Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

 

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

 

 

V - Z

 

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

Feedback opportunity

 

vacation from marriage:

A period of time taken off from marriage, generally with the consent of one's spouse, in order to enjoy the freedoms -- including, in some cases, the sexual freedom -- of single life. Typically it is hoped that such a vacation will engender greater peace with family duties and marital restrictions and will have a renewing effect upon the marriage itself.

See also break, grass-widow, grass-widower, holiday from marriage, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, separate vacations.

 

valentine:

1. A person who accepts one's attentions on Valentine's Day (q.v.).

2. A Valentine's Day card, especially one with a heart (q.v.) on it.

3. A card, missive, or gift delivered to a sweetheart (q.v.) on Valentine's Day per custom.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, honey, I love you, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment.

 

Valentine's Day:

February 14th as a day specially designated by custom for expressing love, for exchanging symbols of love, and for the cultural affirmation of romantic love more generally.

Comments: There are various theories as to the origin of Valentine's Day, among them:

Even the identification of the personage after whom the day is named is in question. There are three St. Valentines, two of them martyred, although the two martyrs may be one and the same. The martyr or martyrs died circa 269. The other St. Valentine lived in the 5th century.3

People in the Roman Catholic and Anglican traditions tend to call the day St. Valentine's Day, whereas those in free church traditions tend to call it simply Valentine's Day.

References

1 To research the Lupercalia, a person would do well to start with ancient sources. See, for example: Varro, De Lingua Latina 6.13, 34; Cicero, Orationes Philippicae 2.34; Pro Caelio 11 = 26; Ovid, Fasti 2.19-36, 267-452; Dionysius of Halicarnassus, Roman Antiquities 1.32.3-5 and 1.80.1; Plutarch, Romulus 21; Caesar 61; Anthony 12; Suetonius, Augustus 31; and Augustine, De civitate Dei 18.12.

2 See Curiosities of Popular Customs and of Rites, Ceremonies, Observances, and Miscellaneous Antiquities, by William S. Walsh (Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott Co., 1904, c1897): p. 953, some of the wording of which I have borrowed.

3 For the three St. Valentines, see Dictionary of Saints, by John J. Delaney (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1980): p. [567]; cf. pp. 602, 624.

See also anniversary, heart, Sadie Hawkins Day, valentine.

x Saint Valentine's Day.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Valentine's Day"

 

for this was on seynt Valentynes day,
Whan every foul cometh ther to chese his make

From: Geoffrey Chaucer, The Parlement of Foules (circa 1380): 309-310.

 

Valentino:

A man with one or more characteristics associated with the Italian-born film actor, Rudolf Valentino (1895-1926; original name: Rodolpho Gugliemi di Valentina d'Antonguolla), especially a man who is a powerfully seductive lover.

See also Casanova, Don Juan, dramatic lover, gay deceiver, God's gift to women, heartthrob, jeune premier, lady-killer, leading man, Lochinvar, Lothario, lover, Mae West, Romeo, sex god.

 

valorem maritagii:

The value of a marriage.

Comments: A legal term under feudal law.

For lexical example and fuller explanation, see under "maritagium."

See also avail of marriage, duplicem valorem maritagii.

x Latin terms.

 

vamp, as in "a vamp":

A seductive woman, especially one who uses her wiles to exploit one or more men.

See also minx, moll, seductress, she-wolf, slut, tramp, whore.

 

vamp, as in "to vamp":

To seduce, especially in order to exploit; to employ one's sexual charms in order to achieve a non-sexual end.

See also flirt, seduce, sleep (one's) way to the top, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, whore (one's) way to the top.

Quotation from Alice Duer Miller Illustrating "Vamp"

 

Vamp the man, if you must,
But give an impression of splendour.

From the "novel in verse": Forsaking All Others, by Alice Duer Miller (London: Methuen, 1941; 7th ed., 1942): p. 2. The second line is meant to be indented.

 

vanity love:

See amour de vanité.

 

variety:

See Coolidge effect, Sherfey syndrome, toujours Perdrix.

 

VBD:

Very bad date.

See also date.

 

vee:

A three-person love relationship, where one person is the hinge (q.v.) between the other two; two dyads (q.v.) with one person in common.

Compare and contrast triangle (q.v.) and Z (q.v.). See also biamory, bi-trio, diagramming a love relationship, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, duogamy, eternal triangle, French arrangement, genogram, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V), metamour, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triadic notation, troika.

 

Vegas wedding:

See Las Vegas wedding.

 

venereal transgression:

Violation of a code of sexual behavior, such as that contained in the Bible (see especially Leviticus 18-21).

See also adultery, "as with womankind," fornication, illicit love, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, incest, klepsigamy, porneia, sex scandal, sexual immorality.

Quotation from George Foot Moore Illustrating "Venereal Transgressions"

 

The epithet 'holy' (kadosh) is given [by Jewish teachers] to the man who keeps aloof from all unchastity. The juxtaposition of the section 'Araiyot (Lev. 18) with Kedoshim (Lev. 19) is to teach that wherever you find restraint upon sexual relations, there you will find holiness, as is proved by many texts (Lev. 21, 7, 8; ib. 14, 15). It is quite likely that in fact the connection in Lev. 18-20 of the idea of holiness with avoidance of the whole catalogue of venereal transgressions led to the special application of the adjective 'holy' -- we might say 'saintly' -- to men distinguished by scrupulousness in the observance of these laws ...

From: Judaism in the First Centuries of the Christian Era, the Age of the Tannaim, by George Foot Moore (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1927-1930): v. 2, p. 271.

 

venue for attraction:

See attraction venue.

 

Venus' Ceston:

See girdle of Venus.

 

Venus's girdle:

See Aphrodite's girdle, girdle of Venus.

 

Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit (German):

Spiritualization of sensuality (q.v.).

x German terms.

 

vert galant (French):

A gay spark; a vigorous ladies' man.

See also agapet, crumpet man, gallant, gay spark, general lover, jock, ladies' man, masher, stud, womanizer.

x French terms.

 

vertical friend:

A person whom one knows and likes but with whom one has not engaged in swinging activities.

Contrast horizontal friend (q.v.). See also friend, swinger.

 

very good friend (VGF):

1. A person, especially a non-relative, of whom one is especially fond.

2. Euphemism for lover (q.v.).

See also amari, friend, partner, VGF.

 

veto rule:

An agreement, tacit or explicit, that one party or any party in a relationship is permitted to nix an activity or involvement that could affect the relationship.

Example: Each partner in an open marriage agreeing to date only those approved by the other partner.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, boundary, break-up rules, consensual adultery, household rules, polyfidelity, rules of adultery, unilateralism.

 

VGF:

Very good friend (q.v.).

 

via tertia (Latin):

"Third way," as in sexual ethics.

See also third way in sexual ethics.

x Latin terms.

 

vibe:

Short for "vibration," which, in a relationship context, can mean:

1. Some level of interest, especially sexual or romantic interest, but sometimes just friendly interest, communicated nonverbally, even unconsciously; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," a repulsion or active dislike communicated nonverbally.

2. Some level of personal resonance between individuals; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," some level of personal dissonance between individuals.

3. A sensation delivered by a vibrator.

Comment: Often cast in the plural, "vibes."

See also affinity, chemistry of love, compatibility, connaturality, connection, erotic connection, hit it off, sexual connection, spiritual connection.


vicarious relationship high:

Delight in a lover's love relationship with another.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, compersion, compreciation, frubbliness, polyamory, polyglow, synletitious.

 

vicars and tarts party:

A social gathering in which the attendees dress up as either collared members of the clergy or daringly alluring women, especially contrary to either personality type or sexual stereotype, this for the purpose of changing social dynamics and loosening inhibitions.

Comment: The term and the practice seem to have originated in Great Britain.

See also open party, sex party, tart, tart party.

x party.

 

victims of unsynchronized passion:

See unsynchronized passion.

 

victualled up:

1. Placing in store what one needs, as for a trip, hence the next two senses.

2. Surfeited from a time of enjoyment ashore, said of a sailor.

3. Satisfied from enjoyment of one's lover before a leave-taking.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 253.

 

video dating:

A process, whereby dates are arranged, that entails the use of one or more personal ads in the form of moving images, typically with sound.

See also alternative dating, date, personal ad.

 

viduage:

1. Widowhood.

2. Widows collectively.

Comment: From the Latin term for "widow," vidua.

See also grief, relicta, seneucia, vidual, viduity, widow.

x Latin terms.

 

vidual:

Having to do with a widow or widowhood.

See viduage, widow.

 

viduity:

Widowhood.

See also seneucia, viduage, widow.

 

village wife:

A woman for whom a brideprice (q.v.) is paid by a village so that she may live with several of the young unmarried male villagers. Under certain conditions, other men of the village might be allowed sexual access to her as well.

See also polyandrist, wife.

Quotation from G. Robina Quale on the Village Wife

 

Among the Lele of the southern Congo/Zaire basin a village may pay bride-wealth for a "village wife." She is lived with by several of the young unmarried men, and may be approached outside the limits of the village (though not inside it) by other men of the village. High levels of bride-wealth are likely to delay a Lele man's marriage until he is in his mid-30s. As many as 1/10 of Lele women may have been a village wife at some time, even now, after the practice has supposedly been outlawed for more than a generation.

From: A History of Marriage Systems, [by] G. Robina Quale (New York: Greenwood Press, 1988; in series: Contributions in Family Studies; no. 13): p. 94.

 

violently in love:

1. So romantically engrossed in a person or in each other as to treat other people uncivilly, for instance, by ignoring them.

2. Subjected to the wild passions of an intense period of a romance.

Comment: This is a formulaic phrase subject to many variations, such as "violence of my affection" and "violent young lovers."

Reference

See, for example, Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 19, p. 140 ("violence of my affection"), and chapter 59, p. 469 ("violent young lovers").

See also die with love, folie à deux, in love, love-cracked, loveydovey, madly in love, religion of two.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Violently in Love"

 

[Mrs Gardiner]: 'But that expression of "violently in love" is so hackneyed, so doubtful, so indefinite, that it gives me very little idea. It is as often applied to feelings which arise from an half-hour's acquaintance, as to a real, strong attachment. Pray, how violent was Mr Bingley's love?'

[Elizabeth Bennet]: I never saw a more promising inclination. He was growing quite inattentive to other people, and wholly engrossed by her. Every time they met, it was more decided and remarkable. At his own ball he offended two or three young ladies, by not asking them to dance, and I spoke to him twice myself, without receiving an answer. Could there be finer symptoms? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 25, pp. 181-182; cf. chapter 58, p. 456. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

 

virgin: as in "a virgin":

1. A person who has not yet had sexual intercourse with another, at least, another of a different sex.

2. A person who has not yet received a live phallus in a given orifice.

3. A female who has never been vaginally inseminated, especially one who has never received a live phallus vaginally. Commonly an intact hymen has been adduced as proof of virginity.

4. A woman who is sexually pure or who has been restored to sexual purity (for instance, through spiritual rebirth), per some cultic or cultural idea of such purity, and who, at least in part thereby, is eligible for a certain cultic status or for holy marriage.

5. A woman who feels restored to girlhood.

6. Someone new to a particular activity of any sort, as in "dating-service virgin."

See also born-again virgin, demi-vierge, maiden, nullimitus, virginal, virginity.

Quotation from Mark Twain Illustrating "Virgin"

[Bessie] "Mamma, what is a virgin?"

"A maid."

"Well, what is a maid?"

"A girl or woman that isn't married."

"Uncle Jonas says that sometimes a virgin that has been having a child --"

"Nonsense! A virgin can't have a child."

"Why can't she mamma?"

"Well, there are reasons why she can't."

"What reasons, mamma?"

"Physiological. She would have to cease to be a virgin before she could have the child."

"How do you mean, mamma?"
From chapter 4 of the short story, "Little Bessie," in: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays, 1891-1910, [by] Mark Twain (New York, N.Y.: Literary Classics of the United States [under imprint] The Library of America, c1992):  p. 871. The story was originally published in 1908. Mark Twain was the pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910).

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Virgin, Virgin Girl, Virginal, and Virginity"

... she [Kate Leslie, who had had two husbands] sat, as every real woman can sit, no matter at what age, a girl again, and for him [Cipriano Viedma], a virgin. He held her hand in silence, till she was Malintzi, and virgin for him, and when they looked at one another, and their eyes met, the two flames rippled in oneness....

His innermost flame was always virginal, it was always the first time. And it made her again always a virgin girl. She could feel their two flames flowing together.

How else, she said to herself, is one to begin again, save by refinding one's virginity? And when one finds one's viriginity, one realises one is among the gods....

And when he comes to me he lays his pure, quick flame to mine, and every time I am a young girl again, and | every time he takes the flower of my virginity, and I his. It leaves me insouciant like a young girl.
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 24, pp. 392-393.

 

virgin, as in "virgin girl":

Characterized by being virginal (q.v.).


virginal:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by being a virgin or of a virgin or virgin-like.

2. Untouched.

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

Contrast sexually experienced (q.v.). See also purity, naive, virgin (noun), virgin (adjective).

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Virginal"

 

[161] [Regarding Guido and Aviva] It was he who for the first time in her life vivified that abstract concept, that simple monosyllable she'd never comprehended before.

Love.

Which she poured out like -- and he told her this -- a fifteen-year-old in love for the first time. Each kiss, each embrace, each gesture of love was [162] virginal. Like someone treading on freshly fallen snow. Like they did on their first heavenly walk. Each touch was new, never done before. She didn't quite understand the image. The virginal metaphor floored her. But after thinking about it, she gradually realized it was right. She'd never loved like this before.

From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): pp. 161-162.

 

virginal conception:

See Virgin Mary.

 

virginal disease:

See febris amatoria.

 

virgin birth:

See Virgin Mary.

 

virgines subintroductae:

See subintroducta.

 

virginity:

The state of being a virgin (q.v.).

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

See also born-again virginity, chastity, compromise, cyberginity, devirginator, pucelage, revirginization, secondary virginity.

Quotation from Shirley Abbott Illustrating "Virginity"

 

When I was a little girl, "out-of-wedlock" was spoken in a whisper. Childbirh was a function that women still occasionally died of. Virginity was one's dowry.

From: Love's Apprentice, [by] Shirley Abbott (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1998): p. 3.

 

virginity pledge:

A promise to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

Comments: Typically such a pledge is taken in a religious context. The efficacy of such a pledge varies with the age of the one taking the pledge and with how many people the pledge is taken with, evidently too few or too many negating the effect.

See also abstinence pledge, born-again virginity, celibacy, chastity, condom commitment, purity ball, secondary virginity, true love pledge.

 

Virgin Mary:

Designation for the mother of Jesus, Maria or Mariam (Greek forms derived from the Hebrew Miryam or Miriam), who was said to have conceived Jesus even though she had never engaged in sexual intercourse. Her words, as represented by the Gospel of Luke, were: "I know no man" (1:34; cf. Matthew 1:18-25). According to legends presented in the second-century Protevangelium of James, she was the daughter of Joachim and Anna (1:1-5:2), was betrothed to Joseph at twelve years of age (8:2), and gave birth to Jesus at sixteen (12:3). According to both John 19:25-27 and Acts 1:14, she survived Jesus.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

Also called, among other names, the Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

For nearly two millennia, the Virgin Mary has served as a role model influencing attitudes towards sexuality and marriage, her virginity being represented as an ideal or, frequently, the ideal; although the infancy narratives in the canonical Gospels make no point about sexuality and the Gospel of Luke presents Mary's blessedness as being due to the greatness of her child (1:32-33, 35, 41-55).

There are multiple phases of the alleged virginity of Mary, two key ones being the virginal conception of Jesus and her perpetual virginity.

The Virginal Conception

The earliest writings of the New Testament, the epistles of Paul, say nothing about the virginal conception; nor does any remark in those epistles, theological or otherwise, necessarily presuppose a virginal conception. In fact, Paul has no theological use for genealogies (1 Timothy 1:4). However, he does speak of Jesus as having been known "according to the flesh" (2 Corinthians 5:16), as being born of a woman under Israelite Law (Galatians 4:4), and as being a descendant of David (Romans 1:3); and he speaks of the last datum as being part of his gospel (2 Timothy 2:8). Still, Jesus' Son-of-God status is proclaimed not by his birth, but by his resurrection (Romans 1:4).

Keep in mind that, with regard to Jesus being a descendant of David, the earliest extant lineages of Jesus trace his descent from David through his putative father, Joseph (Matthew 1:6-16; Luke 3:23-31). However, later tradition did assert that Mary too was of the davidic lineage (Ignatius, Ephesians 18:2; Protevangelium of James 10:1; Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 43, 45, 100, 120; Tertullian, Adversus Marcionem 3:17; Origen, Contra Celsum 2:32.) Eusebius provides the explanation that Mary must have at least been of the same tribe as Joseph, because, according to Eusebius' interpretation of Numbers 36:8-9, in Israel "it was not lawful for the different tribes to mix" (Ecclesiastical History 1.7.17, Loeb CLassical Library).

Many scholars regard the earliest of the canonical Gospels to be the Gospel of Mark. Like Paul, it neither mentions nor has any dependency upon a virginal conception. Rather it begins the story of Jesus with his baptism by John the Baptist and speaks of Jesus simply as the son of Mary (6:3; cf. 3:31; contrast Matthew13:55 and Luke 4:22) and a descendant of David (10:47-48), although it advances potential implications of his davidic descent, implications having to do with messiahship (11:10; 12:35-37).

Regarding the next Gospels, Matthew and Luke, each has an infancy narrative; and those narratives are almost completely different from each other. Each narrative presents what appears to be a virginal conception, yet neither quite nails it.

Matthew presents Mary as pregnant before she had come together with the man to whom she was betrothed, Joseph, whose perspective seems to be the chief one represented in this narrative. Yet she was righteous, one indication being that the child was "by the Holy Spirit" (1:18; cf. Luke 1:35), that that which "has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit" (1:20). It is not clear whether being "by" or "of" the Holy Spirit in and of itself was exclusive of natural conception, for divine assistance was sometimes credited with natural conception (e.g. Genesis 21:1-2; 1 Samuel 1:1-20). Mary is called a parthenos (Matthew 1:23), which typically meant "virgin," although it was also used to translate Hebrew terms such as bethulah ("young unmarried, though perhaps betrothed, woman"; cf. parthenos in the Septuagint at Deuteronomy 22:19, 23, 28), na'ar ("child" or, sometimes, "girl"), and `almah. (Note the Septuagint's use of parthenos with a broad sweep, covering each of these terms, in Genesis 24:14, 16, 43, 55.) That there was another Greek word for young woman, neanis, does not resolve the ambiguity. Nor is the ambiguity resolved by the allusion in Matthew 1:23 to a prophecy in Isaiah 7:14, for, although in that verse the Hebrew word `almah, which is translated as parthenos in the Septuagint, is most naturally rendered as "young woman," it can also be rendered as "virgin"; and, in any case, two senses are possible, an immediate sense and a typological sense, whether inherent or imputed. Hence the meaning of parthenos in the Gospel of Matthew has been a bone of contention since at least the second century. However, Mary's continuing eligibility for Joseph (Matthew 1:19-20, 24-25) and the overall tenor of the passage suggest that the Gospel writer had a virginal conception in mind. The idea of a virginal conception is held in tandem with the messianic significance of Jesus' davidic lineage through Joseph (12:23; 21:9; 22:42). The theological import of the virginal conception in Matthew is that Jesus was a special person through whom God's presence was mediated -- "God with us" -- a person who had long been looked for within the Israelite tradition (1:22-23). Although the virginal conception is never again mentioned in the Gospel, this theological theme permeates the Gospel and "withness" even closes it (28:18-20).

The Gospel of Luke, gives the appearance of representing Mary's perspective. Like Matthew, it calls Mary a parthenos (1:27) and makes explicit that Mary had not had sexual intercourse with a man (1:34). However, both her virginal state and her statement about not knowing a man are represented as being prior to her pregnancy. Furthermore, in the same immediate context, Jesus is represented as having David as his ancestor through Joseph (1:27, 32; cf. 3:23-31). Nevertheless, it seems that the author had a virginal conception in mind, for Jesus was "holy offspring" (1:35) and was brought to the Temple (2:22-50) without concern for the law about a mamzer,"bastard," in Deuteronomy 23:2, even though he was only "putatively" the son of Joseph (3:23). (It should be pointed out that even the "putatively" is ambiguous, for instead of referring back to a virginal conception it could have been referring ahead to Jesus' displacement of his natural family with his spiritual family. See 8:21 = Matthew 12:48-50 = Mark 3:33-35. Thus Joseph and Mary would have been, in the mind of the Gospel writer, his putative parents.) The theological import of the virginal conception in Luke has to do with the greatness of Jesus and his special connection to God, including his Son-of-God status (1:32-33, 35). Held in tandem is the theological idea of his perpetual kingdom as rooted in his davidic origin (1:32-33).

Both Matthew and Luke present the birth of Jesus as extraordinary befitting an extraordinary person, and they accord with certain literary conventions of the age in doing so. <References.> However, they seem almost to taunt with their ambiguities (cf. Matthew 11:25-27 = Luke 10:21-22); and their very presentations seemed to some to reflect an imprint of scandal, especially given the Matthaean account in which Joseph was minded to put Mary away (1:19; note that the four earlier women mentioned in Jesus' genealogy all had irregular unions, 1:3-6). So, for example, in the second century after Jesus' birth the accusation was made that he was the son not of parthenos, "a virgin," but of Panthera, a soldier, as though the Gospel stories had become scrambled. (See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2, in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation1 = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32-33.)

The latest canonical Gospel, John, has no infancy narrative or mention of or dependency upon a virginal conception. Instead it has a cosmological passage, which proclaims: "The Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth" (1:14, NASB). The mechanics are left unexplained. Indeed, from the preceding verse, we might be led to think they are unimportant, for believers, children of God , who presumably were all conceived naturally, "were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (1:13). In other words, it's spiritual birth that is important. With regard to Jesus' parentage, his mother is unnamed (2:3; 19:25-27); and he is represented as the son of Joseph (1:45). As for Jesus' descent from David, John allows doubt to be raised unanswered (7:41-42), which accords with the general message: "That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the spirit is spirit" (3:6). Note the similarity to the pauline attitude as described above (cf. Romans 5:12-21; 1 Corinthians 15:45; Galatians 4:29).

Some see an evolution in the New Testament from:

However, this is to omit from consideration other cosmologico-christological passages besides John 1, such as Colossians 1 and Hebrews 1 (cf. Philippians 2:5-11), and to overlook the davidic passages in what is probably the latest book of the New Testament, Revelation (see 3:7; 5:5; 22:16) -- also its literary treatment of the woman with child (chapter 12). Furthermore, the latter is to leave out of consideration later infancy narratives, such as the Protevangelium of James, which spun an elaborate story to reinforce the idea of an actual virginal conception.

Among early Christians to have denied the virginal conception were the Ebionites and the gnostics, Cerinthus and Carpocrates. <For Ebionites, see Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 47; Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26.2; 3.21.1; 5.1.3; Tertullian, De Praescr. 33; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:34; 9:13-17; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.27; Epiphanius, Haer. 30. For Cerinthus, see Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26; 3.11.1; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:33; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.28.6.>

The Apostle's Creed pinned down the virginal conception more definitively than did the canonical Gospels:

"I believe ... in Jesus Christ ... who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary ..."

Compare Matthew 1:20:

"that which has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit."

Note (a) the difference from the passive "has been conceived" in Matthew 1:20 and (b) the Holy Spirit represented in the Creed as the active agent of conception, whereas in Matthew 1:20, the preposition ek, "of," in the phrase "of the Holy Spirit," is general and ambiguous, evidently indicative of origin in some sense.

In the twentieth century, the virginal conception became one of the defining points of Christian Fundamentalism. Witness that the inaugural article in The Fundamentals (whence the term "Fundamentalism" was derived) was a defense of it.2 Doctrinally the importance of the virginal conception was described, in part, this way:

"What happened was a divine, creative miracle wrought in the production of this new humanity, which secured, from its earliest germinal beginnings, freedom from the slightest taint of sin." (v. 1, p. 18)

"The birth of Jesus was not, as in ordinary births, the creation of a new personality. It was a divine Person -- already existing -- entering on this new mode of existence. Miracle could alone effect such a wonder." (v. 1, pp. 18-19)

Morally its practical effect was described in terms of counter trend:

"with denial of the Virgin birth is apt to go denial of the virgin life." (v. 1, p. 9)

At stake also, in the view of many in the tradition of The Fundamentals, is the veracity of Scripture and belief in miracles.3

To append to this section a few other data points: Some may find the following from extracanonical Gospels a bit jolting:

 

The Perpetual Virginity of Mary

In the second half of the second century, the Protevangelium of James told the story of Salome checking Mary's condition after Mary gave birth to Jesus and, evidently, finding her hymen still intact (19:3-20:1). From that point forward, if not even earlier, the idea that Mary remained a virgin, not just through the birth of Jesus, but for the rest of her life grew. Howver, this idea had to be reconciled with the New Testament mentions of the siblings of Jesus.

<New Testament references>

What "his brothers" (Matthew 13:55 = Mark 6:3) and "the Lord's brother" (Galatians 1:19) mean have been a matter of conjecture and debate for nearly two millennia. Various theories have been put forward, most notably:

1. Jesus and James were full brothers, each a son of Joseph and Mary.

2. Jesus and James were half-brothers. Three varieties of this view come to mind:

  1. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally (per doctrine). James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus.
  2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived illegitimately (per detracting rumor and some modern scholarship) but accepted by Joseph. James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus. That Jesus was the biological son of a soldier named Panthera was an ancient charge. See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2 (in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation, 1987) = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32.
  3. Jesus was a son of Mary and Joseph or, at least, recognized as such. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife. In that case, the reason "there was no room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7) might have been because of Joseph's other wife or wives and children. This view was held by some early Christians according to Jerome, Contra Helvidium 21.
  4. A permutation of the preceding theory: Conceivably Joseph sired James and Joses of a different Mary by way of levirate marriage in order to insure an heir for his brother Clopas (assuming, insecurely, that the "Mary of Clopas" in John 19:25 was the same as the mother of James the Less and Joses in Mark 15:40; cf. Matthew 27:56, 61 and Luke 24:10; regarding Clopas as brother, see citation in option 4 below); although that idea wouldn't make sense if Clopas is to be identified with the Cleopas of Luke 24:18 or if the two Marys were sisters (cf. a certain interpretation of John 19:25 and Leviticus 18:18). Note well that in some early Christian tradition, levirate marriage was said to have played a major role in the history of Jesus' family (Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.1-17). Yes, this theory would have Joseph saying: "Here's my wife, Mary; here's my other wife, Mary."

3. Jesus and James were stepbrothers. Two varieties of this view come to mind:

  1. Jesus, son of Mary, however conceived, was accepted by Joseph. James was a son of Joseph and a previous wife.
  2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally or illegitimately. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife.

4. Jesus and James were considered cousins and thus loosely called "brothers." In this view, James was a son of Clopas and a different Mary; Clopas and Joseph were supposedly brothers (per Hegesippus in Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3:11.1). If Jesus was conceived either virginally or illegitimately, there would be no evident blood relationship.

What's rather remarkable is that it's pretty clear that the early church rather quickly lost any definitive traditions that would decide the matter, perhaps in part due to partial destruction of Jewish family records; perhaps also because the family relationships were confusing and foreign, even scandalous, to a church that had largely gone Gentile. Consider, for instance:

Jerome would exemplify the tradition that Jesus was Mary's only child. It is, however, not a tradition to which I give great credence.7

The latest piece of evidence now in the scholarly mix is an Aramaic inscription found just two years ago on an ossuary: "Ya'akov bar Yosef achui d'Yeshua." To translate: "Jacob [= James] son of Joseph brother of Jesus."8

<Roman Catholic developments, including virginity of Joseph>

References

1 On the True Doctrine: A Discourse Against the Christians, [by] Celsus; translated with a general introduction by R. Joseph Hoffmann (New York: Oxford University Press, 1987): p. 57.

2 "The Virgin Birth of Christ," by James Orr, in: The Fundamentals: A Testimony to the Truth, compliments of two Christian laymen [i.e. the Stewart brothers] (Chicago: Testimony Publishing Co., [1910]-[1915]): pp. 7-20.

3 For further discussion, see:

  • The Virgin Birth of Christ, by J. Gresham Machen (New York: Harper, 1930). Perspective of a Fundamentalist scholar.
  • The Birth of the Messiah: A Commentary on the Infancy Narratives in Matthew and Luke, by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1977). Perspective of a Roman Catholic scholar.

4 New Testament Apocrypha, revised edition edited by Wilhelm Schneemelcher; English translation by R. McL. Wilson (Cambridge: James Clarke; Louisville, Ky.: Westminster/John Knox Press, c1991): v. 1, p. 119.

5 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 160.

6 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 177.

7 For further discussion, see:

  • "The Brethren of the Lord," in: The Epistle of St. Paul to the Galatians, with introductions, notes and dissertations [by] J. B. Lightfoot (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1957): pp. [252]-291. Reprint of the 1865 edition.
  • "The Relatives of Jesus," [by] Wolfgang A. Bienert, in Schneemelcher (1991): v. 1, pp. 470-488.

8 For discussion of the inscription, see: The Brother of Jesus: The Dramatic Story & Meaning of the First Archaeological Link to Jesus & His Family, [by] Hershel Shanks & Ben Witherington III (New Yor, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2003).

See also double paternity, Madonna-whore complex, "saved in childbearing," virgin.

(BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

x Bible.
x Blessed Virgin Mary.
x BVM.
x Dei Genetrix.
x Greek terms.
x Hebrew terms.
x Latin terms.
x Madonna.
x Mother of God.
x perpetual virginity of Mary.
x Theotokos.
x virginal conception.
x virgin birth.

 

viricide:

The murder of a man by his wife.

Contrast uxoricide (q.v.). See also abuse, crime of passion, domestic violence, mariticide, spousal homicide, spouse abuse.

 

virilocal residence:

In reference to the married, living in the husband's place of origin and with or near one or more people of his lineage, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, group switching, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, walk to and fro.

 

virtual adultery:

Sexual intimacy online, this on the part of a married person with someone other than his or her spouse, at least when such intimacy violates expectations within the marital relationship.

Comment: The precise parameters for what is considered virtual adultery may vary from speaker to speaker, some throwing the net as wide as to include online flirting or affection for an online partner, others denying that there can be such a thing except as an artificial construction on analogy with real-life adultery. Furthermore, some speakers reject any relativity and would thus omit the last clause in the definition.

See also adultery, chat cheat, cyberadultery, cyber-betrayal, cyber-cheating, cyber-infidelity, virtual affair.

 

virtual affair:

A romance conducted online.

Comment: In some usage, the term carries the overtones of virtual adultery.

See also affair, cyber-affair, cyber-relationship, cyberromance, Internet affair, online affair, online relationship, romance, virtual adultery.

 

virtual community:

1. A group of people who interact in a personal or multidimensional way online and who share a common set of values or lovestyle interests. Such a community may supplement or be preferred over a geographically defined community as a matrix of value formation and value reinforcement for oneself or one's family (q.v.).

2. A group of people who interact online regarding a common interest and who have a sense of belonging to the group.

3. The set of all people who interact online.

4. A city, town, village, or neighborhood that exists only in cyber form, for example, one created through a simulation program.

Coined by Howard Rheingold?

See also cyber relationship, instant messaging, lovestyle, online relationship, sexual morality, toothing.

 

virtue:

1. An internal quality that impells one to practice kindness, to advance the common good, and to resist the temptation to commit evil acts.

2. One's state of chastity and one's resistance from within to undoing that state.

See also chastity, easy virtue, moral code, sexual morality.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Virtue"

 

[Lady Booby] "... Would you be contented with a kiss? Would not your inclinations be all on fire rather by such a favour?"

"Madam," said Joseph, "if they were, I hope I should be able to control them, without suffering them to get the better of my virtue."

[snip]

"Your virtue!" (said the lady, recovering after a silence of two minutes) "I shall never survive it. Your virtue! Intolerable confidence! Have you the assurance to pretend, that when a lady demeans herself to throw aside the rules of decency, in order to honour you with the highest favour in her power, your virtue should resist her inclination? That when she had conquered her own virtue, she should find an obstruction in yours?"

"Madam," said Joseph, "I can't see why her having no virtue should be a reason against my having any; or why, because I am a man, or because I am poor, my virtue must be subservient to her pleasures."

"I am out of patience," cries the lady: "Did ever mortal hear of a man's virtue! Did ever the greatest, or even the gravest men pretend to any of this kind! Will magistrates who punish lewdness, or parsons who preach against it, make any scruple of committing it? And can a boy, a stripling, have the confidence to talk of his virtue?"

"Madam," says Joseph, "that boy is the brother of Pamela, and would be ashamed that the chastity of his family, which is preserved in her, should be stained in him..."

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, pp. 32-33; cf. chapter 10, p. 37. The paragraphing is mine. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Virtue"

 

[The Vicomte de Valmont to the Marquise de Merteuil] Ah, let me at least have time to enjoy the touching struggle between love and virtue.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 96, pp. 219-224, specifically p. 220. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

 

[The French reads] Ah! laissez-moi du moins le temps d'observer ces touchants combats entre l'amour et la vertu.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 96, pp. 208-213, specifically p. 209. Vertu = virtue.

 

virtuous woman:

1. A mature human female who has cultivated a bountiful goodness in her inner life out of which she acts.

2. An allusion to the "virtuous woman" of Proverbs 12:4 and 31:10-31 (King James Version), the latter being a paean to her. The original Hebrew, eshet-hayil, is variously translated, for example:

See also wife.

x Bible.
x eshet-hayil.
x Hebrew terms.

Quotations from the 1611 Edition of the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible

 

Prouerbes XII.4 A vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband : but she that maketh ashamed, is as rottennesse in his bones.

 

Prouerbes XXXI.10 Who can finde a vertuous woman? for her price is farre aboue Rubies.

 

vision of romantic love:

x romantic love's vision.

 

visiting husband:

A woman's husband or lover, perhaps one of several, who does not belong to her household but who visits her regularly for the sake of maintaining the relationship and for copulation.

Comment: Visiting husbands are common among the Nayars of India.

See also duolocal residence, sambandham, visiting marriage, walk to and fro.

 

visiting marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners maintain separate households and meet by appointment.

See also commuter marriage, duolocal residence, visiting husband, walk to and fro.

 

vital relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

 

 vitricophobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepfather.

Contrast novercaphobia (q.v.). See also -phobia, step-, vitricus.

 

vitricus (legal term):

A stepfather.

Contrast noverca (q.v.) See also step-

 

vivaha (Sanskrit):

A Hindu marriage ceremony.

See also wedding.

x Sanskrit terms.

 

Vive la différence! (French):

"Long live the difference!"In other words, may the contrasts endure! A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of the differences between the sexes, especially as sources of erotic delight.

Comment: Contrast the attitude of this expression with sexual suicide (q.v.).

See also heterosexuality, Vive la similarité!

x French terms.

 

Vive la similarité! (French):

"Long live the similarity!" A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of erotic attraction between members of the same sex.

See also homosexuality, Vive la différence!

x French terms.

 

vocational right:

See droit de la vocation.

 

voidable marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) regarded as valid under the law in proceedings between any parties but which is dissolvable at the initiation of one of the parties by annulment (q.v.) or divorce (q.v.). Contrast void marriage (q.v.).

 

void marriage:

An invalid marriage, that is, one not recognized by law in any proceedings between any parties and which is regarded by the law as having been invalid from its inception, such that neither annulment (q.v.) nor divorce (q.v.) is necessary to dissolve it.

Contrast voidable marriage (q.v.). See also marriage.

 

volage, as in "a volage":

A foolish, fickle, or inconstant person.

Quotation from Anna Laetitia Barbauld Illustrating "Volage"

 

But then he is a general lover, inconstant as he is gay; noted for levity, here today and gone tomorrow, hovering about every beautiful object without attaching himself to one. To fix him would be as difficult as to arrest a sunbeam or to hold a wave between your fingers. Yet I am sorry to say, madam, your daughter absolutely courts this volage, and allows him liberties which a prudent mother like yourself must tremble at.

From: "Zephyrus and Flora: Letter to Mrs. W ----" (1773), in: The Works of Anna Laetitia Barbauld, with a memoir, by Lucy Aikin (London: Longman, Hurst, Rees, Orme, Brown, and Green, 1825): v. 2, pp. [268]-271, specifically p. 269. Transcribed from a digitized image, to which there is a link at: http://www.orgs.muohio.edu/womenpoets/barbauld/work.htm

 

volage, as in "a volage person":

1. Foolish.

2. Fickle; inconstant.

See also infidelious, inconstant, unfaithful.

 

voluntarily child-free marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners have decided not to have children, at least for a while yet.

 

wahine (Hawaiian):

1. Woman.

2. Wife (q.v.).

3. Sister-in-law.

4. A man's female cousin-in-law.

5. Femininity; womanliness.

6. Female; feminine.

7. Mrs. (q.v.).

8. To become a woman.

See also ho'owahine, squaw.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine kane make (Hawaiian):

"Woman with dead husband"; widow (q.v.).

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine kane 'ole (Hawaiian):

"Woman without a husband"; single woman; spinster.

See also single, spinster.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine male (Hawaiian):

1. Married woman.

2. Bride.

See also bride, wife.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

waighembe (Nyaturu):

1. "We who have exchanged a hoe"; a friendly relationship.

2. A partner in a love relationship; an epithet for one's lover (q.v.).

Comment: A term from the Turu of Tanzania.

See also lover, mbuya, partner, taio.

x Nyaturu terms.

 

waist-to-hip ratio (WHR):

A proportion in women -- the circumference around the body between the pelvis and lower ribs relative to the circumference around the body in the pelvic region -- which often has a bearing on attractiveness to men, 70% -- a form of the so-called hour-glass figure -- being the general maximum for attractiveness, hypothetically this having been evolutionarily set on the basis of fitness for child-bearing and thus genetic survival.

Comment: Variations, such as age variations, and contrary data, such as isolated cultures that prefer a different ratio, have been observed. Some suspect the universalization of a Western ideal of female beauty rather than a principle of attraction rooted in human evolution.

See also attraction, mate value, objectification, sex appeal, sexy.

x hip-to-waist ratio.
x WHR.

 

Waldbraut (German):

See forest bride.

 

walk out:

To leave a person to whom one has been married or with whom one has been in a love relationship.

See also break up, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over.

 

walk to and fro:

1. Perambulate around; go back and forth by foot.

2. Conduct a marital relationship by visiting one's spouse at a separate domicile, as when the husband continues to live with the family in which he was raised and the wife with hers.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, erëbu marriage, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, sambandham, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, visiting husband, visiting marriage.

 

wandering eye:

See roving eye.

 

wanton, as in "a wanton":

A person who refuses to make his or her sexual behavior conform to cultural mores.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also wanton man, wanton woman.

 

wanton, as in "wanton behavior":

1. Licentious; unchaste.

2. Frolicsome.

3. Capricious, mean, and gratuitous, all at once.

4. Unrestrained; uncontrolled.

See also fast, licentious, unchaste, wanton man, wanton woman.

 

wanton man:

A human male who exhibits wanton behavior.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wanton woman.

 

wanton woman:

A human female who exhibits wanton behavior, especially:

1. A woman who follows her sexual desires past the bounds of behavior considered by the speaker to be socially or morally acceptable.

2. A married woman who engages in extramarital sex (q.v.).

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also bimbo, box of assorted creams, flirt-gill, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, shiksa, slut, tart, tramp, wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wench, whore.

 

war bride:

1. A woman who marries a man who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A woman who marries a serviceman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bride, grass-widow, hen frigate, war groom, wife.

 

war groom:

1. A man who marries a woman who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A man who marries a servicewoman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bridegroom, bundle man, groom, husband, sloping billet, war bride.

 

"was Jesus married" question:

The debated issue of whether or not the personage at the center of Christianity, Jeshua ben Joseph also known as Jesus Christ (ca. 4 B.C.E.-ca. 29 C.E.), had one or more wives. The underlying import of the issue bears on Christian attitudes towards marriage, polygamy, celibacy, and sexuality in general.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

It is widely, but not universally, assumed within Christianity that Jesus was never married. Even a preeminent theologian of romantic love, Charles Williams, had one of the sinister characters in his novels make such an assumption and remark, "Ah, if Christ had known love, what a rich and bounteous Church he could have founded!" Consider:

Is there evidence to suggest that Jesus was married?

Answer: There is evidence of the tantalizing kind, not of the conclusive kind. What follows is a preliminary, tentative presentation of some of the data points to be considered.

References

For one provocative work on the subject of whether or not Jesus was married, a work which, however, deals more with attitudes than evidences, see: Was Jesus Married? The Distortion of Sexuality in the Christian Tradition, [by] William E. Phipps (New York: Harper & Row, c1970).

For the quotation, see the novel: Shadows of Ecstasy, by Charles Williams (London: Faber & Faber, 1948): chapter 5, p. 73. Originally published, London: Victor Gollancz,  1933.  The character speaking is Nigel Considine.

Regarding the celibacy of the Essenes, see Philo, Hypothetica = Apologia pro Iudaeis 380-381 = 633-634, = 11:14-17; Josephus, Antiquities 18:21 = 18.1.5; and his Jewish War 2:119-121 = 2.8.2.
Regaring desposynoi, see Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.14.

***

Before proceeding to the evidence, it would be wise first to elaborate on the idea that when one asks whether Jesus was married, one must consider the even more controversial possibility that Jesus was married polygynously.

It is widely thought that Jesus' divorce sayings (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) imply a proscribing of polygyny; however, they don't actually say so and that is, likely, an interpretation influenced by social mores of other cultures and later times. For that matter, none of the passages in the New Testament adduced as teaching monogamy for all believers are about monogamy. They all presuppose the Jewish marital system of the Hebrew Bible, which allowed for and in some cases enjoined polygyny. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Monogamy.")

In First Century Palestine, marriage was sometimes polygynous. Polygyny was not only acceptable by custom, but in the case of levirate marriage, when a man's brother or close male relative died and left a wife but no son, taking the widow to wife or finding another close relative to do so was commonly a legal expectation (per Deuteronomy 25), whether or not the man already had a wife. Sifra even represents Scripture as saying, in such a case "take a woman as a co-wife" (Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 12 = 210.2.7K). (For discussion, see glossary entry, "one flesh.") Furthermore, it was evidently in a polygynous context that a man was encouraged to be "in the place of" a husband to the mother of fatherless children, which could, in some situations, be taken as an encouragement to use marriage as a means of charity (Sirach 4:10; compare Job 31:16-18); and so it is that we have the story of R. Tarfon (see below), who used polygyny as a means of charity.

References

Regarding polygyny being acceptable by custom among many Jews of the First Century C.E. and the period leading up to it, see:

  • Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, which reads (in The Loeb Classical Library translation): "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time." For specific instances, see, for example:
    • Joseph ben Tobiah (fl. 246-221 B.C.E.) at 12:186-189 = 12.4.6;
    • Alexander Jannaeus = Alexander Yannai (d. 76 B.C.E.) at 13:380 = 13.14.2;
    • Antipater (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:18 = 17.1.3 relative to 17:92 = 17.5.2; and,
    • Herod the Great (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:19 = 17.1.3, plus War of the Jews 1:562-563 = 1.28.4.

That the evidence provided by Josephus is part of a continuity from the Israelites of the Hebrew Bible up through some Jews of the first few centuries of the Common Era can be seen in a concrete instance from:

  • the Babatha Archive, Yadin Papyrus 26 (131 C.E.), in which Babatha summoned Miriam regarding seizure of the belongings of "Judah son of Eleazar Khthousion my and your late husband"; for a translation, click here or see The Documents from the Bar Kokhba Period in the Cave of Letters. [Vol. 2] Greek Papyri, edited by Naphtali Lewis; Aramaic and Nabatean Signatures and Subscriptions, edited by Yigael Yadin and Jonas C. Greenfield (Jerusalem: Israel Exploration Society, 1989).

For more on the documentary evidence, see:

  • "The Jewish Family in Judaea from Pompey to Hadrian - The Limits of Romanization," [by] Margaret Williams, in: The Roman Family in the Empire: Rome, Italy, and Beyond, edited by Michele George (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2005): pp. [159]-165, especially pp. 161-164. "Most papers in this volume were given at the Fourth E. T. Salmon Conference in Roman Studies held at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada, in September 2001"-- Preface. Williams cites, for instance, the Papyri Murabba`at 20, 21, 115, 116; Papyrus Yadin 10; and XHev/Se Gr.2. These are marriage contracts with a clause saying that the woman's sons are to be the sole inheritors of her dowry, that is presumably, not the sons of any other wife married to the same man.

Jewish polygyny was recognized by an early Christian:

  • Circa 135 C.E., the Christian apologist Justin Martyr chided Trypho the Jew for his "imprudent and blind masters, who even till this time permit each man to have four or five wives" (Dialogue with Trypho 134, in the translation by Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson, as revised by A. Cleveland Coxe, in The Ante-Nicene Fathers).

From later rabbinic literature, we learn of a number of instances of polygyny among Jews; however not all of those instances are necessarily true to history:

  • Mishnah Kiddushin 2:7 (Danby translation): "It once happened" that a man betrothed seven women with a basket of figs. Two of the betrothals, to sisters, were ruled invalid.
  • Tosefta Ketuboth 5.1.P (Neusner translation): "R. Tarfon [ca. 50-120 C.E.] betrothed three hundred girls to permit them to eat heave-offering, for the years were years of famine." (Compare Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamot 6b = 4.12.V.B-C.)
  • Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamoth 6b = 4.12.II: R. Judah the Patriarch [ca. 135-ca. 220] required a man to marry the widows of his twelve brothers.
  • Talmud Bavli, Sukkah 27a: King Agrippa II [28-ca. 94 C.E.] had a head steward, identified as Joseph ben Simai, who spoke of having two wives, one in Tiberias and one in Sepphoris.
  • Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 15b (Slotki translation): "'... I may testify to you, however, concerning two great families who flourished in Jerusalem, namely the family of Beth Zebo'im of Ben 'Akmai and the family of Ben Kuppai of Ben Mekoshesh, that they were descendants of rivals [i.e. co-wives] and yet some of them were High Priests who ministered upon the altar'." If factual, this was prior to the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 C.E.

Furthermore, we see polygyny being used in rabbinic parables, which suggests that it was a commonplace in Jewish life. See, for example:

  • Leviticus Rabbah 4:5 (J. Israelstam translation), which reads in part: "R. Hiyya [fl. ca. 220 C.E.] taught: This may be compared to a priest who had two wives ..."
  • Talmud Bavli, Abodah Zarah 55a (A. Cohen translation): R. Gamaliel replied to General Agrippa, "I will give you a parable: To what is the matter like? To a man who marries an additional wife..." If this was Gamaliel I, then he flourished around 20-34 C.E.; if Gamaliel II, then around 80-110 C.E.

Of course, polygyny was also a matter accounted for in rabbinic legal reasoning. See, for example:

  • the Mishnah (ca. 200 C.E.), which, for instance, speaks of "their co-wives, and the co-wives of their co-wives (and so on without end)" (Yebamoth 1:1, Danby translation; compare 16:1; Kethubot 10:1-2, 4-6; Gittin 8:7; Kiddushin 2:6).

To fill in the, mostly earlier, Hebrew Bible plus Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical Books part of the continuum, see my Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Polygyny in the Hebrew Bible."

Evidently polgyyny was not permissible in every Jewish sect of the First Century, for the Qumran sect limited marriage to monogamy. Among the Dead Sea scrolls, see the Damascus Document (CD = 4Q266-272) 4:21 and the Temple Scroll (11Q19-20) 57:17-18.

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Now to the evidences, such as they are.

Repeatedly in the New Testament, Jesus is represented as having kept perfectly the spirit of the Law, the Torah (Matthew 5:17-20; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Hebrews 4:15; 7:26; 1 Peter 2:21-22; 1 John 3:5). Yet the first commandment in the Torah, not just to Israelites, but to all of humankind was: "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). Now, of course, Jesus (as canonically represented) did not necessarily understand that commandment as applying to every single individual (Matthew 19:12). Furthermore, sexual asceticism had evidently found a place in certain Jewish sects. However, the default ideology and practice among Jews was strongly in favor of marriage. Examples:

"No man may abstain from keeping the law Be fruitful and multiply, unless he already has children: according to the School of Shammai, two sons; according to the School of Hillel, a son and a daughter, for it is written, Male and female created he them." Mishnah Yebamoth 6:6 (Danby translation)

"A man has no right to live without a woman and a woman has no right to live without a man." Tosefta Yebamoth 8:4D (Neusner translation)

"It was taught: R. Eliezer stated, He who does not engage in propagation of the race is as though he sheds blood; for it is said, Whoso sheddeth man's blood by man shall his blood be shed [Genesis 9:6], and this is immediately followed by the text, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9:7]. R. Jacob said: As though he has diminished the Divine Image; since it is said, For in the image of God made he man [9:6], and this is immediately followed by, And you, be ye fruitful etc. [9.7]. Ben 'Azzai said: As though he sheds blood and diminishes the Divine Image; since it is said, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9.7]." Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 63b (Slotki translation in the Soncino edition)

References

Regarding sexual asceticism in certain Jewish sects, the Essenes have already been mentioned. Note also the Therapeutae as represented in Philo, De Vita Contemplativa 65, 68.

The Mishnah, translated from the Hebrew with introduction and brief explanatory notes by Herbert Danby (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1933; printed from the corrected sheets of the first edition, 1938 ... 1977): p. 227.

The Tosefta, translated from the Hebrew with a new introduction [by] Jacob Neusner (Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2002): v. 1, p. 711.

Yebamoth, translated into English with notes, glossary, and indices by Israel W. Slotki, under the editorship of I. Epstein (London: Soncino Press, 1994, c1984; in set: Hebrew-English Edition of the Babylonian Talmud).

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Note the physical intimacy of the unnamed woman with an alabaster jar with Jesus in Matthew 26:6-13 = Mark 14:3-9 = Luke 7:36-50 (compare John 12:1-8, where Mary, sister of Martha, wiped his feet with her hair). Luke represents the unnamed woman as continuously kissing Jesus' feet, which may be intentionally reminiscent of the story of Ruth at the feet of Boaz, which was the first step in Ruth becoming Boaz's wife.

<References on men in contact with women, talking to, etc. Judith 8:4; GenR 8:12; tSotah 5:9; y Sotah 1:7 = 17a; bGittin 90a; mKetuboth7:6; tKetuboth 7:6 || mMiddoth 2:5; tSukkah 4:1; ySukkah 5:2 = 55b; bSukkah 51b; bQuiddushin 80b || Aboth 1:5; bNedarim 20a; Aboth de Rabbi Nathan, A 2:9; bErubin 53b>

Now the only scandal in the Matthew and Mark passages was the supposed waste of costly perfume ("ointment" in John). In Luke, the scandal was not Jesus' intimate contact with a woman, even though it was right in front of others. Nor was the scandal focused on the woman per se. The scandal was Jesus' intimate association with a woman classed as a "sinner." If this were a prenuptial situation, that would go a long way towards explaining the scandal imprint in each text.

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Rewrite: Within the Judaism of Jesus' time, if a man took a woman (other than a close relative) into his household, she was considered his wife or concubine. <References>

In Luke 8:1-3 we have a list of women who were going about with Jesus from one city and village to another. Two of them, Mary Magdalene and Susanna, seem to have been otherwise unattached. Another, Joanna, was attached and yet was traveling with Jesus anyway. All of this, given the aforementioned premise, would have been scandalous and the last a scandal of scandals, adultery punishable by death; and yet there's no hint of scandal and no reluctance on the part of Luke to allow this window onto the female traveling companions of Jesus.

A possible explanation with regard to Joanna is that her husband, Chuza, was non-Jewish (his name may have been Nabatean), that he was the official of John 4:46-54 (per a common scholarly speculation), and that he was showing gratitude to Jesus for healing his son by allowing his wife to be part of Jesus' support network and entourage, perhaps under a chaperone arrangement. Although, a later text, the Book of the Resurrection of Christ by Bartholomew the Apostle (which I don't find credible), says that "Joanna the wife of Chuza ... had renounced the marriage bed" (M. R. James' translation). (By the way, for a chaperone arrangement involving a husband and multiple disciples accompanying a woman, see Mishnah Sotah 1:3 and Talmud Yerushalmi, Ketuboth 26d = 2.9.V, Neusner.)

The easiest explanation with regard to Mary Magdalene and Susanna is that they were considered wives of Jesus, although there's this stickler, that they seem to be represented as being among the women supporting Jesus and his entourage out of their own means. (There's some ambiguity here that I haven't yet been able to clear away.) <Reference for wives supporting husbands: Mishnah Ketuboth 5:5, 9; 6:1; 9:4; etc.>

There's much to unpackage here. For related passages, see Mark 15:40-41 and Acts 1:14.

Cautionary Note

In postulating that Mary Magdalene was the wife or a wife of Jesus, we should be careful not to denigrate her by suggesting either that her spousehood was all that was important about her or that it entirely explains her significance. She was a prominent leader in the early church in her own right. That she was a prominent leader is clear from many sources, but whether or not she was Jesus's wife is a matter obscure.

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In John 2:1-11, Jesus and his disciples were called to a wedding. Jesus' mother was also there. In fact, not only was she there, but she was in charge of servants and wine. Some infer from this that it might have been a child of hers that was being married, and one stream of tradition has it that Jesus was her only child (see, for example, Jerome = Hieronymous, Contra Helvidium.)

 

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In John 4:1-42, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman draws upon nuptial imagery.

Not only do Jesus and the woman discuss her marital past, which has symbolic significance in terms of the history of Samaria, but the story takes place at Jacob's well. The wives of Isaac, Jacob, and Moses were all found at wells (cf. Genesis 24; 29:1-12; Exodus 2:16-21).

Furthermore, Jesus going to the Samaritans is reminiscent of Ezekiel 23, the idea in mind apparently being a restoration not only of Oholibah, the younger wife of God, which is Jerusalem, but also of Oholah, the elder wife of God, which is Samaria.

What we have in this story is a spiritual metaphor which, conceivably (but not necessarily), had a physical basis in Jesus' having had more than one wife, one of them a Samaritan woman. (Notice John 8:48.)

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In the pericope of the woman caught in adultery, which in many modern Bibles is placed at John 7:53-8:11 (and in some manuscripts elsewhere in John or after Luke 21:38), the woman is brought to Jesus. Why? Was this a wife of Jesus or, given the punishment (stoning), a woman perhaps betrothed to Jesus? Note that Jesus addressed her as gunai (John 8:10), which can be translated as "wife" (however, contrast, for example, 2:4 and 19:26); and she addressed him as kurie = "lord" (8:11), which can be a wife's title for a husband (cf. Genesis 18:12; 1 Peter 3:6). Why was her paramour not brought before Jesus? Because only the woman bore some relation to him and only her case might prove capable of pushing him over the edge with regard to Mosaic Law or with regard to Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule? (A mob lynching might have been one of the dangers.) Why did Jesus not dispute the legitimacy of his involvement in the case, as he did in Luke 12:14 (cf. John 3:17; 8:15-16)? Was it because he was personally connected to it? In at least some adulterous situations, it was the husband alone who had standing to bring charges (Numbers 5:15, 30; Deuteronomy 22:14, 16-17); although, except for the absence of the paramour, it appears that the law being applied here (in John 8:5) was Deuteronomy 22:23-24, which does not specifiy who has standing to bring charges. Note the absence in the story of any other to play the role of cuckolded husband: the witnesses aside, it is Jesus who does not condemn her (John 8:11). What is the simplest explanation of all the above? Perhaps that the woman was indeed Jesus' betrothed. (Of course, this theory leads to yet another set of questions beginning with, Did Jesus divorce her?)

References and Notes

For a discussion of early forms of the story, see: The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations of Their Writings, J. B. Lightfoot and J. R. Harmer, editors and translators; Michael W. Holmes, editor and reviser (2nd ed. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1992): pp. 557-560; cf. Papias, fragments 3:17; 4; 23; 26, which follow. By the way, I am doubtful of the conflation theory of the pericope's composition.

Regarding "why," Raymond Brown wrote, "The most difficult [question about the story] concerns the reason why the scribes and pharisees brought the woman to Jesus." See The Gospel according to John (i-xii), introduction, translation, and notes by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1966; in set: The Anchor Bible; 29): p. 337.

Part of the problem may be that the usual scholarly supposition is that she was brought to Jesus for trial or sentencing or that she was brought post-trial or post-sentencing. But if she was betrothed to Jesus or was a close relative of Jesus, one under his care -- a sister or a daughter or a wife -- then the moving force of the story becomes simpler, it becomes unnecessary to assume that the case was at or past the point of trial and sentencing, and we can escape the difficulties associated with the usual scholarly supposition.

For stoning as the punishment for a betrothed virgin who has intercourse with another man, see Deuteronomy 22:21, 23-24; compare Mishnah Sanhedrin 7:4, 9.

For strangling as the punishment for having "connexion with another man's wife," see, for example, Mishnah Sanhedrin 11:1, 6; Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 52b-53a; 66b; Sifra on Leviticus 20:10 at Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 10 = 208.2.4B = 368a; and Sifre on Deuteronomy 22:22 at Piska 241.

For an earlier lack of distinction, stoning apparently being a punishment for both, see Ezekiel 16:38-40. (Compare, perhaps, Susanna 62.) In that case, the law being applied at John 8:5 could have been Leviticus 20:10 (contrast 18:20, 29) = Deuteronomy 22:22. The disputed question is, When did the distinction in punishments come into effect?

Regarding Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule: According to John 18:31, the Jews (that is, the high priests) said to Pilate regarding Jesus, "We are not permitted to put any one to death." Two explanations have been suggested:

  • First, that this was "with reference to this season" (so Chrysostom, Homilies on the Gospel of John 83:4) or "on account of the festal day" (so Augustine of Hippo, In Joannis Evangelium 114:4). Evidently a capital case was not allowed to be heard on the eve of or during Passover (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:1).
  • Second, that the right to use the death penalty had been taken from the Jews and reserved to the Roman authorities. Among references commonly cited in support of this explanation are these:
    • Megillat Ta'anit = Fasting Scroll 6, which may allude to a later restoration of the right: "On the twenty-second day thereof [Elul] they began again to execute evildoers";
    • Josephus, Jewish War 2:117 = 2.8.1 (compare his Antiquities 18:2 = 18.1.1), which speaks of the Procurator Coponius being "entrusted by Augustus with full powers, including the infliction of capital punishment"; and,
    • Talmud Yerushalmi, Sanhedrin 18a = 1.1.III.A; 24b = 7.2.III.A (Neusner), which says, to quote the latter passage, "Forty years before the Temple was destroyed, the right to judge capital cases was taken away from Israelite courts": A.D. 70 minus 40 would be around A.D. 30, but the number may have been an approximation or styled after Israel's forty years in the wilderness (cf. Numbers 32:13).

By the way, for the text, with an English translation, of the Megillat Ta'anit, I am consulting A Manual of Palestinain Aramaic Texts, [by] Joseph A. Fitzmyer and Daniel J. Harrington (Rome: Biblical Institute Press, 1978; in series: Biblica et Orientalia; 34): pp. 184-187, 248-250.

Regarding the question of whether Jesus divorced her, it divides naturally into two parts, first, what is the force of Jesus' command to her, poreuou ("Leave!" or "Begone!"); and, second, what would have been in character for Jesus; for instance, would he have felt it incumbent upon himself to divorce her because of porneia (a violation of the sexual code; cf. Matthew 5:32; 19:9)? To comment simply on the first, among the options:

  • Jesus was telling her to go her way, perhaps with the practical concern that she avoid being grabbed again. This comports with the usual interpretation, that the woman had received Jesus' forgiveness; and it is the interpretation I favor, since no more complicated explanation is demanded -- well, except for this: How do we explain that there is no sign of repentance on the woman's part (unless it is implied in her addressing him as kurie = "Lord")?
  • Jesus was telling her to remove herself from the Temple precincts and indeed from the descendants of the Israelites, that is, to go into voluntary exile. In other words, in his judgment an appropriate sentence was the less violent of the Mosaic punishments, to be cut off (Leviticus 18:29 rather than 20:10), which, supposedly, comported with Roman rule; although the Romans may have reserved to themselves not only implementation of the death penalty but also of the punishment of exile.
  • Jesus was divorcing her, a bill of divorcement to come later.

In the Greek, there is a split second of suspense, for we do not know whether Jesus is about to call her pornê ("Whore!"). Instead he gives the command poreuou. If that split second of suspense was meant to be conveyed orally, then the command would have been given emphatically; and that may be suggestive as to its force.

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John 11:5 says, "Now Jesus loved [ëgapa, from agapaö)] Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus." (Note that agapaö is the word used for love within marriage in Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33.) From Luke 10:38-42, we learn that Martha had her own home and invited Jesus into it. Here again not a lot is making sense in terms of the male-female protocols of early Judaism, unless either Martha or her sister, Mary, was a wife of Jesus -- probably not both, given the prohibition at Leviticus 18:18. (Although note Jeremiah 3:6-10 and Ezekiel 23:2 and following. Each passage has God with two wives who are sisters of one another.)

<References on protocols>

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<Rewrite> Again back to physical intimacy: