Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

Norman Elliott Anderson

Sk - Sz

Table of Contents

Introduction

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- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

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- S-Si -

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Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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skains-mate:

A companion (q.v.) with whom one is inclined to be amorously entwined.

See also flirt-gill, partner.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Skains-mate."

NURSE [referring to Mercurio].

... Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills;

I am none of his skains-mates.

From: William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597): Act 2, Scene 3, lines 156-157.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Skains-mate."
NURSE [referring to Mercurio]. ... Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.
From: William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (circa 1594-1597): Act 2, Scene 3, lines 156-157.

skate:

1. Any of various marine cartilaginous fishes of the family Rajidae, which are generally characterized by flattened bodies.

2. A trouble-maker.

3. A womanizer.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 214.

See also agapet, philanderer, rake, roué, shark, wild, womanizer.

skeezer:

1. A woman who smells of urine, feces, and/or ill-gotten semen.

2. A promiscuous woman, especially one who is unprincipled and unkempt.

3. A female drug addict, especially one who will trade sex for drugs.

4. A devious woman.

Comment: Generally a pejorative or insulting term.

See also slut, tramp, wanton woman.

skin party:

1. A gathering of people where clothing is worn in a way that is revealing of the body, especialy of parts of the body that are ordinarily covered in public.

2. Such a gathering that is oriented to couples for their sensual stimulation, typically in preparation for off-premises sexual activity -- according to the billing, to keep the passion alive and well..

Comments: Music, dancing, and alcoholic beverages are commonly featured at such parties.

Commonly rules include:

Let loose, but no coital activity on premises.

Women set the tone.

Although women are free to socialize with any individuals present, each man must be escorted by a woman, must remain in her company throughout the party, and must leave with her.

Sexy wear is encouraged, but no jeans or dumpy clothing.

Courtesy and respect are expected; aggressive behavior and domineering behavior are both prohibited.

See also flirt party, friction party, toe-party.

x party.

skin-to-skin intimacy:

Intimacy (q.v.), especially sexual intimacy, between individuals who are bodily present to each other.

Comment: This is sometimes distinguished from a relationship where touch is not enjoyed; also from being at a distance from each other and communicating by mail, telephone, computers, or other means.

Contrast cyberlove (q.v.), long-distance relationship (q.v.), and online relationship (q.v.). See also real-life relationship, short-distance relationship.

skirt-chaser:

1. A person who characteristically pursues women in the hope of sexual gratification; a person who displays a strong sexual interest in women by way of his or her amorous pursuits, especially to the point of distraction from other matters.

2. A mate who pursues women promiscuously.

Comment: The term might sometimes be jocularly applied to those who pursue men in kilts.

See also agapet, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, general lover, girl crazy, gynecomania, jock, ladies' man, lesbian, lover, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, rabbit, rake, roué, satyr, seducer, slut, smellsmock, stud, wolf, womanizer, woman-keen; infidelity, unfaithfulness.

sky candy:

An attractive person in flight, especially an attractive flight attendant.

Comment: The term may be received as demeaning.

See also arm candy, crew dating, eye candy, mile-high club.

SL:

Son-in-law.

See -in-law, SIL.

slave auction:

See charity slave auction.

slay (someone's) heart:

1. To be a reason and the object of a one's overwhelming love-passion.

2. To cause one to swoon with emotion.

See also die with love, fall in love, heart, heart-slayer, lady-killer, love-passion, love-struck, raked fore and aft, smitten.

sleep around:

1. To engage in separate sexual activities with various people within a comparatively short span of time.

2. To not restrict one's sexual activities to a single sex partner or a defined set of sex partners, but to engage in sexual activities with others.

See also butterfly, casual sex, date around, jump from lap to lap, mate sampling, play around, play the field, promiscuity, put it about, run astray, serial philandering, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual varietism, shark, shop around, tip, stud, womanize, yard on.

sleeping dictionary:

A person taken as a lover in part to facilitate one's learning of that person's native language and culture.

Comment: Commonly a sleeping dictionary would be a woman, often one of mixed blood, who would be assigned to a representative of, for instance, the British Empire.

For lexical examples, see the movie, "The Sleeping Dictionary," written and directed by Guy Jenkin (2003). The story is located in Sarawak on the island of Borneo, and it begins in 1936.

See also à la façon du pays, country wife, forest bride, lover, squaw.

x dictionary for sleeping with.

sleep (one's) way to the top:

To exploit in a physcial way one's own sexual charms and the sexual desire of one or more others in order to reach a high level of advancement; to engage in sexual activity with certain people as a means of achieving a high level of success.

Comment: Generally used pejoratively, the implication being that the person has prostituted him or herself and has treated human beings as means to a selfish end rather than ends in and of themselves.

In the present tense, as in "She is sleeping her way to the top," uncertainty tempers the sense, for one does not know whether or not a high level of success will in fact be achieved by such means.

See also casting couch, interoffice romance, office romance, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, use sex as a weapon, vamp, whore (one's) way to the top.

sleep on the couch:

To spend one or more nights resting elsewhere other than in the bed shared with one's partner, ordinarily because of being out of favor with that partner; to rest uncomfortably, temporarily alienated from one's partner and usual bed.

Comment: Usually meant literally in such circumstances, except perhaps for the "sleeping" part: to spend the night on a sofa.

See also casting couch, in the doghouse.

sleep together:

1. To share a bed or a room or a small space for slumber; to cosominate (q.v.).

2. Euphemism for: to engage in sexual relations.

See also breakfast together, bungalowing, cohabit, cohabitate, going together, living together, shack up, share the same bedroom, together.

slob love:

1. The way a lazy or messy person carries on a romance or a relationship; a slacker's way with a love-relationship partner or a potential one.

2. The waning or faux affection of a person who is without a job or underemployed, who isn't pulling his or her weight in the marriage, and who would get a divorce but who doesn't, primarily for fear of losing the spouse's income and/or job benefits; a hollow connection with a spouse on the part of a lazy person who clings to a marriage chiefly for the financial benefits the spouse provides.

See also dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estrangement, fall out of love, gold digger, half marriage, hollow marriage, love, loveless marriage, marriage of conveninence, marriage-trap, marry for money, mock marriage, sham marriage, unequal marriage, unhappily married.

slogans:

See get government out of the bedroom, "make love, not war," separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state.

sloping billet:

A naval appointment that entails much time ashore, which thus tends to be sought by the married in order to maximize their opportunities of spending time with their families.

Source: Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): p. 126.

See also bundle man, fishing fleet, fit double clews, jump off the dock, owneress, personal attachment, pleasing appendage, war groom.

sloppy seconds:

1. A sexual encounter with a person who yet retains the body fluids of another person from a previous sexual encounter.

2. A person selected who is believed to be not the first choice and who thereby suffers diminishment in the eyes of others, as in politics, the workplace, or the realm of love relationships.

Comments: This descriptive term (practically the opposite of a euphemism) in its first sense tends to be used in erotic contexts rather than, for instance, in professional discourse.

To give an example of the latter sense: It was used by journalist Alexis Simendinger on the news program, Washington Week (PBS), on July 9, 2004 in reference to John Kerry's pick of John Edwards as his vice presidential running mate, after Senator John McCain had supposedly been unsuccessfully courted.

See also bivirist, box of assorted creams, brother starling, buksvåger, buttered bun, cuckold, group sex, hotwife, husband-doubling, partible paternity, polyandry, promiscuity, sperm competition syndrome, sperm wars, stir the porridge, swing, troilism; consolation marriage, rebound relationship, second-choice husband, second-choice spouse, second-choice wife, take seconds.

x seconds.

slump buster:

1. Something that, per superstitious belief, will put an end to a losing streak, help one overcome a period of lackluster sports performance, or increase one's languishing sexual activity.

2. An unattractive person, typically a female, whom a baseball player or other sports figure seeks out for sex in order to break out of a period of poor or unlucky play, the superstition being that it helps overcome such play.

3. By extension, any unattractive person with whom one has casual sex.

4. A person one may call upon for sexual relations, this only as a temporary expedient during a period when one's sexual activity is otherwise languishing.

See also bust up, casual sex, friend with benefits, f*** buddy, grenade, road beef, sex buddy.

slut:

1. A woman who engages in causal sex (q.v.) or who is brazenly flirtatious with frivolous intent; roughly the female equivalent of a philanderer (q.v.) or womanizer (q.v.).

2. A promiscuous woman.

3. A promiscuous male homosexual.

4. A promiscuous male generally.

5. A repulsively untidy woman.

6. A female prostitute.

7. A person who has sold out or who is willing to sell out.

8. A person who is in charge of his or her own body as a matter of principle, who likes sex, and who will have sex however and with whomever he or she pleases. This sense is the result of recent feminist rehabilitation of the term.

9. A term of derision.

10. A term of intimate familiarity, generally in reference to a person's sexual escapades or approach to sexual activity.

Comment: Sometimes the term is used adjectivally, as in "slut wife."

See also anti-slut defense, bad girl, bedhopper, bike, bimbo, bitch, box of assorted creams, civilian, cocotte, dalliance, demirep, Don Juaness, easy lay, easy virtue, ethical slut, femme galante, flirt-gill, free love, Friday night girl, general lover, giglet, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoe, homosexual, hoochie, hothusband, hotwife, inner slut, intellectual whore, jock, lech, libertinism, lothariette, make-out artist, Messalina, minx, multicipara, multimitus, non-monogamist, nymphomaniac, office bike, philanderer, pick up artist, player, playgirl, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, quean, rabbit, rake, satyr, seductress, sex maniac, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, she-wolf, shiksa, skeezer, skirt-chaser, slutdom, sluthood, slutstyle, sluttery, slutty, slut wife, slutwitch, smellsmock, tail-femme, tart, term of endearment, town pump, tramp, trollop, wanton woman, wench, Whore of Babylon, wolf; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, squaw, tottie, whore.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Sluts"

[Lady Booby to Joseph] "... there are wicked sluts who make one ashamed of one's own sex, and are as ready to admit any nauseous familiarity as fellows to offer it; nay, there are such in my family, but they shall not stay in it; that impudent trollop who is with child by you is discharged by this time."

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, p. 31. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slut"

In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful...

... we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite....

A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money -- because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 4.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slut"
In most of the world, "slut" is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful... ... we are proud to reclaim the word "slut" as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite.... A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money -- because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 4.

slutdom:

The life journeys of people as sluts taken collectively or, yet more figuratively, the realm inhabited and traversed by sluts.

See also slut, sluthood, slutstyle, sluttery.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutdom"

Ethical slutdom is a challenging path: we don't have a polyamorous Miss Manners telling us how to do our thing courteously and respectfully, so we have to make it up as we go along.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 21.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutdom"
Ethical slutdom is a challenging path: we don't have a polyamorous Miss Manners telling us how to do our thing courteously and respectfully, so we have to make it up as we go along.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 21.

sluthood:

The state of being a slut.

See also slut, slutdom, sluttery.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluthood"

Sluthood means, among other things, that you don't have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 156.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluthood"
Sluthood means, among other things, that you don't have to depend on any one person to fulfill all your desires.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 156.

slutstyle:

Any of an endless variety of ways, especially non-conventional ways, to conduct one's sex life according to the philosophy that sexual pleasure and sexual pleasuring are good things.

See also alternative lifestyle, bohemianism, fling, gay lifestyle, lifestyle, lovestyle, polyamory, sexways, slut, slutdom, sluttery, traditional ways.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutstyles"

CHAPTER 7. SLUTSTYLES.

There are a whole lot of ways to live your sexual life, a whole lot of different ways to relate to people and form relationships and families, and no one way is better than all the others.

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 69.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Slutstyles"
CHAPTER 7. SLUTSTYLES. There are a whole lot of ways to live your sexual life, a whole lot of different ways to relate to people and form relationships and families, and no one way is better than all the others.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 69.

sluttery:

1. Untidiness.

2. A work-room, especially one characterized by untidiness.

3. Impurity, in a moral or cultic sense.

4. The range of possibilities for or a way of conducting oneself as a slut.

See also slut, slutdom, sluthood, slutstyle.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluttery"

So one form of sluttery for the single involves multiple partners who have no interaction, indeed no information about each other. This avoids complications at the cost of limiting certain kinds of intimacy, such as opportunities for mutual support and the development of community.

Another way is to introduce your lovers to each other ...

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 76.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Sluttery"
So one form of sluttery for the single involves multiple partners who have no interaction, indeed no information about each other. This avoids complications at the cost of limiting certain kinds of intimacy, such as opportunities for mutual support and the development of community. Another way is to introduce your lovers to each other ...
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 76.

slutty:

Characterized by behavior one expects of a slut.

See also anti-slut defense, easy, loose, oversexed, promiscuous, sexually non-monogamous, slut, wild.

slut wife:

A married woman who engages in sexual activity with people other than her husband.

See also adulteress, cuckoldress, hotwife, slut, tail-femme, whore, wife.

slutwitch:

A person who practices sexual enticement.

See also cockteaser, coquette, cuntteaser, flirt, flirt-gill, slut.

small "r" relationship:

A friendship rather than a self-aware love relationship, or a relationship (q.v.) that is undefined or merely at the exploratory stages of romance (q.v.); a relationship that has not yet and may never form a bond with the potential to last.

Contrast big "R" relationship (q.v.). See also xship.

SMAM:

Singulate mean age at marriage.

Comment: For females, SMAM-F or SMAMF; for males, SMAM-M or SMAMM.

See also MAFM, nuptiality, singulate mean age at marriage.

x statistics.

smellsmock:

A licentious man, especially one who is a priest.

See also agapet, bedhopper, Cassanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, God's gift to women, jock, Lothario, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, playboy, player, promiscuity, rabbit, rake, roué, sex addict, sexaholic, sex fiend, sex maniac, skirt-chaser, slut, stud, wolf, womanizer; gugusse, parnel, particular relationship, petronalla; smock marriage.

smirt:

To flirt around tobacco smoke outside an establishment where smoking is banned inside.

See also flirt, smirter, smirting.

smirter:

Someone who engages in smirting (q.v.).

smirting:

Flirtation around tobacco smoke outside an establishment where smoking is banned inside.

Comments: A blend of smoking + flirting.

Flirtation under such circumstances without smoking is called passive smirting.

An Irish term coined circa 2004.

See also flirtation.

smismar:

The person who inspired the original feeling of love that led to pregnancy by another.

Comment: The term is from the animated TV series, "Futurama," episode 61, "Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" (first broadcast January 12, 2003), where it was used by the alien male character, Kif, who became pregnant from the DNA of one female, Leela, while loving another female, Amy, his smismar. The series was created by Matt Groening. The episode was written by Bill Odenkirk and directed by Wesley Archer.

See also bukis, genitor, lover, pater.

smitten:

In love, the heart having totally succumbed.

Comment: "Smitten" is the past participle of "smite."

See also besotted, bitten by the love bug, captivated, die with love, enamored, gone on, goner, head over heels in love, heart, heart-slayer, infatuated, in love, lady-killer, love-shaked, love-struck, raked fore and aft, slay one's heart, sprung.

smock marriage:

The superstitious practice of marrying on a highway with the woman in a smock in order to ward off creditors.

Comment: Also called a shift marriage.

See also marriage, shift marriage, smellsmock, wedding.

smooth operator:

See operator.

snookiebear:

Term of endearment, usually for a male lover.

See also term of endearment.

snowflake baby:

A child adopted when a frozen human embryo.

See also adoption, artificial insemination, baby, sperm donor, surrogate mother, test-tube baby.

SO:

Significant other (q.v.).

See also OSO, SSO.

sobriety:

See sexual sobriety.

soceraphobia:

Aversion to one's in-laws.

Comment: From Latin socer ("father-in-law" or, in the plural, "parents-in-law") + Greek phobos ("panic fear").

The complementary or, in some usage, overarching term would be "syngenesophobia."

See also in-law, kinship.

social:

See team social.

social commonwealth:

See little social commonwealth.

social husband:

A man to whom one is formally married, such that one's intimate relation with him is considered legitimate and such that social trappings and expectations associated with marriage and with one's own life are ever present.

Comment: Coined by me on analogy with "social wife." But perhaps it already exists.

See also husband.

social monogamy:

1. A marriage or committed love relationship that consists of two and only two partners, especially when this dyadic form is according to custom and mutual commitment.

2. The practice of having only one long-term or socially recognized mate at a time, especially when one's mate reciprocates in kind.

Comment: The term "social monogamy" is generally contrasted with "sexual monogamy," the point being that social monogamy does not preclude in practice incidental extra-pair copulation (q.v.), whatever the social expectations and personal commitments may be. In other words, social monogamy can still subsist, even if extra-pair copulation takes place.

See also dyad, husband-doubling, monogamy, nonexclusive monogamy, open couple, sexual monogamy.

social wife:

A woman to whom one is formally married, such that one's intimate relation with her is considered legitimate and such that social trappings and expectations associated with marriage and with one's own life are ever present.

Comment: A social wife stands in contrast especially with a woman with whom one has an intimate connection and deep bond that have no official social recognition.

Contrast mistress (q.v.) and night-wife (q.v.). See also wife.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Social Wife"

[427] "I suppose we ought to get married," he [Anton Skrebensky] said [to Ursula Brangwen], rather wistfully. It was so magnificently free and in a deeper world, as it was. To make public their connection would be to put it in range with all the things which nullified him, and from which he was for the moment entirely dissociated. If he married he would have to assume his social self. And the thought of assuming his social self made him at once diffident and abstract. If she were his social wife, if she were part of that complication of dead reality, then what had his under-life to do with her? One's social wife was almost a material symbol. Whereas now she was something more vivid to him than anything [428] in conventional life could be. She gave the complete lie to all conventional life, he and she stood together, dark, fluid, infinitely potent, giving the lie to the dead whole which contained them.

From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 15, pp. 427-428.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Social Wife"
[427] "I suppose we ought to get married," he [Anton Skrebensky] said [to Ursula Brangwen], rather wistfully. It was so magnificently free and in a deeper world, as it was. To make public their connection would be to put it in range with all the things which nullified him, and from which he was for the moment entirely dissociated. If he married he would have to assume his social self. And the thought of assuming his social self made him at once diffident and abstract. If she were his social wife, if she were part of that complication of dead reality, then what had his under-life to do with her? One's social wife was almost a material symbol. Whereas now she was something more vivid to him than anything [428] in conventional life could be. She gave the complete lie to all conventional life, he and she stood together, dark, fluid, infinitely potent, giving the lie to the dead whole which contained them.
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 15, pp. 427-428.

société d'acquets (legal term, from French):

A written contract between spouses to regard as community property only those things that are acquired during the marriage.

See also antenuptial agreement, financially independent, post-nuptial agreement, pre-nuptial agreement, separate finances.

x French terms.

Society of Confessing Brethren of the Forked Order:

See forked order.

Socratic love:

See platonic love.

sodomite:

1. A person who has voluntarily participated in either anal copulation with another person, oral copulation with another person, or any sort of copulation with an animal.

2. A person who has voluntarily participated in anal copulation.

3. A homosexual.

4. A male homosexual.

5. A male cult prostitute. Note the Authorized Version's translation of the Hebrew word, qadesh, in the Bible at Deuteronomy 23:17; 1 Kings 14:24; 15:12; 22:46; and 2 Kings 23:7.

6. A person who has engaged in "unnatural" sexual relations as such relations are itemized under a given code of law.

7. Capitalized, an inhabitant of the city of Sodom, which is infamous for the story told about it in the Bible at Genesis 18:16-19:29. (Compare the similar story of Gibeah in Judges 19-21. For a comparison chart, which is embedded in a large document, click here.)

Comments: The term usually connotes either a heavy dose of sexual unsavoryness or illegality.

Both this word and the word for the activity it implies, "sodomy," have come close to being Humpty Dumpty words, since each may be defined legally in a different way from one jurisdiction to another, often with peculiar exceptions. In general discourse, the terms are sometimes used in vague or slippery ways; and since people are often loath to detail precisely what they mean by these words, the words are especially susceptible to imprecise understanding.

Ironically, the term "sodomite" derives from the biblical story of Sodom, but its sexual senses have little to do with that story. Although the men of Sodom wanted to have sex with visiting angels, who were represented as male, the Bible never represents the sin of Sodom as homosexuality. Even before that incident, both Sodom and Gomorrah were already being considered for condemnation due to "exceedingly grave" and not victimless, however, unspecified sin (Genesis 18:20; 19:13). See the following chart for other biblical representations of the sin of Sodom:

The Sin of Sodom as Dissected in the Bible

Isaiah 3:9

The special sin of Sodom was its brazenness.

Jeremiah 23:14

It was the failure of repentance.

Ezekiel 16:49-50

It was the failure to help the poor and needy, namely the visitors; thus it was inhospitality (unless the more general offense, mentioned in Genesis 19:13, was being alluded to); and it was haughtiness and abomination.

Zephaniah 2:8-9

The indirect implication is that the special sin was reviling and taunting God's own.

Matthew 10:14-15 = Luke 10:10-12 (cf. Mark 6:11)

By indirect implication, it was inhospitality towards messengers that had come on behalf of the kingdom of God.

Matthew 11:20, 23 (cf. Luke 10:15)

It was non-repentance and arrogance.

2 Peter 2:6-11

It was ungodliness, sensual conduct, lack of principle, lawlessness, indulging in corrupt desires, despising authority, and reviling angelic majesties.

Jude 7-8

It was seeking to debauch and pursuing yet again strange flesh; it was also, by indirect implication, polluting the flesh, disregarding God's special dominion in the region, and reviling angelic majesties.

Even in the passage that most brings out the sexual nature of the offense, Jude 7, the sin is going after not same-sex flesh, but "strange flesh" (sarkos heteras) -- in other words, the bodies of angels. Regarding strangeness in this sense, compare 1 (Ethiopic) Enoch 106:4-7.

Rather than deriving from the actual story of Sodom and the biblical interpretations of the sin of Sodom, the sexual senses of "sodomite" and "sodomy" derive instead from post-biblical misinterpretations of that story. One implication: These are exceptionally poor and misleading terms to use in translations of the Bible in their sexual senses.

By the way, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws in Lawrence v. Texas (June 26, 2003). Quite possibly the terms "sodomite" and "sodomy" will begin to fade from general use in the United States.

In the sense of "male homosexual," contrast lesbian (q.v.). See also abomination, active-passive split, arsenokoitês, "as with womankind," bestiality, catamite, cinaedus, gay male, Holiness Code, homosexual, Lasterkatalog, malakos, pathic, pederast, porneia, pornos, sexual connection, sexual sin, unnatural.

The Sin of Sodom as Dissected in the Bible
Isaiah 3:9	The special sin of Sodom was its brazenness.
Jeremiah 23:14	It was the failure of repentance.
Ezekiel 16:49-50	It was the failure to help the poor and needy, namely the visitors; thus it was inhospitality (unless the more general offense, mentioned in Genesis 19:13, was being alluded to); and it was haughtiness and abomination.
Zephaniah 2:8-9	The indirect implication is that the special sin was reviling and taunting God's own.
Matthew 10:14-15 = Luke 10:10-12 (cf. Mark 6:11)	By indirect implication, it was inhospitality towards messengers that had come on behalf of the kingdom of God.
Matthew 11:20, 23 (cf. Luke 10:15)	It was non-repentance and arrogance.
2 Peter 2:6-11	It was ungodliness, sensual conduct, lack of principle, lawlessness, indulging in corrupt desires, despising authority, and reviling angelic majesties.
Jude 7-8	It was seeking to debauch and pursuing yet again strange flesh; it was also, by indirect implication, polluting the flesh, disregarding God's special dominion in the region, and reviling angelic majesties.

x Hebrew terms.

soft swinging:

1. Participation in an erotically oriented party or arrangement where sexual relations are readily available but not necessarily expected of participants.

2. Swapping partners for erotic activites, however activites exclusive of penile penetration. (It has been reported that resolutions not to "go all the way" tend to be short-lived.)

3. In a meeting of couples, erotic activity between partners in the presence of the others and/or erotic activity between the women, but without a swapping of the male partners.

4. Swinging only with those with whom a friendly relationship has been established.

Contrast hard-core swinging (q.v.) and hard swinging (q.v.). See also interpersonal swinger, swing.

solemate:

Oneself as a whole and complete person, whether or not one has a partner; oneself as one's primary and sufficient companion throughout life.

Comment: A play off of the term "soul mate."

Source: Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life, [by] Lauren Mackler (Carlsbad, Calif.: Hay House, c2009).

See also aloneness, feme sole, soul mate.

solemnize:

1. To conduct a wedding ceremony according to legal form. Thus it is sometimes said of a civil or religious official that he or she solemnizes the marriage.

2. To wed publicly and before witnesses, especially in a ceremony conducted by a civil or religious official.

3. To engage in sexual intercourse as a confirmation and celebration of a development in a relationship, such as a reconciliation.

See also wed; make love to.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Solemnized"

[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] The happy Chevalier having raised me up, my pardon was solemnized on the same ottoman where you and I so gaily celebrated our final parting, and in the same manner.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 10, pp. 39-43, specifically p. 42. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

[The French reads] L'heureux chevalier me releva, et mon pardon fut scellé sur cette même ottomane où vous et moi scellâmes si gaiement et de la même manière notre éternelle rupture.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: "S, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 10, pp. 34-38, specifically p. 294. "Scellé" = "solemnized."

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Solemnized"
[The Marquise de Merteuil to the Vicomte de Valmont] The happy Chevalier having raised me up, my pardon was solemnized on the same ottoman where you and I so gaily celebrated our final parting, and in the same manner.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 10, pp. 39-43, specifically p. 42. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] L'heureux chevalier me releva, et mon pardon fut scellé sur cette même ottomane où vous et moi scellâmes si gaiement et de la même manière notre éternelle rupture.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: "S, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 10, pp. 34-38, specifically p. 294. "Scellé" = "solemnized."

solemnization:

1. The conducting of a wedding ceremony according to legal form.

2. Wedding publicly and before witnesses, especially in a ceremony conducted by a civil or religious official; invoking society to uphold a marriage by fulfilling all of its required or suggested rigamarole for the initiation of that marriage.

3. Sexual intercourse as a confirmation and celebration of a development in a relationship, such as a reconciliation.

Contrast clandestine marriage (q.v.) and common law marriage (q.v.). See also benefit of marriage, ceremonial marriage, consummation, legally married, marriage ceremony, marriage license, Sixth Commandment of the Church, uxor, wedding.

solicit:

1. To court.

2. To propose marriage to.

3. To seek sexual favors.

4. To offer sexual services for money.

See also court, woo; chippy, come on to, flirt, hit on, make a move, make a pass at, philander, pick up, proposition, put the make on, seduce.

Quotations from Jane Austen Illustrating "Solicit"

[Chapter 1] ... she [Elizabeth Elliot] had the consciousness of being nine-and-twenty to give her some regrets and some apprehensions; she was fully satisfied of being still quite as handsome as ever, but she felt her approach to the years of danger, and would have rejoiced to be certain of being properly solicited by baronet-blood within the next twelvemonth or two.

[Chapter 4] She [Anne Elliot] had been solicited, when about two-and-twenty, to change her name, by the young man [Charles Musgrove] who not long afterwards found a more willing mind in her younger sister [Mary].

From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 1, pp. 13-14; chapter 4, p. 38. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotations from Jane Austen Illustrating "Solicit"
[Chapter 1] ... she [Elizabeth Elliot] had the consciousness of being nine-and-twenty to give her some regrets and some apprehensions; she was fully satisfied of being still quite as handsome as ever, but she felt her approach to the years of danger, and would have rejoiced to be certain of being properly solicited by baronet-blood within the next twelvemonth or two.
[Chapter 4] She [Anne Elliot] had been solicited, when about two-and-twenty, to change her name, by the young man [Charles Musgrove] who not long afterwards found a more willing mind in her younger sister [Mary].
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 1, pp. 13-14; chapter 4, p. 38. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

son-in-law:

See -in-law.

Sonderfamilie:

See individual family.

sororal polygyny:

The practice on the part of a man of having more than one female mate at a time, when his mates are sisters of one another, particularly when this is consonant with custom.

See also adelphic polyandry, fraternal polyandry, polygyny, sororate.

sororate:

1. The custom whereby, under certain circumstances, a man is bound to marry an unmarried sister of his deceased wife.

2. The custom whereby a man is allowed to marry the sister of a wife found to be barren.

See also levirate, rival, sororal polygyny, sororate marriage, sororatic.

sororate marriage:

A man's marriage to his deceased wife's sister, particularly when this is according to custom.

Comment: Note that here the modifier is a noun.

See also deceased wife's sister question, levirate marriage, marriage, niyoga, preferential marriage, sororate.

sororatic:

Pertaining to or in accordance with the sororate (q.v.).

Comment: Often the noun "sororate" is used as a modifier instead.

See also leviritic, sororate.

sotah (Hebrew):

1. A woman suspected of adultery (q.v.).

2. Under the title of Sotah, the fifth tractate in order Nashim of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, gemara of the Talmud Yerushalmi, and gemara of the Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on the suspected adulteress, with special reference to Numbers 5:11-31.

See also adulteress, bedswerver, half-worker, kiddushim, spousebreach, spousebreaker, tail-femme, two-timer, water of jealousy, whore.

x Hebrew terms.

x suspected adulteress.

soul mate, or soulmate:

1. An individual especially suitable for oneself in temperament and ways of looking at the world; a person with whom one fits beautifully in terms of the inner life and, where appropriate, in terms of sexuality, such that there is total ease in sharing with nothing withheld. This entails a comfortable configuration of commonality, complementarity, and creative bridging;

2. A person who accepts and loves one for who one actually is and whom one can accept and love for who he or she actually is.

3. A person with whom one shares the same passions.

See also affinity, bashert, basherta, bat zug, ben zug, close, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, elective affinity, emotional infidelity, erotic connection, eternal union, Hauerwas's Law, heterosexual friendship, ideal, intended, kinship, lovemap, love of one's life, made for each other, male-female friendship, marriage of true minds, matching hearts, match made in heaven, mate, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, night-wife, one, one-and-only, one true love, online relationship, perfect catch, Prince Charming, romantic love, sacred sex, sexual connection, soul-mate problem, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, template (for a lover), true love, true marriage of minds and bodies, type, union of hearts, UST relationship, zug r'ishon.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Soulmate"

Soulmate is beyond time, part of the molecular structure of the world.

From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 80 of the Directory at end, referenced from p. 207 of the novel.

Quotation from Philip S. Berg Illustrating "Soul Mate"

[224] Once again, our ultimate goal is oneness with the nature of God: the transformation of the desire to receive for the self alone into desire to receive for the purpose of sharing. Toward this objective, the Zohar emphasizes the importance of an extraordinary category of human relationship. In Hebrew, it is called Ben Zug in the male form and Bat Zug in the female. It is usually translated in English as soul mate.

Soul mates are two halves of a single soul, divided by the Creator Himself in the supernal realm. As the correction (tikkun) of our spiritual selves is accomplished in our lifetime, or as we at least work diligently toward achieving that correction, the Creator makes us whole again.

None of it is easy....

[227] In fact, Kabbalah teaches that the reunification of soul mates is a greater miracle than the parting of the Red Sea....

Nothing that takes place in the physical dimension is more celebrated by Kabbalah than the joining of soul mates, and toward that end almost any hardship or sacrifice is permissible. If a married man and a married woman recognize one another as two halves of the same soul, they must divorce their spouses in order to be together -- and their spouses must willingly let them go in order to fulfill the higher spiritual purpose.

[228] ... the joining of soul mates is a force that cannot be denied. Nor should anyone try to deny it, since the Light brought to the world by reunited soul mates hugely benefits all... The relationship may not be a smooth one in conventional terms. But there is an absolutely clear realization by both the man and the woman that they were meant to be together, not just for their own well-being, but for what they can bring to the world.

From: The Essential Zohar: The Source of Kabbalisitc Wisdom, [by] Rav P. S. Berg (New York: Bell Tower, c2002): chapter 23, "Soul Mates," pp. 223-229, specifically 224, 227-228.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Soulmate"

We don't meet a soulmate. We forge a soulmate. We all long to be seen and loved in our essence. Yet most of us are guarded, especially if we have been battered by life and lost a love or two. It is when another person is able to connect with your essence, and you with his or hers, that a soulmate connection is forged. You have to be willing to risk that depth of attachment, which means surrendering some control, moving beyond ego-driven narcissism, exposing some of the holes in your soul, and inviting intimacy.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 245.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Soulmate"
Soulmate is beyond time, part of the molecular structure of the world.
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 80 of the Directory at end, referenced from p. 207 of the novel.

Quotation from Philip S. Berg Illustrating "Soul Mate"
[224] Once again, our ultimate goal is oneness with the nature of God: the transformation of the desire to receive for the self alone into desire to receive for the purpose of sharing. Toward this objective, the Zohar emphasizes the importance of an extraordinary category of human relationship. In Hebrew, it is called Ben Zug in the male form and Bat Zug in the female. It is usually translated in English as soul mate. Soul mates are two halves of a single soul, divided by the Creator Himself in the supernal realm. As the correction (tikkun) of our spiritual selves is accomplished in our lifetime, or as we at least work diligently toward achieving that correction, the Creator makes us whole again. None of it is easy.... [227] In fact, Kabbalah teaches that the reunification of soul mates is a greater miracle than the parting of the Red Sea.... Nothing that takes place in the physical dimension is more celebrated by Kabbalah than the joining of soul mates, and toward that end almost any hardship or sacrifice is permissible. If a married man and a married woman recognize one another as two halves of the same soul, they must divorce their spouses in order to be together -- and their spouses must willingly let them go in order to fulfill the higher spiritual purpose. [228] ... the joining of soul mates is a force that cannot be denied. Nor should anyone try to deny it, since the Light brought to the world by reunited soul mates hugely benefits all... The relationship may not be a smooth one in conventional terms. But there is an absolutely clear realization by both the man and the woman that they were meant to be together, not just for their own well-being, but for what they can bring to the world.
From: The Essential Zohar: The Source of Kabbalisitc Wisdom, [by] Rav P. S. Berg (New York: Bell Tower, c2002): chapter 23, "Soul Mates," pp. 223-229, specifically 224, 227-228.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Soulmate"
We don't meet a soulmate. We forge a soulmate. We all long to be seen and loved in our essence. Yet most of us are guarded, especially if we have been battered by life and lost a love or two. It is when another person is able to connect with your essence, and you with his or hers, that a soulmate connection is forged. You have to be willing to risk that depth of attachment, which means surrendering some control, moving beyond ego-driven narcissism, exposing some of the holes in your soul, and inviting intimacy.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 245.

soul-mate myth:

See myth of the one soul mate.

soul-mate problem:

A challenging situation brought about as a result of an extramarital affair with someone thought to be a soul mate (q.v.), the issues typically running along these lines, if the spouses decide that they want to try to salvage the marriage: How can the cheating spouse put aside the soul mate without betraying him or herself and reconnect with his or her spouse in a primary and sufficiently fulfilling way? How can the cheated spouse again feel first in the other spouse's life and affections? How can the spouses feel that they still truly belong together? Will they even be able to grow into soul mates themselves?

Comment: An affair with a person thought to be a soul mate is often regarded as much more challenging for a marriage where the expectation is of monogamy than a mere affair of the flesh.

See also emotional infidelity, extra-marital love affair, husband in truth, marital blues, night-wife, out-of-marriage love affair, psychomachy, wife in truth.

sow (one's) wild oats:

For a period of time in one's life, typically early adulthood, to follow one's inclinations without serious purpose, even when they conflict with social mores, often said especially of inclinations towards sexual experimentation and promiscuity.

Comment: The image of scattering one's seed where one is not likely to reap suggests a male activity, but the expression, being highly figurative, is also used of females.

See also promiscuity, sexual mores, wild.

spanandric:

Relating to or characterized by the scarcity of males in a population.

See also spanandry.

spanandry:

Scarity of males in a population.

See also availability index, bride shortage, female surplus, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandric, spaneria, spanogyny.

spaneria:

Scarcity of men, especially of men available for mating.

See also availability index, bridegroom shortage, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandry, spanogyny.

Spanish and Spanglish terms:

See angélica, consuegro, copel, dulcinea, esposa, esposo, güila, ius primae noctis (derecho de pernada), jaina, macadam, macadamo, macadamizar, novia, novio, polycompadre, quiquirigüiqui, singel.

See also Ladino terms.

spanogyny:

Scarcity of women, especially of women available for mating.

See also availability index, bride shortage, male surplus, marital opportunity ratio, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, spanandry, spaneria.

spark:

1. A woman noted for beauty, elegance, or wit.

2. An elegant young man, especially one who makes a display of elegance in dress or manners. In this sense, generally a term of deprecation.

3. A paramour; a male lover.

See also cavaliere servante, cicisbeo, gay spark, Lady Jane, leman, lover, other man, paramour, partner.

spat:

See lover's spat.

speed dating:

Timed two-way interviews, one after another, to see whether one wishes to pursue a more substantive date with any of those interviewed.

Comment: Speed dating generally occurs at a gathering organized for the purpose. Sometimes the interviews are as short as five minutes or even thirty seconds.

See also date, dating buddy, dating plan, expiration dating.

sperm competition:

See sperm wars.

sperm competition syndrome or SCS (Terry Gould):

A heightening of arousal on the part of a male from watching his female mate flirt or engage in sexual activity with one or more other males, this due to the triggering of biological responses in the presence or suspected presence of sperm that might compete with his own.

See also box of assorted creams, buttered bun, candaulism, mixoscopia, Sherfey syndrome, sloppy seconds, sperm wars, stir the porridge, swing, troilism, watching, zelophilia.

x syndromes.

Quotation from Terry Gould on Sperm Competition Syndrome

I had therefore derived a 'syndrome' for husbands who were counterintuitively aroused by their wives' enjoyments -- from soft-end flirtation to the extreme Sherfian response. I called it 'sperm competition syndrome' -- SCS. 'It's a biological explanation for why swinging men get excited by watching their wives flirt or have sex,' I said. 'It has to do with increased sperm ejaculation and orgasm pleasure.'

From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): p. 174, cf. pp. 206-213.

Quotation from Terry Gould on Sperm Competition Syndrome
I had therefore derived a 'syndrome' for husbands who were counterintuitively aroused by their wives' enjoyments -- from soft-end flirtation to the extreme Sherfian response. I called it 'sperm competition syndrome' -- SCS. 'It's a biological explanation for why swinging men get excited by watching their wives flirt or have sex,' I said. 'It has to do with increased sperm ejaculation and orgasm pleasure.'
From: The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers, [by] Terry Gould (Buffalo, N.Y.: Firefly Books, c1999): p. 174, cf. pp. 206-213.

sperm donor (SD):

1. A man who deposits his semen at a sperm bank or in some other intermediary way for use by one or more women seeking to become pregnant.

2. A man who, at a woman's behest (perhaps her partner's also, if applicable), deposits his semen in her vagina so that she might become pregnant and raise the resulting child on her own or with someone else. Even if he is unwitting of the intended result, some might yet call him a sperm donor.

3. A male who is the source of found semen, for instance, in a semen stain.

See also artificial insemination, choice mom, identity release donor, SD, snowflake baby, surrogate father, surrogate mother, test-tube baby.

sperm hunter:

A woman who is looking for a man, perhaps a man who meets certain specifications, for the purpose of being impregnated.

Contrast genetic partner (q.v.). See alo baby-daddy.

x hunter of sperm.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Sperm Hunter"

Men in their thirties or forties find it a relief to be with a woman whose personality is formed, who knows who she is, and stands in contrast to the nervous push-pull of a younger woman who isn't secure yet in her own identity or who, when the alarm on her biological clock goes off, pursues him with the zeal of a sperm hunter.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 130.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Sperm Hunter"
Men in their thirties or forties find it a relief to be with a woman whose personality is formed, who knows who she is, and stands in contrast to the nervous push-pull of a younger woman who isn't secure yet in her own identity or who, when the alarm on her biological clock goes off, pursues him with the zeal of a sperm hunter.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 130.

sperm wars:

The race to impregnate a female on the part of spermatozoa from more than one male, and the associated evolutionarily built-in strategies from the micro to the macro scales, before, during, and after multiple inseminations, to ensure that the winner tends to maximize the fitness of offspring for survivability, hence carrying forward the genes of the biological parents. Theoretically both males and females are engaged in these strategies in a way that entails not just gametes but each organism's behavior as well.

Comment: Sperm wars are sometimes used as an explanation for the human tendency to sexual infidelity and sexual deceit.

See also box of assorted creams, buttered bun, Californian marriage, "Communicate, communicate, communicate," genetic partner, infidelity, mate value, pangamy, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, stir the porridge, unfaithfulness.

x sperm competition.

SPG:

Sarong party girl (q.v.).

spice, as a singular noun:

A companion of complementary sexual orientation to whom one is not or not yet married.

Comment: A take-off of the word "spouse," suggestive of the appealing piquancy of aromatic vegetable products used in seasoning and flavoring food. This is not to suggest that a spouse lacks such appeal. A spice might develop into a spouse.

See also companion, honey, lover, partner, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart.

spice, as a plural of "spouse":

Spouses of an individual or in a group marriage.

Comments: Modeled on the plural of "mouse," which is "mice."

In the usage of those who prefer the term to its alternatives, the homophonic association with spices, that is, herbs used for flavoring food, is sometimes meant to convey the implied message that spice add flavor, zest, and excitement to one's life.

See also four-cornered marriage, group marriage, non-monogamy, partner, polyamory, polygamy.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein on Spice

I recall two young couples who decided to combine their farms, then built a house big enough by adding to the larger of their two houses and making the other into a barn. Nobody asked who slept with whom; it was taken for granted that it was then a four-cornered marriage, and no doubt had been one before they enlarged that house and pooled their goods. Nobody's business but theirs.

Among such people the plural of 'spouse' is 'spice.'

From: Time Enough for Love: The Lives of Lazarus Long: [A Novel], [by] Robert A. Heinlein (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1974; "A Berkley Book"; originally published, 1973): "Variations on a Theme, XII," p. 339.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein on Spice
I recall two young couples who decided to combine their farms, then built a house big enough by adding to the larger of their two houses and making the other into a barn. Nobody asked who slept with whom; it was taken for granted that it was then a four-cornered marriage, and no doubt had been one before they enlarged that house and pooled their goods. Nobody's business but theirs. Among such people the plural of 'spouse' is 'spice.'
From: Time Enough for Love: The Lives of Lazarus Long: [A Novel], [by] Robert A. Heinlein (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1974; "A Berkley Book"; originally published, 1973): "Variations on a Theme, XII," p. 339.

spinster:

1. A woman who has never married and who is beyond the conventional age for a first marriage.

2. A woman who lives in a sexless marriage.

Comments: E. Cobham Brewer explains in part:

"The fleece which was brought home by the Anglo-Saxons in summer, was spun into clothing by the female part of each family during the winter. King Edward the Elder commanded his daughters to be instructed in the use of the distaff. Alfred the Great, in his will, calls the female part of his family the spindle side; and it was a regularly received axiom with our frugal forefathers, that no young woman was fit to be a wife till she had spun for herself a set of body, table, and bed linen. Hence the maiden was termed a spinner or spinster, and the married woman a wife or 'one who has been a spinner.' (Anglo-Saxon, wif, from the verb wyfan or wefan, to weave.)"

Since this word carries the baggage of social expectation, it is offensive to some in an age when it is not social expectation but individual fulfillment that counts. Furthermore, this word is sometimes taken to define who a person is, even though singleness is only one aspect of a person's life; and so on this score too the word may be regarded as cause for offense.

Some understand the typical woman who has never married to go through three stages: while young as a bachelorette, then as a spinster, and, finally, as an old maid. Often, however, "spinster" and "old maid" are simply used as synonyms.

Either way, the notion of stages for a never-married woman stands in contrast to the notion of perpetual bachelorhood for a never-married man. Such gender imbalance is yet another cause of offense for some with regard to the use of the term "spinster" -- and, for that matter, also with regard to the use of the term "old maid."

Reference

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 1168, s.v. "Spinster."

Contrast, for example, wife (q.v.). See also ape leader, bachelorette, feme sole, leather spinster, maiden aunt, miss, odd woman, old maid, spinsterhood, wahine kane 'ole.

Reference
Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 1168, s.v. "Spinster."

x Old English terms.

spinsterhood:

The state or condition of being a spinster (q.v.).

See also never married, single, spousehood, unmarried, wifehood.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spinsterhood"

[Carolyn] Kizer perfectly analyzed the problem of a craft in which the practitioners were all suicides and spinsters, even if they were married (a problem I have with the myth of [Virginia] Woolf -- who often seems to be worshipped for her sexless married spinsterhood).

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 54.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spinsterhood"
[Carolyn] Kizer perfectly analyzed the problem of a craft in which the practitioners were all suicides and spinsters, even if they were married (a problem I have with the myth of [Virginia] Woolf -- who often seems to be worshipped for her sexless married spinsterhood).
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 54.

spintrian:

1. Pertaining to group sex (q.v.), especially where the participants are linked together.

2. Pertaining to the sexual postures uniquely enabled by group sex.

See also spintries.

spintries or spintriae (Latin):

"Bracelet links"; group sex (q.v.), especially such wherein the particpants are linked together by sexual acts that are being performed simultaenously.

Comments: For a descriptive mention of this practice in the ancient world, see Suetonius, Tiberius 43.

Among the Latin synonyms: catena ("chain") and symplegma ("twining together"). Cf. Martial, Epigrammata 12.43.8-9.

See also spintrian.

x Latin terms.

spiritual adultery:

See adultery.

spiritual bride:

1. A female partner in a spiritual marriage, especially at its initiation.

2. A woman with whom a man has an affinity and with whom he has developed some measure of a bond.

See also affinity, agapêtê, elective affinity, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, night-wife, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, subintroducta, syneisaktos, wife in truth.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Spiritual Brides"

[The character, Ursula Brangwen, angrily, to Rupert Birkin] "... You go to your women -- go to them -- they are your sort -- you've always had a string of them trailing after you -- and you always will. Go to your spiritual brides -- but don't come to me as well, because I'm not having any, thank you. You're not satisfied. are you? Your spiritual brides can't give you what you want, they aren't common and fleshy enough for you, aren't they? So you come to me and keep them in the background! You will marry me for daily use. But you'll keep yourself well provided with spiritual brides in the background. I know your dirty little game."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 298. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Spiritual Brides"
[The character, Ursula Brangwen, angrily, to Rupert Birkin] "... You go to your women -- go to them -- they are your sort -- you've always had a string of them trailing after you -- and you always will. Go to your spiritual brides -- but don't come to me as well, because I'm not having any, thank you. You're not satisfied. are you? Your spiritual brides can't give you what you want, they aren't common and fleshy enough for you, aren't they? So you come to me and keep them in the background! You will marry me for daily use. But you'll keep yourself well provided with spiritual brides in the background. I know your dirty little game."
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 298. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

spiritual connection:

1. A mystical link; a connatural sharing in soulfulness.

2. A happy combination of similarities and complementarities with regard to intangibilities, such as the life of the mind or the appreciation of nature, as distinguished from (that is, either in addition to or instead of) physicalities.

3. An affinity of attitudes; a common way of viewing the world, especially from a consciously linked position.

4. Religious similarity in a way than can be and is shared.

See also affinity, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, dissolution, elective affinity, heterosexual friendship, kinship, made for each other, male-female friendship, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, night-wife, sacred sex, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual intimacy, spiritual marriage, vibe.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spiritual Connection"

I find the most difficult aspect of writing about sex to be evoking the spiritual connection between people. Sometimes the things that are most important in life are beyond words.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 74.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Spiritual Connection"
I find the most difficult aspect of writing about sex to be evoking the spiritual connection between people. Sometimes the things that are most important in life are beyond words.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 74.

spiritual husband:

A male partner in a spiritual marriage (q.v.).

See also affinity, agapêtos, compatibility, elective affinity, Hauerwas's Law, intended, libertinism, made for each other, mariage à trois, match made in heaven, Mister Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, one, one-and-only, one true love, partner, Prince Charming, sexual connection, soul mate, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, universal permanent availability.

spiritual incest:

1. Marriage or sexual intercourse between a baptized person and either the minister who baptized that person or a godparent.

2. Functioning as an ecclesiastical beneficiary -- a vicar, for instance -- and holding two benefices, where the bestowal of one living depends upon the other.

3. In terms of deeply meaningful or mutually influential social interaction, especially in the form of conversation, restricting oneself to people who believe as one oneself believes.

Source for the first definition: Dictionary of Moral Theology, compiled under the direction of Francesco Cardinal Roberti; edited under the direction of Monsignor Pietro Palazzine; translated from the second edition [of Dizionario di Teologia Morale, 1957] under the direction of Henry J. Yannone (London: Burns & Oates, c1962): s.v. "Incest."

See also incest, interfaith marriage, interreligious marriage.

spiritual intimacy:

A friendship or love relationship that is characterized by a communion or at least a sharing at the level of ideas and beliefs; or else that communion or sharing itself.

For lexical example, see under "emotional-jealous intimacy."

See also affinity, communion, connaturality, connection, elective affinity, intimacy, kinship, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, quality relationship, soul mate, spiritual connection, spiritual marriage.

spiritualization of sensuality:

A famous definition given by the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), for love: "Die Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit heißt Liebe."

Reference: See his Götzen-Dämmerung (written, 1888; published 1889) or, in English translation, Twilight of the Idols, the section entitled "Moral als Widernatur" = "Morality as Anti-Nature," the first sentence of subsection 3. Most of that subsection is about the spiritualization of hostility.

See also love, sacred sex.

x Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit.

spiritual marriage:

1. The mystical marriage of God with a soul.

2. The mystical marriage of Christ and his church.

3. The union of a bishop with his or her see.

4. A celibate marriage (q.v.).

5. Mutually recognized spousehood on grounds of soulful connection that is understood to trump any marriage that is based on mere legalities or physical connection, insofar as conflict results. In some cases, the partners refrain entirely from sexual relations. In some cases, a partner will have sexual relations not with his or her spiritual spouse but with one or more other partners, such as a legally recognized spouse. In some cases, the spiritual spouses will become also sexual partners of each other, perhaps displacing one or more other partners. Spiritual marriage, far from implying monogamy, sometimes opens the door to polygamy or other forms of non-monogamy, since law and custom are explicitly subordinated to the idea, since other types of marriage are sometimes practiced simultaneously by the participants for practical or ethical reasons, and since, according to some, one can have a deep soulful connection with several people at the same time. Among the groups that have recognized spiritual marriage in this sense: the Brethren and Sisters of the Free Spirit, the St. Gall Anabaptist community, the Quintinist Libertines, the Ebelians, the Oneida Community, and the early Mormons.

See also affinity, agapêtê, agapêtos, belief in love, Celestial Marriage, communion, compatibility, connaturality, connection, demi-vierge, elective affinity, eternal union, Hauerwas's Law, hierogamy, involuntary celibacy, letter group (omega), libertinism, made for each other, marriage, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, "neither marry, nor are given in marriage," one true love, plural marriage, sacred sex, sexless marriage, sexual connection, sexual utopia, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual connection, spiritual husband, spiritual intimacy, spiritual wife, spiritual wifery, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos, true marriage of minds and bodies, universal permanent availability.

Quotation from John Calvin, as Translated by Benjamin Wirt Farley, in Reference to the Libertines, Illustrating "Spiritual Marriage"

They call it a 'spiritual marriage' when anyone is content with the other. Hence if a man takes no pleasure in his wife, in their view he may provide for himself elsewhere to solve his problem. At the same time, lest the woman remain destitute, they also grant her permission to meet her need and to accept it wherever it is offered to her.

If anyone asks, 'What, then, will become of marriages that are held indissoluble, if it is lawful to retract them at will?' They reply that a marriage that has been contracted and solemnized before men is carnal, unless it contains a spirit of mutual compatibility. For that reason the Christian man is not bound by it unless both are content with each other, which alone ought to be [the norm] held among Christians.

From: Contre la secte phantastique et furieuse des Libertins que se nomment Spirituelz, par I. Calvin (1545): § 20; as translated in Treatises Against the Anabaptists and Against the Libertines, [by] John Calvin; Benjamin Wirt Farley, editor and translator (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1982): pp. 279-280. The square brackets are Farley's.

Quotation from John Calvin, as Translated by Benjamin Wirt Farley, in Reference to the Libertines, Illustrating "Spiritual Marriage"
They call it a 'spiritual marriage' when anyone is content with the other. Hence if a man takes no pleasure in his wife, in their view he may provide for himself elsewhere to solve his problem. At the same time, lest the woman remain destitute, they also grant her permission to meet her need and to accept it wherever it is offered to her. If anyone asks, 'What, then, will become of marriages that are held indissoluble, if it is lawful to retract them at will?' They reply that a marriage that has been contracted and solemnized before men is carnal, unless it contains a spirit of mutual compatibility. For that reason the Christian man is not bound by it unless both are content with each other, which alone ought to be [the norm] held among Christians.
From: Contre la secte phantastique et furieuse des Libertins que se nomment Spirituelz, par I. Calvin (1545): § 20; as translated in Treatises Against the Anabaptists and Against the Libertines, [by] John Calvin; Benjamin Wirt Farley, editor and translator (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1982): pp. 279-280. The square brackets are Farley's.

spiritual polyamory:

1. Above-board non-monogamy practiced with special regard for cultivation of the inner life and, perhaps also, for the inner life traditions of a religion (or more than one), which may take either special efforts at the synthesis of polyamory with the chosen religion(s) -- perhaps reconcilation as well -- or a cafeteria approach to the chosen religion(s), that is, selecting which of its teachings to accept and which to reject.

2. Above-board non-monogamy as a way of inner development and its abundant love principle extended to encompass one's ways of engaging others and, indeed, the whole world.

See also abundant love principle, belief in love, new morality, polyamory, romantic theology, sacred sex, sexosophy, theology of romantic love, utopian swinging.

spiritual wife:

A female partner in a spiritual marriage (q.v.).

See also affinity, agapêtê, compatibility, demi-vierge, elective affinity, Hauerwas's Law, intended, libertinism, made for each other, mariage à trois, match made in heaven, Miss Right, Ms. Right, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, myth of the one soul mate, night-wife, one, one-and-only, one true love, partner, sexual connection, soul mate, spiritual bride, spiritual husband, subintroducta, syneisaktos, universal permanent availability.

x theories.

Quotation from William Hepworth Dixon Illustrating "Spiritual Wives"

[67] The theory of Spiritual Wives .... is, that a man who may be either unmarried before the law or wedded to a woman whom he cannot love as a wife should be loved, shall have the right, in virtue of a higher morality, and a more sacred duty than the churches teach him, to go out among the crowd of his female friends, and seek a partner in whom he shall find some special fitness for a union with himself; and when he has found such a bride of the soul, that he shall have the further right of courting her, even though she may have taken vows as another man's wife, and of entering into closer and sweeter relations with her than those which belong to the common earth; all vows on his part and on her part being to this end thrust aside as so much worldly waste.

[68] The higher theory of Spiritual wives may be stated in a few words .... [70] To true mates marriage is not for the time now only, but for the time to come... To their eyes wedlock is a covenant of soul with soul, made for all worlds in which there is conscious life; for the heavens above no less than for the earth below.

From: Spiritual Wives, by William Hepworth Dixon (London: Hurst & Blackett; Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott, 1868): pp. 67, 68, 70.

Quotation from William Hepworth Dixon Illustrating "Spiritual Wives"
[67] The theory of Spiritual Wives .... is, that a man who may be either unmarried before the law or wedded to a woman whom he cannot love as a wife should be loved, shall have the right, in virtue of a higher morality, and a more sacred duty than the churches teach him, to go out among the crowd of his female friends, and seek a partner in whom he shall find some special fitness for a union with himself; and when he has found such a bride of the soul, that he shall have the further right of courting her, even though she may have taken vows as another man's wife, and of entering into closer and sweeter relations with her than those which belong to the common earth; all vows on his part and on her part being to this end thrust aside as so much worldly waste. [68] The higher theory of Spiritual wives may be stated in a few words .... [70] To true mates marriage is not for the time now only, but for the time to come... To their eyes wedlock is a covenant of soul with soul, made for all worlds in which there is conscious life; for the heavens above no less than for the earth below.
From: Spiritual Wives, by William Hepworth Dixon (London: Hurst & Blackett; Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott, 1868): pp. 67, 68, 70.

spiritual wifery:

1. A marriage or a set of marriages understood to have a metaphysical component, such as an eternal nature.

2. In a derogatory sense, religious rationalization for taking away another's spouse or for justifying a form of polygamy, such as plural marriage.

See also eternal union, marriage, spiritual marriage, plural marriage.

x wifery.

splice, as in "a splice":

1. A marriage (q.v.).

2. A partner (q.v.) in a marriage, as in, "she'll make a good splice."

3. The partners in a marriage in relation to one another, as in, "they make a good splice."

See also husband, knot, splice, spouse, tie, wife.

splice, as in "to splice":

To join in marriage.

Comment: The term is often used in the passive, "to be spliced," meaning, "to marry." Note also "to get spliced," that is, "to get married."

Ironically, the word "splice" may be closely related to "split" (so The Oxford English Dictionary).

Frank C. Bowen reported that the term was used by mariners. He also reported that in mariner's jargon, "to marry" meant: "To fit the ends of a rope together for splicing. To fit two tight-fitting doors on hatches and jam them in place." So the ironies are compounded.

Reference

Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): pp. 90, 131.

See also buckle, bundle man, cleave, join, marry, splice, tie the knot, tie up.

Reference
Sea Slang: A Dictionary of the Old-Timers' Expressions and Epithets, by Frank C. Bowen; illustrated by Saville Lumley; with frontispiece by Kenneth Shoesmith (London: Sampson Low, Marston, [1929]): pp. 90, 131.

split-object triangle:

A triad (q.v.) or family relationship in which one person divides his or her attention between two people.

See also displaced incestuous triangle, imaginative split triangle, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, triangle, vee.

x split-triangle.

split-triangle:

See split-object triangle.

split up:

To terminate a mutual understanding that a love relationship is continuing to exist.

See also break up, ditch, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, let go, sack, separate, throw over, uncouple, walk out.

spoffskins:

A courtesan pretending or willing to pretend to be a wife.

Comment: Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary (1974) has what is apparently a misspelling: "spoffokins."

Mnemonics: "Spoofing with one's own skin." "Spoofing kin." Whether or not either spoofing, skin, or kin has anything to do with the etymology, I don't know.

References

Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual , Obscure, and Preposterous Words, gathered from numerous and diverse authoritative sources by Mrs. Byrne; edited, with an introduction by Mr. Byrne (Secaucus, N.J.: University Books [and] Citadel Press, c1974): p. 202.

A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English: Colloquialisms and Catch-Phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames, Vulgarisms, and Such Americanisms as Have Been Naturalized, [by] Eric Partridge (New York: Macmillan Co., 1961): pp. 813, 1290.

There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

See also bloss, blowen, courtesan, faux wedding, jactitation of marriage, marriage in jest, mock wedding, moll, sham marriage, wife.

References
Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual , Obscure, and Preposterous Words, gathered from numerous and diverse authoritative sources by Mrs. Byrne; edited, with an introduction by Mr. Byrne (Secaucus, N.J.: University Books [and] Citadel Press, c1974): p. 202.
A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English: Colloquialisms and Catch-Phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames, Vulgarisms, and Such Americanisms as Have Been Naturalized, [by] Eric Partridge (New York: Macmillan Co., 1961): pp. 813, 1290.
There's a Word for It! A Grandiloquent Guide to Life, [by] Charles Harrington Elster (New York, NY: Scribner, c1996): p. 69.

spongeworthy:

Description for a desirable man who, to a particular woman, is worth the use of a last remaining contraceptive sponge when such sponges are, momentarily at least, hard to find.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 7, Episode 113 (or 119?), "The Sponge," written by Peter Mehlman, directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, December 7, 1995).

See also f**kable, lustworthy, osculable, -worthy.

sponsalia (Latin):

Betrothal (q.v.).

See also engagement, wedding.

x Latin terms.

sponsalia per verba de futuro (Latin):

1. "Betrothal by consent concerning the future"; betrothal (q.v.) or engagement (q.v.).

2. The "I will" part of the wedding vows, as a repetition of the betrothal.

Contrast sponsalia per verba de praesenti (q.v.). See also erusin.

x Latin terms.

x Marriage per verba de futuro.

sponsalia per verba de praesenti (Latin):

1. "Betrothal by consent concerning the present," that is, to agree to become husband and wife immediately without a waiting period.

2. The "who gives" part of the wedding vows, effectuating consent to immediate marriage.

Contrast sponsalia per verba de futuro (q.v.). See also betrothal, gifta, give away in marriage, nissuim.

x Latin terms.

x Marriage per verba de praesenti.

sponsored wedding:

A wedding (q.v.) in which the costs are covered or defrayed by advertising, for instance, of service providers employed at the wedding.

spoon:

1. A lover; often in the plural to mean sweethearts of one another.

2. Love-play.

3. As in "a case of the spoons," sentiments associated with attraction and growing affection.

See also in love, limerence, lover, sweetheart.

sport sex:

1. Sex for fun with one or more people that one is not in a love relationship with; recreational sex (q.v.).

2. Swinging.

Comment: Also called sport f***ing.

See also swing.

sports widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to the sports, whether as spectator or participant, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

Comment: Sometimes "sports widow" is used for a female and "sports widower" for a male.

Instead of the word "sports," individual sports are often named, for example, in "tennis widow"; although "sports widow" is often preferred to terms that flow less easily off the tongue, such as "baseball widow," "basketball widow," and "football widow."

See also cyber widow, fishing widow, golf widow, media widow, spouse, tennis widow, widow.

x football widow.

spousal:

Of or relating to marriage, the emphasis, if any, being upon one or more spouses.

See also bridal, conjugal, connubial, gamical, hymeneal, marital, matrimonial, nuptial.

spousal equivalent:

Domestic partner.

Comment: An officious term.

See also domestic partner, illegitimate spouse, partner, spouse.

spousal homicide:

The killing of one's marital partner.

See also abuse, bride burning, crime of honor, crime of passion, domestic violence, dowry death, honor killing, jauhar, mariticide, spouse abuse, uxoricide, viricide.

spousal rape:

1. The act of forcing sexual activity upon one's nonconsenting spouse or of coercing one's nonconsenting spouse to engage in sexual activity.

2. The perpetration of non-defensive violence against one's spouse in a way that involves genital or anal contact.

Comments: By force or coercion is meant overpowering by strength or the use of threat of bodily harm. Thus, for example, a threat to leave would not be covered.

The precise legal definition of marital rape varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction and in many places is not recognized in the law at all.

See also abuse, consent to sex, domestic violence, marital rape, rape, spouse abuse, wife abuse.

spousals:

A wedding (q.v.) ceremony.

See also hymeneals, nuptials.

spouse; plural, spouses or, in a more limited sense, spice (q.v.):

1. A husband or a wife.

2. A partner in a marriage.

Comment: In the plural, "spouses" often means "spouses in general," but sometimes it is referring instead to a particular couple, as in, "They are spouses."

See also beloved stranger, better half, buttinsky spouse, catch, common law spouse, copemate, co-spouse, couple, cyber widow, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, Defense of Marriage Act, farmer's wife, fere, golf widow, heroina conjunx, husband, illegitimate spouse, international spouse, intimate companion, leman, life's companion, marriage, married, martyred spouse, media widow, other half, paperless spouse, partner, pastor's husband, pastor's wife, personal attachment, preacher's husband, preacher's wife, primemate, public spouse, second-choice spouse, splice, spousal equivalent, starter spouse, Sunday husband, Sunday wife, tennis widow, wife, workplace spouse, work spouse, yokefellow, yokemate.

spouse abuse:

Subjection of one's own marital partner to violence or persistent psychological cruelty.

See also abuse, batter, collusional marriage, domestic violence, marital rape, mariticide, maritodespotism, ran-tan, spousal homicide, spousal rape, toxic relationship, uxoricide, uxorodespotism, viricide, wife abuse.

spousebreach:

1. Adultery (q.v.).

2. An adulterer (q.v.).

See also adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreaker, two-timer.

spousebreak:

1. Adultery (q.v.).

2. Adulterous.

See also break spousehood.

spousebreaker:

Adulterer (q.v.).

See also adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreach, two-timer.

spouse exchange:

1. Depositing one's spouse with a friend or ally who feels free to do the same in return then or at another time and allowing that person sexual access to one's spouse.

2. Switching spouses for a limited duration.

3. Switching spouses on a permanent basis.

Not to be confused with generalized or restricted marital exchange (see under each). See also anutawkun, heart-swapping, husband swapping, intermarital sex, mate swapping, nuliaqatigiit, partner sharing, swing, synergamy, wife exchange, wife swapping.

spousehood:

1. The state of being married, generally said of an individual.

2. A set of expectations that come with being someone's husband or wife.

See also husbandhood, married, spinsterhood, wedlock, wifehood.

spouse-of-record:

A husband or wife by way of a ceremonial marriage (q.v.).

Contrast husband in truth (q.v.) and wife in truth (q.v.). See also legally married.

spouse swapping:

See mate swapping.

spring-autumn romance:

1. A love relationship in which one partner is at or near the prime of fertility and the other is in a later stage of the typical human life cycle, though with some vitality left yet.

2. A love relationship in which the partners are decades apart in age.

See also age-gap relationship, alphamegamia, anilojuvenogamy, anisonogamia, cougar relationship, dysonogamia, gerontogamy, gerontophilia, intergenerational relationship, Lolita, May-December romance, opsigamy, rob the cradle, romance, sugar daddy, sugar mama, unnatural.

x autumn-spring romance.

sproag:

See sprog.

sprog, or sproag:

1. To court or otherwise pursue sexually under the cover of night.

2. To make love under the cover of night.

Comment: A Scottish term.

See also court, make love to.

x sproag.

sprung:

Infatuated.

See also assot, besotted, bitten by the love bug, captivated, carry a torch for, crazy about, dote, enamored, go gaga over, gone on, have the hots for, infatuated, in love, in lust, love-cracked, love-struck, madly in love, pussy-struck, smitten, torchy, wildly in love with.

square:

1. A rectangle with all four sides of equal length.

2. A conventional person.

3. A person with traditionally or conventionally restrictive attitudes regarding sexual behavior, especially his or her own sexual behavior.

Contrast queer (q.v.; note too the lexical example there). See also alternate relationship geometries, aterpist, family values, four-cornered marriage, heteronormative, no sex outside of marriage, polygon, prude, puritan, quad, straight, traditional morality, wowser.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Square"

[Molly Bolt] "You ever done it, Carolyn?" I asked, truly curious.

"No, I'm not going to bed with anyone until I'm married." |

... Connie spit her vodka on the sand. "You can't be that square."

Carolyn was both hurt and intrigued. She hadn't had sexual encouragement before. "Well, I've fooled around but it's a sin to go all the way before you're married."

From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 7, pp. 63-64. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Square"
[Molly Bolt] "You ever done it, Carolyn?" I asked, truly curious. "No, I'm not going to bed with anyone until I'm married." \| ... Connie spit her vodka on the sand. "You can't be that square." Carolyn was both hurt and intrigued. She hadn't had sexual encouragement before. "Well, I've fooled around but it's a sin to go all the way before you're married."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 7, pp. 63-64. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

squaw (Algonquian):

1. Woman.

2. Wife.

3. A woman or wife of an Algonquian-speaking nation.

4. Female prostitute.

5. Epithet for a man who is perceived as acting in an unmanly manner, relative to American Indian ideas of manliness; a poltroon.

6. As an adjective, pertaining to one or more women, bearing some relation to one or more women, or woman-like, the last especially in geographical place names of the northeastern United States. For instance, "Squaw Mountain" may be "like a pregnant woman" or "like a buxom woman."

Comments: In proto-Algonquian, the term for "woman" is ethkwewa. Compare these Algonquian dialects: Cree iskwew; Fox ihkwewa; Ojibwa ikkwe.¹

Note well: The above senses are for the use of the term, "squaw," in English, which may vary from the senses in Algonquian.

Although a large percentage of the usages of the term in English, from the Seventeenth Century on, have been respectful, including in such phrases as "squaw sachem" -- that is, "princess," "queen," or "woman with the rank of chief" -- the use of the term has become controversial. Among the reasons:

In English, "squaw" has sometimes been used as a term of segregation -- to separate American Indian women, when alone referred to as squaws, from other women, and Indians generally from other people. The thought is: If other women are called women and wives, then Indian women should be too.

As a subset of the preceding, it is sometimes used inappropriately for American Indian women whose language is not Algonquian.

To some, it is a term associated with the native marital systems of the American Indians being considered inferior to the sacramental or sacramental-like marital system of much of Christianity. Again the thought is: If other women are called wives, then Indian women should be too, all terminology that implies a judgment of inferiority being put aside.

It has sometimes been used as a jocose or contemptuous expression in reference to non-Indian women.

It has sometimes been used in reference to the Indian wife of a non-Indian who is given less consideration than a non-Indian wife would be. In other words, the word "squaw" has sometimes been associated with being a second-class wife simply by virtue of the wife being an Indian.

To some it carries a pejorative association with ethnic prostitution -- Indian squaws in hard times attending the camps of U.S. soldiers, and so on.

Some think it a vulgar term for the vagina, a term used to demean native women, although the historical linguistic evidence is not forthcoming.²

Resentment of the term "squaw" on the part of some Indian women can be documented back at least to 1950 (in Nebraska).³

Some people think it worthwhile to suppress utilization of the term, even to eliminate it from place names like "Squaw Mountain." Others think it better to rehabilitate the term and to emphasize its primary senses of "woman" and "wife." For my part, I knew of no other senses until I became aware of the controversy. I grew up understanding "squaw" to be a term used out of respect for and deference to the Algonquian language and peoples and, by extension, Native Americans generally.

It may be worth noting that Algonquian languages have words for "harlot." Thus, for example, in the Natick language, we find nanwunnoodsquawaen-in.⁴

Note on the term "American Indian" (to scratch, just slightly, at the issues involved): In the United States, the "politically correct" term has become "native American." However, that is just as much a foreign label as the first to the hundreds of peoples whose ancestors inhabited North America before Colombus ever set foot in the Western hemisphere. The same might be said with regard to "First Nations" and "American aborgines." In general I consider it better to use the name of the tribe or nation or linguistic group, but when many are meant collectively, the traditional term, which here in the United States is "American Indian," seems to me to be both as good and as poor as any of the common alternatives.

References

1 Adapted from: A Computer-Generated Dictionary of Proto-Algonquian, [by] John Hewson (Hull, Quebec: Canadian Museum of Civilization, c1993; in series: Canadian Ethnology Service Mercury Series Paper; 125): p. 50.

2 "Loaded Words," being appendix A in: 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus, [by] Charles C. Mann (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2005): pp. [339]-343, 400, specifically, p. 400 for "squaw" as "vagina." Mann writes: "Most linguists do not believe this is true."

3 A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Mathews (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1951): p. 1626.

4 Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 274, s.v. "harlot."

A Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "203 -- Chief Buckskin Charlie and Squaw." The legible portion of the postmark here visible reads: "GREEN BAY, WIS., 1908." The postmark on the other side reads: "BLACKCREEK, WIS., JAN 4, 5 PM, 1908."

Chief Buckskin Charlie (d. 1936), of the Utes, was not a native speaker of Algonquian.

Another Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a linen postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "I-10 Apache Squaw and Papoose." Distributed by Lollesgard Specialty Co., Tucson, Arizona. Coded on the front 3B-H1386 and thus to be dated 1943. ("B" stands for the 1940s, "3" for the particular year, per VintagePostcards.org.) "Genuine Curteich-Chicago 'C.T. Art-Colortone' post card."

The woman in the picture would not have called herself a squaw, since she would not be a native speaker of Algonquian, but, if of any native American language, a Southern Athabaskan language. (By the way, "papoose" too is an Algonquian word.) Furthermore, she would probably not have called herself an Apache, which was a word adopted by Europeans for several groups of people. Use of the designation "Squaw Apache" here appears respectful and free of pejorative connotation, but it betrays an insensitively alien perspective. Furthermore, rather than being called a woman or a mother, she is being categorized, in terms alien to her, as though of a different kind or subspecies. Consequently, the caption might well be read as offensive.

Contrast sannup (q.v.). See also country wife, forest bride, nirimoua, nuliaqpak, partner, sits-beside-him woman, sleeping dictionary, squaw humper, squaw man, tepee seduction, wahine, wife; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, güila, hoe, moll, parnel, slut, tart, tottie, whore; and squaw dance (under "Sadie Hawkins Day").

References
1 Adapted from: A Computer-Generated Dictionary of Proto-Algonquian, [by] John Hewson (Hull, Quebec: Canadian Museum of Civilization, c1993; in series: Canadian Ethnology Service Mercury Series Paper; 125): p. 50.
2 "Loaded Words," being appendix A in: 1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus, [by] Charles C. Mann (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2005): pp. [339]-343, 400, specifically, p. 400 for "squaw" as "vagina." Mann writes: "Most linguists do not believe this is true."
3 A Dictionary of Americanisms on Historical Principles, edited by Mitford M. Mathews (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1951): p. 1626.
4 Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 274, s.v. "harlot."

A Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "203 -- Chief Buckskin Charlie and Squaw." The legible portion of the postmark here visible reads: "GREEN BAY, WIS., 1908." The postmark on the other side reads: "BLACKCREEK, WIS., JAN 4, 5 PM, 1908." Chief Buckskin Charlie (d. 1936), of the Utes, was not a native speaker of Algonquian.

Another Postcard Illustrating "Squaw"

From a linen postcard in the art collection of Norman E. Anderson. The caption reads: "I-10 Apache Squaw and Papoose." Distributed by Lollesgard Specialty Co., Tucson, Arizona. Coded on the front 3B-H1386 and thus to be dated 1943. ("B" stands for the 1940s, "3" for the particular year, per VintagePostcards.org.) "Genuine Curteich-Chicago 'C.T. Art-Colortone' post card." The woman in the picture would not have called herself a squaw, since she would not be a native speaker of Algonquian, but, if of any native American language, a Southern Athabaskan language. (By the way, "papoose" too is an Algonquian word.) Furthermore, she would probably not have called herself an Apache, which was a word adopted by Europeans for several groups of people. Use of the designation "Squaw Apache" here appears respectful and free of pejorative connotation, but it betrays an insensitively alien perspective. Furthermore, rather than being called a woman or a mother, she is being categorized, in terms alien to her, as though of a different kind or subspecies. Consequently, the caption might well be read as offensive.

x Algonquian terms.

Quotation from a 1676 Narrative Illustrating "Squaw Sachem"

A Sachem is a King, Prince, or Chief of an ancient Family, over whom he is an absolute Monarch.

A Squaw Sachem is a Princess or Queen.

From:

A New and Further Narrative of the State of New-England, Being a Continued Account of the Bloudy Indian-War, from March till August, 1676 ... (London: Printed by J.B. for Dorman Newman, 1676). "Licensed October 13. Roger L'Estrange."

Reproduced in:

King Philip's War Narratives (Ann Arbor: University Microfilms, c1966; in series: March of America Facsimile Series; no. 29).

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Squaws"

On the right side of that river [the Rhine, in ancient times] dwelt the Germans, on its left the Celtic Gauls. Both people in manners and customs resembled the Red Indians. They lived in round wigwams with a hole at the top to let out the smoke. They hunted the white maned bison and the brown bear, and trapped the beaver ... their squaws cut the firewood, cultivated their garden-plots of grain, tended the shaggy-headed cattle and the hogs feeding on acorns and beech-mast ...

From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): at the beginning of chapter 3, p. 239. Originally published, 1872. The particular value of this quotation is the application of the word "squaws" to Europena women, this despite the author having strong attitudes about various races.

The Entry by James Hammond Trumbull for "Squa"

squa, female; as noun one of womankind, a female; plural squaog, women, 1 Timothy 5, 14 (where the prefix nunk was probably omitted by error of the press); but rarely used by [John] Eliot [1604-1690] except in compound words. Verb substantive squaiyeuoo, she is female, Genesis 6, 19. In compound nunksqua, a girl; sonksq(ua), a queen, etc. (eshqua, Josiah Cotton, Vocabulary of the Massachusetts (or Natick) Indian Language (1829)). With the termination denoting a living creature (-âs for ôâas); squáas, squáus, a woman (femina); as adjective female, Numbers 5, 3; Deuteronomy 4, 16; Matthew 19:4. Cf. mittamwus(sis), mulier, uxor. See nompaas, a male.

From: Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 154. I have spelled out most of the abbreviations. Above, expansions show in yellow. "Substantive" is an educated guess, since Trumbull did not explain "subst." in his list of abbreviations. In squaiyeuoo, the oo are joined together. Biblical references are to John Eliot's Indian Bible.

Quotation from a 1676 Narrative Illustrating "Squaw Sachem"
*A Sachem* is a King, Prince, or Chief of an ancient Family, over whom he is an absolute Monarch. A Squaw Sachem is a Princess or Queen.**
From: A New and Further Narrative of the State of New-England, Being a Continued Account of the Bloudy Indian-War, from March till August, 1676 ... (London: Printed by J.B. for Dorman Newman, 1676). "Licensed October 13. Roger L'Estrange." Reproduced in: King Philip's War Narratives (Ann Arbor: University Microfilms, c1966; in series: March of America Facsimile Series; no. 29).

Quotation from Winwood Reade Illustrating "Squaws"
On the right side of that river [the Rhine, in ancient times] dwelt the Germans, on its left the Celtic Gauls. Both people in manners and customs resembled the Red Indians. They lived in round wigwams with a hole at the top to let out the smoke. They hunted the white maned bison and the brown bear, and trapped the beaver ... their squaws cut the firewood, cultivated their garden-plots of grain, tended the shaggy-headed cattle and the hogs feeding on acorns and beech-mast ...
From: The Martyrdom of Man, by Winwood Reade; with an introduction by J. M. Robertson (London: Jonathan Cape, 1927; in: The Travellers' Library): at the beginning of chapter 3, p. 239. Originally published, 1872. The particular value of this quotation is the application of the word "squaws" to Europena women, this despite the author having strong attitudes about various races.

The Entry by James Hammond Trumbull for "Squa"
squa, female; as noun one of womankind, a female; plural squaog, women, 1 Timothy 5, 14 (where the prefix nunk was probably omitted by error of the press); but rarely used by [John] Eliot [1604-1690] except in compound words. Verb substantive squaiyeuoo, she is female, Genesis 6, 19. In compound nunksqua, a girl; sonksq(ua), a queen, etc. (eshqua, Josiah Cotton, Vocabulary of the Massachusetts (or Natick) Indian Language (1829)). With the termination denoting a living creature (-âs for ôâas); squáas, squáus, a woman (femina); as adjective female, Numbers 5, 3; Deuteronomy 4, 16; Matthew 19:4. Cf. mittamwus(sis), mulier, uxor. See nompaas, a male.
From: Natick Dictionary, by James Hammond Trumbull (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1903; in series: Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology, Bulletin; 25): p. 154. I have spelled out most of the abbreviations. Above, expansions show in yellow. "Substantive" is an educated guess, since Trumbull did not explain "subst." in his list of abbreviations. In squaiyeuoo, the oo are joined together. Biblical references are to John Eliot's Indian Bible.

squaw humper:

A human male, one who is not an American Indian, who is married to an American Indian woman, especially a woman from a nation that speaks Algonquian; a squaw man (q.v.).

Comment: This is a vulgar term, in part because, although the sense has to do with a full-fledged many-faceted relationship, the image conjured up is one of a man who habitually engages in sexual intercourse with an American Indian woman; and in part because of the interracial focus in association with that sense/image disparity.

See also squaw.

squaw man:

1. A human male, one who is not an American Indian, who is married to an American Indian woman, especially a woman from a nation that speaks Algonquian.

2. A man who does what is considered by the speaker to be woman's work, especially in an Algonquian context.

Comment: In the first sense, typically this term may range from sensitive to derogatory, unless self-applied. In the latter sense, this is generally a derogatory term.

See also country wife, partner, squaw, squaw humper.

squeeze:

See alternate squeeze, main squeeze, major squeeze, offscreen squeeze, side squeeze.

squish:

1. The sound of soft mud being compressed. (Hence, this is an instance of onomatopoeia.)

2. A case where there is enough squeeze to produce distortion of the normal shape, typically with accompanying noises.

3. The object of a developing crush (q.v.).

Comment: The second sense flows from the first; and the last sense apparently flows from the second, for a semi-crush is enough to change the shape of one's usual reactions, both internal and external.

See also crystallization, flame, heartthrob, inamorata, inamorato, masher, partner, proceptive phase.

SRS:

Same room sex (q.v.).

SSC:

"Safe, sane, and consensual."

Comments: An abbreviation associated especially with the BDSM community (BDSM being bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism).

SSC summarizes an ethic often used in kinky, that is, alternative sexual activity, namely, that harm be avoided, that participants be fully able to set boundaries and appreciate the risks (so, for example, that they not be intoxicated), and that each participant both give informed consent and retain the right to end his or her participation through use of a safeword or other pre-designated means.

See boundary, consent to sex, power exchange, RACK, safe sex, sexual ethics.

SSO:

Secondary significant other (q.v.).

See also OSO, SO.

stag party:

A gathering for men, typically with entertainment oriented to male interests.

See also hen party.

x party.

stand-by man:

A human male to turn to in order to take the place of a lover with whom one has just broken up, especially a male with whom one does not intend to have a serious relationship.

See also insignificant other, once-in-a-while lover, rebound affair, stand-by woman, tertiary partner.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Stand-By Men"

... even if you're currently embroiled in the love affair of the century, go get yourself an insurance policy or two, in the form of some stand-by men. Because even if the end of your present entanglement is nowhere in sight, it is just over the horizon, I promise. And none of us can afford to get caught with our beds empty.

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 157.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Stand-By Men"
... even if you're currently embroiled in the love affair of the century, go get yourself an insurance policy or two, in the form of some stand-by men. Because even if the end of your present entanglement is nowhere in sight, it is just over the horizon, I promise. And none of us can afford to get caught with our beds empty.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 157.

stand by my man:

To remain attached to and to support one's husband or male lover with utmost loyalty, especially when he is facing adverse circumstances.

Comments: Of course, any possessive pronoun can be substituted for "my": our; your/your; her/his/their.

Usually the subject of the verb is a woman.

Some consider this phrase demeaning, since it is sometimes used in such a way as to reinforce the notion that the woman's role is supposed to be merely secondary and supportive or that a man in trouble is to be considered lost without a woman.

The phrase may bring to mind for many a portion, said by both groom and bride, of "The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony":

"... to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part ..." (From the Church of England's Book of Common Prayer)

Some have used this phrase with the word "man" meaning someone other than a husband or lover. However, nowadays alternatives are almost always used, for example:

"stand by our candidate," which means to continue to support a politician running for office, despite adverse circumstances;

"stand by our President [or Prime Minister or other office holder]"; and,

"stand by the CEO [or other person holding a responsible position]."

See also belong to, stand by my woman.

stand by my woman:

To remain attached to and to support one's wife or female lover with utmost loyalty, especially when she is facing adverse circumstances.

Comment: Of course, any possessive pronoun can be substituted for "my": our; your/your; his/her/their.

See also belong to, stand by my man.

stand-by woman (neologism, NEA, 2006):

A human female to turn to in order to take the place of a lover with whom one has just broken up, especially a female with whom one does not intend to have a serious relationship.

Comment: Coined by me, 2006, on analogy with "stand-by man." But perhaps it already exists.

See also insignificant other, once-in-a-while lover, rebound affair, tertiary partner.

stand (somebody) up:

1. To fail to show up for a date with (someone), especially without adequate excuse and without making contact with that person.

2. To fail to keep an appointment with (someone).

Comment: Most often used in the form, "stood up." For example, "I stood her up," or "I am being stood up."

See also date, jilt.

x stood up.

star-crossed lovers:

Partners in a love relationship that is doomed from the start, supposedly or mtaphorically due to the malign influence of atronomical bodies upon their fate.

Comments: The notion derives from astrology.

The most famous pair so-described are the fictional characters Romeo and Juliet. See the play by William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (completed circa 1595), prologue, lines 5-6 (Oxford University Press edition): "From forth the fatal loins of these two foes | A pair of star-crost lovers take their life."

See also Juliet, lover, Romeo.

x Shakespeare, William.

starling:

See brother starling.

starter husband:

1. A discarded or to be discarded first husband (q.v.).

2. A husband whom his spouse discards after achieving a goal in life, such as financial success.

3. A man in a starter marriage.

Contrast trophy husband (q.v.). See also divorcé, partner, starter marriage, starter spouse.

starter marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) without children that ends in divorce within five years.

See also companionate marriage, icebreaker marriage, Portland custom, practice marriage, starter husband, starter spouse, starter wife, temporary marriage, training marriage, trial marriage.

starter spouse:

1. A discarded or to be discarded first spouse (q.v.).

2. A wife whom her spouse discards after achieving a goal in life, such as financial success.

3. A woman in a starter marriage.

See also partner, starter husband, starter marriage, starter wife.

starter wife:

1. A discarded or to be discarded first wife (q.v.).

2. A wife whom her spouse discards after achieving a goal in life, such as financial success.

3. A woman in a starter marriage.

Contrast trophy wife (q.v.). See also divorcée, partner, starter marriage, starter spouse.

starvation economy:

A set of attitudes and behaviors that operate out of the belief that there is not enough of a supposed vital commodity, such as affection or sex, to go around and that if some is given to one person it must be taken away from another.

Contrast abundant love principle (q.v.). See also resource-dilution hypothesis, sex-starved, zero-sum view of love.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Starvation Economies"

... many traditional attitudes about sexuality are based on the idea that there isn't enough of something -- love, sex, friendship, commitment -- to go around....

We call this kind of thinking "starvation economies."

From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 125; cf. pp. 35-36, 183.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Starvation Economies"
... many traditional attitudes about sexuality are based on the idea that there isn't enough of something -- love, sex, friendship, commitment -- to go around.... We call this kind of thinking "starvation economies."
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 125; cf. pp. 35-36, 183.

starved sexually:

See sex-starved.

state of marriage:

The condition of being joined together as spouses, spoken of either generally or in reference to certain individuals; the condition of being married.

See also benefit of marriage, marital state, marriage.

state-sanctioned prostitution:

Marriage for money or other wealth, where backed by law.

Comment: Almost always used pejoratively. Often contrasted with marrying for love.

See also marry for money.

state-sanctioned rape:

Any situation that entails sexual activity contrary to a person's will where there is no legal recourse, since under the circumstances coercion is considered either legal or not worth punishing. Among situations to which the term is commonly applied:

1. Arranged marriage, where legal and contrary to the will of one of the spouses.

2. Coerced sexual intercourse within marriage, where backed by law.

3. Trafficking in women, in cases where the government turns a blind eye.

4. Prostitution -- or any sort of sexual activity -- that is coerced, without fear of fitting punishment, by members of a military, as in time of war.

Comment: Almost always used pejoratively.

See also arranged marriage, rape.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "State-Sanctioned Rape"

Renu was born into a traditional Indian family where an arranged marriage was expected. She was not an arranged kind of person, though ... Nevertheless at the age of 17 she was married off to a first cousin, a man she barely knew, a man she wanted to learn to love, but couldn't. Renu considers many arranged marriages to be acts of "state-sanctioned rape."

From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 45.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "State-Sanctioned Rape"
Renu was born into a traditional Indian family where an arranged marriage was expected. She was not an arranged kind of person, though ... Nevertheless at the age of 17 she was married off to a first cousin, a man she barely knew, a man she wanted to learn to love, but couldn't. Renu considers many arranged marriages to be acts of "state-sanctioned rape."
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 45.

statism, or stateism:

1. A favoring, philosophy, or practice of governmental control with regard to one or more or all aspects of human existence, the economy being an example of one.

2. With regard to relationships, the view that it is proper for a civil government to control marriage, family formation, and sexual relationships.

Comment: Among possible elements of statism:

the idea that civil marriage is a creation of the state rather than an official recognition by the state;

the idea that the state has the right to define marriage rather than, at most, to define what it will officially recognize as marriage;

the idea that marital legitimacy derives from the state rather than from, for example, God, the commitment of the parties to each other, a contract the parties have made with each other, the recognition of the families, the general recognition of those with whom the parties mingle, the religion or religions of those being married, or compliance with cultural tradition;

the idea that the state should have a monopoly on marriage and penalize those who perform weddings without its authorization;

the idea that marriage, including its recognition, is the business of the state (however, the idea that the state is responsible for protection of the parties and for adjudication between them is not ordinarily considered an element of statism; sometimes neither is the idea that the state should protect marriages from outside forces, although protection of the institution of marriage per se may be another matter);

the idea that divorce is the business of the state, (however, the idea that the state is resposnible for adjudication regarding children and property is not ordinarily considered an element of statism);

the idea that it is proper for a government to prohibit or otherwise prevent certain types of fully consensual sexual relationships between adults, other than for the protection of others;

the idea that family forms and formation should be subject to governmental regulation;

the idea that it is proper for a government to manage population by regulating the number of births;

the idea that the government should legislate sexual morality (to be distinguished from legislating on unwelcome admixtures with sexuality, such as coercion);

the idea that the government should uniformly promote one idea of sexual morality over another.

See also belief in marriage, bodily integrity, civil marriage, enoch arden law, get government out of the bedroom, heart balm statute, libertarianism, liberty, marriage license, public character of sex, relationship choice, relationship freedom, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and state, sexual mores, sumptuary law.

x statist philosophy.

statistics:

See assortive mating, ever-married, four-year itch, household, love quotient, MAFM, marital aptitude, marital opportunity ratio, marital status, marriage cohort, marriage gap, marriage squeeze, mating gradient, negative assortive mating, never-married, nuptiality, positive assortive mating, POSSLQ, propinquity factor, Pygmalion effect, seven-year itch, singulate mean age at marriage, SMAM.

statist philosophy:

See statism.

steady:

A person whom one dates exclusively, by agreement.

See also boyfriend, girlfriend, go steady, high school sweetheart.

steady dating:

See go steady.

steady paramour:

1. A lover one has over a long duration of time.

2. A steadfast lover, that is, one who is deeply attached and will not leave over a trifle.

See also long-time companion, long-time love, lover, paramour, partner, partner of long standing.

steal (a man or a woman):

1. To break up a relationship between others, especially a committed relationship but even one about to bud or to resume, and to take one of the partners as one's own.

2. To distract the attentions of and to leave with someone else's date.

3. To bud in, knowingly, on someone else's prospective date and thereby both to prevent the other from getting a date with that person and to get a date with that person oneself.

4. To borrow a person; that is, to take somebody away from somebody else just temporarily, ordinarily as a matter of exigency, as in, "May I steal him for a moment?"

See also alienation of affections, "All's fair ...," break up, homewrecking, mate poaching, Seventh Commandment, Tenth Commandment, thief of love.

steal one's heart:

1. To become a person with whom one has fallen in love, especially when one was not expecting to fall in love.

2. To appeal, whether actively or passively, all at once to one's emotions and so to be favored.

See also fall in love, give one's heart away, heart, lose one's heart to, win one's heart.

steamy relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) characterized by sexually expressed passion for one another.

See also physical relationship, sexual relationship, X-rated relationship.

stem family or famille-souche:

1. A nuclear family (q.v.) plus one or more other relatives who do not constitute a nuclear family unto themselves all functioning together as a social unit.

2. A nuclear family of one generation plus a nuclear family of the next generation functioning together as a social unit.

3. A patriarchal family (q.v.) in which the family estate is passed on intact to a son selected by the father.

See also expanded family, extended family, family.

x famille-souche.

step-, as in stepparent, stepmother, stepfather, stepchild, stepdaughter, stepson, stepsibling, stepsister, stepbrother, stepaunt, stepuncle, stepcousin, stepgrandparent, stepgrandchild, etc.:

A prefix that indicates a relation by or with a child that is obtained by way of one of the parents' taking a new partner in life.

Comments: The typical case for the creation of a "step-" relation is when a person with a child from a previous marriage or relationship marries or remarries. Some do not recognize that a "step-" relation exists until a legal marriage is formally in place.

Both "step-" relations and "-in-law" relations are formed indirectly by way of a marriage (for some value of "marriage"). However, some "step-" relations will entail more intensity than a typical "-in-law" relation; for a stepparent will typically perform a parenting role towards each stepchild within the household formed by the marriage, especially if one of the original parents is absent or largely absent from a stepchild's life; and stepsiblings will typically interact as siblings if raised within the same household.

Etymologically, "step-" refers to deprivation or bereavement, presumably of a child due to loss of a parent; although there is a strong strain in folktales of the emotional and material deprivation of a child by a stepparent, as in the Cinderella story. Nowadays the term itself seems mostly to have shaken off such associations, so that it indicates nothing more or less than a relation, the quality of which varies from family to family.

Sometimes, depending on the user, "step-" words are hyphenated; for instance, step-brother.

Occasionally the French form is used in English, for instance, père de step for stepfather.

See also affinity, blended family, comprivigni, co-parent, half-sibling, in-law, -in-law, kinship, noverca, novercaphobia, privigna, privignus, remarriage, stepfamily, stepism, stepmother, uncle, vitricophobia, vitricus.

stepfamily:

A family (q.v.) consisting of adult partners, whether legally married or not, and one or more minor children by one or more previous relationships, children who either live in or visit.

See also blended family, double-clutching, instant family, multiple clutching, new family, remarriage, step-

Stepford wife:

1. A woman who happily and vacuously behaves in a submissive, robot-like manner for the pleasure of her spouse.

2. The perfect female spouse according to a shallow idea of perfection.

3. A robot functioning as a man's mate.

Comments: "Stepford" refers to the imaginary locale of Stepford, Connecticut.

The term "Stepford wife" is an allusion to, The Stepford Wives: A Novel, [by] Ira Levin (New York: Random House, 1972). As of 2005, two movies have been based upon the novel, one directed by Bryan Forbes (1975) and the other by Frank Oz (2004). The use of the term, however, has entered general parlance with senses not necessarily particular to those in the book and the movies.

In the 2004 movie, the term was extended to cover a partner in a gay relationship, one who paralleled a vacuously submissive or superficially perfect wife.

See also odalisque, wife.

stephusband:

1. In relation to one's wife's ex-husband, her current husband and stepfather of her ex-husband's child or children.

2. In relation to one's ex-wife's current husband, her ex-husband and father of her child or children.

Comment: Coined by NEA, 2008, on analogy with "stepwife."

See also ex-husband, ex-husband envy, husband, stepwife.

stepism:

The notion that blended families are inferior to biological families.

See also blended family, step-

stepmother:

1. A woman who has succeeded or is one of those coming after one's natural or adoptive mother in monogamous marriage with one's father.

2. A woman other than one's natural or adoptive mother who joins one's paternal household through monogamous marriage to one's father.

3. Code term used by biblical scholars to refer to a father's wife who is not one's natural mother, implicitly suggesting by use of the term, in deference to monogamism, a woman with whom one's father is in a monogamous marriage, even though the term "father's wife" could also have reference to any of his wives, given a polygynous household. See especially various commentators on 1 Corinthians 5:1, which alludes to Leviticus 18:8 = 20:11.

4. Metaphorically, a neglectful person or entity, on analogy with the wicked stepmother in the story of Cinderella.

Comments: In some mouths, the word has been used only after the natural mother is deceased. However, nowadays the word is commonly used after a father's divorce from one's mother and his remarriage (q.v.).

The word "stepmother" seems not to be used to refer to other wives in a modern polygynous or polyamorous household. Instead terms like "co-parent" and "other mom" are often used.

See also co-parent, father's wife, Holiness Code, noverca, polygynist, step-.

Illustration from Edgar J. Goodspeed of "Stepmother"

In Mark 2:14, Levi is represented as the son of Alphaeus (cf. Luke 5:27-29; in Matthew 9:9-13, the name "Matthew" is used instead of "Levi.") In Mark, James is represented as the son of Alphaeus (3:18; cf. Matthew 10:3; Luke 6:15; Acts 1:13) and of Mary (15:40; 16:1; cf. Matthew 27:56). Furthermore, in Mark, Mary is represented as having another son, Joses (15:40, 47; cf. Matthew 27:56, where the name given instead of "Joses" is "Joseph"). After surveying this data, Edgar J. Goodspeed wrote:

"This extraordinary woman is spoken of as the mother of James and Joses, but not as the mother of Matthew; we must suppose she was his stepmother."

However, another possibility is that Mary was one wife in a polygynous household headed by Alphaeus.

From: Matthew: Apostle and Evangelist, by Edgar J. Goodspeed (Philadelphia: John C. Winston Co., c1958): p. 6.

Illustration from Edgar J. Goodspeed of "Stepmother"
In Mark 2:14, Levi is represented as the son of Alphaeus (cf. Luke 5:27-29; in Matthew 9:9-13, the name "Matthew" is used instead of "Levi.") In Mark, James is represented as the son of Alphaeus (3:18; cf. Matthew 10:3; Luke 6:15; Acts 1:13) and of Mary (15:40; 16:1; cf. Matthew 27:56). Furthermore, in Mark, Mary is represented as having another son, Joses (15:40, 47; cf. Matthew 27:56, where the name given instead of "Joses" is "Joseph"). After surveying this data, Edgar J. Goodspeed wrote: "This extraordinary woman is spoken of as the mother of James and Joses, but not as the mother of Matthew; we must suppose she was his stepmother." However, another possibility is that Mary was one wife in a polygynous household headed by Alphaeus.
From: Matthew: Apostle and Evangelist, by Edgar J. Goodspeed (Philadelphia: John C. Winston Co., c1958): p. 6.

step out:

1. To leave a room or to go outside for a while.

2. To go beyond the confines, as of a relationship.

3. To seek entertainment elsewhere, as when a married couple goes on a date together.

4. To leave behind.

5. More specifically (in reference to the preceding definition), to quit the so-called gay lifestyle.

See also date, extradyadic, extramarital, extra-pair copulation, gay lifestyle, out-ot-marriage love affair.

Quotation from Brooke Kroeger Illustrating "Stepped Out"

Right from the start [of the relationship], he stepped out with other girls on the side. She tolerated his indiscretions because on some level she was prepared to tolerate them and because she wanted to reserve permission to do the same.

From: Passing: When People Can't Be Who They Are, [by] Brooke Kroeger (New York: Public Affairs, c2003): p. 46.

step up to:

To pay court to.

See also court, pursue, woo.

stepwife; plural: stepwives.

1. In relation to one's husband's ex-wife, his current wife and stepmother of his ex-wife's child or children.

2. In relation to one's ex-husband's current wife, his ex-wife and mother of his child or children.

See also ex-wife, ex-wife envy, stephusband, wife.

Quotation from Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn Illustrating "Stepwife" and "Stepwives"

To date, no name has been given to this relationship that millions of women are involved in. To answer this need, we've created the word stepwife....

We are stepwives: the ex-wife and current wife of the same man, mother and stepmother to the same child, destined to drag each other through the happiest and saddest occasions life presents.

From: Stepwives: 10 Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Stepmothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First, [by] Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn; with Marjorie Vego Krausz (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2002; "A fireside book": p. [xi].

Quotation from Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn Illustrating "Stepwife" and "Stepwives"
To date, no name has been given to this relationship that millions of women are involved in. To answer this need, we've created the word stepwife.... We are stepwives: the ex-wife and current wife of the same man, mother and stepmother to the same child, destined to drag each other through the happiest and saddest occasions life presents.
From: Stepwives: 10 Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Stepmothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First, [by] Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn; with Marjorie Vego Krausz (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2002; "A fireside book": p. [xi].

sterling silver jubilee:

A twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

See also anniversary, jubilee.

x silver jubilee

stigmatic guilt:

"Moral" offensiveness to others and/or internal disapproval of oneself due to a situation that one has little or no direct control over, especially one's sexual orientation; the bearing and internalization of social stigma due to one's biological make-up and the outworkings of that make-up; a perception of faultiness, a perception that is inflicted upon oneself by others, especially when that perception is shared by oneself.

Comment: Stigmatic guilt is to be distinguished from forensic guilt, whether of the legal or theological kind. It is also to be distinguished from guilt feelings arising out of one's conscience due to a choice one has made.

The term is capable of bearing overtones not only of social stigma but also of the stigmata, that is, wounds like those inflicted on Jesus, which, in this case, would be metaphors for externally imposed emotional wounds.

Source: The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at: http://www.thesisters.org/

A spokesperson for the Sisters reports that the term predates their organization.

See also biphobia, bisexuality, cover, damaged goods, fallen, homophobia, homosexuality, impurity, judgmentalism, love that can never be told, love that dare not speak its name, mores, new morality, obscenity-purity complex, psychomachy, purity myth, sexual immorality, sexuality, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual purity, traditional morality, transphobia.

stirpiculture:

The breeding of human beings or animal stock in order to produce the best possible offspring.

Comments: The Oneida Community used the term in publication in 1865 and its leader, John Humphrey Noyes (1811-1886), had advanced the idea as early as 1848. However, Francis Galton (1822-1911) claimed in 1904 that he himself coined the term.

The term has been largely replaced by "eugenics."

Reference

Regarding Galton's claim, see: "Eugenics: Its Definition, Scope and Aims," by Francis Galton, Sociological Papers [1904] (London: Macmillan, 1905): pp. [45]-50, which was followed by discussion (52-63), written communications (64-78), Mr. Galton's reply (78-79), and press comments (80-84). See specifically p. 78.

See also breed, eugenics (which see for comments).

Quotations from the Oneida Community Illustrating "Stirpiculture"

STIRPICULTURE

[342] Assuming it to be granted that improvement in the race should be sought, among other ways, by attention to the principle of breeding, the question at once arises, what is the special line of improvement to be followed?

[344] .... we see no reason why, in the "good time coming," every child that is born should not be a "genius," fitted to supply to society, in some of the multifarious chords of which its music is composed, the harmonies of a celestial nature.

From: Circular, by the Oneida Community, April 3, 1865. As quoted in: Oneida Community: An Autobiography, 1851-1876, edited, with an introduction and prefaces, by Constance Noyes Robertson ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, c1970; "A York State Book"): pp. 342-344.

So diverse nationalities, languages and religions, and marriage, have been the separate breeding-yards of the race, hitherto. The consequence has been that each of these types has had the opportunity to develop and perfect whatever was peculiar or valuable in it, as a distinct variety.

This is one side of the Providential plan of Stirpiculture. The Lord has hiterto shown himself a producer of improved seedlings on a majestic scale. But there is another department of the art, besides that of preserving varieties by seculsion [i.e. seclusion], that is of skillful crossing and combining of varieties, whereby the special value of two or more are reproduced in a third. This, we believe, is the stage to which the divine art of Stirpiculture has now arrived. We look now for the unification of mankind in a race that shall combine in one all the good that has been attained by separate culture.

This movement culminates in the renunciation of exclusive marriage and the substitution for it of a system by which scientific combination of the sexes, for the sake of progeny, can take the place of the crude and mainly instinctive unions of the past.

From: Circular, by the Oneida Community, April 10, 1865. As quoted in: Robertson (1970): pp. 344-345, specifically p. 344.

STIRPICULTURE

This word (meaning race-culture), applied to the improvement of human beings by scientific breeding, is beginning to have place in the minds of the thoughtful. Darwin's discovery of the principles of natural selection and the survival of the fittest among the lower forms of life leads right on to the idea of improvement of man by voluntary selection.

From: Circular, by the Oneida Community, March 21, 1870. As quoted in: Robertson (1970): pp. 346-347, specifically p. 346.

Quotation from Victoria C. Woodhull Illustrating "Stirpiculture"

Stirpiculture, popularly understood, means that the best men and women, physically, produce the best children. This theory may be, and doubtless is, true as applied to animals; but observation does not bear out its truth among men and women. Many physically perfect men and women bear bad children. With them, the theory as stated needs to be supplemented as follows: Provided love exists between them.

Women cannot bear their best children except by the men they love best and for whom they have the keenest desire.

From: Tried as by Fire; or, The True and the False, Socially, an oration delivered by Victoria C. Woodhull (New York: Woodhull & Claflin, 1874): p. 37. Reproduced in: The Victoria Woodhull Reader, edited by Madeleine B. Stern (Weston, Mass.: M & S Press, 1974): part I.A.5. When looking up Woodhull's writings in library catalogs, search under Victoria Claflin Woodhull Martin.

Quotation from Constance Noyes Robertson Illustrating "Stirpiculture"

Stirpiculture, a word invented and used by the Oneida Community, is a compound of two words, of which the first is stirpes, the Latin word for race, and culture, an English word meaning cultivation with a view to improvement. The whole word, therefore, means race-culture and the products of this culture were called by the Community, Stirpicults.

From: Oneida Community: An Autobiography, 1851-1876, edited, with an introduction and prefaces, by Constance Noyes Robertson ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, c1970; "A York State Book"): chapter 12, p. 335.

stir the porridge:

To have sexual intercourse with a woman shortly after she has had sexual intercourse with one or more other men.

See also box of assorted creams, buttered bun, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, sperm wars.

stone ache:

See blue balls.

stood up:

See stand up.

storgê:

See storgic love.

storgic love, or storgê (Greek):

1. Affection, for example, the affection one may have for parents, children, or pets.

2. A bond between partners that has developed not out of passion but out of growing affection and which now has a sexual component.

See also affection, antipelargy, astorgy, companionate love, domestic love, familial love, family love, fondness, friendship, like, love, mature love, sexless love.

x Greek terms.

stories:

See Cinderella story, cute meet, love story, Mary Sue story, tart noir.

See also fairy tales.

STR:

Short-term relationship (q.v.).

straight:

1. Acting in conformity with law, custom, or majority preference, especially when one does so without internal conflict.

2. Erotically oriented primarily to one or more members of the female sex, if one is male, or of the male sex if one is female; a contrast with "gay," as in, "Are you straight or gay?"

3. Pertaining to sexual relations between a male and a female.

4. Hetero-asexual.

Comment: The term is sometimes confusing in the last two senses, for it seems to imply the obvious falsehood that homosexual behavior is the only sexual deviation from the majority preference. So some prefer to use the term "het" or "heterosexual" instead.

Contrast bisexual (q.v.), homosexual (q.v.), kinky (q.v.), and queer (q.v.). See also boy crazy, double mono, girl crazy, girl crush, hetero-asexual, heterosexual, man crush, man-keen, mixed-orientation marriage, monosexual, on the down low, square, straight credentials, woman-keen.

straight credentials:

A demonstration or series of demonstrations that one is heterosexual, even if one is not; the fact of having engaged in sexual activity with one or more members of another sex as supposed proof that one is not gay.

Source: The novel Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 11, p. 118. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

See also bearding, decoy, gay, heterosexual, homosexuality, merkin, screen for love, straight.

stranger:

1. A person one does not know.

2. Someone once close but with whom there was a rupture or a distancing, such that he or she is as a person one does not know.

See also estranged, estrangement.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Strangers"

She [Gudrun Brangwen] turned on him [her lover, Gerald Crich].

"Remember," she said, "I am completely independent of you -- completely. You make your arrangements, I make mine."

He pondered this.

"You mean we are strangers from this minute?" he asked.

She halted and flushed. He was putting her in a trap, forcing her hand. She turned round on him.

"Strangers," she said, "we can never be. But if you want to make any movement apart from me, then I wish you to know you are perfectly free to do so. Do not consider me in the slightest."

From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 30, p. 447. Early editions:

New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.

London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Strangers"
She [Gudrun Brangwen] turned on him [her lover, Gerald Crich]. "Remember," she said, "I am completely independent of you -- completely. You make your arrangements, I make mine." He pondered this. "You mean we are strangers from this minute?" he asked. She halted and flushed. He was putting her in a trap, forcing her hand. She turned round on him. *"Strangers," she said, "we can never be. But if you want* to make any movement apart from me, then I wish you to know you are perfectly free to do so. Do not consider me in the slightest."**
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 30, p. 447. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

stranger sex:

Sexual activity with a person one has just met or with whom one has been scarcely acquainted.

See also casual sex, dogging, indiscriminate sex, loveless sex, ludic love, one-night stand, pickup, recreational sex, sex, swing, toothing, zipless f**k.

strange union:

1. An unusual and seemingly incongruous combination.

2. A marriage of individuals from dissimilar backgrounds, such as different social classes, a common connotation being that this is a sort of marriage to be discouraged.

See also marriage, union, xenogamy.

string:

The metaphorical cord to which one or more attendants or lovers are attached, as used in the phrase, "keep on the string"; charm of the sort that influences another or others to be in romantic attendance.

Comment: To have someone on a string is to have that person under one's control, as a puppeteer would a puppet. However, to have someone on the string, romantically speaking, may evoke images quite different from the image of the puppeteer, since attraction rather than manipulation is generally the emphasis.

See also See also attraction, kuzbu, magnetism, stringer.

x keep on the string.

x on the string.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "String"

She likes to keep two or three men on the string at all times -- at least one of them younger.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 312.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "String"
She likes to keep two or three men on the string at all times -- at least one of them younger.
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 312.

stringer:

1. By analogy with a line on which fish are kept alive in water after being caught, the set of allurements that keep a person waiting to be chosen for a committed love relationship or marriage, especially when the alluring person has or is still fishing for one or more others who might be chosen instead.

2. A person who is not willing to take the next step in a love relationship in the direction of commitment and who keeps another person, who is, dangling indefinitely; a person who strings someone along with regard to matters of love between them.

See also fish, string, unrequited love.

x keep on a stringer.

x on a stringer.

string of lovers:

Partners, in love relationships, that one has had more or less consecutively, considered as a set.

See also bevy of beloveds, bundle of freemates, cadre of beloveds, clutch of lovers, covey of lovers, cuddle of lovers, imbroglio of polyamours, lover, syndicate of lovers.

strings to (one's) bow:

See have two strings to (one's) bow.

stud, as in "a stud":

1. A sexually virile man, especially one who copulates with many women.

2. A man with whom one or more desirable fertile women want to breed.

3. An admired male.

4. A stallion or other male animal used for breeding.

5. Collective term for a group of mares, as in "a stud of mares."

See also agapet, bedhopper, bevy of beloveds, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, gallant, gay spark, general lover, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, lady-killer, Lothario, loverboy, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, promiscuity, rabbit, rake, roué, satyr, serve two studs, sex maniac, skirt-chaser, smellsmock, vert galant, wencher, wolf, womanizer.

stud, as in "to stud":

To perform as a sexually virile person; to engage in sexual intercourse, especially with one of many who have been or will be temporary sex partners, generally said of a man, but sometimes used of a woman.

See also casual sex, consort with, make love to, philander, pick up, play around, play the field, put it about, sleep around, take, wench, womanize.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Studding"

[Regarding Thelma and Sam] According to her, he had a severe case of satyriasis and was studding everything that ever wore a skirt.

From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 76.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Studding"
[Regarding Thelma and Sam] According to her, he had a severe case of satyriasis and was studding everything that ever wore a skirt.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 76.

studmuffin:

Term of endearment for a male lover.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, spice, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

stuprate:

To ravish, violate, or defile (ordinarily a woman), especially by sexual means, as in a case of adultery or rape.

See also fornicate, rape.

stupration:

A ravishment, violation, or defilement (ordinarily of a woman), especially by sexual means, as in a case of adultery or rape.

See also adultery, fornication, porneia, rape, sexual degradation, sexual immorality, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, venereal transgression.

subarrhation:

Betrothing a woman by gifting her.

See also arrha, betrothal.

subintroducta; plural, subintroductae (Latin):

"Introduced into the close vicinity of," that is, introduced into the house of a clergyman for the purpose of living there; a woman of the early church who lived with a celibate man (or men), without being formally married to him (or to any of them).

Comment: The equivalent Greek term is syneisaktos (q.v.). Another Greek term used in the same way is agapêtê.

See also accubitus, agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibate, celibate marriage, diasteunia, double monastery, intramarital chastity, mariage blanc, mystic betrothal, sexless love, spiritual bride, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, syneisaktism, white marriage.

x Bible.

x Latin terms.

x mulieres subintroductae.

x virgines subintroductae.

Quotation from a Henry R. Percival Translation Illustrating "Subintroducta"

The great Synod has stringently forbidden any bishop, presbyter, deacon, or any one of the clergy whatever, to have a subintroducta dwelling with him, except only a mother, or sister, or aunt, or such persons only as are beyond all suspicion.

Council of Nicea (A.D. 325), canon 3, as translated in: The Seven Ecumenical Councils of the Undivided Church: Their Canons and Dogmatic Decrees, Together with the Canons of All the Local Synods which Have Received Ecumenical Acceptance, edited with notes gathered from the writings of the greatest scholars by Henry R. Percival, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace (Edinburgh: T. & T. Clark; Grand Rapids, Mich.: Wm. B. Eerdmans): v. 14 (1988 reprint), p. 11; cf. p. 46, canon 4.

Quotation from a Henry R. Percival Translation Illustrating "Subintroducta"
The great Synod has stringently forbidden any bishop, presbyter, deacon, or any one of the clergy whatever, to have a subintroducta dwelling with him, except only a mother, or sister, or aunt, or such persons only as are beyond all suspicion.
Council of Nicea (A.D. 325), canon 3, as translated in: The Seven Ecumenical Councils of the Undivided Church: Their Canons and Dogmatic Decrees, Together with the Canons of All the Local Synods which Have Received Ecumenical Acceptance, edited with notes gathered from the writings of the greatest scholars by Henry R. Percival, in: A Select Library of Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church. Second Series, translated into English with prolegomena and explanatory notes under the editorial supervision of Philip Schaff and Henry Wace (Edinburgh: T. & T. Clark; Grand Rapids, Mich.: Wm. B. Eerdmans): v. 14 (1988 reprint), p. 11; cf. p. 46, canon 4.

Quotation from Elizabeth A. Clark Illustrating "Subintroductae"

John Chrysostom's treatises on the subintroductae, "Instruction and Refutation Directed Against Those Men Cohabiting with Virgins" and "On the Necessity of Guarding Virginity,"¹ are among the most appealing of his works and contain the most extensive discussion of syneisaktism (spiritual marriage) to be found anywhere in early Christian literature. The practice of cohabitation between Christian men and women dedicated to celibacy elicited considerable discussion in the writings of the early church fathers² and was denounced at a number of church councils,³ but no other treatises provide us with comparable information concerning the practice or manifest as clearly the reasons given by church authorities for censoring it.

The origin of syneisaktism is unknown; some scholars posit that Paul was referring to the custom in I Corinthians 7:36-38. Whether or not spiritual marriage can be attested in the first century, from the second century on there are numerous references to it.

1 The titles [of these Greek works] are customarily given in Latin as Adversus eos qui apud se habent subintroductas virgines and Quod regulares feminae viris cohabitare non debeant.

2 For example:

Shepherd of Hermas, Similitude 9:10-11;

Irenaeus, Adversus Haereses = Against Heresies 1.6.3;

Pseudo-Clement, Ad Virgines = Epistles Concerning Virginity 1:10; 2:1, 10, 15;

Tertullian, De Exhortatione Castitatis = Exhortation to Chastity 12; De Monogamia = On Monogamy 16;

Cyprian, Epistle 4 (Oxford) = 61 (Ante-Nicene Fathers); 13:5 = 6:5; [Clark cites "epp. 62 and 6, 5" using the numbering, she says, in Migne, Patrologia Latina];

Pseudo-Cyprian, De Singularitate Clericorum = On the Singleness of Clerics;*

Eusebius of Emesa, Homily 7:20, 22;*

Gregory of Nyssa, De Virginitate = On Virginity 23;

Basil of Caesarea, Epistle 55;

Gregory of Nazianzus, Epigrams 10-20;**

Jerome, Epistle 22:14.

* Unverified. -- NEA

** I find no mention of subintroductae in the Epigrams as published in The Greek Anthology, with an English translation by W. R. Paton (v. 2, 1917; in series: The Loeb Classical Library): pp. [399]-505. -- NEA

3 The Synod of Antioch raised the charge against Paul of Samosata in 267-268 A.D., according to Eusebius, Historia Ecclesiastica = Church History 7:29-30, and the Council of Nicea [A.D. 325] condemned the practice as well. [See canon 3, quoted above. Notice also the Council of Elvira, canon 27 (circa A.D. 306) and the Council of Ancyra, canon 19 (A.D. 314).]

Quotation and notes from: Jerome, Chrysostom, and Friends: Essays and Translations, [by] Elizabeth A. Clark (New York: Edwin Mellen Press, c1979; in series: Studies in Women and Religion; v. 1 [i.e. 2?]): pp. 158, 162. I have reworked the placement, numbering, and bibliographic style of the notes. I have also shortened them and omitted another. Clark gives an English translation of both treatises on pp. 164-248.

subjectivism:

See ethical subjectivism.

subject to her husband:

See "head of the wife."

subordination in marriage:

See "head of the wife."

substituted love:

The bearing of another person's burden, such as a burden of fear, as a charitable means of relief.

Comment: The term is most associated with Charles Williams (1886-1945), who in turn grounded his sense of it in biblical passages such as John 15:13 and Galatians 6:2 (cf. 1 Peter 5:7). He has a chapter (chapter 6), entitled "The Practice of Substituted Love," in a theological work of his: He Came Down From Heaven (London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5).

See also agapic love, love.

x Bible.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Substituted Love"

... wherever there | is intelligence enough for exchange and substitution to exist, there is place enough for action. Only when the desire of an obsession has carried its subject beyond the interchanges of love can the power of substituted love itself cease.

From the novel: Descent into Hell, by Charles Williams (New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, c1949): chapter 6, "The Doctrine of Substituted Love," p.109-110; cf. 151, 167, 192, 241. For the allusion to Galatians 6:2, see p. 105. Originally published: London: Faber & Faber, 1937.

Quotation from Charles Williams Illustrating "Substituted Love"
... wherever there \| is intelligence enough for exchange and substitution to exist, there is place enough for action. Only when the desire of an obsession has carried its subject beyond the interchanges of love can the power of substituted love itself cease.
From the novel: Descent into Hell, by Charles Williams (New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, c1949): chapter 6, "The Doctrine of Substituted Love," p.109-110; cf. 151, 167, 192, 241. For the allusion to Galatians 6:2, see p. 105. Originally published: London: Faber & Faber, 1937.

successful husband:

1. A husband (q.v.) who gets along well with his spouse(s) and with others who are important to the marriage.

2. A man who meets certain basic expectations in a marriage, expectations on his own part and on the part of his spouse(s).

3. A male partner in a successful marriage.

See also successful marriage, successful wife.

successful marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) that accomplishes each of the following:

It endures with a strong core of love, despite the trials of life.
It brings a large measure of contentment to the partners, at least in terms of sexual satisfaction, an absence of chronic conflict, and joyfulness in being together.
It helps to bring out the best in the partners and to enable rather than stifle their development and sense of fulfillment.
It produces a loving and psychologically healthy environment suitable for the rearing of children.
It serves as a secure base for interaction with and service to the larger community, whether that service be through labor, volunteer efforts, or charity.

Comments: The above criteria are typical of what people mean when they speak of a successful marriage; but some people have other criteria in mind, such as the actual bearing and rearing of children or the achievement of wealth and financial security.

Generally a marriage that ends in divorce is regarded as unsuccessful; yet some bring a different perspective: that a marriage can, like a business, be successful for a while and then fail or simply be brought to an end.

An unsuccessful marriage or the unsuccessful part of a marriage will often leave a partner with a sense of wasted time, whereas a successful marriage or the successful part of a marriage will often have the opposite effect. Such attitudes show that the connotations of the terms, "successful marriage" and "unsuccessful marriage," often run deep.

See also bliss, compatibility, conjugal felicity, conjugalism, domestic happiness, good-enough marriage, happy marriage, levament, match made in heaven, nomogamosis, quality relationship, shalom bayit, successful husband, successful wife, unsuccessful marriage.

successful wife:

1. A wife (q.v.) who gets along well with her spouse(s) and with others who are important to the marriage.

2. A woman who meets certain basic expectations in a marriage, expectations on her own part and on the part of her spouse(s).

3. A female partner in a successful marriage.

See also successful husband, successful marriage.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Successful Wife"

[Erik Winther to his future sister-in-law about her future husband's love of Maaneborg, that is, "Moon Castle"] "... You must be prepared to take a great pride in this ugly house if you are to be a successful wife."

From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 7, p. 101.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Successful Wife"
[Erik Winther to his future sister-in-law about her future husband's love of Maaneborg, that is, "Moon Castle"] "... You must be prepared to take a great pride in this ugly house if you are to be a successful wife."
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 7, p. 101.

sugar:

A term of endearment for someone with whom one is in a close love relationship or for a person of whom one is fond.

See also arm candy, babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, eye candy, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), loverboy, lovey, spice, studmuffin, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine.

sugar baby:

A relatively young woman who is supported, at least in part, by a sugar daddy.

See baby, gold-digger, intergenerational relationship, kept woman, meal ticket, mistress, sugar daddy, trophy wife.

sugar daddy:

A man who spends lavishly on a much younger woman, generally in order to secure the pleasure of her company and, in some cases, the prestige it brings or in order to show gratitude for her ongoing attentions, sexual and otherwise.

Comment: For a gender neutral term, consider "meal ticket."

Contrast cougar (q.v.) and gigolo (q.v.). See also age-gap relationship, anisonogamia, babby daddy, gold digger, intergenerational relationhship, kept woman, love away, matrimonial adventurer, May-December romance, meal ticket, provider, spring-autumn romance, sugar baby, trophy wife.

sugar mama:

A woman who spends lavishly on a much younger man, generally in order to secure the pleasure of his company and, in some cases, the prestige it brings or in order to show gratitude for his ongoing attentions, sexual and otherwise.

Comment: For a gender neutral term, consider "meal ticket."

Contrast cougar (q.v.) and gigolo (q.v.). See also age-gap relationship, anisonogamia, baby mama, gold digger, intergenerational relationhship, kept man, matrimonial adventurer, May-December romance, meal ticket, motorcycle mama, provider, spring-autumn romance, trophy husband.

suicide:

See erotic suicide pact, lover's leap, wertheritis.

suitor:

A man who is courting a woman.

See also bride-wooer, caller, courtship, gentleman caller, swain, wooer.

summer bird, or summer's bird:

A cuckold.

Comment: An allusion to the cuckoo.

See also cuckold.

x summer's bird.

summer camp romance:

See camp romance.

summer lover:

A person with whom one has a romantic and/or sexual relationship during the course of the warmest months of the year.

Comments: The term has currency, as opposed, for instance, to "autumn lover," since the summer months are typically when vacations are taken. Thus a summer lover is, ordinarily, somone one meets, falls in love with, and has a relationship with all in the course of a summer vacation, whether that person's vacation or one's own.

The variations are countless, for example: summer boyfriend, summer bunny, summer girl, and summer girlfriend.

As a proper name and in the plural, the term may refer to the movie "Summer Lovers," written and directed by Randal Kleiser and starring Peter Gallagher, Daryl Hannah, and Valérie Quennessen (1982). The movie is about a threesome that forms between a couple and a female archeologist while the couple is vacationing on the island of Santorini.

See also boyfriend, camp romance, girlfriend, lover, separate vacations, vacation from marriage.

Summer of Love:

1. Several months during the year 1967 when hippies emerged into the public consciousness due to their gatherings throughout Europe, Great Britain, and North America, most notably in the Haight-Ashberry district of San Francisco, where they practiced communal living, the sharing of resources without charge, and free love.

2. A warm season that in some way evokes or resembles the preceding.

Comments: The "Summer of Love" is sometimes used specifically to refer to the aforementioned happenings in San Francisco from June 21st to October 6th, 1967, although the lead up began with the Human Be-in on January 14th.

See also free love, love generation, psychedelic free love, sexual golden age, sexual revolution.

summer's bird:

See summer bird.

sumptuary law:

A law that authorizes, on moral or religious grounds, either prohibition or regulation by the state of an aspect of personal lifestyle (q.v.), such as sexual behavior and relationships.

See also enoch arden law, heart balm statute, get government out of the bedroom, libertarianism, liberty, relationship choice, relationship freedom, scarlet letter, separation of marriage and state, separation of sex and state, sexual revolution, statism.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: parietal rule.

sunasova (Kiriwinian):

Breach of exogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Kiriwinian is the language of the Trobriand Islands (which are approximately 120 miles directly north of the eastern tip of New Guinea -- 8° 25' South; 151° 45' East), and sunasova is a term of the Trobriand Islands.

Source: Sex and Repression in Savage Society, by Bronislaw Malinowski (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1927): pp. 73, 99-100.

See also incest.

x Kiriwinian terms.

Sunday husband:

1. A man, other than one to whom a woman is married and other than a close relative of hers, with whom she shares an emotional bond and spends leisure time, as on weekends; a married woman's male friend, the charm of each being felt by the other.

2. A man who plays his role as a preacher's spouse.

See also amor purus, cavaliere servante, cicisbeo, comarital, companion, courtly love, extramarital friendship, free affection, friend, gallant, gentleman caller, gentleman friend, gigolo, heterosexual friendship, husband, Lady Jane, leman, love interest, lover, male-female friendship, man friend, other man, paramour, partner, platonic relationship, secondary partner, spouse, Sunday wife, UST relationship.

Quotation from George Bernard Shaw Illustrating "Sunday Husbands"

As soon as I could afford to dress presentably, I became accustomed to women falling in love with me. I did not pursue women: I was pursued by them.

Here again do not jump to conclusions. All my pusuers did not want sexual intercourse. Some were happily married, and appreciated our understanding that sex was barred. They wanted Sunday husbands, and plenty of them.

From: Shaw: An Autobiography, 1856-1898, selected from his writings by Stanley Weintraub (New York: Weybright and Talley, c1969): p. 170. Per the citation, taken from: George Bernard Shaw to Frank Harris, June 24, 1930, as revised for Sixteen Self Sketches (London: Constable, 1949): XVI.

Quotations from Cassandra King Illustrating "Sunday Husband"

To my not-just-Sunday husband ...

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): "Dedication," p. [iii]. Evidently the sense follows the second definition given above.

Sunday wife:

1. A woman, other than one to whom a man is married and other than a close relative of his, with whom he shares an emotional bond and spends leisure time, as on weekends; a married man's female friend, the charm of each being felt by the other.

2. A woman who plays her role as a preacher's spouse.

See also clerical marriage, clericolagnia, other woman, parnel, partner, pastor's wife, preacher's partner, spouse, Sunday husband, wife.

Quotations from John O'Keeffe Illustrating "Sunday Wife"

[Acts 2, Scene 3, p. 228] Gog [to Albina]. Who are you! -- why you're my Sunday wife! -- master Baron, you set me down this morning leg-lock'd in the stocks; this evening I set myself down hand-lock'd to my Lady. (takes her hand)

[Act 2, Scene 4, p. 236] Gog. Ay, here's my poor every day wife. I hope she hasn't yet heard that I've got a Sunday wife.

[Act 3, Scene 3, p. 252] Gog. My perplexities made me forget I ws married to a Lady -- Come to my arms, my charming wife. (to Albina -- Bertha runs to him)

Earl B[urrhed]. Madam, it is my desire you come instantly to Corfe. (takes her hand)

Gog. Let go my Sunday-wife, my Lord, or by Heavens, I'm a man that will be highly affronted.

From the play: Alfred; or, The Magic Banner, in: The Dramatic Works of John O'Keeffe, Esq., published under the gracious patronage of His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales; prepared for the press by the author... Vol. IV (London: Printed for the author, by T. Woodfall; and sold by all booksellers in town and country, 1798): pp. [195]-267, specifically pp. 228, 236, 252.

Quotations from Cassandra King Illustrating "Sunday Wife"

[p. 116]

[Dean Lynch] "... I'm completely uncomplicated. What you see is what you get."

[Augusta Holderfield] "Nothing could be further from the truth. You've put yourself into a role, the good little Sunday wife. You play the part -- actually, you play it quite well -- though your heart's not in it. But if you stopped, you might have to figure out who you really are."

[p. 123]

[Rich Kingsley] "Everyone here knows you because you're the Methodist minister's wife."

[Dean Lynch] "Augusta calls me the Sunday wife," I smiled.

From the novel: The Sunday Wife, [by] Cassandra King (New York: Hyperion, c2002): chapter 7, pp. 116, 123.

supervisor relationship contract:

See love contract.

surfeit response (Helen E. Fisher, 1992):

Becoming bored with a secure attachment, such as a marriage, and inclined to moved on.

See also break-up, desertion, divorce, four-year itch, lovotomy, repent being married, separation, seven-year itch.

surprise father:

A man who discovers he sired a child only years after the fact; a male who learns he has a genetic child long after the child's birth.

See also dad shock, father.

surrogate:

See sex surrogate, surrogate mother.

surrogate father:

1. A man whose sperm is deliberately used by a woman to inseminate and impregnate herself, either artificially or naturally, but whom she does not intend to retain as a parent helping to rear the resulting child, especially when she already has another mate for that purpose.

2. A man who utilizes a surrogate pregnancy in order to have a child to raise.

3. A man other than the genetic father, adoptive father, foster father, or mother's husband -- perhaps a relative or lover -- who becomes involved in a child's life, taking on a parental role. More properly called a father surrogate. Synonyms: second father, social father.

Comment: Surrogate fathers, in the first sense, are sometimes sought to aid both lesbian couples and heterosexual couples in which the male is or is suspected of being sterile. Some perform the service wittingly, others not.

See also artificial insemination, father, parent, sperm donor, surrogate mother.

x father surrogate.

surrogate lover:

A person or thing (such as a stuffed animal or a sex toy) that fills in for one's sex partner in order to prevent a sense of physical deprivation.

Comment: A surrogate lover might be brought to bear when, for instance, a sex partner has become disabled or has lost interest in sex or is absent for a lengthy period.

See also lover, secondary relationship, surrogate sex partner.

surrogate mother:

1. A woman who has conceived as a result of agreeing to be inseminated with the sperm not of her partner, but of either the intended father or a sperm donor, with the object of giving birth to a child who is then to be raised, not by herself, but by the intended father and, as applicable, his partner or partners as a child of theirs. Her role and services are called traditional surrogacy.

2. A woman who has an embryo, of which she is not a genetic parent, implanted in her uterus so that she might carry and give birth to a child that is to be raised not by herself but by the intended parents to whom she has contracted her gestational services. Her role and services are called gestational surrogacy.

Comment: The practice of contracting for surrogate mothers has created many legal issues. The nub of many of them has to do with the attachment of the surrogate mother to the fetus growing within her and her rights as a mother, especially in cases where she is the genetic mother. Many other legal issues can arise if the contract fails to cover all the bases or if one of the parties reneges on the contract. For example, what happens if the fetus has a defect?

See also artificial insemination, babymaker, mother, parent, snowflake baby, sperm donor, surrogate father, test-tube baby.

x gestational surrogacy.

x surrogate.

x traditional surrogacy.

surrogate sex partner:

1. A person who fills in for one's regular sex partner in order to prevent a sense of physical deprivation.

2. A person professionally trained and employed to assist in sex therapy by engaging with a patient in physical intimacies on a temporary basis -- specifically such a person assigned to a particular patient.

Comment: In the first sense, a surrogate sex partner might be brought in when, for instance, a regular sex partner has become disabled or has lost interest in sex or is absent for a lengthy period.

See also lover, secondary relationship, sex partner, sex surrogate, surrogate lover.

suspected adulteress:

See sotah.

suttee:

A custom, once known in India, of cremating a widow (q.v.) along with her husband's corpse. Her participation was understood to be an act of devotion.

Comments: The term is derived from the Sanskrit word sati,"faithful wife."

The practice was banned in India by the British in 1829.

See also bride burning, jauhar, Liebestod, love-death, marriage-is-forever myth, uxoricide.

x Sanskrit terms.

x sati.

x widow burning.

swain:

1. A male lover (q.v.).

2. A male suitor (q.v.).

See also gentleman caller, partner, swainling, wooer.

swainling:

A young swain (q.v.).

See also partner.

swap:

See formal swap.

swap club:

1. A group that meets from time to time for mate swapping.

2. An establishment that is hosting such a group.

See also intermarital sex, key club, mate swapping, sex club, swing, swing club, switch club.

x club.

swap-mating:

See mate swapping.

swapping:

See mate swapping.

Swedish terms:

See bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, särbo.

sweetheart:

1. A person with whom one is in a close love relationship.

2. A person who inspires in one pleasant feelings of desire, fondness, or love.

3. A term of endearment for someone with whom one is in a close love relationship or for a person of whom one is fond.

See also amari, babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, college sweetheart, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, doxy, dub sweethearts, dulcinea, heart, heartthrob, high school sweetheart, hometown honey, honey, huapala, ipo, jaina, leannan, love (as in "my sweet love"), loverboy, lovey, partner, Spice, spoon, studmuffin, sugar, sweetie, term of endearment, valentine, wonder-wench.

sweetie:

1. A person who inspires in one pleasant feelings of fondness or love.

2. A term of endearment for a person one loves or of whom one is fond.

See also arm candy, babe, baby, babycakes, baby talk, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, eye candy, far-away sweetie, honey, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, term of endearment, toots, valentine.

sweet talk:

1. Flattery, especially flirtatious flattery.

2. Cajolry.

3. Amorous conversation between lovers.

See also baby talk, discourse of desire, easy talk, flirtation, intimate talk, love-prate, pillow talk, sweet-talk, sweet talker.

x talk.

sweet-talk, as in "to sweet-talk someone":

To attempt to persuade or convince by use of flattery.

See also sweet talk.

sweet talker:

A person who uses sweet talk; a person who charms with pleasing conversation.

See also lauzengier, sweet talk.

swing, as in "a swing":

1. An occasion where and when swinging takes place.

2. Participation in swinging.

Contrast an arrangement (q.v.); contrast and compare polyamory (q.v.). See also adultery-toleration pact, alternative dating, bonobo way, candaulism, closed group swinging, closed swinging, consensual adultery, consummation, double-date, doused lights, emotional fidelity, ethical hedonism, friends-first swinging, hard-core swinging, hard swinging, hot bi babe, house party, husband swapping, intermarital sex, key club, the lifestyle, mate swapping, multilateral sexuality, new adultery, non-monogamy, open couple, open marriage, open swinging, outdoor swinging, pair dating, pankoity, partner sharing, party, polykoity, promiscuity, reassurance, recreational swinging, same room sex, secondarism, sex party, sexual nonexclusivity, sexual varietism, single, sloppy seconds, soft swinging, sperm competition syndrome, sport sex, spouse exchange, stranger sex, swap club, swing club, swinger, switch club, utopian swinging, wife exchange, wife swapping, wittee

swing, as in "to swing":

1. To engage in recreational sexual activity, where a partner is shared with one or more other people; to participate in casual sex (q.v.) across relationship lines by agreement between relationship partners.

2. To engage together as a couple, typically a married couple, in recreational sex (q.v.) with other people, typically other couples, by mutual agreement.

3. To practice sexual non-monogamy (q.v.).

4. To engage in casual sex.

5. To dance to swing music.

Comment: Often found in the substantive form, "swinging."

See also condone, confirming, consummate, group dating, helping, reconnecting, share (one's) favors, share (one's partner) with, watching, yarikon.

x swinging.

swing both ways:

To be comfortable engaging in sexual activity with at least one member of either sex; to be bisexual.

See also androgynophilia, bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual, queer.

swing club:

1. A group that meets from time to time for mate swapping.

2. An establishment that is hosting such a group.

See also intermarital sex, key club, mate swapping, sex club, swap club, swing, switch club.

x club.

swinger:

1. A person who is a participant in swinging or open to being a participant in swinging.

2. A person who is sexually uninhibited, that is, who is not confined by conventionalism in his or her sex life.

3. A person who finds the latest trends to be more exciting and liberating than tradition and so who follows them.

Comment: A proposed collective term: A hotbed of swingers. Cf. An Exaltation of Larks, [by] James Lipton (The ultimate ed. New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1993): p. 161.

See also baby swinger, closet swinger, couple, fastlane swinger, hard-core swinger, horizontal friend, hothusband, hotwife, interpersonal swinger, lifestyler, non-monogamist, orgiast, out-of-the-closet swinger, playcouple, playdar, primemate, swing, vertical friend.

swingers' moral code:

A widely accepted rule of etiquette among people who swing, a rule meant to ensure a measure of emotional security: Don't try to steal someone's partner at an orgy.

See also adultery-toleration pact, code, moral code, next-tier sexual ethics, rules of adultery, sexual etiquette, sexual morality.

swinging:

See swing.

swingle:

1. Single and sexually active with others or open to being sexually active with others. Said of either a man or a woman.

2. A single male who wishes to participate in swinging with others without an accompanying female partner. Sometimes the term implies that that male is disqualified, since a common expectation among swingers is that each male bring a female partner.

3. As an adjective, pertaining to either of the preceding.

Comments: The term seems to derive from a combination of "single" and "swinger" and to have nothing to do with the wooden instrument used for beating flax, also called a swingle.

See also casual sex, date around, free agent, free love, play the field, promiscuity, recreational sex, single, swinger.

switch:

See bi poly switch, mono/poly switch.

switch club:

1. A group that meets from time to time for mate swapping (q.v.).

2. An establishment that is hosting such a group.

See also intermarital sex, key club, sex club, swap club, swing, swing club.

x club.

switch hitter, or switch-hitter:

A person who is comfortable engaging in sexual activity with a member of any sex; a bisexual (q.v.).

SWMBO:

She who must be obeyed (q.v.).

sybrede:

See sibred.

symbiotic marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) of extreme mutual dependence, perhaps even to the point where the partners cannot function without each other.

See also complementary marriage, intrinsic marriage.

symbolic love:

An expression of a lover's passion meant to represent something grander.

See also love.

Quotations from Meg Bogin Illustrating "Symbolic Love"

[18] [Regarding the women troubadours] How ... can we account for the women's unanimous rejection of symbolic love? Why do the women troubadours use so few images? Do women innately tend toward the concrete, men toward the abstract?

[The first question above is apparently explained on p. 72] However they define amors, the women seek two things in their relationships: to be acknowledged for who they are, as women and as individuals, and a determining voice in how the relationship is conducted. In the tensons of Guillelma de Rosers, Domna H. and Maria de Ventadorn, three very different views are put forth by the women, but in all three poems the women argue for a real, as opposed to a symbolic acknowledgement of their importance. The men's arguments in all three cases are abstract; they are concerned with issues that transcend the women. The women do not want to be transcended.

From: The Women Troubadours, [by] Meg [i.e. Magda] Bogin (New York: W. W. Norton, 1980): pp. 18, 72. The italics are hers. Originally published: New York: Paddington Press, c1976.

syndicate of lovers:

1. A person's romantic admirers.

2. A prostitute's clientele.

Example: "Momma" and Other Unimportant People, by Rupert Hughes (New York: Harper, 1920): chapter 6, p. 191.

See also bevy of beloveds, bundle of freemates, cadre of beloveds, clutch of lovers, covey of lovers, cuddle of lovers, imbroglio of polyamours, lover, string of lovers.

syndromes:

See bad boy syndrome, Dante Alighieri syndrome, Amnon-Tamar syndrome, Dirty Harry syndrome, Don Juanism, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, hometown honey syndrome, housewife syndrome, Florence Nightingale syndrome, "I'm not sure I don't want (her or him) anymore" syndrome, Lady Macbeth syndrome, love trauma syndrome, male insanity syndrome, Marilyn syndrome, martyred spouse, Noah's Ark syndrome, odd-one-out syndrome, Othello syndrome, Pinkerton syndrome, Romeo-and Juliet effect, second-honeymoon syndrome, second-husband syndrome, second-wife syndrome, Sherfey syndrome, sperm competition syndrome, wedding night syndrome.

See also complexes, phenomena.

syndyasmian:

Pertaining to or characterized by sexual non-exclusivity or temporary cohabitation or both.

Comment: From Greek sunduasmos ("coupling").

See also sexually nonexclusive.

x Greek terms.

syndyasmian family:

A family (q.v.) formed by the joining of a man and a woman in a sexually non-exclusive relationship that can be freely terminated by either party.

See also cohabitation, marriage, new adultery, open marriage, open relationship, pairing family, sexual nonexclusivity, temporary marriage.

syneisaktism:

Cohabitation by ascetics of different sexes without sexual relations.

Comment: For lexical illustration, see under subintroducta.

See also accubitus, agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibate marriage, celibacy, demi-vierge, diasteunia, double monastery, intramarital chastity, mariage blanc, mystic betrothal, sexless love, spiritual marriage, white marriage.

syneisaktos; plural, syneisaktai (Greek):

"Introduced together" or "introduced into the company of," that is, introduced into the house of a clergyman for the purpose of living there; a woman of the early church who lived with a celibate man (or men), without being formally married to him (or to any of them).

Comment: The term has sometimes been translated as "a priest's housekeeper," and housekeeping may have been part of the rationale for having a syneisaktos; but rather than a woman in a job, a syneisaktos is generally understood as a woman who was participating in a form of spiritual marriage.

Another Greek term used in the same way is agapêtê. The Latin equivalent of syneisaktos is subintroducta, which see for more information.

See also agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibate, celibate marriage, diasteunia, double monastery, intramarital chastity, mariage blanc, mystic betrothal, sexless love, spiritual bride, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife, syneisaktism, white marriage.

x Greek terms.

synergamist:

1. A partner in a synergamous marriage.

2. An advoicate or supporter of synergamous marriage.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "synergamy," so here included.

See synergamy.

synergamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by synergamy (q.v.).

Comment: Attributed to Jesonage Lereve, 1971.

synergamy, or synergamie:

Marital or marital-like commitments by exchanged spouses that embrace the previous marital commitments thereby forming a greater whole, the effects of which are greater than the sum of the effects of its parts, this greater whole both being enhanced by and enhancing the capacities of each relationship and each partner. Synergamy is a form of non-monogamy (q.v.) that can be either intermediate between monogamy (q.v.) and group marriage (q.v.) or a thing unto itself.

Comment: The French form of the word was coined by Jesonage Lereve, 1971. The term was anglicized and popularized by Robert H. Rimmer, 1971.

Thus far I have been unable to confirm the existence of Jesonage Lereve's book, Le synergamie (Montreal: Provocation Press, 1971), beyond its mention in Thursday My Love, by Robert H. Rimmer (1971). Rimmer annotated his bibliography entry for Le synergamie, saying: "Lereve's book has never been translated, and unfortunately has limited circulation." In the twelfth chapter from the end (counting the afterword), Rimmer says that Father Lereve created the word "synergamy." Two paragraphs later he provides an extract from the book in English translation. Here is a part of it:

"The contemplated relationship in a synergamous marriage, unlike a group marriage, would be two separate dyads ... [elision his] two males relating to two separate females and vice versa but with no necessity for a complete relationship (as would occur in a group marriage) between the two males or the two females. It would be assumed in a synergamous marriage that the spouses would change households, or basic home environments, a portion of each week: one, two, or three days, and enjoy complete involvement in the second relationship with the children of the second spouse equivalent to the love and involvement of the blood children. Synergamous marriages might lead to group or corporate marriages of two couples, but not necessarily. Synergamous marriages are predicated on the fact that most individuals can discover a second member of the opposite sex with whom he or she could relate fully, but it is considerably more difficult for a monogamous couple, a dyad, to effect a mutual relationship with another monogamous couple not only in the areas of sexual exchange, but in the simultaneous, multilateral, interpersonal encounters of a quartet or sextet."

Note well: The reference to a sextet (q.v.) would seem to indicate that synergamy is not limited to merely two dyads.

See also comarital, corporate marriage, dyad, four-cornered marriage, -gamy, good match, heart-swapping, intermarital sex, intimate network, the lifestyle, multilateral sexuality, spouse exchange, synergamist, synergamous.

x French terms.

synergic marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners reinforce one another and cooperate in meeting both each other's needs and their common goals.

Contrast unilateralism (q.v.).

synletify:

To be an indirect occasion for another's delight due to the delight that one takes in a different person.

Comment: See under synletitia.

Coined by me. The Latin portion of this word is from laetifico, "to gladden."

synletilate:

To take delight in the delight of a person one loves, or of a friend, with another person.

Comment: See under synletitia.

Coined by me. The Latin portion of this word is from laetor, "to rejoice" or "to be glad." More properly, the neologism should probably come out as "synletate"; but that's too stodgy.

Among antonyms: to begrudge or grudge another's happiness with another; and to be jealous.

See also frubble.

synletitia:

Delight in the delight of a person one loves, or of a friend, with another person, especially as one facet of a complex set of emotions.

Comment: This is a hybrid term suggested by me, on August 4, 2003, in response to some who were unhappy with the term "compersion." It is derived from:

syn = Greek for "with"; and,

laetitia = Latin for "delight."

Going all Latin with "comletitia" just didn't sound as scintillating.

Contrast jealousy (q.v.) and wibble (q.v.). See also ask-and-tell eroticism, compersion, compreciation, frubbliness, macarism, polyamory, polyglow, vicarious relationship high, watching.

synletitious:

Characterized by or pertaining to delight in the delight of a person one loves, or of a friend, with another person.

Comment: Coined by me.

The adverbial form is synletitiously.

See also frubbilicious, frubbly, poing.

synthetic family:

See S-group.

syzygos (Greek):

1. A wife.

2. A companion; a partner; a person with whom one is metaphorically yoked.

3. In Gnosticism, one of two paired aeons in the pleroma.

See also companion, partner, syzygy, wife.

x Greek terms.

syzygy:

A united pair; two actually or metaphorically yoked together.

See also azygophrenia, couple, dyad, syzygos, "unequally yoked," yoked.

Go to report: The Theory of Human Sexuality and Marriage.

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Begun, March 16, 1999; posted, July 26, 2002; new url, January 28, 2004; last modified, November 19, 2009, by NEA