Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

Norman Elliott Anderson

Sk - Sz

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

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- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

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- Sk-Sz -

Z

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©

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Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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skains-mate:

A companion (q.v.) with whom one is inclined to be amorously entwined.

See also flirt-gill, partner.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Skains-mate."

NURSE [referring to Mercurio].

... Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills;

I am none of his skains-mates.

From: William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597): Act 2, Scene 3, lines 156-157.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Skains-mate."
NURSE [referring to Mercurio]. ... Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.
From: William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597): Act 2, Scene 3, lines 156-157.

skate:

1. A trouble-maker.

2. A womanizer.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 214.

See also agapet, philanderer, rake, roué, shark, womanizer.

skin party:

1. A gathering of people where clothing is worn in a way that is revealing of the body, especialy of parts of the body that are ordinarily covered in public.

2. Such a gathering that is oriented to couples for their sensual stimulation, typically in preparation for off-premises sexual activity -- according to the billing, to keep the passion alive and well..

Comments: Music, dancing, and alcoholic beverages are commonly featured at such parties.

Commonly rules include:

Let loose, but no coital activity on premises.

Women set the tone.

Although women are free to socialize with any individuals present, each man must be escorted by a woman, must remain in her company throughout the party, and must leave with her.

Sexy wear is encouraged, but no jeans or dumpy clothing.

Courtesy and respect are expected; aggressive behavior and domineering behavior are both prohibited.

See also flirt party, friction party, toe-party.

x party.

skin-to-skin intimacy:

Intimacy (q.v.), especially sexual intimacy, between individuals who are bodily present to each other.

Comment: This is sometimes distinguished from a relationship where touch is not enjoyed; also from being at a distance from each other and communicating by mail, telephone, computers, or other means.

Contrast cyberlove (q.v.), long-distance relationship (q.v.), and online relationship (q.v.). See also real-life relationship, short-distance relationship.

skirt-chaser:

1. A person who characteristically pursues women in the hope of sexual gratification; a person who displays a strong sexual interest in women by way of his or her amorous pursuits, especially to the point of distraction from other matters.

2. A mate who pursues women promiscuously.

Comment: The term might sometimes be jocularly applied to those who pursue men in kilts.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, general lover, girl crazy, gynecomania, jock, ladies' man, lesbian, lover, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, rabbit, rake, roué, satyr, seducer, slut, smellsmock, stud, wolf, womanizer, woman-keen; infidelity, unfaithfulness.

SL:

Son-in-law.

See -in-law, SIL.

slay (someone's) heart:

1. To be a reason and the object of a one's overwhelming love-passion.

2. To cause one to swoon with emotion.

See also die with love, fall in love, heart, heart-slayer, lady-killer, love-passion, love-struck, raked fore and aft, smitten.

sleep around:

1. To engage in separate sexual activities with various people within a comparatively short span of time.

2. To not restrict one's sexual activities to a single sex partner or a defined set of sex partners, but to engage in sexual activities with others.

See also butterfly, casual sex, date around, jump from lap to lap, mate sampling, play around, play the field, promiscuity, put it about, run astray, serial philandering, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual varietism, shark, shop around, tip, stud, womanize, yard on.

sleep (one's) way to the top:

To exploit in a physcial way one's own sexual charms and the sexual desire of one or more others in order to reach a high level of advancement; to engage in sexual activity with certain people as a means of achieving a high level of success.

Comment: Generally used pejoratively, the implication being that the person has prostituted him or herself and has treated human beings as means to a selfish end rather than ends in and of themselves.

In the present tense, as in "She is sleeping her way to the top," uncertainty tempers the sense, for one does not know whether or not a high level of success will in fact be achieved by such means.

See also casting couch, interoffice romance, office romance, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, use sex as a weapon, vamp, whore (one's) way to the top.

sleep on the couch:

To spend one or more nights resting elsewhere other than in the bed shared with one's partner, ordinarily because of being out of favor with that partner; to rest uncomfortably, temporarily alienated from one's partner and usual bed.

Comment: Usually meant literally in such circumstances, except perhaps for the "sleeping" part: to spend the night on a sofa.

See also casting couch, in the doghouse.

sleep together:

1. To share a bed or a room or a small space for slumber; to cosominate (q.v.).

2. Euphemism for: to engage in sexual relations.

See also breakfast together, bungalowing, cohabit, cohabitate, going together, living together, shack up, share the same bedroom, together.

sloping billet:

A naval appointment that entails much time ashore, which thus tends to be sought by the married in order to maximize their opportunities of spending time with their families.

Source: Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 126.

See also bundle man, fishing fleet, fit double clews, jump off the dock, owneress, personal attachment, pleasing appendage, war groom.

sloppy seconds:

1. A sexual encounter with a person who yet retains the body fluids of another person from a previous sexual encounter.

2. A person selected who is believed to be not the first choice and who thereby suffers diminishment in the eyes of others, as in politics, the workplace, or the realm of love relationships.

Comments: This descriptive term (practically the opposite of a euphemism) in its first sense tends to be used in erotic contexts rather than, for instance, in professional discourse.

To give an example of the latter sense: It was used by journalist Alexis Simendinger on the news program, Washington Week (PBS), on July 9, 2004 in reference to John Kerry's pick of John Edwards as his vice presidential running mate, after Senator John McCain had supposedly been unsuccessfully courted.

See also bivirist, box of assorted creams, brother starling, buksvåger, buttered bun, cuckold, group sex, hotwife, husband-doubling, partible paternity, polyandry, promiscuity, sperm competition syndrome, sperm wars, stir the porridge, swing, troilism; consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice husband, second-choice spouse, second-choice wife, take seconds.

x seconds.

slump buster:

1. Something that, per superstitious belief, will put an end to a losing streak, help one overcome a period of lackluster sports performance, or increase one's languishing sexual activity.

2. An unattractive person, typically a female, whom a baseball player or other sports figure seeks out for sex in order to break out of a period of poor or unlucky play, the superstition being that it helps overcome such play.

3. By extension, any unattractive person with whom one has casual sex.

4. A person one may call upon for sexual relations, this only as a temporary expedient during a period when one's sexual activity is otherwise languishing.

See also bust up, casual sex, friend with benefits, f*** buddy, grenade, road beef, sex buddy.

slut:

1. A woman who engages in causal sex (q.v.) or who is brazenly flirtatious with frivolous intent; roughly the female equivalent of a philanderer (q.v.) or womanizer (q.v.).

2. A promiscuous woman.

3. A promiscuous male homosexual.

4. A promiscuous male generally.

5. A repulsively untidy woman.

6. A female prostitute.

7. A person who has sold out or who is willing to sell out.

8. A person who is in charge of his or her own body as a matter of principle, who likes sex, and who will have sex however and with whomever he or she pleases. This sense is the result of recent feminist rehabilitation of the term.

9. A term of derision.

10. A term of intimate familiarity, generally in reference to a person's sexual escapades or approach to sexual activity.

Comment: Sometimes the term is used adjectivally, as in "slut wife."

See also anti-slut defense, bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, cocotte, dalliance, demirep, Don Juaness, easy lay, easy virtue, ethical slut, femme galante, flirt-gill, free love, general lover, giglet, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoe, homosexual, hoochie, hothusband, hotwife, inner slut, jock, lech, libertinism, lothariette, make-out artist, Messalina, minx, multicipara, multimitus, nymphomaniac, philanderer, pick up artist, player, playgirl, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, rake, satyr, seductress, sex maniac, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, she-wolf, shiksa, skirt-chaser, slutdom, sluthood, slutstyle, sluttery, slutty, slut wife, smellsmock, tail-femme, tart, term of endearment, tramp, trollop, wanton woman, wench, wolf; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, squaw, whore.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Sluts"

[Lady Booby to Joseph] "... there are wicked sluts who make one ashamed of one's own sex, and are as ready to admit any nauseous familiarity as fellows to offer it; nay, there are such in my family, but they shall not stay in it; that impudent trollop who is with child by you is discharged by this time."

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, p. 31. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slut"

In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful...

... we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite....

A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money -- because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 4.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slut"
In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful... ... we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite.... A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money -- because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 4.

slutdom:

The life journeys of people as sluts taken collectively or, yet more figuratively, the realm inhabited and traversed by sluts.

See also slut, sluthood, slutstyle, sluttery.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutdom"

Ethical slutdom is a challenging path: we don't have a polyamorous Miss Manners telling us how to do our thing courteously and respectfully, so we have to make it up as we go along.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 21.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutdom"
Ethical slutdom is a challenging path: we don't have a polyamorous Miss Manners telling us how to do our thing courteously and respectfully, so we have to make it up as we go along.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 21.

sluthood:

The state of being a slut.

See also slut, slutdom, sluttery.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluthood"

Sluthood means, among other things, that you don't have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 156.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluthood"
Sluthood means, among other things, that you don't have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 156.

slutstyle:

Any of an endless variety of ways, especially non-conventional ways, to conduct one's sex life according to the philosophy that sexual pleasure and sexual pleasuring are good things.

See also alternative lifestyle, bohemianism, fling, gay lifestyle, lifestyle, lovestyle, polyamory, sexways, slut, slutdom, sluttery, traditional ways.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutstyles"

CHAPTER 7. SLUTSTYLES.

There are a whole lot of ways to live your sexual life, a whole lot of different ways to relate to people and form relationships and families, and no one way is better than all the others.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 69.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutstyles"
CHAPTER 7. SLUTSTYLES. There are a whole lot of ways to live your sexual life, a whole lot of different ways to relate to people and form relationships and families, and no one way is better than all the others.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 69.

sluttery:

1. Untidiness.

2. A work-room, especially one characterized by untidiness.

3. Impurity, in a moral or cultic sense.

4. The range of possibilities for or a way of conducting oneself as a slut.

See also slut, slutdom, sluthood, slutstyle.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluttery"

So one form of sluttery for the single involves multiple partners who have no interaction, indeed no information about each other. This avoids complications at the cost of limiting certain kinds of intimacy, such as opportunities for mutual support and the development of community.

Another way is to introduce your lovers to each other ...

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 76.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluttery"
So one form of sluttery for the single involves multiple partners who have no interaction, indeed no information about each other. This avoids complications at the cost of limiting certain kinds of intimacy, such as opportunities for mutual support and the development of community. Another way is to introduce your lovers to each other ...
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 76.

slutty:

Characterized by behavior one expects of a slut.

See also anti-slut defense, easy, loose, promiscuous, sexually non-monogamous, slut, wild.

slut wife:

A married woman who engages in sexual activity with people other than her husband.

See also adulteress, hotwife, slut, tail-femme, whore, wife.

small "r" relationship:

A friendship rather than a self-aware love relationship, or a relationship (q.v.) that is undefined or merely at the exploratory stages of romance (q.v.); a relationship that has not yet and may never form a bond with the potential to last.

Contrast big "R" relationship (q.v.). See also xship.

SMAM:

Singulate mean age at marriage.

Comment: For females, SMAM-F or SMAMF; for males, SMAM-M or SMAMM.

See also MAFM, nuptiality, singulate mean age at marriage.

x statistics.

smellsmock:

A licentious man, especially one who is a priest.

See also agapet, bedhopper, Cassanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, God's gift to women, jock, Lothario, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, playboy, player, promiscuity, rabbit, rake, roué, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, skirt-chaser, slut, stud, wolf, womanizer; gugusse, parnel, particular relationship; smock marriage.

smismar:

The person who inspired the original feeling of love that led to pregnancy by another.

Comment: The term is from the animated TV series, "Futurama," episode 61, "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" (first broadcast January 12, 2003), where it was used by the alien male character, Kif, who became pregnant from the DNA of one female, Leela, while loving another female, Amy, his smismar. The series was created by Matt Groening. The episode was written by Bill Odenkirk and directed by Wesley Archer.

See also bukis, genitor, lover, pater.

smitten:

In love, the heart having totally succumbed.

Comment: "Smitten" is the past participle of "smite."

See also besotted, bitten by the love bug, captivated, die with love, enamored, gone on, goner, heart, heart-slayer, infatuated, in love, lady-killer, love-struck, raked fore and aft, slay one's heart.

smock marriage:

The superstitious practice of marrying on a highway with the woman in a smock in order to ward off creditors.

Comment: Also called a shift marriage.

See also marriage, shift marriage, smellsmock, wedding.

smooth operator:

See operator.

snowflake baby:

A child adopted when a frozen human embryo.

See also adoption, artificial insemination, baby, sperm donor, surrogate mother, test-tube baby.

SO:

Significant other (q.v.).

See also OSO, SSO.

sobriety:

See sexual sobriety.

soceraphobia:

Aversion to one's in-laws.

Comment: From Latin socer ("father-in-law" or, in the plural, "parents-in-law") + Greek phobos ("panic fear").

The complementary or, in some usage, overarching term would be "syngenesophobia."

See also in-law, kinship.

social commonwealth:

See little social commonwealth.

social husband:

A man to whom one is formally married, such that one's intimate relation with him is considered legitimate and such that social trappings and expectations associated with marriage and with one's own life are ever present.

Comment: Coined by me on analogy with "social wife." But perhaps it already exists.

See also husband.

social monogamy:

1. A marriage or committed love relationship that consists of two and only two partners, especially when this dyadic form is according to custom and mutual commitment.

2. The practice of having only one long-term or socially recognized mate at a time, especially when one's mate reciprocates in kind.

Comment: The term "social monogamy" is generally contrasted with "sexual monogamy," the point being that social monogamy does not preclude in practice incidental extra-pair copulation (q.v.), whatever the social expectations and personal commitments may be. In other words, social monogamy can still subsist, even if extra-pair copulation takes place.

See also dyad, husband-doubling, monogamy, nonexclusive monogamy, open couple, sexual monogamy.

social wife:

A woman to whom one is formally married, such that one's intimate relation with her is considered legitimate and such that social trappings and expectations associated with marriage and with one's own life are ever present.

Comment: A social wife stands in contrast especially with a woman with whom one has an intimate connection and deep bond that have no official social recognition.

Contrast mistress (q.v.) and night-wife (q.v.). See also wife.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Social Wife"

[427] "I suppose we ought to get married," he [Anton Skrebensky] said [to Ursula Brangwen], rather wistfully. It was so magnificently free and in a deeper world, as it was. To make public their connection would be to put it in range with all the things which nullified him, and from which he was for the moment entirely dissociated. If he married he would have to assume his social self. And the thought of assuming his social self made him at once diffident and abstract. If she were his social wife, if she were part of that complication of dead reality, then what had his under-life to do with her? One's social wife was almost a material symbol. Whereas now she was something more vivid to him than anything [428] in conventional life could be. She gave the complete lie to all conventional life, he and she stood together, dark, fluid, infinitely potent, giving the lie to the dead whole which contained them.

From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 15, pp. 427-428.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Social Wife"
[427] "I suppose we ought to get married," he [Anton Skrebensky] said [to Ursula Brangwen], rather wistfully. It was so magnificently free and in a deeper world, as it was. To make public their connection would be to put it in range with all the things which nullified him, and from which he was for the moment entirely dissociated. If he married he would have to assume his social self. And the thought of assuming his social self made him at once diffident and abstract. If she were his social wife, if she were part of that complication of dead reality, then what had his under-life to do with her? One's social wife was almost a material symbol. Whereas now she was something more vivid to him than anything [428] in conventional life could be. She gave the complete lie to all conventional life, he and she stood together, dark, fluid, infinitely potent, giving the lie to the dead whole which contained them.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 15, pp. 427-428.

société d'acquets (legal term, from French):

A written contract between spouses to regard as community property only those things that are acquired during the marriage.

See also antenuptial agreement, financially independent, post-nuptial agreement, pre-nuptial agreement, separate finances.

x French terms.

Society of Confessing Brethren of the Forked Order:

See forked order.

Socratic love:

See platonic love.

sodomite:

1. A person who has voluntarily participated in either anal copulation with another person, oral copulation with another person, or any sort of copulation with an animal.

2. A person who has voluntarily participated in anal copulation.

3. A homosexual.

4. A male homosexual.

5. A male cult prostitute. Note the Authorized Version's translation of the Hebrew word, qadesh, in the Bible at Deuteronomy 23:17; 1 Kings 14:24; 15:12; 22:46; and 2 Kings 23:7.

6. A person who has engaged in "unnatural" sexual relations as such relations are itemized under a given code of law.

7. Capitalized, an inhabitant of the city of Sodom, which is infamous for the story told about it in the Bible at Genesis 18:16-19:29. (Compare the similar story of Gibeah in Judges 19-21. For a comparison chart, which is embedded in a large document, click here.)

Comments: The term usually connotes either a heavy dose of sexual unsavoryness or illegality.

Both this word and the word for the activity it implies, "sodomy," have come close to being Humpty Dumpty words, since each may be defined legally in a different way from one jurisdiction to another, often with peculiar exceptions. In general discourse, the terms are sometimes used in vague or slippery ways; and since people are often loath to detail precisely what they mean by these words, the words are especially susceptible to imprecise understanding.

Ironically, the term "sodomite" derives from the biblical story of Sodom, but its sexual senses have little to do with that story. Although the men of Sodom wanted to have sex with visiting angels, who were represented as male, the Bible never represents the sin of Sodom as homosexuality. See the following chart:

The Sin of Sodom as Dissected in the Bible

Isaiah 3:9

The special sin of Sodom was its brazenness.

Jeremiah 23:14

It was the failure of repentance.

Ezekiel 16:49-50

It was the failure to help the poor and needy, namely the visitors; thus it was inhospitality (unless the more general offense, mentioned in Genesis 19:13, was being alluded to); and it was haughtiness and abomination.

Zephaniah 2:8-9

The indirect implication is that the special sin was reviling and taunting God's own.

Matthew 10:14-15 = Luke 10:10-12 (cf. Mark 6:11)

By indirect implication, it was inhospitality towards messengers that had come on behalf of the kingdom of God.

Matthew 11:20, 23 (cf. Luke 10:15)

It was non-repentance and arrogance.

2 Peter 2:6-11

It was ungodliness, sensual conduct, lack of principle, lawlessness, indulging in corrupt desires, despising authority, and reviling angelic majesties.

Jude 7-8

It was seeking to debauch and pursuing yet again strange flesh; it was also, by indirect implication, polluting the flesh, disregarding God's special dominion in the region, and reviling angelic majesties.

Even in the passage that most brings out the sexual nature of the offense, Jude 7, the sin is going after not same-sex flesh, but "strange flesh" (sarkos heteras) -- in other words, the bodies of angels. Regarding strangeness in this sense, compare 1 (Ethiopic) Enoch 106:4-7.

Rather than deriving from the actual story of Sodom and the biblical interpretations of the sin of Sodom, the sexual senses of "sodomite" and "sodomy" derive instead from post-biblical misinterpretations of that story. One implication: These are exceptionally poor and misleading terms to use in translations of the Bible in their sexual senses.

By the way, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws in Lawrence v. Texas (June 26, 2003). It will be interesting to see whether the terms "sodomite" and "sodomy" will now begin to fade from general use in the United States.

In the sense of "male homosexual," contrast lesbian (q.v.). See also active-passive split, arsenokoitës, "as with womankind," bestiality, catamite, cinaedus, gay male, Holiness Code, homosexual, Lasterkatalog, malakos, pathic, pederast, porneia, pornos, sexual connection, unnatural.

The Sin of Sodom as Dissected in the Bible
Isaiah 3:9	The special sin of Sodom was its brazenness.
Jeremiah 23:14	It was the failure of repentance.
Ezekiel 16:49-50	It was the failure to help the poor and needy, namely the visitors; thus it was inhospitality (unless the more general offense, mentioned in Genesis 19:13, was being alluded to); and it was haughtiness and abomination.
Zephaniah 2:8-9	The indirect implication is that the special sin was reviling and taunting God's own.
Matthew 10:14-15 = Luke 10:10-12 (cf. Mark 6:11)	By indirect implication, it was inhospitality towards messengers that had come on behalf of the kingdom of God.
Matthew 11:20, 23 (cf. Luke 10:15)	It was non-repentance and arrogance.
2 Peter 2:6-11	It was ungodliness, sensual conduct, lack of principle, lawlessness, indulging in corrupt desires, despising authority, and reviling angelic majesties.
Jude 7-8	It was seeking to debauch and pursuing yet again strange flesh; it was also, by indirect implication, polluting the flesh, disregarding God's special dominion in the region, and reviling angelic majesties.

x Hebrew terms.

soft swinging:

1. Participation in an erotically oriented party or arrangement where sexual relations are readily available but not necessarily expected of participants.

2. Swapping partners for erotic activites, however activites exclusive of penile penetration. (It has been reported that resolutions not to "go all the way" tend to be short-lived.)

3. In a meeting of couples, erotic activity between partners in the presence of the others and/or erotic activity between the women, but without a swapping of the male partners.

4. Swinging only with those with whom a friendly relationship has been established.

Contrast hard-core swinging (q.v.) and hard swinging (q.v.). See also interpersonal swinger, swing.

solemnize:

1. To conduct a wedding ceremony according to legal form. Thus it is sometimes said of a civil or religious official that he or she solemnizes the marriage.

2. To wed publicly and before witnesses, especially in a ceremony conducted by a civil or religious official.

3. To engage in sexual intercourse as a confirmation and celebration of a development in a relationship, such as a reconciliation.

See also wed; make love to.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Solemnized"

[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] The happy Chevalier having raised me up, my pardon was solemnized on the same ottoman where you and I so gaily celebrated our final parting, and in the same manner.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 10, pp. 39-43, specifically p. 42. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

[The French reads] L'heureux chevalier me releva, et mon pardon fut scellé sur cette même ottomane où vous et moi scellâmes si gaiement et de la même manière notre éternelle rupture.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: "S, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 10, pp. 34-38, specifically p. 294. "Scellé" = "solemnized."

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Solemnized"
[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] The happy Chevalier having raised me up, my pardon was solemnized on the same ottoman where you and I so gaily celebrated our final parting, and in the same manner.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 10, pp. 39-43, specifically p. 42. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] L'heureux chevalier me releva, et mon pardon fut scellé sur cette même ottomane où vous et moi scellâmes si gaiement et de la même manière notre éternelle rupture.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: "S, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 10, pp. 34-38, specifically p. 294. "Scellé" = "solemnized."

solemnization:

1. The conducting of a wedding ceremony according to legal form.

2. Wedding publicly and before witnesses, especially in a ceremony conducted by a civil or religious official; invoking society to uphold a marriage by fulfilling all of its required or suggested rigamarole for the initiation of that marriage.

3. Sexual intercourse as a confirmation and celebration of a development in a relationship, such as a reconciliation.

Contrast clandestine marriage (q.v.) and common law marriage (q.v.). See also benefit of marriage, ceremonial marriage, consummation, legally married, marriage ceremony, marriage license, Sixth Commandment of the Church, uxor, wedding.

solicit:

1. To court.

2. To propose marriage to.

3. To seek sexual favors.

4. To offer sexual services for money.

See also court, woo; chippy, come on to, flirt, hit on, make a move, make a pass at, philander, pick up, proposition, put the make on, seduce.

Quotations from Jane Austen Illustrating "Solicit"

[Chapter 1] ... she [Elizabeth Elliot] had the consciousness of being nine-and-twenty to give her some regrets and some apprehensions; she was fully satisfied of being still quite as handsome as ever, but she felt her approach to the years of danger, and would have rejoiced to be certain of being properly solicited by baronet-blood within the next twelvemonth or two.

[Chapter 4] She [Anne Elliot] had been solicited, when about two-and-twenty, to change her name, by the young man [Charles Musgrove] who not long afterwards found a more willing mind in her younger sister [Mary].

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 1, pp. 13-14; chapter 4, p. 38. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotations from Jane Austen Illustrating "Solicit"
[Chapter 1] ... she [Elizabeth Elliot] had the consciousness of being nine-and-twenty to give her some regrets and some apprehensions; she was fully satisfied of being still quite as handsome as ever, but she felt her approach to the years of danger, and would have rejoiced to be certain of being properly solicited by baronet-blood within the next twelvemonth or two.
[Chapter 4] She [Anne Elliot] had been solicited, when about two-and-twenty, to change her name, by the young man [Charles Musgrove] who not long afterwards found a more willing mind in her younger sister [Mary].
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 1, pp. 13-14; chapter 4, p. 38. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

son-in-law:

See -in-law.

Sonderfamilie:

See individual family.

sororal polygyny:

The practice on the part of a man of having more than one female mate at a time, when his mates are sisters of one another, particularly when this is consonant with custom.

See also adelphic polyandry, fraternal polyandry, polygyny, sororate.

sororate:

1. The custom whereby, under certain circumstances, a man is bound to marry an unmarried sister of his deceased wife.

2. The custom whereby a man is allowed to marry the sister of a wife found to be barren.

See also levirate, rival, sororal polygyny, sororate marriage, sororatic.

sororate marriage:

A man's marriage to his deceased wife's sister, particularly when this is according to custom.

Comment: Note that here the modifier is a noun.

See also deceased wife's sister question, levirate marriage, marriage, niyoga, preferential marriage, sororate.

sororatic:

Pertaining to or in accordance with the sororate (q.v.).

Comment: Often the noun "sororate" is used as a modifier instead.

See also leviritic, sororate.

sotah (Hebrew):

1. A woman suspected of adultery (q.v.).

2. Under the title of Sotah, the fifth tractate in order Nashim of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, gemara of the Talmud Yerushalmi, and gemara of the Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on the suspected adulteress, with special reference to Numbers 5:11-31.

See also adulteress, bedswerver, half-worker, kiddushim, spousebreach, spousebreaker, tail-femme, two-timer, water of jealousy, whore.

x Hebrew terms.

x suspected adulteress.

soul mate, or soulmate:

1. A person with whom one fits beautifully in terms of the inner life and, where appropriate, in terms of sexuality, such that there is total ease in sharing with nothing withheld. This entails a comfortable configuration of commonality, complementarity, and creative bridging.

2. A person who accepts and loves one for who one actually is and whom one can accept and love for who he or she actually is.

3. A person with whom one shares the same passions.

See also affinity, bat zug, ben zug, close, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, elective affinity, emotional infidelity, erotic connection, eternal union, Hauerwas's Law, heterosexual friendship, ideal, kinship, lovemap, love of one's life, made for each other, male-female friendship, marriage of true minds, matching hearts, match made in heaven, mate, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, night-wife, one, one-and-only, one true love, online relationship, perfect catch, Prince Charming, romantic love, sacred sex, sexual connection, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, template (for a lover), true love, true marriage of minds and bodies, type, UST relationship.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Soulmate"

Soulmate is beyond time, part of the molecular structure of the world.

From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 80 of the Directory at end, referenced from p. 207 of the novel.

Quotation from Philip S. Berg Illustrating "Soul Mate"

[224] Once again, our ultimate goal is oneness with the nature of God: the transformation of the desire to receive for the self alone into desire to receive for the purpose of sharing. Toward this objective, the Zohar emphasizes the importance of an extraordinary category of human relationship. In Hebrew, it is called Ben Zug in the male form and Bat Zug in the female. It is usually translated in English as soul mate.

Soul mates are two halves of a single soul, divided by the Creator Himself in the supernal realm. As the correction (tikkun) of our spiritual selves is accomplished in our lifetime, or as we at least work diligently toward achieving that correction, the Creator makes us whole again.

None of it is easy....

[227] In fact, Kabbalah teaches that the reunification of soul mates is a greater miracle than the parting of the Red Sea....

Nothing that takes place in the physical dimension is more celebrated by Kabbalah than the joining of soul mates, and toward that end almost any hardship or sacrifice is permissible. If a married man and a married woman recognize one another as two halves of the same soul, they must divorce their spouses in order to be together -- and their spouses must willingly let them go in order to fulfill the higher spiritual purpose.

[228] ... the joining of soul mates is a force that cannot be denied. Nor should anyone try to deny it, since the Light brought to the world by reunited soul mates hugely benefits all... The relationship may not be a smooth one in conventional terms. But there is an absolutely clear realization by both the man and the woman that they were meant to be together, not just for their own well-being, but for what they can bring to the world.

From: The Essential Zohar: The Source of Kabbalisitc Wisdom, [by] Rav P. S. Berg (New York: Bell Tower, c2002): chapter 23, "Soul Mates," pp. 223-229, specifically 224, 227-228.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Soulmate"

We don't meet a soulmate. We forge a soulmate. We all long to be seen and loved in our essence. Yet most of us are guarded, especially if we have been battered by life and lost a love or two. It is when another person is able to connect with your essence, and you with his or hers, that a soulmate connection is forged. You have to be willing to risk that depth of attachment, which means surrendering some control, moving beyond ego-driven narcissism, exposing some of the holes in your soul, and inviting intimacy.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 245.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Soulmate"
Soulmate is beyond time, part of the molecular structure of the world.
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 80 of the Directory at end, referenced from p. 207 of the novel.

Quotation from Philip S. Berg Illustrating "Soul Mate"
[224] Once again, our ultimate goal is oneness with the nature of God: the transformation of the desire to receive for the self alone into desire to receive for the purpose of sharing. Toward this objective, the Zohar emphasizes the importance of an extraordinary category of human relationship. In Hebrew, it is called Ben Zug in the male form and Bat Zug in the female. It is usually translated in English as soul mate. Soul mates are two halves of a single soul, divided by the Creator Himself in the supernal realm. As the correction (tikkun) of our spiritual selves is accomplished in our lifetime, or as we at least work diligently toward achieving that correction, the Creator makes us whole again. None of it is easy.... [227] In fact, Kabbalah teaches that the reunification of soul mates is a greater miracle than the parting of the Red Sea.... Nothing that takes place in the physical dimension is more celebrated by Kabbalah than the joining of soul mates, and toward that end almost any hardship or sacrifice is permissible. If a married man and a married woman recognize one another as two halves of the same soul, they must divorce their spouses in order to be together -- and their spouses must willingly let them go in order to fulfill the higher spiritual purpose. [228] ... the joining of soul mates is a force that cannot be denied. Nor should anyone try to deny it, since the Light brought to the world by reunited soul mates hugely benefits all... The relationship may not be a smooth one in conventional terms. But there is an absolutely clear realization by both the man and the woman that they were meant to be together, not just for their own well-being, but for what they can bring to the world.
From: The Essential Zohar: The Source of Kabbalisitc Wisdom, [by] Rav P. S. Berg (New York: Bell Tower, c2002): chapter 23, "Soul Mates," pp. 223-229, specifically 224, 227-228.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Soulmate"
We don't meet a soulmate. We forge a soulmate. We all long to be seen and loved in our essence. Yet most of us are guarded, especially if we have been battered by life and lost a love or two. It is when another person is able to connect with your essence, and you with his or hers, that a soulmate connection is forged. You have to be willing to risk that depth of attachment, which means surrendering some control, moving beyond ego-driven narcissism, exposing some of the holes in your soul, and inviting intimacy.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 245.

soul-mate myth:

See myth of the one soul mate.

sow (one's) wild oats:

For a period of time in one's life, typically early adulthood, to follow one's inclinations without serious purpose, even when they conflict with social mores, often said especially of inclinations towards sexual experimentation and promiscuity.

Comment: The image of scattering one's seed where one is not likely to reap suggests a male activity, but the expression, being highly figurative, is also used of females.

See also promiscuity, sexual mores, wild.

spanandric:

Relating to or characterized by the scarcity of males in a population.

See also spanandry.

spanandry:

Scarity of males in a population.

See also availability index, bride shortage, female surplus, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandric, spaneria, spanogyny.

spaneria:

Scarcity of men, especially of men available for mating.

See also availability index, bridegroom shortage, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandry, spanogyny.

Spanish and Spanglish terms:

See angélica, consuegro, copel, dulcinea, esposa, esposo, güila, ius primae noctis (derecho de pernada), jaina, macadam, macadamo, macadamizar, novia, novio, polycompadre, quiquirigüiqui, singel.

spanogyny:

Scarcity of women, especially of women available for mating.

See also availability index, bride shortage, male surplus, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandry, spaneria.

spark:

1. A woman noted for beauty, elegance, or wit.

2. An elegant young man, especially one who makes a display of elegance in dress or manners. In this sense, generally a term of deprecation.

3. A paramour; a male lover.

See also cavaliere servante, cicisbeo, gay spark, Lady Jane, leman, lover, other man, paramour, partner.

spat:

See lover's spat.

speed dating:

Timed two-way interviews, one after another, to see whether one wishes to pursue a more substantive date with any of those interviewed.

Comment: Speed dating generally occurs at a gathering organized for the purpose. Sometimes the interviews are as short as five minutes or even thirty seconds.

See also date, dating buddy, dating plan, expiration dating.

sperm competition:

See sperm wars.

sperm competition syndrome or SCS (Terry Gould):

A heightening of arousal on the part of a male from watching his female mate flirt or engage in sexual activity with one or more other males, this due to the triggering of biological responses in the presence or suspected presence of sperm that might compete with his own.

See also box of assorted creams, buttered bun, candaulism, mixoscopia, Sherfey syndrome, sloppy seconds, sperm wars, stir the porridge, swing, troilism, watching, zelophilia.

x syndromes.

Quotation from Terry Gould on Sperm Competition Syndrome

I had therefore derived a 'syndrome' for husbands who were counterintuitively aroused by their wives' enjoyments -- from soft-end flirtation to the extreme Sherfian response. I called it 'sperm competition syndrome' -- SCS. 'It's a biological explanation for why swinging men get excited by watching their wives flirt or have sex,' I said. 'It has to do with increased sperm ejaculation and orgasm pleasure.'

From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): p. 174, cf. pp. 206-213.

Quotation from Terry Gould on Sperm Competition Syndrome
I had therefore derived a 'syndrome' for husbands who were counterintuitively aroused by their wives' enjoyments -- from soft-end flirtation to the extreme Sherfian response. I called it 'sperm competition syndrome' -- SCS. 'It's a biological explanation for why swinging men get excited by watching their wives flirt or have sex,' I said. 'It has to do with increased sperm ejaculation and orgasm pleasure.'
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): p. 174, cf. pp. 206-213.

sperm donor (SD):

1. A man who deposits his semen at a sperm bank or in some other intermediary way for use by one or more women seeking to become pregnant.

2. A man who, at a woman's behest (perhaps her partner's also, if applicable), deposits his semen in her vagina so that she might become pregnant and raise the resulting child on her own or with someone else. Even if he is unwitting of the intended result, some might yet call him a sperm donor.

3. A male who is the source of found semen, for instance, in a semen stain.

See also artificial insemination, choice mom, SD, snowflake baby, surrogate mother, test-tube baby.

sperm hunter:

A woman who is looking for a man, perhaps a man who meets certain specifications, for the purpose of being impregnated.

Contrast genetic partner (q.v.). See alo baby-daddy.

x hunter of sperm.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Sperm Hunter"

Men in their thirties or forties find it a relief to be with a woman whose personality is formed, who knows who she is, and stands in contrast to the nervous push-pull of a younger woman who isn't secure yet in her own identity or who, when the alarm on her biological clock goes off, pursues him with the zeal of a sperm hunter.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 130.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Sperm Hunter"
Men in their thirties or forties find it a relief to be with a woman whose personality is formed, who knows who she is, and stands in contrast to the nervous push-pull of a younger woman who isn't secure yet in her own identity or who, when the alarm on her biological clock goes off, pursues him with the zeal of a sperm hunter.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 130.

sperm wars:

The race to impregnate a female on the part of spermatozoa from more than one male, and the associated evolutionarily built-in strategies from the micro to the macro scales, before, during, and after multiple inseminations, to ensure that the winner tends to maximize the fitness of offspring for survivability, hence carrying forward the genes of the biological parents. Theoretically both males and females are engaged in these strategies in a way that entails not just gametes but each organism's behavior as well.

Comment: Sperm wars are sometimes used as an explanation for the human tendency to sexual infidelity and sexual deceit.

See also box of assorted creams, buttered bun, Californian marriage, "Communicate, communicate, communicate," genetic partner, infidelity, mate value, pangamy, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, stir the porridge, unfaithfulness.

x sperm competition.

spice, as a singular noun:

A companion of complementary sexual orientation to whom one is not or not yet married.

Comment: A take-off of the word "spouse," suggestive of the appealing piquancy of aromatic vegetable products used in seasoning and flavoring food. This is not to suggest that a spouse lacks such appeal. A spice might develop into a spouse.

See also companion, honey, lover, partner, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart.

spice, as a plural of "spouse":

Spouses of an individual or in a group marriage.

Comments: Modeled on the plural of "mouse," which is "mice."

In the usage of those who prefer the term to its alternatives, the homophonic association with spices, that is, herbs used for flavoring food, is sometimes meant to convey the implied message that spice add flavor, zest, and excitement to one's life.

See also four-cornered marriage, group marriage, non-monogamy, partner, polyamory, polygamy.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein on Spice

I recall two young couples who decided to combine their farms, then built a house big enough by adding to the larger of their two houses and making the other into a barn. Nobody asked who slept with whom; it was taken for granted that it was then a four-cornered marriage, and no doubt had been one before they enlarged that house and pooled their goods. Nobody's business but theirs.

Among such people the plural of 'spouse' is 'spice.'

From: Time Enough for Love: The Lives of Lazarus Long: [A Novel], [by] Robert A. Heinlein (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1974; "A Berkley Book"; originally published, 1973): "Variations on a Theme, XII," p. 339.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein on Spice
I recall two young couples who decided to combine their farms, then built a house big enough by adding to the larger of their two houses and making the other into a barn. Nobody asked who slept with whom; it was taken for granted that it was then a four-cornered marriage, and no doubt had been one before they enlarged that house and pooled their goods. Nobody's business but theirs. Among such people the plural of 'spouse' is 'spice.'
From: Time Enough for Love: The Lives of Lazarus Long: [A Novel], [by] Robert A. Heinlein (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1974; "A Berkley Book"; originally published, 1973): "Variations on a Theme, XII," p. 339.

spinster:

1. A woman who has never married and who is beyond the conventional age for a first marriage.

2. A woman who lives in a sexless marriage.

Comments: E. Cobham Brewer explains in part:

"The fleece which was brought home by the Anglo-Saxons in summer, was spun into clothing by the female part of each family during the winter. King Edward the Elder commanded his daughters to be instructed in the use of the distaff. Alfred the Great, in his will, calls the female part of his family the spindle side; and it was a regularly received axiom with our frugal forefathers, that no young woman was fit to be a wife till she had spun for herself a set of body, table, and bed linen. Hence the maiden was termed a spinner or spinster, and the married woman a wife or 'one who has been a spinner.' (Anglo-Saxon, wif, from the verb wyfan or wefan, to weave.)"

Since this word carries the baggage of social expectation, it is offensive to some in an age when it is not social expectation but individual fulfillment that counts. Furthermore, this word is sometimes taken to define who a person is, even though singleness is only one aspect of a person's life; and so on this score too the word may be regarded as cause for offense.

Some understand the typical woman who has never married to go through three stages: while young as a bachelorette, then as a spinster, and, finally, as an old maid. Often, however, "spinster" and "old maid" are simply used as synonyms.

Either way, the notion of stages for a never-married woman stands in contrast to the notion of perpetual bachelorhood for a never-married man. Such gender imbalance is yet another cause of offense for some with regard to the use of the term "spinster" -- and, for that matter, also with regard to the use of the term "old maid."

Reference

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 1168, s.v. "Spinster."

Contrast, for example, wife (q.v.). See also ape leader, bachelorette, feme sole, maiden aunt, miss, odd woman, old maid, spinsterhood, wahine kane 'ole.

Reference
Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 1168, s.v. "Spinster."

x Old English terms.

spinsterhood:

The state or condition of being a spinster (q.v.).

See also never married, single, spousehood, unmarried, wifehood.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spinsterhood"

[Carolyn] Kizer perfectly analyzed the problem of a craft in which the practitioners were all suicides and spinsters, even if they were married (a problem I have with the myth of [Virginia] Woolf -- who often seems to be worshipped for her sexless married spinsterhood).

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 54.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spinsterhood"
[Carolyn] Kizer perfectly analyzed the problem of a craft in which the practitioners were all suicides and spinsters, even if they were married (a problem I have with the myth of [Virginia] Woolf -- who often seems to be worshipped for her sexless married spinsterhood).
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 54.

spintrian:

1. Pertaining to group sex (q.v.), especially where the participants are linked together.

2. Pertaining to the sexual postures uniquely enabled by group sex.

See also spintries.

spintries or spintriae (Latin):

"Bracelet links"; group sex (q.v.), especially such wherein the particpants are linked together by sexual acts that are being performed simultaenously.

Comments: For a descriptive mention of this practice in the ancient world, see Suetonius, Tiberius 43.

Among the Latin synonyms: catena ("chain") and symplegma ("twining together"). Cf. Martial, Epigrammata 12.43.8-9.

See also spintrian.

x Latin terms.

spiritual adultery:

See adultery.

spiritual bride:

1. A female partner in a spiritual marriage, especially at its initiation.

2. A woman with whom a man has an affinity and with whom he has developed some measure of a bond.

See also affinity, agapêtê, elective affinity, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, night-wife, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, subintroducta, syneisaktos, wife in truth.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Spiritual Brides"

[The character, Ursula Brangwen, angrily, to Rupert Birkin] "... You go to your women -- go to them -- they are your sort -- you've always had a string of them trailing after you -- and you always will. Go to your spiritual brides -- but don't come to me as well, because I'm not having any, thank you. You're not satisfied. are you? Your spiritual brides can't give you what you want, they aren't common and fleshy enough for you, aren't they? So you come to me and keep them in the background! You will marry me for daily use. But you'll keep yourself well provided with spiritual brides in the background. I know your dirty little game."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 298. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Spiritual Brides"
[The character, Ursula Brangwen, angrily, to Rupert Birkin] "... You go to your women -- go to them -- they are your sort -- you've always had a string of them trailing after you -- and you always will. Go to your spiritual brides -- but don't come to me as well, because I'm not having any, thank you. You're not satisfied. are you? Your spiritual brides can't give you what you want, they aren't common and fleshy enough for you, aren't they? So you come to me and keep them in the background! You will marry me for daily use. But you'll keep yourself well provided with spiritual brides in the background. I know your dirty little game."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 298. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

spiritual connection:

1. A mystical link; a connatural sharing in soulfulness.

2. A happy combination of similarities and complementarities with regard to intangibilities, such as the life of the mind or the appreciation of nature, as distinguished from (that is, either in addition to or instead of) physicalities.

3. An affinity of attitudes; a common way of viewing the world, especially from a consciously linked position.

4. Religious similarity in a way than can be and is shared.

See also affinity, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, dissolution, elective affinity, heterosexual friendship, kinship, made for each other, male-female friendship, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, night-wife, sacred sex, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, vibe.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spiritual Connection"

I find the most difficult aspect of writing about sex to be evoking the spiritual connection between people. Sometimes the things that are most important in life are beyond words.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 74.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spiritual Connection"
I find the most difficult aspect of writing about sex to be evoking the spiritual connection between people. Sometimes the things that are most important in life are beyond words.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 74.

spiritual husband:

A male partner in a spiritual marriage (q.v.).

See also affinity, agapêtos, compatibility, elective affinity, Hauerwas's Law, libertinism, made for each other, mariage à trois, match made in heaven, Mister Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, one, one-and-only, one true love, partner, Prince Charming, sexual connection, soul mate, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, universal permanent availability.

spiritual intimacy:

A friendship or love relationship that is characterized by a communion or at least a sharing at the level of ideas and beliefs; or else that communion or sharing itself.

For lexical example, see under "emotional-jealous intimacy."

See also affinity, communion, connaturality, connection, elective affinity, intimacy, kinship, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, quality relationship, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual marriage.

spiritualization of sensuality:

A famous definition given by the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), for love: "Die Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit heißt Liebe."

Reference: See his Götzen-Dämmerung (written, 1888; published 1889) or, in English translation, Twilight of the Idols, the section entitled "Moral als Widernatur" = "Morality as Anti-Nature," the first sentence of subsection 3. Most of that subsection is about the spiritualization of hostility.

See also love, sacred sex.

x Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit.

spiritual marriage:

1. The mystical marriage of God with a soul.

2. The mystical marriage of Christ and his church.

3. The union of a bishop with his or her see.

4. A celibate marriage (q.v.).

5. Mutually recognized spousehood on grounds of soulful connection that is understood to trump any marriage that is based on mere legalities or physical connection, insofar as conflict results. In some cases, the partners refrain entirely from sexual relations. In some cases, a partner will have sexual relations not with his or her spiritual spouse but with one or more other partners, such as a legally recognized spouse. In some cases, the spiritual spouses will become also sexual partners of each other, perhaps displacing one or more other partners. Spiritual marriage, far from implying monogamy, sometimes opens the door to polygamy or other forms of non-monogamy, since law and custom are explicitly subordinated to the idea, since other types of marriage are sometimes practiced simultaneously by the participants for practical or ethical reasons, and since, according to some, one can have a deep soulful connection with several people at the same time. Among the groups that have recognized spiritual marriage in this sense: the Brethren and Sisters of the Free Spirit, the St. Gall Anabaptist community, the Quintinist Libertines, the Ebelians, the Oneida Community, and the early Mormons.

See also affinity, agapêtê, agapêtos, belief in love, Celestial Marriage, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, demi-vierge, elective affinity, eternal union, Hauerwas's Law, hierogamy, involuntary celibacy, letter group (omega), libertinism, made for each other, marriage, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," one true love, plural marriage, sacred sex, sexless love, sexual connection, sexual utopia, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual wife, spiritual wifery, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos, true marriage of minds and bodies, universal permanent availability.

Quotation from John Calvin, as Translated by Benjamin Wirt Farley, in Reference to the Libertines, Illustrating "Spiritual Marriage"

They call it a 'spiritual marriage' when anyone is content with the other. Hence if a man takes no pleasure in his wife, in their view he may provide for himself elsewhere to solve his problem. At the same time, lest the woman remain destitute, they also grant her permission to meet her need and to accept it wherever it is offered to her.

If anyone asks, 'What, then, will become of marriages that are held indissoluble, if it is lawful to retract them at will?' They reply that a marriage that has been contracted and solemnized before men is carnal, unless it contains a spirit of mutual compatibility. For that reason the Christian man is not bound by it unless both are content with each other, which alone ought to be [the norm] held among Christians.

From: Contre la secte phantastique et furieuse des Libertins que se nomment Spirituelz, par I. Calvin (1545): § 20; as translated in Treatises Against the Anabaptists and Against the Libertines, [by] John Calvin; Benjamin Wirt Farley, editor and translator (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1982): pp. 279-280. The square brackets are Farley's.

Quotation from John Calvin, as Translated by Benjamin Wirt Farley, in Reference to the Libertines, Illustrating "Spiritual Marriage"
They call it a 'spiritual marriage' when anyone is content with the other. Hence if a man takes no pleasure in his wife, in their view he may provide for himself elsewhere to solve his problem. At the same time, lest the woman remain destitute, they also grant her permission to meet her need and to accept it wherever it is offered to her. If anyone asks, 'What, then, will become of marriages that are held indissoluble, if it is lawful to retract them at will?' They reply that a marriage that has been contracted and solemnized before men is carnal, unless it contains a spirit of mutual compatibility. For that reason the Christian man is not bound by it unless both are content with each other, which alone ought to be [the norm] held among Christians.
From: Contre la secte phantastique et furieuse des Libertins que se nomment Spirituelz, par I. Calvin (1545): § 20; as translated in Treatises Against the Anabaptists and Against the Libertines, [by] John Calvin; Benjamin Wirt Farley, editor and translator (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1982): pp. 279-280. The square brackets are Farley's.

spiritual wife:

A female partner in a spiritual marriage (q.v.).

See also affinity, agapêtê, compatibility, demi-vierge, elective affinity, Hauerwas's Law, libertinism, made for each other, mariage à trois, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, night-wife, one, one-and-only, one true love, partner, sexual connection, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual husband, subintroducta, syneisaktos, universal permanent availability.

x theories.

Quotation from William Hepworth Dixon Illustrating "Spiritual Wives"

[67] The theory of Spiritual Wives .... is, that a man who may be either unmarried before the law or wedded to a woman whom he cannot love as a wife should be loved, shall have the right, in virtue of a higher morality, and a more sacred duty than the churches teach him, to go out among the crowd of his female friends, and seek a partner in whom he shall find some special fitness for a union with himself; and when he has found such a bride of the soul, that he shall have the further right of courting her, even though she may have taken vows as another man's wife, and of entering into closer and sweeter relations with her than those which belong to the common earth; all vows on his part and on her part being to this end thrust aside as so much worldly waste.

[68] The higher theory of Spiritual wives may be stated in a few words .... [70] To true mates marriage is not for the time now only, but for the time to come... To their eyes wedlock is a covenant of soul with soul, made for all worlds in which there is conscious life; for the heavens above no less than for the earth below.

From: Spiritual Wives, by William Hepworth Dixon (London: Hurst & Blackett; Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott, 1868): pp. 67, 68, 70.

Quotation from William Hepworth Dixon Illustrating "Spiritual Wives"
[67] The theory of Spiritual Wives .... is, that a man who may be either unmarried before the law or wedded to a woman whom he cannot love as a wife should be loved, shall have the right, in virtue of a higher morality, and a more sacred duty than the churches teach him, to go out among the crowd of his female friends, and seek a partner in whom he shall find some special fitness for a union with himself; and when he has found such a bride of the soul, that he shall have the further right of courting her, even though she may have taken vows as another man's wife, and of entering into closer and sweeter relations with her than those which belong to the common earth; all vows on his part and on her part being to this end thrust aside as so much worldly waste. [68] The higher theory of Spiritual wives may be stated in a few words .... [70] To true mates marriage is not for the time now only, but for the time to come... To their eyes wedlock is a covenant of soul with soul, made for all worlds in which there is conscious life; for the heavens above no less than for the earth below.
From: Spiritual Wives, by William Hepworth Dixon (London: Hurst & Blackett; Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott, 1868): pp. 67, 68, 70.

spiritual wifery:

1. A marriage or a set of marriages understood to have a metaphysical component, such as an eternal nature.

2. In a derogatory sense, religious rationalization for taking away another's spouse or for justifying a form of polygamy, such as plural marriage.

See also eternal union, marriage, spiritual marriage, plural marriage.

x wifery.

splice, as in "a splice":

1. A marriage (q.v.).

2. A partner (q.v.) in a marriage, as in, "she'll make a good splice."

3. The partners in a marriage in relation to one another, as in, "they make a good splice."

See also husband, knot, splice, spouse, wife.

splice, as in "to splice":

To join in marriage.

Comment: The term is often used in the passive, "to be spliced," meaning, "to marry." Note also "to get spliced," that is, "to get married."

Ironically, the word "splice" may be closely related to "split" (so The Oxford English Dictionary).

Frank C. Bowen reported that the term was used by mariners. He also reported that in mariner's jargon, "to marry" meant: "To fit the ends of a rope together for splicing. To fit two tight-fitting doors on hatches and jam them in place." So the ironies are compounded.

Reference

Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): pp. 90, 131.

See also buckle, bundle man, join, marry, splice, tie the knot, tie up.

Reference
Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): pp. 90, 131.

split-object triangle:

A triad (q.v.) or family relationship in which one person divides his or her attention between two people.

See also displaced incestuous triangle, imaginative split triangle, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, triangle, vee.

x split-triangle.

split-triangle:

See split-object triangle.

split up:

To terminate a mutual understanding that a love relationship is continuing to exist.

See also break up, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, let go, sack, separate, throw over, uncouple, walk out.

spoffskins:

A courtesan pretending or willing to pretend to be a wife.

Comment: Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary (1974) has what is apparently a misspelling: "spoffokins."

Mnemonics: "Spoofing with one's own skin." "Spoofing kin." Whether or not either spoofing, skin, or kin has anything to do with the etymology, I don't know.

References

Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual , Obscure, and Preposterous Words, gathered from numerous and diverse authoritative sources by Mrs. Byrne; edited, with an introduction by Mr. Byrne (Secaucus, N.J.: University Books [and] Citadel Press, c1974): p. 202.

A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English: Colloquialisms and Catch-Phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames, Vulgarisms, and Such Americanisms as Have Been Naturalized, [by] Eric Partridge (New York: Macmillan Co., 1961): pp. 813, 1290.

There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

See also bloss, blowen, courtesan, faux wedding, jactitation of marriage, marriage in jest, mock wedding, moll, sham marriage, wife.

References
Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual , Obscure, and Preposterous Words, gathered from numerous and diverse authoritative sources by Mrs. Byrne; edited, with an introduction by Mr. Byrne (Secaucus, N.J.: University Books [and] Citadel Press, c1974): p. 202.
A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English: Colloquialisms and Catch-Phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames, Vulgarisms, and Such Americanisms as Have Been Naturalized, [by] Eric Partridge (New York: Macmillan Co., 1961): pp. 813, 1290.
There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

spongeworthy:

Description for a desirable man who, to a particular woman, is worth the use of a last remaining contraceptive sponge when such sponges are, momentarily at least, hard to find.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 7, Episode 113 (or 119?), "The Sponge," written by Peter Mehlman, directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, December 7, 1995).

See also lustworthy, -worthy.

sponsalia (Latin):

Betrothal (q.v.).

See also engagement, wedding.

x Latin terms.

sponsalia per verba de futuro (Latin):

1. "Betrothal by consent concerning the future"; betrothal (q.v.) or engagement (q.v.).

2. The "I will" part of the wedding vows, as a repetition of the betrothal.

Contrast sponsalia per verba de praesenti (q.v.). See also erusin.

x Latin terms.

x Marriage per verba de futuro.

sponsalia per verba de praesenti (Latin):

1. "Betrothal by consent concerning the present," that is, to agree to become husband and wife immediately without a waiting period.

2. The "who gives" part of the wedding vows, effectuating consent to immediate marriage.

Contrast sponsalia per verba de futuro (q.v.). See also betrothal, gifta, give away in marriage, nissuim.

x Latin terms.

x Marriage per verba de praesenti.

spoon:

1. A lover; often in the plural to mean sweethearts of one another.

2. Love-play.

3. As in "a case of the spoons," sentiments associated with attraction and growing affection.

See also in love, limerence, lover, sweetheart.

sport sex:

1. Sex for fun with one or more people that one is not in a love relationship with; recreational sex (q.v.).

2. Swinging.

Comment: Also called sport f***ing.

See also swing.

sports widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to the sports, whether as spectator or participant, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

Comment: Sometimes "sports widow" is used for a female and "sports widower" for a male.

Instead of the word "sports," individual sports are often named, for example, "football widow."

See also fishing widow, golf widow, media widow, spouse, widow.

x football widow.

spousal:

Of or relating to marriage, the emphasis, if any, being upon one or more spouses.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, gamical, hymeneal, marital, matrimonial, nuptial.

spousal equivalent:

Domestic partner.

Comment: An officious term.

See also domestic partner, illegitimate spouse, partner, spouse.

spousal homicide:

The killing of one's marital partner.

See also abuse, bride burning, crime of honor, crime of passion, domestic violence, dowry death, honor killing, jauhar, mariticide, spouse abuse, uxoricide, viricide.

spousal rape:

1. The act of forcing sexual activity upon one's nonconsenting spouse or of coercing one's nonconsenting spouse to engage in sexual activity.

2. The perpetration of non-defensive violence against one's spouse in a way that involves genital or anal contact.

Comments: By force or coercion is meant overpowering by strength or the use of threat of bodily harm. Thus, for example, a threat to leave would not be covered.

The precise legal definition of marital rape varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and in many places is not recognized in the law at all.

See also abuse, consent to sex, domestic violence, marital rape, rape, spouse abuse, wife abuse.

spousals:

A wedding (q.v.) ceremony.

See also hymeneals, nuptials.

spouse; plural, spouses or, in a more limited sense, spice (q.v.):

1. A husband (q.v.) or a wife (q.v.).

2. A partner in a marriage (q.v.).

Comment: In the plural, "spouses" often means "spouses in general," but sometimes it is referring instead to a particular couple, as in, "They are spouses."

See also beloved stranger, better half, buttinsky spouse, catch, common law spouse, copemate, co-spouse, couple, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, Defense of Marriage Act, farmer's wife, fere, golf widow, heroina conjunx, illegitimate spouse, international spouse, leman, life's companion, married, martyred spouse, media widow, other half, paperless spouse, partner, pastor's husband, pastor's wife, personal attachment, preacher's husband, preacher's wife, primemate, public spouse, second-choice spouse, splice, spousal equivalent, starter spouse, Sunday husband, Sunday wife, yokefellow, yokemate.

spouse abuse:

Subjection of one's own marital partner to violence or persistent psychological cruelty.

See also abuse, batter, collusional marriage, domestic violence, marital rape, mariticide, maritodespotism, spousal homicide, spousal rape, toxic relationship, uxoricide, uxorodespotism, viricide, wife abuse.

spousebreach:

1. Adultery (q.v.).

2. An adulterer (q.v.).

See also adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreaker, two-timer.

spousebreak:

1. Adultery (q.v.).

2. Adulterous.

See also break spousehood.

spousebreaker:

Adulterer (q.v.).

See also adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreach, two-timer.

spouse exchange:

1. Depositing one's spouse with a friend or ally who feels free to do the same in return then or at another time and allowing that person sexual access to one's spouse.

2. Switching spouses for a limited duration.

3. Switching spouses on a permanent basis.

Not to be confused with generalized or restricted marital exchange (see under each). See also anutawkun, heart-swapping, husband swapping, intermarital sex, mate swapping, nuliaqatigiit, partner sharing, swing, synergamy, wife exchange, wife swapping.

spousehood:

1. The state of being married, generally said of an individual.

2. A set of expectations that come with being someone's husband or wife.

See also husbandhood, married, spinsterhood, wedlock, wifehood.

spouse-of-record:

A husband or wife by way of a ceremonial marriage (q.v.).

Contrast husband in truth (q.v.) and wife in truth (q.v.). See also legally married.

spouse swapping:

See mate swapping.

spring-autumn romance:

1. A love relationship in which one partner is at or near the prime of fertility and the other is in a later stage of the typical human life cycle, though with some vitality left yet.

2. A love relationship in which the partners are decades apart in age.

See also age-gap relationship, alphamegamia, anilojuvenogamy, anisonogamia, cougar relationship, dysonogamia, gerontophilia, intergenerational relationship, May-December romance, opsigamy, rob the cradle, romance, sugar daddy, sugar mama, unnatural.

x autumn-spring romance.

squaw (Algonquian):

1. Woman.

2. Wife.

3. A woman or wife of an Algonquian-speaking nation.

4. Female prostitute.

5. Epithet for a man who is perceived as acting in an unmanly manner, relative to American Indian ideas of manliness; a poltroon.

6. As an adjective, pertaining to one or more women, bearing some relation to one or more women, or woman-like, the last especially in geographical place names of the northeastern United States. For instance, "Squaw Mountain" may be "like a pregnant woman" or "like a buxom woman."

Comments: In proto-Algonquian, the term for "woman" is ethkwewa. Compare these Algonquian dialects: Cree iskwew; Fox ihkwewa; Ojibwa ikkwe.¹

Note well: The above senses are for the use of the term, "squaw," in English, which may vary from the senses in Algonquian.

Although a large percentage of the usages of the term in English, from the Seventeenth Century on, have been respectful, including in such phrases as "squaw sachem" -- that is, "princess," "queen," or "woman with the rank of chief" -- the use of the term has become controversial. Among the reasons:

In English, "squaw" has sometimes been used as a term of segregation -- to separate American Indian women, when alone referred to as squaws, from other women, and Indians generally from other people. The thought is: If other women are called women and wives, then Indian women should be too.

As a subset of the preceding, it is sometimes used inappropriately for American Indian women whose language is not Algonquian.

It has sometimes been used as a jocose or contemptuous expression in reference to non-Indian women.

It has sometimes been used in reference to the Indian wife of a non-Indian who is given less consideration than a non-Indian wife would be. In other words, the word "squaw" has sometimes been associated with being a second-class wife simply by virtue of the wife being an Indian.

To some it carries a pejorative association with ethnic prostitution -- Indian squaws in hard times attending the camps of U.S. soldiers, and so on.

Some think it a vulgar term for the vagina, a term used to demean native women, although the historical linguistic evidence is not forthcoming.²

Resentment of the term "squaw" on the part of some Indian women can be documented back at least to 1950 (in Nebraska).³

Some people think it worthwhile to suppress utilization of the term, even to eliminate it from place names like "Squaw Mountain." Others think it better to rehabilitate the term and to emphasize its primary senses of "woman" and "wife." For my part, I knew of no other senses until I became aware of the controversy. I grew up understanding "squaw" to be a term used out of respect for and deference to the Algonquian language and peoples and, by extension, Native Americans generally.

It may be worth noting that Algonquian languages have words for "harlot." Thus, for example, in the Natick language, we find nanwunnoodsquawaen-in.⁴

Note on the term "American Indian" (to scratch, just slightly, at the issues involved): In the United States, the "politically correct" term has become "native American." However, that is just as much a foreign label as the first to the hundreds of peoples whose ancestors inhabited North America before Colombus ever set foot in the Western hemisphere. The same might be said with regard to "First Nations" and "American aborgines." In general I consider it better to use the name of the tribe or nation or linguistic group, but when many are meant collectively, the traditional term, which here in the United States is "American Indian," seems to me to be both as good and as poor as any of the common alternatives.

References

1 Adapted from: A Computer-Generated Dictionary of Proto-Algonquian, [by] John Hewson (Hull, Quebec: Canadian Museum of Civilization, c1993; in series: Canadian Ethnology Service Mercury Series Paper; 125): p. 50.

2 "Loaded Words," being appendix A in: 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus, [by] Charles C. Mann (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2005): pp. [339]-343, 400, specifically, p. 400 for "squaw" as "vagina." Mann writes: "Most linguists do not believe this is true."

3 A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Mathews (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1951): p. 1626.

4 Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 274, s.v. "harlot."

A Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "203 -- Chief Buckskin Charlie and Squaw." The legible portion of the postmark here visible reads: "GREEN BAY, WIS., 1908." The postmark on the other side reads: "BLACKCREEK, WIS., JAN 4, 5 PM, 1908."

Chief Buckskin Charlie (d. 1936), of the Utes, was not a native speaker of Algonquian.

Another Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a linen postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "I-10 Apache Squaw and Papoose." Distributed by Lollesgard Specialty Co., Tucson, Arizona. Coded on the front 3B-H1386 and thus to be dated 1943. ("B" stands for the 1940s, "3" for the particular year, per VintagePostcards.org.) "Genuine Curteich-Chicago 'C.T. Art-Colortone' post card."

The woman in the picture would not have called herself a squaw, since she would not be a native speaker of Algonquian, but, if of any native American language, a Southern Athabaskan language. (By the way, "papoose" too is an Algonquian word.) Furthermore, she would probably not have called herself an Apache, which was a word adopted by Europeans for several groups of people. Use of the designation "Squaw Apache" here appears respectful and free of pejorative connotation, but it betrays an insensitively alien perspective. Furthermore, rather than being called a woman or a mother, she is being categorized, in terms alien to her, as though of a different kind or subspecies. Consequently, the caption might well be read as offensive.

Contrast sannup (q.v.). See also country wife, forest bride, nirimoua, nuliaqpak, partner, sits-beside-him woman, squaw humper, squaw man, tepee seduction, wahine, wife; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, güila, hoe, moll, parnel, slut, tart, whore; and squaw dance (under "Sadie Hawkins Day").

References
1 Adapted from: A Computer-Generated Dictionary of Proto-Algonquian, [by] John Hewson (Hull, Quebec: Canadian Museum of Civilization, c1993; in series: Canadian Ethnology Service Mercury Series Paper; 125): p. 50.
2 "Loaded Words," being appendix A in: 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus, [by] Charles C. Mann (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2005): pp. [339]-343, 400, specifically, p. 400 for "squaw" as "vagina." Mann writes: "Most linguists do not believe this is true."
3 A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Mathews (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1951): p. 1626.
4 Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 274, s.v. "harlot."

A Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "203 -- Chief Buckskin Charlie and Squaw." The legible portion of the postmark here visible reads: "GREEN BAY, WIS., 1908." The postmark on the other side reads: "BLACKCREEK, WIS., JAN 4, 5 PM, 1908." Chief Buckskin Charlie (d. 1936), of the Utes, was not a native speaker of Algonquian.

Another Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a linen postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "I-10 Apache Squaw and Papoose." Distributed by Lollesgard Specialty Co., Tucson, Arizona. Coded on the front 3B-H1386 and thus to be dated 1943. ("B" stands for the 1940s, "3" for the particular year, per VintagePostcards.org.) "Genuine Curteich-Chicago 'C.T. Art-Colortone' post card." The woman in the picture would not have called herself a squaw, since she would not be a native speaker of Algonquian, but, if of any native American language, a Southern Athabaskan language. (By the way, "papoose" too is an Algonquian word.) Furthermore, she would probably not have called herself an Apache, which was a word adopted by Europeans for several groups of people. Use of the designation "Squaw Apache" here appears respectful and free of pejorative connotation, but it betrays an insensitively alien perspective. Furthermore, rather than being called a woman or a mother, she is being categorized, in terms alien to her, as though of a different kind or subspecies. Consequently, the caption might well be read as offensive.

x Algonquian terms.

Quotation from a 1676 Narrative Illustrating "Squaw Sachem"

A Sachem is a King, Prince, or Chief of an ancient Family, over whom he is an absolute Monarch.

A Squaw Sachem is a Princess or Queen.

From:

A New and Further Narrative of the State of New-England, Being a Continued Account of the Bloudy Indian-War, from March till August, 1676 ... (London: Printed by J.B. for Dorman Newman, 1676). "Licensed October 13. Roger L'Estrange."

Reproduced in:

King Philip's War Narratives (Ann Arbor: University Microfilms, c1966; in series: March of America Facsimile Series; no. 29).

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Squaws"

On the right side of that river [the Rhine, in ancient times] dwelt the Germans, on its left the Celtic Gauls. Both people in manners and customs resembled the Red Indians. They lived in round wigwams with a hole at the top to let out the smoke. They hunted the white maned bison and the brown bear, and trapped the beaver ... their squaws cut the firewood, cultivated their garden-plots of grain, tended the shaggy-headed cattle and the hogs feeding on acorns and beech-mast ...

From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): at the beginning of chapter 3, p. 239. Originally published, 1872. The particular value of this quotation is the application of the word "squaws" to Europena women, this despite the author having strong attitudes about various races.

The Entry by James Hammond Trumbull for "Squa"

squa, female; as noun one of womankind, a female; plural squaog, women, 1 Timothy 5, 14 (where the prefix nunk was probably omitted by error of the press); but rarely used by [John] Eliot [1604-1690] except in compound words. Verb substantive squaiyeuoo, she is female, Genesis 6, 19. In compound nunksqua, a girl; sonksq(ua), a queen, etc. (eshqua, Josiah Cotton, Vocabulary of the Massachusetts (or Natick) Indian Language (1829)). With the termination denoting a living creature (-âs for ôâas); squáas, squáus, a woman (femina); as adjective female, Numbers 5, 3; Deuteronomy 4, 16; Matthew 19:4. Cf. mittamwus(sis), mulier, uxor. See nompaas, a male.

From: Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 154. I have spelled out most of the abbreviations. Above, expansions show in yellow. "Substantive" is an educated guess, since Trumbull did not explain "subst." in his list of abbreviations. In squaiyeuoo, the oo are joined together. Biblical references are to John Eliot's Indian Bible.

Quotation from a 1676 Narrative Illustrating "Squaw Sachem"
*A Sachem* is a King, Prince, or Chief of an ancient Family, over whom he is an absolute Monarch. A Squaw Sachem is a Princess or Queen.**
From: A New and Further Narrative of the State of New-England, Being a Continued Account of the Bloudy Indian-War, from March till August, 1676 ... (London: Printed by J.B. for Dorman Newman, 1676). "Licensed October 13. Roger L'Estrange." Reproduced in: King Philip's War Narratives (Ann Arbor: University Microfilms, c1966; in series: March of America Facsimile Series; no. 29).

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Squaws"
On the right side of that river [the Rhine, in ancient times] dwelt the Germans, on its left the Celtic Gauls. Both people in manners and customs resembled the Red Indians. They lived in round wigwams with a hole at the top to let out the smoke. They hunted the white maned bison and the brown bear, and trapped the beaver ... their squaws cut the firewood, cultivated their garden-plots of grain, tended the shaggy-headed cattle and the hogs feeding on acorns and beech-mast ...
From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): at the beginning of chapter 3, p. 239. Originally published, 1872. The particular value of this quotation is the application of the word "squaws" to Europena women, this despite the author having strong attitudes about various races.

The Entry by James Hammond Trumbull for "Squa"
squa, female; as noun one of womankind, a female; plural squaog, women, 1 Timothy 5, 14 (where the prefix nunk was probably omitted by error of the press); but rarely used by [John] Eliot [1604-1690] except in compound words. Verb substantive squaiyeuoo, she is female, Genesis 6, 19. In compound nunksqua, a girl; sonksq(ua), a queen, etc. (eshqua, Josiah Cotton, Vocabulary of the Massachusetts (or Natick) Indian Language (1829)). With the termination denoting a living creature (-âs for ôâas); squáas, squáus, a woman (femina); as adjective female, Numbers 5, 3; Deuteronomy 4, 16; Matthew 19:4. Cf. mittamwus(sis), mulier, uxor. See nompaas, a male.
From: Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 154. I have spelled out most of the abbreviations. Above, expansions show in yellow. "Substantive" is an educated guess, since Trumbull did not explain "subst." in his list of abbreviations. In squaiyeuoo, the oo are joined together. Biblical references are to John Eliot's Indian Bible.

squaw humper:

A human male, one who is not an American Indian, who is married to an American Indian woman, especially a woman from a nation that speaks Algonquian; a squaw man (q.v.).

Comment: This is a vulgar term, in part because, although the sense has to do with a full-fledged many-faceted relationship, the image conjured up is one of a man who habitually engages in sexual intercourse with an American Indian woman; and in part because of the interracial focus in association with that sense/image disparity.

See also squaw.

squaw man:

1. A human male, one who is not an American Indian, who is married to an American Indian woman, especially a woman from a nation that speaks Algonquian.

2. A man who does what is considered by the speaker to be woman's work, especially in an Algonquian context.

Comment: In the first sense, typically this term may range from sensitive to derogatory, unless self-applied. In the latter sense, this is generally a derogatory term.

See also country wife, partner, squaw, squaw humper.

squeeze:

See main squeeze, major squeeze, offscreen squeeze.

squish:

1. The sound of soft mud being compressed. (Hence, this is an instance of onomatopoeia.)

2. A case where there is enough squeeze to produce distortion of the normal shape, typically with accompanying noises.

3. The object of a developing crush (q.v.).

Comment: The second sense flows from the first; and the last sense apparently flows from the second, for a semi-crush is enough to change the shape of one's usual reactions, both internal and external.

See also crystallization, flame, heartthrob, inamorata, inamorato, masher, partner, proceptive phase.

SRS:

Same room sex (q.v.).

SSO:

Secondary significant other (q.v.).

See also OSO, SO.