Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

R

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
Feedback opportunity

rabbanit (Hebrew):

1. Rabbi's wife.

2. A female rabbi.

See also clerical marriage, partner, rebbenit, wife.

x Hebrew terms.

rabbinical divorce:

A divorce granted according to Jewish Law.

See also ecclesiastical divorce.

rabbit:

1. A long-eared, short-tailed, burrowing mammal of the family Leporidae.

2. A person who copulates frequently and promiscuously, or in some other way analogous to a long-eared, short-tailed, burrowing mammal of the family Leporidae -- rapidly, for instance.

See also bonobo way, box of assorted creams, minx, multicipara, multimitus, nymphomaniac, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, satyr, serial philandering, sex fiend, sex kitten, sex maniac, Sherfey syndrome, she-wolf, skirt-chaser, slut, smellsmock, stud, whore, wild, wolf.

racial commingling:

1. Social interaction, without observance of social barriers that may be in effect, between individuals of different races, escpecially in general within a given context.

2. Sexual interaction and relationships (or sometimes a particular one) between individuals of different races, especially in general within a given context.

See also allotriorasty, amejo, Asian fetish, biracial couple, couple of mixed ethnicity, creolism, interethnic marriage, intermarriage, interracial couple, interracial marriage, jungle love, kokujo, Mandingo party, miscegenation, mixed marriage, mixed race couple, mudshark, outmarriage, sarong party girl, white man's han.som woman, white wife, yellow commingling.

x commingling of races.

x mingling among races.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Racial Commingling"

Booker quoted an unnamed local farmer who acknowledged the prevalence of illicit racial commingling in the area, particularly in Central Point [Virginia], long before Richard Loving married Mildred Jeeter [and the resulting case in the U.S. Supreme Court of Loving v. Virginia, 1967]. "There's been plenty mingling among races for years and nobody griped or tried to legalize it," the farmer said.

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): p. 58. Kroeger's reference is to this article (for which the bibliographical data needs to be confirmed): "The Couple that Rocked the Courts," by Simeon Booker, Ebony; v. 22 (September 1967): pp. 78-86.

RACK:

"Risk-aware consensual kink"; also, "risk-accepted consensual kink."

Comments: Attributed to Gary Switch.

An abbreviation associated especially with the BDSM community (BDSM being bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism).

RACK summarizes an ethic often used in kinky, that is, alternative sexual activity, namely, that each partner be fully informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity and that each partner freely give consent, in sound mind, ahead of time to such activity.

See also consent to sex, kink, power exchange, sexual ethics, SSC, YKIMPK, YKINOK, YKIOK,IJNMK.

rada` or rida` or rada`a (Arabic):

Suckling by a wet nurse as an impediment to marriage under Islamic law.

Comment: Among many Moslems, being a wet nurse creates kinship relations between the nurse, the child being suckled, other children she has suckled, and each of their kin, relations which come under the Islamic rules of incest.

See also incest, milk incest, nikah.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

radical love:

The application of politics to negate the power of others over one's own way of choosing and conducting love relationships -- and, perhaps also, over the ways of many another person with regard to the same.

Comments: Currently the term is perhaps most associated with activists from within the polyamory phenomenon.

The term "radical" is sometimes used pejoratively, connoting extremism; but when it is freely owned, as is generally the case when the term "radical love" is used, it is meant to imply an addressing of foundations and picks up on the etymology of the word: from the Latin radix, meaning "root."

See also apolygist, eleutherophilism, feminism, free female sexuality, free love, free male sexuality, love, libertarianism, libertinism, polyamory, public character of sex, separation of sex and power, sex radical, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual revolution, utopian swinging.

radical sanation or sanatio radice:

The fixing of a marriage to make it proper without renewal of the consent of the parties.

Comments: This is one of two types of the convalidation (q.v.) of marriage.

Regarding the radical sanation of marriage according to the Roman Catholic Church, see Code of Canon Law (1983), Canons 1161-1165.

See also impediment.

x Latin terms.

x sanatio radice.

x sanation of marriage.

Quotation from the Code of Canon Law on Radical Sanation
The radical sanation of an invalid marriage is its convalidation without the renewal of consent, granted by competent authority and including a dispensation from an impediment, if there was one, and from the canonical form, if it was not observed, and the retroactivity into the past of canonical effects.
Codex Iuris Canonici = Code of Canon Law, Latin-English Edition, translation prepared under the auspices of the Canon Law Society of America (Washington, D.C.: Canon Law Society of America, 1983): Canon 1061, §1.

rainbow party:

A get-together at least in part for purposes of fellatio in which each female who wishes to participate in the activity wears a distinctively colored lipstick in order to leave her mark on the penis of each guy she fellates; an oral sex gathering in which males collect rings of variously colored lipstick around their penises from the lips of participating females.

Comments: Touted as an erotic practice of some American adolescents.

The term can have a variety of innocent senses; so do not assume.

See also chicken party, group sex, sex party.

x party.

rake, or rakehell or rakehelly or rakely:

1. A person who brings hell upon him or herself by way of immoral behavior; a scoundrel.

2. A sexually promiscuous person.

Comment: "Rake" is usually used as a pejorative term.

See also agapet, bedhopper, cad, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, Don Juaness, gay deceiver, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, lady-killer, lech, lothariette, Lothario, masher, multimitus, noceur, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, roué, satyr, serial philanderer, sex maniac, skate, skirt-chaser, slut, smellsmock, stud, wolf.

raked fore and aft:

Ravaged from being in love.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 191. This explanation is given: "From the damage done to a ship when she is battered fore and aft by accurate gunfire."

See also Cupid's golden arrow, die with love, head over heels in love, heart-slayer, in love, lady-killer, love-struck, slay (someone's) heart, smitten.

rakkauden temppeli (Finnish):

See temple of love.

ran-dan:

See ran-tan.

ran-tan, or ran-dan:

To make unruly music, in part by the beating of pots and pans, in order to express outrage at an act of impropriety, as at the door of a man who has beaten his wife.

See also abuse, batter, domestic violence, spouse abuse, wife abuse.

x ran-dan.

rape, as in "a rape":

1. The act of forcing sexual activity upon a nonconsenting person or of coercing a nonconsenting person to engage in sexual activity; violation of a person's sexual autonomy; substitution of the ways of power for the ways of mutuality in the arena of human sexuality.

2. The perpetration of non-defensive violence against a person in a way that involves genital or anal contact; violation of a person's bodily integrity in a way that involves private parts.

3. Phallic penetration of a nonconsenting person's body -- typically of the vagina, anus, or mouth -- whether the phallus is live or artificial.

4. Sexual intercourse involving the penetration, however slight, of a male's phallus into the vagina, or even just between the labia, of a female not his wife, without her explicit or implicit consent.

Comments: By force or coercion is meant overpowering by strength or the use of threat of bodily harm. Impairment by drugs would be covered. A threat to leave would not be covered.

Motivationally, rape is often about more than sex. For example, on the part of a person who feels powerless, it can be about exercising power and humiliating another. Definitionally, rape is always about more than sex. For instance, leaving aside statutory rape, it is always at least about the absence of consent.

The precise legal definition of rape varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Where the definition of rape is penetration, the complementary non-penetrative violation of a person's private parts is called carnal abuse.

Contrast consensual sex (q.v.). See also bodily integrity, consent to sex, consexuality, date rape, degrading sex, droit de seigneur, fraternity rape, gang rape, ius primae noctis marital rape, Law of the Conquered, "No" means "no," party rape, sexual autonomy, sexual degradation, spousal rape, state-sanctioned rape, stupration, unwanted sex, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: acquaintance rape, assault with intent to commit rape, carnal abuse, consent, fresh complaint rule, statutory rape.

Quotation from Catharine A. MacKinnon Illustrating "Rape"
... the crime of rape centers on penetration. The law to protect women's sexuality from forcible violation and expropriation defines that protection in male genital terms. Women do resent forced penetration. But penile invasion of the vagina may be less pivotal to women's sexuality, pleasure or violation, than it is to male sexuality. This definitive element of rape centers upon a male-defined loss. It also centers upon one way men define loss of exclusive access. In this light, rape, as legally defined, appears more a crime against female monogamy (exclusive access by one man) than against women's sexual dignity or intimate integrity.
From: Toward a Feminist Theory of the State, [by] Catharine A. MacKinnon (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, c1989): p. [172].

rape, as in "to rape":

To commit a rape (q.v.).

See also stuprate.

rate of divorce:

See divorce rate.

ratified marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) between two baptized people that has been solemnized or recognized by ecclesiastical authority but which has not been consummated.

See also consummation.

rayon vert (French):

"Green ray" or "green flash": a flash of green light that sometimes appears above the horizon just as the sun is rising or setting, the sighting of which, per a legend attributed to the Scottish Highlands but probably invented by the author Jules Verne,  is said to endow the viewer with the virtue of being able to avoid deception in matters of sentiment.

See also

x green flash.

x green ray.

x myths.

Quotation from a Mary De Hauteville Translation of Jules Verne Illustrating "Green Ray"
But what Miss [Helena] Campbell did not tell them [Sam and Sib Melville] was that this Green Ray tallied with an ancient legend, which till now she had never been able to understand. It was one among the numerous inexplicable legends of the Highlands, which avers that this ray has the virtue of making him who has seen it impossible to be deceived in matters of sentiment; at its apparition all deceit and falsehood are done away, and he who has been fortunate enough once to behold it is enabled to see closely into his own heart and read the thoughts of others.
From the novel: The Green Ray, by Jules Verne; translated from the French by Mary de Hauteville (London: Sampson Low, Marston, Searle, & Rivington, 1883): chapter 3, p. 33. Translation of  Le rayon vert (1882).

RB:

Righteous babe (q.v.).

R.D.D.S.:

Rules date deficit syndrome (q.v.).

real-life relationship:

A relationship insofar as it is experienced in person and with bodily presence, as distinguished from an online relationship.

Comment: The modifer "real-life" does not necessarily mean that such a relationship stands over against a pretended relationship. Generally it simply emphasizes the concreteness of presence over against the intangible presence of persons in an online relationship. An online relationship, even one that has been experienced solely online, can have great depth, quality, and reality to it. However, some do regard their online relationships as belonging to the realm of imagination or pretense; and for some of them "real life" is understood as over against nonreality.

Contrast cyberlove (q.v.) and online relationship (q.v.). See also skin-to-skin intimacy.

reassurance:

In swinger parlance, letting one's mate know that whatever sexual activity is going on with others, he or she still comes first and need feel no threat to his or her relationship with oneself.

See also confirming, helping, reconnecting, swing, watching.

Quotation from Terry Gould on Reassurance
At a party [of swingers] the number-one rule was reassurance. No matter how enamored marrieds allowed themselves to become with others on the dance floor, or lost in passion in bed, spouses -- by touch, word, or after-sex discussion -- must always strive to comfort each other with the knowledge that their pleasure was part of a comarital experience, not a progression to an extramarital love affair. Ignoring the rule of reassurance led to a feeling of betrayal no different from what straight couples experienced when they got wise to an adulterous spouse. Abiding by this rule meant putting the marriage first at all times.
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): p. 232.

rebbetzin (Yiddish):

Rabbi's wife.

See also clerical marriage, partner, rabbanit, rebbetzinhood, wife.

x Yiddish terms.

rebbetzinhood:

The state or condition of being a rabbi's wife.

See also rebbetzin.

rebound affair:

An affair (q.v.) entered into on the part of at least one of the partners as a substitute for another affair that has recently ended.

See also catch (someone) on the rebound, on the rebound, rebound relationship, stand-by man, stand-by woman.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Rebound Affair"
A rebound affair is almost always a disaster, so it's much healthier to have a whole bunch of men around to take up the slack than it is to hand it all to just one.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 157.

rebound relationship:

A love relationship (q.v.) entered into on the part of at least one of the partners as a substitute for another love relationship that has recently ended.

Comment: Sometimes a person who has been emotionally wounded by one relationship enters into a new one out of desperation without giving adequate consideration to compatibility factors. Further, rebound relationships sometimes carry over "baggage" and wounds from the previous relationship. However, a rebound relationship can be a cure for a broken heart, and rebound relationships sometimes prove to be highly successful longterm relationships.

See also break-up, break-up rules, broken heart, catch (someone) on the rebound, consolation marriage, in-between relationship, insignificant other, on the rebound, rebound affair, second-choice husband, second-choice wife, settle for, sloppy seconds, transference.

receptitia dos (Latin):

In Roman law, a dowry (q.v.) brought by the bride with the stipulation that, in the event of divorce, it can be reclaimed by the person who put the dowry together.

Contrast adventitia dos (q.v.). See also dos.

x Latin terms.

recession widow:

A woman who is apart from her husband for long periods of time due to a downturn in the economy, for instance, because they both must work but can find jobs only hundreds of miles or more apart.

See also recession widower, widow, wife, zombie household.

recession widower:

A husband of a recession widow (q.v.).

See also husband, widower, zombie household.

Recht der ersten Nacht (German):

See ius primae noctis.

reciprocated love:

1. Affections or romantic feelings for somebody that are returned, especially in a way that is recognized or felt to be satisfying.

2. The providing of sexual gratification and being similarly gratified in return.

See also antipelargy, love, petition of love, redamancy, unreciprocated love, Xanadu.

reconcile:

1. To settle a dispute and resume peaceful relations; to make up.

2. To resume as husband and wife, as lovers, or as friends after a period of alienation from each other.

See also kiss and make up.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Reconciled"
He [Matt Gallagher] said earnestly, sellingly, that he wanted Piet [Hanema] to understand that this had nothing to do with Piet's personal difficulties, that he and Terry still believed that he and Angela [that is, Piet and his wife] would be reconciled.
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 453; cf. p. 433.

reconnecting:

In swinger parlance, making love with one's partner after a swinging session and discussing both the activities that occurred during that session and each other's feelings about them in a way that enhances intimacy (q.v.) and leaves everyone at peace.

See also confirming, helping, reassurance, swing, watching.

reconstituted marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) in which the ground rules have been changed, for example, regarding exclusivity.

2. A marriage in which a loving relationship between the spouses has been restored.

3. A marriage that is the result of a remarriage of individuals who have been married to each other before.

4. The institution of marriage in the wake of a culture-wide or jurisdiction-wide changing of the ground rules for marriage.

Comment: In the last sense, the more usual form would be "marriage reconstituted."

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, conjugal rights, consortium, contract marriage, exclusivity, household rules, new adultery, open marriage, parental marriage, remarriage, renew vows.

x marriage reconstituted.

recreational sex:

Engaging in sexual activity with one or more others for the fun of it or for the release of sexual tension, while minimizing the risk of pregnancy, for instance by the use of contraceptives.

Comment: Since sexual activity within a relationship is typically about maintainting a bond and other things, not just fun and release, the term "recreational sex" is most often used to apply to sexual activity outside of relationships or across relational lines.

See also brothel behavior, casual sex, indiscriminate sex, loveless sex, ludic love, metasex, outdoor swinging, party, player, promiscuity, stranger sex, sex, sex club, sexual circle, sexual varietism, swing, swingle, unconditional sex, zipless f***.

recreational swinging:

Swinging for fun or for the enhancement of one's primary relationship, especially doing so in such a way that emotional involvement with others outside of one's primary relationship is, to some degree, restricted.

Comment: This is in contrast to utopian swinging (q.v.), which is about building a better world, the cultivation of abundant love for multiple persons, and/or communitarianism or group marriage.

See also swing.

redamancy:

The act of reciprocating love.

Comment: From the Latin word redamare ("to love in return").

See also antipelargy, love, reciprocated love.

Rede of the Wiccae:

See "an it harm none, do what ye will."

refuse to settle for:

See settle for.

regard, as in "my regard for you":

1. Esteem; respect.

2. Affection, even, in some cases, litotes (understatement) for intense romantic feelings for a person.

For lexical example, see under "attachment."

See also affection, fondness.

regretrosexual, as in "a regretrosexual":

Someone who is disappointed about his or her past sex life or love life and who wishes that a different course had been followed; a person who now regrets a period of his or her past sexuality or who regrets a past relationship.

See also regretrosexual (adjective), regretrosexuality.

x -sexual.

regretrosexual, as in "regretrosexual blues":

Characterized by or pertaining to regretrosexuality (q.v.).

regretrosexuality:

Disappointment about one's past sex life or love life, accompanied by the wish that a different course had been followed.

See also damaged goods, love trauma syndrome, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, regretrosexual (noun), regretrosexual (adjective).

reiterated marriage:

A situation in which a spouse has been taken successive to a previous spouse.

Source: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace, in connection with a number of patristic scholars of Europe and America. Volume XIV, The Seven Ecumenical Councils (preface dated 1899): p. 72.

See also deuterogamy, digamy, marriage, octogamy, remarriage, serial marriage, serial monogamy, trigamy.

reject:

A person who has been spurned as a partner in love and/or sex by a would-be lover, a lover, a spouse, a couple, or members of a group love relationship.

Comment: "Reject" in this sense is generally used as a pejorative or downcast term.

See also break-up, divorce, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, sack, separate.

rekindled romance:

Resumption, after a long hiatus, of a love relationship or of steps towards such a relationship.

See also dormant love, kindled to one another, lost and found lover, love relationship, love remembered, retrosexual, rerun, retrosexual, reunion, romance.

rekindle the flame:

To stir up feelings of sexual desire and affection for a particular person once again; to excite or to engender a set of emotions associated with romance, for a person one had been in love with once before.

See also dormant love, flame of love, kindled to one another, left-over desire, left-over love, lost and found lover, love remembered, old flame, rekindled romance, rerun, reunion, right of return.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Rekindle the Flame"
"So what do you want, Dart?" "Nothin', baby, just to see you again and tell you you're the love of my life. I really goofed..." .... What was he thinking? Did he really think he could waltz back in here and rekindle the flame with a few confessions of fault?
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 103. The marks of omission are mine.

relational:

Having to do with one or more relationships.

See also correlational, extra-relational, interrelational, intra-relational, marital, multirelational, non-relational, post-relational, pre-relational.

relational intelligence:

A combination of aptitude and acquired knowledge and ability that equips a person:

• to assess the personal dynamics of a given situation,
• to predict personal dynamics with better than average accuracy, and
• to participate in personal dynamics in ways that achieve desired ends without direct use of force and with comparatively little emotional disruption, in fact, often in ways that make everyone feel good about a given situation.

Comments: Relational intelligence encompasses a wide gamut of abilities, from:

• how to read body language, coded messages, and other interpersonal signals, to
• how to converse on sensitive matters in non-offensive ways, to
• how to present oneself truthfully yet sympathetically, to
• how to match people well, to
• how to cultivate and carry on long-term relationships with friends and lovers, to
• political skills and insights, to
• mediational skills, to
• knowledge of relationship options and terms --
• and much more.

Obviously, people vary greatly with regard to the specifics of relational intelligence.

Relational intelligence is sometimes contrasted with rational intelligence. The point may be:

• sensitivity to others' emotions versus cold logic,
• relational values versus the value of clear facts and deductions,
• comfort with fluidity versus foundationalism, or
• relationalism versus intellectualism.

See also love quotient, marital aptitude, relationship coaching, romantically challenged, sexual intelligence.

relationalism:

In ethics, any theory that emphasizes relationships or that regards the health of relationships as the principal or sole criterion for moral behavior.

See also agapic love, ethics, personalism, relationship, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality.

x theories.

relationship:

1. The totality of a dynamic between two or more individuals, wherein the individuals have direct or indirect effects upon one another.

2. Complementarity and/or reciprocity between two or more individuals.

3. A conscious connection, direct or indirect, between two or more individuals.

4. Any or all of the preceeding in combination.

Comment: A person may have a relationship with an individual or a group or a corporate entity or exist as part of a relationship that is an aggregate of individuals. An aggregate of individuals can be analyzed in terms of each one-to-one relationship (see, for instance, under relationship levels).

See also advance (a) relationship, already existing relationship, Beauty-and-the-beast relationship, big "R" relationship, boundary, budding relationship, cougar relationship, coupledom, death spiral of a relationship, domestic relationship, dysfunctional relationship, extinct relationship, five kinds of relationship, fluid-exchange relationship, friendship, fulfilling relationship, future together, ghosts of relationships past, inappropriate relationship, in-between relationship, intergenerational relationship, interspacial relationship, intimate friendship, LAT relationship, long-term relationship, lop-sided relationship, love-hate relationship, love relationship, male-female friendship, meaningful relationship, mixed relationship, move (a) relationship forward, off-and-on relationship, one-sided relationship, online relationship, physical relationship, platonic relationship, quality relationship, quasi-relationship, relationalism, relationship coaching, relationship commitment, relationship counseling, relationship ecology, relationship therapy, riddle-me-ree relationship, rocky relationship, romantic relationship, serious relationship myth, sexual connection, sexual relationship, short-term relationship, small "r" relationship, steamy relationship, take (it) to the next level, toxic relationship, two-way relationship, UST relationship, X-rated relationship, xship.

Quotation from Jack Nichols Illustrating "Relationship"
Someone may say that no relationship is possible without structure, but the reverse seems to be true. Relationships that depend on structure for their sense of meaning have enthroned expectation and demand in place of relationship. A genuine relationship requires one person's constant rediscovery of another, since others are no more static than is life itself.
From: Men's Liberation: A New Definition of Masculinity, by Jack Nichols (Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1975; "A Penguin Original"): chapter 17, p. 233. For another lexical example from the same chapter, see under "coupling."

Quotation from Leonard Michaels Illustrating "Relationship"
[307] After 1743, [the word] relationship appears with increasing frequency, with no joke intended, and it not only survives objections to its redundant structure (two abstract suffixes), but, in the 1940s, it begins to intrude into areas of thought and feeling where it never belonged, gathering a huge constituency of uncritical users and displacing words that once seemed more appropriate, precise, and pleasing: romance, affair, lover, beau, fellow, girl, boyfriend, girlfriend, steady date, and so on. People now find these words more or less quaint or embarassingly innocent. [308] They use relationship to mean any of them when talking about the romantic-sexual connection between a man and a woman or man, or woman and woman.
From: "I'm Having Trouble with My Relationship," [by] Leonard Michaels, in: The State of the Language: 1990 Edition, edited by Christopher Ricks and Leonard Michaels (London; Boston: Faber and Faber, 1990): pp. [307]-311, specifically [307]-308.

relationship addiction:

1. An obsessive desire ever to be in some love relationship, as distinguished from the impetus to cultivate a mutually beneficial, healthy love relationship with another person.

2. An obsessive attachment to one's partner, such that one's functionality is impaired.

Comments: The obsessive desire is inherently damaging in that it mistakes relational assuagement of psychological needs (due, for instance to low self-esteem or an impaired sense of self-identity or a fear of abandonment) with love itself and in that it mistakes dependency or clinginess for authentic intimacy. It can be incidentally damaging in that the subject will tend to cling even to a highly destructive relationship.

Some people criticize the very idea of relationship addiction on the grounds, for instance:

• that it is presented incoherently (which is often the case);
• that the phenomena it describes have for millennia been part of the natural web of human relationships and thus that it merely reflects modern cultural categories; or,
  
• that the term "addiction" should be reserved for a chemical dependency of the body on an external substance.
  

See also attraction junky, love addiction, love relationship, Marilyn syndrome, multiphilia, relationship parasite, romance junky, sexual addiction.

x addiction to relationships.

relationship art:

Composed graphic depiction of interaction between living beings, especially human beings who love each other; paintings, sketches, and other composed depictions -- or any example thereof -- that have as their theme living interaction, especially where a story regarding such interaction is either implied or being illustrated.

See also valentine.

x art.

relationship choice:

A slogan used in advocacy of the principle that every individual should be free to have as many lovers and spouses at a time as desired in whatever configuration found mutually acceptable, that self-determination in matters of love, sex, and marriage, including the forms that they take, is right as a matter of both personal and social policy, and that coercion from any quarter in such matters is wrong and should be opposed.

See also bodily integrity, family sovereignty, free love, libertarianism, liberty, new morality, non-monogamy, open-minded, open relationship, public character of sex, relationship freedom, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual permissiveness, statism, sumptuary law.

relationship coach:

A person who does relationship coaching (q.v.).

 

relationship coaching:

1. Acting in the capacity, with respect to another person or other people, of performing some or all of the following:

• giving assistance in:
  • defining relational goals; and,
  • cultivating traits helpful in establishing and maintaining relationships, such as relational intelligence, communicability, the ability to trust appropriately, the ability to handle criticism constructively, and the ability to receive and express encouragement, respect, and affection.
• giving useful advice on:
  • how to develop connections with others;
  • how to sustain or better sustain connections with others or with each other, as the case may be; and,
  • how to address problems that arise between people, which sometimes includes bringing a relationship to an end and how best to do so.

2. The above as either a benefit or a practice.

Comment: Relationship coaching is as old as the hills but has become more and more a professional service, sometimes combined with, for instance, marital therapy. It is not necessarily limited to addressing love relationships and marriages, but may also address family relationships, parenting, friendships, and communities, as well as dynamics within teams, organizations, institutions, and businesses with a view to helping those groups function better.

See also dating plan, family therapy, marital therapy, relational intelligence, relationship, relationship coach, relationship counseling, relationship therapy.

relationship commitment:

A pledge to abide by the terms of a relationship (q.v.).

See also committed love relationship, faithfulness, fidelity, infidelity, keep safe what [one is] to [somebody], unfaithfulness, wedding.

relationship counseling:

1. Advisory and mediatorial assistance given to partners in a relationship (q.v.) in working through issues in their relationship and in clarifying a course of action with respect to their relationship. With love relationships such assistance is typically given by a member of the clergy, a therapist, a psychiatrist, or a medical doctor, as appropriate.

2. The benefit or practice of the above.

See also couples counseling, family counseling, genetic counseling, love dare, marital counseling, premarital counseling, relationship coaching, relationship therapy.

x counseling.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Relationship Counseling"
... it may help to remember a truism of relatonship counseling: the "client" is the relationship itself, not either of the people in it.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 165.

relationship ecology:

1. The potentially shifting state of affairs with respect to a relationship (q.v.) insofar as the state of affairs is affected by the environments in which the relationship operates and/or the behaviors of the relationsip partners -- this state of affairs being assessed on a scale ranging from dysfunctionality to a sense of well-being; the consequences of behaviors and/or environment upon a relationship, systemically understood.

2. The study or science thereof.

See also abode effect, cagamosis, dysfunctional relationship, feng shui love, household proxemics, interpersonal enhancement architecture, nomogamosis, residence-shaped household,

relationshipper:

See shipper.

relationship freedom:

1. Unhampered by either proscription or discrimination on the part of the powers that be, such as the state, from forming either monogamous or nonmonogamous bonds, so long as those bonds are consensual on an ongoing basis; ability to choose or to attempt to construct, without interference from outside forces, the sort of family one wants at the adult level, however that family is configured.

2. The set of unconfining aspects of a given relationship, some because enabled by the relationship, some because unbarriered by the relationship.

Comment: Typically advocates of relationship freedom in the first sense, will nevertheless see a place for state-backed adjudication between parties with respect to property and child custody.

See also bodily integrity, consexuality, family sovereignty, free female sexuality, free love, free male sexuality, get government out of the bedroom, hot and cool sex, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, new morality, non-monogamy, open-minded, open relationship, public character of sex, relationship choice, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual permissiveness, sexual toleration, statism, sumptuary law.

x freedom.

relationship levels:

Rankings, partner by partner, according to a scale of love relationships that an individual might have. Commonly such relationships are classified according to a three-level scheme, the levels being primary, secondary, and tertiary. These levels indicate the degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors, such as those shown in the following chart.

Relationship Levels Characterized
Factors	Primary	Secondary	Tertiary
Emotional bond	Strong, ongoing, and durable	Ongoing and intense, but not developed to the point where the partners are yet casting their lot in life together	Sufficient for the partners to want to see each other again; emotion may come in bursts of intensity
Commitment priority	Relationship durability and "being there" for each other are top priorities; the intent is for a lifelong run	The relationship is vital to one's sense of quality of life; there may be hope for a lifelong run at either a secondary or primary level	The relationship is casual; the hope is for some good times
Sharing of domestic life	Joint participation in preparing for or keeping a common domicile	Living apart, even if in the same building; perhaps much sleeping over	Living apart, even if in the same building; sleeping over only occasionally if at all
Sharing of resources	Resources are extensively shared if not completely pooled	Openness to the sharing of resources, and some may be shared, but they are not generally pooled, unless pooling is part of a larger arrangement, as in a commune	Resources are generally kept separate, except for gifting
Time being spent together	Daily physical presence or frequent communication sufficient to overcome geographical distance in many vital ways is characteristic	Meeting often or frequently communicating is characteristic	Time spent together is occasional and temporary; in some cases even fleeting, just long enough to qualify as a relationship
Quality of time spent together	Intimate sharing, caring for each other's needs, and working out the details of and otherwise interacting about daily life are characteristic	Intimate sharing and caring for each other's emotional needs are characteristic	Friendly sharing is characteristic

Clearly some relationships will have characteristics that cross over between the three levels. Ultimately whether a relationship is primary, secondary, or tertiary depends upon a participant's subjective evaluation of the relative importance of various factors.

A primary, secondary, or tertiary relationship does not necessarily include sexual relations. For instance, in a polyfidelitous household, all partners are primary to each other, whereas sexual arrangements may be more limited; and in a different sort of relationship consisting of three or more people, one may have a secondary or tertiary relationship with one's sex partner's other sex partner(s). However, when someone speaks of having a primary relationship, the usual implication is that the partner in the relationship is or is soon to be a steady and frequent sex partner. Secondary and tertiary relationships, then, sometimes imply a descending degree of sexual steadiness and frequency.

See also alternate relationship geometries, diagramming a love relationship, genogram, letter group, love relationship, lovestyle, polyfidelity, primary relationship, relationship, secondary relationship, tertiary relationship.

relationship material:

1. A person who considers someone important to him or herself and who is therefore willing to commit to and work at a love relationship with that person.

2. A person who considers love relationships important to him or herself and who is therefore willing to commit to and work at a love relationship.

3. A person capable of being reasonably content in a love relationship and of making a compatible partner reasonably content.

4. A person whose character and circumstances in life are conducive to his or her being in a stable long-term love relationship.

5. A person not so emotionally wounded or wracked by fear of bad relationships that he or she is unwilling to enter into or to continue a love relationship; a person open to entering into or continuing a relationship despite any traumas of the past.

6. A person who is not abusive.

7. A person that someone would find desirable to have as a partner.

8. All of the above or any combination thereof.

See also catch, love relationship, partner.

x material.

relationship orientation:

1. One's preference as to the type of love relationhip one would wish to participate in, for example, monogamous or non-monogamous, closed or open, etc.; the love relationship geometry with which one feels most comfortable.

2. The point and related structure of a love relationship.

See also alternative relationship geometries, letter group, lovestyle, lovestyle preference, sexual geometry.

relationship parasite:

Anything that interjects itself in such a way that it chronically sucks the vitality out of a relationship from within, such as, in many cases, jealousy or an addiction.

See also alcoholic marriage, attraction junky, dysfunctional relationship, jealousy, love addictiona, love-trouble, relationship addiction, rocky relationship, romance junky, sexual addiction, toxic relationship.

relationship policy contract:

See love contract.

relationship therapy:

1. The use or benefit of professionally developed methods to help individuals in a troubled relationship cope better with or alleviate problems in that relationship and to help them clarify a course of action as to what to do with the relationship.

2. Professional counseling of individuals in troubled relationships as a practice.

See also couples therapy, family therapy, marital therapy, relationship, relationship coaching.

x therapy.

relativism:

See ethical relativism.

relict:

1. A surviving spouse of a person who has died.

2. A female widow.

3. Left behind by death or desertion, said in describing a person, as a relict lady.

See also demi-relict, desertion, female widow, relicta, widow, widowed.

Quotation from James Ingram's Translation of the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle Illustrating "Relict"
A.D. 616... This Eadbald renounced his baptism, and lived in a heathen manner; so that he took to wife the relict of his father.
From: The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, translated by James Ingram (London: J. M. Dent; New York: E. P. Dutton, 1912; in series: Everyman's Library; no. 624): p. 32. Compare under A.D. 633, p. 34.

Quotation from Charles Dickens Illustrating "Relict"
Whether the deceased might not have been better off if he had emigrated in his bachelor days, was a question which his relict did not stop to consider ...
From the novel: Nicholas Nickleby: A Facsimile Edition of the 1938 Nonesuch Dickens, [by] Charles Dickens ([New York]: Barnes & Noble, 2005): chapter 41, p. 533. Originally published under title: The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby ... (London: Chapman & Hall, 1839). The Nonesuch Dickens was originally published, Bloomsbury: Nonesuch Press, 1938.

relicta (Latin):

A female widow.

Comment: This is a term frequently used in legal documents.

Source: A Glossary of Later Latin, to 600 A.D., compiled by Alexander Souter (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1949).

See also female widow, relict, viduage, widow.

x Latin terms.

réligion d'amour:

"Religion of love"; devotion to romance.

See also amour, love, religion of two, romance.

x French terms.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Réligion d'amour"
"Paris, no!" he [Loerke] said. "Between the réligion d'amour, and the latest 'ism, and the new turning to Jesus, one had better ride on a carrousel all day..."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 30, pp. 449-450. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

religion of two:

Devotion of two lovers to each other and to their mutual bond; romantic love (q.v.) as experienced between two people.

See also ardor, besotted, couple, dyad, égoïsme à deux, folie à deux, lover, loveydovey, réligion d'amour, schwaggle, true love, violently in love.

remarriage:

1. Marrying the same person again after the marriage has been severed by divorce (q.v.) or capture marriage (q.v.).

2. Taking a new spouse after the divorce from or death of a spouse to whom one was monogamously married.

3. Retaking marital vows -- perhaps the same vows as originally (thus a sense of renewal), perhaps different vows (thus a sense of reconstitution).

See also agunah, deuterogamy, digamy, enoch arden law, `iddah, marriage, monandros, polykoity, reconstituted marriage, reiterated marriage, repartner, serial marriage, serial monogamy, step-, stepfamily, stepmother, toleramus, trigamy, univira; renew vows, second honeymoon, widow-bride.

remember love:

See love remembered.

re-naming:

Giving a partner a special nickname or using for him or her a term of endearment that is specific to the relationship.

See also galapropism, pet name, term of endearment.

Quotation from Ethel S. Person on Re-naming
Love creates new identifications for the lovers. These are symbolized by the new names they give one another, the terms of endearment they use. Re-naming symbolizes the psychological fact that each lover now has a new identity, special and specific to the relationship.
From: Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion, [by] Ethel S. Person (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1989; originally published 1988): p. 61.

renewed virginity:

See secondary virginity.

renew vows:

On the part of spouses, to reaffirm ceremonially the marital pledges they made at their wedding, typically many years ago.

Comments: The subject of the verb is usually plural. For instance: "We plan to renew our vows."

Rather than being a legal necessity or a standard custom, the renewing of vows arises out of the motivations of the marital partners.

See also marriage ceremony, reconstituted marriage, remarriage, second honeymoon, wedding.

repartner:

To take a new partner (q.v.) after an earlier partner in a dyadic relationship has left or died.

See also remarriage.

repent being married:

To wish that one either had never wed at all or had never wed a particular person; to regret either having a spouse or having a particular spouse.

See also four-year itch, seven-year itch, surfeit response.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Repents Being Married"
A vibration came into [William] Brangwen's strong voice as he replied: "Though I shouldn't want her [Brangwen's daughter, Ursula] to be in too big a hurry [to marry], either. It's no good looking round afterwards, when it's too late." "Oh, it need never be too late," said [Rupert] Birkin, "as far as that goes." "How do you mean?" asked the father. "If one repents being married, the marriage is at an end," said Birkin. "You think so?" "Yes." "Ay, well, that may be your way of looking at it."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 19, p. 249. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

reproductive rights:

1. The set of individual freedoms and protections under law or treaty related to having (and not having) children, health as pertaining to or affected by sexual organs and sexual practices, and access to related information, the general idea being that individuals are to have informed control of their own bodies; sovereignty of the individual over his or her own sexual organs and procreation, plus the individual's access to information regarding the same.

2. In some usage in the United States, the term is closely associated with the legal freedom of a woman to choose an abortion.

Comments: The Proclamation of Tehran, UN Conference on Human Rights, 1968, Paragraph 16, declared: “The protection of the family and of the child remains the concern of the international community. Parents have a basic human right to determine freely and responsibly the number and spacing of their children.” This statement established reproductive rights internationally as human rights, and since then the international community has been further elaborating what are internationally recognized as reproductive rights.

See also right to sex.

x rights.

requite:

1. To return or repay.

2. To love in return.

Comment: The second sense is commonly, but not always, expressed in the form, "to requite (someone's) love."

See also antipelargy, love, unrequited love.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Requite"
BEATRICE ... And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand ...
William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing (circa 1598-1600): Act 3, Scene 2, lines 111-112.

rerun:

A person one has had sex with long before and with whom one is having or has had sex again, especially such a person whose style has changed little.

Comment: The analogy is to TV reruns, from which the term is borrowed. The term often connotes boredom, as in, "Oh, he's just a rerun."

See also lost and found lover, lost love, lover, rekindled romance, rekindle the flame, retrosexual, right of return, sex partner.

rescuer:

1. A god, human being, or animal who saves someone or something from harm or from being lost.

2. A person whose tendency is to enter into a love relationship in part with the motivation, whether conscious or not, of delivering the new partner from unhappiness, typically sexual unhappiness, or of ministering to his or her special problems.

Comment: With regard to the second sense, connotations vary widely depending on context, the attitude generally being neutral, mildly negative, or, occasionally, even severely critical. For example, the connotation may be that the rescuer is using his or her ministrations in order to obtain love or that the rescuer needs a chronic challenge in order to feel the strength of his or her own love. Or the connotation may be that the rescuer has no natural boundaries with regard to relationships, since many people need help or deliverance from unhappiness.

See also altruist, Florence Nightingale syndrome, sacrificial love.

residence-shaped household:

A household (q.v.) that has been molded or otherwise affected by the architecture of the home.

Comment: I coined the phrase in 2006, but, of course, none of the words.

Contrast family-shaped architecture (q.v.). See also abode effect, feng shui love, household architectonics, household architecture, household proxemics, relationship ecology.

re-singled:

Divorced (q.v.) from a partner in a monogamous marriage and currently single (q.v.).

Comment: The point of the term is to put either a positive or a neutral spin on being divorced. The term could also be used to mean widowed (q.v.); however, because of the spin, that might be considered to be in bad taste. Besides I've heard it used only to mean "divorced."

See also divorcé, divorcée, divorcer, ever-married, formerly married, free agent, marital status, only parent, parent without partner, single parent, widow, widower.

resource-defense polygyny:

Acquisition of a harem (q.v.) by a male, which is achieved by driving away other males from a resource desired by females and appropriating the females who come for that resource. Said of any harem-gathering species as apropos.

See also female-defense polygyny, intrasexual competition, male-dominance polygyny, mate guarding, polygyny, search polygyny.

x defense polygyny.

resource dilution hypothesis:

The idea that the more children there are in a one- or two-parent family the fewer the interpersonal and economic resources there are per child.

Comment: Attributed to Judith Blake (1989).

The hypothesis has relevance to this glossary both because the addition of other adults to the family may change the ratios and because a similar dilution is sometimes experienced by partners of people who practice non-monogamy (q.v.).

See also abundant love principle, one-parent family, starvation economy, two-parent family, zero-sum view of love.

respect, as in "respect for":

1. Regard for innate worthiness and/or for a position of responsibility held, such as president, or spouse to oneself, or parent to one's children; honor accorded; as in, "I have respect for his valor," or "Have respect for the office."

2. An attitude of deference, either out of regard or as a way of observing social proprieties, as in: "Show respect to the queen."

3. Willingness to treat someone as possessed of dignity; as in, "The homeless deserve respect."

4. Consideration; care; as in, "Have respect for the environment."

5. Reverence, as in, "He shows respect for God through prayer and worship."

6. A healthy fear, as in, "She has a great respect for what lightening can do."

7. A state of being well-regarded, as in, "She is held in high respect."

See also admiration, esteem.

respect, as in "to respect":

1. To have regard for innate worthiness and/or for a position of responsibility held, such as president, or spouse to oneself, or parent to one's children; to accord honor.

2. To have an attitude of deference, either out of regard or as a way of observing social proprieties.

3. To be willing to treat someone as possessed of dignity.

4. To have consideration for; to care for.

5. To reverence.

6. To have a healthy fear of.

Comments: The Apostle Paul (or, as some scholars would have it, someone in his school writing under his name) has an interesting apparent double standard with regard to marriage:

"Nevertheless let each individual among you also love [agapatô] his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect [phobêtai] her husband." (Ephesians 5:33, NASB)

The King James Version translates phobêtai (lexical form: phobeomai) as "reverence."

The point does not seem to be that the wife is expected only to respect her husband, not necessarily to love him; for all those being addressed, male and female, have already been encouraged to "walk in love [agapê]" (5:2; cf. 3:17, 4:2, 16). Nor is the point of the apparent double standard that only the wife should be subordinate, for mutual subordination has already been encouraged (5:21; cf. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4); although evidently her subordination is not predicated upon mutual subordination (5:22).

Certainly at first glance the supposed double standard has the appearance of following the marital double standards of the patriarchal and polygynous culture out of which the writer was speaking, and some argue that patriarchy is part of an order of creation and that the passage at hand is suggestive of such a view. Indeed, the verse we are examining (5:33) appears to summarize chiastically, that is, in reverse order, the preceding passage (5:22-32), such that respect for the husband is tied to the husband being "the head of the wife" (5:22-24, specifically 5:23).

However, such headship is presented not in patriarchal terms, but in terms of sacrifice and love (5:25-31). In other words, respect is due to a husband who cherishes his wife in the way described in 5:25-31; and yet, since conditions do not attend the enjoinment to wifely respect, such respect would seem to be due as well to the position itself, that is, simply the position of being one's husband.

This leaves open the question as to why respect particularly is mentioned instead of all sorts of other things that may be due. Perhaps the writer's enjoinment of wifely respect has to do with the typical household dynamics of his immediate audience.

See also admire, double standard, esteem, "head of the wife," propassion, secret of a successful marriage, worship one's spouse.

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

restricted marital exchange:

Men of one social group being required to marry women from a second social group and men from that second social group being required to marry women from the first social group.

Not to be confused with spouse exchange (q.v.) or wife exchange (q.v.). See also generalized marital exchange, preferential marriage.

retroactive virginity:

See secondary virginity.

retrosexual, as in "a retrosexual":

1. In contrast to a metrosexual, a person -- especially but not necessarily a heterosexual male -- who doesn't care about current fashion trends and a highly groomed appearance, but who tends to be traditional or to be content with ordinary grooming and with ignoring fashion trends.

2. A person as currently connected or reconnected to his or her past sex life, love interests, or sexual physique, or to any of that in the human past; for instance:

• A person who seeks out past sexual partners for sex, especially someone who does so on a regular basis;
• A person who seeks out a love interest of long ago, that is, someone who contacts an old flame;
• A person who participates in reviving a love relationship he or she was once in (this is the sense that was broadly publicized on the American TV show, "Good Morning America," on September 22, 2009);
  
• A person who hasn't had sex in a long time and whose sexual memories are therefore distant;
  
• A person whose sexual memories are focused on a period much earlier in life;
• A person whose sexiness is long past, now to be appreciated only in retrospect;
• A person who has changed sex who reverts;
• A person who prefers sex with brutish rather than refined persons.
  

See also ex, ghosts of relationships past, left-over desire, left-over love, lost and found lover, love remembered, missed connection, old flame, past attachment, rekindled romance, rekindle the flame, rerun, retrosexuality, reunion, right of return, saudade.

x -sexual.

retrosexual, as in "retrosexual desire":

Characterized by or pertaining to retrosexuality (q.v.).

retrosexuality:

1. Being unlike a metrosexual by ignoring fashion trends and by being content with ordinary grooming.

2. Being currently connected or reconnected to one's past sex life, love interests, or sexual physique, or to any of that in the human past.

See also retrosexual (noun), retrosexual (adjective).

return on investment:

See ROI.

reunion:

1. A re-assembly of people who had formerly been together, for instance, of former classmates, co-workers, or members of a military unit.

2. A gathering of family members who have been apart. In this sense the term is often qualified: "family reunion."

3. A rejoining of lovers or of spouses after being apart.

See also family, lost and found lover, rekindled romance, rekindle the flame, retrosexual.

reverse cuckold:

1. A woman whose husband has committed adultery (q.v.).

2. A woman who receives sexual gratification either from seeing her husband have sex with one or more other women or from hearing the details of his having done so while married to her.

See also cornuta, cuckold, cuckquean, hothusband.

reverse sexual imprinting:

See negative sexual imprinting.

reverse triangle:

A triad (q.v.) in which a person who has lost out in a rivalrous triangle (q.v.) now psychologically compensates for that loss by dividing his or her attention between two people. This is a type of split-object triangle (q.v.).

See also displaced incestuous triangle, triangle, vee.

revirginization:

1. Restoration to a virginal or virgin-like state, at least in terms of the way the thing or the one so restored is thought of.

2. The making of a commitment on the part of a person who is unmarried and who has been sexually active to abstain from further sexual activity until married.

3. The act of pretending that painful sexual intercourse is to be a virgin again, as in a postmenopausal woman whose vaginal lining has thinned.

Comment: Regarding the second definition, the idea is essentially a religious one, in some cases relating to the concepts of forgiveness and restoration as theologically understood; also to the idea that attitude trumps physicality.

See also born-again virginity, secondary virginity, virginity.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Revirginization"
"Then my younger Latin lover came back into my life after that long, dry period without sex," she [Leslie Ann] said. "I was so tight, it hurt! But I just pretended I was a virgin again. .... it's not a laughing matter when making love becomes so painful, the partners can't pretend anymore. Leslie Ann admitted that her "revirginization" did not prolong their brief obsession. She asked him to go.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. [136].

rfl, as in "she is my rfl":

Reason for living.

rich man/biker paradox:

In ladder theory, the apparent conflict between the idea that women want wealthy males and the idea that they want bad boys (as represented by male members of motorcycle gangs).

Comment: In the theory, the conflict is resolved by saying that women prefer wealthy men, but will settle for bad boys, because of their novelty, and that, in either case, nice-guy qualities are far lower in their considerations.

See also Dirty Harry syndrome, ladder theory, marry for money, mate selection, settle for.

x paradoxes.

riddle-me-ree relationship:

A puzzling relationship, for instance, one that is difficult to figure out by way of affinity or consanguinity, one the nature of which is mysterious, or one that involves enigmatic elements.

Comment: The Oxford English Dictionary says that "riddle-me-ree" is a fanciful variant of "riddle me a riddle," "riddle my riddle," etc. Its earliest lexical example is from 1736.

See also friendship, relationship, TOCOTOX, umfriend.

Quotation from William Frederick Rock (1802-1890) Illustrating "Riddle-me-ree" in relation to love
RIDDLE-ME-REE RIDDLE-ME-REE, Riddle me-ree, I love one and one loves me; 'Tisn't for beauty, 'tisn't for pelf; But each loves each for its own dear self; 'Tisn't for this, 'tisn't for that; And neither can say or think for what. Riddle-me-ree, Riddle me-ree, What do I love, and what loves me? Riddle-me-ree, where should lips meet? Riddle-me-ree, where should hearts beat? Lips meet of course where others are meeting, Hearts beat of course where others are beating; What do I wish for, what do I sigh for? What do I live for, what would I die for? Riddle-me-ree, Riddle me-ree, What do I love, and what loves me?
A song from: Poems: Winter Gatherings, by William Frederick Rock (London: W. Kent, 1877): p. 133. Previous edition: London: Printed for private circulation [by] Unwin Brothers, 1867.

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Riddle-me-ree Relationship"
[Lord Arglay] "... Sir Giles Tumulty, Miss Burnett, is one of the most cantankerously crooked birds I have ever known. He is, unfortunately, my remote brother-in-law; his brother was Reginald's mother's second husband -- you know the kind of riddle-me-ree relationship..."
From the novel: Many Dimensions, by Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.,  1970): p. 21. Previously published: London: Victor Gollancz:, 1931; London: Faber & Faber, 1947; New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, 1949.

righteous babe (RB):

1. A cool, attractive, or otherwise impressive woman.

2. An attractive woman of one's own faith.

See also babe, RB, righteous dude.

righteous dude:

1. A cool, attractive, or otherwise impressive man.

2. An attractive man of one's own faith.

See also righteous babe.

right man:

A human male with whom one is, was, or, in one's imagination, will be happily mated.

Contrast Miss Right (q.v.), Ms. Right (q.v.), and right woman (q.v.). See also ideal, Mister Right, Mister Wonderful, Prince Charming, right person, type.

right of return:

1. The justice of refugees returning to their country of origin and being properly reintegrated, especially as officialy recognized.

2. The justice of victims of trafficking for the purpose of sexual exploitation returning to their country of origin and being properly reintegrated, especially as officially recognized.

3. The claim that ex-lovers or ex-spouses may feel they have upon one another, or that one or the other may feel they have upon one another, to engage in sexual relations together afresh, even if they have new lovers or spouses.

See also ex, left-over desire, lost and found lover, old boyfriend, old girlfriend, past attachment, rekindle the flame, rerun, retrosexual, right to sex, saudade.

x rights.

right of the first night:

See ius primae noctis.

right person:

A person with whom one is, was, or, in one's imagination, will be happily mated.

See also ideal, Miss Right, Miss Right, Ms. Right, Miss Wonderful, Mister Wonderful, right man, right woman, type.

right to sex:

1. The general acknowledgment or forcefully backed assertion that the choice to engage in sexual activity is essential to each person's humanity and should not be either denied by any powers-that-be or regulated oppressively.

2. The limitation -- established, for instance, by custom, a constitution, a law, judicial precedent, a treaty, or even a threat of rebellion -- upon some or all of the powers-that-be which restrains them from prohibiting sexual expression between consenting adults in private.

3. An expectation, insofar as considered legitimate, that shut-ins and others with serious incapacities (such as those who are physically or mentally disabled), as well as those who have been institutionalized, imprisoned, or removed for extensive periods from their home environment (sailors and soldiers, for instance), should have the means provided for sexual relations with reasonable frequency or be allowed sexual relations if they can provide the means for themselves. Among the means provided might be arrangements for fraternization among themselves, conjugal visits, shore visits (for sailors), and attendance by sex workers.

4. The claim that lovers or spouses have upon one another by virtue of either understandings they have established or the nature of their relationship -- for instance, if it is sexually exclusive or entails conjugal rights -- either to meet each other's sexual needs or to allow or provide for an acceptable alternative. As widely understood in modern times, this claim does not entail the freedom to coerce sexual relations, for that violates the rights of the one being coerced. Rather it is enforced by the consequences of deprivation, from, for instance, unhappiness in the relationship to its disintegration.

Comments: Many rights derive from or are otherwise intimately connected in their origins with moral precepts and institutions from the distant past. For instance, marriage implies the recognition of a right to sex, albeit perhaps a regulated one; and what is recognized there is the need for sexual companionship and the undeniable impetus to propagate for the survival of the family, one's tribe or country, and the human species itself. However, sometimes rights are worked out in a way that extends beyond or even conflicts with those moral precepts and institutions, which has been the case with the right to sex. A lack of consensus regarding the extent of a right to sex has been a challenge world-wide; and conflicts between various conceptions of the right to sex and moral precepts have been an element in the so-called culture wars in the United States.

A chief criticism of the idea of rights in general and a right to sex in particular is that, in the last analysis, power is what counts and rights have no intrinsic power but are subject to the powers-that-be; in fact, that ultimately they are merely illusions allowed by the powers-that-be so long as such illusions are in their interest to maintain. This view overlooks the power of the people, especially in a democracy, but even in a totalitarian state; it overlooks the power of institutions designed to protect rights; it overlooks soft power, such as the power of persuasion; it overlooks the effects of international pressure on behalf of human rights; and it overlooks the trouble and cost it takes to suppress rights. The issue of the right to sex introduces a special twist. According to some social theorists, sexual repression is a necessary tool of totalitarianism; yet historical forces have been at work that have brought a spread of freedom in conjunction with the rule of law to many parts of the world. If there is anything to that theory, it would seem that respect of the right to sex goes hand in hand with those historical forces.

See also conjugal visit, function of sex, get government out of the bedroom, libertarianism, reproductive rights, right of return, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sex, sexual justice, sexual toleration.

x rights.

x sexual rights.

rights:

See conjugal rights, ius primae noctis, reproductive rights, right of return, right to sex.

right woman:

A human female with whom one is, was, or, in one's imagination, will be happily mated.

Contrast Mr. Right (q.v.) and right man (q.v.). See also ideal, Miss Right, Miss Wonderful, Ms. Right, right person, type.

rival:

1. Someone who is in contention for something against one or more others.

2. Any of those who are seeking the same person as a mate, especially in a context where a monogamous relationship is the goal. They are sometimes called "rivals in love."

3. Part of a common translation of the Hebrew word tsarar at Leviticus 18:18 (inflected form: litseror), meaning, "be a rival-wife." For example, the New American Standard Bible (c1973) translates: "And you shall not marry a woman in addition to her sister as a rival while she is alive, to uncover her nakedness." Thus the word rival is sometimes used either:

• specifically as an allusion to the rival sister as co-wife in Leviticus 18:18; or,
• as a synonym for a woman in a polygynous marriage.
  

Comments: Regarding Leviticus 18:18, the ancient Greek version, called the Septuagint, translates the Hebrew litseror in part with the Greek word antizêlon (lexical form: antizêlos), meaning "jealous one."

The King James (Authorized) Version does not use the word rival, but translates instead: "Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her [litseror], to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her life time."

Evidently the prohibition had not always applied. Note the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel at Genesis 19:30-38; 29:15-35; 30:1-24. Curiously, the parallel set of laws at Leviticus 20 lacks the prohibition. Compare its absence at Judges 15:2; Jeremiah 3:6-10; and especially Ezekiel 23:2, 4, remembering Ezekiel 's close relation to the Holiness Code of Leviticus. 

The Hittite Laws make allowances in some cases for a man to have sisters (see laws 191, 194, 195c). By the way, Middle Assyrian Law A31 addresses the issue of taking a deceased wife's sister.

The Dead Sea sect appears to have treated the phrase, "a woman in addition to her sister" (ishsha el-'achotah), as applying to any two women, thus turning the law into a general prohibition of polygyny on the part of the king (11QTemple 57:17-19; cf. 66:15-17).

References
For the extra-biblical law codes, see: Ancient Near Eastern Texts Relating to the Old Testament, edited by James B. Pritchard (3rd ed., with supplement. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1969): pp. 182, 196. Law Collections from Mesopotamia and Asia Minor, by Martha T. Roth; with a contribution by Harry A. Hoffner, Jr.; volume editor, Piotr Michalowski (Atlanta, Ga.: Scholars Press, c1995; in Society of Biblical Literature series: Writings from the Ancient World; v. 6): pp. 164-165, 236-237.
For the Temple Scroll (11QTemple) of the Dead Sea sect, see, for instance: The Dead Sea Scrolls: A New Translation, [by] Michael Wise, Martin Abegg, Jr. & Edward Cook (New York, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c1996): pp. 457-492, specifically p. 485.

See also suitor; affinity, co-wife, deceased wife's sister question, forbidden degrees, Holiness Code, incest, plural wife, polygynist, porneia, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sororate.

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrew terms.

rivalrous triangle:

A triad (q.v.) or family relationship in which two people are competing for the attentions of a third person.

See also reverse triangle, split-object triangle, triangle, vee.

road beef:

1. Someone one meets for casual sex while traveling.

2. Those one might or actually does meet for casual sex while traveling.

Comments: Baseball argot, applied especially to women met by baseball players while on the road.

Many people, including many personalists and feminists, would regard the term as offensive, since it reduces a human being to a piece of meat.

See also casual sex, import, pickup, slump buster.

roaming eye:

See roving eye.

rob the cradle:

To marry a person a generation or more younger than oneself.

See also age-gap relationship, alphamegamia, anilojuvenogamy, anisonogamia, dysonogamia, gerontophilia, go cougaring, intergenerational relationhship, Lolita, May-December romance, opsigamy, spring-autumn romance, sugar daddy.

rocky relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that is rugged going; in other words, one that is characterized by stumbles, insecurities, and dangers to the relationship.

See also cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, love-resolves-all myth, love-trouble, marital blues, misérables, off-and-on relationship, quasi-breakup, poor match, relationship parasite, toxic relationship, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage.

ROI:

An abbreviation used in business for "return on investment," which is sometimes applied to relationships to refer to benefits received for the effort put in, implying a host of questions, such as:

• Is the relationship worth the effort?
• What can be done to make the relationship worth the effort?
• What can be done, even if the relationship is already worth it, to improve the "return on investment"?

Comments: The answers to the implied questions, at least those listed, necessarily have large subjective components. They usually entail an evaluation of intangible factors, such as:

• commitment levels;
• emotional bonds;
• degree of sexual satisfaction;
• what one likes;
• what one is or is not able and willing to accommodate or endure;
• what risks and, for each risk, the degree of risk one is or is not willing to run; and,
• impact on family happiness.

Often material factors and, at times, even demographic factors, such as the impact of long-term relationships upon longevity, are part of the evaluation. The answer to the first question -- Is the relationship worth the effort? -- might also take into account the emotional and material cost of breaking up.

This enumeration might seem to imply a logical process; and, indeed, consideration of ROI does imply time for systematic reflection. However, temperament and social conditioning may have much more to do with the answers than logic; and some answers may be distorted by the psychological effects of abuse.

An evaluation of ROI can be done not only for, say, a one-on-one love relationship or traditional marriage, but also for extramarital affairs and participation in non-traditional relationship configurations.

See also deal breaker.

x Return on investment.

rolling eye:

A "come hither" look.

Comment: Not to be confused with "rolling one's eyes," as out of annoyance.

See also comether, flirtation.

x eye.

Quotation from William Douglas (1672?-1748) Illustrating "Rolling Eye"
Her waist ye weel may span,    And she has a rolling eye, And for bonnie Annie Laurie    I'd lay down my head and die.
Last lines from the earliest known version of the ballad "Annie Laurie," as found in: A Ballad Book, by Charles Kirkpatrick Sharpe; reprinted with notes and ballads from the unpublished mss. of Charles Kirkpatrick Sharpe and Sir Walter Scott; edited by David Laing (Edinburgh; London: W. Blackwood, 1880). First edition printed in 1823 for private distribution (30 copies). <Not examined>

romance, as in "a romance":

1. The history of a love relationship.

2. A love relationship, especially its total course to date.

3. The budding of a love relationship.

4. The lead up to a committed love relationship, a lead up such as courtship.

5. A prolonged flirtation.

6. Passion for a person, as distinguished from and perhaps even divorced from sexual desire and which is transient in character, although (in this modeling) it may take root and become a deep domestic love; an ingénue's virginal view of passionate love.

7. The stream of emotions associated with reciprocated sexual desire and reciprocated love in a particular setting or over the course of a love relationship.

8. The state of being in love with each other.

9. Constancy in love despite trials.

10. An ambience that excites attraction and fosters affection.

See also attentions, backstage romance, bromance, budding relationship, camp romance, Cinderella story, courtship, commuter romance, cyber-affair, cyberromance, December-December romance, fall in love, feng shui love, flirtation, Hauerwas's Law, heartbreaker, highway of love, in love, in love with love, Internet affair, interoffice romance, intramural romance, lady-love, late-life romance, love-discourse, love relationship, love remembered, May-December romance, mid-life romance, office romance, online affair, on-set romance, paper courtship, parking lot romance, rekindled romance, réligion d'amour, romance-intolerant, romantic, (noun), romantic (adjective), romantically challenged, romantic love, romantic marriage, romantic relationship, secret of a successful marriage, sexualove, small "r" relationship, spring-autumn romance, thing, virtual affair, whirlwind romance, workplace romance.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Romance"
She [Anne Elliot] had been forced into prudence in her youth [by being persuaded to sacrifice her engagement to Frederick Wentworth], she learned romance as she grew older [her love for him continuing]; the natural sequel of an unnatural beginning.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 4, p. 39. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Romance"
Anthropologists used to think that romance was a Western construct, a bourgeois by-product of the Middle Ages.... Scientists now believe that romance is panhuman, embedded in our brains since Pleistocene times. In a study of 166 cultures, anthropologists William Jankowiak and Edward Fischer observed evidence of passionate love in 147 of them.... But though romantic love may be universal, its cultural expression is not.
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 44.

romance, as in "to romance somebody":

To woo.

See also art of love, court, hit it off, joyous craft, make love to, play hard to get, pursue, step up to, woo.

romance drive:

The inclination from within to seek a companion of a complementary sexual orientation with whom one can be affectionate and to whom one can be close, especially insofar as this is distinct (although not necessarily separate) from the sex drive.

Comment: Thus an asexual person might have a romance drive despite the absence of a sex drive.

See also chemistry of love, libido, sex drive.

romance-intolerant:

1. Prohibitive or disapproving of the passions that lead to either love matches or love affairs, or at least of giving those passions free rein.

2. Strongly disinclined to enjoy expressions of love beyond a certain point, if at all, or to engage one's sympathies in matters of love beyond a certain point, if at all; inclined to find matters of love, beyond a tightly circumscribed domain, distasteful.

See also aromantic, frigid, love-lacking, marriage of convenience, marriage of reason, prudish, romance, romantically challenged, sexually negative, utilitarian marriage.

romance is the answer:

See love-found-solves-all myth.

romance junky:

A person who has a pattern of choosing an unsuitable partner and feeling initial exhilaration, which is followed by despair, which in turn is followed by repetitions of the cycle.

See also amative, attraction junky, love addiction, Marilyn syndrome, multiphilia, relationship addiction, relationship parasite.

x addict.

romance novel:

1. A long fictional narrative in prose in which a plot unfolds through characters and in which romantic love is the central theme.

2. The literary type constituted by such works.

See also discourse of desire, love book, love story, romantic comedy, romantic drama.

Roman culture:

Orgiastic sexual practices.

See also group sex, orgy, sex party.

romantic, as in "a romantic":

1. A believer in romance (q.v.).

2. A person given to romance.

See also bi-romantic, hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, love-performing, shipper.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Romantic"
[Simon Bardill] "... Marriage is rough on a true romantic."
From the novel: Babycakes, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1984; "Perennial Library"; Tales of the City Series; v. 4)): p. 276. The mark of elision is mine.

romantic, as in "romantic matters":

1. Evocative of or otherwise having to do with passions or sentiments belonging to love and sexual attraction.

2. Characterized by wooing.

3. Characterized by being given to matters of love, adventure, high ideals, or impractical notions.

Contrast aromantic (q.v.). See also amative, amorous, bi-romantic, erotic, hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, love-tooth, loving, moony, passionate, romance, sentimental.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Romantic"
[Charlotte Lucas]: '... I am not romantic you know. I never was. I ask only a comfortable home; and considering Mr Collins's character, connections, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair, as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 22, pp. 164-165. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Romantic"
This 'unknown mode' which in Wordsworth is 'Nature' is in Dante Romantic Love. I keep the word Romantic for three reasons. The first is that there is no other word so convenient for describing that particular kind of sexual love. The second is that it includes other loves besides the sexual. The third is that in following the Dantean record of his love it may be possible to understand something more of Romanticism itself, and of its true and false modes of being.
From: The Figure of Beatrice: A Study in Dante, [by] Charles Williams (New York: Noonday Press, 1961): p. 14. Originally published: London: Faber and Faber, 1943.

 

romantically challenged:

Poor at, lacking an aptitude for, or unlucky with regard to matters of romance; having personal hurdles to surmount with regard to matters of romantic love.

Comment: This term is pattterned after some of the "politically correct" speech used for people with disabilities, for example, the "mentally challenged."

See also aromantic, love quotient, marital aptitude, relational intelligence, romance, romance-intolerant, romantic love.

romantic comedy:

1. A dramatic story with a happy ending that exhibits for the audience or readership, in light-hearted fashion, twists and turns that are leading to one or more love matches.

2. The literary type constituted by such works.

See also discourse of desire, grand gesture, love story, romance novel, romantic drama.

x comedy.

romantic drama:

1. A play or film that tells a story of lovers in a serious tone.

2. The literary type constituted by such works.

See also discourse of desire, love story, romantic comedy, romance novel.

romantic escapade:

See escapade romantique.

romantic family:

A family (q.v.) that is built upon the affection of spouses for each other and in which behavior is based on affection; a family in which affection is the major function of the family, a major source of family influence over family members, and the primary unifying factor.

Contrast institutional family (q.v.). See also companionship family.

romantic friend:

1. A person with whom one is in some stage of a romantic relationship, such as a person one enjoys simply dating or a full-fledged lover.

2. A person one enjoys being with, who is given to matters of love, adventure, high ideals, or impractical notions.

Comment: In the first sense, sometimes preferred to "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," as when the lover is not young.

See also boyfriend, friend, gentleman friend, girlfriend, lady friend, lover, man friend, romantic relationship.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Romantic Friend"
Given her low tolerance for the risk of a committed relationship at this stage, she is finding a new category of companions, whom she calls "romantic friends." These are men, some straight, some gay, who enjoy going to the theater with her, having a nightcap, kissing hello and good-bye, and that's it.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 252.

romantic interest:

1. A person with whom one may be falling in love or with whom one is in love, especially such a person whom one wishes to win as a mate (q.v.).

2. Curiosity about the sort love that has to do with people becoming mates.

See also in love, love interest, lover, mate.

romanticism:

1. A fond concern with matters of romantic love (q.v.).

2. Capitalized, often meant in this sense: A literary, artistic, and philosophical movement beginning in the late Eighteenth Century, a movement which affirmed the validity of feeling and subjective experience.

3. A set of attitudes characteristic of the movement.

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Romanticism"
The vision of perfection does not at all exclude the sight of imperfection; the two can exist together; they can even, in a sense, co-inhere. To suppose anything else would be a false romanticism of the worst kind. Proper Romanticism neither denies nor conceals; neither fears nor flies. It desires only accuracy; 'look, look; attend.'
From: The Figure of Beatrice: A Study in Dante, [by] Charles Williams (New York: Noonday Press, 1961): p. 35. Originally published: London: Faber and Faber, 1943.

romantic love:

1. The overarching term for the bonding and ongoing bond of individuals who find each other and become partners in love and sex, and for the set of emotions associated specifically therewith, including affection.

2. Feeling matedness or potential matedness with another's soul.

3. A growing attraction and attachment along with a set of typically intense emotions, all of which together, result in or, apart from and perhaps despite other factors, would result in a committed love relationship.

4. In the triangular theory of love, love (q.v.) that consists of passion and intimacy but not or not yet commitment.

See also affaire de coeur, affair of the heart, amor mixtus, amor purus, amour à l'anglaise, amour-passion, belief in love, besotted, big "R" relationship, carnal love, courtly love, domestic love, eromance, erotic love, erotosexual, extramarital love affair, fondness, heart, infatuation, in love, like, love affair, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, love quotient, love-passion, love's lust, marital love, mature love, multiphilia, out-of-marriage love affair, proceptive phase, religion of two, romance, romantically challenged, romanticism, romantic theologian, romantic theology, sexualove, soul mate, take (one's) breath away, theologian of romantic love, theology of romantic love, triangular theory of love, true love, unsynchronized passion, vision of romantic love, way of romantic love, wildly in love with.

romantic love's vision:

See vision of romantic love.

romantic marriage:

1. A marital union rooted in love.

2. A marital union in which the spouses are continually making either other feel loved.

See choice of one's heart, free marriage, love marriage, love-match, marriage, marriage by inclination, marriage of inclination, marry for love, romance.

romantic network:

The people who are abstractly linked together, whether directly or indirectly, through love relationships, past and present, as in a sociological diagram of relationships that have occurred.

See also alternate relationship geometries, chains of affection, cycling, diagramming a love relationship, distal partner, genogram, intimate network, love tangle, poly web, sexual network.

x network.

romantic partnering:

Establishing or maintaining an attachment between individuals, an attachment that entails both mutual affection and mutual sexual attraction.

See also partner, partner romantically, sexual partnering, sexual partnership.

romantic relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that entails both mutual sexual attraction and the formation and maintenance of bonds of love.

See also involved with, love relationship, meaningful relationship, romance, romantic friend, sexual relationship.

romantic resumé:

A summary account, in written form, of one's love life, to be proffered to a prospective lover or mate, an account which might cover such things as:

• Aspects of one's biography that could affect a relationship, for instance, one's age, one's location, one's religion, one's general political stance, one's job, one's hobbies, and whether or not one has children.
• The relationships one has had, their nature, with whom, when, how long they have lasted, and how and why they ended; and otherwise who one's sex partners have been or how many one has had.
• One's progress in matters of love: what one has learned, including the skills one has acquired.
• What one has to offer otherwise.
• One's communication style.
• One's quirks.
• One's beliefs and attitudes with respect to love relationships, marriage, sexuality, having children, and exclusivity.
• Health matters that could affect a relationship, including any sexually transmittable diseases (with test results attached).
• One's sexual inclinations and fantasies.

Comment: Such a resumé is usually spoken of jocularly, since few people are willing to reveal so much up front, if ever.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, erotic journal, freebie list, Langdon Chart, Leporello list, love life, personal ad, sex life, sexuality, tell all.

romantic theologian:

1. One who does or, some might say, commits romantic theology (q.v.); one who theologizes about romantic love (q.v.), that is, who works out the implications of romantic love relative to the divine.

2. As "the romantic theologian," sometimes an allusion to Charles Williams (1886-1945).

Quotation from C. S. Lewis Illustrating "Romantic Theologian"
... 'Who was Charles Williams?' He had spent most of his life in the service of the Oxford University Press at Amen House, Warwick Square, London. He was a novelist, a poet, a dramatist, a biographer, a critic, and a theologian: a 'romantic theologian' in the technical sense which he himself invented for those words. A romantic theologian does not mean one who is romantic about theology but one who is theological about romance, one who considers the theological implications of those experiences which are called romantic. The belief that the most serious and ecstatic experiences either of human love or of imaginative literature have such theological implications, and that they can be healthy and fruitful only if the implications are diligently thought out and severely lived, is the root principle of all his work.
From the preface to: Essays Presented to Charles Williams, contributors, Dorothy Sayers, J. R. R. Tolkien, C. S. Lewis, A. O. Barfield, Gervase Mathew, W. H. Lewis (London; New York: Oxford University Press, 1947): p. vi.

romantic theology:

1. Any set of ideas regarding the relation of sexual love (q.v.) to the divine.

2. Marriage (q.v.) understood and explored as a way of the soul.

3. The ideas of the Anglican intellectual, Charles Williams (1886-1945), concerning the relation of sexual love to the divine.^1-2

References
1 Of the many books by Charles Williams, see especially: Outlines of Romantic Theology (written 1924; published 1990); He Came Down from Heaven (1938); Religion and Love in Dante: The Theology of Romantic Love (1941); and, The Figure of Beatrice (1943).
2 For an overview, see: The Theology of Romantic Love: A Study in the Writings of Charles Williams, [by] Mary McDermott Shideler (New York, N.Y.: Harper, c1962).

See also belief in love, public character of sex, eye of love, romantic love, romantic theologian, sexosophy, sexual ethics, spiritual polyamory, theology of marriage, theology of romantic love, theology of sex, vision of romantic love, way of romantic love.

Quotations from Charles Williams Illustrating "Romantic Theology"
[12] For convenience' sake, and in order to avoid too much talk about love, the word "marriage" is used to cover the whole process of love from its first appearance between two people to its remote and indefinable end; the rite of marriage and married life, as ordinarily understood, will be referred to in clear terms when necessity arises. [snip] [14] The principles of Romantic Theology can be reduced to a single formula: which is, the identification of love with Jesus Christ, and of marriage with His life.
From: Outlines of Romantic Theology, with Which is Reprinted Religion and Love in Dante: The Theology of Romantic Love, [by] Charles Williams; edited and introduced by Alice Mary Hadfield (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., c1990): pp. 12, 14. The Outlines, here quoted, was written in 1924.
This, to make a gloss on Dante, is the point of the beginning of Romantic Theology; that is, of theology as applied to romantic experiences ...
From: The Figure of Beatrice: A Study in Dante, [by] Charles Williams (New York: Noonday Press, 1961): p. 29. Originally published: London: Faber and Faber, 1943.

Quotation from Alice Mary Hadfield Illustrating "Romantic Theology"
He [Charles Williams] meant, I think, by "romance" what John Buchan once called "strangeness flowering from the commonplace," or, if you like, making the ordinary extraordinary. For sex, love, and marriage are commonplace and ordinary; they can also and at the same time be strange and extraordinary. Romance, he felt, does not stand by itself; it is an aspect of the multiform relationship of men, women, and God, the study of which is theology's business. Romantic theology is, therefore, the working out of ways in which an ordinary relationship between two people can become one that is extraordinary, one that grants us glimpses, visions of perfection.
From the introduction to: Outlines of Romantic Theology, with Which is Reprinted Religion and Love in Dante: The Theology of Romantic Love, [by] Charles Williams; edited and introduced by Alice Mary Hadfield (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., c1990): p. viii.

Romeo:

1. A woman's male lover (q.v.), especially one who has any characteristics, such as ardor (q.v.), similar to those of the character of the same name in the play by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597).

2. A male who is in a relationship similar in any way to the relationship between the characters Romeo and Juliet in the aforementioned Shakespearean tragedy, for instance, a relationship that leads to the doom of the lovers.

See also Casanova, Céladon, Don Juan, dramatic lover, jeune premier, Juliet, leading man, Lochinvar, Lothario, Valentino, star-crossed lovers, wertheritis.

Romeo and Juliet effect:

An intensified attraction and affection in a developing relationship due to parental disapproval and interference.

Comments: A psychological term introduced by Richard Driscoll, Keith E. Davis, and Milton E. Lipetz in 1972. It, of course, alludes to the play by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597).

The effect is a form of psychological reactance, that is, a natural inward opposition to restriction.

In common usage, the causes of the effect are broadened and so may include disapproval by family members and friends or, for that matter, any obstacle.

Reference
"Parental Interference and Romantic Love: The Romeo and Juliet Effect," by Richard Driscoll, Keith E. Davis, and Milton E. Lipetz, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology; v. 24 (1972): pp. 1–10. Reprinted in Mental Health Digest; v. 5, no. 2 (1973): pp. 19–22. <Neither examined>

See also forbidden love, passion paradox, sexual taboo.

x effects.

x Shakespeare, William.

x syndromes.

room-mate, or roommate:

1. A person with whom one shares a room or apartment, there being no connotation of sexual partnership.

2. A person with whom one shares a room or apartment, there being a potential connotation of sexual partnership.

See also housemate, in-house friend, live-in companion.

rose:

A flower of a plant in the genus Rosa, a flower which has traditionally been given as a romantic symbol, a red rose meaning "I love you."

Comment: There are various schemes of rose symbolism by color and number.

See also express love, heart, I love you, valentine.

Rosenthal effect:

See Pygmalion effect.

roué (French):

1. A man who has been broken or deserves to be broken on the torture wheel of life because of his licentious behavior with women.

2. A womanizer (q.v.).

Comment: "Roué" is usually used as a pejorative term, hence the heavily slanted nature of the first definition. In its connotations, the term often carries forward the moralistic myth that men who copulate with many women generally wind up broken persons, especially physically.

See also agapet, bedhopper, cad, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, fribbler, gay deceiver, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, lady-killer, lech, Lothario, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, rake, satyr, serial philandering, sex maniac, skate, skirt-chaser, smellsmock, stud, wolf.

x French terms.

x myths.

Quotation from Charles Dickens Illustrating "Roué"
"It is a galling thing," said Ralph [Nickleby]. after a short term of silence, during which he had eyed the sufferer [Mulberry Hawk] keenly, "to think that the man about town, the rake, the roué, the rook of twenty seasons, should be brought to this pass by a mere boy!"
From the novel: Nicholas Nickleby: A Facsimile Edition of the 1938 Nonesuch Dickens, [by] Charles Dickens ([New York]: Barnes & Noble, 2005): chapter 38, p. 495. Originally published under title: The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby ... (London: Chapman & Hall, 1839). The Nonesuch Dickens was originally published, Bloomsbury: Nonesuch Press, 1938.

round-heeled:

Promiscuous; easily pushed over.

Comment: Said especially of a woman.

Example: A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late-Life Adventures in Sex and Romance, [by] Jane Juska (New York: Villard, c2003).

See also easy, oversexed, promiscuous.

roving eye:

A tendency to examine people for their sexual attrractiveness to oneself, especially when one already has a sex partner.

Comment: A roving eye can signify many things, from a simple biological impulse, to lustfulness, to cultivation of taste, to appreciation, to sexual temptation, to a proneness to infidelity. Sometimes one of the factors behind a roving eye is dissatistfaction with a mate or perhaps simply that one's mate cannot meet the diversity that one's libido demands.

Also called a roaming eye and a wandering eye.

See also all men to (me), all women to (me), attraction, lust, objectification, oculoplania.

x eye.

x roaming eye.

x wandering eye.

R'shipper:

See shipper.

ruin (a person):

1. To remove a person's chastity, as by seduction.

2. To corrupt a person; to cause a person to be placed in a position of moral inferiority.

3. To destroy the reputation of, even to cause a person to become an outcast from his or her social circles and/or family; to taint or, in some cases, only tinge with scandal.

4. To destroy a person's physical beauty, insofar as that beauty is relied upon.

5. To physically incapacitate a person.

6. To render a person psychologically unstable, with permanent effects.

7. To cause financial distress; to completely deplete the wealth of, even more, to bring about unpayable financial debts.

8. To land a person in prison or, at least, to cause a person to be pursued by the law in a way that totally disrupts that person's life.

9. To bring calamity after calamity upon a person until that person's resilience is broken.

Comment: In relation to current mores in the Western world, the first sense is largely obsolete, since it is little believed any longer, in part due to feminism, that sexual activity spoils a person for anything; although exceptions can be found, for instance among some religious conservatives. In relation to earlier mores, the term in that sense is common.

See also chastity, feminism, seduction, thelyphthoric.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Ruin"
[Madame de Rosemonde to the Présidente de Tourvel] ... my nephew [the Vicomte de Valmont] ... is neither safe with women nor guiltless where they are concerned, and will ruin them as soon as seduce them.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 126, pp. 304-306, specifically p. 305. The marks of omission are mine. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] Si j'en crois ce qu'on m'en dit, mon neveu ... n'est ni sans danger pour les femmes, ni sans torts vis-à-vis d'elles, et met presque un prix égal à les séduire et à les perdre.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 126, pp. 291-293, specifically p. 292. The mark of omission is mine. "Perdre" = "ruin."

Quotation from William Makepeace Thackeray (1811-1863) Illustrating "Ruined"
The astonishment is, how Emily Harley Baker could have stooped to marry Raymond Gray. She ... who had but £4,000 pour tout potage, to marry a man who had scarcely as much more. A scream of wrath and indignation was uttered by the whole family when they heard of this mésalliance. Mrs. Harley Baker never speaks of her daughter now but with tears in her eyes, and as a ruined creature.
From: The Book of Snobs, [by] William Makepeace Thackeray (Köln: Könemann, 1999): chapter 34, p. 163. "First appeared (anonymously) in weekly installments in Punch from 28 February 1846 to 27 February under the title 'The Snobs of England'.... The Book of Snobs was published in 1848 ..." -- "Notes," p. 221.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Ruined"
[Piet] You're really going to go through with it [go away for a long time]?" [Foxy, whose husband had separated from her because of her affair with Piet and her illegal abortion] "Oh," she said, touching his cheek in the dark curiously, as if testing the contour of a child's face, or the glaze on a vase she had bought, "absolutely. I'm a ruined woman."
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 437.

rule of the gift:

Exogamy or the prohibition of incest as motivated by recognition of the importance of connecting with others outside the group.

Translates the French: obligation de donner, a term attributed to Claude Lévi-Strauss.

See also exogamy, incest, obligation de donner, outbreeding, Westermarck effect.

x rules.

rules:

See break-up rules, household rules, hundred-mile rule, rule of the gift, rules of adultery, rules of love, sex rule, three-date rule, three-day rule, veto rule.

Rules date deficit syndrome:

A supposed affliction of Rules girls: never going on a date, never getting married, and never having children due to following too vigorously The Rules, by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (1995).

Comments: Abbreviated R.D.D.S.

The term was introduced in a parody of The Rules: "The Counter-Rules: Time-tested Techniques for Attracting Ms. Right While Avoiding Ms. Commitment," by Christopher Buckley, The New Yorker, November 11, 1996.

See also counter-Rules, R.D.D.S., Rules girl.

Rules Girl:

A woman who follows the advice about conducting romances and relationships found in the books by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

Comment: The general idea, which in some circles is controversial, is that she should make the man be the pursuer and that she should play hard to get.

See also code, counter-Rules, cyberdating, dating plan, man plan, online dating, play hard to get, Tao of Steve.

References

The books are: The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, [by] Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (New York, NY: Warner Books, c1995). The Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love by, [by] Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (New York, NY: Warner Books, 1997). The Rules for Marriage: Time-tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work, [by] Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (New York: Warner Books, c2001). The Rules for Online Dating: Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right in Cyberspace, [by] Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (New York: Pocket Books, c2002).

rules of adultery:

Guidelines, underground conventions, negotiated understandings, and unilateral requirements as to how to conduct an affair in which at least one of the lovers is married to another person.

Comments: Many such rules would fit into the following categories, which are not necessarily mutually exclusive:

• Those designed for the successful carrying on of the affair;
• Those that are designed to avoid confrontation, so as not to destroy one or more relationships outside of the affair;
• Those that serve as protocols to enable livability;
• Those that are designed to minimize emotional pain;
• Those that are designed to counterbalance disadvantages or otherwise to maximize personal benefits;
• Those that are designed to establish independence, for instance, sexual independence.

Different sets of rules may apply to different parties: the married lover(s), the unmarried lover(s), and the spouse(s) of the married lover(s).

See also absolute code; adultery; adultery-toleration pact; arrangement; break-up rules; code; consensual adultery; don't ask, don't tell; extramarital affair; extramarital sex; household rules; hundred-mile rule; jealousy; kiss and tell; moral code; next-tier sexual ethics; open marriage; out-of-marriage love affair; rules of love; sexosophy; sex rule; sexual etiquette; sexual mores; swingers' moral code; veto rule.

x rules.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Adultery, Rules of "
Adultery, rules of "Even adultery has its rules," Guido advised. "And the first rule of the house: the lover cannot be jealous of the other lover's spouse."
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 11 of the Directory at end, referenced from p. 61 of the novel; cf. pp. 102 and, at end, 85-87.

rules of courtship:

Commonly held expectations within a culture or group as to how to go about winning a mate; dating ritual.

See also art of dating, art of love, courtship, dating ritual.

rules of love:

Expectations with regard to feelings and behaviors involved in romance; guidelines on how to test romantic feelings and on how to conduct a romance.

Comment: Perhaps the most famous rules of love are those propounded by Andreas Capellanus sometime between 1174 and 1186 (see quotation below). Nowadays many people would take issue with many of those rules or insist that cover only a tiny section in the full spectrum of romantic love.

See also art of love, code, court of love, jealousy, law of love, love, moral code, rules of adultery, sexosophy, sex rule, sexual etiquette, sexual mores, three-date rule, three-day rule.

x rules.

Quotation from the John Jay Parry Translation of Andreas Capellanus Illustrating "Rules of Love "
[34] Let us now come to the rules of love, and I shall try to present to you very briefly those rules which the King of Love is said to have proclaimed with his own mouth and to have given in writing to all lovers.... [42] These are the rules. I. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving. II. He who is not jealous cannot love. III. No one can be bound by a double love. IV. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing. V. That which a lover takes against his will of his beloved has no relish. VI. Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity. VII. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor. VIII. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons. IX. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love. X. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice. XI. It is not proper to love any woman whom one should be ashamed to seek to marry. XII. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved. XIII. When made public, love rarely endures. XIV. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized. XV. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved. XVI. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates. [43] XVII. A new love puts to flight an old one. XVIII. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love. XIX. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives. XX. A man in love is always apprehensive. XXI. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love. XXII. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved. XXIII. He whom the thought of love vexes, eats and sleeps very little. XXIV. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved. XXV. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved. XXVI. Love can deny nothing to love. XXVII. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved. XXVIII. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved. XXIX. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love. XXX. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved. XXXI. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
From: : The Art of Courtly Love, [by] Andreas Capellanus; translated [from De arte honeste amandi] by John Jay Parry; edited and abridged by Frederick W. Locke (New York: Continuum, 1990, c1957; "A Frederick Ungar Book"; in series: Milestones of Thought): book 2, chapter 8, "The Rules of Love," pp. 34-43, specifically 32, 42-43.

rule the roost:

To have considerable influence over or the direction of a number of females, especially with regard to whom to favor at a given moment, ordinarily said of a male.

Comment: The metaphor is that of a cock who decides which of the hens to allow to perch nearest him.

See also androcracy, "head of the wife," maritodespotism, polygyny.

run astray:

1. To violate the laws, mores, or conventions of a given culture or subculture.

2. To depart from observance of the moral law of God.

3. To seek sexual satisfaction or gratification outside of one's marriage.

See also betray, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, fool around, infidelity, play around, put it about, sexual immorality, sexual mores, sleep around, tip, two-time, unfaithful, yard on.

x astray.

x go astray.

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Run Astray"
The Discontented BRIDE: OR, A brief Account of Will. the Baker, who Sow'd himself up in a Blanket every Night going to Bed, for fear of Enlarging his Family. He was a Drone full well we know, that would not Sport or Play; And he that serves a Woman so, may make her run astray. To the Tune of, The Maids a Washing themselves, etc. This may be Printed, R. P. WILL the baker a Wooing went, __At length the Damsel did give consent, A fair young Creature, both witty and pritty, __yet after her Marriage she did lament: And good reason she had to do so, Her heart was filled with grief and woe; For after Marriage she still did complain, Her Maiden=head seven Months did remain.   Tho' he lay by his Bride each Night, A fair young pattern of Beauty bright; Yet he did nothing to please her, or ease her, __as being sow'd up in a Blanket tight: It was because he was 'fraid of his Charge, And that his Family would inlarge; Full seven Months he had layn by her side, Poor Creature, her patience in this was try'd.   This old Blanket did cause much strife, Between the Baker and his fair Wife; For while he wore it, her trouble grew double, __what Woman was able to lead this life? Still she wish'd she might find out a way, This paultry Blanket to convey, Where he might never behold it no more. That she might enjoy what he had in store.   BUt one night among all the rest, __When this poor Baker was quite undrest, He sought his Blanket to wind him, and bind him, __but he of that Garment was dispossest: She had hid it he could not tell where, Which made the Baker begin to Swear, And would not go to his Bed for Repose, Until she had brought him his Swadling-Cloaths   When she see all her hopes were fled, In grief and trouble she went to Bed, Where she lay sighing, not sleeping, but weeping, __a thousand times wishing she'd ne'r been Wed: Yet he little regarded her moan, But snoring lay like a drowsie Drone, Wrapt up in his Blanket as tight as a pack, And never consider'd what she did lack.   Well, said she, I'm resolv'd to find Some youthful Gallant to my own mind; I'le ne'r lye whining, perplexing and vexing, __and thus I shall fit him but in his kind: For what Woman can wait at this rate? I am resolved to choose a Mate, Some youthful Gallant of dext'rous skill, And then he may lye in his Blanket still.   Then she walking abroad next day, In all her Silks and Rich Array; A Kanting Gallant did meet her, and treat her, __she had not the power to say him nay: In a Tavern some hours they spent, Where she enjoying her hearts content With this brave Gallant, whom she did adore, Who promis'd her many kind visits more.   Tho' the Baker he did offend, Yet now her trouble is at an end; She doth not value his Courting or Sporting, __since she doth enjoy a more loving Friend: In his Blanket he lies at his ease, While she may Revel it where she please, It is but reason without all dispute, If he will not, somebody else must do't. FINIS.   Printed for J. Deacon, at the sign of the Angel in Guiltspur=Street, without Newgate.
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 119.
According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968), John Deacon was a bookseller in London who moved to the Angel in Giltspur Street in 1694, "where he continued until 1701, or perhaps later."
Textual notes: Two illustrations accompany the ballad. In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in three columns. The words "etc." and "This may be printed" are in black letter; also the lyrics, except for this word: "Will"; also these words in the imprint: "J. Deacon," "Angel," Guiltspur=Street," "Newgate." Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u." "Her Maiden=head": In the facsimile, the "Her" is indistinct. "Tho' he lay": The "Tho'" is indistinct. "A Fair": The words are indistinct. "Yet he": The words are indistinct. "as being": The "as" is indistinct. "BUt": Odd typography. "Swadling-Cloaths": A period is expected, but none appears in the facsimile. "When she see": Thus. "pack,": Possibly a period instead of a comma. "rate?": The question mark is upside down in the facsimile. "Kanting": An obsolete spelling of "Canting." Should my formatting drop away, the indentation is as described: The second and fourth lines of the caption are indented. Also, giving verse and line numbers of the lyrics: 1:2, 4; 2:4; 3:4; 4:2, 4; 5:4; 6:4; 7:4; 8:4. Lines 1:2 and 4:2 may have been indented simply to make space for the large capitals in the preceding lines. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

runaway bride:

A woman who flees when she is about to be or has just been married.

Comment: Capitalized or preceded by the definite article, it may refer to the young American woman, Jennifer Carol Wilbanks (born 1973), who became infamous for running away to avoid her wedding, which had been scheduled to take place on April 30, 2005, and for making false claims about her disappearnce.

See also bride, cold feet, jow-fair, premarital nerves, runaway bride.

runaway groom:

A man who fless when he is about to be or has just been married.

Comment: Capitalized, it may refer to a gray racing stallion, which won the 1982 Travers Stakes.

See also cold feet, groom, jow-fair, premarital nerves, runaway bride.

run away with (usually singular) or run away together (plural):

To leave, unceremoniously, one's home and family in order to take up life with a lover.

Comment: The term can be used of either a married person or an unmarried person.

See also elope.

Go to report: The Theory of Human Sexuality and Marriage.

Go to main page.

 Begun, March 16, 1999; posted, July 26, 2002; new url, January 28, 2004; last modified, November 19, 2009, by NEA

Copyright ©2002-2009 by Norman Elliott Anderson