Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

N - O

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
Feedback opportunity

N or Z:

See Z.

naive:

1. Inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

2. Sexually inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

See also virginal.

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Naive"
"You're not stupid," she [Augusta Holderfield] said softly [to Willowdean Lynch]. "Just unworldly. In spite of a rough | beginning, your life's been sheltered. You pride yourself on your backwoods savvy, but you're naive when it comes to men and women. Isn't Ben the only one you've ever slept with?"
From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): pp. 225-226.

nangsaegaek (Siberian Yupik, a form of Eskimoan spoken on St. Lawrence Island):

"Brother" or "partner"; a close male ally, most notably one of another tribe.

Comment: In a nangsaegaek relationship, wives were once often shared. A wife of one man was considered a co-wife of the wife of the other man.

Source: The Eskimo People of Savoonga, by Robert E. Ackerman (Phoenix: Indian Tribal Series, c1976): p. 64.

See also aiparik, aleupaaktuat, angutawkun, aytpareik, group marriage, lover-in-law, nuliaqatigiit, nuliinuaroak, qatangun, simmixsuat, taio, wife-sharing.

x Eskimo terms.

nanpa (Japanese slang):

Men hitting on women; male pursuit of females.

Comment: This term has been adopted by some English speakers. The reverse is gyaku-nan; but, so far as I know, it has not been adopted.

See also cruise, chippy, hit on, make a pass at, pickup.

x Japanese terms.

Nasamonian marriage:

1. Marital practice of an ancient group that, according to Herodotus, occupied the Syrtis in Libya -- a practice whereby the bride copulates with the guests.

2. By extension, any marital custom similar to that of the Nasamonians.

See also otiv bombari.

Quotation from Herodotus Describing Nasamonian Marriage
Each man among them [the Nasamonians] has several wives, in their intercourse with whom they resemble the Massagetæ; when a man has set up a staff, he is lying with a woman. When a Nasamonian first marries a woman, the custom is that the bride on the first night lies with all the guests in turn; as each lies with her, he gives her a gift which he has brought from his house.
Herodotus, Histories 4:172. Regarding the location of the Nasamonians, see 2:32. Regarding the Massagetæ, who held all wives in common and who used a similar sign, see 1:216. Compare the Agathrysi of 4:104 and the Gindanes of 4:176. The edition used: The Histories, [by] Herodotus, translated by George Rawlinson; with an introduction by Rosalind Thomas (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, c1997; in series: Everyman's Library; 234). "A Borzoi Book."

native lovemap:

A lovemap (q.v.) that is assimilated as one's own, regardless of how much of it is shared or not by others.

Source: Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts of Sexual/Erotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity, [by] John Money (New York: Irvington Publishers, c1986): p. 291.

See also template (for a lover).

natural affinity:

Kinship relation through marriage or sexual union as distinguished from kinship relation through adoption (q.v.).

See also affinity, incest, kinship.

nearest donut theory:

The idea that a person is most likely to reach for the closest at hand of what he or she has an appetite for; said especially of someone looking for a person with whom to have sex.

See also mate selection, Metuchen theory, propinquity factor, proximity.

x donut theory.

x theories.

nedunyah (Hebrew):

A dowry (q.v.) paid by or on behalf of a bride.

Contrast mohar (q.v.). See also kiddushim.

x Hebrew terms.

née:

Born with the surname of (said of a woman); her maiden name being.

Comment: This is the feminine past participle of the French verb, naître, "to be born."

Example: Mrs. Anderson née Elliott.

See also maiden name, miss, Mrs.

x French terms.

negative stance on sexuality:

See sex-negative stance.

né hors du mariage (French):

Born out of wedlock.

See out of wedlock.

x French terms.

neighbour's wife:

See Tenth Commandment.

"neither marry, nor are given in marriage":

A quotation from a saying of Jesus at Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35 in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible. The original Greek, in all three passages, reads: oute gamousin oute gamizontai; and it is translated consistently in the KJV. Here gamousin (from gameô,"marry") applies to bridegrooms, and gamizontai (from gamizô, "give in marriage") applies to brides.

Comments:¹ Jesus was asked about a woman who had had no sons yet seven husbands, the last six according to the levirate custom: Whose wife would she be in the resurrection? His response was this, giving the three parallel accounts (in my translation):

"For in the resurrection they neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females], but they are as angels in Heaven." (Matthew 22:30)

"For once from dead ones they have arisen, they neither marry [as males] nor are being given in marriage [as females], rather they are as angels in the heavens." (Mark 12:25)

"The offspring of this era are marrying [as males] and are being given to wed [as females]. But those counted worthy to reach that era and the resurrection from the dead ones neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females]; for they are not still able to die; for they are angel-like; and they are offspring of God being offspring of the resurrection." (Luke 20:34-36)

How did Jesus understand the angels in heaven to be? Perhaps the most germane text is found in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, namely, 1 Enoch 15:2, 6-7, which is embedded in an elaboration of Genesis 6:1-4. Here is "the Great Glory" (1 Enoch 14:20), "the Excellent and Glorious One" (14:21), "the Lord" (14:24) speaking to Enoch:

"And tell the Watchers of heaven on whose behalf you have been sent to intercede: ... Indeed you, formerly you were spiritual, (having) eternal life, and immortal in all the generations of the world. That is why (formerly) I did not make wives for you, for the dwelling of the spiritual beings of heaven is heaven."²

The angelic Watchers were evidently males. This comports with Genesis 19:1-22, which represents angels as males in a sexually charged context; and with Jubilees 15:25-27 (in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha), which represents angels as being created circumcised. Evidently, even the Seraphim of Isaiah 6:2 had male sex organs, "feet" presumably being a euphemism for such (cf. Exodus 4:25; Ruth 3:4, 7-8, 14; 2 Samuel 11:8; 1 Kings 15:23; and 2 Kings 4:27). However, Zechariah 5:9 described winged women, who were subsequently interpreted as angels (for example, in the Midrash Rabbah at Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2). In 3 Enoch 35:6, a large group of angels is represented as containing, all of a sudden, both male and female angels; and there is some indication that angels were, at least by some, thought susceptible to sex-change (Bereshith Rabbah = Genesis Rabbah 21:9; Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2).³ This might help explain why Jude 7 speaks of the crime of the men of Sodom in Genesis 19:1-11 as one of going after not same-sex flesh, but rather "strange flesh" (sarkos heteras; cf. 1 Enoch 106:5-12). Per a common interpretation of Genesis 6:2-4, angels were considered capable of sexual desire, and embodied they were thought able both to engage in copulation and to procreate hybrid offspring by way of human females (see, for example, in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, the Testament of Reuben 5:5-6). Conceivably they were even understood by some to be able to propagate themselves on their own, perhaps without embodiment. Note, for example, "the sons of the holy angels" in 1 Enoch 71:1 and angelic families in 3 Enoch 12:5; 16:1; 18:21.

It would seem that Jesus' point was not one about desire or bonding, but about spirituality and a different order. As the Swedish mystical thinker, Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772), correctly pointed out, Jesus was speaking not of an end of either conjugal love or spiritual nuptiality but rather of the more limited phenomenon of marrying in its earthly, social aspects.⁴ Swedenborg aside, Jesus was telling his Sadducean interlocutors that the specifically earthly aspects of marriage -- including both headship (remembering the multiple husbands) and inheritance rights -- will be irrelevant "in the heavens" and that one cannot therefore, on the basis of the example presented, reduce the idea of resurrection either to absurdity or to legal wranglings over polyandry. With respect to the new era, the new order, the coming eon, both males and females are offspring of God and comparable to the good angels -- the point of the term "offspring" or "sons" (in Luke 20:36) being not maleness but indistinguishability of the only status that will matter, status in relation to God.

References
1 These comments are largely an adaptation of a portion of my article, "The Angels of 1 Corinthians 11:10: A Survey of Interpretative Options."
2 Translation of 1 Enoch by E. Isaac in: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1983-1985): v. 1, p. 21.
3 Regarding the sexing of heavenly beings, I am here only scratching the surface. For more, see, for example, The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai ([New York]: Ktav Publishing House, c1967): chapter 3, "The Cherubim," pp. 101-136, 300-310. Note the female cherubim pictured on plates 26-28. Philo describes an intimacy of paired cherubim that suggests a male and a female. See, for example, Peri tön Cheroubim = De Cherubim = On the Cherubim 20, 29. Patai argues that that is exactly what Philo meant.
4 Emanuel Swedenborg, De Amore Conjugiali (Amsterdam, 1768): §41 and environs. For English translation, see: The Delights of Wisdom Pertaining to Conjugal Love, after which follow, The Pleasures of Insanity Pertaining to Scortatory Love, by Emanuel Swedenborg; translated by Samuel M. Warren; translation revised by Louis H. Tafel (Stardard edition. New York: Swedenborg Foundation, 1954): especially pp. 44-46.

See also Celestial marriage, eternal union, levirate marriage, "marriage is forever" myth, match made in heaven, mystic marriage, periodization, polyandry, spiritual marriage.

x Bible.

x gameô.

x gamizô.

x Greek terms.

x marriage in the resurrection.

neolocal residence:

In reference to the married, setting up the domicile in a new locale separate from relatives, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, walk to and fro.

neo-virginity:

See secondary virginity.

nepiophilia:

1. A psychological condition on the part of a non-infant in which sexual arousal is dependent upon having a sex partner that is an infant, either in reality or in the imagination.

2. A dominant and compelling sexual attraction to infants.

See also ephebophilia, gerontophilia, pedophilia, -philia.

nest:

1. One's home, especially a home in which there are one or more children.

2. A group of people who have shared water ceremonially, who are deeply loyal to one another, who are open and honest with one another, who are open to sexual intimacy (q.v.) with one another, and who try to live by the vision of Valentine Michael Smith, a character in the science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (1961; uncut edition, 1991); a congregation of the Church of All Worlds, which was founded on the basis of the Heinlein novel.

See also familistere, living together, love nest, nest-building, nidification, water brother.

nest-building:

Establishing and furnishing a home, especially for the sake of raising children.

See also homemaking, nest, nidification.

nestcock:

A househusband (q.v.).

See also homemaker.

Net mate, or Net-mate, or 'net mate:

A person with whom one regularly interacts via the Internet; an online buddy.

Comment: In some usage, the interaction implied is romantic or erotic.

See also cybersex partner, e-flirtee, mate, online relationship.

network:

See intimate network, romantic network, sexual network.

never married, as in "he never married":

1. Not ever having been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. Not ever having considered oneself married to anybody; never having had a mate.

3. Code for a heterosexual bachelor (q.v.) who has not ever entered into marriage, in contrast to a confirmed bachelor (q.v.) in its coded sense.

4. Not having truly united with (a person or each other) in some essential or emotionally vital way.

See also angélica, dance barefoot, feme sole, free agent, maiden aunt, marriagefree, married, miss, odd woman, old bachelor, old maid, single, spinsterhood, unmarried.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Never Married"
"Doña Carlotta!" He [Cipriano Viedma] said, looking down at her dulled hazel eyes, that were fixed and unseeing: "Do not die with wrong words on your lips. If you are murdered, you have murdered yourself. You were never married to Ramón [Carlotta's husband]. You were married to your own way." He spoke fiercely, avengingly. "Ah!" said the dying woman. "Ah! I never married Ramón. No! I never married him! How could I? He was not what I would have him be. How could I marry him? Ah! I thought I married him. Ah! I am so glad I didn't -- so glad."
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 21, p. 345.

never-married or never-marrieds, as in "the never-married":

1. The class of persons who have never been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. The class of persons who have never considered themselves married to anybody; the class of persons who have never had a mate.

Contrast ever-married (q.v.) and previously married (q.v.). See also maiden, marital status, married, single.

x statistics.

new adultery:

1. Participation in extramarital sexual activity with the knowledge and consent of one's spouse.

2. The beginning of a trend in the life of a culture when intolerance of extramarital sexual activity is discarded and more and more spouses start to tolerate and even encourage their partners' having sex with others.

3. A current twist on extramarital sexual activity, such activity being considered a moral violation, despite attempts at justification due to the twist. Among such "new" twists in the past: being above board with one's spouse about it and cybersex.

Comment: This term is sometimes used neutrally or positively. However, it is easily adapted to derisive use, generally by way of a slide into the third sense. I myself recall it being used homiletically in the 1960s or 70s to describe pejoratively the "new morality," after which I had the impression that the term was patterned, although I might well have been mistaken. Because of its susceptibility to derisive use and also because the practice would now be considered old (nevermind that it was old when the term was coined), other terms are generally preferred when a neutral or positive sense is intended.

See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, arrangement, cluster marriage, comarital, condone, consensual adultery, cyberlove, flexible monogamy, free agent, hundred-mile rule, letter group (C, P, theta), the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, new morality, new sexuality, non-monogamy, open marriage, pair dating, polyamory, primemate, reconstituted marriage, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual permissiveness, swing, syndyasmian family.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "New Adultery"
The "new adultery" is done with the full knowledge and cooperation of the marriage partner, and both are engaged in sex-for-fun with other people, without the necessity for sneaking and hiding.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 141.

new family:

1. A family (q.v.) with an infant (or, at least, a pregnant mother), especially a family in which the infant (or unborn child) is the only child or in which other children are no older than toddler age.

2. A family with a recently adopted child.

3. A family of which one has recently been made a member.

4. A blended family or the part thereof added to the family one has had.

5. The nature, structure, shape, or behavior of families insofar as it is a result of either current trends or recent social engineering and differs from the nature, structure, shape, or behavior of typical families of the past -- all within a given society.

6. The set of all families that vary from the traditional norm in a given society; for example, where the family norm is a married couple of the same country and ethnic group living together and with children, both partners belonging to the offical state religion, a partial list of new-family categories might look like this:

• extended families forming domestic units;
• single parent families;
• childless families;
• families formed without the benefit of legal marriage;
• families that encompass single-sex unions;
• families that encompass polygamous or group marriages or their like;
• families that encompass mixed marriages;
• families whose religion differs from the official state religion;
• families whose ethnic practices differ from those recognized or promoted by the state;
• families with members who are non-citizens, who have dual citizenship, or whose national identity is not recognized;
• families in which the marital partners live most of the time apart.

7. A social substitute for a family, such as a gang (where the shoe fits).

Comment: Regarding the fifth sense, generally when "the new family" is announced, it characterizes only a minority, often a tiny minority, of families. Furthermore, by the time change has overtaken the vast majority of families in a society, the designation "new" is often thought not fitting.

See also adoption, blended family, in-law, stepfamily.

new-inventionism:

The view that sexual orientation, especially homosexual orientation, was not recognized as such until sometime between the beginning of the 17th and the end of the 19th centuries.

Comment: Coined by Joseph Cady in 1992.

See his article, "'Masculine Love,' Renaissance Writing, and the 'New Invention' of Homosexuality," in: Homosexuality in Renaissance and Enlightenment England: Literary Representations in Historical Context, Claude J. Summers, editor (New York: Haworth Press, c1992; in series: Research on Homosexuality): pp. 9-40. This is followed up in: "Renaissance Awareness and Language for Heterosexuality 'Love' and 'Feminine Love,'" [by] Joseph Cady, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 143-158.

See also heterosexuality, homosexuality.

newly wed:

Recently entered upon marriage.

Comment: The phrase, "my newly wed one," refers to the person to whom one has recently become married.

See also just married, newlywed.

newlywed:

A person who has just become married.

See also bride, bridegroom, groom, honeymoon, newly wed.

new morality:

1. Ethical thought which treats agapic love (q.v.) as the sole norm in deciding ethical matters and which treats rules in the Jewish and Christian traditions as general guidelines and points of departure; situation ethics. In this sense the new morality has broad application, but it is often discussed with special attention to marriage and sexuality.

2. Flexible moral thinking in quest of personal wholeness and the maximum welfare of all; non-prescriptive non-authoritarian ethics; a rejection of legalism in ethics, including, for instance, legalism that stems from natural law theory; belief in the autonomy of the mature responsible self in moral decision-making.

3. Valuing a current broad-based sense of the common good, inclusive of respect for both individual freedom and pluralism, over traditionalist prescriptive morality.

4. Libertarian sexual ethics; permissiveness with regard to matters of affection.

5. A set of principles that is meant to determine okay and not okay behavior with respect to marriage and sexuality and that is meant to displace, but which actually contends with, stricter, rigidly applied traditional morality; whatever set of mores thought to be more suited to the times has displaced an earlier set of mores in at least a percentage of a given population.

Comments: The term has been variously attributed to Durant Duke (1928), Pope Pius (1952), and John A.T. Robinson (1963), each applying the term in a somewhat different sense.¹

It appears that originally the new morality, in any one of its senses, was conceived of as one set of principles, the specifics of which could be debated, that was to displace traditionalism. What happened instead was this: Traditionalism was displaced by moral pluralism, a pluralism that included both traditionalism and situation ethics among a plethora of contenders for adoption by the individual. Perhaps acceptance of moral pluralism has itself become the new morality.

Reference
For discussion see, "The History and Literature of the 'New Morality,'" by Edward LeRoy Long, Jr., in: The Pittsburgh Perspective; v. 3 (September 1966): pp. 4-17; reprinted, at least in part, in: The Situation Ethics Debate, edited with an introduction by Harvey Cox (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1968): pp. [101]-116. It's the latter that I have in hand.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," compartmentalization, consent to sex, consexuality, ethical hedonism, ethical relativism, ethical subjectivism, hot and cool sex, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, love, moral code, moral equivalence, more evolved, new adultery, new sexuality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonmarital sex, open-minded, porneia, public character of sex, relationship choice, relationship freedom, sexosophy, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual golden age, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual utopia, situation ethics, stigmatic guilt, third way in sexual ethics, traditional morality, unnatural, utopian swinging.

Quotation from John A. T. Robinson Illustrating "New Morality"
[119] Chastity is the expression of charity -- of caring, enough. And this is the criterion for every form of behaviour, inside marriage or out of it, in sexual ethics or in any other field. For nothing else makes a thing right or wrong. This 'new morality' is, of course, none other than the old morality, just as the new commandment is the old, yet ever fresh commandment of love [I John 2.7 f.]. It is what St Augustine dared to say with his dilige et quod vis fac [Ep. Joan. vii.5], which ... should be translated not 'love and do what you please', but 'love and then what you will, do'. What 'love's casuistry' requires makes, of course, the most searching demands both upon the depth and integrity of one's concern for the other -- whether it is really the utterly unselfregarding agape [agapë] of Christ -- and upon the calculation of what is truly the most loving thing in this situation for every person involved. Such an ethic cannot but rely, in deep humility, upon guiding rules, upon the cumulative experience of one's own and other people's obedience... [120] Whatever the pointers of the law to the demands of love, there can for the Christian be no 'packaged' moral judgements -- for persons are more important even than 'standards'.
From: Honest to God, [by] John A. T. Robinson (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1963): pp. 119-120.

Quotation from Lawrence Lipton Illustrating "New Morality"
The first manifestations of every revolution are always symptoms of the decay of the old order. Today we have passed beyond this first stage into promising new experiments in natural love, in mating, in marital relations.... To those who ask: Is this the new morality? ... No. Nobody knows what the new morality will be like. All we can do today is make an educated guess. In answer to a similar question, an Ohio State senior replied: "Premarital sex doesn't mean the downfall of society, at least not the kind of society that we're going to build."
From: The Erotic Revolution: An Affirmative View of the New Morality, [by] Lawrence Lipton (Los Angeles, Calif.: Sherbourne Press, c1965): p. 10.

new paradigm relating:

Acting out of a relationship philosophy that emphasizes the spiritual and psychological development of the partners by means of their relationship. Typically this philosophy or paradigm calls for honoring individual autonomy, responsibility for oneself, equality, total honesty, and being fully present in the moment.

Contrast old paradigm relating (q.v.). See also ethical non-monogamy, freemate, hot and cool sex, peer marriage, sexual morality.

new relationship energy (NRE):

The euphoria experienced at the beginning of a love relationship.

Contrast old relationship energy (q.v.). See also acceptive phase, budding relationship, chemistry, chemistry of love, crystallization, enchantment, hot love, infatuation, incandecence, in love, Laws of Lovers' Passion, limerence, NRE, passion, passionate love, proceptive phase, shine, zsa zsa zsu.

new sexuality:

A set of patterns of change in a culture with respect to erotic behavior and attitudes in the wake of the widespread introduction of (a) generally effective medicines (such as penicillin) for the control of sexually transmitted diseases and (b) generally effective contraceptives (such as "the pill"); sexual behavior and the attiudes regarding sexual behavior following an ajustment to the removal, even an imperfect removal, of the most serious physical consequences.

See also new adultery; new morality; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; sexuality; sexual liberation; sexual mores; sexual revolution.

Quotations from Jack Nichols Illustrating "New Sexuality"
[194] The new sexuality, which is to say post-contraceptive sexuality, helps those who seek its pleasures to relinquish old values and to discover the new ones it upholds as the price of enjoyment.
[213] ... the new sexuality becomes a great revolutionary force. Learning to play in concert with others is at the root of the new sexuality, and since play cannot be structured, it is antiauthoritarian. Sexuality today, if it is to be fully enjoyed, is the one drive that demands recognition of its values: cooperation, spontaneity, passivity (opennness), sharing, sensitivity, trust, and freedom.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 15, pp. 194, 213.

New Testament monogamy:

Marriage as one man united to but one woman and that one woman united to but that one man, especially indissolubly, as many interpret certain passages in the Christian scriptures of the First Century or so after Christ, scriptures in Greek which later came to be canonized and known as Hê Kainê Diathêkê or The New Testament, which now forms the last part of the Christian Bible.

Comments: The passages are:

• Matthew 19:9 (cf. 5:32); Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18 -- To take Mark's form, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery." Compare Hermas, Mandates 4.1.6 (in the collection known as the Apostolic Fathers). This saying of Jesus has been used to show that he overturned polygyny in favor of monogamy. The reasoning goes that by condemning remarriage of a man after divorce, Jesus was indicating that he disapproved of a man having a second living wife. The options, presumably, for the divorced couple were either celibacy until the death of the former partner or reconciliation. This interpretation has several problems:
• Jesus was not speaking to the issue of monogamy versus polygyny, and the interpretation that he disapproved of polygyny has to be inferred. It can even be argued that Jesus was not speaking directly to the issue of divorce but to the grander issue of faithfulness to God.
  
• The context in which Jesus was speaking was open to polygyny,¹ which means that his saying might have been applied to a man with multiple wives, one of whom the man was about to divorce. In such a situation, the saying would not have been an enjoinment to monogamy, but rather to keep the wives that he had.
• Marrying "another" has often been interpreted as having a broad sense, meaning "any other woman." See, for instance, Justin Martyr, Apology 1:15. If the broad sense was intended, the issue could yet be replacement rather than polygyny. However, "another" can be interpreted as having a limited sense. For instance, it could mean a "daughter of a foreign god" (cf. Malachi 2:10-16); or it could mean another's wife, particularly one who is still legally able to reconcile with her husband (cf. Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
• The Torah's polygynous definition of adultery may be presupposed in the divorce sayings of Jesus, that is, if adultery in those sayings is to be understood literally. In the Torah (which comprises the first five books of the Hebrew Bible), for a man, adultery is nefarious copulation with his fellow's wife; for a wife, it is nefarious copulation with a man other than her husband. See Leviticus 18:20; 20:10.
  
• In one of the same Gospels, Jesus is represented as expressly denying that he came to overturn the Mosaic Law (Matthew 5:17), and yet polygyny could become an obligation under Mosaic Law. If a man's brother, even a married man's brother, died and left a widow but no son, the still living brother was expected to take her as a wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).
  
• For more on the interpretation of these passages, see the Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus, especially its section on polygyny.
• Romans 7:2-3 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Corinthians 7:2 -- This passage has dubious applicability, since the issue is not monogamy versus polygamy. "Man" and "wife" are being spoken of in the singular abstractly, which was a common way of speaking of marriage in the polygynous culture of the Israelites. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, under "Monogamy," subsection, "Wife as singular.") Another reason for dubious applicability: In 6:16 Paul had just implicitly rejected a monogamous interpretation of being "one flesh."
• 1 Corinthians 7:39 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 2 Corinthians 11:2 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6 -- These "husband of one wife" references are of uncertain interpretation. They can be read as meaning "exactly one wife" (neither unmarried nor polygynous), "no more than one wife" (either unmarried or monogamous), or "at least one wife" (either monogamous or polygynous), depending upon the understanding of the context.
  
• 1 Timothy 5:9 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.

Reference

1  Some maintain that by Jesus' time, polygyny among the Jews had ceased. However, their legal code continued to take it into account, as can be clearly seen in the Mishnah and Tosefta, and there is direct historical evidence that it continued not only into the First Century but well past it. For starters, the Jewish historian Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), in describing the family of Herod the Great, says, "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time" (Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, in the translation by Ralph Marcus in The Loeb Classical Library). For much further evidence, see discussion under "Was Jesus married" question.

See also indissolubility doctrine, monogamy, "one flesh," polygyny, "Was Jesus married" question.

x Bible.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "New Testament Monogamy"

Nor indeed can it very easily be maintained that Dante was a striking example of New Testament monogamy, considering the extent to which his imagination concentrated itself on one woman while he was married to another.

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," p. 91. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

new virginity:

See secondary virginity.

next-tier sexual ethics:

The sexual ethics (q.v.) that are developed following a rejection or break-down of some or all of traditional sexual mores and morality.

Example 1: In a culture where homosexual behavior has traditionally been condemned, behavioral standards on the part of any regarding sex between individuals of the same sex. Such standards might include, for instance:

• the requirement of mutual consent;
• no pedophilia or other gross inequity of power;
• the practice of safe sex; and,
• for a monogamous love relationship only.

Example 2: In a culture where extramarital affairs are generally condemned, reflection on how to conduct an extramarital affair in such a way as to cause least harm.

Comments: Coined by me, 2005.

The term is meant to be neutral, the ambiguity in "next-tier" -- progressive versus second-rate -- hopefully canceling itself out.

See also code, compartmentalization, consent to sex, moral code, new morality, rules of adultery, sexosophy, sexual avant-garde, sexual morality, sexual mores, swingers' moral code, third way in sexual ethics, traditional morality.

niddah (Hebrew):

1. A menstruant; a woman having her period.

2. Under the title of Niddah, the seventh tractate in order Tohorot of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, Talmud Yerushalmi, and Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on menstruants.

Comments: In Orthodox Judaism, a man is forbidden to have sexual contact with a woman for a period commencing twelve hours before the expected onset of her menses and continuing through her period plus seven further days without a sign of blood, typically twelve days in all.

The bath used in obligatory ritual washing following those seven days is called a mikveh.

See also kiddushim, menstruant as forbidden.

x Hebrew terms.

nidificate:

To build a nest.

Comment: Usually said of birds or other nest-building animals but sometimes, by analogy, of lovers or newlyweds.

See also lek, nidification.

nidification:

Nest-building.

See also homemaking, lekking, love-nest, nest, nest-building, nidificate.

night courting:

Unmarried lovers sharing the same bed in the evening or overnight with the idea that sexual intercourse will not take place, especially when this practice is according to custom. Typically the idea is to determine their suitability for each other.

See also bosom-right, bundling, courtship, proof marriage, proof night, queesting, sex hospitality.

Nightingale syndrome:

See Florence Nightingale syndrome.

night-wife:

A woman whose heart mystically belongs to a man with whom she has an intimate relationship other than her husband but who maintains her marriage or at least a semblance thereof with her husband -- such a woman in relation to that other man.

Contrast social wife (q.v.). See also belong to, elective affinity, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual wife, wife in truth.

x wife in darkness.

Quotations from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating and Contextualizing "Night-Wife"
[77] "Listen," he [Johann Dionys Psanek] said to her [Daphne Apsley] softly. "Now you are mine. In the dark you are mine. And when you die you are mine. But in the day you are not mine, because I have no power in the day. In the night, in the dark, and in death, you are mine. And that is forever. No matter if I must leave you. I shall come again from time to time. In the dark you are mine. But in the day I cannot claim you. I have no power in the day, and no place. So remember. When the darkness comes, I shall always be in the darkness of you. And as long as I live, from time to time I shall come to find you, when I am able to, when I am not a prisoner. But I shall have to go away soon. So don't forget -- you are the night-wife of the ladybird, while you live and even when you die."
[80] She never saw him, as a lover. When she saw him, he was the little officer, a prisoner, quiet, claiming nothing in all the world. And when she went to him as his lover, his wife, it was always dark. She only knew his voice and his contact in darkness. "My wife in darkness," he said to her.
[81] If only Dionys need not go away! If only he need not go away! But he said to her, the last morning: "Don't forget me. Always remember me. I leave my soul in your hands and your womb. Nothing can ever separate us, unless we betray one another. If you have to give yourself to your husband [Basil Apsley], do so, and obey him. If you are true to me, innerly, innerly true, he will not hurt us. He is generous, be generous to him. And never fail to believe in me. Because even on the other side of death I shall be watching for you. I shall be king in Hades when I am dead. And you will be at my side. You will never leave me anymore, in the after-death. So don't be afraid in life. Don't be afraid. If you have to cry tears, cry them. But in your heart of hearts know that I shall come again, and that I have taken you for ever. And so, in your heart of hearts be still, be still, since you are the wife of the ladybird."
From: The Ladybird, by D. H. Lawrence (London: Martin Secker, 1923): pp. 77, 80, 81. In the story, Basil was aware that Daphne was in love with Dionys (see pp. 78-80).

nikah (Arabic):

Marriage (q.v.), especially as contracted under Islamic law.

Comment: The basic meaning of the term is "sexual intercourse."

See also `idda, mahr, mut`a, rada`, talak, `umra, `urs, zina.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

Ninth Commandment:

See Tenth Commandment. For lexical illustration see under "Seventh Commandment."

nirimoua (Algonquian):

Female kin of a woman especially eligible to be polygynously married to a given man, or that man in relation to them.

See also co-wife, father's wife, headdress keeper, junior wife, lesser wife, kinship, monogyny, nuliaqpak, polygynist, polygyny, primary wife, secondary wife, senior wife, sits-beside-him woman, squaw.

Quotation from Pierre de Liette in Translation Illustrating "Nirimoua"
While the women [of the Illinois Indians] are nursing, their husbands do not ordinarily have commerce with them. As they have several wives, the abstinence is easy for them. They usually marry sisters and the aunts or nieces of their wives; they call these Nirimoua. When a man is a good hunter it is very easy for him to marry all who stand within this degree of relationship. The women designate him in the same manner.
From: The Memoir of Pierre Liette on the Illinois Country, in: The Western Country in the 17th Century ..., edited by Milo Milton Quaife (Chicago: Lakeside Press, R. R. Donnelley, 1947; in series: The Lakeside Classics): p. 135. Translated from the French by Edith Moodie, with alterations by the editor (see pages xxiii-xxiv). The Memoir is that of Liette (d. 1729) and was evidently written in 1702 (see pages xxvii and 110), yet it ends: "Montreal, Canada, October 20, 1721. Signed: De Gannes." The editor treats De Gannes as the copyist.

nissuim or nissuin (Hebrew):

In Judaism, the latter ceremonial stage for becoming married, the stage that bestows conjugal rights and imposes marital obligations.

Comment: The first stage is called erusin (q.v.) or kiddushim (q.v.).

See also hatunnah, sponsalia per verba de praesenti, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

niyoga (Sanskrit):

The Hindu practice of appointing a woman to bear a male heir who will be begotten by proxy. Thus, in a typical instance, a sonless husband would commission his wife to have sexual intercourse with his brother or a near kinsman, either before or after the husband's decease, in order to have an heir.

See also levirate marriage, preferential marriage, sororate marriage.

x Sanskrit terms.

nomad sexually:

See sexual nomad.

Noah's Ark syndrome:

Kind to kind; the tendency of likes to attract or otherwise to be sorted together; the by no means universal pattern of individuals with similarities being attracted to each other or otherwise being lumped or found together.

Comment: The allusion is to Genesis 7.

Source: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 25.

See also assortive mating, attraction, homogamy.

x Bible.

x syndromes.

noeclexis:

Choice of a partner based chiefly on that person's mental attributes.

Comment: From the Greek: noësis ("intelligence") + eklexis ("selection").

Contrast geneclexis (q.v.). See also attraction, marriage of true minds, mate selection.

no fault divorce (legal term):

Legal dissolution of a marriage for which blame need not be shown or proved in either spouse; divorce on the ground that a marriage has irretrievably broken down or for irreconcilable differences.

See also covenant marriage, divorce, divorce by consent, grounds for divorce, incompatibility.

"No" means "no":

A slogan used chiefly with respect to sexual relations that is meant (a) to engender respect for non-consent; (b) to encourage people to express their actual state of mind, especially any unwillingness on their part; and (c) to sharpen the line between consensual sex and rape.

Comment: The slogan counters the notions that (a) "No" really means "yes," this usually on a woman's part; and (b) a woman's duty is to resist sexual relations and a man's role is to bully or trick her into having sex with him.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, rape.

nominal monogamy:

A practice whereby most people in a culture espouse monogamy (q.v.) and celebrate it in ceremony and song, but whereby many actually have additional lovers or move serially from partner to partner.

nomogamosis:

A state of marital harmony; a condition in which spouses are well matched.

Comment: From Greek nomos ("law" or "musical mode") + gamos ("wedlock") + -osis ("condition").

Be careful not to confuse this word with nonogamy (q.v.).

Contrast: cagamosis (q.v.) and heterogamosis (q.v.). See also bliss, compatibility, conjugal felicity, domestic happiness, -gamy, happy marriage, made for each other, match made in heaven, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, relationship ecology, true love.

non-consensual adultery:

Engaging in sexual activity with one or more others outside of one's marriage without the consent of one's spouse or spouses.

See also adultery, cheat, consensual adultery, criminal conversation, infidelity, secret-false, two-time, unfaithfulness.

nonexclusive monogamy:

1. A marriage or committed love relationship that consists of two and only two partners, but which allows sexual access to one or both partners by one or more other people.

2. The practice of having only one long-term or socially recognized mate at a time, especially when one's mate reciprocates in kind, but which, by design, does not preclude in practice extra-pair copulation with one or, perhaps, more other persons.

Contrast sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sexual monogamy (q.v.). See also dyad, extra-pair copulation, husband-doubling, monogamy, open couple, social monogamy.

nonexclusive sexually:

See sexually nonexclusive.

non-fraternization policy:

A rule or set of rules that forbids dating, sexual intercourse, and romantic relationships with members of a certain group, for example, in a chain of supervision or command, a rule that forbids subordinates to superiors; in the military, a rule that forbids civilians under certain conditions to soldiers; in an organization, a rule that forbids members of a competing organization to its members or a rule that forbids members to each other; within a business or institution, a rule that forbids employees to each other.

See also interoffice romance, love contract, fraternization, office romance, workplace romance.

nonjudgmental:

1. Having nothing to do with decisions or opinions.

2. Not given to arrogating to oneself decisions about guilt or punishment or quality that are proper for others alone to decide, for instance, a judge, a jury, a supervisor, or God.

3. Disinclined to think ill of somebody or of anybody; far from eager to assign blame.

4. Not prone to giving personal criticism, especially in the form of moral condemnation, this typically as a developed trait.

5. Characterized by the suspension of personal criticism, as in "a nonjudgmental atmosphere."

6. Prone to regard the behavior of another as offensive only if it is hurtful to someone other than the author of the behavior.

7. Characterized by the presumption that one is incapable of rendering a worthy opinion about another person without "having walked in the other's shoes," as the figure of speech goes, especially when this presumption is accompanied by a dispassionte or compassionate stance.

8. Concerned not with the personal morality of other people, but, if anybody's, only one's own and that of people one has a duty to instruct in morality.

9. Not opinionated about the private lives and sexual relationships of other people.

10. Not measuring the private lives and sexual relationships of other people according to an external moral standard, but only according to what is workable for the principals involved.

11. Characterized by continuous neutrality in relation to contending sides.

12. Transcending one's own biases and one's personal investment in an opinion in order to assess it neutrally.

Comment: To be nonjudgmental with regard to other people is generally regarded as commendable. Among the key cultural lnadmarks that contributed to such an attitude are certain sayings of Jesus, especially, "Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves" (Matthew 7:1, using the New American Standard Bible; cf. Luke 6:37) and his comment to the woman caught in adultery, "neither do I condemn you" (John 8:11). These sayings, however, should not be taken as the whole of his teaching on judgment. For example, the Gospel of Matthew has him also saying, "be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves." (10:16); and the Gospel of John has him saying, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (7:24). Furthermore, we find early Christians being exhorted both to set up law courts for themselves (1 Corinthians 6:1-7) and to "test the spirits" (1 John 4:1). All in all with regard to judgment (and there are many other pertinent passages), a complicated picture emerges from the New Testament, which means that some will want to beware of blithe (as opposed to carefully considered) use of it in support of nonjudgmental attitudes, all the more since its influence is part of the mix.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," judgmentalism, libertarianism, Pericope de Adultera, sexosophy, sexual morality.

x Bible.

nonmarital:

Not having to do with marriage or, at least, not specifically with marriage; apart from the bounds of marriage.

See also comarital, extramarital, intermarital, intramarital, marital, non-relational, postmarital, premarital.

nonmarital cohabitation:

Living together (q.v.) in a sexual or love relationship (q.v.) without being officially married, especially when the partners do not consider themselves married.

See also free union.

nonmarital sex:

Sexual activity between any people who are not married to one another.

See also consequences of sex outside of marriage, extradyadic, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, illicit love, mate sampling, new morality, no sex outside of marriage, out-of-marriage love affair, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, promiscuity, sex, sexual immorality, traditional morality, zipless f***.

non-monogamy, or nonmonogamy:

Preliminary

Generally non-monogamy is defined in terms of (a) sexual relationships, (b) love interests, or (c) sexual relations outside of an existing sexual relationship or apart from existing love. Furthermore, it can be analyzed relative to an individual or relative to possible configurations.

Occasionally the term is used more narrowly, being defined in terms of marriage alone; and at times it is used more broadly to be inclusive of multiple sexual relations -- that is, polykoity -- whether or not there are any ongoing relationships involved. Furthermore, the term is often closely associated with being attracted to more than one person at the same time; but then the adjectival form is generally used, as in "a non-monogamous proclivity."

Definition 1

Relative to an individual, non-monogamy is a situation in which either (a) a person has no restriction to one person at a time in terms of the categories itemized above, or (b) a person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals. To restate the latter case: It is the practice of having more than one spouse or lover or combination thereof at a time.

Definition 2

Relative to possible configurations, non-monogamy is a situation in which at least one person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals, while being in an ongoing relationship with at least one of them (that is, putting aside the caveat above). It can take the form of: (a) a bonded unit, often a unit that is also domestic in character; (b) a network, that is, a chain of connections; or (c) a combination of the two, inclusive sometimes of a plurality of units. Within a bonded unit, occasionally all are sex partners of each other, but often that is not the case.

Comments

The forms of non-monogamy are endless and are complicated by such factors as (a) the number of people of each sex involved; (b) distinctions between romantic and sexual connections; (c) social standing, e.g. spouses as distinct from concubines and cicisbei; (d) personal standing, e.g. primaries as distinct from secondaries and tertiaries; (e) living together versus not; (f) direct as distinct from indirect connections; (g) sexual orientation; (h) open versus closed and partially closed configurations; and (i) clandestine situations as distinct from above-board situations and publicly known situations.

Among the general forms of non-monogamy are group marriage, polygyny, polyandry, polyamory, and swinging.

Even though non-monogamy is inclusive of polygamy, in the North American context the term is often chosen over against "polygamy" to indicate love relationships wherein all members are equally subordinate or non-subordinate to one another and are equally free, regardless of their sex, to have multiple partners, unless they have committed themselves otherwise.

When a non-monogamous arrangement is made known to and accepted or, at least, acceded to by all of the principals involved it is called ethical non-monogamy.

See also alternate relationship geometries, apolygy, cellular family, clan, cowboy, cowgirl, distributed commitment, domestic trio, expanded family, group love relationship, group marriage, in love, intentional family, intimate group, intimate network, letter group, the lifestyle, lovestyle, mariage à trois, ménage, ménage à trois, multimate relationship, multipartner love relationship, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, new adultery, n-tuple, open couple, open marriage, partner sharing, patriarchal marriage, pluralism of marriage patterns, plural marriage, polyamorist, polyamorous relationship, polyamory, polyandry, polychild, poly-curious, polyfamily, polyfuckery, polygamy, polygyny, poly-impaired, poly-insistent partner, polykoity, polymarriage, polypartner, polyrelationship, poly web, polywed, promiscuity, relationship choice, relationship freedom, resource dilution hypothesis, sexual circle, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual non-monogamy, sexual varietism, spice, synergamy.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Non-Monogamy"
[30] One friend of ours points out that if something goes wrong in a monogamous marriage, nobody takes that as evidence against the [31] practicality of monogamy -- but if something goes awry in an open relationship, many folks instantly take that as proof that non-monogamy doesn't work.
[40] Nonmonogamy. We don't like this term, because it implies that monogamy is the norm and that any other way of relating is somehow a deviation from that norm.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 30-31, 40. Note the inconsistency in the use of the hyphen. Curiously the inconsistency occurs even within the text of page 31.

non-monogamy position or anti monogamy-only position (T. Rifkin Elliott):

The ideological rejection of monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage or love relationship.

Contrast monogamism (q.v.) and monogamy-only position (q.v.). See also abundant love principle.

x anti monogamy-only position

nonogamist:

1. A person who refuses either to marry or to engage in sexual relations.

2. A person who advocates or supports a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also Jemimaite, nonogamy.

nonogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also nonogamy.

nonogamy:

A rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comments: The term has been used to refer to the non-sexual lifestyle practiced by the Shakers.

Be careful not to confuse this term with nomogamosis (q.v.).

See also abstinence, celibacy, commitmentphobia, -gamy, marriagefree, misogamy, nonogamist, nonogamous.

non-relational:

1. Not having to do with relationships in general, or at least not specifically so.

2. Not having to do with a given relationship or, at least, not specifically so; apart from the bounds of a relationship.

See also correlational, extra-relational, interrelational, intra-relational, multirelational, nonmarital, post-relational, pre-relational, relational.

nos amours:

See notr'amour.

no sex outside of marriage:

A common summary, among conservative Protestants, of what is believed to be biblical sexual morality applicable for all time or, more precisely, from the days of Jesus to the end of the age, namely, that, with regard to human beings, or, at least, those who would be among the saved, sexual intercourse is allowed only to a man and a woman who are non-incestuously and monogamously married to each other.

Comments: To this are also commonly added "no practicing homosexuality" and, often, "no divorce." Roman Catholic teaching adds "no sex except for procreation" and "no contraception."

Some believe these to be statements directly from the Bible, but none of them are. Rather they are extrapolations from traditional interpretations of various statements that do appear in the Bible. The proscriptive passages chiefly cited are Exodus 20:14, 17 = Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; Leviticus 18:6-30 = 20:10-23; Matthew 5:28, 31-32; 15:19-20; 19:3-12 (and parallels); Romans 1:26-27, and 1 Corinthians 5-7; however, many other passages, including many of the biblical Lasterkataloge, touch on the subject of sexual morality.

Obviously, "no sex outside of marriage" as a summary of sexual morality provokes many, many questions, perhaps the most common of all being, "How far, then, may we go?"

Contrast, for instance, "an it harm none, do what ye will" (q.v.). See also abstinence, consequences of sex outside of marriage, extramarital sex, fornication, Lasterkatalog, marriage, moral code, nonmarital sex, porneia, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, sex, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual purity, three-day rule, traditional morality.

x Bible.

no strings attached:

1. Without conditions or contractual entanglements.

2. Without payment of any sort or sexual exclusivity or commitment to a relationship being expected.

See also unconditional sex.

notr'amour; plural, nos amours (French):

"Our love," that is, a lover shared in common by the speaker (in typical usage) and at least one other person.

See also biamory, brother starling, co-spouse, French arrangement, hinge, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, ménage à trois, partner, partner sharing, pivot point, polyamory.

x French terms.

x nos amours.

not ready for a relationship:

See NRFR.

not the marrying kind:

Type of person, ordinarily single, who doesn't find marriage suitable; the sort of person who prefers to remain single or who believes he or she should remain single.

See also confirmed bachelor, marrying kind, single.

novelty:

See Coolidge effect, toujours perdrix.

noverca; adjective, novercal (legal term):

Stepmother (q.v.).

Contrast vitricus (q.v.). See also novercaphobia, step-

novercaphobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepmother.

Contrast vitricophobia (q.v.). See also noverca, -phobia, step-.

novia (Spanish):

1. Girlfriend; female lover.

2. Fiancée.

3. Bride.

See also bride, fiancée, girlfriend, lover, novio, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

novio (Spanish):

1. Boyfriend; male lover.

2. Fiancé.

3. Bridegroom.

See also boyfriend, bridegroom, fiancé, groom, lover, novia, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

NRE:

New relationship energy (q.v.).

NRFR:

Not ready for a relationship.

Comment: When someone says, "I'm not ready for a relationship," that may be code for, "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you."

x Not ready for a relationship.

n-tuple:

The individuals together who comprise a sexual or love relationship, be they two or more.

Comment: The n represents a numerical variable.

See also alternate relationship geometries, group relationship, non-mongamy, polyamorous relationship, polygamy.

Quotations from C. D. C. Reeve Illustrating "N-tuple"
[174] Why not think that the couple -- even the short-lived, need-related one -- will morph into an n-tuple? No doubt, n cannot become all that large. Who can handle the complexity? But there is no obvious reason to think it would inevitably be two.
[177] Will we have come to that end [no more need for either literature or love] when coupling ceases to be a fate? I doubt it. But even if we have, the more general mystery of the n-tuple will be there to take its place. For even if it isn't monogamous coupling that we drink in with our mother's milk, it is likely to be something equally mysterious, equally inspiring of literature, equally problematic for our love lives.
From: Love's Confusions, [by] C. D. C. Reeve (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2005): pp. 174, 177.

nubile:

Ready for marriage having recently matured physically, said of a young woman.

See also angélica, bachelorette, dance barefoot, jeune fiulle à marier, maiden, miss, single.

nuclear family:

1. A father, a mother, and their children as a basic socially functioning family group.

2. Any unit or subunit made up of a father, a mother, and their children. For instance, some polygamous families can be analyzed by their nuclear family subunits.

3. A household (q.v.) comprised of two or more people of the same or adjoining generations, who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

See also compound family, conjugal family, elementary family, extended family, family, immediate family, individual family, one-parent family, polygamy, single-parent family, stem family, traditional morality, two-parent family.

nukaxrareik (Eskimo, Inuit):

Half-siblings due to the parents' previous marriages.

Source: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, specifically p. 143.

See also half-sibling, qatangun.

x Eskimo terms.

nuliaqatigiit (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

Co-marriage or spouse exchange.

See also aiparik, allupaareik, angutawkun, aytpareik, doused lights, nangsaegaek, qatangun, spouse exchange, wife exchange.

x Eskimo terms.

 

nuliaqpak (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

The primary wife of an umialik, an umialik, being the male head of an extended family.

See also headdress keeper, nirimoua, primary wife, sits-beside-him woman, senior wife, squaw, wife.

x Eskimo terms.

nuliinuaroak (Eskimo, Inuit):

Sharing the same woman, more specifically, the relation that obtains between a man and his wife's lover when the husband has not consented to the arrangement.

Source: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, specifically p. 137.

Contrast angutawkun (q.v.). See also lover-in-law, nangsaegaek, partner.

x Eskimo terms.

nullimitus:

A male virgin.

Comment: From the Latin nullus ("none") and emittere ("to send out").

Source: There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

Contrast multimitus (q.v.). See also virgin.

number one pash:

See pash.

number two pash:

See pash.

nuptial:

1. Of or pertaining to a wedding ceremony.

2. Of or pertaining to sexual mating.

3. Of or pertaining to marriage (q.v.) more generally.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, epithalamic, gamical, hymeneal, marital, matrimonial, spousal.

nuptiality (Population Reference Bureau):

The frequency, characteristics, and dissolution of marriages by percentage in a population.

See also MAFM, singulate mean age at marriage, SMAM.

x statistics.

nuptials:

1. A wedding (q.v.) ceremony.

2. A socially recognized procedure for becoming husband and wife.

See also anti-wedding, hymeneals, matrimony, spousals.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Nuptials"
The marriage of a daughter, which had been the first object of her [Mrs Bennet's] wishes, since Jane was sixteen, was now on the point of accomplishment, and her thoughts and her words ran wholly on those attendants of elegant nuptials, fine muslins, new carriages, and servants.
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 50, p. 384. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

nusukaaktuat (Eskimo, Inuit):

"Grabbing a wife"; marriage by capture.

Source: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, specifically p. 137.

See also capture marriage.

Nyaturu terms:

See mbuya, waighembe.

nymphomania:

1. A seemingly insatiable sexual appetite on the part of a woman.

2. A powerful and chronic inclination on the part of a woman to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners.

3. A psychological condition whereby a woman, who feels an inner compulsion to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners, takes no pleasure in such activity.

4. A psychological condition whereby a woman feels a chronic non-sexually originated need for sexual stimulation, a feeling which leads to frequent masturbation and/or rampant promiscuity (q.v.).

Comments: Note that in the first and last definitions, a woman may have nymphomania without promiscuity.

The term "nymphomania," in both popular and clinical uses, is often highly charged, carrying with it pejorative or salacious overtones:

• In some families and cultures, it is considered inappropriate for a woman to have any sexual drive at all; and so, if she has one, she may be accused of being a "nympho" (nymphomaniac, q.v.).
• If a man's libido is less than his female partner's, he might accuse her of being a nympho.
• If a woman lives not by a double standard but by the same standard as a man, one that allows for multiple partners, she might be accused of being a nympho.
• If a woman is sexually aggressive, she might be labeled a nympho.
• In the sex industry, if a woman performs as a sexual athlete, that is, with enthusiasm with man after man, she might be called a nympho.
• If a woman is characterized as engaging in too much sexual activity or as feeling excessive sexual desire, thus being "oversexed," she might be classified as a person suffering from nymphomania; but what is "too much" or "excessive" or "over" the top or (to borrow terms from the last definition) "frequent" or "rampant"?

Nymphomania is not listed as a disorder in DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Contrast satyriasis (q.v.). See also andromania, erotomania, Catherine the Great complex, hypersexuality, Messalina complex, sexual addiction, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, tragolimia.

Related terms not included as entries in this glossary: furor uterinus, hysteria libinosa, uteromania.

nymphomaniac, or nympho, for short:

A woman with nymphomania (q.v.).

Contrast satyr (q.v.). See also box of assorted creams, Don Juaness, erotomaniac, güila, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, she-wolf, slut, wanton woman, whore, wild.

Quotation from Alfred Charles Kinsey Illustrating "Nymphomaniac"
Kinsey once defined a nymphomaniac as "someone who has more sex than you do."
From: Dr. Kinsey and the Institute for Sex Research, [by] Wardell B. Pomeroy (New York: Harper & Row, c1972): p. 316.

object cathexis:

Investment of libidinous energy in something or someone outside the self, especially a person, a part of a person, or a symbolic representation of either.

Comments: This is a psychoanalytic term.

Also called object love.

See also libido, love, objectification.

x object love.

objectification:

The process of objectifying or the completion thereof.

See also attraction, infatuation, object cathexis, objectify, roving eye, sex appeal, waist-to-hip ratio.

objectify (someone):

1. To look upon a human being not in the wholeness of his or her personhood -- however such wholeness is conceived, for instance as mind and body, or as  personality, spirituality, moral sensibilities, intelligence, and talents, plus (among other things) measures of physical grace -- but primarily as a physical body to be assessed relative to some parts of that body's capability to excite desire or capacity to bring about sexual gratification.

2. To regard a human being as an instrument for one's own pleasure.

Comments: Disapproval of objectifying people is a wide-spread element in popular sexual morality. It often dominates discussions of lust versus love, infatuation, pornography, sexiness, and the means of presenting oneself as desirable, such as through apparel or plastic surgery. Furthermore, it has points of contact with some serious ethical thought, such as Kant's view that sexual love inevitably treats a person as an instrument and so is intrinsically degrading. Note there the ready connection with sexual negativism.

Disapproval of objectifying people as a moral principle has a number of philosophical problems, for instance:

• It ordinarily places the emphasis not upon what is going on subjectively in the objectifier, but upon the bodily object. However, people may respond, even sexually, in widely different ways to the same bodily object. To give some examples: Some may imaginatively invest him or her with personality and even supply a narrative. Some may be educating themselves in their natural inclinations for the sake of improving their chances of ultimate happiness. Some may be assuaging unfulfilled templates of attraction in order to enable themselves to pursue more happily the relationships they have. Some may simply want an acceptable trigger for their own gratification. Can this same principle speak adequately to all?
  
• It provides no guideline for how to calibrate the line of moral responsibility between the objectifier and the person being objectified, short of complete suppression of both. Among the logical conclusions: All bodies are to be completely covered and personal expression through the body is to be inhibited.
• Evolution, culture, and deep impressions upon the mind in the course of personal development all have a significant effect in programming the individual to respond to the body as object. That itself is a basic part of our humanity, which ironically is degraded when disrespected.
• Without bodily sexual attraction, relationships are often apt to fail or never to begin at all.
• To be an instrument of pleasure for another person is often an important facet of one's overall personhood, an important service, and of great use for the survival of the species.

The point is that when using the term "objectify," one should be alert to implicit assumptions and careful about the particular attitude towards the body and sexuality that one wishes to convey.

Reference

Lectures on Ethics, [by] Immanuel Kant; translated by Louis Infield; foreword to the Torchbook edition by Lewis White Beck (New York: Harper & Row, 1963; in publisher's series: Harper Torchbooks. The Cloister Library; TB 105): section entitled, "Duties Towards the Body in Respect of the Sexual Impulse," pp. 162-168. "Represents substantially the lectures that Kant was in the habit of giving between the years 1775 and 1781." -- Introduction, p. xvii.

See also attract, lust, objectification, sex-negative stance, sex object, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexy, template (for a lover).

object love:

See object cathexis.

obligation de donner (French):

Rule of the gift (q.v.).

x French terms.

obligatory sex:

Participation in sexual activity chiefly to assuage a partner or to fulfill a sense of duty, as when it is simply for the sake of the marriage or for procreation, especially when the participation is done begrudgingly or without enjoyment.

Comments: This is sometimes a case where will (the will to perform one's duty) and desire (the desire to engage in sexual activity with a particular person in particular circumstances) are at odds. It thus raises questions about the nature of consensual sex.

Obligatory sex is sometimes treated as a subset of making love and is at other times contrasted with it.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, make love, unwanted sex.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Obligatory Sex"
[189] Some of her women patients in long-term, monogamous relationships confess to the doctor that they have no interest in sex and engage in it only because "he wants it, and I do it as little [190] as possible." ... "The fact that you are willing to give him obligatory sex is just not good enough," she [the doctor] often points out. "Your husband is probably feeling your rejection, your anger, your unhappiness." She acknowledges that keeping a marriage alive by keeping the sexual connection alive is a choice that requires a change of attitude and some hard work.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 189-190.

ObPoly:

1. Obligatory or pretendedly obligatory content related to the organizing topic of a discussion group, in this case the topic being polyamory.

2. By extension, content related to whatever is indicated, which (ordinarily) has been previously discussed, in this case polyamory.

Comments: "Ob-" is a prefix frequently used in online discussion groups and may have tacked onto it any word that represents either a discussion topic or a line of the discussion itself. For example, "ObThread" refers to content pertinent to the header.

An "Ob-" word is typically used to highlight a remark. Example: "Jim was there. John too. ObPoly: I fell in love with them both." Ordinarily it is used this way only when the remark is an aside and much of the rest of the message is not pertinent to the topic indicated.

Sometimes an "Ob-" word is used not to highlight a remark, but to speak in a general way about such remarks. For example, "I have no ObPoly today."

The strictness of the word "obligatory," for which "Ob-" stands, varies from one discussion group to another. In some groups it is considered poor etiquette not to include some remark having to do with the discussion topic, however far afield the rest of the message is. In others, "Ob-" has no more force than, "Notice that I'm taking this opportunity to tie this message to the ostensible topic of our discussion."

See also polyamorite, polyamory.

obscenity-purity complex:

A psychological conflict, especially in an intense form, between the lure and the fear of sex, such that a person exhibits both a puritanical zeal against sex (or certain manifestations thereof) and a corresponding attraction to it (or to those manifestations), an attraction which is typically experienced with or followed by a sense of shame.

See also impurity, Madonna-whore complex, prude, puritan, purity, sexual addiction, sexual purity, stigmatic guilt.

x complexes.

Occitan terms:

See comjat, descort, domna, escondich, joyous craft (el gai saber), maldit, pretz.

occult impediment:

An impediment (q.v.) to marriage that is not susceptible to proof in an external forum, that is, in a tribunal that is based exclusively upon evidence rather than upon the self-excusing and self-accusation of the individual.

Contrast public impediment (q.v.).

Quotation from the Code of Canon Law on Occult Impediment
An impediment which can be proven in the external forum is considered to be a public impediment; otherwise it is an occult impediment.
Codex Iuris Canonici = Code of Canon Law, Latin-English Edition, translation prepared under the auspices of the Canon Law Society of America (Washington, D.C.: Canon Law Society of America, 1983): Canon 1074.

occult marriage:

A marriage of conscience (q.v.).

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, marriage, secret marriage.

octagamist:

1. A person with eight spouses.

2. A variant spelling of octogamist (q.v.).

Comment: I have supplied the first sense by building on "octagamy."

See also octagamy, polygamist.

octagamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octagamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

octagamy:

The state of having eight spouses simultaneously.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

See also octagamist, octagamous, polygamy.

octogamist:

A person who has married, successively, eight times.

See also octagamist, octogamy.

Quotation from the Fremantle Translation of Jerome Illustrating "Octogamist"
I have spoken to the same effect elsewhere [Adversus Iovinianum 1:15]. "When a woman marries more than once -- whether she does so twice or three times matters little -- she ceases to be a monogamist. 'All things are lawful ... but all things are not expedient.' [1 Corinthians 6:12] I do not condemn digamists or trigamists, or even, to put an impossible case, octogamists. Let a woman have an eighth husband if she must; only let her cease to prostitute herself."
From: Jerome, Epistle 48, "To Pammachius, in Support of the Books against Jovinianus," in: The Principal Works of St. Jerome, translated by W. H. Fremantle, with the assistance of G. Lewis and W. G. Martley, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume VI, St. Jerome: Letters and Select Works (preface dated 1892): p. 77; cf. p. 359. The passage is quoted in the same set at v. 14, p. 72, but there the spelling "octagamist" is used.

octogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

octogamy:

1. Remarriage after having lost one's first seven spouses.

2. A personal history of having had eight spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the eighth.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

See also digamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, trigamy.

oculoplania:

The lustful wandering of the eyes; the checking out of someone's physical charms.

See also lust, roving eye.

odalisque or odalisk:

1. A concubine who is part of a ha