduction by Rosalind Thomas (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, c1997; in series: Everyman's Library; 234). "A Borzoi Book."

nashim nokriyyot (Hebrew, plural):

See strange woman.

natalism:

The view that human procreation and population growth should be encouraged and that birth control should be discouraged.

Also called pronatalism.

See also Quiverful.

x pronatalism.

nationalization of women, or nationalisation of women (British spelling):

Making public property of adult human females by law or decree, thereby subjecting them to being mated involuntarily, on the theory, for instance, that this is an effective way to break down class divisions.

Comment: In 1919, there were disputed reports of the nationalization of women in revolutionary Russia or parts thereof. I've not heard of any similar nationalization of men.

See also communal marriage, statism, woman.

Quotation from an Associated Press Report Illustrating "Nationalization of Women"
The law providing for the nationalization of women in Northeast Russia has been suspended in one province as the result of popular outcry .... The Krasnaya Gazeta publishes an account of the results of nationalization. The system provides that every girl on reaching the age of 18 must register her name in the Bureau of Free Love, after which she is compelled to select a partner from among men between 19 and 50 years old.
From: "Red Law on Women Is Fiercely Resisted: Murders and Suicides Follow Attempt to Enforce Nationalization in Soviet Russia," Associated Press, London, April 15, 1919, as published in The New York Times, April 23, 1919. For an online copy, click here.

Quotation from Malcolm Muggeridge Illustrating "Nationalisation of Women"
... we even appeared as a family group in my father's election address, having a family being regarded in those days, before anyone had heard of a population explosion, as a sign of civic virtue, especially in the case of a Labour candidate who might be associated by his opponents with dark reports of the nationalisation of women under the Bolsheviks in Russia.
From the autobiography: Chronicles of Wasted Time. Chronicle I: The Green Stick, [by] Malcolm Muggeridge (New York: William Morrow, 1973, c1972): chapter 2, p. 52.

native lovemap:

A lovemap (q.v.) that is assimilated as one's own, regardless of how much of it is shared or not by others.

Source: Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts of Sexual/Erotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity, [by] John Money (New York: Irvington Publishers, c1986): p. 291.

See also blueprint of the one loved, sexual imprinting, template (for a lover).

native tail:

An indigenous person, especially a woman, being referred to as a sex object.

Comment: If one has "got some native tail," then one is enjoying sexual encounters with an indigenous person.

See also à la façon du pays, country marriage, country wife, forest bride, jungle love, local tail, sleeping dictionary, squaw, tail (which see for comments).

natural affinity:

Kinship relation through marriage or sexual union as distinguished from kinship relation through adoption (q.v.).

See also affinity, incest, kinship.

natural insemination:

Introduction of sperm into a vagina by ordinary means, that is, by way of a penis, especially in an attempt at impregnation.

Comment: Abbreviated NI.

See also artificial insemination, coitus, love-making, natural insemination by donor, NI, PIV intercourse, sexual intercourse.

natural insemination by donor:

Sexual intercourse between a woman and a man who is not her long-term partner, this with the aim, deliberate at least on her part, of impregnation.

Comment: Abbreviated NID.

See also breeding party, fertility party, impregnation party, natural insemination, NID, sperm donor.

x insemination by donor.

nature:

See jealous nature.

NCS:

New cock syndrome (q.v.).

near:

See go near (someone).

nearest donut theory:

The idea that a person is most likely to reach for the closest at hand of what he or she has an appetite for; said especially of someone looking for a person with whom to have sex.

See also boy-next-door theory, geography of love, girl-next-door theory, mate selection, Metuchen theory, propinquity factor, proximity, topography of love.

x donut theory.

x theories.

"nearest way to a man's heart":

See "way to a man's heart."

nedunyah (Hebrew):

A dowry (q.v.) paid by or on behalf of a bride.

Contrast mohar (q.v.). See also kiddushim.

x Hebrew terms.

née:

Born with the surname of (said of a woman); her maiden name being.

Comment: This is the feminine past participle of the French verb, naître, "to be born."

Example: Mrs. Anderson née Elliott.

See also maiden name, miss, Mrs.

x French terms.

need a man (or a woman):

1. To feel a compelling impulse to have a mate of the sex indicated.

2. To require the complementary abilities of a partner of the sex indicated.

Comment: Sometimes expressed more generally: "to need someone."

See also itchy ring finger, kick for a man, need (a particular person), need to get laid, needs, sexual needs, unhappily single, urge to merge.

need (a particular person):

1. To require (a given individual's) assistance, nurture, support, cooperation, or complementary function in one's life.

2. To require (a given individual's) companionship such that without it one feels a severe deprivation, the absence of a vital element in one's life, generally because of a personal attachment to that person.

3. To be psychologically dependent upon a person, so actually needing not to need.

4. To fervently desire intimacy with and ultimately require the release of sexual tension by way of (a given individual) typically because of:

• profound sexual attraction or romantic attachment to that person, such that no other person will sufficiently do;
• arousal by that person;
• arousal that only that person is available to satisfy or is allowed to satisfy, as in a sexually exclusive relationship.
  

"Need," in this sense, generally implies consequences to be suffered by the subject for lack of satisfaction, such as lovesickness, moodiness, ennui, physically felt frustration, and, in some cases, blue balls.

See also "can't live with (her), can't live without (her)"; need a man (or a woman); sexual need.

A Postcard Illustrating "Need You"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

"Post-card," with gray borders and in portrait format, showing a couple -- he has red hair, she has dark hair -- sitting on a grassy bank among wildflowers, holding hands, and kissing; with caption at top: "That's how I need you"and at bottom "in Rochester, N.Y." (Holmfirth, England; New York: Bamforth & Co., [ca. 1912]). Date based on style of Bamforth cards at the time and likely connection to the song:"That's How I Need You," words by Joe McCarthy and Joe Goodwin; music by Al. Piantadosi (c1912). From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

needing sex:

See sexual needs.

needs:

1. Those elements of life that are vital to one's survival and well-being -- with regard to human beings generally including, for starters, water, food, shelter, clothing, affection, and sexual relations; those things are are important for maintaining the internal economy of body and psyche.

2. Often more specifically, especially in the phrase "certain needs," one's sexual impulses crying to be satisfied.

See also bodily economy, conjugal rights, consortium, horniness, libido, marital duty, need a man (or a woman), need to get laid, right to sex, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexual desire, sexual needs, urge to merge.

x certain needs.

need to get laid:

1. To feel a pressing biological urge to copulate with somebody of a complementary sexual orientation.

2. To be irritable or uptight because -- or presumably because -- one hasn't had partnered sex for a while.

See also amative, amatory, horny, need a man (or a woman), needs, randy, sexual desire.

x get laid.

x laid.

negative assortive mating:

A statistical tendency for individuals within a given population to choose partners dissimilar to themselves in one or more key ways.

Comment: Abbreviated NAM. Sometimes "assortative" is used instead of "assortive."

Contrast positive assortive mating (q.v.). See also assortive mating, exogamy, heterogamy, NAM.

x statistics.

negative sexual imprinting:

The formation and shaping of those elements of the psyche that affect what one avoids in mate selection.

Comment: Also called reverse sexual imprinting.

See also mate selection, sexual imprinting, Westermarck effect.

x reverse sexual imprinting.

negative stance on sexuality:

See sex-negative stance.

né hors du mariage (French):

Born out of wedlock.

See out of wedlock.

x French terms.

neighbour's wife:

See Tenth Commandment, "thy neighbour's wife."

"neither male nor female":

A phrase used in the New Testament in the Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Galatians 3:28, which reads: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female [in the original Greek: ouk eni arsen kai thêlu]: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (King James or Authorized Version).

Comments: The point is that, fundamentally, social differences -- whether of ethnicity, class, or sex, these serving perhaps just as examples -- do not count when it comes to the Pauline vision for the churches, supposedly either in the present (given that the present tense is used) or in that future towards which his vision is driving.

Of the four passages in which Paul makes the point that there is no fundamental social distinction among believers, Galatians 3:28 is the only passage in which he explicitly mentions the sexes.

Galatians 3:28 and Its Parallel Pauline Passages, in Probable Chronological Order
Galatians 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man [eleutheros], there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 12:13 - For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free [eleutheroi], and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
Romans 3:22-23 - ... for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God ...
Colossians 3:11 - a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman [eleutheros], but Christ is all, and in all.
Here I have followed the New American Standard Bible (c1973), which uses italics to indicate words not found in the original Greek but implied by it. Unfortunately this version (like many another) is gratuitous in sexing the Greek word eleutheros in Galatians and Colossians as "free man" and "freeman." In context, eleutheros clearly means "free person." Many scholars regard Colossians as pseudo-Pauline.

In all probability, Paul was consciously drawing upon Israelite sources, most notably Joel 2:28-29:

"And it will come about after this

That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind;

And your sons and daughters will prophesy,

Your old men will dream dreams,

Your young men will see visions.

And even on the male and female servants

I will pour out my Spirit in those days." (NASB)

Notice that all the elements are present: all humankind (hence "neither Jew nor Greek"), both sons and daughters (hence "neither male nor female"), and servants (hence "neither slave nor free"). Even the mystical element is strongly present, although the mystical terms in one of the parallel Pauline passages, 1 Corinthians 12:13 (quoted above), are closer than those of Galatians 3:28.

We see from Acts 2:17-18 that the Joel passage played a significant role in early Christianity. The Apostle Peter is represented as quoting it in his Pentecostal speech to the people of Jerusalem. The breakdown of social distinctions on the basis of such prophetic passages may well be part of the explanation of the Christian communism of Acts 2:44-45, in which believers "had all things in common."

The rabbinic tradition took another direction, working out how the Torah applied to women differently from men. See, for example, Sotah 3:8 (here in the Herbert Danby translation), which asks, regarding Hebrew Law, that very question: "How does a man differ from a woman?" (Compare, in the Mishnah, Berakoth 3:3; Shabbath 2:6; Sukkah 2:8; Rosh ha-Shanah 1:8; Kiddushin 1:7; and Shebuoth 4:1.)

A reasonable argument can be made that Jesus himself was responsible for transmitting the vision of there being "neither male nor female" to those who would become the early Christians. The argument goes as follows.

The canonical Gospels have passages that point to the breakdown of social barriers between men and women, perhaps most notably this saying of Jesus: "... in the resurrection, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage" (Matthew 22:30; parallels at Mark 12:25 and Luke 20:34-36). When The Gospel of Matthew later says that upon the death of Jesus many deceased saints were raised (27:52-53), the author may have had in mind that the time of the resurrection was then being ushered in. In other words, the breakdown of social distinctions was, in his view, to be immediate. In any case, the phrase "neither male nor female" comports with the sayings and behaviors of Jesus as portrayed in the canonical Gospels.

In order to find statements attributed to Jesus that use wording similar to Paul's, one must turn to extracanonical sources.

A Selection of Extracanonical Christian Parallels to "Neither Male Nor Female" (Galatians 3:28)
Gospel of the Egyptians (Schneemelcher,1 v. 1, p. 211),2 perhaps the first half of the Second Century: When Salome asked when what she had inquired about would be known, the Lord said, 'When you have trampled on the garment of shame and when the two become one and the male with the female (is) neither male nor female'.
Gospel of Thomas 22 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, p. 120; square brackets his), circa 150 C.E.: Jesus said to them (his disciples): When you make the two one,3 and when you make the inside as the outside, and the outside as the inside, and the upper as the lower, and when you make the male and the female into a single one, so that the male is not male and the female not female, and when you make eyes in place of an eye, and a hand in place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you shall enter [the kingdom].
Gospel of Thomas 61 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, p. 125; angle brackets his, paragraphing mine): Salome said: Who are you man, whose son? You have mounted my bed and eaten from my table. Jesus said to her: I am he who comes forth from the one who is equal;4 I was given of the things of my Father. <Salome said:> I am your disciple. <Jesus said to her:> Therefore I say: If he is equal,4 he is full of light; but if he is divided, he will be full of darkness.
2 Clement 12:2-6 (Lightfoot,1 p. 118-119), circa 170 C.E. or earlier: For the Lord himself, when he was asked by someone when his kingdom was going to come, said: "When the two shall be one, and the outside like the inside, and the male with the female, neither male nor female [oute arsen oute thêlu]."
Notes
1 "Schneemelcher" refers to: New Testament Apocrypha (Revised edition, edited by Wilhelm Schneemelcher; English translated edited by R. McL. Wilson. Cambridge [England]: James Clarke; Louisville, Ky.: Westminster/John Knox Press, c1991). "Lightfoot" refers to: The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations of Their Writings (2nd ed., J. B. Lightfoot and J. R. Harmer, editors and translators; Michael W. Holmes, editor and reviser. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1992). "Layton," in the notes below, refers to: The Gnostic Scriptures, a new translation with annotations and introductions by Bentley Layton (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1987).
2 This surviving fragment from the Gospel of the Egyptians is found in Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis = Miscellanies 3:13 = 3:91ff.
3 Regarding oneness, compare Gospel of Thomas 4, 11, 23, 106 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, pp. 117, 119, 120, 129).
4 Layton translates "integrated."

The connection between the sources can be one of at least four types:

• There was a linear development of the idea of "neither male nor female" conceivably from Jesus to Paul, and then from Paul to the extracanonical sources. The trouble is that although some of the extracanonical sources use nearly the same wording as Paul, in the Pauline tradition those words are suggestive of the breakdown of social barriers, whereas in the extracanonical sources, they are suggestive of the de-feminization of women or even of androgeny, conceivably by way of allusion to the myth of the primeval androgyne.
• Two "neither male nor female" traditions were independently created, Paul's without attribution to Jesus, and the extracanonical tradition attributed to Jesus but perhaps created long after the time of Jesus. The trouble is that this theory relies on coincidence when the Pauline use of the phrase was well-known within Christianity, making coincidence unlikely.
  
• Two or more sayings of Jesus led to two different ideas, both of which were represented by words to the effect, "neither male nor female." Again, this theory relies upon improbable coincidence.
  
• One saying of Jesus with the words "neither male nor female" or words close to that served as the chief source for two different traditions of interpretation. This sort of development was common and hardly surprising. Of course, there are other similar texts, such as Matthew 22:30; and conflation with one of these could conceivably have led to a de-feminized (as opposed to a de-socialized) interpretation of "neither male nor female."
  

Each of these types or models allows for Jesus as the person who introduced the phrase, and the last two presuppose that he did. Of all these models, the last would seem the least problematic.

Over the last century and more, Galatians 3:28 has played a significant role in debates over ecclesiastical, marital, and social roles for women. Among the questions with particular relevance for canonical communities (that is, churches for whom the New Testament is a normative or at least key text in their current life): Is Galatians 3:28 in harmony with, in tension with, or a controlling principle relative to other New Testament passages that seem to teach the subordination of women, such as 1 Corinthians 11:3-16; 14:34-35; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Timothy 2:11-15; Titus 2:5; and 1 Peter 3:1? Or is it merely an eschatological vision, not meant to be realized until the Second Coming of Christ? To put the last question another way: What, in the present time, is the appropriate extent of realized eschatology -- that is, an ultimate vision brought into present reality -- with respect to Galatians 3:28?

See also androgyne archetype, "forbidding to marry," "head of the wife," household rules, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," "one flesh," "saved in childbearing,"

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x ouk eni arsen kai thêlu.

"neither marry, nor are given in marriage":

A quotation from a saying of Jesus at Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35 in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible. The original Greek, in all three passages, reads: oute gamousin oute gamizontai; and it is translated consistently in the KJV. Here gamousin (from gameô,"marry") applies to bridegrooms, and gamizontai (from gamizô, "give in marriage") applies to brides.

Comments:¹ Jesus was asked about a woman who had had no sons yet seven husbands, the last six according to the levirate custom: Whose wife would she be in the resurrection? His response was this, giving the three parallel accounts (in my translation):

"For in the resurrection they neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females], but they are as angels in Heaven." (Matthew 22:30)

"For once from dead ones they have arisen, they neither marry [as males] nor are being given in marriage [as females], rather they are as angels in the heavens." (Mark 12:25)

"The offspring of this era are marrying [as males] and are being given to wed [as females]. But those counted worthy to reach that era and the resurrection from the dead ones neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females]; for they are not still able to die; for they are angel-like; and they are offspring of God being offspring of the resurrection." (Luke 20:34-36)

How did Jesus understand the angels in heaven to be? Perhaps the most germane text is found in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, namely, 1 Enoch 15:2, 6-7, which is embedded in an elaboration of Genesis 6:1-4. Here is "the Great Glory" (1 Enoch 14:20), "the Excellent and Glorious One" (14:21), "the Lord" (14:24) speaking to Enoch:

"And tell the Watchers of heaven on whose behalf you have been sent to intercede: ... Indeed you, formerly you were spiritual, (having) eternal life, and immortal in all the generations of the world. That is why (formerly) I did not make wives for you, for the dwelling of the spiritual beings of heaven is heaven."²

The angelic Watchers were evidently males. This comports with Genesis 19:1-22, which represents angels as males in a sexually charged context; and with Jubilees 15:25-27 (in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha), which represents angels as being created circumcised. Evidently, even the Seraphim of Isaiah 6:2 had male sex organs, "feet" presumably being a euphemism for such (cf. Exodus 4:25; Ruth 3:4, 7-8, 14; 2 Samuel 11:8; 1 Kings 15:23; and 2 Kings 4:27). However, Zechariah 5:9 described winged women, who were subsequently interpreted as angels (for example, in the Midrash Rabbah at Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2). In 3 Enoch 35:6, a large group of angels is represented as containing, all of a sudden, both male and female angels; and there is some indication that angels were, at least by some, thought susceptible to sex-change (Bereshith Rabbah = Genesis Rabbah 21:9; Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2).³ This might help explain why Jude 7 speaks of the crime of the men of Sodom in Genesis 19:1-11 as one of going after not same-sex flesh, but rather "strange flesh" (sarkos heteras; cf. 1 Enoch 106:5-12). Per a common interpretation of Genesis 6:2-4, angels were considered capable of sexual desire, and embodied they were thought able both to engage in copulation and to procreate hybrid offspring by way of human females (see, for example, in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, the Testament of Reuben 5:5-6). Conceivably they were even understood by some to be able to propagate themselves on their own, perhaps without embodiment. Note, for example, "the sons of the holy angels" in 1 Enoch 71:1 and angelic families in 3 Enoch 12:5; 16:1; 18:21.

It would seem that Jesus' point was not one about desire or bonding, but about spirituality and a different order. As the Swedish mystical thinker, Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772), correctly pointed out, Jesus was speaking not of an end of either conjugal love or spiritual nuptiality but rather of the more limited phenomenon of marrying in its earthly, social aspects.⁴ Swedenborg aside, Jesus was telling his Sadducean interlocutors that the specifically earthly aspects of marriage -- including both headship (remembering the multiple husbands) and inheritance rights -- will be irrelevant "in the heavens" and that one cannot therefore, on the basis of the example presented, reduce the idea of resurrection either to absurdity or to legal wranglings over polyandry. With respect to the new era, the new order, the coming eon, both males and females are offspring of God and comparable to the good angels -- the point of the term "offspring" or "sons" (in Luke 20:36) being not maleness but indistinguishability of the only status that will matter, status in relation to God.

References
1 These comments are largely an adaptation of a portion of my article, "The Angels of 1 Corinthians 11:10: A Survey of Interpretative Options."
2 Translation of 1 Enoch by E. Isaac in: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1983-1985): v. 1, p. 21.
3 Regarding the sexing of heavenly beings, I am here only scratching the surface. For more, see, for example, The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai ([New York]: Ktav Publishing House, c1967): chapter 3, "The Cherubim," pp. 101-136, 300-310. Note the female cherubim pictured on plates 26-28. Philo describes an intimacy of paired cherubim that suggests a male and a female. See, for example, Peri tön Cheroubim = De Cherubim = On the Cherubim 20, 29. Patai argues that that is exactly what Philo meant.
4 Emanuel Swedenborg, De Amore Conjugiali (Amsterdam, 1768): §41 and environs. For English translation, see: The Delights of Wisdom Pertaining to Conjugal Love, after which follow, The Pleasures of Insanity Pertaining to Scortatory Love, by Emanuel Swedenborg; translated by Samuel M. Warren; translation revised by Louis H. Tafel (Stardard edition. New York: Swedenborg Foundation, 1954): especially pp. 44-46.

See also Celestial marriage, eternal union, "forbidding to marry," levirate marriage, "marriage is forever" myth, match made in heaven, mystic marriage, "neither male nor female," periodization, polyandry, spiritual marriage.

x Bible.

x gameô.

x gamizô.

x Greek terms.

x marriage in the resurrection.

neolocal residence:

In reference to the married, setting up the domicile in a new locale separate from relatives, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

x residence.

neoromance:

A game genre, namely, computer simulations of finding love.

See also dating sim, romance.

x games.

neo-virginity:

See secondary virginity.

nepiophilia:

1. A psychological condition on the part of a non-infant in which sexual arousal is dependent upon having a sex partner that is an infant, either in reality or in the imagination.

2. A dominant and compelling sexual attraction to infants.

See also ephebophilia, gerontophilia, pedophilia, -philia.

nerd auction:

See charity slave auction.

nest:

1. One's home, especially a home in which there are one or more children.

2. A group of people who have shared water ceremonially, who are deeply loyal to one another, who are open and honest with one another, who are open to sexual intimacy (q.v.) with one another, and who try to live by the vision of Valentine Michael Smith, a character in the science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (1961; uncut edition, 1991); a congregation of the Church of All Worlds, which was founded on the basis of the Heinlein novel.

Comment: The term has been joined with the apparently newer term "polyamorist," to form the collective term, "nest of polyamorists."

See also familistere, home, living together, love nest, nest-building, nidification, tribe of polyamorists, water brother.

x collective terms.

nest-building, or nest building:

Establishing and furnishing a home, especially for the sake of raising children.

See also homemaking, nest, nidification.

Quotation from Robin Baker Illustrating "Nest Building"
The last three months of pregnancy are often associated with marked changes in a woman's | psychology. First, there are the well-known spells of "nest building": strong urges to prepare the environment into which the baby will be born.
From: Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex, [by] Robin Baker (New York, NY: Basic Books, c1996): pp. 105-106.

nestcock:

A househusband (q.v.).

See also homemaker.

Net mate, or Net-mate, or 'net mate:

A person with whom one regularly interacts via the Internet; an online buddy.

Comment: In some usage, the interaction implied is romantic or erotic.

See also cybersex partner, e-flirtee, mate, online relationship.

netorare (寝取られ Japanese):

1. "Being stolen away while one sleeps"; having your beloved taken away from you.

2. A story genre with the preceding as a theme, especially in anime and manga.

Comment: Abbreviated NTR.

The term encompasses cuckolding but is broader in that one need not even be in a sexual relationship with the beloved. The beloved may be a person one has a crush on or may be a close relative, such as a sister or mother.

When the one stolen away is a woman, often implicit is the myth that the woman's body has been imprinted by her new lover (for instance, her vagina shaping itself to his penis) and that there is therefore no satisfactory going back for her. Furthermore, there is also often the motif that her carnal desires have been activated and that for that reason too there is no going back.

See also cuckold, lose (someone) to another, NTR, RAGE, steal (a man or a woman).

x Japanese terms.

x myths.

netori (寝取り Japanese):

1. Stealing somebody else's beloved.

2. A story genre with the preceding as a theme, especially in anime, manga, and video games.

See also cuckold, cuckoldry, homewrecking, lose (someone) to another, mate poaching, rack-jack, steal (a man or a woman), thief of love.

x Japanese terms.

network:

See fluid-exchange network, intimate network, romantic network, sexual network.

neuroses:

See dovetailing neuroses.

"Never a Jack without a Jill":

See Jack and Jill.

never get over (one's) first love:

See "You never get over your first love."

never married, as in "he never married":

1. Not ever having been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. Not ever having considered oneself married to anybody; never having had a mate.

3. Code for a heterosexual bachelor (q.v.) who has not ever entered into marriage, in contrast to a confirmed bachelor (q.v.) in its coded sense.

4. Not having truly united with (a person or each other) in some essential or emotionally vital way.

See also angélica, dance barefoot, feme sole, free agent, maiden aunt, marriagefree, married, miss, odd woman, old bachelor, old maid, single, spinsterhood, unmarried.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Never Married"
"Doña Carlotta!" He [Cipriano Viedma] said, looking down at her dulled hazel eyes, that were fixed and unseeing: "Do not die with wrong words on your lips. If you are murdered, you have murdered yourself. You were never married to Ramón [Carlotta's husband]. You were married to your own way." He spoke fiercely, avengingly. "Ah!" said the dying woman. "Ah! I never married Ramón. No! I never married him! How could I? He was not what I would have him be. How could I marry him? Ah! I thought I married him. Ah! I am so glad I didn't -- so glad."
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 21, p. 345.

never-married or never-marrieds, as in "the never-married":

1. The class of persons who have never been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. The class of persons who have never considered themselves married to anybody; the class of persons who have never had a mate.

Contrast ever-married (q.v.) and previously married (q.v.). See also maiden, marital status, married, single.

x statistics.

new adultery:

1. Participation in extramarital sexual activity with the knowledge and consent of one's spouse.

2. The beginning of a trend in the life of a culture when intolerance of extramarital sexual activity is discarded and more and more spouses start to tolerate and even encourage their partners' having sex with others.

3. A current twist on extramarital sexual activity, such activity being considered a moral violation, despite attempts at justification due to the twist. Among such "new" twists in the past: being above board with one's spouse about it and cybersex.

Comment: This term is sometimes used neutrally or positively. However, it is easily adapted to derisive use, generally by way of a slide into the third sense. I myself recall it being used homiletically in the 1960s or 70s to describe pejoratively the "new morality," after which I had the impression that the term was patterned, although I might well have been mistaken. Because of its susceptibility to derisive use and also because the practice would now be considered old (nevermind that it was old when the term was coined), other terms are generally preferred when a neutral or positive sense is intended.

See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, arrangement, cluster marriage, comarital, condone, consensual adultery, cyberlove, flexible monogamy, free agent, hall pass, hundred-mile rule, letter group (C, P, theta), the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, new morality, new sexuality, non-exclusivity pact, non-monogamy, open marriage, pair dating, polyamory, primemate, reconstituted marriage, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual permissiveness, singles privileges, swing, syndyasmian family.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "New Adultery"
The "new adultery" is done with the full knowledge and cooperation of the marriage partner, and both are engaged in sex-for-fun with other people, without the necessity for sneaking and hiding.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 141.

new cock syndrome:

1. The desire to have sex with a different man or different men, even if happy with one's current boyfriend or husband. Sometimes the syndrome is operative even if the different men are less handsome.

2. The intensification of sexual arousal in the presence of or while having sex with an attractive man one has not had sexual sessions with before.

Comments: Abbreviated NCS.

"Cock" is a popular term for a man's penis. The term is regarded as taboo by some.

See also Coolidge effect, NCS, new pussy syndrome, sexual varietism, toujours perdrix.

x cock.

x syndromes.

new couple chemistry:

Given a presumption of monogamy, a passionate and exclusive sexual connection plus best friendship between two people of complementary sexual orientations.

Comment: Coined by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. In this context, the new couple is "any couple that actively and mutually embraces the higher-order needs for self-love, mission in life, and emotional intimacy ..."

See also acceptive phase, chemistry of love, newfound love, new relationship energy.

new family:

1. A family (q.v.) with an infant (or, at least, a pregnant mother), especially a family in which the infant (or unborn child) is the only child or in which other children are no older than toddler age.

2. A family with a recently adopted child.

3. A family of which one has recently been made a member.

4. A blended family or the part thereof added to the family one has had.

5. The nature, structure, shape, or behavior of families insofar as it is a result of either current trends or recent social engineering and differs from the nature, structure, shape, or behavior of typical families of the past -- all within a given society.

6. The set of all families that vary from the traditional norm in a given society; for example, where the family norm is a married couple of the same country and ethnic group living together and with children, both partners belonging to the offical state religion, a partial list of new-family categories might look like this:

• extended families forming domestic units;
• single parent families;
• childless families;
• families formed without the benefit of legal marriage;
• families that encompass single-sex unions;
• families that encompass polygamous or group marriages or their like;
• families that encompass mixed marriages;
• families whose religion differs from the official state religion;
• families whose ethnic practices differ from those recognized or promoted by the state;
• families with members who are non-citizens, who have dual citizenship, or whose national identity is not recognized;
• families in which the marital partners live most of the time apart.

7. A social substitute for a family, such as a gang (where the shoe fits).

Comment: Regarding the fifth sense, generally when "the new family" is announced, it characterizes only a minority, often a tiny minority, of families. Furthermore, by the time change has overtaken the vast majority of families in a society, the designation "new" is often thought not fitting.

See also adoption, blended family, frontiers of marriage, in-law, instant family, stepfamily.

newfound love:

1. Romantic affections recently discovered either within oneself or between oneself and another person.

2. A person with whom one has recently fallen in love, especially such a person who loves one back.

See also acceptive phase, budding relationship, fall in love, love (in two senses), lover, new couple chemistry, new relationship energy, proceptive phase.

new-inventionism:

The view that sexual orientation, especially homosexual orientation, was not recognized as such until sometime between the beginning of the 17th and the end of the 19th centuries.

Comment: Coined by Joseph Cady in 1992.

See his article, "'Masculine Love,' Renaissance Writing, and the 'New Invention' of Homosexuality," in: Homosexuality in Renaissance and Enlightenment England: Literary Representations in Historical Context, Claude J. Summers, editor (New York: Haworth Press, c1992; in series: Research on Homosexuality): pp. 9-40. This is followed up in: "Renaissance Awareness and Language for Heterosexuality 'Love' and 'Feminine Love,'" [by] Joseph Cady, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 143-158.

See also heterosexuality, homosexuality.

newly wed:

Recently entered upon marriage.

Comment: The phrase, "my newly wed one," refers to the person to whom one has recently become married.

See also just married, newlywed.

newlywed:

A person who has just become married.

See also bride, bridegroom, groom, honeymoon, newly wed.

A Postcard Illustrating "Newlyweds"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Linen(?) Valentine's Day "post card," with white borders and in comic style, showing a couple holding hands and carrying luggage, his with a tag that reads "just married"; with caption: "To my valentine"and four lines of verse entitled "Newlyweds" ([s.l.: s.n., between 1907 and 1952]). Date based on divided back style and one cent postage rate. The style of dress may be 1930s. "Series no. 767 Comics 24 designs." The verses read: Your "goo goo eyes" and endless spoon      Make sticky sweet your honey moon, You seem to think, in brainless bliss      That life's just one molasses kiss. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

new man in (her) life:

A recently acquired boyfriend.

See also boyfriend, man.

new morality:

1. Ethical thought which treats agapic love (q.v.) as the sole norm in deciding ethical matters and which treats rules in the Jewish and Christian traditions as general guidelines and points of departure; situation ethics. In this sense the new morality has broad application, but it is often discussed with special attention to marriage and sexuality.

2. Flexible moral thinking in quest of personal wholeness and the maximum welfare of all; non-prescriptive non-authoritarian ethics; a rejection of legalism in ethics, including, for instance, legalism that stems from natural law theory; belief in the autonomy of the mature responsible self in moral decision-making.

3. Valuing a current broad-based sense of the common good, inclusive of respect for both individual freedom and pluralism, over traditionalist prescriptive morality.

4. Libertarian sexual ethics; permissiveness with regard to matters of affection.

5. A set of principles that is meant to determine okay and not okay behavior with respect to marriage and sexuality and that is meant to displace, but which actually contends with, stricter, rigidly applied traditional morality; whatever set of mores thought to be more suited to the times has displaced an earlier set of mores in at least a percentage of a given population.

Comments: The term has been variously attributed to Durant Duke (1928), Pope Pius (1952), and John A.T. Robinson (1963), each applying the term in a somewhat different sense.¹

It appears that originally the new morality, in any one of its senses, was conceived of as one set of principles, the specifics of which could be debated, that was to displace traditionalism. What happened instead was this: Traditionalism was displaced by moral pluralism, a pluralism that included both traditionalism and situation ethics among a plethora of contenders for adoption by the individual. Perhaps acceptance of moral pluralism has itself become the new morality.

Reference
For discussion see, "The History and Literature of the 'New Morality,'" by Edward LeRoy Long, Jr., in: The Pittsburgh Perspective; v. 3 (September 1966): pp. 4-17; reprinted, at least in part, in: The Situation Ethics Debate, edited with an introduction by Harvey Cox (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1968): pp. [101]-116. It's the latter that I have in hand.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," compartmentalization, consent to sex, consexuality, ethical hedonism, ethical relativism, ethical subjectivism, frontiers of marriage, hot and cool sex, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, love, love generation, moral code, moral equivalence, more evolved, new adultery, new sexuality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonmarital sex, not that there's anything wrong with that, open-minded, pankoitism, porneia, public character of sex, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, sexosophy, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual golden age, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual toleration, sexual utopia, situation ethics, spiritual polyamory, stigmatic guilt, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality, unnatural, utopian swinging.

Quotation from John A. T. Robinson Illustrating "New Morality"
[119] Chastity is the expression of charity -- of caring, enough. And this is the criterion for every form of behaviour, inside marriage or out of it, in sexual ethics or in any other field. For nothing else makes a thing right or wrong. This 'new morality' is, of course, none other than the old morality, just as the new commandment is the old, yet ever fresh commandment of love [I John 2.7 f.]. It is what St Augustine dared to say with his dilige et quod vis fac [Ep. Joan. vii.5], which ... should be translated not 'love and do what you please', but 'love and then what you will, do'. What 'love's casuistry' requires makes, of course, the most searching demands both upon the depth and integrity of one's concern for the other -- whether it is really the utterly unselfregarding agape [agapë] of Christ -- and upon the calculation of what is truly the most loving thing in this situation for every person involved. Such an ethic cannot but rely, in deep humility, upon guiding rules, upon the cumulative experience of one's own and other people's obedience... [120] Whatever the pointers of the law to the demands of love, there can for the Christian be no 'packaged' moral judgements -- for persons are more important even than 'standards'.
From: Honest to God, [by] John A. T. Robinson (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1963): pp. 119-120.

Quotation from Lawrence Lipton Illustrating "New Morality"
The first manifestations of every revolution are always symptoms of the decay of the old order. Today we have passed beyond this first stage into promising new experiments in natural love, in mating, in marital relations.... To those who ask: Is this the new morality? ... No. Nobody knows what the new morality will be like. All we can do today is make an educated guess. In answer to a similar question, an Ohio State senior replied: "Premarital sex doesn't mean the downfall of society, at least not the kind of society that we're going to build."
From: The Erotic Revolution: An Affirmative View of the New Morality, [by] Lawrence Lipton (Los Angeles, Calif.: Sherbourne Press, c1965): p. 10.

new paradigm relating:

Acting out of a relationship philosophy that emphasizes the spiritual and psychological development of the partners by means of their relationship. Typically this philosophy or paradigm calls for honoring individual autonomy, responsibility for oneself, equality, total honesty, and being fully present in the moment.

Contrast old paradigm relating (q.v.). See also ethical non-monogamy, freemate, hot and cool sex, peer marriage, sexual morality.

new pussy syndrome:

1. The desire to have sex with a different woman or different women, even if happy with one's current girlfriend or wife. Sometimes the syndrome is operative even if the different women are less beautiful.

2. The intensification of sexual arousal in the presence of or while having sex with an attractive woman one has not had sexual sessions with before; sometimes more specifically, especially in the case of a man, the inclination and ability to have more orgasms in a short span of time with a new person than usual.

Comments: Abbreviated NPS.

"Pussy" is a popular term for a woman's vulva. By synedoche, it is sometimes used of the entire woman. The term is regarded as taboo by some, especially in the second sense.

See also Coolidge effect, new cock syndrome, NPS, sexual varietism, toujours perdrix.

x pussy.

x syndromes.

new relationship energy:

The euphoria experienced at the beginning of a love relationship.

Comment: Abbreviated NRE.

Contrast old relationship energy (q.v.). See also acceptive phase, budding relationship, chemistry, chemistry of love, crystallization, enchantment, hot love, infatuation, incandecence, in love, Laws of Lovers' Passion, limerence, mating dance, new couple chemistry, newfound love, NRE, passion, passionate love, proceptive phase, shine, walk on air, walk on sunshine, zsa zsa zsu.

new scarlet letter:

A sign or label of social stigma. Sometimes, but not necessarily, either the sign or the stigma is sexually based, if the sexual base is other than adultery, which was what, it is generally believed, the original scarlet letter, an "A," stood for.

Comments: An allusion to the novel The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne (1850).

All sorts of things have been called the new scarlet letter, and often the first letter of the word is mentioned as the letter itself. Some with a sexual touchpoint include herpes, the gaunt look associated with HIV/AIDS or its medications, homosexuality, divorce, abortion, sex offender registries and other devices used to bring to public notice those who have been convicted of sex crimes, and even abstinence (abstinence programs supposedly being stigmatized as unscientific by liberals). Some without a sexual touchpoint include being overweight, bankruptcy, and being labeled an atheist, a fundamentalist, a terrorist, or unpatriotic.

Often the term is used to imply that the given sign or label of social stigma should be done away with.

See also label, scarlet letter, stigmatic guilt, wear a label.

new sexuality:

A set of patterns of change in a culture with respect to erotic behavior and attitudes in the wake of the widespread introduction of (a) generally effective medicines (such as penicillin) for the control of sexually transmitted diseases and (b) generally effective contraceptives (such as "the pill"); sexual behavior and the attiudes regarding sexual behavior following an ajustment to the removal, even an imperfect removal, of the most serious physical consequences.

See also new adultery; new morality; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; sexuality; sexual liberation; sexual mores; sexual revolution.

Quotations from Jack Nichols Illustrating "New Sexuality"
[194] The new sexuality, which is to say post-contraceptive sexuality, helps those who seek its pleasures to relinquish old values and to discover the new ones it upholds as the price of enjoyment.
[213] ... the new sexuality becomes a great revolutionary force. Learning to play in concert with others is at the root of the new sexuality, and since play cannot be structured, it is antiauthoritarian. Sexuality today, if it is to be fully enjoyed, is the one drive that demands recognition of its values: cooperation, spontaneity, passivity (opennness), sharing, sensitivity, trust, and freedom.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 15, pp. 194, 213.

New Testament monogamy:

Marriage as one man united to but one woman and that one woman united to but that one man, especially indissolubly, as many interpret certain passages in the Christian scriptures of the First Century or so after Christ, scriptures in Greek which later came to be canonized and known as Hê Kainê Diathêkê or The New Testament, which now forms the last part of the Christian Bible.

Comments: The passages are:

• Matthew 19:9 (cf. 5:32); Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18 -- To take Mark's form, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery." Compare Hermas, Mandates 4.1.6 (in the collection known as the Apostolic Fathers). This saying of Jesus has been used to show that he overturned polygyny in favor of monogamy. The reasoning goes that by condemning remarriage of a man after divorce, Jesus was indicating that he disapproved of a man having a second living wife. The options, presumably, for the divorced couple were either celibacy until the death of the former partner or reconciliation. This interpretation has several problems:
• Jesus was not speaking to the issue of monogamy versus polygyny, and the interpretation that he disapproved of polygyny has to be inferred. It can even be argued that Jesus was not speaking directly to the issue of divorce but to the grander issue of faithfulness to God.
  
• The context in which Jesus was speaking was open to polygyny,¹ which means that his saying might have been applied to a man with multiple wives, one of whom the man was about to divorce. In such a situation, the saying would not have been an enjoinment to monogamy, but rather to keep the wives that he had.
• Marrying "another" has often been interpreted as having a broad sense, meaning "any other woman." See, for instance, Justin Martyr, Apology 1:15. If the broad sense was intended, the issue could yet be replacement rather than polygyny. However, "another" can be interpreted as having a limited sense. For instance, it could mean a "daughter of a foreign god" (cf. Malachi 2:10-16); or it could mean another's wife, particularly one who is still legally able to reconcile with her husband (cf. Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
• The Torah's polygynous definition of adultery may be presupposed in the divorce sayings of Jesus, that is, if adultery in those sayings is to be understood literally. In the Torah (which comprises the first five books of the Hebrew Bible), for a man, adultery is nefarious copulation with his fellow's wife; for a wife, it is nefarious copulation with a man other than her husband. See Leviticus 18:20; 20:10.
  
• In one of the same Gospels, Jesus is represented as expressly denying that he came to overturn the Mosaic Law (Matthew 5:17), and yet polygyny could become an obligation under Mosaic Law. If a man's brother, even a married man's brother, died and left a widow but no son, the still living brother was expected to take her as a wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).
  
• For more on the interpretation of these passages, see the Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus, especially its section on polygyny.
• Romans 7:2-3 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Corinthians 7:2 -- This passage has dubious applicability, since the issue is not monogamy versus polygamy. "Man" and "wife" are being spoken of in the singular abstractly, which was a common way of speaking of marriage in the polygynous culture of the Israelites. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, under "Monogamy," subsection, "Wife as singular.") Another reason for dubious applicability: In 6:16 Paul had just implicitly rejected a monogamous interpretation of being "one flesh."
• 1 Corinthians 7:39 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 2 Corinthians 11:2 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6 -- These "husband of one wife" references are of uncertain interpretation. They can be read as meaning "exactly one wife" (neither unmarried nor polygynous), "no more than one wife" (either unmarried or monogamous), or "at least one wife" (either monogamous or polygynous), depending upon the understanding of the context.
  
• 1 Timothy 5:9 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.

Reference

1  Some maintain that by Jesus' time, polygyny among the Jews had ceased. However, their legal code continued to take it into account, as can be clearly seen in the Mishnah and Tosefta, and there is direct historical evidence that it continued not only into the First Century but well past it. For starters, the Jewish historian Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), in describing the family of Herod the Great, says, "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time" (Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, in the translation by Ralph Marcus in The Loeb Classical Library). For much further evidence, see discussion under "Was Jesus married" question.

See also indissolubility doctrine, monogamy, "one flesh," polygyny, "Was Jesus married" question.

x Bible.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "New Testament Monogamy"

Nor indeed can it very easily be maintained that Dante was a striking example of New Testament monogamy, considering the extent to which his imagination concentrated itself on one woman while he was married to another.

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," p. 91. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

new virginity:

See secondary virginity.

new woman in (his) life:

A recently acquired girlfriend.

See also girlfriend, woman.

next level:

See take (it) to the next level.

next-tier sexual ethics:

The sexual ethics (q.v.) that are developed following a rejection or break-down of some or all of traditional sexual mores and morality.

Example 1: In a culture where homosexual behavior has traditionally been condemned, behavioral standards on the part of any regarding sex between individuals of the same sex. Such standards might include, for instance:

• the requirement of mutual consent;
• no pedophilia or other gross inequity of power;
• the practice of safe sex; and,
• for a monogamous love relationship only.

Example 2: In a culture where extramarital affairs are generally condemned, reflection on how to conduct an extramarital affair in such a way as to cause least harm.

Comments: Coined by me, 2005.

The term is meant to be neutral, the ambiguity in "next-tier" -- progressive versus second-rate -- hopefully canceling itself out.

See also Algren's Third Rule, code, compartmentalization, consent to sex, lie about sex, moral code, new morality, rules of adultery, sexosophy, sexual avant-garde, sexual morality, sexual mores, swingers' moral code, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality.

NI:

Natural insemination (q.v.).

nice girl:

1. A young human female who is kind and industrious and not often naughty.

2. A young woman whom a man's parents might consider good wife material, since she seems to have the qualities that would make her a dutiful daughter-in-law, a companionable wife, an attentive mother, and a good example for others.

3. A woman who meets the expectations of others by exercising restraint in her sexual behavior, as in, "Nice girls don't do such things!"

Contrast bad girl (q.v.). See also girl next door, nice guy.

nice guy:

1. A fellow who is polite, generous, attentive to one's needs and wishes, sensitive to one's feelings, and pleasant to be around; a man who is not abusive but who seeks the emotional and physical comfort of others, especially the comfort of anyone with whom he has entered into a love relationship.

2. A man whom a woman's parents might consider good husband material, since he seems kind and industrious.

3. A man who meets the expectations of others by exercising restraint in his sexual behavior.

Comment: In some usages, "nice guy" is a loaded term, connoting a man who "comes in last," whether in business or politics or with women. Per the ladder theory, nice guys have the qualities women claim they look for in a man, but women consistently prefer men with money, power, looks, or novelty; thus (still per the theory) women generally prefer wealthy men and bad boys to nice guys. Naturally many people take exception to such analyses; and so a great deal of debate has raged over how well nice guys fare in matters of romance, sexual happiness, and the passing on of genes.

As to the differences between the definitions of "nice girl" and "nice guy," some of those difference would be smoothed away if we were defining "nice woman." However, some of the remaining differences reflect differing hidden assumptions and agendas in common usage.

An Aside on "Nice Guys Finish Last"

The saying, "Nice guys finish last" is often attributed to the baseball manager, Leo Durocher, who made the comment or one like it in an interview in 1946. It's been said that he was misunderstood, that he was making two distinct comments about a certain team, comments which together frame an irony: that they're nice guys and that they nevertheless finish last. Despite the Durocher attribution, the saying predates that incident. Witness, for example, the heading: "Nice Guys Finish Last in America. Europeans Prefer to Emphasize Cooperation and Common Ground in Their Negotiations." This is found in Management Review; v. 23-24 (1934): p. 60. <I've examined a snippet view only> Curiously the same journal, decades later, has an article by Peter Troiano, entitled "Nice Guys Finish First." See v. 87, no. 11 (December 1998): p. 8. The saying, "Nice guys finish last," is often taken as a knock against ethics and civility in the interest of success, and so has been called, by Leonard Koppett, the byword of cynicism.

Contrast bad boy (q.v.). See also "All's fair ...," boy next door, ladder theory, nice girl.

NID:

Natural insemination by donor (q.v.).

niddah (Hebrew):

1. A menstruant; a woman having her period.

2. Under the title of Niddah, the seventh tractate in order Tohorot of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, Talmud Yerushalmi, and Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on menstruants.

Comments: In Orthodox Judaism, a man is forbidden to have sexual contact with a woman for a period commencing twelve hours before the expected onset of her menses and continuing through her period plus seven further days without a sign of blood, typically twelve days in all.

The bath used in obligatory ritual washing following those seven days is called a mikveh.

See also kiddushim, kiniqsiiniq, menstruant as forbidden.

x Hebrew terms.

nidificate:

To build a nest.

Comment: Usually said of birds or other nest-building animals but sometimes, by analogy, of lovers or newlyweds.

See also lek, nidification.

nidification:

Nest-building.

See also homemaking, lekking, love-nest, nest, nest-building, nidificate.

night courting:

Unmarried lovers sharing the same bed in the evening or overnight with the idea that sexual intercourse will not take place, especially when this practice is according to custom. Typically the idea is to determine their suitability for each other.

See also bosom-right, bundling, courtship, proof marriage, proof night, queesting, sex hospitality.

Nightingale syndrome:

See Florence Nightingale syndrome.

night-wife:

A woman whose heart mystically belongs to a man with whom she has an intimate relationship other than her husband but who maintains her marriage or at least a semblance thereof with her husband -- such a woman in relation to that other man.

Contrast social wife (q.v.). See also belong to, elective affinity, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, soul mate, soul-mate problem, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual wife, union of hearts, wife in truth.

x wife in darkness.

Quotations from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating and Contextualizing "Night-Wife"
[77] "Listen," he [Johann Dionys Psanek] said to her [Daphne Apsley] softly. "Now you are mine. In the dark you are mine. And when you die you are mine. But in the day you are not mine, because I have no power in the day. In the night, in the dark, and in death, you are mine. And that is forever. No matter if I must leave you. I shall come again from time to time. In the dark you are mine. But in the day I cannot claim you. I have no power in the day, and no place. So remember. When the darkness comes, I shall always be in the darkness of you. And as long as I live, from time to time I shall come to find you, when I am able to, when I am not a prisoner. But I shall have to go away soon. So don't forget -- you are the night-wife of the ladybird, while you live and even when you die."
[80] She never saw him, as a lover. When she saw him, he was the little officer, a prisoner, quiet, claiming nothing in all the world. And when she went to him as his lover, his wife, it was always dark. She only knew his voice and his contact in darkness. "My wife in darkness," he said to her.
[81] If only Dionys need not go away! If only he need not go away! But he said to her, the last morning: "Don't forget me. Always remember me. I leave my soul in your hands and your womb. Nothing can ever separate us, unless we betray one another. If you have to give yourself to your husband [Basil Apsley], do so, and obey him. If you are true to me, innerly, innerly true, he will not hurt us. He is generous, be generous to him. And never fail to believe in me. Because even on the other side of death I shall be watching for you. I shall be king in Hades when I am dead. And you will be at my side. You will never leave me anymore, in the after-death. So don't be afraid in life. Don't be afraid. If you have to cry tears, cry them. But in your heart of hearts know that I shall come again, and that I have taken you for ever. And so, in your heart of hearts be still, be still, since you are the wife of the ladybird."
From: The Ladybird, by D. H. Lawrence (London: Martin Secker, 1923): pp. 77, 80, 81. In the story, Basil was aware that Daphne was in love with Dionys (see pp. 78-80).

nikah (Arabic):

Marriage (q.v.), especially as contracted under Islamic law.

Comment: The basic meaning of the term is "sexual intercourse."

See also `idda, mahr, mut`a, rada`, talak, `umra, `urs, zina.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

Ninth Commandment:

See Tenth Commandment. For lexical illustration see under "Seventh Commandment."

nirimoua (Algonquian):

Female kin of a woman especially eligible to be polygynously married to a given man, or that man in relation to them.

See also co-wife, father's wife, headdress keeper, junior wife, lesser wife, kinship, monogyny, nuliaqpak, polygynist, polygyny, primary wife, secondary wife, senior wife, sits-beside-him woman, squaw.

Quotation from Pierre de Liette in Translation Illustrating "Nirimoua"
While the women [of the Illinois Indians] are nursing, their husbands do not ordinarily have commerce with them. As they have several wives, the abstinence is easy for them. They usually marry sisters and the aunts or nieces of their wives; they call these Nirimoua. When a man is a good hunter it is very easy for him to marry all who stand within this degree of relationship. The women designate him in the same manner.
From: The Memoir of Pierre Liette on the Illinois Country, in: The Western Country in the 17th Century ..., edited by Milo Milton Quaife (Chicago: Lakeside Press, R. R. Donnelley, 1947; in series: The Lakeside Classics): p. 135. Translated from the French by Edith Moodie, with alterations by the editor (see pages xxiii-xxiv). The Memoir is that of Liette (d. 1729) and was evidently written in 1702 (see pages xxvii and 110), yet it ends: "Montreal, Canada, October 20, 1721. Signed: De Gannes." The editor treats De Gannes as the copyist.

nissuim, or nissuin (Hebrew):

In Judaism, the latter ceremonial stage for becoming married, the stage that bestows conjugal rights and imposes marital obligations; full-fledged marriage, no longer just betrothal.

Comment: The first stage is called erusin (q.v.) or kiddushim (q.v.).

See also hatunnah, sponsalia per verba de praesenti, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

niyoga (Sanskrit):

The Hindu practice of appointing a woman to bear a male heir who will be begotten by proxy. Thus, in a typical instance, a sonless husband would commission his wife to have sexual intercourse with his brother or a near kinsman, either before or after the husband's decease, in order to have an heir.

See also levirate marriage, preferential marriage, sororate marriage.

x Sanskrit terms.

Noachian laws:

Per Jewish tradition, a set of divine injunctions given to Noah and his sons, injunctions which are incumbent upon all his descendants, by which is understood all of humankind, Jew and gentile alike.

Comments: Those who observe the Noachian laws are called Noachides (Hebrew: B'nai Noach), and so the Noachian laws are sometimes called Noachide laws or Noachidic obligations or something similar. According to R. Eliezer (Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 105a), a non-Jew who is not "a transgressor among the heathen" (that is, presumably, a non-Jew who observes the Noachian laws) and who acknowledges God merits the kingdom of heaven.

The Noachian laws derive chiefly from Genesis 9; however, divine injunctions delivered to Adam are generally understood to be included. The list of injunctions varies.

In the book of Jubilees 7:20, eight injunctions are listed: (a) do justice, (b) cover the shame of one's flesh, (c) bless the Creator, (d) honor one's father and mother, (e) love one's neighbor, (f) preserve oneself from sexual immorality, (g) preserve oneself from pollution, and (h) preserve oneself from committing injustice.

In Tosefta Avodah Zarah 8:4-8, seven injunctions are given: (a) set up courts of justice, (b) do not commit idolatry, (c) do not commit blasphemy, (d) do not commit sexual immorality, (e) do not commit blooshed, (f) do not commit thievery, and, evidently, (g) do not use a limb cut from a living beast. Roughly parallel lists are found in Genesis Rabbah 16.6 (11c); 34.8 (20d); Deuteronomy Rabbah 2.25 (198d); Midrash Song of Songs 1.2.5 (82b-83a); Seder Olam Rabbah 5:40-70; Pesikta de-Rab Kahana 12; Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 56a-b; and Maimonides, Code, Book 14, Judges, Treatise 5, Kings and Wars 9.1.

In Talmud Bavli, Hullin 92a-b, a mention is made of thirty injunctions "which the sons of Noah took upon themselves," injunctions which are generally understood to derive from the seven. Three are mentioned: the children of Noah (a) do not draw up a marriage deed for males, (b) do not weigh the flesh of the dead in the market, and (c) respect the Torah.

In the Christian tradition, some have tried to interpret the ruling of the Council of Jerusalem (at Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25) as delineating a set of rules more or less in the same vein. However, it is likely that instead some set of Noachian laws was assumed and that the decision of the Council of Jerusalem had to do with Jewish purity regulations for gentiles turning to God, regulations derived from those in the Holiness Code of Leviticus that were applicable to "the alien who sojourns among you" (see, for example, Leviticus 18:26).¹ A list of some of the Noachian laws as understood by at least some early Christians may be inferred from the injunctions mentioned by the Apostle Paul in Romans 13:1-10 (compare 1 Peter 2:12-14): (a) be subject to governing authorities, who are a terror to bad conduct; (b) pay taxes; (c) owe no one anything; (d) do not commit adultery; (e) do not kill; (f) do not steal; and (g) do not covet. Paul indicates that this is not necessarily a closed list. The absence of a prohibition of sexual immorality in that immediate context may indicate that Paul was deliberately supplementing the ruling of the Council of Jerusalem. Note that in his lengthy discussion of porneia or sexual immorality, which was one of the Council's prohibitions, Paul comments that the practice of a man living with his father's wife is not found even among pagans (1 Corinthians 5-7, specifically 5:1; cf. Leviticus 18:8; 20:11).

Theoretically, the Noachian laws allow for a variety of sexual and marital codes, the point being to have workable and just regulation in a given culture or subculture. However, to obtain certain blessings specific to the Israelites, it is their code that must be followed. In those two sentences is much to be unbundled theologically; and many an issue naturally arises, for example regarding what in terms of sexual morality should be considered universal and what culturally relative.

Reference
1 See: "The Prohibitions of the Council at Jerusalem (Acts xv 28, 29)," [by] J. W. Hunkin, The Journal of Theological Studies; v. 27, no. 107 (April 1926): pp. 272-283.

See also Adam and Eve, biblical sexual morailty, father's wife, Lastercatalog, Law and gospel, moral code, "naked and not ashamed," one flesh, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual sin, unnatural.

x Bible.

x Hebrew terms.

x Noachide laws.

Quotation from Hermann Cohen (1842-1918) Regarding the Noachian Laws ("Noachidic Obligations")
[122] The stranger is in the first place a son of Noah, and this is his protection against the deficiency that he is not the son of Abraham. But as a Noachide he is not bound to the law of Moses, but only to the seven precepts, "the seven commandments of the sons of Noah" ... And these seven precepts have a strictly moral character.... [123] The concept of the Noachide is the foundation for natural law not only as an expression of the objective law but also as a determination of the subject of law.... The belief in the Jewish God is not required. One is not permitted to force even a slave to this belief. Further, whoever turns to Judaism together with his children is not permitted to accomplish the conversion for his immature children; until they are able to decide for themselves, they remain Noachides ([Talmud Bavli,] Tr[actate]. Ketuboth, 11a).... [124] The Noachidic obligations therefore form an original Torah of their own, which is the foundation for law and state.
From: Religion of Reason out of the Sources of Judaism, [by] Hermann Cohen; translated, with an introduction by Simon Kaplan; introductory essays by Leo Strauss; introductory essays for the second edition by Steven S. Schwarzchild [and] Kenneth Seeskin (Atlanta, Ga.: Scholars Press, c1995; in series: American Academy of Religion texts and translations series; no. 7): chapter 8, §§16-17, pp. 122-124. Translation of: Religion der Vernunft aus den Quellen des Judentums.

Noachide laws:

See Noachian laws.

Noah's Ark syndrome:

Kind to kind; the tendency of likes to attract or otherwise to be sorted together; the by no means universal pattern of individuals with similarities being attracted to each other or otherwise being lumped or found together.

Comment: The allusion is to Genesis 7.

Source: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 25.

See also assortive mating, attraction, face mate, homogamy, inbreeding, positive assortive mating.

x Bible.

x syndromes.

Noah syndrome:

In organizations or in social organization more generally, treating couples, nuclear families with two parents, and singles who want to become part of a couple as normative, thereby marginalizing those who fall outside this "normative" pattern.

Comment: The allusion is to Genesis 7:2-3, 8-9, which is often misremenbered as saying that Noah's Ark was boarded by one male and one female of each species of animal. Read closely.

Source: "The Noah Syndrome," [by] Rosa Felsenburg Kaplan, in: On Being a Jewish Feminist: A Reader, edited and with an introduction by Susannah Heschel (New York: Schocken Books, 1983): pp. [167]-170.

See also couple-centrist, dyad, family values, monogamism, monogamy-centrist, nuclear family, single, two-parent family.

x syndromes.

noceur (French):

1. A person given to the revelries and orgies of a night life.

2. By extension, a libertine.

See also libertine, orgy, rake.

x French terms.

noeclexis:

Choice of a partner based chiefly on that person's mental attributes.

Comment: From the Greek: noësis ("intelligence") + eklexis ("selection").

Contrast geneclexis (q.v.). See also attraction, marriage of true minds, mate selection.

no fault divorce (legal term):

Legal dissolution of a marriage for which blame need not be shown or proved in either spouse; divorce on the ground that a marriage has irretrievably broken down or for irreconcilable differences.

See also covenant marriage, divorce, divorce by consent, grounds for divorce, incompatibility.

no love lost between (them):

An expression to the effect that no affections are wasted between (said individuals), an expression which has been used in diametrically opposite ways to mean:

• Each is affectionate towards the other, and each values and returns the affections shown; and,
• Neither shows any affection towards the other.
  

Comment: Nowadays, the expression is used almost exclusively in the latter sense. In fact, in that sense it is often used as a form of understatement or litotes meaning, "They despise each other."

Incidentally, a term that is its own antonym is called an auto-antonym. Several other coinages have been made for such a term as well, among them: antagonym, antilogy, contronym (also spelled contranym), enantiodrome, Janus (or Janus-faced) term, and self-antonym. "Janus expression" is used for "an expression with opposite meanings."

See also love, toxic relationship, zero-sum view of love.

Quotation from a Ballad Illustrating "No Love Lost Between These Two"

[Regarding a Norfolke gentleman] Sore sicke he was, and like to dye,      No helpe his life could save; His wife by him as sicke did lye,      And both possest one grave. No love between these two was lost,      Each was to other kinde, In love they liv'd, in love they dyed,      And left two babes behinde ...

From the ballad: "The Children in the Wood," in Reliques of Ancient English Poetry: Consisting of Old Heroic Ballads, Songs, and Other Pieces of Our Earlier Poets; Together with Some Few of Later Date, by Thomas Percy ... (New ed.  London: Henry Washbourne, 1847): series 3, book 2, §18 = v. 3, pp. 217-224, specifically p. 218. Original edition: London: J. Dodsley, 1765. According to Percy, the ballad postdates the year 1600. The story exists in various prose and poetic versions. It is sometimes entitled "The Two Babes in the Wood." It was published many times in chapbook editions. <Every other line indented>

Quotation from John Trapp Illustrating "No Love Lost Betwixt Them"

If the Church bee sick of love toward him, hee would shee should know, that hee is overcome with love towards her; and that there is no love lost betwixt them.

From: Solomonis Panaretos: or, A Commentarie upon the Books of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Songs ..., by John Trapp (Printed by T. E. and E. M. for John Bellamie, 1650): p. 293 = 3M4 (recto), on Song of Songs 6:5. "Panaretos" is transliterated from the Greek. By "sick of love" is meant "lovesick."

Quotation from Robert Knox Illustrating "No Love Lost Between"

So far is he [a tyrannical King] from regarding the good of his Country, that he rather endeavors the Destruction thereof. For issue he hath none alive, and e're long, being of a great Age Nature tells him, he must leave it. Howbeit no love lost between the King and his People. Yet he daily contriveth and buildeth his Palace like Nebuchadnezzar, wet and dry, day and night, not showing the least sign of Favour to his People.

From: An Historical Relation of the Island Ceylon, in the East-Indies: Together, with an Account of the Detaining in Captivity the Author and Divers Other Englishmen Now Living There, and of the Author's Miraculous Escape ..., by Robert Knox (London: Richard Chiswell, 1681): part 2, chapter 3, p. 45.

Quotation from a Translation of Mateo Aleman Illustrating "No Love Lost Between Us"

Celest. [Celestina].  ... I was once young; Men did love me much; and truly there was no Love lost between us, for I had a peculir [sic] Faculty of Loving. I cou'd love twenty at a time, and so dearly, that each believ'd he had no Rival ...

From the play: Celestina: or, The Spanish Bawd: A Tragi-Comedy, taken from the Spanish play of Mateo Aleman; reduc'd from 21, as it is in the original, to 5 acts; and adapted to the English stage (London: R. Bonwick [et al.], 1707), Act 4, p. 61.

Quotation from Edmund Tew Explaining "No Love Lost"

Love may be said to be lost, or thrown away, when it is exhibited by one person towards another who neither values nor returns it. So that when of both it can be said that there is no love between them, it may fairly be said that there is no love lost, or thrown away, on either side. Very near akin this to the old Latin proverb, "Perit quod facis ingrato."

From: "No Love Lost," [signed] Edmund Tew, Notes and Queries; series 4, v. 1, no. 12 (March 21, 1868): p. 279. In response to a query by H.A.L. published in the same periodical, series 4, v. 1, no. 2 (January 11, 1868): p. 29. The Latin proverb can be translated this way: "That which produces ingratitude perishes" or, in other words, "Unwanted gifts get tossed."

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "No Love Lost Between"

Husband was well aware that there was no love lost between the woman he lived for and the woman who lived to serve him.

From the novel: The Witch Doctor's Wife, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, NY: Avon, 2009): chapter 7, p. 46.

nomad sexually:

See sexual nomad.

No means no:

A slogan of the anti-rape campaigns of the mid-1980s and after that is meant (a) to engender respect for non-consent in sexual matters; (b) to encourage people to express their actual state of mind, especially any unwillingness to engage in sexual relations on their part; and (c) to sharpen the line between consensual sex and rape.

Comment: The slogan counters the notions that (a) No really means yes, this usually on a woman's part; and (b) a woman's duty is to resist sexual relations and a man's role is to bully or trick her into having sex with him.

Since quotation marks sometimes indicate either meaning the opposite or uncertainty, they are generally omitted in order to maximize the clarity of the message. Thus, "'No' means 'no'" is avoided.

The slogan had an earlier life with regard to both parental education and doctor-patient communication. The biblical student naturally thinks of Matthew 5:37 as a possible precedent: "But let your statement be 'Yes, yes' or 'No, no'" (NASB). However, that had to do with oath-taking.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, dub-con, nonconsensual sex, protests too much, rape, reject (someone), sexual rejection.

nominal monogamy:

A practice whereby most people in a culture espouse monogamy (q.v.) and celebrate it in ceremony and song, but whereby many actually have additional lovers or move serially from partner to partner.

nomogamosis:

A state of marital harmony; a condition in which spouses are well matched.

Comment: From Greek nomos ("law" or "musical mode") + gamos ("wedlock") + -osis ("condition").

Be careful not to confuse this word with nonogamy (q.v.).

Contrast: cagamosis (q.v.) and heterogamosis (q.v.). See also bliss, compatibility, conjugal felicity, conjugalism, domestic happiness, -gamy, happy marriage, levament, made for each other, match made in heaven, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, relationship ecology, shalom bayit, successful marriage, Ten New Laws of Love, true love.

nonconsensual sex:

Sexual activity in which a person is compelled to participate against his or her will; rape.

See also consensual sex, dub-con, No means no, rape, sex, unwanted sex, unwelcome admixture with sex.

non-consensual adultery:

Engaging in sexual activity with one or more others outside of one's marriage without the consent of one's spouse or spouses.

See also adultery, cheat, consensual adultery, criminal conversation, infidelity, secret-false, two-time, unfaithfulness.

nonexclusive monogamy:

1. A marriage or committed love relationship that consists of two and only two partners, but which allows sexual access to one or both partners by one or more other people.

2. The practice of having only one long-term or socially recognized mate at a time, especially when one's mate reciprocates in kind, but which, by design, does not preclude in practice extra-pair copulation with one or, perhaps, more other persons.

Contrast sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sexual monogamy (q.v.). See also dyad, extra-pair copulation, husband-doubling, monogamy, open couple, social monogamy.

nonexclusive sexually:

See sexually nonexclusive.

non-exclusivity pact:

1. In business, an agreement not to restrict products or services, or a particular product or service, to each other.

2. In marriages and other sexual or love relationships:

• A mutual understanding between the partners that they will engage in social activities not just in each other's company, but also each on his or her own with other people. Such an agreement might extend to include people of a complementary sexual orientation.
  
• An agreement not to restrict sexual activities just to each other.

See also adultery-toleration pact; alternative dating; arrangement; comarital; condone; consensual adultery; date night; don't ask, don't tell; French arrangement; hotwife; hundred-mile rule; husband-doubling; husband-sharing; new adultery; non-exclusivity pact; open couple; open marriage; open relationship; reconstituted marriage; rules of adultery; sexual nonexclusivity; sexual permissiveness; singles privileges; wife-sharing.

x pact.

non-fraternization policy:

A rule or set of rules that forbids dating, sexual intercourse, and romantic relationships with members of a certain group, for example, in a chain of supervision or command, a rule that forbids subordinates to superiors; in the military, a rule that forbids civilians under certain conditions to soldiers; in an organization, a rule that forbids members of a competing organization to its members or a rule that forbids members to each other; within a business or institution, a rule that forbids employees to each other.

See also interoffice romance, love contract, fraternization, office dating, office love affair, office romance, serial office dating, workplace romance.

nonjudgmental:

1. Having nothing to do with decisions or opinions.

2. Not given to arrogating to oneself decisions about guilt or punishment or quality that are proper for others alone to decide, for instance, a judge, a jury, a supervisor, or God.

3. Disinclined to think ill of somebody or of anybody; far from eager to assign blame.

4. Not prone to giving personal criticism, especially in the form of moral condemnation, this typically as a developed trait.

5. Characterized by the suspension of personal criticism, as in "a nonjudgmental atmosphere."

6. Prone to regard the behavior of another as offensive only if it is hurtful to someone other than the author of the behavior.

7. Characterized by the presumption that one is incapable of rendering a worthy opinion about another person without "having walked in the other's shoes," as the figure of speech goes, especially when this presumption is accompanied by a dispassionte or compassionate stance.

8. Concerned not with the personal morality of other people, but, if anybody's, only one's own and that of people one has a duty to instruct in morality.

9. Not opinionated about the private lives and sexual relationships of other people.

10. Not measuring the private lives and sexual relationships of other people according to an external moral standard, but only according to what is workable for the principals involved.

11. Characterized by continuous neutrality in relation to contending sides.

12. Transcending one's own biases and one's personal investment in an opinion in order to assess it neutrally.

Comment: To be nonjudgmental with regard to other people is generally regarded as commendable. Among the key cultural lnadmarks that contributed to such an attitude are certain sayings of Jesus, especially, "Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves" (Matthew 7:1, using the New American Standard Bible; cf. Luke 6:37) and his comment to the woman caught in adultery, "neither do I condemn you" (John 8:11). These sayings, however, should not be taken as the whole of his teaching on judgment. For example, the Gospel of Matthew has him also saying, "be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves." (10:16); and the Gospel of John has him saying, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (7:24). Furthermore, we find early Christians being exhorted both to set up law courts for themselves (1 Corinthians 6:1-7) and to "test the spirits" (1 John 4:1). All in all with regard to judgment (and there are many other pertinent passages), a complicated picture emerges from the New Testament, which means that some will want to beware of blithe (as opposed to carefully considered) use of it in support of nonjudgmental attitudes, all the more since its influence is part of the mix.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," cast the first stone, judgmental, judgmentalism, libertarianism, Pericope de Adultera, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual toleration.

x Bible.

nonlove:

1. The absence of love or that which is characterized by such absence.

2. In the triangualr theory of love, the absence of passion, intimacy, and commitment -- all three.

See also love, triangular theory of love.

nonmarital:

Not having to do with marriage or, at least, not specifically with marriage; apart from the bounds of marriage.

See also comarital, extramarital, intermarital, intramarital, marital, non-relational, postmarital, premarital.

nonmarital cohabitation:

Living together (q.v.) in a sexual or love relationship (q.v.) without being officially married, especially when the partners do not consider themselves married.

See also free union.

nonmarital sex:

Sexual activity between any people who are not married to one another.

See also consequences of sex outside of marriage, extradyadic, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, illicit love, mate sampling, new morality, no sex outside of marriage, out-of-marriage love affair, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, promiscuity, sex, sexual immorality, traditional morality, zipless f***.

non-monogamist, or nonmonogamist:

1. A person who doesn't believe that everybody should be either single or monogamous, but who is accepting of polygamy and/or polyamory.

2. A person who practices non-monogamy (q.v.) or who willingly participates in a sexual relationship with someone who does.

Contrast monogamist (q.v.). See also apolygist, eleutherophilist, ethical slut, free agent, free lover, libertine, libertarian, lifestyler, pankoitist, pansexualist, polyamorist, polyamorite, polyamour, polyfriendly, polygamist, sex radical, sexual nomad, slut, swinger.

non-monogamy, or nonmonogamy:

Preliminary

Generally non-monogamy is defined in terms of (a) sexual relationships, (b) love interests, or (c) sexual relations outside of an existing sexual relationship or apart from existing love. Furthermore, it can be analyzed relative to an individual or relative to possible configurations.

Occasionally the term is used more narrowly, being defined in terms of marriage alone; and at times it is used more broadly to be inclusive of multiple sexual relations -- that is, polykoity -- whether or not there are any ongoing relationships involved. Furthermore, the term is often closely associated with being attracted to more than one person at the same time; but then the adjectival form is generally used, as in "a non-monogamous proclivity."

Definition 1

Relative to an individual, non-monogamy is a situation in which either (a) a person has no restriction to one person at a time in terms of the categories itemized above, or (b) a person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals. To restate the latter case: It is the practice of having more than one spouse or lover or combination thereof at a time.

Definition 2

Relative to possible configurations, non-monogamy is a situation in which at least one person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals, while being in an ongoing relationship with at least one of them (that is, putting aside the caveat above). It can take the form of: (a) a bonded unit, often a unit that is also domestic in character; (b) a network, that is, a chain of connections; or (c) a combination of the two, inclusive sometimes of a plurality of units. Within a bonded unit, occasionally all are sex partners of each other, but often that is not the case.

Comments

The forms of non-monogamy are endless and are complicated by such factors as (a) the number of people of each sex involved; (b) distinctions between romantic and sexual connections; (c) social standing, e.g. spouses as distinct from concubines and cicisbei; (d) personal standing, e.g. primaries as distinct from secondaries and tertiaries; (e) living together versus not; (f) direct as distinct from indirect connections; (g) sexual orientation; (h) open versus closed and partially closed configurations; and (i) clandestine situations as distinct from above-board situations and publicly known situations.

Among the general forms of non-monogamy are group marriage, polygyny, polyandry, polyamory, and swinging.

Even though non-monogamy is inclusive of polygamy, in the North American context the term is often chosen over against "polygamy" to indicate love relationships wherein all members are equally subordinate or non-subordinate to one another and are equally free, regardless of their sex, to have multiple partners, unless they have committed themselves otherwise.

When a non-monogamous arrangement is made known to and accepted or, at least, acceded to by all of the principals involved it is called ethical non-monogamy.

Contrast monogamy (q.v.). See also alternate relationship geometries, apolygy, big love, cellular family, clan, cowboy, cowgirl, distributed commitment, domestic trio, expanded family, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, group love relationship, group marriage, in love, intentional family, intimate group, intimate network, letter group, the lifestyle, love more than one person at a time, lovestyle, mariage à trois, ménage, ménage à trois, multimate relationship, multipartner love relationship, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, new adultery, non-monogamist, n-tuple, open couple, open marriage, pankoity, partner sharing, patriarchal marriage, pluralism of marriage patterns, plural marriage, polyamorist, polyamorous relationship, polyamory, polyandry, polychild, poly-curious, polyfamily, polyfuckery, polygamy, polygyny, poly-impaired, poly-insistent partner, polykoity, polymarriage, polypartner, polyrelationship, poly web, polywed, promiscuity, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, resource dilution hypothesis, responsible non-monogamy, sexual circle, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual non-monogamy, sexual varietism, spice, synergamy.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Non-monogamy"
[Kim Wilson] "... Once I got beyond thirty-five I stopped being torn up about those things [one's lover having other lovers] and I definitely gave up on monogamy. Maybe I can do it but no one else seems to be able to." | [Molly Bolt] "Well, don't test yourself. Non-monogamy makes life much more interesting."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 12, pp. 130-131. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Non-Monogamy"
[30] One friend of ours points out that if something goes wrong in a monogamous marriage, nobody takes that as evidence against the [31] practicality of monogamy -- but if something goes awry in an open relationship, many folks instantly take that as proof that non-monogamy doesn't work.
[40] Nonmonogamy. We don't like this term, because it implies that monogamy is the norm and that any other way of relating is somehow a deviation from that norm.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 30-31, 40. Note the inconsistency in the use of the hyphen. Curiously the inconsistency occurs even within the text of page 31.

non-monogamy position or anti monogamy-only position (T. Rifkin Elliott):

The ideological rejection of monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage or love relationship.

Contrast monogamism (q.v.) and monogamy-only position (q.v.). See also abundant love principle.

x anti monogamy-only position

nonogamist:

1. A person who refuses either to marry or to engage in sexual relations.

2. A person who advocates or supports a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also Jemimaite, nonogamy.

nonogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also nonogamy.

nonogamy:

A rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comments: The term has been used to refer to the non-sexual lifestyle practiced by the Shakers.

Be careful not to confuse this term with nomogamosis (q.v.).

See also abstinence, celibacy, commitmentphobia, -gamy, marriagefree, misogamy, nonogamist, nonogamous.

non-relational:

1. Not having to do with relationships in general, or at least not specifically so.

2. Not having to do with a given relationship or, at least, not specifically so; apart from the bounds of a relationship.

See also correlational, extra-relational, interrelational, intra-relational, multirelational, nonmarital, post-relational, pre-relational, relational.

nookie junkie:

A sex addict.

See also erotomaniac, multimitus, nymphomaniac, oversexed, satyr, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, sex addict.

nooner:

1. A tryst during the traditional lunch hour.

2. The person whom one meets for such a tryst.

See also amour l'après-midi, assignation, cinq à sept, date, funch, lunch date, matinee, rendezvous.

nos amours:

See notr'amour.

no-sex marriage:

no sex outside of marriage:

A common summary, among conservative Protestants, of what is believed to be biblical sexual morality applicable for all time or, more precisely, from the days of Jesus to the end of the age, namely, that, with regard to human beings, or, at least, those who would be among the saved, sexual intercourse is allowed only to a man and a woman who are non-incestuously and monogamously married to each other.

Comments: To this are also commonly added "no practicing homosexuality" and, often, "no divorce." Roman Catholic teaching adds "no sex except for procreation" and "no contraception."

Some believe these to be statements directly from the Bible, but none of them are. Rather they are extrapolations from traditional interpretations of various statements that do appear in the Bible. The proscriptive passages chiefly cited are Exodus 20:14, 17 = Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; Leviticus 18:6-30 = 20:10-23; Matthew 5:28, 31-32; 15:19-20; 19:3-12 (and parallels); Romans 1:26-27, and 1 Corinthians 5-7; however, many other passages, including many of the biblical Lasterkataloge, touch on the subject of sexual morality.

Obviously, "no sex outside of marriage" as a summary of sexual morality provokes many, many questions, perhaps the most common of all being, "How far, then, may we go?"

Contrast, for instance, "an it harm none, do what ye will" (q.v.). See also abstinence, consequences of sex outside of marriage, extramarital sex, fidelity cherry, fornication, Lasterkatalog, marriage, moral code, nonmarital sex, old-fashioned, porneia, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, sex, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual purity, sexual sin, square, three-day rule, traditional morality.

x Bible.

no strings attached:

1. Without conditions or contractual entanglements.

2. Without payment of any sort or sexual exclusivity or commitment to a relationship being expected.

Comment: Abbreviated NSA.

See also NSA, unconditional sex.

not all that into (you):

See into (someone).

notation:

See dyadic notation, triadic notation.

not dead:

See "I'm not dead yet."

notional sex club:

A group of people who, by virtue of having in common something about their sexual activity, are collectively considered, even though their group does not exist as an organization.

Some Notional Sex Clubs
125 club	Those who have had sex on the British Rail Intercity 125 high-speed train.
meter-high club	Those who have had sex aboard a train.
mile-deep club	Those who have had sex in the Channel Tunnel, between Great Britain and France.
mile-high club	Those who have had sex aboard an airplance while in flight.
nine-mile club	Those who have had sex aboard a train.
three-fout-six-high club	Those who have had sex aboard a British train.

See also alternative dating, mile-high club, sex club, Three Dolphin Club.

x clubs.

notr'amour; plural, nos amours (French):

"Our love," that is, a lover shared in common by the speaker (in typical usage) and at least one other person.

See also biamory, brother in lust, brother starling, co-spouse, French arrangement, hinge, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, ménage à trois, partner, partner sharing, pivot point, polyamory, sister in lust.

x French terms.

x nos amours.

not ready for a relationship:

See NRFR.

not that into (you):

See into (someone).

not that there's anything wrong with that:

A catch phrase, which is an expression of social inclusion, of not wishing to seem illiberal or to offend any member of a traditionally marginalized sexual minority, such as homosexuals, and of a new morality that rejects the marginalization and condemnation of such a minority.

Comment: The catch phrase was popularized in reference to homosexuality on the American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 4, Episode 17 (= Episode 57 overall), "The Outing," written by Larry Charles; directed by Tom Cherones (first aired, February 11, 1993). In that show, the phrase was used in the service of satirizing of both homophobia and excessive political correctness; and ever since the phrase has often retained its allusively satirical flavor.

See also homophobia, homosexuality, new morality, sexual morality, sexual toleration.

not the marrying kind:

Type of person, ordinarily single, who doesn't find marriage suitable; the sort of person who prefers to remain single or who believes he or she should remain single.

See also confirmed bachelor, confirmed bachelorette, confirmed spinster, marrying kind, single.

"Not tonight, dear":

Besides the literal meaning: An expression declining an invitation to engage in sexual activity with one's spouse or other partner and, often, a set-up for an excuse, typically, "I have a headache" or "I'm too tired."

Comments: Among the variations: "Sorry, dear ..."

The phrase is not just a common ploy for avoiding sex, but has also become a literary cliché. It was used in literature as a set-up for an excuse at least as early as 1845; and it can be documented as a set-up for an excuse not to have sex at least back to 1952.

The phrase, especially as repeated over time, is widely regarded as one of the strongest arguments, emotively and effectively if not rationally speaking, against sexual exclusivity.

Contrast two most important words in a marriage (q.v.). See also blue balls, conjugal rights, dry spell, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, sexual nonexclusivity.

Related terms (for a headache caused by sexual activity) beyond the scope of this Glossary: coital cephalalgia, coital headache, orgasmic cephalalgia, sex headache, thunder clap.

x "I have a headache."

x "I'm too tired.

x "Sorry, dear.

Quotation from Ellen Pickering Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
"Oh! Cecil, do come and sing us one song," she exclaimed, speaking sufficiently loud for the whole room to hear. "Not tonight, dear Sarah: my head aches, and I am besides rather hoarse."
From: The Secret Foe: An Historical Novel, by Ellen Pickering (Philadelphia: E. Ferrett, 1845): chapter 15, p. 64.

Quotation from Helen A. Mahler Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
But he tired of loneliness and celibacy and one night went to visit his wife. He found her just returned from the hospital, worn out and sleepy. After her bath she was more refreshed but declined his caresses. "Not tonight, dear, I'm too tired."
From the historical novel: Empress of Byzantium, by Helen A. Mahler; translated from the German original by the author with the assistance of Leona Nevler (New York: Coward-McCann, 1952): p. 178. The novel is about Eudocia, consort of Theodosius II, Emperor of the East, d. 460. <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from Jay Williams Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
My disappointment returned, stronger than ever, and I shifted uncomfortably in the chair. I found myself thinking about Ruth. Would she have said, "Not tonight, dear?" I'll bet she wouldn't, I said to myself, and I imagined her with her thick hair pulled down out of its bun and hanging about her shoulders, her eyes grave and desirous.
From the novel: The Forger, by Jay Williams (New York: Atheneum, 1961): p. 260. <Not examoned in hard copy>

Quotation from James Dawson Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
"Not tonight, dear Stuart. My -- my time is come. And I have a headache and a stomach ache, and I feel very depressed. I'm sorry."
From the novel: Hell Gate, by James Dawson (New York: D. McKay Co. 1967): p. 108. <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from McCall's Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
There were other reflections: "If and when I get married, I wil try to be a good friend, lover, pal and confidante so that my husband will not be drawn into an affair. I don't think I'll have too many headaches and say 'not tonight, dear.'"
From: McCall's; v. 103 (1976): p. 91.  <Not examined in hard copy>

Quotation from B. Lee Cooper and Larry S. Haverkos Illustrating "Not Tonight, Dear"
[Regarding Chet Morrow and his wife, Ann] Ann swirled back the sheet and slipped into bed. His hand touched her waist and then slid downward. She fidgeted. "Not tonight, dear. I'm not feeling well." His blood began to boil, as it had a hundred times before. But he said nothing. She had other lines: "It's too hot!" "It's too cold!" "The children might hear us." "Is that all you ever think about?" "I'm so tired -- can't we wait until tomorrow night?" They went on and on.
From the short story: "An Error in Punctuation," [by] B. Lee Cooper & Larry S. Haverkos, in: Stellar #3: Science Fiction Stories, edited by Judy-Lynn del Rey (New York: Ballantine Books, 1977): pp. 108-115, specifically p. 110. Italics theirs.

"not tonight, dear" syndrome:

The tendency to avoid engaging in sexual activity with one's spouse or other partner.

Comment: Also called, more elaborately, the "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

Sources:

• For the shorter form: The Sex Book: For Those Who Think They Know It All, [by] Charles L. Pelton ([Aberdeen, S.D.] : Pelton, 1979).
• For the more elaborate form: Human Sexuality in Health and Illness, [by] Nancy Fugate Woods (St. Louis: C. V. Mosby, 1979): p. 177.

See also anhedonia, aphanisis, asexuality, bed death, closed legs policy, frigidity, hyposexuality, lesbian bed death, mock marriage, "Not tonight, dear," quasi-desertion, sexless love, sexual deprivation, sexual inhibition, silent epidemic, sleep on the couch, twin-bed syndrome, undersexed, unilateralism, withhold sex.

x syndromes.

novelty:

See Coolidge effect, toujours perdrix.

noverca; adjective, novercal (legal term):

Stepmother (q.v.).

Contrast vitricus (q.v.). See also novercaphobia, step-

novercaphobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepmother.

Contrast vitricophobia (q.v.). See also noverca, -phobia, step-.

novia (Spanish):

1. Girlfriend; female lover.

2. Fiancée.

3. Bride.

See also bride, fiancée, girlfriend, lover, novio, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

novio (Spanish):

1. Boyfriend; male lover.

2. Fiancé.

3. Bridegroom.

See also boyfriend, bridegroom, fiancé, groom, lover, novia, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

NPS:

New pussy syndrome (q.v.).

NRE:

New relationship energy (q.v.).

NRFR:

Not ready for a relationship.

Comment: When someone says, "I'm not ready for a relationship," that may be code for, "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you."

x Not ready for a relationship.

NSA:

No strings attached (q.v.).

NTR:

Netorare (q.v.).

n-tuple:

The individuals together who comprise a sexual or love relationship, be they two or more.

Comment: The n represents a numerical variable.

See also alternate relationship geometries, group relationship, non-mongamy, polyamorous relationship, polygamy.

Quotations from C. D. C. Reeve Illustrating "N-tuple"
[174] Why not think that the couple -- even the short-lived, need-related one -- will morph into an n-tuple? No doubt, n cannot become all that large. Who can handle the complexity? But there is no obvious reason to think it would inevitably be two.
[177] Will we have come to that end [no more need for either literature or love] when coupling ceases to be a fate? I doubt it. But even if we have, the more general mystery of the n-tuple will be there to take its place. For even if it isn't monogamous coupling that we drink in with our mother's milk, it is likely to be something equally mysterious, equally inspiring of literature, equally problematic for our love lives.
From: Love's Confusions, [by] C. D. C. Reeve (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2005): pp. 174, 177.

nubile:

1. Ready for marriage having recently matured physically, said of a young woman.

2. Both young and sexually attractive, said of a woman.

See also angélica, bachelorette, dance barefoot, jeune fille à marier, maiden, miss, nymph, single.

nuclear family:

1. A father, a mother, and their children as a basic socially functioning family group.

2. Any unit or subunit made up of a father, a mother, and their children. For instance, some polygamous families can be analyzed by their nuclear family subunits.

3. A household (q.v.) comprised of two or more people of the same or adjoining generations, who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

See also compound family, conjugal family, elementary family, extended family, family, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," immediate family, individual family, instant family, Noah syndrome, one-parent family, polygamy, single-parent family, stem family, traditional morality, two-parent family.

nukaxrareik (Eskimo-Aleut):

Half-siblings.

See also half-sibling, qatang (which see for lexical example).

x Eskimo terms.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nuliinuaroak"
This [where a man and a woman marry, each having children] was then an adoptive situation, the children called each other by sibling terms, and were forbidden to marry. They might extend the relationship here, designating it as nukaxrareik -- half-siblings -- a term not otherwise used.
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 86. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 143.

nuliaqatigiit (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

Co-marriage or spouse exchange.

See also aiparik, allupaareik, angutawkun, aytpareik, doused lights, nangsaegaek, qatang, spouse exchange, wife exchange.

x Eskimo terms.

 

nuliaqpak (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

The primary wife of an umialik, an umialik, being the male head of an extended family.

See also headdress keeper, nirimoua, primary wife, sits-beside-him woman, senior wife, squaw, wife.

x Eskimo terms.

nuliinuaroak (Eskimo-Aleut):

Sharing the same woman, in any of the following senses:

• The relation that obtains between a man and his wife's lover when the husband has not consented to the arrangement.
• The relation that obtains between a woman's present husband and her former husband.
  
• The relation that obtains between two men who have the same wife simultaeously.
  

Contrast angutawkun (q.v.). See also lover-in-law, nangsaegaek, partner, polyandry, tapicciga.

x Eskimo terms.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nuliinuaroak"
[80] A husband and his wife's seducer stood as nuliinuaroak to each other, the sense being that they shared a woman.
[81] But children born of the second union were then half-siblings to the children born of the first. Since there was no recognition of step or foster relationship, they might extend to the mother's first husband the same term which their half-siblings used, that is, father. Similarly, the children of the first marriage, even if they continued to live with their natural father, the mother being gone, called the mother's second husband [speaking serially] by a father term and were obliged to defend this man. This tie was indeed strengthened when children were born of the second union. Thus the term nuliinuroak (nuliinuaroak) which arose between two husbands of one woman reflected not shame or disgrace, but rather a quasi-kinship in which a certain degree of cooperation and mutual aid was implicit. The same term was applied to men living with a woman in a so-called polyandrous situation.
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): pp. 80, 81. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 137.

nullimitus:

A male virgin.

Comment: From the Latin nullus ("none") and emittere ("to send out").

Source: There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

Contrast multimitus (q.v.). See also virgin.

number one pash:

See pash.

numbers:

See amatory numbers.

number two pash:

See pash.

nuptial:

1. Of or pertaining to a wedding ceremony.

2. Of or pertaining to sexual mating.

3. Of or pertaining to marriage more generally.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, epithalamic, gamical, hymeneal, marital, marriage, matrimonial, prothalamic, spousal.

nuptiality:

The frequency, characteristics, and dissolution of marriages by percentage in a population.

Comment: A term used by the Population Reference Bureau, a private, nonprofit organization located in Washington, D.C.

See also MAFM, singulate mean age at marriage, SMAM.

x statistics.

nuptial knot:

The bond, mutual loyalty, and relationship security of marriage.

Comment: To tie the nuptial knot is to wed.

See also knot, marriage, marriage tether, marriage tie, splice, tie that binds, tie the knot, wed.

nuptials:

1. A wedding ceremony.

2. A socially recognized procedure for becoming husband and wife.

See also anti-wedding, hymeneals, matrimony, spousals, wedding.

nuptias non concubitus sed consensus facit (Roman law):

"Not cohabitation but consent makes a marriage."

Comment: A legal maxim from Ulpian, Ad Sabinum 36; compare Justinian, Digesta 50:17. <Check references>

See also cohabitation, consensus nuptialis, consent to marriage, marriage.

x Latin terms.

nusukaaktuat (Eskimo-Aleut):

"Grabbing a wife"; marriage by capture.

See also capture marriage.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nusukaaktuat"
When a man [of the north Alaskan Eskimos] desired a woman, he might simply seize her, take her to his house, and rely on his kin to see that she neither escaped nor was rescued by her own family. Both single girls and married women were taken in this way. Seizing a woman and keeping her as a wife was nusukaaktuat, "grabbing off a wife."
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 79. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 137.

Nyaturu terms:

See mbuya, waighembe.

nymph:

1. In Greek mythology, any one of countless minor deities represented as beautiful young women who inhabit or personify certain locales or components of nature, such as trees, springs, seas, mountains, rocks, meadows, and stars. According to mythology, a man who sees them may become "possessed (or caught) by nymphs," that is, enraptured or frenzied (hence the term "nympholepsy"). Furthermore, they are said to punish those who are unresponsive to lovers. Often when used in this deistic sense, the term is capitalized thusly: Nymph.

2. A young woman, especially a pretty one. Sometimes there is the intimation that the young woman would seem to personify a nature deity in her beauty.

3. A stage in the development of some insects before the wings are fully developed. (Hence, presumably, the word "nympha" for a woman's labia minora.)

Comment: From the Greek word numphê, which has several other senses as well, for instance, "the hollow between the underlip and the chin."

See also angélica, attractive, babe, bachelorette, belle, bellibone, betty, cherub, cutie, dance barefoot, flicka, fox, jeune fille à marier, maiden, miss, nubile, nymphet, sex goddess, tottie, wench, woman. 

x caught by nymphs.

x Greek terms.

x possessed by nymphs.

nymphet:

A human female while going through puberty; a woman whose body is becoming ready for its reproductive life; a young woman who has just become one.

See also nymph.

nymphomania:

1. A seemingly insatiable sexual appetite on the part of a woman.

2. A powerful and chronic inclination on the part of a woman to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners.

3. A psychological condition whereby a woman, who feels an inner compulsion to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners, takes no pleasure in such activity.

4. A psychological condition whereby a woman feels a chronic non-sexually originated need for sexual stimulation, a feeling which leads to frequent masturbation and/or rampant promiscuity.

Comments: Note that in the first and last definitions, a woman may have nymphomania without promiscuity.

The term "nymphomania," in both popular and clinical uses, is often highly charged, carrying with it pejorative or salacious overtones:

• In some families and cultures, it is considered inappropriate for a woman to have any sexual drive at all; and so, if she has one, she may be accused of being a "nympho" (nymphomaniac, q.v.).
• If a man's libido is less than his female partner's, he might accuse her of being a nympho.
• If a woman lives not by a double standard but by the same standard as a man, one that allows for multiple partners, she might be accused of being a nympho.
• If a woman is sexually aggressive, she might be labeled a nympho.
• In the sex industry, if a woman performs as a sexual athlete, that is, with enthusiasm with man after man, she might be called a nympho.
• If a woman is characterized as engaging in too much sexual activity or as feeling excessive sexual desire, thus being "oversexed," she might be classified as a person suffering from nymphomania; but what is "too much" or "excessive" or "over" the top or (to borrow terms from the last definition) "frequent" or "rampant"?

Nymphomania is not listed as a disorder in DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Contrast satyriasis (q.v.). See also andromania, Catherine the Great complex, erotomania, hypersexuality, Messalina complex, oversexed, promiscuity, sex crazed, sexual addiction, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, tragolimia, uteromania.

Related terms not included as entries in this glossary: furor uterinus, hysteria libinosa, uteromania.

nymphomaniac, or nympho, for short:

A woman with nymphomania.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A lubricity of nymphomaniacs. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 161.

Contrast satyr (q.v.). See also box of assorted creams, Don Juaness, erotomaniac, güila, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nookie junkie, nymphomania, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, she-wolf, slut, wanton woman, whore, wild.

x collective terms.

Quotation from Alfred Charles Kinsey Illustrating "Nymphomaniac"
Kinsey once defined a nymphomaniac as "someone who has more sex than you do."
From: Dr. Kinsey and the Institute for Sex Research, [by] Wardell B. Pomeroy (New York: Harper & Row, c1972): p. 316.

obit:

See relationship obit.

object cathexis:

Investment of libidinous energy in something or someone outside the self, especially a person, a part of a person, or a symbolic representation of either.

Comments: This is a psychoanalytic term.

Also called object love.

See also libido, love, objectification, porn addiction, use of porn together.

x object love.

objectification:

The process of objectifying or the completion thereof.

See also attraction, Asian fetish, bachelor auction, bachelorette auction, callipygian ideal, date auction, infatuation, object cathexis, objectify, porn addiction, roaming eye, roving eye, sex appeal, sexual exploitation, sexualization, use of porn together, waist-to-hip ratio, wandering eyes.

objectify (someone):

1. To look upon a human being not in the wholeness of his or her personhood -- however such wholeness is conceived, for instance as mind and body, or as  personality, spirituality, moral sensibilities, intelligence, and talents, plus (among other things) measures of physical grace -- but primarily as a physical body to be assessed relative to some parts of that body's capability to excite desire or capacity to bring about sexual gratification.

2. To regard a human being as an instrument for one's own pleasure.

Comments: Disapproval of objectifying people is a wide-spread element in popular sexual morality. It often dominates discussions of lust versus love, infatuation, pornography, sexiness, and the means of presenting oneself as desirable, such as through apparel or plastic surgery. Furthermore, it has points of contact with some serious ethical thought, such as Kant's view that sexual love inevitably treats a person as an instrument and so is intrinsically degrading. Note there the ready connection with sexual negativism.

Disapproval of objectifying people as a moral principle has a number of philosophical problems, for instance:

• It ordinarily places the emphasis not upon what is going on subjectively in the objectifier, but upon the bodily object. However, people may respond, even sexually, in widely different ways to the same bodily object. To give some examples: Some may imaginatively invest him or her with personality and even supply a narrative. Some may be educating themselves in their natural inclinations for the sake of improving their chances of ultimate happiness. Some may be assuaging unfulfilled templates of attraction in order to enable themselves to pursue more happily the relationships they have. Some may simply want an acceptable trigger for their own gratification. Can this same principle speak adequately to all?
  
• It provides no guideline for how to calibrate the line of moral responsibility between the objectifier and the person being objectified, short of complete suppression of both. Among the logical conclusions: All bodies are to be completely covered and personal expression through the body is to be inhibited.
• Evolution, culture, and deep impressions upon the mind in the course of personal development all have a significant effect in programming the individual to respond to the body as object. That itself is a basic part of our humanity, which ironically is degraded when disrespected.
• Without bodily sexual attraction, relationships are often apt to fail or never to begin at all.
• To be an instrument of pleasure for another person is often an important facet of one's overall personhood, an important service, and of great use for the survival of the species.

The point is that when using the term "objectify," one should be alert to implicit assumptions and careful about the particular attitude towards the body and sexuality that one wishes to convey.

Reference

Lectures on Ethics, [by] Immanuel Kant; translated by Louis Infield; foreword to the Torchbook edition by Lewis White Beck (New York: Harper & Row, 1963; in publisher's series: Harper Torchbooks. The Cloister Library; TB 105): section entitled, "Duties Towards the Body in Respect of the Sexual Impulse," pp. 162-168. "Represents substantially the lectures that Kant was in the habit of giving between the years 1775 and 1781." -- Introduction, p. xvii.

See also attract, lust, objectification, sex-negative stance, sex object, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexy, template (for a lover), use of porn together.

object love:

See object cathexis.

obligation de donner (French):

Rule of the gift (q.v.).

x French terms.

obligatory sex:

Participation in sexual activity chiefly to assuage a partner or to fulfill a sense of duty, as when it is simply for the sake of the marriage or for procreation, especially when the participation is done begrudgingly or without enjoyment.

Comments: This is sometimes a case where will (the will to perform one's duty) and desire (the desire to engage in sexual activity with a particular person in particular circumstances) are at odds. It thus raises questions about the nature of consensual sex.

Obligatory sex is sometimes treated as a subset of making love and is at other times contrasted with it.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, make love, unwanted sex.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Obligatory Sex"
[189] Some of her women patients in long-term, monogamous relationships confess to the doctor that they have no interest in sex and engage in it only because "he wants it, and I do it as little [190] as possible." ... "The fact that you are willing to give him obligatory sex is just not good enough," she [the doctor] often points out. "Your husband is probably feeling your rejection, your anger, your unhappiness." She acknowledges that keeping a marriage alive by keeping the sexual connection alive is a choice that requires a change of attitude and some hard work.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 189-190.

ObPoly:

1. Obligatory or pretendedly obligatory content related to the organizing topic of a discussion group, in this case the topic being polyamory.

2. By extension, content related to whatever is indicated, which (ordinarily) has been previously discussed, in this case polyamory.

Comments: "Ob-" is a prefix frequently used in online discussion groups and may have tacked onto it any word that represents either a discussion topic or a line of the discussion itself. For example, "ObThread" refers to content pertinent to the header.

An "Ob-" word is typically used to highlight a remark. Example: "Jim was there. John too. ObPoly: I fell in love with them both." Ordinarily it is used this way only when the remark is an aside and much of the rest of the message is not pertinent to the topic indicated.

Sometimes an "Ob-" word is used not to highlight a remark, but to speak in a general way about such remarks. For example, "I have no ObPoly today."

The strictness of the word "obligatory," for which "Ob-" stands, varies from one discussion group to another. In some groups it is considered poor etiquette not to include some remark having to do with the discussion topic, however far afield the rest of the message is. In others, "Ob-" has no more force than, "Notice that I'm taking this opportunity to tie this message to the ostensible topic of our discussion."

See also polyamorite, polyamory.

obscene language:

1. Speech, especially the employment of certain vocabulary related to sexual organs and practices, that is considered taboo in normal discourse.

2. Speech that glorifies repulsive behavior, such as violence.

Comments: Obscene language relates to relationships in several ways, among them:

• Speech is itself relational and a subject of both mores and relational ethics.
• In a context of sexual relations, taboo speech often plays an important role for some people with regard to intimacy and arousal.
  

See also bawdry, blue verse, dirty, dirty talk, discourse of desire, erotographomania, intimate talk, obscene language, pillow talk, sexting, sexual correspondence, taboo terms, use porn together.

obscene words:

Certain vocabulary, much of of it related to sexual organs and practices, that is considered taboo in normal discourse.

See also blue verse, dirty, dirty talk, discourse of desire, erotographomania, intimate talk, obscene language, pillow talk, sexting, sexual correspondence, slut-shaming.

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Obscene ... Words"
Who knows not that the difference between obscene and modest words expressing the same action, consists only in the accessary idea, for there is nothing immodest in letters and syllables. Fornication and adultery are modest words; because they express an evil action as criminal, and so as to excite horror and aversion; whereas words representing the pleasure rather than the sin, are, for this reason, indecent and dishonest.
From: The Spectator; with notes, and a general index (From the last improved London edition, stereotyped. Philadelphia: J. J. Woodward, 1829): no. 286, Anonymous letter to Mr. Spectator (Monday, January 28, 1711-12). The Spectator was written by Joseph Addison, Richard Steele, and others.

obscenity-purity complex:

A psychological conflict, especially in an intense form, between the lure and the fear of sex, such that a person exhibits both a puritanical zeal against sex (or certain manifestations thereof) and a corresponding attraction to it (or to those manifestations), an attraction which is typically experienced with or followed by a sense of shame.

See also alabaster, dirty, impurity, Madonna-whore complex, prude, psychomachy, puritan, purity, purity myth, sexual addiction, sexual bigotry, sexual purity, sexual shame, stigmatic guilt.

x complexes.

observations:

See O'Reilly's Observation.

Occitan terms:

See amor, comjat, damaged goods (tala), descort, domna, escondich, fin' amors, gelos, joc d'amor, joyous craft (el gai saber), juec d'amor, lauzengier (lausengier), love-rhyme (rima cara), maldit, petition of love (prec, pregar), pretz.

occult impediment:

An impediment (q.v.) to marriage that is not susceptible to proof in an external forum, that is, in a tribunal that is based exclusively upon evidence rather than upon the self-excusing and self-accusation of the individual.

Contrast public impediment (q.v.).

Quotation from the Code of Canon Law on Occult Impediment
An impediment which can be proven in the external forum is considered to be a public impediment; otherwise it is an occult impediment.
Codex Iuris Canonici = Code of Canon Law, Latin-English Edition, translation prepared under the auspices of the Canon Law Society of America (Washington, D.C.: Canon Law Society of America, 1983): Canon 1074.

occult marriage:

A marriage of conscience (q.v.).

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, marriage, secret marriage.

octagamist:

1. A person with eight spouses.

2. A variant spelling of octogamist (q.v.).

Comment: I have supplied the first sense by building on "octagamy."

See also octagamy, polygamist.

octagamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octagamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

octagamy:

The state of having eight spouses simultaneously.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

See also octagamist, octagamous, polygamy.

octogamist:

A person who has married, successively, eight times.

See also octagamist, octogamy.

Quotation from the Fremantle Translation of Jerome Illustrating "Octogamist"
I have spoken to the same effect elsewhere [Adversus Iovinianum 1:15]. "When a woman marries more than once -- whether she does so twice or three times matters little -- she ceases to be a monogamist. 'All things are lawful ... but all things are not expedient.' [1 Corinthians 6:12] I do not condemn digamists or trigamists, or even, to put an impossible case, octogamists. Let a woman have an eighth husband if she must; only let her cease to prostitute herself."
From: Jerome, Epistle 48, "To Pammachius, in Support of the Books against Jovinianus," in: The Principal Works of St. Jerome, translated by W. H. Fremantle, with the assistance of G. Lewis and W. G. Martley, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume VI, St. Jerome: Letters and Select Works (preface dated 1892): p. 77; cf. p. 359. The passage is quoted in the same set at v. 14, p. 72, but there the spelling "octagamist" is used.

octogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

octogamy:

1. Remarriage after having lost one's first seven spouses.

2. A personal history of having had eight spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the eighth.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

See also digamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, trigamy.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Octogamye"
But of no nombre mencioun made he [God], Of bigamye or of octogamye; Why sholde men speke of it vileinye?
From: Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, "The Wife of Bath's Tale," prologue, lines 32-34, in this edition: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; from the text of W. W. Skeat; with a note on the language and metre and a glossary (New York: Avenenl Books; distributed by Crown Publishers, 1985; in series: Oxford World's Classics): p. 292. First published in The World's Classics in 1906.
Quotation from the Burton Raffel Translation of Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Octógamy"
He [God] didn't talk about numbers, that I can see, Or bigamy -- or even octógamy! Why should men speak of this as villainy?
As translated in: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; a new unabridged translation by Burton Raffel; introduction by John Miles Foley (New York: Modern Library, 2008): p. 160.

oculoplania:

The lustful wandering of the eyes; the checking out of someone's physical charms.

See also like what you see, lust, ogle, roaming eye, roving eye, rubberneck, sexual acting out, wandering eyes.

odalisque or odalisk:

1. A concubine who is part of a harem.

2. A man's female slave.

Contrast houri (q.v.). See also concubine, harem, partner, Stepford wife.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Odalisque"
[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] But what I have said and thought about you, what I still believe, is that you are in love with your Présidente: not, it is true a very pure or very tender love, but one ... such as I imagine a Sultan might feel for his favourite Sultana, such as leaves him free to prefer, very often, a simple odalisque. My comparison seems to me to be the more just in that, like the Sultan, you have never been either the lover or the friend of a woman, but always either her tyrant or her slave.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 141, pp. 333-336, specifically p. 334. The mark of omission is mine. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] Mais ce que j'ai dit, ce que j'ai pensé, ce que je pense encore, c'est que vous n'en avez pas moins de l'amour pour votre Présidente; non pas, à la vérité, de l'amour bien pur ni bien tendre, mais de celui ... que je conçois qu'un sultan peut le ressentir pour sa sultane favorite, ce qui ne l'empêche pas de lui préférer souvent une simple odalisque. Ma comparaison me parâit d'autant plus juste, que, comme lui, jamais vous n'êtes ni l'amant ni l'ami d'une femme; mais toujours son tyran ou son escalve.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 141, pp. 320-322, specifically pp. 320-321. The mark of omission is mine.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Odalisk"
"He [Rupert Birkin] wants me to sink myself," Ursula [Brangwen] resumed, "not to have any being of my own ----" 'Then why doesn't he marry an odalisk?" said Hermione [Roddice] in her mild sing-song, "if it is that he wants."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 22, p. 286. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

odd couple:

Two who share the same living space but who, because of clashes in style of living, would not, under ordinary conditions, be expected to get along -- for instance, one who is meticulously neat and the other a slob.

See also cagamosis, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, poor match, stormy relationship, toxic relationship, unhappily married.

odd-one-out syndrome:

Feeling left out in a non-monogamous relationship.

See also exclusion jealousy.

x syndromes.

odd woman:

A mature but unmarried human female; a spinster (q.v.).

Comment: This term sometimes suggests a picture of left-over or surplus single women in a given society, which in turn implies that women are to be defined relative to marriage; and, of course, that notion is offensive to many. However, the term has sometimes also been appropriated in feminists writings to indicate the independent woman who has refused to succumb to the social expectation that she marry.

Note these novels: The Odd Women (1893), by George Gissing and The Odd Woman (1974), by Gail Godwin.

Note also the English saying, "This maid was born odd," that is, she grew old without ever marrying. Cf. The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): p. 488, which documents the saying back to 1678.

By the way, I haven't found "odd man" used in a comparable sense.

See also ape leader, bachelorette, college widow, feme sole, maiden aunt, miss, never married, odd woman, old maid, single, unmarried.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Odd Women"
A calm year of plenty. But one chronic and dreary malady: that of the odd women. Why, in the name of all prosperity, should every class but the lowest in such a | society hang overburdened with Dead Sea fruit of odd women, unmarried, unmarriageable women, called old maids?
From the novel: The Lost Girl, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Thomas Seltzer, 1921): chapter 1, pp. 7-8.

off, as in "off men," "off women," or "off relationships":

No longer in and, for the time being, no longer wanting a sexual, love, or marital relationship, at least not with any member of the sex specified or implied.

Comment: The "off" is sometimes placed within quotation marks.

See also confirmed bachelor, confirmed bachelorette, confirmed spinster, out of circulation, single.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Off"
She [Hilda] had the very hell of a will of her own, as her husband had found out. But her husband was now divorcing her. Yes, she even made it easy for him to do that, though she had no lover. For the time being, she was "off" men. She was very well content to be quite her own mistress: and mistress of her two children, whom she was going to bring up "properly," whatever that may mean.
From the novel: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): p. 285. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928."

off-and-on relationship:

See on-and-off relationship.

offer of marriage:

1. A request of a person that he or she become one's spouse.

2. To take an initial step in setting up an arranged marriage, the step of formally and seriously suggesting a match.

See also arranged marriage, declaration, grand gesture, gamomania, proposal.

x marriage offer.

office bike:

A person who works where clerical, professional, or business activities occur and who has engaged in sexual activity with several of his or her co-workers.

Comment: The term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. The analogy is to a bicycle shared by co-workers. It is ridden, as convenient.

See also bike, fish off the company pier, fraternize, office husband, office pump, office wife, promiscuity, serial office dating, slut.

office dating:

Engaging in social activities with a co-worker of complementary sexual orientation, especially having a love affair with a co-worker.

See also date, fish off the company pier, fraternization, love contract, non-fraternization policy, office love affair, office mate, office romance, serial office dating, workplace crush, workplace romance.

office husband

1. A male co-worker at a place where clerical, professional, or business activities occur who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with him is platonic.

2. A male secretary.

See also husband, office bike, office wife, platonic relationship, work flirt, work husband, workplace spouse, work spouse.

office love affair:

A love affair (q.v.) between people who work together at a place where clerical work, professinal activities, or business is conducted.

See also fraternization, interoffice romance, love contract, non-fraternization policy, office dating, office mate, office romance, sleep (one's) way to the top, whore (one's) way to the top, workplace crush, workplace romance.

office pump:

A person who works where clerical, professional, or business activities occur and who has engaged in sexual activity with several of his or her co-workers.

Comment: The term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. "Pump" is a slang term for both "penis" and "vagina." The analogy is apparently to an old-fashioned, manually operated water pump.

See also bike, fish off the company pier, fraternize, office bike, office husband, office wife, promiscuity, pump, school pump, serial office dating, slut, town pump.

office mate:

A co-worker with whom one is having a love affair or with whom one is in a long-term love relationship.

Comment: The term is sometimes used as a pun, playing on words for certain handy office product or a vade mecum -- that is, a handy book -- for the office.

See also fish off the company pier, fraternization, office dating, office love affair, office romance, serial office dating, workplace crush, workplace romance.

office romance:

1. A love relationship between people who work together at a place where clerical work, professinal activities, or business is conducted.

2. The budding and development of such a relationship.

See also fraternization, interoffice romance, love contract, non-fraternization policy, office dating, office love affair, office mate, romance, serial office dating, sleep (one's) way to the top, whore (one's) way to the top, workplace crush, workplace romance.

office wife:

1. A female co-worker at a place where clerical, professional, or business activities occur who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with her is platonic.

2. A female secretary.

3. A female spouse of a member of Congress who works for her husband in the congressional office. Per current law, she must be unpaid unless her employment predated the marriage (5 U.S.C. sec. 3110). (I haven't yet observed use of "office husband" for the male equivalent.)

4. Any of the women who worked closely with George W. Bush while he was President of the United States (2001-2009), among them: Laura Bush (the First Lady), Karen Hughes, Harriet Miers, and Condoleezza Rice. Generally used in this sense pejoratively.

Source for definition 3: The Congress Dictionary: The Ways and Meanings of Capitol Hill, [by] Paul Dickson [and] Paul Clancy; with a special foreword by the Honorable Thomas P. "Tip" O'Neill, Jr.; with research assistance from Charles D. Poe (New York: John Wiley, c1993): p. 232.

See also "Behind every great man is a great woman," office bike, office husband, platonic relationship, political marriage, power couple, wife, work flirt, workplace spouse, work spouse, work wife.

offscreen squeeze:

An actor's real-life partner in a love relationship as opposed to a love interest of a character played by the actor in a film or on TV.

See also backstage romance, band moll, casting couch, cute meet, groupie, Hollywood marriage, jeune premier, jeune première, joyous defeat, lover, love scene, main squeeze, major squeeze, on-set romance, partner, screen lovers, squeeze.

offshore drilling:

1. Extracting oil from under a current ocean or lake bed. The following senses are by analogy.

2. Engaging in sexual intercourse, as a married person or a person in a comitted relationship, with someone other than one's partner.

3. Sexual intercourse at sea or abroad, especially with one or more partners who are neither compatriots nor relationship partners.

4. Anal insertion of any sort of phallus, but especially the erect penis.

See also adultery, affair.

off-the-rack marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) with customary expectations, such as sexual exclusivity, and in a form for which laws have been specifically adapted, such as monogamy, as distinguished from a marriage for which any and all expectations are to be negotiated and for which laws are not specifically adapted.

Comment: The analogy is to buying apparel off the rack, as opposed to having it fitted by a tailor.

See also institutionalized marriage, monogamy, sexual exclusivity.

ogle:

1. To look at in an examining and lingering way; to stare with interest.

2. To gaze at in a way that suggests sexual interest.

Comment: In popular usage, often followed by the prepositon "at." For instance, "What are you ogling?" is often expressed this way: "What are you ogling at?"

See also babies-in-the-eyes, check (someobody) out, easy on the eyes, eye candy, flirt, have eyes for, interest in (somebody), like what you see, look babies, looker, lovers' gaze, love signal, oculoplania, once-over, roaming eye, rolling eye, roving eye, rubberneck, sexual acting out, twinkle in (your) mother's eye, wandering eyes, widow's once-over.

OHM:

One hot mama.

Comment: The expression "one hot mama" dates back at least to 1928.

See hot mama.

x one hot mama.

Oholah and Oholibah:

Sisters of each other and wives of God (Yahweh) in the Hebrew Bible at Ezekiel 23. This divine polygyny serves as a metaphor for God's relationship with Samaria and Jerusalem respectively. Their participation in the idolatries of other nations are metaphorically represented as adulteries.

Comments: Transliterated in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible as Aholah and Aholibah. Most modern English versions transliterate as shown above.

"Oholah" is a symbolic name meaning "her own tent"; and in representing Samaria it may refer more broadly to the Northern Kingdom of Israel, consisting of the Ten Tribes. "Oholibah" is a symbolic name meaning "my tent is in her"; and in representing Jerusalem, it may refer more broadly to Judah.

For Jerusalem as adulterous wife of God, compare especially Ezekiel 16.

For divine polygyny, compare Jeremiah 3:6-10. It is possible that a similar metaphorical polygyny was envisioned in the early church between Christ, the husband, and each of the local churches, his wives, for instance in Revelation 1-3 (compare and contrast 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 and Ephesians 5:21-33).

The story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (in the New Testament at John 4), which drips with nuptial imagery, was probably playing in part off of the story of Oholah and Oholibah. (For a highly interpretive paraphrase, see my Gospel experiment, The Text of Fire, 10.15.)

Athough the story of Oholah and Oholibah is about idolatry, part of the relevance of the story in modern moral discourse bears on sexual relationships and in that regard is twofold: (a) the imagery of God as polygynous, which seems to challenge monogamy as an ideal; and (b) the apparent clash between a polygynous marriage to women who are sisters of each other being presented as okay and Leviticus 18:18, which seems to prohibit such. (For marriage to women who are sisters of each other, note also, besides Ezekiel 23, Genesis 19:30-38; 29:15-35; 30:1-24; Judges 15:2; and Jeremiah 3:6-10.)

See also adultery, hierogamy, Lilith, polygyny, sacred sex, Samaritan woman at the well, theogamy, "was Jesus married" question, Whore of Babylon.

x Aholah and Aholibah.

x Bible.

x Hebrew terms.

oh well!

An expression of resignation to circumstances or to fate.

Comment: In matters of love, "Oh well!" competes with few others as one of the saddest expressions there is. Some of the competitors are "almost," "if only," "Nobody loves me" (especially when one happens to be loved by somebody very much), "She (or he) is with somebody else," "the last time," and "to die without ever having loved." "We have to talk" is widely regarded as one of the most trepidatious. For the other end of the spectrum, see under "I love you."

References
For "the last time" (which translates dernière fois) see: The Intimate Journal of George Sand, edited and translated by Marie Jenney Howe (New York: John Day Co., 1929): entry for December 25, 1834, p. 21. < Not examined> For the French original, see: Journal intime (posthume), [par] George Sand; publié par Aurore Sand (Paris: Calmann-Lévy, 1926): p. 5.
For "We have to talk," see: the American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 1, Episode 4, "Male Unbonding," written by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, directed by Tom Cherones (first aired, June 14, 1990), where the sentence is initially described as "The four worst words in the English language."
Regarding trepdidatious words, note President Ronald Reagan's remark: "... the ten most dangerous words in the English language are, 'Hi, I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help.'" See his "Remarks to Representatives of the Future Farmers of America" (July 28, 1988). He spoke at 1:54 p.m. in Room 450 of the Old Executive Office Building.

See also "All the good ones are taken," "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," saudade, to die without ever having loved, "We'll always have Paris," with somebody else.

x saddest words in matters of love.

Ojibwe terms:

See two-spirit person (niizh manidoowag).

x Algonquian terms.

old-age romance:

1. A love relationship that has either budded or resumed when the participants are in the late decades of what would be a full life span.

2. A love relationship with someone on the part of a person who is in the late decades of what would be a full life span, as in "my old-age romance."

Comment: The term "old age" is regarded as politically incorrect by some.

See also anilogamy, December-December romance, gerontogamy, last love, late-life romance, late marriage, mature person, May-December relationship, May-December romance, mid-life romance, opsigamy, romance, sex after fifty, take the dottle-trot, take the giggle-trot, wrinkly romance.

old bachelor:

A man who has never married and who is beyond the typical age for a first marriage or, at least, beyond the age the speaker would wish to see him married.

See also bachelor, never married, old maid, single, unmarried.

Quotations from Richard Carlile Illustrating "Old Bachelor"
It is hoped that this development of the cause of love will do something toward lessening the number of old bachelors and old maids.
From: Every Woman's Book, [by Richard Carlile] (4th ed. London: R. Carlile, 1826): p. 10; as reprinted in: What is Love? Richard Carlile's Philosophy of Sex, [by] M. L. Bush (London; New York: Verso, 1998): p. 85.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Old Bachelor"
When Punch is king, I declare there shall be no such thing as old maids and old bachelors. The Rev. Mr. Malthus shall be burned annually, instead of Guy Fawkes. Those who don't marry shall go into the workhouse. It shall be a sin for the poorest not to have a pretty girl to love him.
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 33, p. 158. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221. The references are to: "Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834), who argued that populations grow faster than the means of subsistence, and so called for sexual abstinence or birth control." -- "Notes," p. 228. Guy Fawkes (1570-1606), who took part in the Gunpowder Plot, a conspiracy to blow up King James I and the English Parliament on November 5, 1605. He was hanged in 1606, and effigies of Fawkes are torched in bonfires each November 5th.

old ball and chain:

See ball and chain.

old boyfriend:

1. A boyfriend (q.v.) who either was born much earlier than oneself or who is advanced in years.

2. A male who was once one's boyfriend but who is so no longer.

See also ancient history, erstwhile dear, ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-lover, ex-partner, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), lost love, old flame, old sweetheart, partner, past attachment, right of return, romantic history together, "We'll always have Paris."

Old English terms:

See arrha, beweddung, bridelock, brydthing, lairwite, lovingly (luflice), spinster, weotuma, wette.

old-fashioned:

1. Of a style or object: Once in vogue a long time ago, but now out of date.

2. Of a person:

• a. Characterized by a preference for living according to the ways of an earlier cultural period.
• b. Accustomed to the ways of an earlier cultural period and reluctant to adjust to new ways.
• c. Characterized by choosing, at least for one's own life, traditional morals and mores, especially with regard to sex and marriage.

See also culture, mores, no sex outside of marriage, sexual moraility, sexual mores, sexways, square, straight, traditional morality, traditional ways, vanilla.

old flame:

A person with whom one was once in love, especially someone with whom one was once in a love relationship.

See also ancient history, carry a torch for, Cupid's torch, Cyprian torch, dormant love, erstwhile dear, ex, flame, flame of love, ghosts of relationships past, have the hots for, in love, long-lost love, lost and found lover, lost love, lover, partner, love relationship, old sweetheart, once-beloved, rekindle the flame, retrosexual, romantic history together, spark of love, torchy, TOTGA, "We'll always have Paris."

Quotation from Charles Dickens Illustrating "Old Flame"
THERE ONCE LIVED, IN A SEQUESTERED PART OF THE COUNTY of Devonshire, one Mr. Godfrey Nickleby: a worthy gentleman, who, taking it into his head rather late in life that he must get married, and not being young enough or rich enough to aspire to the hand of a lady of fortune, had wedded an old flame out of mere attachment, who in her turn had taken him for the same reason. Thus two people who cannot afford to play cards for money, sometimes sit down to a quiet game of love.
From the novel: Nicholas Nickleby: A Facsimile Edition of the 1938 Nonesuch Dickens, [by] Charles Dickens ([New York]: Barnes & Noble, 2005): chapter 1, p. 1. Originally published under title: The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby ... (London: Chapman & Hall, 1839). The Nonesuch Dickens was originally published, Bloomsbury: Nonesuch Press, 1938.

old gal:

1. A woman, especially one advanced in years.

2. Term of endearment for a wife.

Source: Slang, To-day and Yesterday: With a Short Historical Sketch, and Vocabularies of English, American, and Australian Slang, by Eric Partridge (4th ed., revised and brought up to date. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1970): p. 151. Categorized under Cockney slang.

See also hot mama, mature person, old lady, playgranny, term of endearment, wife, woman.

old girlfriend:

1. A girlfriend (q.v.) who either was born much earlier than oneself or who is advanced in years.

2. A female who was once one's girlfriend but who is so no longer.

See also ancient history, erstwhile dear, ex, ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-partner, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), lost love, old flame, old sweetheart, partner, past attachment, romantic history together, right of return, "We'll always have Paris."

old lady:

1. A woman advanced in years.

2. A wife (q.v.), especially one of some years.

3. A mother.

4. A vulva.

5. A term of address for a woman who has been lowered in the eyes of society.

Comment: With regard to the second sense, the term is usually used, with a mingling of affection and distance, in the phrase, "my old lady." Some detect in that a note of disparagement.

See also anilogamy, hot mama, mature person, old gal, old man, old wife, playgranny, take the giggle-trot.

old maid:

A woman who has never married and who is beyond the conventional age for a first marriage or, at least, beyond the age the speaker would wish to see her married.

Comments: Note the oxymoron.

Generally speaking the term conveys a negative cultural attitude towards women who remain umarried. Furthermore, since in many English-speaking countries the word "old" implies diminishing sexual attractiveness and is besides a reminder of caducity and mortality, the term "old maid" is usually not received favorably by those to whom it is applied.

Note the English proverb: "Quite young and all alive, | like an old maid of forty-five." Cf. The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): p. 369.

For more, see notes under "spinster."

See also ape leader, college widow, maiden aunt, never married, odd woman, old bachelor (which see for additional lexical example), single, spinster, unmarried.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Old Maid"
[Lydia Bennet]: '... Jane will be quite an old maid soon, I declare. She is almost three and twenty! Lord, how ashamed I should be of not being married before three and twenty! ...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 39, p. 280. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

old maids leading apes in hell:

See lead apes in hell.

old man:

1. A man advanced in years.

2. A husband (q.v.), especially one of some years.

3. A father.

4. A penis.

Comments: With regard to the second sense, the term is usually used, with a mingling of affection and distance, in the phrase, "my old man." Some detect in that a note of disparagement.

See also mature person, old lady, take the dottle-trot.

old, old story:

1. A narrative that originated many generations ago.

2. A narrative or other account of love, especially one in which love leads to despair or tragedy, although that is not always the end of such an account. The oldness is in the theme or the general outline of the story, not necessarily in details or form.

Comment: In the second sense, the term usually takes the definite article: "the old, old story."

For a pictorial illustration, see under "moon." (Compare under "give oneself to").