Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

T - U

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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taab:

See abomination.

taboo or tabu:

An irrationally founded societal aversion; a cultural ban based on custom or religion rather than practical reason.

Comment: This is a loan-word from Tongan.

See ethical relativism, mores, sexual taboo.

x Tongan terms.

Tahitian terms:

See taio.

tail-femme:

A married woman who is open to engaging in sexual activity with people other than her husband.

See also adulteress, femme galante, hotwife, Messalina, slut, slut wife, sotah.

taio (Tahitian):

1. A formal friendship between people not related by ancestry, a friendship that involves the sharing of everything, in some cases even of sex partners.

2. A best friend and protector with whom everything is shared, in some cases including sex partners; a formally bonded companion.

Comment: The term comes from the Maohi, the indigenous people of French Polynesia.

A taio relationship may be male-male, female-female, male-female.

Engraving and Quotation from the National Library of Australia Illustrating "Taio"
The above is a pictorial illustration of a taio bonding ceremony, from the acquatint engraving by Francesco Bartolozzi (1727-1815), commissioned by the London Missionary Society and published during or around the 1790s in London for the Society's benefit by W. Jeffryes, from an earlier painting by Robert Smirke (1752-1845). The picture is entitled: "The cession of the district of Matavai in the island of Otaheite to Captain James Wilson for the use of the missionaries." Captain Wilson's dates were 1759 or 60 to 1814. The description by the National Library of Australia reads: "The image depicts high ranking Maohi, including a young paramount kin title-holder and a high ranking woman seated on the shoulders of attendants. The bodies of kin-title holders and their close relatives were so sacred that by walking to the meeting with Wilson's party they would have rendered tapu all the land they journeyed through. "Two men and a woman appear with the upper halves of their bodies uncovered, signifying the chiefs of the Matavai district's establishing Taio with the missionaries. The gesture is reciprocated by a young man in Wilson's party."
Reproduced by permission, 2004. The NLA's file name for the picture is: nla.pic-an9129636-v.jpeg

See also angutawkun, friend, friendship, mbuya, nangsaegaek, waighembe.

x Tahitian terms.

x tayo.

x tiyo.

x tyo.

Quotation from Captain James Cook Illustrating "Tiyo" ("Taio")
... as soon as we landed we were conducted to Otoo who [sic] we found seated on the ground under the shade of a tree with a crowd of People round him. After the first salutation was over I made him a present of such things as were in most esteem with them with which he seem'd well pleased, I likewise made presents to several of his attendance [sic] and was offer'd in return a large quantity of Cloth which I refused giving them to understand that what I had given was for Tiyo (friendship) ...
From the entry for Thursday, August 26, 1773, Tahiti, in: The Journals of Captain Cook, prepared from the original manuscripts by J. C. Beaglehole for the Hakluyt Society, 1955-67; selected and edited by Philip Edwards (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1999): pp. 284-285; cf. 285 (August 27, "Tiyo"), 291 (September 4, Huahine, "Tyo or friendship"), 298 (September 17, Raiatea, "Tyo"), 346 (April 26, 1774, Tahiti, "Tiyo"; editorial footnote: "Taio"), 488 (July 12, 1777, Eua, "Tayo"), 494 (August 12, 1777, Tahiti, "Tyo's"). Notice Cook's remark in his entry for Monday, September 6, 1773, Huahine (p. 293): "Friendship is Sacred with these people." For exchange of names as part of taio, see p. 494; cf. pp. 295, 303, 607.

take:

1. To marry (someone); to accept (a particular person) formally as one's spouse.

2. To have sexual intercourse with.

Comment: The term is common in various phrases pertaining to marriage and relationships, for instance:

• "He took her as his wife" (the pattern of the phrase being, "take as one's spouse");
• "They took each other in marriage" ("take in marriage"); and,
• "She took a lover" ("take a lover").

To some the word is suggestive of possession, yet it is so basic and so varied in its range of meaning (only senses within or impinging on the scope being shown here) that it might well be regarded as an overreaction if offense is taken on that score, unless the suggestion is made explicit.

See also consort with, ho'owahine, make love to, marry, mate, stud, wed.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Takes"
[Mr Bennet]: 'I mean, that no man in his senses, would marry Lydia [Mr Bennet's daughter] on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year during my life, and fifty after I am gone.' 'That is very true,' said Elizabeth [Bennet]; 'though it had not occurred to me before. His [Wickham's] debts to be discharged, and something still to remain! Oh! it must be my uncle's doings! Generous, good man, I am afraid he has distressed himself. A small sum could not do all this.' 'No,' said her father, 'Wickham's a fool, if he takes her with a farthing less than ten thousand pounds...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 49, p. 378. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

take a cold shower:

1. To expose one's body to a stream of chilly water droplets.

2. As a figurative expression: To cool off sexually, that is, to pull back and try to make one's sexual arousal abate, perhaps even by responding to the expression literally, that is, by exposing one's body to chilly water.

Comment: A dash of cold water can be distracting, and sometimes the figurative expression is meant to imply that one distract oneself; but other times the expression is meant to imply that one bring about, on one's own, detumescence of erectile tissues, for instance, by the ascetical means of employing cold water. Less ascetical means are often a more likely course of action in response and, in some cases, may even be necessary in order to avoid or relieve blue balls, but this expression pretends not to take note of such means.

See also blue balls, lover's nut.

x cold shower.

x go take a cold shower.

take a shine to:

To become fond of, especially all at once.

See also admire, dote, fancy, fond of, incandescence, like, shine.

take (it) to the next level:

To agree to move a relationship to the next natural stage of progression -- for instance, from dating to going steady -- or to whatever the partners think would make the next step in their progression together.

See also advance (a) relationship, move (a) relationship forward, relationship.

x level.

x next level.

take (one's) breath away:

A figurative expression for the surprising or stunning or amazingly pleasing effect upon oneself that another person has, due, for instance, to that person's attractiveness or attentions or to romantic love in its early stages or to the connection one feels with that person or to the happiness that person has brought to one's life.

See also attentions, attract, connection, make (a person) fall in love with, proceptive phase, romantic love.

take seconds:

1. To have intimate contact with a person of a sort, be it only a romantic kiss, which that person has already had with one or more other persons.

2. To engage in sexual activity with a person who has just engaged in sexual activity with another person.

3. To date someone who is only one or two steps romantically removed from a person one is currently dating, for instance, from the standpoint of a woman, her old boyfriend's current girlfriend's old boyfriend.

Comment: The term is often used with a negative connotation, unless a waiver is made, as in, "I don't mind taking seconds."

See also cycling, incest, sexual connection, sexual network, sloppy seconds.

x seconds.

take the dottle-trot:

To court, said of a man advanced in age.

Comment: Also spelled, in Scots, "tak the dottle-trot."

Related to "dawdle"?

See also court, December-December romance, gerontogamy, late-life romance, mature person, old man, opsigamy, woo.

x dottle-trot.

x tak the dottle-trot.

take the giggle-trot:

To wed, said of a woman advanced in age.

Comment: Also spelled, in Scots, "tak the giggle-trot."

"Giggle" is a dialectical variant of "jiggle."

See also anilogamy, December-December romance, late-life romance, marry, mature person, old lady, opsigamy, wed.

x giggle-trot.

x tak the giggle-trot.

take the plunge:

To undergo, by choice, a major change in one's life, especially:

1. To get married.

2. To become engaged.

3. To begin to live with someone.

Comment: The metaphor is one of diving into water.

Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also become engaged, living together, marry, wed.

x plunge.

taking a hike:

See hiking the Appalachain Trail.

tak the dottle-trot:

See take the dottle-trot.

tak the giggle-trot:

See take the giggle-trot.

talak (Arabic):

A husband's freeing of himself from a wife; a man's repudiation of his wife; divorce (q.v.), especially as considered under Islamic law.

See also nikah.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

talk:

See baby talk, easy talk, intimate talk, pillow talk, sweet talk.

tali-kettu-kalyanam (Hindi?):

A mock wedding ceremony for a pre-pubescent girl among the Nayar of the Malabar region of India, a ceremony which was traditionally a rite of passage (a samskara) for Nayar girls and which served as a prerequisite for marriage or, more specifically, for sambandham. One element of the four-day ceremony was the tying of a small plate of gold, a tali, around the girl's neck.

Comments: I've borrowed the "mock ... ceremony" part of the definition from Edward Westermarck. However, that would be as seen from another culture. Among the Nayars, the rite was serious and had life-changing consequences.

Westermarck speculated that this rite was "a relic of ... pre-nuptial defloration."

Reference
The History of Human Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (5th ed., rewritten. Bew York: Allerton Book Co., 1922): chapter 5, v. 1, p. 184.

See also manwalan, mock wedding, sambandham.

tall/short couple:

See short/tall couple.

tally-man:

A male who keeps a mistress.

See also live tally, lover, tally-woman.

tally-woman:

A mistress (q.v.).

See also live tally, lover, tally-man.

tangled hearts:

A complicated, inter-related set of affections and other emotions, involving at least two but especially three or more persons.

See also heart, love tangle.

Tantrism:

Besides the out-of-scope note under "libertinism," see also chakra puja, choli marg, misracara, panchamakara.

Tao of Steve:

"The way of Steve McQueen and other cool Steves," that is, the way to attract women like cool men do, men who never try to impress a woman but who generally get the girl, like the actor Steve McQueen and the TV characters Steve McGarett (in "Hawaii Five-O," which ran from 1968-1980) and Steve Austin (in "The Six Million Dollar Man," which ran from 1973-1978).

Comments: In the movie, "The Tao of Steve," which was written by Duncan North, Greer Goodman, and Jenniphr Goodman and directed by Jenniphr Goodman (2000), this "way," per the main character, Dex (played by Donal Logue), consists of three steps:

• have no agenda with a woman one is attempting to attract and do this by eliminating desire;
  
• be excellent at something in her presence, in order to demonstrate one's sexual worthiness;
• then retreat.
  

In the movie, this "way" proved to have its limitations.

See also code, counter-Rules, ladder theory, love-feat, loveworthy, play hard to get, Rules Girl.

tapicciga (Eskimo-Aleut):

"Doubler"; a woman with two husbands simultaneously.

Source: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 251.

See also nuliinuaroak, polyandry.

x Eskimo terms.

target:

1. A person one is trying to pick up (q.v.).

2. A person with whom one has chosen to flirt.

Contrast flirt (q.v.) and pick-up artist (q.v.). See also conquest, e-flirtee, pickup, prospect.

tart:

1. A woman who is alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted.

2. A woman who is dressed in a flashy and sexually provocative manner.

3. A sexually promiscuous woman.

4. A prostitute.

See also bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, giglet, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, seductress, she-wolf, slut, tart noir, tart party, tramp, vicars and tarts party, wanton woman; blowen, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, squaw, tottie, whore.

tart noir:

1. A dark, moody story about an alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted woman.

2. The literary genre comprised of such stories.

Comment: "Noir" is French for "black."

See also femme fatale, tart.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: film noir, gothic, melodramatic noirs, menaced women noirs, série noir.

x French terms.

x stories.

tart party or tarts' party:

A social gathering initiated by a group of women, especially promiscuous women, for the purpose of meeting desirable men.

Comment: The term is often used with strong sexual overtones. For some participants in some tart parties the point is to have one or more sexual encounters during or immediately following the party.

See also cupcake party, hen party, open party, sex party, tart, tutting party, vicars and tarts party.

x party.

tayo:

See taio.

team social:

A gathering intended for fun and casual interaction between members of one or more organized groups of players being fielded, sometimes inclusive of guests.

See also crewdate, formal swap, goukon, group dating.

x social.

teepee seduction:

See tepee seduction.

 

telegamist:

A practitioner of telegamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.

telegamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by telegamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.

telegamy:

Distance marriage.

See also commuter marriage, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, duolocal residence, e-mail marriage, -gamy, long-distance relationship, online relationship, telegamist, telegamous.

Quotation from John Bayley on Telegamy
Not that we ever practiced the opposite way of life, not uncommon in academe, which a philosophical friend of Iris [Murdoch] defined by coining the word telegamy. Telegamy, marriage at a distance, works well for some people, who prefer to remain an independent part of an entity. It may sharpen their satisfaction in time spent together, as well as being of practical convenience if careers are to be pursued in places far apart.
From: Elegy for Iris, [by] John Bayley (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1999): p. 127

telegony:

The alleged transmission of one's traits to a child, though one is not the father, by virtue of having previously impregnated the mother or simply by virtue of having previously had sexual intercourse with her. That telegony occurs among humans is, of course, a myth.

See also monospermy, partible paternity, previous-sire myth.

x myths.

telephone sex partner:

See phone sex partner.

tell all:

1. To expose in an uncensored (but not necessarily tactless) manner the aspects of one's life, such as secrets about one's past or embarrassing thoughts and feelings, that are relevant to a given discourse.

2. To recount the full story, inclusive of details that, for reasons of delicacy, might otherwise be omitted.

3. To reveal lovers and other love-life or sex-life details.

Comment: Often turned into an adjective, as in "a tell-all biography."

See also absolute code; ask-and-tell eroticism; don't ask, don't tell; erotic journal; kiss and tell; love life; romantic resumé; sex life; use sex as a weapon.

template (for a lover):

Psychologically developed mental imagery that influences whom one chooses as a love interest; a psychological overlay, possibly one of several operational in one's psyche, by which people are measured as desirable or not to be one's love-relationship partner; an imprint in the mind as to what one is looking for in a mate.

See also bad boy syndrome, chemistry, Dirty Harry syndrome, dream date, fantasy life, genicon, human beauty, ideal, lovemap, lover, man of (one's) dreams, Marilyn syndrome, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, mystery, native lovemap, objectify, one, one true love, perfect catch, person of (one's) dreams, sexual desire, sexual imprinting, sexuality, soul mate, type, wired, woman of (one's) dreams.

temple de l'amour (French):

See temple of love.

temple of love:

1. The sacred precincts, especially the key enclosed portion, devoted to the worship of a god or goddess prominently associated with love (q.v.). Sometimes the word "love" is even substituted for the divine name. For instance, occasionally the Greek phrase hiron Aphroditês, literally "temple of Aphrodite," is translated as "temple of love," as at Herodotus, Histories 1.199.1 (where, by the way, Aphrodite stands for Ishtar, the Babylonian goddess of love).

2. A structure built in honor of the god Cupid, Cupid representing romantic love, or in honor of romantic love directly. If a particular structure, then capitalized. Perhaps the most famous of modern times that honors Cupid is the Temple de l'Amour at Versailles, Paris, France, which was designed by Richard Mique and built circa 1775, and which shelters a sculpture of Cupid by Edme Bouchardon. An example of a structure that honors romantic love directly is the Rakkauden Temppeli in Kontula, Finland, which was designed by Bjarne Lönnroos and unveiled in 2003.

3. An edifice built in honor of a love relationship or in memory of a beloved, most notably the Taj Mahal (Persian for "Crown Palace"), built in Agra, India between 1631 and 1654 by the Muslim Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan as a mausoleum for his favourite wife, Arjumand Bano Begum, who is also known as Mumtaz Mahal ("First Lady of the Palace").

4. A pavilion or some similar structure, generally of neoclassical design, where weddings are performed. If a particular structure, then capitalized.

5. A building that serves as a trysting place for lovers.

6. A euphemism for a brothel or an establishment that caters to sexual activity.

7. A metaphor for a bond between lovers that is considered sacred, a bond which is generally understood to encompass the lovers, including the full reach of their hearts and minds.

8. A metaphor for either a person's body or the bodies of a group of persons, in either case serving as the object of one's sexual devotion -- this sometimes by sacred or profane analogy to 1 Corinthians 6:19, which refers to a particular collective body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.

9. Capitalized, a new religious movement, founded circa 2005, which is dedicated to world peace and to saving the environment.

Comments: German has a one word form for "temple of love": Liebestempel.

Beware "temple of love" as a misspelling for "temple of Jove."

See also Cupid's golden arrow, honeymoon cottage, love-nest, love shack, petite maison, sex god, sex goddess, tryst.

x Bible.

x Finnish terms.

x French terms.

x German terms.

x Greek terms.

x hieron Aprhroditês.

x hiron Aphroditês.

x ^hieron Aphroditês.

x ^hiron Aphroditês.

x Liebestempel.

x love temple.

x rakkauden temppeli.

x temple de l'amour.

The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park
The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park, Cincinnati, Ohio. This is a mid-nineteenth century domed pavilion where weddings are often held. Source: Web site of the City of Cincinnati, Parks Department. A similar structure, also used for weddings, can be found in the Larz Anderson Park in Brookline, Massachusetts.

temporary marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) not intended to last a lifetime; a conjugal union of intentionally limited duration.

See also broomstick-marriage, companionate marriage, contract marriage, contubernal, mut'a, pairing family, short term relationship, starter marriage, syndyasmian family, trial marriage.

temporary wife; plural, temporary wives:

A woman who takes care of a man, including his sexual appetite, for a limited duration, as in the case of sex hospitality.

See also sex hospitality, wife.

Quotation from Hebert Spencer Illustrating "Temporary Wives"
Various of the uncivilized and semi-civilized display hospitality by furnishing guests with temporary wives.
From: The Principles of Sociology, by Herbert Spencer. Vol. I-2 (New York: D. Appleton, 1896): §280, p. 616. Originally published 1876.

Ten Commandments:

See Seventh Commandment, Tenth Commandment.

tenderness:

1. Kind affection, especially of the sort that allows for a degree of intimacy, for instance, affection on the part of a parent towards a child or of a lover towards a beloved.

2. Affectionate kindness; empathetic, sympathetic, gentle, or forgiving treatment.

3. The realm comprised of romantic feelings and of the gentle behavior that flows from them.

4. The quality that inclines a person to love and to behave in a loving manner.

5. Extra vulnerability to being hurt, having already sustained a wound, whether one is speaking of flesh or of the emotions.

Comment: The French equivalent, tendresse, had special romantic significance in the French salons of the 17th and 18th centuries.

See also affection, carte de tendre, feeling for, gentle heart, love, public display of affection, sentiment.

x French terms.

x tendresse.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Tenderness"

... we have naturally a wonderful tenderness for that beautiful part of the human species called the fair sex ...

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, p. 30. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Tenderness"
... all, all declared that he [Captain Wentworth] had a heart returning to her [Anne Elliot] at least; that anger, resentment, avoidance, were no more; and that they were succeeded, not merely by friendship and regard, but by the tenderness of the past. Yes, some share of the tenderness of the past. She could not contemplate the change as implying less. He must love her.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 20, pp. 222, 224. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Kenneth Grahame Illustrating "Tenderness"
[Regarding the gaoler's daughter] Toad, of course, in his vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded from a growing tenderness; and he could not help half regretting that the social gulf between them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass, and evidently admired him very much.
From the tale: The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame; illustrations by Arthur Rackham; introduction by A.A. Milne (New York: Heritage Press, 1944; Imprint: The Heritage Illustrated Bookshelf): chapter 8, p. 108. Text originally published: London: Methuen, 1908.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Tenderness"
[Regarding Rupert Birkin] Then a hot passion of tenderness for her [Ursula Brangwen] filled his heart. He stood up and looked into her face. It was new, and oh, so delicate in its luminous wonder and fear. He put his arms round her, and she hid her face on his shoulder.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 302. Cf. chapter 24, p. 339. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Tenderness"
Georgene, from her first glimpse a year ago at the Appleby's party, of this prissy queenly newcomer, had disliked her; when Foxy stole Piet from her this dislike became hatred, with its implication of respect. But with the younger woman at her mercy Georgene allowed herself tenderness. She saw in Foxy a woman destined to dare and to suffer, a younger sister spared any compulsion to settle cheap, whose very mistakes were obscurely enviable. She was impressed with Foxy's dignity. Foxy did not deny that in this painful interregnum she needed help and company, nor did she attempt to twist Goergene's providing it into an occasion for protestation, or scorn, or confession, or self-contempt.
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 381.

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Tenderness"
Staring at the two pages to which he [Charles Harcourt] had opened the book, he sought the tenderness -- the old, old tenderness he'd felt for Eloise all the years ago. Not the self-pity, not the sorrow or the bereavement, not the bitterness, but the tenderness, the upwelling of the sense of love. But he could not find the tenderness; it had faded, he thought, too far into time.
From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 31.

tendresse (French):

See tenderness.

tennis widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to the sport of tennis, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

See also cyber widow, fishing widow, golf widow, media widow, sports widow, spouse, widow.

Tenth Commandment:

In the biblical account, the last of the ten divine imperatives delivered to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Israelites. For English translation, see the following chart.

The Tenth Commandment (King James Version = Authorized Version)
Exodus 20:17 = 20:14 in some editions	Deuteronomy 5:21 = 5:18 in some editions
Thou shalt not covet1 thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet1 thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.	Neither shalt thou desire1 thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet2 thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's.
1 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is chamad and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.
2 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is avah and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.

Comments: In the enumeration of some traditions, the Commandment as represented above is broken into two, so that the Ninth Commandment becomes: "Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife." (For lexical illustration, see under "Seventh Commandment." By the way, regarding the number Ten, see Exodus 34:28 and Deuteronomy 4:13; 10:4.)

It should not be automatically assumed that an organizing principle of the Commandment is property and that therefore a man's wife was regarded as his property. The chief organizing principle was the will to gain possession, thereby, if brought to fruition, permanently or protractedly depriving another of that which is rightfully within his personal sphere. In the case of a neighbor's wife, that meant, as a byproduct, treating her as property. In other words, the Commandment has the effect of prohibiting the very wife-as-possession principle some say it embodies.

Note that each item or pair or cluster of items mentioned has its own standing:

• In Exodus: shelter; human beings, including marital partner and slaves; farm animals; other.
• In Deuteronomy: marital partner; shelter and means of making a living; slaves; farm animals; other.

Among the issues raised by this Commandment:

• Was it only for Israelites?
• If universal (as the Apostle Paul seems to suppose in Romans 13:9), on what basis?
• Who is one's neighbor?
• And what precisely does coveting mean or, if precision is improper, what "fence around the law" is to be erected to be sure the command is not violated?

For sayings of Jesus relevant to this Commandment, see especially Matthew 5:28 and Luke 10:29-37.

See also "All's fair ...," apodictic law, ex-husband envy, ex-wife envy, Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, law of love, love commandment, lust, moral code, moral law, moral precept, Seventh Commandment, sexual immorality, sexual sin, steal.

x commandment.

x covet thy neighbor's wife.

x neighbor's wife.

x Ninth Commandment.

x Ten Commandments.

x thy neighbor's wife.

Quotation from The Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647) Illustrating "Tenth Commandment"
Ques. 79. Which is the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment is, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's. Ques. 80. What is required in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment requireth full contentment with our own condition, with a right and charitable frame of spirit toward our neighbor, and all that is his. Ques. 81. What is forbidden in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment forbiddeth all discontentment with our own estate, envying or grieving at the good of our neighbor, and all inordinate motions or affections to any thing that is his.
The edition being quoted from here is that found in: Bibliotheca Symbolica Ecclesiæ Universalis = The Creeds of Christendom, with a History and Critical Notes, by Philp Schaff. Volume III, The Evangelical Protestant Creeds, with Translations (4th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Harper, c1919): pp. 676-704, specifically pp. 693-694.

tepee seduction, or teepee seduction, or tipi seduction:

1. In reference to certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents, the taking of a captive, especially a white captive, as a mate.

2. Seduction (q.v.) more generally among certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents.

See also sannup, squaw.

x teepee seduction.

x tipi seduction.

Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "Tepee Seductions"
Even after Ottowa surrendered his problematic pal [Fanny Kelly] to the U.S. government, however, Kelly's trials didn't cease: an anxious nation could hardly wait for a woman "ravaged" by savages to spill the sordid details of her five-month ordeal [in Wyoming in 1864]. Those who hoped to hear tales of titillating tepee seductions were no doubt disappointed by her declaration that she had never "suffered from any of [the Sioux] the slightest personal or unchaste insult." Nevertheless, Ottowa's opportunistic ex-prisoner didn't shrink from embellishing her best-selling Narrative of My Captivity Among the Sioux Indians with a few highly picaresque particulars ...
From: "Fanny Kelly (1845-?): Brave Survivor," in: Wild Women: Crusaders, Curmudgeons and Completely Corsetless Ladies in the Otherwise Virtuous Victorian Era, [by] Autumn Stephens (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, c1992): pp. 108-109, specifically p. 109.

term of affection:

See term of endearment.

term of endearment:

An affectionate word by which one calls a person to whom one is close, with whom one is intimate, or, especially, with whom one is in a love relationship.

Comment: Of course, any term of endearment is susceptible to use in mockery or sarcasm. Also some terms of endearment are commonly used for affected familiarity, as in, "May I take your order, honey?"

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, bloss, chou, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, dulcinea, galapropism, hoe, homey, honey, honeybunch, husby, jaina, kitten, lech, love (as in "my sweet love"), lovekin, lover, loverboy, lovey, pet name, pigsney, re-naming, shmoopy, slut, snookiebear, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, toots, valentine, wonder-wench.

x affectionate term.

x term of affection.

terms other than marriage:

See other terms than marriage.

tertiary partner:

A partner (q.v.) in a tertiary relationship (q.v.).

See also bimbo, boytoy, girl toy, insignificant other, once-in-a-while lover, pash, polyamorist, primary partner, secondary partner, stand-by man, stand-by woman, toy boy.

tertiary relationship:

Of three levels of love relationship (q.v.) that an individual might have -- primary, secondary, and tertiary -- the level entailing the least degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors (see under "relationship levels").

See also alternate relationship geometries, casual relationship, comet, dalliance, erotic friendship, lovestyle, primary relationship, secondary relationship, short-term relationship, tertiary partner.

testalgia:

See under "blue balls."

tests:

See maternity test, paternity test.

test-tube baby:

A child conceived by way of in vitro fertilization (IVF) -- that is, outside the mother's body -- a procedure which has been used with success in some infertility cases since July 25, 1978.

Comment: "In vitro" is Latin for "in glass," however, neither glass nor test tubes are used.

See also artificial insemination, baby, snowflake baby, sperm donor, surrogate mother.

tetrad:

A love relationship comprised of four partners; a quad (q.v.).

See also alternate relationship geometries, double love triangle, dyad, four-cornered marriage, foursome, hexad, letter group (T, Z, pi), pentad, polygon, triad, triamory.

texting sexy messages and photos:

See sexting.

text messaging relationship:

1. A relationship (q.v.) that is maintained largely or wholly by way of the exchange of instantly relayed typed missives.

2. The part of a relationship that is characterized by the exchange of instantly relayed typed missives.

See also cyber relationship, instant messaging, Internet affair, love at first text message, online relationship, sexting, virtual affair.

thelyphthoric:

Characterized by the ruining or corrupting of females.

Comment: From Greek thêlus ("female") + phthora ("ruin").

An example: This is the story of a thelyphthoric character, a corrupter of women, who was a rake and a cad, until the day he met a señorita who bested him at his own game.

See also ruin, seduction.

theogamist:

A person who perceives or claims to perceive divinity in his or her spouse.

See also theogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.

theogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by theogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.

theogamy:

1. A marriage between gods.

2. A marriage in which the partners recognize or claim to recognize divinity in each other.

See also carte blanche, -gamy, hierogamy, Oholah and Oholibah, sacred sex, sex god, sex goddess, theogamist, theogamous, theology of romantic love.

theologian of romantic love:

1. A thinker who relates sexual love to the divine and who elaborates upon that relation.

2. A reference to the English theologian and author, Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also poet of love, priest of love, prophet of love, romantic love, theology of romantic love.

theology of marriage:

1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon marriage (q.v.), typically covering its definition, its origins, its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any -- often any or all of this analyzed in terms of scope of applicability -- for instance, universal, particular to a group, or more specific -- and in terms of adaptability from one culture to another, one time to another, and one circumstance to another.

2. The discipline concerned with such.

See also belief in marriage, believe in marriage, biblical sexual morality, Lilith, public character of sex, romantic theology, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, theology of romantic love.

theology of romantic love:

1. Any set of ideas regarding the relation of sexual love to the divine.

2. Use of the figure of the beloved Beatrice as a way to God in the writings of Dante Alighieri (1265-1321).

3. Any set of ideas that uses Dante's figure of Beatrice as a touchstone for exploring the relation of sexual love to the divine, most notably the romantic theology of Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also belief in love, Dante Alighieri syndrome, divine form, forma divina, romantic love, romantic theology, salutation of Beatrice, sexosophy, sexual love, spiritual polyamory, theogamy, theology of marriage, theology of sex, vision of romantic love.

theology of sex:

1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon sexuality, especially human sexuality, typically covering its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any.

2. The discipline concerned with such.

See also biblical sexual morality, public character of sex, romantic theology, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, theology of romantic love.

theories:

See boy-next-door theory, erotic deontology, double-deprivation theory, erotogenesis of religion, girl-next-door theory, "goose and gander" theory, group complexity theory, ladder theory, Madonna-whore complex, Metuchen theory, monogenism, nearest donut theory, polygenism, relationalism, "shock" theory of marriage, spiritual wife, theory of complementary needs in mate selection, triangular theory of love, Westermarck hypothesis, worlds theory.

theory of complementary needs in mate-selection (Robert F. Winch, 1954):

The idea that people tend to seek, among potential mates, those with the greatest promise of providing need-gratification. To this is added the hypothesis that the most successful marriages are those in which need-gratification is complementary, whatever those needs are.

See also mate selection, myth of togetherness, togetherness.

x complementary needs.

x theories.

Theotokos:

See Virgin Mary.

therapy:

See couples therapy, family therapy, marital therapy, relationship therapy.

thief of love:

1. Whatever it might be that causes affection or the expression of affection to cease.

2. A person who is responsible for causing someone to cease showing affection to another, typically, in part, by redirecting shows of affection to him or herself.

3. A beloved who co-opts prior romantic affections.

4. A person who tricks another into marrying or otherwise having a romantic relationship with him or her.

5. A person who uses sex to build up his or her own self-esteem at the expense of another.

6. Any addictive narcotic, as sometimes referred to by street addicts, because "you'll sell your soul for dope."

See also alienation of affections, couple-buster, homewrecker, kill the feeling for each other, love, mate-poacher, steal.

x love thief.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Thief of Love"
LYSANDER. Ay, by my life; And never did desire to see thee more. Therefore be out of hope, of question, doubt; Be certain, nothing truer; 'tis no jest That I do hate thee, and love Helena. HERMIA [to Helena]. O me! -- you juggler! you canker-blossom! You thief of love! what, have you come by night And stol'n my love's heart from him?
From: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, Scene 2, lines 277-284. Notice also his Sonnet 40.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Thief of Love"
If you believe that you can use sex to shore up your fragile self-esteem by stealing someone else's, we feel sorry for you, because this will never work to build a solid sense of self worth, and you will have to go on stealing more and more and never getting fulfilled. And we hope you play the thief of love in some other circles than our own.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 86.

thing:

1. A general term used to designate any object or act, especially when a more precise term for it is not immediately forthcoming.

2. A connection, romance, love relationship, or affair, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of what is going on.

3. Attraction, lust, or love, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of the feelings involved.

4. A sexual euphemism or, more precisely, avoidance word, used when not wishing to utter a more explicit term -- in this way perhaps most commonly used for the penis, but it might refer, for instance, to a type of sexual act, a sexual contraption, or a contraceptive device.

See also affair, affection, attraction, connection, have a thing for, it, love, love relationship, lust, romance, third thing.

thing for:

See have a thing for.

third party:

1. Person number three.

2. An extra person in addition to a couple.

3. The last person added to a threesome.

Comment: In the second sense, the term often connotes a degree of awkwardness, awkwardness of the sort that sometimes elicits the expression, "Three's a crowd."

See also biamory, bi-trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, ménage à trois, third wheel, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee.

third thing:

Love (q.v.).

See also thing.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Third Thing"
[164] "Remember, child," said her mother [Lydia Brangwen, formerly Lensky], "that everything is not waiting for your hand just to take or leave. You mustn't expect it. Between two people, the love itself is the important thing, and that is neither you nor him. It is a third thing [165] you must create. You mustn't expect it to be just your way."
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 6, pp. 164-165.

third way in sexual ethics:

1. Rather than, on the one hand, an acceptance of authoritarian prohibitions and injunctions regarding sexuality thought to have divine origin in a distant past and, on the other hand, an absence of behavioral restraint with regard to sexuality, an approach to sexual morality that emphasizes both reasons, especially reasons that take the best scientific findings fully into account, and values, such as the value of caring for and about others and the value of developing inner fiber.

2. A recovery of the rationale thought to underlie scriptural prohibitions and injunctions and the adapted application of the principles used in that rationale to the radically changed situation of the present.

3. An attempt at a rapprochement of all worthy values with regard to sexual behavior.

See also consexuality, erotic deontology, ethics, hot and cool sex, moral code, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, Three Ways, traditional morality, via tertia.

third wheel:

1. Someone, especially but by no means necessarily in a group of three, who feels unnecessay or ignored or out of place or like a drag on the others; the odd person out.

2. A person who is largely left out while the couple he or she is accompanying socialize together or make love.

3. A person who has an inhibiting effect upon a couple whose company he or she is keeping.

See also chaperon, cockblocker, fifth wheel, mixoscopia, third party.

thong of Aphrodite:

See Aphrodite's girdle.

three-cornered establishment:

A couple plus a lover of one or both, or else three lovers at least one of whom is involved with the other two -- either way, especially if living together.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, four-cornered marriage, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee, we of me.

three-date rule:

A guideline employed among some social groups as to either how long to delay or (in some views) how long it is okay to delay physical intimacy with a prospective partner -- namely, until the third date (q.v.).

Comments: For some, that means "the third date at least." For others, it means that if there is no physical intimacy by the third date, there never is likely to be.

The rule serves several functions:

• It establishes a measure of respectfulness, especially on the part of a male.
  
• It allows for a period of becoming acquainted with a person in a way that is not at first dominated by physicality.
• It allows for a measure of wooing.
  
• It pays temporary service to the conventional assumptions that a person, especially a woman, should appear hard to get, not appear desperate, and not appear slutty.
• It provides a prompt for an exploration of each other's expectations with regard to physical intimacy.
• In the larger scheme of things, it serves as a protocol where traditional sexual morality is largely ignored.
  

x rules.

three-day rule:

The informal guideline of roughly thirty-six hours as the minimal waiting period for a man to call a woman after obtaining her phone number, so as not to appear desperate.

See also rules of love, sexual etiquette, sexual mores, three-date rule.

x rules.

threesome:

1. A triangle (q.v. in the first sense).

2. A vee (q.v.).

3. Three people engaging in sexual activity together.

4. A group of three people together.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, Dreiheit, eternal triangle, foursome, French arrangement, group sex, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, moresome, oot, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, triad, troika, troilism, twosome.

Three Ways:

1. Key streams of thought in Western civilization that have led to the conclusion that it is okay to have more than one love relationship at the same time entailing sexual relations -- okay at least if certain conditions are met.

2. Main paths some observant Jews and Christians take that lead to their conclusion that at least some homosexual behavior is not sinful:

• Close examination of the relevant biblical texts, which, in some analyses, show them to be either about something else, restricted in scope, positive about homosexual love, or ambiguous.
• An appeal to the general thrust of the Bible as a document of and pointing to liberation, love, and compassion, the bits that seem to prohibit homosexual practices being written off as obsolete. In some Christian theology, this approach is sometimes cast in part as gospel superseding law.
  
• An appeal to conscience, even if the Bible is regarded as condemning all homosexual behavior -- the idea being that conscience would not allow one to participate in the marginalization and condemnation of individuals because of whom they are naturally drawn to and love and engage in intimate relationships with, so long as the parties are consenting and either peers or of age.
  

Comment: Coined as a formulaic phrase by me, August 20, 2009; however it has obviously been used before. The first sense is adapted from Aldous Huxley; the second sense I have constructed.

See also erotic deontology, homosexuality, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, polyamory, polygamy, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, third way in sexual ethics, via tertia.

x Bible.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Three Ways"
Here are three ways of asserting a predeliction for polygamy. The differences between them are significant. Shelley's way is the way of the revolutionary romantic. "I never was attached," he says, "to that great sect whose doctrine is," briefly, monogamy. It is a declaration of personal non-conformity to an unpleasant religious superstition -- for that is what the word "sect" implies monogamy to be. A Superstition which no man of good sense and decent feeling can accept.... Milton does not dare to be unorthodox on his own responsibility. He feels it necessary to prove by irrefutable argument that he is right and that those who call themselves orthodox are wrong. Hence these texts from the Bible [2 Samuel 12:8 and others]. For the Bible is, by definition, always right. Milton accepts | its authority.... Milton bows to the authority of the Bible, but only in order to prove that his own taste for polygamy is also Jehovah's taste. Blake occupies an intermediate position between Milton and Shelley. He has not lost the habit of justifying personal predelictions in terms of mythology. But whereas Milton has to do all his justifying in terms of existing myths, Blake feels himself free to invent new ones for himself. Milton's desire for more than one woman at a time is legitimate because Solomon kept a barrackful of concubines; Blake's because Oothoon offers to provide her spouse with "girls of mild silver, or of furious gold." The substitution of Golgonooza for Jerusalem is the substitution of a private for a public myth. Individualism and subjectivism have triumphed ...
From the commentary portion of "Polygamy," in: Texts & Pretexts: An Anthology with Commentaries, by Aldous Huxley (5th ed. New York: Harper, c1933): pp. 130-137, specifically 133-134. Huxley's description is somewhat cynical, in that it explains argument and stance by personal predeliction. The texts referred to are: Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Passages of the Poem, or Connected Therewith"; in some editions entitled, "Lines Connected with Epipsychidion"(1839; 2nd ed., 1862): lines 6-16; plus "Epipsychidion" (1821): lines 160-189. John Milton, The Christian Doctrine, translated by Charles R. Sumner from De Doctrina Christiana (1825; writing completed circa 1660): extracts from chapter 10. William Blake, "Visions of the Daughters of Albion" (1793): plate 7, lines 17-29.

three-way sex:

Three people engaging in sexual activity together.

See also bi-trio, group sex, ménage à trois, oot, trisexual, troilism.

throw oneself on the grenade:

See jump the grenade.

throw over:

1. To dispense with, for instance, with a love relationship .

2. To break off, for instance, with a lover.

See also bad breaker-upper, break up, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, give the mitten, jilt, leave, let go, sack, separate, split up, uncouple, walk out.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Throw ... Over"
[Miss Minette Darrington regarding Julius Halliday] "He made me go and live with him, and now he wants to throw me over. And yet he won't let me go to anybody else. He wants me to live hidden in the country. And then he says I persecute him, that he can't get rid of me." [snip] "... And now I'm going to have a baby, he wants to give me a hundred pounds and send me into the country, so that he would never see me nor hear of me again. But I'm not going to do it, after ----"
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 6, pp. 60-61. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

thygatrogamist, or thugatrogamist:

1. A man who marries or has married his daughter.

2. An advocate or supporter of thugatrogamy (q.v.).

Coined by me.

thygatrogamous, or thugatrogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by the marriage of a man to his daughter.

Coined by me.

See also thugatrogamy.

thygatrogamy, or thugatrogamy (neologism, NEA):

1. Marriage of a man to his daughter.

2. The practice of father-daughter marriage in general.

Comment: Coined by me in English, but perhaps it already exists. From the Greek, thugatrogamos.

See also -gamy, incest, thugatrogamist, thugatrogamous.

x Greek terms.

thy neighbour's wife:

See Tenth Commandment.

tie:

1. An emotional bond, or a strand thereof.

2. An association (with).

3. A connection of some sort (to); a linkage.

See also attachment, bond, connection, knot, splice, tie that binds.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Tie"
[Erik] "You're mad! You've given him a chance to get away." [Luise] "I know." I wanted to cry, and couldn't. "I had to, Erik. He was my husband for a little while. We slept in each other's arms. That makes a tie -- for a woman, anyway. I can't argue about it now. It just is."
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 17, p. 244.

tied to her apron strings:

1. Inseparable from a woman, said especially of either a child or a man.

2. Under the control of a woman, said especially of a man.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, loveydovey, pussy-whipped, under petticoat government, uxorious, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches.

x apron strings.

tied up:

Married.

See also tie up.

tie that binds:

Whatever holds individuals together in a relationship, especially if that "whatever" is from within, such as mutual affection.

Comments: Either in this form or in the plural, "ties that bind," often an allusion to the popular hymn, "Blest Be the Tie That Binds," by John Fawcett (1740-1817). What he meant by it is unclear: perhaps the fabric of Christian love or perhaps, though unstated, the Holy Spirit.

See also affection, agapic love, bond, tie.

Quotations from John Fawcett Illustrating "Tie That Binds"
Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love: The fellowship of kindred minds Is like to that above.   Before our Father's throne We pour our ardent prayers; Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, Our comforts and our cares.   We share our mutual woes, Our mutual burdens bear, And often for each other flows The sympathizing tear.   When we asunder part, It gives us inward pain; But we shall still be joined in heart, And hope to meet again.   This glorious hope revives Our courage by the way; While each in expectation lives, And longs to see the day.   From sorrow, toil, and pain, And sin, we shall be free, And perfect love and friendship reign Through all eternity.
"Blest Be the Tie That Binds," [by] John Fawcett (1740-1817). The text above follows The Coronation Hymnal: A Selection of Hymns and Songs, by A. J. Gordon and Arthur T. Pierson (Philadelphia: American Baptist Publication Society, c1894): no. 256. Originally published: Hymns Adapted to the Circumstances of Public Worship and Private Devotion, [by] John Fawcett (Leeds: G. Wright, 1782): no. 104. Among common textual variations: Stanza 1, line 1: Blest be the ties that bind. Stanza 1, line 1: Blest is the tie that binds. Stanza 3, line 1: We share each others' woes.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Ties That Bind"
[In the mentioned marriage] The ties that bind have been frayed by money and mortgages and children.
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35.

tie the knot:

1. To marry.

2. To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.

See also buckle, knot, marry, splice, tie up, wed.

tie up:

To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.

See also buckle, marry, splice, tied up, tie the knot, wed.

tie-up:

To get married.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 238.

See also marry.

tip:

To cheat on (one's partner).

Source: The Wordsworth Book of Euphemism, [by] Judith S. Neaman & Carole G. Silver (Ware, Hertsfordshire: Wordsworth Editions, 1995): p. 245.

See also betray, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, fool around, infidelity, play around, run astray, sleep around, two-time, unfaithfulness, yard on.

tipi seduction:

See tepee seduction.

tiyo:

See taio.

Tobias nights:

Three days immediately following a wedding (q.v.) durng which the newly wedded couple abstains from sexual intercourse per custom.

See also continence, ius primae noctis.

TOCOTOX (acronym); plural, TOCOTOXEN (on analogy with oxen) or, in some usage, TOCOTOXES:

"Too complicated to explain," in reference to a person with whom one has a sexual or love relationship or in reference to the relationship itself.

Comment: Occasionally the term is used broadly to encompass even a person with whom one has an indirect relationship, for instance a lover of one's lover.

The term is sometimes (but not exclusively) used where a person who is living by one set of mores -- non-monogamous mores, for instance -- isn't ready at the moment to explain a relationship to a person who believes in a different set of mores

See also amari, bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, cohabitant, cohabitee, co-vivant, illegitimate spouse, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, partner, partner sharing, PASSLQ, POSSLQ, riddle-me-ree relationship, sexual connection, sheet partner, umfriend, ungetaken.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: p2c2e = a process too complicated to explain.

x too complicated to explain.

toebah (Hebrew term):

See abomination.

toe-party, or toe party:

1. A social gathering where some participants, commonly the women, are lined up behind a large cloth, such as a blanket, sheet, or curtain, with only the toes showing, each then being selected by a person on the other side of the cloth, perhaps by bid, as a companion for the gathering and each, commonly, then being treated to whatever she (or he) desires -- food, drink, dancing, etc.

2. Any social gathering where toes or feet are featured, such as one where foot products are sold or one that caters to foot fetishes.

Comment: Also called a toe social.

Some toe parties are tame, even church socials, whereas others are bawdy.

See also skin party.

x games.

x party.

together:

1. Physically with each other.

2. In accord with each other; without discord.

3. In commnuion with with each other.

See also breakfast together, close, future together, going together, in (one's) life, living together, togetherness.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Together"
[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She knew he loved her; she was sure of him. Yet she could not let go a certain hold over herself, she could not bear him to question her. She gave herself up in delight to being loved by him. She knew that, in spite of his joy when she abandoned herself, he was a little bit saddened too. She could give herself up to his activity. But she could not be herself, she dared not come forth quite nakedly to his nakedness, abandoning all adjustment, lapsing in pure faith with him. She abandoned herself to him, or she took hold of him and gathered her joy of him. And she enjoyed him fully. But they were never quite together, at the same moment, one was always a little left out.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 29, p. 426. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

together but apart:

See living apart but together.

togetherness:

1. Physical proximity, especially when combined with an emotional rapport; comradship.

2. Mutual consciousness of an intellectual or emotional harmony.

3. Mutual consciousness of an enduring bond.

4. Intimacy.

5. A happy meeting of complementary needs by way of each other.

See also bond, communion, connaturality, connection, intimacy, intrinsic marriage, more "married" than, more of a couple than, myth of togetherness, proximity, theory of complementary needs in mate-selection, together.

togetherness myth:

See myth of togetherness.

token of affection:

Something, commonly a small gift or a greeting card, that indicates the warm feelings one has for the person to whom it is directed.

See also affection, love coupon, love letter, love token.

toleramus:

Permission to remarry after divorce (q.v.), where such permission is required.

See also remarriage.

toleration:

See sexual toleration.

TOM:

Abbreviation for "the other man."

See also other man, TOW.

Tongan terms:

See taboo.

too complicated to explain:

See TOCOTOX.

toothing:

The use of Bluetooth to meet a stranger in person for sex or to explore romance, connections being made, for instance, through message boards.

Comment: Bluetooth is networking technology that utilizes short-range digital two-way radio and that is accessible, for instance, by properly outfitted desktop computers, printers, laptops, personal digital assistants (PDAs), mobile phones, and headsets. Both telephone communications and Internet access can be had through such technology.

Bluetooth was developed in 1994 by engineers of the Swedish telecommunications manufacturer Telefonaktiebolaget LM Ericsson. A Bluetooth Special Interest Group (SIG), which sets specifications, was founded in 1998. The founding members included Ericsson, Intel Corporation, International Business Machines Corporation (IBM), Nokia Corporation, and Toshiba Corporation.

Bluetooth was named after the King of Denmark and Norway, Harold Bluetooth Gormson (ca. 911-ca. 987). In Danish the name is Harald Blåtand.

Beware: Some reports of toothing have originated in a hoax.

See also alternative dating, cyber relationship, dating plan, dogging, instant messaging, online relationship, phone sex partner, sexting, stranger sex, virtual community.

toots:

1. Sweetie; an affectionate term of address.

2. A playful term of address for a human female, especially a girl or young woman (apparently short for "tootsie").

3. Metaphorically, a quick honk, as in a "hello, good-bye" or a "good-bye"; as if to say, "here's a brief verbal acknowledgement," typically the acknowledgement being informal and polite.

Comment: I presume that the last sense derives from the verb "toot": "To honk or blow a horn, especially in a series of brief taps, perhaps, one at a time"; and more specifically from the custom of honking the horn of a car in place of or in addition to a wave of the hand.

See also babycakes, sweetie, term of endearment.

torch:

To yearn or pine for, with romantic or sexual desire.

See also carry a torch for, pine for, torchy.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Torching"
I have one [a man to do things with] at the present time who has just separated from his wife of twenty-odd years ... This guy is at the loosest ends you ever saw. It isn't that he's torching for his wife, it's just that he doesn't know what to do with himself in his spare time, without a wife-person to keep him company.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 126 (and, for the last word, 127). The elision is mine.

torch of Cupid:

See Cupid's torch.

torch singer:

One who sings torch songs.

See also torch song.

torch song:

See also carry a torch for, descort, love song, torch singer, torchy, unrequited love.

torchy:

In love or in lust with someone but not or not yet in a love relationship with that person; having an unrequited crush on someone.

See also besotted, carry a torch for, crush, Cupid's torch, flame, have the hots for, incandescence, infatuated, in love, in lust, kindled to one another, limerent, love-passion, mashy, old flame, one-itis, sprung, torch, torch song, unrequited love, wildly in love with.

torrid affair:

An ardent, passionate sexual relationship.

Comment: Sometimes used pejoratively.

See also affair, passionate love, sexual relationship, wildly in love with.

Torschlusspanik (German):

1. "Gate-closing panic"; last-minute anxiety; eleventh-hour fears; apprehension about missing a deadline.

2. In the context of a discussion about finding mates, the panicky feeling that it is almost too late to find a suitable partner in life with whom to achieve certain goals, for instance, procreation and the raising of children.

Comment: Tor ("gate" or "door") + Schluß ("end" or "close") + Panik ("panic").

Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, biological clock, itchy ring finger, pushbutton panic, single, wedding bell blues.

x German terms.

x panic.

total power exchange:

See power exchange.

total relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

TOTGA (acronym):

"The one that got away," in wistful reference to an individual whom one wishes had become a lover, long-term partner, or best friend.

See also erstwhile dear, ghosts of relationships past, long-lost love, long-term partner, lost and found lover, lost love, lover, missed connection, old flame, promisacuity, saudade.

x one that got away.

tottie, or totty:

1. A high-class prostitute.

2. An attractive person, said usually of a young woman.

See also blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, güila, hoe, moll, parnel, slut, squaw, tart, tottie, whore; attractive, babe, betty, cherub, eye candy, fox, phat, sex god, sex goddess.

tough love:

1. Rejection of enabling a loved one's alcoholism, drug addiction, hurtfully compulsive behavior, or anti-social behavior in favor of taking steps, though unpleasant and perhaps risky, to set the loved one on a course of sobriety or cessation from hurtful behavior, for instance, by way of intervention, which typically involves both confrontation and therapy, and allowing a loved one to face the natural consequences of his or her behavior, without rescuing that person from those consequences.

2. Choosing to speak frankly and helpfully to or do what is best for a loved one even though the choice is disagreeable to that person and emotionally painful for oneself.

3. Parental discipline for the long-term good of a child, at least insofar as it is indeed good for the child.

Comment: Often the application of tough love is contrary to the expressed will of the person to whom it is being shown. However, it is usually reserved for cases where that person has some degree of volitional impairment, due to, for instance, an addiction, a delusion, or, in the case of children, immaturity.

See also love, unconditional love.

toujours perdrix (French):

"Always partridge": too much of a good thing; not enough variety, too constantly the same thing, even if good; said especially of sexual exclusivity.

See also Coolidge effect, monogamy, sexual exclusivity, sexual varietism.

x French terms.

x novelty.

x variety.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Toujours Perdrix"
Walpole tells us that the confessor of one of the French kings reproved him for conjugal infidelity, and was asked by the king what he liked best. "Partridge," replied the priest, and the king ordered him to be served with partridge every day, till he quite loathed the sight of his favourite dish. After a time, the king visited him, and hoped he had been well served, when the confessor replied, "Mais oui, perdrix, toujours perdrix." "Ah! ah!" replied the amorous monarch, "and one mistress is all very well, but not 'perdrix, toujours perdrix.'"
From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 962, s.v. "Perdrix."

TOW:

Abbreviation for "the other woman."

See also other woman, TOM.

town bike:

See bike.

town pump:

1. A person to whom many a resident of or visitor to a compactly settled area can turn for sexual intercourse; a promiscuous person.

2. A prostitute.

Comment: The term, in both senses, is usually applied to a woman, although there is nothing inherently gendered in the term. "Pump" is a slang term for both "penis" and "vagina." The analogy is apparently to an old-fashioned, manually operated water pump.

See also bike, promiscuity, slut.

towrus:

See go to his towrus.

toxic relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) in which one's self-esteem is chronically eroded due to a controlling or abusive partner.

See also abuse, cagamosis, collusional marriage, death spiral of a relationship, demons of relationships past, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, love-trouble, marital blues, maritodespotism, odd couple, poor match, relationship parasite, rocky relationship, spouse abuse, "unequally yoked," unequal marriage, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, uxorodespotism, WMD.

toy boy, or toyboy:

1. A human male one uses merely for sexual play; a male lover the relationship with whom is not taken seriously.

2. A young man who is the lover of a much older, much wealthier, or much more powerful person.

Comment: This term is generally used in a derisive way, derisive not just of the male but also of the female.

Contrast cougar (q.v.) and girl toy (q.v.). See also amour de vanité, bimbo, boyfriend, boytoy, casual sex, cicisbeo, cougar, gigolo, leman, lover, male concubine, paramour, partner, tertiary partner, trophy husband.

TP:

Triple penetration (q.v.).

TPE:

"Total power exchange."

See power exchange.

trade up:

To discard one partner in favor of a new one with higher status, status due, for instance, to greater wealth, power, fame, or attractiveness.

See also amour de vanité; bigger, better deal; dating chain; gold digger; hypergamy; male insanity syndrome; marry for money; marry up; marry well; mating gradient; matrimonial adventurer; trophy husband; tropy wife.

traditional monogamy:

A marriage (q.v.) of one man and one woman "till death us do part," in which each partner is expected to be sexually exclusive to the other.

Comment: Many derive traditional monogamy as the only morally acceptable form of marriage from the Bible. See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index.

See also bourgeois marriage, compulsory monogamy, conventional marriage, family values, married, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-centrist, monogamy-only position, monogamy, monogyny, one-wife system, sexual exclusivity, traditional morality, true love pledge.

traditional morality:

1. The mores of the last few generations or more within a given culture or subculture.

2. The principles and rules of conduct that are understood as having been divinely instituted, that are presumed to have served from a distant past to the present, and that are conceived of as both absolutely and universally binding. By "divinely instituted" is often meant "through natural law and special revelation," special revelation such as the Bible.

3. As a subset of the preceding definition, the view associated with many amalgamations of culture and Christianity that is characterized by certain sexual and marital restrictions, among them:

• that coitus is to take place only between a man and a woman within a monogamous marriage and that otherwise abstinence is to be practiced;
• that temptations and behavior that would lead to or prompt one to engage in coitus outside of monogamous marriage if nature took its course are not to be indulged;
• that marriage must be initiated by official ceremony;
• that the wife is to be subservient to the husband;
• that both contraception and abortion are proscribed;
• that divorce is proscribed except on the grounds of porneia;
• that incest as defined by the church is proscribed;
• that bestiality is proscribed;
• that homosexual activity is proscribed;
• that anal and oral sex are proscribed;
• that masturbation is proscribed;
• that the production and use of pornography, whether written or graphic, is proscribed;
• that those in authority (parents, clergy, political leaders, etc.) are responsible to model these rules; and,
• that political leaders are responsible to embody these rules, perhaps with some modulation, into legislation and to enforce them, at least in the case of breeches that have become the most egregiously public.

Comments: The insistence on wifely subservience and the proscriptions against contraception, oral sex, and masturbation have dropped away from the idea that many have had of traditional morality, a process that took place in large part during the latter part of the Twentieth Century, the most notable exception being among Roman Catholics (which is not to say that all Roman Catholics accept traditional morality). In the same period, the idea of traditional morality was sometimes extended to cover:

• the proscription of sex education in public schools, since sex ed (as distinguished from moral inculcation under the law, within the family, and by the church) is perceived as presenting youngsters with options, even if only implicitly, and thereby tending to subvert traditional morality;
• advocacy of the two-parent nuclear family as social norm; and,
• advocacy of the binary view of the sexes, also called dimorphism, that is, the idea that there are two and only two sexes that every person must fit into as determined according to the preponderance of his or her reproductive biology.

The term "traditional morality" is sometimes used in either a chauvinistic or triumphalistic way. To illustrate chauvinism: "Our traditional morality is better than your traditional ways because our culture is stronger than yours." To illustrate triumphalism: "Traditional morality is going to win out over and supplant both alternative systems of morality and mere mores, whatever those mores are and wherever they are found, because it is universally right for right relationships among human beings and the flowering of everyone's humanity."

Take note of the "see" reference under "Bible." See also abstinence, abstinence pledge, adultery, belief in marriage, believe in marriage, bestiality, biblical sexual morality, chastity, consequences of sex outside of marriage, continence, erotic deontology, extramarital sex, family values, grounds for divorce, heteronormative, homosexual, hot and cool sex, illicit relationship, incest, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-only position, moral absolutism, moral code, mores, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonmarital sex, no sex outside of marriage, nuclear family, old paradigm relating, open-minded, perversion, porneia, postmarital sex, premarital sex, prudery, public character of sex, puritan, sex-negative stance, sexosophy, sexual counterrevolution, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness, sexual purity, sexual revolution, square, stigmatic guilt, third way in sexual ethics, traditional monogamy, traditional ways, true love pledge.

traditional surrogacy:

See surrogate mother.

traditional ways:

1. The mores and customary practices of a culture or subculture.

2. The customary sexual and marital practices of a culture or subculture prior to the introduction of foreign ways.

3. As one subset of the preceding definition, polygamy (q.v.) over against a more recently introduced monogamism.

Contrast alternative lifestyle (q.v.). See also lifestyle, mating habits, monogamism, mores, sexual mores, sexways, slutstyle, traditional morality.

tragolimia:

1. Like the hunger of a he-goat, which will eat nearly anything, the compulsion on the part of a man to have sex with any woman regardless of her looks.

2. Adapted as a gender neutral term: Compulsive desire for sexual relations per se, the partner's or partners' attractiveeness not mattering; a recurring sexual urge that is indiscriminate with regard to partners or, at least, partners of a complementary sexual orientation.

Comment: From the Greek, tragos ("he-goat") + limos ("hunger") + the suffix "-ia" indicating a pathological condition.

See also andromania, erotomania, gynecomania, libido, nymphomania, oversexed, promiscuity, satyriasis.

training marriage:

A starter marriage (q.v.) or, otherwise, a marital union that eventually serves as preparation for the next marital union.

See also marriage.

tramp:

A promiscuous woman, one who "tramps" from man to man.

Comment: Generally the term would not indicate either the woman's social class or her marital status.

See also bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, giglet, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, skeezer, slut, tart, vamp, wanton woman, whore.

trans-conference marriage:

See also college sweetheart, marriage, pinning.

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Trans-Conference Marriages"
Many of these are trans-conference marriages -- an Ivy League graduate will be marrying a Big Ten graduate -- so the ceremony has to be designed to respect everybody's sensibilities. Subdued innovation is the rule.
From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): p. 17.

transference:

A switch in the orientation of an emotion or set of emotions, especially if involving the libido, from one object or person to a different object or person.

Comments: The term frequently refers to displacement of the direction of an underdeveloped or wounded libido from a parent or other close person to an analyst in the course of psychoanalysis, and it is frequently associated with a patient falling in love with his or her psychiatrist.

If the attitude resulting from transference (speaking generally now) is pleasant, the transference is called positive; if hostile, then negative. And if the transference results in enduring psychological disturbance because of the inappropriateness of the new object or person, it is called transference neurosis.

See also clericolagnia, countertransference, dual relationship, Florence Nightingale syndrome, in love, limerence, rebound relationship, second choice spouse.

transitional affair:

A temporary sexual relationship significant in part for a change it brought about or, at least, marks in one's love life.

See also affair, love life, pilot light lover, practice love, sexual relationship.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Transitional Affair"
Those [women] who seize the opportunity tell me they often realize, in retrospect, how valuable it was to have a "transitional affair" with a younger lover who appreciates an older woman for her worldliness and reminds her that her erotic self still lives!
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 129.

transphobia:

Fear of, revulsion against, hatred of, hateful behavior towards, or discrimination against transgender people due to their nonconformity as to their gender status or its expression.

Comments: The coinage of the word was evidently patterned after the word "homophobia." It is variously attributed to Davina Anne Gabriel (1989) and to Patrick Califia.

"Transgender people" refers to individuals who do not conform to social expectations with regard to femaleness and maleness. Among the subsets are intersexuals (hermaphrodites), cross-dressers, and transsexuals. (This list is not complete, nor are the subsets mutually exclusive.) Since "transgender" and "transsexual" are easily confused, an additional definition is in order: A transsexual is a person who is working towards or who has partially or fully completed a sex change.

The very existence of transgender people challenges the dyadic paradigm of male and female. Furthermore, many situations that transgender people sometimes find themselves in raise issues in the minds of many, for instance, when a married person changes sex.

See also androgyne archetype, homophobia, queer, stigmatic guilt.

trattàto di amore; plural, trattati di amore (Italian):

1. "Treatise on love."

2. In the plural, used in English to refer to philosophical writings produced out of the Renaissance, especially the Italian Renaissance, on love.

See also carte de tendre, discourse of desire, erotographomania, ladder of love, love, love-book.

Quotation from Fallico and Shapiro Illustrating "Trattati de Amore"
[Regarding Leone Ebreo, ca. 1460-ca. 1521] His Dialoghi d'amore, written in Italian [and published in 1535], were most influential. They were translated into French, Spanish, Latin, and Hebrew, and were to leave their mark upon all subsequent Trattati di amore.
From: Renaissance Philosophy. Volume I, The Italian Philosophers: Selected Readings from Petrarch to Bruno, edited, translated, and introduced by Arturo B. Fallico and Herman Shapiro (New York: Modern Library, 1967): p. [172].

tree bride:

A woman who is ceremonially married to a tree.

Comment: The male counterpart would presumably be a tree bridegroom, but I haven't yet seen an example of such a term.

Source: The Tree Bride: A Novel, [by] Bharati Mukherjee (New York: Theia, c2004).

See also bride, forest bride, tree marriage.

tree marriage:

1. A nuptial ceremony in which a tree figures ritualistically.

2. A nuptial ceremony in which a tree functions as either a bride or bridegroom or in which trees are wed to each other.

3. Use of a tree as a proxy spouse, for instance, as part of a process in warding off evil or in satisfying a rule technically.

4. Dedication of someone, ordinarily a member of a religious order, to a tree god.

5. The planting of certain trees together, such as a fig tree and a neem or margosa tree, so that they may serve as a focus of celebration of the union of a god (in mind is Vishnu, who is represented by the fig tree,) and a goddess (in mind is Lakshmi, who is represented by the neem tree).

See also marriage, tree bride, wedding.

triad:

1. A three-person love relationship, which may take the form of either a triangle (q.v. in the first sense) or vee (q.v.); the most basic form of a multipartner love relationship (q.v.).

2. A three-person love relationship where each is involved with the other two; a synonym for triangle (q.v. in the first sense).

See also alternate relationship geometries, biamory, bi-trio, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, dyad, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, hexad, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, pentad, polygon, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, tetrad, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, troika.

triadic notation:

An abbreviated scheme for a three-person love relationship or sexual connection, whereby F = female, M = male, and the middle letter represents the hinge (q.v.) if the relationship is a vee (q.v.). Thus FFF, FFM = MFF, FMF, FMM = MMF, MFM, MMM.

Comment: Obviously similar notation can be used for larger and more complex relationships.

See also alternate relationship geometries, biamory, diagramming a love relationship, dyadic notation, genogram, letter group, personal ad.

trial marriage:

Living together for a period in order to determine compatibility before entering into a formally constituted or parental marriage (q.v.).

See also companionate marriage, experimental marriage, individual marriage, living together, marriage, Portland custom, starter marriage, temporary marriage.

triamorist:

1. A person who is in love with three people at the same time or in a love relationship with each of three people at the same time.

2. A person who is particularly given to or has the particular potential for three love relationship partners at a time.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "triamory," so here included.

See also biamorist, polyamorist, quadramorist, triamory, trigamist, triogamist.

triamorous:

1. Pertaining to loving three at one time.

2. Pertaining to above-board non-monogamy in which one person has three partners.

3. Particularly given to or having the particular potential for three love relationship partners at a time.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "triamory," so here included.

See also -amory, biamorous, polyamorous, quadramorous, triamory, trigamous, triogamous.

 

triamory:

A form of polyamory (q.v.) in which a person is in love with three people at the same time or in a love relationship with each of three people at the same time.

See also -amory, biamory, four-cornered marriage, foursome, letter group (T, Z, pi), partner sharing, polygon, quad, quadramory, quartet, tetrad, triamorist, triamorous, trigamy, triogamy.

triangle:

1. A three-person love relationship where each is involved with the other two. Compare triad (q.v. in the second sense), and contrast vee (q.v.).

2. A situation in which two are either competing for or both have the love or sexual attention of one.

3. Three people involved with each other, or two with the third, sexually and/or romantically in the context of a relationship with more members.

Compare vee (q.v.). See also biamory, bi-trio, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, double love triangle, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, imaginative split triangle, love tangle, ménage à trois, pentangle, quad, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangular dating, troika, we of me.

x love triangle.

triangular dating:

1. Three people, at least one of whom is of complementary sexual orientation, engaging in a social activity together; three oing out together on a date, whether as two with one or each with each other.

2. The practice of the foregoing.

See also alternative dating, date, pair dating.

triangular theory of love:

An understanding of love according to three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Comment: According to the theory, the type of love is determined according to the relative strength of the components:

• just passion = infatuation.
• just intimacy = liking or friendship.
• just commitment = empty love.
• passion + intimacy = romantic love.
• passion + commitment = fatuous love.
• intimacy + commitment = companionate love.
• passion + intimacy + commitment = consummate love.
• none of the above = nonlove.
  

Source: "A Triangular Theory of Love," Robert J. Sternberg. Psychological Review; v. 93, no. 2 (1986): pp. 119–135. Also: The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment, [by] Robert J. Sternberg (New York: Basic Books, c1988). <Neither examined>

See also commited love relationship, companionate love, consummate love, empty love, fatuous love, friendship, infatuation, intimacy, liking, love, nonlove, passion.

x theories.

tribal marriage:

1. Marriage (q.v.) that occurs within a tribe (q.v.), between tribes, or according to the customs of a tribe.

2. A social arrangement in which, perhaps with some exceptions, all adult members of a particular group -- a motorcycle club, for instance -- have sexual access to all members of a complementary sexual orientation within that group.

See also cenogamy, cluster marriage, communal marriage, complex marriage, corporate marriage, free-sex colony, group love relationship, group marriage, omnigamy, polyamory, polyfidelity, polygynandry, polymarriage, sexual communism, utopian swinging.

tribe:

1. A community or group of communities comprised of families (q.v.), clans (q.v.), and various other folk, who share a common territory, language, religion, and culture and are united under a chieftain or other head. The term is frequently used more specifically to refer to such communities that are preliterate, the connotation some of the time being a biased one of primitiveness, backwardness, savagery, and parochialism. Often the word "nation" is used instead of "tribe" or "federation of tribes."

2. By partial analogy to the preceding, a self-conscious personal affiliation of groups of people, including families and clans (q.v. in the fourth sense), on the basis of certain values and interests shared in common.

See also kinship, tribal marriage.

trigamist:

1. A person who remarries after losing his or her first and second spouses.

2. A person who has three wives or three husbands.

3. A person who has, illegally or fraudulently, exactly three spouses.

4. An advocate or supporter of trigamy (q.v.).

Comment: For lexical example, see under "octogamist."

See also bigamist, double bigamist, duogamist, polygamist, quadrigamist, triamorist, triogamist.

trigamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by trigamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "trigamy," so here included.

See also bigamous, duogamous, polygamous, quadrigamous, triamorous, triogamous.

trigamy:

1. Remarriage after losing one's first and second spouses.

2. A personal history of having had three spouses successively, the current one (if there is such) being the third.

3. A form of polygamy (q.v.) in which a person has exactly three spouses.

4. The practice of having three spouses when having three spouses is illegal or is carried out in a fraudulent way.

Contrast the last sense with polygamy (q.v.) and triogamy (q.v.). See also bigamy, divorced, double bigamy, duogamy, -gamy, klepsigamy, octogamy, quadrigamy, reiterated marriage, remarriage, serial marriage, serial monogamy, sexual immorality, triamory, trigamist, trigamous, widowed.

trigeneia:

Three marriages, two actual and one contemplated but which is impeded, under a particular code, because of affinity (q.v.) created by the other two.

Source: New Catholic Encyclopedia (1967): v. 13, p. 615.

See also digeneia, impediment, incest.

triogamist:

A man with three wives or a woman with three husbands.

Coined by me.

See also bigamist, double bigamist, duogamist, polygamist, quadrigamist, triamorist, trigamist, triogamy.

triogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by triogamy (q.v.).

Coined by me.

See also bigamous, duogamous, polygamous, quadrigamous, triamorous, trigamous.

triogamy:

A form of polygamy (q.v.) in which one person is married to three.

Coined by me. For a comment on the formation of the word, see the chart under "polygamy."

Compare and contrast trigamy (q.v.). See also bigamy, double bigamy, -gamy, quadrigamy, triamory, triogamist, triogamous.

triolism:

See troilism.

triple penetration:

Having, as a part of sexual activity, three erect penises in the orifices of a body (mouth, vagina, and/or anus) at the same time, especially one in each orifice.

Comment: Abbreviated TP.

Sometimes the word is used as well if one or more of what's penetrating the orifices is an artificial phallus, such as a dildo.

See also double penetration, group sex, TP.

x penetration.

trisexual:

A person who prefers to engage in sex with at least two other people at the same time.

Comment: This is sometimes a misspelling for try-sexual (q.v.).

See also bigynist, bivirist, group sex, ménage à trois, polyerocist, three-way sex, troilism.

tristesse:

See post-coital tristesse.

troika:

1. Three pulling together to make a committed love relationship work.

2. A polygamous marriage with two females and one male or one female and two males.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, polygamy, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, vee.

troilism:

1. Three people engaged in sexual activity together, especially one man and two women or one woman and two men.

2. Engaging in sexual activity with a partner and then watching while that partner engages in sexual activity with another.

3. The desire to engage in sexual activity with two people at the same time.

4. Sexual arousal or satisfaction being dependent upon engaging in sexual activity with two others at the same time or upon the idea of doing so.

See also bigynist, bi-trio, bivirist, brother starling, candaulism, French arrangement, group sex, helping, martymachlia, ménage à trois, mixoscopia, oot, polyiterophilia, sloppy seconds, sperm competition syndrome, third party, threesome, three-way sex, trisexual, watching.

x French terms.

x triolism.

Quotation from Isaac Asimov on Troilism
[At a party] ... someone asked the company generally if they knew what troilism was. I said, "Sure -- sex with three people participating." The questioner looked disappointed and said, "Ah, but do you know the derivation of the word?" I thought I might as well be polite and let him have a turn, so I said, "What?" "Well," he said, "in Troilus and Cressida [circa 1601-1603, by William Shakespeare, Act 5, Scene 2], Troilus watched Cressida making out with Diomed." "In the first place," I said, "he didn't watch with any pleasure; he was brokenhearted, and he certainly didn't participate. In the second place, Ulysses was also there watching, which would make it a foursome. And in the third place, it is much simpler to suppose that 'troilism' is derived from the French word trois, meaning 'three.'"
From: It's Been a Good Life, [by] Isaac Asimov; edited by Janet Jeppson Asimov (Amherst, N.Y.: Prometheus Books, 2002): p. 142. Asimov was using this anecdote as an example of his own occasional lapse into insufferability. The first set of square brackets and the ellision are the editor's.

trollop:

1. A female slob; a woman who fails to keep herself or her space neat and clean.

2. A sexually loose woman.

See also slut (includes lexical example).

trophy boy:

A boyfriend of any age whom one likes to show off because of his sexiness.

Contrast trophy girl (q.v.). See also boyfriend, trophy husband.

trophy girl:

A girlfriend of any age whom one likes to show off because of her sexiness.

Contrast trophy boy (q.v.). See also girlfriend, trophy wife.

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Trophy Girl"
[68] Walt [at age 22] is a quarter century her [Carlene's] junior. Their mutual attraction grew out of their shared passion [flying]... [69] to Walt, a youthful man with a broad grin, Carlene in her tank tops, jeans, and motorcycle boots, was incredibly sexy, the focus of all the older men -- "the trophy girl."
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): pp. 68-69.

trophy husband:

1. A husband (q.v.) one likes to show off.

2. An exceptionally handsome husband, especially a younger one, whom one attracts after having acquired wealth, power, or fame.

Contrast cougar (q.v.). See also amour de vanité, boytoy, mail-order husband, marriage of convenience, marry for money, partner, sugar mama, toy boy, trade up, trophy boy, trophy spouse.

trophy spouse:

1. A marital partner one likes to show off.

2. An exceptionally handsome marital partner, especially a younger one, whom one attracts after having acquired wealth, power, or fame.

See also spouse, trophy husband, trophy wife.

Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Trophy Spouses"
Looking at the faces and the descriptions of the wedding section [in the New York Times] of the 1950s is like looking into a different world, and yet it's not really been so long -- most of the people on those yellowing pages are still alive, and a sizable portion of the brides on those pages are young enough that they haven't yet been dumped for trophy spouses.
From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): p. 20.

Entry added January 11, 2008

trophy wife, or trophy-wife:

1. A wife one likes to show off.

2. An exceptionally handsome wife, especially a younger one, whom one attracts after having acquired wealth, power, or fame.

3. A woman whom one has captured and made one's wife.

Comment: This form of the term is attributed to the author of "The CEO's Second Wife," in Fortune magazine (1989). However, the idea of wife as trophy is much older. Consider the quotations below.

Contrast starter wife (q.v.). See also amour de vanité, candaulism, girl toy, Law of the Conquered, mail-order bride, marriage of convenience, marry for money, partner, showpiece, sugar baby, sugar daddy, trade up, trophy girl, trophy spouse, wife; capture marriage.

x Greek terms.

Herbert Spencer (1820-1903) on Wife as Trophy
[632] Proofs of prowess are above all things treasured by the savage... Among other signs of success in battle is the return with a woman of the vanquished tribe... Like a native wife, she serves as a slave; but unlike a native wife, she serves also as a trophy.
[634] If, as we see, the test of deserving a wife is in some cases obtainment of a trophy, what more natural than that the trophy should often be the stolen wife herself?
From: The Principles of Sociology, by Herbert Spencer. Vol. I-2 (New York: D. Appleton, 1896): §287, pp. 632, 634. Alternatively: Vol. 1 (New York: D. Appleton, 1885; in his A System of Synthetic Philosophy; v. 6): pp. 650ff. Originally published, 1876.

Quotation from David R. Slavitt's Translation of Aeschylus Illustrating "Trophy-Wife"
She [Helen of Troy] was like that, an ornament, the first trophy-wife, whose invitations no one declined.
Note: The words, "an ornament, | the first trophy-wife," evidently render the Greek phrase, akaskaion <d'> agalma ploutou, that is (a bit more literally), "a delicate delight of wealth."
See: Aeschylus, Agamemnon 589-590 (Slavitt) = 741 (SCBO), in: Aeschylus, 1: The Oresteia: Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers, The Eumenides, edited and translated by David R. Slavitt (Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, c1998; in: Penn Greek Drama Series): p. 33. The more literal translation is mine. For the Greek text, see: Aeschyli Septem Quae Supersunt Tragoediae, recensuit Gilbertus Murray (With corrections. Oxonii: E Typographeo Clarendoniano, 1947; in series: Scriptorum Classicorum Bibliotheca Oxoniensis): line 741.

troth:

1. Fidelity to a marital commitment.

2. An honest pledge; a promise one is committed to honor, to make come true.

See also constancy, faithfulness, fidelity, plight troth, she-troth, true, unconditional love.

trothplight:

A "pledge of faithfulness" in the solemn undertaking of promising and being married; betrothal (q.v.).

true:

1. Genuine, sincere, and fitting.

2. Faithful to a pledge or personal commitment.

3. Devoted and living up to that devotion; loyal; steadfast.

4. Not only internally consistent but also accurately corresponding to reality; said of a statement.

See also "an it harm none, do what ye will," constant, faithful, fidelious, marriage of true minds, one true love, troth, true love.

true love:

1. A romantic love (q.v.) entailing the total devotion of two people to one another -- that is, two in its usual storybook form.

2. Mutual affection and exceptional companionability of partners or would-be partners in a love relationship, especially over the remainder of a lifetime.

3. The joining of soul mates (q.v.).

4. Undying affection.

5. A love (q.v.) that is not illusory, deceitful, or otherwise false.

6. A person to whom one is romantically devoted, especially a well-bonded companion in love.

Comment: The Latin form is amicus certus, the French form l'amour vrai.

Contrast false love (q.v.). See also amicus certus, amour vrai, ardor, be-all and end-all, bliss, communion, connaturality, conjugal felicity, connection, devotion, domestic happiness, fairy-tale marriage, happy marriage, ideal, love (as in "my sweet love"), love-ends-interest-in-others myth, love of one's life, made for each other, marriage of true minds, match made in heaven, mystic marriage, nomogamosis, one-and-only, one true love, partner, perfect catch, quality relationship, religion of two, true, true lover.

Quotation from the Underdowne-Wright Translation of Heliodorus Illustrating "True Love"
Such is the force of earnest desire and true love; it despiseth all outward chances, be they pleasant or otherwise, only beholding that which it loveth, and thereabout bestoweth all diligence and travail.
Heliodorus, Aethiopica 1, as rendered in: An Aethiopian Romance, [by] Heliodorus; translated by Thomas Underdowne (anno 1587); revised and partly rewritten by F. A. Wright; with an introduction (London: George Routledge; New York: E. P. Dutton, [1923]; in series: Broadway Translations): p. 10.

Quotation from Frederick Goldin Illustrating "True Love"
The most frequent theme in his [Marcabru's] songs is the distinction between true love and false love: true love is joyful, intense, in harmony with the welfare of a community and with divine intentions; false love is bitter, dissolute, self-regarding, and | destructive.... What Marcabru means by true love is a secular experience: it is not caritas, or the love of God and of all things in God: it is love between man and woman. This love is good because it is involved in a larger life, the life of a society, a noble class that has a certain ethical and religious mandate, in Marcabru's eyes. True love is of this earth and this life, and it is intense and full of joy; but in a wonderful way, because the lovers themselves are good and have courtly virtues, like steadfastness and restraint, their love inevitably realizes a divine intention, the calling of their class.
From: Lyrics of the Troubadors: An Anthology and a History, translations and introductions by Frederick Goldin (Garden City, N.Y.: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1973; "Anchors Books"; AO-72): pp. 51-52. The quotation is from Goldin's introduction to Marcabru (fl. 1129-1150).

true love pledge:

1. Commitment of a heart to enduring affection for a particular person.

2. Capitalized, the text of a promise to be made in support of traditional mores regarding sex, marriage, and family.

See also abstinence pledge, condom commitment, family values, purity ball, traditional monogamy, traditional morality, virginity pledge.

True Love Pledge
Bless the Family Save the Nation   True Love between a man & a woman is a sacred gift from God; to be cherished & honored Rebuild the Family Restore the Community Renew the Nation & World   True Love Pledge From this day forward, I commit myself to: Practice true love as a child, friend, spouse, and parent Preserve my love for my future marriage partner Dedicate myself to my marriage partner in complete fidelity Respect all families beyond race, nationality or faith, and raise my children to do the same.
I've seen more than one version of the pledge. The above is the version found in the tract (or card): Bless the Family, Save the Nation ([Washington, D.C.]: Sposored by FFWPU, Family Federation for World Peace & Unification, [between 2000 and 2005]). See: http://www.peacekingcenter.com/hot_story.htm Beside the pledge is a quotation from Matthew 19:4-6. The Federation was founded by Rev. and Mrs. Sun Myung Moon.

true lover:

1. A person with whom one has found true love (q.v.).

2. A person who is sincerely in love and authentic in all that would or does matter to a relationship with his or her beloved.

3. A person who is staunch with regard to love-relationship commitments.

4. In the plural, often, those who come together out of deep affection for and profound loyalty to each other.

Contrast false lover (q.v.). See also ideal, lover, perfect catch, Prince Charming, true love.

true marriage of minds and bodies:

A mutually satisfying union of persons in their totalities, especially in such a way that they feel fulfilled sexually, function together at a comparable level of energy and with a natural ease of coordination, are in fundamental sympathy with each other's thought, and find stimulation and enjoyment in conversation with each other, as well as relaxation in quiet moments together, all this in actuality over an indefinite period of time.

See also affinity, marriage, marriage of true minds, soul mate, spiritual marriage.

x marriage of minds and bodies.

Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "True Marriage of Minds and Bodies"
We spoke about marriage, whether a true marriage of minds and bodies was possible.
From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 199.

trusteeship family (Carle C. Zimmerman, 1947):

A family (q.v.) in which the interests and welfare of individual members are subordinated to the interests and welfare of the family as such even over the long term.

Contrast atomistic family (q.v.) and domestic family (q.v.). See also family, old paradigm relating.

try-sexual, or trysexual:

A person who is willing to experiment erotically, generally either to see whether he or she likes or might acquire a taste for a practice or type of sex partner or to satisfy a sex partner's erotic fantasy; a person who is open to trying almost anything sexually.

Comment: Sometimes spelled "trisexual," which, however, is misleading, since (a) it suggests something to do with a threefold sexuality and (b) "trisexual" (q.v.) is a word unto itself.

See also omnisexual, pansexual, pomosexual, sexual nomad.

tryst, as in "a tryst":

A prearranged meeting, especially between lovers.

See also amour l'après-midi, assignation, cute meet, love-nest, lovers' lane, lovers' walk, love shack, meet-cute, petite maison, temple of love.

tryst, as in "to tryst":

To meet as prearranged, especially as lovers.

Tsimshian language:

See lax-hwa'nEmLk^u.

turkey drop:

A break-up over the Thanksgiving break, especially when a freshman college student breaks up with a high school sweetheart.

Comment: In the United States, turkey meat is a traditional food for a Thanksgiving feast.

See also break-up, high-school sweetheart.

Turkish marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) that occurs in Turkey or according to Turkish custom.

2. Marriage generally, as practiced in Turkey.

3. Polygyny, especially in the style of a sultan of Turkey.

Comment: The last sense has largely fallen into disuse, since polygyny is no longer an officially sanctioned custom in Turkey. It was banned in 1926 during the reforms of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk (1881-1938). However, polygyny is still practiced there, especially among the Kurds of the southeastern region.

See also harem, polygyny, seraglio.

tutting party:

A ladies' tea party, followed by the introduction of men and alcoholic beverages, followed in turn by drunkenness, ribaldry, and sex play.

Comments: Supposedly an old English custom, now long discontinued.

Of the many meanings of "tut" -- among them "buttocks," "cushion," "piece," and "teat," plus the word's use in "tut-tutting" -- I do not know which is meant here. Conceivably  "tutting" is a variation of "tatting," a kind of lace. Halliwell gives "bun-feast" as a synonym, however in my sources that refers simply to a tea party.

Reference
A Dictionary of Archaic and Provincial Words: Obsolete Phrases, Proverbs, and Ancient Customs, from the Fourteenth Century, by James Orchard Halliwell (5th ed. London: Gibbings, 1901): v. 2, p. 896, s.v. "tutting."

See also cupcake party, hen party, tart party.

x party.

Quotation from Maxwell Anderson Illustrating "Tutting Parties"
THE FOOL There was no tutting, neither. PENELOPE You are mistaken. There used to be tutting parties. They all brought their tutting.
From: Elizabeth the Queen: A Play in Three Acts, by Maxwell Anderson (London; New York: Longmans Green, c1930): Act 2?, scene 1?, p. 80?? <Needs to be verified>

two-earner household:

A household (q.v.) with a dual income, since it has two members who bring in money due to work performed.

See also dink, power couple, working wife.

two-parent family:

A household (q.v.) consisting of two adults and one or more children who are being raised by those adults.

See also conjugal family, elementary family, family, family values, immediate family, individual family, nuclear family, one-parent family, parent, polyfamily, resource dissolution hypothesis, single-parent family.

twosome:

One person together with another person; a couple.

See also couple, duet, duo, dyad, pair, threesome.

two-step marriage or marriage in two steps (Margaret Mead, 1966):

A marriage (q.v.) that starts with individual marriage (q.v.) and progresses to parental marriage (q.v.).

x marriage in two steps.

two strings to (one's) bow:

See have two strings to (one's) bow.

two-time:

To cheat on (a partner with another person).

See also betray, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, fool around, infidelity, non-consensual adultery, run astray, tip, unfaithfulness, yard on.

two-timer:

Someone who cheats on a partner, with another person.

See also adulterer, adulteress, bedswerver, cheat, half-worker, sex cheat, sotah, spousebreach, spousebreaker, whore.

two-way relationship:

1. A relationship (q.v.) between two individuals in which both are contributing in significant ways to making the relationship or the relevant aspect of it work.

2. A relationship in which there is both emotional reciprocity and significant communication back and forth.

Contrast lop-sided relationship (q.v.) and one-sided relationship (q.v.).

tyo:

See taio.

type, as in "my type, your type, her type, his type":

The sort of person to whom one is particularly attracted or with whom ones feels particularly comfortable; a person who more or less fits one's mental template for a partner.

See also Dirty Harry syndrome, good match, ideal, lovemap, Miss Right, Miss Wonderful, Mister Right, Mister Wonderful, Ms. Right, right man, right person, right woman, sexual imprinting, soul mate, template (for a lover).

x my type.

types of relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

ubercrush:

1. "Super crush"; an intense and enduring crush.

2. A person one has a huge crush on.

Comment: Alternative spellings: uber-crush, über crush, übercrush, ueber crush.

The prefix is from the German word "über," which sometimes translates as "super."

See also crush.

x German terms.

x ueber crush.

über-husband:

"Super-husband"; a man who makes extraordinary contributions to his marriage or who is willing to sacrifice much in order to please his wife.

Comment: The prefix is from the German word über, which sometimes translates as "super." In some usages, there may be an echo of the Übermensch, that is, the "overman" or "superman" in Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche's Also Sprach Zarathustra (1883-1891).

See also über-wife, husband.

über-wife:

"Super-wife"; a woman who makes extraordinary contributions to her marriage or who is willing to sacrifice much in order to please her husband.

Comment: The prefix is from the German word "über," which sometimes translates as "super."

See also über-husband, wife.

ueber crush:

See ubercrush.

Ulithi terms:

See pi supuhui.

umbrageous:

1. Temperamentally disposed to take offense easily.

2. Inclined to be jealous and suspicious.

See also jealousy, wild with jealousy.

umfriend:

A person with whom one is having sex but with whom a person is either (a) not in a mutually acknowledged love relationship or (b) in a type of relationship that that person has not revealed to the one being addressed or finds awkward to explain; a sex partner (q.v.) the exact relationship with whom is nebulous to somebody.

Comment: "Mom, he (or she) is my, um, friend." Hence the combination of interjection and noun in "umfriend."

See also amari, cohabitant, cohabitee, co-vivant, cuddle buddy, de facto, domestic companion, erotic friend, friend, friend with benefits, f*** buddy, heterosexual friendship, in-house friend, live-in boyfriend, live-in companion, live-in girlfriend, live-in lover, male-female friendship, partner, PASSLQ, POSSLQ, riddle-me-ree relationship, sex buddy, TOCOTOX.

Quotation from Benjamin DeMott Illustrating the Pre-Combination Form of "Umfriend"
A friend, bored with the search for euphemisms, settling on the term "um" to denote members of an unmarried couple. (The friend says parents of these couples depend on that sound when alluding to their child's partner. "My daughter's ... um ... friend." "My son's um ...")
From: "After the Sexual Revolution," by Benjamin DeMott, in: Looking Back at Tomorrow: Twelve Decades of Insights from the Atlantic, selected and edited by Louise Desaulniers (Atlantic subscriber ed. [S.l.]: Atlantic Monthly Company, 1978): pp. 242-276, specifically pp. 242-243. Essay originally published, 1976.

`umra (Arabic):

A wedding (q.v.) performed in the locale of the wife or her kin.

Contrast `urs. See also mahr, nikah.

x Arabic terms.

unattached:

Not in a committed love relationship; single.

See also aloneness, attached, available, committed love relationship, eligible, free, free agent, jeune fille à marier, marital status, marriagefree, single, unmarried.

unbridle sex:

To ignore or to remove moral constraints, cultural taboos, social restrictions, and/or psychological inhibitions with regard to sexual activity, choice of sex partners, and/or unwelcome admixtures with sexuality introduced for purposes of selfish sexual gratification.

Comment: Perhaps most often met with in one of these forms: "unbridling sex," "the unbridling of sex," or "unbridled sex."

See also libertinism, licentiousness, sex, sexual freedom, sexual immorality, sexual liberation, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

unchaste:

Characterized by a deficiency in chastity (q.v.).

Contrast chaste (q.v.). See also dirty, fast, immoral, impurity, licentious, wanton.

uncle:

1. A father's brother.

2. A mother's brother.

3. The husband of one's aunt.

4. A mother's boyfriend.

5. A father's brother who has become one's stepfather and who may even become known as Uncle So-And-So to one's own spouse and children and grandchildren -- in my mother's case, Uncle Percy, who married her mother after her father was killed in a gun accident.

Comment: In the first four senses, he might be called either, for instance, "my uncle" or, for instance, "Uncle John." Sometimes the term is used imprecisely or as a short form of "great uncle" or by proxy as when the person is the uncle of a close relative or friend.

See also aunt, boyfriend, consanguinity, kinship, levir, step-

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Uncle"
[98] What does a young mother do about her sex life? [99] What she does is stop lying to her children. There is a certain segment of our population which does just that. These women never have a permanent husband; they keep a stream of men coming and going, sometimes having their children, sometimes getting lucky and not pregnant. The men are generally called "uncle" by the existing kids, and these youngsters don't seem to have any special hangups about whose father is whom. They simply accept the fact that mama usually has a man, although there's never any certainty that the same one will be there tomorrow.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): pp. 98-99.

uncommitted dating:

Occasional sexual intimacy (q.v.) in the context of a relationship, perhaps a loving one, that is without any long-term understanding.

See also date, love relationship.

unconditional love:

1. Affection or lovingkindness that is not dependent on the beloved meeting prerequisites or abiding by restrictions, but that is given and continues regardless of circumstances.

2. One's affection that endures for as long as one continues to exist, whatever may befall.

3. Willingness to forgive anything of the beloved and to do anything for the good of the beloved up to and including laying down one's life for that person.

4. Continuing affection, loyalty, and personal commitment "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health ... till death us do part," to quote from the "Solemnization of Matrimony" in The Book of Common Prayer.

5. Affection or lovingkindness that is absolute -- that is, steady, abiding, and constantly enduring -- and that therefore, some say, has as its source the divine, in fact some say that only God is capable of it.

Comments: Sometimes the term is used with unrealistic intent, or as an ideal one wishes to strive for in a relationship, or with an understanding that a mere mortal can back it only so far.

Often cases of parental love are adduced as examples of how far unconditional love can be humanly taken.

The constancy of such love does not preclude the adaptation of its expression to different circumstances. Nor does such love imply that the beloved will receive whatever is desired because of it.

See also affection, agapic love, constancy, devotion, faithfulness, fidelity, forgiveness, love, love dare, sacrificial love, tough love, troth, undying love.

unconditional sex:

Sexual activity free of payment and without exclusivity or commitment being expected.

See also casual sex, free love, libertinism, no strings attached, recreational sex.

uncouple:

1. To divorce.

2. To break up.

3. To disengage after sexual intercourse.

See also break up, couple, ditch, divorce, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, let go, separate, split up, throw over.

uncuckolded:

Having a wife who has not been unfaithful; having a wife who, during the marriage, has had voluntary sexual relations with only oneself.

Comment: For lexical example, see under "loose-wived."

See also cuckold, fidelity.

undeclared love:

Romantic feelings directed at an individual but not made known to that individual by clearly intelligible means; being in love (q.v.) without telling the person with whom one is in love.

See also carry a torch for, Dante Alighieri syndrome, declaration, limerence, love, partner in love, secret love, unrequited love.

under (one's) skin:

See get under one's skin.

under petticoat government:

Ruled by a woman, said especially of a husband.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, fictive widow, gynocracy, hen-peck, meacock, petticoat despotism, petticoat government, pussy-whipped, she who must be obeyed, tied to her apron stings, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, womaned, woman-tired.

undersexed:

1. Insufficiently driven by one's libido; possessed of a weak sex drive; having, in general, a low level of sexual desire.

2. Characterized by or pertaining to a below average (or below the mean) amount of sexual activity, as in a population.

Comment: In the first sense, often the term implies a value judgment, namely, that having an exceptionally weak sex drive is a problem. Furthermore, the term has a strong subjective element, since there is no standard for how "sexed" one should or should not be.

Contrast "oversexed" (q.v.). See also anhedonic, aphanistic, asexual, bed death, frigid, hyphedonia, hyposexual, jaded, lesbian bed death, libido, sex, sexed, sexuality, silent epidemic.

undying love:

Love (q.v.) that persists.

Comment: Such love may be measured relative to its obstacles and countervailing influences, or relative to the remainder of one's life, or relative to eternity.

Human beings being finite in their capacities, the phrase is often used hyperbolically.

See also belief in love, constancy, dead love, die with love, eternal union, Liebestod, love-death, marriage-is-forever myth, mizpah, unconditional love.

"unequally yoked":

The translation, in the Authorized (King James) Version of the Bible, of the Greek word heterozugountes, which was used by the Apostle Paul at 2 Corinthians 6:14 and which has often been taken as referring or, at least, applying to the wedding of a Christian to a non-Christian. (The Authorized Version of 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 is quoted in full below.)

Comments: The Greek term zugein means "to pair" or "to rank in pairs," like yoked oxen or soldiers filing by two at a time. Heterozugein means "to mismatch" or "to mismate," like yoking a dog with an ox.

It is not clear that Paul had marriage in mind, and there are good reasons for doubt:

• The concern that he had expressed for the bodily temple, corporately understood, in his previous letter to the Corinthians had to do with being joined to a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:15-20); and that might explain his reference, in the present context, to the bodily temple (2 Corinthians 6:16) in relation to defilement or, as the Authorized Version has it, "filthiness of the flesh" (7:1).
• In his earlier letter, he had specifically encouraged mixed marriages to stay together (1 Corinthians 7:12-16), even though he had a contrary precedent in Ezra 9-10 and Nehemiah 13 upon which, given a different hermeneutical and theological approach, he could conceivably have built. (However, Ezra and Nehemiah might not have been part of his canon. They are nowhere quoted or specifically alluded to in the New Testament.)
• Rather than associating mixed marriages with "filthiness of the flesh," he saw them as sanctifying (1 Corinthians 7:14) and potentially leading to salvation (7:16).
• He did not allude to any of the classic passages forbidding or discouraging the intermarriage of Israelites with people of certain nations (see, for example, Deuteronomy 7:1-4; 23:3-8). Instead his allusions, which are listed after the quotation below, were general in nature.
• In those days, choice of spouse was not always voluntary, especially for the woman, whom Paul made a point of including in verse 18; and, therefore, his admonition, if meant to apply to marriage, would have had limited force, a limitation he showed no sign of recognizing.

Nevertheless, historically the passage has often been interpreted as referring to or applicable to marrying. In this connection, it might be worth mentioning that a related word, lexical form zugios, was an epithet used for the goddess Hera as the patroness of marriage (Hêrê te Zugiê in Apollonius Rhodius, Argonautica 4.96; Zugiên Hêrên in Musaeus, Hero and Leander 275; cf. Greek Anthology 7.555).

Whether or not marrying was implied, the unequal pairing has been variously interpreted to refer to, for instance:

• a perceiver and reverencer of the rational principle of the cosmos paired with a superstitious person;
• a person who acts ethically out of faith in the invisible God paired with an unethical person;
• a worshipper of the invisible God paired with an idolator;
• a person who operates spiritually paired with a person who hasn't -- yet, anyway -- grasped anything beyond the material and the false;
• two people paired each of whom represents a fundamental, essentialistic divide within humankind, one capable of true spirituality and the other not;
• a person who represents the priestly body of Christ, that is, the church paired with somebody who represents defilement;
• a follower in the cult of Christ, that is, a Christian paired with anyone else, even a worshipper of the invisible God.

The last has, perhaps, been the most common interpretation; but as, historically, one Christian sect has rejected another and application of the text has splintered along with the splintering of the church, it seemed to lose any existential sense beyond partisanship; whereas Paul was speaking close to the bone about an issue big enough to be contained not by any sect or subculture, but only by the cosmos itself.

See also amixia, beloved stranger, cagamosis, heterogamosis, incompatibility, interfaith marriage, intermarriage, interreligious marriage, letter group (I), lop-sided relationship, married contrary to discipline, marry out of meeting, microphily, mixed marriage, "one flesh," one-sided relationship, poor match, Sixth Commandment of the Church, syzygy, toxic relationship, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage, yoked.

x Greek terms.

x heterozugeô.

The Locus Classicus for "Unequally Yoked" 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 in the Authorzed Version of 1611
6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.1 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing;2 and I will receive you,3 6:18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons4 and daughters,5 saith the Lord Almighty.6 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.
1 Cf. Leviticus 26:12; Exodus 29:45; Jeremiah 31:1; 32:38; Ezekiel 37:27.
2 Cf. Isaiah 52:11.
3 Cf. Ezekiel 20:41.
4 Cf. 2 Samuel 7:14; Jeremiah 31:9; Hosea 1:10 (= 2:1 in Hebrew)
5 Cf. Isaiah 43:6; Deuteronomy 12:12; Ezekiel 14:22; 16:20; Joel 2:28.
6 Cf. Amos 3:13 and 4:14 in the Septuagint.

unequal marriage:

1. A marriage (q.v.) in which respect and affection are not returned in comparable measure.

2. A marriage between individuals of vastly different social standing.

See also cagamosis, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, hypergamy, hypogamy, incompatibility, poor match, slob love, toxic relationship, unhappily married, union of equals.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Unequal Marriage"
[Mr Bennet]: '... I know your disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarecely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. You know not what you are about.'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 59, p. 468. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

unfaithful:

Not faithful (q.v.); characterized by infidelity (q.v.) or unfaithfulness (q.v.); characterized by having broken a commitment, by a violation of an expectation of sexual exclusivity, or by a breach in loyalty.

See also inconstant, infidelious, infidous, loose, promiscuous., run astray, volage.

unfaithfulness:

1. Being unfaithful to one's expressed relational commitment, for instance, a commitment to sexual exclusivity.

2. Violating an expectation of sexual exclusivity, for instance in a monogamy-only context.

3. Disloyalty.

See also abuse, action on the side, adultery, betrayal, cheat, cheating curve, double adultery, emotional infidelity, extra-pair copulation, feel betrayed, inconstancy, infidelity, loose-wived, monogamy-only, non-consensual adultery, overlapping, relational commitment, secret-false, sexual exclusivity, sexual immorality, skirt-chaser, sperm wars, tip, two-time, unfaithful, yard on.

unfledged heart:

A person who lacks experience at matters of love, even one who might not yet be ready for flights of love.

See also heart.

unflushable:

Characterized by being exceptionally difficult to break up with; characterized by a refusal to accept being dumped.

Comment: The term has toilet overtones and so is susceptible to being taken badly.

Source: The BBC television sitcom, "Coupling," series 1, episode 1, "Flushed," written by Steven Moffat; directed by Martin Dennis (first aired, May 12, 2000).

See also bad breaker-upper, break up, dump, flush.

unfulfilled love:

1. Romantic emotion that is deprived of its object before a desired sexual relationship or a desired marriage is established.

2. A bond between individuals in which an ingredient vitally important to at least one of the partners is missing, such as sexual consummation, the meeting of sexual needs, the begetting and bearing of children, or the sense of feeling loved.

See also crossed in love, cruelty, error of fancy, fallacy of a cherished affection, incompatibility, love, poor match, unreciprocated love, unrequited love, WMD.

ungetaken (Eskimo; needs to be verified):

A lover of one's lover.

Comment: I am doubtful that this is an actual Eskimo word, since I have been unable to verify it in a variety of lexical tools. It should then be taken as a neologism coined on false premises.

See also assistant, bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, chains of affection, distal partner, lover, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, partner, partner sharing, sheet partner, TOCOTOX.

x Eskimo terms.

unhappily married:

1. Discontented with each other; said of persons married to each other.

2. Discontented with one's spouse; said of a married person.

3. Due deficiencies in one's marriage, inclined either to seek satisfaction elesewhere, that is, with one or more lovers, or to dump a spouse.

4. Preferring for oneself singlehood to the marital state as one is experiencing it.

Contrast happily married (q.v.). See also cagamosis, cavel, death spiral of a relationship, desperate, dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estrangement, heterogamosis, hollow marriage, incompatibility, love dare, love-hate relationship, loveless marriage, love-resolves-all myth, love-trouble, marital blues, marriage shock, marriage-trap, martyred spouse, misérables, odd couple, poor match, rocky relationship, slob love, toxic relationship, "unequally yoked," unequal marriage, unsuccessful marriage, WMD.

unhappily single:

1. Discontented with the circumstance of having no spouse.

2. Discontented with the circumstance of not being in an exclusive relationship.

Contrast happily single (q.v.). See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, itchy ring finger, marriage minded, marrying kind, sex-starved, single, Torschlusspanik, wedding bell blues.

unilateralism:

Decision-making that affects a relationship by only one of the parties in the relationship, rather than, for instance:

• by consensus or
• by acquiescence to the person or persons with the strongest feelings or needs in the matter or
• according to a policy of relationship enhancement and comfort.

Comment: Unilateralism is a major component of relationship power dynamics, and it is usually carried out by either domination or veto. Thus, even where the partners are on equal terms, suggested activities, such as sexual activites, are easily squelched by veto. Unilateralism can undermine what is intended to be a synergic marriage (q.v.).

See also boundary, doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, E&E, EwE, ex parte divorce, "It's not you, it's me," maritodespotism, quasi-desertion, see-saw affair, uxorodespotism, veto rule, withhold sex.

unilocal residence:

In reference to the married, living with or near one or more people of one of the spouse's lineages, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

union:

A mating that entails the sharing of each other's lives together.

See also ad hoc union, committed love relationship, eternal union, free union, marriage, mate, mystic marriage, strange union, union of equals, unite, yoke.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Union"
... her [Anne Elliot's] affection would be his [Captain Wentworth's] for ever. Their union, she believed, could not divide her more from other men, than their final separation. Prettier musings of high-wrought love and eternal constancy, could never have passed along the streets of Bath ...
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 21, p. 230. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

union libre:

See free union.

union of equals:

1. The marriage of individuals of the same social class.

2. The partnering of individuals in a love relationship or marriage in a way that is devoid of any sexual chauvinism. This is often maintained to be a feminist ideal.

See also feminism, "goose and gander" theory, sexual chauvinism, unequal marriage, union.

x equal union.

union of hearts:

1. A joining together on the basis, perhaps the sole basis, of being in love.

2. A common orientation of concerns; a mutual devotion pursued together in partnership.

See also elective affinity, heart, husband in truth, in love, marriage of true minds, mystic betrothal, mystic marriage, night-wife, soul mate, spiritual marriage, wife in truth.

Quotation from The Spectator Illustrating "Union of Hearts"
An innocent creature, who would start at the name of strumpet, may think it pretty to be called a mistress, especially if her seducer has taken care to inform her, that an union of hearts is the principal matter in the sight of heaven, and that the business at church is a mere idle ceremony.
From: The Spectator; with notes, and a general index (From the last improved London edition, stereotyped. Philadelphia: J. J. Woodward, 1829): no. 286, Anonymous letter to Mr. Spectator (Monday, January 28, 1711-12). The Spectator was written by Joseph Addison, Richard Steele, and others.

unite:

1. To bring together.

2. To join together, that which is joined together thus functioning at least in part as a single entity or for a common purpose.

3. To intermingle mystically or in some intangible way and thereby to form a deep bond.

4. To marry, in the sense of to officiate a wedding ceremony.

5. To marry, in the sense of to enter into a marital bond together.

6. To join bodies in sexual intercourse.

See also hook up, marry, union.

Quotation from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin Illustrating "Uniting"
Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfil them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.
From: The Phenomenon of Man, [by] Pierre Teilhard de Chardin; with an introduction by Sir Julian Huxley (London: Collins, 1959): book 4, chapter 2, §2, p. 265. Translation from the French of: Le phénomène humain (c1955).
The Quotation in the Original French
Seul l'amour, pour la bonne raison que seu il prend et joint les êtres par le fond d'eux-mêmes, est capable ...
From: Le phénomène humain, [par] Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (Paris: Éditions du Seuil, c1955; in set: Œuvres de Teilhard de Chardin; 1): [livre] 4, chapitre 2, §2, p. 295.

unitive meaning, or unitive aspect:

One of the functional points of sexual intercourse, namely, to express and consolidate the union of a husband and wife.

Comment: This is per Roman Catholic teaching.

See also dissolution, marriage, "one flesh," procreative meaning.

Quotation from Humanae Vitae Illustrating "Unitive Meaning"

Respect for the Nature and Purpose of the Marriage Act 11. ... Nonetheless the Church, calling men back to the observance of the norms of the natural law, as interpreted by their constant doctrine, teaches that each and every marriage act (quilibet matrimonii usus) must remain open to the transmission of life. Two Inseparable Aspects: Union and Procreation 12. That teaching, often set forth by the magisterium, is founded upon the inseparable connection, willed by God and unable to be broken by man on his own initiative, between the two meanings of the conjugal act: the unitive meaning and the procreative meaning. Indeed, by its intimate structure, the conjugal act, while most closely uniting husband and wife, capacitates them for the generation of new lives, according to laws inscribed in the very being of man and of woman. By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination towards man's most high calling to parenthood.

From: Encyclical Letter of His Holiness Pope Paul VI, Of Human Life = Humanae Vitae: Issued July 25, 1968 (Boston, Mass.: St. Paul Editions, [1968]): §§11-12, pp. 9-10. "NC News Service Translation." All of the text above is from p. 10, except for the first section heading and number. For the phrase, "expressing and consolidating their union," which was drawn upon in the definition above, see §11, p. 9.

universal ethical hedonism:

See ethical hedonism.

universal permanent availability (Bernard Farber, 1964):

The idea that mate selection is not limited by societal factors, for instance, by the fact that a potential mate is already married; the view that nearly anyone is a potential mate for nearly anyone at any time.

See also availability index, dating pool, elective affinity, libertinism, Ms. Right, sexual freedom, sexual permissiveness, spiritual husband, spiritual marriage, spiritual wife.

univira (Latin):

A woman who has had one and only one husband.

Comment: Sometimes the term implies renunciation of remarriage on the woman's part and carries overtones of virtue.

The Greek equivalent is monandros (q.v.).

Related Latin terms include: unicuba ("that has lain with but one husband") and univiratus ("the state or condition of a woman who has married but once") -- to borrow definitions from A Copious and Critical Latin-English Lexicon ..., by E. A. Andrews (c1850, t.p. 1851).

See also lone star, monogamist, one-man woman, remarriage.

x Latin terms.

unlove:

1. To go through a process of ceasing to love a person, especially insofar as that love causes pain or entails interference.

2. To come to a cessation of feelings associated with love.

3. To feel an emotion contrary to love; to hate.

See also Amnon-Tamar syndrome, astorgy, fall out of love, kill the feeling for each other, love, love-hate relationship, mislove.

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Unlove "
[Regarding Aviva and Guido] ... at times she would say to herself, I survived one day without him, two days without him, it's getting better, my depression is improving, I'm learning to slowly unlove him.
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): p. 164. The mark of omission is mine.

unloved:

Lacking the affection and/or sexual attentions of someone whose affections and/or attentions are desired, or (depending on context) of anyone at all.

Comment: Often the term carries a trace of pity when used of another or bitterness when used of oneself.

See also lonely heart, loveless, lovelorn.

unmarried:

Single (q.v.) or in a love relationship that is not considered, by the speaker, to be marriage.

See also agamous, aloneness, angélica, available, dance barefoot, eligible, feme sole, free, free agent, jeune fille à marier, maiden, maiden aunt, marital status, marriagefree, miss, never married, odd woman, old bachelor, old maid, spinsterhood, unattached, unwed.

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Unmarried"
That she [Charles Harcourt's mother] had not remarried after his father's death, Harcourt had later learned, had been the subject of much talk in the castles and the homesteads all up and down the river. She had remained unmarried, he had thought at times, not only out of the love and loyalty she felt for his father, but perhaps as well out of regard for her son, probably fearing that marriage to the wrong kind of man might compromise his inheritance.
From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 33.

unnatural:

1. Contrary to or a distortion of what one would ordinarily expect with regard to a member of a species, especially humankind; not normal, however, more in a psychological or sociological or ethological sense than in a moral or mores sense.

2. Out of line with the purpose for which humankind was created; contrary to the proper end of humankind; contrary to what is considered to be good for the full flowering and goodness of one's humanity; not normal, however, more in a moral or mores sense than in a psychological or sociological sense.

3. Against natural law, that is, natural law in a philosophical or theological sense rather than in a scientific physical-laws-of-the-universe sense.

4. Pertaining to that which seriously violates a given person's engrained sense of propriety.

5. Pertaining to the mixing of the dissimilar in kind or the dissimilar with respect to properties.

6. On the part of human beings, pertaining to a sexual connection (q.v.) other than between a living human male and a living human female, a sexual connection such as with a member of the same sex (either male or female) or with an animal.

7. On the part of human beings, pertaining to sexual pleasuring other than between a living human male and a living human female, including both autoerotic and homosexual activity.

8. Pertaining to a sexual activity that involves intromission of a live phallus into a human orifice other than a vagina -- especially anal sex, but the term is sometimes used for fellatio as well.

9. Pertaining to the mating of two people who are not suited to each other, for instance, because of a dramatic age difference that is not overcome by love.

10. Pertaining to that which is impossible because contrary to the physical laws of the universe.

Comments: The last sense is used chiefly in criticisms of the very idea of unnaturalness, treating it either as a straw horse or as what is perceived to be the absurd conclusion of natural law theory; for (the criticism goes) nothing that is possible can be against nature.

The term "unnatural" or its synonym, "against nature," often translates the Greek para physin and the Latin contra naturam, for instance, at Romans 1:26. (For discussion of the meaning of that text, see under "bestiality" and "lesbian.")

See also active-passive split, "as with womankind," bestiality, homosexual, irregular connection, lesbian, new morality, Noachian laws, perversion, sexual immorality, sexual sin, sodomite; age-gap relationship, anisonogamia, intergenerational relationhship, May-December romance, spring-autumn romance.

x against nature.

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

x Latin terms.

x Shakespeare.

Quotation from Shakespeare Illustrating "Unnatural"
DESDEMONA. That death's unnatural that kills for loving.
From: William Shakespeare, Othello (circa 1604-1605): Act 5, Scene 1, line 44.

unprotected sex:

Oral, vaginal, or anal copulation without using an effective barrier, such as a latex condom, against the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.

See also body fluid monogamy, protected sex.

unreciprocated love:

1. Affections or romantic feelings for somebody that are not returned, at least in a way that is recognized or felt to be satisfying.

2. The providing of sexual gratification without being similarly gratified in return.

Comments: "Unrequited love" generally refers to cases where the desire is for a type of relationship that does not yet exist, whereas "unreciprocated love" tends to cover a broader spectrum and may include, for instance, cases where love has died on one side.

The Greek god said to avenge unreciprocated love was Anteros.

See also cruelty, fallacy of a cherished affection, heartache, love, reciprocated love, unfulfilled love, unrequited love, wertheritis.

unrequited love:

Romantic feelings directed at an individual but not reciprocated; being in love with a person without that person being in love back.

Comment: Abbreviated URL.

See note under "unreciprocated love."

See also carry a torch for, crossed in love, cruelty, descort, desperate, error of fancy, heartache, in love, limerence, love, lovesickness, pine for, requite, stringer, torch song, torchy, undeclared love, unfulfilled love, URL, wertheritis.

unsuccessful marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) that falls short of being a successful marriage (q.v.).

See also cagamosis, divorce, emotional divorce, dysfunctional relationship, estrangement, fall out of love, heterogamosis, incompatibility, loveless marriage, love-trouble, marital blues, misérables, poor match, punishment through marriage, rocky relationship, toxic relationship, "unequally yoked," unhappily married, WMD.

unsynchronized passion:

Mutually reciprocated romantic love when the timing is wrong, that is, under circumstances in which at least one of the lovers is unavailable to the the other lover.

See also passion, romantic love.

x victims of unsynchronized passion.

Quotation from Ernest Hemingway Illustrating "Un-synchronized Passion"
"The thing about the Kraut [Marlene Dietrich] and me," Ernest [Hemingway] said after I told him what Marlene had said about him, "is that we have been in love since 1934, when we first met on the Ile de France, but we've never been to bed. Amazing but true. Victims of un-synchronized passion. Those times when I was out of love, the Kraut was deep in some romantic tribulation, and on those occasions when Dietrich was on the surface and swimming about with those marvelously seeking eyes of hers, I was submerged. There was another crossing on the Ile, years | after that first one, when something could have happened, the only time, but I had too recently made love to that worthless M--, and the Kraut was still somewhat in love with that equally worthless R--. We were like two young cavalry officers who had lost all their money gambling and were determined to go straight."
Papa Hemingway: A Personal Memoir, [by] A. E. Hotchner (New York: Random House, c1966): pp. 26-27 (the end of chapter 1). For the first part of this quotation online, see: "Racy Letters from Hemingway to Dietrich to Be Unsealed," by Ashley Parker, The New York Times, March 30, 2007. "The Kraut" was Hemingway's term of affection for Dietrich.

unwanted sex:

1. Undesired sexual attention.

2. Rape (q.v.).

Contrast consensual sex (q.v.). See also boundary, obligatory sex, separation of sex and power, unwelcome admixture with sexuality.

unwed:

Not married; single up to the present.

See also azygophrenia, dance barefoot, free, jeune fille à marier, single, unmarried.

unwedded bliss:

See bliss.

unwed father:

A man whose child is conceived and born while he is unmarried (q.v.).

See also family values; father; Mater semper certa est, pater est, quem nuptiae demonstrant; only parent; out of wedlock; parent without partner; paternity; salvator femininus; single parent; single-parent family; unwed mother; unwed parent.

unwed mother:

A woman whose child is conceived and born while she is unmarried (q.v.).

Comment: Since unwed mothers are almost always more visible than unwed fathers and therefore take the brunt of any social disapproval, some people, when using a plural, prefer to speak of single parents or of unwed mothers and fathers, thus shifting from an unfair focus to a fairer one.

See also choice mom, family values, grass-widow, maternity, mother, only parent, out of wedlock, parent without partner, single parent, single-parent family, unwed father, unwed parent.

unwed parent:

A single parent (q.v.).

See also family values, grass-widow, only parent, out of wedlock, parent, parent without partner, single-parent family, unwed father, unwed mother.

unwelcome admixture with sexuality:

Any one of several types of behavior that when combined with sexual activity muddies the purity or pure delight of such activity because either free choice or parity is not adequately respected. Examples of such admixtures include:

• violence;
• coercion;
• predatory behavior;
• abuse of authority or power;
• taking advantage of stupor or unconsciousness or impairment or childhood immaturity;
• harassment;
• degradation;
• chauvinism;
• structural subordination;
• double standards;
• possessiveness;
• restriction of social interaction (for example, forced claustration);
• genetic control;
• genetic endangerment;
• disregard for mental or venereal health;
• violation of privacy;
• effrontery;
• creation of dangerous distraction;
• violation or neglect of duty;
• fraudulence; and,
• false accusation.

There are also admixtures, such as commerce and imposition on the public, where a distinction must be drawn between what is welcome, what is tolerable, and what is unwelcome.

Comments:

Coined by T. Rifkin Elliott.

Conceptualizing unwanted admixtures allows for distilling a concept of sexuality that is free from unpleasant associations.

See also boundary, casting couch, claustration, consexuality, consensual sex, consent to sex, danger myth of sexual desire, degrading sex, get government out of the bedroom, illicit love, inappropriate relationship, indiscretion, moral code, pansexualism, peccadillo, perversion, possessiveness, rape, separation of sex and power, separation of sex and state, sex-positive stance, sex scandal, sexual blackmail, sexual degradation, sexual etiquette, sexual immorality, sexual justice, sexual liberation, sexual morality, sleep (one's) way to the top, stupration, unbridle sex, unwanted sex, use sex as a weapon, vamp, whore (one's) way to the top.

unwritten code:

See code.

Urfamilie (German):

The oldest and most elementary form of family unit, often conceived of as a mother and her child; although the Bible represents it as a husband and wife (Genesis 1:27; 2:24).

See also "Be fruitful and multiply," family, family sovereignty, "one flesh," provider.

x German terms.

urge to merge:

1. Impetus to cohabit or to marry.

2. Sexual desire.

Comment: The term is also sometimes used with respect to corporate mergers.

See also cohabit, horniness, libido, longing, marry, sex on the brain, sexual desire.

URL:

1. Unrequited love (q.v.).

2. Universal (or uniform) resource locator, that is, an Internet address.

`urs (Arabic):

A wedding (q.v.) performed in the locale of the husband or his kin.

Contrast `umra. See also mahr, nikah.

x Arabic terms.

use sex as a weapon:

1. To exploit, in such a way as to be deliberately hurtful or in order to extort something, either:

• a person's desire for oneself, or
• one's sexual history with a person, or
• an appearance of having had a sexual encounter with a person.

2. To employ a person's sexuality or sexual activity again him or her.

3. To employ sexual activity as a means of carrying out one's aggressive impulses.

4. To employ, aggressively, the charms associated with one's gender to one's material advantage, especially to do so flagrantly or repeatedly.

Note well: I hesitate to use "gender" as a synonym for "sex" in the sense of male/female/intersexed; however, in recent decades general usage has rendered it so.

Comment: Here the word "use" generally has a negative connotation, signfying, in effect, an abuse or improper exploitation of sex.

See also absolute code, abuse, pussywhip, sexual blackmail, sleep (one's) way to the top, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, tell all, whore (one's) way to the top.

x sex as a weapon.

x weapon of sex.

UST relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) characterized at least in part by "unresolved sexual tension," that is, a relationship where there is mutual attraction, mutual affection, and perhaps even ongoing mutual flirtation, but which has not become either a sexual relationship or a committed love relationship; a friendship in which the parties are sexually attracted to each other but have acted on that attraction only in ways that do not involve sexual activity.

Comment: Typically the sexual tension continues unresolved in order to avoid hurting somebody else, such as a spouse; in order to observe a social boundary, such as a one created by class or profession; or in order to preserve the friendship without the complications and risks that would be involved in becoming lovers.

See also cockteaser, cuntteaser, heterosexual friendship, Lady Jane, love relationship, male-female friendship, shipper, soul mate, Sunday husband.

x unresolved sexual tension.

usus or usus mulieris (Latin):

A Roman civil marriage -- in relation to coemption (q.v.), a lower form of civil marriage.

For lexical use, see under confarreation.

See also marriage, wedding.

x Latin terms.

utilitarian marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) that serves primarily a purpose other than promoting the relationship between the spouses.

See also marriage of convenience, marriage of reason, pragmatic love, romance-intolerant.

Quotation from John F. Cuber Illustrating "Utilitarian Marriage"
By the term Utilitarian Marriage we mean simply any marriage which is established or maintained for purposes other than to express an intimate, highly important personal relationship between a man and a woman. The absence of continuous and deep empathic feeling and the existence of an atmosphere of limited companionship are natural outcomes, since the purposes for its establishment or maintenance are not primarily sexual and emotional ones. Hence the term utilitarian; the marriage is useful to the mates for reasons outside of personal considerations.
From: The Significant Americans: A Study of Sexual Behavior Among the Affluent, by John F. Cuber, with Peggy B. Harroff (New York: Appleton-Century, c1965): p. 109.

utopian swinging:

1. Deliberately challenging traditional norms and conventional mores by way of the philosophies behind and the practice of polyfidelity (q.v.) or, more broadly, polyamory (q.v.), thus substituting norms and mores supposed to be better.

2. Living by the idea that neither sexual relations with someone other than one's partner in a dyadic relationship nor love for someone other than one's partner should ever be the occasion for tragedy due to social expectations or the inculcation of others' expectations, rather that they should be occasions for personal growth, fully aware relationship enhancement, the exorcism of inculcated expectations, and the restructuring of social expectations.

3. Swinging with the idea in mind that doing so helps make the world a better place, for instance by breaking down social barriers, by relieving social tensions, by engendering a more intimate community, and by the expression and satisfaction rather than repression and frustration of desire and affection.

Contrast recreational swinging (q.v.). See also abundant love principle, apolygist, bonobo way, ethical non-monogamy, group marriage, heart-swapping, letter group (omega), more evolved, new morality, panfidelity, pankoitism, polyactivism, public character of sex, radical love, sexual golden age, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual utopia, spiritual polyamory, swing, tribal marriage.

uxor (Latin):

Wife (q.v.).

Comment: A common way for a man to sign a guest book for himself and his wife has been to add after his name "et uxor" (abbreviated "et ux."), in other words, "and wife." In some times and jurisdictions, signing this way, for instance in a hotel register, has served as evidence that a common law marriage (q.v.) subsists, if official solemnization (q.v.) of a marriage has not previously taken place; for it serves as a public declaration that the couple is living as husband and wife.