By
Norman Elliott Anderson
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An irrationally founded societal aversion; a cultural ban based on custom or religion rather than practical reason.
Comment: This is a loan-word from Tongan.
See ethical relativism, mores, sexual taboo.
x Tongan terms.
Tahitian terms:
See taio.
tail-femme:
A married woman who is open to engaging in sexual activity with people other than her husband.
See also adulteress, femme galante, hotwife, Messalina, slut, slut wife, sotah.
taio (Tahitian):
1. A formal friendship between people not related by ancestry, a friendship that involves the sharing of everything, in some cases even of sex partners.
2. A best friend and protector with whom everything is shared, in some cases including sex partners; a formally bonded companion.
Comment: The term comes from the Maohi, the indigenous people of French Polynesia.
A taio relationship may be male-male, female-female, male-female.
Engraving and Quotation from the National Library of Australia Illustrating "Taio"
The above is a pictorial illustration of a taio bonding ceremony, from the acquatint engraving by Francesco Bartolozzi (1727-1815), commissioned by the London Missionary Society and published during or around the 1790s in London for the Society's benefit by W. Jeffryes, from an earlier painting by Robert Smirke (1752-1845). The picture is entitled:
Captain Wilson's dates were 1759 or 60 to 1814.
The description by the National Library of Australia reads:
"The image depicts high ranking Maohi, including a young paramount kin title-holder and a high ranking woman seated on the shoulders of attendants. The bodies of kin-title holders and their close relatives were so sacred that by walking to the meeting with Wilson's party they would have rendered tapu all the land they journeyed through.
"Two men and a woman appear with the upper halves of their bodies uncovered, signifying the chiefs of the Matavai district's establishing Taio with the missionaries. The gesture is reciprocated by a young man in Wilson's party."
Reproduced by permission, 2004. The NLA's file name for the picture is: nla.pic-an9129636-v.jpeg
See also angutawkun, friend, friendship, mbuya, nangsaegaek, waighembe.
Quotation from Captain James Cook Illustrating "Tiyo" ("Taio") |
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... as soon as we landed we were conducted to Otoo who [sic] we found seated on the ground under the shade of a tree with a crowd of People round him. After the first salutation was over I made him a present of such things as were in most esteem with them with which he seem'd well pleased, I likewise made presents to several of his attendance [sic] and was offer'd in return a large quantity of Cloth which I refused giving them to understand that what I had given was for Tiyo (friendship) ... |
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From the entry for Thursday, August 26, 1773, Tahiti, in: The Journals of Captain Cook, prepared from the original manuscripts by J. C. Beaglehole for the Hakluyt Society, 1955-67; selected and edited by Philip Edwards (London, England; New York, N.Y.: Penguin Books, 1999): pp. 284-285; cf. 285 (August 27, "Tiyo"), 291 (September 4, Huahine, "Tyo or friendship"), 298 (September 17, Raiatea, "Tyo"), 346 (April 26, 1774, Tahiti, "Tiyo"; editorial footnote: "Taio"), 488 (July 12, 1777, Eua, "Tayo"), 494 (August 12, 1777, Tahiti, "Tyo's"). Notice Cook's remark in his entry for Monday, September 6, 1773, Huahine (p. 293): "Friendship is Sacred with these people." For exchange of names as part of taio, see p. 494; cf. pp. 295, 303, 607. |
take:
1. To marry (someone); to accept (a particular person) formally as one's spouse.
2. To have sexual intercourse with.
Comment: The term is common in various phrases pertaining to marriage and relationships, for instance:
- "He took her as his wife" (the pattern of the phrase being, "take as one's spouse");
- "They took each other in marriage" ("take in marriage"); and,
- "She took a lover" ("take a lover").
To some the word is suggestive of possession, yet it is so basic and so varied in its range of meaning (only senses within or impinging on the scope being shown here) that it might well be regarded as an overreaction if offense is taken on that score, unless the suggestion is made explicit.
See also consort with, ho'owahine, make love to, marry, mate, stud, wed.
Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Takes"
[Mr Bennet]: 'I mean, that no man in his senses, would marry Lydia [Mr Bennet's daughter] on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year during my life, and fifty after I am gone.'
'That is very true,' said Elizabeth [Bennet]; 'though it had not occurred to me before. His [Wickham's] debts to be discharged, and something still to remain! Oh! it must be my uncle's doings! Generous, good man, I am afraid he has distressed himself. A small sum could not do all this.'
'No,' said her father, 'Wickham's a fool, if he takes her with a farthing less than ten thousand pounds...'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 49, p. 378. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).
take a cold shower:
1. To expose one's body to a stream of chilly water droplets.
2. As a figurative expression: To cool off sexually, that is, to pull back and try to make one's sexual arousal abate, perhaps even by responding to the expression literally, that is, by exposing one's body to chilly water.
Comment: A dash of cold water can be distracting, and sometimes the figurative expression is meant to imply that one distract oneself; but other times the expression is meant to imply that one bring about, on one's own, detumescence of erectile tissues, for instance, by the ascetical means of employing cold water. Less ascetical means are often a more likely course of action in response and, in some cases, may even be necessary in order to avoid or relieve blue balls, but this expression pretends not to take note of such means.
See also blue balls, lover's nut.
take a shine to:
To become fond of, especially all at once.
See also admire, dote, fancy, fond of, incandescence, like, shine.
take (one's) breath away:
A figurative expression for the surprising or stunning or amazingly pleasing effect upon oneself that another person has, due, for instance, to that person's attractiveness or attentions or to romantic love in its early stages or to the connection one feels with that person or to the happiness that person has brought to one's life.
See also attentions, attract, connection, make (a person) fall in love with, proceptive phase, romantic love.
take seconds:
1. To have intimate contact with a person of a sort, be it only a romantic kiss, which that person has already had with one or more other persons.
2. To engage in sexual activity with a person who has just engaged in sexual activity with another person.
3. To date someone who is only one or two steps romantically removed from a person one is currently dating, for instance, from the standpoint of a woman, her old boyfriend's current girlfriend's old boyfriend.
Comment: The term is often used with a negative connotation, unless a waiver is made, as in, "I don't mind taking seconds."
See also cycling, incest, sexual connection, sexual network, sloppy seconds.
take the plunge:
To undergo, by choice, a major change in one's life, especially:
1. To get married.
2. To become engaged.
3. To begin to live with someone.
Comment: The metaphor is one of diving into water.
Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also become engaged, living together, marry, wed.
talak (Arabic):
A husband's freeing of himself from a wife; a man's repudiation of his wife; divorce (q.v.), especially as considered under Islamic law.
See also nikah.
tali-kettu-kalyanam (Hindi?):
A mock wedding ceremony for a pre-pubescent girl among the Nayar of the Malabar region of India, a ceremony which was traditionally a rite of passage (a samskara) for Nayar girls and which served as a prerequisite for marriage or, more specifically, for sambandham. One element of the four-day ceremony was the tying of a small plate of gold, a tali, around the girl's neck.
Comments: I've borrowed the "mock ... ceremony" part of the definition from Edward Westermarck. However, that would be as seen from another culture. Among the Nayars, the rite was serious and had life-changing consequences.
Westermarck speculated that this rite was "a relic of ... pre-nuptial defloration."
Reference
The History of Human Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (5th ed., rewritten. Bew York: Allerton Book Co., 1922): chapter 5, v. 1, p. 184.
See also manwalan, mock wedding, sambandham.
tally-man:
A male who keeps a mistress.
See also live tally, lover, tally-woman.
tally-woman:
A mistress (q.v.).
See also live tally, lover, tally-man.
Tantrism:
Besies the out-of-scope note under "libertinism," see also chakra puja, choli marg, misracara, panchamakara.
target:
1. A person one is trying to pick up (q.v.).
2. A person with whom one has chosen to flirt.
Contrast flirt (q.v.) and pick-up artist (q.v.). See also conquest, e-flirtee, pickup, prospect.
tart:
1. A woman who is alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted.
2. A woman who is dressed in a flashy and sexually provocative manner.
3. A sexually promiscuous woman.
4. A prostitute.
See also bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, giglet, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, seductress, she-wolf, slut, tramp, wanton woman; blowen, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, squaw; tart noir, tart party, vicars and tarts party, whore.
tart noir:
1. A dark, moody story about an alluring, daring, mean, tough, or sharp-witted woman.
2. The literary genre comprised of such stories.
Comment: "Noir" is French for "black."
See also femme fatale, tart.
Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: film noir, gothic, melodramatic noirs, menaced women noirs, série noir.
tart party or tarts' party:
A social gathering initiated by a group of women, especially promiscuous women, for the purpose of meeting desirable men.
Comment: The term is often used with strong sexual overtones. For some participants in some tart parties the point is to have one or more sexual encounters during or immediately following the party.
See also cupcake party, open party, sex party, tart, vicars and tarts party.
tayo:
See taio.
teepee seduction:
See tepeee seduction.
telegamist:
A practitioner of telegamy (q.v.).
Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.
telegamous:
Pertaining to or characterized by telegamy (q.v.).
Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "telegamy," so here included.
telegamy:
Distance marriage.
See also commuter marriage, cyber relationship, distributed commitment, duolocal residence, e-mail marriage, -gamy, long-distance relationship, online relationship, telegamist, telegamous.
Quotation from John Bayley on Telegamy
Not that we ever practiced the opposite way of life, not uncommon in academe, which a philosophical friend of Iris [Murdoch] defined by coining the word telegamy. Telegamy, marriage at a distance, works well for some people, who prefer to remain an independent part of an entity. It may sharpen their satisfaction in time spent together, as well as being of practical convenience if careers are to be pursued in places far apart.
From: Elegy for Iris, [by] John Bayley (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1999): p. 127
telegony:
The alleged transmission of one's traits to a child, though one is not the father, by virtue of having previously impregnated the mother or simply by virtue of having previously had sexual intercourse with her. That telegony occurs among humans is, of course, a myth.
See also monospermy, partible paternity, previous-sire myth.
telephone sex partner:
See phone sex partner.
tell all:
1. To expose in an uncensored (but not necessarily tactless) manner the aspects of one's life, such as secrets about one's past or embarrassing thoughts and feelings, that are relevant to a given discourse.
2. To recount the full story, inclusive of details that, for reasons of delicacy, might otherwise be omitted.
3. To reveal lovers and other love-life or sex-life details.
Comment: Often turned into an adjective, as in "a tell-all biography."
See also absolute code; ask-and-tell eroticism; don't ask, don't tell; kiss and tell; love life; romantic resumé; sex life; use sex as a weapon.
template (for a lover):
Psychologically developed mental imagery that influences whom one chooses as a love interest; a psychological overlay, possibly one of several operational in one's psyche, by which people are measured as desirable or not to be one's love-relationship partner; an imprint in the mind as to what one is looking for in a mate.
See also bad boy syndrome, chemistry, Dirty Harry syndrome, dream date, fantasy life, genicon, ideal, lovemap, lover, Miss Right, Mister Right, Ms. Right, native lovemap, objectify, one, one true love, perfect catch, sexual desire, sexuality, soul mate, type, wired.
temple de l'amour (French):
See temple of love.
temple of love:
1. The sacred precincts, especially the key enclosed portion, devoted to the worship of a god or goddess prominently associated with love (q.v.). Sometimes the word "love" is even substituted for the divine name. For instance, occasionally the Greek phrase hiron Aphroditês, literally "temple of Aphrodite," is translated as "temple of love," as at Herodotus, Histories 1.199.1 (where, by the way, Aphrodite stands for Ishtar, the Babylonian goddess of love).
2. A structure built in honor of the god Cupid, Cupid representing romantic love, or in honor of romantic love directly. If a particular structure, then capitalized. Perhaps the most famous of modern times that honors Cupid is the Temple de l'Amour at Versailles, Paris, France, which was designed by Richard Mique and built circa 1775, and which shelters a sculpture of Cupid by Edme Bouchardon. An example of a structure that honors romantic love directly is the Rakkauden Temppeli in Kontula, Finland, which was designed by Bjarne Lönnroos and unveiled in 2003.
3. An edifice built in honor of a love relationship or in memory of a beloved, most notably the Taj Mahal (Persian for "Crown Palace"), built in Agra, India between 1631 and 1654 by the Muslim Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan as a mausoleum for his favourite wife, Arjumand Bano Begum, who is also known as Mumtaz Mahal ("First Lady of the Palace").
4. A pavilion or some similar structure, generally of neoclassical design, where weddings are performed. If a particular structure, then capitalized.
5. A building that serves as a trysting place for lovers.
6. A euphemism for a brothel or an establishment that caters to sexual activity.
7. A metaphor for a bond between lovers that is considered sacred, a bond which is generally understood to encompass the lovers, including the full reach of their hearts and minds.
8. A metaphor for either a person's body or the bodies of a group of persons, in either case serving as the object of one's sexual devotion -- this sometimes by sacred or profane analogy to 1 Corinthians 6:19, which refers to a particular collective body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
9. Capitalized, a new religious movement, founded circa 2005, which is dedicated to world peace and to saving the environment.
Comments: German has a one word form for "temple of love": Liebestempel.
Beware "temple of love" as a misspelling for "temple of Jove."
See also Cupid's golden arrow, honeymoon cottage, love-nest, petite maison, tryst.
The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park |
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The Temple of Love in Mt. Storm Park, Cincinnati, Ohio. This is a mid-nineteenth century domed pavilion where weddings are often held. Source: Web site of the City of Cincinnati, Parks Department. A similar structure, also used for weddings, can be found in the Larz Anderson Park in Brookline, Massachusetts. |
temporary marriage:
A marriage (q.v.) not intended to last a lifetime; a conjugal union of intentionally limited duration.
See also broomstick-marriage, companionate marriage, contract marriage, contubernal, mut'a, pairing family, short term relationship, starter marriage, syndyasmian family, trial marriage.
temporary wife; plural, temporary wives:
A woman who takes care of a man, including his sexual appetite, for a limited duration, as in the case of sex hospitality.
See also sex hospitality, wife.
Quotation from Hebert Spencer Illustrating "Temporary Wives"
Various of the uncivilized and semi-civilized display hospitality by furnishing guests with temporary wives.
From: The Principles of Sociology, by Herbert Spencer. Vol. I-2 (New York: D. Appleton, 1896): §280, p. 616. Originally published 1876.
Ten Commandments:
See Seventh Commandment, Tenth Commandment.
tenderness:
1. Kind affection, especially of the sort that allows for a degree of intimacy, for instance, affection on the part of a parent towards a child or of a lover towards a beloved.
2. Affectionate kindness; empathetic, sympathetic, gentle, or forgiving treatment.
3. The realm comprised of romantic feelings and of the gentle behavior that flows from them.
4. The quality that inclines a person to love and to behave in a loving manner.
5. Extra vulnerability to being hurt, having already sustained a wound, whether one is speaking of flesh or of the emotions.
Comment: The French equivalent, tendresse, had special romantic significance in the French salons of the 17th and 18th centuries.
See also affection, carte de tendre, gentle heart, love, public display of affection, sentiment.
Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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... we have naturally a wonderful tenderness for that beautiful part of the human species called the fair sex ... |
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From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, p. 30. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742. |
Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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... all, all declared that he [Captain Wentworth] had a heart returning to her [Anne Elliot] at least; that anger, resentment, avoidance, were no more; and that they were succeeded, not merely by friendship and regard, but by the tenderness of the past. Yes, some share of the tenderness of the past. She could not contemplate the change as implying less. He must love her. |
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From the novel: Persuasion, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2004): chapter 20, pp. 222, 224. Originally published posthumously in: Northanger Abbey; and Persuasion, by the author of "Pride and Prejudice," "Mansfield-Park," &c.; with a biographical notice of the author [by her brother, Henry Austen] (London: John Murray, 1818). |
Quotation from Kenneth Grahame Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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[Regarding the gaoler's daughter] Toad, of course, in his vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded from a growing tenderness; and he could not help half regretting that the social gulf between them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass, and evidently admired him very much. |
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From the tale: The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame; illustrations by Arthur Rackham; introduction by A.A. Milne (New York: Heritage Press, 1944; Imprint: The Heritage Illustrated Bookshelf): chapter 8, p. 108. Text originally published: London: Methuen, 1908. |
Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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[Regarding Rupert Birkin] Then a hot passion of tenderness for her [Ursula Brangwen] filled his heart. He stood up and looked into her face. It was new, and oh, so delicate in its luminous wonder and fear. He put his arms round her, and she hid her face on his shoulder. |
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From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 23, p. 302. Cf. chapter 24, p. 339. Early editions:
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Quotation from John Updike Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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Georgene, from her first glimpse a year ago at the Appleby's party, of this prissy queenly newcomer, had disliked her; when Foxy stole Piet from her this dislike became hatred, with its implication of respect. But with the younger woman at her mercy Georgene allowed herself tenderness. She saw in Foxy a woman destined to dare and to suffer, a younger sister spared any compulsion to settle cheap, whose very mistakes were obscurely enviable. She was impressed with Foxy's dignity. Foxy did not deny that in this painful interregnum she needed help and company, nor did she attempt to twist Goergene's providing it into an occasion for protestation, or scorn, or confession, or self-contempt. |
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From the novel: Couples, [by] John Updike (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1968; "A Borzoi Book"): p. 381. |
Quotation from Clifford D. Simak Illustrating "Tenderness" |
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Staring at the two pages to which he [Charles Harcourt] had opened the book, he sought the tenderness -- the old, old tenderness he'd felt for Eloise all the years ago. Not the self-pity, not the sorrow or the bereavement, not the bitterness, but the tenderness, the upwelling of the sense of love. But he could not find the tenderness; it had faded, he thought, too far into time. |
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From the fantasy novel: Where the Evil Dwells, [by] Clifford D. Simak (New York: Ballantine Books, c1982; "A Del Rey Book"): p. 31. |
tendresse (French):
See tenderness.
Tenth Commandment:
In the biblical account, the last of the ten divine imperatives delivered to Moses on Mount Sinai for the Israelites. For English translation, see the following chart.
The Tenth Commandment
(King James Version = Authorized Version)
Exodus 20:17 = 20:14 in some editions
Deuteronomy 5:21 = 5:18 in some editions
Thou shalt not covet1 thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet1 thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
Neither shalt thou desire1 thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet2 thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, or his ass, or any thing that is thy neighbour's.
1 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is chamad and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.
2 The lexical form of the Hebrew word is avah and of the Septuagint Greek word, epithumeö.
Comments: In the enumeration of some traditions, the Commandment as represented above is broken into two, so that the Ninth Commandment becomes: "Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife." (For lexical illustration, see under "Seventh Commandment." By the way, regarding the number Ten, see Exodus 34:28 and Deuteronomy 4:13; 10:4.)
It should not be automatically assumed that an organizing principle of the Commandment is property and that therefore a man's wife was regarded as his property. The chief organizing principle was the will to gain possession, thereby, if brought to fruition, permanently or protractedly depriving another of that which is rightfully within his personal sphere. In the case of a neighbor's wife, that meant, as a byproduct, treating her as property. In other words, the Commandment has the effect of prohibiting the very wife-as-possession principle some say it embodies.
Note that each item or pair or cluster of items mentioned has its own standing:
- In Exodus: shelter; human beings, including marital partner and slaves; farm animals; other.
- In Deuteronomy: marital partner; shelter and means of making a living; slaves; farm animals; other.
Among the issues raised by this Commandment:
- Was it only for Israelites?
- If universal (as the Apostle Paul seems to suppose in Romans 13:9), on what basis?
- Who is one's neighbor?
- And what precisely does coveting mean or, if precision is improper, what "fence around the law" is to be erected to be sure the command is not violated?
For sayings of Jesus relevant to this Commandment, see especially Matthew 5:28 and Luke 10:29-37.
See also "All's fair ...," apodictic law, Holiness Code, Lasterkatalog, law of love, love commandment, lust, moral code, moral law, moral precept, Seventh Commandment, sexual immorality, steal.
Quotation from The Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647) Illustrating "Tenth Commandment" |
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Ques. 79. Which is the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment is, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's. Ques. 80. What is required in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment requireth full contentment with our own condition, with a right and charitable frame of spirit toward our neighbor, and all that is his. Ques. 81. What is forbidden in the tenth commandment? Ans. The tenth commandment forbiddeth all discontentment with our own estate, envying or grieving at the good of our neighbor, and all inordinate motions or affections to any thing that is his. |
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The edition being quoted from here is that found in: Bibliotheca Symbolica Ecclesiæ Universalis = The Creeds of Christendom, with a History and Critical Notes, by Philp Schaff. Volume III, The Evangelical Protestant Creeds, with Translations (4th ed., revised and enlarged. New York: Harper, c1919): pp. 676-704, specifically pp. 693-694. |
tepee seduction, or teepee seduction, or tipi seduction:
1. In reference to certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents, the taking of a captive, especially a white captive, as a mate.
2. Seduction (q.v.) more generally among certain North American Indians who dwell in cone-shaped tents.
See also sannup, squaw.
Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "Tepee Seductions" |
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Even after Ottowa surrendered his problematic pal [Fanny Kelly] to the U.S. government, however, Kelly's trials didn't cease: an anxious nation could hardly wait for a woman "ravaged" by savages to spill the sordid details of her five-month ordeal [in Wyoming in 1864]. Those who hoped to hear tales of titillating tepee seductions were no doubt disappointed by her declaration that she had never "suffered from any of [the Sioux] the slightest personal or unchaste insult." Nevertheless, Ottowa's opportunistic ex-prisoner didn't shrink from embellishing her best-selling Narrative of My Captivity Among the Sioux Indians with a few highly picaresque particulars ... |
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From: "Fanny Kelly (1845-?): Brave Survivor," in: Wild Women: Crusaders, Curmudgeons and Completely Corsetless Ladies in the Otherwise Virtuous Victorian Era, [by] Autumn Stephens (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, c1992): pp. 108-109, specifically p. 109. |
term of affection:
See term of endearment.
term of endearment:
An affectionate word by which one calls a person to whom one is close, with whom one is intimate, or, especially, with whom one is in a love relationship.
Comment: Of course, any term of endearment is susceptible to use in mockery or sarcasm. Also some terms of endearment are commonly used for affected familiarity, as in, "May I take your order, honey?"
See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, chou, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, dulcinea, hoe, homey, honey, honeybunch, jaina, kitten, lech, love (as in "my sweet love"), lovekin, lover, loverboy, lovey, pet name, pigsney, re-naming, shmoopy, slut, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, toots, valentine.
terms other than marriage:
See other terms than marriage.
tertiary partner:
A partner (q.v.) in a tertiary relationship (q.v.).
See also bimbo, boytoy, girl toy, insignificant other, once-in-a-while lover, pash, polyamorist, primary partner, secondary partner, stand-by man, stand-by woman, toy boy.
tertiary relationship:
Of three levels of love relationship (q.v.) that an individual might have -- primary, secondary, and tertiary -- the level entailing the least degree of involvement and personal investment, both relative to other relationships and potential relationships and in terms of a variety of relationship factors (see under "relationship levels").
See also alternate relationship geometries, casual relationship, comet, dalliance, erotic friendship, lovestyle, primary relationship, secondary relationship, short-term relationship, tertiary partner.
testalgia:
See under "blue balls."
test-tube baby:
A child conceived by way of in vitro fertilization (IVF) -- that is, outside the mother's body -- a procedure which has been used with success in some infertility cases since July 25, 1978.
Comment: "In vitro" is Latin for "in glass," however, neither glass nor test tubes are used.
See also artificial insemination, baby, snowflake baby, sperm donor, surrogate mother.
tetrad:
A love relationship comprised of four partners; a quad (q.v.).
See also alternate relationship geometries, double love triangle, dyad, four-cornered marriage, foursome, hexad, letter group (T, Z, pi), pentad, polygon, triad, triamory.
theogamist:
A person who perceives or claims to perceive divinity in his or her spouse.
See also theogamy.
Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.
theogamous:
Pertaining to or characterized by theogamy (q.v.).
Comment: Absent in the dictionaries I've checked, but a natural permutation of the word "theogamy," so here included.
theogamy:
1. A marriage between gods.
2. A marriage in which the partners recognize or claim to recognize divinity in each other.
See also carte blanche, -gamy, hierogamy, sacred sex, theogamist, theogamous, theology of romantic love.
theology of marriage:
1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon marriage (q.v.), typically covering its definition, its origins, its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any -- often any or all of this analyzed in terms of scope of applicability -- for instance, universal, particular to a group, or more specific -- and in terms of adaptability from one culture to another, one time to another, and one circumstance to another.
2. The discipline concerned with such.
See also belief in marriage, believe in marriage, biblical sexual morality, public character of sex, romantic theology, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, theology of romantic love.
theology of romantic love:
1. Any set of ideas regarding the relation of sexual love (q.v.) to the divine.
2. Use of the figure of the beloved Beatrice as a way to God in the writings of Dante Alighieri (1265-1321).
3. Any set of ideas that uses Dante's figure of Beatrice as a touchstone for exploring the relation of sexual love to the divine, most notably the romantic theology of Charles Williams (1886-1945).
See also belief in love, Dante Alighieri syndrome, romantic love, romantic theology, salutation of Beatrice, sexosophy, theogamy, theology of marriage, theology of sex, vision of romantic love.
theology of sex:
1. A set of ideas, ordinarily taking into account philosophical considerations, regarding some or all of the following: the bearing of God, divine revelation, and/or a religious tradition upon sexuality, especially human sexuality, typically covering its functions, related ethical matters, and its metaphysical aspects, if any.
2. The discipline concerned with such.
See also biblical sexual morality, public character of sex, romantic theology, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, theology of romantic love.
theories:
See erotic deontology, erotogenesis of religion, "goose and gander" theory, group complexity theory, Madonna-whore complex, Metuchen theory, monogenism, nearest donut theory, polygenism, relationalism, "shock" theory of marriage, spiritual wife, theory of complementary needs in mate selection, worlds theory.
theory of complementary needs in mate-selection (Robert F. Winch, 1954):
The idea that people tend to seek, among potential mates, those with the greatest promise of providing need-gratification. To this is added the hypothesis that the most successful marriages are those in which need-gratification is complementary, whatever those needs are.
See also mate selection, myth of togetherness, togetherness.
Theotokos:
See Virgin Mary.
therapy:
See couples therapy, family therapy, marital therapy, relationship therapy.
thief of love:
1. Whatever it might be that causes affection or the expression of affection to cease.
2. A person who is responsible for causing someone to cease showing affection to another, typically, in part, by redirecting shows of affection to him or herself.
3. A beloved who co-opts prior romantic affections.
4. A person who tricks another into marrying or otherwise having a romantic relationship with him or her.
5. A person who uses sex to build up his or her own self-esteem at the expense of another.
6. Any addictive narcotic, as sometimes referred to by street addicts, because "you'll sell your soul for dope."
See also alienation of affections, couple-buster, homewrecker, love, steal.
Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Thief of Love" |
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LYSANDER.
HERMIA [to Helena].
|
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From: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 3, Scene 2, lines 277-284. Notice also his Sonnet 40. |
Quotation from Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt Illustrating "Thief of Love" |
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If you believe that you can use sex to shore up your fragile self-esteem by stealing someone else's, we feel sorry for you, because this will never work to build a solid sense of self worth, and you will have to go on stealing more and more and never getting fulfilled. And we hope you play the thief of love in some other circles than our own. |
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From: The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, [by] Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (San Francisco, CA: Greenery Press, c1997): p. 86. |
thing:
1. A general term used to designate any object or act, especially when a more precise term for it is not immediately forthcoming.
2. A connection, romance, love relationship, or affair, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of what is going on.
3. Attraction, lust, or love, especially if there is vagueness in the speaker's mind about the precise nature of the feelings involved.
4. A sexual euphemism or, more precisely, avoidance word, used when not wishing to utter a more explicit term -- in this way perhaps most commonly used for the penis, but it might refer, for instance, to a type of sexual act, a sexual contraption, or a contraceptive device.
See also affair, affection, attraction, connection, have a thing for, it, love, love relationship, lust, romance, third thing.
thing for:
See have a thing for.
third party:
1. Person number three.
2. An extra person in addition to a couple.
3. The last person added to a threesome.
Comment: In the second sense, the term often connotes a degree of awkwardness, awkwardness of the sort that sometimes elicits the expression, "Three's a crowd."
See also biamory, bi-trio, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, ménage à trois, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee.
third thing:
Love (q.v.).
See also thing.
Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Third Thing"
[164] "Remember, child," said her mother [Lydia Brangwen, formerly Lensky], "that everything is not waiting for your hand just to take or leave. You mustn't expect it. Between two people, the love itself is the important thing, and that is neither you nor him. It is a third thing [165] you must create. You mustn't expect it to be just your way."
From the novel: The Rainbow, by D. H. Lawrence (New York: B. W. Huebsch, c1915, 1921 printing): chapter 6, pp. 164-165.
third way in sexual ethics:
1. Rather than, on the one hand, an acceptance of authoritarian prohibitions and injunctions regarding sexuality thought to have divine origin in a distant past and, on the other hand, an absence of behavioral restraint with regard to sexuality, an approach to sexual morality that emphasizes both reasons, especially reasons that take the best scientific findings fully into account, and values, such as the value of caring for and about others and the value of developing inner fiber.
2. A recovery of the rationale thought to underlie scriptural prohibitions and injunctions and the adapted application of the principles used in that rationale to the radically changed situation of the present.
3. An attempt at a rapprochement of all worthy values with regard to sexual behavior.
See also consexuality, erotic deontology, hot and cool sex, moral code, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual justice, sexual morality, traditional morality, via tertia.
thong of Aphrodite:
See Aphrodite's girdle.
three-cornered establishment:
A couple plus a lover of one or both, or else three lovers at least one of whom is involved with the other two -- either way, especially if living together.
See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, eternal triangle, four-cornered marriage, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triad, triangle, troika, troilism, vee, we of me.
three-date rule:
A guideline
employed among some social groups as to either how long to delay or (in
some views) how long it is okay to delay physical intimacy with a
prospective partner -- namely, until the third date (q.v.).
Comments: For some, that means "the third date at least."
For others, it means that if there is no physical intimacy by the third
date, there
never is likely to be.
The rule serves several functions:
| 12.74% |
One - I throw caution to the wind |
| 24.94% | Two - I've made up my mind after the first date |
| 21.48% | Three - If it doesn't happen now, it won't happen at all |
| 34.18% | Four or more - I'm not jumping into anything |
| 6.66% | Other - We're not going there until I get a ring |
three-day rule:
The informal guideline of roughly thirty-six hours as the minimal waiting period for a man to call a woman after obtaining her phone number, so as not to appear desperate.
See also rules of love, sexual
etiquette, sexual mores, three-date
rule.
Entry added January 14, 2008
threesome:
1. A triangle (q.v. in the first sense).
2. A vee (q.v.).
3. Three people engaging in sexual activity together.
4. A group of three people together.
See also biamory, bi-trio, domestic trio, Dreiheit, eternal triangle, foursome, French arrangement, group sex, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, moresome, oot, polygon, third party, three-cornered establishment, triad, troika, troilism, twosome.
three-way sex:
Three people engaging in sexual activity together.
See also bi-trio, group sex, ménage à trois, oot, trisexual, troilism.
throw oneself on the grenade:
See jump the
grenade.
throw over:
1. To dispense with, for instance, with a love relationship .
2. To break off, for instance, with a lover.
See also bad breaker-upper, break up, dump, E&E, EwE, give the mitten, jilt, leave, let go, sack, separate, split up, uncouple, walk out.
Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Throw ... Over"
[Miss Minette Darrington regarding Julius Halliday] "He made me go and live with him, and now he wants to throw me over. And yet he won't let me go to anybody else. He wants me to live hidden in the country. And then he says I persecute him, that he can't get rid of me."
[snip]
"... And now I'm going to have a baby, he wants to give me a hundred pounds and send me into the country, so that he would never see me nor hear of me again. But I'm not going to do it, after ----"
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 6, pp. 60-61. Early editions:
- New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
- London: Martin Secker, 1921.
thygatrogamist, or thugatrogamist:
1. A man who marries or has married his daughter.
2. An advocate or supporter of thugatrogamy (q.v.).
Coined by me.
thygatrogamous, or thugatrogamous:
Pertaining to or characterized by the marriage of a man to his daughter.
Coined by me.
See also thugatrogamy.
thygatrogamy, or thugatrogamy (neologism, NEA):
1. Marriage of a man to his daughter.
2. The practice of father-daughter marriage in general.
Comment: Coined by me in English, but perhaps it already exists. From the Greek, thugatrogamos.
See also -gamy, incest, thugatrogamist, thugatrogamous.
thy neighbour's wife:
See Tenth Commandment.
tied to her apron strings:
1. Inseparable from a woman, said especially of either a child or a man.
2. Under the control of a woman, said especially of a man.
See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, loveydovey, pussy-whipped, under petticoat government, uxorious, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches.
tied up:
Married.
See also tie up.
tie that binds:
Whatever holds individuals together in a relationship, especially if that "whatever" is from within, such as mutual affection.
Comments: Either in this form or in the plural, "ties that bind," often an allusion to the popular hymn, "Blest Be the Tie That Binds," by John Fawcett (1740-1817). What he meant by it is unclear: perhaps the fabric of Christian love or perhaps, though unstated, the Holy Spirit.
See also affection, agapic love, bond.
Quotations from John Fawcett Illustrating "Tie That Binds"
- Blest be the tie that binds
- Our hearts in Christian love:
- The fellowship of kindred minds
- Is like to that above.
- Before our Father's throne
- We pour our ardent prayers;
- Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one,
- Our comforts and our cares.
- We share our mutual woes,
- Our mutual burdens bear,
- And often for each other flows
- The sympathizing tear.
- When we asunder part,
- It gives us inward pain;
- But we shall still be joined in heart,
- And hope to meet again.
- This glorious hope revives
- Our courage by the way;
- While each in expectation lives,
- And longs to see the day.
- From sorrow, toil, and pain,
- And sin, we shall be free,
- And perfect love and friendship reign
- Through all eternity.
"Blest Be the Tie That Binds," [by] John Fawcett (1740-1817). The text above follows The Coronation Hymnal: A Selection of Hymns and Songs, by A. J. Gordon and Arthur T. Pierson (Philadelphia: American Baptist Publication Society, c1894): no. 256. Originally published: Hymns Adapted to the Circumstances of Public Worship and Private Devotion, [by] John Fawcett (Leeds: G. Wright, 1782): no. 104. Among common textual variations:
- Stanza 1, line 1: Blest be the ties that bind.
- Stanza 1, line 1: Blest is the tie that binds.
- Stanza 3, line 1: We share each others' woes.
Quotation from Lauren Slator Illustrating "Ties That Bind"
[In the mentioned marriage] The ties that bind have been frayed by money and mortgages and children.
From: "Love" = Cover title: "Love: The Chemical Reaction" = Table of contents title: "True Love," by Lauren Slater; photographs by Jodi Cobb, in: National Geographic; v. 209, no. 2 (February 2006): pp. 32-49, specifically p. 35.
tie the knot:
1. To marry.
2. To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.
See also buckle, knot, marry, splice, tie up, wed.
tie up:
To join in marriage; to perform a marriage ceremony.
See also buckle, marry, splice, tied up, tie the knot, wed.
tie-up:
To get married.
Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 238.
See also marry.
tip:
To cheat on (one's partner).
Source: The Wordsworth Book of Euphemism, [by] Judith S. Neaman & Carole G. Silver (Ware, Hertsfordshire: Wordsworth Editions, 1995): p. 245.
See also betray, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, fool around, infidelity, play around, run astray, sleep around, two-time, unfaithfulness, yard on.
tipi seduction:
See tepee seduction.
tiyo:
See taio.
Tobias nights:
Three days immediately following a wedding (q.v.) durng which the newly wedded couple abstains from sexual intercourse per custom.
See also continence, ius primae noctis.
TOCOTOX (acronym); plural, TOCOTOXEN (on analogy with oxen) or, in some usage, TOCOTOXES:
"Too complicated to explain," in reference to a person with whom one has a sexual or love relationship or in reference to the relationship itself.
Comment: Occasionally the term is used broadly to encompass even a person with whom one has an indirect relationship, for instance a lover of one's lover.
The term is sometimes (but not exclusively) used where a person who is living by one set of mores -- non-monogamous mores, for instance -- isn't ready at the moment to explain a relationship to a person who believes in a different set of mores
See also amari, bukis, buksvåger, buksvägerska, cohabitant, cohabitee, illegitimate spouse, lover-in-law, lover-once-removed, partner, partner sharing, POSSLQ, riddle-me-ree relationship, sexual connection, sheet partner, umfriend, ungetaken.
Related term beyond the scope of this glossary: p2c2e = a process too complicated to explain.
x too complicated to explain.
toebah (Hebrew term):
See abomination.
toe-party, or toe party:
1. A social gathering where some participants, commonly the women, are lined up behind a large cloth, such as a blanket, sheet, or curtain, with only the toes showing, each then being selected by a person on the other side of the cloth, perhaps by bid, as a companion for the gathering and each, commonly, then being treated to whatever she (or he) desires -- food, drink, dancing, etc.
2. Any social gathering where toes or feet are featured, such as one where foot products are sold or one that caters to foot fetishes.
Comment: Also called a toe social.
Some toe parties are tame, even church socials, whereas others are bawdy.
See also skin party.
together:
1. Physically with each other.
2. In accord with each other; without discord.
3. In commnuion with with each other.
See also breakfast together, close, going together, in (one's) life, living together, togetherness.
Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Together"
[Regarding Ursula Brangwen and Rupert Birkin] She knew he loved her; she was sure of him. Yet she could not let go a certain hold over herself, she could not bear him to question her. She gave herself up in delight to being loved by him. She knew that, in spite of his joy when she abandoned herself, he was a little bit saddened too. She could give herself up to his activity. But she could not be herself, she dared not come forth quite nakedly to his nakedness, abandoning all adjustment, lapsing in pure faith with him. She abandoned herself to him, or she took hold of him and gathered her joy of him. And she enjoyed him fully. But they were never quite together, at the same moment, one was always a little left out.
From the novel: Women in Love, [by] D. H. Lawrence; with a foreword by the author and an introduction by Richard Aldington (New York: Viking Press, 1960): chapter 29, p. 426. Early editions:
- New York: Privately printed for subscribers only, 1920.
- London: Martin Secker, 1921.
together but apart:
See living apart but together.
togetherness:
1. Physical proximity, especially when combined with an emotional rapport; comradship.
2. Mutual consciousness of an intellectual or emotional harmony.
3. Mutual consciousness of an enduring bond.
4. Intimacy.
5. A happy meeting of complementary needs by way of each other.
See also bond, communion, connaturality, connection, intimacy, intrinsic marriage, more "married" than, more of a couple than, myth of togetherness, proximity, theory of complementary needs in mate-selection, together.
togetherness myth:
See myth of togetherness.
token of affection:
Something, commonly a small gift or a greeting card, that indicates the warm feelings one has for the person to whom it is directed.
See also affection, love letter, love token.
toleramus:
Permission to remarry after divorce (q.v.), where such permission is required.
See also remarriage.
Tongan terms:
See taboo.
too complicated to explain:
See TOCOTOX.
toothing:
The use of Bluetooth to meet a stranger in person for sex or to explore romance, connections being made, for instance, through message boards.
Comment: Bluetooth is networking technology that utilizes short-range digital two-way radio and that is accessible, for instance, by properly outfitted desktop computers, printers, laptops, personal digital assistants (PDAs), mobile phones, and headsets. Both telephone communications and Internet access can be had through such technology.
Bluetooth was developed in 1994 by engineers of the Swedish telecommunications manufacturer Telefonaktiebolaget LM Ericsson. A Bluetooth Special Interest Group (SIG), which sets specifications, was founded in 1998. The founding members included Ericsson, Intel Corporation, International Business Machines Corporation (IBM), Nokia Corporation, and Toshiba Corporation.
Bluetooth was named after the King of Denmark and Norway, Harold Bluetooth Gormson (ca. 911-ca. 987). In Danish the name is Harald Blåtand.
Beware: Some reports of toothing have originated in a hoax.
See also alternative dating, cyber relationship, dating plan, dogging, instant messaging, online relationship, phone sex partner, virtual community.
toots:
1. Sweetie; an affectionate term of address.
2. A playful term of address for a human female, especially a girl or young woman (apparently short for "tootsie").
3. Metaphorically, a quick honk, as in a "hello, good-bye" or a "good-bye"; as if to say, "here's a brief verbal acknowledgement," typically the acknowledgement being informal and polite.
Comment: I presume that the last sense derives from the verb "toot": "To honk or blow a horn, especially in a series of brief taps, perhaps, one at a time"; and more specifically from the custom of honking the horn of a car in place of or in addition to a wave of the hand.
See also babycakes, sweetie, term of endearment.
torch:
To yearn or pine for, with romantic or sexual desire.
See also carry a torch for, pine for, torchy.
Quotation from Ruth Dickson Illustrating "Torching"
I have one [a man to do things with] at the present time who has just separated from his wife of twenty-odd years ... This guy is at the loosest ends you ever saw. It isn't that he's torching for his wife, it's just that he doesn't know what to do with himself in his spare time, without a wife-person to keep him company.
From: Married Men Make the Best Lovers, by Ruth Dickson (Los Angeles, Calif: Sherbourne Press, c1967): p. 126 (and, for the last word, 127). The elision is mine.
torch of Cupid:
See Cupid's torch.
torchy:
In love or in lust with someone but not or not yet in a love relationship with that person; having an unrequited crush on someone.
See also besotted, carry a torch for, crush, Cupid's torch, flame, have the hots for, incandescence, infatuated, in love, in lust, kindled to one another, limerent, love-passion, mashy, old flame, one-itis, torch, unrequited love.
Torschlusspanik (German):
1. "Gate-closing panic"; last-minute anxiety; eleventh-hour fears; apprehension about missing a deadline.
2. In the context of a discussion about finding mates, the panicky feeling that it is almost too late to find a suitable partner in life with whom to achieve certain goals, for instance, procreation and the raising of children.
Comment: Tor ("gate" or "door") + Schluß ("end" or "close") + Panik ("panic").
Contrast, for instance, cold feet (q.v.). See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, itchy ring finger, single, wedding bell blues.
total relationship:
See five kinds of relationship.
TOTGA (acronym):
"The one that got away," in wistful reference to an individual whom one wishes had become a lover, long-term partner, or best friend.
see also erstwhile dear, ghosts of relationships past, long-lost love, long-term partner, lost and found lover, lost love, lover, old flame, promisacuity.
tough love:
1. Rejection of enabling a loved one's alcoholism, drug addiction, hurtfully compulsive behavior, or anti-social behavior in favor of taking steps, though unpleasant and perhaps risky, to set the loved one on a course of sobriety or cessation from hurtful behavior, for instance, by way of intervention, which typically involves both confrontation and therapy, and allowing a loved one to face the natural consequences of his or her behavior, without rescuing that person from those consequences.
2. Choosing to speak frankly and helpfully to or do what is best for a loved one even though the choice is disagreeable to that person and emotionally painful for oneself.
3. Parental discipline for the long-term good of a child, at least insofar as it is indeed good for the child.
Comment: Often the application of tough love is contrary to the expressed will of the person to whom it is being shown. However, it is usually reserved for cases where that person has some degree of volitional impairment, due to, for instance, an addiction, a delusion, or, in the case of children, immaturity.
See also love, unconditional love.
toujours perdrix (French):
"Always partridge": too much of a good thing; not enough variety, too constantly the same thing, even if good; said especially of sexual exclusivity.
See also Coolidge effect, monogamy, sexual exclusivity, sexual varietism.
Quotation from E. Cobham Brewer Illustrating "Toujours Perdrix" |
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Walpole tells us that the confessor of one of the French kings reproved him for conjugal infidelity, and was asked by the king what he liked best. "Partridge," replied the priest, and the king ordered him to be served with partridge every day, till he quite loathed the sight of his favourite dish. After a time, the king visited him, and hoped he had been well served, when the confessor replied, "Mais oui, perdrix, toujours perdrix." "Ah! ah!" replied the amorous monarch, "and one mistress is all very well, but not 'perdrix, toujours perdrix.'" |
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From: Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 962, s.v. "Perdrix." |
toxic relationship:
A relationship (q.v.) in which one's self-esteem is chronically eroded due to a controlling or abusive partner.
See also abuse, cagamosis, collusional marriage, demons of relationships past, dysfunctional relationship, heterogamosis, incompatibility, love-hate relationship, love-trouble, marital blues, maritodespotism, odd couple, poor match, rocky relationship, spouse abuse, "unequally yoked," unequal marriage, unhappily married, uxorodespotism, WMD.
toy boy, or toyboy:
1. A human male one uses merely for sexual play; a male lover the relationship with whom is not taken seriously.
2. A young man who is the lover of a much older, much wealthier, or much more powerful person.
Comment: This term is generally used in a derisive way, derisive not just of the male but also of the female.
Contrast cougar (q.v.) and girl toy (q.v.). See also amour de vanité, bimbo, boyfriend, boytoy, casual sex, cicisbeo, cougar, gigolo, leman, lover, male concubine, paramour, partner, tertiary partner, trophy husband.
trade up:
To discard one partner in favor of a new one with higher status, status due, for instance, to greater wealth, power, fame, or attractiveness.
See also amour de vanité; bigger, better deal; dating chain; gold digger; hypergamy; marry for money; marry up; marry well; mating gradient; matrimonial adventurer; trophy husband; tropy wife.
traditional monogamy:
A marriage (q.v.) of one man and one woman "till death us do part," in which each partner is expected to be sexually exclusive to the other.
Comment: Many derive traditional monogamy as the only morally acceptable form of marriage from the Bible. See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index.
See also family values, married, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-centrist, monogamy-only position, monogamy, monogyny, one-wife system, sexual exclusivity, traditional morality, true love pledge.
traditional morality:
1. The mores of the last few generations or more within a given culture or subculture.
2. The principles and rules of conduct that are understood as having been divinely instituted, that are presumed to have served from a distant past to the present, and that are conceived of as both absolutely and universally binding. By "divinely instituted" is often meant "through natural law and special revelation," special revelation such as the Bible.
3. As a subset of the preceding definition, the view associated with many amalgamations of culture and Christianity that is characterized by certain sexual and marital restrictions, among them:
- that coitus is to take place only between a man and a woman within a monogamous marriage and that otherwise abstinence is to be practiced;
- that temptations and behavior that would lead to or prompt one to engage in coitus outside of monogamous marriage if nature took its course are not to be indulged;
- that marriage must be initiated by official ceremony;
- that the wife is to be subservient to the husband;
- that both contraception and abortion are proscribed;
- that divorce is proscribed except on the grounds of porneia;
- that incest as defined by the church is proscribed;
- that bestiality is proscribed;
- that homosexual activity is proscribed;
- that anal and oral sex are proscribed;
- that masturbation is proscribed;
- that the production and use of pornography, whether written or graphic, is proscribed;
- that those in authority (parents, clergy, political leaders, etc.) are responsible to model these rules; and,
- that political leaders are responsible to embody these rules, perhaps with some modulation, into legislation and to enforce them, at least in the case of breeches that have become the most egregiously public.
Comments: The insistence on wifely subservience and the proscriptions against contraception, oral sex, and masturbation have dropped away from the idea that many have had of traditional morality, a process that took place in large part during the latter part of the Twentieth Century, the most notable exception being among Roman Catholics (which is not to say that all Roman Catholics accept traditional morality). In the same period, the idea of traditional morality was sometimes extended to cover:
- the proscription of sex education in public schools, since sex ed (as distinguished from moral inculcation under the law, within the family, and by the church) is perceived as presenting youngsters with options, even if only implicitly, and thereby tending to subvert traditional morality;
- advocacy of the two-parent nuclear family as social norm; and,
- advocacy of the binary view of the sexes, also called dimorphism, that is, the idea that there are two and only two sexes that every person must fit into as determined according to the preponderance of his or her reproductive biology.
The term "traditional morality" is sometimes used in either a chauvinistic or triumphalistic way. To illustrate chauvinism: "Our traditional morality is better than your traditional ways because our culture is stronger than yours." To illustrate triumphalism: "Traditional morality is going to win out over and supplant both alternative systems of morality and mere mores, whatever those mores are and wherever they are found, because it is universally right for right relationships among human beings and the flowering of everyone's humanity."
Take note of the "see" reference under "Bible." See also abstinence, abstinence pledge, adultery, belief in marriage, believe in marriage, bestiality, biblical sexual morality, chastity, consequences of sex outside of marriage, continence, erotic deontology, extramarital sex, family values, grounds for divorce, homosexual, hot and cool sex, illicit relationship, incest, matrimonialism, monogamism, monogamy-only position, moral absolutism, moral code, mores, new morality, next-tier sexual ethics, nonmarital sex, no sex outside of marriage, nuclear family, old paradigm relating, open-minded, perversion, porneia, postmarital sex, premarital sex, prudery, public character of sex, puritan, sex-negative stance, sexosophy, sexual ethics, sexual morality, sexual mores, sexual permissiveness, sexual purity, sexual revolution, stigmatic guilt, third way in sexual ethics, traditional monogamy, traditional ways, true love pledge.
traditional surrogacy:
See surrogate mother.
traditional ways:
1. The mores and customary practices of a culture or subculture.
2. The customary sexual and marital practices of a culture or subculture prior to the introduction of foreign ways.
3. As one subset of the preceding definition, polygamy (q.v.) over against a more recently introduced monogamism.
Contrast alternative lifestyle (q.v.). See also lifestyle, mating habits, monogamism, mores, sexual mores, sexways, slutstyle, traditional morality.
tragolimia:
1. Like the hunger of a he-goat, which will eat nearly anything, the compulsion on the part of a man to have sex with any woman regardless of her looks.
2. Adapted as a gender neutral term: Compulsive desire for sexual relations per se, the partner's or partners' attractiveeness not mattering; a recurring sexual urge that is indiscriminate with regard to partners or, at least, partners of a complementary sexual orientation.
Comment: From the Greek, tragos ("he-goat") + limos ("hunger") + the suffix "-ia" indicating a pathological condition.
See also andromania, erotomania, gynecomania, libido, nymphomania, promiscuity, satyriasis.
tramp:
A promiscuous woman, one who "tramps" from man to man.
Comment: Generally the term would not indicate either the woman's social class or her marital status.
See also bedhopper, bimbo, box of assorted creams, giglet, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, multicipara, pick up artist, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, slut, tart, vamp, wanton woman, whore.
trans-conference marriage:
See also
marriage, pinning.
Quotation from David Brooks Illustrating "Trans-Conference Marriages" |
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Many of these are trans-conference marriages -- an Ivy League graduate will be marrying a Big Ten graduate -- so the ceremony has to be designed to respect everybody's sensibilities. Subdued innovation is the rule. |
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From: Bobos in Paradise: The New Upper Class and How They Got There, [by] David Brooks (New York: Simon & Schuster, c2000): p. 17. |
transference:
A switch in the orientation of an emotion or set of emotions, especially if involving the libido, from one object or person to a different object or person.
Comments: The term frequently refers to displacement of the direction of an underdeveloped or wounded libido from a parent or other close person to an analyst in the course of psychoanalysis, and it is frequently associated with a patient falling in love with his or her psychiatrist.
If the attitude resulting from transference (speaking generally now) is pleasant, the transference is called positive; if hostile, then negative. And if the transference results in enduring psychological disturbance because of the inappropriateness of the new object or person, it is called transference neurosis.
See also clericolagnia, countertransference, dual relationship, Florence Nightingale syndrome, in love, limerence, rebound relationship, second choice spouse.
transitional affair:
A temporary sexual relationship significant in part for a change it brought about or, at least, marks in one's love life.
See also affair, love life, pilot light lover, practice love, sexual relationship.
Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "Transitional Affair"
Those [women] who seize the opportunity tell me they often realize, in retrospect, how valuable it was to have a "transitional affair" with a younger lover who appreciates an older woman for her worldliness and reminds her that her erotic self still lives!
From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 129.
transphobia:
Fear of, revulsion against, hatred of, hateful behavior towards, or discrimination against transgender people due to their nonconformity as to their gender status or its expression.
Comments: The coinage of the word was evidently patterned after the word "homophobia." It is variously attributed to Davina Anne Gabriel (1989) and to Patrick Califia.
"Transgender people" refers to individuals who do not conform to social expectations with regard to femaleness and maleness. Among the subsets are intersexuals (hermaphrodites), cross-dressers, and transsexuals. (This list is not complete, nor are the subsets mutually exclusive.) Since "transgender" and "transsexual" are easily confused, an additional definition is in order: A transsexual is a person who is working towards or who has partially or fully completed a sex change.
The very existence of transgender people challenges the dyadic paradigm of male and female. Furthermore, many situations that transgender people sometimes find themselves in raise issues in the minds of many, for instance, when a married person changes sex.
See also androgyne archetype, homophobia, queer, stigmatic guilt.
trattàto di amore; plural, trattati di amore (Italian):
"Treatise on love"; in the plural, used in English to refer to philosophical writings produced out of the Renaissance, especially the Italian Renaissance, on love.
See also carte de tendre, discourse of desire, erotographomania, ladder of love, love.
Quotation from Fallico and Shapiro Illustrating "Trattati de Amore"
[Regarding Leone Ebreo, ca. 1460-ca. 1521]
His Dialoghi d'amore, written in Italian [and published in 1535], were most influential. They were translated into French, Spanish, Latin, and Hebrew, and were to leave their mark upon all subsequent Trattati di amore.
From: Renaissance Philosophy. Volume I, The Italian Philosophers: Selected Readings from Petrarch to Bruno, edited, translated, and introduced by Arturo B. Fallico and Herman Shapiro (New York: Modern Library, 1967): p. [172].
tree bride:
A woman who is ceremonially married to a tree.
Comment: The male counterpart would presumably be a tree bridegroom, but I haven't yet seen an example of such a term.
Source: The Tree Bride: A Novel, [by] Bharati Mukherjee (New York: Theia, c2004).
See also bride, forest bride, tree marriage.
tree marriage:
1. A nuptial ceremony in which a tree figures ritualistically.
2. A nuptial ceremony in which a tree functions as either a bride or bridegroom or in which trees are wed to each other.
3. Use of a tree as a proxy spouse, for instance, as part of a process in warding off evil or in satisfying a rule technically.
4. Dedication of someone, ordinarily a member of a religious order, to a tree god.
5. The planting of certain trees together, such as a fig tree and a neem or margosa tree, so that they may serve as a focus of celebration of the union of a god (in mind is Vishnu, who is represented by the fig tree,) and a goddess (in mind is Lakshmi, who is represented by the neem tree).
See also marriage, tree bride, wedding.
triad:
1. A three-person love relationship, which may take the form of either a triangle (q.v. in the first sense) or vee (q.v.); the most basic form of a multipartner love relationship (q.v.).
2. A three-person love relationship where each is involved with the other two; a synonym for triangle (q.v. in the first sense).
See also alternate relationship geometries, biamory, bi-trio, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, dyad, eternal triangle, French arrangement, have two strings to (one's) bow, hexad, letter group (V, delta), ménage à trois, pentad, polygon, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, tetrad, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, troika.
triadic notation:
An abbreviated scheme for a three-person love relationship or sexual connection, whereby F = female, M = male, and the middle letter represents the hinge (q.v.) if the relationship is a vee (q.v.). Thus FFF, FFM = MFF, FMF, FMM = MMF, MFM, MMM.
Comment: Obviously similar notation can be used for larger and more complex relationships.
See also alternate relationship geometries, biamory, diagramming a love relationship, dyadic notation, gen
