Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

T - U

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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taab (Hebrew):

See abomination.

taboo, or tabu:

An irrationally founded societal aversion; a cultural ban based on custom or religion rather than practical reason.

Comment: This is a loan-word from Tongan.

See culture, ethical relativism, mores, sexual taboo., taboo terms

x Tongan terms.

taboo terms:

Units of language that are forbidden or regarded as highly offensive in certain social contexts.

Comments: Among sexual terms, perhaps the foremost taboo term is the word "fuck." It serves as noun, verb, and adjective; and it is used both in reference to certain types of sexual activity and as a vulgarity, often as a vulgar intensifier.

That the second sort of use should be frowned upon makes sense, since, (a) like many intensifiers ('very" being an example), the effect, except in rare instances, is to dilute speech and, (b) like the use of other vulgar terms, such use has a tendency to become habitual and to communicate a crude sensibility. Furthermore, it trivializes and denigrates sexual activity, since the word does not completely lose its sexual overtones.

However, treating the first and primary sort of use, the sexual use, as taboo reflects chiefly upon a culture and its attitude towards sexuality. Of course, that may partly explain the word's taboo status since, in America at least, there is little consensus of attitudes about sexuality: One person may consider a use of the word in its primary sense as a mature affirmation of sexuality and another may consider its use as a juvenile degrading of sexuality or worse. For all that, it is one word for the sexual act or for performing it that is not a mere euphemism and that has deep historical roots.

Words that incorporate "fuck" are also generally considered taboo. An example would be "motherfucker," which generally is used as an insult.

Some names for body parts are treated in many contexts as taboo, such as "cock" (for penis) and "cunt" (for vulva or vagina). "Balls" (for testicles or scrotum), "ass" (for buttocks), "tits" (for breasts), and "boobs" (for breasts) are examples of words that may be rejected in polite company but that might not be regarded as being as over the line as "cock" and "cunt."

Some sexually related terms for people are widely regarded as offensive in many contexts and so as taboo. Examples are "hoe" and "slut." Even the fact that each of those words has many senses does not always mean that its use in an innocuous sense will be regarded as acceptable. Furthermore, the use of body parts to refer to a person is widely regarded as offensive in many contexts and so as taboo -- for instance, to refer to a person as a "cunt."

In some relationships, terms that are taboo in society -- say, on the air or at a religious meeting -- are always taboo, even in private. But in many friendships and sexual relationships, there is a point where the use of such terms between partners or friends becomes acceptable. Such use may indicate mutual acceptance (or wanting to be accepted) or trust or intimacy. In some sexual relationships, terms that are taboo in society may continue to be taboo within the relationship except as a sexual invitation or after being turned on, for in sexual relations such terms may take on erotic power.

For some people (such as myself), it is a curiosity that any sounds the human mouth can make should be considered taboo. There is nothing innate in any mouthed sound that makes it so. Cultural factors make it so, cultural factors (to introduce a historical hypothesis) such as class distinctions between Normans, who preferred Latinisms, and Anglo-Saxons, with their Old English tradition. Nowadays it is the religious who seem generally to be the most inclined to enforce speech taboos, although the Bible does not speak specifically to taboo terms that have to do with sex; and, of course, it does not speak specifically at all to taboo terms in English. The closest it comes would be these passages:

• "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth" (Ephesians 4:29, NASB).
• "there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting" (Ephesians 5:4).
• "put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth" (Colossians 3:8).
  

See also dirty talk, discourse of desire, hoe, obscene language, slut, taboo.

x Bible.

x f*ck.

taboo trio:

See politics, religion, and sex.

tag-along boyfriend:

A man who accompanies his partner during one or more of his partner's travels.

See also boyfriend, companion, escort.

tag-along girlfriend:

A woman who accompanies her partner during one or more of her partner's travels.

See also companion, escort, girlfriend.

Tahitian terms:

See taio.

tail:

1. The end of the human abdomen opposite the head.

2. A penis.

3. A vagina.

4. A prostitute.

5. A person being referred to by his or her sex organs and the surrounding region, and in that way as a sex object. In this sense, in current usage predominantly used of women.

Comment: The term is regarded in many contexts as vulgar and offensive.

"A piece of tail," as in "I gotta get me a piece of tail," refers to a sexual encounter, especially with a woman.

See also local tail, native tail, prostitute, sex object, woman.

x piece of tail.

tail-femme:

A married woman who is open to engaging in sexual activity with people other than her husband.

See also adulteress, femme galante, hotwife, Messalina, slut, slut wife, sotah.

taio (Tahitian):

1. A formal friendship between people not related by ancestry, a friendship that involves the sharing of everything, in some cases even of sex partners.

2. A best friend and protector with whom everything is shared, in some cases including sex partners; a formally bonded companion.

Comment: The term comes from the Maohi, the indigenous people of French Polynesia.

A taio relationship may be male-male, female-female, male-female.

Engraving and Quotation from the National Library of Australia Illustrating "Taio"
The above is a pictorial illustration of a taio bonding ceremony, from the acquatint engraving by Francesco Bartolozzi (1727-1815), commissioned by the London Missionary Society and published during or around the 1790s in London for the Society's benefit by W. Jeffryes, from an earlier painting by Robert Smirke (1752-1845). The picture is entitled: "The cession of the district of Matavai in the island of Otaheite to Captain James Wilson for the use of the missionaries." Captain Wilson's dates were 1759 or 60 to 1814. The description by the National Library of Australia reads: "The image depicts high ranking Maohi, including a young paramount kin title-holder and a high ranking woman seated on the shoulders of attendants. The bodies of kin-title holders and their close relatives were so sacred that by walking to the meeting with Wilson's party they would have rendered tapu all the land they journeyed through. "Two men and a woman appear with the upper halves of their bodies uncovered, signifying the chiefs of the Matavai district's establishing Taio with the missionaries. The gesture is reciprocated by a young man in Wilson's party."
Reproduced by permission, 2004. The NLA's file name for the picture is: nla.pic-an9129636-v.jpeg

See also angutawkun, friend, friendship, mbuya, nangsaegaek, waighembe.

x Tahitian terms.

x tayo.

x tiyo.

x tyo.

Quotation from Captain James Cook Illustrating "Tiyo" ("Taio")
... as soon as we landed we were conducted to Otoo who [sic] we found seated on the ground under the shade of a tree with a crowd of People round him. After the first salutation was over I made him a present of such things as were in most esteem with them with which he seem'd well pleased, I likewise made presents to several of his attendance [sic] and was offer'd in return a large quantity of Cloth which I refused giving them to understand that what I had given was for Tiyo (friendship) ...
From the entry for Thursday, August 26, 1773, Tahiti, in: The Journals of Captain Cook, prepared from the original manuscripts by J. C. Beaglehole for the Hakluyt Society, 1955-67; selected and edited by Philip Edwards (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1999): pp. 284-285; cf. 285 (August 27, "Tiyo"), 291 (September 4, Huahine, "Tyo or friendship"), 298 (September 17, Raiatea, "Tyo"), 346 (April 26, 1774, Tahiti, "Tiyo"; editorial footnote: "Taio"), 488 (July 12, 1777, Eua, "Tayo"), 494 (August 12, 1777, Tahiti, "Tyo's"). Notice Cook's remark in his entry for Monday, September 6, 1773, Huahine (p. 293): "Friendship is Sacred with these people." For exchange of names as part of taio, see p. 494; cf. pp. 295, 303, 607.

take:

1. To have sexual intercourse with.

2. To enter into a sexual relationship with.

3. To marry (someone); to accept (a particular person) formally as one's spouse.

4. To enter into a monogamous or otherwise exclusive relationship with.

Comment: The term is common in various phrases pertaining to marriage and relationships, for instance:

• "He took her as his wife" (the pattern of the phrase being, "take as one's spouse");
• "They took each other in marriage" ("take in marriage");
• "She took a lover" ("take a lover"); and,
• "All the good ones are taken" ("taken" here means "in a monogamous or otherwise exclusive relationship").

To some the word is suggestive of possession, yet it is so basic and so varied in its range of meaning (only senses within or impinging on the scope being shown here) that it might well be regarded as an overreaction if offense is taken on that score, unless the suggestion is made explicit.

See also "All the good ones are taken," coitus, consort with, ho'owahine, make love to, marry, mate, sexual intercourse, stud, taken, wed.

x taken.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Takes"
[Mr Bennet]: 'I mean, that no man in his senses, would marry Lydia [Mr Bennet's daughter] on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year during my life, and fifty after I am gone.' 'That is very true,' said Elizabeth [Bennet]; 'though it had not occurred to me before. His [Wickham's] debts to be discharged, and something still to remain! Oh! it must be my uncle's doings! Generous, good man, I am afraid he has distressed himself. A small sum could not do all this.' 'No,' said her father, 'Wickham's a fool, if he takes her with a farthing less than ten thousand pounds...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 49, p. 378. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

take a cold shower:

1. To expose one's body to a stream of chilly water droplets.

2. As a figurative expression: To cool off sexually, that is, to pull back and try to make one's sexual arousal abate, perhaps even by responding to the expression literally, that is, by exposing one's body to chilly water.

Comment: A dash of cold water can be distracting, and sometimes the figurative expression is meant to imply that one distract oneself; but other times the expression is meant to imply that one bring about, on one's own, detumescence of erectile tissues, for instance, by the ascetical means of employing cold water. Less ascetical means are often a more likely course of action in response and, in some cases, may even be necessary in order to avoid or relieve blue balls, but this expression pretends not to take note of such means.

See also blue balls, lover's nut.

x cold shower.

x go take a cold shower.

x shower.

take a cottage course:

To marry before graduation, said of a student in an institution of higher education.

See also marry, trans-conference marriage, wed.

x cottage course.

take advantage of:

1. To exploit a superior position over.

2. To engage in sexual intimacies with a person who is not perceived as having as high a level of responsibility for those intimacies or who has no responsibility for them at all due to incapacity.

See also rape, sex and power, stuprate, unwelcome admixture with sex.

x advantage.

take a lover:

To add a sex partner to one's life, or one besides one's spouse.

See also lover.

take a run at (someone):

To explore whether (a person) would be interested in a sexual and/or romantic relationship.

See also come on to,  flirt, hit on, make a move, make a pass at, make a play for, make love to, proposition, put the make on, sexual advances, solicit, throw (oneself) at (somebody).

x run.

take a shine to:

To become fond of, especially all at once.

See also admire, dote, fancy, fond of, incandescence, like, personal discrimination, shine.

take care of (someone):

1. To provide for and protect (a person).

2. To address (a person's) needs on an ongoing basis.

3. To provide a service for (a person).

4. To attend (a person who is ill or wounded).

5. To satisfy (a person's) sexual needs and desires, either immediately or on an ongoing basis, as in the line: "If your spouse can't or won't take care of you, somebody's got to, right?"

6. To render (a person) a non-problem, for instance, by way of bribery or murder.

See also agapic love, be there for (someone), Florence Nightingale syndrome, keep (someone) happy in bed, partner sexually, play the dutiful spouse, practice love, sacrificial love, sexual partnering.

x care.

take (it) to the next level:

To agree to move a relationship to the next natural stage of progression -- for instance, from dating to going steady -- or to whatever the partners think would make the next step in their progression together.

See also advance a relationship, move a relationship forward, relationship.

x level.

x next level.

take liberties:

1. To overstep the bounds of propriety.

2. To say or do something unwarranted, as in, "to take liberties with the facts."

3. To make a sexual advance by physical means, such as kissing, when not invited to do so.

See also fair-game syndrome, flirt, hit on, jump (somebody's) bones, make a pass at, sexual advances.

x liberties.

"Take me to your portal":

See portal.

taken:

See take.

take (one's) breath away:

A figurative expression for the surprising or stunning or amazingly pleasing effect upon oneself that another person has, due, for instance, to that person's attractiveness or attentions or to romantic love in its early stages or to the connection one feels with that person or to the happiness that person has brought to one's life.

See also attentions, attract, connection, make (a person) fall in love with, proceptive phase, romantic love.

take seconds:

1. To have intimate contact with a person of a sort, be it only a romantic kiss, which that person has already had with one or more other persons.

2. To engage in sexual activity with a person who has just engaged in sexual activity with another person.

3. To date someone who is only one or two steps romantically removed from a person one is currently dating, for instance, from the standpoint of a woman, her old boyfriend's current girlfriend's old boyfriend.

Comment: The term is often used with a negative connotation, unless a waiver is made, as in, "I don't mind taking seconds."

See also clean-up prerogative, cycling, incest, re-establish (one's) territory, right of a wet deck, secondarism, sexual connection, sexual network, sloppy seconds.

x seconds.

take (someone) back:

To resume a relationship with (a particular person) following a rupture or hiatus in the relationship; to reconcile with (a person).

See also go back to (someone), kiss and make up, reconcile.

take (someone's) cherry:

See cherry.

take the dottle-trot:

To court, said of a man advanced in age.

Comment: Also spelled, in Scots, "tak the dottle-trot."

Related to "dawdle"?

See also court, December-December romance, gerontogamy, late-life romance, mature person, old-age romance, old man, opsigamy, sex after fifty, woo, wrinkly romance.

x dottle-trot.

x tak the dottle-trot.

take the giggle-trot:

To wed, said of a woman advanced in age.

Comment: Also spelled, in Scots, "tak the giggle-trot."

"Giggle" is a dialectical variant of "jiggle."

See also anilogamy, December-December romance, late-life romance, marry, mature person, old-age romance, old lady, opsigamy, sex after fifty, wed, wrinkly romance.

x giggle-trot.

x tak the giggle-trot.

take the plunge:

To undergo, by choice, a major change in one's life, especially:

1. To get married.

2. To become engaged.

3. To begin to live with someone.

Comment: The metaphor is one of diving into water.

Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also become engaged, living together, marry, wed.

x plunge.

take up with:

1. To associate with someone, especially in a romantic or sexual way.

2. To begin to live with someone as that person's sex partner.

See also cohabit, move in together, shack up.

taking a hike:

See hiking the Appalachain Trail.

tak the dottle-trot:

See take the dottle-trot.

tak the giggle-trot:

See take the giggle-trot.

talak (Arabic):

A husband's freeing of himself from a wife; a man's repudiation of his wife; divorce, especially as considered under Islamic law.

See also divorce, nikah.

x Arabic terms.

x Koran and Islamic law.

tali-kettu-kalyanam (Hindi?):

A mock wedding ceremony for a pre-pubescent girl among the Nayar of the Malabar region of India, a ceremony which was traditionally a rite of passage (a samskara) for Nayar girls and which served as a prerequisite for marriage or, more specifically, for sambandham. One element of the four-day ceremony was the tying of a small plate of gold, a tali, around the girl's neck.

Comments: I've borrowed the "mock ... ceremony" part of the definition from Edward Westermarck. However, that would be as seen from another culture. Among the Nayars, the rite was serious and had life-changing consequences.

Westermarck speculated that this rite was "a relic of ... pre-nuptial defloration."

Reference
The History of Human Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (5th ed., rewritten. Bew York: Allerton Book Co., 1922): chapter 5, v. 1, p. 184.

See also manwalan, mock wedding, sambandham.

talk:

See baby talk, dirty talk, easy talk, intimate talk, pillow talk, sweet talk.

talk dirty:

1. To touch upon the topic of sexuality lasciviously in conversation.

2. To use verbiage in a way that is meant to be erotically stimulating, for instance as a prelude to or as an element of sexual activity.

See also dirty talk, discourse of desire, flirt.

tall, dark, and handsome:

The attributes, usually physical attributes, of one of the common ideals of human beauty or for a mate.

Comments: Description, proverbial expression, and cliché, this phrase dates back at least to 1833; and variations on it go back much earlier. It was applied to both men and women; and it became a stock phrase in matrimonial advertisements of the 19th century, for instance in the London Journal. In the 20th century, the phrase received an added boost from the movies, for instance:

• "She Done Him Wrong" (1933), in which Lady Lou (played by Mae West) describes Captain Cummings (played by Cary Grant) as "tall, dark, and handsome"; and,
  
• "Tall, Dark and Handsome" (1941), in which Cesar Romero plays the title character, J. J. 'Shep' Morrison.
  

The phrase is sufficiently vague as to allow for a wide variety of interpretations:

• "Tall" may refer to height or to the face, even conceivably to being courageous, as in the Shakespearian phrase "tall fellows" (Merry Wives of Windsor, 1597-1600, Act 2, scene 2, line 11).
• "Dark" may refer to the complexion, to the eyes, to the hair, even to a figurative sense such as being mysterious, gloomy, or goth-like.
  
• "Handsome" is, to a large extent, in the eye of the beholder; and, although in recent times the word "handsome" has usually been reserved for males, traditionally it has been much used for females as well.
  

See also Adonis, attractive, "blondes have more fun," handsome, hot bi babe, human beauty, hunk, ideal, person of (one's) dreams, strong silent type, template (for a lover), ten, trifecta, type.

Quotation from Bithia Mary Croker Illustrating "Tall, Dark, and Good-Looking"
Ronald Gordon was seven-and-twenty, tall, dark, and good-looking, without being strikingly handsome.
From the novel: Miss Balmaine's Past, by B. M. Croker (Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott Co.,1808): chapter 2, p. 15.

Quotation from Letitia Elizabeth Landon Illustrating "Tall, Dark, and Handsome"
Hester now looked at her aunt, who was the very reverse of what she had imagined: she had always thought she would be like her father, and fancied a tall, dark, and handsome face. No such thing.
From: "The Story of Hester Malpas," by L. E. L. [Letitia Elizabeth Landon], in: The New Monthly Magazine and Literary Journal; v. 39, part 3, no. 156 (London: Henry Colburn, Dec. 1833): pp. 463-474, specifically pp. 468-469.

Quotation from Anne Hamilton Plomer Illustrating "Tall, Dark, and Handsome"
Young Reginald returned to his father's about the time we arrived -- but though I had every opportunity for frequent intercourse, my plan for ensnaring him did not progress so rapidly as I had expected! Before proceeding farther I must describe the young man. He was tall, dark, and handsome; I thought him then -- as I think him still -- the finest looking man I ever saw!
From the novel: Kate Devereux: A Story of Modern Life. Vol. II [of 3] (London: Richard Bentley, 1851): chapter 6, p. 265. Attributed to Anne Hamilton Plomer.

tall/short couple:

See short/tall couple.

tally-man:

A male who keeps a mistress.

See also live tally, lover, tally-woman.

tally-woman:

A mistress.

See also live tally, lover, mistress, tally-man.

tangled hearts:

A complicated, inter-related set of affections and other emotions, involving at least two but especially three or more persons.

See also heart, love tangle.

Tantrism:

Besides the out-of-scope note under "libertinism," see also chakra puja, choli marg, enlightened sex, misracara, panchamakara.

Tao of Steve:

"The way of Steve McQueen and other cool Steves," that is, the way to attract women like cool men do, men who never try to impress a woman but who generally get the girl, like the actor Steve McQueen and the TV characters Steve McGarett (in "Hawaii Five-O," which ran from 1968-1980) and Steve Austin (in "The Six Million Dollar Man," which ran from 1973-1978).

Comments: In the movie, "The Tao of Steve," which was written by Duncan North, Greer Goodman, and Jenniphr Goodman and directed by Jenniphr Goodman (2000), this "way," per the main character, Dex (played by Donal Logue), consists of three steps:

• have no agenda with a woman one is attempting to attract and do this by eliminating desire;
  
• be excellent at something in her presence, in order to demonstrate one's sexual worthiness;
• then retreat.
  

In the movie, this "way" proved to have its limitations.

See also Algren's Third Rule, "All the good one's are taken," Beifeld's Principle, code, Colvard's Logical Premise and Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary, counter-Rules, First Law of Socio-Genetics, hang the moon, Hartley's Law for Lovers, ladder theory, love-feat, loveworthy, Margaret Mead's Law of Human Migration, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, Murphy's Laws of Love, Murphy's Laws of Marriage, play hard to get, Rules Girl, win a mate.

x Steve's Tao.

tapicciga (Eskimo-Aleut):

"Doubler"; a woman with two husbands simultaneously.

Source: The North Alaskan Eskimo: A Study in Ecology and Society, by Robert F. Spencer (Washington: Government Printing Office, 1959; Smithsonian Institution, Bureau of American Ethnology Bulletin; 171): p. 251.

See also nuliinuaroak, polyandry.

x Eskimo terms.

target:

1. A person one is trying to pick up.

2. A person with whom one has chosen to flirt.

Contrast flirt (q.v.) and pick-up artist (q.v.). See also conquest, e-flirtee, pick up, pickup, prospect.

tart:

1. A woman who is alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted.

2. A woman who is dressed in a flashy and sexually provocative manner.

3. A sexually promiscuous woman.

4. A prostitute.

See also bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, giglet, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, seductress, she-wolf, slattern, slut, tart noir, tart party, tramp, vicars and tarts party, wanton woman; blowen, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, prostitute, squaw, tottie, whore.

tart noir:

1. A dark, moody story about an alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted woman.

2. The literary genre comprised of such stories.

Comment: "Noir" is French for "black."

See also femme fatale, tart.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: film noir, gothic, maneater, melodramatic noirs, menaced women noirs, série noir.

x French terms.

x stories.

tart party, or tarts' party:

A social gathering initiated by a group of women, especially promiscuous women, for the purpose of meeting desirable men.

Comment: The term is often used with strong sexual overtones. For some participants in some tart parties the point is to have one or more sexual encounters during or immediately following the party.

See also cupcake party, hen party, open party, sex party, tart, tutting party, vicars and tarts party.

x party.

tattoo terms:

See ane-san, names regrets.

tayo:

See taio.

team f*ck:

To cooperate in having penetrative sex with a person.

See also double penetration, group sex, sandwich, triple penetration.

x f*ck.

team social:

A gathering intended for fun and casual interaction between members of one or more organized groups of players being fielded, sometimes inclusive of guests.

See also crewdate, formal swap, goukon, group dating.

x social.

tear-jerker, or tear jerker:

A story so sad that it causes the eyes to lubricate naturally, that is, so sad that it brings tears to the eyes; a tale that tends to cause susceptible members of its audience to sob.

Comment: Among the most effective of such stories are sad love stories, which are sometimes called, more specifically, tear-jerking (or tear-jerker) romances.

See also date movie, discourse of desire, love story, romance, romance novel, romantic drama, will-they-won't-they romance.

tease, or teaser, as in "a tease":

A person who deliberately arouses sexual desire in another person without being willing to afford satisfaction.

See also cockteaser, coquette, cuntteaser, demi-vierge, flirt, flirt-gill, Lady Jane, slutwitch, tease (verb), UST relationship.

x teaser.

Quotation from Lucy Freeman and Harold Greenwald Illustrating "Teaser"
... the most devastating epithet in the adolescent male's vocabulary to describe a girl who promises everything and gives nothing -- a teaser.
From: Emotional Maturity in Love and Marriage, [by] Lucy Freeman and Harold Greenwald; foreword by George S. Stevenson (New York: Harper, c1961): chapter 4, p. 66.

tease (somebody):

1. To pester or to mock (somebody), especially as a way of being playful or of drawing attention to oneself or of reinforcing an interpersonal dynamic, whether a good one or a bad one.

2. To flirt with (somebody) by way of playful pestering or playful mocking.

3. To arouse sexual desire in (another person) deliberately without affording satisfaction.

See also flirt, lead (somebody) on, tease (noun).

A Postcard Illustrating "Teasing"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Color postcard, in landscape format and with a white background, showing a blonde woman in a feathery hat and white dress touching, with a rose, the arm of a dark-haired man, who is dressed in a suit, holding a hat, and looking away; with caption near bottom: "Teasing"; signed by the artist: Chisly 1105 (N.Y.: Moffat, Yard & Co.; N.Y.: sole distributor, Edward Gross, c1908). From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

teaser:

See tease.

technique:

See three-dolphin technique.

techno-straying:

The use of communications technology as a set of media through which to conduct one or more sexual encounters or affairs contrary to a relationship commitment or the expectations of a partner.

Comment: The use of communications technology to locate people willing to be partners in such encounters and affairs would often be a preliminary step in techno-straying.

See also affair, chat cheat, cyberadultery, cyber-affair, cyber-betrayal, cyber-cheating, cyber-infidelity, digital lipstick on the collar, frontiers of infidelity, infidelity, instant messaging, Internet affair, online affair, phone sex partner, sexting, stray, text messaging relationship, toothing, virtual adultery, virtual affair.

teepee seduction:

See tepee seduction.

 

telegamist:

A practitioner of telegamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.

telegamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by telegamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.

telegamy:

Distance marriage.

See also commuter marriage, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, duolocal residence, e-mail marriage, -gamy, long-distance relationship, online relationship, telegamist, telegamous.

Quotation from John Bayley Illustrating "Telegamy"
Not that we ever practiced the opposite way of life, not uncommon in academe, which a philosophical friend of Iris [Murdoch] defined by coining the word telegamy. Telegamy, marriage at a distance, works well for some people, who prefer to remain an independent part of an entity. It may sharpen their satisfaction in time spent together, as well as being of practical convenience if careers are to be pursued in places far apart.
From: Elegy for Iris, [by] John Bayley (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1999): p. 127.

telegony:

The alleged transmission of one's traits to a child, though one is not the father, by virtue of having previously impregnated the mother or simply by virtue of having previously had sexual intercourse with her. That telegony occurs among humans is, of course, a myth.

See also monospermy, partible paternity, previous-sire myth.

x myths.

telephone sex partner:

See phone sex partner.

tell all:

1. To expose in an uncensored (but not necessarily tactless) manner the aspects of one's life, such as secrets about one's past or embarrassing thoughts and feelings, that are relevant to a given discourse.

2. To recount the full story, inclusive of details that, for reasons of delicacy, might otherwise be omitted.

3. To reveal lovers and other love-life or sex-life details.

Comment: Often turned into an adjective, as in "a tell-all biography."

See also absolute code; ask-and-tell eroticism; don't ask, don't tell; erotic journal; kiss and tell; love life; love reminiscences; romantic resumé; sex history; sex life; use sex as a weapon.

telltale signs of an affair:

See signs of infidelity.

temerico; plural: temericos (Portuguese):

A Brazilian Indian woman who is given to a stranger as a wife, thereby making him a relative of all members of the tribe.

See country wife, cunhadismo.

x Portuguese terms.

template (for a lover):

Psychologically developed mental imagery that influences whom one chooses as a love interest; a psychological overlay, possibly one of several operational in one's psyche, by which people are measured as desirable or not to be one's love-relationship partner; an imprint in the mind as to what one is looking for in a mate.

See also Adonis; bad boy syndrome; blueprint of the one loved; boy of (one's) dreams; chemistry; Dirty Harry syndrome; dream; dream date; fantasy life; genicon; girl of (one's) dreams; human beauty; ideal; lovemap; lover; man of (one's) dreams; Marilyn syndrome; Miss Right; Mister Right; Ms. Right; mystery; native lovemap; objectify; one; one true love; perfect catch; person of (one's) dreams; sexual desire; sexual imprinting; sexuality; soul mate; strong silent type; tall, dark, and handsome; ten; type; wired; woman of (one's) dreams.

Quotation from Theodore Sturgeon Illustrating the Concept of a Template (though not the word)
Everybody does this thing, although some cats know it more than others: you see chicks, you see pix, you add and subtract and over the years things settle in -- just so big, just so dark, just so -- just exactly so until it's all finished. Then that finished thing, that her, settles down inside you and everytime you see someone, or in a magazine, or at the show, you set it up against her. It could be great, you could get excited, you could dream a lot about any of the others, but somehow they never, never check out with the her you've made.
From the short story: "It's You!" in: Sturgoen is Alive and Well...: A Collection of Short Stories, by Theodore Sturgeon (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c1971): pp. 79-87, specifically p. 79. The story has as the copyright date, 1969. The ellipsis is part of the title.

temple de l'amour (French):

See temple of love.

temple of love:

1. The sacred precincts, especially the key enclosed portion, devoted to the worship of a god or goddess prominently associated with love (q.v.). Sometimes the word "love" is even substituted for the divine name. For instance, occasionally the Greek phrase hiron Aphroditês, literally "temple of Aphrodite," is translated as "temple of love," as at Herodotus, Histories 1.199.1 (where, by the way, Aphrodite stands for Ishtar, the Babylonian goddess of love).

2. A structure built in honor of the god Cupid, Cupid representing romantic love, or in honor of romantic love directly. If a particular structure, then capitalized. Perhaps the most famous of modern times that honors Cupid is the Temple de l'Amour at Versailles, Paris, France, which was designed by Richard Mique and built circa 1775, and which shelters a sculpture of Cupid by Edme Bouchardon. An example of a structure that honors romantic love directly is the Rakkauden Temppeli in Kontula, Finland, which was designed by Bjarne Lönnroos and unveiled in 2003.

3. An edifice built in honor of a love relationship or in memory of a beloved, most notably the Taj Mahal (Persian for "Crown Palace"), built in Agra, India between 1631 and 1654 by the Muslim Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan as a mausoleum for his favourite wife, Arjumand Bano Begum, who is also known as Mumtaz Mahal ("First Lady of the Palace").

4. A pavilion or some similar structure, generally of neoclassical design, where weddings are performed. If a particular structure, then capitalized.

5. A building that serves as a trysting place for lovers.

6. A euphemism for a brothel or an establishment that caters to sexual activity.

7. A metaphor for a bond between lovers that is considered sacred, a bond which is generally understood to encompass the lovers, including the full reach of their hearts and minds.

8. A metaphor for either a person's body or the bodies of a group of persons, in either case serving as the object of one's sexual devotion -- this sometimes by sacred or profane analogy to 1 Corinthians 6:19, which refers to a particular collective body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.

9. Capitalized, a new religious movement, founded circa 2005, which is dedicated to world peace and to saving the environment.

Comments: German has a one word form for "temple of love": Liebestempel.

Beware "temple of love" as a misspelling for "temple of Jove."

See also altar of love, chapel of love, Cupid's golden arrow, honeymoon cottage, love-nest, love shack, petite maison, pied-à-terre, rendezvous, sacred sex, sex god, sex goddess, tryst.

x Bible.

x Finnish terms.

x French terms.

x German terms.

x Greek terms.

x hieron Aprhroditês.

x hiron Aphroditês.

x ^hieron Aphroditês.

x ^hiron Aphroditês.

x Liebestempel.

x love temple.

x rakkauden temppeli.

x temple de l'amour.

The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park
The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park, Cincinnati, Ohio. This is a mid-nineteenth century domed pavilion where weddings are often held. Source: Web site of the City of Cincinnati, Parks Department. A similar structure, also used for weddings, can be found in the Larz Anderson Park in Brookline, Massachusetts.

temporary marriage:

A marital union not intended to last a lifetime; a conjugal union of intentionally limited duration.

See also broomstick-marriage, companionate marriage, contract marriage, contubernal, marriage, mut'a, pairing family, seasonal marriage, short-term relationship, starter marriage, syndyasmian family, time marriage, trial marriage.

temporary wife; plural, temporary wives:

A woman who takes care of a man, including his sexual appetite, for a limited duration, as in the case of sex hospitality.

See also sex hospitality, wife.

Quotation from Hebert Spencer Illustrating "Temporary Wives"
Various of the uncivilized and semi-civilized display hospitality by furnishing guests with temporary wives.
From: The Principles of Sociology, by Herbert Spencer. Vol. I-2 (New York: D. Appleton, 1896): §280, p. 616. Originally published 1876.

temptation:

See sexual temptation.

temptress:

1. A female who attempts to entice, especially to entice one to break one's moral code.

2. An alluring or bewitching female who seems sexually available, especially one who employs her physical charms enticingly.

Comment: The male counterpart is a tempter, but in the first sense only. However, a person of any sex might be described as a "tempting morsel."

See also daethbed bride, Delilah, femme fatale, man bait, maneater, minx, seductress, siren, succubus, vamp, vixen, white widow.

ten, as in "She's a ten!"

The highest point on a scale of attractiveness from zero (or one) to ten, ten being a person who is stunningly beautiful or handsome.

Comment: Usually the scale is subjective; that is, the level of attractiveness is according to an individual's personal tastes. Thus a ten for one might be a seven for another. In many cases, the designation of a person as a ten suggests unattainability.

See also Adonis; attractive; cute scale; dream; dream date; eye candy; handsome; human beauty; hunk; ideal; knockout; looker; perfect catch; person of (one's) dreams; strong silent type; tall, dark, and handsome; template (for a lover); trifecta; type; unicorn; white whale.

Ten Commandments:

See Seventh Commandment, Tenth Commandment.

tenderness:

1. Kind affection, especially of the sort that allows for a degree of intimacy, for instance, affection on the part of a parent towards a child or of a lover towards a beloved.

2. Affectionate kindness; empathetic, sympathetic, gentle, or forgiving treatment.

3. The realm comprised of romantic feelings and of the gentle behavior that flows from them.

4. The quality that inclines a person to love and to behave in a loving manner.

5. Extra vulnerability to being hurt, having already sustained a wound, whether one is speaking of flesh or of the emotions.

Comment: The French equivalent, tendresse, had special romantic significance in the French salons of the 17th and 18th centuries.

See also affection, carte de tendre, feeling for, gentle heart, love, partial to, public display of affection, sentiment.

x French terms.

x tendresse.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Tenderness"

... we have naturally a wonderful tenderness for that beautiful part of the human species called the fair sex ...

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, p. 30. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Tenderness"
... all, all declared that he [Captain Wentworth] had a heart returning to her [Anne Elliot] at least; that anger, resentment, avoidance, were no more; and that they were succeeded, not merely by friendship and regard, but by the tenderness of the past. Yes, some share of the tenderness of the past. She could not contemplate the change as implying less. He must love her.
From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 20, pp. 222, 224. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818).

Quotation from Kenneth Grahame Illustrating "Tenderness"
[Regarding the gaoler's daughter] Toad, of course, in his vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded from a growing tenderness; and he could not help half regretting that the social gulf between them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass, and evidently admired him very much.
From the tale: The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame; illustrations by Arthur Rackham; introduction by A.A. Milne (New York: Heritage Press, 1944; Imprint: The Heritage Illustrated Bookshelf): chapter 8, p. 108. Text originally published: London: Methuen, 1908.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Tenderness"
[Regarding Rupert Birkin] Then a hot passion of tenderness for her [Ursula Brangwen] filled his heart. He stood up and looked into her face. It was new, and oh, so delicate in its luminous wonder and fear. He put his arms round her, and she hid her face on his shoulder.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 302. Cf. chapter 24, p. 339. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Tenderness"
Georgene, from her first glimpse a year ago at the Appleby's party, of this prissy queenly newcomer, had disliked her; when Foxy stole Piet from her this dislike became hatred, with its implication of respect. But with the younger woman at her mercy Georgene allowed herself tenderness. She saw in Foxy a woman destined to dare and to suffer, a younger sister spared any compulsion to settle cheap, whose very mistakes were obscurely enviable. She was impressed with Foxy's dignity. Foxy did not deny that in this painful interregnum she needed help and company, nor did she attempt to twist Goergene's providing it into an occasion for protestation, or scorn, or confession, or self-contempt.
From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 381.

Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Tenderness"
Staring at the two pages to which he [Charles Harcourt] had opened the book, he sought the tenderness -- the old, old tenderness he'd felt for Eloise all the years ago. Not the self-pity, not the sorrow or the bereavement, not the bitterness, but the tenderness, the upwelling of the sense of love. But he could not find the tenderness; it had faded, he thought, too far into time.
From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 31.

tendresse (French):

See tenderness.

Ten New Laws of Love:

Principles for keeping a love relationship healthy, as enunciated by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. To summarize:

1. Chemistry - a great friendship connection and a deep sexual connection are needed for a relationship to endure through the trouble spots.
2. Priority - work at your relationship and weed out unhealthy preoccupations.
3. Emotional integrity - be each other's emotional safe zone, and heal bugaboo issues.
4. Deep listening - listen to each other with respect and compassion, recognizing the feelings involved.
5. Equality - discuss and address imbalances (or perceived imbalances) in your relationship.
   
6. Peacemaking - commit to keeping the peace between you, for instance by communicating your concerns to each other, managing anger, and restoring trust whenever it is broken.
7. Self-love - value yourself and address your own emotional issues, such as those left over from childhood.
8. Mission in life - find a sense of purpose in life and fulfill it, and help your partner do so as well.
9. Walking - eliminate dependencies upon each other, so that you can be together freely -- in other words, so that you are autonomous enough to walk out, which is the guarantee that you want to be together.
10. Transformational education - seek education or outside help if stuck on any of the preceding.
    

See also conjugal felicity, domestic happiness, happily married, law of love, love, nomogamosis, successful marriage.

x law.

x Laws of Love.

tennis widow:

Spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to the sport of tennis, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time.

See also blog widow, business widow, cyber widow, facebook widow, fishing widow, golf widow, hunting widow, library widow, media widow, sports widow, spouse, widow.

Tenth Commandment:

In the biblical account, the last of the ten divine imperatives delivered to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Israelites. For English translation, see the following chart.

The Tenth Commandment (King James Version = Authorized Version)
Exodus 20:17 = 20:14 in some editions	Deuteronomy 5:21 = 5:18 in some editions
Thou shalt not covet1thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet1thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.	Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet2thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's.
1 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is chamad and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.
2 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is avah and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.

Comments: In the enumeration of some traditions, the Commandment as represented above is broken into two, so that the Ninth Commandment becomes: "Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife." (For lexical illustration, see under "Seventh Commandment." By the way, regarding the number Ten, see Exodus 34:28 and Deuteronomy 4:13; 10:4.)

It should not be automatically assumed that an organizing principle of the Commandment is property and that therefore a man's wife was regarded as his property. The chief organizing principle was the will to gain possession, thereby, if brought to fruition, permanently or protractedly depriving another of that which is rightfully within his personal sphere. In the case of a neighbor's wife, that meant, as a byproduct, treating her as property. In other words, the Commandment has the effect of prohibiting the very wife-as-possession principle some say it embodies.

Note that each item or pair or cluster of items mentioned has its own standing:

• In Exodus: shelter; human beings, including marital partner and slaves; farm animals; other.
• In Deuteronomy: marital partner; shelter and means of making a living; slaves; farm animals; other.

Among the issues raised by this Commandment:

• Was it only for Israelites?
• If universal (as the Apostle Paul seems to suppose in Romans 13:9), on what basis?
• Who is one's neighbor?
• And what precisely does coveting mean or, if precision is improper, what "fence around the law" is to be erected to be sure the command is not violated?

For sayings of Jesus relevant to this Commandment, see especially Matthew 5:28 and Luke 10:29-37.

See also "All's fair ...," apodictic law, ex-husband envy, ex-wife envy, Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, Law and gospel, law of love, love commandment, lust, moral code, moral law, moral precept, Seven Capital Sins, Seventh Commandment, sexual immorality, sexual sin, steal, "thy neighbour's wife."

x commandment.

x covet thy neighbor's wife.

x neighbor's wife.

x Ninth Commandment.

x Ten Commandments.

Quotation from The Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647) Illustrating "Tenth Commandment"
Ques. 79. Which is the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment is, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's. Ques. 80. What is required in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment requireth full contentment with our own condition, with a right and charitable frame of spirit toward our neighbor, and all that is his. Ques. 81. What is forbidden in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment forbiddeth all discontentment with our own estate, envying or grieving at the good of our neighbor, and all inordinate motions or affections to any thing that is his.
The edition being quoted from here is that found in: Bibliotheca Symbolica Ecclesiæ Universalis = The Creeds of Christendom, with a History and Critical Notes, by Philp Schaff. Volume III, The Evangelical Protestant Creeds, with Translations (4th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Harper, c1919): pp. 676-704, specifically pp. 693-694.

tepee seduction, or teepee seduction, or tipi seduction:

1. In reference to certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents, the taking of a captive, especially a white captive, as a mate.

2. Seduction (q.v.) more generally among certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents.

See also sannup, squaw.

x teepee seduction.

x tipi seduction.

Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "Tepee Seductions"
Even after Ottowa surrendered his problematic pal [Fanny Kelly] to the U.S. government, however, Kelly's trials didn't cease: an anxious nation could hardly wait for a woman "ravaged" by savages to spill the sordid details of her five-month ordeal [in Wyoming in 1864]. Those who hoped to hear tales of titillating tepee seductions were no doubt disappointed by her declaration that she had never "suffered from any of [the Sioux] the slightest personal or unchaste insult." Nevertheless, Ottowa's opportunistic ex-prisoner didn't shrink from embellishing her best-selling Narrative of My Captivity Among the Sioux Indians with a few highly picaresque particulars ...
From: "Fanny Kelly (1845-?): Brave Survivor," in: Wild Women: Crusaders, Curmudgeons and Completely Corsetless Ladies in the Otherwise Virtuous Victorian Era, [by] Autumn Stephens (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, c1992): pp. 108-109, specifically p. 109.

term of affection:

See term of endearment.

term of endearment:

An affectionate word by which one calls a person to whom one is close, with whom one is intimate, or, especially, with whom one is in a love relationship.

Comment: Of course, any term of endearment is susceptible to use in mockery or sarcasm. Also some terms of endearment are commonly used for affected familiarity, as in, "May I take your order, honey?"

See also achushla, amorous dove, babe, baby, babycakes, baby doll, beloved, bloss, chéri, chérie, chou, chuck, cuisle mo chroidhe, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, ducky lucky, dulcinea, endear, flicka, galapropism, hoe, homey, honey, honey-bug, honeybunch, husby, jaina, kitten, lech, love (as in "my sweet love"), lovekin, love muffin, lover, loverboy, lovey, old gal, pet name, pigsney, re-naming, shmoopy, slut, snookiebear, snuggle bunny, studmuffin, sugar, sugar bear, sugar doll, sweetheart, sweetie, toots, valentine, witchwife, wonder-wench.

x affectionate term.

x endearment.

x term of affection.

terms other than marriage:

See other terms than marriage.

territory:

See re-establish (one's) territory.

tertiary partner:

A partner in a tertiary relationship (q.v.).

See also bimbo, boytoy, girl toy, insignificant other, once-in-a-while lover, partner, part-time lover, pash, polyamorist, primary partner, secondary partner, stand-by man, stand-by woman, toy boy.

tertiary relationship:

Of three levels of love relationship that an individual might have -- primary, secondary, and tertiary -- the level entailing the least degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors (see under "relationship levels").

See also alternate relationship geometries, casual relationship, comet, dalliance, erotic friendship, love relationship, lovestyle, primary relationship, relationship, secondary relationship, short-term relationship, tertiary partner.

testalgia:

See under "blue balls."

testinonial privilege:

See spousal testimonial privilege.

tests:

See maternity test, paternity test.

test-tube baby:

A child conceived by way of in vitro fertilization (IVF) -- that is, outside the mother's body -- a procedure which has been used with success in some infertility cases since July 25, 1978.

Comment: "In vitro" is Latin for "in glass," however, neither glass nor test tubes are used.

See also ART, artificial insemination, baby, snowflake baby, sperm donor, surrogate mother.

tête-à-tête (French):

"Head-to-head": a private conversation or get together; time alone together.

Comment: "Tête" is masculine, so "un tête-à-tête" ("a head-to-head"). "En tête-à-tête" means "in a private conversation or get together."

The term often has connotations of sweetness when used of lovers.

See also assignation, rendezvous, together, tryst.

x en tête-à-tête.

x French terms.

tether:

See marriage tether.

tetrad:

A love relationship comprised of four partners; a quad.

See also alternate relationship geometries, double love triangle, dyad, four-cornered marriage, foursome, hexad, letter group (T, Z, pi), pentad, polygon, quad, triad, triamory.

texting sexy messages and photos:

See sexting.

text messaging relationship:

1. A relationship (q.v.) that is maintained largely or wholly by way of the exchange of instantly relayed typed missives.

2. The part of a relationship that is characterized by the exchange of instantly relayed typed missives.

See also cyber relationship, digital lipstick on the collar, instant messaging, Internet affair, Internet romance, love at first text message, online relationship, sexting, techno-straying, virtual affair.

thaw:

1. To move from a frozen state to an unfrozen state.

2. To change slowly from being unamenable to a person's romantic advances to being at least slightly amenable to them; to cease rebuffing a suitor.

Comment: This term presupposes a metaphorical vocabulary related to temperature, such as "He gave her a chilly reception," "She gave him a cold shoulder," and "They eventually warmed up to each other."

See also love's thermometer.

A Postcard Illustrating "Thaw"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Color postcard, in landscape format and with a white background, showing a red-haired woman and a brown-haired man bundled up in cold weather clothing; she is apparently warming his hand inside her fur sleeve and giving him a sideways glance; with caption near bottom: "Signs of a thaw"; signed by the artist: Williams (N.Y.: Moffat, Yard & Co.; N.Y.: sole distributor, Edward Gross; Berlin: vertrieb "Novitas," c1908). "No. 21656." From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

their song:

See our song.

thelyphthoric:

Characterized by the ruining or corrupting of females.

Comment: From Greek thêlus ("female") + phthora ("ruin").

An example: This is the story of a thelyphthoric character, a corrupter of women, who was a rake and a cad, until the day he met a señorita who bested him at his own game.

See also ruin, seduction.

theogamist:

A person who perceives or claims to perceive divinity in his or her spouse.

See also theogamy.

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.

theogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by theogamy (q.v.).

Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.

theogamy:

1. A marriage between gods.

2. A marriage in which the partners recognize or claim to recognize divinity in each other.

See also carte blanche, -gamy, hierogamy, Oholah and Oholibah, sacred sex, sex god, sex goddess, theogamist, theogamous, theology of romantic love.

theologian of romantic love:

1. A thinker who relates sexual love to the divine and who elaborates upon that relation.

2. A reference to the English theologian and author, Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also poet of love, priest of love, prophet of love, romantic love, theology of romantic love.

theological virtues:

Divinely grounded or oriented qualities in a human being, which infuse both moral behavior and religion with a living spirit and a motive power, even though the knowledge of divine matters is incomplete. The usual reference is to the short list by the Apostle Paul in the New Testament at 1 Corinthians 13:13: "But at the moment, there lodges faith, hope, love [in the original Greek: pistis, elpis, agapê], these three; and the greatest of these is love." However, other lists have also been mentioned, such as the one attributed to the Apostle Peter in the New Testament at 2 Peter 1:5-7, more specifically the last three items in the list (the Greek terms for which I'll here distinguish by placing them in upper case): "in your faith [pistei] goodness [aretên], and in goodness knowledge [gnôsin], and in knowledge self-control [enkrateian], and in self-control endurance [hupomonên], and in endurance piety [EUSEBEIAN], and in piety, kinship affection [PHILADELPHIAN], and in kinship affection, love [AGAPÊN]." (The translations are mine.)

Comments: The theological virtues are often distinguished from the natural, moral, or cardinal virtues; and it is often said that one of the distinctives of the theological virtues is that they are divinely engendered. Divine engenderment can be and often is viewed as a matter of supernatural agency; but it can also be viewed as a matter of identity: the functioning of theological virtues is itself divine. The difference is a matter of the modeling of nature and of the inner life in relation to God; for the concept of the supernatural has a history.

Regarding the first virtue in 1 Corinthians 13:13: For the Apostle Paul, faith (pistis) is a fundamental trust in God, which, when the occasion calls for it, inspires one to do the right thing (or what God demands), even if the result is costly to oneself in this life. Among Paul's loci classici in the Hebrew Bible were these, to translate the Greek rendering of them that Paul used:

• "Abraham placed his faith in God, and it was counted to him for uprightness" -- Genesis 15:6 (thus Romans 4:3, 9, 22 and Galatians 3:6; compare James 2:23); and,
• "The just person will live out of faith" -- Habakkuk 2:4 (thus Romans 1:17 and Galatians 3:11; compare Hebrews 10:38).
  

In roughly the same vein, the Book of Hebrews in the New Testament has this classic definition of faith: "Now faith [pistis] is confidence in matters that are hoped for, a conviction of undertakings not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). (Again the translations are mine.)

Regarding the second virtue in 1 Corinthians 13:13: Hope is not flighty, nor is it a matter of merely private desires. Instead it arises out of the insights of the long Hebrew scriptural tradition (Romans 15:4), it is secured by the death of Christ and the impartation of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5-6), and it is a hope of glory (Romans 5:2; 2 Corinthians 3:7-12), which entails both transformation and resurrection (2 Corinthians 3:18-4:18).

Regarding the third virtue in 1 Corinthians 13:13: Agapê was translated in both the Douay-Rheims Version (1582), which was a Roman Catholic translation, and the Authorized (King James) Version (1611), which was a Protestant translation, as "charitie." However, at least nowadays, "charity" is a misleading translation, since it slights the inward element. "Charitable will" would be closer. Dead on, in some ways, is the term "agapic love," since the first part is taken from the Greek itself and the term is often meant to bear whatever sense or senses agapê bears in the New Testament; however, even it can be misleading since:

• the idea of agapê has a history measured in millennia, such that the term "agapic love" now carries baggage;
  
• many people, even some theologians, mistakenly define its meaning in the New Testament as selflessness;
• many people slight its outward, active element, for agapic love finds its expression in being practiced; and,
• the term "agapic love" suggests that it is one type of love rather than, at least theoretically, an essential spiritual quality within all types of real love and the ordering principle for them; in other words, it predisposes a modeling of the types of love as being unrelated and standing in easy conflict with each other rather than one in which the different types of love strive for harmony in accordance with a central principle.
  

For more, see under "agapic love" and under ""Greater love hath no man ..."

For a classic discussion of the theological virtues, see Thomas Aquinas (ca. 1225-1274), Summa Theologica, part II(1), question 62, "De Virtutibus Theologicis."

By the way, take note of the philosophical transcendentals, among which are truth, beauty, and goodness.

References

For the Douay-Rheims Version, see: The Nevv Testament of Iesvs Christ, translated faithfvlly into English, out of the authentical Latin ... in the English College of Rhemes (Rhemes: Iohn Fogny, 1582): pp. 456-457. For this edition online, click here.

For the Authorized (King James) Version, see: The Holy Bible, Conteyning the Old Testament, and the New, newly translated out of the originall tongues ... (London: Robert Barker, 1611). For this edition online, click here.

See also Seven Capital Sins, virtue.

x Bible.

x Greek terms.

Quotation from Lancelot Andrewes (1555-1626) Illustrating "Theological Virtues"
So moral virtues are the perfections of men in this life, and theological virtues are the perfections in the life to come.
And to these [moral virtues] he [the Apostle, in 2 Peter 1:7] joynes in the third verse, the threefold train of Godliness, Brotherly love, and Charity; all of which are theological virtues.
From: Apospasmatia Sacra: or, A Collection of Posthumous and Orphan Lectures: Delivered at St. Pauls and St. Giles his Church, by Lancelot Andrewes (London: Printed by R. Hodgkinsonne, for H. Moseley, A. Crooks, D. Pakeman, L. Fawne, R. Royston, and N. Ekins, 1657): pp. 632, 635. "Never before extant." "Apospasmatia" -- which means, to use an English idiom, "bits and pieces" -- is transliterated here from Greek.

Quotation from William Higford (1581?-1657) Illustrating "Theological Virtues"
The theological virtues which attend religion are three, faith, hope, and charity: with which you must join humility. This is the basis or foundation of all other | virtues: the first step of Jacob's ladder.
From: Institutions: or, Advice to His Grandson, by William Higford (London: W. Bulmer, 1818): pp. 58-59. Originally published: London: Printed by Tho. Warren, for Edmund Thorn of Oxford, 1658.

Quotation from Elda Rotor Illustrating "Theological Virtues"
To counter these violations [the Seven Deadly Sins: Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Anger, and Sloth], Christian theologians classified the Seven Heavenly Virtues -- the cardinal: Prudence, Temperance, Justice, Fortitude, and the theological: Faith, Hope, and Charity.
From the "Editor's Note," [signed] Elda Rotor, in: Lust, [by] Simon Blackburn ([New York]: New York Public Library; Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2004; in series: The Seven Deadly Sins): p. [ix].

theology of marriage:

1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon marriage (q.v.), typically covering its definition, its origins, its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any -- often any or all of this analyzed in terms of scope of applicability -- for instance, universal, particular to a group, or more specific -- and in terms of adaptability from one culture to another, one time to another, and one circumstance to another.

2. The discipline concerned with such.

See also belief in marriage, believe in marriage, biblical sexual morality, Lilith, public character of sex, romantic theology, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, theology of romantic love.

theology of romantic love:

1. Any set of ideas regarding the relation of sexual love to the divine.

2. Use of the figure of the beloved Beatrice as a way to God in the writings of Dante Alighieri (1265-1321).

3. Any set of ideas that uses Dante's figure of Beatrice as a touchstone for exploring the relation of sexual love to the divine, most notably the romantic theology of Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also belief in love, cult of passion, Dante Alighieri syndrome, divine form, forma divina, romantic love, romantic theology, salutation of Beatrice, sexosophy, sexual love, spiritual polyamory, theogamy, theology of marriage, theology of sex, vision of romantic love.

theology of sex:

1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon sexuality, especially human sexuality, typically covering its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any.

2. The discipline concerned with such.

See also biblical sexual morality, cafeteria Catholicism, public character of sex, romantic theology, sex, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, smorgasbord Protestantism, theology of romantic love.

theorems:

See law of averages.

theories:

See boy-next-door theory, erotic deontology, double-deprivation theory, erotogenesis of religion, girl-next-door theory, "goose and gander" theory, group complexity theory, jigsaw theory (see notes to the introduction), ladder theory, Madonna-whore complex, Metuchen theory, monogenism, nearest donut theory, polygenism, relationalism, reparative therapy, "shock" theory of marriage, spiritual wife, theory of complementary needs in mate selection, triangular theory of love, Westermarck hypothesis, worlds theory.

theory of complementary needs in mate-selection:

The idea that people tend to seek, among potential mates, those with the greatest promise of providing need-gratification. To this is added the hypothesis that the most successful marriages are those in which need-gratification is complementary, whatever those needs are.

Comment: Attributed to Robert F. Winch, 1954.

See also mate selection, myth of togetherness, togetherness.

x complementary needs.

x theories.

Theotokos:

See Virgin Mary.

therapist:

See couples therapist, marital therapist, relationship therapist.

therapy:

See conversion therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, marital therapy, relationship therapy, reparative therapy.

"There are other fish in the sea":

A proverb, which is generally used to indicate that potential mates exist besides the one who got away or left, some of those potential mates being at least as suitable; although sometimes the proverb is applied analogously to other sorts of situations.

Comments: The proverb is a restatement of what is apparently an older form: "There is as good fish in the sea as any that are brought out of it." That older form has countless variations, and it in turn is often traced back to a yet earlier proverb: "The sea hath fish for every man."

However, the referent for the sea metaphor was different for the two older proverbs; or, if those older proverbs are indeed in the same lineage, the referent shifted between them. In George Pettie's 1576 use of "The sea hath fish for every man," the sea metaphor refers to a woman; and the proverb means that she can be sufficient for more than one man; her bounties are not necessarily exhaustible with but one man. But two centuries later, in John Newton's use of "There is as good fish in the sea [etc.]," the sea metaphor refers to the marriage market. (See below for the quotations.)

Among the variations are some for those who are more given to fresh-water imagery than to marine imagery, such as, "There are lots of fish in the river."

The proverb does not mean that any woman or any man is equally suitable as a mate or that a particular person is just as suitable as another particular person, and it can sound naive or callous if used with either of those suggestions left hanging. It instead points to the vast richness of what has yet been barely explored by the individual.

The proverb lends itself easily to conveying a callous attitude when applied to situations other than the mating game, unless precautions are taken to avoid leaving that impression. For example, in matters of employment, careless use of the proverb can make people feel like they are worth little to the job as individuals. Sometimes more apt -- but not always less callous -- would be the saying, "No one is indispensable."

Regarding "There are other fish" versus "There is other fish," either is grammatically acceptable; but to my ear "There are" is much to be preferred, given that "fish" is here used as a plural.

See also abundant love principle, "All the good ones are taken," "All women are the same in the dark," dating pool, fish, "In the dark all cats are grey," marriage market, somebody for everybody.

x as good fish in the sea.

x fish in the sea.

x good fish in the sea.

x lots of fish in the river.

x other fish in the sea.

x plenty of fish in the sea.

x "There is as good fish in the sea as ..."

x "The sea hath fish for every man."

there for:

See be there for (someone).

"There is as good fish in the sea as ...":

See "There are other fish in the sea."

there is no "we":

A statement commonly used as:

1. A denial of the human ego generally, for instance, in favor of a sense of oneness or transcendence.

2. A denial of a particular group's consciousness of self as over against another group or other groups; a rejection of an us/them mentality.

3. A denial that a relationship of any sort -- or, in some cases, of a particular sort -- exists, especially a love relationship, this generally in direct response to another person's use of the pronoun "we" in such a way as to imply that a relationship does or might exist.

See also relationship.

x we.

"There is someone for everyone":

See somebody for everybody.

"There's no living with or without a woman":

See "can't live with (her), can't live without (her)."

thief of love:

1. Whatever it might be that causes affection or the expression of affection to cease.

2. A person who is responsible for causing someone to cease showing affection to another, typically, in part, by redirecting shows of affection to him or herself.

3. A beloved who co-opts prior romantic affections.

4. A person who tricks another into marrying or otherwise having a romantic relationship with him or her.

5. A person who uses sex to build up his or her own self-esteem at the expense of another.

6. Any addictive narcotic, as sometimes referred to by street addicts, because "you'll sell your soul for dope."

See also alienation of affections, couple-buster, homewrecker, kill the feeling for each other, lose (someone) to another, love, mate-poacher, netori, rack-jack, steal.

x love thief.

x Shakespeare, William.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Thief of Love"
LYSANDER Ay, by my life, And never did desire to see thee more. Therefore be out of hope, of question, doubt; Be certain, nothing truer; 'tis no jest That I do hate thee and love Helena. HERMIA (to Helena) O me, you juggler, you canker-blossom, You thief of love -- what, have you come by night And stol'n my love's heart from him?
From: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream (1595): Act 3, scene 2, lines 278-284. Notice also his Sonnet 40, line 9.

Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Thief of Love"
If you believe that you can use sex to shore up your fragile self-esteem by stealing someone else's, we feel sorry for you, because this will never work to build a solid sense of self worth, and you will have to go on stealing more and more and never getting fulfilled. And we hope you play the thief of love in some other circles than our own.
From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 86.

thing:

1. A omnibus term used to designate any object or act, especially when a more precise term for it is not immediately forthcoming.

2. A connection, romance, love relationship, or affair, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of what is going on.

3. Attraction, lust, or love, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of the feelings involved.

4. A sexual euphemism or, more precisely, avoidance word, used when not wishing to utter a more explicit term -- in this way perhaps most commonly used for the penis or vulva, but it might refer, for instance, to a type of sexual act, a sexual contraption, or a contraceptive device.

See also affair, affection, attraction, coitus, connection, do the honorable thing, have a thing for, it, love, "Love is a many-spendored thing," love relationship, lust, romance, sexual intercourse, "Show me yours," third thing, where things went wrong for (us).

thing for:

See have a thing for.

third party:

1. Person number three.

2. An extra person in addition to a couple.

3. The last person added to a threesome.

Comment: In the second sense, the term often connotes a degree of awkwardness, awkwardness of the sort that sometimes elicits the expression, "Three's a crowd."

See also biamory, bi-trio, eternal triangle, fluffer, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, ménage à trois, third wheel, three-cornered establishment, three-dolphin technique, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, trouple, vee.

third thing:

Love.

See also love, thing.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Third Thing"
[164] "Remember, child," said her mother [Lydia Brangwen, formerly Lensky], "that everything is not waiting for your hand just to take or leave. You mustn't expect it. Between two people, the love itself is the important thing, and that is neither you nor him. It is a third thing [165] you must create. You mustn't expect it to be just your way."
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 6, pp. 164-165.

"Third time's the charm":

See love the second time around.

third way in sexual ethics:

1. Rather than, on the one hand, an acceptance of authoritarian prohibitions and injunctions regarding sexuality thought to have divine origin in a distant past and, on the other hand, an absence of behavioral restraint with regard to sexuality, an approach to sexual morality that emphasizes both reasons, especially reasons that take the best scientific findings fully into account, and values, such as the value of caring for and about others and the value of developing inner fiber.

2. A recovery of the rationale thought to underlie scriptural prohibitions and injunctions and the adapted application of the principles used in that rationale to the radically changed situation of the present.

3. An attempt at a rapprochement of all worthy values with regard to sexual behavior.

See also consexuality, erotic deontology, ethics, hot and cool sex, moral code, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, Three Ways, traditional morality, via tertia.

x way.

third wheel:

1. Someone, especially but by no means necessarily in a group of three, who feels unnecessay or ignored or out of place or like a drag on the others; the odd person out.

2. A person who is largely left out while the couple he or she is accompanying socialize together or make love.

3. A person who has an inhibiting effect upon a couple whose company he or she is keeping.

See also chaperon, cockblocker, fifth wheel, mixoscopia, third party, "Two's company, three is a crowd."

x wheel.

Thoms's Law of Marital Bliss:

A humorously ironic adage, which states: The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding.

Comment: Author unknown.

See also Algren's Third Rule, "All the good ones are taken," Arthur's Laws of Love, Beifeld's Principle, bliss, Colvard's Logical Premise and Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary, First Law of Socio-Genetics, Hartley's Law for Lovers, Margaret Mead's Law of Human Migration, Multiple Loves Corollary to Murphy's Law, Murphy's First Law for Husbands, Murphy's Laws of Love, Murphy's Law of Marriage, Murphy's Second Law for Husbands, O'Reilly's Observation, Tao of Steve.

x law.

x Law of Marital Bliss.

thong of Aphrodite:

See Aphrodite's girdle.

three-cornered establishment:

A couple plus a lover of one or both, or else three lovers at least one of whom is involved with the other two -- either way, especially if living together.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, four-cornered marriage, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, third party, three-in-a-bedder, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, trouple, vee, we of me.

three-date rule:

A guideline employed among some social groups as to either how long to delay or (in some views) how long it is okay to delay physical intimacy with a prospective partner -- namely, until the third date (q.v.).

Comments: For some, that means "the third date at least." For others, it means that if there is no physical intimacy by the third date, there never is likely to be.

The rule serves several functions:

• It establishes a measure of respectfulness, especially on the part of a male.
  
• It allows for a period of becoming acquainted with a person in a way that is not at first dominated by physicality.
• It allows for a measure of wooing.
  
• It pays temporary service to the conventional assumptions that a person, especially a woman, should appear hard to get, not appear desperate, and not appear slutty.
• It provides a prompt for an exploration of each other's expectations with regard to physical intimacy.
• In the larger scheme of things, it serves as a protocol where traditional sexual morality is largely ignored.
  

x rules.

three-day rule:

The informal guideline of roughly thirty-six hours as the minimal waiting period for a man to call a woman after obtaining her phone number, so as not to appear desperate.

See also rules of love, sexual etiquette, sexual mores, three-date rule.

x rules.

Three Dolphin Club:

Those people, collectively considered, who have successfully engaged in sexual intercourse while in space.

Source: G. Harry Stine, “The Alternate View: The Three Dolphin Club,” Analog; 110 (April 1990): pp. 106-108. <Not examined>

See also extraterrestrial sexuality, generational ship, human-alien sex, mile-high club, notional sex club, three-dolphin technique, xenosexuality.

x club.

three-dolphin technique:

Assistance from a third person in the performance of sexual intercourse, this in fluid, zero-gravity, or microgravity conditions.

Comment: Since, according to Newton's third law of motion, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, sexual intercourse in weightless conditions can be difficult. One way to counter that effect is to have a third party provide counterpoising forces, as some people claim to have observed dolphins doing, although experts dispute that this is typical dolphin mating behavior. The counterpoising effect is called the dolphin effect.

See also fluffer, helping, third party, Three Dolphin Club, troilism.

x dolphin effect.

x technique.

three-in-a-bedder:

A person who has sex with and/or sleeps with two other persons together in the same resting place.

See also French arrangement, ménage à trois, three-cornered establishment, threesome, three-way sex, triad, triangle, troilism, trouple.

Quotation from Cyril Connolly Illustrating "Three-in-a-bedders"
The State harries the human couple and takes both man and wife for its wars, society quests impatiently for the first suspicion of mistress or lover, and neurotic three-in-a-bedders, lonely and envious, make the young ménage their prey.
From: The Unquiet Grave: A Word Cycle, by Palinurus [Cyril Connolly] ([Second] revised ed., with an introduction by Cyril Connolly. London: Hamish Hamilton, 1951): part 1, p. 26.

"Three is a crowd":

See "Two's company, three is a crowd."

three most important words in a marriage:

That which can be said by a spouse in just a triplet of "units of discourse" (to use a synonym for "words") that has the most bearing on the happiness in and longevity of his or her marital union. "I love you" is probably the topmost candidate. The next tier of candidates all convey more or less the same core sense, although some people regard them as topmost:

• "You're probably right.
• "You're right, dear."
• "I was wrong."
• "As you wish."

See also I love you, two most important words in a marriage.

x "You're probably right."

x "I was wrong."

x As you wish."

threesome:

1. A triangle (q.v. in the first sense).

2. A vee.

3. Three people engaging in sexual activity together.

4. A group of three people together.

See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, Dreiheit, eternal triangle, foursome, French arrangement, group sex, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), love sandwich, ménage à trois, moresome, one true pairing, oot, OT3, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, three-in-a-bedder, triad, troika, troilism, trouple, twosome, vee.

three taboo topics:

See politics, religion, and sex.

threeway:

See three-way sex.

Three Ways:

1. Key streams of thought in Western civilization that have led to the conclusion that it is okay to have more than one love relationship at the same time entailing sexual relations -- okay at least if certain conditions are met.

2. Main paths some observant Jews and Christians take that lead to their conclusion that at least some homosexual behavior is not sinful:

• Close examination of the relevant biblical texts, which, in some analyses, show them to be either about something else, restricted in scope, positive about homosexual love, or ambiguous.
• An appeal to the general thrust of the Bible as a document of and pointing to liberation, love, and compassion, the bits that seem to prohibit homosexual practices being written off as obsolete. In some Christian theology, this approach is sometimes cast in part as gospel superseding law.
  
• An appeal to conscience, even if the Bible is regarded as condemning all homosexual behavior -- the idea being that conscience would not allow one to participate in the marginalization and condemnation of individuals because of whom they are naturally drawn to and love and engage in intimate relationships with, so long as the parties are consenting and either peers or of age.
  

Comment: Coined as a formulaic phrase by me, August 20, 2009; however it has obviously been used before. The first sense is adapted from Aldous Huxley; the second sense I have constructed.

See also erotic deontology, homosexuality, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, polyamory, polygamy, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, third way in sexual ethics, via tertia.

x Bible.

x way.

Quotation from Aldous Huxley Illustrating "Three Ways"
Here are three ways of asserting a predeliction for polygamy. The differences between them are significant. Shelley's way is the way of the revolutionary romantic. "I never was attached," he says, "to that great sect whose doctrine is," briefly, monogamy. It is a declaration of personal non-conformity to an unpleasant religious superstition -- for that is what the word "sect" implies monogamy to be. A Superstition which no man of good sense and decent feeling can accept.... Milton does not dare to be unorthodox on his own responsibility. He feels it necessary to prove by irrefutable argument that he is right and that those who call themselves orthodox are wrong. Hence these texts from the Bible [2 Samuel 12:8 and others]. For the Bible is, by definition, always right. Milton accepts | its authority.... Milton bows to the authority of the Bible, but only in order to prove that his own taste for polygamy is also Jehovah's taste. Blake occupies an intermediate position between Milton and Shelley. He has not lost the habit of justifying personal predelictions in terms of mythology. But whereas Milton has to do all his justifying in terms of existing myths, Blake feels himself free to invent new ones for himself. Milton's desire for more than one woman at a time is legitimate because Solomon kept a barrackful of concubines; Blake's because Oothoon offers to provide her spouse with "girls of mild silver, or of furious gold." The substitution of Golgonooza for Jerusalem is the substitution of a private for a public myth. Individualism and subjectivism have triumphed ...
From the commentary portion of "Polygamy," in: Texts & Pretexts: An Anthology with Commentaries, by Aldous Huxley (5th ed. New York: Harper, c1933): pp. 130-137, specifically 133-134. Huxley's description is somewhat cynical, in that it explains argument and stance by personal predeliction. The texts referred to are: Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Passages of the Poem, or Connected Therewith"; in some editions entitled, "Lines Connected with Epipsychidion"(1839; 2nd ed., 1862): lines 6-16; plus "Epipsychidion" (1821): lines 160-189. John Milton, The Christian Doctrine, translated by Charles R. Sumner from De Doctrina Christiana (1825; writing completed circa 1660): extracts from chapter 10. William Blake, "Visions of the Daughters of Albion" (1793): plate 7, lines 17-29.

three-way sex:

Three people engaging in sexual activity together.

Comment: "Threeway" for short.

See also bi-trio, devil's threeway, FMF, FFM, group sex, ménage à trois, MFM, MMF, oot, sex, three-in-a-bedder, tricycle, trisexual, troilism.

x threeway.

throw (oneself) at (somebody):

See also approach invitation, attentions, comether, come-on, come on to, flirt, forward, hit on, jump (somebody's) bones, lordosis behavior, love signal, make a move, make a pass at, make a play for, make love to, make-want, present, proceptive phase, proposition, put the make on, put the mojo on, set (her) cap at him, sexual advances, sexual invitation, solicit, take a run at (someone).

throw (oneself) on the grenade:

See jump the grenade.

throw over:

1. To dispense with, for instance, with a love relationship .

2. To break off, for instance, with a lover.

See also bad breaker-upper, break up, discard, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, give the mitten, jilt, leave (someone), let go, plaquer, sack, separate, split up, uncouple, walk out.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Throw ... Over"
[Miss Minette Darrington regarding Julius Halliday] "He made me go and live with him, and now he wants to throw me over. And yet he won't let me go to anybody else. He wants me to live hidden in the country. And then he says I persecute him, that he can't get rid of me." [snip] "... And now I'm going to have a baby, he wants to give me a hundred pounds and send me into the country, so that he would never see me nor hear of me again. But I'm not going to do it, after ----"
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 6, pp. 60-61. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

Thus do they all:

See Così fan tutte.

thygatrogamist, or thugatrogamist:

1. A man who marries or has married his daughter.

2. An advocate or supporter of thugatrogamy (q.v.).

Coined by me.

thygatrogamous, or thugatrogamous:

Pertaining to or characterized by the marriage of a man to his daughter.

Coined by me.

See also thugatrogamy.

thygatrogamy, or thugatrogamy:

1. Marriage of a man to his daughter.

2. The practice of father-daughter marriage in general.

Comment: Coined by me in English, but perhaps it already exists. From the Greek, thugatrogamos.

See also -gamy, incest, thugatrogamist, thugatrogamous.

x Greek terms.

"thy neighbour's wife":

An allusion to part of the Tenth Commandment in the Authorized (King James) Version of the Bible: "thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife." To give an example of a more modern translation, The Stone Edition Tanach (1996) gives this rendering: "You shall not covet your fellow's wife." See Exodus 20:17 (= 20:14 in some editions) and Deuteronomy 5:21 (= 5:18 in some editions), where the phrase translates the Hebrew esheth re`eka. Compare Leviticus 20:10 (the parallel in 18:20 uses the Hebrew word `amith for "neighbor," thus esheth `amithka) and Deuteronomy 22:24.

Comment: By "neighbor" is meant not just somebody who lives next-door. It refers at least to those free persons with whom one lives in a community meant to be at peace. When Jesus was asked about the meaning of "neighbor" in the Torah, with reference specifically to Leviticus 19:18, he answered with the parable of the Good Samaritan, which suggested that one's neighbor might include persons in a community with which one's own community is at odds and that one should be a good neighbor to all who come within one's sphere of influence, especially those requiring kindness. See the New Testament at Luke 10:25-37, where the Greek word for "neighbor" is plêsion (in verses 29 and 36).

Example of use: Thy Neighbor's Wife, [by] Gay Talese (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1980).

See also lust, Tenth Commandment, wife.

x Bible.

x esheth re`eka.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrerw terms.

x neighbour's wife.

ticket:

A person brought to a swing party in order to gain entrance as a couple, even though that person has no intention of swinging or is not free to swing.

See also swinger.

tide turning on marriage:

See marriage tide.

tie, as in "a tie":

1. An emotional bond, or a strand thereof.

2. An association (with).

3. A connection of some sort (to); a linkage.

For an additional lexical example, see the Moravia quotation under "intrigue."

See also attachment, bond, connection, knot, love-knot, marriage tether, marriage tie, splice, tie that binds.

Quotation from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Tie"
[Erik] "You're mad! You've given him a chance to get away." [Luise] "I know." I wanted to cry, and couldn't. "I had to, Erik. He was my husband for a little while. We slept in each other's arms. That makes a tie -- for a woman, anyway. I can't argue about it now. It just is."
From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 17, p. 244.

tied:

1. Bound together.

2. Connected; linked.

See also tie (noun).

Quotation from the Angus Davidson Translation of Alberto Moravia Illustrating "Tied"
I wanted to tell her that all was over between us two and that it was better for us to part, but as I thought and wrote down these things, I felt a violent pain and a refusal on the part of my whole body, which seemed to express itself in this uninterrupted flood of tears. I realized that I was closely tied to her, that it did not in the least matter to me that she had betrayed me, and that, in the long run, it did not matter to me even if she gave herself to others for love and reserved, for me, nothing but simple affection.
From the novel: Conjugal Love, by Alberto Moravia (New York, N.Y.: New American Library, 1952, c1951; in publisher's series: A Signet Book; 922): chapter 15, p. 129. Translated from the Italian of L'Amore Coniugale (1949) by Angus Davidson. Originally published in English: New York, Farrar, Straus and Young, 1951.

tied to her apron strings:

1. Inseparable from a woman, said especially of either a child or a man.

2. Under the control of a woman, said especially of a man.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, loveydovey, pussy-whipped, under petticoat government, uxorious, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches.

x apron strings.

tied up:

Married.

See also marriage tether, tie up.

tie that binds:

Whatever holds individuals together in a relationship, especially if that "whatever" is from within, such as mutual affection.

Comments: Either in this form or in the plural, "ties that bind," often an allusion to the popular hymn, "Blest Be the Tie That Binds," by John Fawcett (1740-1817). What he meant by it is unclear: perhaps the fabric of Christian love or perhaps, though unstated, the Holy Spirit.

See also affection, agapic love, bond, marriage tether, nuptial knot, tie.

Quotations from John Fawcett Illustrating "Tie That Binds"
Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love: The fellowship of kindred minds Is like to that above.   Before our Father's throne We pour our ardent prayers; Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one, Our comforts and our cares.   We share our mutual woes, Our mutual burdens bear, And often for each other flows The sympathizing tear.   When we asunder part, It gives us inward pain; But we shall still be joined in heart, And hope to meet again.   This glorious hope revives Our courage by the way; While each in expectation lives, And longs to see the day.   From sorrow, toil, and pain, And sin, we shall be free, And perfect love and friendship reign Through all eternity.
"Blest Be the Tie That Binds," [by] John Fawcett (1740-1817). The text above follows The Coronation Hymnal: A Selection of Hymns and Songs, by A. J. Gordon and Arthur T. Pierson (Philadelphia: American Baptist Publication Society, c1894): no. 256. Originally published: Hymns Adapted to the Circumstances of Public Worship and Private Devotion, [by] John Fawcett (Leeds: G. Wright, 1782): no. 104. Among common textual variations: Stanza 1, line 1: Blest be the ties that bind. Stanza 1, line 1: Blest is the tie that binds. Stanza 3, line 1: We share each others' woes.

A Postcard Illustrating "Tie That Binds"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Color art "post-card," with white background and in landscape format; showing a man in a dark suit seated on a stool and a woman in a long light-colored dress seated in a rocking chair, with an infant taking its early steps between them; with caption: "The tie that binds," [signed] Alonzo Kimball ([New York]: Chas. Scribner's Sons, c1905). Logo on back: a circle with the initials RN. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Ties That Bind"
[In the mentioned marriage] The ties that bind have been frayed by money and mortgages and children.
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35.

tie the knot:

1. To marry.

2. To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.

See also buckle, knot, marriage tether, marry, nuptial knot, splice, tie up, untie the knot, wed.

tie up:

To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.

See also buckle, marry, splice, tied up, tie the knot, wed.

tie-up:

To get married.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 238.

See also marry.

TILF, or tilf:

Acronym for "teacher I'd like to f*ck"; a sexually desirable teacher.

Comment: The "T" in TILF is susceptible to standing for other words, such as "tailor," "teamster," "techie," "topographer," and "tycoon."

See also FILF, GMILF, HILF, -ILF, MILF, WILF.

tillage:

See Love's tillage.

time marriage:

A marital union for a duration stated in advance.

See also contract marriage, marriage, mut'a, seasonal marriage, starter marriage, temporary marriage.

Timios ho gamos en pasin (Greek):

See "Marriage is honourable in all."

tinsel weeks:

A honeymoon.

Comment: A translation of the German word for "honeymoon," Flitterwochen.

See also honeymoon.

x Flitterwochen.

tip:

To cheat on (one's partner).

Source: The Wordsworth Book of Euphemism, [by] Judith S. Neaman & Carole G. Silver (Ware, Hertsfordshire: Wordsworth Editions, 1995): p. 245.

See also betray, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, fool around, f*ck around, infidelity, play around, run astray, screw around, sleep around, two-time, unfaithfulness, yard on.

tipi seduction:

See tepee seduction.

-tired:

See man-tired, woman-tired.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all":

A quotation from Alfred Tennyson that has become proverbial, expressing the idea that love is more to be valued than sorrow is to be avoided. Originally "lost" meant lost to death, but proverbially the saying is applied to any kind of loss, including a break-up.

Tennyson's lines more fully are these: "I hold it true, whate'er befall; | I feel it, when I sorrow most; | 'Tis better to have loved and lost | Than never to have loved at all." See his In Memoriam §27, stanza 4. The poem was written in memory of Tennyson's friend, Arthur Henry Hallam (1811-1833), who had died suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage.

Samuel Butler played off of the saying in The Way of All Flesh (1903): chapter 77, the narrator speaking: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." This was in reference to losing a spouse by means other than death.

See also die without ever having loved, grief, lost love, love.

x better to have loved and lost.

x loved and lost.

"'Tis love that makes the world go round":

A proverbial expression which suggests that much that occurs in the world is to be explained by amorous love.

Quotation from a French Song
C'est l'amour, l'amour, l'amour,      Qui fait le monde      A la ronde,      Et chaque jour           A son tour           Le monde           Fait l'amour. Qui rend la femme plus docile, Et qui sait doubler ses attraits? [etc.]
From the play: La Marchande de Goujons, ou Les Trois Bossus; Vaudeville Grivois en un Acte, de MM. Francis et Dartois [i.e. Armand d'Artois]; représenté à Paris, sur le Théâtre des Variétés, le 31 mars 1821 (Paris: Delaunay, Martinet, Barba, 1821): Scene 17, p. 43.

Quotation from an English Song
OH! 'TIS LOVE! OH! 'tis love, 'tis love, 'tis love,       That makes the world go round; Ev'ry day, beneath his sway,       Fools, old and young, abound; [etc.]
From: The Universal Songster; or, Museum of Mirth: Forming the Most Complete, Extensive, and Valuable Collection of Ancient and Modern Songs in the English Language: with a Copious and Classified Index ... (London: John Fairburn ... [et al.], 1825-1826): v. 3 (1826), p. 369.

Harper's New Monthly Magazine Image Illustrating "'Tis Love That Makes the World Go Round"
From: "Editor's Drawer," in: Harper's New Monthly Magazine; v. 14 = no. 81 (February 1857): p. 429. Sketch of Cupid atop a globe and people being crushed beneath; with caption at bottom: "'Tis Love that makes the world go round."

title:

An appellation attached to a person's name by virtue of station in life, office, or recognition for attainment. Typically spouses have corresponding titles, as shown in the chart below.

Titles in Western Societies (Roughly, but only roughly, arranged by rank)
Royalty
Male	Female
Emperor	Empress
Czar or Tsar	Czaritza (Empress) or Czarina (wife)
King	Queen
Czarevitch	Czarevna
Dauphin (French)	Dauphine (French)
Prince	Princess
Nobility / Peerage
Archduke	Archduchess
Duke / Duc (French)	Duchess / Duchesse (French)
Marquess / Marquis / Marchese (Italian)	Marchioness / Marquise / Marchesa (Italian)
Earl (U.K.) / Count (Europe) / Comte (French) / Conte (Italian)	Countess / Comtesse (French) / Contessa (Italian)
Viscount	Viscountess
Baron	Baronness
Non-peerage
Baronet	Baronetess or Lady*
Knight, called Sir	Dame or Lady
Yeoman	Yeowoman
* "Lady" is also used as a form of address for a marchioness on down; also for the daughter of a duke, a marquis, or an earl; also for the wife of a younger son of a duke or marquis.
Among other pairings are Viceroy and Vicereine; President and First Lady (or First Gentleman, or First Husband, or First Spouse); Prime Minster and First Lady (or First Gentleman, or First Husband, or First Spouse); and, in reference to chiefs among speakers of Algonquian, Sachem and Squaw-Sachem. Some Asian societies also have completary titles, for example, rajah and rani (or ranee).

See also consort, goodwife, miss, mistress, Mrs., punarbhu, squaw, stud book.

tiyo:

See taio.

Tobias nights:

Three days immediately following a wedding durng which the newly wedded couple abstains from sexual intercourse per custom.

See also continence, ius primae noctis, wedding.

TOCOTOX (acronym); plural, TOCOTOXEN (on analogy with oxen) or, in some usage, TOCOTOXES:

"Too complicated to explain," in reference to a person with whom one has a sexual or love relationship or in reference to the relationship itself.

Comment: Occasionally the term is used broadly to encompass even a person with whom one has an indirect relationship, for instance a lover of one's lover.

The term is sometimes (but not exclusively) used where a person who is living by one set of mores -- non-monogamous mores, for instance -- isn't ready at the moment to explain a relationship to a person who believes in a different set of mores

See also amari, bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, cohabitant, cohabitee, co-vivant, illegitimate spouse, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, partner, partner sharing, PASSLQ, POSSLQ, riddle-me-ree relationship, sexual connection, sheet partner, umfriend, ungetaken.

Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: p2c2e = a process too complicated to explain.

x complicated.

x too complicated to explain.

"To earn credit in heaven, make a pass at an ugly woman [or man]":

A saying to the effect that it is a kindness and an indication of worth to go out of one's way to make oneself sexually available to a person whom others generally ignore.

Comments: This saying lends itself to countless variations, phrase by phrase; for example:

• To do penance in order to get into heaven ...
  
• To earn kudos in heaven ...
• To earn merit for heaven ...
• To lay up treasure in heaven ...
  
• ... dance with ...
• ... date ...
• ... kiss ...
• ... make love to ...
• ... marry ...
• ... sleep with ...
• ... a fat person.
  
• ... an aged person.
• ... an older woman (or man).
• ... an unattractive boy (or girl) -- "boy" and "girl" in the adult sense.
  

x "In order to earn credit in heaven, make a pass at an ugly woman."

x "Make a pass at an ugly woman to earn credit in heaven.

toebah (Hebrew):

See abomination.

toe-party, or toe party:

1. A social gathering where some participants, commonly the women, are lined up behind a large cloth, such as a blanket, sheet, or curtain, with only the toes showing, each then being selected by a person on the other side of the cloth, perhaps by bid, as a companion for the gathering and each, commonly, then being treated to whatever she (or he) desires -- food, drink, dancing, etc.

2. Any social gathering where toes or feet are featured, such as one where foot products are sold or one that caters to foot fetishes.

Comment: Also called a toe social.

Some toe parties are tame, even church socials, whereas others are bawdy.

See also skin party.

x games.

x party.

together:

1. Physically with each other.

2. In accord with each other; without discord.

3. In commnuion with with each other.

See also alone together, back together, belong together, breakfast together, by (one's) side, close, coitus, future together, going together, go near (someone), grow old together, have babies together, have each other, in (one's) life, living together, make beautiful music together, move in together, romantic history together, run off together, tête-à-tête, togetherness, use porn together.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Together"
[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She knew he loved her; she was sure of him. Yet she could not let go a certain hold over herself, she could not bear him to question her. She gave herself up in delight to being loved by him. She knew that, in spite of his joy when she abandoned herself, he was a little bit saddened too. She could give herself up to his activity. But she could not be herself, she dared not come forth quite nakedly to his nakedness, abandoning all adjustment, lapsing in pure faith with him. She abandoned herself to him, or she took hold of him and gathered her joy of him. And she enjoyed him fully. But they were never quite together, at the same moment, one was always a little left out.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 29, p. 426. Early editions: New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920. London: Martin Secker, 1921.

together but apart:

See living apart but together.

togetherness:

1. Physical proximity, especially when combined with an emotional rapport; comradship.

2. Mutual consciousness of an intellectual or emotional harmony.

3. Mutual consciousness of an enduring bond.

4. Intimacy.

5. A happy meeting of complementary needs by way of each other.

See also bond, communion, connaturality, connection, intimacy, intrinsic marriage, McClintock effect, more "married" than, more of a couple than, myth of togetherness, proximity, rapprochement, theory of complementary needs in mate-selection, together.

togetherness myth:

See myth of togetherness.

token of affection:

Something, commonly a small gift or a greeting card, that indicates the warm feelings one has for the person to whom it is directed.

See also affection, gage d'amour, love coupon, love letter, love token.

A Postcard Illustrating "Token of Affection"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Half-tone "post card," with white borders, showing a seated couple; he is in a suit, and she is in a long greenish-blue dress and is leaning on his shoulder; with caption at top: "A token of affection"; followed by these lines of verse: "Thus let me hold thee to my heart, | And every care resign | And we shall never never part, | My life my all, that's mine." ([S.l.: s.n., between 1915 and 1930]). The lines of verse are from "The Hermit," by Oliver Goldsmith, which originally appeared under the title "A Ballad," in chapter 8 of his novel, The Vicar of Wakefield (1766). The date is based on the white border era. Numbered: B 68-8. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

toleramus:

Permission to remarry after divorce, where such permission is required.

See also divorce, remarriage.

toleration:

See sexual toleration.

TOM (acronym):

"The other man."

See also other man, TOW.

tomato:

See hot tomato.

tomcat, as in "a tomcat":

A sexually promiscuous man.

See also animalistic, philanderer, promiscuous, rabbit, satyr, sex kitten, shark, skate, stud, wolf.

tomcat, as in "to tomcat":

To behave in a sexually promiscuous manner, like a male cat; said of a man.

See also promiscuity, serial philandering.

Tongan terms:

See taboo.

too complicated to explain:

See TOCOTOX.

toothing:

The use of Bluetooth to meet a stranger in person for sex or to explore romance, connections being made, for instance, through message boards.

Comment: Bluetooth is networking technology that utilizes short-range digital two-way radio and that is accessible, for instance, by properly outfitted desktop computers, printers, laptops, personal digital assistants (PDAs), mobile phones, and headsets. Both telephone communications and Internet access can be had through such technology.

Bluetooth was developed in 1994 by engineers of the Swedish telecommunications manufacturer Telefonaktiebolaget LM Ericsson. A Bluetooth Special Interest Group (SIG), which sets specifications, was founded in 1998. The founding members included Ericsson, Intel Corporation, International Business Machines Corporation (IBM), Nokia Corporation, and Toshiba Corporation.

Bluetooth was named after the King of Denmark and Norway, Harold Bluetooth Gormson (ca. 911-ca. 987). In Danish the name is Harald Blåtand.

Beware: Some reports of toothing have originated in a hoax.

See also alternative dating, booty call, cyber relationship, dating plan, digital lipstick on the collar, dogging, instant messaging, online relationship, out-of-town strange, phone sex partner, sexting, stranger sex, techno-straying, virtual community.

x hoaxes.

toothsome:

1. Characterized by prominently displayed teeth, especially bright ones, or by many teeth; toothy.

2. Delicious.

3. Appealing.

4. Sexually desirable.

See also attractive, desirable, fetching, foxy, hot, lustworthy, osculable, phat, sexy, shapely, sultry.

toots:

1. Sweetie; an affectionate term of address.

2. A playful term of address for a human female, especially a girl or young woman (apparently short for "tootsie").

3. Metaphorically, a quick honk, as in a "hello, good-bye" or a "good-bye"; as if to say, "here's a brief verbal acknowledgement," typically the acknowledgement being informal and polite.

Comment: I presume that the last sense derives from the verb "toot": "To honk or blow a horn, especially in a series of brief taps, perhaps, one at a time"; and more specifically from the custom of honking the horn of a car in place of or in addition to a wave of the hand.

See also babycakes, sweetie, term of endearment.

topography of love:

1. The distribution of places where stages in developing relationships and romantic affection begin.

2. The places where romantic affection might be found, either for those looking for partners or for those looking for the sorts of relationships where genuine romantic affection is present.

3. The metaphorical landscape representing, for instance, the twists and turns, ups and down, and obstacles and distances experienced in the course of a romantic relationship (inclusive of the prelude to it), or of romantic relationships collectively speaking.

See also availability index, boy-next-door theory, carte de tendre, geography of love, girl-next-door theory, Land of Matrimony, love, love will find a way, map of matrimony, Metuchen theory, nearest donut theory, propinquity factor, proximity, Reich der Liebe, River of True Love, royaume d'amour, sentimental cartography, station amoureux, Truelove River.

x love's topography.

torch:

To yearn or pine for, with romantic or sexual desire.

See also carry a torch for, Cupid's torch, Cyprian torch, pine for, torchy.

Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Torching"
I have one [a man to do things with] at the present time who has just separated from his wife of twenty-odd years ... This guy is at the loosest ends you ever saw. It isn't that he's torching for his wife, it's just that he doesn't know what to do with himself in his spare time, without a wife-person to keep him company.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 126 (and, for the last word, 127). The elision is mine.

torch of Cupid:

See Cupid's torch.

torch singer:

One who sings torch songs.

See also torch song.

x singer.

torch song:

See also carry a torch for, Cupid's torch, Cyprian torch, descort, love song, torch singer, torchy, unrequited love.

x song.

torchy:

In love or in lust with someone but not or not yet in a love relationship with that person; having an unrequited crush on someone.

See also besotted, carry a torch for, crush, Cupid's torch, Cyprian torch, flame, have the hots for, incandescence, infatuated, in love, in lust, kindled to one another, limerent, love-passion, lustful, mashy, old flame, one-itis, spark of love, sprung, torch, torch song, unrequited love, wildly in love with.

torrid affair:

An ardent, passionate sexual relationship.

Comment: Sometimes used pejoratively.

See also affair, passionate love, sexual relationship, wildly in love with.

Torschlusspanik (German):

1. "Gate-closing panic"; last-minute anxiety; eleventh-hour fears; apprehension about missing a deadline.

2. In the context of a discussion about finding mates, the panicky feeling that it is almost too late to find a suitable partner in life with whom to achieve certain goals, for instance, procreation and the raising of children.

Comment: Tor ("gate" or "door") + Schluß ("end" or "close") + Panik ("panic").

Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, biological clock, itchy ring finger, kick for a man, pushbutton panic, single, wedding bell blues.

x German terms.

x panic.

"To see him is to love him," or, "To see her is to love her":

An expression to the effect that, with regard to a particular person, affection or romantic devotion is inspired just by beholding that person.

See also coup de foudre, love at first sight.

x German terms.

x "Der Wunsch sie zu sehen, ist auch der Wunsch, sie zu besitzen."

total power exchange:

See power exchange.

total relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

TOTGA (acronym):

"The one that got away," in wistful reference to an individual whom one wishes had become a lover, long-term partner, or best friend.

See also erstwhile dear, ghosts of relationships past, long-lost love, long-term partner, lost and found lover, lost love, lover, missed connection, old flame, old sweetheart, once-beloved, promisacuity, saudade, "We'll always have Paris."

x one that got away.

"To the pure, all things are pure":

See "Unto the pure all things are pure."

tottie, or totty:

1. A high-class prostitute.

2. An attractive person, said usually of a young woman.

See also blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, floozy, güila, hoe, moll, parnel, prostitute, slattern, slut, squaw, tart, tottie, wench, whore; attractive, babe, betty, cherub, eye candy, flicka, fox, nymph, phat, sex god, sex goddess.

tough love:

1. Rejection of enabling a loved one's alcoholism, drug addiction, hurtfully compulsive behavior, or anti-social behavior in favor of taking steps, though unpleasant and perhaps risky, to set the loved one on a course of sobriety or cessation from hurtful behavior, for instance, by way of intervention, which typically involves both confrontation and therapy, and allowing a loved one to face the natural consequences of his or her behavior, without rescuing that person from those consequences.

2. Choosing to speak frankly and helpfully to or do what is best for a loved one even though the choice is disagreeable to that person and emotionally painful for oneself.

3. Parental discipline for the long-term good of a child, at least insofar as it is indeed good for the child.

Comment: Often the application of tough love is contrary to the expressed will of the person to whom it is being shown. However, it is usually reserved for cases where that person has some degree of volitional impairment, due to, for instance, an addiction, a delusion, or, in the case of children, immaturity.

See also love, unconditional love.

toujours perdrix (French):

"Always partridge": too much of a good thing; not enough variety, too constantly the same thing, even if good; said especially of sexual exclusivity.

See also Coolidge effect, monogamy, new cock syndrome, new pussy syndrome, sexual exclusivity, sexual varietism.

x French terms.

x novelty.

x variety.

Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Toujours Perdrix"
Walpole tells us that the confessor of one of the French kings reproved him for conjugal infidelity, and was asked by the king what he liked best. "Partridge," replied the priest, and the king ordered him to be served with partridge every day, till he quite loathed the sight of his favourite dish. After a time, the king visited him, and hoped he had been well served, when the confessor replied, "Mais oui, perdrix, toujours perdrix." "Ah! ah!" replied the amorous monarch, "and one mistress is all very well, but not 'perdrix, toujours perdrix.'"
From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 962, s.v. "Perdrix."