Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

 

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

 

 

S-Si

 

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

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sabbatical from marriage:

See marriage sabbatical.

 

sacanagem; adjective, sacana (Portuguese, Brazilian slang):

1. The practice of openly seeking sexual pleasure with one or more other partners besides one's primary partner, for instance, during Mardi Gras.

2. Group sex (q.v.).

3. Something "dirty"; sexual behavior that falls outside of conventional norms.

4. A dirty trick; unfairness.

See also ajois relationship, mbuya relationship, promiscuity, sexual varietism.

x Portuguese terms.

 

sack:

1. To break off a relationship with a lover.

2. To terminate someone's employment.

See also bad breaker-upper, break up, dump, E&E, EwE, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, let go, reject, separate, split up, throw over, walk out.

 

sacramental marriage:

Marriage (q.v.) consciously cultivated as a mystery that participates in the deep mystery of the relation between Christ as God-man and his church, this participation entailing transforming effects such that the chaotic impulses of sexuality are channeled to reason, stability, and, by way of offspring if possible, the propagation of the faith.

Comment: The term apparently derives from the Latin Vulgate translation of Ephesians 5:32. In a discussion of marriage where an analogy is drawn with the relation of Christ to the church, the translation reads: Sacramentum hoc magnum est, ego autem dico in Christo et in Ecclesia. Sacramentum translates the Greek word mustêrion.

See also ecclesiastical marriage, hierogamy, holy matrimony, "marriage is forever" myth, married but not churched, "one flesh," sacred sex.

x Greek terms.
x Latin terms.

 

sacred sex:

Sexual activity

Comments: This is to be distinguished from the phrase, "the sacredness of sex," which is sometimes used to refer to the intimacy between lovers as a good and as ideally inviolate; also from "the sacredness of the marital bed," which is sometimes used to refer to marriage as ideally inviolate, there sometimes being sacramental overtones.

Among the many models of sacred sex:

See also carte blanche, hierogamy, holy matrimony, holy wedlock, metasex, mystic betrothal, "one flesh," sacramental marriage, sex, sex god, sex goddess, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritualization of sensuality, spiritual marriage, theogamy.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Sex ... Sacred"

 

She [Kate Leslie] walked across the beach to the jetty, feeling the life surging vivid and resistant within her. "It is sex," she said to herself. "How wonderful sex can be, when men keep it powerful and sacred, and it fills the world! like sunshine through and through one! ..."

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 27, p. 436. 

 

sacrificial love:

1. Compassion that is practiced at a cost to oneself.

2. Affection at a cost to oneself or that is willing to bear a cost.

Comments: Sacrificial love is widely thought of as a great good; however, in some quarters it has a bad name, since, in either sense, it can be unhealthful. As compassion, the cost can be such as to have a net harm; the good of all must be taken into account. As affection, it can entail self-effacement, the demise of dreams and the motivations in life that they bring, and susceptibility to manipulation, as in: "If you love me, then you'll do such and such for me."

In any case, affection within a committed relationship is necessarily sacrificial for the relationship to work. One course of life is chosen over others, and the bad must be taken with the good. The results are usually regarded as a net benefit for both society and the individuals directly involved.

As a rule of thumb: Sacrificial love that operates out of low self-esteem or as a way of living up to artificial expectations or in response to the vanity of others is generally considered unhealthy; sacrificial love that operates out of virtue or a sense of duty (including avoidance of shame) or a joy in giving is generally considered healthy.

See also agapic love, altruism, Florence Nightingale syndrome, love, rescuer, unconditional love.

 

saddled with:

Burdened with (a relationship), reluctantly still attached to (a partner), or choosing the lesser or least of evils by remaining in (a relationship at a high level of commitment).

See also caging.

 

Sadie Hawkins Day®:

A day designated, normally in November, for single females to initiate and go on dates with single males. A male is supposed to accept the first female who "collars" him. The celebration of Sadie Hawkins Day is typically associated with American colleges and high schools and is often timed to coincide with a school event, such as a football game or dance.

Comments: The custom of celebrating Sadie Hawkins Day derives from Al Capp's Li'l Abner comic strip. The Day was introduced there on November 15, 1937.

In the strip, Sadie Hawkins is "the homeliest gal in the hills." Her father, Hekzebiah Hawkins, mayor of Dogpatch, anxious to marry her off, decrees a Sadie Hawkins Day. On that day a chase is to take place on foot in which the unmarried females will pursue the town's bachelors, who will be given a ten-minute head start. If caught, a bachelor faces a shotgun wedding officiated by Marryin' Sam. The Day becomes an annual event.

The first known real-life celebration of Sadie Hawkins Day was sponsored by the Charleston Gazette on the campus of Morris Harvey College (now the University of Charleston, West Virginia), November 1, 1938. From there it rapidly spread to hundreds of schools and colleges around the United States, each developing its own ways of observing the day. Some went so far as to incorporate an officiated chase, the sometimes scanty costumes of the L'il Abner strip, and mock weddings.

Sadie Hawkins Day functioned socially, for over four decades, to help empower women to take the initiative at least some of the time and to ask why not any time. Nowadays try asking a twenty-year old, "Do you ever have a special day for the girls to ask out the guys?" The reply may well be (as it was when I asked): "You mean every day?"

See also anniversary, date, feminism, mock wedding, pity date, shotgun wedding, Valentine's Day.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: squaw dance.

 

safe:

1. At no risk of falling in love with a particular person or, at least, of falling in love with that person to one's disadvantage.

2. At no risk of entering into marriage with someone or, at least, of entering into an imprudent marriage with that person.

Contrast in danger (q.v.).

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Safe"

 

[Lydia Bennet]: '... There is no danger of Wickham's marrying Mary King. There's for you! She is gone down to her uncle at Liverpool; gone to stay. Wickham is safe.'

'And Mary King is safe!' added Elizabeth [Bennet]; 'safe from a connection imprudent as to fortune.'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 39, p. 279. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

 

safe sex, or safer sex:

Any of various practices designed to avoid the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Among the most common safe sex practices:

Obviously each of these safe sex practices has a potential for failure:

So the point is frequently made that no sexual activity with others is completely risk free, hence the term "safer sex." It is also said that total abstinence from sexual activity with others is the only truly safe approach to sex, although such a statement discounts the psychological and attitudinal damage that abstinence for the sake of avoidance of STDs may do.

See also abstinence, family values, protected sex, safe sex circle.

 

safe sex circle:

A group whose members consciously decide not to have unprotected sex with anybody other than members of the group, this for the sake of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Generally the commitment entails the avoidance as well of other risky behaviors that might introduce HIV/AIDS into the group. Commonly testing for STDs plays a big role in such a circle, both to gain entry and to remain a member allowed to participate in unprotected sex after unprotected outside sexual contact or other possible exposure to an STD.

See also closed circle of f*** buddies, closed loop relationship, condom commitment, fluid monogamy, polyfidelity, protected sex, safe sex.

 

Saint Beelzebub's order:

See order of Saint Beelzebub.

 

Saint Valentine's Day:

See Valentine's Day.

 

salutation of Beatrice:

A greeting from a beloved that boosts one into a state of exultation, similar to that described by Dante when greeted by his beloved Beatrice.

See also Dante Alighieri syndrome, theology of romantic love, vision of romantic love.

x Beatrice.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Salutation of Beatrice"

 

Two or three incidents bear on the idea of her [Beatrice's] relation to God. The first is the moment when the girl comes down the street and say "Good morning" in passing. This thrilling and universal moment | is known as "the salutation of Beatrice". So, of course, it is, and it is as serious (but not as artistic) as that. It is the flash of the moment in a word. Dante says: "I say that when she appeared from any place, there was through my hope of her admirable salutation, no enemy remaining to me, but a flame of caritas possessed me, which made me pardon anyone who had offended me; and if anyone had then asked me concerning anything, my answer would have been only Love, with a face clothed in humility."

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," pp. 98-99. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5. I presume that the translation from Dante is Williams' own.

Charles Williams' Quotation from Dante in the Original

Dico che quando ella apparia da parte alcuna, per la speranza dell' ammirabile salute nullo nemico mi rimanea, anzi mi giungea una fiamma di caritade, la quale mi facea perdonare a chiunque m' avesse offeso: e chi allora m' avesse addimandato di cosa alcuna, la mia risponsione sarebbe stata solamente, Amore, con viso vestito d' umiltà.
Dante, Vita Nuova §11 (for the salutation, cf. §3). Italian text as found in: The Vita Nuova and Canzoniere of Dante Alighieri (With alterations. London: J. M. Dent, 1911, t.p. 1948; in series: The Temple Classics): p. 26.


salvator femininus (Latin):

"Feminine savior."

Comment: The term is used satirically in a novel by D. H. Lawrence. What follows as to Lawrence's point is guesswork:

The Encyclopædia Britannica (11th ed., 1911) contains this remark in its entry for Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage: "as Sospita she was invoked all over Latinium as the saviour of women in their perils." Sospita is the feminine form of one of the Latin words for savior, sospes. However, "saviour of women" readily translates into Latin as salvator feminarum. Lawrence might have been playing off of that latter designation for the goddess of marriage.

Alternatively, he might have been playing off of salvator feminae, that is, "savior of a woman," as a man might be who marries a pregnant woman.

The character Rupert Birkin suggests to Gerald Crich that he marry Minette Darrington, who had become pregnant by another man; and then, in the next breath, Birkin says that he himself shall "come right" through marriage. Birkin has suggested that Gerald be the savior of a woman, while implying his own need for a female savior. So Gerald responds, "Salvator femininus."

Even if Lawrence was playing off of salvator feminarum, this need not have meant that Gerald was alluding primarily to the goddess, for each woman was said to have had her own Juno comparable to each man's genius (see, for example, Seneca, Epistle 110:1); furthermore, a man might refer to his wife as mea Iuno (Plautus, Casina 2.3.14).

Reference

Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 8, p. 91. Early editions:

  • New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
  • London: Martin Secker, 1921.

See also God's gift to women; Mater semper certa est, pater est, quem nuptiae demonstrant; mea Iuno; out of wedlock; paternity; sex goddess, unwed father.

x Latin terms.

 

sambandham (Hindi?):

Matriarchal marriage among the Nayars of the Malabar region of India, the initiation of which was traditionally one of the three major rites (samskaras) in the life of a Nayar girl, the others being tali-kettu-kalyanam, which was celebrated pre-puberty, and tirandukalyanam, which was celebrated upon the initiation of puberty as signaled by the girl's first menstrual period.

Comments: Compare the Sanskrit word sambandha ("relation").

Typical sambandham was characterized by the wife living in her matriarchal home, the tarwad, where the husband would visit her each night. He would then return to his own dwelling. Either partner was free to initiate divorce and to remarry. The matriarchal system of which sambandham was a part has, since 1912, been largely supplanted by a patriarchal system.

See also duolocal residence, marriage, tali-kettu-kalyanam, visiting husband, walk to and fro.

x Hindi terms.
x Sanskrit terms.

 

same room sex (SRS):

A swing arrangement in which the sexual activity of all participants occurs in the same room.

Contrast closed swinging (q.v.). See also group sex, open swinging, SRS, swing.

 

same-sex marriage:

An ongoing commitment of persons of the same sex to each other to be bonded sexually and to be loyal one to the other. Generally the social patterns for heterosexual marriage are followed as much as possible, such that the marriage is solemnized in a public ceremony (even if the marriage is not recognized by law), a domicile is shared, property is pooled, and monogamy is the expectation. Furthermore, additional arrangements are often made for matters that the law has taken care of for heterosexual but not gay marriages, such as next-of-kin status and the disposition of property in the event of separation or death.

Contrast different-sex marriage (q.v.) and heterosexual marriage (q.v., and the comment there). See also Boston marriage, civil union, counterfeit bride, counterfeit bridegroom, daddy/boy relationship, Defense of Marriage Act, domestic partnership, equal marriage, female marriage, gay lifestyle, gay marriage, homosexual marriage, male marriage, marriage, she-troth.

 

sanatio in radice:

See radical sanation.

 

sanation of marriage:

See radical sanation.

 

sannup or sanup (Algonquian):

Married male.

Contrast squaw (q.v.). See also partner, tepee seduction.

x Algonquian terms.
x sanup.

Quotation from Lydia Maria Child Illustrating "Sanups"

 

The drowsy sunshine dreaming on the hemlocks, pines, and cedars, had drawn forth an unusual fregrance; the children were at rest in the wigwams; most of the sanups had gone to Moose Head Lake, on a hunting expedition; and the few old men who remained, sat at the doors of their huts smoking their pipes in lazy silence.

"The Church in the Wilderness," in: Hobomok, and Other Writings on Indians, [by] Lydia Maria Child; edited and with an introduction by Carolyn L. Karcher (New Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press, c1986; in American Women Writers Series): pp. 233-250, specifically p. 240. Originally published in: The Legendary, Consisting of Original Pieces, Principally Illustrative of American History, Scenery, and Manners, edited by N. P. Willis [Nathaniel Parker Willis, 1806-1867] (Boston: S. G. Goodrich, 1828). Child, an opponent of slavery and anti-miscegenation laws and an advocate for Indians, was portraying an Abenaki village in Norridgewock, Maine in 1719, prior to a series of disturbing events, which culminated with the massacre of an Abenaki congregation there in 1724. The Abenakis spoke (and some still speak) a form of Algonquian. The editor, C. L. Karcher, offers this information about the word: "sannup, derived from the Abenaki word senabe: a married Indian male" (p. 312, note 4).

 

San Quentin quail:

An underage girl; a female minor to whom an adult male is attracted, where statutory rape laws would prohibit sexual activity between the two.

Comments: "San Quentin" refers to a state prison in California. After 1934, only male prisoners have been kept there.

"Quail" is slang for certain human females, for instance a harlot (from the supposed amorousness of one of the species of bird called quail) or a female student. However, in this case it seems to refer to a male hunter's female quarry.

See also jail bait, pedophile.

 

Sanskrit terms:

See chakra puja, choli marg, misracara, niyoga, panchamakara, sambandham (sambandha), suttee (sati), vivaha.

 

sanup:

See sannup.

 

satellite relationship:

A secondary relationship (q.v.), especially one where a primary relationship (q.v.) already exists.

See also comarital, letter group (phi), multilateral sexuality.

 

sati:

See suttee.

 

satyr:

1. In Greek mythology, male inhabitants of the wild, with human and animal (either equine or caprine) features, who are unrestrained in their desire for sex and wine. Together men costumed as satyrs and maenads (women who participated in ecstatic Dionysian rituals) would form a sacred band of the god, Dionysus.

2. A man with satyriasis (q.v.).

Contrast nymphomaniac (q.v.). See also agapet, bacchanalia, Cassanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, erotomaniac, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, Lothario, lovertine, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, rabbit, rake, roué, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, skirt-chaser, slut, stud, wild, wolf, womanizer.

x Greek terms.
x myths.

 

satyriasis:

1. A seemingly insatiable sexual appetite on the part of a man.

2. A powerful and chronic inclination on the part of a man to engage in sexual activity with multiple partners.

3. A psychological condition whereby a man feels a chronic non-sexually originated need for sexual stimulation, a feeling which leads to frequent masturbation and/or rampant promiscuity (q.v.).

Comments: Although less highly charged in these times than "nymphomania," "satyriasis" is still a problematic term in that its meaning is often determined by jumbled and slippery cultural and subjective attitudes. The cultural matrix alone is full of conflicting attitudes -- for instance, satyriasis as sexual athleticism, as moral deficiency, and as psychological disorder. By the way, satyriasis is not listed as a disorder in DSM-IVTM: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Satyriasis is not to be confused with priapism, which is a prolonged and painful erection of the penis.

Contrast nymphomania (q.v.). See also Casanova complex, Don Juanism, erotomania, gynecomania, hypersexuality, promiscuity, sexual addiction, tragolimia.

 

"saved in childbearing":

The rendering given in the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible of a phrase found at 1 Timothy 2:15, which is problematic in the theology of many. The text reads, more fully: "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing [the original Greek reads: sôthêsetai de dia tês teknogonias], if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety" (1 Timothy 2:12-15).

Comments: The theological problem is this: According to Ephesians 2:8 one is saved through (dia) faith. That is thought to be roughly equivalent to being justified by faith (Romans 3:28), which stands in tension with being justified by works (James 2:24). Being saved through (dia) childbearing would seem either to go in the "works" column or to stand by itself bringing about a three-way tension.

There is, of course, also the closely related theological problem, in the same context, of the place of women, this First Timothy text standing in apparent tension with, for instance, Galatians 3:28, which says that "there is neither male nor female ... in Christ Jesus." Solving the meaning of salvation through childbearing is important in helping to solve this other problem.

Among the meanings suggested:

My working interpretation at the moment is the second one, but at different times the third and the last will reach preeminence in my mind.

By the way, "woman" (gynaiki) and "man" (andros) in verse 12 would probably be better translated, "wife" and "husband." In verse 15, the subject of the verb, "shall be saved" (sôthêsetai, which is the third person singular future indicative passive of sözö), is "woman" or "wife." And the subjects of "continue" are probably the woman and her husband.

See also "Be fruitful and multiply," blessings of the breasts and of the womb, "head of the wife," household rules, levirate marriage, "one flesh," Virgin Mary.

x Greek terms.

 

scarlet letter:

1. A stigma of adultery (q.v.) that someone bears, indicated by way of allusion to the novel called The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne (1850).

2. In the Hawthorne novel, a piece of scarlet cloth with the shape of the capital letter A, each limb measuring three inches and a quarter in length, that was worn, "surrounded with an elaborate embroidery and fantastic flourishes of gold thread," by the main character, Hester Prynne, on her bosom as a Puritan punishment, in the Boston of 1642, for adultery, although the words "adultery" and "adulteress" are conspicuously absent in the novel. Over the course of the novel, perceptions of the significance of the letter "A" vary widely; and the author deliberately employs the scarlet letter symbolically to evoke a wide range of signification.

3. Also in the Hawthorne novel, a child born of adultery.

4. Again in the Hawthorne novel, internal torment from living a lie due to the concealment of a grievous sin and the strong contrast of the stain of sinfulness with an appearance of holiness and respectability, as manifested in the character, the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale.

See also adulterer, adulteress, fortunate fall, puritan, sumptuary law.

x A.

Nathaniel Hawthorne's Idea for the Scarlet Letter, Quoted

 

The life of a woman, who, by the old colony law, was condemned always to wear the letter A, sewed on her garment, in token of her having committed adultery.

From: The American Notebooks of Nathaniel Hawthorne (1932; written 1835-1853), as selected and reprinted in The Portable Hawthorne, edited, with an introduction and notes, by Malcolm Cowley (New York: Viking Press, 1948): pp. 545-572, specifically p.569. The idea was apparently jotted down in 1844 (cf. pp. 269-271).

Quotations from Nathaniel Hawthorne Illustrating "Scarlet Letter"

 

[25] My eyes fastened themselves upon the old scarlet letter, and would not be turned aside. Certainly, there was some deep meaning in it, most worthy of interpretation, and which, as it were, streamed forth from the mystic symbol ...

 

[37] But the point which drew all eyes, and, as it were, transfigured the wearer,--so that both men and women, who had been familiarly acquainted with Hester Prynne, were now impressed as if they [38] beheld her for the first time,--was that SCARLET LETTER, so fantastically embroidered and illuminated upon her bosom. It had the effect of a spell, taking her out of the ordinary relations with humanity, and inclosing her in a sphere by herself.

 

[61] Walking to and fro, with those lonely footsteps, in the little world with which she was outwardly connected, it now and then appeared to Hester,--if altogether fancy, it was nevertheless too potent to be resisted,--she felt or fancied, then, that the scarlet letter had endowed her with a new sense. She shuddered to believe, yet could not help believing, that it gave her a sympathetic knowledge of the hidden sin in other hearts.

 

[62] Man had marked this woman's sin by a scarlet letter, which had such potent and disastrous efficacy that no human sympathy could reach her, save it were sinful like herself.

 

[136] The tendency of her [Hester Prynne's] fate and fortunes had been to set her free. The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers,--stern and wild ones,--and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.

From: The Scarlet Letter: An Authoritative Text, Essays in Criticism, and Scholarship, edited by Seymour Gross [and others] (3rd ed. New York: W. W. Norton, c1988; "A Norton critical edition"): pp. 25, 37, 61, 62, 136. The "amiss" is relative to the Puritan views of her day. By the way:

  • Regarding the stigma, see pp. 113, 167, 172, and 177.
  • For the details in definition 2, see pp. 25, 35 note 2, 39 (whence the quotation), and 45.
  • For the scarlet letter as child born of adultery, namely Pearl, see p. 78.
  • For the scarlet letter as Dimmesdale's torment, see especially chapter 23 and the conclusion.
  • And for Hawthorne's historical source, see p. 203.

 

scent-free dating:

Dating without becoming exposed to or exposing anybody, especially one's date, to products containing volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that might cause an unpleasant physical reaction, such as a respiratory reaction or a migraine -- products such as perfumes, colognes, and after-shaves, as well as scented conditioners, deodorants, powders, and sprays; however, not just products applied to the body but also such sources of VOCs as scented candles, incense, and air fresheners.

Comments: A significant percentage of the population suffers from respiratory illnesses and sensitivities. Asthma, for instance, has become common. Consequently, scented body products -- that is, those with fragrances as ingredients -- far from being attractants, often not only repell but cause suffering, sometimes severe suffering, and restrict liberties. This does not mean that every person with a sensitivity will have an unpleasant physical reaction to every brand of perfume, say, or to the faintest whiff of cologne; nor does it mean that all fragrances have an equal capacity to cause an unpleasant reaction. However, it does have implications with regard to courtesy, especially in crowded and enclosed spaces, and with regard to what one can safely assume about any person one might wish to date. The safest course is to assume that one's natural scent (which, by the way, is to be distinguished from body odor) is enough.

Sometimes body products cause unpleasant reactions even in the absence of any detectable scent. Thus, in discussions about sensitivities, the terms "scent-free" and "fragrance-free," can be misleading. Some people, in order to be sure to cover all the bases, use the sweeping phrase, "chemical and scent-free," or the term "hypoallergenic." However, it should be pointed out that, in the United States, at least, there are no legal standards that govern the use of these terms by manufacturers.

Since it is impractical for people with chemical sensitivities to test commercially produced perfumes and colognes for reactions, some make their own scented products from materials they know that they themselves, at least, will have no unpleasant reaction to, such as vegetable oil and a favorite spice or two.

See also chemistry of love, date, sexual etiquette.

x chemical and scent-free dating.
x fragrance-free dating.

 

schatchen:

See shadkahn.

 

schicksa:

See shiksa.

 

scortatory love:

Sex for sex' sake; sexual activity with one or more others merely for sensual pleasure and gratification.

Comment: The term is sometimes contrasted with conjugal love (q.v.).

See also fornication, love.

Quotation from James Joyce Illustrating "Scortatory Love"

 

Twenty years he dallied there between conjugal love and its chaste delights and scortatory love and its foul pleasures.

From: Ulysses, [by] James Joyce (Revised ed. London: Bodley Head, 1969): p. 258. Ulysses was originally published in Paris by Shakespeare and Company in 1922.

 

Scotch marriage:

1. A wedding in Scotland and according to its laws.

2. A wedding in Scotland following an elopement from another land, commonly England.

See also elopement, Flagg marriage, go to Gretna Green, go to Scotland, gretna green wedding, wedding.

 

Scotland:

See go to Scotland.

 

screen for love:

A person used for misdirection, so that people will think one feels an attachment to that person when one actually feels an attachment to another.

See also beard, decoy, frock.

x Italian terms.
x love screen.
x schermo di amore.

Quotation from Mark Musa's Translation of Dante Illustrating "Screen for ... Love"

 

Let me say that during the time that this lady acted as a screen for so great a love on my part, I was seized by a desire to record the name of my most gracious lady ...

From: Dante's Vita Nuova, a translation and an essay by Mark Musa (New ed. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, c1973): p. 9.

The Quotation from Dante in the Original

Dico che in questo tempo, che questa donna era schermo di tanto amore, quanto dalla mia parte, mi venne una volunta di voler ricordare il nome di quella gentilissima ...
Dante, Vita Nuova §6 (for how she became a screen, see §5). Italian text as found in: The Vita Nuova and Canzoniere of Dante Alighieri (With alterations. London: J. M. Dent, 1911, t.p. 1948; in series: The Temple Classics): p. 14. The Italian term here for "screen for love" is schermo di ... amore.


script:

See lovemap.

 

SCS:

Sperm competition syndrome (q.v.).

 

scuttle:

A game of depantying: a woman, generally one wearing a skirt or dress, is selected and the men present chase her in order to remove her panties.

Source: Helen Gurley Brown as quoted in Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): pp. 172-173.

x games.


SD:

Sperm donor (q.v.).

 

SDR:

Short-distance relationship (q.v.).

 

seal the deal:

1. Bringing a person to the point where he or she has committed to a course of action, for instance, in sales, to a purchase.

2. In relationships, bringing a person to a point where he or she has committed either to having sex with oneself or to a significant development in the relationship, for instance, to getting married.

Comment: The term is considered by many crass when applied to relationships, in part because it is suggestive of sales tactics.

See also make-want.

 

search polygyny:

Acquisition by a male of a harem, albeit a dispersed one, which is achieved by finding a receptive female in one location, and then one in a different location, and so on and so on.

Comments: A sailor with "a girl in every port" would be an example.

Said of any harem-gathering species as apropos.

See also female-defense polygyny, girl in every port, harem, male-dominance polygyny, polygyny, resource-defense polygyny.

 

secondarism:

1. Sexual arousal with a person being heightened because that person has just been engaged in sexual activity with someone else; for instance, feeling an enhanced desire to copulate with one's spouse because he or she has just been swinging.

2. The pursuit of such arousal.

Contrast the Coolidge effect (q.v.). See also swing.

 

secondary family:

A family (q.v.) that is residing in a non-family member's housing unit -- for example, because of resident employment -- as distinguished from a family with its own housing unit, whether owned or rented.

Contrast primary family (q.v.).

 

secondary incest:

A sexual connection (q.v.) between two people that is not specifically prohibited in the Bible but that is nevertheless regarded as taboo or immoral due to the presence of a particular kinship relation.

See also first cousin marriage, incest, kinship, sexual taboo.

 

secondary partner:

A partner (q.v.) in a secondary relationship (q.v.).

See also concubine, male concubine, out-of-marriage lover, pash, polyamorist, primary partner, Sunday husband, tertiary partner.

 

secondary relationship:

Of three levels of love relationship (q.v.) that an individual might have -- primary, secondary, and tertiary -- the level entailing a medium degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors (see under "relationship levels").

See also alternate relationship geometries, erotic friendship, letter group (phi), lovestyle, primary relationship, satellite relationship, secondary partner, surrogate lover, tertiary relationship.

 

secondary significant other (SSO):

A secondary partner (q.v.).

See also partner, other significant other, significant other, SSO.

 

secondary virginity:

1. The state on the part of a non-virgin of living in a period of abstinence from sexual activity that is meant to last until such activity occurs with a marital partner, a state that is based on a commitment to chastity henceforward, typically due to religious conversion or spiritual renewal; living by the commitment, "no more sexual activity with another till married."

2. Abstention from sexual intercourse for a set minimum period of time -- perhaps a month, three months, or a year -- before being wed and after having been sexually active.

Comments: Generally the point of secondary virginity in the first sense is to recover or to adopt an attitude of holiness that embraces one's sexuality, although often the rhetoric has do with recovery from a sense of shame or of having been used.

In the second sense, the main point is sometimes much the same -- to develop a sense of holiness and the "proper" use of sexuality in that context; also to enable the partners to view each other as holy -- although it can also be, for instance, to ensure that other dimensions of a relationship, besides the sexual, develop.

Also called born-again virginity, neo-virginity, new virginity, and retroactive virginity.

The term is often associated with American Christianity.

See also abstinence, born-again virginity, chastity, holy matrimony, premarital sex, revirginization, virginity, virginity pledge.

x neo-virginity.
x new virginity.
x renewed virginity.
x retroactive virginity.

 

secondary wife:

1. In a polygynous marriage, the wife second in prominence, generally the second woman added, or one of the wives other than the primary wife (q.v.).

2. A man's concubine (q.v.), when he also has a primary wife.

See also junior wife, lesser wife, nirimoua, partner, plural wife, polygynist, second wife, senior wife, sits-beside-him woman, wife.

 

second-choice husband:

A husband (q.v.) who is not the spouse one first or really wanted; a man one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice spouse, settle for, sloppy seconds.

 

second-choice spouse:

A husband or wife who is not the marital partner one first or really wanted; a person one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice husband, second-choice wife, settle for, sloppy seconds, spouse, transference.

 

second-choice wife:

A wife (q.v.) who is not the spouse one first or really wanted; a woman one concedes to marry almost as a consolation prize when another is unattainable.

See also consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice spouse, settle for, sloppy seconds.

 

second honeymoon:

A romantic get-away for individuals who have long been married to each other, typically around the start of a new period in life, as after their children are grown, or around the start of a fresh period in the relationship, as after a recommitment to each other.

See also honeymoon, remarriage, renew vows.

 

second honeymoon syndrome:

1. The intense desire to get away with one's spouse for a romantic interlude.

2. The practice of doing so with unusual frequency.

See also honeymoon, second honeymoon.

x syndromes.

 

second husband:

1. A man who has married a woman who has been monogamously married before but who is divorced or widowed.

2. In a polyandrous or group marriage (q.v.), the second man added.

See also husband, junior husband, partner, polyandrist, serial monogamy, senior husband, serial marriage.

 

second-husband syndrome, or second husband syndrome:

A distressing or otherwise disturbing awareness of living in the wake of one's wife's previous husband, especially as exacerbated by tougher expectations or by being frequently confused with, compared to, or otherwise reminded of him.

See also demons of relationships past, ex-husband syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, second-wife syndrome.

x syndromes.


seconds:

See sloppy seconds, take seconds.

 

second wife:

1. A woman who has married a man who has been monogamously married before but who was divorced or widowed. This term is sometimes used to cover those who are third, fourth, or later wives, as in a second wives' club.

2. In a polygynous or group marriage (q.v.), the second woman added.

See also junior wife, lesser wife, partner, plural wife, polygynist, secondary wife, serial monogamy, senior wife, serial marriage, wife.

 

second-wife syndrome, or second wife syndrome:

A distressing or otherwise disturbing awareness of living in the wake of one's husband's previous wife, especially as exacerbated by tougher expecations or by being frequently confused with, compared to, or otherwise reminded of her.

See also demons of relationships past, ex-wife syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, second-husband syndrome.

x syndromes.


secret admirer:

A person with a crush on someone else, whose identity has not been revealed to that "someone else."

Comment: A person may be a secret admirer without making any gestures at all, but the term tends to be most used after gestures have been made either anonymously or under a pseudonym.

See also crush, lover.

 

secret-false:

In the position of concealing one's infidelity (q.v.) from a partner; cheating and letting one's partner think that one isn't cheating.

See also cheat, non-consensual adultery, quiquirigüiqui, unfaithfulness.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Secret-false"

 

LUCIANA.

... Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy looks at board.

From: William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors (circa 1592-1594): Act 3, Scene 2, lines 15-18.

 

secret love:

1. Undisclosed romantic passion.

2. A beloved one has not revealed as such to others.

Comment: Secret love, in the first sense, may be undisclosed to the beloved or it may be shared between the lovers and undisclosed to others.

See also clandestine marriage; Dante Alighieri syndrome; love, as in "love for another"; love, as in "my sweet love"; undeclared love.

Quotation from Andrew R. MacAndrew's translation of Fyodor Dostoevsky Illustrating "Secret Love"

 

... I once knew a young lady of the old, "romantic" generation who, after several years of secret love for a gentleman whom, please note, she could have peacefully married at any moment she chose, invented insurmountable obstacles for herself and, one stormy night, jumped from a steep, rather cliff-like bank into a fairly deep, rapid river and drowned, all because she fancied herself an Ophelia out of Shakespeare.

From the novel: The Brothers Karamazov [by] Fyodor Dostoevsky; a new translation by Andrew R. MacAndrew; introductory essay by Konstantin Mochulsky (New York: Bantam Books, 1972, c1970): p. 8. The allusion is to William Shakespeare's play Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 7.

Quotation from Cassandra King Illustrating "Secret Love"

 

[Willowdean Lynch to Augusta Holderfield] "Even though you loved a man who was unattainable, you didn't let it ruin your life. I admired the way you'd never acted on that secret love."

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): p. 226.


secret marriage:

A plighting of troth (q.v.) between a man and a woman without witnesses or official recording.

See also clandestine marriage, clandestine wedding, marriage, marriage of conscience, occult marriage, shtille khuppeh, Sixth Commandment of the Church.

 

secret of a long-lasting relationship:

The key ingredient or one of a set of key ingredients that enables the connections between certain individuals to endure.

The comments under the next entry are apropos here as well.

See also long-term love, long-term relationship, secret of a successful marriage.

 

secret of a successful marriage:

The key ingredient or one of a set of key ingredients that enables the individuals in a marital union to sustain their relationship over the long haul in such a way that each finds the relationship to have been rewarding.

Comment: Among the common candidates for such an ingredient, which are sometimes listed singly or in some combination, are love, the ongoing cultivation of romance, mutual respect, commitment, and a forgiving attitude. Occasionally some will argue for less conventional candidates, such as sexual experimentation and comarital relationships. Sometimes jocular or half-jocular candidates are also mentioned, such as seeing little of each other or separate bathrooms.

The reason that the word "secret" is used is because for some finding the right ingredient or set of ingredients is elusive.

See also comarital, esteem, forgiveness, love, respect, romance, secret of a long-lasting relationship, sexual nonexclusivity.

x ingredients for a successful marriage.

 

secrets of the heart:

Feelings and interpersonal intentions and personal history one thinks too imprudent, embarrassing, or precious to reveal, except perhaps in strict confidence, especially such having to do with one's love life, one's infatuations, or one's violations of conscience or mores.

See also heart, infatuation, love life.

 

seduce:

1. To excite the desire, especially sexual desire, of another in order to overcome his or her good sense.

2. To excite the sexual desire of another for the sake of sexual conquest rather than for the sake of either bonding or the fulfillment of mutual desire on equal terms.

3. To induce, without force, a previously chaste woman to have sexual intercourse with oneself (oneself being male), without the relationship leading to marriage. (A legal sense.)

4. To entice a person to have sexual intercourse with oneself, for example through ambience, allurement, and implicit, if not explicit sexual invitation. The person may be one's own spouse, and the act may be innocent, but the use of the word this way sometimes suggests a touch of playful naughtiness.

See also abuse, attract, betray, come on to, make-want, macademizar, make a play for, philander, pick up, pull, put the make on, put the mojo on, seducer, seduction, seductress, set (her) cap at him, solicit, vamp.

 

seducer:

One who seduces.

Comment: When a contrast with a seductress (q.v.) is either presumed by those in communication or made explicit, the term refers to a male; otherwise it is gender neutral.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, devirginator, Don Juan, fast worker, gay deceiver, Lothario, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, operator, philanderer, pick up artist, player, roué, seduce, seductress, shark, skirt-chaser, wolf, womanizer.

 

seduction:

1. Exciting the desire, especially sexual desire, of another in order to overcome his or her good sense.

2. Exciting the sexual desire of another for the sake of sexual conquest rather than for the sake of either bonding or the fulfillment of mutual desire on equal terms.

3. The act of a man inducing, without force, a previously chaste woman to have sexual intercourse with him, without the relationship leading to marriage. (A legal sense.)

4. Enticing a person to have sexual intercourse with oneself, for example through ambience, allurement, and implicit, if not explicit sexual invitation. The person may be one's own spouse, and the act may be innocent, but the use of the word this way sometimes suggests a touch of playful naughtiness.

For lexical example, see under "intrigue."

See also approach invitation, betrayal, come-on, comether, consent to sex, criminal conversation, heart balm statute, make-want, ruin, seduce, tepee seduction, woo.

 

seductress:

A woman who seduces.

Contrast seducer (q.v.). See also devirginator, Don Juaness, fast worker, gay deceiver, lothariette, make-out artist, minx, operator, pick up artist, seduce, shark, she-wolf, slut, tart, vamp, whore.

 

see, as in "she's seeing him":

To date or otherwise to meet with, especially on repeated occasions; to spend time with; to engage in social activities with (someone) on an informal and friendly basis.

See also date, hang out.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Seeing"

 

[Foxy] "... I've been seeing another man and Ken [Foxy's husband] doesn't have a clue. A clue."

"What other man?" Mrs. Roth asked sharply. "Truly seeing?"

"It doesn't matter what other man. A man. Oh, God, yes, seeing to sleep with."

From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 279.

 

seeble:

An expression for, "I know what you mean, I think, and I feel sibling-like kinship on that point."

Comment: The term apears to have been coined on the USENET newsgroup, alt.polyamory. There it is often used in discussions about love relationships.

See also affinity, compreciation, connection, kinship, macarism.

 

seed raising:

A situation wherein a father has sexual intercouse with his underage son's wife and brings up the resulting offspring.

Comment: This is a practice found among some Eskimos.

See also incest.

x Eskimo terms.

 

seek a blouse:

See choli marg.

 

see-saw affair:

A situation in which two people take turns at being in love with each other. While one surrenders to love, the other is unresponsive; and when the attentions of the first turn elsewhere, the second finds it safe to surrender to love.

See also affair, in love, unilateralism.

 

sensual love:

A largely physically based attraction or bond; a passion for the gratification of sight, touch, hearing, smell, or taste by way of the body of another.

See also amour des sens, love.

 

seneucia:

Widowhood.

See also grief, viduage, viduity, widow.

 

senior husband:

In a polyandrous or group marriage and relative to either another husband or all husbands, the male partner who has been longer or longest in the marriage or who is the elder or eldest or who is superior in family rank.

See also group marriage, husband, junior husband, partner, polyandrist, second husband.

 

senior wife:

In a polygynous or group marriage and relative to either another wife or all wives, the female partner who has been longer or longest in the marriage or who is the elder or eldest or who is superior in family rank.

See also group marriage, junior wife, monogyny, nirimoua, partner, polygynist, plural wife, primary wife, secondary wife, second wife, sits-beside-him woman, wife.

 

sense of betrayal:

See feel betrayed.

 

sensory deregulation:

See dérèglement de tous les sens.


sentiment:

1. The feeling infused in an attitude, thought, or expression, such as a feeling associated with idealism, nostalgia, an aesthetic sensibility, retribution, or, perhaps most often, tenderness; an emotional tinge.

2. An attitude, thought, or expression insofar as it is permeated or prompted by an emotion.

See also affection, sentimental, tenderness.

Quotation from Susan Ferrier Illustrating "Sentiment"

 

Sir Edmund Audley and Alicia Malcolm proved examples of this observation. The affection of childhood had so gradually ripened into a warmer sentiment, that neither were conscious of the nature of that sentiment till after it had attained strength to cast a material influence on their after-lives. The familiarity of near relatives, associating constantly together, produced a warm sentiment of affection, cemented by similarity of pursuits, and enlived by diversity of character; while the perfect tranquility of their lives afforded no event that could withdraw the veil of ignorance from their eyes....

Sir Edmund completed his nineteenth year, and Alicia entered her eighteenth, when this happy state of unconscious security was destroyed by a circumstance which rent the veil from her eyes, and disclosed his sentiments in all their energy and warmth.

From: Marriage, [by] Susan Ferrier; with a new introduction by Rosemary Ashton (New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books; [London]: Virago Press, 1986): chapter 14, pp. 82-83. Originally published anonymously: Edinburgh: Wm. Blackwood, 1818.

 

sentimental:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by sentiment.

2. Influenced by emotional considerations.

3. Characterized by an appeal to romantic feelings.

See also romantic, sentiment.

 

separate:

To cease marital cohabitation.

See also banish (a person one's) bed and company, break up, dump, E&E, EwE, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, let go, reject, sack, separated, separation, split up, walk out.

 

separated:

1. Not together.

2. Not cohabiting, especially as a legal status; said of individuals married to each other.

3. Legally married to but not cohabiting with one's spouse, especially as a legal status.

Comment: The word "separated" connotes to some availability.

See also estranged, ever-married, formerly married, marital status, previously married, separate, separation.

 

separate finances:

With regard to a relationship, the result of handling the assets of the partners, especially their money, not as common property but with each partner controlling his or her own, separate bank accounts being one of the common features of such an arrangement.

Contrast joint finances (q.v.). See also financially independent, pre-nuptial agreement, société d'acquets.

 

separate vacations:

1. A situation in which spouses, lovers, or companions spend time apart (typically days or weeks) for the purpose, on the part of each, of rest, recreation, or travel for pleasure, although not necessarily at the same time.

2. A situation in which people who ordinarily spend days, weeks, or months together for the purpose of rest, recreation, or travel for pleasure instead do so apart.

See also break, grass-widow, grass-widower, holiday from marriage, hundred-mile rule, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, vacation from marriage.

 

separation:

Cessation of marital cohabitation either as a step towards divorce (q.v.), as a temporary break in the conjugal relationship, or as a permanent status with a marriage still officially intact.

Comment: Sometimes separation is a period when one or more other sexual partners are sought and considered for suitability.

See also break, diremption, displaced homemaker, E&E, estrangement, EwE, fribusculum, give up on a marriage, grass widow, grass widower, judicial separation, separate, separated, surfeit response.

 

separation of marriage and state:

A slogan or summary statement representing the position that a government should be involved in neither:

Comments: The slogan is modeled on the phrase, "the separation of church and state," which is said to derive from a remark by Thomas Jefferson.

The position is often nested into a more comprehensive view, for instance, one or more of these:

One implication of the position is that government would no longer be prohibiting such things as group marriage and gay marriage, but instead would be trying to foster a peaceful environment for all sorts of relationships and a fair playing field for the people in them.

Various alternatives to the governmental control of marriage are suggested, for instance:

Reference

"To Nehemiah Dodge and Others, A Committee of the Danbury Baptist Association, in the State of Connecticut," Washington, January 1, 1802. I am consulting The Portable Jefferson, edited and with an introduction by Merrill D. Peterson (New York: Viking Press, c1975): pp. [303]-304. There Jefferson's phrase is, "a wall of separation between Church and State." He ties it directly to the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

See also civil marriage, family sovereignty, heart balm statute, libertarianism, liberty, marriage, marriage license, public character of sex, relationship choice, relationship freedom, sexual autonomy, sexual freedom, statism, sumptuary law.

 

separation of sex and love:

See loveless sex, sexless love.

 

sequential marriage:

See serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

seraglio:

1. A large harem, in either sense: the place or the people.

2. A place where people go for sexual pleasure.

Pronunciation note: The "g" in "seraglio" is silent.

See also harem, imbroglio of polyamours, serai, Turkish marriage, zenana.

 

serai:

The part of a dwelling where a harem (q.v.) is kept.

See also haremlik, seraglio, zenana.

 

serial cenogamy:

Participation as a partner in more than one group marriage (q.v.) or group love relationship (q.v.), but one sequential to another rather than at the same time.

Coined by me on analogy with "serial monandry." But perhaps it already exists.

See also cenogamy, group switching.

 

serial heartbreaker:

A person who enters into and then leaves behind one love relationship after another; a person who either inspires or deliberately incites one person after another to fall in love with him or her and who keeps moving on.

See also heart, heartbreaker, lovertine, serial monogamy.


serial marriage:

The practice of having two or more ostensibly monogamous marital unions in the course of one's lifetime, especially when one or more such unions are ended by divorce; the alternating pattern: marriage, divorce, marriage, etc.

Comment: This has also been called consecutive polygamy, progressive monogamy, sequential marriage, and serial polygamy.

See also digamy, dyad, marriage, monogamy, multiple marriage, polykoity, reiterated marriage, remarriage, second husband, second wife, serial marriage, serial mate, serial monandry, serial monogamy, serial monogyny, trigamy.

x consecutive polygamy.
x progressive monogamy.
x sequential marriage.
x serial polygamy.

 

serial mate:

One in a sequence of partners in serial monogamy.

See also mate, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Serial Mates"

 

[199] Added together [the average lengthof first plus second marriages, for women, that end in divorce], that's a married life [200] span of only fourteen years for those who choose two serial mates and disengage from both of them.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 199-200.

 

serial monandry:

Having more than one male mate on the part of a woman, but one sequential to another rather than at the same time. Any of the male mates may be either monogynous or polygynous.

Contrast serial monogyny (q.v.). See also group switching, monogyny, polygyny, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serial monogamy:

The practice of being part of more than one couple, but not at the same time, over the course of a lifetime, especially when any of the partnerships is ended by divorce (q.v.) in the case of a marriage or by break-up (q.v.) in the case of a different type of relationship.

Comments: This has also been called consecutive polygamy, progressive monogamy, sequential marriage, and serial polygamy.

To be serial, such relationships must be non-contemporaneous, but in practice they sometimes overlap and so, for those overlapping periods, would not be considered monogamous or would be considered monogamous only in a formal way.

See also digamy, dyad, lovestyle, monamory, monoamory, monogamy, multiphilia, polykoity, reiterated marriage, remarriage, second husband, second wife, serial heart-breaker, serial marriage, serial mate, serial monandry, serial monogyny, trigamy.

x consecutive polygamy.
x progressive monogamy.
x sequential marriage.
x serial polygamy.

 

serial monogyny:

Having more than one female mate on the part of a man, but one sequential to another rather than at the same time. Any of the female mates may be either monandrous or polyandrous.

Coined by me on analogy with "serial monandry." But perhaps it already exists.

Contrast serial monandry (q.v.). See also group switching, monandry, polyandry, serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serial philandering:

1. A man's engaging in sexual activity frivolously or casually with one woman after another at different times; male promiscuity with women.

2. Seductive flirtation, on the part of a man, with one woman after another without any intent of exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship.

Comment: Generally "philandering" is used as a pejorative term.

See also agapet, Casanova complex, crumpet man, Don Juanism, gay deceiver, indiscriminate sex, libertinism, Lothario, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, put it about, rabbit, rake, roué, sex maniac, sexual varietism, shark, sleep around, womanize, womanizer.

 

serial polygamy:

See serial marriage, serial monogamy.

 

serious, as in "they are getting serious" or "they are serious":

1. Deeply involved with each other emotionally.

2. At the point of contemplating and not just fantasizing about becoming long-term mates.

3. Committed or ready to be committed to a monogamous relationship for the long haul.

4. Pertaining to or characterized by any of the preceding, or by causing one to grow in important ways, or by being otherwise life-changing, as in "a serious relationship."

See also go steady, going together, long-term relationship, monogamous, pinning, serious-relationship myth.

x serious relationship.

 

seriously married:

Committed to making a marital union work and not wanting to risk it, for instance by having an extramarital affair.

See also happily married, intrinsic marriage, married, more "married" than.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Seriously Married"

 

Did he really think he could waltz back in here and rekindle the flame with a few confessions of fault? Was he insane? I was a different person. I knew his jive. I was married, seriously married to a serious person I loved, a person I could count on, a person who could count on me.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 103.

 

serious relationship:

See serious.

 

serious-relationship myth:

The (supposedly) false notion that a relationship (q.v.) must be both monogamous and long-term to be serious.

Comment: This "notion" has been identified as a myth by various sex radicals, many of whom reject both criteria. However, obviously, identifying it as a myth is controversial. I have provided a name for the supposed myth, without, for now, weighing in on the controversy, except to say that many a term, like "serious," has more than one definition in common usage (October 14, 2006).

See also monogamy, long-term relationship, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, serious.

x myths.

 

serve two studs:

To have two men one has sex with.

See also have two strings to (one's) bow, milk two cows, sexual non-exclusivity, share (one's) favors, stud.

Quotations from John Updike Illustrating "Serve Two Studs"

 

"They're feasting off you, Jan-Jan," he [Freddy Thorne] told her [Janet Appleby]. "You're serving two studs [Frank Appleby and Harold little-Smith] and Marcia [little-Smith]'s in the saddle."

From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 164.

 

set (her) cap at him:

To attempt to catch a man as a sweetheart or husband.

Brewer explains: "The lady puts on the most becoming of her caps, to attract the attention and admiration of the favored gentleman."

Reference

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 211, s.v. "Cap," sub-entry, "Setting her cap at him."

See also attract, cap-setting, comether, draw to, make a play for, make-want, pull, put the mojo on, seduce.

 

settle down:

1. To bring flitting about, as from one place to another or one lover to another, to a halt.

2. To establish stable conditions for the purpose of raising a family, which undertaking commonly entails finding a way to make a steady living, establishing a household, and marrying.

3. To become established for the purpose of making a living.

4. To establish roots in a community.

5. To take up one's abode in a place that had previously been uncolonized; to begin to reside as a settler.

6. To become calm or quiet, especially for the sake of being attentive or of going to sleep.

See also family, household, marry.

 

settle for:

In the context of the topic of relationships:

1. Rather than to aspire to a lover or mate who would fulfill one's desires, to accept someone who doesn't but who happens to be available.

2. To accept a person for a lover or mate when one can do better; for instance:

3. To give up on one's first choice for a lover or mate and to accept somebody else with a measure of disappointment.

4. To accept a nonconventional relationship when one's preference is for a conventional type of relationship, or vice versa.

5. To accept inadequacy with regard to romantic or sexual attention.

Comment: The usual opposite is "to refuse to settle for."

See also catch (someone) on the rebound, consolation marriage, hypogamy, marry down, rebound relationship, second-choice husband, second-choice spouse, second-choice wife.

x refuse to settle for.

 

Seventh Commandment:

In the biblical account, the fourth from the last of the ten divine imperatives delivered to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Israelites. In the King James (Authorized) Version, it reads: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14 = 20:13 in some editions; cf. Deuteronomy 5:18 = 5:17 in some editions).

Comments: In some enumerations of the Ten Commandments, the prohibition of adultery is listed as the Sixth Commandment. (See quotation below.)

Among the issues raised by this Commandment: What precisely does adultery mean? If the prohibition is universal (as seems to be presumed by the Apostle Paul in Romans 13:9), is the definition subject to cultural or rational determination?

Among the arguments that this Commandment has universal force for all of humankind:

Regarding the biblical definition of adultery for (at least) Israelites, see under "adultery."

See also "All's fair ...," apodictic law, commit adultery, Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, law of love, love commandments, moral code, moral law, moral precept, sexual immorality, steal, Tenth Commandment.

x commandment.
x Sixth Commandment (of the Ten Commandments).
x Ten Commandments.

Quotation from The Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647) Illustrating "Seventh Commandment"

 

Ques. 70. Which is the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment is, Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Ques. 71. What is required in the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment requireth the preservation of our own and our neighbor's chastity, in heart, speech, and behavior.

Ques. 72. What is forbidden in the seventh commandment?

Ans. The seventh commandment forbiddeth all unchaste thoughts, words, and actions.

The edition being quoted from here is that found in: Bibliotheca Symbolica Ecclesiæ Universalis = The Creeds of Christendom, with a History and Critical Notes, by Philp Schaff. Volume III, The Evangelical Protestant Creeds, with Translations (4th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Harper, c1919): pp. 676-704, specifically pp. 691-692.

Quotation from John A. Hardon Illustrating "Sixth and Ninth Commandments" in an Alternative Enumeration

 

It has been customary since apostolic times to relate the Sixth and Ninth Commandments of God as two aspects of the same divine mandate. They forbid respectively the external and internal sins against chastity.

From: The Catholic Catechism, [by] John A. Hardon (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1975): p. 351. In this enumeration, the Seventh and Tenth Commandments become prohibitions of the external sin of theft and the corresponding internal sin of greed (cf. p. 383).

 

seven-year itch:

A term used to refer to the fact that in some countries, including the United States, the median duration of marriages that end in divorce tends to be about seven years; in other words, 50% are of less duration and 50% are of greater duration.

See also divorce, four-year itch, repent being married, surfeit response.

x statistics.

 

sex:

Regarding human beings (disregarding other species or interactions between a human being and a member of another species):

1. One's classification, relative to the propagation of the species homo sapiens, as male, female, or, in some usage, other (the last being suscepible to further delineation) -- speaking in terms of natural methods: a male being a person who, if reproductively healthy, is capable at some point in his life of impregnating an ovum produced by a human female and a female being a person who, if reproductively healthy, is capable at some point in her life of being impregnated by sperm produced by a human male.

2. One's personal identification with maleness, femaleness, or a different category either on the same continuum with maleness and femaleness or closely related, usually as culturally framed in a way corresponding to one's reproductive biology, but sometimes in distinct discordance with either cultural categories or the more obvious features of one's reproductive biology or both.

3. A set of distinguishing properties selected by which a determination as to the above classification or identification is made, such as one's hormonal mix, one's chromosomes (hence "chromosomal sex"), one's reproductive organs (hence "gonadal sex"), one's external organs related to reproduction (hence "morphological sex"), and/or one's emotional comfort or discomfort with one's classification as or identification with being a male, female, or something else (hence "psychosocial sex," also called "gender identity") -- discomfort in its strong form being called "dysphoria."

4. in the above-mentioned classification, any one group taken collectively, hence, for instance, the set of all males or the set of all females.

5. The interactions between a male and a female that would have the potential to lead to procreation, given fertility and the absence of contraception.

6. The generation of arousal, especially genital arousal, by way of mental and physical stimulation in interaction between human beings, generally including stimulation in erogenous zones.

7. Intercourse of the penis-in-vagina sort; for instance, the second use of the term in "Oral sex is not sex."

8. Arousal, especially to orgasm, as in "solo sex" ("solo sex" being masturbation or autoeroticism).

9. The manifestations of the libido, or drive to mate, in their totality; everything particularly associated with the above, as in "having an interest in sex."

Comments: By using the term "identification" and referring to the term "gender identity" in the above definitions, I do not mean to predispose or tip a hat to any philosophies of self-identity. Above, the term "identification" should be read as generically as possible, as a term defaulted to because alternatives, like "association," wouldn't do.

Speaking of gender identity, it used to be a truism that "sex" refers to male or female and that "gender" refers to a grammatical category; however, now "gender" is frequently used synonymously (a) with "sex" in the first sense above, often to avoid the sex/sexual activity ambiguity, or (b) with "sex" in the second or third sense above in order to lay stress upon the psychological or cultural aspects over against the physical, which is represented by the first sense.

The delimiting of the classification to just two sexes, male and female, is called "sexual dimorphism," as is the view that the classification should be limited to two sexes.

Sometimes included among "other" sexes are eunuchs, homosexuals (or some subcategory or -categories thereof), hermaphrodites (the intersex), transsexuals, hijras (of India), berdaches (of North American Indian groups), and the asexual, that is, those who lack a sex drive -- which is just to begin the list.

With regard to sex as an activity, delineations of the functions of sex sometimes have a bearing on how people define "sex," and they certainly have a bearing on ethical analyses. To illustrate:

See also consensual sex, consent to sex, consequences of sex outside of marriage, devalue sex, extramarital sex, indiscriminate sex, intermarital sex, loveless sex, metasex, nonmarital sex, no sex outside of marriage, postmarital sex, precondition for sex, premarital sex, public character of sex, recreational sex, sacred sex, sexology, sexploit, sexual, sexuality, unbridle sex.

x gender.

 

sex addict:

A person who suffers from sexual addiction.

See also erotomaniac, multimitus, nymphomaniac, satyr, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, sexual addiction, smellsmock.

x addict.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sex Addict"

 

More recently we hear about sex addicts and avoidance of intimacy....

Sex can