Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

N - O

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
Feedback opportunity

N or Z:

See Z.

naive:

1. Inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

2. Sexually inexperienced and either uninformed or unsuspecting.

See also virginal.

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Naive"
"You're not stupid," she [Augusta Holderfield] said softly [to Willowdean Lynch]. "Just unworldly. In spite of a rough | beginning, your life's been sheltered. You pride yourself on your backwoods savvy, but you're naive when it comes to men and women. Isn't Ben the only one you've ever slept with?"
From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): pp. 225-226.

NAM:

Negative assortive mating (q.v.).

nangsaegaek (Siberian Yupik, a form of Eskimoan spoken on St. Lawrence Island):

"Brother" or "partner"; a close male ally, most notably one of another tribe.

Comment: In a nangsaegaek relationship, wives were once often shared. A wife of one man was considered a co-wife of the wife of the other man.

Source: The Eskimo People of Savoonga, by Robert E. Ackerman (Phoenix: Indian Tribal Series, c1976): p. 64.

See also aiparik, aleupaaktuat, angutawkun, aytpareik, group marriage, lover-in-law, nuliaqatigiit, nuliinuaroak, qatang, simmixsuat, taio, wife-sharing.

x Eskimo terms.

nanpa (Japanese slang):

Men hitting on women; male pursuit of females.

Comment: This term has been adopted by some English speakers. The reverse is gyaku-nan; but, so far as I know, it has not been adopted.

See also cruise, chippy, hit on, make a pass at, pickup.

x Japanese terms.

narcissistic love:

1. Self-centeredness.

2. One's sexual instinct as focused on someone who is or those who are like oneself; an individual's sexual instinct with its love-object being persons or some one person modeled after oneself.

Comment: From the story of Narcissus, who, according to Greek mythology, fell in love with his own reflection.

Source for the second sense, where narcissistic love is contrasted with anaclitic love: "On Narcissism: An Introduction," in: Collected Papers, [by] Sigmund Freud; authorized translation under the supervision of Joan Riviere (New York: Basic Books, 1959; in series: The International Psycho-Analytical Library; no. 10): v. 4, pp. 30-59, especially pp. 44ff. First published in Jahrbuch; Bd. 6 (1914).

See also anaclitic love, love.

x myths.

Nasamonian marriage:

1. Marital practice of an ancient group that, according to Herodotus, occupied the Syrtis in Libya -- a practice whereby the bride copulates with the guests.

2. By extension, any marital custom similar to that of the Nasamonians.

See also otiv bombari.

Quotation from Herodotus Describing Nasamonian Marriage
Each man among them [the Nasamonians] has several wives, in their intercourse with whom they resemble the Massagetæ; when a man has set up a staff, he is lying with a woman. When a Nasamonian first marries a woman, the custom is that the bride on the first night lies with all the guests in turn; as each lies with her, he gives her a gift which he has brought from his house.
Herodotus, Histories 4:172. Regarding the location of the Nasamonians, see 2:32. Regarding the Massagetæ, who held all wives in common and who used a similar sign, see 1:216. Compare the Agathrysi of 4:104 and the Gindanes of 4:176. The edition used: The Histories, [by] Herodotus, translated by George Rawlinson; with an introduction by Rosalind Thomas (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, c1997; in series: Everyman's Library; 234). "A Borzoi Book."

natalism:

The view that human procreation and population growth should be encouraged and that birth control should be discouraged.

Also called pronatalism.

See also Quiverful.

x pronatalism.

native lovemap:

A lovemap (q.v.) that is assimilated as one's own, regardless of how much of it is shared or not by others.

Source: Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts of Sexual/Erotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity, [by] John Money (New York: Irvington Publishers, c1986): p. 291.

See also sexual imprinting, template (for a lover).

natural affinity:

Kinship relation through marriage or sexual union as distinguished from kinship relation through adoption (q.v.).

See also affinity, incest, kinship.

nearest donut theory:

The idea that a person is most likely to reach for the closest at hand of what he or she has an appetite for; said especially of someone looking for a person with whom to have sex.

See also boy-next-door theory, girl-next-door theory, mate selection, Metuchen theory, propinquity factor, proximity.

x donut theory.

x theories.

nedunyah (Hebrew):

A dowry (q.v.) paid by or on behalf of a bride.

Contrast mohar (q.v.). See also kiddushim.

x Hebrew terms.

née:

Born with the surname of (said of a woman); her maiden name being.

Comment: This is the feminine past participle of the French verb, naître, "to be born."

Example: Mrs. Anderson née Elliott.

See also maiden name, miss, Mrs.

x French terms.

negative assortive mating:

A statistical tendency for individuals within a given population to choose partners dissimilar to themselves in one or more key ways.

Comment: Abbreviated NAM. Sometimes "assortative" is used instead of "assortive."

Contrast positive assortive mating (q.v.). See also assortive mating, exogamy, heterogamy, NAM.

x statistics.

negative sexual imprinting:

The formation and shaping of those elements of the psyche that affect what one avoids in mate selection.

Comment: Also called reverse sexual imprinting.

See also mate selection, sexual imprinting, Westermarck effect.

x reverse sexual imprinting.

negative stance on sexuality:

See sex-negative stance.

né hors du mariage (French):

Born out of wedlock.

See out of wedlock.

x French terms.

neighbour's wife:

See Tenth Commandment.

"neither male nor female":

A phrase used in the New Testament in the Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Galatians 3:28, which reads: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female [in the original Greek: ouk eni arsen kai thêlu]: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus" (King James or Authorized Version).

Comments: The point is that, fundamentally, social differences -- whether of ethnicity, class, or sex, these serving perhaps just as examples -- do not count when it comes to the Pauline vision for the churches, supposedly either in the present (given that the present tense is used) or in that future towards which his vision is driving.

Of the four passages in which Paul makes the point that there is no fundamental social distinction among believers, Galatians 3:28 is the only passage in which he explicitly mentions the sexes.

Galatians 3:28 and Its Parallel Pauline Passages, in Probable Chronological Order
Galatians 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man [eleutheros], there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
1 Corinthians 12:13 - For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free [eleutheroi], and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
Romans 3:22-23 - ... for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God ...
Colossians 3:11 - a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman [eleutheros], but Christ is all, and in all.
Here I have followed the New American Standard Bible (c1973), which uses italics to indicate words not found in the original Greek but implied by it. Unfortunately this version (like many another) is gratuitous in sexing the Greek word eleutheros in Galatians and Colossians as "free man" and "freeman." In context, eleutheros clearly means "free person." Many scholars regard Colossians as pseudo-Pauline.

In all probability, Paul was consciously drawing upon Israelite sources, most notably Joel 2:28-29:

"And it will come about after this

That I will pour out My Spirit on all mankind;

And your sons and daughters will prophesy,

Your old men will dream dreams,

Your young men will see visions.

And even on the male and female servants

I will pour out my Spirit in those days." (NASB)

Notice that all the elements are present: all humankind (hence "neither Jew nor Greek"), both sons and daughters (hence "neither male nor female"), and servants (hence "neither slave nor free"). Even the mystical element is strongly present, although the mystical terms in one of the parallel Pauline passages, 1 Corinthians 12:13 (quoted above), are closer than those of Galatians 3:28.

We see from Acts 2:17-18 that the Joel passage played a significant role in early Christianity. The Apostle Peter is represented as quoting it in his Pentecostal speech to the people of Jerusalem. The breakdown of social distinctions on the basis of such prophetic passages may well be part of the explanation of the Christian communism of Acts 2:44-45, in which believers "had all things in common."

The rabbinic tradition took another direction, working out how the Torah applied to women differently from men. See, for example, Sotah 3:8 (here in the Herbert Danby translation), which asks, regarding Hebrew Law, that very question: "How does a man differ from a woman?" (Compare, in the Mishnah, Berakoth 3:3; Shabbath 2:6; Sukkah 2:8; Rosh ha-Shanah 1:8; Kiddushin 1:7; and Shebuoth 4:1.)

A reasonable argument can be made that Jesus himself was responsible for transmitting the vision of there being "neither male nor female" to those who would become the early Christians. The argument goes as follows.

The canonical Gospels have passages that point to the breakdown of social barriers between men and women, perhaps most notably this saying of Jesus: "... in the resurrection, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage" (Matthew 22:30; parallels at Mark 12:25 and Luke 20:34-36). When The Gospel of Matthew later says that upon the death of Jesus many deceased saints were raised (27:52-53), the author may have had in mind that the time of the resurrection was then being ushered in. In other words, the breakdown of social distinctions was, in his view, to be immediate. In any case, the phrase "neither male nor female" comports with the sayings and behaviors of Jesus as portrayed in the canonical Gospels.

In order to find statements attributed to Jesus that use wording similar to Paul's, one must turn to extracanonical sources.

A Selection of Extracanonical Christian Parallels to "Neither Male Nor Female" (Galatians 3:28)
Gospel of the Egyptians (Schneemelcher,1 v. 1, p. 211),2 perhaps the first half of the Second Century: When Salome asked when what she had inquired about would be known, the Lord said, 'When you have trampled on the garment of shame and when the two become one and the male with the female (is) neither male nor female'.
Gospel of Thomas 22 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, p. 120; square brackets his), circa 150 C.E.: Jesus said to them (his disciples): When you make the two one,3 and when you make the inside as the outside, and the outside as the inside, and the upper as the lower, and when you make the male and the female into a single one, so that the male is not male and the female not female, and when you make eyes in place of an eye, and a hand in place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you shall enter [the kingdom].
Gospel of Thomas 61 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, p. 125; angle brackets his, paragraphing mine): Salome said: Who are you man, whose son? You have mounted my bed and eaten from my table. Jesus said to her: I am he who comes forth from the one who is equal;4 I was given of the things of my Father. <Salome said:> I am your disciple. <Jesus said to her:> Therefore I say: If he is equal,4 he is full of light; but if he is divided, he will be full of darkness.
2 Clement 12:2-6 (Lightfoot,1 p. 118-119), circa 170 C.E. or earlier: For the Lord himself, when he was asked by someone when his kingdom was going to come, said: "When the two shall be one, and the outside like the inside, and the male with the female, neither male nor female [oute arsen oute thêlu]."
Notes
1 "Schneemelcher" refers to: New Testament Apocrypha (Revised edition, edited by Wilhelm Schneemelcher; English translated edited by R. McL. Wilson. Cambridge [England]: James Clarke; Louisville, Ky.: Westminster/John Knox Press, c1991). "Lightfoot" refers to: The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations of Their Writings (2nd ed., J. B. Lightfoot and J. R. Harmer, editors and translators; Michael W. Holmes, editor and reviser. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1992). "Layton," in the notes below, refers to: The Gnostic Scriptures, a new translation with annotations and introductions by Bentley Layton (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1987).
2 This surviving fragment from the Gospel of the Egyptians is found in Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis = Miscellanies 3:13 = 3:91ff.
3 Regarding oneness, compare Gospel of Thomas 4, 11, 23, 106 (Schneemelcher, v. 1, pp. 117, 119, 120, 129).
4 Layton translates "integrated."

The connection between the sources can be one of at least four types:

• There was a linear development of the idea of "neither male nor female" conceivably from Jesus to Paul, and then from Paul to the extracanonical sources. The trouble is that although some of the extracanonical sources use nearly the same wording as Paul, in the Pauline tradition those words are suggestive of the breakdown of social barriers, whereas in the extracanonical sources, they are suggestive of the de-feminization of women or even of androgeny, conceivably by way of allusion to the myth of the primeval androgyne.
• Two "neither male nor female" traditions were independently created, Paul's without attribution to Jesus, and the extracanonical tradition attributed to Jesus but perhaps created long after the time of Jesus. The trouble is that this theory relies on coincidence when the Pauline use of the phrase was well-known within Christianity, making coincidence unlikely.
  
• Two or more sayings of Jesus led to two different ideas, both of which were represented by words to the effect, "neither male nor female." Again, this theory relies upon improbable coincidence.
  
• One saying of Jesus with the words "neither male nor female" or words close to that served as the chief source for two different traditions of interpretation. This sort of development was common and hardly surprising. Of course, there are other similar texts, such as Matthew 22:30; and conflation with one of these could conceivably have led to a de-feminized (as opposed to a de-socialized) interpretation of "neither male nor female."
  

Each of these types or models allows for Jesus as the person who introduced the phrase, and the last two presuppose that he did. Of all these models, the last would seem the least problematic.

Over the last century and more, Galatians 3:28 has played a significant role in debates over ecclesiastical, marital, and social roles for women. Among the questions with particular relevance for canonical communities (that is, churches for whom the New Testament is a normative or at least key text in their current life): Is Galatians 3:28 in harmony with, in tension with, or a controlling principle relative to other New Testament passages that seem to teach the subordination of women, such as 1 Corinthians 11:3-16; 14:34-35; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Timothy 2:11-15; Titus 2:5; and 1 Peter 3:1? Or is it merely an eschatological vision, not meant to be realized until the Second Coming of Christ? To put the last question another way: What, in the present time, is the appropriate extent of realized eschatology -- that is, an ultimate vision brought into present reality -- with respect to Galatians 3:28?

See also androgyne archetype, "head of the wife," household rules, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," "one flesh," "saved in childbearing,"

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x ouk eni arsen kai thêlu.

"neither marry, nor are given in marriage":

A quotation from a saying of Jesus at Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35 in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible. The original Greek, in all three passages, reads: oute gamousin oute gamizontai; and it is translated consistently in the KJV. Here gamousin (from gameô,"marry") applies to bridegrooms, and gamizontai (from gamizô, "give in marriage") applies to brides.

Comments:¹ Jesus was asked about a woman who had had no sons yet seven husbands, the last six according to the levirate custom: Whose wife would she be in the resurrection? His response was this, giving the three parallel accounts (in my translation):

"For in the resurrection they neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females], but they are as angels in Heaven." (Matthew 22:30)

"For once from dead ones they have arisen, they neither marry [as males] nor are being given in marriage [as females], rather they are as angels in the heavens." (Mark 12:25)

"The offspring of this era are marrying [as males] and are being given to wed [as females]. But those counted worthy to reach that era and the resurrection from the dead ones neither marry [as males] nor are given in marriage [as females]; for they are not still able to die; for they are angel-like; and they are offspring of God being offspring of the resurrection." (Luke 20:34-36)

How did Jesus understand the angels in heaven to be? Perhaps the most germane text is found in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, namely, 1 Enoch 15:2, 6-7, which is embedded in an elaboration of Genesis 6:1-4. Here is "the Great Glory" (1 Enoch 14:20), "the Excellent and Glorious One" (14:21), "the Lord" (14:24) speaking to Enoch:

"And tell the Watchers of heaven on whose behalf you have been sent to intercede: ... Indeed you, formerly you were spiritual, (having) eternal life, and immortal in all the generations of the world. That is why (formerly) I did not make wives for you, for the dwelling of the spiritual beings of heaven is heaven."²

The angelic Watchers were evidently males. This comports with Genesis 19:1-22, which represents angels as males in a sexually charged context; and with Jubilees 15:25-27 (in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha), which represents angels as being created circumcised. Evidently, even the Seraphim of Isaiah 6:2 had male sex organs, "feet" presumably being a euphemism for such (cf. Exodus 4:25; Ruth 3:4, 7-8, 14; 2 Samuel 11:8; 1 Kings 15:23; and 2 Kings 4:27). However, Zechariah 5:9 described winged women, who were subsequently interpreted as angels (for example, in the Midrash Rabbah at Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2). In 3 Enoch 35:6, a large group of angels is represented as containing, all of a sudden, both male and female angels; and there is some indication that angels were, at least by some, thought susceptible to sex-change (Bereshith Rabbah = Genesis Rabbah 21:9; Shemoth Rabbah = Exodus Rabbah 25:2).³ This might help explain why Jude 7 speaks of the crime of the men of Sodom in Genesis 19:1-11 as one of going after not same-sex flesh, but rather "strange flesh" (sarkos heteras; cf. 1 Enoch 106:5-12). Per a common interpretation of Genesis 6:2-4, angels were considered capable of sexual desire, and embodied they were thought able both to engage in copulation and to procreate hybrid offspring by way of human females (see, for example, in the Old Testament pseudepigrapha, the Testament of Reuben 5:5-6). Conceivably they were even understood by some to be able to propagate themselves on their own, perhaps without embodiment. Note, for example, "the sons of the holy angels" in 1 Enoch 71:1 and angelic families in 3 Enoch 12:5; 16:1; 18:21.

It would seem that Jesus' point was not one about desire or bonding, but about spirituality and a different order. As the Swedish mystical thinker, Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772), correctly pointed out, Jesus was speaking not of an end of either conjugal love or spiritual nuptiality but rather of the more limited phenomenon of marrying in its earthly, social aspects.⁴ Swedenborg aside, Jesus was telling his Sadducean interlocutors that the specifically earthly aspects of marriage -- including both headship (remembering the multiple husbands) and inheritance rights -- will be irrelevant "in the heavens" and that one cannot therefore, on the basis of the example presented, reduce the idea of resurrection either to absurdity or to legal wranglings over polyandry. With respect to the new era, the new order, the coming eon, both males and females are offspring of God and comparable to the good angels -- the point of the term "offspring" or "sons" (in Luke 20:36) being not maleness but indistinguishability of the only status that will matter, status in relation to God.

References
1 These comments are largely an adaptation of a portion of my article, "The Angels of 1 Corinthians 11:10: A Survey of Interpretative Options."
2 Translation of 1 Enoch by E. Isaac in: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1983-1985): v. 1, p. 21.
3 Regarding the sexing of heavenly beings, I am here only scratching the surface. For more, see, for example, The Hebrew Goddess, by Raphael Patai ([New York]: Ktav Publishing House, c1967): chapter 3, "The Cherubim," pp. 101-136, 300-310. Note the female cherubim pictured on plates 26-28. Philo describes an intimacy of paired cherubim that suggests a male and a female. See, for example, Peri tön Cheroubim = De Cherubim = On the Cherubim 20, 29. Patai argues that that is exactly what Philo meant.
4 Emanuel Swedenborg, De Amore Conjugiali (Amsterdam, 1768): §41 and environs. For English translation, see: The Delights of Wisdom Pertaining to Conjugal Love, after which follow, The Pleasures of Insanity Pertaining to Scortatory Love, by Emanuel Swedenborg; translated by Samuel M. Warren; translation revised by Louis H. Tafel (Stardard edition. New York: Swedenborg Foundation, 1954): especially pp. 44-46.

See also Celestial marriage, eternal union, levirate marriage, "marriage is forever" myth, match made in heaven, mystic marriage, "neither male nor female," periodization, polyandry, spiritual marriage.

x Bible.

x gameô.

x gamizô.

x Greek terms.

x marriage in the resurrection.

neolocal residence:

In reference to the married, setting up the domicile in a new locale separate from relatives, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

neo-virginity:

See secondary virginity.

nepiophilia:

1. A psychological condition on the part of a non-infant in which sexual arousal is dependent upon having a sex partner that is an infant, either in reality or in the imagination.

2. A dominant and compelling sexual attraction to infants.

See also ephebophilia, gerontophilia, pedophilia, -philia.

nerd auction:

See charity slave auction.

nest:

1. One's home, especially a home in which there are one or more children.

2. A group of people who have shared water ceremonially, who are deeply loyal to one another, who are open and honest with one another, who are open to sexual intimacy (q.v.) with one another, and who try to live by the vision of Valentine Michael Smith, a character in the science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (1961; uncut edition, 1991); a congregation of the Church of All Worlds, which was founded on the basis of the Heinlein novel.

See also familistere, living together, love nest, nest-building, nidification, water brother.

nest-building:

Establishing and furnishing a home, especially for the sake of raising children.

See also homemaking, nest, nidification.

nestcock:

A househusband (q.v.).

See also homemaker.

Net mate, or Net-mate, or 'net mate:

A person with whom one regularly interacts via the Internet; an online buddy.

Comment: In some usage, the interaction implied is romantic or erotic.

See also cybersex partner, e-flirtee, mate, online relationship.

network:

See fluid-exchange network, intimate network, romantic network, sexual network.

never married, as in "he never married":

1. Not ever having been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. Not ever having considered oneself married to anybody; never having had a mate.

3. Code for a heterosexual bachelor (q.v.) who has not ever entered into marriage, in contrast to a confirmed bachelor (q.v.) in its coded sense.

4. Not having truly united with (a person or each other) in some essential or emotionally vital way.

See also angélica, dance barefoot, feme sole, free agent, maiden aunt, marriagefree, married, miss, odd woman, old bachelor, old maid, single, spinsterhood, unmarried.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Never Married"
"Doña Carlotta!" He [Cipriano Viedma] said, looking down at her dulled hazel eyes, that were fixed and unseeing: "Do not die with wrong words on your lips. If you are murdered, you have murdered yourself. You were never married to Ramón [Carlotta's husband]. You were married to your own way." He spoke fiercely, avengingly. "Ah!" said the dying woman. "Ah! I never married Ramón. No! I never married him! How could I? He was not what I would have him be. How could I marry him? Ah! I thought I married him. Ah! I am so glad I didn't -- so glad."
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 21, p. 345.

never-married or never-marrieds, as in "the never-married":

1. The class of persons who have never been wedded according to socially recognized procedures.

2. The class of persons who have never considered themselves married to anybody; the class of persons who have never had a mate.

Contrast ever-married (q.v.) and previously married (q.v.). See also maiden, marital status, married, single.

x statistics.

new adultery:

1. Participation in extramarital sexual activity with the knowledge and consent of one's spouse.

2. The beginning of a trend in the life of a culture when intolerance of extramarital sexual activity is discarded and more and more spouses start to tolerate and even encourage their partners' having sex with others.

3. A current twist on extramarital sexual activity, such activity being considered a moral violation, despite attempts at justification due to the twist. Among such "new" twists in the past: being above board with one's spouse about it and cybersex.

Comment: This term is sometimes used neutrally or positively. However, it is easily adapted to derisive use, generally by way of a slide into the third sense. I myself recall it being used homiletically in the 1960s or 70s to describe pejoratively the "new morality," after which I had the impression that the term was patterned, although I might well have been mistaken. Because of its susceptibility to derisive use and also because the practice would now be considered old (nevermind that it was old when the term was coined), other terms are generally preferred when a neutral or positive sense is intended.

See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, arrangement, cluster marriage, comarital, condone, consensual adultery, cyberlove, flexible monogamy, free agent, hundred-mile rule, letter group (C, P, theta), the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, new morality, new sexuality, non-monogamy, open marriage, pair dating, polyamory, primemate, reconstituted marriage, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual permissiveness, swing, syndyasmian family.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "New Adultery"
The "new adultery" is done with the full knowledge and cooperation of the marriage partner, and both are engaged in sex-for-fun with other people, without the necessity for sneaking and hiding.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 141.

new family:

1. A family (q.v.) with an infant (or, at least, a pregnant mother), especially a family in which the infant (or unborn child) is the only child or in which other children are no older than toddler age.

2. A family with a recently adopted child.

3. A family of which one has recently been made a member.

4. A blended family or the part thereof added to the family one has had.

5. The nature, structure, shape, or behavior of families insofar as it is a result of either current trends or recent social engineering and differs from the nature, structure, shape, or behavior of typical families of the past -- all within a given society.

6. The set of all families that vary from the traditional norm in a given society; for example, where the family norm is a married couple of the same country and ethnic group living together and with children, both partners belonging to the offical state religion, a partial list of new-family categories might look like this:

• extended families forming domestic units;
• single parent families;
• childless families;
• families formed without the benefit of legal marriage;
• families that encompass single-sex unions;
• families that encompass polygamous or group marriages or their like;
• families that encompass mixed marriages;
• families whose religion differs from the official state religion;
• families whose ethnic practices differ from those recognized or promoted by the state;
• families with members who are non-citizens, who have dual citizenship, or whose national identity is not recognized;
• families in which the marital partners live most of the time apart.

7. A social substitute for a family, such as a gang (where the shoe fits).

Comment: Regarding the fifth sense, generally when "the new family" is announced, it characterizes only a minority, often a tiny minority, of families. Furthermore, by the time change has overtaken the vast majority of families in a society, the designation "new" is often thought not fitting.

See also adoption, blended family, in-law, instant family, stepfamily.

new-inventionism:

The view that sexual orientation, especially homosexual orientation, was not recognized as such until sometime between the beginning of the 17th and the end of the 19th centuries.

Comment: Coined by Joseph Cady in 1992.

See his article, "'Masculine Love,' Renaissance Writing, and the 'New Invention' of Homosexuality," in: Homosexuality in Renaissance and Enlightenment England: Literary Representations in Historical Context, Claude J. Summers, editor (New York: Haworth Press, c1992; in series: Research on Homosexuality): pp. 9-40. This is followed up in: "Renaissance Awareness and Language for Heterosexuality 'Love' and 'Feminine Love,'" [by] Joseph Cady, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 143-158.

See also heterosexuality, homosexuality.

newly wed:

Recently entered upon marriage.

Comment: The phrase, "my newly wed one," refers to the person to whom one has recently become married.

See also just married, newlywed.

newlywed:

A person who has just become married.

See also bride, bridegroom, groom, honeymoon, newly wed.

new man in (her) life:

A recently acquired boyfriend.

See also boyfriend, man.

new morality:

1. Ethical thought which treats agapic love (q.v.) as the sole norm in deciding ethical matters and which treats rules in the Jewish and Christian traditions as general guidelines and points of departure; situation ethics. In this sense the new morality has broad application, but it is often discussed with special attention to marriage and sexuality.

2. Flexible moral thinking in quest of personal wholeness and the maximum welfare of all; non-prescriptive non-authoritarian ethics; a rejection of legalism in ethics, including, for instance, legalism that stems from natural law theory; belief in the autonomy of the mature responsible self in moral decision-making.

3. Valuing a current broad-based sense of the common good, inclusive of respect for both individual freedom and pluralism, over traditionalist prescriptive morality.

4. Libertarian sexual ethics; permissiveness with regard to matters of affection.

5. A set of principles that is meant to determine okay and not okay behavior with respect to marriage and sexuality and that is meant to displace, but which actually contends with, stricter, rigidly applied traditional morality; whatever set of mores thought to be more suited to the times has displaced an earlier set of mores in at least a percentage of a given population.

Comments: The term has been variously attributed to Durant Duke (1928), Pope Pius (1952), and John A.T. Robinson (1963), each applying the term in a somewhat different sense.¹

It appears that originally the new morality, in any one of its senses, was conceived of as one set of principles, the specifics of which could be debated, that was to displace traditionalism. What happened instead was this: Traditionalism was displaced by moral pluralism, a pluralism that included both traditionalism and situation ethics among a plethora of contenders for adoption by the individual. Perhaps acceptance of moral pluralism has itself become the new morality.

Reference
For discussion see, "The History and Literature of the 'New Morality,'" by Edward LeRoy Long, Jr., in: The Pittsburgh Perspective; v. 3 (September 1966): pp. 4-17; reprinted, at least in part, in: The Situation Ethics Debate, edited with an introduction by Harvey Cox (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1968): pp. [101]-116. It's the latter that I have in hand.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," compartmentalization, consent to sex, consexuality, ethical hedonism, ethical relativism, ethical subjectivism, hot and cool sex, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, love, love generation; moral code, moral equivalence, more evolved, new adultery, new sexuality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonmarital sex, open-minded, pankoitism, porneia, public character of sex, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, sexosophy, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual golden age, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual toleration, sexual utopia, situation ethics, spiritual polyamory, stigmatic guilt, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality, unnatural, utopian swinging.

Quotation from John A. T. Robinson Illustrating "New Morality"
[119] Chastity is the expression of charity -- of caring, enough. And this is the criterion for every form of behaviour, inside marriage or out of it, in sexual ethics or in any other field. For nothing else makes a thing right or wrong. This 'new morality' is, of course, none other than the old morality, just as the new commandment is the old, yet ever fresh commandment of love [I John 2.7 f.]. It is what St Augustine dared to say with his dilige et quod vis fac [Ep. Joan. vii.5], which ... should be translated not 'love and do what you please', but 'love and then what you will, do'. What 'love's casuistry' requires makes, of course, the most searching demands both upon the depth and integrity of one's concern for the other -- whether it is really the utterly unselfregarding agape [agapë] of Christ -- and upon the calculation of what is truly the most loving thing in this situation for every person involved. Such an ethic cannot but rely, in deep humility, upon guiding rules, upon the cumulative experience of one's own and other people's obedience... [120] Whatever the pointers of the law to the demands of love, there can for the Christian be no 'packaged' moral judgements -- for persons are more important even than 'standards'.
From: Honest to God, [by] John A. T. Robinson (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, c1963): pp. 119-120.

Quotation from Lawrence Lipton Illustrating "New Morality"
The first manifestations of every revolution are always symptoms of the decay of the old order. Today we have passed beyond this first stage into promising new experiments in natural love, in mating, in marital relations.... To those who ask: Is this the new morality? ... No. Nobody knows what the new morality will be like. All we can do today is make an educated guess. In answer to a similar question, an Ohio State senior replied: "Premarital sex doesn't mean the downfall of society, at least not the kind of society that we're going to build."
From: The Erotic Revolution: An Affirmative View of the New Morality, [by] Lawrence Lipton (Los Angeles, Calif.: Sherbourne Press, c1965): p. 10.

new paradigm relating:

Acting out of a relationship philosophy that emphasizes the spiritual and psychological development of the partners by means of their relationship. Typically this philosophy or paradigm calls for honoring individual autonomy, responsibility for oneself, equality, total honesty, and being fully present in the moment.

Contrast old paradigm relating (q.v.). See also ethical non-monogamy, freemate, hot and cool sex, peer marriage, sexual morality.

new relationship energy (NRE):

The euphoria experienced at the beginning of a love relationship.

Contrast old relationship energy (q.v.). See also acceptive phase, budding relationship, chemistry, chemistry of love, crystallization, enchantment, hot love, infatuation, incandecence, in love, Laws of Lovers' Passion, limerence, NRE, passion, passionate love, proceptive phase, shine, zsa zsa zsu.

new sexuality:

A set of patterns of change in a culture with respect to erotic behavior and attitudes in the wake of the widespread introduction of (a) generally effective medicines (such as penicillin) for the control of sexually transmitted diseases and (b) generally effective contraceptives (such as "the pill"); sexual behavior and the attiudes regarding sexual behavior following an ajustment to the removal, even an imperfect removal, of the most serious physical consequences.

See also new adultery; new morality; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; sexuality; sexual liberation; sexual mores; sexual revolution.

Quotations from Jack Nichols Illustrating "New Sexuality"
[194] The new sexuality, which is to say post-contraceptive sexuality, helps those who seek its pleasures to relinquish old values and to discover the new ones it upholds as the price of enjoyment.
[213] ... the new sexuality becomes a great revolutionary force. Learning to play in concert with others is at the root of the new sexuality, and since play cannot be structured, it is antiauthoritarian. Sexuality today, if it is to be fully enjoyed, is the one drive that demands recognition of its values: cooperation, spontaneity, passivity (opennness), sharing, sensitivity, trust, and freedom.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 15, pp. 194, 213.

New Testament monogamy:

Marriage as one man united to but one woman and that one woman united to but that one man, especially indissolubly, as many interpret certain passages in the Christian scriptures of the First Century or so after Christ, scriptures in Greek which later came to be canonized and known as Hê Kainê Diathêkê or The New Testament, which now forms the last part of the Christian Bible.

Comments: The passages are:

• Matthew 19:9 (cf. 5:32); Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18 -- To take Mark's form, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery." Compare Hermas, Mandates 4.1.6 (in the collection known as the Apostolic Fathers). This saying of Jesus has been used to show that he overturned polygyny in favor of monogamy. The reasoning goes that by condemning remarriage of a man after divorce, Jesus was indicating that he disapproved of a man having a second living wife. The options, presumably, for the divorced couple were either celibacy until the death of the former partner or reconciliation. This interpretation has several problems:
• Jesus was not speaking to the issue of monogamy versus polygyny, and the interpretation that he disapproved of polygyny has to be inferred. It can even be argued that Jesus was not speaking directly to the issue of divorce but to the grander issue of faithfulness to God.
  
• The context in which Jesus was speaking was open to polygyny,¹ which means that his saying might have been applied to a man with multiple wives, one of whom the man was about to divorce. In such a situation, the saying would not have been an enjoinment to monogamy, but rather to keep the wives that he had.
• Marrying "another" has often been interpreted as having a broad sense, meaning "any other woman." See, for instance, Justin Martyr, Apology 1:15. If the broad sense was intended, the issue could yet be replacement rather than polygyny. However, "another" can be interpreted as having a limited sense. For instance, it could mean a "daughter of a foreign god" (cf. Malachi 2:10-16); or it could mean another's wife, particularly one who is still legally able to reconcile with her husband (cf. Deuteronomy 24:1-4).
• The Torah's polygynous definition of adultery may be presupposed in the divorce sayings of Jesus, that is, if adultery in those sayings is to be understood literally. In the Torah (which comprises the first five books of the Hebrew Bible), for a man, adultery is nefarious copulation with his fellow's wife; for a wife, it is nefarious copulation with a man other than her husband. See Leviticus 18:20; 20:10.
  
• In one of the same Gospels, Jesus is represented as expressly denying that he came to overturn the Mosaic Law (Matthew 5:17), and yet polygyny could become an obligation under Mosaic Law. If a man's brother, even a married man's brother, died and left a widow but no son, the still living brother was expected to take her as a wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-10).
  
• For more on the interpretation of these passages, see the Synoptic Analysis of the Divorce Sayings of Jesus, especially its section on polygyny.
• Romans 7:2-3 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Corinthians 7:2 -- This passage has dubious applicability, since the issue is not monogamy versus polygamy. "Man" and "wife" are being spoken of in the singular abstractly, which was a common way of speaking of marriage in the polygynous culture of the Israelites. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, under "Monogamy," subsection, "Wife as singular.") Another reason for dubious applicability: In 6:16 Paul had just implicitly rejected a monogamous interpretation of being "one flesh."
• 1 Corinthians 7:39 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 2 Corinthians 11:2 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.
• 1 Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6 -- These "husband of one wife" references are of uncertain interpretation. They can be read as meaning "exactly one wife" (neither unmarried nor polygynous), "no more than one wife" (either unmarried or monogamous), or "at least one wife" (either monogamous or polygynous), depending upon the understanding of the context.
  
• 1 Timothy 5:9 -- A monogamous standard for the woman.

Reference

1  Some maintain that by Jesus' time, polygyny among the Jews had ceased. However, their legal code continued to take it into account, as can be clearly seen in the Mishnah and Tosefta, and there is direct historical evidence that it continued not only into the First Century but well past it. For starters, the Jewish historian Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), in describing the family of Herod the Great, says, "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time" (Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, in the translation by Ralph Marcus in The Loeb Classical Library). For much further evidence, see discussion under "Was Jesus married" question.

See also indissolubility doctrine, monogamy, "one flesh," polygyny, "Was Jesus married" question.

x Bible.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "New Testament Monogamy"

Nor indeed can it very easily be maintained that Dante was a striking example of New Testament monogamy, considering the extent to which his imagination concentrated itself on one woman while he was married to another.

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," p. 91. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

new virginity:

See secondary virginity.

new woman in (his) life:

A recently acquired girlfriend.

See also girlfriend, woman.

next level:

See take (it) to the next level.

next-tier sexual ethics:

The sexual ethics (q.v.) that are developed following a rejection or break-down of some or all of traditional sexual mores and morality.

Example 1: In a culture where homosexual behavior has traditionally been condemned, behavioral standards on the part of any regarding sex between individuals of the same sex. Such standards might include, for instance:

• the requirement of mutual consent;
• no pedophilia or other gross inequity of power;
• the practice of safe sex; and,
• for a monogamous love relationship only.

Example 2: In a culture where extramarital affairs are generally condemned, reflection on how to conduct an extramarital affair in such a way as to cause least harm.

Comments: Coined by me, 2005.

The term is meant to be neutral, the ambiguity in "next-tier" -- progressive versus second-rate -- hopefully canceling itself out.

See also code, compartmentalization, consent to sex, moral code, new morality, rules of adultery, sexosophy, sexual avant-garde, sexual morality, sexual mores, swingers' moral code, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality.

nice girl:

1. A young human female who is kind and industrious and not often naughty.

2. A young woman whom a man's parents might consider good wife material, since she seems to have the qualities that would make her a dutiful daughter-in-law, a companionable wife, an attentive mother, and a good example for others.

3. A woman who meets the expectations of others by exercising restraint in her sexual behavior, as in, "Nice girls don't do such things!"

Contrast bad girl (q.v.). See also girl next door, nice guy.

nice guy:

1. A fellow who is polite, generous, attentive to one's needs and wishes, sensitive to one's feelings, and pleasant to be around; a man who is not abusive but who seeks the emotional and physical comfort of others, especially the comfort of anyone with whom he has entered into a love relationship.

2. A man whom a woman's parents might consider good husband material, since he seems kind and industrious.

3. A man who meets the expectations of others by exercising restraint in his sexual behavior.

Comment: In some usages, "nice guy" is a loaded term, connoting a man who "comes in last," whether in business or politics or with women. Per ladder theory, nice guys have the qualities women claim they look for in a man, but women consistently prefer men with money, power, looks, or novelty; thus (still per the theory) women generally prefer wealthy men and bad boys to nice guys. Naturally many people take exception to such analyses; and so a great deal of debate has raged over how well nice guys fare in matters of romance, sexual happiness, and the passing on of genes.

As to the differences between the definitions of "nice girl" and "nice guy," some of those difference would be smoothed away if we were defining "nice woman." However, some of the remaining differences reflect differing hidden assumptions and agendas in common usage.

Contrast bad boy (q.v.). See also boy next door, ladder theory, nice girl.

niddah (Hebrew):

1. A menstruant; a woman having her period.

2. Under the title of Niddah, the seventh tractate in order Tohorot of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, Talmud Yerushalmi, and Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on menstruants.

Comments: In Orthodox Judaism, a man is forbidden to have sexual contact with a woman for a period commencing twelve hours before the expected onset of her menses and continuing through her period plus seven further days without a sign of blood, typically twelve days in all.

The bath used in obligatory ritual washing following those seven days is called a mikveh.

See also kiddushim, menstruant as forbidden.

x Hebrew terms.

nidificate:

To build a nest.

Comment: Usually said of birds or other nest-building animals but sometimes, by analogy, of lovers or newlyweds.

See also lek, nidification.

nidification:

Nest-building.

See also homemaking, lekking, love-nest, nest, nest-building, nidificate.

night courting:

Unmarried lovers sharing the same bed in the evening or overnight with the idea that sexual intercourse will not take place, especially when this practice is according to custom. Typically the idea is to determine their suitability for each other.

See also bosom-right, bundling, courtship, proof marriage, proof night, queesting, sex hospitality.

Nightingale syndrome:

See Florence Nightingale syndrome.

night-wife:

A woman whose heart mystically belongs to a man with whom she has an intimate relationship other than her husband but who maintains her marriage or at least a semblance thereof with her husband -- such a woman in relation to that other man.

Contrast social wife (q.v.). See also belong to, elective affinity, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, soul mate, soul-mate problem, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual wife, union of hearts, wife in truth.

x wife in darkness.

Quotations from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating and Contextualizing "Night-Wife"
[77] "Listen," he [Johann Dionys Psanek] said to her [Daphne Apsley] softly. "Now you are mine. In the dark you are mine. And when you die you are mine. But in the day you are not mine, because I have no power in the day. In the night, in the dark, and in death, you are mine. And that is forever. No matter if I must leave you. I shall come again from time to time. In the dark you are mine. But in the day I cannot claim you. I have no power in the day, and no place. So remember. When the darkness comes, I shall always be in the darkness of you. And as long as I live, from time to time I shall come to find you, when I am able to, when I am not a prisoner. But I shall have to go away soon. So don't forget -- you are the night-wife of the ladybird, while you live and even when you die."
[80] She never saw him, as a lover. When she saw him, he was the little officer, a prisoner, quiet, claiming nothing in all the world. And when she went to him as his lover, his wife, it was always dark. She only knew his voice and his contact in darkness. "My wife in darkness," he said to her.
[81] If only Dionys need not go away! If only he need not go away! But he said to her, the last morning: "Don't forget me. Always remember me. I leave my soul in your hands and your womb. Nothing can ever separate us, unless we betray one another. If you have to give yourself to your husband [Basil Apsley], do so, and obey him. If you are true to me, innerly, innerly true, he will not hurt us. He is generous, be generous to him. And never fail to believe in me. Because even on the other side of death I shall be watching for you. I shall be king in Hades when I am dead. And you will be at my side. You will never leave me anymore, in the after-death. So don't be afraid in life. Don't be afraid. If you have to cry tears, cry them. But in your heart of hearts know that I shall come again, and that I have taken you for ever. And so, in your heart of hearts be still, be still, since you are the wife of the ladybird."
From: The Ladybird, by D. H. Lawrence (London: Martin Secker, 1923): pp. 77, 80, 81. In the story, Basil was aware that Daphne was in love with Dionys (see pp. 78-80).

nikah (Arabic):

Marriage (q.v.), especially as contracted under Islamic law.

Comment: The basic meaning of the term is "sexual intercourse."

See also `idda, mahr, mut`a, rada`, talak, `umra, `urs, zina.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

Ninth Commandment:

See Tenth Commandment. For lexical illustration see under "Seventh Commandment."

nirimoua (Algonquian):

Female kin of a woman especially eligible to be polygynously married to a given man, or that man in relation to them.

See also co-wife, father's wife, headdress keeper, junior wife, lesser wife, kinship, monogyny, nuliaqpak, polygynist, polygyny, primary wife, secondary wife, senior wife, sits-beside-him woman, squaw.

Quotation from Pierre de Liette in Translation Illustrating "Nirimoua"
While the women [of the Illinois Indians] are nursing, their husbands do not ordinarily have commerce with them. As they have several wives, the abstinence is easy for them. They usually marry sisters and the aunts or nieces of their wives; they call these Nirimoua. When a man is a good hunter it is very easy for him to marry all who stand within this degree of relationship. The women designate him in the same manner.
From: The Memoir of Pierre Liette on the Illinois Country, in: The Western Country in the 17th Century ..., edited by Milo Milton Quaife (Chicago: Lakeside Press, R. R. Donnelley, 1947; in series: The Lakeside Classics): p. 135. Translated from the French by Edith Moodie, with alterations by the editor (see pages xxiii-xxiv). The Memoir is that of Liette (d. 1729) and was evidently written in 1702 (see pages xxvii and 110), yet it ends: "Montreal, Canada, October 20, 1721. Signed: De Gannes." The editor treats De Gannes as the copyist.

nissuim, or nissuin (Hebrew):

In Judaism, the latter ceremonial stage for becoming married, the stage that bestows conjugal rights and imposes marital obligations; full-fledged marriage, no longer just betrothal.

Comment: The first stage is called erusin (q.v.) or kiddushim (q.v.).

See also hatunnah, sponsalia per verba de praesenti, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

niyoga (Sanskrit):

The Hindu practice of appointing a woman to bear a male heir who will be begotten by proxy. Thus, in a typical instance, a sonless husband would commission his wife to have sexual intercourse with his brother or a near kinsman, either before or after the husband's decease, in order to have an heir.

See also levirate marriage, preferential marriage, sororate marriage.

x Sanskrit terms.

Noachian laws:

Per Jewish tradition, a set of divine injunctions given to Noah and his sons, injunctions which are incumbent upon all his descendants, by which is understood all of humankind, Jew and gentile alike.

Comments: Those who observe the Noachian laws are called Noachides (Hebrew: B'nai Noach), and so the Noachian laws are sometimes called Noachide laws or Noachidic obligations or something similar. According to R. Eliezer (Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 105a), a non-Jew who is not "a transgressor among the heathen" (that is, presumably, a non-Jew who observes the Noachian laws) and who acknowledges God merits the kingdom of heaven.

The Noachian laws derive chiefly from Genesis 9; however, divine injunctions delivered to Adam are generally understood to be included. The list of injunctions varies.

In the book of Jubilees 7:20, eight injunctions are listed: (a) do justice, (b) cover the shame of one's flesh, (c) bless the Creator, (d) honor one's father and mother, (e) love one's neighbor, (f) preserve oneself from sexual immorality, (g) preserve oneself from pollution, and (h) preserve oneself from committing injustice.

In Tosefta Avodah Zarah 8:4-8, seven injunctions are given: (a) set up courts of justice, (b) do not commit idolatry, (c) do not commit blasphemy, (d) do not commit sexual immorality, (e) do not commit blooshed, (f) do not commit thievery, and, evidently, (g) do not use a limb cut from a living beast. Roughly parallel lists are found in Genesis Rabbah 16.6 (11c); 34.8 (20d); Deuteronomy Rabbah 2.25 (198d); Midrash Song of Songs 1.2.5 (82b-83a); Seder Olam Rabbah 5:40-70; Pesikta de-Rab Kahana 12; Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 56a-b; and Maimonides, Code, Book 14, Judges, Treatise 5, Kings and Wars 9.1.

In Talmud Bavli, Hullin 92a-b, a mention is made of thirty injunctions "which the sons of Noah took upon themselves," injunctions which are generally understood to derive from the seven. Three are mentioned: the children of Noah (a) do not draw up a marriage deed for males, (b) do not weigh the flesh of the dead in the market, and (c) respect the Torah.

In the Christian tradition, some have tried to interpret the ruling of the Council of Jerusalem (at Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25) as delineating a set of rules more or less in the same vein. However, it is likely that instead some set of Noachian laws was assumed and that the decision of the Council of Jerusalem had to do with Jewish purity regulations for gentiles turning to God, regulations derived from those in the Holiness Code of Leviticus that were applicable to "the alien who sojourns among you" (see, for example, Leviticus 18:26).¹ A list of some of the Noachian laws as understood by at least some early Christians may be inferred from the injunctions mentioned by the Apostle Paul in Romans 13:1-10 (compare 1 Peter 2:12-14): (a) be subject to governing authorities, who are a terror to bad conduct; (b) pay taxes; (c) owe no one anything; (d) do not commit adultery; (e) do not kill; (f) do not steal; and (g) do not covet. Paul indicates that this is not necessarily a closed list. The absence of a prohibition of sexual immorality in that immediate context may indicate that Paul was deliberately supplementing the ruling of the Council of Jerusalem. Note that in his lengthy discussion of porneia or sexual immorality, which was one of the Council's prohibitions, Paul comments that the practice of a man living with his father's wife is not found even among pagans (1 Corinthians 5-7, specifically 5:1; cf. Leviticus 18:8; 20:11).

Theoretically, the Noachian laws allow for a variety of sexual and marital codes, the point being to have workable and just regulation in a given culture or subculture. However, to obtain certain blessings specific to the Israelites, it is their code that must be followed. In those two sentences is much to be unbundled theologically; and many an issue naturally arises, for example regarding what in terms of sexual morality should be considered universal and what culturally relative.

Reference
1 See: "The Prohibitions of the Council at Jerusalem (Acts xv 28, 29)," [by] J. W. Hunkin, The Journal of Theological Studies; v. 27, no. 107 (April 1926): pp. 272-283.

See also biblical sexual morailty, father's wife, Lastercatalog, Law and gospel, moral code, one flesh, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual sin, unnatural.

x Bible.

x Hebrew terms.

x Noachide laws.

Quotation from Hermann Cohen (1842-1918) Regarding the Noachian Laws ("Noachidic Obligations")
[122] The stranger is in the first place a son of Noah, and this is his protection against the deficiency that he is not the son of Abraham. But as a Noachide he is not bound to the law of Moses, but only to the seven precepts, "the seven commandments of the sons of Noah" ... And these seven precepts have a strictly moral character.... [123] The concept of the Noachide is the foundation for natural law not only as an expression of the objective law but also as a determination of the subject of law.... The belief in the Jewish God is not required. One is not permitted to force even a slave to this belief. Further, whoever turns to Judaism together with his children is not permitted to accomplish the conversion for his immature children; until they are able to decide for themselves, they remain Noachides ([Talmud Bavli,] Tr[actate]. Ketuboth, 11a).... [124] The Noachidic obligations therefore form an original Torah of their own, which is the foundation for law and state.
From: Religion of Reason out of the Sources of Judaism, [by] Hermann Cohen; translated, with an introduction by Simon Kaplan; introductory essays by Leo Strauss; introductory essays for the second edition by Steven S. Schwarzchild [and] Kenneth Seeskin (Atlanta, Ga.: Scholars Press, c1995; in series: American Academy of Religion texts and translations series; no. 7): chapter 8, §§16-17, pp. 122-124. Translation of: Religion der Vernunft aus den Quellen des Judentums.

Noachide laws:

See Noachian laws.

Noah's Ark syndrome:

Kind to kind; the tendency of likes to attract or otherwise to be sorted together; the by no means universal pattern of individuals with similarities being attracted to each other or otherwise being lumped or found together.

Comment: The allusion is to Genesis 7.

Source: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 25.

See also assortive mating, attraction, homogamy, positive assortive mating.

x Bible.

x syndromes.

noceur (French):

1. A person given to the revelries and orgies of a night life.

2. By extension, a libertine.

See also libertine, orgy, rake.

x French terms.

noeclexis:

Choice of a partner based chiefly on that person's mental attributes.

Comment: From the Greek: noësis ("intelligence") + eklexis ("selection").

Contrast geneclexis (q.v.). See also attraction, marriage of true minds, mate selection.

no fault divorce (legal term):

Legal dissolution of a marriage for which blame need not be shown or proved in either spouse; divorce on the ground that a marriage has irretrievably broken down or for irreconcilable differences.

See also covenant marriage, divorce, divorce by consent, grounds for divorce, incompatibility.

nomad sexually:

See sexual nomad.

"No" means "no":

A slogan used chiefly with respect to sexual relations that is meant (a) to engender respect for non-consent; (b) to encourage people to express their actual state of mind, especially any unwillingness on their part; and (c) to sharpen the line between consensual sex and rape.

Comment: The slogan counters the notions that (a) "No" really means "yes," this usually on a woman's part; and (b) a woman's duty is to resist sexual relations and a man's role is to bully or trick her into having sex with him.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, rape.

nominal monogamy:

A practice whereby most people in a culture espouse monogamy (q.v.) and celebrate it in ceremony and song, but whereby many actually have additional lovers or move serially from partner to partner.

nomogamosis:

A state of marital harmony; a condition in which spouses are well matched.

Comment: From Greek nomos ("law" or "musical mode") + gamos ("wedlock") + -osis ("condition").

Be careful not to confuse this word with nonogamy (q.v.).

Contrast: cagamosis (q.v.) and heterogamosis (q.v.). See also bliss, compatibility, conjugal felicity, conjugalism, domestic happiness, -gamy, happy marriage, levament, made for each other, match made in heaven, Ozzie and Harriet marriage, relationship ecology, shalom bayit, successful marriage, true love.

non-consensual adultery:

Engaging in sexual activity with one or more others outside of one's marriage without the consent of one's spouse or spouses.

See also adultery, cheat, consensual adultery, criminal conversation, infidelity, secret-false, two-time, unfaithfulness.

nonexclusive monogamy:

1. A marriage or committed love relationship that consists of two and only two partners, but which allows sexual access to one or both partners by one or more other people.

2. The practice of having only one long-term or socially recognized mate at a time, especially when one's mate reciprocates in kind, but which, by design, does not preclude in practice extra-pair copulation with one or, perhaps, more other persons.

Contrast sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sexual monogamy (q.v.). See also dyad, extra-pair copulation, husband-doubling, monogamy, open couple, social monogamy.

nonexclusive sexually:

See sexually nonexclusive.

non-fraternization policy:

A rule or set of rules that forbids dating, sexual intercourse, and romantic relationships with members of a certain group, for example, in a chain of supervision or command, a rule that forbids subordinates to superiors; in the military, a rule that forbids civilians under certain conditions to soldiers; in an organization, a rule that forbids members of a competing organization to its members or a rule that forbids members to each other; within a business or institution, a rule that forbids employees to each other.

See also interoffice romance, love contract, fraternization, office romance, workplace romance.

nonjudgmental:

1. Having nothing to do with decisions or opinions.

2. Not given to arrogating to oneself decisions about guilt or punishment or quality that are proper for others alone to decide, for instance, a judge, a jury, a supervisor, or God.

3. Disinclined to think ill of somebody or of anybody; far from eager to assign blame.

4. Not prone to giving personal criticism, especially in the form of moral condemnation, this typically as a developed trait.

5. Characterized by the suspension of personal criticism, as in "a nonjudgmental atmosphere."

6. Prone to regard the behavior of another as offensive only if it is hurtful to someone other than the author of the behavior.

7. Characterized by the presumption that one is incapable of rendering a worthy opinion about another person without "having walked in the other's shoes," as the figure of speech goes, especially when this presumption is accompanied by a dispassionte or compassionate stance.

8. Concerned not with the personal morality of other people, but, if anybody's, only one's own and that of people one has a duty to instruct in morality.

9. Not opinionated about the private lives and sexual relationships of other people.

10. Not measuring the private lives and sexual relationships of other people according to an external moral standard, but only according to what is workable for the principals involved.

11. Characterized by continuous neutrality in relation to contending sides.

12. Transcending one's own biases and one's personal investment in an opinion in order to assess it neutrally.

Comment: To be nonjudgmental with regard to other people is generally regarded as commendable. Among the key cultural lnadmarks that contributed to such an attitude are certain sayings of Jesus, especially, "Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves" (Matthew 7:1, using the New American Standard Bible; cf. Luke 6:37) and his comment to the woman caught in adultery, "neither do I condemn you" (John 8:11). These sayings, however, should not be taken as the whole of his teaching on judgment. For example, the Gospel of Matthew has him also saying, "be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves." (10:16); and the Gospel of John has him saying, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (7:24). Furthermore, we find early Christians being exhorted both to set up law courts for themselves (1 Corinthians 6:1-7) and to "test the spirits" (1 John 4:1). All in all with regard to judgment (and there are many other pertinent passages), a complicated picture emerges from the New Testament, which means that some will want to beware of blithe (as opposed to carefully considered) use of it in support of nonjudgmental attitudes, all the more since its influence is part of the mix.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," judgmentalism, libertarianism, Pericope de Adultera, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual toleration.

x Bible.

nonlove:

1. The absence of love or that which is characterized by such absence.

2. In the triangualr theory of love, the absence of passion, intimacy, and commitment -- all three.

See also love, triangular theory of love.

nonmarital:

Not having to do with marriage or, at least, not specifically with marriage; apart from the bounds of marriage.

See also comarital, extramarital, intermarital, intramarital, marital, non-relational, postmarital, premarital.

nonmarital cohabitation:

Living together (q.v.) in a sexual or love relationship (q.v.) without being officially married, especially when the partners do not consider themselves married.

See also free union.

nonmarital sex:

Sexual activity between any people who are not married to one another.

See also consequences of sex outside of marriage, extradyadic, extramarital affair, extramarital sex, illicit love, mate sampling, new morality, no sex outside of marriage, out-of-marriage love affair, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, promiscuity, sex, sexual immorality, traditional morality, zipless f***.

non-monogamist, or nonmonogamist:

1. A person who doesn't believe that everybody should be either single or monogamous, but who is accepting of polygamy and/or polyamory.

2. A person who practices non-monogamy (q.v.) or who willingly participates in a sexual relationship with someone who does.

Contrast monogamist (q.v.). See also apolygist, eleutherophilist, ethical slut, free agent, free lover, libertine, libertarian, lifestyler, pankoitist, pansexualist, polyamorist, polyamorite, polyamour, polyfriendly, polygamist, sex radical, sexual nomad, slut, swinger.

non-monogamy, or nonmonogamy:

Preliminary

Generally non-monogamy is defined in terms of (a) sexual relationships, (b) love interests, or (c) sexual relations outside of an existing sexual relationship or apart from existing love. Furthermore, it can be analyzed relative to an individual or relative to possible configurations.

Occasionally the term is used more narrowly, being defined in terms of marriage alone; and at times it is used more broadly to be inclusive of multiple sexual relations -- that is, polykoity -- whether or not there are any ongoing relationships involved. Furthermore, the term is often closely associated with being attracted to more than one person at the same time; but then the adjectival form is generally used, as in "a non-monogamous proclivity."

Definition 1

Relative to an individual, non-monogamy is a situation in which either (a) a person has no restriction to one person at a time in terms of the categories itemized above, or (b) a person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals. To restate the latter case: It is the practice of having more than one spouse or lover or combination thereof at a time.

Definition 2

Relative to possible configurations, non-monogamy is a situation in which at least one person is sexually or romantically involved with two or more individuals, while being in an ongoing relationship with at least one of them (that is, putting aside the caveat above). It can take the form of: (a) a bonded unit, often a unit that is also domestic in character; (b) a network, that is, a chain of connections; or (c) a combination of the two, inclusive sometimes of a plurality of units. Within a bonded unit, occasionally all are sex partners of each other, but often that is not the case.

Comments

The forms of non-monogamy are endless and are complicated by such factors as (a) the number of people of each sex involved; (b) distinctions between romantic and sexual connections; (c) social standing, e.g. spouses as distinct from concubines and cicisbei; (d) personal standing, e.g. primaries as distinct from secondaries and tertiaries; (e) living together versus not; (f) direct as distinct from indirect connections; (g) sexual orientation; (h) open versus closed and partially closed configurations; and (i) clandestine situations as distinct from above-board situations and publicly known situations.

Among the general forms of non-monogamy are group marriage, polygyny, polyandry, polyamory, and swinging.

Even though non-monogamy is inclusive of polygamy, in the North American context the term is often chosen over against "polygamy" to indicate love relationships wherein all members are equally subordinate or non-subordinate to one another and are equally free, regardless of their sex, to have multiple partners, unless they have committed themselves otherwise.

When a non-monogamous arrangement is made known to and accepted or, at least, acceded to by all of the principals involved it is called ethical non-monogamy.

Contrast monogamy (q.v.). See also alternate relationship geometries, apolygy, cellular family, clan, cowboy, cowgirl, distributed commitment, domestic trio, expanded family, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, group love relationship, group marriage, in love, intentional family, intimate group, intimate network, letter group, the lifestyle, love more than one person at a time, lovestyle, mariage à trois, ménage, ménage à trois, multimate relationship, multipartner love relationship, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, new adultery, non-monogamist, n-tuple, open couple, open marriage, pankoity, partner sharing, patriarchal marriage, pluralism of marriage patterns, plural marriage, polyamorist, polyamorous relationship, polyamory, polyandry, polychild, poly-curious, polyfamily, polyfuckery, polygamy, polygyny, poly-impaired, poly-insistent partner, polykoity, polymarriage, polypartner, polyrelationship, poly web, polywed, promiscuity, relationship choice, relationship freedom, resource dilution hypothesis, sexual circle, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual non-monogamy, sexual varietism, spice, synergamy.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Non-monogamy"
[Kim Wilson] "... Once I got beyond thirty-five I stopped being torn up about those things [one's lover having other lovers] and I definitely gave up on monogamy. Maybe I can do it but no one else seems to be able to." | [Molly Bolt] "Well, don't test yourself. Non-monogamy makes life much more interesting."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 12, pp. 130-131. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Non-Monogamy"
[30] One friend of ours points out that if something goes wrong in a monogamous marriage, nobody takes that as evidence against the [31] practicality of monogamy -- but if something goes awry in an open relationship, many folks instantly take that as proof that non-monogamy doesn't work.
[40] Nonmonogamy. We don't like this term, because it implies that monogamy is the norm and that any other way of relating is somehow a deviation from that norm.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): pp. 30-31, 40. Note the inconsistency in the use of the hyphen. Curiously the inconsistency occurs even within the text of page 31.

non-monogamy position or anti monogamy-only position (T. Rifkin Elliott):

The ideological rejection of monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage or love relationship.

Contrast monogamism (q.v.) and monogamy-only position (q.v.). See also abundant love principle.

x anti monogamy-only position

nonogamist:

1. A person who refuses either to marry or to engage in sexual relations.

2. A person who advocates or supports a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also Jemimaite, nonogamy.

nonogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by a rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "nonogamy," so here included.

See also nonogamy.

nonogamy:

A rejection of both marriage and sexual relations for oneself.

Comments: The term has been used to refer to the non-sexual lifestyle practiced by the Shakers.

Be careful not to confuse this term with nomogamosis (q.v.).

See also abstinence, celibacy, commitmentphobia, -gamy, marriagefree, misogamy, nonogamist, nonogamous.

non-relational:

1. Not having to do with relationships in general, or at least not specifically so.

2. Not having to do with a given relationship or, at least, not specifically so; apart from the bounds of a relationship.

See also correlational, extra-relational, interrelational, intra-relational, multirelational, nonmarital, post-relational, pre-relational, relational.

nookie junkie:

A sex addict.

See also erotomaniac, multimitus, nymphomaniac, oversexed, satyr, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, sex addict.

nos amours:

See notr'amour.

no-sex marriage:

no sex outside of marriage:

A common summary, among conservative Protestants, of what is believed to be biblical sexual morality applicable for all time or, more precisely, from the days of Jesus to the end of the age, namely, that, with regard to human beings, or, at least, those who would be among the saved, sexual intercourse is allowed only to a man and a woman who are non-incestuously and monogamously married to each other.

Comments: To this are also commonly added "no practicing homosexuality" and, often, "no divorce." Roman Catholic teaching adds "no sex except for procreation" and "no contraception."

Some believe these to be statements directly from the Bible, but none of them are. Rather they are extrapolations from traditional interpretations of various statements that do appear in the Bible. The proscriptive passages chiefly cited are Exodus 20:14, 17 = Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; Leviticus 18:6-30 = 20:10-23; Matthew 5:28, 31-32; 15:19-20; 19:3-12 (and parallels); Romans 1:26-27, and 1 Corinthians 5-7; however, many other passages, including many of the biblical Lasterkataloge, touch on the subject of sexual morality.

Obviously, "no sex outside of marriage" as a summary of sexual morality provokes many, many questions, perhaps the most common of all being, "How far, then, may we go?"

Contrast, for instance, "an it harm none, do what ye will" (q.v.). See also abstinence, consequences of sex outside of marriage, extramarital sex, fornication, Lasterkatalog, marriage, moral code, nonmarital sex, porneia, postmarital sex, premarital intercourse, premarital sex, sex, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexual purity, sexual sin, square, three-day rule, traditional morality.

x Bible.

no strings attached:

1. Without conditions or contractual entanglements.

2. Without payment of any sort or sexual exclusivity or commitment to a relationship being expected.

Comment: Abbreviated NSA.

See also NSA, unconditional sex.

notional sex club:

A group of people who, by virtue of having in common something about their sexual activity, are collectively considered, even though their group does not exist as an organization.

Some Notional Sex Clubs
125 club	Those who have had sex on the British Rail Intercity 125 high-speed train.
meter-high club	Those who have had sex aboard a train.
mile-deep club	Those who have had sex in the Channel Tunnel, between Great Britain and France.
mile-high club	Those who have had sex aboard an airplance while in flight.
nine-mile club	Those who have had sex aboard a train.
three-fout-six-high club	Those who have had sex aboard a British train.

See also alternative dating, mile-high club, sex club.

x clubs.

notr'amour; plural, nos amours (French):

"Our love," that is, a lover shared in common by the speaker (in typical usage) and at least one other person.

See also biamory, brother starling, co-spouse, French arrangement, hinge, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, ménage à trois, partner, partner sharing, pivot point, polyamory.

x French terms.

x nos amours.

not ready for a relationship:

See NRFR.

not the marrying kind:

Type of person, ordinarily single, who doesn't find marriage suitable; the sort of person who prefers to remain single or who believes he or she should remain single.

See also confirmed bachelor, marrying kind, single.

novelty:

See Coolidge effect, toujours perdrix.

noverca; adjective, novercal (legal term):

Stepmother (q.v.).

Contrast vitricus (q.v.). See also novercaphobia, step-

novercaphobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepmother.

Contrast vitricophobia (q.v.). See also noverca, -phobia, step-.

novia (Spanish):

1. Girlfriend; female lover.

2. Fiancée.

3. Bride.

See also bride, fiancée, girlfriend, lover, novio, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

novio (Spanish):

1. Boyfriend; male lover.

2. Fiancé.

3. Bridegroom.

See also boyfriend, bridegroom, fiancé, groom, lover, novia, partner.

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

NRE:

New relationship energy (q.v.).

NRFR:

Not ready for a relationship.

Comment: When someone says, "I'm not ready for a relationship," that may be code for, "I'm not interested in having a relationship with you."

x Not ready for a relationship.

NSA:

No strings attached (q.v.).

n-tuple:

The individuals together who comprise a sexual or love relationship, be they two or more.

Comment: The n represents a numerical variable.

See also alternate relationship geometries, group relationship, non-mongamy, polyamorous relationship, polygamy.

Quotations from C. D. C. Reeve Illustrating "N-tuple"
[174] Why not think that the couple -- even the short-lived, need-related one -- will morph into an n-tuple? No doubt, n cannot become all that large. Who can handle the complexity? But there is no obvious reason to think it would inevitably be two.
[177] Will we have come to that end [no more need for either literature or love] when coupling ceases to be a fate? I doubt it. But even if we have, the more general mystery of the n-tuple will be there to take its place. For even if it isn't monogamous coupling that we drink in with our mother's milk, it is likely to be something equally mysterious, equally inspiring of literature, equally problematic for our love lives.
From: Love's Confusions, [by] C. D. C. Reeve (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2005): pp. 174, 177.

nubile:

Ready for marriage having recently matured physically, said of a young woman.

See also angélica, bachelorette, dance barefoot, jeune fiulle à marier, maiden, miss, single.

nuclear family:

1. A father, a mother, and their children as a basic socially functioning family group.

2. Any unit or subunit made up of a father, a mother, and their children. For instance, some polygamous families can be analyzed by their nuclear family subunits.

3. A household (q.v.) comprised of two or more people of the same or adjoining generations, who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

See also compound family, conjugal family, elementary family, extended family, family, immediate family, individual family, instant family, one-parent family, polygamy, single-parent family, stem family, traditional morality, two-parent family.

nukaxrareik (Eskimo-Aleut):

Half-siblings.

See also half-sibling, qatang (which see for lexical example).

x Eskimo terms.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nuliinuaroak"
This [where a man and a woman marry, each having children] was then an adoptive situation, the children called each other by sibling terms, and were forbidden to marry. They might extend the relationship here, designating it as nukaxrareik -- half-siblings -- a term not otherwise used.
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 86. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 143.

nuliaqatigiit (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

Co-marriage or spouse exchange.

See also aiparik, allupaareik, angutawkun, aytpareik, doused lights, nangsaegaek, qatang, spouse exchange, wife exchange.

x Eskimo terms.

 

nuliaqpak (Eskimo, Inuit, Inupiaq subdivision):

The primary wife of an umialik, an umialik, being the male head of an extended family.

See also headdress keeper, nirimoua, primary wife, sits-beside-him woman, senior wife, squaw, wife.

x Eskimo terms.

nuliinuaroak (Eskimo-Aleut):

Sharing the same woman, in any of the following senses:

• The relation that obtains between a man and his wife's lover when the husband has not consented to the arrangement.
• The relation that obtains between a woman's present husband and her former husband.
  
• The relation that obtains between two men who have the same wife simultaeously.
  

Contrast angutawkun (q.v.). See also lover-in-law, nangsaegaek, partner, polyandry, tapicciga.

x Eskimo terms.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nuliinuaroak"
[80] A husband and his wife's seducer stood as nuliinuaroak to each other, the sense being that they shared a woman.
[81] But children born of the second union were then half-siblings to the children born of the first. Since there was no recognition of step or foster relationship, they might extend to the mother's first husband the same term which their half-siblings used, that is, father. Similarly, the children of the first marriage, even if they continued to live with their natural father, the mother being gone, called the mother's second husband [speaking serially] by a father term and were obliged to defend this man. This tie was indeed strengthened when children were born of the second union. Thus the term nuliinuroak (nuliinuaroak) which arose between two husbands of one woman reflected not shame or disgrace, but rather a quasi-kinship in which a certain degree of cooperation and mutual aid was implicit. The same term was applied to men living with a woman in a so-called polyandrous situation.
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): pp. 80, 81. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 137.

nullimitus:

A male virgin.

Comment: From the Latin nullus ("none") and emittere ("to send out").

Source: There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

Contrast multimitus (q.v.). See also virgin.

number one pash:

See pash.

number two pash:

See pash.

nuptial:

1. Of or pertaining to a wedding ceremony.

2. Of or pertaining to sexual mating.

3. Of or pertaining to marriage (q.v.) more generally.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, epithalamic, gamical, hymeneal, marital, matrimonial, prothalamic, spousal.

nuptiality (Population Reference Bureau):

The frequency, characteristics, and dissolution of marriages by percentage in a population.

See also MAFM, singulate mean age at marriage, SMAM.

x statistics.

nuptials:

1. A wedding (q.v.) ceremony.

2. A socially recognized procedure for becoming husband and wife.

See also anti-wedding, hymeneals, matrimony, spousals.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Nuptials"
The marriage of a daughter, which had been the first object of her [Mrs Bennet's] wishes, since Jane was sixteen, was now on the point of accomplishment, and her thoughts and her words ran wholly on those attendants of elegant nuptials, fine muslins, new carriages, and servants.
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 50, p. 384. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

nuptias non concubitus sed consensus facit (Roman law):

"Not cohabitation but consent makes a marriage."

Comment: A legal maxim from Ulpian, Ad Sabinum 36; compare Justinian, Digesta 50:17. <Check references>

See also cohabitation, consensus nuptialis, consent to marriage, marriage.

x Latin terms.

nusukaaktuat (Eskimo-Aleut):

"Grabbing a wife"; marriage by capture.

See also capture marriage.

Quotation from Robert F. Spencer Illustrating "Nusukaaktuat"
When a man [of the north Alaskan Eskimos] desired a woman, he might simply seize her, take her to his house, and rely on his kin to see that she neither escaped nor was rescued by her own family. Both single girls and married women were taken in this way. Seizing a woman and keeping her as a wife was nusukaaktuat, "grabbing off a wife."
From: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 79. For abridgment, see: "Spouse-Exchange among the North Alaskan Eskimo," [by] Robert F. Spencer, in: Marriage, Family, and Residence, edited by Paul Bohannan and John Middleton (1968): pp. [131]-144, especially pp. 137.

Nyaturu terms:

See mbuya, waighembe.

nymphomania:

1. A seemingly insatiable sexual appetite on the part of a woman.

2. A powerful and chronic inclination on the part of a woman to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners.

3. A psychological condition whereby a woman, who feels an inner compulsion to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners, takes no pleasure in such activity.

4. A psychological condition whereby a woman feels a chronic non-sexually originated need for sexual stimulation, a feeling which leads to frequent masturbation and/or rampant promiscuity (q.v.).

Comments: Note that in the first and last definitions, a woman may have nymphomania without promiscuity.

The term "nymphomania," in both popular and clinical uses, is often highly charged, carrying with it pejorative or salacious overtones:

• In some families and cultures, it is considered inappropriate for a woman to have any sexual drive at all; and so, if she has one, she may be accused of being a "nympho" (nymphomaniac, q.v.).
• If a man's libido is less than his female partner's, he might accuse her of being a nympho.
• If a woman lives not by a double standard but by the same standard as a man, one that allows for multiple partners, she might be accused of being a nympho.
• If a woman is sexually aggressive, she might be labeled a nympho.
• In the sex industry, if a woman performs as a sexual athlete, that is, with enthusiasm with man after man, she might be called a nympho.
• If a woman is characterized as engaging in too much sexual activity or as feeling excessive sexual desire, thus being "oversexed," she might be classified as a person suffering from nymphomania; but what is "too much" or "excessive" or "over" the top or (to borrow terms from the last definition) "frequent" or "rampant"?

Nymphomania is not listed as a disorder in DSM-IV: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Contrast satyriasis (q.v.). See also andromania, erotomania, Catherine the Great complex, hypersexuality, Messalina complex, oversexed, sexual addiction, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, tragolimia.

Related terms not included as entries in this glossary: furor uterinus, hysteria libinosa, uteromania.

nymphomaniac, or nympho, for short:

A woman with nymphomania.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A lubricity of nymphomaniacs. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 161.

Contrast satyr (q.v.). See also box of assorted creams, Don Juaness, erotomaniac, güila, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nookie junkie, nymphomania, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, she-wolf, slut, wanton woman, whore, wild.

Quotation from Alfred Charles Kinsey Illustrating "Nymphomaniac"
Kinsey once defined a nymphomaniac as "someone who has more sex than you do."
From: Dr. Kinsey and the Institute for Sex Research, [by] Wardell B. Pomeroy (New York: Harper & Row, c1972): p. 316.

object cathexis:

Investment of libidinous energy in something or someone outside the self, especially a person, a part of a person, or a symbolic representation of either.

Comments: This is a psychoanalytic term.

Also called object love.

See also libido, love, objectification, porn addiction.

x object love.

objectification:

The process of objectifying or the completion thereof.

See also attraction, Asian fetish, bachelor auction, bachelorette auction, callipygian ideal, date auction, infatuation, object cathexis, objectify, porn addiction, roving eye, sex appeal, waist-to-hip ratio.

objectify (someone):

1. To look upon a human being not in the wholeness of his or her personhood -- however such wholeness is conceived, for instance as mind and body, or as  personality, spirituality, moral sensibilities, intelligence, and talents, plus (among other things) measures of physical grace -- but primarily as a physical body to be assessed relative to some parts of that body's capability to excite desire or capacity to bring about sexual gratification.

2. To regard a human being as an instrument for one's own pleasure.

Comments: Disapproval of objectifying people is a wide-spread element in popular sexual morality. It often dominates discussions of lust versus love, infatuation, pornography, sexiness, and the means of presenting oneself as desirable, such as through apparel or plastic surgery. Furthermore, it has points of contact with some serious ethical thought, such as Kant's view that sexual love inevitably treats a person as an instrument and so is intrinsically degrading. Note there the ready connection with sexual negativism.

Disapproval of objectifying people as a moral principle has a number of philosophical problems, for instance:

• It ordinarily places the emphasis not upon what is going on subjectively in the objectifier, but upon the bodily object. However, people may respond, even sexually, in widely different ways to the same bodily object. To give some examples: Some may imaginatively invest him or her with personality and even supply a narrative. Some may be educating themselves in their natural inclinations for the sake of improving their chances of ultimate happiness. Some may be assuaging unfulfilled templates of attraction in order to enable themselves to pursue more happily the relationships they have. Some may simply want an acceptable trigger for their own gratification. Can this same principle speak adequately to all?
  
• It provides no guideline for how to calibrate the line of moral responsibility between the objectifier and the person being objectified, short of complete suppression of both. Among the logical conclusions: All bodies are to be completely covered and personal expression through the body is to be inhibited.
• Evolution, culture, and deep impressions upon the mind in the course of personal development all have a significant effect in programming the individual to respond to the body as object. That itself is a basic part of our humanity, which ironically is degraded when disrespected.
• Without bodily sexual attraction, relationships are often apt to fail or never to begin at all.
• To be an instrument of pleasure for another person is often an important facet of one's overall personhood, an important service, and of great use for the survival of the species.

The point is that when using the term "objectify," one should be alert to implicit assumptions and careful about the particular attitude towards the body and sexuality that one wishes to convey.

Reference

Lectures on Ethics, [by] Immanuel Kant; translated by Louis Infield; foreword to the Torchbook edition by Lewis White Beck (New York: Harper & Row, 1963; in publisher's series: Harper Torchbooks. The Cloister Library; TB 105): section entitled, "Duties Towards the Body in Respect of the Sexual Impulse," pp. 162-168. "Represents substantially the lectures that Kant was in the habit of giving between the years 1775 and 1781." -- Introduction, p. xvii.

See also attract, lust, objectification, sex-negative stance, sex object, sexosophy, sexual morality, sexy, template (for a lover).

object love:

See object cathexis.

obligation de donner (French):

Rule of the gift (q.v.).

x French terms.

obligatory sex:

Participation in sexual activity chiefly to assuage a partner or to fulfill a sense of duty, as when it is simply for the sake of the marriage or for procreation, especially when the participation is done begrudgingly or without enjoyment.

Comments: This is sometimes a case where will (the will to perform one's duty) and desire (the desire to engage in sexual activity with a particular person in particular circumstances) are at odds. It thus raises questions about the nature of consensual sex.

Obligatory sex is sometimes treated as a subset of making love and is at other times contrasted with it.

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, make love, unwanted sex.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Obligatory Sex"
[189] Some of her women patients in long-term, monogamous relationships confess to the doctor that they have no interest in sex and engage in it only because "he wants it, and I do it as little [190] as possible." ... "The fact that you are willing to give him obligatory sex is just not good enough," she [the doctor] often points out. "Your husband is probably feeling your rejection, your anger, your unhappiness." She acknowledges that keeping a marriage alive by keeping the sexual connection alive is a choice that requires a change of attitude and some hard work.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 189-190.

ObPoly:

1. Obligatory or pretendedly obligatory content related to the organizing topic of a discussion group, in this case the topic being polyamory.

2. By extension, content related to whatever is indicated, which (ordinarily) has been previously discussed, in this case polyamory.

Comments: "Ob-" is a prefix frequently used in online discussion groups and may have tacked onto it any word that represents either a discussion topic or a line of the discussion itself. For example, "ObThread" refers to content pertinent to the header.

An "Ob-" word is typically used to highlight a remark. Example: "Jim was there. John too. ObPoly: I fell in love with them both." Ordinarily it is used this way only when the remark is an aside and much of the rest of the message is not pertinent to the topic indicated.

Sometimes an "Ob-" word is used not to highlight a remark, but to speak in a general way about such remarks. For example, "I have no ObPoly today."

The strictness of the word "obligatory," for which "Ob-" stands, varies from one discussion group to another. In some groups it is considered poor etiquette not to include some remark having to do with the discussion topic, however far afield the rest of the message is. In others, "Ob-" has no more force than, "Notice that I'm taking this opportunity to tie this message to the ostensible topic of our discussion."

See also polyamorite, polyamory.

obscene language:

1. Speech, especially the employment of certain vocabulary related to sexual organs and practices, that is considered taboo in normal discourse.

2. Speech that glorifies repulsive behavior, such as violence.

Comments: Obscene language relates to relationships in several ways, among them:

• Speech is itself relational and a subject of both mores and relational ethics.
• In a context of sexual relations, taboo speech often plays an important role for some people with regard to intimacy and arousal.
  

See also blue verse, dirty, discourse of desire, erotographomania, intimate talk, obscene language, pillow talk, sexting, sexual correspondence.

obscene words:

Certain vocabulary, much of of it related to sexual organs and practices, that is considered taboo in normal discourse.

See also blue verse, dirty, discourse of desire, erotographomania, intimate talk, obscene language, pillow talk, sexting, sexual correspondence.

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Obscene ... Words"
Who knows not that the difference between obscene and modest words expressing the same action, consists only in the accessary idea, for there is nothing immodest in letters and syllables. Fornication and adultery are modest words; because they express an evil action as criminal, and so as to excite horror and aversion; whereas words representing the pleasure rather than the sin, are, for this reason, indecent and dishonest.
From: The Spectator; with notes, and a general index (From the last improved London edition, stereotyped. Philadelphia: J. J. Woodward, 1829): no. 286, Anonymous letter to Mr. Spectator (Monday, January 28, 1711-12). The Spectator was written by Joseph Addison, Richard Steele, and others.

obscenity-purity complex:

A psychological conflict, especially in an intense form, between the lure and the fear of sex, such that a person exhibits both a puritanical zeal against sex (or certain manifestations thereof) and a corresponding attraction to it (or to those manifestations), an attraction which is typically experienced with or followed by a sense of shame.

See also dirty, impurity, Madonna-whore complex, prude, psychomachy, puritan, purity, purity myth, sexual addiction, sexual purity, stigmatic guilt.

x complexes.

Occitan terms:

See amor, comjat, damaged goods (tala), descort, domna, escondich, fin' amors, gelos, joc d'amor, joyous craft (el gai saber), juec d'amor, lauzengier (lausengier), love-rhyme (rima cara), maldit, petition of love (prec, pregar), pretz.

occult impediment:

An impediment (q.v.) to marriage that is not susceptible to proof in an external forum, that is, in a tribunal that is based exclusively upon evidence rather than upon the self-excusing and self-accusation of the individual.

Contrast public impediment (q.v.).

Quotation from the Code of Canon Law on Occult Impediment
An impediment which can be proven in the external forum is considered to be a public impediment; otherwise it is an occult impediment.
Codex Iuris Canonici = Code of Canon Law, Latin-English Edition, translation prepared under the auspices of the Canon Law Society of America (Washington, D.C.: Canon Law Society of America, 1983): Canon 1074.

occult marriage:

A marriage of conscience (q.v.).

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, marriage, secret marriage.

octagamist:

1. A person with eight spouses.

2. A variant spelling of octogamist (q.v.).

Comment: I have supplied the first sense by building on "octagamy."

See also octagamy, polygamist.

octagamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octagamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

octagamy:

The state of having eight spouses simultaneously.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octagamist," so here included.

See also octagamist, octagamous, polygamy.

octogamist:

A person who has married, successively, eight times.

See also octagamist, octogamy.

Quotation from the Fremantle Translation of Jerome Illustrating "Octogamist"
I have spoken to the same effect elsewhere [Adversus Iovinianum 1:15]. "When a woman marries more than once -- whether she does so twice or three times matters little -- she ceases to be a monogamist. 'All things are lawful ... but all things are not expedient.' [1 Corinthians 6:12] I do not condemn digamists or trigamists, or even, to put an impossible case, octogamists. Let a woman have an eighth husband if she must; only let her cease to prostitute herself."
From: Jerome, Epistle 48, "To Pammachius, in Support of the Books against Jovinianus," in: The Principal Works of St. Jerome, translated by W. H. Fremantle, with the assistance of G. Lewis and W. G. Martley, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume VI, St. Jerome: Letters and Select Works (preface dated 1892): p. 77; cf. p. 359. The passage is quoted in the same set at v. 14, p. 72, but there the spelling "octagamist" is used.

octogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by octogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

octogamy:

1. Remarriage after having lost one's first seven spouses.

2. A personal history of having had eight spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the eighth.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "octogamist," so here included.

See also digamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, trigamy.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Octogamye"
But of no nombre mencioun made he [God], Of bigamye or of octogamye; Why sholde men speke of it vileinye?
From: Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, "The Wife of Bath's Tale," prologue, lines 32-34, in this edition: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; from the text of W. W. Skeat; with a note on the language and metre and a glossary (New York: Avenenl Books; distributed by Crown Publishers, 1985; in series: Oxford World's Classics): p. 292. First published in The World's Classics in 1906.
Quotation from the Burton Raffel Translation of Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Octógamy"
He [God] didn't talk about numbers, that I can see, Or bigamy -- or even octógamy! Why should men speak of this as villainy?
As translated in: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; a new unabridged translation by Burton Raffel; introduction by John Miles Foley (New York: Modern Library, 2008): p. 160.

oculoplania:

The lustful wandering of the eyes; the checking out of someone's physical charms.

See also lust, roving eye.

odalisque or odalisk:

1. A concubine who is part of a harem (q.v.).

2. A man's female slave.

Contrast houri (q.v.). See also concubine, partner, Stepford wife.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Odalisque"
[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] But what I have said and thought about you, what I still believe, is that you are in love with your Présidente: not, it is true a very pure or very tender love, but one ... such as I imagine a Sultan might feel for his favourite Sultana, such as leaves him free to prefer, very often, a simple odalisque. My comparison seems to me to be the more just in that, like the Sultan, you have never been either the lover or the friend of a woman, but always either her tyrant or her slave.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 141, pp. 333-336, specifically p. 334. The mark of omission is mine. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] Mais ce que j'ai dit, ce que j'ai pensé, ce que je pense encore, c'est que vous n'en avez pas moins de l'amour pour votre Présidente; non pas, à la vérité, de l'amour bien pur ni bien tendre, mais de celui ... que je conçois qu'un sultan peut le ressentir pour sa sultane favorite, ce qui ne l'empêche pas de lui préférer souvent une simple odalisque. Ma comparaison me parâit d'autant plus juste, que, comme lui, jamais vous n'êtes ni l'amant ni l'ami d'une femme; mais toujours son tyran ou son escalve.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 141, pp. 320-322, specifically pp. 320-321. The mark of omission is mine.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Odalisk"
"He [Rupert Birkin] wants me to sink myself," Ursula [Brangwen] resumed, "not to have any being of my own ----" 'Then why doesn't he marry an odalisk?" said Hermione [Roddice] in her mild sing-song, "if it is that he wants."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 22, p. 286. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

odd couple:

Two who share the same living space but who, because of clashes in style of living, would not, under ordinary conditions, be expected to get along -- for instance, one who is meticulously neat and the other a slob.

See also cagamosis, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, poor match, toxic relationship, unhappily married.

odd-one-out syndrome:

Feeling left out in a non-monogamous relationship.

See also exclusion jealousy.

x syndromes.

odd woman:

A mature but unmarried human female; a spinster (q.v.).

Comment: This term sometimes suggests a picture of left-over or surplus single women in a given society, which in turn implies that women are to be defined relative to marriage; and, of course, that notion is offensive to many. However, the term has sometimes also been appropriated in feminists writings to indicate the independent woman who has refused to succumb to the social expectation that she marry.

Note these novels: The Odd Women (1893), by George Gissing and The Odd Woman (1974), by Gail Godwin.

Note also the English saying, "This maid was born odd," that is, she grew old without ever marrying. Cf. The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): p. 488, which documents the saying back to 1678.

By the way, I haven't found "odd man" used in a comparable sense.

See also ape leader, bachelorette, feme sole, maiden aunt, miss, never married, odd woman, old maid, single, unmarried.

off, as in "off men," "off women," or "off relationships":

No longer in and, for the time being, no longer wanting a sexual, love, or marital relationship, at least not with any member of the sex specified or implied.

Comment: The "off" is sometimes placed within quotation marks.

See also confirmed bachelor, confirmed bachelorette, out of circulation, single.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Off"
She [Hilda] had the very hell of a will of her own, as her husband had found out. But her husband was now divorcing her. Yes, she even made it easy for him to do that, though she had no lover. For the time being, she was "off" men. She was very well content to be quite her own mistress: and mistress of her two children, whom she was going to bring up "properly," whatever that may mean.
From the novel: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): p. 285. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928."

off-and-on relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that proceeds fitfully, that is, sometimes the partners are together in the relationship and sometimes they're not but are separated.

See also quasi-breakup, quasi-relationship, rocky relationship.

offer of marriage:

1. A request of a person that he or she become one's spouse.

2. To take an initial step in setting up an arranged marriage, the step of formally and seriously suggesting a match.

See also arranged marriage, declaration, grand gesture, gamomania, proposal.

x marriage offer.

office bike:

A person who has engaged in sexual activity with several of his or her co-workers.

Comment: The term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. The analogy is to a bicycle shared by co-workers. It is ridden, as convenient.

See also bike, fish off the company pier, fraternize, office husband, office pump, office wife, promiscuity, slut.

office husband

1. A male co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with him is platonic.

2. A male secretary.

See also husband, office bike, office wife, platonic relationship, work husband, workplace spouse, work spouse.

office pump:

A person who has engaged in sexual activity with several of his or her co-workers.

Comment: The term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. "Pump" is a slang term for both "penis" and "vagina." The analogy is apparently to an old-fashioned, manually operated water pump.

See also bike, fish off the company pier, fraternize, office bike, office husband, office wife, promiscuity, slut, town pump.

office wife:

1. A female co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with her is platonic.

2. A female secretary.

3. A female spouse of a member of Congress who works for her husband in the congressional office. Per current law, she must be unpaid unless her employment predated the marriage (5 U.S.C. sec. 3110). (I haven't yet observed use of "office husband" for the male equivalent.)

4. Any of the women who worked closely with George W. Bush while he was President of the United States (2001-2009), among them: Laura Bush (the First Lady), Karen Hughes, Harriet Miers, and Condoleezza Rice. Generally used in this sense pejoratively.

Source for definition 3: The Congress Dictionary: The Ways and Meanings of Capitol Hill, [by] Paul Dickson [and] Paul Clancy; with a special foreword by the Honorable Thomas P. "Tip" O'Neill, Jr.; with research assistance from Charles D. Poe (New York: John Wiley, c1993): p. 232.

See also office bike, office husband, platonic relationship, political marriage, power couple, wife, workplace spouse, work spouse, work wife.

office romance:

1. A love relationship between people who work together at a place where business is conducted.

2. The budding and development of such a relationship.

See also fraternization, interoffice romance, love contract, non-fraternization policy, romance, sleep (one's) way to the top, whore (one's) way to the top, workplace crush, workplace romance.

offscreen squeeze:

An actor's real-life partner in a love relationship as opposed to a love interest of a character played by the actor in a film or on TV.

See also backstage romance, band moll, casting couch, cute meet, groupie, jeune premier, jeune première, joyous defeat, lover, main squeeze, major squeeze, on-set romance, partner.

x squeeze.

offshore drilling:

1. Extracting oil from under a current ocean or lake bed. The following senses are by analogy.

2. Engaging in sexual intercourse, as a married person or a person in a comitted relationship, with someone other than one's partner.

3. Sexual intercourse at sea or abroad, especially with one or more partners who are neither compatriots nor relationship partners.

4. Anal insertion of any sort of phallus, but especially the erect penis.

See also adultery, affair.

off-the-rack marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) with customary expectations, such as sexual exclusivity, and in a form for which laws have been specifically adapted, such as monogamy, as distinguished from a marriage for which any and all expectations are to be negotiated and for which laws are not specifically adapted.

Comment: The analogy is to buying apparel off the rack, as opposed to having it fitted by a tailor.

See also institutionalized marriage, monogamy, sexual exclusivity.

Oholah and Oholibah:

Sisters of each other and wives of God (Yahweh) in the Hebrew Bible at Ezekiel 23. This divine polygyny serves as a metaphor for God's relationship with Samaria and Jerusalem respectively. Their participation in the idolatries of other nations are metaphorically represented as adulteries.

Comments: Transliterated in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible as Aholah and Aholibah. Most modern English versions transliterate as shown above.

"Oholah" is a symbolic name meaning "her own tent"; and in representing Samaria it may refer more broadly to the Northern Kingdom of Israel, consisting of the Ten Tribes. "Oholibah" is a symbolic name meaning "my tent is in her"; and in representing Jerusalem, it may refer more broadly to Judah.

For Jerusalem as adulterous wife of God, compare especially Ezekiel 16.

For divine polygyny, compare Jeremiah 3:6-10. It is possible that a similar metaphorical polygyny was envisioned in the early church between Christ, the husband, and each of the local churches, his wives, for instance in Revelation 1-3 (compare and contrast 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 and Ephesians 5:21-33).

The story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well (in the New Testament at John 4), which drips with nuptial imagery, was probably playing in part off of the story of Oholah and Oholibah. (For a highly interpretive paraphrase, see my Gospel experiment, The Text of Fire, 10.15.)

Athough the story of Oholah and Oholibah is about idolatry, part of the relevance of the story in modern moral discourse bears on sexual relationships and in that regard is twofold: (a) the imagery of God as polygynous, which seems to challenge monogamy as an ideal; and (b) the apparent clash between a polygynous marriage to women who are sisters of each other being presented as okay and Leviticus 18:18, which seems to prohibit such. (For marriage to women who are sisters of each other, note also, besides Ezekiel 23, Genesis 19:30-38; 29:15-35; 30:1-24; Judges 15:2; and Jeremiah 3:6-10.)

See also adultery, hierogamy, Lilith, polygyny, sacred sex, Samaritan woman at the well, theogamy, "was Jesus married" question, Whore of Babylon.

x Aholah and Aholibah.

x Bible.

x Hebrew terms.

oh well!

An expression of resignation to circumstances or to fate.

Comment: In matters of love, "Oh well!" competes with few others -- one being "almost," another "if only" -- as one of the saddest expressions there is ("We have to talk" being one of the most trepidatious). For the other end of the spectrum, see under "I love you."

Reference
For "We have to talk," see: the American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 1, Episode 4, "Male Unbonding," written by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, directed by Tom Cherones (first aired, June 14, 1990), where the sentence is initially described as "The four worst words in the English language."

x saddest words in matters of love.

old bachelor:

A man who has never married and who is beyond the typical age for a first marriage or, at least, beyond the age the speaker would wish to see him married.

See also bachelor, never married, old maid, single, unmarried.

Quotations from Richard Carlile Illustrating "Old Bachelor"
It is hoped that this development of the cause of love will do something toward lessening the number of old bachelors and old maids.
From: Every Woman's Book, [by Richard Carlile] (4th ed. London: R. Carlile, 1826): p. 10; as reprinted in: What is Love? Richard Carlile's Philosophy of Sex, [by] M. L. Bush (London; New York: Verso, 1998): p. 85.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Old Bachelor"
When Punch is king, I declare there shall be no such thing as old maids and old bachelors. The Rev. Mr. Malthus shall be burned annually, instead of Guy Fawkes. Those who don't marry shall go into the workhouse. It shall be a sin for the poorest not to have a pretty girl to love him.
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 33, p. 158. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221. The references are to: "Thomas Robert Malthus (1766-1834), who argued that populations grow faster than the means of subsistence, and so called for sexual abstinence or birth control." -- "Notes," p. 228. Guy Fawkes (1570-1606), who took part in the Gunpowder Plot, a conspiracy to blow up King James I and the English Parliament on November 5, 1605. He was hanged in 1606, and effigies of Fawkes are torched in bonfires each November 5th.

old ball and chain:

See ball and chain.

old boyfriend:

1. A boyfriend (q.v.) who either was born much earlier than oneself or who is advanced in years.

2. A male who was once one's boyfriend but who is so no longer.

See also ancient history, erstwhile dear, ex, ex-boyfriend, ex-lover, ex-partner, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), lost love, old flame, partner, past attachment, right of return.

Old English terms:

See arrha, beweddung, bridelock, brydthing, lairwite, spinster, weotuma, wette.

old flame:

A person with whom one was once in love, especially someone with whom one was once in a love relationship.

See also ancient history, carry a torch for, Cupid's torch, dormant love, erstwhile dear, ex, flame, ghosts of relationships past, have the hots for, in love, long-lost love, lost and found lover, lost love, lover, partner, love relationship, rekindle the flame, retrosexual, torchy, TOTGA.

Quotation from Charles Dickens Illustrating "Old Flame"
THERE ONCE LIVED, IN A SEQUESTERED PART OF THE COUNTY of Devonshire, one Mr. Godfrey Nickleby: a worthy gentleman, who, taking it into his head rather late in life that he must get married, and not being young enough or rich enough to aspire to the hand of a lady of fortune, had wedded an old flame out of mere attachment, who in her turn had taken him for the same reason. Thus two people who cannot afford to play cards for money, sometimes sit down to a quiet game of love.
From the novel: Nicholas Nickleby: A Facsimile Edition of the 1938 Nonesuch Dickens, [by] Charles Dickens ([New York]: Barnes & Noble, 2005): chapter 1, p. 1. Originally published under title: The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby ... (London: Chapman & Hall, 1839). The Nonesuch Dickens was originally published, Bloomsbury: Nonesuch Press, 1938.

old girlfriend:

1. A girlfriend (q.v.) who either was born much earlier than oneself or who is advanced in years.

2. A female who was once one's girlfriend but who is so no longer.

See also ancient history, erstwhile dear, ex, ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-partner, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, letter group (X), lost love, old flame, partner, past attachment, right of return.

old lady:

1. A woman advanced in years.

2. A wife (q.v.), especially one of some years.

3. A mother.

4. A vulva.

5. A term of address for a woman who has been lowered in the eyes of society.

Comment: With regard to the second sense, the term is usually used, with a mingling of affection and distance, in the phrase, "my old lady." Some detect in that a note of disparagement.

See also anilogamy, mature person, old man, old wife, take the giggle-trot.

old maid:

A woman who has never married and who is beyond the conventional age for a first marriage or, at least, beyond the age the speaker would wish to see her married.

Comments: Note the oxymoron.

Generally speaking the term conveys a negative cultural attitude towards women who remain umarried. Furthermore, since in many English-speaking countries the word "old" implies diminishing sexual attractiveness and is besides a reminder of caducity and mortality, the term "old maid" is usually not received favorably by those to whom it is applied.

Note the English proverb: "Quite young and all alive, | like an old maid of forty-five." Cf. The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): p. 369.

For more, see notes under "spinster."

See also ape leader, maiden aunt, never married, odd woman, old bachelor (which see for additional lexical example), single, spinster, unmarried.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Old Maid"
[Lydia Bennet]: '... Jane will be quite an old maid soon, I declare. She is almost three and twenty! Lord, how ashamed I should be of not being married before three and twenty! ...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 39, p. 280. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

old maids leading apes in hell:

See lead apes in hell.

old man:

1. A man advanced in years.

2. A husband (q.v.), especially one of some years.

3. A father.

4. A penis.

Comments: With regard to the second sense, the term is usually used, with a mingling of affection and distance, in the phrase, "my old man." Some detect in that a note of disparagement.

See also mature person, old lady, take the dottle-trot.

old paradigm relating:

Acting out of a relationship philosophy that emphasizes subordination of the partners to the terms of the relationship. Typically this philosophy or paradigm entails a hierarchical power structure.

Contrast new paradigm relating (q.v.). See also hot and cool sex, sexual morality, traditional morality, trusteeship family.

old relationship energy:

The settled, stable, comfortable aspects of a matured love relationship.

Contrast new relationship energy (q.v.). See also conceptive phase, domestic love, habit of each other, long-term love, mature love.

old wife:

1. A married woman who is advanced in years, especially one who has been long married.

2. A witch.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," old lady, she-troth, wife.

x Gaelic terms.

Quotation from Cuthbert Bede Illustrating "Old Wives"
The "Old Wives" in the two following stories, it will be observed, are the "Witches" of popular belief, and the stories themselves may, in more senses than one, be entitled [in Gaelic] Sgeulach-dan faoin sheana bhan, or "Old Wives' Silly Tales."
From: The White Wife; with Other Stories, Supernatural, Romantic and Legendary, collected and illustrated by Cuthbert Bede [pseudonym of Edward Bradley, 1827-1889] (London: Sampson Low, Son, and Marston, 1865): p. [114]. In the quotation, "Old Wives'" translates sheana bhan.

oligamist:

1. A partner in a marriage in a society where few are able to marry.

2. A person who favors oligamy (q.v.) or who, without dissent, belongs to a social system or group where oligamy is accepted.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "oligamy," so here included.

oligamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by oligamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "oligamy," so here included.

oligamy:

The practice of marriage in a society such that only a few are able to be officially married.

Comment: The sense given is a best guess.

Not to be confused with "oligemy," which is a blood shortage within the body.

See also -gamy, oligamist, oligamous.

OLR:

Online relationship (q.v.).

omnia vincit amor (Latin):

"Love conquers all."

Comment: The quotation is from Virgil's Eclogues 10:69. The fuller quotation is: Omnia vincit amor et nos cedamus amori. Translated: "Love conquers all, and let us yield to love!" The variation, Amor vincit omnia, is famously quoted in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, Prologue, line 162.

x amor vincit omnia.

x Latin terms.

x vincet omnia amor.

omnigamist:

1. A practioner of omnigamy (q.v.).

2. An advocate or supporter of omnigamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "omnigamy," so here included.

omnigamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by omnigamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "omnigamy," so here included.

omnigamy (Charles Fourier, 19th Century; research further):

1. Marriage to everyone in the community of those who have been identified as sharing the same or complementary passion.

2. The combination of polyandry and polygyny; group marriage.

See also complex marriage, -gamy, group marriage, omnigamist, omnigamous, pantagamy, polyandry, polygynandry, polygyny, tribal marriage.

omnisexual, as in "an omnisexual":

A person who is erotically unbounded by a his or her own sex relative to that of others; a person who is sexually attracted to some of any and all sexes.

See also bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, monosexual, omnisexuality, pansexual, pomosexual, sexual nomad, try-sexual.

omnisexual, as in "omnisexual person":

Characterized by or pertaining to sexual orientation that is unbounded by a person's own sex relative to that of others; characterized by or pertaining to attraction to some of any and all sexes.

See also bisexual, heterosexual, homosexual, monosexual, omnisexuality, pansexual, polymoprphous perverse, pomosexual, sexual, swing both ways.

x -sexual.

Quotation from Dossie Easton Illustrating "Omnisexual"
The Omni, short for omnisexual, was a small North Beach bar whose patrons were men and women, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual and often transgendered. The sexual values were very open, from hippie free-love freaks to sex industry professionals, and most of us came there to dance like wild women and cruise like crazy.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 46.

Quotation from Spider Robinson Illustrating "Omnisexual"
Probably the only person in the entire ship who ended up finding anything at all surprising in that entire date was me, after I [Joel Johnston] finally shut up long enough for Kathy to tell me that she'd gotten engaged two weeks earlier, to two very nice people, and had I ever thought much about opting into a group or line marriage myself? Becuase they were looking to expand. Full bore omnisexual, of course. But no pressure.
From the science fiction novel: Variable Star, [by] Robert A. Heinlein and Spider Robinson (New York: TOR, A Tom Doherty Associates Book, 2006): p. 190.

omnisexuality:

Sexual orientation that is unbounded by one's own sex relative to that of others; attraction to some of any and all sexes.

See also bisexuality, heterosexualiy, homosexuality, monosexuality, omnisexual (noun), omnisexual (adjective), pansexuality, polymoprphous perversity, pomosexuality, sexuality.

onanism:

1. In a levirate marriage, the man's refusal, by way of coitus interruptus (withdrawal for ejaculation), to beget an heir for his deceased brother, thus mirroring the "displeasing" practice exemplified by Onan in the Bible at Genesis 38:8-10.

2. By way of a misreading or over-extension of the sin of Onan, coitus interruptus itself.

3. Likewise by way of a misreading or over-extension of the sin of Onan, masturbation to the point of the ejaculation of semen.

4. Metaphorically, self-gratification.

Comment: The first is the proper but a rarely used sense.

The sin of Onan was abuse of the system of inheritance which levirate marriage served. It entailed self-centeredness; disobedience to his father, Judah; disrespect of his deceased brother, Er; and neglect, under the social system in which they lived, of his duty towards and the needs of his deceased brother's wife, Tamar. Withdrawal for ejaculation was not itself Onan's crime except insofar as it served those other purposes and was a way of making matters worse for everybody else.

See also halitzah, levirate marriage, onanist, yavam, yibbum.

x Bible.

x sin of Onan.

onanist:

One who practices onanism (q.v.).

on a stringer:

See stringer.

once:

See oncing.

once-in-a-while lover:

A lover (q.v.) one is with only occasionally, for instance, a person one is able to see only when he or she travels.

See also far-away sweetie, insignificant other, long-distance lover, partner, stand-by man, stand-by woman, tertiary partner.

once-over:

1. A quick look, especially for the purpose of making a preliminary evaluation; a rapid survey.

2. A glance at a person in order to assess one's own sexual attraction to that person.

See also attraction, babies-in-the-eyes, flirtation.

Quotation from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Once-Over"
[Holden Caulfield narrating] I started giving the three witches at the next table the eye again. That is, the blonde one. The other two were strictly from hunger. I didn't do it crudely, though. I just gave all three of them this very cool glance and all. What they did, though, the three of them, when I did it, they started giggling like morons. They probably thought I was too young to give anybody the once-over.
From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chapter 10, p. 91.

oncer:

A person who, as a matter of preference at least for a period of time, will have no more than a single sexual encounter with any individual.

Source: "The Language of Homosexuality: An American Glossary," [by] Gershon Legman (1941), in: The Language and Sexuality Reader, edited by Deborah Cameron and Don Kulick (London; New York: Routledge, 2006): pp. [19]-32.

See also oncing, one-night stand.

oncing:

The practice of having a string of one-night stands; having a different partner for each sexual encounter.

See also oncer, one-night stand.

x once.

one:

The person who could be, will be, or is one's mate in a monogamous relationship.

Comments: In this sense, the word is usually preceded by an article, as in, "He's the one." If the article is "the," the word often carries overtones of "the one true love."

Sometimes the connection to oneself is made explicit, as in "the one for me."

See also couple, dyad, Hauerwas's Law, lovemap, love of one's life, made for each other, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, monogamy, Ms. Right, one-and-only, one true love, partner, soul mate, spiritual husband, spiritual wife, template (for a lover).

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "A One."
Steadfastly he [Tom Brangwen] looked at the young women to find a one he could marry. But not one of them did he want.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 1, p. 19.

one-and-only:

The sole person that one desires, loves, is committed to, or has sex with.

See also compulsory monogamy, couple, dyad, love of one's life, made for each other, match made in heaven, matrimonialism, Miss Right, Mister Right, monogamy-centrist, monogamy-only position, Ms. Right, one, one-itis, one true love, partner, Prince Charming, soul mate, spiritual husband, spiritual wife, true love.

"one flesh":

A man and a woman as a unit, in part a bodily unit, particularly as represented in the Bible at Genesis 2:24, which reads: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (King James = Authorized Version).

Comments: "One flesh" is a translation of the Hebrew phrase basar echad (Genesis 2:24) and of the Greek phrase, in its usual inflected form, sarka mian (Genesis 2:24 in the Septuagint, an ancient Greek version; Matthew 19:5-6; Mark 10:7-8; 1 Corinthians 6:16; and Ephesians 5:31). The Latin phrase, in its usual inflected form, is carne una (see the above passages in the Latin Vulgate Version).

As indicated above, there is but a single mention of "one flesh" in the Hebrew Bible; however, the New Testament reflects varied development of the concept.

Genesis 2:24

In Genesis 2:24, "one flesh" is presented as chiefly an ontological and teleological matter, that is, as a matter of the way things are and as a matter of goals to which particular things drive. Ontologically it signifies:

• being of the same species;
• recapitulating in primordial or archetypal manner the totality of the species;
• the united origin of all descendants from a given pair, hence a particular potential for empathy and compassion; and,
• becoming a distinct unit, ideally an ongoing functional one.

Teleologically it signifies:

• in metaphorical terms, the reuniting of parts (Adam and his rib); that is, in realistic terms, the fulfillment of yearning; and, to carry the signification a step further,
• culmination in the potential for a satisfying communion and mutual satisfaction that is beyond what a human being can have with an animal; also,
• the potential for a compassionate family and a compassionate society.

Note well, it is humankind who appears to be represented as instituting one-fleshness -- "And the man said" (2:23); also "they shall become" (2:24) -- this on the basis of what God has wrought.

One-fleshness is presented as originating pre-Fall, which means at least a couple of things:

• First, it is prior to the curse in which the woman was told -- not as a command -- that her husband would rule over her (3:16).
• Second, it is a matter of primordial innocence and potentiality.

Conceivably the prelapsarian nature of one-fleshness might also mean that:

• Being "one flesh" does not necessarily entail sexual intercourse, for the second creation account (2:4-4:26) gives no clear indication of sexual relations until after the Fall (4:1), although the very terminology -- a man cleaving to his wife and their becoming "one flesh" (2:24) -- is certainly suggestive, all the more so given that the first creation account indicates an imperative to procreate from the start (1:28). (Note that the third creation account, in 5:1 and following, has procreation with no mention of a Fall.)

In the Hebrew Bible one-fleshness does not preclude non-monogamy. In fact, the Abrahamic tradition, which the Hebrew Bible largely represents, was particularly open to polygyny. In the biblical presentation, before Terah, Abraham's father, only Lamech is represented as having had more than one wife simultaneously (Genesis 4:19, 23). Terah may have been polygynous (Genesis 11:26-29; 20:12). Abraham certainly was -- his wives being Sarai and Hagar (Genesis 16:1-6; Galatians 4:22), then Keturah and some concubines (Genesis 25:1-6) -- as were many of his descendants (see Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Polygyny of ..."). Presumably a man was understood as becoming "one flesh" with each wife.

Philo

For chronological and hermeneutical reasons, I am interjecting a treatment of Philo between the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament.¹

Philo, the Jewish philosopher of Alexandria, who lived circa 20 B.C.E. to 50 C.E. and who wrote in Greek, gave both a literal and an allegorical interpretation of the phrase, "one flesh":

"But when Scripture says that the two are one flesh, it indicates something very tangible and sense-perceptible, in which there is suffering and sensual pleasure, that they may rejoice in, and be pained by, and feel the same things, and, much more, may think the same things." Quaestiones et Solutiones in Genesin 1:29 (Loeb Classical Library)

"'For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and the twain shall become one flesh' (Gen. ii. 24). For the sake of sense-perception the Mind, when it has become her slave, abandons both God the father of the universe, and God's excellence and wisdom, the Mother of all things, and cleaves to and becomes one with sense-perception and is resolved into sense-perception so that the two become one flesh and one experience. Observe that it is not the woman who cleaves to man, but conversely the man to the woman, Mind to Sense-perception. For when that which is superior, namely Mind, becomes one with that which is inferior, namely Sense-perception, it resolves itself into the order of flesh which is inferior, into sense-perception, the moving cause of the passions." Legum Allegoriae 2:49-50 = 2:14 = 75 (LCL)

Philo refers to Genesis 2:24 in one other place in his extant works, there assuming an allegorical interpretation:

"But the sons of earth have turned the steps of the mind out of the path of reason and transmuted it into the lifeless and inert nature of the flesh. For 'the two became one flesh' as says the lawgiver (Gen. ii. 24)." De Gigantibus 65 = 15 = 271-272 (LCL)

In the same treatise, Philo expounds upon the relation of flesh to the spirit of God:

"Some [evil ones, referring to certain souls = daimons = angels] take the pleasures of sight, others those of hearing, others again those of the palate and the belly, or of sex, while many, setting no bound to their inward desires, seize upon the pleasures which lie furthest beyond the common range. For as pleasures are manifold, the choices of pleasures must needs be manifold also. One here, another there, they each have their affinities..

"Among such as these then it is impossible that the spirit of God should dwell and make for ever its habitation, as also the Lawgiver himself shows clearly. For (so it runs) 'the Lord God said, My spirit shall not abide for ever among men, because they are flesh' (Gen. vi. 3)." De Gigantibus 18-19 = 4-5 = 265 (LCL; cf. 29-30 = 7 = 266)²

For Philo, flesh is the realm of sense-perception, which is susceptible to the love of passions and which stands in opposition to the things of the mind or, to put it another way, the love of God (Legum Allegoriae 2:50 = 2:14 = 75). Philo's rationalized daimonology in combination with his idea of the spirit as "the pure knowledge in which every wise man naturally shares" (De Gigantibus 22 = 6 = 265, LCL) makes the passions of the flesh -- not strictly the flesh itself -- incompatible with the spirit of God. One-fleshness, in the concrete sense, operates at the level of sense perception and, in an allegorical sense, reduces to the level of sense-perception.

Mark 10:7-8 and Matthew 19:6

In the New Testament, Jesus is represented as quoting the Genesis passage and using it in his discussion of divorce (Mark 10:7-8 and Matthew 19:6).³

Jesus' Use of "One Flesh"
Mark 10:6-9 (Authorized Version)	Matthew 19:4-6 (Authorized Version)
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.	Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Rather than addressing what the Mosaic Law might or might not allow, he pointed back to the primordial condition, stressing, on the basis of the first and third creation accounts, the divine role in creating the primordial male and female as a unity (Genesis 1:27; 5:2) and, on the basis of the second creation account, the unitary nature of one-fleshness, which (given 2:24) applies to all generations, not merely to the primordial pair. From this he derived a deontological point, that is, a point about oughtness: "Therefore that which God has united, let no human being [anthrôpos] break up" (Mark 10:9 = Matthew 19:6, my translation). It isn't that a couple can't break up; for, of course, couples often do, and Mosaic Law took account of that. But the condition for which a couple should strive is the harmonious union of the primordial prelapsarian pair, and spouses should respect that condition rather than nurturing bitterness and a hardening of one over against the other (cf. Mark 10:5 = Matthew 19:8). Jesus might also have had a sting in his remarks with regard to his interlocutors, implying, "What right have you to delineate humanly made grounds for divorce out to the nth degree -- at least apart from a sexual violation of cultic purity (cf. Matthew 1:19; 5:32; 19:9) -- when the grounds for unity are divine?!"

1 Corinthians 6:16

The Apostle Paul's writings are later than Jesus but earlier than the Gospels of Mark and Matthew. In 1 Corinthians 6:16, Paul quoted from Genesis 2:24 or, possibly, from a saying of Jesus that quoted Genesis 2:24; and he may well have been aware of a form of that saying which included a porneia exception for divorce (cf. Matthew 5:32; 19:9).

First Corinthians 6:15-16 which is notoriously difficult to interpret, reads (as I have translated it):

"Don't you know that your bodies are members of Christ? Having, then, lifted up [or removed] the members of the Christ, shall I make members of a harlot? Let it not be!

"Don't you know that the one cleaving to a harlot is one body, for he says, 'The two will become one flesh.'"⁴

Note the marital overtones:

• The Greek word for "cleaving to," kollômenos (lexical form, kollaô), echoes the cleaving to one's wife in the classic marital text, Genesis 2:24. Compare the Greek rendition of a portion of that passage at Matthew 19:5, which has kollêthêsetai (lexical form, kollaô) and which contrasts slightly with the Septuagint's proskollêthêsetai (lexical form, proskollaô).
• The Hebrew word for "cleaving to," dabaq, was sometimes used in covenantal formulas, for instance, at Deuteronomy 10:20 (Septuagint: kollêthêsê); 11:22 (Septuagint: proskollasthai); and Joshua 23:8 (Septuagint: proskollêthêsesthe); and, among the Israelites, marriage was covenantal in nature (Malachi 2:14).
• Furthermore, if 1 Corinthians 5-7 is, in large part, an application of Leviticus 18-21 to the early Corinthian church (as I suppose it is), 6:16 would seem to be applying Leviticus 21:7, which prohibits a levitical priest from taking a woman who is a harlot.⁵

These details would seem to suggest that Paul had in mind a case of someone marrying or staying married to a harlot; and, indeed, the rhetoric seems to have been constructed in such a way as to be inclusive of marriage.⁶ However:

• Kollaô is not specifically a marital term; in the infinitive, it means, basically, "to join to." Even in Genesis 2:24, the Hebrew word it translates, dabaq, is descriptive of the relationship, not a word for marriage.
• The Greek word I've translated as "harlot," pornê, can mean (moving from specific to general) cult prostitute, prostitute, or sexually wayward woman, in any of these cases possibly a wayward wife, but not necessarily so. In the Septuagint, pornê usually translated the Hebrew word zonah (including at Leviticus 21:7); and zonah has a similar range of meanings.⁷
• To say that the "one flesh" reference cinches the interpretation of the passage as referring to marriage alone would be circular reasoning, tantamount to saying that "one flesh" means a marital state and therefore "one flesh" means a marital state.
• In any case, the text doesn't actually say that a person being addressed would become "one flesh" with a harlot, only "one body" (hen sôma) and that the one-flesh text is applicable. This point is significant, since "one flesh," rather than being precisely synonymous with "one body" in this context, may be a more inclusive term, "flesh" (sarka; lexical form, sarx) referring, perhaps, to the earthly life and human selfhood associated with that. (For that sense, compare 1 Corinthians 7:28-34. By the way, note the phrase, "the body of the flesh," in Colossians 1:22; 2:11.)

Paul's vagueness (if that's the appropriate term) about the pornê may have been deliberate, as if to say, if marriage to a sexually wayward woman is an offense against cultic holiness, how is visitation of a prostitute not?! To cast this hypothesis in the larger context of his partially invisible rhetoric:

• The Council of Jerusalem has enjoined upon Gentiles turning to God certain rules, including rules related to sexual immorality (porneia; Acts 15:20, 29), that, according to Mosaic Law, are applicable to both Jews and the alien who sojourns among them (Leviticus 18:26).⁸
• Granted, that set of rules does not specifically prohibit visitation of a prostitute; and there is the biblical example in Genesis 38 of the Patriarch, Judah, visiting a prostitute, and of his daughter-in-law, Tamar, playing one.
• However, if collectively "you" (6:19; those to whom Paul was addressing himself) comprise the body of Christ, which is a temple, "you" should behave in a way that is at least consonant with the holiness of the levitical priest of Leviticus 21:7;⁹
• And if a levitical priest was not to take a woman who is a harlot, how is holiness served by visiting a prostitute?!

Conceivably, in Paul's mind, Leviticus 21:7 made no distinction, for the purposes of that law, between one's wayward wife and a prostitute to whom one is not married. And even if it did, it would appear that the Prophet Amos did not. (Amos 2:7 drew upon the law against having sex with one's father's wife, Leviticus 18:8 = 20:11 = Deuteronomy 22:30 = 27:20; and upon the complementary law against having sex with one's son's wife, Leviticus 18:15 = 20:12.)

This line of thought, that the term pornê here is inclusive of a prostitute a Christian has merely had sex with, commonly gives rise to three questions about Paul's one-flesh theology:

• First, does the phrase "one flesh" mean simply "sexual intercourse"?
• Second, does one-fleshness with a prostitute to whom one is not properly married imply a de facto marital state or at least marital-like obligations?
• Third, might it be inferred that a woman can be "one flesh" with more than one man at the same time, just as a man can be "one flesh" with more than one woman at a time?

In response to the first question, the answer would seem to be no, "one flesh" does not mean simply "sexual intercourse" -- for a few reasons:

• As indicated above, the source text in Genesis implied much more than sexual intercourse, as also did Jesus in his use of the phrase.
• Also as already indicated, it is not necessarily one-fleshness that a person has with a prostitute but, to use an even more cumbersome term, one-bodiedness. The one-bodiedness may be an aspect of one-fleshness, but not necessarily the totality of it; and that, in fact, may be an essential part of Paul's point: Being one body with a prostitute falls short of the higher condition of being in a much richer one-flesh union with a person, which entails a more extensive complementarity and a far greater mutuality, including a commonality of purpose, namely, to thrive together.
• Furthermore, one-fleshness with a faithful spouse is fully compatible with communion with God -- although it may entail distractions (7:32-35) -- and it may even have certain effects, such as extending sanctification from one spouse to another (7:14). However, one-bodiedness with a harlot creates a tension between body and spirit (6:15-20). To equate one-fleshness with sexual intercourse does not explain the effects.
• Even one-bodiedness may entail more than sexual intercourse as mere biological act; for, abused, it is able to profane in a way that, in Paul's mind, is incompatible with the mystical body of Christ, of which those to whom Paul was addressing himself were members (6:15).

Nevertheless, "one flesh" has at times been interpreted as referring to sexual intercourse proper, as in Midrash Rabbah on Genesis = Bereshith Rabbah 18:5.

In response to the second question, about whether a de facto marital state is implied, a few points:

• First a cautionary note: An anachronistic reading might take the adjacent injunction, "flee sexual immorality [porneian]" (1 Corinthians 6:18), to imply that the answer is no; however, most forms of porneia in Leviticus 18-21 are marital forms; so the injunction is not determinative.
• Rabbinic thought did recognize sexual intercourse as a way of acquiring a wife, as in the case of levirate marriage.¹⁰ However, marital intent was required.¹¹ Nothing that Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 contradicted those ideas.
• If "one body" and "one flesh" are to be contrasted (rather than being treated as synonymous), with "one flesh" being the greater relationship, then, whether or not "one flesh" implies marriage, being merely "one body" is deficient, for key elements are missing including the sharing of earthly life and of selfhood; and being in a deficient relationship is to shortchange the participants or, in Paul's terms, to sin against one's own body (6:18) -- not against oneself alone, not necessarily against oneself and a spouse (although a different rhetoric may lead to that conclusion), but against both oneself and the person with whom one is "one body," namely, the prostitute -- for the body is thereby pitted against the spirit (6:16-17), when the Lord values both (6:13) and has established, within a framework of temple holiness, a threefold integration -- of body and spirit, of the collective group, and of the group with God (6:17-20) -- an integration which has effects even with regard to husband-wife relationships (see, for example, 7:14).

In response to the third question, about whether a woman can be "one flesh" with more than one man at a time:

• If "one body" and "one flesh" are synonymous in a coterminus sense (which I do not suppose) and pornë can be a prostitute to whom one is not properly married, then the answer would seem to be yes. Even if they are not synonymous, that is, if a one-body relationship is deficient, being an element of but not the totality of being "one flesh," and if a prostitute can be one body with more than one man, then Paul is part way to saying that a woman can indeed be "one flesh" with more than one man at a time.
• Paul regarded one-fleshness as primordial and, presumably, recognized that it found a variety of cultural expressions, including, on the one hand, marriage under Israelite Law and, on the other, perhaps even polyandry and group marriage.¹² That he meant Israelite Law on marriage and sexuality to apply, with a major christological twist, to both Jews and Gentiles within the church (12:13) seems evident from 5:1. That it seems likely he would have criticized polyandry and group marriage on the basis of problems with headship (cf. 11:3), for starters, seems likely. (Headship may have been the issue in Matthew 22:28 = Mark 12:23 = Luke 20:33.) However, that criticism would have had to do with a disturbance in order, not with whether all the elements of one-fleshness were present. So it is possible that Paul would have regarded a woman with more than one husband at the same time to be "one flesh" with each, just as the Israelites seemed to understand that a man with more than one wife at the same time could be "one flesh" with each.
• If the answer is indeed yes, then it would seem that Paul's rhetoric was tracking in a direction different from that of the Qumran community, which drew upon the unity of Genesis 1:27 to proscribe polygyny (CD 4:20-21), especially for the leader (CD 5:1-3; cf. 11QTemple 57:17-19).

A broadly related question is also sometimes raised: Is a former prostitute eligible for marriage to a Christian? Evidently, Paul's answer was yes; for in his view conversion meant a fresh start for each convert, at least in terms of his or her previous sinful status (1 Corinthians 6:11, 20). Thus a harlot is no longer a harlot but can be classed with any other woman that has never been married and yet is no longer a maiden (7:8).

Ephesians 5:31

The last use of "one flesh" in the New Testament occurs at Ephesians 5:31, in a context where Paul (or, some would say, someone in his name) was presenting a picture of the good marriage post-Fall -- post-Fall because, apart from the obvious time frame, the wife was presented as being in subjection to her husband (5:22) and there is mention of a savior of the body (5:23). Here the moral implication that was drawn is that a husband ought to love (agapan) his wife as himself, nourishing and cherishing her as he does his own flesh (5:28-29, 33), and that, given a husband's headship of this one-fleshness (5:23), a wife ought to respect her husband (5:33). Throughout, an intimate analogy was drawn with the relation of Christ to his church, about which relation it is said, "The mystery of this is great." In the Latin Vulgate, that reads, Sacramentum hoc magnum est; hence the idea of marriage as sacrament.

Caveat

It should be pointed out that the ultimate vision of early Christianity was one, not of returning to the condition of humankind immediately pre-Fall, but of doing away with the very categories of male and female (Galatians 3:38; cf. Gospel of Thomas 22, 114) and arriving at a heaven where there is no marrying (Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35-36).

Philo and Paul Contrasted

Paul's approach to the "one flesh" source text is calibrated differently from Philo's.

• Unlike Philo, Paul created an escape valve in the "one body" concept, so that the one-flesh condition, which, after all is prelapsarian, is not dragged down. Any negativity on his part towards marriage (which, if it doesn't equal "one flesh" is, at least, characterized by one-fleshness) is due to the "impending distress" (1 Corinthians 7:26), "trouble" (7:28), and divided interests (7:34-35), and because "the form of this world is passing away" (7:31).
• Philo has a dualism -- mind versus sense-perception. Paul too has a dualism -- the earthly versus the spiritual, which is broken down, apart from practical distractions, in a context of holiness (6:12-7:40).¹³
• Philo's daimonology informs his treatment of passion as incompatible with the spirit of God. Paul's treatment of sexual union with a harlot as being at odds with the Holy Spirit is informed by his temple theology and the idea that those he was addressing did not own their own bodies, but that God did (6:19-20), both points presupposing the applicability of Leviticus 21:7.
• Philo uses the phrase "one flesh" negatively as an allegory for the debasement of mind to sense-perception. Paul uses it positively as an anlogy for the relation of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:21-33).

Other

Some theologians infer from the phrase "one flesh" itself an expectation of mutual loyalty, sexual union, and offspring.

References
1 For other intertestamental use of the term "one flesh," see, for example, Jubilees 3:7, which is basically a restatement of the Genesis account.
2 Compare 1 Enoch = Ethiopic Apocalypse of Enoch 106:17, which reads: "And upon the earth they shall give birth to giants, not of the spirit but of the flesh." Translation by E. Isaac, from: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1983-1985): v. 1, p. 87.
3 In each Gospel, Jesus is represented as using the rendering, "the two shall become one flesh" rather than "they shall become one flesh." This part of his biblical quotation follows the Septuagint precisely. Some suspect that the rendering reflects a textual variant in the Hebrew text, although there is no evidence for such a variant in the Hebrew manuscripts themselves. Some suggest that such a rendering reflects a cultural shift towards a monogamous norm, one that Jesus was consciously supporting. However: The idea of "one flesh" was never applied to more than a pair anyway. It was simply understood that a man (at least) could be part of more than one pair at the same time. Josephus takes no notice of such a shift. On the contrary, he says, "It is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time" (Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2). Archaeological evidence suggests that polgyny was still being practiced. See, for example, P. Yadin 26 (July 9, 131 C.E.), which is a summons and reply, in litigation between Babatha and Miriam over rights to the property of their husband, Judah. Jewish legal arguments of the period took no notice of any such shift. On the contrary, as even a cursory reading of the order Nashim in the Talmudic literature will show, they assume not only polygyny but also the obligation of a man to take to wife the sonless widow of a brother, even if the man is already married. Sifra even represents Scripture as saying, in such a case "take a woman as a co-wife" (Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 12 = 210.2.7K). Although we have intimations that some within Judaism eschewed polygamy -- or was it remarriage? -- as far back as the Second Temple Period (see among the Dead Sea Scrolls, CD 4:20-21 and 11QTemple 57:17-19; compare Pseudo-Phocylides, Sentences 205), within rabbinic Judaism it was evidently a millennium later that the pivotal shift away from polygyny took place -- roughly during the period of Gershom ben Judah (ca. 965-ca. 1028).
4 Some notes on the translation of 1 Corinthians 6:15-16: "Lifted up [or removed]" -- The word aras (lexical form: airô) may echo Paul's instruction to "remove" (arthê; lexical form: airô) the offender in 5:2-5. Or Paul may simply be playing off the earlier use of the word with a different meaning. With "lifted up," it would seem that the offender would still be a member of Christ. With "removed," it would seem that he would not be. "Cleaving" -- The word kollômenos (lexical form: kollaô) may imply more than a brief one-time sexual encounter, for it can mean "stick fast to." "He [or it] says" -- Christ is a possible antecedent and the most recently mentioned of possible antecedents. Another possibility is God (cf. verse 14). Yet another is the Lawgiver, Moses. Yet another is the Torah, which forms the background of the discussion. Notice that Paul uses the same rendering, "The two ...," that Jesus did as represented in Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:8 and that Philo did in the quotations given above.
5 I characterize 1 Corinthians 5-7 this way: It is a rabbinic commentary on Leviticus 18-21, which employs both certain sayings of Jesus and the meaning of the Jesus story to the early church as the terrain to be navigated; in other words, it is a christological midrash on a portion of the Holiness Code. It includes rabbinic responsum -- in other words, it speaks to one or more particular cases to which Paul's legal judgment was brought to bear. It is pedagogical in nature: "Do you not know?" -- in other words, it is showing the Corinthian church how to approach and apply Scripture. It is ambassadorial in nature -- in other words, it explains, with, I am supposing, Paul's own theological twists, the part of the decision of the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15) that is about porneia, which evidently was grounded in the "alien among you" "cut off" passages of Leviticus, including Leviticus 18:26, 29. Evidently, the text that Paul was working from in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 was Leviticus 21:7 about priests in the line of Aaron. He regarded his immediate audience to comprise, bodily and collectively, a temple, therefore to be priestlike in character, therefore to be held to priestly standards. (Cf. Leviticus 21:14. For abhorence at associating prostitution with a temple, see Deuteronomy 23:17-18; 1 Samuel 2:22ff; and Hosea 4:14.) This does not necessarily mean that he was speaking to priests in the sense of the word as it is used today to refer to clergy. (Cf. Exodus 19:6; Isaiah 61:6; 66:21; 1 Peter 2:5, 9; Revelation 1:6; 20:6.) However, it is possible that the "holy ones" in Corinth to whom Paul was addressing himself (1 Corinthians 1:2) were church leaders: They had a calling and had been sanctified for it (1:2). Some were itinerant, invoking the name of Jesus Christ in "every place" (1:2). They were each claiming a chain of authority (1:12). They were now mature (2:6; 8:9-11; 10:15). They were wealthy and distinguished (4:8, 10). They were expected to be judges between the "brethren" (6:1-6). They were, evidently, ministers (12:5, 28) and administrators (12:28; 16:1-2). In another letter, Paul identified two categories of "holy ones" as overseers and deacons (Philippians 1:1). In yet another letter, the "holy ones" are distinguished from the "brethren," presumably the other brethren (Colossians 1:2). Thus, Paul's temple rhetoric in 1 Corinthians 6:19 may be applicable principally to church leaders. (However, the Protestant tradition generally treats the "holy ones" as referring to all believers, and an alternative set of interpretations for the above-mentioned passages is possible.) The question naturally arises: Why was Paul referencing rules for a levitical priesthood rather than for a melchizedechan priesthood, which presumably would be broader in scope (cf. Genesis 14:18-20; Psalm 110:4; Hebrews 5:5-10; 6:20-7:28)? After all, as the author of Hebrews points out (7:14) after linking Jesus to Melchizedek, Jesus was not a Levite but of the tribe of Judah. (Compare, going in what is possibly a chronological order of composition, Romans 1:3; 2 Timothy 2:8; Mark 10:47-48; Matthew 1:2-3; Luke 3:33; etc.) Three factors come to mind: First, in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, Paul may be partially excavating the porneia exception in certain divorce sayings of Jesus (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), which, to his rabbinic mind, pointed to the code on marriage and sexuality in Leviticus 18-21, which includes a section geared specifically to priests. Second, Paul may have also had in mind the discipleship-ahead-of-family statements of Jesus (cf. Matthew 10:34-28; Luke 14:26-27), which apparently drew in part upon Moses' blessing of the tribe of Levi in Deuteronomy 33:9. (For discussion, see the glossary entry, "hate his wife.") In other words, Jesus demanded faithfulness ahead of family comparable to that once shown by the tribe of Levi. Third, although Gentiles were evidently part of his audience (1 Corinthians 12:2, 13), in his response to reportage (chapters 5-6), which includes the passage under consideration, Paul seems to be addressing in particular the Jews in his audience (5:1; cf. 10:1-5). Besides:   The orientation at this stage was entirely towards Jews and towards making Gentiles compatible with Jews in a community of faith (cf. Acts 15:1-33; Romans 11:17-29). Paul may have had in mind the eschatological prophecy at Isaiah 66:21 about making priests and Levites out of some of the brethren from the nations. Paul probably believed that no better code was to be found (cf. Deuteronomy 4:8), certainly not for securing the blessings of Israel for the church. So turning to the code for the levitical priesthood would have seemed natural to him and entirely apropos.
6 On the basis of Numbers 5:13-14, 28-30, where the adulteress is said to have defiled herself, many ancient rabbis, including the school of Shammai, understood that an adulteress had made herself ineligible to her husband (see for instance, Mishnah Sotah 5:1; Talmud Bavli, Gittin 90b; Midrash Rabbah on Numbers = Bemidbar Rabbah 9:28-30). Paul's rhetoric is oriented to people whose bodies collectively comprise a temple; and it seems to be rooted in Leviticus 21:7; so, while there is comparison, there is also contrast. It is unclear whether Paul was instructing that divorce would be the remedy or shutting up the harlot wife as David did with his concubines in 2 Samuel 20:3 (cf. 16:21-22). Perhaps Paul read Jesus' porneia exception as allowing for either option.
7 If pornê is meant to be a translation of the Hebrew word, zonah, it could carry with it baggage quite apart from sexual waywardness. Consider this from the Mishnah (a digest, compiled around 200 C.E., of Jewish legal discussions of the previous few centuries): "A common priest may not marry a sterile woman unless he already had a wife or children. R. Judah says: Although he already had a wife or children he may not marry a sterile woman, for such is the harlot spoken of in the Law [Leviticus 21:7]. But the Sages say: The harlot refers only to a female proselyte, or to a freed bondwoman, or to one that suffered connexion of the nature of fornication." From: Mishnah Yebamoth 6:5, in: The Mishnah, translated from the Hebrew with introduction and brief explanatory notes by Herbert Danby (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1933). Paul shows no concern about procreation and knows no distinction between Jew and Gentile or slave and free in Christ (Romans 10:12; 1 Corinthians 12:13; Galatians 3:28; Colossians 3:11), so it seems highly unlikely that he would adopt such a definition of either zonah or pornë. However, let the quotation sound a cautionary note.
8 "The Prohibitions of the Council at Jerusalem (Acts xv 28, 29)," [by] J. W. Hunkin, The Journal of Theological Studies; v. 27, no. 107 (April 1926): pp. 272-283.
9 Temple theology was a powerful motif among early Christians. The identification of Jesus' very body as a temple may have begun with his destruction-of-the-temple saying (John 2:18-22; cf. Matthew 26:61 and 27:40 = Mark 14:58 and 15:29; Acts 6:14). His cornerstone saying (Matthew 21:42 = Mark 12:10 = Luke 20:17), which drew upon Psalm 118:22, seems also to have been woven into the motif (Acts 4:11; Ephesians 2:19-22; 1 Peter 2:4-10). The identification of the church with the body of Christ, hence with a temple, filled out this part of the orb of temple theology (1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 6:19; 2 Corinthians 6:16; Ephesians 2:19-22; 1 Peter 2:4-10). However, there is yet more to temple theology, for example, respect for the place of other nations in the temple (Isaiah 56:6-8; Matthew 21:12-13 = Mark 11:15-17 = Luke 19:45-46; John 2:14-16); Christ as sacrifice (Ephesians 5:2; Hebrews 9:11-14); and worship as sacrifice (Romans 12:1; Hebrews 13:15-16).
10 "By three means is the woman acquired ... She is acquired by money or by writ or by intercourse." From: Mishnah Kiddushin 1:1, in the Danby translation.
11 Regarding Leviticus 21:7, "They [priests in the line of Aaron] shall not marry a harlot": "R. Eliezer says, 'Even in a case in which an unencumbered man has had sexual relations with an unencumbered woman not for the sake of bringing about a marital relationship, [the upshot is that the woman falls into the category of harlot]." From: Sifra, Parashat Emor Pereq 1 = 212.3.2D = 94b, in: Sifra: An Analytical Translation, by Jacob Neusner (Atlanta, Ga.: Scholars Press): v. 3 (c1988; in series: Brown Judaic Studies; no. 140): pp. 169-170. Compare the concern about intent in Midrash Rabbah on Genesis = Bereshith Rabbah 18:5. For brief scholarly discussion and further references, see: Tasting the Dish: Rabbinic Rhetorics of Sexuality, by Michael L Satlow (Atlanta, Ga.: Scholars Press, c1995; in series: Brown Judaic Studies; no. 303): pp. 121-123.
12 Within Judaism has been an understanding of the universality of certain basic laws, the so-called Noachian laws, which are spelled out in Genesis 9:1-7 or inferred from biblical passages, such as those regarding Adam and Eve, that apply to all of humankind and not just to the Israelites. An early (2nd century B.C.E.?) extrabiblical statement is found in the book of Jubilees 7:20: "And in the twenty-eighth jubilee Noah began to command his grandsons with ordinances and commandments and all of the judgments which he knew. And he bore witness to his sons so that they might do justice and cover the shame of their flesh and bless the one who created them and honor father and mother, and each one love his neighbor and preserve themselves from fornication and pollution and from all injustice." From the translation by O. S. Wintermute in Charlesworth, v. 2 (1985): pp. 69-70. Early Christianity seems to have had within its ranks some conception of Noachian laws. Such a conception may have played a role in the thought of the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15:1-33). Notice also Romans 2:14-15; 13:1-10; 1 Peter 2:13-14, 17. One problem with regard to the Noachian laws is knowing whether "sexual immorality" and "incest" and "adultery" were understood to mean what the Israelites meant by them under their Law or whether allowance was made for cultural variation. In the line of thought I'm following, I've assumed that allowance was made for cultural variation, but that the Council of Jerusalem, at least as interpreted by Paul (cf. 1 Corinthians 5:1), expected Gentiles turning to God to conform to the Israelite laws on marriage and sexuality (Acts 15:19-20, 29). However, whether or not allowance was made is debatable.
13 Compare 1 Enoch 84:6, which reads (in the translation cited above by E. Isaac): "Do now destroy, O my Lord, the flesh that has angered you from upon the earth, but sustain the flesh of righteousness and uprightness as a plant of eternal seed."

See also Adam's rib, agapic love, androgyne archetype, belong to, divorce, cleave, father's wife, grounds for divorce, habit of each other, "hate his wife," "head of the wife," helpmeet, household rules, indissobulity doctrine, marital love, marriage, marriage-is-forever myth, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-only position, "neither male nor female," New Testament monogamy, Noachian laws, pastor's wife, polygyny, sacramental marriage, sacred sex, "saved in childbearing," sexual connection, "unequally yoked," unitive meaning, Urfamilie.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrew terms.

x Latin terms.

x myths.

one-itis:

Inflamed with sexual desire for one particular person above all others.

See also ardor, in lust, lust, monamory, monoamory, one-and-only, torchy.

one-man woman:

A female who wishes or is at least willing to restrict herself romantically and sexually to a particular male.

See also lone star, monogamist, one-woman man, univira.

one-night stand:

1. A one-time sexual encounter with no intent of establishing an enduring love relationship (q.v.).

2. A person who engaged in such an encounter.

Comment: Abbreviated ONS.

See also casual encounter, casual sex, convenient woman, cruise, dalliance, escapade romantique, expiration dating, fling, indiscriminate sex, oncer, oncing, ONS, partner, peccadillo, pickup, promiscuity, short-term relationship, stranger sex, zipless f***.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "One-Night Stand"
My one-night stand must have gone home and immediately told the wife he'd slept with me -- which was apparently the whole point of the exercise.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 88.

one-parent family:

A household (q.v.) consisting of one adult and one or more children who are being raised by that adult.

See also family, father-absent family, father-only family, mother-absent family, mother-only family, nuclear family, polyfamily, resource dissolution hypothesis, single-parent family, two-parent family.

one-sided relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) in which all or, at least, most of the contribution being made with regard to the relevant aspect of the relationship is on the part of only one of the partners, for example, with regard to the expression of affection.

Contrast two-way relationship (q.v.). See also lop-sided relationship, microphily, poor match, unequally yoked.

one-soul-mate myth:

Myth of the one soul male.

one that got away:

See TOTGA.

one true love:

1. The person one seeks or has found to be with in a dyadic love relationship, hopefully for the rest of one's life.

2. The person who is supposed to satisfy the belief or, as some would say, fulfill the myth that for each person or, at least, for oneself, there is one and only one person who is a perfect complement and who must be found for the sake of living happily ever after.

See also couple, dyad, Hauerwas's Law, ideal, love (as in "my sweet love"), love-ends-interest-in-others myth, lovemap, love of one's life, made for each other, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, myth of the one soul mate, one, one-and-only, partner, Prince Charming, soul mate, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, template (for a lover), true, true love.

x myths.

one wife on each side:

A situation in which a man has two female spouses.

Comment: This is an Athapascan expression. It translates lax-hwa'nEmLk^u, a word in the Tsimshian language, which more literally means, "on each side sitting."

Reference: Tsimshian Texts, by Franz Boas (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1902; in: Bulletin [of the] Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology; 27): p. 194.

See also polygyny, sits-beside-him woman.

one-wife system:

Monogamy (q.v.) as the rule in a given culture.

Comment: Presumably this would be short for "one-wife/one-husband system."

See also compulsory monogamy, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-centrist, monogamy-only position, traditional monogamy.

Quotations from Herbert Spencer Illustrating "One-Wife System"
[§280] In Burton's Abeokuta, we read that "those familiar with modes of thought in the East well know the horror and loathing with which the people generally look upon the one-wife system" -- a statement we might hesitate to receive were it not verified by that of Livingstone concerning the negro women on the Zambesi, who were shocked on hearing that in England a man had only one wife, and by that of Bailey, who describes disgust of a Kandyan chief when commenting on the monogamy of the Veddahs.
[§305] Associated with greatness, polygyny is thought praiseworthy; and associated with poverty, monogamy is thought mean. Hence the reprobation with which, as we have seen, the one-wife system is regarded in polygynous communities.
From: The Principles of Sociology, by Herbert Spencer. Vol. I-2 (New York: D. Appleton, 1896): §280, p. 617; §305, p. 669. Originally published 1876. The references (unverified) are to: Abeokuta and the Camaroons Mountains: An Exploration, by Richard F. Burton (London: Tinsley Brothers, 1863): v. 1, p. 211. Narrative of an Expedition to the Zambesi and Its Tributaries, and of the Discovery of the Lakes Shirwa and Nyassa, 1858-1864, by David and Charles Livingstone (London: J. Murray, 1865). "An Account of the Wild Tribes of the Veddahs of Ceylon: Their Habits, Customs and Superstitions," by J. Bailey, in: Transactions of the Ethnological Society of London; new series, v. 2 (1863): pp. 278-320, specifically 293.

one-woman man:

A male who wishes or is at least willing to restrict himself romantically and sexually to a particular female.

See also lone star, monogamist, one-man woman.

online affair:

A romance conducted via computers that are in communication with each other.

Comment: In some usage, the term carries the overtones of an illicit relationship.

See also affair, cyber-affair, cyber-relationship, cyberromance, illicit relationship, Internet affair, online relationship, romance, sexting, virtual affair.

online dating:

1. Finding and communicating with one or more people, by way of computer connections, for sexual or romantic purposes, typically with a view to ultimately meeting the best prospect(s) in so-called "real life."

2. Using computer-to-computer communications to arrange dates in "real life," for instance through an online dating service.

See also alternative dating, cyberdating, date, dating service, Rules Girl.

online relationship:

A relationship (q.v.), such as a business or love relationship (q.v.), insofar as it is conducted by way of computer-to-computer communication, for instance, by way of email and instant messages, rather than with bodily presence.

Comments: Abbreviated OLR.

Some see certain advantages in conducting a love relationship or part of one online. For example:

• A partner or partners can be chosen by common interests and complementary sexual configurations.
• An online relationship brings to the fore personal connection rather than physical traits and states.
• It can serve as a trial or temporary substitute for a so-called "real-life" relationship.
• It emphasizes communication and develops communication skills.
• It is free of most physical consequences, like pregnancy and the sexual transmission of disease. And,
• It can enjoy the advantages of cybersex (see under "cybersex partner").

However, it can also present a variety of dangers, among them these:

• Strong bonds can be developed online and dashed for even more reasons than they can be when the bonds are otherwise developed. For instance:
  • Moods and nuances are especially easy to miss online.
  • Relationships are subjected to the vagaries of hardware, software, and communication lines.
  • An online relationship can generate enormous frustration when restricted to the online realm and enormous conflict when it spills into "real life." And,
  • A profound personal connection online does not always translate into a connection physically.
• Communication between lovers is especially vulnerable to intrusion.
• Other relationships can be hurt by one having an online relationship.
• The medium lends itself easily to deception.
• Many jerks are online.

Traditional morality was framed without contemplating anything like online relationships or cybersex and with assumptions that may be apropos to the physical world but which bear little relation to the virtual world. Some extrapolate from traditional morality to cover the virtual world, including online relationships, whereas others suggest that there should be no more restraint upon the virtual world than there is upon the imagination or that in online relationships we see at last the proper ascendency of soul mates (q.v.) over physicalities and conventionalities, and of the matching of people who sexually complement each other naturally over the matching of people who are then compressed into a conventional sexual mold regardless of their sexualities (q.v.). What then when the physical and virtual worlds intersect or collide? Online relationships provide much fodder for contemplation.

Contrast physcial relationship (q.v.), real-life relationship (q.v.), and skin-to-skin intimacy (q.v.). See also chat cheat, commuter marriage, cyber-affair, cyber-betrayal, cyberfling, cyberlove, cyber relationship, cybersex partner, dating plan, electronic wedlock, e-mail marriage, erotic connection, erotographomania, far-away sweetie, hundred-mile rule, instant messaging, Internet affair, long-distance relationship, love at first text message, love letter, Net mate, OLR, online affair, sexual morality, telegamy, text messaging relationship, toothing, virtual affair, virtual community, Web husband, Web wife, wink.

only parent:

1. A person without a mate who is raising a child; a single parent.

2. Of mothers and fathers, the one and only, in some context, of either a given child or any child.

Comments: Sometimes this term is selected instead of "single parent" in order to deemphasize marital status and to remove any implication that the person is looking for a partner.

See also choice mom, divorcé, divorcée, formerly married, parent, parent without partner, re-singled, single parent, single-parent family, unwed father, unwed mother, unwed parent, widow, widower.

ONS:

One-night stand (q.v.).

on-set romance:

A love affair between members of a cast and crew of an entertainment production -- in most usage, between actors in such a production; the taking root of a romance between people who are working together on a movie, TV show, or stage production.

Comment: Obviously to be distinguished from the onset of a romance, that is, the beginning of a romance.

See also backstage romance, casting couch, cute meet, jeune premier, jeune première, joyous defeat, offscreen squeeze, romance.

on the down low:

1. In secrecy, without others knowing, said especially with regard to someone living a double life.

2. With a segment of one's sexual encounters concealed from one's regular sex partner; in secret intimacy outside of a love or marital relationship.

3. Closeted with regard to one's homosexual practices while generally living or appearing to live as a heterosexual, that is, while living with a partner of a different sex; self-identified as straight and partnered with a member of a different sex, while yet engaging in sexual encounters with members of the same sex; straight by appearances, but secretly not.

Comment: This term, in the last sense, has been used especially of some African-American men. In that context, living on the down low has often been closely associated with living in denial with regard to one's bisexuality or homosexuality, denial supposedly due to subculturally engrained homophobia. In other words, continuing to project an image of oneself as a heterosexual is said by some to be an expression of such denial. Living on the down low has also been controversially blamed for some of the spread of AIDS to African-American women by way of male partners.

The phrase, "the low down on," would be opposite; that is, it's "the secrets and other information about (someone or something) revealed." Could a reversal of those words have been the origin of the phrase, "on the down low"? Or might the latter instead have to do with keeping one's head down low, figuratively speaking, in order to escape detection? These guesses scarcely exhaust the possibilities -- for example, that "down low" refers to musical notes or that it is derived from the pejorative term, "low life."

The abbreviation "DL" is commonly used for "down low."

See also beard, bisexuality, cheat, closeted, DL, double-life man, double-life woman, homophobia, homosexuality, lead a double life, pass, straight.

x down low.

x live on the down low.

x low down.

on the prowl:

In search of a sex partner or mate, especially among those already taken by others.

See also cruise.

x prowl.

Quotation from Jack Nichols Illustrating "On the Prowl"
The denial of admittance to single people at domestic social gatherings occurs because a single man is thought to be "on the prowl," as is a single woman, and hence is a threat to marrieds who wish to retain their exclusive holds on their mates.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 17, p. 239.

on the pull:

See pull.

on the rebound:

1. Recently rejected for marriage or a love relationship and so now available to another.

2. At a stage in which the emotions associated with a recent break-up with a fiancé(e), spouse, or lover are contributing to the search for new partner; looking for a replacement for a partner with whom one has broken up.

Comment: This stage, in either sense, is often associated with great vulnerability.

Evidently the metaphor is from lawn tennis; however, for many the image is one of a ball bouncing off the backboard in a game of basketball.

See also break-up, catch (someone) on the rebound, love withdrawal, rebound affair, rebound relationship, withdrawal anguish.

on the rocks:

1. With regard to a drink: with ice.

2. With regard to an individual: financially broke.

3. With regard to a relationship, either:

• In serious trouble, in fact in danger of breaking up, the analogy being to a shipwreck; or,
• Moribund, without life, like an ice-ridden wasteland.

See also break up.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "On the Rocks "
[Guido] "... I tell you, she [Aviva] enchanted me." [Charlie] "That's obvious," I said. "And [she's] married." "Only technically. It's on the rocks. And not because of me..."
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 29.

on the string:

See string.

ontically disordered:

Not per the perfect design of creation, but a physically based flaw in the created order stemming from the Fall, which ordinarily calls for efforts towards correction -- continuous efforts, so long as not fully corrected.

Comment: This is a theological term, which is sometimes used in discussions of human sexuality. For instance, in response to the idea that a homosexual orientation is not volitional, the term may be used to indicate that in such a case a person has no moral responsibility for the orientation but does have a moral responsibility to try to overcome it.

See also homosexuality, "love the sinner, hate the sin," sexual ethics, sexuality, sexual morailty.

x Bible.

x disordered ontically.

OOT or oot, as in "an oot":

1. "One of three": a member of a threesome, especially a polyamorous threesome.

2. Three engaged in making love together.

Comment: Coined by Doris M. in 1992.

See also group sex, ménage à trois, polyamory, threesome, three-way sex, troilism.

OOT or oot, as in "to oot":

To make love together as a threesome.

Comment: Coined by Doris M. in 1992. On alt.polyamory (see Google groups), the participle sometimes appears as "OOTing" and sometimes as "ooting."

See also threesome.

open couple:

1. A dyadic love relationship that, by agreement, is not exclusive with regard to sex or, perhaps also, romantic love (q.v.).

2. A monogamous relationship in terms of formalities, long-range commitment, and domestic arrangements, but, by agreement, not necessarily in terms of sexual expression; perhaps not in terms of romantic love either.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, comarital, consensual adultery, couple, dyad, exclusive relationship, extradyadic, extra-pair copulation, flexible monogamy, hundred-mile rule, letter group (C, P, theta), the lifestyle, lovestyle, monogamy, multilateral sexuality, nonexclusive monogamy, non-monogamy, open marriage, open relationship, pair dating, polyamory, sexual exclusivity, sexual nonexclusivity, social monogamy, swing.

open donor:

See identity release donor.

open-ended contract marriage:

A contract marriage (q.v. in the second sense) without its duration being specified in advance.

See also marriage.

open group marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) comprised of three or more partners in which the partners have agreed that being sexually exclusive to the marital group is not an expectation to have of each other.

See also closed group marriage, consensual adultery, letter group (P), the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, open marriage, open relationship, sexual nonexclusivity.

opening line:

1. A beginning sentence or phrase, as of a book or a speech.

2. Often, more specifically, the first words said as part of a flirtation or exploration upon meeting someone of a complementary sexual orientation.

See also approach invitation, chat-up line, come-on, flirtation, love line, proposition.

x line.

open marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners withold nothing about themselves, including their vulnerabilities and their sexual histories and desires.

2. A dyadic marriage in which the partners have agreed that sexual exclusivity (q.v.) is not an expectation to have of each other, especially such a marriage in which the partners allow each other to cultivate sexual relationships separately.

3. A dyadic marriage in which the partners have agreed that emotional fidelity (q.v.) and sexual exclusivity are not expectations to have of each other.

Comment: Open marriage in the last sense is sometimes contrasted with swinging, in which emotional fidelity is often expected.

See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, arrangement, cluster marriage, comarital, condone, consensual adultery, date night, dyad, flexible monogamy, free agent, hundred-mile rule, letter group (C, P, theta), the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, new adultery, non-monogamy, open couple, open group marriage, open relationship, pair dating, polyamory, primemate, reconstituted marriage, rules of adultery, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual permissiveness, swing, syndyasmian family.

open-minded:

1. Prepared to rethink held ideas or to consider new ideas for adoption; willing to change one's opinions.

2. Unbiased; free to decide one way or another or, in some cases, to not decide at all.

3. Desirous of perceiving or judging phenomena or data as they actually present themselves.

4. Not set in one's ways of thinking and behaving, but quite otherwise.

5. Willing to accept any of a range of possible ideas or courses of action.

6. Willing to experiment for the sake of developing one's tastes or expanding one's experience and practices.

7. Willing to accept others as they are, especially with regard to their sexuality, at least insofar as the way they are is harmless to others.

8. Willing to consider bucking or otherwise not confined to social mores or traditional morality with respect to marriage and sexual behavior.

9. Willing to consider a wide variety of options and compromises with regard to the terms of a relationship.

10. Willing to date a person who is married, at least provided certain factors obtain.

Comment: Open-mindedness may be either a general trait, sometimes as a product of much internal struggle, or an approach to a given issue.

To be open-minded does not mean disengagement of one's critical faculties; it is not to be soft-minded, even though the term is sometimes abused in such a way as to suggest so. On the contrary, it often requires engagement of the critical faculties, that is, tough-mindedness, for otherwise it gives way to whims, which are subject to both internal and external influences, including both biases and deception.

"Open-minded" is a description that often appears in personal ads. Your guess is as good as mine as to which sense is intended in any given ad. The curiosity factor itself may serve as a hook to draw in potential contacts.

See also alternative dating, alternative lifestyle, alternative sexual relationship, bohemian, free love, new morality, personal ad, relationship choice, relationship freedom, sexual autonomy, sexuality, sexual liberation, sexually permissive, sexual mores, sexual toleration, traditional morality.

open party:

A social gathering for the purpose of enabling people to mingle with potential sex and love partners.

See also attraction venue, dating plan, meat market, pick-up joint, sex party, singles party, tart party, vicars and tarts party.

x party.

open relationship:

1. A love relationship (q.v.) in which the partners withold nothing about themselves, including their vulnerabilities and their sexual histories and desires.

2. A love relationship in which the partners have agreed that sexual exclusivity (q.v.) is not an expectation to have of each other.

3. A love relationship in which the partners have agreed that emotional fidelity (q.v.) and sexual exclusivity are not expectations to have of each other.

See also arrangement, consensual adultery, date night, free agent, hundred-mile rule, letter group (B, P, theta), the lifestyle, lovestyle, multilateral sexuality, open couple, open group marriage, open marriage, pair dating, polyamorous, polyamorous relationship, polyamory, polyrelationship, relationship choice, relationship freedom, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual permissiveness, swing, syndyasmian family.

open swinging:

A swing arrangement in which the sexual activity of all participants occurs in the same room.

Contrast closed swinging (q.v.). See also baby swinger, group sex, same room sex, swing.

open wedding:

A public marriage ceremony, especially as opposed or complementary to a non-public marriage ceremony, whether secret or merely private.

Contrast clandestine wedding (q.v.). See also wedding.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Open Wedding"
[Ramón Carrasco to Cipriano Viedma regarding Kate Leslie, after the private wedding of Cipriano and Kate] And wait awhile ... | Then perhaps we can have the open wedding with Caterina ...
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 22, p. 358-359. For the earlier, private ceremony, see the end of chapter 20, pp. 326-330.

operator:

A person skilled at seduction.

Comment: In a sexual context, a "smooth operator" is someone with a suave approach to seduction.

See also fast worker, gay deciever, philanderer, pick up artist, player, seducer, seductress, shark.

x smooth operator.

opsigamist:

One who marries late in life.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "opsigamy," so here included.

See also opsigamy.

opsigamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by people marrying late in life.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "opsigamy," so here included.

See also opsigamy.

opsigamy:

Marriage initiated late in life.

See also alphamegamia, anilogamy, anilojuvenogamy, anisonogamia, cougar relationship, December-December romance, dysonogamia, -gamy, gerontogamy, intergenerational relationhship, isonogamia, late-life romance, May-December romance, opsigamist, opsigamous, rob the cradle, spring-autumn romance, take the dottle-trot.

order of Saint Beelzebub:

Devilish people, collectively considered, especially those people who sacrifice love or elements of their humanity for money, such as those who keep foregoing marriage until they can marry into money.

Comments: The name "Beelzebub" derives from the Greek Beelzeboul (cf. Matthew 10:25; 12:24-28 et par.), which might have been understood by the Gospel writer at 10:25 to mean literally "master of the house" and to refer to Satan, the latter apparently being what 12:24-28 implies. The Greek form of the name might in turn derive from the Hebrew, Baal-zebub (cf. 2 Kings 1), which has been variously interpreted to mean, for instance, "Lord of the Flies," "Lord of the Lofty House," and "Lord Prince."

John Milton in Paradise Lost 1:79-81 represents Beelzebub as second to Satan over the fallen angels.

The use of the word "Saint" in the name of the order is ironic. Evil is being reverenced as a saint might be, here the love of money being a root of all sorts of evil (cf. 1 Timothy 6:10).

See also bigger, better deal; gold digger; hypergamist; male insanity syndrome; marry for money; marry into dough; marry up; marry well; matrimonial adventurer; widowhunter.

x Beelzebub's order.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrew terms.

x Saint Beelzebub's order.

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Order of St. Beelzebub"
When I See those graceless recluses -- those unnatural monks and nuns of the order of St. Beelzebub,1 my hatred for Snobs, and their worship, and their idols, passes all continence. 1 This, of course, is understood to apply only to those unmarried persons whom a mean and Snobbish fear about money has kept from fulfilling their natural destiny. Many persons there are devoted to celibacy because they cannot help it.
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 33, p. 161. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221.

order of the patched trousers:

Those men who are both married and impoverished or nearly so.

See also assortive mating, class-marriage, husband, love marriage, mating gradient.

Quotation from Jane Glover Illustrating "Order of the Patched Trousers"
How and when Leopold and Maria Anna met is not known, but, much as they came to love each other, times were difficult and they had to wait for several years before they actually married... But Leopold's financial state did gradually take on a firmer footing, and at last he reckoned it was safe to enter 'the order of the patched trousers'. Leopold Mozart and Maria Anna Pertl were married in Salzburg's Cathedral on 21 November 1747.
From: Mozart's Women: His Family, His Friends, His Music, [by] Jane Glover (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2005): p. 14. In the "Notes and Sources" on p. [375], Glover writes: "This reference to their impoverished union appeared in a letter LM [Leopold Mozart] wrote [to Maria Anna] on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary." She cites letter 162 (Novmber 21, 1772), as translated from the German, in: The Letters of Mozart and His Family, chronologically arranged, translated and edited with an introduction, notes and indexes by Emily Anderson (3rd ed. London: Macmillan, 1985).

orgiast:

A participant in one or more orgies.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A concatenation of orgiasts. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 161.

See also orgy, swinger.

orgy:

1. A party in which sensuality is or is meant to be gratified.

2. Group sex (q.v.), especially where there are five or more participants.

See also bacchanalia, Lasterkatalog, Mandingo party, noceur, orgy, partouse, pull a train, Roman culture, sex party.

osculable:

Kissable; considered worthy of being kissed or desirable enough to kiss.

See also attractive, f**kable, lovable, loveworthy, lustworthy, sexy, spongeworthy.

OSO:

Other significant other (q.v.).

Othello syndrome:

Suspicion that one's spouse is being unfaithful, a suspicion that leads to rage and, potentially, violence. The syndrome is named after the character in Shakespeare's play, Othello (circa 1604-1605).

See also jealousy.

x syndromes.

other half:

1. A person's spouse in a monogamous marriage.

2. The person, of a complementary sexual orientation, one wishes to spend one's life with.

See also androgyne archetype, husband, partner, spouse, wife.

Quotation from Spider Robinson Illustrating "Other Half"
I [Joel Johnston of Ganymede] dove right in. "Jinny, listen to me. I want to marry you. I ache to marry you. You're the one. Not since that first moment when I caught you looking at me have I ever doubted for an instant that you are my other half, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Okay?"
From the science fiction novel: Variable Star, [by] Robert A. Heinlein and Spider Robinson (New York: TOR, A Tom Doherty Associates Book, 2006): p. 16.

other man:

1. A married woman's extramarital male lover.

2. A man's male rival for a woman's affections or attention.

3. A gay man's additional male lover.

Comment: Note the abbreviation, TOM, for "the other man."

See also alternate squeeze, bird dog, cavaliere servante, cicisbeo, cornutor, gallant, gigolo, illicit lover, leman, male concubine, man, other other man, out-of-marriage lover, paramour, partner, side squeeze, spark, Sunday husband, TOM.

other other man:

1. A married woman's additional extramarital male lover.

2. A man's additional male rival for a woman's affections or attention.

See also other man, partner.

other other woman:

1. The additional mistress of a married man.

2. A woman's additional female rival for a man's affections or attention.

See also other woman, partner.

other significant other (OSO):

An additional partner (q.v.). in love.

See also OSO, secondary significant other, significant other.

other terms than marriage:

The conditions whereby certain individuals are sex partners though neither married nor, necessarily, intending to marry each other, especially if the individuals are unmarried and not living with their parents.

See also benefit of marriage, broomstick-marriage, cohabitation, concubinage, in-house friend, kept man, kept woman, live-in lover, living together, long engagement, marriage, mistress, paperless marriage, shack up, share the same bedroom.

x Terms other than marriage.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Other Terms Than Marriage"
[Mr Gardiner to Elizabeth Bennet]: 'But can you think that Lydia [Bennet] is so lost to everything but love of him [Wickham], as to consent to live with him on any other terms than marriage?'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 47, p. 351. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).