Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

 

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

 

 

S-Si

 

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

Feedback opportunity

 

 

S:

Abbreviation for single (q.v.).


SA:

Straight ally (q.v.).


sabbatical from marriage:

See marriage sabbatical.

 

sacanagem; adjective, sacana (Portuguese, Brazilian slang):

1. The practice of openly seeking sexual pleasure with one or more other partners besides one's primary partner, for instance, during Mardi Gras.

2. Group sex (q.v.).

3. Something "dirty"; sexual behavior that falls outside of conventional norms.

4. A dirty trick; unfairness.

See also ajois relationship, mbuya relationship, promiscuity, sexual varietism.

x Portuguese terms.

 

sack:

1. To break off a relationship with a lover.

2. To terminate someone's employment.

See also bad breaker-upper, break up, discard, ditch, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave (someone), let go, plaquer, reject (someone), separate, sexual rejection, split up, throw over, walk out.

 

sacramental marriage:

Marriage (q.v.) consciously cultivated as a mystery that participates in the deep mystery of the relation between Christ as God-man and his church, this participation entailing transforming effects such that the chaotic impulses of sexuality are channeled to reason, stability, and, by way of offspring if possible, the propagation of the faith.

Comment: The term apparently derives from the Latin Vulgate translation of Ephesians 5:32. In a discussion of marriage where an analogy is drawn with the relation of Christ to the church, the translation reads: Sacramentum hoc magnum est, ego autem dico in Christo et in Ecclesia. Sacramentum translates the Greek word mustêrion.

See also ecclesiastical marriage, hierogamy, holy matrimony, marriage-is-forever myth, married but not churched, "one flesh," parsonify, sacred sex.

x Greek terms.
x Latin terms.

 

sacred love:

1. Love (q.v.) insofar as it is associated with a temple, a deity, or Divinity.

2. Love that is set apart from ordinary romantic and domestic feelings and that is worthy of special association with the Divine.

3. Love insofar as it is set apart from other elements of life and is worthy of special association with the Divine.

See also amor sacer.


sacred sex:

Sexual activity

Comments: This is to be distinguished from the phrase, "the sacredness of sex," which is sometimes used to refer to the intimacy between lovers as a good and as ideally inviolate; also from "the sacredness of the marital bed," which is sometimes used to refer to marriage as ideally inviolate, there sometimes being sacramental overtones.

Among the many models of sacred sex:

See also altar of love, Basivi, carte blanche, enlightened sex, hierogamy, holy matrimony, holy wedlock, metasex, mystic betrothal, Oholah and Oholibah, "one flesh," sacramental marriage, sex, sex god, sex goddess, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritualization of sensuality, spiritual marriage, spiritual polyamory, temple of love, theogamy, Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sex ... Sacred"

 

She [Kate Leslie] walked across the beach to the jetty, feeling the life surging vivid and resistant within her. "It is sex," she said to herself. "How wonderful sex can be, when men keep it powerful and sacred, and it fills the world! like sunshine through and through one! ..."

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 27, p. 436. 

 

sacrificial love:

1. Compassion that is practiced at a cost to oneself.

2. Affection at a cost to oneself or that is willing to bear a cost.

Comments: Sacrificial love is widely thought of as a great good; however, in some quarters it has a bad name, since, in either sense, it can be unhealthful. As compassion, the cost can be such as to have a net harm; the good of all must be taken into account. As affection, it can entail self-effacement, the demise of dreams and the motivations in life that they bring, and susceptibility to manipulation, as in: "If you love me, then you'll do such and such for me."

In any case, affection within a committed relationship is necessarily sacrificial for the relationship to work. One course of life is chosen over others, and the bad must be taken with the good. The results are usually regarded as a net benefit for both society and the individuals directly involved.

As a rule of thumb: Sacrificial love that operates out of low self-esteem or as a way of living up to artificial expectations or in response to the vanity of others is generally considered unhealthy; sacrificial love that operates out of virtue or a sense of duty (including avoidance of shame) or a joy in giving is generally considered healthy.

See also agapic love, altruism, damsel-in-distress syndrome, Florence Nightingale syndrome, love, rescuer, take care of (someone), unconditional love.

 

saddest words in matters of love:

See oh well, to die without ever having loved, with somebody else.


saddle:

See die in the saddle.


saddled with:

Burdened with (a relationship), reluctantly still attached to (a partner), or choosing the lesser or least of evils by remaining in (a relationship at a high level of commitment).

See also caging.

 

Sadie Hawkins Day®:

A day designated, normally in November, for single females to initiate and go on dates with single males. A male is supposed to accept the first female who "collars" him. The celebration of Sadie Hawkins Day is typically associated with American colleges and high schools and is often timed to coincide with a school event, such as a football game or dance.

Comments: The custom of celebrating Sadie Hawkins Day derives from Al Capp's Li'l Abner comic strip. The Day was introduced there on November 15, 1937.

In the strip, Sadie Hawkins is "the homeliest gal in the hills." Her father, Hekzebiah Hawkins, mayor of Dogpatch, anxious to marry her off, decrees a Sadie Hawkins Day. On that day a chase is to take place on foot in which the unmarried females will pursue the town's bachelors, who will be given a ten-minute head start. If caught, a bachelor faces a shotgun wedding officiated by Marryin' Sam. The Day becomes an annual event.

The first known real-life celebration of Sadie Hawkins Day was sponsored by the Charleston Gazette on the campus of Morris Harvey College (now the University of Charleston, West Virginia), November 1, 1938. From there it rapidly spread to hundreds of schools and colleges around the United States, each developing its own ways of observing the day. Some went so far as to incorporate an officiated chase, the sometimes scanty costumes of the L'il Abner strip, and mock weddings.

Sadie Hawkins Day functioned socially, for over four decades, to help empower women to take the initiative at least some of the time and to ask why not any time. Nowadays try asking a twenty-year old, "Do you ever have a special day for the girls to ask out the guys?" The reply may well be (as it was when I asked): "You mean every day?"

See also anniversary, date, feminism, ladies' chance, ladies' privilege, leap year, leap year party, mock wedding, pity date, shotgun wedding, Valentine's Day.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: squaw dance.

 

safe:

1. At no risk of falling in love with a particular person or, at least, of falling in love with that person to one's disadvantage.

2. At no risk of entering into marriage with someone or, at least, of entering into an imprudent marriage with that person.

3. Not dangerous, but trustworthy and kind.

4. Secure from intrusion.

5. Not infected by a sexually transmitted disease; low risk as a sex partner, relative to AIDS and venereal diseases.

6. Careful in taking precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, for instance by use of latex condoms.

7. Not able to conceive or impregnate, even if a condom breaks or sex is bareback (that is, without a condom); reproductively sterile, whether due to natural or other means. This is generally the sense in swingers' personal ads.

8. Careful in taking precautions to avoid pregnancy, for instance by use of contraceptives.

Contrast in danger (q.v.). See also personal ad (especially TAN and vas-safe).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Safe"

 

[Lydia Bennet]: '... There is no danger of Wickham's marrying Mary King. There's for you! She is gone down to her uncle at Liverpool; gone to stay. Wickham is safe.'

'And Mary King is safe!' added Elizabeth [Bennet]; 'safe from a connection imprudent as to fortune.'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 39, p. 279. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

 

safe call:

A prearranged call to a trusted person when on a date, preceded by instructions to this effect: "Here is where I will be; and if you do not hear from me by such and such a time, give me fifteen minutes and then call or text me. If you receive no response, try again; and then, if you still receive no response, call the police." Such a prearrangement provides for help should something go wrong.

See also date, date background check, mad money.


safer sex:

See safe sex.


safe sex, or safer sex:

1. Any of various practices designed to avoid the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Among the most common safe sex practices:

2. Sexual relations between members of one group that is in rivalry with another group, for instance between staff members in one political campaign that is in competition with another political campaign. The idea is that leaks and temptations to disloyalty are thereby reduced.

Comments: Regarding the first sense, obviously each of the safe sex practices mentioned has a potential for failure:

So the point is frequently made that no sexual activity with others is completely risk free, hence the term "safer sex." It is also said that total abstinence from sexual activity with others is the only truly safe approach to sex, although such a statement discounts the psychological and attitudinal damage that abstinence for the sake of avoidance of STDs may do.

Source for the political definition: Valsalva's Maneuver: Mots Justes and Indispensable Terms, [by] John Train; illustrated by Pierre Le-Tan (New York: Harper & Row, c1989; An Edward Burlingame Book): p. 93.

See also ABC, abstinence, abstinence plus, bug chaser, discordant couple, family values, fluid-exchange relationship, protected sex, safe sex circle, safest sex, sex, SSC; cross-pollination.

x safer sex.

 

safe sex circle:

A group whose members consciously decide not to have unprotected sex with anybody other than members of the group, this for the sake of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Generally the commitment entails the avoidance as well of other risky behaviors that might introduce HIV/AIDS into the group. Commonly testing for STDs plays a big role in such a circle, both to gain entry and to remain a member allowed to participate in unprotected sex after unprotected outside sexual contact or other possible exposure to an STD.

See also chains of affection, chastity circle, circle jerk, closed circle of f*ck buddies, closed loop relationship, condom commitment, fluid-exchange network, fluid monogamy, merry-go-round of love, polyfidelity, protected sex, safe sex.

x circles.

 

safest sex:

1. Autoeroticism; self-masturbation.

2. Abstinence, conceived of either as a sexual lifestyle or as the least risky practice with regard to sex, relative to one's physical health, one's relationship with one's future spouse, and the religious state of one's soul.

Comments: Curiously in the Victorian era masturbation was often represented, incorrectly, as injurious to one's physical health. Now, in the age of AIDS, it is often represented as the most secure way to achieve release of sexual tension without risking transmission of a sexually transmitted disease.

See also abstinence, safe sex.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Safest Sex"


I have a terrible confession to make, but I know I'm not alone in this. The best way for me to relieve tension is to get on the road and burn some rubber. That, and you know what, but I didn't have a who to do what with -- at least not handy. Which is not to say that I eschew the safest sex of all, just not in my shop.
From the mystery novel: Gilt by Association: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York: Avon Books, 1996): chapter 18, p. 168.


Saint Beelzebub's order:

See order of Saint Beelzebub.

 

Saint Valentine's Day:

See Valentine's Day.

 

sale:

See divorce sale.


salutation of Beatrice:

A greeting from a beloved that boosts one into a state of exultation, similar to that described by Dante when greeted by his beloved Beatrice.

See also Dante Alighieri syndrome, theology of romantic love, vision of romantic love.

x Beatrice.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Salutation of Beatrice"

 

Two or three incidents bear on the idea of her [Beatrice's] relation to God. The first is the moment when the girl comes down the street and say "Good morning" in passing. This thrilling and universal moment | is known as "the salutation of Beatrice". So, of course, it is, and it is as serious (but not as artistic) as that. It is the flash of the moment in a word. Dante says: "I say that when she appeared from any place, there was through my hope of her admirable salutation, no enemy remaining to me, but a flame of caritas possessed me, which made me pardon anyone who had offended me; and if anyone had then asked me concerning anything, my answer would have been only Love, with a face clothed in humility."

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," pp. 98-99. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5. I presume that the translation from Dante is Williams' own.

Charles Williams' Quotation from Dante in the Original

Dico che quando ella apparia da parte alcuna, per la speranza dell' ammirabile salute nullo nemico mi rimanea, anzi mi giungea una fiamma di caritade, la quale mi facea perdonare a chiunque m' avesse offeso: e chi allora m' avesse addimandato di cosa alcuna, la mia risponsione sarebbe stata solamente, Amore, con viso vestito d' umiltà.
Dante, Vita Nuova §11 (for the salutation, cf. §3). Italian text as found in: The Vita Nuova and Canzoniere of Dante Alighieri (With alterations. London: J. M. Dent, 1911, t.p. 1948; in series: The Temple Classics): p. 26.


salvator femininus (Latin):

"Feminine savior."

Comment: The term is used satirically in a novel by D. H. Lawrence. What follows as to Lawrence's point is guesswork:

The Encyclopædia Britannica (11th ed., 1911) contains this remark in its entry for Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage: "as Sospita she was invoked all over Latinium as the saviour of women in their perils." Sospita is the feminine form of one of the Latin words for savior, sospes. However, "saviour of women" readily translates into Latin as salvator feminarum. Lawrence might have been playing off of that latter designation for the goddess of marriage.

Alternatively, he might have been playing off of salvator feminae, that is, "savior of a woman," as a man might be who marries a pregnant woman.

The character Rupert Birkin suggests to Gerald Crich that he marry Minette Darrington, who had become pregnant by another man; and then, in the next breath, Birkin says that he himself shall "come right" through marriage. Birkin has suggested that Gerald be the savior of a woman, while implying his own need for a female savior. So Gerald responds, "Salvator femininus."

Even if Lawrence was playing off of salvator feminarum, this need not have meant that Gerald was alluding primarily to the goddess, for each woman was said to have had her own Juno comparable to each man's genius (see, for example, Seneca, Epistle 110:1); furthermore, a man might refer to his wife as mea Iuno (Plautus, Casina 2.3.14).

Reference

Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 8, p. 91. Early editions:

  • New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
  • London: Martin Secker, 1921.

See also God's gift to women; Mater semper certa est, pater est, quem nuptiae demonstrant; mea Iuno; out of wedlock; pass the baby off as his; paternity; sex goddess; unwed father.

x Latin terms.

 

Samaritan woman at the well:

1. Jesus' female interlocutor in the story presented in the Gospel of John 4:3-44 (in the New Testament), a story which is pregnant with nuptial imagery and allusions.

2. A title sometimes given to the aforementioned story.

Comments: The story is often badly misunderstood, partly because the nuptial imagery and allusions are overlooked and partly because the story is often viewed through the lens of later Jewish mores or even of modern traditionalism. For instance, it is often understood that she was living an immoral life, but:

Because of the nuptial imagery -- for starters: in the Torah, which serves as the principal literary background, some brides were found at wells -- the question arises as to whether Jesus took this woman as his own wife, perhaps as one of his wives. That would follow the pattern of a prophet living out a parable in his own life, such as we see in the story of Hosea and Gomer (Hosea 1:2ff). However, here the Gospel writer seems less interested in Jesus' acting out a parable than in himself making a parable out of this story about Jesus, a parable in which Jesus represents God's outreach and the woman represents the Samaritans. God's outreach to the Samaritans satisfies the nuptial imagery, for the prophet Ezekiel had represented Samaria as the second wife of God (Ezekiel 23). Nevertheless, other intimations are not necessarily negated thereby.

In the presentation of the life and message of Jesus in the Gospel of John, the Samaritan woman became an evangelist on his behalf -- some say the first evangelist, although his disciples were baptizing earlier (John 4:2). The fact that she served in such a capacity has played significantly in modern discussions about the role of women in the church.

See also Oholah and Oholibah, "was Jesus married" question.

x Bible.

The Samaritan Woman at the Well
John 4:3-44 (Sawyer translation)
 My Interpretive Adaptation

3 ... [Jesus] left Judea and departed again to Galilee.
4 And it was necessary that he should pass through Samaria.
5 He came, therefore, to a city of Samaria called Sychar, near the lot which Jacob gave his son Joseph.
6 And Jacob's well was there. Jesus, therefore, being fatigued with travelling sat thus by the well; it was about the the sixth hour [noon].

7 A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, Give me a drink;
8 for his disciples had gone away into the city to buy provisions.

9 Then the Samaritan woman said to him, How do you, being a Jew, ask a drink of me, who am a Samaritan? for the Jews do no business with the Samaritans.

10 Jesus answered and said to her, If you knew the gift of God and who it is that says to you, Give me a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.

11 The woman said to him, Sir, you have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep; whence then have you the living water?
12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and who drank of it himself, and his sons, and his cattle?

13 Jesus answered and said to her, Every one that drinks of this water will thirst again;
14 but whoever drinks of the water which I will give him shall never thirst; but the water which I will give him shall be in him a fountain of water springing up to eternal life.

15 The woman said to him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, nor come here to draw.

16 He said to her, Go and call your husband, and come here.

17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said to her, You have said well, I have no husband;
18 for you have had five husbands, and he whom you now have is not your husband. In this you have spoken truly.


19 The woman said to him, Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.
20 Our fathers worshipped in this mountain, and you say that Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.

21 Jesus said to her, Believe me, woman, the hour comes, when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem you shall worship the Father.
22 You worship what you know not; we worship what we know; for salvation is of the Jews.
23 But the hour comes, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father seeks such to worship him.
24 God is a spirit, and those that worship him must worship in spirit and truth.

25 The woman said to him, I know that the Messiah is coming, called Christ; when he comes he will tell us all things.

26 Jesus said to her, I that speak to you am [the Messiah].


27 And upon this his disciples came, and wondered that he had talked with the woman; but no one said to him, What do you seek? or why do you talk with her?

28 Then the woman left her bucket, and went to the city and said to the men,
29 Come and see a man who has told me all things which I have done; is this the Christ?
30 They came out from the city and came to him.


31 In the meantime the disciples asked him saying, Rabbi, eat.

32 But he said to them, I have food to eat which you know not of.

33 Then the disciples said to one another, Has any one brought him food to eat?

34 Jesus said to them, My food is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.
35 Do you not say, There are yet four months and the harvest comes? behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and see the fields; for they are white for a harvest.
36 Already he that reaps receives wages and gathers fruit for life eternal, that he that sows and he that reaps may rejoice together.
37 For in this is the saying true; He that sows is one, and he that reaps is another.
38 I have sent you to reap that on which you have not labored; others have labored and you have entered into their labor.


39 And many of the Samaritans in that city believed on him, on account of the word of the woman, testifying, He told me all things which I have done.
40 When, therefore, the Samaritans came to him, they desired him to remain with them; and he remained there two days.
41 And many more believed on account of his word,
42 and said to the woman, We no longer believe on account of your report, for we have heard him ourselves, and know that this is truly the Saviour of the world.


43 And after two days he departed thence to Galilee.
44 For Jesus himself testified that a prophet is without honor in his native country.
Do you remember that the wives of Isaac, Jacob, and Moses were all found at wells? After Jesus had been in Jerusalem teaching in the Temple and while he was passing through Samaria on the way back to Galilee, he came to a well outside the city of Sychar, Jacob's well, in fact.

The sun was at its height in the sky; and Jesus was weary from the journey and the heat. He was sitting by himself near the well, his disciples having gone into the city to buy food. A Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well, and Jesus asked her for a drink.

The woman said, "How is it that you, a member of the Jewish cult, ask me for a drink, since I am a woman of the Samaritan cult?" (As a general rule, Jews would have no dealings with Samaritans, since Samaritans worshipped on Mount Gerizim and not in Jerusalem.)

Jesus answered, "If you knew what God is capable of giving you and who just asked you for a drink, you would be the one doing the asking, and he would surely give you life-giving water."

"Look," she said, "you don't have anything to draw water with, and the well is deep. How do you expect to come up with any of this life-giving water? Do you think that you can do better than our patriarch Jacob who dug this well and quenched not only his own thirst, but that of his family and his livestock and the generations that followed up to this very day?"

Jesus responded to her, saying, "Anyone who drinks of this water will become thirsty again; but the water I have to give will bubble within as an unending fountain of true life."

"Okay, then, sir," she said, "I'll ask. Give me some of this water so that I'll never get thirsty and have to keep coming back here for more."

Jesus replied, "Go call your husband and come back."

The woman said, "I have no husband."

Jesus said, "You've spoken correctly saying that you have no husband, currently. You have had five." (This corresponds, by the way, to the five ancestral peoples of Samaria, each of which pursued one or more gods other than the one God.) "And," he continued, "the one whose care you are now under is not your husband." (Jesus was referring to her relative and also to himself and especially to God.)

The woman said, "Sir, it's dawning on me that you're a prophet. Our ancestors worshipped on this mountain, but members of your Jewish cult say that Jerusalem must be the center for worship. What do you say?"

"Believe me," Jesus answered, "the time is coming when you will worship God neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You worship what has remained unknown; but we Jews worship One who has been active among us for the sake of the whole world. The time is coming -- in fact, it is already here -- when those who truly worship will worship simply out of inward spiritual honesty, without regard to place. Those are the kind of worshippers God really wants. God is spirit, not confined, and can be worshipped truly only that way, that is, out of inward spiritual honesty."

The woman said, "I realize that the Messiah is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything."

Jesus replied, "You're speaking to him now."

At this point the disciples returned and they were puzzled as to why Jesus was talking to a woman at the well, as if he had betrothal in mind. But they didn't have the temerity to ask reprovingly what was on their minds, which was, "What are you looking for, another woman? Then what were you doing speaking with her, a Samaritan!"

Upon their arrival, the woman went back to the city, leaving behind her water-bucket for Jesus. She said to the people there, "Come and see a person who sketched out for me my entire life up to this very day. Do you think maybe he's the Messiah?"

At this they set out from the city and were on their way to him.

Meanwhile the disciples were saying, "Rabbi, eat something."

But Jesus said to them, "I have food to eat, food you are not aware of."

Puzzled again, the disciples queried each other, saying "Did you bring him any food? or did you?"

Jesus explained to them, "My food is to do the will of the One who sent me by bringing God's work to fruition. You were saying, it's still four months till harvest. But take a look. The fields are white, ready for harvest. I am today reaping my reward and gathering a crop for enduring life, in order that the One who sows and the one who reaps may rejoice together, turning happy the woeful proverb that 'one sows, another reaps.' This is like my sending you into the city to harvest what you haven't labored over; you've benefited from their labor." Jesus pointed to the coming crowd.

After the Samaritans arrived, they kept begging Jesus to stay with them; so he did stay for a couple of days.

Many had already believed him to be the Messiah because of the woman's testimony, "He sketched out my entire life for me up to this very day." Many more came to believe because of the things he said to them directly; and they made this confession, that he really is the rescuer of the world.

After the two days, Jesus left for Galilee, where, of course, he had testified from experience that a prophet receives no honor in his (or her) own country.

Thus did Jesus come seeking to restore not only Oholibah, the younger wife of God, which is Jerusalem, but also Oholah, the elder wife of God, which is Samaria; to recall the metaphors of Ezekiel, the prophet.

Do you wonder any more why Jesus was once called a Samaritan?
The New Testament, translated from the original Greek, with chronological arrangement of the sacred books, and improved divisions of chapters and verses by Leicester Ambrose Sawyer (Twelfth thousand, revised and improved. Boston: Walker, Wise, 1861): pp. 164-166, this being, in Sawyer's numbering, John 5:2-6:1 = in the King James Version, John 4:4-44. I've omitted Sawyer's numeration and headings, inserted the KJV numbering, and adjusted the formatting accordingly. All square brackets are his, except for the first.
 An adaptation of John 4:3-44; compare Genesis 24:10-27, 42-49, 62; 29:11-12; Exodus 2:16-21; Deuteronomy 11:29; Joshua 8:33; 2 Kings 17:27-41; Ezekiel 23; John 8:48. This adaptation was originally posted in The Text of Fire, October 19, 1998. The Text of Fire numbering is 10.15.1-26, which I have here deleted.

Chaucer's Use of the Story of The Samaritan Woman at the Well
In the Original Middle English
 Translation by Burton Raffel

Herkne eek, lo, which a sharp word for the nones,
Biside a welle, Jhesus, God and man,
Spak in repreeve of the Samaritan:
"Thou hast yhad fyve housbondes," quod he,
"And that ilke man that now hath thee
Is noght thyn housbonde," thus seyde he certeyn.
What that he mente therby, I kan nat seyn;
But that I axe, why that the fifthe man
Was noon housbonde to the Samaritan?
How manye myghte she have in mariage?
Yet herde I nevere tellen in myn age
Upon this nombre diffinicioun.
And here are biting words that Christ pronounced
Beside a well -- Jesus, both God and man,
Speaking to a woman, a Samaritan:
'You've had five husbands,' he said, scolding the lady,
'So the man who has you today, I tell you, is surely
Not your husband.' And that's what he said, truly.
Yet exactly what he meant, I cannot say,
Except to ask just why the fifth of her men
Was not, in fact and law, an honest husband
For this Samaritan? For just how many
Men was she entitled to take in marriage?
Numbers have never been counted: people have managed
To marry without arithmetic. I've never
Heard of such a definition.
From "The Prologe of the Wyves Tale of Bathe," lines 14-25, in:  The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; edited by A. C. Cawley (London: J. M. Dent; Rutland, Vt.: Charles E. Tuttle, c1992; in series: The Everyman Library): p. 158.
 From: "The Wife of Bath's Prologue," lines 12-25, in: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; a new unabridged translation by Burton Raffel; introduction by John Miles Foley (New York: Modern Library, c2008): p. [159]. Note:
  • For the wife of Bath, Jesus' comment bears upon how many husbands a woman may have successively.
  • Jesus' comment is taken as a reproof.
  • The man not her husband, rather than being understood as a sixth man, is understood to be her fifth husband with the implication that he was not legitimately her husband.


sambandham (Hindi?):

Matriarchal marriage among the Nayars of the Malabar region of India, the initiation of which was traditionally one of the three major rites (samskaras) in the life of a Nayar girl, the others being tali-kettu-kalyanam, which was celebrated pre-puberty, and tirandukalyanam, which was celebrated upon the initiation of puberty as signaled by the girl's first menstrual period.

Comments: Compare the Sanskrit word sambandha ("relation").

Typical sambandham was characterized by the wife living in her matriarchal home, the tarwad, where the husband would visit her each night. He would then return to his own dwelling. Either partner was free to initiate divorce and to remarry. The matriarchal system of which sambandham was a part has, since 1912, been largely supplanted by a patriarchal system.

See also duolocal residence, marriage, tali-kettu-kalyanam, visiting husband, walk-in marriage.

x Hindi terms.
x Sanskrit terms.

 

samba orgy:

A festivity that, over the course of its occurrence, comes to feature bottomless or nearly bottomless dancing to samba music, much close stimulative contact, and sexual activities, typically in the midst of other participants.

Comments: The samba orgy is closely associated, at least in derivation, with the Carnival in Brazil, which occurs just prior to Lent; however, it does not characterize the Carnival as a whole. (Incidentally, the Portuguese word for "Carnival" is Carnaval.)

Customarily erogenous zones are sparsely covered if at all; otherwise some of the women may be lavishly costumed, for instance, some may wear feathered headdresses; and some participants may be masked. Dancing usually involves much rhythmic shaking of the buttocks, especially on the part of women; and it may be variously organized, for instance, in tight conga lines, around poles, and as a free floor exercise. Dancers may flit from partner to partner or have two or more partners at once. The dancing and/or erotic activities are sometimes loosely paced by stage performers.

See also bead game, group sex, love fest, orgy, sex party.

x dance.


sameness of men:

See men are all the same.


sameness of women:

See "All women are the same in the dark," women are all the same.


same room sex (SRS):

A swing arrangement in which the sexual activity of all participants occurs in the same room.

Contrast closed swinging (q.v.). See also group sex, open swinging, SRS, swinging.

 

same-sex attraction:

1. The tendency to find at least some members of one's own sex (q.v.) sexually desirable.

2. Finding a member of one's own sex sexually desirable.

Comment: Abbreviated SSA.

The term is used for the phenomenon of attraction alone, as distinguished from sexual orientation. Whether a person is homosexual, bisexual, or predominantly heterosexual, he or she may have same-sex attraction.

The term is often used instead of "sexual orientation" or sometimes even "homosexuality" by those who reject the idea that sexual orientation is part of a person's core identity. Thus the term is both part of the general vocabulary and part of the "acceptable" vocabulary of a particular school of thought on those with same-sex attraction.

See also attraction, homosexuality, opposite-sex attraction, other-sex attraction, sexual orientation, SSA.


same-sex marriage:

An ongoing commitment of persons of the same sex to each other to be bonded sexually and to be loyal one to the other. Generally the social patterns for heterosexual marriage are followed as much as possible, such that the marriage is solemnized in a public ceremony (even if the marriage is not recognized by law), a domicile is shared, property is pooled, and monogamy is the expectation. Furthermore, additional arrangements are often made for matters that the law has taken care of for heterosexual but not gay marriages, such as next-of-kin status and the disposition of property in the event of separation or death.

Contrast different-sex marriage (q.v.) and heterosexual marriage (q.v., and the comment there). See also Boston marriage, civil union, counterfeit bride, counterfeit bridegroom, daddy/boy relationship, Defense of Marriage Act, domestic partnership, equal marriage, female marriage, gay lifestyle, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, male marriage, marriage, sex, she-troth.

 

sanatio in radice:

See radical sanation.

 

sanation of marriage:

See radical sanation.

 

sandwich:

1. Slices of bread with one or more edible fillers, hopefully tasty and nutricious fillers, placed between them.

2. By analogy with the preceding, one person in between and being embraced by or having sex with two others simultaneously.

See also double penetration, group sex, love sandwich, team f*ck.


sankie-tourist relationship:

The set of activities and emotions that occur between a visitor to the Caribbean and a sanky panky (q.v.), both during the Caribbean visit and in the aftermath.

See also relationship, summer lover, summer romance.

x tourist-sankie relationship.


sanky panky:

A male who frequents Caribbean tourist spots in order to find either men or women with whom to develop sexual relationships and in whom to inspire feelings of attachment, all for the purpose of later acquiring money or favors from them; a man who uses sex as a means of becoming a parasite.

See also gigolo, kept man, male concubine, prostitute, sankie-tourist relationship, sex worker.


sannup, or sanup (derived from Algonquian):

1. Married male, said especially of an American Indian, more especially of an Algonquian speaking one.

2. Warrior; brave. However, to be distinguished from a chief or sub-chief.

3. Boy, especially a mischievous one.

Comment: Note the term in these Algonquian languages:

In English, the correlative term is "squaw."

Reference

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (4th ed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c2000) says that "sannup" is "Of Massachusett origin"; however, I am not finding confirmation in the following: Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25).

See also partner, squaw, tepee seduction.

x Algonquian terms.
x sanup.

Quotation from Lydia Maria Child Illustrating "Sanups"

 

The drowsy sunshine dreaming on the hemlocks, pines, and cedars, had drawn forth an unusual fregrance; the children were at rest in the wigwams; most of the sanups had gone to Moose Head Lake, on a hunting expedition; and the few old men who remained, sat at the doors of their huts smoking their pipes in lazy silence.

"The Church in the Wilderness," in: Hobomok, and Other Writings on Indians, [by] Lydia Maria Child; edited and with an introduction by Carolyn L. Karcher (New Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press, c1986; in American Women Writers Series): pp. 233-250, specifically p. 240. Originally published in: The Legendary, Consisting of Original Pieces, Principally Illustrative of American History, Scenery, and Manners, edited by N. P. Willis [Nathaniel Parker Willis, 1806-1867] (Boston: S. G. Goodrich, 1828). Child, an opponent of slavery and anti-miscegenation laws and an advocate for Indians, was portraying an Abenaki village in Norridgewock, Maine in 1719, prior to a series of disturbing events, which culminated with the massacre of an Abenaki congregation there in 1724. The Abenakis spoke (and some still speak) a form of Algonquian. The editor, C. L. Karcher, offers this information about the word: "sannup, derived from the Abenaki word senanbe: a married Indian male" (p. 312, note 4).

 

San Quentin quail:

An underage girl; a female minor to whom an adult male is attracted, where statutory rape laws would prohibit sexual activity between the two.

Comments: "San Quentin" refers to a state prison in California. After 1934, only male prisoners have been kept there.

"Quail" is slang for certain human females, for instance a harlot (from the supposed amorousness of one of the species of bird called quail) or a female student. However, in this case it seems to refer to a male hunter's female quarry.

See also bird dog, jail bait, pedophile.

 

Sanskrit terms:

See chakra puja, choli marg, kama, misracara,mudita,  niyoga, panchamakara, punarbhu, sambandham (sambandha), suttee (sati), vivaha.

 

sanup:

See sannup.

 

sapiosexual, as in "a sapiosexual":

A person who has a particular sexual attraction to individuals with much wisdom or high intelligence.

See also charity slave auction, intellectual pimp, intellectual whore, sapiosexual (adjective), sapiosexuality, -sexual.


sapiosexual, as in "a sapiosexual person":

Characterized by or pertaining to sexual attraction to persons of much wisdom and/or high intelligence.

See also sapiosexual (noun), sapiosexuality, -sexual.


sapiosexuality:

The inclination to be sexually attracted to wise or highly intelligent persons or to be aroused by intelligence and its use.

See also relational intelligence, sapiosexual (noun), sapiosexual (adjective), sexual intelligence.


Sappho's signs:

Indicators of lovesickness, as described by the Greek-language poet of the island of Lesbos, Sappho (2nd half of the 7th century B.C.E.).

See also fall in love, heartache, love fever, lovesick, madly in love.

x Greek terms.
x signs.
x symptoms.

Quotation from the Bernadotte Perrin Translation of Plutarch Illustrating "Signs of which Sappho Sings"

 

Accordingly, when any one else came in, Antiochus showed no change; but whenever Stratonicé came to see him, as she often did, either alone, or with Seleucus, lo, those tell-tale signs of which Sappho sings were all there in him, -- stammering speech, fiery flushes, darkened vision, | sudden sweats, irregular palpitations of the heart, and finally, as his soul was taken by storm, helplessness, stupor, and pallor.

Plutarch, Demetrius 38.4, in: Plutarch's Lives, with an English translation by Bernadotte Perrin. [Volume] IX, Demetrius and Antony, Pyrrhus and Caius Marius (Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press, 1920, 1988 printing; in series: The Loeb Classical Library): pp. 93, 95. The phrase translates ta tês Sapphous. Both the Dryden-Clough translation and the Louise Ropes Loomis translation use the word "symptoms" instead of "signs."

For a fuller form of the quotation from Sappho, see: Greek Lyric, with an English translation by David A. Campbell. [Volume] I, Sappho, Alcaeus (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1982; in series: The Loeb Classical Library): pp. 78-81, fragment 31.


särbo (Swedish):

"Living apart together": an LAT relationship.

See also LAT relationship, living apart together.

x Swedish terms.


sarong party girl:

An Asian woman who strongly prefers to date white men and who dresses and behaves provocatively in order to attract them.

Comment: A term used primarily in Singapore and the Malay Peninsula.

Abbreviated SPG.

See also amejo, Asian fetish, kokujo, Pinkerton syndrome, racial commingling, SPG.


satellite relationship:

A secondary relationship (q.v.), especially one where a primary relationship (q.v.) already exists.

See also alternate squeeze, comarital, letter group (phi), multilateral sexuality, side squeeze.

 

sati:

See suttee.

 

saturnalia:

1. Capitalized, an ancient Roman festival, beginning December 17th and lasting three to seven days, celebrated in honor of the god Saturnus.

2. A celebration or spectacle that manifests unrestrainted behavior, especially of the licentious sort; an orgy.

See also bacchanalia, orgy.


satyr:

1. In Greek mythology, male inhabitants of the wild, with human and animal (either equine or caprine) features, who are unrestrained in their desire for sex and wine. Together men costumed as satyrs and maenads (women who participated in ecstatic Dionysian rituals) would form a sacred band of the god, Dionysus.

2. A man with satyriasis (q.v.).

Comment: A proposed collective term: A rut of satyrs. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 161.

Contrast nymphomaniac (q.v.). See also agapet, animalistic, bacchanalia, Cassanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, erotomaniac, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, Lothario, lovertine, masher, multimitus, nookie junkie, philanderer, pick up artist, rabbit, rake, roué, rover, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, skirt-chaser, slut, stud, tomcat, wild, wolf, womanizer.

x collective terms.
x Greek terms.
x myths.

 

satyriasis:

1. A seemingly insatiable sexual appetite on the part of a man.

2. A powerful and chronic inclination on the part of a man to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners.

3. A psychological condition whereby a man feels a chronic non-sexually originated need for sexual stimulation, a feeling which leads to frequent masturbation and/or rampant promiscuity.

Comments: Although less highly charged in these times than "nymphomania," "satyriasis" is still a problematic term in that its meaning is often determined by jumbled and slippery cultural and subjective attitudes. The cultural matrix alone is full of conflicting attitudes -- for instance, satyriasis as sexual athleticism, as moral deficiency, and as psychological disorder. By the way, satyriasis is not listed as a disorder in DSM-IVTM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Satyriasis is not to be confused with priapism, which is a prolonged and painful erection of the penis.

Contrast nymphomania (q.v.). See also Casanova complex, Don Juanism, erotomania, gynecomania, hypersexuality, oversexed, promiscuity, sex crazed, sexual addiction, tragolimia.

 

sauce for a goose:

See "What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander."


saudade (Portuguese):

A complex feeling, which consists of a longing for someone who (or something that) is lost to oneself, a hope for that person's (or that thing's) return, and suppression of the knowledge that it might never happen.

See also Bonnie, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, feelings for, ghosts of relationships past, heartache, hold an intimacy close, jalousie rétrospective, left-over desire, left-over love, lost love, lovelorn, love reminiscences, love trauma syndrome, miss, missed connection, oh well!, old sweetheart, once-beloved, pine for, post break-up funk, postmarital blues, razbliuto, relationship obit, retrosexual, right of return, romantic history together, TOTGA, TTFH, "We'll always have Paris," yearning.

x Portuguese terms.


save a marriage:

To find ways to keep a marriage (q.v.) that is mutually valued by the spouses both from dragging on as a mire of chronic unhappiness and from ending in either divorce or permanent separation and instead to reach a measure of mutual contentment for the spouses.

See also dysfunctional relationship, marital counseling, marital therapy, troubled marriage.


"saved in childbearing":

The rendering given in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible of a phrase found at 1 Timothy 2:15, which is problematic in the theology of many. The text reads, more fully: "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. | For Adam was first formed, then Eve. | And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. | Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing [the original Greek reads: sôthêsetai de dia tês teknogonias], if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety" (1 Timothy 2:12-15).

Comments: First, some notes on the text and translation of 1 Timothy 2:12-15:

The theological problem is this: According to Ephesians 2:8 one is saved through (dia) faith. That is thought to be roughly equivalent to being justified by faith (Romans 3:28), which stands in tension with being justified by works (James 2:24). Being saved through (dia) childbearing would seem either to go in the "works" column or to stand by itself bringing about a three-way tension.

There is, of course, also the closely related theological problem, in the same context, of the place of women, this First Timothy text standing in apparent tension with, for instance, Galatians 3:28, which says that "there is neither male nor female ... in Christ Jesus."

Solving the meaning of salvation through childbearing is important in helping to solve these other problems or, at least, to sharpen them.

Among the meanings suggested:

My working interpretation at the moment is the second one, but at different times the third and the last will reach preeminence in my mind.

See also Adam and Eve, "Be fruitful and multiply," blessings of the breasts and of the womb, "head of the wife," household rules, levirate marriage, "neither male nor female," "one flesh," Virgin Mary.

x Greek terms
x Hebrew terms.


save (oneself) for (someone):

1. To remain a virgin until marriage or, at least, until one has met (the person with whom one expects to spend the rest of one's life).

2. To remain single until (a certain person) becomes available.

3. To to keep oneself from orgasming until with (the person one wants to be with).

See also single, virgin.


scale:

See cute scale.


scamming:

1. Defrauding; swindling; deceiving for the purpose of theft.

2. Picking up someone to have sex with.

3. Flirting.

4. Making out in a way that involves tongues or heavy petting.

See also casual sex, cruise, dating scam, flirtation, online dating scam, pick up, romance scam, troll.


scandal:

See sex scandal.


scare:

See baby-daddy scare, baby-mama scare, pregnancy scare.


scarlet letter:

1. A sexual stigma, typically the stigma of adultery, that someone bears, indicated by way of allusion to the novel called The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne (1850).

2. In the Hawthorne novel, a piece of scarlet cloth with the shape of the capital letter A, each limb measuring three inches and a quarter in length, that was worn, "surrounded with an elaborate embroidery and fantastic flourishes of gold thread," by the main character, Hester Prynne, on her bosom as a Puritan punishment, in the Boston of 1642, for adultery, although the words "adultery" and "adulteress" are conspicuously absent in the novel. Over the course of the novel, perceptions of the significance of the letter "A" vary widely; and the author deliberately employs the scarlet letter symbolically to evoke a wide range of signification.

3. Also in the Hawthorne novel, a child born of adultery.

4. Again in the Hawthorne novel, internal torment from living a lie due to the concealment of a grievous sin and the strong contrast of the stain of sinfulness with an appearance of holiness and respectability, as manifested in the character, the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale.

See also A, adulterer, adulteress, adultery, color of infidelity, fortunate fall, label, new scarlet letter, puritan, sexual bigotry, sumptuary law, wear a label (which see for a closely related lexical example).

Nathaniel Hawthorne's Idea for the Scarlet Letter, Quoted

 

The life of a woman, who, by the old colony law, was condemned always to wear the letter A, sewed on her garment, in token of her having committed adultery.

From: The American Notebooks of Nathaniel Hawthorne (1932; written 1835-1853), as selected and reprinted in The Portable Hawthorne, edited, with an introduction and notes, by Malcolm Cowley (New York: Viking Press, 1948): pp. 545-572, specifically p.569. The idea was apparently jotted down in 1844 (cf. pp. 269-271).

Quotations from Nathaniel Hawthorne Illustrating "Scarlet Letter"

 

[25] My eyes fastened themselves upon the old scarlet letter, and would not be turned aside. Certainly, there was some deep meaning in it, most worthy of interpretation, and which, as it were, streamed forth from the mystic symbol ...

 

[37] But the point which drew all eyes, and, as it were, transfigured the wearer,--so that both men and women, who had been familiarly acquainted with Hester Prynne, were now impressed as if they [38] beheld her for the first time,--was that SCARLET LETTER, so fantastically embroidered and illuminated upon her bosom. It had the effect of a spell, taking her out of the ordinary relations with humanity, and inclosing her in a sphere by herself.

 

[61] Walking to and fro, with those lonely footsteps, in the little world with which she was outwardly connected, it now and then appeared to Hester,--if altogether fancy, it was nevertheless too potent to be resisted,--she felt or fancied, then, that the scarlet letter had endowed her with a new sense. She shuddered to believe, yet could not help believing, that it gave her a sympathetic knowledge of the hidden sin in other hearts.

 

[62] Man had marked this woman's sin by a scarlet letter, which had such potent and disastrous efficacy that no human sympathy could reach her, save it were sinful like herself.

 

[136] The tendency of her [Hester Prynne's] fate and fortunes had been to set her free. The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers,--stern and wild ones,--and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.

From: The Scarlet Letter: An Authoritative Text, Essays in Criticism, and Scholarship, edited by Seymour Gross [and others] (3rd ed. New York: W. W. Norton, c1988; "A Norton critical edition"): pp. 25, 37, 61, 62, 136. The "amiss" is relative to the Puritan views of her day. By the way:

  • Regarding the stigma, see pp. 113, 167, 172, and 177.
  • For the details in definition 2, see pp. 25, 35 note 2, 39 (whence the quotation), and 45.
  • For the scarlet letter as child born of adultery, namely Pearl, see p. 78.
  • For the scarlet letter as Dimmesdale's torment, see especially chapter 23 and the conclusion.
  • And for Hawthorne's historical source, see p. 203.

 

scent-free dating:

Dating without becoming exposed to or exposing anybody, especially one's date, to products containing volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that might cause an unpleasant physical reaction, such as a respiratory reaction or a migraine -- products such as perfumes, colognes, and after-shaves, as well as scented conditioners, deodorants, powders, and sprays; however, not just products applied to the body but also such sources of VOCs as scented candles, incense, and air fresheners.

Comments: A significant percentage of the population suffers from respiratory illnesses and sensitivities. Asthma, for instance, has become common. Consequently, scented body products -- that is, those with fragrances as ingredients -- far from being attractants, often not only repell but cause suffering, sometimes severe suffering, and restrict liberties. This does not mean that every person with a sensitivity will have an unpleasant physical reaction to every brand of perfume, say, or to the faintest whiff of cologne; nor does it mean that all fragrances have an equal capacity to cause an unpleasant reaction. However, it does have implications with regard to courtesy, especially in crowded and enclosed spaces, and with regard to what one can safely assume about any person one might wish to date. The safest course is to assume that one's natural scent (which, by the way, is to be distinguished from body odor) is enough.

Sometimes body products cause unpleasant reactions even in the absence of any detectable scent. Thus, in discussions about sensitivities, the terms "scent-free" and "fragrance-free," can be misleading. Some people, in order to be sure to cover all the bases, use the sweeping phrase, "chemical and scent-free," or the term "hypoallergenic." However, it should be pointed out that, in the United States, at least, there are no legal standards that govern the use of these terms by manufacturers.

Since it is impractical for people with chemical sensitivities to test commercially produced perfumes and colognes for reactions, some make their own scented products from materials they know that they themselves, at least, will have no unpleasant reaction to, such as vegetable oil and a favorite spice or two.

See also cassolette, chemistry of love, date, perfume, sexual etiquette.

x chemical and scent-free dating.
x fragrance-free dating.

 

schatchen:

See shadkahn.

 

schicksa:

See shiksa.

 

school bike:

See bike.


school-day sweetheart, or school day sweetheart:

A person with whom one was romantically affectionate while a student.

Comment: Generally used of a subject who is in grade 12 or lower. Perhaps most commonly used in the plural and in retrospect, as in, "We were school-day sweethearts."

See also boyfriend, calf love, college sweetheart, crush, girlfriend, high school sweetheart, hometown honey, lover, primo amore, prom date, puppy love, steady, sweetheart, turkey drop.


school pump:

A person, generally a student, who makes herself (or himself) sexually available to other students at the place of formal education.

Comment: The term is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. "Pump" is a slang term for both "penis" and "vagina." The analogy is apparently to an old-fashioned, manually operated water pump.

See also bike, office pump, promiscuity, pump, slut, town pump.


schwaggle:

To give attention to one's beloved to the exclusion of everybody else or for beloveds to give such attention to each other.

Comments: As a verb, this is also a slang term for a form of intimate butt-play, so the careful user will want to avoid ambiguity. In slang, "schwaggle" is, in addition, a collective noun for a group of three or more extremely obese persons.

Internet source: pseudodictionary.com.

Printed source: The Dictionary of Love, [by] John Stark, with Will Hopkins and Mary K. Baumann (New York, NY: Avon, c2008): p. 245.

See also loveydovey, religion of two.

x collective terms.


scortatory love:

Sex for sex' sake; sexual activity with one or more others merely for sensual pleasure and gratification.

Comment: The term is sometimes contrasted with conjugal love (q.v.).

See also fornication, love, venery.

Quotation from James Joyce Illustrating "Scortatory Love"

 

Twenty years he dallied there between conjugal love and its chaste delights and scortatory love and its foul pleasures.

From: Ulysses, [by] James Joyce (Revised ed. London: Bodley Head, 1969): p. 258. Ulysses was originally published in Paris by Shakespeare and Company in 1922.

 

Scotch marriage:

1. A wedding in Scotland and according to its laws.

2. A wedding in Scotland following an elopement from another land, commonly England.

See also elopement, Flagg marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, marriage, wedding.

 

Scotland:

See go to Scotland.

 

screen for love:

A person used for misdirection, so that people will think one feels an attachment to that person when one actually feels an attachment to another.

See also beard, decoy, frock, merkin, straight credentials.

x Italian terms.
x love screen.
x schermo di amore.

Quotation from Mark Musa's Translation of Dante Illustrating "Screen for ... Love"

 

Let me say that during the time that this lady acted as a screen for so great a love on my part, I was seized by a desire to record the name of my most gracious lady ...

From: Dante's Vita Nuova, a translation and an essay by Mark Musa (New ed. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, c1973): p. 9.

The Quotation from Dante in the Original

Dico che in questo tempo, che questa donna era schermo di tanto amore, quanto dalla mia parte, mi venne una volunta di voler ricordare il nome di quella gentilissima ...
Dante, Vita Nuova §6 (for how she became a screen, see §5). Italian text as found in: The Vita Nuova and Canzoniere of Dante Alighieri (With alterations. London: J. M. Dent, 1911, t.p. 1948; in series: The Temple Classics): p. 14. The Italian term here for "screen for love" is schermo di ... amore.


screen lovers:

1. Movie actors who play characters who are or who become romantically involved with each other or who are, at least, in sexual tension with each other.

2. Those characters in a film who are or who become romantically involved with each other or who are, at least, in sexual tension with each other.

Comment: Usually used in the plural.

See also cute meet, date movie, dramatic lover, jeune premier, jeune première, joyous defeat, leading lady, leading man, lover, love scene, love story, Mae West, offscreen squeeze, on-set romance, romantic comedy, romantic drama, Valentino, will-they-won't-they romance.


screw around:

1. To engage in casual sex with various people, especially in separate settings.

2. To engage in casual sex with someone other than one's primary sex partner(s); to not restrict one's sexual activities to a single sex partner or a defined set of sex partners, but to engage in sexual activities with others.

3. To be distracted and thereby unfocused.

4. To be engaged in useless or frivolous activities.

See also butterfly, casual sex, cavort about, date around, fool around, f*ck around, jump from lap to lap, mate sampling, play around, play the field, promiscuity, put it about, run astray, serial philandering, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual varietism, shark, shop around, sleep around, tip, stud, womanize, yard on.

x around.


script:

See lovemap.

 

SCS:

Sperm competition syndrome (q.v.).

 

scuttle:

A game of depantying: a woman, generally one wearing a skirt or dress, is selected and the men present chase her in order to remove her panties.

Source: Helen Gurley Brown as quoted in Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): pp. 172-173.

x games.


SD:

Sperm donor (q.v.).

 

SDR:

Short-distance relationship (q.v.).

 

"The sea hath fish for every man":

See "There are other fish in the sea."


seal the deal:

1. Bringing a person to the point where he or she has committed to a course of action, for instance, in sales, to a purchase.

2. In relationships, bringing a person to a point where he or she has committed either to having sex with oneself or to a significant development in the relationship, for instance, to getting married.

Comment: The term is considered by many crass when applied to relationships, in part because it is suggestive of sales tactics.

See also make-want.

 

search for a man:

See look for a man.


search for a woman:

See look for a woman.


search polygyny:

Acquisition by a male of a harem, albeit a dispersed one, which is achieved by finding a receptive female in one location, and then one in a different location, and so on and so on.

Comments: A sailor with "a girl in every port" would be an example.

Said of any harem-gathering species as apropos.

See also female-defense polygyny, girl in every port, harem, male-dominance polygyny, polygyny, resource-defense polygyny.

 

seasonal marriage:

1. Mating for a short time only, in some cases repeated year after year.

2. A wedding timed for the particular period of the year, such as spring or fall.

Comments: In the first sense, sometimes used of animals.

In the second sense, often used as a qualifier, as in "seasonal marriage pattern" and "seasonal marriage rate."

See also contubernal, marriage, short-term relationship, temporary marriage, time marriage, wedding.


secondarism:

1. Sexual arousal with a person being heightened because that person has just been engaged in sexual activity with someone else; for instance, feeling an enhanced desire to copulate with one's spouse because he or she has just been swinging.

2. The pursuit of such arousal.

Contrast the Coolidge effect (q.v.). See also clean-up prerogative, cuckold, hotwife, re-establish (one's) territory, right of a wet deck, sloppy seconds, swinging, take seconds.

 

secondary family:

A family (q.v.) that is residing in a non-family member's housing unit -- for example, because of resident employment -- as distinguished from a family with its own housing unit, whether owned or rented.

Contrast primary family (q.v.).

 

secondary incest:

A sexual connection between two people that is not specifically prohibited in the Bible but that is nevertheless regarded as taboo or immoral due to the presence of a particular kinship relation.

See also first cousin marriage, incest, kinship, sexual connection, sexual taboo.

 

secondary partner:

A partner (q.v.) in a secondary relationship (q.v.).

See also concubine, male concubine, out-of-marriage lover, pash, polyamorist, primary partner, Sunday husband, tertiary partner.

 

secondary relationship:

Of three levels of love relationship (q.v.) that an individual might have -- primary, secondary, and tertiary -- the level entailing a medium degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors (see under "relationship levels").

See also alternate relationship geometries, alternate squeeze, erotic friendship, letter group (phi), lovestyle, primary relationship, satellite relationship, secondary partner, side squeeze, surrogate lover, surrogate sex partner, tertiary relationship.

 

secondary significant other (SSO):

A secondary partner (q.v.).

See also partner, other significant other, significant other, SSO.

 

secondary virginity:

1. The state on the part of a non-virgin of living in a period of abstinence from sexual activity that is meant to last until such activity occurs with a marital partner, a state that is based on a commitment to chastity henceforward, typically due to religious conversion or spiritual renewal; living by the commitment, "no more sexual activity with another till married."

2. Abstention from sexual intercourse for a set minimum period of time -- perhaps a month, three months, or a year -- before being wed and after having been sexually active.

Comments: Generally the point of secondary virginity in the first sense is to recover or to adopt an attitude of holiness that embraces one's sexuality, although often the rhetoric has do with recovery from a sense of shame or of having been used.

In the second sense, the main point is sometimes much the same -- to develop a sense of holiness and the "proper" use of sexuality in that context; also to enable the partners to view each other as holy -- although it can also be, for instance, to ensure that other dimensions of a relationship, besides the sexual, develop.

Also called born-again virginity, neo-virginity, new virginity, and retroactive virginity.

The term is often associated with American Christianity.

See also abstinence, born-again virginity, chastity, holy matrimony, premarital sex, revirginization, virginity, virginity pledge.

x neo-virginity.
x new virginity.
x renewed virginity.
x retroactive virginity.

 

secondary wife:

1. In a polygynous marriage, the wife second in prominence, generally the second woman added, or one of the wives other than the primary wife (q.v.).

2. A man's concubine (q.v.), when he also has a primary wife.

See also concurrent wife, junior wife, lesser wife, nirimoua, partner, plural wife, polygynist, second wife, senior wife, sits-beside-him woman, wife.

 

second-choice husband:

A husband (q.v.) who is not the spouse one first or really wanted; a man one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice spouse, settle for, sloppy seconds.

 

second-choice spouse:

A husband or wife who is not the marital partner one first or really wanted; a person one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice husband, second-choice wife, settle for, sloppy seconds, spouse, transference.

 

second-choice wife:

A wife (q.v.) who is not the spouse one first or really wanted; a woman one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice spouse, settle for, sloppy seconds.

 

second-hand husband:

A divorced man.

See also divorcé, second-hand wife.


second-hand wife, or second hand wife:

A divorced woman.

See also divorcée, second-hand husband.


second honeymoon:

A romantic get-away for individuals who have long been married to each other, typically around the start of a new period in life, as after their children are grown, or around the start of a fresh period in the relationship, as after a recommitment to each other.

See also honeymoon, remarriage, renew vows.

 

second honeymoon syndrome:

1. The intense desire to get away with one's spouse for a romantic interlude.

2. The practice of doing so with unusual frequency.

See also honeymoon, second honeymoon.

x syndromes.

 

second husband:

1. A man who has married a woman who has been monogamously married before but who is divorced or widowed.

2. In a polyandrous or group marriage (q.v.), the second man added.

See also concurrent husband, husband, junior husband, love the second time around, partner, polyandrist, serial monogamy, senior husband, serial marriage.

 

second-husband syndrome, or second husband syndrome:

A distressing or otherwise disturbing awareness of living in the wake of one's wife's previous husband, especially as exacerbated by tougher expectations or by being frequently confused with, compared to, or otherwise reminded of him.

See also demons of relationships past, ex-husband syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, second-wife syndrome.

x syndromes.


Second Law for Husbands:

See Murphy's Second Law for Husbands.


seconds:

See sloppy seconds, take seconds.

 

second time around:

See love the second time around.


second wife:

1. A woman who has married a man who has been monogamously married before but who was divorced or widowed. This term is sometimes used to cover those who are third, fourth, or later wives, as in a second wives' club.

2. In a polygynous or group marriage (q.v.), the second woman added.

See also concurrent wife, junior wife, lesser wife, love the second time around, partner, plural wife, polygynist, secondary wife, serial monogamy, senior wife, serial marriage, wife.

 

second-wife syndrome, or second wife syndrome:

A distressing or otherwise disturbing awareness of living in the wake of one's husband's previous wife, especially as exacerbated by tougher expecations or by being frequently confused with, compared to, or otherwise reminded of her.

See also demons of relationships past, ex-wife syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, second-husband syndrome.

x syndromes.


secret admirer:

A person with a crush on someone else, whose identity has not been revealed to that "someone else."

Comment: A person may be a secret admirer without making any gestures at all, but the term tends to be most used after gestures have been made either anonymously or under a pseudonym.

See also amor umbratilis, crush, de Clerambault's syndrome, lover.

 

secret-false:

In the position of concealing one's infidelity from a partner; cheating and letting one's partner think that one isn't cheating.

See also cheat, discreet, infidelity, lie about sex, non-consensual adultery, quiquirigüiqui, unfaithfulness.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Secret-false"

 

LUCIANA

... Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy looks at board.

From: William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors (1592-1594): Act 3, scene 2, lines 15-18. <Every other line indented>

 

secret love:

1. Undisclosed romantic passion.

2. A beloved one has not revealed as such to others.

Comment: Secret love, in the first sense, may be undisclosed to the beloved or it may be shared between the lovers and undisclosed to others.

See also amor umbratilis; clandestine marriage; Dante Alighieri syndrome; love, as in "love for another"; love, as in "my sweet love"; undeclared love.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from Andrew R. MacAndrew's translation of Fyodor Dostoevsky Illustrating "Secret Love"

 

... I once knew a young lady of the old, "romantic" generation who, after several years of secret love for a gentleman whom, please note, she could have peacefully married at any moment she chose, invented insurmountable obstacles for herself and, one stormy night, jumped from a steep, rather cliff-like bank into a fairly deep, rapid river and drowned, all because she fancied herself an Ophelia out of Shakespeare.

From the novel: The Brothers Karamazov [by] Fyodor Dostoevsky; a new translation by Andrew R. MacAndrew; introductory essay by Konstantin Mochulsky (New York: Bantam Books, 1972, c1970): p. 8. The allusion is to William Shakespeare's play Hamlet (1600-1601): Act 4, scene 7, lines 135ff (Queen Gertrude and Laertes speaking).

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Secret Love"

 

[Willowdean Lynch to Augusta Holderfield] "Even though you loved a man who was unattainable, you didn't let it ruin your life. I admired the way you'd never acted on that secret love."

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): p. 226.


secret marriage:

A plighting of troth (q.v.) between a man and a woman without witnesses or official recording.

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, marriage, marriage of conscience, occult marriage, shtille khuppeh, Sixth Commandment of the Church.

 

secret of a long-lasting relationship:

The key ingredient or one of a set of key ingredients that enables the connections between certain individuals to endure.

The comments under the next entry are apropos here as well.

See also long-term love, long-term relationship, secret of a successful marriage.

 

secret of a successful marriage:

The key ingredient or one of a set of key ingredients that enables the individuals in a marital union to sustain their relationship over the long haul in such a way that each finds the relationship to have been rewarding.

Comment: Among the common candidates for such an ingredient, which are sometimes listed singly or in some combination, are love, the ongoing cultivation of romance, mutual respect, commitment, and a forgiving attitude. Occasionally some will argue for less conventional candidates, such as sexual experimentation and comarital relationships. Sometimes jocular or half-jocular candidates are also mentioned, such as seeing little of each other or separate bathrooms.

The reason that the word "secret" is used is because for some finding the right ingredient or set of ingredients is elusive.

See also comarital, esteem, forgiveness, love, respect, romance, secret of a long-lasting relationship, sexual nonexclusivity.

x ingredients for a successful marriage.

 

secrets of the heart:

Feelings and interpersonal intentions and personal history one thinks too imprudent, embarrassing, or precious to reveal, except perhaps in strict confidence, especially such having to do with one's love life, one's infatuations, or one's violations of conscience or mores.

See also amor umbratilis, heart, infatuation, love life.

 

seduce:

1. To excite the desire, especially sexual desire, of another in order to overcome his or her good sense.

2. To excite the sexual desire of another for the sake of sexual conquest rather than for the sake of either bonding or the fulfillment of mutual desire on equal terms.

3. To induce, without force, a previously chaste woman to have sexual intercourse with oneself (oneself being male), without the relationship leading to marriage. (A legal sense.)

4. To entice a person to have sexual intercourse with oneself, for example through ambience, allurement, and implicit, if not explicit sexual invitation. The person may be one's own spouse, and the act may be innocent, but the use of the word this way sometimes suggests a touch of playful naughtiness.

For a lexical example, see under "easy lay."

See also abuse, attract, betray, come on to, lead (somebody) on, make-want, macademizar, make a play for, philander, pick up, pull, put the make on, put the mojo on, seducer, seduction, seductress, set (her) cap at him, solicit, turn (somebody) on, vamp.

 

seducer:

One who seduces.

Comment: When a contrast with a seductress (q.v.) is either presumed by those in communication or made explicit, the term refers to a male; otherwise it is gender neutral.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, devirginator, Don Juan, fast worker, fribbler, gay deceiver, Lothario, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, operator, philanderer, pick up artist, player, roué, rover, seduce, seductress, shark, skirt-chaser, wolf, womanizer.

 

seduction:

1. Exciting the desire, especially sexual desire, of another in order to overcome his or her good sense.

2. Exciting the sexual desire of another for the sake of sexual conquest rather than for the sake of either bonding or the fulfillment of mutual desire on equal terms.

3. The act of a man inducing, without force, a previously chaste woman to have sexual intercourse with him, without the relationship leading to marriage. (A legal sense.)

4. Enticing a person to have sexual intercourse with oneself, for example through ambience, allurement, and implicit, if not explicit sexual invitation. The person may be one's own spouse, and the act may be innocent, but the use of the word this way sometimes suggests a touch of playful naughtiness.

For lexical example, see under "intrigue."

Adjectival form: seductive.

See also allure, approach invitation, betrayal, come-on, comether, consent to sex, Così fan tutte, criminal conversation, fox paw, have designs on (someone), heart balm statute, honey trap, make-want, push/pull attraction, ruin, rules of seduction, seduce, seduction squad, "See anything you like," sexual advances, sexual invitation, sexual temptation, tepee seduction, thelyphthoric, woo.

 

seduction squad:

A small group of people whose job is to entrap or to recruit, as for an alternative lifestyle or a new religious movement, by means of sexual attraction and enticement.

See also honey pot, seduction.

x squad.


seductress:

A woman who seduces.

Contrast seducer (q.v.). See also adventuress, devirginator, Don Juaness, fast worker, gay deceiver, leannan sidhe, Lolita, lothariette, make-out artist, minx, operator, pick up artist, seduce, shark, she-wolf, slut, tart, temptress, vamp, vixen, whore.

 

see, as in "she's seeing him":

1. To date or otherwise to meet with, especially on repeated occasions; to spend time with; to engage in social activities with (someone) on an informal and friendly basis.

2. To have an affair with.

See also date, hang out, like what (you) see.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Seeing"

[Foxy] "... I've been seeing another man and Ken [Foxy's husband] doesn't have a clue. A clue."

"What other man?" Mrs. Roth asked sharply. "Truly seeing?"

"It doesn't matter what other man. A man. Oh, God, yes, seeing to sleep with."
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 279.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Seeing"


[Bob, regarding Wynne;;'s husband] "Haven't you heard, Abby? Ed's been seeing another woman."
From the mystery novel: Nightmare in Shining Armor: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 2001): chapter 3, p. 19.

 

"See anything you like?"

1. A line used flirtatiously or as a bit of seduction, as if to say: "I attract you, don't I? You would like to make love to me, wouldn't you?"

2. A line used as a sarcastic rebuff of someone who is checking one out.

Comment: As a line in the first sense, it goes back at least to a double entendre made by the character Jean Harrington (played by Barbara Stanwyck) to Charlie Pike (played by Henry Fonda) in the movie, "The Lady Eve," written and directed by Preston Sturges; based on a story by Monckton Hoffe (1941).

I've seen the line attributed to Mae West, but haven't confirmed that she ever used it.

See also approach invitation, attraction, chat-up line, check out, come-on, flirtation, once-over, opening line, pick-up line, proposition, seduction, sexual advances, sexual invitation, "What are you wearing?"


seeble:

An expression for, "I know what you mean, I think, and I feel sibling-like kinship on that point."

Comment: The term apears to have been coined on the USENET newsgroup, alt.polyamory. There it is often used in discussions about love relationships.

See also affinity, compreciation, connection, kinship, macarism.

 

seed raising:

A situation wherein a father has sexual intercouse with his underage son's wife and brings up the resulting offspring.

Comment: This is a practice found among some Eskimos.

See also incest.

x Eskimo terms.

 

see in (somebody):

See what (one) sees in (somebody).


seek a blouse:

See choli marg.

 

see-saw affair:

A situation in which two people take turns at being in love with each other. While one surrenders to love, the other is unresponsive; and when the attentions of the first turn elsewhere, the second finds it safe to surrender to love.

See also affair, in love, unilateralism.


see (them) as a couple:

To envision either realistically or as a pleasant circumstance two people either in a romantic relationship together or married.

See also vision of romantic love.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "See You and Buster As a Couple"


[Wynnell to Abigail Timberlake] "Abby, I'm so glad for you. I didn't want to say this before, but I just couldn't see you and Buster as a couple."

"He has an excellent sense of humor, dear."

"That may be, but the two of you together were just too cute."
From the mystery novel: Estate of Mind: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; with imprint: Avon Twilight): chapter 14, pp. 136.


selam (Turkish):

See language of flowers.


self-love:

1. A caring for one's body, its individual parts, one's inner life, one's situation, and one's prospects so as to act in the best interest of the whole, understanding that each of those elements is important to the whole.

2. Appreciation of one's own life, as opposed to a death wish.

3. Loyalty to oneself, whether only, first, or at least.

4. A sense that one is deserving, that one is worthy.

Comments: In the classical Greek tradition, Aristotle distnguished between a noble self-love that is right and proper and a self-love of the ordinary sort that is wrong (Nichomachean Ethics 9.8.1-11).

In the Hebrew Bible, self-love, more or less in the first sense, is assumed, with these injunctions: "you shall love your neighbor as yourself" and "The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself." See Leviticus 19:18, 34, NASB. The lexical form of the Hebrew word for "love" in those verses is aheb.

The same assumption carries into the New Testament. See Matthew 19:19; 22:39; Mark 12:31, 33; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; Ephesians 5:28, 33; and James 2:8. The lexical form of the Greek word for "love" used in those verses is agapaô.

The point was that self-love is a proper analogy to, even the model for, how a community should operate and how a person should be in loving relationship with others. Notice the closely related philosophy of caring in Romans 12; 1 Corinthians 12:12-27; and Ephesians 5:21-33.

Many readers have interpreted that injunction as implying another: "Love yourself as you should love others." That interpretation helped give rise to a near cult of self-love in the latter part of the Twentieth Century, one in which the various definitions of self-love were sometimes confused with each other.

Among other issues involving self-love:

See also agapic love, amor sui, "Greater love hath no man ...," law of love, love, love commandments.

x Bible.
x Greek terms.
x Hebrew terms.
x Latin terms.
x love of self.
x sicut te ipsum.

Quotation from the Leon S. Roudiez Translation of Julia Kristeva Illustrating "Self-Love"

 

One should also read carefully, on the topic of self-love, the very specific interpretation that [Thomas] Aquinas gives of the well-known sicut te ipsum ("You must love your neighbor as yourself") ... All in all, sicut te ipsum does not mean "as much as yourself" but "similarly as yourself."

From: Tales of Love, [by] Julia Kristeva; translated by Leon Roudiez (New York: Columbia University Press, c1987): section 4, chapter 3, p. 173. Sicut te ipsum  ("as yourself") is the form of the phrase in the Latin Vulgate version of the Bible at Matthew 19:19; 22:39; Luke 10:27; Galatians 5:14; and James 2:8. She references Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, part 1, question 60, "Of the Love or Dilection of the Angels," especially article 3.

In the Original French, Illustrating "Amour de Soi"

On lira aussi avec attention,  à propos de l'amour de soi, l'interprétation très spécifique que donne Thomas du fameux secut teipsum [i.e. sicut te ipsum] (<<tu aimeras ton prochain comme toi-même>>) ... Sicut te ipsum signifiera en définitive pour Thomas non pas <<autant que toi-même>>, mais <<semblablement à toi-même>>.
From: Histoires d'amour, [par] Julia Kristeva (Paris: Denoël, c1983): p. 170.


semaphore:

See sexual semaphore.


semi-public sex:

See public sex.


sensual love:

A largely physically based attraction or bond; a passion for the gratification of sight, touch, hearing, smell, or taste by way of the body of another.

See also amour des sens, love.

 

seneucia:

Widowhood.

See also grief, viduage, viduity, widow.

 

senior husband:

In a polyandrous or group marriage and relative to either another husband or all husbands, the male partner who has been longer or longest in the marriage or who is the elder or eldest or who is superior in family rank.

See also concurrent husband, group marriage, husband, junior husband, partner, polyandrist, second husband.

 

senior wife:

In a polygynous or group marriage and relative to either another wife or all wives, the female partner who has been longer or longest in the marriage or who is the elder or eldest or who is superior in family rank.

See also concurrent wife, group marriage, junior wife, monogyny, nirimoua, partner, polygynist, plural wife, primary wife, secondary wife, second wife, sits-beside-him woman, wife.

 

sense of betrayal:

See feel betrayed.

 

sensory deregulation:

See dérèglement de tous les sens.


sentiment:

1. The feeling infused in an attitude, thought, or expression, such as a feeling associated with idealism, nostalgia, an aesthetic sensibility, retribution, or, perhaps most often, tenderness; an emotional tinge.

2. An attitude, thought, or expression insofar as it is permeated or prompted by an emotion.

See also affection, feeling for, sentimental, sentimental cartography, tenderness.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Sentiment"

 

Sir Edmund Audley and Alicia Malcolm proved examples of this observation. The affection of childhood had so gradually ripened into a warmer sentiment, that neither were conscious of the nature of that sentiment till after it had attained strength to cast a material influence on their after-lives. The familiarity of near relatives, associating constantly together, produced a warm sentiment of affection, cemented by similarity of pursuits, and enlived by diversity of character; while the perfect tranquility of their lives afforded no event that could withdraw the veil of ignorance from their eyes....

Sir Edmund completed his nineteenth year, and Alicia entered her eighteenth, when this happy state of unconscious security was destroyed by a circumstance which rent the veil from her eyes, and disclosed his sentiments in all their energy and warmth.

From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 14, pp. 82-83. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

 

sentimental:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by sentiment.

2. Influenced by emotional considerations.

3. Characterized by an appeal to romantic feelings.

See also loving, moonstruck, romantic, sentiment.

 

sentimental cartography:

The charting of the sentiments or of relationships, such as romantic and marital relationships, whether particular relationships or a range of possible relationship experiences.

Comment: Closely related and narrower terms include: geography of love, intimate cartography, love's thermometer, mapping marriage, mapping relationships, maps of matrimony, marriage maps, matrimonial maps, sentimental geography, sentimental mapping, and topography of love. Broader terms include: allegorical maps, emotional cartography, emotional geography, mapping non-spacial phenomena, personal geography, and strange maps.

List of Maps of the Lands of Love and of Matrimony

Compiled chiefly from Internet sources by NEA, February 2010
(Since little is described first-hand, much needs to be shaken down)
Date
 Map title
 Author
 Publishing Data
 Notes
1650, more probably 1653-1654
 Royaume d'Amour en l'Isle de Cythère: Carte descripte S. Tristan l'Hermitte, i.e, François l'Hermite, gentleman of Soliers
(1601-1655)		 --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002).
See also: The Roman Frontier in Central Jordan: Final Report on the Limes Arabicus Project, 1980-1989, [by] S. Thomas Parker; with contributions by John Wilson Betlyon ... [et al.] (Washington, D.C.: Dumbarton Oaks Research Library and Collection, c2006; in series: Dumbarton Oaks studies; 40): p. 131, n20. Mentioned there as Carte du Royaume d'Amour.
1654
 Carte du Royaume de Coquetterie Abbé d'Aubignac Historire du temps (1654)
 Reproduced in Bruno (2002): p. 229.

Mentioned, apparently, in Van der Schueren (2006): p. 387, n33 as: La description du royaume de coquetterie, l'abbé d'Aubignac.
1654
 Carte de tendre Madeleine de Scudéry (1607-1701); engraved by François Chauveau Clélie: Histoire romaine (Paris: Augustin Courbé, 1654): v. 1.
 Reproduced in Bruno (2002): p. 236.

Online at BnF here.
1658 or earlier
 Carte du Royaume des Précieuses Marquis de Maulévrier, presumably François Andrault de Langeron, Marquis de Maulévrier (died 1715). Wife: Madeleine de Bourbon (born November 18, 1644; died after August 6, 1669, Maulévrier). Married September 17, 1668, Paris. --
 Described in Recueil de Sercy, 1658. Mentioned in Parker (2006)
1659
 Royaume d'amour en L'Isle de Cythére Tristan l'Hermite; engraved by Jean Sadelet Recueil de Sercy, by Somaire (1659): v. 1.
 Describes the "pays de galanterie," that is, "the country of gallantry."

Reproduced in Bruno (2002): p. 228.
1662 Voyage fortuné dans les Indes du Couchant, ou, L'Amant heureux, contenant la découverte des terres inconnues qui sont au delà des trois villes de Tendre Baudeau de Somaise --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002).
Mentioned in Parker (2006) as: Voyage Fortuné dans les Indes Couchan, contenant la découverte des terres inconnues, qui sont au-delà des trois villers de Tenre.
1662
Relation de ce qui s'est passé dans la nouvelle découverte du royaume de Frisquemore		 Charles Sorel (1582?-1674) Paris: T. Jolly, 1662. 118 p.
 Mentioned in Parker (2006).
1663? L'Almanach d'amour pour 1663 Bussy-Rabutin --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002).
1663
 La Carte du mariage: Sur le Sujet du Contract de Mariage de Panphile, à Naïs. Charles Sorel
 --
 Mentioned in Peters (2004): p. 123, and Parker (2006).
A text rather than a map?
ca. 1660 (1663?) Voyages de l'Isle d'Amour Abbé Paul Tallemant --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002).
Mentioned in Parker (2006) as Voyages de l'ile d'Amour.
Mentioned in Constans as: Le Voyage de l'île d'amour (1663). "Constans" is: Parlez-moi d'amour: le roman sentimental: des romans grecs aux collections de l'an 2000, [par] Ellen Constans. (Limoges: Presses Universitaires de Limoges, 1999): p. 99.
1665
 Le Pays d'amour, nouvelle allégorique Louis Moreri (1643-1680) Lyon: B. Rivière, 1665. Mentioned in Bruno (2002) and Parker (2006) incorrectly as Morévi.
1698 De l'île des Passions, ce premier mois d'inclination Etienne Pavillon --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002).
1720
 Représentation symbolique et ingénieuse projettée en Siège et en Bombardement comme il faut empêcher prudemment les attaques de l'Amour =
Symbolische Sinnreiche in einer Belagerung u. Bombardirung entworffene Vorstellung wie man den anfällen und Versuchungen der Liebe Klug und tapffer zu begegnen ...

Sometimes referred to in English language sources as: Attack of Love upon the Heart
Matthäus Seutter (1647-1756)

 Atlas Novus, sive Tabulae Geographicae Totius Orbis Faciem, Partes, Imperia, Regna et Provincias Exhibentes, exactissima cura iuxta recentissimas observation; aeri incisae et venum expositiae à Matthaeo Seütter (1720, 1730, and 1745 editions). The legend over text at the bottom read: Methode pour defendre et conserver son coeur contre les attaques de l'amour = Die Methode sein Hertz wider die Angriffe der Liebe zu bewharen.

The 1745 edition is reproduced in Post (1979): pp. 16-17, and Bruno (2002): p. 230. Both reproductions are from a Library of Congress copy.
1762
 Ms. Map of Matrimony Lord A. Hamilton -- presumably Archibald Hamilton, 9th Duke of Hamilton (1740–1819) With: Del Matrimonio: Ragionamento da [or "di"?] un Filosofo Mugellano [Antonio Celestino Cocchi], coll’ aggiunta di una Lettera ad una Sposa (Londra, 1762) Source: Catalogue of the Hamilton Library, which Will be Sold at Auction, by Messrs. Sotheby, Wilkinson & Hodge ... on Thursday, the 1st Day of May, 1884 ... (London: Dryden Press: J. Davy & Sons, [1884]): p. 97, item 1328. At head of title: The Hamilton Palace Libraries.
1772
 A New Map of the Land of Matrimony Drawn from the Latest Surveys J. Ellis sculpt.
 London: J. Johnson, 1772. As found in the Yale University catalog.
Description: 1 map ; 34 x 35 cm.
Further description can be found online.

Is this the map closely associated with the poem of Anna Letitia Barbauld (1743-1825)? See her poem: "To Mr. Barbauld, with a Map of the Land of Matrimony" (perhaps 1774).

An 1822 copy is mentioned online (item 153).
1775 Das Reich der Liebe Gottfried August Bürger (1747-1794)
Mentioned in Walker (2009): p. [1]-21, specifically p. 17.
1777
 Das Reich der Liebe: Zweiter Landkartensatz Versuch Johann Gottlob Immanuel Breitkopf (1719-1794) Leipzig: Aus Breitkopfs Buchdr., 1777. Reproduced(?) in Jacobs (2009) and online.
18--? Map of Matrimony on Mercators Projection Shewing to Timid Lovers the Orbit of Affection to the True Haven of Conjugal Happiness --
 --
 At top of map: "Puzzle: The Second Expedition of the Vessel Pinta."

Mentioned in Walker (2009).

Reproduced in Post (1979): p. 35, and in the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Online Catalog. Here.
1810 Carte de jeu allégoriques du bonheur --
 --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002). See also: Bibliothèque nationale de France, Paris (86 C 173469).
1810
 Map of Matrimony --
 London: R. Miller, [ca. 1810] Reproduced in Bayton-Williams (2008): p. 197. See also the Hudson's Bay map (1810 or later) and the 1828 map below.
Presumably 1810 or later (19th century) Map of Matrimony Signed J. W. L. --
 In: A nineteenth-century autograph book that belonged to Olivia Dewey of Cramahe Township, Upper Canada.  The book appears to have come into the possession of Maria McTavish.  The book is signed by Maria and is now part of the Hudson's Bay Company Archives, Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Bears resemblance to the 1810 Miller map above and to the 1828 map below.

To view, click here.
1828
 Virginia Marriage License; with Folk Art Drawing, entitled "Map of Matrimony"
 --
 --
 Seen on eBay, January 31, 2010.

Bears resemblance to the 1810 Miller map above and to the map in the possession of the Hudson's Bay Company above (1810 or later).
1840
 Map of Matrimony Thomas Spurs lithography, Sheffield; sold by Mr. S. Crookes, Rotherham --
 Reproduced in Bayton-Williams (2008): p. 205.
Between 1840 and 1850
 Map of Matrimony --
 --
 Mentioned online. Same as the following?
1845
 The Novel & Interesting Game of Matrimony: Map of Matrimony Lith. & printed by J. Dainty, Philada. Phila.: Published & for sale wholesale by Henry Cohen & Co., c1845. See the Library of Congress record online.
1855 Presqu'ile de la perfection --
 --
 Mentioned in Bruno (2002): p. 227. See also: Bibliothèque nationale de France, Paris (75 C 74889).

Regarding the pursuit of divine love.
1880 Map of Matrimony --
 --
 Mentioned in Walker (2009).
ca. 1905
 Map Shewing the Course of the Truelove River --
 London: Knight Brothers, [ca. 1905]. (Knight Series)
 On postcards.
ca. 1905
 Chart of Betrothal Bay Shewing the Male Route to Churchdoor
 The author of The Map of Truelove River Postcard
 London: Knight Brothers, [ca. 1905] (Knight Series)
 On postcards.
1960
 Map of a Man's Heart
 Adapted from 19th-century originals by Jo (Lowrey) Leeds
 McCall's Magazine, January 1960, pp. 32-33.
 Reproduced on the dust jacket of The Discomfort Zone: A Personal History, [by] Jonathan Franzen (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2006).
1988 Le jardin de tendre Annette Messager --
 Reproduced in: Bruno (2002): p. 230.
No date available
 Description Universelle du Royaume de gallanterie --
 --
 Bibliothèque nationale de France, Paris (86 C 173468). Same as Royaume d'amour en L'Isle de Cythére (1659)??
No date available The Map of Matrimony; shewing the seas, coun-
ties, &c. leading to the harbour of Hymen, coloured, 6d.

The same, in a Box, dissected, Is. 6d.
--
 --
 Note also: The Ladder of Matrimony; beautifully ornamented, with figures, humourously representing the different stages of courtship and marriage, plain, Is. coloured, Is. 6d.

Mentioned online.

Note that the 1810 Miller map has a "Port of Hymen."
Starter Bibliography
An Atlas of Fantasy, compiled by J. B. [Jeremiah Benjamin] Post (Baltimore, Md. : Mirage Press, 1973). See also the New, revised edition (New York: Ballantine Books, 1979).

"Mapping Relationships: Allegory, Gender and the Cartographical Image in Eighteenth-Century France and England," [by] Franz Reitzinger, Imago Mundi; 51 (1999): pp. 106-130.

Atlas of Emotion: Journeys in Art, Architecture, and Film, [by] Giuliana Bruno (New York: Verso, 2002).

Mapping Discord: Allegorical Cartography in Early Modern French Writing, [by] Jeffrey N. Peters (Newark: University of Delaware Press, c2004). Based on the author’s thesis (Ph. D.--University of Michigan, 1996), presented under the title: Scavoir la carte: Allegorical Maps and the Cartographics of Culture in Seventeenth-Century France.

You Are Here: Personal Geographies and Other Maps of the Imagination, [by] Katharine Harmon (New York: Princeton Architectural Press, c2004).

Charles Sorel polygraphe, textes rassemblés par Emmanuel Bury et édités par Eric Van der Schueren (Presses de l'Université Laval, 2006; in series: Les Collections de la République des Lettres, Symposiums).

New Worlds: Maps from the Age of Discovery, [by] Ashley and Miles Bayton-Williams (London: Quercus, 2008).

Strange Maps: An Atlas of Cartographic Curiosities, [by] Frank Jacobs (New York : Viking Studio, 2009).

"Mapping Marriage," chapter 1 in: Marriage, Writing, and Romanticism: Wordsworth and Austen after War, [by] Eric C. Walker (Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, c2009)

See also carte de tendre, discourse of desire, geography of love, Land of Matrimony, love's thermometer, love will find a way, map of matrimony, Reich der Liebe, River of True Love, royaume d'amour, sentiment, Splitsville, station amoureux, symbology of love, topography of love, Truelove River.

x cartography.


separate:

To cease marital cohabitation.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, break up, drift apart, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave (someone), let go, reject (someone), sack, separated, separation, sexual rejection, split up, walk out.

 

separate bedrooms:

A figure of speech (although also literal) used to indicate that partners in a marriage or love relationship, rather than closely cohabiting, are spending many of the hours that they might be together under intimate circumstances apart in different quarters in the same dwelling, the connotation often being (a) that they are excluding each other from large amounts of each other's privacy rather than sharing privacy and (b) that they are sexually estranged from each another -- although often the reason is a practical one, for example: they may have different sleep schedules; one partner might snore and keep the other awake; one might be in the habit of going to sleep with the TV on when the other needs total darkness and silence; or they may find that their desire for each other is enhanced by sleeping apart.

See also separate beds, sexually estranged.


separate beds:

A figure of speech (although also literal) used to indicate that partners in a marriage or love relationship are not sleeping closely together, the connotation often being that the sexual desire of one or of each for the other has faded -- although often the reason is a practical one, for example: one wants a hard bed, the other a soft one; or each prefers maximum freedom of movement when asleep.

See also separate bedrooms.

x beds.


separated:

1. Not together.

2. Not cohabiting, especially as a legal status; said of individuals married to each other.

3. Legally married to but not cohabiting with one's spouse, especially as a legal status.

Comment: The word "separated" connotes to some people availability.

See also demi-relict, estranged, ever-married, formerly married, marital status, marital virginity, mizpah, previously married, separate, separation, Splitsville, widow-bewitched, zoo daddy.

 

separate finances:

With regard to a relationship, the result of handling the assets of the partners, especially their money, not as common property but with each partner controlling his or her own, separate bank accounts being one of the common features of such an arrangement.

Contrast joint finances (q.v.). See also financially independent, pre-nuptial agreement, société d'acquets.

 

separate vacations:

1. A situation in which spouses, lovers, or companions spend time apart (typically days or weeks) for the purpose, on the part of each, of rest, recreation, or travel for pleasure, although not necessarily at the same time.

2. A situation in which people who ordinarily spend days, weeks, or months together for the purpose of rest, recreation, or travel for pleasure instead do so apart.

See also break, break from each other, grass-widow, grass-widower, hall pass, holiday from marriage, hundred-mile rule, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, summer lover, summer romance, vacation from marriage.

 

separation:

Cessation of marital cohabitation either as a step towards divorce (q.v.), as a temporary break in the conjugal relationship, or as a permanent status with a marriage still officially intact.

Comment: Sometimes separation is a period when one or more other sexual partners are sought and considered for suitability.

See also break, break from each other, diremption, displaced homemaker, divorce attorney, E&E, estrangement, EwE, fribusculum, give up on a marriage, grass widow, grass widower, judicial separation, last time, separate, separated, surfeit response.

 

separation of marriage and state:

A slogan representing the position that a government should be involved in neither:

Comments: The slogan is modeled on the phrase, "the separation of church and state," which is said to derive from a remark by Thomas Jefferson.

The position is often nested into a more comprehensive view, for instance, one or more of these:

One implication of the position is that government would no longer be prohibiting such things as group marriage and gay marriage, but instead would be trying to foster a peaceful environment for all sorts of relationships and a fair playing field for the people in them.

Various alternatives to the governmental control of marriage are suggested, for instance:

Reference

"To Nehemiah Dodge and Others, A Committee of the Danbury Baptist Association, in the State of Connecticut," Washington, January 1, 1802. I am consulting The Portable Jefferson, edited and with an introduction by Merrill D. Peterson (New York: Viking Press, c1975): pp. [303]-304. There Jefferson's phrase is, "a wall of separation between Church and State." He ties it directly to the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

See also civil marriage, family sovereignty, heart balm statute, libertarianism, liberty, marriage, marriage license, public character of sex, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual politics, statism, sumptuary law.

x slogans.

 

separation of religion and sexual morality:

A slogan representing the position that issues of romantic, marital, and erotic behavior should be bracketed off from the influence of organized faiths, that the rights and wrongs of romantic, marital, and erotic behavior should be determined on other grounds than the faith-based opinions of others, whether living or dead.

Comments: This is not the same as a full separation of sex and religion, which might also entail bracketing off sexual activity from religious ecstasy. Nor is it about outright rejection of religion, for it can be applicable not just to those who reject religion but also to adherents of one faith or another. Since many religions do have codes of sexual morality, it often involves picking and choosing what one will accept of a religion -- what is sometimes called a buffet-style, cafeteria-style, or smorgasbord approach to a faith -- or else eclecticism, picking and choosing what one will accept of more than one faith.

Among the many arguments against the separation of religion and sexual morality:

Anong the many arguments for the separation of religion and sexual morality:

See also sexual morality.

x religon and sexual morality.


separation of sex and love:

See loveless sex, sexless love.

 

separation of sex and power:

A slogan representing the position that sexual behavior and relationships should be free of either coercion or control (apart from self-control and control voluntarily ceded for a time), be it on the part of government, of institutions, of businesses, of families, or of individuals, including partners, and that sexual behavior should be entirely a matter of genuine, unpressured consent on the part of all participants and witnesses; a summary statement of the view that any forceful involvement in the sex life of another person is on the same continuum as rape and that every effort should be made to keep the sex lives of people free of force and pressure, other than the ordinary pressures of (a) the expression of emotions and (b) of facing the relational consequences, purely relational, of the violation of negotiated agreements.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," antinomianism, bedroom politics, bodily integrity, boundary, consent to sex, consexuality, Fon-Fon Ru, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, get government out of the bedroom, libertarianism, liberty, moral code, new morality, power exchange, radical love, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, right to sex, romantic rights, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and state, sex and power, sexosophy, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual morality, sexual politics, sexual toleration, unwanted sex, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x slogans.


separation of sex and state:

1. A slogan representing opposition to sumptuary laws bearing on sexual behavior and relationships; a verbal encapsulation of the view that, except for protecting people from coercion and certain other unwelcome admixtures with sexuality, government (at any level) should take a minimalist approach with regard to the restriction of human sexual behavior and relationships, for instance, that:

2. A slogan equivalent either to "the separation of marriage and state" (q.v.) or that plus definition 1 above.

3. A slogan representing opposition to sex education in public schools, at least insofar as such education entails values formation. Some of the opposition is from the right, which doesn't want "toleration of sexual sin" either taught or implied; and some of the opposition is from the left, which may want taught, among other things, toleration of the various sexualities and the importance of consent to sex and contraceptive techniques and avoidance of sexually transmitted diseases and what constitute unwelcome admixtures with sex but doesn't want public schools to propagate restrictive sexual mores. More properly, this should be expressed as "separation of sexual education and state."

4. A slogan representing the position that the sex lives per se of politicians in a democracy are none of either the government's business or the public's business.

Comment: The separation of sex and state is often seen as either overlapping with or a part of the separation of church and state, since the roots of sexual restrictions by the state can often be traced back to one or more religions.

Per some social theory, sexual repression is an indispensible tool of state oppression, which, if so, would mean that the separation of sex and state (in the first sense) is not about just sexual freedom but freedom generally.

See also antinomianism, bedroom politics, culture war, free love, get government out of the bedroom, legislation of morality, libertarianism, liberty, private life, public character of sex, relationship anarchy, relationship freedom, right to sex, romantic rights, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, sex and power, sexual freedom, sexual politics, sexual toleration, statism, sumptuary law, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x slogans.


sequential marriage:

See serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

seraglio:

1. A large harem, in either sense: the place or the people.

2. A place where people go for sexual pleasure.

Pronunciation note: The "g" in "seraglio" is silent.

See also harem, imbroglio of polyamours, serai, Turkish marriage, zenana.

 

serai:

The part of a dwelling where a harem (q.v.) is kept.

See also haremlik, seraglio, zenana.

 

sergeant:

See white sergeant.


serial cenogamy:

Participation as a partner in more than one group marriage (q.v.) or group love relationship (q.v.), but one sequential to another rather than at the same time.

Coined by me on analogy with "serial monandry." But perhaps it already exists.

See also cenogamy, group switching.

 

serial cheating:

Being unfaithful to one's partner, with two or more lovers; especially having multiple extramarital affairs.

See also cheat, extramarital affair.


serial heartbreaker:

A person who enters into and then leaves behind one love relationship after another; a person who either inspires or deliberately incites one person after another to fall in love with him or her and who keeps moving on.

See also heart, heartbreaker, lovertine, serial monogamy.


serial marriage:

The practice of having two or more ostensibly monogamous marital unions in the course of one's lifetime, especially when one or more such unions are ended by divorce; the alternating pattern: marriage, divorce, marriage, etc.

Comment: This has also been called consecutive polygamy, progressive monogamy, sequential marriage, and serial polygamy.

See also digamy, dyad, marriage, monogamy, multiple marriage, polykoity, reiterated marriage, remarriage, rotating marriage, second husband, second wife, serial marriage, serial mate, serial monandry, serial monogamy, serial monogyny, trigamy.

x consecutive polygamy.
x progressive monogamy.
x sequential marriage.
x serial polygamy.

 

serial mate:

One in a sequence of partners in serial monogamy.

See also mate, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Serial Mates"

 

[199] Added together [the average lengthof first plus second marriages, for women, that end in divorce], that's a married life [200] span of only fourteen years for those who choose two serial mates and disengage from both of them.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 199-200.

 

serial monandry:

Having more than one male mate on the part of a woman, but one sequential to another rather than at the same time. Any of the male mates may be either monogynous or polygynous.

Contrast serial monogyny (q.v.). See also group switching, monogyny, polygyny, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serial monogamy:

The practice of being part of more than one couple, but not at the same time, over the course of a lifetime, especially when any of the partnerships is ended by divorce in the case of a marriage or by break-up in the case of a different type of relationship.

Comments: This has also been called consecutive polygamy, progressive monogamy, sequential marriage, and serial polygamy.

To be serial, such relationships must be non-contemporaneous, but in practice they sometimes overlap and so, for those overlapping periods, would not be considered monogamous or would be considered monogamous only in a formal way.

See also break-up, digamy, divorce, dyad, lovestyle, monamory, monoamory, monogamy, multiphilia, polykoity, reiterated marriage, remarriage, second husband, second wife, serial heart-breaker, serial marriage, serial mate, serial monandry, serial monogyny, trigamy, walk-in marriage.

x consecutive polygamy.
x progressive monogamy.
x sequential marriage.
x serial polygamy.

 

serial monogyny:

Having more than one female mate on the part of a man, but one sequential to another rather than at the same time. Any of the female mates may be either monandrous or polyandrous.

Coined by me on analogy with "serial monandry." But perhaps it already exists.

Contrast serial monandry (q.v.). See also group switching, monandry, polyandry, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serial office dating:

Engaging in social activities with more than one of one's co-workers of complementary sexual orientation, especially having love affairs with one co-worker after another when they are from the same workplace.

See also date, fish off the company pier, fraternization, love contract, non-fraternization policy, office bike, office dating, office love affair, office mate, office pump, office romance, sleep (one's) way to the top, whore (one's) way to the top, workplace crush, workplace romance.


serial philandering:

1. A man's engaging in sexual activity frivolously or casually with one woman after another at different times; male promiscuity with women.

2. Seductive flirtation, on the part of a man, with one woman after another without any intent of exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship.

Comment: Generally "philandering" is used as a pejorative term.

See also agapet, Casanova complex, crumpet man, Don Juanism, f*ck around, gay deceiver, indiscriminate sex, libertinism, Lothario, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, put it about, queaning, queanry, rabbit, rake, roué, screw around, sex maniac, sexual varietism, shark, sleep around, tomcat, womanize, womanizer.

 

serial polygamy:

See serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serious, as in "they are getting serious" or "they are serious":

1. Deeply involved with each other emotionally.

2. At the point of contemplating and not just fantasizing about becoming long-term mates.

3. Committed or ready to be committed to a monogamous relationship for the long haul.

4. Pertaining to or characterized by any of the preceding, or by causing one to grow in important ways, or by being otherwise life-changing, as in "a serious relationship."

See also go steady, going together, long-term relationship, monogamous, pinning, serious-relationship myth.

x serious relationship.

 

seriously married:

Committed to making a marital union work and not wanting to risk it, for instance by having an extramarital affair.

See also happily married, intrinsic marriage, married, more "married" than.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Seriously Married"

 

Did he really think he could waltz back in here and rekindle the flame with a few confessions of fault? Was he insane? I was a different person. I knew his jive. I was married, seriously married to a serious person I loved, a person I could count on, a person who could count on me.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 103.

 

serious relationship:

See serious.

 

serious-relationship myth:

The (supposedly) false notion that a relationship (q.v.) must be both monogamous and long-term to be serious.

Comment: This "notion" has been identified as a myth by various sex radicals, many of whom reject both criteria. However, obviously, identifying it as a myth is controversial. I have provided a name for the supposed myth, without, for now, weighing in on the controversy, except to say that many a term, like "serious," has more than one definition in common usage (October 14, 2006).

See also monogamy, long-term relationship, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, serious.

x myths.

 

serve the revolution on (her) back:

To assist one or more rebels against the current state of society or against a political system by allowing oneself to be used as a sexual outlet for them, generally said of a woman.

Comments: I've not been able to trace the origin of the phrase. It dates at least from the period of widespread social unrest in the 1960s and perhaps earlier.

The phrase has been critiqued as sexist and even anti-revolutionary, since its simple and direct use undercuts the social liberation of women.

See also male chauvinism, revolution groupie, sexism, sexual chauvinism.

Quotation from Whit Johnston Illustrating "Serve the Revolution on Their Backs"

 

Even to my younger self, The Peace and Pollution Revolution appeared more petulant than revolutionary. What I resented most about Hoffman and his kind (beside the fact women were thought to best serve the revolution on their backs, when not busy serving coffee) was their exasperation | with anyone who didn't subscribe to their particular set of values.

From: 80: A Novel, [by] Whit Johnston (New York, NY: Carroll & Graf Publishers, 2004): pp. 31-32. In a quick attempt, I've not been able to document that Abbie Hoffman had anything to do with the phrase.


serve two studs:

To have two men one has sex with.

See also have two strings to (one's) bow, milk two cows, sexual non-exclusivity, share (one's) favors, stud.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Serve Two Studs"

 

"They're feasting off you, Jan-Jan," he [Freddy Thorne] told her [Janet Appleby]. "You're serving two studs [Frank Appleby and Harold little-Smith] and Marcia [little-Smith]'s in the saddle."

From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 164.

 

service:

See dating service, family planning services, sex service, sexual services.


set (her) cap at him:

To attempt to catch a man as a sweetheart or husband.

Brewer explains: "The lady puts on the most becoming of her caps, to attract the attention and admiration of the favored gentleman."

Reference

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 211, s.v. "Cap," sub-entry, "Setting her cap at him."

See also attract, cap-setting, comether, draw to, make a play for, make-want, pull, put the mojo on, seduce, throw (oneself) at (somebody).

 

set (somebody) up:

1. To frame (somebody); to make the evidence for a wrong-doing point to (somebody) other than the person who committed the wrong-doing.

2. To arrange a date for; to see that (typically) two people are brought together to consider each other for romantic involvement.

See also date, dating plan, dating service, fix up, go-between, love-broker, matchmaking, play Cupid.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Setting Me Up"


[Abigail Timberlake, the narrator, to C.J.] "Unfortunately, I can't make it. But I know a nice gentleman who can."

"Abby, are you setting me up?"

You bet I am, I said cheerily. "And he's from Shelby, too."
From the mystery novel: Estate of Mind: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; with imprint: Avon Twilight): chapter 3, p. 24.


settle down:

1. To bring flitting about, as from one place to another or one lover to another, to a halt.

2. To establish stable conditions for the purpose of raising a family, which undertaking commonly entails finding a way to make a steady living, establishing a household, and marrying.

3. To become established for the purpose of making a living.

4. To establish roots in a community.

5. To take up one's abode in a place that had previously been uncolonized; to begin to reside as a settler.

6. To become calm or quiet, especially for the sake of being attentive or of going to sleep.

See also family, find a mate, home, household, marry.

Quotation from the Angus Davidson Translation of Alberto Moravia Illustrating "Settle Down"

 

The thing that at once aroused in my mind the hope that I had at last found the woman I was looking for, was the confession she made to me the day I met her for the first time: that she was weary of the life she had led and that she wanted to settle down in an alliance of true affection.

From the novel: Conjugal Love, by Alberto Moravia (New York, N.Y.: New American Library, 1952, c1951; in publisher's series: A Signet Book; 922): chapter 3, p. [15]. Translated from the Italian of L'Amore Coniugale (1949) by Angus Davidson. Originally published in English: New York, Farrar, Straus and Young, 1951.

 

settle for:

In the context of the topic of relationships:

1. Rather than to aspire to a lover or mate who would fulfill one's desires, to accept someone who doesn't but who happens to be available.

2. To accept a person for a lover or mate when one can do better; for instance:

3. To give up on one's first choice for a lover or mate and to accept somebody else with a measure of disappointment.

4. To accept a nonconventional relationship when one's preference is for a conventional type of relationship, or vice versa.

5. To accept inadequacy with regard to romantic or sexual attention.

Comment: The usual opposite is "to refuse to settle for."

See also catch (someone) on the rebound, consolation marriage, hypogamy, marry down, rebound relationship, rich man/biker paradox, second-choice husband, second-choice spouse, second-choice wife.

x refuse to settle for.

 

seven ages of lechery:

The stages of life of a human being as one might segment and describe them in a society obsessed with sexuality.

Comment: The phrase was invented by Malcom Muggeridge as a take-off on Shakespeare's "seven ages" of a man in As You Like It, 1599-1600, Act 2, scene 7, line 143 (Jaques speaking). Perhaps he had also in mind the phrase, "the seven ages of love."

See also ages of love, lech.

x ages of lechery.
x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from Malcolm Muggeridge Illustrating "Seven Ages of Lechery"

Don Juan, more even than Raskolnikov, is the hero of our time .... |

What is to be done but play the Crucifixion backwards, and reverse the Logos -- in the beginning was the flesh, and the flesh became Word? Celluloid [is] the only recourse -- moving pictures, presenting between Action! and Cut!, the seven ages of lechery. The pimply schoolboy creeping willingly into his sex-instruction classes; then the youthful, zestful sex-instructed lover. After him, the grown man, bearded like the pard, twin-slitted coat, motel habitué, with contraceptives to hand, stoking up nature's fires with bottled ones; followed by the seasoned veteran, round bellied, full of wise saws and modern instances culled from his Bond, his Clockwork Orange, his Last Tango. Finally, the lean and slippered pantaloon, with spectacles on nose, squinting into his TV screen; and last scene of all, a second childishness and mere oblivion, sans teeth, sans taste, sans everything; even -- the ultimate desolation -- sans telly.
From the autobiography: Chronicles of Wasted Time. Chronicle 2: The Infernal Grove, by Malcolm Muggeridge (New York: William Morrow, 1974, c1973): chapter 1, pp. 36-37. A few annotations:
  • Much of the phraseology follows Jaques' "All the world's a stage" speech in Shakepeare's As You Like It (1599-1600): Act 2, scene 7, lines 139-166.
  • Regarding Don Juan, see the entry herein.
  • Raskolnikov is the fictional protagonist of Dostoevsky's Prestuplenie i Nakazanie = Crime and Punishment (originally published in installments in Russian in 1866).
  • The Logos allusion is to the Gospel of John 1:1, 14: "In the beginning was the Word ... And the Word became flesh."
  • "Bond" refers to the fictional character invented by Ian Fleming, James Bond, a womanizing British agent, who has been a protagonist in many novels, short stories, and movies.
  • A Clockwork Orange is a dystopian novel by Anthony Burgess (1962). It was adapted for both stage and screen, most famously in the movie of the same name by Stanley Kubrick (1971).
  • "Last Tango" refers to "Last Tango in Paris," a movie directed by Bernardo Bertolucci (1972), which was regarded by some people as pornographic.


Seven Capital Sins:

Pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia (in Latin: superbia, avaritia, invidia, ira, luxuria, gula, pigritia seu acedia) -- tendencies often found within a human being from which wrongs against God and fellow human beings flow, per a tradition of moral psychology within Christianity.

Comments: By "capital" is meant simply "head," as in a well-head, the head of a river, or a head of state.

Also known as the Capital Sins, Capital Vices, Cardinal Sins, Deadly Sins, Deadly Vices, and Roots of Sinfulness, either preceded or not by the number Seven. Capitalization varies according to stylistic policy.

Despite "deadly" being part of the term "Seven Deadly Sins," they are to be distinguished from mortal sins, that is, those grave violations of God's law that are destructive of charity in the heart and that turn a person away from God in favor of the inferior.

The order varies, sometimes even within writings by the same author.

In the history of the development of the list of the Seven Deadly Sins and in the history of their literary use, note especially:

For Further Research: The Word Porneia in Evagrius of Pontus

In the New Testament (NT), porneia means "sexual immorality, particularly the set of sexual connections prohibited in the Hebrew Bible, especially at Leviticus 18." The English word "fornication" has always been a bad translation of porneia, since, in ordinary English parlance, its range is much more limited and since it places the focus on copulation rather than on connection. Of course, a special, theological sense of "fornication" can be admitted, one which bows to whatever the NT meant by porneia. In any case, in the NT porneia is a relational matter affecting cultic purity, rather than an internal matter out of which other sins flow; it is an act which brings about a connection that violates a code of holiness.

Now, how is it that Evagrius of Pontus calls porneia a thought? One would expect, perhaps, epithumia ("covetousness" or "lust"); and, indeed, historically "lust" did eventually displace porneia in the list of the seven capital sins, luxuria now being the Latin word used. But even sexual lust is a far cry from a thought, at least as we moderns make bodily associations. Typically and historically our associations go like this: Thoughts are of the brain, sexual lust of the genitalia (although we do increasingly recognize the role of the brain in sexual matters). So what is going on in Evagrius' conceptualization?

The first of three possibilities that comes to mind is that Evagrius read Jesus as locating adultery, one of the forms of porneia, in the heart. Actually the NT text says:
"You have heard that it's been said, Do not commit adultery. But I say to you, each man who looks at a married woman to have coveted her that way has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28; my translation).

In that passage, Jesus himself used the verb epithumeô ("to covet" or "to lust for"), the noun form of which is epithumia, ("covetousness" or "lust"); so why would Evagrius ignore the more obvious word that would fit his scheme if he had this passage in mind? And, for that matter, why, if this possibility is correct, did he shift Jesus' meaning, as if to preclude the physical connection itself as a locus of adultery?

That leads to the second possibility: Quite apart from that saying of Jesus, could it be that Evagrius located the moral offense in porneia solely in the heart and not at all in the physical act? that there was a denial that wrongfulness, sin, is actually able to incarnate itself as evil-producing in the physical realm or, to use an Augustinian formula, that it is a deprivation of goodness, in this case in the physical realm? (Per Leviticus 18:24-30, that goodness would be holiness or, more precisely, not defiling the land and the people.) It would seem not, since Evagrius explicitly says:
"Now consider that there are two types of fornication [porneias], coupled together yet distinct, that of the body and that of the spirit, as the virgin too, 'that she may be holy both in body and in spirit' (1 Cor. 7:34)." (To Eulogios 18)

Then there is the third possibility: Could it be that Evagrius was simply using a specialized vocabulary, either his own or a borrowed one? He does, in fact, have a specialized vocabulary. For instance, logismoi ("thoughts") obviously means more to him than just "thoughts," at least as we usually think of thoughts. Jeremy Driscoll has suggested that he meant "evil thoughts":
"Thoughts (logismoi) is a technical word in the Evagrian vocabulary, its use widespread throughout his writings. It almost always has a pejorative meaning, even when unaccompanied by an adjective that secures its pejorative sense. The simple mention of 'thoughts' in Evagrius generally can be taken to mean 'evil thoughts.'"

That is a common interpretation; although an alternative interpretation comes to mind, namely, that Evagrius was working out of a different conceptualization of the mind/body relationship than we moderns usually do. Should we think that he associated logismoi with the brain rather than with the whole body? Perhaps logismoi meant to him "internal tendencies that can lead to sin, impulses capable of moving one towards wrong-doing." So perhaps by porneia he meant something like "sex drive" or "lust" and not "evil thoughts" in the way that we would normally mean the phrase.

Incidentally, from this Evagrian problem flows another, this time with Cassian. It appears that with fornicatio Cassian was merely trying to render Evagrius' Greek term porneia into Latin. Insofar as both terms mean in general "brothel or brothel-like behavior, that is, insufficiently discriminate sex, sexual behavior not restricted to one's spouse or, among polygamous peoples, to one's spouses," Cassian's choice was reasonable. Even if Evagrius' meaning were that of the earliest Christians, which was "violation of the marital and sexual code of the Hebrews, especially as expressed in Leviticus 18," Cassian's choice would still make sense just on the basis of the similar flavor of the words. Yet we still have a problem with regard to what Cassian was doing with Evagrius' term. If Evagrius had either a special sense for porneia or a distinctive theological context in which he was casting it, was Cassian accepting it, gliding over it, or simply being obtuse? or was fornicatio already established with the specialized sense in which Evagrius was using porneia? The last may be the case. As Robert E. Sinkewicz wrote:
"Fornication is the label given in the monastic tradition to all temptations of a sexual nature, whether completed in act or only entertained in thought."

I expect that Sinkewicz is on the right track. However:
  • He fails to adduce lexical examples (not that they can't be found).
  • The definition, "all temptations of a sexual nature," doesn't quite do justice to the use of porneia by Evagrius and fornicatio by Cassian.
  • And would that Sinkewicz had written "porneia in Greek and fornicatio in Latin" instead of "fornication," since now, not only are we dealing with the usual Greek and Latin meanings and the theologically specific meanings -- that in the NT, that in the monastic tradition, and that even more specifically in Evagrius and Cassian -- but we are having mixed into this mess the usual English meanings of "fornication" as either "copulation" or "illicit copulation"! We're back to the preliminary point at the top of this little inquisitive essay, that "fornication" is a horrible and, given the shifting senses, misleading translation of porneia and, in the case of Cassian, even of fornicatio.
Evagrius himself describes porneia as:
"a conception of gluttony, that which softens the heart in advance, a furnace of lustful burning, an arranger of marriages with idols, unnatural activity, a form covered in shadows, an (sexual) intertwining wrought in the imagination, a bed of dreams, unfeeling sexual congress, bait for the eyes, immodesty of sight, dishonouring of prayer, shame of the heart, guide to ignorance." (On the Vices Opposed to the Virtues 2)

That is a complex conceptualization, every element of which requires commentary (although for now I'll forego the temptation to write one.) Interestingly enough his description has minimal allusion to the Hebrew Bible. (He would have been using the Septuagint version.) One exception, presumably, is the reference to marriages with idols, which perhaps is an allusion to marriage "to the daughter of a foreign god" in Malachi 2:11. At least the rabbinic tradition made that connection (R. Chiyya bar Avuyah in Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 82a). Another possible exception: The reference to unnatural activity could be an allusion to Leviticus 18:22-23 via Romans 1:26-27.

Each of those allusions to the Hebrew Bible plus, perhaps, "unfeeling sexual congress" would seem, at first glance, to fall under "porneia of the body." However, each has a spiritual component -- respectively idolatry, violation of the divinely established order of nature, and, presumably, a failure of love (unless by "unfeeling" is meant "mental rather than physical"). Furthermore, some of the other elements, which to us sound intangible or remote, may have been conceived of as having bodily components, such as "a form covered in shadows" (a demon? cf. Eulogios 18)) and "bait for the eyes." Yet incest and adultery do not seem to be covered. Might Evagrius' description of porneia here be all "porneia of the spirit"?

To be even a bit more speculative about what Evagrius meant by porneia: Let's consider his On the Eight Thoughts 2, which is the section on porneia. When he speaks of women, he usually means every woman or any woman, women as interchangeable, not a particular woman to whom one is committed:
  • "The sight of a woman is a poisoned arrow" (2:6).
  • "Flee encounters with women" (2:8).
  • "Better you should approach a raging fire than a young woman" (2:9).
  • "The passion of licentiousness flourishes in encounters with women" (2:10; cf. 2:13).
  • "The deceitful form of a woman persuades one to disregard life itself" (2:14).
  • "The sight of a woman arouses the licentious person to pleasure" (2:17).
  • "If the passion stays calm during encounters with women ..." (2:18).
The last two segments in the section contain exceptions:
  • "... the memory of a woman ... the form of a woman in your intellect ... fantasizing about a woman" (2:19).
  • "... the fantasy of a woman ... the prolonged memory of a woman" (2:20).
Evagrius' concern is with monks. He's not saying to the married man, "Neither love your wife nor make love to her." But he is saying (among other things) that if you've left a woman behind in order to take up the monastic life, don't let fantasies of her eat away at you. The battle against porneia takes place mostly on a generalized front, a front where women are interchangeable; although the particularization of porneia, at least porneia of the spirit, can happen. In a backhand sort of way, Evagrius was carving out a space for the non-interchangeability and therefore the individuality of the wife.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
This little inquiry into how it was that Evagrius of Pontus called porneia a thought has barely scratched the surface of the Evagrian corpus. However, we have learned that Evagrius was using porneia in a specialized and complex way and that for him one sense of porneia, porneia of the spirit, had to do with many aspects of the inner life. Furthermore, we've learned that Evagrius was not placing himself in tension with orthodox Christianity either by denying porneia as a sinful physical act or, at least in the passages examined, by regarding marital love as sinful.

References

In the English part of the definition, I'm following the list as found in Catechism of the Catholic Church (2nd ed., revised in accordance with the official Latin text promulgated by Pope John Paul II. Citta del Vaticano: Libreria Editrice Vaticana; Washington, D.C.: United States Catholic Conference, c2000): §1866, p. 457. There the term used is "capital sins."

For the Latin list, see Catechismus Catholicae Ecclesiae at the Vatican site here (as accessed October 4, 2011): §1866.

Compare The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church (3rd ed., 1997): s.v. "seven deadly sins," which gives this list: "(1) pride; (2) covetousness; (3) lust; (4) envy; (5) gluttony; (6) anger; (7) sloth ('accidie')."
Regarding mortal sins, I'm paraphrasing the Catechism of the Catholic Church (c2000): §1855, p. 454.
For the quotation from the Dead Sea Scrolls, see The Dead Sea Scrolls Study Edition, edited by Florentino García Martínez & Eibert J. C. Tigchelaar (Leiden: Brill; Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Co., 1997-1998): v. 1, p. 77. There one will find both the Hebrew text, unpointed, and the English translation.
For the quotation from 4 Maccabees, I'm using this edition: The Old Testament in Greek according to the Septuagint, edited for the Syndics of the University Press by Henry Barclay Swete (Cambridge: University Press, 1887-1894): v. 3, p. 730-731.

For the translation, see "4 Maccabees (First Century A.D.)," a new translation and introduction by H. Anderson, in: The Old Testament Pseudepigrapha, edited by James H. Charlesworth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1983-1985): v. 2, pp. [531]-564, specifically p. 545.

A note: I take exception to the translation "seeking the limelight" for philodoxia, since limelight wasn't invented until the 19th century. Anachronism creeps into the interpretation of ancient texts easily enough without the help of translators. "Love of fame" for philodoxia would work better.
For the Greek text of Evagrius, I'm using this edition: Traité Pratique, ou, Le Moine, [par] Évagre le Pontique; introduction par Antoine Guillaumont et Claire Guillaumont (Paris: Éditions du Cerf, 1971; in series: Sources Chrétiennes; 170-171). My thanks to Fr. Luke Dysinger for sending me a copy of the text.

For the translation, see: "The Monk: A Treatise on the Practical Life," in: Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus, translation, introduction, and commentary by Robert E. Sinkewicz (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2003; in series: Oxford Early Christian Studies): pp. [91]-114, specifically p. 97.

For two other translations, see:
  • The Praktikos; Chapters on Prayer, [by] Evagrius Ponticus; translated by John Eudes Bamberger (Spencer, Mass.: Cistercian Publications, 1970; in: Cistercian Studies Series; no. 4).
  • Praktikos, translation by Luke Dysinger, on the Web here (as accessed October 2011).
Incidentally, compare with 4 Maccabees 1:22, as quoted above, Evagrius' statement: "Now desire is the source of every pleasure, and sensation gives birth to desire" (Praktikos 4, as translated by Sinkewicz).

Evagrius discusses some or all of the eight evil thoughts in many of his works. Note especially his:
  • Skemmata = Reflections 40-62. There he says, for example, "First of all is the thought of self-love, after which come the eight" (53).
  • On the Vices Opposed to the Virtues. Here he interposes "jealousy" between "vainglory" and "pride."
  •  On Thoughts.
  • On the Eight Thoughts.
For the translation of Climacus, see John Climacus: The Ladder of Divine Ascent, translation by Colm Luibheid and Norman Russell; notes on translation by Norman Russell; introduction by Kallstos Ware; preface by Colm Luibheid (New York: Paulist Press, c1982; in series: The Classics of Western Spirituality): pp. 283-284. Note also the discussion by Kalistos Ware, "The Classification of the Vices," on pages 62-66.

The Greek text of John Climacus in J. P. Migne's Patrologia Graeca (Paris, 1857-1866) can be accessed online at the Documenta Catholica Omnia site here.
For the quotation from John Cassian, I'm using this edition: Ioannis Cassiani Eremitae, De Institutis Renuntiantium Libri XII [et] Collationes Sanctorum Patrum XXIV ... (Lugduni: Sumptibus Petri Landry, 1606): p. 254. Available online here. I've modernized the orthography a bit by using a "v" instead of a "u" where appropriate.

(I'm using the 1606 edition instead of the Migne edition, because the Documenta Catholica Omnia site for Migne online lacks that very passage, as accessed in October of 2011, due to a scanning error.)

For the translation, see: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes, under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace ... (New York:  Christian Literature Co., 1890-1900): v. 11 (1894), p. 339.
The Latin text of Gregory the Great in J. P. Migne's Patrologia Latina (Paris, 1844-1864) can be found online at the Documenta Catholica Omnia site here.

The translation is mine. For another, see: Morals on the Book of Job, by S. Gregory the Great; translated, with notes and indices (Oxford: J. H. Parker, 1844-1850; in set: A Library of Fathers of the Holy Catholic Church; v. 18, 21, 23, 31): v. 3, part 2.

In Gregory's list of the seven principal vices, might he have been mapping them according to the human body? Perhaps his mental scheme went something like this: head (vainglory); upper abdomen (envy, anger, sadness); hands (avarice); the belly, as stated (gluttony); and the genitalia (lasciviousness).
For the Latin quotation from Thomas Aquinas, I'm using this edition: S. Thomae de Aquino Ordinis Praedicatorum Summa Theologiae, cura et studio Instituti Studiorum Medievalium Ottaviensis ad textum S. Pii P. V iussu confectum recognita (Edito altera emendata. Ottawa, Canada: Commissio Piana, 1953): t. 2, p. 1173b.

For the English translation, see: Summa Theologica: First Complete American Edition ..., [by] St. Thomas Aquinas; literally translated by fathers of the English Dominican Province (New York: Benziger Brothers, c1947): v. 1, p. 964.
For Dante, I am using this translation: The Comedy of Dante Alighieri, the Florentine. Cantica II, Purgatory (Il Purgatorio), translated by Dorothy L. Sayers (New York: Basic Books, [1963?]). "The Seven Cornices of Purgatory Proper" is her phrase (p. 65).
For Gower, I am using this edition: The English Works of John Gower, edited from the manuscripts, with introduction, notes, and glossary, by G. C. Macaulay (London; New York: Published for the Early English Text Society by the Oxford University Press, 1900, 1957 printing; in: Early English Text Society, Extra Series; no[s]. 81-82).
For Langland, I am using this edition: William Langland, Piers Plowman: The Donaldson Translation, Middle English Text, Sources and Backgrounds, Criticism, edited by Elizabeth Robertson and Stephen H. A. Shepherd (New York: W. W. Norton, c2006; "A Norton Critical Edition"): pp. 67-83. Might Sloth be last because the slowest in speed? In other words, was Langland organizing the procession according to the supposed alacrity of the vice?
For Chaucer, I am using this edition: The Canterbury Tales, [by] Geoffrey Chaucer; from the text of W. W. Skeat; with a note on the language and metre and a glossary (New York: Avenel Books; distributed by Crown Publishers, 1985; in series: Oxford World's Classics): pp. 537-583.
For Christopher Marlowe, I am using this edition (it's the earliest conveniently available to me): The Tragicall History of the Horrible Life and Death of Doctor Favstvs, written by Ch. Marl. (London: Imprinted ... by G. E. [George Eld] for Iohn Wright, 1611): D-D2 (recto).

The play was originally published as The Tragicall History of D. Faustus..., written by Ch. Marl. (London: Printed by V. S[immes] for Thomas Bushell, 1604).
References for the Discussion of the Word Porneia in Evagrius of Pontus
For the quotation from Driscoll, see the introduction to Evagrius Ponticus: Ad Monachos, translation and commentary by Jeremy Driscoll (New York: Newman Press, c2003; in series: Ancient Christian Writers; no. 59): p. 11. I've transliterated the Greek. Regarding the mind/body relationship, Driscoll has a section in his introduction called, "Rational Beings: Minds in Souls and Bodies" (pp. 5-9); but he doesn't address there this particular issue.

Incidentally, Driscoll provides his own translation of Praktikos 6, on p. 12.
For the translated quotation from To Eulogios, see Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus, translation, introduction, and commentary by Robert E. Sinkewicz (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2003; in series: Oxford Early Christian Studies): p. 45. For the Greek text, see p. 322.
For the quotation from Robert E. Sinkewicz, see the introduction to "On the Eight Thoughts," in Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus (2003): p. 69.
For the translated quotation from On the Vices Opposed to the Virtues, see Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus (2003): p. 62.
For the translated quotations from On the Eight Thoughts, see Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus (2003): pp. 76-78.

See also fornication, Lasterkatalog, lust, luxuria, morality, porneia, sexual sin, Tenth Commandment, theological virtues.
x Capital Sins.
x Capital Vices.
x Cardinal Sins.
x Deadly Sins.
x Greek terms.
x Latin terms.
x Roots of Sinfulness.
x sin.

Quotation from Dorothy L. Sayers Illustrating "Seven Capital Sins"

 

... each Cornice [of Purgatory Proper] is devoted to the purging of one of what are often called the "Seven Deadly Sins", but also (and less misleadingly for our purpose) the Seven Capital Sins. These are the fundamental bad habits of mind recognized and defined by the Church as the well-heads from which all sinful behaviour ultimately springs. They may also be called: the Seven Roots of Sinfulness. In classifying sin under these seven main heads, the Church displays more subtlety and a profounder pyschology than is sometimes supposed. It is, for instance, often asked: "Why does the Church not count Cruelty as a Deadly Sin?" The answer is that although cruelty is indeed (in one sense) a sin deadly to the soul that indulges in it, it is not a root-sin. No sane person is cruel for cruelty's sake: there is always, hidden behind the act and habit of cruelty, some other (often unacknowledged and unsuspected) evil motive.

From the introduction to: The Comedy of Dante Alighieri, the Florentine. Cantica II, Purgatory (Il Purgatorio), translated by Dorothy L. Sayers (New York: Basic Books, [1963?]): subsection, "The Seven Roots of Sinfulness," pp. 65-66, specfically p. 65.



Seventh Commandment:

In the biblical account, the fourth from the last of the ten divine imperatives delivered to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Israelites. In the King James (Authorized) Version, it reads: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14 = 20:13 in some editions; cf. Deuteronomy 5:18 = 5:17 in some editions).

Comments: In some enumerations of the Ten Commandments, the prohibition of adultery is listed as the Sixth Commandment. (See quotation below.)

Among the issues raised by this Commandment: What precisely does adultery mean? If the prohibition is universal (as seems to be presumed by the Apostle Paul in Romans 13:9), is the definition subject to cultural or rational determination?

Among the arguments that this Commandment has universal force for all of humankind:

Regarding the biblical definition of adultery for (at least) Israelites, see under "adultery."

See also "All's fair ...," apodictic law, commit adultery, Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, law of love, love commandments, moral code, moral law, moral precept, sexual immorality, sexual sin, steal, Tenth Commandment.

x commandment.
x Sixth Commandment (of the Ten Commandments).
x Ten Commandments.

Quotation from The Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647) Illustrating "Seventh Commandment"

 

Ques. 70. Which is the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment is, Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Ques. 71. What is required in the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment requireth the preservation of our own and our neighbor's chastity, in heart, speech, and behavior.

Ques. 72. What is forbidden in the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment forbiddeth all unchaste thoughts, words, and actions.

The edition being quoted from here is that found in: Bibliotheca Symbolica Ecclesiæ Universalis = The Creeds of Christendom, with a History and Critical Notes, by Philp Schaff. Volume III, The Evangelical Protestant Creeds, with Translations (4th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Harper, c1919): pp. 676-704, specifically pp. 691-692.

Quotation from John A. Hardon Illustrating "Sixth and Ninth Commandments" in an Alternative Enumeration

 

It has been customary since apostolic times to relate the Sixth and Ninth Commandments of God as two aspects of the same divine mandate. They forbid respectively the external and internal sins against chastity.

From: The Catholic Catechism, [by] John A. Hardon (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1975): p. 351. In this enumeration, the Seventh and Tenth Commandments become prohibitions of the external sin of theft and the corresponding internal sin of greed (cf. p. 383).

 

seven-year itch:

1. The circumstance that in some countries, including the United States, the median duration of marriages that end in divorce tends to be about seven years; in other words, 50% are of less duration and 50% are of greater duration.

2. A period in a marriage, which many associate with its seventh year, when a spouse becomes sexually bored and feels the urge to have an affair.

See also affair, divorce, four-year itch, repent being married, surfeit response.

x statistics.

 

sex:

Regarding human beings (disregarding other species or interactions between a human being and a member of another species):

1. One's classification, relative to the propagation of the species homo sapiens, as male, female, or, in some usage, other (the last being suscepible to further delineation) -- speaking in terms of natural methods: a male being a person who, if reproductively healthy, is capable at some point in his life of impregnating an ovum produced by a human female and a female being a person who, if reproductively healthy, is capable at some point in her life of being impregnated by sperm produced by a human male.

2. One's personal identification with maleness, femaleness, or a different category either on the same continuum with maleness and femaleness or closely related, usually as culturally framed in a way corresponding to one's reproductive biology, but sometimes in distinct discordance with either cultural categories or the more obvious features of one's reproductive biology or both.

3. A set of distinguishing properties selected by which a determination as to the above classification or identification is made, such as one's hormonal mix, one's chromosomes (hence "chromosomal sex"), one's reproductive organs (hence "gonadal sex"), one's external organs related to reproduction (hence "morphological sex"), and/or one's emotional comfort or discomfort with one's classification as or identification with being a male, female, or something else (hence "psychosocial sex," also called "gender identity") -- discomfort in its strong form being called "dysphoria."

4. In the above-mentioned classification, any one group taken collectively, hence, for instance, the set of all males or the set of all females.

5. The interactions between a male and a female that would have the potential to lead to procreation, given fertility and the absence of contraception.

6. The generation of arousal, especially genital arousal, by way of mental and physical stimulation in interaction between human beings, generally including stimulation in erogenous zones.

7. Intercourse of the penis-in-vagina sort; for instance, the second use of the term in "Oral sex is not sex."

8. Arousal, especially to orgasm, as in "solo sex" ("solo sex" being masturbation or autoeroticism).

9. The manifestations of the libido, or drive to mate, in their totality; everything particularly associated with the above, as in "having an interest in sex."

Comments: By using the term "identification" and referring to the term "gender identity" in the above definitions, I do not mean to predispose or tip a hat to any philosophies of self-identity. Above, the term "identification" should be read as generically as possible, as a term defaulted to because alternatives, like "association," wouldn't do.

Speaking of gender identity, it used to be a truism that "sex" refers to male or female and that "gender" refers to a grammatical category; however, now "gender" is frequently used synonymously (a) with "sex" in the first sense above, often to avoid the sex/sexual activity ambiguity, or (b) with "sex" in the second or third sense above in order to lay stress upon the psychological or cultural aspects over against the physical, which is represented by the first sense.

The delimiting of the classification to just two sexes, male and female, is called "sexual dimorphism," as is the view that the classification should be limited to two sexes.

Sometimes included among "other" sexes are eunuchs, homosexuals (or some subcategory or -categories thereof), hermaphrodites (the intersex), transsexuals, hijras (of India), berdaches (of North American Indian groups), and the asexual, that is, those who lack a sex drive -- which is just to begin the list.

In the phrase, "to have sex," any of senses 5 to 8 might be applicable.

See also better than sex; binge sex; coitus; complementary sexual orientation; consensual sex; consent to sex; consequences of sex outside of marriage; copulation; desex; desexed; devalue sex; die in the saddle; discrimination on the basis of sex; enlightened sex; extramarital sex; funch; function of sex (which see for further comment bearing on the meaning of "sex"); history of sex; human-alien sex; human reproduction; indiscriminate sex; interested in sex; intermarital sex; just sex; lie about sex; like everyting about sex; loveless sex; metasex; nonconsensual sex; nonmarital sex; no sex outside of marriage; oversexed; politics, religion, and sex; postmarital sex; precondition for sex; premarital sex; procreation; public character of sex; public sex; recreational sex; right to sex; sacred sex; safe sex; same-sex attraction; same-sex marriage; sex after fifty; sex-conscious; sexed; sexology; sexperience; sexploit; sexual; sexual activity; sexual behavior; sexual intercourse; sexuality; stranger sex; theology of sex; three-way sex; transgender; unbridle sex; undersexed; venery; withhold sex.

Quotation from Malcolm Muggeridge Illustrating "Sex"

 

Sex is the only mysticism offered by materialism, whose other toys -- like motor-cars and aeroplanes and moving pictures and swimming-pools and flights to the moon -- soon pall. Sex pure and undefiled; without the burden of procreation, or even, ultimately, of love or identity. Just sex; jointly attained, or solitary -- derived from visions, drug-infused; from spectacles, on film or glossy paper.

From the autobiography: Chronicles of Wasted Time. Chronicle I: The Green Stick, [by] Malcolm Muggeridge (New York: William Morrow, 1973, c1972): chapter 4, p. 142.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Have Sex"

 

[Regarding Tradd Burton, a womaniser] "Yuck." I was remembering the touch of Tradd's hand against my skin. We hadn't, of course, become intimate, but still, you know what they say. When you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with, and on down the line. In other words, I had thrilled at the touch of a thousand strangers ..."

From the mystery novel: Baroque and Desperate: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; in publisher's series: Avon Twilight): chapter 19, p. 207

Quotation from Clio Cresswell Illustrating "Sex"

 

There's love, the emotional side of sex, and there's partner searching, which we might call the pragmatic side of sex, and then there's orgasming, the physiological side, or, shall we say, the delightful side of sex.

From the introduction to: Mathematics and Sex, [by] Clio Cresswell (Crows Nest, NSW, Australia: Allen & Unwin, 2003): p. ix.


sex addict:

A person who suffers from sexual addiction.

See also erotomaniac, multimitus, nookie junkie, nymphomaniac, oversexed, porn addict, satyr, sexaholic, sex crazed, sex fiend, sex maniac, sexual addiction, smellsmock.

x addict.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sex Addict"

 

More recently we hear about sex addicts and avoidance of intimacy....

Sex can be misused as a substitute for connection, emotional relationship or a solid sense of internal security based on knowing your own worth. Some sexual abuse survivors become what is called "sexualized" in a childhood where the closest approximation to adult attention, validation and affection they had was molestation. Such survivors may need to expand their options and learn other ways to get their needs met. On the other hand, "sex addict" seems to be the latest incarnation of cultural judgment about sluts...

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 28.

 

sex addiction:

See sexual addiction.

 

sex after fifty:

1. Erotic activity when a person is more than a half century old.

2. The preceding as an area of study.

Comments: Note also the common phrases, "sex after sixty," "sex after seventy," etc.

Men and women undergo physiological changes as they grow older. Some of those changes affect their sex lives.

Women go through menopause, which typically occurs in their early fifties and which is nature's way of bringing a definite end to their reproductive lives. They sometimes come out on the other end with a changed sex drive, one that has been either strengthened or lessened. They may also have more pain in intercourse than previously due to a decrease in natural lubrication and a thinning of the vaginal lining.

For men, changes are usually more gradual and may include, for instance, increasingly softer, smaller, and shorter-lived erections and more and more frequent erectile dysfunction altogether. Furthermore, they generally require more time and effort than when they were much younger to reach ejaculation, and they might not be as capable of as many ejaculations in a day as when they were in their teens and twenties.

Sexual desire and appreciation may continue throughout a full life-span. As the saying goes, often after being observed noticing an attractive person, "I ain't dead yet!" However, sometimes, when "the equipment" doesn't work properly, aging introduces a frustrating gap between desire and ability to function.

The biological decline of sexual functioning presents an opportunity on the part of partners to bring to bear many of the sexual skills and considerations learned throughout life. Furthermore, effective lubricants, hormonal treatments, and, starting in 1998, drugs to treat erectile dysfunction have helped address some of the difficulties in sex after fifty.

A number of special circumstances affecting sexuality attend people over fifty, some of those circumstances tending towards restrictiveness and some towards freedom. For instance, on the restrictive side:

On the freer side are circumstances that may incline many people over fifty to cultivate their sex lives on their own terms, rather than according to the expectations of others, for instance:

The tendency to sexual freedom among some in the older set naturally makes this group vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases. The National Institute on Aging reports, "Almost one-fourth of all people with HIV/AIDS in this country [the United States of America] are age 50 and older." Sometimes symptoms are misread, because they are thought to be among the ordinary discomforts of aging.

In short, sex after fifty is set apart in many ways from sex at earlier ages.

References

For the NIA quotation, see "HIV, AIDS, and Older People" ([Bethesda, MD]: National Institute on Aging, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, March 2009; last updated August 7, 2009): online here.

See also anilogamy, condo cowboy, December-December romance, dirty old man, gerontogamy, "I'm not dead yet," late-life romance, late marriage, mature love, mature person, menopausal romance, old-age romance, opsigamy, play granny, sex, take the dottle-trot, take the giggle-trot, wrinkly romance.

x "I ain't dead yet."


sexaholic:

A person whose mind and energies and activities are dominated by sexual lust and consumed by the drive towards sexual gratification, all of this to such a point that other vital aspects of life are encroached upon; a person who is hooked on sex per se and who is unable or scarcely able to bring his or her absorption with sex under control.

Comment: Patterned after the word "alcoholic."

See also erotomaniac, multimitus, nookie junkie, nymphomaniac, oversexed, satyr, sex addict, sexaholism, sex fiend, sex maniac, sexual sobriety, smellsmock.

 

sexaholism:

Sexual addiction.

Comment: Patterned after the word "alcoholism."

See also sexaholic, sexual addiction.

 

sex-alive:

Exuding one's sexual nature while being neither jaded not psychologically burdened in such a way as to inhibit ordinate sexual expression.

Contrast jaded (q.v.). See also sexy.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sex-Alive"

He [Cipriano Viedma] looked so young, when he smiled that gay, shy, excited little smile. Something of the eternal child in him. But a child | that could harden in an instant into a savage man, revengeful and brutal. And a man always fully sex-alive, for the moment innocent in the fulness of sex, not in the absence. And Kate thought to herself, as she had thought before, that there were more ways than one of "becoming again as a little child."
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 27, p. 443. The allusion is apparently to the New Testament at Matthew 18:3.


sex and love:

See loveless sex, sexless love.

 

sex and power:

1. The relation of the sexes to each other culturally, assessed in terms of dominance, control, and politics.

2. Coercion, pressure, imposition, or restriction in matters pertaining to human sexuality, sexual relationships, and/or reproduction, whatever the source of the force, whether it come from an individual, a family, a group, a business, a religious or educational institution, a government, or any other entity.

Comment: Sex and power in the latter sense is one of the major categories of sexual ethics, along with, for instance:

See also bedroom politics, discrimination on the basis of sex, feminism, get government out of the bedroom, power exchange, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sex relation, sex role, sexual chauvinism, sexual ethics, sexual politics, take advantage of, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x power and sex.


sex and shopping:

1. A story genre found, for instance, in novels and movies. The stories are characterized by extravagant spending and frequent sexual escapades.

2. The modus operandi of a consumer of commercial sex; a characterization of the activities of a sex industry customer.

See also discourse of desire.

x shopping and sex.
x stories.


sex appeal, or sex-appeal:

One's ability to attract others in such a way as to engage their sexual desire; sexual charisma.

See also allure, arm candy, attraction, attractive, charm, erotic capital, eye candy, it, je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, looker, magnetism, objectification, pull, sex kitten, sex object, sexy, shiksappeal, waist-to-hip ratio, X-appeal, x-factor, za za zoo.

x appeal.

 

sex as a weapon:

See use sex as a weapon.

 

sex buddy:

A person with whom one engages in sexual activity from time to time even though the relationship is unlikely to turn serious, for instance, after an attempt at a serious relationship with that person has already failed.

See also booty call, casual sex, cuddle buddy, erotic friend, friend with benefits, friendship-with-sex, f*** buddy, partner, part-time lover, slump buster, umfriend.

x buddy.

 

sexcapade:

1. Sexual escapade; an erotic adventure.

2. A sex scandal; an erotic misadventure.

See also philander, promiscuity, sex scandal.


sex cheat:

A person who engages in sexual activity with one or more people without the consent of his or her love relationship partner(s) and contrary to the relationship understanding, whether tacit or explicit.

See also adulterer, adulteress, bedswerver, cheat (noun and verb), half-worker, pornos, spousebreach, spousebreaker, two-timer, whore.

 

sex club:

1. A group that meets from time to time for recreational sex (q.v.).

2. An establishment that is hosting such a group.

See also group sex, key club, notional sex club, play-friendly, sex party, swap club, swing club, switch club, Three Dolphin Club.

x club.

 

sex-conscious:

1. Keenly aware, especially as an emerging sexual being, of females as desirable or of males as desirable.

2. Aware of the demands of one's body to mate.

Noun form: sex-consciousness.

See also sex.

x conscious.


sex crazed, or sex-crazed:

Obsessed with the erotic aspects of life; extremely desirous of copulation, especially often so.

Comment: The term covers a wide range. For instance, it may simply refer to someone who has been without sex for some while, or it may refer to someone with a consistently strong libido, or it may refer to someone who has entered the peak period in life of sexual desire, or it may refer to someone said to be sexually addicted.

For lexical example, see under "jump into bed with."

See also andromania, erotomania, f*ck-happy, gynecomania, horniness, hypersexual, libido, nymphomania, oversexed, satyriasis, sex addict, sex drive, sex mania, sex on the brain, sexual addiction, sexual desire, sexual needs, tragolimia, urge to merge, uteromania.


sex-deprived, or sexually deprived, or deprived sexually:

Characterized by the absence of satisfying sexual activity with another person for a period of time difficult to endure, especially in circumstances where either:

See also blue balls, desperate, double-deprivation theory, get enough at home, lover's nut, sex-starved, sexual deprivation.

x deprived sexually.
x sexually deprived.

 

sex drive:

The recurring impetus arising from within (although susceptible to being enflamed from without) to seek gratification of the bodily systems associated with mating and reproduction, typically by means of copulation or masturbation, this impetus being understood, at least in part, relative to variable frequency and variable degrees of intensity.

Comments: The exact nature of the sex drive in human beings is still being unraveled scientifically, but it is clear that hormones, such as testosterone, play a huge role.

The elements of gratification are likewise still being unraveled. Consider, for instance, intimate touch as a psychological need; pleasure in part as a vital counterbalance to anxiety and pain; release of sexual tension; and, in males, the discharge of building seminal urgency due to the ongoing generation of new sperm.

See also asexual (adjective), asexual (noun), autosexual, chemistry of love, erotomania, horniness, hypersexuality, hyposexual, inner slut, libido, needs, oversexed, randy, romance drive, sex crazed, sex on the brain, sexual, sexual desire, sexuality, sexual urge, silent epidemic.

x drive.

 

sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, or:

1. A characterization of the good life as supposedly understood by a sizable portion of the youth culture in Western countries during the decade that ran from 1963 to 1973 or even the three and a half decades from 1946 to 1981 or, for that matter, by anyone since -- the elements being free love, feel-good or hallucinogenic agents (such as marijuana and LSD), and the genre of popular music of the period known as rock and roll.

2. A characterization of the lifestyle associated with a portion of the pop music scene, namely one that includes, besides an abundance of pop music, sexual promiscuity and the use of mind-altering substances, such as cocaine.

Comments: The phrase is often attributed to the English rock-and-roll singer, Ian Dury (1942-2000), presumably because of his single, "Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll," which was released on August 26, 1977. However, the phrase had been in use as an established triad at least since 1971 (see quotation below); and the elements of the phrase had been common to many verbal combinations before, although sometimes other words were used, such as "free love" instead of "sex," and "dope" instead of "drugs." To give an example of an earlier combination: The "Spider" part of Spider Magazine, which began publication in Oakland, California on March 1, 1965, was, according to a February 16th circular that announced the upcoming publication, an acronym for "Sex! Politics! International Communism! Drugs! Extremism! Rock 'n Roll!" In other words, the phrase emerged from a period of evolution in such a way that its precise coinage as a triad is now obscure.

The phrase, "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll," bears a striking resemblance topically to "Wine, women, and song," which is often attributed to Martin Luther (1483-1546) -- in its German form, of course -- but can be securely traced back only to 1775. Evidently the two phrases have completely separate histories.

There's a possible redundancy in the phrase, that is, if the "roll" part of "rock 'n' roll" refers to sex, as in "a roll in the hay." However, that is up for debate.

The phrase has been used both as stereotype and motto; and it has been castigated both by social conservatives, who object to its portrayal of the good life, and by some rock-'n'-rollers, who object to the automatic linkages it implies. Health care professionals sometimes use the phrase as a round-up of some of the causes of health problems they often encounter in people who came of age in the 1960s and 70s: sexually transmitted diseases, addiction, overdosing, and premature hearing loss. In other words, the phrase can be a lightening rod that, to this day, will spark a debate over values.

References
The explanation of the acronym is as quoted in The New Leader; v. 48 (1965): p. 18. <Examined only as a snippet>

See also free love; love fest; love generation; "Make love, not war"; misbehve; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; promiscuity; psychedelic free love; sexual golden age; sexual revolution; sexual utopia; Summer of Love; "wine, women, and song."

x drugs.
x rock 'n' roll.

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll"

Not for nothing is the youth culture characterized by sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. It is an attempt to embrace their own bodies ...
From the weekly: The Spectator; v. 227, part 2 (October 1971): p. 556. <Examined only as a snippet>


sexed:

1. Characterized by having been endowed with some degree of sexual drive and some form of sexual orientation; characterized by being a sexual being.

2. Characterized by having a gender.

See also desexed, oversexed, sex, sexuality, undersexed.


sex expert:

See sexpert.


sex fiend:

A person with a devilishly insatiable appetite for sexual activity or for sexual promiscuity; a person who is obsessed by and whose life is consumed by sex; a person posessed by (not just in possession of) sexual desire and ever repeated attempts at its fulfillment.

See also multimitus, nookie junkie, nymphomaniac, promiscuity, rabbit, satyr, sex addict, sexaholic, sex maniac, smellsmock.

 

sex god:

1. A male deity who represents fertility.

2. A man who is adored, at least in part, for evoking in one or more other people a vision of uninhibited sexuality or of perfect sexual complementarity or of unbounded sexual attraction; a sexually exciting man who is adored, at least in part, for being so.

3. A man whose physical attractiveness excites adoration.

4. A sexy or extremely attractive man whom one deems unattainable, as in the phrase.

5. The inner aspect of a man that is blooming sexually and that finds expression in sexiness and enhanced attractiveness.

See also adoration-lust, amoretto, androlatry, cherub, Cupid's golden arrow, Cupid's torch, fox, God's gift to women, heartthrob, hierogamy, husband worship, pedastalism, place on a pedastal, sacred sex, temple of love, theogamy, tottie, Valentino, worship (a beloved), worship one's spouse.


sex goddess:

1. A female deity who represents fertility.

2. A woman who is adored, at least in part, for evoking in one or more other people a vision of uninhibited sexuality or of perfect sexual complementarity or of unbounded sexual attraction; a sexually exciting woman who is adored, at least in part, for being so.

3. A woman whose physical attractiveness excites adoration.

4. A sexy or extremely attractive woman whom one deems unattainable, as in the phrase, "Hollywood sex goddess."

5. The inner aspect of a woman that is blooming sexually and that finds expression in sexiness and enhanced attractiveness.

See also adoration-lust, Aphrodite's girdle, cherub, fox, Frauendienst, girdle of Venus, God's gift to men, gyniolatry, heartthrob, hierogamy, Mae West, mea Iuno, nymph, pedastalism, place on a pedastal, sacred sex, salvatore feminus, temple of love, theogamy, tottie, wife worship, worship (a beloved), worship one's spouse.


sex history:

1. An account of one's past erotic experiences.

2. A questionnaire, filled out with answers that provide detail about one's sex life up to the present, including, for instance, one's past sexual practices, the number and types of partners one has had, and one's past preferences.

3. Short for: history of sex (q.v.)

4. A book or article on the history of sex.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, contact tracing for sexually transmitted infections, erodyssey, erotic journal, Langdon Chart, Leporello list, love life, love reminiscences, Multiple Partner Sexual Contact, romantic history together, romantic resumé, sex life, sexperience, sexual behavior, tell all.

x history.


sex hospitality:

1. Seeing to the sexual needs and sleeping comfort of a guest by offering the guest a temporary sex and sleeping partner, whether it be oneself or a mate or a member of one's family or somebody else, especially when this is according to custom. In some cases, for the guest to refuse or to perform poorly might be taken as bad manners, even an affront. In other cases, hospitality extends to not taking umbrage if a guest declines without intending any offense.

2. Enabling a guest, for instance a hotel guest, to see to his or her own sexual needs and desires, for instance, by providing contacts whereby temporary sex partners might be found and access to erotic materials.

See also adultery, bundling, husband lending, temporary wife, wife lending.

x hospitality sex.
x sexual hospitality.

 

sexier:

See sexy.


sexiest:

See sexy.


sexile, as in "a sexile":

A sexual exile, that is:

1. A person forced to leave home, culture, or country for a reason related to sexuality.

2. Someone excluded from sexual activities, especially presently occurring sexual activities in that person's own territory; a person who has been displaced so that his or her roommate can have privacy with a sex partner.

Comment: In the latter sense, sometimes called a sexilee, especially in contrast to a sexiler.

Contrast sexiler (q.v.).

x sexilee.

 

sexile, as in "to sexile":

To displace a person from his or her room or lodgings for the sake of someone else's sexual privacy.

See also couch duty, sexile system.

 

sexilee:

See sexile.

 

sexiler:

One who displaces a person from his or her own room or lodgings for the sake of sexual privacy.

Constrast sexile (q.v.).

 

sexile system:

A set of plans and arrangements to avoid intruding upon a roommate who is entertaining a sex partner.

See also sexile.

 

sexism:

1. Treatment of one sex as being inferior to another.

2. A view that rationalizes the treatment of one sex as inferior to another.

See also active-passive split, discrimination on the basis of sex, double standard, female chauvinism, feminism, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, "goose and gander" theory, "head of the wife," Madonna-whore complex, male chauvinism, monosexism, patriarchalism, serve the revolution on (her) back, sexual chauvinism, sexual politics.

 

sex-joy:

A delight in life due to erotic play or delight in erotic play itself.

See also erotophilia, erotopositive, kuzbu, like everything about sex, sex-positive stance, sexually positive.

Quotation from the Gardner-Maier translation of the Gilgamesh Epic Illustrating "Sex-Joy"

 

Come, Enkidu, to Uruk of the Sheepfold,
where ...
the holy courtesans beautify their forms,
radiating sexual prowess [kuzbu], filled with sex-joy [rishatum].

The Epic of Gilgamesh, tablet 1, column 5, lines 6-7, 10-11, using the English rendering found in: Gilgamesh, translated from the Sîn-leqi-unninnï version [by] John Gardner, John Maier; with the assistance of Richard A. Henshaw (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1984; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 81. For the Akkadian words kuzbu and rishatum, see p. 83. The above definition of "sex-joy" is not meant as a definition of the Akkadian word.

 

sex kitten:

A person, usually a sexually active one, with sex appeal, especially a young woman.

Comments: When the term is used of a man, it is usually qualified, as in "male sex kitten."

For lexical example, see under "inner slut."

See also animalistic, kitten, minx, rabbit, sex appeal, she-wolf, shark, tomcat, wild.


sexless love:

1. A type of love that finds expression in other than sexual activity.

2. Affection that never or hardly ever finds sexual expression.

3. Romantic attachment either before sexual relations have begun or after they have, for some reason, ceased.

Comment: For many the ideal is that matured love and sex go together, yet in real life they are often apart. Sexless love is one of the broad categoreiss of separation. The other is loveless sex (q.v.).

See also accubitus, agapêtê, agapêtos, agapic love, bed death, desexed, friendship, give up on love, hetero-asexual, homo-asexual, love, "not tonight, dear" platonic love, syndrome, sexless marriage, storgic love, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos.

x love and sex.
x separation of sex and love.
x sex and love.

 

sexless marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) in which physical intimacies, especially sexual intercourse, either have always been or have become chronically absent.

2. In professional literature, a marriage in which the spouses engage in sexual intercourse together ten times or less per year.

See also accubitus, agenobiosis, celibate marriage, diastunia, intramarital chastity, involuntary celibacy, low-sex marriage, mariage blanc, marital virginity, mystic betrothal, no-sex marriage, sexless love, sex-starved marriage, spiritual marriage, white marriage.


sex life:

The nature, quality, and quantity -- even the absence -- of one's reproductive and erotic activities, both alone and with another or others, all considered together within a given time-frame; or else an aspect thereof.

For lexical example, see under "sexy."

See also alternative sexuality, ask-and-tell eroticism, compartmentalization, erodyssey, erotic journal, fantasy life, invite others into (their) sex life, lifestyle, love life, lovestyle, sex life, moveable feast, romantic resumé, sex history, sexperience, sexual behavior, sexuality, sexually active, sexways, tell all.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sex Life"

 

[Ursula Brangwen to Rupert Birkin regarding Hermione Roddice] "... Social passion -- what social passion has she? -- show it me! -- where is it? She wants petty, immediate power, she wants the illusion that she is a great woman, that is all. In her soul she's a devilish unbeliever, common as dirt. That's what she is at the bottom. And all the rest is pretence -- but you love it. You love the sham spirituality, it's your food. And why? Because of the dirt underneath. Do you think I don't know the foulness of your sex life -- and hers? -- I do. And it's that foulness you want, you liar..."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 299. Early editions:

  • New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
  • London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Sex Life"

 

[Holden Caulfield to old Luce] "No kidding, how's your sex life?" I asked him. "You still going around with that same babe you used to at Whooton? The one with the terrific --"

From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chapter 19, p. 188; cf. 187.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Sex Life"

 

[The main character, Abigail Timberlake, about her ex-husband, Buford, in a first-person narrative] It was as close to begging as I'd ever heard him get. Well, I'm not counting those times right after my babies were born, because my sex life is really none of your business.

From the mystery novel: Baroque and Desperate: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; in publisher's series: Avon Twilight): chapter 10, p. 114.

 

sex machine:

A person whose sex life shares one or more attributes with an electrically powered mechanical device, attributes such as being constantly ready, being untiring, or being capable of serving many; a person notable for sexual prowess.

Comment: Synonymous and often interchangeable with "love machine." When they are constrasted, the emphasis of "sex machine" is on prowess in performing sexual acts and the emphasis of "love machine" is on sexual prowess as a lover.

See also lover, love machine.

x machine.


sex maniac:

1. A person who cannot control his or her libidinous impulses.

2. A person with a strong sex drive, either in general or at a given moment.

3. A person who, due to his or her sex drive or level of arousal, is capable of a wide array of erotic acts.

4. A sexually promiscuous person.

See also agapet, andromania, box of assorted creams, Cassanova complex, Catherine the Great complex, Don Juanism, erotomaniac, gynecomania, lothariette, Lothario, lovertine, Messalina complex, multicipara, multimitus, nookie junkie, nymphomaniac, oversexed, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, rake, roué, satyr, serial philandering, sex addict, sexaholic, sex crazed, sex fiend, Sherfey syndrome, slut, smellsmock, stud, whore, womanizer.

Quotation from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Sex Maniac"

 

[Holden Caulfield narrating] In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw. Sometimes I can think of very crumby stuff I wouldn't mind doing if the opportunity came up.

From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chapter 9, p. 81. Italics his.

 

sex-negative posture:

See sex-negative stance.

 

sex-negative stance, or sex-negative posture:

1. The view that human sexuality or at least one's own is degrading except, perhaps, as redeemed for the purpose of procreation in the context of marriage. In theological terms, human sexuality, at least as oriented to anything but procreation in the context of marriage, is seen as a result of the Fall of humankind into sin.

2. Belief in restricting sexual expression or, at least, moderate sexual expression, said especially of some social and religious institutions.

Comment: A sex-negative stance is not to be confused with sexual negativism, which is a lack of interest in sex.

See also alabaster, anhedonic, aterpism, better than sex, bluenose, dirty, enlightened sex, erotophobia, judgmentalism, Junior Anti-Sex League, objectify, prudery, sexosophy, sexual bigotry, sexual counterrevolution, sexual inhibition, sexually negative, sexual morality, sexual positivity, sexual shame, traditional morality.

x negative stance on sexuality.
x sex-negative posture.
x sexual negativism.

Quotation from Sol Gordon and Craig W. Snyder Illustrating "Sex-Negative Posture"

 

Most religious educators and theologians agree that in the area of sexuality, organized religions have traditionally assumed a sex-negative posture. Historically sex has been seen as a necessary evil despite the fact that Old Testament scholars have maintained that the Bible presents the basis for joyous acceptance of sex.

From: Personal Issues in Human Sexuality: A Guidebook for Better Sexual Health, [by] Sol Gordon [and] Craig W. Snyder (2nd ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, c1989): p. 92.

 

sex object:

A human being looked upon in terms of his or her capability to excite desire or capacity to bring about sexual gratification.

See also attraction, "blondes have more fun," objectify, sex appeal, sexual exploitation, tail.

Quotation from Helen Gurley Brown Illustrating "Sex Object"

 

"I was accused of hurting the cause [of feminism] because I was still talking about women as though they were sex objects. But to be a sex object is a wonderful thing, and you're to be pitied if you aren't one."

As quoted in: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 172. Brown was the editor of the magazine, Cosmo.


sexogamy:

Marriage founded on sexual attraction alone.

Comment: I suspect coinage as a witticism.

See also attraction, -gamy, geneclexis, mate selection.

 

sexology:

The scientific discipline concerned with sex and sexual love as phenomena, inclusive of their biology, their psychological aspects (not to oppose biology to psychology), and their cultural manifestations.

See also limerence, love, sex, sexual love.

Quotation from Magnus Hirschfeld Illustrating "Sexology"

 

Sex and love are as old as mankind, but the science of sex and love, sexology, is the youngest of all sciences.

Magnus Hirschfeld (1868-1935) as quoted in: Encyclopaedia Sexualis: A Comprehensive Encyclopaedia-Dictionary of the Sexual Sciences, edited by Victor Robinson (New York: Dingwall-Rock, in collaboration with Medical Review of Reviews, 1936): p. [iii].

 

sex on the brain:

1. Thoughts of attractive persons and of intimate relations, especially frequently or obsessively occurring thoughts.

2. A singular intent to engage in sexual relations as a result of one's own horniness.

3. Proneness to interpret ambiguous images and signals or even much of life in erotic ways.

See also erotomania, horniness, horny, interested in sex, libido, lust, needs, pansexualism, sex crazed, sex drive, sexual desire, urge to merge.


sexosophy:

Philosophy, principles, values, and awareness regarding sexuality and love relationships.

Comment: Attributed to John Money.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," "Anything goes," biblical sexual morality, code, compartmentalization, consent to sex, consequences of sex outside of marriage, enlightened sex, free-living, judgmentalism, moral code, moral equivalence, morals, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonjudgmental, no sex outside of marriage, objectification, pankoitism, prudery, relationalism, relationship anarchy, romantic theology, rules of adultery, rules of love, separation of sex and power, sex-negative stance, sex-positive stance, sexual avant-garde, sexual ethics, sexual etiquette, sexual justice, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness, spiritual polyamory, theology of marriage, theology of romantic love, theology of sex, third way in sexual ethics, sexual toleration, Three Ways, traditional morality.

 

sex partner, or sexual partner:

1. A person with whom one engages in sexual activity.

2. A person with whom one shares the mutuality of addressing or helping to address each other's sexual needs and desires, however temporarily or durably.

Comment: On occasion there is a distinction to be made between "sex partner" and "sexual partner," as when by "a sexual partner" is meant someone in contradistinction from an asexual partner.

See also amari, bedmate, catamite, copemate, date, domestic partner, gallant, genicon, GGG, gugusse, honey pot, illicit lover, letter group, love-companion, lover, lover material, mate, mating rituals, MLTR, monogamy, other lover, paracoita, paracoitus, paramour, partner, play-fellow, rerun, sexual non-monogamy, slump, surrogate sex partner, sexual field, umfriend.

x sexual partner.

 

sex party:

A gathering of people for the purpose of at least some of them indulging their sexual appetites together.

See also bacchanalia, bunga bunga, chicken party, doused lights, group sex, hooky party, Jack and Jill party, key party, love fest, open party, orgy, Mandingo party, mushroom party, partouse, play party, RAGE, rainbow party, Roman culture, samba orgy, sex club, sex-toy party, swinging, swing party, tart party, vicars and tarts party.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: balum rancum.

x party.

 

sexperience:

1. One's erotic thoughts and physical sensations leading up to and during sexual activity.

2. One's personal sex history, especially as remembered.

Comments: A combination of sex + experience.

Many a word beginning with ex- is susceptible to conversion into a word beginning with sex-, for instance, "sexploitation" (in some way having to do with sexuality, profiting from or otherwise taking advantage of someone's disadvantage or weakness) and "sexplosion" (an intense orgasm). Notice also "sexploit" (q.v.).

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, erodyssey, love life, love reminiscences, romantic resumé, sex, sexual behavior, sex history, sex life.


sexpert:

An expert on human sexuality.

Comment: Not a professional designation.

See also couples counselor, couples therapist, love coach, love guru, relationship coach, relationship counselor, relationship guru, relationship maven, sex surrogate.

x expert.
x sex expert.


sexploit:

An erotic adventure; a sexual feat.

Comment: A combination of sex + exploit.

Usually seen in the plural: sexploits.

See also sex, sexperience.

 

sex, politics, and religion:

See politics, sex, and religion.


sex-positive posture:

See sex-positive stance.

 

sex-positive stance, or sex-positive posture:

1. The view that human sexuality, including one's own, is delightful in itself, even apart from procreation. In theological terms, human sexuality in its generality is seen as preceding the Fall of humankind into sin and is viewed as a divine gift. A sex-positive stance does not preclude a morality of sexuality; nor does it preclude the social channeling of sexuality.

2. Belief that healthy sexual expression should be encouraged in a wide range of contexts. Within a sex-positive stance in this sense, there is much room for debate as to what is healthy for the individual and for society, so long as human sexuality is not seen as degrading in and of itself.

Comment: The term "sex-positive" is attributed to sex educators at the National Sex Forum (San Francisco, California) in 1968 or 1969.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," "Be fruitful and multiply," better than sex, "blessings of the breasts and of the womb," bodily integrity, enlightened sex, erotophilia, ethical hedonism, "forbidding to marry," like everything about sex, "Marriage is honourable in all," new morality, sex-joy, sex-negative stance, sexosophy, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexually positive, sexual morality, sexual revolution, "Unto the pure all things are pure," unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x positive stance on sexuality.
x sex-positive posture.

 

sex radical:

A person who promotes a philosophy, having to do with human sexuality and sexual behavior, that conflicts with the conventional mores of the day and the religious teachings of the past that influence the beliefs of the day; a person who advocates change in mores and beliefs regarding sexuality or, at least, experimentation with a view to changing those mores and beliefs.

Comment: Radicals are often thought to be extremists. However, some radicals reject that association, point out that the word "radical" comes from the Latin word radix, which means "root," and say that they are trying to make change at the root level.

Note the book title: The Sex Radicals: Free Love in High Victorian America, [by] Hal D. Sears (Lawrence: Regents Press of Kansas, c1977).

See also apolygist, eleutherophilist, free lover, libertarian, libertine, non-monogamist, pankoitist, polyactivist, polygamophile, polytics, radical love.

x Latin terms.
x radical.

A Definition of "Sex Radical" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

Sex radical: Someone who challenges cultural beliefs about what sex should be like. Some sex radicals dress in drag or leather or diapers and march down Market Street, others quietly influence the people around them by simply living out their sexual philosophies without secrecy or apology. Not all sex radicals are kinky, and not all kinky people are sex radicals.

See: When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (Oakland, CA: Greenery Press, c2000): pp. 148.


 

sex ratio:

1. The proportion of males in a given population.

2. In a given population, the number of males per 100 women, which for humans at birth is typically between 105 and 107. Thus a human population might have, for instance, a sex ratio of 105.

Comment: Sex ratio is broken down as follows:

See also availability index, babe ratio, bride shortage, bridegroom shortage, bro/chick ratio, female surplus, geography of love, male surplus, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, sex ratio, spanandry, spaneria, spanogyny.

x ratio.
x statistics.


sex relation:

1. The means of propagating a sexual species.

2. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, speaking especially in general terms.

3. Those aspects of human interactions that are distinctive to interactions between men and women, such as dynamics due to differences in power or roles, heterosexual marriage, and propagation of the species through sexual intercourse.

Comment: Commonly preceded by a definite article: "the sex relation."

See also bedroom politics, coitus, conflict of gender interest, love-making, man's sphere, procreative meaning, sex and power, sex role, sexual correspondence, sexual intercourse, sexual politics, woman's sphere.


sex, religion, and politics:

See politics, religion, and sex.


sex role:

1. The set of functions that are directly related to one's biological maleness or biological femaleness, for instance, in the case of female mammals, childbearing and breastfeeding and, in the case of male mammals, insemination; also the ways that a female operates relative to a male or a male relative to a female insofar as those ways are rooted in the evolution of the species.

2. A set of cultural expectations according to whether one is categorized as male or female.

3. A set of cultural expectations for maleness or femaleness that one adopts, even though one's reproductive biology either is ambiguous or appears to fit the other gender better.

4. The way a group of people functions in common, on the same spectrum as but in contradistinction to cultural expectation for both maleness and femaleness.

5. A set of ways that a person is expected to function due to his or her gender, as distinct from the ways another gender functions, in a small setting, such as a love relationship, a household, or a firm -- the expectations being internal to that setting.

See also conflict of gender interest, culture, damsel-in-distress syndrome, double standard, family values, feminism, man's sphere, sex and power, sex relation, sexual chauvinism, sexual politics, traditional ways, two-spirit person, womanism, woman's sphere.

x role.


sex rule:

1. A restriction or requirement regarding sexual conduct, generally in the context of a legal or moral system or of social mores.

2. A self-imposed restriction or requirement regarding one's sexual feelings or behavior, for instance, "I won't have sex by myself if I have an available sex partner" or "I will have sex with a person only if I love that person" or " I'll never be just a tease and leave a person aroused and unsatisfied" or "I won't have sex with someone till the third date."

See also rules of adultery, rules of love, sexual morality, sexual mores.

x rules.

Quotation from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Sex Rules"

 

[Holden Caulfield narrating] I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it -- the same night, as a matter of fact. I spent the whole night necking with a terrible phony named Anne Louise Sherman. Sex is something I just don't understand.

From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chapter 9, p. 82. Italics his.


sex scandal:

Publicly alleged sexual behavior (often involving an unwelcome admixture with sex) that offends standards of morality or propriety or that is suggestive of hypocrisy.

Comments: The word "scandal" ultimately derives from the Greek word skadalon, meaning "trap; stumblingblock; offence."

See also adultery, affair, bedroom politics, criminal conversation, illicit love, illicit relationship, indiscretion, in flagrante delicto, intrigue, irregular connection, lie about sex, peccadillo, porneia, sexcapade, sexual immorality, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, venereal transgression.

x scandal.


"Sex sells":

An axiom of the advertising industry and an adage in the general English-speaking populace, to the effect that advertising tactics such as associating a product, nearly any product, with glamourous models or naked skin or subtly suggestive images, referring to it in double-entendres, and implying that it will improve one's love life catches the attention of many a target audience, increases the product's appeal, and improves sales of the product.

Comments: The axiom, standing on its own -- as opposed, for instance, to "Sex sells novels" -- dates back at least to the mid 1920s.

Such tactics themselves have been controversial for many reasons, for example:

Thus the saying, when not being used either as an advertising axiom or resignedly and perhaps flippantly as a truism, is sometimes used to convey a degree of odium.

See also "blondes have more fun," prostitute, sex object, sexual exploitation, sex worker.

Quotation from The Journal of Social Hygiene Illustrating "Sex Sells"

 

To the opportunistic publisher and news dealer the main point is embodied in the slogan "Sex Sells." With this as a rallying cry they have shown themselves willing to make their wares fit a demand which they are constantly stimulating, thereby making themselves largely responsible for its existence and growth.

From: "The Literature of Opportunism," an editorial in The Journal of Social Hygiene; v. 12, no. 9 (December 1926): pp. 549-550, specifically p. 550.


sex service:

The biological and cultural role played dominantly by one of the sexes with regard to procreation of the human species and family welfare, used especially of women with regard to childbearing and rearing.

Comment: In English-speaking countries, the term has largely fallen into disuse as the place of the individual has been elevated over gender roles and as the word "gender" has come increasingly to displace the word "sex" in reference to male or female.

Contrast sexual services (q.v.). See also feminism.

x service.


sex-starved, or sexually starved, or starved sexually:

In a state in which one feels desperate for physical intimacies with another person, due to too long an absence of such intimacies and one's need for them.

Comment: This is a powerful motivation for seeking contact with a person of complementary sexual orientation.

See also blue balls, desperate, kick for a man, lover's nut, man-hungry, sex-deprived, sexual starvation, single, starvation economy, unhappily single, woman-hungry.

x sexually starved.
x starved sexually.

 

sex-starved marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) adversely affected by insufficiency of physical intimacies.

See also low-sex marriage, sexless marriage.


sex surrogate, or sexual surrogate:

A person professionally trained and employed to assist in sex therapy by temporarily serving as a sex partner.

See also Coolidge effect, sex partner, sexpert, surrogate sex partner.

x sexual surrogate.
x surrogate.

 

sext:

To flirt, be sexually suggestive, or sexually explicit online by way of text messaging and/or the sending of digital photographs.

Comment: The verb formations are regular, thus the past tense is the somewhat awkward "sexted."

See also sexting.


sextet:

A love relationship consisting of six people.

See also hexad, InSix, letter group (E, H, xi), pentamory, polygon, synergamy.

 

sex texting:

See sexting.


sexting:

The act of sending flirtatious, sexually suggestive, or sexually explicit text messages and/or photographs online, as through a cellphone.

Comment: Also known as sex texting and sext messaging.

See also bawdry, chat cheat, cyberflirtation, cybersex partner, digital lipstick on the collar, erotographomania, instant messaging, Internet affair, love at first text message, obscene language, obscene words, online affair, sexual correspondence, techno-straying, text messaging relationship, toothing, virtual affair, "What are you wearing," wink.

x sex texting.
x sext messaging.
x texting sexy messages and photos.


sext messaging:

See sexting.


sex-toy party:

A social gathering that features sex toys, such as dildoes and vibrators, whether for sale, trade, try-out, or play.

See also mushroom party, sex party.

x party.


sextrology:

The study and use of astrology in order to guide one's sex life, that is, to find a suitable sex partner (or more than one) and to anticipate how to entice and to please him or her; seeking guidance from the stars for one's erotic partnerships and activities.

Comment: A portmanteau term: sex + astrology.

See also Age of Aquarius, astrological love signs, ill-starred mating, star-crossed lovers.


sexual, as in "a sexual":

A person with both a sex drive and an (at least) occasional interest in sexual interaction, as distinguished from an asexual, who lacks one or the other or both.

See also asexual, autosexual, sex drive.

 

sexual, as in "a sexual encounter" or "a sexual person":

1. Characterized by or pertaining to sex, sexual activity, or sexuality.

2. Possessed of a sex drive; from time to time inclined to desire coition.

See comment under "erotic."

See also erotic, love-performing, randy, sex, -sexual, sexual activity, sexual behavior, sexuality, sexually active.

 

-sexual:

1. Suffix indicating a relation to one's sexual nature, one's pattern of sexual practices, or one's sexual views.

2. Suffix inviting comparison of traits to or contrast of traits with those common in a particular sexual community, as in the case of "metrosexual" (metrosexuals being compared to many a homosexual) and one sense of "retrosexual" (that sense reflecting a reaction to metrosexuals and thus indirectly inviting a contrast with many a homosexual).

See also asexual, autosexual, bisexual, donorsexual, ecosexual (noun), ecosexual (adjective), faumosexual, geosexual, hetero-asexual, heterosexual, homosexual, hypersexual, hyposexual, monosexual, omnisexual, pansexual, polysexual (noun), polysexual (adjective), pomosexual, regretrosexual, retrosexual, sapiosexual (noun), sapiosexual (adjective), sexual.


sexual acting out:

1. Having one's libidinous impulses shape one's life and relationships to shallow and/or destructive ends, instead of managing those impulses towards constructive and deeply meaningful ends. ("Having" rather than "allowing ... to" because many a case is beyond being merely a matter of volition, help perhaps being required.)

2. Exhibiting interest in one or more persons besides one's partner, for instance by staring, flirting, making compliments on physical attributes, making physical contact with erotic overtones, or even making comments to one's partner on how attractive one finds that person to be. The person could be somebody one knows or has seen or even somebody in an erotic photograph.

Comments: "To act out" is a psychological term, which means "rather than bracketing and constructively managing an impulse or feeling, to operate directly on impulse or feeling in such a way as to be harmful to oneself, hurtful to others, or damaging to objects, or in such a way as to hinder constructive responses to the impulse or feeling." In popular usage, the term is often pejorative.

The second definition presupposes a normative paradigm of monogamous sexual exclusivity, any exhibited tendency to the contrary being considered hurtful to the relationship.

Source for the second definition: The New Couple: Why the Old Rules Don't Work and What Does, [by] Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee (New York, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2000): pp. 180-183, 333.

See also attraction, check (somebody) out, flirtation, interest in (somebody), oculoplania, ogle, once-over, roaming eye, roving eye, rubberneck, sexual addiction, wandering eyes.

x acting out.


sexual activity:

1. Behavior on the part of a male and a female together that, given fully functioning generative organs and healthy gametes and the right time in the reprodctive cycle, is capable of resulting in procreation by natural means.

2. Erotic stimulation of the mind (as by various signals, among them olfactory, visual, and verbal) accompanied by sensual stimulation of the body, especially of some or all of the erogenous zones surrounding and including the nipples, the genitals, and the anus. The stimulation will have a giver and a receiver, who are sometimes one and the same, in which case the sexual activity is said to be solo; otherwise the sexual activity is said to be partnered. Sexual activity typically includes (a) mutual pleasuring, so that each partner is both a giver and receiver, as well as (b) orgasms on the part of the participants; but it need not in order to be sexual activity.

3. Interaction with private parts involving arousal on the part of at least one person.

Comments: Mutually consensual BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is generally classified under sexual activity, although it is often described more in terms of power exchange.

Rape is sometimes classified under sexual activity as well; and, although rape involves sexual activity (in the last sense), it is an abuse of power, whether temporarily gained or as a status, and is often far more about that; and so many people regard it better classified as such.

See also chemistry of love, coitus, copulation, do it all, function of sex, metasex, PIV intercourse, rape, sex, sexual, sexual behavior, sexual intercourse, sexuality, venery.

x BDSM.


sexual addiction:

Psychological inability to keep one's sex life from damaging or destroying one's relationships or from impairing other important aspects of one's life, when sexual activity, especially sexual activity of a particular type, is repetitively, frequently, and perpetually engaged in, this not for pleasure or for the release of sexual tension or for the sake of relationships but in order to relieve anxiety or feelings of worthlessness.

Comment: Sexual addiction is a controversial concept and all the more so when it is confused with sexual attachments or lack of moderation in sexuality.

See also andromania, Casanova complex, Catherine the Great complex, damaged goods, Don Juanism, dysfunctional family, erotomania, f*ck-happy, gynecomania, hypersexuality, love addiction, lovertine, Marilyn syndrome, Messalina complex, nymphomania, obscenity-purity complex, oversexed, porn addiction, relationship addiction, relationship parasite, satyriasis, sex addict, sexaholism, sex crazed, sexual acting out, sexual sobriety, uteromania.

x addiction to sex.
x sex addiction.

 

sexual advances:

Expressions of sexual interest in a particular person made to that person with the aim of achieving sexual gratification with that person. Generally gestures that express sexual interest are understood to be covered by the term, "sexual advances"; however, in some usage, some types of expression are excluded from the meaning or, at least, are not assumed to be understood. For example, verbal expressions or physical contact might be excluded; thus one might find legal documents specifying all three, with "sexual advances" referring simply to gestures.

Comments: Generally used in the plural, perhaps because, to be recognizable and effective, advances usually have to be multiple. However, sometimes one expression is singled out as a sexual advance.

Generally speaking, the term "sexual advances" fits approximately between "flirtation" and "foreplay," although it might overlap with both. It can be considered a form or element of sexual invitation, but the term is generally considered to be stronger than the term  "sexual invitation" and might be contrasted with the absence of sexual invitation on the part of the party to whom the advances are being made.

Unwelcome sexual advances are sometimes called "sexual harassment," although they can border on or even overlap to some degree with either molestation or sexual assault.

See also approach invitation, attentions, come-on, comether, fair-game syndrome, flirtation, footsy, forward, hit on, jump (somebody's) bones, lordosis behavior, love signals, make a move, make a pass at, make a play for, make love to, pick-up line, present, proceptive phase, proposition, put the make on, rolling eye, seduction, "See anything you like," sexual invitation, solicit, take a run at (someone), take liberties, throw (oneself) at (somebody).

x advances.


sexual attraction:

See attraction.


sexual attraction radar:

The instinct to look for someone who is appealing as a potential mate.

See also attraction, attraction meter, gaydar, graydar, playdar.

x radar.


sexual autonomy:

Free choice as to whether to have sex and when, with whom, and how to have it -- especially considered as a right.

Comments: Sexual autonomy does not automatically imply any of the following:

It does, however, imply the supremacy of the individual's volition with regard to the sexual exercise of his or her body and the absence of any right of coercion with regard to the sexual use of the individual's body, whether on the part of a government, an institution, a business, or an individual.

See also autonomistic marriage, bodily integrity, boundary, compartmentalization, consensual sex, consent to sex, consexuality, free female sexuality, free love, free male sexuality, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, moral equivalence, new morality, open-minded, public character of sex, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, responsible for (my) own orgasms, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness.

 

sexual avant-garde:

1. Those, collectively considered, who within a culture or class are at the leading edge of style changes with regard to erotic practices and mating behavior; a (usually) amorphous group of trend-setters with regard to erotic practices and mating behavior; the comparatively few who are in the vanguard of what may become far more widespread amatory behavior or libidinously sensual practices.

2. Those, collectively considered, who are on the cutting edge of developing and employing new forms of eroticism or new means of mating, for example, through technological or imaginary means (with regard to the latter, as in science fiction).

3. Those, collectively considered, who are leading the way in changing -- in usual usage, loosening -- social mores with regard to erotic practices and mating behavior.

4. Often, some combination of any of the preceding.

See also alternative lifestyle, bohemianism, next-tier sexual ethics, sexosophy, sexual avant-gardist, sexual mores.

x avant-garde.

sexual avant-gardist:

A member of the sexual avant-garde (q.v.).

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Sexual Avant-Gardists"

 

But if you look around upscale America, it's not all chaos and amoralism, even among the sexual avant-gardists ... What they are doing is weird and may be disgusting, but it has its own set of disciplines.

From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): chapter 5, p. 196.


sexual awakening:

1. Discovery of one's own urges to mate, which commonly happens by the end of puberty.

2. Experiential discovery of erotic passion beyond the bounds of what has been one's usual experience, as with a spouse, or else of what one has considered proper.

3. A story motif having to do with one of the preceding.

See also crystallization, discourse of desire, love story, passion, sexuality.

x awakening.


sexual behavior:

1. Activities or patterns thereof that lead to procreation on the part of creatures that have both males and females within their species.

2. Activities or patterns thereof that lead to physical, especially genital, intimacies between individuals.

See also coitus, function of sex, lifestyle, love life, mate selection, mating dance, mating habits, mating rituals, sex, sex history, sex life, sexperience, sexual, sexual activity, sexual ethics, sexual intercourse, sexuality, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexways, slutstyle, venery.


sexual being:

1. A person who has been born with male or female reproductive organs; a sentient creature that belongs to a sex which has a complement for the propagation of the species. In science fiction, there may be more than one complement.

2. A person at any age insofar as desirous of:

3. A person who has reached or has nearly reached reproductive maturity and who shows interest in participating in physical intimacies or in a physically intimate relationship; a human adolescent or adult -- at least, one who is not asexual and who has not lost interest in physical intimacy.

4. A person with an intense sex drive; a person who is often preoccupied with the erotic aspects of life. In this sense, the term is often (but not always) intensified, as in, "I am a very sexual being."

5. The aspect of a person that is concerned with sensual pleasure, eroticism, and intimate relations; body and/or mind in its or their erogeneity.

6. A category of personal identity, the category that is subdivided by types of sexualities insofar as any given sexuality is considered essential to a person's personality.

7. A person whose primary role, in the mind of some or someone, is to serve as a sex object or to provide sensual gratification.

8. The God of monotheism, a deity, or a sentient creature (as of the imagination) insofar as it is said to have or to have had a mate, said to experience erotogeneity (even if only vicariously), said to be fecund, said to behave in ways evocative of human eroticism, or serves as a cultural image of eroticism, as in, "A vampire is a sexual being."

Comment: This term is especially prone to being used in woolly ways and to confusion of senses in the course of dialog. For example, one person might suggest that God is a sexual being, meaning that God is fecund or that God's omniscience entails a thoroughly intimate knowledge of sexual pleasure; while another might strenuously object, thinking that what is meant is that God is sexed.

See also sexuality.


sexual bigotry:

1. Prejudice against a particular sex.

2. A detestation-filled intolerance of people who have a certain sexual orientation (q.v.), who engage in gender-bending, or who engage in certain erotic behaviors.

Comments: Regarding the latter definition, a careful distinction must be made between bigotry, the heart of which is an animus, and a position based upon reason, custom, or faith, presuming that an animus is not influencing one's reasoning, does not lie at the base of the custom, and does not infect the teachings of one's faith.

Some people develop an animus based upon reason, faith, or custom; and, insofar as they become invested in the animus such that it becomes capable either of distorting their reasoning, faith, or custom, or of precluding serious considerations of reform, that too might fairly be called bigotry.

Typically a distinguishing sign of bigotry is that it tries to degrade, demean, or dehumanize, ordinarily by placing the onus for such degradation, etc., upon the persons being held in contempt; whereas, for instance, simple moral disapproval addresses the intellect and the conscience or renders a verdict when duty bound to do so.

However, some people ignore such distinctions and loosely regard as sexual bigotry any expression of disapproval of someone's sexual inclinations or behavior. Other people point out that the rationales behind custom (such as survival of the culture) and behind a teaching of faith (such as divine design) can be wrong or miscalibrated or can be inappropriate for the present time and therefore can have the same effect as bigotry; and given such equivalence, bigotry might as well be defined by the effect or by the wrongheadedness as by the animus.

In other words, the very nature of bigotry itself is a controversial issue, and some people would dispute the remarks at the top of these comments.

See also alabaster, aterpism, biphobia, damaged goods, discrimination on the basis of sex, erotophobia, gamophobia, genophobia, homophobia, judgmentalism, Junior Anti-Sex League, Madonna-whore complex, Mrs. Grundy, obscenity-purity complex, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, prudery, puritan, scarlet letter, sex-negative stance, sexual chauvinism, sexual hypocrisy, sexual shame, slut-shaming, stigmatic guilt, transphobia.

x bigotry.


sexual blackmail:

1. Extortion involving a threat to reveal information about one's sex life, information that would be likely to be either highly embarrassing, damaging to one's relationships, or detrimental to one's livelihood.

2. The withholding of sex within a relationship in order to obtain something from one's partner.

See also unwelcome admixture with sexuality, use sex as a weapon.

x blackmail of the sexual sort.

 

sexual chauvinism:

1. A view that asserts either a generally natural superiority of one sex over another or a formal superordination of one sex over another.

2. Acting out of a belief in the superiority or formally higher status of one's own sex relative to someone else's or acting as though one believed in it.

See also active-passive split, barefoot and pregnant, bedroom politics, discrimination on the basis of sex, doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, double standard, female chauvinism, feminism, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, "goose and gander" theory, "head of the wife," male chauvinism, man's sphere, "Men are pigs," moral equivalence, patriarchalism, serve the revolution on (her) back, sex and power, sexism, sex role, sexual bigotry, sexual politics, union of equals, woman's sphere.

x chauvinism.

 

sexual chemistry:

See chemistry of love.


sexual circle:

1. The people with whom one has an understanding that one can turn to for free sexual relations under mutually acceptable conditions.

2. The people with whom one has had sexual relations.

Comment: For lexical example, see the last quotation under "zipless f***."

See also closed circle of f*** buddies, intimate network, non-monogamy, polyeros, poly web, recreational sex, safe sex circle, sexual non-monogamy, sexual varietism.

x circles.

 

sexual communism:

Condition of a society, community, or group where promiscuity is the general practice, there being no internal social boundaries as to who may have sex with whom, particularly as to what men may have sex with what women. This condition is sometimes postulated as having been the original state of humankind, out of which marital and kinship systems eventually developed.

See also boundary, cenogamy, free-sex colony, hetairism, indiscriminate sex, promiscuity, sexual utopia, sexual varietism, tribal marriage.

 

sexual compatibility:

Adequately matched in terms of values bearing on sexuality, genitalia, libido, sexual preferences, sexual desire for each other, and the meeting of each other's sexual needs and desires, especially in a context where monogamy or, at least, togetherness for all non-solo sex is the expectation.

See also compatibility, cybersex, get enough at home, keep (someone) happy in bed, made for each other, sexual connection, sexual correspondence.

 

sexual configuration:

See sexuality.

 

sexual connection:

1. The temporary physical link formed between two individuals through copulation.

2. The persistent abstract link formed by way of a consummated marriage.

3. Indirect linkage by way of a chain or series of copulations. Thus John and Tom would be sexually connected by virtue of each having had sex with Jane. Generally such linkage is abstract; but it can be concrete, as when a sexually transmitted disease is involved.

4. Sometimes when used indefinitely, any combination of the above.

5. An erotic connection.

6. A sense on the part of two or more individuals that they are right for one another as mates.

Comments: With regard to the first sense, a sexual connection may imply to some much more than a temporary linkage:

Similarly with regard to the second sense, a sexual connection will often imply much more, for example (to mention something additional), participation in an institution that is defined, at least in part, socially.

A sexual connection in the first sense can be had across species (see under "bestiality") or between members of the same sex (see under "homosexuality"), even though at root the term "sexual" pertains to a male and a female of the same species.

See also bond, brother in lust, chains of affection, coitus, connection, contact tracing for sexually transmitted infections, daisy chain, distal partner, erotic connection, irregular connection, relationship, sexual relationship; adultery, arsenokoitës, incest, irregular connection, lesbianism, malakos, porneia, secondary incest, sodomite, unnatural; marriage; alternative relationship geometries, cycling, intimate network, letter group, lover-in-law, merry-go-round of love, poly connected, polyrelationship, sexual geometry, sexual network, take seconds, TOCOTOX; affinity, compatibility, connaturality, good match, kinship, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, physical relationship, poly web, sexual compatibility, sexual intercourse, sister in lust, soul mate, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, vibe.

x sexually connected.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sexual Connections"

 

It's what endures through one's life that matters; my own life matters to me, in its long continuance and development. But what do the occasional connections matter? And the occasional sexual connections specially. If people don't exaggerate them ridiculously, they pass like the mating of birds. And so they should. What does it matter?

From: Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D. H. Lawrence; with an introduction by Mark Schorer (New York: Grove Press, c1959): pp. 49. "This edition is the third manuscript version, first published by Giuseppe Orioli, Florence, 1928." For continuation of the quotation, see under "habit of each other." By the way, as the story develops, it becomes evident that sexual connections do matter, at least in some cases.

 

sexual conquest:

See conquest.


 sexual contact:

See Multiple Partner Sexual Contact.


sexual-conventionality myth of love:

The (supposedly) false notion that participation in any sexual practice that is kinky or unusual cannot be an authentic expression of genuine affection.

Comment: I have provided a name for the supposed myth, without, for now, weighing in on any controversy that might surround it (October 17, 2006).

See also love-ends-interest-in-others myth.

x conventionality myth of love.
x myths.

 

sexual correspondence:

1. Coitus; sexual intercourse.

2. Complementarity with respect to the sexes or to individuals relative to each other's sexuality; complementarity with respect to the sexual organs or with respect to mental eroticism.

3. Written communication of an erotic nature.

See also coitus, love-making, moment of coition, sex relation; affinity, compatibility, eroticism, sexual compatibility, sexuality; bawdry, cyber relationship, cybersex partner, discourse of desire, erotographomania, instant messaging, love letter, obscene language, obscene words, sexting, sexual intercourse.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sexual Correspondence"

Sex, sexual correspondence, did it matter so very much to her [Kate]? It might have mattered more, if she had not had it. But she had had it. -- and very finally and consummately with Cipriano.
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 27, p. 438.


sexual counterrevolution, or sexual counter-revolution:

A backlash against or active opposition of another sort to a sexual revolution, or active cultivation of a traditionalist alternative to a sexual revolution, often the sexual revolution referred to being that of the 1960s and '70s, which evolved in various ways subsequently, along with the various movements, many of them religious, in opposition to it.

Comment: Sometimes expressed as "counter sexual revolution."

See also abstinence pledge, culture war, sex-negative stance, sexual revolution, traditional morality, virginity pledge.


sexual degradation:

1. A loss or perceived loss of human dignity by way of activity that involves a person's genitalia or other erogenous zones.

2. The fall of the sexual activity of one or more persons from what is regarded by the speaker as a high estate, for example, a sole use for reproduction within marriage.

3. The mixing of sexual activity with unwelcome admixtures, such as taunting, coercion, or commercialism.

For discussion, see under "degrading sex."

See also bodily integrity, perversion, prudery, rape, sexual ethics, sexual immorality,sexual shame, stupration, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

 

sexual deprivation:

1. The condition of being sex-deprived (q.v.).

2. The act, whether deliberate or not, of causing someone to be sex-deprived.

See also closed legs policy, cruelty, double-deprivation theory, frigidity, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, passion paradox, sexual needs, sexual starvation.

 

sexual desire:

1. The yearning to mate physically, or the set of both innate and developmental factors, especially psychological factors and factors related to the reproductive system, that coalesce to generate such yearning.

2. An internal urge to seek pleasuring of one's erogenous zones or the release of tension that has built up, in large part, in the genital region.

Comments: This term is generally used neutrally, unlike the word "lust," which is often used pejoratively.

Sexual desire, in the first sense, can have a particular object; or it can be indefinite.

Disorders of sexual desire are common.

See also amour-physique, aphanisis, aphrodisia, Aphrodisian, ardor, attraction, bream, carnal desire, carnal love, chemistry of love, clicket, cupidity, danger myth of sexual desire, desirable, desire, discourse of desire, eassin, erotic love, erotolepsy, erotomania, frontiers of sexuality, go to his towrus, horniness, hot pants, inner slut, interested in sex, interest in (somebody), kama, kate, libido, longing, lovemap, love's lust, love-passion, lust, mulierosity, need to get laid, needs, passion, pull, randy, sex crazed, sex drive, sex on the brain, sexuality, sexual love, sexual needs, sexual orientation, sexualove, template, turn (somebody) off, turn (somebody) on, urge to merge, want, yearning.

x desire.

 

sexual discrimination:

See discrimination on the basis of sex.


sexual elite:

1. Those in a society generally considered the most attractive or otherwise most sexually desirable.

2. Those in a society most knowledgeable about human sexuality and most skilled at a wide variety of sexual practices.

See also attractive, experienced lover, sexual intelligence, sexually experienced.


sexual encounter:

A meeting where two or more people engage in sexual activity together.

See also partner.

 

sexual ethics:

1. The study and critique of types of sexual behavior and relationships and of sexual mores and morality, all relative to ideas of goodness and badness or better and worse.

2. One's personal code of sexual behavior.

See also "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," bodily integrity, cafeteria Catholicism, compartmentalization, consent to sex, consexuality, contextualism, degrading sex, devalue sex, erotic deontology, ethical hedonism, ethical non-monogamy, ethical relativism, ethical slut, ethical subjectivism, ethics (which see for comment), function of sex, geosexual ethics, Hauerwas's Law, hedonism, let-'em-aloner, lie about sex, "love the sinner, hate the sin," marriage problem, meta-religious ethic, moral absolutism, moral code, moral equivalence, moral law, moral precept, morals, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, Noachian laws, ontically disordered, personalism, pragmatism, public character of sex, RACK, relationalism, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, romantic theology, separation of sex and power, sex and power (which see for a list of categories in sexual ethics), sexosophy, sexual autonomy, sexual behavior, sexual degradation, sexual immorality, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual mores, sexual morality, sexual toleration, situation ethics, smorgasbord Protestantism, SSC, theology of marriage, theology of sex, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality, YKINOK, YKINOKism, YKIOK,IJNMK.

 

sexual etiquette:

1. Politeness that takes into account differences between the sexes or differences in the treatment of the sexes within a given culture or subculture.

2. The set of protocols that govern social interactions between the sexes in a given culture or subculture.

3. Politeness with regard to the sexuality of others.

4. The set of protocols and courtesies that might generally be expected with regard to the sexuality of others.

5. Politeness both with regard to any attempts at lovemaking and in successful lovemaking, including both the lead-up to it and its aftermath.

6. The set of protocols and courtesies that might generally be expected both with regard to attempts at lovemaking and in successful lovemaking, including both the lead-up to it and its aftermath.

See also absolute code, break-up rules, bro code, brode of silence, code, code of discretion, code of silence, discreet, homorality, law of love, lie about sex, love-making, rules of adultery, rules of love, scent-free dating, sexosophy, sexual mores, swingers' moral code, three-date rule, three-day rule, trail; unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

x etiquette.

 

sexual exclusivity:

1. A norm or a policy, whether one's own or agreed upon within a relationship, that prohibits one from engaging in sexual activity with anyone other than either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

2. A norm or a policy whereby members of a sexual relationship are prohibited from engaging in sexual activity with others outside of that relationship.

3. Engagement in sexual activity with no one other than either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

4. Confinement of sexual activity to the members of a particular relationship.

Contrast nonexclusive monogamy (q.v.), sexual nonexclusivity (q.v.), and sexual non-monogamy (q.v.). See also caging, closed group marriage, closed marriage, closed relationship, conjugal rights, emotional fidelity, exclusivity, faithfulness, fidelity, fidelity cherry, genetic monogamy, infidelity, married, married all over, monogamy, off-the-rack marriage, only one for (me), open couple, open marriage, open relationship, own (somebody), pairing family, possessive pronouns, sexually exclusive, sexual monogamy, toujours perdrix, traditional monogamy, unfaithfulness.

x exclusivity.

 

sexual exploitation:

1. Rather than purely interpersonal exchanges in allurement and sexual activity, the erotic use of a person's body, even one's own, or multiple persons' bodies in order to garner wealth or power.

2. Rather than mutuality and intimate sharing, the use of another person's body, by way of a non-sexual influence over that person, for one's own erotic self-aggrandisement.

Comments: The term is almost always pejorative.

One of the issues is this: Where does sexual exploitation end and providing and making use of sexual services begin? The answer to that question may eventually reign in the second definition.

See also hypersexualization, objectification, prostitute, sex object, "Sex sells," sexual services, sex worker, unwelcome admixture with sex, use porn together.

x exploitation.


sexual extrovert:

A person who, as a matter of personality make-up, is inclined to be frank and open about his or her horniness or is otherwise inclided to be erotically expressive.

Comment: The opposite would be a sexual introvert.

See also sexual introvert, sexually uninhibited.

x extrovert.


sexual field:

Any social arena that can be analyzed sociologically in terms of how people exercise their erotic capital in vying for desirable sex partners and for social advantage.

Comment: For the sociological idea of fields more generally, from which the concept of the sexual field was later derived, see: The Logic of Practice, [by] Pierre Bourdieu; translated by Richard Nice (Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, 1990). Translation of: Le Sens pratique (Paris: Éditions de Minuit, c1980; in series: Le Sens commun).

See also erotic capital, sex partner.


sexual freedom:

1. Autonomous control over one's own erotic expression and over one's own participation in erotic activity, to the degree that the liberty of others is respected.

2. The degree of absence or disregard of restrictions and inculcated inhibitions upon erotic behavior that is without either coercion or similar unwelcome admixtures -- regarding erotic behavior: especially with whom one might have mutually consensual sex and what erotic activities might be engaged in.

3. The set of societal conditions that allow for erotic publications, a full range of erotic behaviors in fully consensual settings, a wide latitude with regard to display of the human body and displays of affection in public, and toleration of human sexuality as a topic in public discourse.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," antinomianism, bodily integrity, eleutherophilism, free female sexuality, free-living, free love, free male sexuality, get government out of the bedroom, heart balm statute, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, new morality, pankoitism, relationship anarchy, relationship choice, relationship freedom, right to sex, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexual autonomy, sexual liberation, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual toleration, unbridle sex, universal permanent availability.

x freedom.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Sexual Freedom"

 

They had no sexual inhibitions, God knows. But they were insisting that their children be kept from all the knowledge they had accumulated after years of struggling against the chains their parents had forged on their libidos... Instead of showing them the joy they themselves had found in sexual freedom, they were shackling them with the ignorance they had inherited from their own grandparents.

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 103.

 

sexual geometry:

1. The imaginary lines drawn between people who are connected directly or indirectly by sexual relationships, especially as those relationships are subsets of a larger relationship defined by mutual awareness each of each other.

2. The actual configuration of any sexual relationship represented by such lines.

See also alternate relationship geometries, double love triangle, group marriage, letter group, lovestyle, polyfidelity, polygon, relationship orientation, sexual connection, sexual network, Z.

 

sexual golden age:

1. The myth of a time when relations between the sexes were ideal and when social conditions were at an optimum for the physical satisfaction of love and even just libidinous desire.

2. The dream of a time when relations between the sexes will be ideal and when social conditions will be at an optimum for the physical satisfaction of love and even just libidinous desire.

3. The period between the widespread use of the Pill and the onset of the AIDS epidemic; in other words, the 1960s and '70s in the West, when (also because of the availability of effective antibiotics) a person could engage in "unprotected" sexual activity with other people without the fear of serious consequences.

4. A countervailing image to any of the above, such as one that envisions a time when a certain code of sexual morality was or will be maximally fulfilled.

See also Age of Aquarius; free affection; free-sex colony; letter group (omega); love generation; more evolved; "naked and not ashamed"; new morality; panfidelity; pankoitism; paradisal marriage; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; prelapsarian marriage; sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; sexual liberation; sexual revolution; sexual utopia; Summer of Love; utopian swinging.

x golden age of sex.

Quotation from Eugene R. Cunnar Illustrating "Sexual Golden Age"

 

The myth of a sexual Golden Age originates in the early legends of the Golden Age in Homer, Hesiod, and the Greek pastoral tradition. In addition to invoking a place -- Elysium or another Edenic garden -- where life is peaceful, harmonious, and ideal, these early writers associated the Golden Age as a place and time when there was no conflict in love or when lovers who have been separated will be reunited. For example, Homer suggests that Helen and Menelaus will be reunited in Elysium.

From: "Fantasizing a Sexual Golden Age in Seventeenth-Century Poetry," [by] Eugene R. Cunnar, in: Renaissance Discourses of Desire, edited by Claude J. Summer and Ted-Larry Pebworth (Columbia: University of Missouri Press, c1993): pp. 179-205, specifically 183. For Homer, see Odyssey 4:561-569.


sexual healing:

Copulation with a lover -- this as opposed to abstinence or masturbation -- as a healthy answer to such afflictions as an unsatisfied sex drive, a loss of emotional stability, feeling blue, loneliness, and a burning passion, or as part of the answer to loss and grief; the process of emotional recovery, release of tension, or sexual fufillment insofar as aided by sexual intercourse.

Comment: The term became especially popular through the soul song, "Sexual Healing," written by David Ritz, Odell Brown, and Marvin Gaye and sung by Marvin Gaye (record released, 1982).

See also grief, heal, loneliness, love trauma syndrome, TTFH.


sexual hospitality:

See sex hospitality.

 

sexual hypocrisy:

Exhorting people to restrict their erotic behavior while not doing so oneself.

See also lie about sex, sexual bigotry.

x hypocrisy.

Quotation from Robin Baker Illustrating "Sexual Hypocrisy"

 

Sexual hypocrisy is of particular interest. This is because there are some aspects of sexual behavior for which the most successful exponents are those who try, through force or criticism, to prevent other people from behaving in a particular way while secretly behaving in precisely that way themselves.

From: Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex, [by] Robin Baker (New York, NY: Basic Books, c1996): p. xx.


sexual immorality:

1. A violation of standards of propriety regarding any of the following:

2. The class of such violations.

Comments: One obvious question is, immoral by what standards? Among the positions:

The standards used can make a considerable difference, for example, in determining whether or not a marriage has been constituted. Of course, that determination makes a considerable difference with regard, for instance, to issues of adultery and divorce.

Various standards differ considerably as to types of content. Furthermore, the lines are not as sharply drawn as the list in the above definition might suggest. To give some examples:

See also abomination, adultery, apodictic law, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," bestiality, bigamy, casuistic law, compartmentalization, consequences of sex outside of marriage, criminal conversation, deceased wife's sister question, degrading sex, divorce, devalue sex, double standard, easy virtue, extramarital sex, facile virtue, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, forbidden love, fornication, function of marriage, Holiness Code, illegitimate spouse, illicit love, illicit relationship, immorality, inappropriate relationship, incest, indiscretion, infidelity, irregular connection, klepsigamy, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, libertinism, licentiousness, lie about sex, love's lust, lust, malakos, menstruant as forbidden, mock marriage, mulierosity, nonmarital sex, pansexualism, peccadillo, perversion, polygamy, porneia, premarital sex, promiscuity, rival, run astray, Seventh Commandment, sex scandal, sexual degradation, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness, sexual sin, Sixth Commandment of the Church, stigmatic guilt, stupration, Tenth Commandment, trigamy, unbridle sex, unfaithfulness, unnatural, unwelcome admixtures with sexuality, venereal transgression, zipper morals.

 

sexual imprinting:

The formation and shaping of those elements of the psyche that affect both what one looks for in a mate and one's ultimate selection of a mate or of mates.

Comments: In the view of some, such shaping takes place entirely during childhood, so that childhood formation becomes for them part of the definition. However, in the experience of many, this shaping occurs throughout life, sometimes continuously -- a point which raises both issues and hopes, for instance: On the one hand, ongoing shaping would seem to introduce gradual conflict into attempts at lifelong monogamy. On the other hand, it may help enable spouses to accept each other as they change over time; and it may even allow for imprinting and mate to come increasing into line with each other, even if the mate changes but little.

In the view of some, sexual imprinting results in a single image of an ideal mate. However, sometimes such images are internally contradictory, sometimes the images are multiple, and sometimes they are diffuse. So a definition of sexual imprinting should not be understood to imply automatically a single ideal.

An element of sexual imprinting not incorporated in the above definition is its force, its impetus towards satisfaction, an impetus which might generally exist where the imprinting exists, albeit it in varying degrees at different times of life and within different people.

See also blueprint of the one loved, human beauty, ideal, lovemap, mate selection, native lovemap, negative sexual imprinting, sexuality, template (for a lover), type.


sexual inhibition:

1. Psychological suppression of a present erotic desire, a desire that would otherwise flourish.

2. A psychological and/or emotional difficulty with regard either to a certain erotic practice or to erotic practices more generally; a hang-up with regard to sex.

3. An unwillingness to disregard conventional mores having to do with a given erotic practice.

4. A disinclination to develop one's erotic tastes by experimentation.

5. A lack of openness to a range of erotic practices or to all erotic practices.

Comment: An inhibition is often popularly regarded as instilled and internalized from without, as from religious teaching, or a carry-over of prepubescent attitudes into adult life, or a result of traumatic experience.

See also anhedonia, aphanisis, aterpism, closed legs policy, erotophobia, frigidity, genophobia, hyposexuality, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, prudery, puritan, sex-negative stance, sexually inhibited, sexually uninhibited, sexual shame, square, undersexed, vanilla, wowser.

x inhibition.

Related terms beyond the scope of this Glossary: inhibited sexual desire, ISD.


sexual intelligence:

1. A collection of reports on sexuality in current events; news about sex.

2. Breadth and depth of awareness about sexuality, including its history and biology; customs, mores, and ethical issues related to it; the variety of sexual attitudes, orientations, and practices; and sensitivity to the erotic desires of others.

See also couple skills, experienced lover, inexperienced lover, learn to love, love quotient, marital aptitude, relational intelligence, relationship quotient, sapiosexuality, sexual elite, sexually experienced.

x intelligence.

 

sexual intercourse:

1. Insertion of a penis into a vagina followed by thrusts of those organs together, which normally lead to ejaculation on the part of the male and insemination of the female unless the penis is first removed or unless ejaculation is avoided altogether. Sexual intercourse serves many functions, one of which can be reproduction.

2. A physical and stimulative joining of bodies that involves genitalia.

Comments: For short, often just "intercourse" or "sex."

This is a euphemism, which is scarcely even recognized as such any more, since it has become one of the principal terms used for the activity.

Whereas the term "coitus" brings out the cooperative aspect of the activity and the term "copulation" brings out the linkage aspect, the term "sexual intercourse" brings out the social aspect, however private the activity may be. Furthermore, the terms "coitus" and "copulation" tend to have a clinical ambiance to them, whereas "sexual intercourse" is a term of common use, but without the overlay of taboo suffered by the perhaps even more common term, "f*ck."

Verbal phrases: to engage in sexual intercourse with; to have sexual intercourse with.

See also act like a husband, act like a wife, art of love, clicket, coitus, conjugal love, consensual sex, consort with, copulation, coupling, fornication, function of sex, GGG, go near (someone), good in bed, human reproduction, it, jump in the sack with, jump into bed with, jump (somebody's) bones, jump steady, love, love-making, make love to, mate, mell, metasex, moment of coition, natural insemination, pas de deux, philander, PIV intercourse, procreative meaning, sex, sex relation, sexual activity, sexual behavior, sexual connection, sexual correspondence, sprog, stud, stupration, take, thing, venery, wench.

x intercourse.


sexual interest:

See interest in (somebody).


sexual introvert:

A person who, as a matter of personality make-up, is disinclined to be frank and open about his or her horniness or is otherwise disinclined to be erotically expressive.

Comment: The opposite would be a sexual extrovert.

See also erotophobia, genophobia, sexual extrovert, sexually inhibited.

x introvert.


sexual invitation:

An effort to signal, typically by words and by body language, that one would welcome engaging in erotic activity with the person being signaled.

See also approach invitation, attentions, attraction, booty call, cap-setting, chat-up line, comether, come-on, flirtation, forward, innuendo, lordosis behavior, love call, love signal, make-want, opening line, pick-up line, present, proposition, rolling eye, seduction, "See anything you like," sexual advances, "She can park her shoes under my bed," "Show me yours," throw (oneself) at (somebody), twinkle in (your) mother's eye, "What are you wearing?"

x invitation.


sexuality:

1. All of that which both is internal and goes into and flows out of the urge to mate (q.v.), usually entailing at least psyche, mind, emotions, and reproductive organs. (Note well the use of the phrase, "urge to mate," instead of, "drive to procreate." Sexuality can be blind to the drive to procreate, since that drive takes place at the level of gametes. However, a desire to procreate can be conscious and linked to sexuality.)

2. One's particular configuration of desires, practices, and frustrations entailed in the urge to mate. Sexuality is often broken down into these subsets: heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. However, it is actually far more complicated than this simple breakdown suggests (see box).

Sexual Configuration

Regarding sexual configuration and the sex variables involved, consider that:

  • Physically there are males, females, and hermaphrodites (also called intersexed persons), some of the last artificially induced through hormonal treatment; and there are also those who have been surgically changed, such as eunuchs and individuals who have undergone a sex change operation.
  • Sexual drive can range from nil to intense, and it can vary from situation to situation.
  • Self-identity can be masculine, feminine, sexless, androgynous (simply a sexual individual), hermaphroditic (partially masculine and partially feminine), or new; and it can be closely, loosely, or not at all tied to one's reproductive biology.
  • Desired ways of making sexual contact can be or might not be influenced by one's reproductive biology and generally entail either social or individual invention or both.
  • Preference with regard to sex of partner can be consistent, temporary, or occasional.
  • Preference with regard to particular kinds of sexual acts can be consistent, temporary, or occasional.
  • Choice of sexual partner or of sexual acts can be either according to or against one's orientation.
  • Attitudes towards various manifestations of sexuality can range from disgust to joy; mental climate can range from hurt, fear, and rebellion to wholesomeness; and interior twists can be unleashed destructively, repressed, untwisted, or creatively and harmlessly employed.
  • Roles desired can be active, passive, reciprocal, or alternating; they can be dominant, subordinate, or equal; and they can change with different partners or at different times.
  • A person can be monogamous, polygamous, promiscuous, abstinent, celibate, or a combination thereof, according to preference or not, perhaps during different periods of life or perhaps with regard to certain kinds of practices, passions, or orientations.
  • A person may have a desire for a particular number of partners either all of one sex or another or in a particular combination of sexes; and a person may have a desire for the partner or partners to have a particular number of other partners of either one or more than one sex, or even for a partner to be connected to or disconnected from a network of love-making.

As for orientation:

  • It can be:
    • to or against a particular sex;
    • to or against the opposite sex from one's own (thinking dimorphically);
    • to or against any sex (or at least more than one of the physical possibilities) that is different from one's own;
    • to or against one's own sex; or,
    • without consideration as to sex --

    in any of these cases, even if one were to change sex.

  • It can be to one or more sexual identities on the part of one's partner(s), or without any regard as to such.
  • It can also be to one or more ways that a prospective partner may seek sexual contact.
  • It can be to others with either a connecting or non-connecting type of orientation.
  • It can be to one or more particular individuals, to certain types of individuals, or to a combination thereof, either evenly or unevenly distributed across the sexes.
  • Desirable partners can be alike or unlike in any number of ways.
  • Orientation can be weak or strong.
  • Orientation can be less integral to the personality or more integral.
  • Underlying sexual choices may be genes, hormones, social conditioning, situational limitations, libido, awakening to sensuality, personality attraction, neurosis, psycho pathology, or (as I suppose is almost always the case) some combination thereof.

Even this sketch is oversimplified; because, for a start:

  • Human sexuality has many more dimensions, vastly complicated examples that may interact with some of the above categories being autoeroticism, pornography, and special attractions or detractions, such as beauty, age, particular physical attributes, power, fame, and wealth;
  • Location and timing can loom large as elements of sexual preference, for example, outside or inside, when most awake and alert or when sleepy;
  • Interpersonal dimensions are far more inclusive than a simple focus on sexuality might suggest;
  • Romantic and domestic love have transcendent and transformational aspects;
  • Cultural context is in continual interplay with sexuality and relationships, and it shapes much of their definition;
  • Keeping in mind that the larger part of sexual practice is mental, many sexual customs and practices are learned behaviors or acquired tastes and are in a continual process of development, in both individuals and culture at large; and
  • Permutations of types of relationships are endless.

A careful classification of sexuality must take all of the above into account.

See also alternative sexuality, asexuality, bisexuality, desex, desexed, erotocism, extraterrestrial sexuality, free female sexuality, free male sexuality, frontiers of sexuality, generation, heterocentrism, heterosexism, heterosexuality, homosexuality, human reproduction, hydraulic view of sexuality, hypersexuality, hyposexuality, inner slut, kinky, label, lesbianism, libido, love, love life, lovemap, "love the sinner, hate the sin," marriage, monosexism, monosexuality, new sexuality, online relationship, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, ontically disordered, open-minded, oversexed, pansexuality, poly orientation, polysexuality, pomosexuality, practice love, practice of love, private life, procreation, put it about, queer, romantic resumé, sex, sex drive, sexed, sex life, sexual, sexual activity, sexual awakening, sexual behavior, sexual being, sexual correspondence, sexual desire, sexual imprinting, sexual orientation, sexualove, silent epidemic, stigmatic guilt, template (for a lover), undersexed, wear a label, wired, xenosexuality.

x sexual configuration.

 

sexualization:

The addition of an erotic component to or or the placement on display of erotic aspects of, commonly said of elements of a culture or of a culture itself.

See also hypersexualization, objectification.


sexual justice:

Right relations in sexual relationships and sexual encounters reckoned in terms of the proper involvment and proper non-involvement of power, power not just on the part of the participants but on the part of society as a whole and each of its segments.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," consent to sex, consexuality, erotic deontology, libertarianism, liberty, new morality, public character of sex, radical love, relationship choice, relationship freedom, right to sex, romantic rights, sexosophy, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual liberation, sexual morality, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, unwelcome admixtures with sexuality.

x erotic justice.

Quotation from Marvin M. Ellison Illustrating "Sexual Justice"

 

[2] Sexuality, as I define it here, includes genital sex but refers more broadly to our embodied capacity for intimate connection. Erotic desire seeks physical, emotional, and spiritual embrace of others, the world, and God, the sacred Source of life. By justice I refer to the ongoing, never-ending journey to remake community by strengthening relationship. Justice-making attends to how people's well-being is enhanced or diminished by prevailing patterns of social power and powerlessness. A commitment to justice means correcting whatever harms people, other earth creatures, and the earth itself.

A justice-centered sexual ethic is grounded in a theological vision of an inclusive, participatory social order ... Sexual justice honors sexual well-being as a significant dimension of the good of persons. A just society fosters the moral right of all persons, without distinction, to love and be loved and to freely express their desire for intimate, respectful connection....

[3] Soul-satisfying pleasure is found in pursuing justice as right-relatedness in all our connections, from the most intimate to the most public.

From: Erotic Justice: A Liberating Ethic of Sexuality, [by] Marvin M. Ellison (Louisville, Ky: Westminster John Knox Press, c1996): pp. 2-3.

 

sexual liberation:

1. A mental attitude whereby one is set free, or feels free, from guilt for erotic activities, whatever they are (leaving aside unwelcome admixtures) and with whomever they are (nonconsenting persons excepted; close relatives or a crossing of the adult/minor line possibly excepted).

2. Free or set free from control of one's sex life -- control by any powers that be, whether custom, law, social pressure, or something else.

3. A process of loosening social mores pertaining to erotic and reproductive activity and to relational bonds between people of complementary sexuality.

4. Being given over to licentiousness and promiscuity; enslavement to sexual urges. This is an ironic sense of the term.

5. The quest or the achievement of the quest for a maximization, by both inner cultivation and social means, of happiness with respect to peoples' love lives, happiness that is free of irrational traditions, procrustean approaches (i.e. pressure to conform), and enslavement to passion.

6. Self-fulfillment, respect for personal dignitiy, and, overall, social betterment, by regulating one's own sexuality, in relation to other people, towards those ends.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," antinomianism, compartmentalization, ethical hedonism, free female sexuality, free love, free male sexuality, libertininism, more evolved, new morality, new sexuality, open-minded, pansexualism, promiscuity, radical love, relationship anarchy, separation of sex and power, sex-positive stance, sexual autonomy, sexual ethics, sexual golden age, sexual justice, sexually liberated, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual utopia, unbridle sex, unwelcome admixtures with sexuality.

 

sexual love:

1. Love between members of different sexes.

2. Romantic love (q.v.).

3. Eroticism with somebody.

See also amour, carnal love, courtly love, erotic love, love, romantic theology, sexology, sexual desire, sexualove, theology of romantic love.

 

sexually active:

1. Awakened to the erotic life and participating in it with one or more partners; characterized by having a functioning sex life.

2. A euphemism or substitute for "promiscuous."

See also promiscuous, sex life, sexual.


sexually connected:

See sexual connection.

 

sexually deprived:

See sex-deprived.

 

sexually estranged:

A characterization of spouses or lovers who rarely if ever make love any more or care about meeting each other's sexual needs, this either because sexual desire has faded on the part of one or each for the other or because relationship issues stand in the way.

See also estranged, separate bedrooms.


sexually exclusive:

1. Characterized by a norm or a policy, whether one's own or agreed upon within a relationship, that prohibits one from engaging in sexual activity with anyone other than either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

2. Characterized by a norm or a policy whereby members of a sexual relationship are prohibited from engaging in sexual activity with others outside of that relationship.

3. Characterized by engagement in sexual activity with no one other than either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

4. Characterized by confinement of sexual activity to the members of a particular relationship.

Contrast sexally nonexclusive (q.v.). See also exclusivity, have (someone), married, sexual exclusivity, sexually monogamous, snatch up.

x exclusive sexually.

 

sexually experienced:

1. Not a virgin, or non-virginal.

2. Characterized by having a long history of engaging in sexual relations.

3. Characterized by having had a variety of sex partners or, with regard to a group, by each member having had a variety of sex partners.

4. Characterized by first-hand knowledge of how to please a sex partner or, sometimes more specifically, one's sex partner.

5. Characterized by having widely explored, first-hand, variety in physical love-making.

6. As, perhaps, a euphemism, characterized by having sex work as part of one's personal history.

Contrast virginal (q.v.). See also experienced lover, promiscuous, sexual elite, sexual intelligence, sexual varietism.

x experienced.

 

sexually inhibited:

1. Beset by psychological and/or emotional difficulties with regard to erotic practices; characterized by hang-ups when it comes to sex.

2. Characterized by unwillingness to disregard conventional mores having to do with erotic practices.

3. Characterized by a disinclination to develop one's erotic tastes by experimentation.

4. Characterized by openness to only a narrow range of erotic practices or none at all.

Comment: The term is often used pejoratively. People are often accused of being sexually inhibited when they are merely not interested in sex.

See also anhedonic, aphanistic, aterpic, bump on a log, erotophobic, frigid, hyposexual, prudish, puritan, sexual introvert, sexually negative, square, undersexed, wowser.

x inhibited sexually.


sexually liberated:

Characterized by having experienced sexual liberation (q.v.).

 

sexually marginalized:

Pertaining to those people or groups whose libidinous needs are generally neglected, given social mores and dynamics, or whose sexual behaviors due to orientation are generally deemed improper or abnormal within society at large.

Comment: The term is often used substantively, as in "the sexually marginalized"; and it is often used with particular reference to some or all of these groups: homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender persons, sex workers, and the mentally disabled.

See also bisexual, bohemianism, lgbt, queer, sexual minority, sexual underground.

x marginalized sexually.


sexually monogamous:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by a dyadic relationship in which the partners copulate with each other and no others.

2. Actually having had sexual relations with one's current relationship partner and no others, at least during the duration of that relationship up to a certain point.

3. Given to having sexual relations with one's current relationship partner and no others, at least for a period.

Contrast sexually non-monogamous (q.v.). See also sexual monogamy.

 

sexually negative:

1. Characterized by the view that human sexuality or at least one's own is degrading except, perhaps, as redeemed for the purpose of procreation in the context of marriage.

2. Characterized by belief in restricting sexual expression or, at least moderate sexual expression.

Comment: This is not to be confused with "sexually negativistic," which means, "characterized by a general lack of sexual interest."

See also judgmental, prudish, romance-intolerant, sex-negative stance, sexually inhibited.

x sexually negativistic.

 

sexually negativistic:

See under "sexually negative."

 

sexually nonexclusive:

1. Characterized by a norm or a policy, whether one's own or agreed upon within a relationship, that allows one to engage in sexual activity with one or more people besides either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners; personal sexual openness.

2. Characterized by a norm or a policy whereby members of a sexual relationship are allowed to engage in sexual activity with others outside of that relationship; openness in sexual relationships.

3. Characterized by engagement in sexual activity with one or more people besides either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

4. Characterized by sexual activity with one or more people outside a relationship by one or more members of that relationship.

Contrast sexually exclusive (q.v.). See also loose, promiscuous, sexually non-monogamous, sexual nonexclusivity, syndyasmian.

x nonexclusive sexually.

 

sexually non-monogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by having multiple sex partnerships, insofar as the durations of these partnerships overlap.

Contrast sexually monogamous (q.v.). See also easy, loose, polyamorous, sexually nonexclusive, sexual non-monogamy, slutty, wild.

 

sexually permissive:

Characterized by sexual permissiveness.

See also open-minded, sexual permissiveness.

 

sexually positive:

1. Characterized by the view that human sexuality, including one's own, is delightful in itself, even apart from procreation.

2. Characterized by the belief that healthy sexual expression should be encouraged in a wide range of contexts.

See also erotophilous, erotopositive, like everything about sex, sex-joy, sex-positive stance.

 

sexually starved:

See sex-starved.

 

sexually uninhibited:

1. Free of psychological or emotional difficulties with regard to erotic practices; without hang-ups when it comes to sex.

2. Characterized by willingness to disregard conventional mores having to so with erotic practices.

3. Characterized by a desire to develop one's erotic tastes on one's own by experimentation; willingness to try any relatively safe erotic practice at least once.

4. Open to and eager to participate in a wide range of erotic practices.

Comment: The term is often used with positive connotations.

See also hedonism, libertinism, sexual extrovert, sexual inhibition.

x uninhibited sexually.


sexual maturity:

1. A stage in life when an organism, if healthy, is fully functional for purposes of reproduction, in humans puberty being the transition to that stage.

2. Sufficient development psychologically so as not either (a) to be threatened with arrested development with regard to the expression of one's libido, should anything untoward happen to affect it, or (b) to suffer from arrested development of that sort.

3. A stage of socialization and moral development characterized by:

4. A point reached in life or any time past it when one is of sufficient age to be able to evaluate meaningfully and either to appreciate or to reject, as appropriate, sexual information and eroticism.

5. Any point in life as an adult when one is well experienced and proficient in love-making.

Comments: The above definitions represent end points, so to speak; but sexual maturity is also often spoken of in terms of degrees or levels along the way towards those end points.

Much debate about sexual maturity centers on adolescence, which has often been regarded sociologically as a modern invention -- typically a period between the onset of puberty and when in modern Western culture one is considered ready for the responsibilities of marriage and a family, a readiness which takes years to achieve due to the demands and complexities of modern society. The wait places great sexual strain upon young people, especially males, who are often at their sexual peak during those years. Therefore, not only are sexual mores that have been passed down from earlier cultures readily violated, but those mores themselves crumble under pressure in favor of the invention of new mores that seem more applicable to the current scene, for example, mores that regard adolescence as a practice period for sexual behavior and relationships. So, at least, goes some of the theorizing. This view is complicated by scientific findings that show that brain development in human beings is not complete until the twenties and that the optimal period for women to give birth is in their twenties. In other words, it's possible to develop a theory of adolescence from developmental biology alone. The debate gives rise to newly suggested definitions of "sexual maturity," such as, "post-adolescent sexuality."

Another debate has to do with the cultural relativity of ideas of sexual maturity, a debate one side of which calls into question whether there is any substance to sexual maturity at all, other than cultural attitudes.

See also sexual mores.

x maturity.


sexual minority:

1. A category of people, less than the majority of a given population, whose sense of personal identity is closely bound up with some type of gender bending or with persistent erotic proclivities.

2. An individual member of such a category.

Comment: Usually awkward usage in the second sense. And usually preferred: "member of a sexual minority."

See also alternative lifestyle, bisexual, bohemianism, community, gay, homosexual, lesbian, lgbt, queer, sexually marginalized, sexual orientation, sexual underground.

x BDSM.
x minority.

A Definition of "Sexual Minority" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt

Sexual minority: Anybody whose sexual desires or practices place them out of the mainstream -- which means just about anybody, at least at some time in their lives. However, the term "sexual minority" is most often used to mean gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered folk and kinkyfolk.

See: When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (Oakland, CA: Greenery Press, c2000): pp. 148.

 Often the term "transgender" is preferred to "transgendered." By "kinkyfolk"the authors mean those who engage in unusual sexual behaviors, such as one or more aspects of BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism).


sexual monogamy:

1. A dyadic relationship in which the partners copulate with each other and no others.

2. The practice of participating as a partner in such a relationship.

Comments: The term "sexual monogamy" is generally contrasted with "social monogamy," the point being that sexual monogamy precludes in practice extra-pair copulation (q.v.), whereas social monogamy does not.

Sexual monogamy may be conceived of as a component of a more extensive monogamy entailing also emotional fidelity. Other times the term may be used to imply that only sexual monogamy and not emotional fidelity is meant.

Contrast sexual nonexclusivity (q.v.) and sexual non-monogamy (q.v.). See also dyad, emotional fidelity, genetic monogamy, monogamy, nonexclusive monogamy, sexual exclusivity, sexually monogamous, social monogamy.

 

sexual morality:

The set of ideas or rules about what are to be considered right and wrong sexual behaviors and sexual relationships, including marital relationships; plus the set of ideas about good and bad interactions between partners; plus the set of ideas about what related virtues are to be cultivated -- all as determined, however imperfectly, by supposed universal principles as applied to a particular culture or group.

Comment: Sexual morality may be embedded in sexual mores (q.v.), but it can also be a standard against which to measure mores. Sexual morality is critiqued in the context of sexual ethics (q.v.).

Historical remarks: In the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament, almost all sexual morality has to do with (a) types of relationships relative to both the patriarchal culture of the Hebrews and cultic purity, and (b) the state of one's heart relative to the system of forbidden relationships. (See especially Exodus 20:14, 17 = Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; Leviticus 18-21; Matthew 5:27-32 and parallel passages; 15:17-20; Acts 15:20, 29; 1 Corinthians 5-7.)

In the postbiblical period, especially in the Christian tradition, the prohibitions of the Bible were reinforced with and some of their rationale was replaced by a body-negative theology, in which the concern was not with the impulse to rebellion against a cultic system but with the body's will to self-gratification, especially when the appetites were stirred, and with the instability of the social system unless those appetites were under strong authoritarian control.

In more recent times in Europe and North America, at least, a shift has been made by many in the Jewish and Christian traditions to:

Meanwhile a separate tradition of sexual morality has made enormous inroads, its credo being that any sexual behavior or relationship is okay so long as no one is directly harmed. That credo is advocated within, for instance, many neopagan circles.

See also adultery, "All's fair ...," "an it harm none, do what ye will," apodictic law, aterpism, biblical sexual morality, bodily integrity, boundary, cafeteria Catholicism, casuistic law, chastity, compartmentalization, consent to sex, consequences of sex outside of marriage, consexuality, contextualism, devalue sex, double standard, erotic deontology, erotogenesis of religion, ethical hedonism, ethical non-monogamy, ethical relativism, ethical slut, ethical subjectivism, fornication, function of marriage, Hauerwas's Law, heteronormative, homosexuality, hot and cool sex, incest, judgmentalism, Law and gospel, legislate morality, lie about sex, "love the sinner, hate the sin," lust, klepsigamy, moral absolutism, moral code, moral equivalence, morality, morality fallacy, moral law, moral precept, morals, new morality, new paradigm relating, next-tier sexual ethics, Noachian laws, nonjudgmental, no sex outside of marriage, not that there's anything wrong with that, objectification, old-fashioned, old paradigm relating, online relationship, ontically disordered, pankoitism, pansexualism, passion, periodization, personalism, pragmatism, prudery, public character of sex, relationalism, separation of religion and sexual morality, separation of sex and power, sex-negative stance, sexosophy, sex-positive stance, sex rule, sexual autonomy, sexual behavior, sexual immorality, sexual justice, sexual nomad, sexual purity, sexual temptation, situation ethics, smorgasbord Protestantism, stigmatic guilt, swingers' moral code, theology of marriage, theology of sex, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional morality, transgender, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, utopian swinging, virtual community, virtue, zina, zipper morals.

 

sexual mores:

The prevailing attitudes within a society or some subset of a society about what sexual behaviors and relationships are acceptable or proper.

Comments: "Mores" has two syllables and is pronounced as if spelled "morays."

Sexual mores may incorporate sexual morality (q.v.) but are not necessarily coterminus with sexual morality.

There may be conflicting sets of mores within a single society, particularly if that society embraces multiple traditions or if there have been one or more revolts against prevailing mores.

See also active-passive split, alternative lifestyle, alternative sexual relationship, "Anything goes," bodily integrity, bohemianism, boundary, break-up rules, Californication, code, code of discretion, code of silence, compartmentalization, consent to sex, culture, custom of the country, degrading sex, double standard, ethical relativism, geosexual, heteronormative, holiday from marriage, illicit love, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, indecent proposal, irregular connection, law of love, lust, moral code, morals, mores, new sexuality, next-tier sexual ethics, old-fashioned, open-minded, pankoitism, peccadillo, perversion, pornification, prudery, rules of adultery, rules of love, run astray, sexosophy, sex rule, sexual autonomy, sexual avant-garde, sexual behavior, sexual etiquette, sexual ethics, sexual immorality, sexual liberation, sexual maturity, sexual nomad, sexual permissiveness, sexual revolution, sexual taboo, sexways, sow (one's) wild oats, statism, stigmatic guilt, three-date rule, three-day rule, traditional morality, utopian swinging, traditional ways.

 

sexual needs, or sexual need:

The set of internal feelings that generate an urgency to engage in genital and, more generally, sensual or erotic activity, feelings which typically include at least some of the following (which is not a comprehensive list):

Comments: Frequently when the word "need" is used in relation to sexuality, objection is raised on the basis that need is related to survival. One needs water, food, and shelter; one does not need sexual activity. However, quite apart from the need of sexual activity, at least at the gamete level, for the survival of the species, this objection belies both the common use of the term and the relativity and complexity of need.

Regarding relativity: One needs a needle in order to sew, one needs a ball in order to play a ball game, one needs a telescope in order to see details of the moon from earth, one needs light in order to dispel darkness. Similarly, one needs sexual activity in order to satisfy the urgency mentioned above.

Regarding complexity:

In common usage, the mention of sexual needs or of needing sex is not usually about personal survival, although such needs when unmet can in some cases contribute to the thought processes that lead to suicide. Rather it is usually about urgency and quality of life. Without sexual satisfaction to address rising urgencies -- speaking especially of chronic deprivation -- some people may come to feel unhappy, even that life is not worth living. Some may pine away or waste away. Some take great risks in order to have their sexual needs and cravings met. Some may experience personality changes, sometimes in the form of a perversion of desire. Some may experience alienation from faith, family, or even the self. In other words, sexual needs might not usually be about survival, but for many people they have a great deal to do with living and can be an intensely serious matter.

See also bodily economy, conjugal rights, consortium, libido, marital duty, need a man (or a woman), need (a particular person), needs, randy, right to sex, sex crazed, sexual deprivation, sexual desire, sexual services, sexual urge, urge to merge.

x needing sex.


sexual negativism:

See under "sex-negative stance."

 

sexual network:

The people who are abstractly linked together, whether directly or indirectly, through sexual activity, past and present, as in a sociological diagram of relationships that have occurred.

Example: If John has had sex with Jill and Jill with Charlie and Charlie with Susan, they are all part of the same sexual network.

See also alternate relationship geometries, boyfriend in common, brother in lust, bukis, chains of affection, contact tracing for sexually transmitted infections, cycling, daisy chain, dating chain, diagramming a love relationship, distal partner, genogram, girlfriend in common, intimate network, Langdon chart, merry-go-round of love, poly web, romantic network, sexual connection, sexual geometry, sister in lust, take seconds, trail.

x network.

 

sexual nomad:

A person whose sexuality or sexual behavior is unrooted or uprooted, for instance:

See also bisexual, libertine, non-monogamist, omnisexual, pankoitist, pansexual, promiscuous, sexual morality, sexual mores, try-sexual.


sexual nonexclusivity:

1. A norm or a policy, whether one's own or agreed upon within a relationship, that allows one to engage in sexual activity with one or more people besides either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners; personal sexual openness.

2. A norm or a policy whereby members of a sexual relationship are allowed to engage in sexual activity with others outside of that relationship; openness in sexual relationships.

3. The practice of engaging in sexual activity with one or more people besides either a given sex partner or a pre-defined set of sex partners.

4. Sexual activity with one or more people outside a relationship by one or more members of that relationship.

Contrast sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sexual monogamy (q.v.). See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, big love, comarital, consensual adultery, extra-pair copulation, flexible monogamy, f*ck around, hundred-mile rule, keep safe what (one is) to (somebody), the lifestyle, milk two cows, more evolved, multilateral sexuality, new adultery, nonexclusive monogamy, non-exclusivity pact, non-monogamy, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, open a marriage, open couple, open group marriage, open marriage, open relationship, pankoity, polyamory, polyfuckery, polykoity, promiscuity, put it about, screw around, secret of a successful marriage, serve two studs, sexual varietism, sexually nonexclusive, sexual non-monogamy, sexual permissiveness, sleep around, swinging, syndyasmian family.

 

sexual non-monogamy:

Having multiple sex partnerships, insofar as the durations of these partnerships overlap.

Coined by me on analogy with "sexual monogamy." But perhaps it already exists.

Contrast sexual exclusivity (q.v.) and sexual monogamy (q.v.). See also genetic monogamy, non-monogamy, pankoity, polyerocist, polyeros, polyfuckery, polykoity, sex partner, sexual circle, sexual nonexclusivity, sexually non-monogamous, swinging.

 

sexual orientation:

An individual's pattern of sexual attraction as discerned on the basis of the sex of that individual relative to the sex or sexes of those to whom he or she is attracted. If that individual is attracted chiefly to members of a different sex, the orientation is heterosexual; if chiefly to members of the same sex, homosexual; and if to members of each sex roughly in balance, bisexual.

Comments: For many uses, this threefold classification is inadequate, since:

The definition of sexual orientation is itself subject to debate, since some maintain that sexual orientation encompasses non-sexual variables, such as one's choices as to whom to socialize with, and since some define it in terms of falling in love or choice of sex partners.

The formation of sexual orientation is still far from being fully understood. The interaction of a person's genes with that person's environment and experiences may be one of the factors that play a role. Hormonal development in interaction with the environment may be another factor. Psychological development may be yet another.

Since many traditions have regarded sexual activity between people of the same sex to be immoral, a debate rages as to whether non-heterosexuals can change their sexual orientation to heterosexuality. It would appear that some can and some cannot.

Various scales have been devised to rate sexual orientation, the most famous being the Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale (KHHS) and, its extension, the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG).

The Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale

 

Based on both psychologic reactions and overt experience, individuals rate as follows:

0. Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1. Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2. Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3. Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4. Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5. Predominantly homosexual, but incidentally heterosexual
6. Exclusively homosexual

From: Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, [by] Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin (Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders Co., 1948): p. 638.

Klein Sexual Orientation Guide

Variable

Past

Present

Ideal

A. Sexual Attraction

-

-

-

B. Sexual Behavior

-

-

-

C. Sexual Fantasies

-

-

-

D. Emotional Preference

-

-

-

E. Social Preference

-

-

-

F. Self Identification

-

-

-

G. Straight/Gay Lifestyle

-

-

-

For A-E

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

Other sex only

Other sex mostly

Other sex somewhat more

Both sexes equally

Same sex somewhat more

Same sex mostly

Same sex only

For F-G

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

Hetero only

Hetero mostly

Hetero somewhat more

Hetero/gay equally

Gay somewhat more

Gay mostly

Gay only

From: "Sexual Orientation: A Multivariable Dynamic Process," [by] Fritz Klein, Barry Sepekoff, Timothy J. Wolf, in: Bisexuality: A Reader and Sourcebook, edited by Thomas Geller (Ojai, Calif.: Times Change Press, c1990): pp. 64-81, specifically figures 1-3 on pp. 69, 71, 72. (I've provided headings for the last two figures.) Reprinted from The Journal of Homosexuality; v. 11, 1/2 (1985).

To correlate the Klein grid to the Kinsey scale, divide the sum of the answers by the number of answers given -- 21 if the answers are replete -- and subtract 1 to adjust for the difference in the number scales.

See also alternative sexuality, androphilia, "Anybody is fair game," asexuality, bearding, bisexuality, complementary sexual orientation, conversion therapy, convert, discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, ecosexuality, ex-gay ministry, gynophilia, heterosexuality, homosexuality, label, lgbt, lovemap, mixed-orientation marriage, opposite-sex attraction, other-sex attraction, poly orientation, rehabilitation of homosexuals, reparative therapy, robosexual, same-sex attraction, sexual bigotry, sexual desire, sexuality, sexual minority, sexual orientation change efforts, sexual preference, shysexuality, straighten (someone) out, swing the other way, template for a lover, vegansexuality, wear a label, wired.

x Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale.
x Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.

 

sexual orientation change efforts:

The various methods -- whether psychological, medical, or religious, whether professional or lay, and whether in clinical, group, or other settings -- that are employed with an aim of changing a same-sex sexual orientation or a bisexual orientation to a heterosexual orientation.

Comment: Abbreviated SOCE.

Given that almost everything about sexual orientation change efforts is in dispute, including not only the facts and the outcomes, but sometimes even the terminology (see, for example, the comments under "ex-gay ministry") -- all this in a highly polarized political context, in which religious passions are at work -- it is next to impossible to compose definitions that would be considered neutral by all parties for the cluster of terms associated with sexual oritentation change efforts.

See also bisexuality, conversion therapy, convert, ex-gay, ex-gay ministry, heterocentrism, homosexuality, rehabilitation of homosexuals, reparative therapy, sexual orientation, SOCE, straighten (someone) out, transformational ministry.


sexualove:

A synergistic fusion (or non-separation) of love (q.v.) and sexuality (q.v.) for intimate relationship.

See also amorist, carnal love, eromance, erotosexual, love-passion, lover, love's lust, romance, romantic love, sexual desire, sexual love.

 

sexual partner:

See sex partner.

 

sexual partnering:

Satisfying or helping to satisfy each other's libidinous needs and desires on an ongoing basis as the result of a conscious choice to do so.

Comments: The above definition is minimalist: it represents the lowest common denominator. Sexual partnering has a number of variable elements, and they can be occasions of miscommunication. To give some examples:

 

sexual partnership:

An association -- in some usage, specifically between a male and a female -- that is characterized, at least in part, by love-making on a cooperative basis.

See also alliance of bodies, partner, partner sexually, romantic partnering, sexual partnering, sexual relationship.

Quotation from Science News Illustrating "Sexual Partnership"

 

People usually form long-term sexual partnerships. Men thus tend to look for women's physical signs of youth, which signal childbearing potential for years to come, the researchers [Martin N. Muller and his colleagues] hold.

In contrast, adult chimps of both sexes mate with many partners. For male chimps, say the researchers, old females may be particularly alluring because of their demonstrated success at surviving and, in most cases, raising offspring.

From: "Age Becomes Her: Male Chimpanzees Favor Old Females As Mates," in: Science News; v. 170, no. 22 (November 25, 2006): p. 341.

 

sexual permissiveness:

1. Said of a culture or group: A general looseness in behavioral expectations relative either to sexual restrictions and requirements of the past or to a strict sexual code; comparatively lax, by custom, regarding erotic behavior.

2. Said of a person or group of persons responsible for others:

3. Said of a partner in a sexual relationship:

4. Said of someone who is a date: A granting of sexual liberties (note the element of implied passivity).

5. Said of a code of behavior:

See also adultery-toleration pact, "an it harm none, do what ye will," antinomianism, "Anything goes," arrangement, condone, consensual adultery, easy virtue, eleutherophilism, ethical hedonism, facile virtue, free-living, free love, hall pass, hot and cool sex, libertarianism, libertinism, liberty, licentiousness, malakos, moral code, new adultery, new morality, non-exclusivity pact, open marriage, pansexualism, relationship choice, relationship freedom, sexosophy, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, sexual immorality, sexual liberation, sexually permissive, sexual mores, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual toleration, traditional morality, universal permanent availability, wittolry.

 

sexual politics:

1. Maneuvers and negotiations on behalf of conflicting agendas -- on the one hand an agenda on the part of one or more males and, on the other hand, an agenda on the part of one of more females.

2. The dynamics of power-structured relationships between the sexes, especially where inequity and measures of control over groups of human beings exist.

3. The dynamics that occur in the intersection between sexuality and social power.

Comment: Sexual politics in both of the last two senses can be permeating and found in cultural institutions such as marriage and government, in organizational structures of all types (for instance, religious and educational), and in interactions between individuals of different sexes. Among the dynamics is psychological conditioning to accept the power structures that be.

See also active-passive split, bedroom politics, boudoir politics, conflict of gender interest, culture war, discrimination on the basis of sex, double standard, female chauvinism, feminism, get government out of the bedroom, "goose and gander" theory, "head of the wife," male chauvinism, man's sphere, matriarchalism, "Men are pigs," patriarchalism, power exchange, public character of sex, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sex and power, sexism, sex relation, sex role, sexual chauvinism, sexual politics, statism, union of equals, "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander," woman's sphere.

x politics.


sexual preference:

1. One's fancy, be it momentary or lasting, with regard to one's erotic life -- typically a practice, a position, or a trait, such as hair color, in a sex partner.

2. One's inclination to choose a person of a particular sex for a sex partner. In this sense, a substitute for the term "sexual orientation," the point of the word "preference" often being, as in ex-gay ministry, to emphasize choice, volition, the presence of a free moral will as a key factor when one pursues a same-sex partner.

See also culture, ex-gay ministry, sexual orientation.


sexual purity:

1. Satisfaction of socio-religious expectations as to one's sexual history or relationship(s). Thus, either from birth or sexual maturation or some point of repentence:

2. Chastity that has been successfully maintained.

Comment: The term "sexual purity" is often associated with biblical teachings, but is not itself a biblical term -- however, approaching the concept is 1 Corinthians 6:15-20. In the Bible, speaking in broad general terms, there is cultic purity (a scholarly term) and purity of the heart (for example, at James 4:8), in each case the opposite of which is defilement (for example, at Matthew 15:16-20). Although in the Bible sexuality is important (see, for example, at Leviticus 18:29; Acts 15:20, 29; and 1 Corinthians 6:9), it is not a thing separate, a certain attitude towards which defines or circumscribes either Judaism or Christianity. Righteous sexual behavior is not the central thing, but rather a part of much else.

See also abstinence, chastity, damaged goods, dirty, fallen, Madonna-whore complex, no sex outside of marriage, obscenity-purity complex, purity, purity ball, purity myth, sexual morality, stigmatic guilt, traditional morality.

x Bible.

 

sexual rejection:

1. A refusal to accept a person -- or to accept a person any longer -- as a sex partner.

2. A refusal to engage in physically intimate activity at the present time despite the readiness of the instigator (that is, the sex partner or potential sex partner).

See also break-up, divorce, "Don't get the wrong idea," get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, No means no, put-off, reject, reject (someone), sack, separate, spurn (someone), wouldn't marry (you) if (you) were the last person on earth.

x rejection.


sexual relationship:

A relationship (q.v.), especially one of some duration, that includes physical intimacy or an erotic sharing.

Comment: Marriage is a form of sexual relationhip.

See also affair of the flesh, alternative sexual relationship, chains of affection, cheap affair, conjunction, erotic friendship, hit on, illicit relationship, intimacy, intimate relationship, involved with, make a move, make a pass at, marriage, mating habits, partner, physical relationship, robosexual, romantic relationship, sexual connection, sexual partnership, short-term relationship, steamy relationship, TOCOTOX, torrid affair, transitional affair, X-rated relationship.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sexual Relationship"

 

A sexual relationship may last for an hour or two. It's still a relationship; the participants have related to one another, as sex partners, companions and/or lovers, for the duration of their interaction.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 23.

 

sexual revolution:

1. A period of upheaval in sexual mores that leads to their loosening or adjustment in at least some non-marginalized quarters of a society. Generally such a period is characterized by more openly free sexual behavior or even by actual changes in sexual behavior patterns; and the aspects of sexuality affected may range widely, for instance, from the sexual experience itself to mating habits to marital forms to laws touching on marriage and sexuality.

2. In America the term often refers especially to such upheaval in the 1960s and early 1970s; although, in some ways, the time period extended for many years both before and after. In fact, some consciously keep the sexual revolution alive today. (For that matter, the sexual revolution was not limited to the United States either, but extended to much of the Western world and beyond.) Its heyday in America coincided with the civil rights movement; the movement against the Vietnam War, one of the slogans of that movement being, "Make love not war"; a widespread demise of trust in authority; a resurgence of experimentation in communal living; the end of laws against miscegenation (Loving v. Virginia, 1967) and against abortion (Roe v. Wade, 1973); a resurgence of the women's liberation movement; and the emergence of a full-fledged gay rights movement. In other words, revolt was "in the air"; and many of the forms that it took had a strong erotic component, which converged with and reinforced the sexual revolution.

3. A reconstituting of thought and teaching about sexuality in a religious or social institution, especially when it reflects a move from generally negative attitudes to generally positive attitudes.

Comments: Some deny that a sexual revolution, in an effective sense, ever took place in the United States. Of these, some point, for example, to the persistence of monogamism and of certain behavioral patterns, to the continuation of sumptuary laws (q.v.) in some states, and to the continued commercial exploitation of sexuality, which suggests, theoretically, that repression is alive and well. Others model a long evolution of mores and behavioral patterns rather than a short explosive revolution. In any case, the sexual revolution is a part of the American public consciousness; and it has inspired a series of backlashes, for instance, from some social conservatives.

See also Age of Aquarius; fair-game syndrome; feminism; free love; heart balm statute; libertarianism; libertinism; love generation; "Make love, not war"; miscegenation; new morality; new sexuality; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; psychedelic free love; radical love; sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; sex-positive stance; sexual counterrevolution; sexual freedom; sexual golden age; sexual liberation; sexual mores; Summer of Love; zipless f***.

x erotic revolution.

 

sexual rights:

See right to sex.


sexual semaphore:

A nonverbal signal or set of nonverbal signals that relates to mating.

See also discourse of desire, gallant a fan, language of fans, language of flowers, language of fruit, language of love, language of vegetables.

x semaphore.


sexual services:

Assistance provided, generally for remuneration, in the erotic area of life. Assistance may range from advice to medical help, for example, by way of a surrogate sex partner, to direct relief of genital tension, as may be provided by some sex workers, to providing aids for relief of genital tension, aids such as erotica and sex toys. In some cases, assistance may be chiefly about power exchange, but with an erotic component. Clientele may include people who are sexually healthy and happy but who want the additional element in their lives, people who are sexually deprived, people who suffer from some sort of dysfunction affecting their sex lives, and people who are incapacitated.

Contrast sex service (q.v.). See also power exchange, prostitute, right to sex, sexual exploitation, sexual needs, sex worker, surrogate sex partner, use porn together.

x service.


sexual shame:

1. A feeling of embarrassment with regard to one's own genitalia as genital, erectile tissues as erectile, and/or sexed characteristics as sexed.

2. A feeling of guilt, embarrassment, or degradation-in-the-eyes-of-others with regard to one's erotic inclinations, arousal, and/or activities.

See also alabaster, damaged goods, dirty, erotophobia, fallen, genophobia, impurity, judgmentalism, Madonna-whore complex, Mrs. Grundy, "naked and not ashamed," obscenity-purity complex, only-right-way-to-be syndrome, prudery, sex-negative stance, sexual bigotry, sexual degradation, sexual inhibition, sexual sin, slut-shaming, stigmatic guilt, unchaste, walk of shame, wowser.

x shame.


sexual sin:

An offense against a god or God or a fellow community member or a fellow human being, as defined and delimited by a religion or its sacred texts -- all this as related in some way specifically to sexual behavior and relationships and the internal states that would lead to them.

Comment: A common mistake is to equate sexual sin, the specifics of which often reach back to antiquity, with violation of either much later cultural mores or present middle-class values; and, indeed, mores and values do often have an effect upon how sexual sin is understood even by religionists. (In this context, note one of the Apostle Paul's stated motivations in his guidance about behavior: "Give no offense" (1 Corinthians 10:32).) However, the interests of a religion are not necessarily the interests of a particular class or culture. For instance, a given religion may be more interested in carrying forward a code derived from an agrarian past than in developing a social system that is fully adapted to the pressures of the present; or, alternatively, it may be more interested in setting up a social system approximating its vision for the end times than in calibrating a social system for the here and now. Of course, the argument often is that the code being propagated by the religion is what is best for present-day society.

See also abomination, adultery, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," bestiality, biblical sexual ethics, deceased wife's sister question, father's wife, first-cousin marriage, forbidden degrees, forbidden love, fornication, Holiness Code, incest, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, lesbianism, lust, malakos, menstruant as forbidden, Noachian laws, no sex outside of marriage, porneia, rival, Seventh Commandment, Seven Capital Sins, sexual immorality, sexual shame, sexual temptation, sexual taboo, Sixth Commandment of the Church, sodomite, Tenth Commandment, unnatural, venereal transgression.

x Bible.


sexual sobriety:

1. In general: freedom from being controlled by lust; a state in which one's sexual energies are under one's own control as opposed to their being controlled by a compulsion to act out of lust; the condition of having the sexual dimension of one's life in an appropriate balance with other important dimensions of one's life.

2. With regard to the sexaholic: the self-imposed discipline of avoiding, on an on-going basis, both lustful thoughts and behaviors arising out of lust; non-capitulation to lust on a day-by-day basis.

Comments: In each sense the concept of sexual sobriety is a bit fuzzy -- in the first sense because the appropriate balance is indeterminate in either universal terms or terms particular to the individual; and in the second sense because, rather than a rigorous scientific definition that relates sobriety and non-sobriety to, say, dopamine production in the brain, they are cast in terms colored with cultural attitudes.

In addition, the concept is controversial because of its moral overtones. Even among those who accept some form of moral regulation of sexuality, many questions are raised, with regard to the second sense especially, for instance:

For all that, there is widespread social recognition that sex lives can spin out of control, and scientific explanations have been put forward. The opposite of spinning out of control is regaining sexual sobriety.

See also lust, sexaholic, sexual addiction.

x sobriety.

 

sexual starvation:

1. The condition of being sex-starved (q.v.).

2. The act, whether deliberate or not, of causing somebody to be sex-starved.

See also marital monotony, sexual deprivation.

 

sexual suicide:

The cultural or subcultural denial and suppression of differences between the sexes; renunciation of the attitude embodied in the saying, "Vive la différence!"

Comment: Generally used as a pejorative term, indicating on the part of the speaker a particular stand on certain social issues.

See also feminism, vive la différence!

 

sexual surrogate:

See sex surrogate.

 

sexual taboo:

A culturally imposed restriction upon whom one may marry or have sexual relations with or upon what sorts of sexual activities may be engaged in. Perhaps the most famous set of sexual taboos is found in Leviticus 18 and 20.

See also enlightened sex, forbidden love, Holiness Code, illicit love, incest, inappropriate relationship, irregular connection, moral code, perversion, porneia, secondary incest, Romeo and Juliet effect, sexual mores, sexual sin, stigmatic guilt.

x taboo

 

sexual temptation:

1. An allure that entices one to cross the boundaries of a given code regarding sexual behavior or the boundaries of a relational agreement.

2. An allure that entices one to want to engage in sexual activity.

3. The felt experience of being so enticed (in either of the above senses), especially as that experience leads to stirrings in the generative organs.

See also lust, seduction, sexual morality, sexual sin.

x temptation.

Quotation from the Angus Davidson Translation of Alberto Moravia Illustrating "Temptations" of the Sexual Sort

Her [Leda's] thought was dictated, perhaps, by goodwill; but it suited me to think that, apart from goodwill, everything to her was dark and confused, and predisposed her to give way to temptations of the kind that had thrown her into Antonio's arms.

From the novel: Conjugal Love, by Alberto Moravia (New York, N.Y.: New American Library, 1952, c1951; in publisher's series: A Signet Book; 922): chapter 16, p. 135. Translated from the Italian of L'Amore Coniugale (1949) by Angus Davidson. Originally published in English: New York, Farrar, Straus and Young, 1951.


sexual toleration:

1. Nonjudgmentalism with regard to sexual orientation, sexual preferences, sexual relationship types, sexual activity, and types of sexual practices, the latter three insofar as they cause no physical or serious psychological harm and do not violate relational agreements that significantly affect oneself; unwillingness to condemn and thereby willingness to allow others to pursue their own erotic and relational penchants, so long as the rights and liberties of others are not impinged upon.

2. Opposition to either restrictive legislation, coercive power from any source, or personal pressure in matters purely of eroticism and love.

Comment: Many consider sexual toleration an ethical obligation. The pulpiteering come-back often runs along these lines: "The toleration of sexual sin is no virtue." Indeed, the limits of toleration and the extent of harm have been among the great social debates in Western countries over the last several decades; and those debates have played a significant role in the so-called culture wars in the United States.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," antinomianism, get government out of the bedroom, libertarianism, new morality, nonjudgmental, not that there's anything wrong with that, open-minded, relationship anarchy, relationship freedom, right to sex, romantic rights, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual freedom, sexual permissiveness, YKIOK,IJNMK.

x toleration.


sexual underground:

Social hubs, spoken of collectively, where clandestine and/or illegal eroticism flourishes and where the sorts of erotic partnering favored by such circumstances are encouraged to take place.

See also sexually marginalized, sexual minority.


sexual urge:

1. A libidinous surge; an intense desire of the moment to copulate; an impulse to engage in sexual activity.

2. Sometimes in the singular but usually as a plural in the form "sexual urges": A chronically recurrent desire to copulate.

See also horniness, libido, sex drive, sexual needs, urge to merge.


sexual utopia:

A social group in which sexual happiness for all members is maximized by intention, especially as a way of besting traditional patterns, such as patriarchal polygyny and traditional monogamy. Among ideas sometimes associated with sexual utopia: the cultivation of love and intimate communication between all members of the group; the balancing of complementarities so that the sexual needs and desires of all are met, even if that means sexual communism (q.v.); the discouragement of possessiveness and the management of jealousy; the elimination of structural and other chauvinisms (rarely achieved); and the procreation of children who are healthy both physically and psychologically. Among the many advocates of sexual utopias: Charles Fourier (1772-1837) and John Humphrey Noyes (1811-1886).

See also complex marriage; ethical non-monogamy; free affection; free-sex colony; letter group (omega); more evolved; new morality; panfidelity; pankoitism; post-pill, pre-AIDS era; sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; sexual golden age; sexual liberation; spiritual marriage; utopian swinging.

 

sexual varietism:

A taste for seeking multifarious sexual experiences, especially the experience of many different sexual partners.

Comment: Wildly different ideas may be brought to mind when sexual varietism is mentioned. For instance, for some it may connote:

See also agapet, amars, bonobo way, brothel behavior, Casanova complex, casual sex, Catherine the Great complex, Coolidge effect, Don Juanism, experienced lover, free love, f*ck around, indiscriminate sex, libertinism, Lothario, Messalina complex, new cock syndrome, new pussy syndrome, non-monogamy, nymphomania, out-paramour, pankoitism, philanderer, pick up artist, polyeros, polyfuckery, polykoity, promiscuity, put it about, recreational sex, sacanagem, screw around, serial philandering, sexual circle, sexual communism, sexually experienced, sexual nonexclusivity, sleep around, slut, swinging, toujours perdrix, uteromania, womanizer, wonderlust.

x variety.


sexways:

The patterns of mating, marital practice, love relationships, and sexual behavior in a given population.

See also alternative lifestyle, alternative sexual relationship, lifestyle, alternative sexuality, custom of the country, lovestyle, mating dance, mating habits, mating rituals, old-fashioned, reproductive strategy, sex life, sexual behavior, sexual mores, slutstyle, traditional ways.

 

sex worker:

A person who earns money by using his or her body to stimulate or gratify the erotic desires of others -- for example, a stripper, a porn star, or a prostitute.

Comment: At the moment, this term is generally regarded as politically correct, that is, as non-offensive to those of whom it is properly used.

See also fluffer, gigolo, manwhore, prostitute, sanky panky, "Sex sells," sexual exploitation, sexual services, use porn together.


sexy:

1. Concerned with or inclined towards sexual matters or sexual activites.

2. Attractive or provocatively revealing in such a way as to arouse sexual interest.

3. Engaged in sexual activity; sexually involved.

4. Having content that might sexually arouse a person.

5. Suggestive of sexual gratification, because of erotic associations.

6. Appealling, especially in either a primitive or elegant way.

Comment: Comparative forms are spelled "sexier" and "sexiest."

Contrast asexy (q.v.). See also attractive, bisexy, datable, desirable, f*ckable, hot, hot as Dutch love, hot tomato, hottie, lovable, objectify, osculable, phat, sex-alive, sex appeal, sultry, toothsome, waist-to-hip ratio, X-appeal.

x sexier.
x sexiest.

Quotations from J. D. Salinger Illustrating "Sexy"

 

[42] That really interested him [Stradlater]. About the booze hound running around the house naked, with [his step daughter] Jane [Gallagher] around. Stradlater [who was to be her date] was a very sexy bastard.

[Holden Caulfield] "She had a lousy childhood. I'm not kidding."

That didn't interest Stradlater, though. Only very sexy stuff interested him.


[70] [Holden Caulfield narrating] Women kill me. They really do. I don't mean I'm oversexed or anything like that -- although I am quite sexy. I just like them, I mean.

[99] I really got to know her [Jane Gallagher] quite intimately. I don't mean it was anything physical or anything -- it wasn't -- but we saw each other all the time. You don't always have to get too sexy to get to know a girl.

[188] [Holden Caulfield] "You still going around with that same babe you used to at Whooton? The one with the terrific --"

"Good God, no," he [old Luce] said.

"How come? What happened to her?"

"I haven't the faintest idea. For all I know, since you ask, she's probably the Whore of New Hampshire by this time."

"That isn't nice. If she was decent enough to let you get sexy with her all the time, you at least shouldn't talk about her that way."

[191] [Holden Caulfield to old Luce] "You know what the trouble with me is? I can never get really sexy -- I mean really sexy -- with a girl I don't like a lot. I mean I have to like her a lot. If I don't, I sort of lose my goddam desire for her and all. Boy, it really screws up my sex life something awful. My sex life stinks."

From the novel: The Catcher in the Rye, [by] J. D. Salinger (Boston: Little, Brown, 1951): chpater 4, p. 42; chapter 11, p. 99; chapter 19, pp. 188, 191. Italics his.

 

S-group (Robert A. Heinlein, 1982):

A group marriage that one buys into and that, in fiction at least, is legally regulated. The "S" stands for "synthetic family."

See also family, group marriage, letter group (S), marriage.

x synthetic family.

 

shack of love:

See love shack.


shack up:

To move in and live together as lovers, without being formally married; to share the same domicile and probably the same bedroom, said usually of a man and a woman who are not married to one another.

See also bungalowing, cohabit, cohabitate, cosominate, co-vivant, domestic companion, free union, household, in-house friend, live-in boyfriend, live-in companion, live-in girlfriend, live-in lover, living together, love shack, ménage, moll up, move in together, other terms than marriage, PASSLQ, play house, POSSLQ, run off together, share the same bedroom, sleep together, take up with.

 

shadkahn (Hebrew):

A marriage broker, especially a Jewish one.

See also affiance, affy, go-between, kiddushim, love-broker, marriage broker, matchmaker, play Cupid, proxenete, shidduch, yenta.

x Hebrew terms.

 

shadow husband:

A man who is in limbo, either having been tricked into believing that he has been legitimately married or having indeed been legitimately married even though his wife denies it, which would place him in a second limbo, both wifeless and unable to remarry without officially ending his marriage.

Comment: Formed by me on analogy with "shadow wife."

See also husband, jactitation of marriage, marriage fraud, marriage in jest, shadow wife, sham marriage.


shadow wife:

A woman who is in limbo, either having been tricked into believing that she has been legitimately married or having indeed been legitimately married even though her husband denies it, which would place her in a second limbo, both husbandless and unable to remarry without officially ending her marriage.

See also bloss, blowen, jactitation of marriage, marriage fraud, marriage in jest, shadow husband, shadow wife, sham marriage, wife.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Shadow Wife"

 

[157] [Dinna Winther about her brother Niels] "We're going to have a party when Niels announces his engagement. You must really come to that."

[Louise Amberley, who thought she was now Luise [sic] Winther, but had been denied by her supposed husband, Otto Winther] "What as?" I asked. "A shadow stepmother? Your father's shadow wife?"


[195] [Later, after Louise Amberley discovers that she has probably been tricked, she says the following to a friend, which helps explain the term "shadow wife"] "Oh, I know. I look a mess and I'm in a muddle. I'm still not absolutely certain I'm not married. I feel like a spogelse, [Danish for] a ghost, a shadow."

From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 11, p. 157, and chapter 13, p. 195.


Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616:

Unless otherwise stated, the Shakespeare quotations in this Glossary are from William Shakespeare: The Complete Works (2nd ed., general editors, Stanley Wells and Gary Taylor. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 2005). Following the title of a cited play is a stab at the production date, which is taken from the table of contents of the same edition.

See abomination (abhominable), adorer, affair, amorous dove (not his term), banish, benedict, chuck, comether, concupy, country mistress, courtesan, Cupid's golden arrow, fancy-monger, fancy-sick, flirt-gill, friendship, green-eyed, green-eyed monster, half-worker, hollow lover, ius primae noctis (alluded to), Jack and Jill, juggler, Juliet, ladder of love, Lady Macbeth syndrome, lead apes in hell, loose-wived, love-bed, love-book, love-broker, love-cause, love-devouring, love-discourse, love-feat, love-juice, love-kindling, love-lacking, loveless, love letter, love-line, love-monger, love-news, love-performing, love-prate, lovered, love-rhyme, love-shaft, love-shaked, love-spring, love-suit, love that dare not speak its name, marriage of true minds, mell, mousetrap play, Othello syndrome, out-paramour, "Parting is such sweet sorrow," play-fellow, protests too much, requite, Romeo, Romeo and Juliet effect, secret-false, secret love, seven ages of lechery (as an allusion), skains-mate, star-crossed lovers, thief of love, troilism, Truelove River (for "The course of true love"), "two hearts that beat as one" (a false attribution), unnatural, white wife, wived, Xanthippê.

 

shalom bayit (Hebrew, Sephardi pronunciation), or shalom bayis (Hebrew, Ashkenazi pronunciation):

"Peace of the household": tranquility at home; marital happiness and fulfillment; harmony between spouses.

See also bliss, conjugal felicity, conjugalism, domestic happiness, happily married, happy marriage, made for each other, match made in heaven, nomogamosis, successful marriage.

x Hebrew terms.


shame:

See naked and not ashamed, sexual shame, slut-shaming, walk of shame.


sham marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) that, at least in some vital aspect, is fake; a marital union that is presently one by appearances or on paper or according to the motions only; a marital union lacking essential bonds or any attention thereto.

2. A pretense of marriage, especially for the purpose of conducting a fraud.

Contrast, to some extent, bona fide marriage (q.v.). See also bloss, blowen, faux wedding, hollow marriage, immigration marriage fraud, jactitation of marriage, klepsigamy, marriage, marriage fraud, marriage in jest, mock marriage, paper marriage, pseudoromantic, shadow husband, shadow wife, slob love, spoffskins.

 

Shandu:

See Xanadu.


Shangtu:

See Xanadu.


shapely:

Characterized by having an attractive or sexually desirable form; said of a person's body, usually a woman's, in which case the reference is usually to her figure.

See also attractive, callipygian ideal, human beauty, outer beauty, sexy, toothsome, voluptuous, waist-to-hip ratio.


shared memory; plural, shared memories:

1. An experience two or more people have had with each other of which they can remind each other.

2. In the plural:

Comment: Shared memories, as a store of experiences, are principally the province of family members, long-time or old-time friends, long-time lovers, spouses, and exes. The valuing of shared memories is often part of the bond that continues to hold individuals together, and such memories are part of the loss when individuals are parted by death or a break-up, a loss that can feel more devastating than when a tornado whisks away all the family photos.

As just demonstrated, the term often carries with it an air of wistfulness.

See also life's companion.

x memory.


share (one's) favors:

To have more than one lover at the same time.

Comment: "Favors" is the common American spelling; "favours" the British.

See also cheat, have two strings to (one's) bow, milk two cows, polyamory, polygamy, serve two studs, swing.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Share her Favours"

 

[The Vicomte de Valmont to Azolan, his valet] Make arrangements to continue a while longer as your Julie's fond admirer. If she has found another, as you believe, make her agree to share her favours. You are not going to pride yourself on any ridiculous sense of delicacy: you will be in the same situation as a great many others who are your betters.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 101, pp. 238-240, specifically p. 239. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

 

[The French reads] Arrangez-vous, pour être encore quelque temps l'amant heureux de votre Julie. Si elle en a un autre, comme vous l'avez cru, faites-la consentir à se partager; et n'allez pas vous piquer d'une ridicule délicatesse : vous serez dans le cas de bien d'autres, qui valent mieux que vous.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 101, pp. 227-229, specifically p. 228. "Se partager" = "share her favours."

 

share (one's partner) with:

1. To have a spouse or lover who has (so-and-so) as a sex partner also.

2. To have a spouse or lover who has affection also for.

3. To have a spouse or lover who has other demands on his or her time from.

Comment: Each of these types of sharing subdivides into sharing that is willing, perhaps even deliberate; sharing that is tolerated; and sharing that is unwitting.

See also brother in lust, brother starling, co-spouse, cuckold, cuckquean, husband-doubling, husband-sharing, loose-wived, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, mate-swapping, ménage à trois, partner sharing, pimp for, polyamory, sheet partner, sister in lust, swing, wife-sharing, wittol.

Quotation from Kati Marton Illustrating "Sharing Her Husband"

 

In 1918, when she was thirty-four years old, "the bottom dropped out" of Eleanor's world when she discovered she was sharing her husband [Franklin Delano Roosevelt] with another woman [Lucy Mercer].

From: Hidden Power: Presidential Marriages That Shaped Our Recent History, [by] Kati Marton (New York: Pantheon Books, c2001): p. 52

 

share the family jewels:

See family jewels.


share the same bedroom:

1. To have the same sleeping quarters.

2. To be sex partners of each other (euphemism).

See also bungalowing, cohabit, cohabitate, cosominate, co-vivant, living together, ménage, moll up, other terms than marriage, PASSLQ, play house, POSSLQ, shack up, share the same bedroom, sleep together.

 

shark, as in "a shark":

1. Certain cartilaginous fish of the order Pleurotremata.

2. On analogy with certain types of the aforementioned fish, a person who seeks sexual liaisons aggressively and without scruples.

3. Likewise on analogy with certain types of the aforementioned fish, a person ready to participate in a feeding frenzy, that is to compete aggressively and without scruples, when someone who would make an appealling sex partner is spotted as vulnerable to their methods.

See also animalistic, cad, gay deceiver, lady-killer, mudshark, operator, philanderer, pick up artist, player, promiscuity, seducer, seductress, sex kitten, shark (verb), she-wolf, skate, tomcat, wild, wolf.

Quotation from Armistead Maupin Illustrating "Shark"

 

[Brian Hawkins] "Quite a lady."

[Simon Bardill] "She's made the rounds, then?"

Brian chuckled. "She's the head shark in the Bermuda Triangle."

"Sorry?"

"That's what they call it," he explained. "The neighborhood where the Balboa Café is."

"I see."

"The lieutenant seemed a little nonplussed, so Brian tried to buck him up. "I mean ... it's not like she's the town whore or anything. She doesn't sack out with just everybody."

From the novel: Babycakes, [by] Armistead Maupin (New York: Harper & Row, 1984; "Perennial Library"; Tales of the City Series; v. 4)): p. 126. The elision is Maupin's.

 

shark, as in "to shark":

To aggressively seek one or more sexual liaisons.

Comment: The most common form of the verb seems to be "sharking."

See also date around, f*ck around, play the field, put it about, screw around, serial philandering, shark (noun), sleep around, womanize.

 

"She can park her shoes under my bed":

1. An expression to the effect that one is sexually available or would be to the person mentioned.

2. As hyperbole, an expression to the effect that one is attracted to the person mentioned.

Comment: For the entry, I have used the earliest form found; however, variations abound. Among them:

Furthermore the expression easily lends itself to creative substitutions, often conveying different meanings, nuances of meaning, or double entendres, as in, "He can park his fry-pan in my kitchen any time" (speaking of a famous chef); or as in "He could stuff my socks any day" (speaking of a handsome man who was described as a stocking stuffer).

One common use of the phrase is with regard to celebrities; and in those cases it is usually an expression of wishful thinking, as when my high school English teacher memorably declared to the class that Sidney Poitier could park his slippers under her bed any time.

Grammatical note: Here "can" has the sense of "may," and yet "may" would be unidiomatic, perhaps because the intended force is actually stronger than an allowance, being a matter of strong desire or encouragement.

References

Google Books had as the earliest example, as of March 3, 2011, the following, but without even a snippet view or a page number: Ten One-Act Plays, by Lee Anderson [1896-1972] (New York: McKee, 1928).

For an example of "I'd put my shoes in his wardrobe any day," see the play Interval, by Sumner Locke-Elliott (1939), as quoted in The Australian Language: An Examination of the English Language and English Speech as Used in Australia, from Convict Days to the Present, with Special Reference to the Growth of Indigenous Idiom and Its Use by Australian Writers, by Sidney J. Baker (2nd ed. Sydney: Currawong Publishing, 1966): p. 130.
For an example of "He could stuff my socks any day," see: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 17, p. 211.

See also approach invitation, attraction, come-on, comether, flirtation, freebie list, proceptive phase, proposition, sexual invitation.

x bed.
x "He can park his shoes under my bed."
x "I'd put my shoes in his wardrobe."
x "Leave her shoes under my bed."
x "Park her shoes under my bed."
x "Put her shoes under my bed."
x slippers.
x shoes.
x "You can park your shoes under my bed."

Quotation from Nöel Coward Illustrating "Leave His Shoes Under My Bed"

 

MARTHA: Look at the officer leading them.

SOPHIE: I must admit he could leave his shoes under my bed any time he liked.

From the play: "Conversation Piece" (1934), as found in: Plays: Three, [by] Nöel Coward; introduction by Raymond Mander and Joe Mitchenson (London: Eyre Methuen, 1979): p. 234. <Examined only in snippet view.>

Quotation from John Joseph Mathews Illustrating "Put Her Shoes Under My Bed"

 

Chick turned from the glass in mock surprise and looked steadily at Chal, "Say, frosh, that's too rich for your blood -- say, lissen, that little fairy can put her shoes under my bed an-ee time."

From the novel: Sundown, by John Joseph Mathews (London; New York: Longmans, Green, 1934): p. 115. <Examined only in snippet view.>


sheet partner:

A lover of either one's lover or one's spouse.

Comment: For a quotation illustrating "the partner of his sheet," see under "belamour."

See also assistant, brother in lust, brother starling, bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, co-husband, co-spouse, co-wife, ex-in-law, -in-law, Langdon chart, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, partner sharing, share (one's partner) with, sister in lust, TOCOTOX, ungetaken.

 

shegal (Hebrew):

See strange woman.


"She loves me, she loves me not":

See "He loves me, he loves me not."


Sherfey syndrome:

The activated ability of a woman, as has been engrained by evolution (theoretically), to have an unlimited series of orgasms in coitus with a series of men, one man right after another.

Comment: The term is attributed to Edward Brecher, 1971.

The allusion is to The Nature and Evolution of Female Sexuality, [by] Mary Jane Sherfey (New York: Random House, c1972). Much of the material in the book was previously published in the Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association.

See also andromania, Catherine the Great complex, Messalina complex, nymphomania, pankoity, promiscuity, rabbit, sex maniac, slut, uteromania.

x syndromes.
x variety.

Quotations from Edward M. Brecher on the Sherfey Syndrome

 

Some additional evidence for Dr. Sherfey's view of female sexuality is provided in recent studies of the Sexual Freedom Movement in California and elsewhere... Some (not all) women participating in this movement do in fact exhibit "the Sherfey syndrome" -- unlimited multiorgasmic response in coitus with an uninterrupted series of males. But this mode of behavior does not, interestingly enough, appear to 'jeopardize family life and child care,' as Dr. Sherfey fears....

The major sex-research reports such as the Kinsey and Masters-Johnson studies do much more than describe the existing nature of human sexuality. They also help to mold the future development of that sexuality.... Indeed, it may even happen that the Sherfey syndrome will prove to be a 'self-fulfilling prophecy.' Whether or not Dr. Sherfey is right about female sexuality in the past, more and more women familiar with Dr. Sherfey's theories may hereafter respond in the way she describes.

From: The Sex Researchers, by Edward M. Brecher; with a foreword by William H. Masters & Virginia E. Johnson (Boston: Little, Brown, c1969): pp. 195-197.

 

she-troth (Ursula K. Le Guin):

A committed love relationship between two women; female same-sex marriage. Said especially of witches.

Comment: Presumably the complement would be "he-troth."

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," Boston marriage, domestic partnership, female couple, female marriage, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, lesbianism, marriage, old wife, particular relationship, same-sex marriage, troth, zami.

Quotation from Ursula K. Le Guin Illustrating "She-Troth"

 

[14] Though seldom celibate, witches seldom kept company more than a night or two with any man, and it was a rare thing for a witch to marry a man. Far more often two of them lived their lives together, [15] and that was called witch marriage or she-troth. A witch's child, then, had a mother or two mothers, but no father.

From: The Other Wind, [by] Ursula K. Le Guin (New York: Harcourt, c2001): pp. 14-15. "A new Earthsea novel" -- dust jacket.

 

she who must be obeyed:

A woman who exercises power over her domain, such as one's own wife.

Comment: Abbreviated SWMBO.

In the Rumpole of the Bailey series by John Mortimer, the character, Rumpole, who is a highly literate lawyer, covertly refers to his wife, Hilda, by that phrase, which is an allusion to the character, Ayesha, Queen of Kor, in She: A History of Adventure, by H. Rider Haggard (1887).

See also ball-buster, doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, fictive widow, gynocracy, pussy-whipped, SWMBO, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, white sergeant, wife.

Quotation from Harry Mount Discussing "She Who Must Be Obeyed"

 

A gerundive is used in a precisely Latin way in English by John Mortimer's Rumpole of the Bailey, who knows some classics, and calls his wife, "She who must be obeyed."

The name Amanda is also a gerundive, meaning "A girl who must be loved."

From: Carpe Diem: Put a Little Latin in Your Life, [by] Harry Mount (New York: Hyperion, c2007): p. 87. A gerundive is a verbal adjective meaning "needing to be," say, "loved," in the case of the Latin word amandus; and, in Latin, it is declined like a normal adjective.

 

she-wolf:

1. A female of the species Canis lupus or a closely related species.

2. A woman who chases men for amatory purposes; a woman who is direct and avid in her pursuit of men for sex; a woman who treats a multiple number of men as sexual prey.

See comments under "wolf."

See also animalistic, bimbo, bitch, box of assorted creams, Don Juaness, fox, general lover, giglet, güila, hoe, hoochie, lothariette, lover, lovertine, make-out artist, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, seductress, sex kitten, shark, slut, tart, tramp, vamp, vixen, wanton woman, whore, wild, wolf.

 

shicksa:

See shiksa.

 

shidduch; plural: shidduchim (Hebrew):

1. A process for arranging a marriage or otherwise finding a marriage partner, inclusive of matchmaking.

2. The marriage that results from such a process.

Comment: The term is used especially among Orthodox Jewish communities.

See also arranged marriage, marriage, shadkahn.

x Hebrew terms.


shield:

1. The set of behaviors a person employs to fend off one or more would-be lovers.

2. The set of behaviors a person employs to avoid having sex.

See also anti-approach invitation, cockblock, turn-off.

 

shift marriage:

A wedding in which the bride is dressed in nothing more than a light garment, a chemise, and maybe less, this to symbolize that she is not responsible for her deceased husband's debts.

Comment: Also called a smock marriage.

See also love in a cottage, marriage, smock marriage, wedding, widow-bride.

Quotation from Judson D. Hale Illustrating "Shift Marriage"

 

Now about the old custom of getting married in the nude ... it was called a "shift marriage" and although not a New England invention, it was nonetheless fairly common in New England, particularly Rhode Island, as well as in New York and Pennsylvania. It occurred when a man was marrying a widow, and it was only the lady who was nude, or in a shift, to symbolize that she brought nothing to the marriage but herself and was not responsible for any of her former husband's debts. Sometimes her presence at the ceremony was represented only by her arm, thrust through a "widow's hole" from behind a closed door. Unlike bundling, this awkward and probably embarrassing little custom is well documented.

For instance, here is a so-called shift-marriage entry from the old registration books at the town hall in South Kingston, Rhode Island: "Thomas Calverwell was joyned in marriage to Abigail Calverwell his wife the 22 February, 1719. He took her in marriage after she had gone four times across the highway in only her shift and hairlace and no other clothing. Joyned together in marriage by me. George Hazard, Justice."

From: "Maybe New Englanders Weren't So Stuffy After All," in column: "Jud's New England Journal," in: Yankee: The Magazine of New England Living, December 2005; at: http://www.yankeemagazine.com/judsjournal/oneissue.php?number=28

The elision is his.

 

shiksa, also transliterated schicksa, shicksa, shikse (Yiddish):

1. A comparatively young non-Jewish human female.

2. A comparatively young Jewish human female who departs from tradition and whose attitudes resemble those of a Gentile.

3. A slut; a loose woman; a disreputable or unsavory woman; a woman to be detested.

Comment: The term is generally used in a derogatory way. Some regard such use, or even the term itself as racist and anti-feminist.

See also bimbo, box of assorted creams, demirep, güila, hoochie, multicipara, punch board, punchbroad, slut, tart, wanton woman, whore.

x schicksa.
x shicksa.
x shikse.

 

shiksappeal:

The attraction, to a Jewish man, of a non-Jewish woman who, in that and perhaps other ways, is unlike his mother.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 9, Episode 151, "The Serenity Now," written by Steve Koren; directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, October 9, 1997).

See also allure, attraction, charm, chemistry, chick magnet, je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, magnetism, sex appeal, X-appeal, x-factor, za za zoo.

x appeal.

 

shikse:

See shiksa.

 

shine:

To be radiant due to buoyant, joyous feelings, such as those often associated with being in love, about to be wedded, or pregnant; to exude happiness through facial expression and manner.

See also incandescence, in love, jouissance, new relationship energy, polyglow, take a shine to, walk on sunshine.

 

ship:

Short for "relationship," used especially in reference to characters in a story plot line.

See also relationship, shipper.


shipboard romance:

1. A love affair, often at its start, during the period it occurs on a large vessel for deep-water navigation or for space travel.

2. A temporary love affair that occurs while aboard such a vessel.

3. An ambience or set of circumstances aboard such a vessel that is conducive to love or desirable for the start of a new stage in a love relationship, such as a wedding.

4. A story genre featuring any of the above.

See also love boat, onboard romance, romance.


shipper, or 'shipper:

A person who prefers that certain characters in a story have a romantic or sexual relationship with each other, to their remaining unattached to each other.

Comments: This is a shortened form of the awkward term, "relationshipper." Another shortened form is "R'shipper."

Source, with lexical examples: Brave New Words: The Oxford Dictionary of Science Fiction, edited by Jeff Prucher; introduction by Gene Wolfe (Oxford ; New York : Oxford University Press, c2007).

See also anti-relationshipper, Lady Jane, Mary Sue story, romantic, ship, UST relationship.
x relationshipper.
x R'shipper.

 

shmoopy; plural: shmoopies:

1. A term of endearment for someone with whom one is affectionate.

2. A beloved with whom one is extremely affectionate.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 7, Episode 110 (or 115 or 116?), "The Soup Nazi," written by Spike Feresten, directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, November 2, 1995). The term was presented as nauseatingly sweet to outside listeners.

See also babycakes, baby talk, beloved, term of endearment.

 

"shock" theory of marriage:

The idea that marriage introduces into the lives of many women profound discontinuities that constitute emotional health hazards; the hypothesis that marriage in American culture has (or had during the 1930s) disturbing effects upon some women.

Comment: Attraibuted to Jessie Bernard, 1942.1

Among the emotional-health-hazard shocks that women sometimes face in marriage:

References

1 American Family Behavior, by Jessie Bernard (New York: Harper, c1942; in: Harper's Social Science Series; reprinted: New York: Russell & Russell, 1973): p. 453-455. My comments rely more upon her later discussion of the theory in The Future of Marriage, [by] Jessie Bernard (New York: World Publishing, 1972): chapter 3.

See also disenchantment, marriage shock.

x theories.

 

shoes:

See "She can park her shoes under my bed."


shop around:

1. To visit a variety of stores or other commercial venues in order to find the sort of merchandise one wants and to compare quality and prices for the sake of making a decision as to acquisition.

2. By analogy, to date a variety of people as part of a process of mate selection.

See also date around, dating plan, f*ck around, look for a man, look for a woman, marriage market, mate sampling, mate selection, meat market, screw around, sleep around.

x around.

 

shopping and sex:

See sex and shopping.


short-distance relationship:

A love connection in which physical proximity makes it possible for the partners to be together, in the flesh, on a daily basis, that is, unless other factors interfere.

Comment: Abbreviated SDR.

Contrast long-distance relationship (q.v.).

See also SDR, skin-to-skin intimacy.

 

"shortest road to men's hearts":

See "way to a man's heart."


short/tall couple:

Two people in a marriage or love relationship together who have a great disparity in height.

Comment: Also called a tall/short couple.

See also couple, heterogamy, interlofted couple.

x tall/short couple.


short-term relationship:

1. A relationship (q.v.), particularly a sexual relationship (q.v.), that is not meant, by one or more of the parties, to last long.

2. A relationship, particulary a sexual relationship, that did not long endure.

Comment: Abbreviated STR.

Contrast long-term relationship (q.v.). See also amourette, casual relationship, cheap affair, comet, contract marriage, dalliance, escapade romantique, expiration dating, fling, flirtation, insignificant other, intrigue, liaison, one-night stand, passing fancy, peccadillo, seasonal marriage, temporary marriage, tertiary relationship, whirlwind romance.

 

shotgun wedding:

Uniting in wedlock under compulsion from a third party; a forced wedding. The compulsion may be of either the bride or the groom or both.

Comment: The typical example is when a father forces a man he presumes to have impregnated his daughter to marry her.

See also marriage, marriage in jest, mousetrap play, patched-up business, Sadie Hawkins Day, wedding.

 

shower:

See shower of hearts, take a cold shower.


shower of hearts:

An image of the descent of multiple hearts, hearts in the sense of abstract romantic symbols. Among common significations:

See also heart, romance in the air.

x shower.

A Postcard Illustrating "Shower of Hearts"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Color "post card," in landscape format, depicting a young man dressed in a suit, sitting cross-legged among pine needlesand against a blue background with an umbrella over his head, and three women breaking through bark, each handing him a bright red heart; with header: "A shower of hearts [space] Leap Year" ([S.l.: s.n., ca. 1912]). Winsch back type. The publisher is represented by a lion-head logo. Numbered 104. Date from postmark. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.


"Show me yours":

An expression to this effect: "I want you to display what you have." The possessive pronoun "yours" can refer to nearly anything; but, since at least the 1880s, it has often had reference to genitalia, either directly or as part of a double entendre. The expression, "If you'll show me yours, I'll show you mine" or some variant thereof is especially, but by no means exclusively, associated with children who are exploring each other's bodies, with flirtation, and with sexual bargaining.

See also come-on, flirtation, innuendo, it, possessive pronouns, proposition, sexual invitation, thing.

Quotation from My Secret Life Illustrating "Show Me Yours"


Betty pushed matters further. "I don't quite believe you are a maid, -- let me look, -- would you not like to look at me? -- show me yours, I'll show you mine." Curiosity to see the cunt of a full-grown woman took possession of Kit.
From the anonymous erotic work, My Secret Life (Amsterdam: Privately printed for subscribers, 1888): [v. 3], chapter 5, p. 85.

Quotation from Spider Robinson Illustrating "Show Me Yours"


[Arethusa] "Well, all that's left are the apartments on the third floor --"

[Joe Quigley, posing as Ken Taggart] "Would you show me yours?"

She smiled, and finished her Irish coffee. For some crazy reason the smile reminded me of the drawing of a crossbow. "If you'll show me yours."
From the science fiction novel: Lady Slings the Booze, [by] Spider Robinson (New York: Ace Books, 1992): chapter 4, p. 55.


showpiece:

A partner or date whom one considers handsome, beautiful, or otherwise socially appealing and with whom one likes to impress others.

See also amour de vanité, exhibitionism, trophy boy, trophy girl, trophy husband, trophy spouse, trophy wife.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Showpiece"

 

The extra weight started coming off during her sophomore year in college and kept coming off during her junior semester abroad... Her boyfriend thought she was a showpiece. No one had ever seen her as a showpiece before -- "Ev-er ... And I thought it was just wonderful."

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): p. 45.

 

shtille khuppeh (Yiddish-Hebrew):

"Quiet canopy"; a hushed wedding, particularly one that conforms to Jewish but not civil law.

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, kiddushim, marriage of conscience, secret marriage, wedding.

x Hebrew terms.

 

Shunammitism:

1. The practice of placing an old man in non-sexual contact with an attractive young woman in order to restore his sexual vigor (see 1 Kings 1:1-4).

2. Cuddling and sleeping with a new partner of the opposite sex but not yet engaging in sexual intercourse with that partner (again, see 1 Kings 1:1-4).

3. Bundling (q.v.).

 

shysexual:

1. A person who is excessively reserved with regard to sexual pursuit; an individual who is too timid too pursue his or her love interests.

2. A person whose sexual orientation can't be determined since he or she shrinks from dating or hooking up with anybody.

See also shysexuality.


shysexuality, or shy-sexuality:

1. Excessive reserve with regard to sexual pursuit.

2. Judging from outside, an indeterminate sexual orientation due to the preceding.

See also love-shyness, pushbutton panic, sexual orientation, shysexual.


sibbered:

See sibred.

 

sibberidge:

See sibred.

 

sibred:

1. Kinship, especially by consanguinity.

2. Banns of marriage.

Comment: The second sense may be due to the mention, in the banns, of "sibred" as an impediment to marriage, so The Oxford English Dictionary.

Among other forms of the word are these: sibbered, sibberidge, sibrend, sibrit, sybrede.

See also bann, consanguinity, kinship.

x sibbered.
x sibberidge.
x sibrend.
x sibrit.
x sybrede.

 

sibrend:

See sibred.

 

sibrit:

See sibred.

 

sicut te ipsum (Latin for "as yourself"):

See self-love.


side girl:

A married man's mistress (q.v.).

Comment: This term is common among African-Americans, especially in parts of the southeastern United States, and it is popular throughout the English-speaking Caribbean region.

See also action on the side, backstreet mistress, bimbo, girl toy, illicit lover, other woman, partner, side squeeze.

 

side squeeze:

A lover in addition to a partner in a love relationship or marriage.

See also action on the side, alternate squeeze, cicisbeo, lover, mistress, other man, other woman, partner, satellite relationship, secondary relationship, side girl, squeeze.


signal:

See love signal.


significant other:

A partner (q.v.) in a committed love relationship.

Comment: Abbreviated SO.

See also amari, co-vivant, insignificant other, other significant other, poplolly, PASSLQ, POSSLQ, quasi-conjugal dyad, secondary significant other, SO.

 

signs:

See astrological love signs, Sappho's signs, signs of infidelity.


sign mate:

A partner one has chosen or potentially will choose at least in part according to astrological advice -- ordinarily with regard to compatibility and auspiciousness for such a match -- or according to omens.

See also mate, partner.

 

signs of infidelity:

Various indicators that one's spouse or lover is cheating romantically or sexually.

Comment: Variations are endless, for example: "signs he (or she) is having an affair," "signs of cheating," and "telltale signs of an affair."

Lengthy lists of such signs abound, but the signs generally fall into five categories:

See also affair, cheat, digital lipstick on the collar, get enough at home, infidelity, lipstick on his collar, unfaithful, work late.

x signs.
x telltale signs of an affair.


SIL:

1. Sister-in-law.

2. Son-in-law.

Comment: In some contexts, SIL is used for sister-in-law and SL for son-in-law.

See -in-law, SL.

 

silence code:

See brode of silence, code of silence.

 

silent consent:

See consent to sex.


silent epidemic:

1. A widespread disease that often exhibits no symptoms, especially such a disease that therefore goes untreated or spreads all the more easily, such as clamydia.

2. A widespread health problem that many suffering from the problem avoid discussing, sexual dysfunction sometimes being an example.

3. Low libido as a widespread phenomenon that many with the condition avoid either discussing or seeking help for, even if aware of it.

Comment: The term is often used even when the technical sense of "epidemic," as being occurrence of a disease in excess of what is normally expected for a specific geographical area or population, doesn't apply.

The last sense, "low libido as a widespread phenomenon," may be received as controversial,  since some regard low libido not as a problem but as normal for many of those who have it.

See also anhedonia, aphanisis, asexuality, bed death, frigidity, hyphedonia, hyposexuality, libido, "not tonight, dear" syndrome, sex drive, sexuality, undersexed.


silver jubilee:

See sterling silver jubilee.

 

simmixsuat (Eskimo-Aleut):

1. Sexual trading.

2. Wife lending.

3. Wife exchange.

Sources:

See also aleupaaktuat, kipuktu, nangsaegaek, wife exchange, wife lending.

x Eskimo terms.

 

sin:

See Seven Capital Sins, sexual sin.


singel (Spanglish):

Single (q.v.).

x Spanish and Spanglish terms.

 

singer:

See torch singer.


single:

1. Not married.

2. Either not married or married but separated.

3. Not in a commited love relationship.

4. Not in any sort of love relationship.

5. Unmated and not looking for a mate.

6. Without a partner for swinging with others.

7. Pertaining to any of the above.

8. A person characterized by any of the above.

9. Sometimes in the plural, pertaining to persons characterized by any of the adjectival senses above, as in "the singles scene."

Comment: Abbreviated S.

The term, as appropriated from English by some Spanish speakers, is spelled "singel."

For lexical example, see under "marry."

See also aloneness, angélica, anuptaphobia, available, avowed bachelor, avowed bachelorette, azygophrenia, bachelor, bachelorette, brideless, casserole parade, célibataire, celibate, confirmed bachelor, confirmed bachelorette, confirmed spinster, dance barefoot, divorcé, divorcée, doe, eligible, "enjoy being single," feme sole, fly solo, formerly married, free, free agent, go solo, happily single, in circulation, in the market, itchy ring finger, jeune fille à marier, kick for a man, leather spinster, maiden, maiden aunt, marital status, marriagefree, mariage material, marriage minded, miss, never married, never-married, Noah syndrome, not the marrying kind, nubile, odd woman, off, old maid, out of circulation, parent without partner, polygon (especially the chart), re-singled, S, save (oneself) for (someone), singleton, sex-starved, singel, single parent, single-parent family, singles bar, singles ministry, singles party, singles privileges, singlette, spinsterhood, stag, swinger, swingle, Torschlusspanik, unattached, unhappily single, unicorn, unmarried, unwed, wahine kane 'ole, wedding bell blues, widow, widower.

x singles.

A Postcard Illustrating "Single"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Humorous black and white photographic "post card," with a white border, showing a sparse marital residence, a weary man wearing an apron seated in a rocking chair and holding a baby (or doll), and a standing woman in a hat, apparently his wife, giving him housecleaning directions; with caption at bottom: "I wish I was single again" ([S.l.: s.n., ca. 1908]). Date from postmark. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.


single adultery:

In a culture where sexual monogamy is presumptive, a situation that entails voluntary copulation on the part of a person who is someone's spouse with someone who has no spouse.

Contrast double adultery (q.v.). See also adultery.

 

single avail:

See avail of marriage.

 

single bliss:

See bliss.


singlehood:

The state of being single (q.v.).

See also bachelorhood, incompleteness myth of singlehood.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Singlehood"

 

As a percentage of our adult life, the amount of time we spend being married is shrinking. Why? Because we continue to live longer, marry later, exit marriage more quickly, and increasingly choose to cohabit before marriage, in between marriages, and as an alternative to marriage. Consequently, an entirely new ratio between married life and singlehood is becoming the norm.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. [193].

 

single parent:

A person without a mate who is raising a child.

See also divorcé, divorcée, formerly married, only parent, parent without partner, re-singled, single, parent, single-parent family, unwed father, unwed mother, unwed parent, widow, widower, zoo daddy.

 

single-parent family:

A household (q.v.) consisting of one adult whose status is single (q.v.) and one or more children who are being raised by that adult.

Comment: Also called a single-parent household.

See also blended family, family, father-absent family, father-only family, instant family, mother-absent family, mother-only family, nuclear family, one-parent family, only parent, parent, parent without partner, resource dissolution hypothesis, single parent, split-parent household, two-parent family, unwed father, unwed mother, unwed parent.

Quotation from Helen E. Fisher on the Single-Parent Family

 

Many single-parent families are not permanent. The vast majority of divorced parents remarry; about half do so within three years of their divorce. So the average length of time a child of divorced parents spends in a single-parent home is about four years. These single-parent households, then, are generally temporary arrangements.

From: Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery, and Divorce, [by] Helen E. Fisher (New York: W. W. Norton, c1992): p. 304.

 

singles, as in "the singles scene":

See single.

 

singles bar:

A commercial establishment with a counter at which beverages, especially alcoholic beverages, and, in some cases, food are served that caters to or is at least frequented by people without partners, especially those looking to pair off with somebody of a different sex.

See also attraction venue, dating plan, meat market, pick-up joint, single.

x bar.

 

singles ministry:

One or more religious programs oriented to those who are neither married nor in committed love relationships. Typically such programs entail some religious teaching, as well as spiritual and emotional support, both for those who are looking for partners and for those who have chosen to remain unpartnered indefinitely. Typically too, they entail group activities, with opportunities to meet religiously like-minded people who are neither married nor in committed love relationships.

See also couples ministry, single.

x ministry.


singles party:

A gathering of people without partners meant to provide a venue for them to socialize together or, in some cases, more specifically to mingle with potential sex and love partners.

See also attraction venue, dating plan, goukon, meat market, mixer, open party, pick-up joint, single, yarikon.

x party.

 

singles privileges:

As a person in a marriage or committed love relationship, the freedom to live as though one were not married or in such a relationship as permitted by one's partner, typically for a limited duration of time.

Comment: Such privileges sometimes include staying out as late as one pleases, partying and vacationing without one's partner, and enjoying sexual dalliances as one finds the opportunities.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, consensual adultery, hall pass, holiday from marriage, hundred-mile rule, marriage sabbatical, non-exclusivity pact, open couple, open marriage, open relationship, single.


singleton:

1. In mathematics, a set with exactly one element.

2. A member of a group with uniquely distinguishing features.

3. Offspring born alone, that is, without being part of a multiple birth.

4. An unmarried person or a person who is not in a committed relationship.

Comment: Coined in the last sense by Helen Fielding.

See also single, unmarried.

Quotation from Helen Fielding Illustrating "Singleton"


"You should have said 'I'm not married because I'm a Singleton, you smug, prematurely aging, narrow-minded morons,'" Shazzer ranted.
From: Bridget Jones's Diary: A Novel, by Helen Fielding (1st American ed. New York: Viking, 1998): p. 37. Originally published: London: Picador, 1996. <Snippet view only>


singlette:

An unmarried or unattached woman.

See also bachelorette, confirmed bachelorette, confirmed spinster, jeune fille à marier, single.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Singlettes"

 

These ladies with their diapers, diets, and dreary days almost always hate us care-free, unshackled singlettes.

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 69. By the way, this quotation, expanded, is used elsewhere in this Glossary; see under "les misérables."

 

singulate mean age at marriage (SMAM):

The estimated middle point between two extremes in reference to the time of life when members of a given population first wed, the middle point being determined from the proportion of each age group not yet married, as shown by census or survey.

See also MAFM, nuptiality, SMAM.

x statistics.

 

sin-in-law:

A man with whom one's daughter is in a long-term relationship, but to whom she is not married.

Comment: A pun, of course -- a mixing of son-in-law and living in sin.

Source: I. Asimov: A Memoir, [by] Isaac Asimov (New York: Doubleday, 1994): p. 178.

See also -in-law, live in sin.

 

sin of Onan:

See onanism.


sire:

To become the genetic father of, by way of inseminating a female or, more particularly, by way of the fertilization of an ovum by one of one's spermatozoa.

See also baby daddy, biological father, birth father, father, genetic father.

Quotation from Robin Baker Illustrating "Sired"

 

Worldwide, it has been calculated from studies of blood groups that about 10 percent of children are in fact not sired by the men who think they are the fathers. This is also the average level found in Western industrial societies...

From: Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex, [by] Robin Baker (New York, NY: Basic Books, c1996): p. 54.


siren:

1. Any of certain enchantresses, per Greek mythology, who lured sailors to destruction by their sweet singing. (In this sense, ordinarily capitalized.)

2. A woman who lures a person to destruction by means of seduction.

Comment: Among the many classical references, see Homer, Odyssey 12:39-54, 158-200 and Apollonius Rhodius, Argonautica 4:891-919.

See also deathbed bride, Delilah, fatal attraction, femme fatale, man bait, maneater, temptress, white widow.

x Greek terms.


sister-brother marriage:

See brother-sister marriage.

 

sister child, or sister-child:

The son or daughter of another co-wife of the same husband; one's co-wife's offspring in a polygamous family.

Plural: sister children.

See also co-wife, polygynist, sister wife.


sister-in-law:

See -in-law.

 

sister in lust, or sister-in-lust:

1. One's sibling's female lover, that is, one with whom he (or she, as the case may be) is not in a long-term committed relationship.

2. A female lover of one's sibling's spouse, other than that sibling.

3.  A female lover of one's spouse's sibling, that is, one with whom he (or she, as the case may be) is not in a long-term committed relationship.

4. Punningly, a sister-in-law with whom one has a flirtatious or sexual relationship.

5. A female lover of one's lover; a woman who has a lover in common with oneself.

6. A fellow luster, said of a woman; a female who likewise wants to act upon sexual desire for persons who, according to a given code of morality, are out of bounds.

Comment: The word "sister" sometimes does double duty, also referring, for instance, to a female sibling or a fellow religionist, this especially in the last two senses.

See also assistant, boyfriend in common, bukis, buksvägerska, buksvägerska, distal partner, intimate network, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, lust, ménage à trois, notr'amour, partner, partner sharing, sexual connection, sexual network, share (one's partner) with, sheet partner, swinger, troilism.


sister mother, or sister-mother:

A co-wife relative to the child of another co-wife of the same husband; one's mother's co-wife in a polygamous family.

See also co-parent, co-wife, father's wife, mother, polygynist, sister child, sister wife, stepmother.


sister wife, or sister-wife:

A female spouse of one's husband in additon to oneself; a co-wife.

See also belle-épouse, concurrent wife, co-spouse, co-wife, plural wife, polygynist, sister child, sister mother, wife.

Quotations from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Sister Wife"

[33] Second Wife could think of nothing to merit her sister wife's [Cripple's] existence.

[77] She [Cripple] will never bear you children, his mother, and his mother's sister wives, had warned him.

[141] Already the girls helped their mother {Second Wife] in the fields. And although by custom they all were obligated to take care of Cripple, as she was their sister wife and sister mother, sadly, that was no longer guaranteed.

From the novel: The Witch Doctor's Wife, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, NY: Avon, 2009): chapter 6, p. 33; chapter 11, p. 77; and chapter 20, p. 141. Cf. chapter 43, p. 305.

 

sit on (someone's) doorstep:

See camp on (someone's) doorstep.

 

sits-beside-him woman:

In a polygynous marriage, the woman who is honored as the one who has been married to the man the longest.

Comment: This is a term Englished from the Algonquian dialect used by the Blackfeet of North America.

See also by (one's) side, headdress keeper, monogyny, nirimoua, nuliaqpak, one wife on each side, partner, polygynist, primary wife, secondary wife, senior wife, squaw, wife.

Quotation from George Bird Grinnell on the Sits-Beside-Him Woman

 

The Blackfeet take as many wives as they wish; but these ceremonies are only carried out in the case of the first wife, the "sits-beside-him" woman. In the case of subsequent marriages, if the man proved a good, kind husband to his first wife, other men, who thought a good deal of their daughters, might propose to give them to him, so that they would be well treated.

From: Blackfoot Lodge Tales, by George Bird Grinnell (New York: Scribner, 1892): pp. 215-216.

 

situation ethics:

The view that moral decision-making should be on a case-by-case basis and that agapic love should be the primary principle, traditional moral standards serving as guidelines as to how agapic love might be applied but not as inflexible rules people are obligated to follow in every instance, especially where the practical choice is between two or more evils.

Comment: Popularized by the American ethicist, Joseph Fletcher (1905-1991).

See also agapic love, ethical relativism, ethics, geosexual ethics, new morality, sexual ethics, sexual morality.

 

1664 syndrome, or sixteen-sixty-four syndrome:

The condition of looking young from behind, like a sixteen-year-old, but much older from the front, like a sixty-four-year-old. Looking young from behind may be due either to one's physical features (perhaps modified) or to the way one is dressed.

Comments: A person who is said to have this syndrome might be called, for instance, "a 1664" or "a 1664 woman" or "a Kronenbourg"  or "a Kronenbourg woman," since Kronenbourg Brewery (Brasseries Kronenbourg) was founded in 1664 (as Hatt Brewery). In my observation, the term has been used chiefly of women; but there is nothing about it that requires it to be gender specific.

When in reference to physical features, the term is often used as an expression of disappointment; although if the person being described is sixty-four or older, it might be regarded as complimentary. When in reference to the way one is dressed (until the face is seen), the term is often used as a criticism or as a cruel joke, much along the same lines as the expression, "Mutton dressed as lamb."

Sometimes the number 1661 has been used instead: sixteen from behind, sixty-one from the front.

Given that the term is generally used of women, one might well ask why a number isn't used that reflects, on the one hand, a peak child-bearing age and, on the other hand, a typical age for the onset of menopause. The explanation is that the term entails an exaggeration of contrasts for effect. Thus it has a natural use as a form of hyperbole.

See also attractive, bakku-shan, Kronenbourg.

x syndromes.


Sixth Commandment (of the Ten Commandments):

See Seventh Commandment.

 

Sixth Commandment of the Church:

An extrabiblical enjoinment by the Roman Catholic Church upon its members regarding marriage.

Comment: Thus far I have documented this term only in catechisms prior to the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965). Here's what a post-Vatican II catechism has to say:

"The bishops of each country generally list the most notable of special duties of Catholics as 'precepts of the Church.' They cover such obligations as those to attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation, and to avoid unnecessary and inappropriate work on such days; to lead a regular sacramental life; to observe the marriage laws of the Church; to strengthen and support the Church; to do penance at the appointed times."

From: The Teaching of Christ: A Catholic Catechism for Adults, edited by Ronald Lawler, Donald W. Wuerl, Thomas Comerford Lawler (Huntington, IN: Our Snday Visitor, 1976): pp. 231-232.

See also beloved stranger, clandestine marriage, incest, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, interreligious marriage, mixed marriage, secret marriage, sexual immorality, sexual sin, solemnize, "unequally yoked."

x commandment.
x precepts of the Church.

A Roman Catholic Catechism on the Sixth Commandment of the Church

 

Q. Which are the chief commandments of the Church?

A. The chief commandments of the Church are six:

[snip]

6. Not to marry persons who are not Catholics, or who are related to us within the third degree of kindred, nor privately without witnesses, nor to solemnize marriage at forbidden times.

From: A Catechism of Christian Doctrine, prepared and enjoined by order of the Third Plenary Council of Baltimore ... No. 2 (New York: Benziger Brothers, c1933): pp. 70-71. The imprimatur for the catechism is dated 1885.

 

 

 

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