Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

V - Z

Table of Contents
Introduction
- A -	- H -	O	U
- B -	- I -	- P -	- V -
- C -	J	Q	W
- D -	K	- R -	X
- E -	- L -	- S-Si -	Y
F	- M -	- Sk-Sz -	Z
- G -	- N -	- T -	©
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vacation from marriage:

A period of time taken off from marital life, generally with the consent of one's spouse, in order to enjoy the freedoms -- including, in some cases, the sexual freedom -- of single life. Typically it is hoped that such a vacation will engender greater peace with family duties and marital restrictions and will have a renewing effect upon the marriage itself.

See also break, break from each other, grass-widow, grass-widower, hall pass, holiday from marriage, marriage, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, Roman holiday, separate vacations, summer lover, summer romance.

 

valentine, as in "a valentine":

1. A person who accepts one's attentions on Valentine's Day (q.v.).

2. A Valentine's Day card, especially one with a heart (q.v.) on it.

3. A card, missive, or gift delivered to a sweetheart (q.v.) on Valentine's Day per custom.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, gage d'amour, honey, iconography of love, I love you, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), love coupon, lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, relationship art, studmuffin, sugar, sugar doll, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment.

valentine, as in "to valentine":

To sing as part of a mating ritual.

Comment: Usually said of birds.

See also love song.

Valentine's Day:

February 14th as a day specially designated by custom for expressing love, for exchanging symbols of love, and for the cultural affirmation of romantic love more generally.

Comments: There are various theories as to the origin of Valentine's Day, among them:

• It derives from the Roman festival of Lupercalia, which took place on February 15th in honor of the god, Faunus. A possible link to love: During that festival women wishing for fertility would seek to be lashed by naked or half-naked male youths wielding fresh strips of goatskin. Supposedly the church expropriated the festival, in order to tame it, and named it after one of its own.¹
• It stems from a belief going back to the Middle Ages that birds begin to pair on February 14th. (Take note of the quotation from Chaucer below.)
• The day on which St. Valentine is honored became associated with romantic love because of a linguistic accident -- the Norman word galantin, which means "lover of the fair sex," is frequently written and pronounced valantan or valentin.²

Even the identification of the personage after whom the day is named is in question. There are three St. Valentines, two of them martyred, although the two martyrs may be one and the same. The martyr or martyrs died circa 269. The other St. Valentine lived in the 5th century.³

People in the Roman Catholic and Anglican traditions tend to call the day St. Valentine's Day, whereas those in free church traditions tend to call it simply Valentine's Day.

References
1 To research the Lupercalia, a person would do well to start with ancient sources. See, for example: Varro, De Lingua Latina 6.13, 34; Cicero, Orationes Philippicae 2.34; Pro Caelio 11 = 26; Ovid, Fasti 2.19-36, 267-452; Dionysius of Halicarnassus, Roman Antiquities 1.32.3-5 and 1.80.1; Plutarch, Romulus 21; Caesar 61; Anthony 12; Suetonius, Augustus 31; and Augustine, De civitate Dei 18.12.
2 See Curiosities of Popular Customs and of Rites, Ceremonies, Observances, and Miscellaneous Antiquities, by William S. Walsh (Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott Co., 1904, c1897): p. 953, some of the wording of which I have borrowed.
3 For the three St. Valentines, see Dictionary of Saints, by John J. Delaney (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1980): p. [567]; cf. pp. 602, 624.

See also anniversary, "happy Valentine's Day," heart, patron saint of lovers, Sadie Hawkins Day, love coupon, rose, sweethearts' saint, valentine, Valentine's Day.

x Saint Valentine's Day.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Valentine's Day"
for this was on seynt Valentynes day, Whan every foul cometh ther to chese his make
From: Geoffrey Chaucer, The Parlement of Foules (circa 1380): 309-310.

Valentine's party:

A social gathering held on or about February 14th for the celebration of affectionate feelings that people have for each other, especially for the celebration of romantic feelings.

See also Valentine's Day.

x party.

Valentino:

A man with one or more characteristics associated with the Italian-born film actor, Rudolf Valentino (1895-1926; original name: Rodolpho Gugliemi di Valentina d'Antonguolla), especially a man who is a powerfully seductive lover.

See also Casanova, date movie, Don Juan, dramatic lover, gay deceiver, God's gift to women, heartthrob, jeune premier, lady-killer, Latin lover, leading man, Lochinvar, Lothario, lover, love scene, Mae West, Romeo, sex god.

valorem maritagii:

The value of a marriage.

Comments: A legal term under feudal law.

For lexical example and fuller explanation, see under "maritagium."

See also avail of marriage, duplicem valorem maritagii.

x Latin terms.

vamp, as in "a vamp":

A seductive woman, especially one who uses her wiles to exploit one or more men.

See also minx, moll, seductress, she-wolf, slut, temptress, tramp, vixen, whore.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Vamp"
[Edith Jensen to Mrs. Latham] "But, Grandmother! You've said yourself that Sally is nothing but a vamp who got her claws into Harold just so she could reel in the family fortune."
From the novel: Baroque and Desperate: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, 1999; in publisher's series: Avon Twilight): chapter 14, p. 156.

vamp, as in "to vamp":

To seduce, especially in order to exploit; to employ one's sexual charms in order to achieve a non-sexual end.

See also flirt, seduce, sleep (one's) way to the top, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, whore (one's) way to the top.

Quotation from Alice Duer Miller Illustrating "Vamp"
Vamp the man, if you must, But give an impression of splendour.
From the "novel in verse": Forsaking All Others, by Alice Duer Miller (London: Methuen, 1941; 7th ed., 1942): p. 2. The second line is meant to be indented.

vanilla, as in "a vanila life":

Characterized by being conventional and, thus, for instance, not kinky, not pursuing a fetish, not involved in swinging, and not involved in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism).

Comments: So called from the use of vanilla extract as a common flavoring, for instance in ice cream.

Contrast kinky (q.v.). See also old-fashioned, sexual inhibition, square, straight, swinging.

x BDSM.

vanilla partner:

A person, with a spouse or lover who enjoys one or more unconventional forms of sexual expression, who engages in only conventional forms of sexual expression.

See also partner.

vanilla relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) that is conventional in nature, especially as distinguished from one that includes a Dominant/submissive aspect.

Comment: A term used especially within the BDSM community.

Contrast Dominant/submissive relationship (q.v.).

x BDSM.

vanity love:

See amour de vanité.

variety:

See Coolidge effect, sexual varietism, Sherfey syndrome, toujours Perdrix.

vates Veneris (Latin term):

See poet of love, prophet of love.

VBD:

Very bad date.

See also bad date, date.

vee:

A three-person love relationship, where one person is the hinge (q.v.) between the other two; two dyads (q.v.) with one person in common.

Compare and contrast triangle (q.v.) and Z (q.v.). See also biamory, bi-trio, diagramming a love relationship, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, duogamy, eternal triangle, French arrangement, genogram, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V), metamour, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triadic notation, troika, trouple.

vegansexual:

A person who, in choosing a mate, places a premium on a shared set of values that would exclude all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose.

See also ecosexual, vegansexuality.

vegansexuality:

An exclusive or near exclusive orientation to people, as potential love interests or sex partners, who share a set of values that would exclude all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose.

See also ecosexuality, green household, vegansexual, sexual orientation.

Vegas wedding:

See Las Vegas wedding.

vegetables:

See language of vegetables.

venereal transgression:

Violation of a code of sexual behavior, such as that contained in the Bible (see especially Leviticus 18-21).

See also adultery, "as with womankind," fornication, illicit love, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, incest, klepsigamy, porneia, sex scandal, sexual immorality, sexual sin, stupration.

x Bible.

x transgression.

Quotation from George Foot Moore Illustrating "Venereal Transgressions"
The epithet 'holy' (kadosh) is given [by Jewish teachers] to the man who keeps aloof from all unchastity. The juxtaposition of the section 'Araiyot (Lev. 18) with Kedoshim (Lev. 19) is to teach that wherever you find restraint upon sexual relations, there you will find holiness, as is proved by many texts (Lev. 21, 7, 8; ib. 14, 15). It is quite likely that in fact the connection in Lev. 18-20 of the idea of holiness with avoidance of the whole catalogue of venereal transgressions led to the special application of the adjective 'holy' -- we might say 'saintly' -- to men distinguished by scrupulousness in the observance of these laws ...
From: Judaism in the First Centuries of the Christian Era, the Age of the Tannaim, by George Foot Moore (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1927-1930): v. 2, p. 271.

venery:

1. The pursuit of sexual pleasure.

2. Sexual activity.

Comment: The term sometimes carries with it moralistic overtones, that is, an air of opprobrium.

See also coitus, copulation, coupling, eroticism, fornication, love-making, scortatory love, sex, sexual activity, sexual behavior, sexual intercourse.

Venice:

See city of lovers.

venue for attraction:

See attraction venue.

Venus' Ceston:

See girdle of Venus.

Venus's girdle:

See Aphrodite's girdle, girdle of Venus.

Venusian:

Pertaining to the Roman goddess of love, Venus, or to love itself.

See also love.

Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit (German):

Spiritualization of sensuality.

See also sacred sex, sensuality.

x German terms.

versatile:

Willing to have sex with members of any sex; bisexual.

Comment: Sometimes seen in persona ads.

See also bisexual, personal ads (note especially AC/DC and bi), swing both ways.

vert galant (French):

A gay spark; a vigorous ladies' man.

See also agapet, crumpet man, gallant, gay spark, general lover, jock, ladies' man, masher, rover, stud, womanizer.

x French terms.

vertical friend:

A person whom one knows and likes but with whom one has not engaged in swinging activities.

Contrast horizontal friend (q.v.). See also friend, swinger.

very good friend:

1. A person, especially a non-relative, of whom one is especially fond.

2. Euphemism for lover.

Comment: Abbreviated VGF.

See also amari, friend, lover, partner, VGF.

veto power:

1. The ability to nix something.

2. In polyamory, right by agreement between partners, usually primary partners, to prevent one's partner's involvement or further involvement with a particular person and/or to say no to a certain activity, such as a sexual or BDSM activity, either altogether or past a certain point.

Comment: Of course, the exercise of veto power is called a veto (plural: vetoes).

The frequent unnecessary exercise of veto power, in the first sense, is a significant issue in many relationships. It has the tendency to drive relationships into ruts, to divest them of energy, to instill boredom, and to prevent both healthy activity and the development of interests. Such problems are amplified in groups, and the frequent unnecessary exercise of veto power has become a notorious cause for the break-up of group relationships. Hence the advice to be game for anything withing reason, as embodied in the abbreviation, GGG.

See also GGG, veto rule.

x power.

veto rule:

An agreement, tacit or explicit, that one party or any party in a relationship is permitted to nix an activity or involvement that could affect the relationship.

Example: Each partner in an open marriage agreeing to date only those approved by the other partner.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, boundary, break-up rules, consensual adultery, household rules, polyfidelity, rules of adultery, unilateralism, veto power.

x rules.

VGF:

Very good friend (q.v.).

V-girl:

1. Short for "victory girl" (q.v.).

2. A woman who carries a venereal disease.

See also GI groupie, khaki-wacky.

viagravate:

1. To annoy because of the chemical effects on the body of a drug designed to treat erectile dysfunction (ED). The effects of the drug may be annoying to the person who took it, or the person (usually a male) who took the drug may become annoying to his sex partner (typically a female) by pestering her for sex when she doesn't want to have sex.

2. To make difficult -- that is, hard -- intentionally, on analogy with the effects on a penis of a drug designed to treat ED. Example: "Stop viagravating the situation!"

Comment: A portmanteau word: Viagra (trade name for sildenafil citrate) + aggravate.

See also horny, randy.

via tertia (Latin):

"Third way," as in sexual ethics.

See also third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways.

x Latin terms.

vibe:

Short for "vibration," which, in a relationship context, can mean:

1. Some level of interest, especially sexual or romantic interest, but sometimes just friendly interest, communicated nonverbally, even unconsciously; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," a repulsion or active dislike communicated nonverbally.

2. Some level of personal resonance between individuals; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," some level of personal dissonance between individuals.

3. A sensation delivered by a vibrator.

Comment: Often cast in the plural, "vibes."

See also affinity, bibe, chemistry of love, compatibility, connaturality, connection, Einfühlung, erotic connection, fellow feeling, hit it off, limbic resonance, sexual connection, spiritual connection, tune in to.

vicarious relationship high:

Delight in a lover's love relationship with another.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, compersion, compreciation, frubbliness, mudita, polyamory, polyglow, synletitious.

x high.

vicars and tarts party:

A social gathering in which the attendees dress up as either collared members of the clergy or daringly alluring women, especially contrary to either personality type or sexual stereotype, this for the purpose of changing social dynamics and loosening inhibitions.

Comment: The term and the practice seem to have originated in Great Britain.

See also open party, sex party, tart, tart party.

x party.

victims of unsynchronized passion:

See unsynchronized passion.

Victorian:

1. Pertaining to the reign of Queen Victoria over the English Empire, to that period (June 20, 1837 to January 22, 1901), or to styles of that period.

2. Pertaining to social and sexual mores of dignity and restraint that prevailed in many parts of some countries, including England and the United States, between 1837 and 1901 and that lingered on in many contexts long after. Often implied is a concomitant social underbelly of licentious behavior; likewise, often implied is a type of hypocrisy: promoting the restrained life or pretending to live it, while actually participating in licentiousness.

Comment: In the latter sense, often used in terms such as Victorian morality, Victorian sexuality, and Victorialn values.

See also puritan, traditional morality.

victory girl:

A young woman who seeks out one or more men in the military for sexual encounters or to provide companionship, ostensibly for patriotic reasons.

Comment: The term is associated especially with World War II. It was often shortened to "V-girl."

See also GI groupie, good-time charlotte, khaki-wacky, V-girl.

victualled up:

1. Placing in store what one needs, as for a trip, hence the next two senses.

2. Surfeited from a time of enjoyment ashore, said of a sailor.

3. Satisfied from enjoyment of one's lover before a leave-taking.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 253.

video dating:

A process, whereby dates are arranged, that entails the use of one or more personal ads in the form of moving images, typically with sound.

See also alternative dating, date, personal ad.

viduage:

1. Widowhood.

2. Widows collectively.

Comment: From the Latin term for "widow," vidua.

See also grief, relicta, seneucia, unreconstructed widower, vidual, viduity, widow.

x Latin terms.

vidual:

Having to do with a widow or widowhood.

See viduage, widow.

viduity:

Widowhood.

See also seneucia, viduage, widow.

vieux marcheur (French):

"Old walker"; an old male who makes advances on women; a man of venerable years who still chases women; an elderly rake.

Comment: Often used pejoratively.

See also dirty old man.

x French terms.

view pornography together:

See use porn together.

village bike:

See bike.

village wife:

A woman for whom a brideprice (q.v.) is paid by a village so that she may live with several of the young unmarried male villagers. Under certain conditions, other men of the village might be allowed sexual access to her as well.

See also polyandrist, wife.

Quotation from G. Robina Quale on the Village Wife
Among the Lele of the southern Congo/Zaire basin a village may pay bride-wealth for a "village wife." She is lived with by several of the young unmarried men, and may be approached outside the limits of the village (though not inside it) by other men of the village. High levels of bride-wealth are likely to delay a Lele man's marriage until he is in his mid-30s. As many as 1/10 of Lele women may have been a village wife at some time, even now, after the practice has supposedly been outlawed for more than a generation.
From: A History of Marriage Systems, [by] G. Robina Quale (New York: Greenwood Press, 1988; in series: Contributions in Family Studies; no. 13): p. 94.

vincit omnia amor (Latin):

See omnia vincit amor.

"vinum, mulier, et cantus":

See "wine, women, and song."

violently in love:

1. So romantically engrossed in a person or in each other as to treat other people uncivilly, for instance, by ignoring them.

2. Subjected to the wild passions of an intense period of a romance.

Comment: This is a formulaic phrase subject to many variations, such as "violence of my affection" and "violent young lovers."

Reference
See, for example, Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 19, p. 140 ("violence of my affection"), and chapter 59, p. 469 ("violent young lovers").

See also die with love, folie à deux, in love, head over heels in love, love-cracked, loveydovey, madly in love, religion of two, wildly in love with.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Violently in Love"
[Mrs Gardiner]: 'But that expression of "violently in love" is so hackneyed, so doubtful, so indefinite, that it gives me very little idea. It is as often applied to feelings which arise from an half-hour's acquaintance, as to a real, strong attachment. Pray, how violent was Mr Bingley's love?' [Elizabeth Bennet]: I never saw a more promising inclination. He was growing quite inattentive to other people, and wholly engrossed by her. Every time they met, it was more decided and remarkable. At his own ball he offended two or three young ladies, by not asking them to dance, and I spoke to him twice myself, without receiving an answer. Could there be finer symptoms? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?'
From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 25, pp. 181-182; cf. chapter 58, p. 456. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

virgin: as in "a virgin":

1. A person who has not yet had sexual intercourse with another, at least, another of a different sex.

2. A person who has not yet received a live phallus in a given orifice.

3. A female who has never been vaginally inseminated, especially one who has never received a live phallus vaginally. Commonly an intact hymen has been adduced as proof of virginity.

4. A woman who is sexually pure or who has been restored to sexual purity (for instance, through spiritual rebirth), per some cultic or cultural idea of such purity, and who, at least in part thereby, is eligible for a certain cultic status or for holy marriage.

5. A woman who feels restored to girlhood.

6. Someone new to a particular activity of any sort, as in "dating-service virgin."

See also born-again virgin, cherry, damaged goods, demi-vierge, inexperienced lover, maiden, nullimitus, save (oneself) for (someone), virginal, virginity, virginity pledger, virgin widow.

virgin, as in "virgin girl":

Characterized by being virginal (q.v.).

virginal:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by being a virgin or of a virgin or virgin-like.

2. Untouched.

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

Contrast sexually experienced (q.v.). See also purity, naive, virgin (noun), virgin (adjective).

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Virginal"
[161] [Regarding Guido and Aviva] It was he who for the first time in her life vivified that abstract concept, that simple monosyllable she'd never comprehended before. Love. Which she poured out like -- and he told her this -- a fifteen-year-old in love for the first time. Each kiss, each embrace, each gesture of love was [162] virginal. Like someone treading on freshly fallen snow. Like they did on their first heavenly walk. Each touch was new, never done before. She didn't quite understand the image. The virginal metaphor floored her. But after thinking about it, she gradually realized it was right. She'd never loved like this before.
From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): pp. 161-162.

virginal conception:

See Virgin Mary.

virginal disease:

See febris amatoria.

virgin birth:

See Virgin Mary.

virgines subintroductae:

See subintroducta.

virginity:

The state of being a virgin (q.v.).

Comments: A person might "take one's virginity," whereupon one "loses one's virginity."

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

See also born-again virginity, chastity, cherry, color of virginity, compromise, cyberginity, devirginator, fidelity cherry, marital virginity, pucelage, purity myth, revirginization, secondary virginity.

Related terms beyond the scope of this glossary: deflower, defloration.

Quotation from Shirley Abbott Illustrating "Virginity"
When I was a little girl, "out-of-wedlock" was spoken in a whisper. Childbirh was a function that women still occasionally died of. Virginity was one's dowry.
From: Love's Apprentice, [by] Shirley Abbott (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1998): p. 3.

virginity pledge:

A promise to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

Comments: Often, such a pledge covers not just vaginal intercourse, but also oral and anal intercourse.

Typically such a pledge is taken in a religious context. It had been thought that the efficacy of such a pledge varies with the age of the one taking the pledge and with how many people the pledge is taken with, evidently too few or too many negating the effect. However, according to a recent study, teenagers who take virginity pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens who don't make such pledges; and they're less likely to take measures to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.¹

Reference
1 "Patient Teenagers? A Comparison of the Sexual Behavior of Virginity Pledgers and Matched Nonpledgers," [by] Janet Elise Rosenbaum, Pediatrics; v. 123, no. 1 (January 2009; online December 29, 2008): pp. e110-e120.

See also abstinence pledge, born-again virginity, celibacy, chastity, chastity circle, condom commitment, purity ball, secondary virginity, sexual counterrevolution, true love pledge.

x pledge.

virginity pledger:

A person, ordinarily a teenager, who makes a promise to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

See also celibate, virgin.

Virgin Mary:

Designation for the mother of Jesus, Maria or Mariam (Greek forms derived from the Hebrew Miryam or Miriam), who was said to have conceived Jesus even though she had never engaged in sexual intercourse. Her words, as represented by the Gospel of Luke, were: "I know no man" (1:34; cf. Matthew 1:18-25). According to legends presented in the second-century Protevangelium of James, she was the daughter of Joachim and Anna (1:1-5:2), was betrothed to Joseph at twelve years of age (8:2), and gave birth to Jesus at sixteen (12:3). According to both John 19:25-27 and Acts 1:14, she survived Jesus.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

Also called, among other names, the Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

For nearly two millennia, the Virgin Mary has served as a role model influencing attitudes towards sexuality and marriage, her virginity being represented as an ideal or, frequently, the ideal; although the infancy narratives in the canonical Gospels make no point about sexuality and the Gospel of Luke presents Mary's blessedness as being due to the greatness of her child (1:32-33, 35, 41-55).

There are multiple phases of the alleged virginity of Mary, two key ones being the virginal conception of Jesus and her perpetual virginity.

The Virginal Conception

The earliest writings of the New Testament, the epistles of Paul, say nothing about the virginal conception; nor does any remark in those epistles, theological or otherwise, necessarily presuppose a virginal conception. In fact, Paul has no theological use for genealogies (1 Timothy 1:4). However, he does speak of Jesus as having been known "according to the flesh" (2 Corinthians 5:16), as being born of a woman under Israelite Law (Galatians 4:4), and as being a descendant of David (Romans 1:3); and he speaks of the last datum as being part of his gospel (2 Timothy 2:8). Still, Jesus' Son-of-God status is proclaimed not by his birth, but by his resurrection (Romans 1:4).

Keep in mind that, with regard to Jesus being a descendant of David, the earliest extant lineages of Jesus trace his descent from David through his putative father, Joseph (Matthew 1:6-16; Luke 3:23-31). However, later tradition did assert that Mary too was of the davidic lineage (Ignatius, Ephesians 18:2; Protevangelium of James 10:1; Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 43, 45, 100, 120; Tertullian, Adversus Marcionem 3:17; Origen, Contra Celsum 2:32.) Eusebius provides the explanation that Mary must have at least been of the same tribe as Joseph, because, according to Eusebius' interpretation of Numbers 36:8-9, in Israel "it was not lawful for the different tribes to mix" (Ecclesiastical History 1.7.17, Loeb CLassical Library).

Many scholars regard the earliest of the canonical Gospels to be the Gospel of Mark. Like Paul, it neither mentions nor has any dependency upon a virginal conception. Rather it begins the story of Jesus with his baptism by John the Baptist and speaks of Jesus simply as the son of Mary (6:3; cf. 3:31; contrast Matthew13:55 and Luke 4:22) and a descendant of David (10:47-48), although it advances potential implications of his davidic descent, implications having to do with messiahship (11:10; 12:35-37).

Regarding the next Gospels, Matthew and Luke, each has an infancy narrative; and those narratives are almost completely different from each other. Each narrative presents what appears to be a virginal conception, yet neither quite nails it.

Matthew presents Mary as pregnant before she had come together with the man to whom she was betrothed, Joseph, whose perspective seems to be the chief one represented in this narrative. Yet she was righteous, one indication being that the child was "by the Holy Spirit" (1:18; cf. Luke 1:35), that that which "has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit" (1:20). It is not clear whether being "by" or "of" the Holy Spirit in and of itself was exclusive of natural conception, for divine assistance was sometimes credited with natural conception (e.g. Genesis 21:1-2; 1 Samuel 1:1-20). Mary is called a parthenos (Matthew 1:23), which typically meant "virgin," although it was also used to translate Hebrew terms such as bethulah ("young unmarried, though perhaps betrothed, woman"; cf. parthenos in the Septuagint at Deuteronomy 22:19, 23, 28), na'ar ("child" or, sometimes, "girl"), and `almah. (Note the Septuagint's use of parthenos with a broad sweep, covering each of these terms, in Genesis 24:14, 16, 43, 55.) That there was another Greek word for young woman, neanis, does not resolve the ambiguity. Nor is the ambiguity resolved by the allusion in Matthew 1:23 to a prophecy in Isaiah 7:14, for, although in that verse the Hebrew word `almah, which is translated as parthenos in the Septuagint, is most naturally rendered as "young woman," it can also be rendered as "virgin"; and, in any case, two senses are possible, an immediate sense and a typological sense, whether inherent or imputed. Hence the meaning of parthenos in the Gospel of Matthew has been a bone of contention since at least the second century. However, Mary's continuing eligibility for Joseph (Matthew 1:19-20, 24-25) and the overall tenor of the passage suggest that the Gospel writer had a virginal conception in mind. The idea of a virginal conception is held in tandem with the messianic significance of Jesus' davidic lineage through Joseph (12:23; 21:9; 22:42). The theological import of the virginal conception in Matthew is that Jesus was a special person through whom God's presence was mediated -- "God with us" -- a person who had long been looked for within the Israelite tradition (1:22-23). Although the virginal conception is never again mentioned in the Gospel, this theological theme permeates the Gospel and "withness" even closes it (28:18-20).

The Gospel of Luke, gives the appearance of representing Mary's perspective. Like Matthew, it calls Mary a parthenos (1:27) and makes explicit that Mary had not had sexual intercourse with a man (1:34). However, both her virginal state and her statement about not knowing a man are represented as being prior to her pregnancy. Furthermore, in the same immediate context, Jesus is represented as having David as his ancestor through Joseph (1:27, 32; cf. 3:23-31). Nevertheless, it seems that the author had a virginal conception in mind, for Jesus was "holy offspring" (1:35) and was brought to the Temple (2:22-50) without concern for the law about a mamzer,"bastard," in Deuteronomy 23:2, even though he was only "putatively" the son of Joseph (3:23). (It should be pointed out that even the "putatively" is ambiguous, for instead of referring back to a virginal conception it could have been referring ahead to Jesus' displacement of his natural family with his spiritual family. See 8:21 = Matthew 12:48-50 = Mark 3:33-35. Thus Joseph and Mary would have been, in the mind of the Gospel writer, his putative parents.) The theological import of the virginal conception in Luke has to do with the greatness of Jesus and his special connection to God, including his Son-of-God status (1:32-33, 35). Held in tandem is the theological idea of his perpetual kingdom as rooted in his davidic origin (1:32-33).

Both Matthew and Luke present the birth of Jesus as extraordinary befitting an extraordinary person, and they accord with certain literary conventions of the age in doing so. <References.> However, they seem almost to taunt with their ambiguities (cf. Matthew 11:25-27 = Luke 10:21-22); and their very presentations seemed to some to reflect an imprint of scandal, especially given the Matthaean account in which Joseph was minded to put Mary away (1:19; note that the four earlier women mentioned in Jesus' genealogy all had irregular unions, 1:3-6). So, for example, in the second century after Jesus' birth the accusation was made that he was the son not of parthenos, "a virgin," but of Panthera, a soldier, as though the Gospel stories had become scrambled. (See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2, in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation¹ = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32-33.)

The latest canonical Gospel, John, has no infancy narrative or mention of or dependency upon a virginal conception. Instead it has a cosmological passage, which proclaims: "The Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth" (1:14, NASB). The mechanics are left unexplained. Indeed, from the preceding verse, we might be led to think they are unimportant, for believers, children of God , who presumably were all conceived naturally, "were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (1:13). In other words, it's spiritual birth that is important. With regard to Jesus' parentage, his mother is unnamed (2:3; 19:25-27); and he is represented as the son of Joseph (1:45). As for Jesus' descent from David, John allows doubt to be raised unanswered (7:41-42), which accords with the general message: "That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the spirit is spirit" (3:6). Note the similarity to the pauline attitude as described above (cf. Romans 5:12-21; 1 Corinthians 15:45; Galatians 4:29).

Some see an evolution in the New Testament from:

• Jesus' divine sonship being associated with his resurrection (Paul), to it being associated with his baptism (Mark), to it being associated with his birth (Matthew and Luke), to it being associated with his preexistence (John); and,
• a matter-of-factness about Jesus' origin (Paul), to a sense of the potential messianic significance of the davidic lineage (Mark), to the virginal conception as symbol in tandem with the significance of the davidic lineage (Matthew and Luke), to theological expression where the symbol has dropped away (John).

However, this is to omit from consideration other cosmologico-christological passages besides John 1, such as Colossians 1 and Hebrews 1 (cf. Philippians 2:5-11), and to overlook the davidic passages in what is probably the latest book of the New Testament, Revelation (see 3:7; 5:5; 22:16) -- also its literary treatment of the woman with child (chapter 12). Furthermore, the latter is to leave out of consideration later infancy narratives, such as the Protevangelium of James, which spun an elaborate story to reinforce the idea of an actual virginal conception.

Among early Christians to have denied the virginal conception were the Ebionites and the gnostics, Cerinthus and Carpocrates. <For Ebionites, see Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 47; Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26.2; 3.21.1; 5.1.3; Tertullian, De Praescr. 33; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:34; 9:13-17; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.27; Epiphanius, Haer. 30. For Cerinthus, see Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26; 3.11.1; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:33; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.28.6.>

The Apostle's Creed pinned down the virginal conception more definitively than did the canonical Gospels:

"I believe ... in Jesus Christ ... who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary ..."

Compare Matthew 1:20:

"that which has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit."

Note (a) the difference from the passive "has been conceived" in Matthew 1:20 and (b) the Holy Spirit represented in the Creed as the active agent of conception, whereas in Matthew 1:20, the preposition ek, "of," in the phrase "of the Holy Spirit," is general and ambiguous, evidently indicative of origin in some sense.

In the twentieth century, the virginal conception became one of the defining points of Christian Fundamentalism. Witness that the inaugural article in The Fundamentals (whence the term "Fundamentalism" was derived) was a defense of it.² Doctrinally the importance of the virginal conception was described, in part, this way:

"What happened was a divine, creative miracle wrought in the production of this new humanity, which secured, from its earliest germinal beginnings, freedom from the slightest taint of sin." (v. 1, p. 18)

"The birth of Jesus was not, as in ordinary births, the creation of a new personality. It was a divine Person -- already existing -- entering on this new mode of existence. Miracle could alone effect such a wonder." (v. 1, pp. 18-19)

Morally its practical effect was described in terms of counter trend:

"with denial of the Virgin birth is apt to go denial of the virgin life." (v. 1, p. 9)

At stake also, in the view of many in the tradition of The Fundamentals, is the veracity of Scripture and belief in miracles.³

To append to this section a few other data points: Some may find the following from extracanonical Gospels a bit jolting:

• The Gospel of Thomas 15: "Jesus said: When you see him who was not born of woman, fall down upon your faces and worship him; that one is your father."⁴ Juxtapose with Paul's phrase regarding Jesus, "born of a woman" (Galatians 4:4).
• The Gospel of the Nazaraeans, fragment 2: "Behold, the mother of the Lord and his brethren said to him: John the Baptist baptises unto the remission of sins, let us go and be baptised by him."⁵ Note Mary's implicit admission of sin in this tradition.
• Gospel of the Hebrews, fragment 3: "And if any accept the Gospel of the Hebrews - here the Saviour says: Even so did my mother, the Holy Spirit, take me by one of my hairs and carry me away on to the great mountain Tabor."⁶ The seemingly male operation of the Holy Spirit in the Apostle's Creed would seem to stand in tension with this remark.

 

The Perpetual Virginity of Mary

In the second half of the second century, the Protevangelium of James told the story of Salome checking Mary's condition after Mary gave birth to Jesus and, evidently, finding her hymen still intact (19:3-20:1). From that point forward, if not even earlier, the idea that Mary remained a virgin, not just through the birth of Jesus, but for the rest of her life grew. Howver, this idea had to be reconciled with the New Testament mentions of the siblings of Jesus.

<New Testament references>

What "his brothers" (Matthew 13:55 = Mark 6:3) and "the Lord's brother" (Galatians 1:19) mean have been a matter of conjecture and debate for nearly two millennia. Various theories have been put forward, most notably:

1. Jesus and James were full brothers, each a son of Joseph and Mary.

2. Jesus and James were half-brothers. Three varieties of this view come to mind:

1. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally (per doctrine). James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus.
2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived illegitimately (per detracting rumor and some modern scholarship) but accepted by Joseph. James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus. That Jesus was the biological son of a soldier named Panthera was an ancient charge. See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2 (in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation, 1987) = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32.
3. Jesus was a son of Mary and Joseph or, at least, recognized as such. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife. In that case, the reason "there was no room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7) might have been because of Joseph's other wife or wives and children. This view was held by some early Christians according to Jerome, Contra Helvidium 21.
4. A permutation of the preceding theory: Conceivably Joseph sired James and Joses of a different Mary by way of levirate marriage in order to insure an heir for his brother Clopas (assuming, insecurely, that the "Mary of Clopas" in John 19:25 was the same as the mother of James the Less and Joses in Mark 15:40; cf. Matthew 27:56, 61 and Luke 24:10; regarding Clopas as brother, see citation in option 4 below); although that idea wouldn't make sense if Clopas is to be identified with the Cleopas of Luke 24:18 or if the two Marys were sisters (cf. a certain interpretation of John 19:25 and Leviticus 18:18). Note well that in some early Christian tradition, levirate marriage was said to have played a major role in the history of Jesus' family (Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.1-17). Yes, this theory would have Joseph saying: "Here's my wife, Mary; here's my other wife, Mary."

3. Jesus and James were stepbrothers. Two varieties of this view come to mind:

1. Jesus, son of Mary, however conceived, was accepted by Joseph. James was a son of Joseph and a previous wife.
2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally or illegitimately. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife.

4. Jesus and James were considered cousins and thus loosely called "brothers." In this view, James was a son of Clopas and a different Mary; Clopas and Joseph were supposedly brothers (per Hegesippus in Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3:11.1). If Jesus was conceived either virginally or illegitimately, there would be no evident blood relationship.

What's rather remarkable is that it's pretty clear that the early church rather quickly lost any definitive traditions that would decide the matter, perhaps in part due to partial destruction of Jewish family records; perhaps also because the family relationships were confusing and foreign, even scandalous, to a church that had largely gone Gentile. Consider, for instance:

• The Protevangelium of James (cf. 2:1), which is one of the sources for theory 3a, but which is fanciful;
• Helvidius, who made inferences purely from the Gospels in support of theory 2a (which many Protestants accept); and,
• Jerome, who refuted Helvidius merely in doctrinaire fashion in support of theory 4 and the perpetual virginity of Mary (which many Roman Catholics accept).

Jerome would exemplify the tradition that Jesus was Mary's only child. It is, however, not a tradition to which I give great credence.⁷

The latest piece of evidence now in the scholarly mix is an Aramaic inscription found just two years ago on an ossuary: "Ya'akov bar Yosef achui d'Yeshua." To translate: "Jacob [= James] son of Joseph brother of Jesus."⁸

<Roman Catholic developments, including virginity of Joseph>

References
1 On the True Doctrine: A Discourse Against the Christians, [by] Celsus; translated with a general introduction by R. Joseph Hoffmann (New York: Oxford University Press, 1987): p. 57.
2 "The Virgin Birth of Christ," by James Orr, in: The Fundamentals: A Testimony to the Truth, compliments of two Christian laymen [i.e. the Stewart brothers] (Chicago: Testimony Publishing Co., [1910]-[1915]): pp. 7-20.
3 For further discussion, see: The Virgin Birth of Christ, by J. Gresham Machen (New York: Harper, 1930). Perspective of a Fundamentalist scholar. The Birth of the Messiah: A Commentary on the Infancy Narratives in Matthew and Luke, by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1977). Perspective of a Roman Catholic scholar.
4 New Testament Apocrypha, revised edition edited by Wilhelm Schneemelcher; English translation by R. McL. Wilson (Cambridge: James Clarke; Louisville, Ky.: Westminster/John Knox Press, c1991): v. 1, p. 119.
5 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 160.
6 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 177.
7 For further discussion, see: "The Brethren of the Lord," in: The Epistle of St. Paul to the Galatians, with introductions, notes and dissertations [by] J. B. Lightfoot (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1957): pp. [252]-291. Reprint of the 1865 edition. "The Relatives of Jesus," [by] Wolfgang A. Bienert, in Schneemelcher (1991): v. 1, pp. 470-488.
8 For discussion of the inscription, see: The Brother of Jesus: The Dramatic Story & Meaning of the First Archaeological Link to Jesus & His Family, [by] Hershel Shanks & Ben Witherington III (New Yor, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2003).

See also double paternity, Madonna-whore complex, "saved in childbearing," virgin.

(BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

x Bible.

x Blessed Virgin Mary.

x BVM.

x Dei Genetrix.

x Greek terms.

x Hebrew terms.

x Latin terms.

x Madonna.

x Mary.

x Mother of God.

x perpetual virginity of Mary.

x Theotokos.

x virginal conception.

x virgin birth.

virgin widow:

1. A woman whose husband died before sexual consummation of the marriage and who has otherwise not had sexual intercourse.

2. A woman who has never had sexual intercourse and whose chosen status is to live without a man.

3. A woman who has not had sexual intercourse since her husband died.

Source: For more on the second sense, see: "The 'Virgin Widow': A Problematic Social Role for the Early Church?" [by] Charlotte Methuen, Harvard Theological Review; v. 90, no. 3 (July 1997): pp. [285]-298. <Not examined, except in online fragments>

See also fidelity cherry, virgin, widow.

viricide:

The murder of a man by his wife.

Contrast uxoricide (q.v.). See also abuse, black widow, crime of passion, domestic violence, mariticide, spousal homicide, spouse abuse, widow maker.

virilocal residence:

In reference to the married, living in the husband's place of origin and with or near one or more people of his lineage, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, group switching, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

x residence.

virtual adultery:

Sexual intimacy online, this on the part of a married person with someone other than his or her spouse, at least when such intimacy violates expectations within the marital relationship.

Comment: The precise parameters for what is considered virtual adultery may vary from speaker to speaker, some throwing the net as wide as to include online flirting or affection for an online partner, others denying that there can be such a thing except as an artificial construction on analogy with real-life adultery. Furthermore, some speakers reject any relativity and would thus omit the last clause in the definition.

See also adultery, chat cheat, cyberadultery, cyber-betrayal, cyber-cheating, cyber-infidelity, digital lipstick on the collar, techno-straying, virtual affair.

virtual affair:

A romance conducted online.

Comment: In some usage, the term carries the overtones of virtual adultery.

See also affair, cyber-affair, cyber-relationship, cyberromance, digital lipstick on the collar, Internet affair, Internet romance, love at first text message, online affair, online relationship, romance, sexting, techno-straying, text messaging relationship, virtual adultery.

virtual community:

1. A group of people who interact in a personal or multidimensional way online and who share a common set of values or lovestyle interests. Such a community may supplement or be preferred over a geographically defined community as a matrix of value formation and value reinforcement for oneself or one's family (q.v.).

2. A group of people who interact online regarding a common interest and who have a sense of belonging to the group.

3. The set of all people who interact online.

4. A city, town, village, or neighborhood that exists only in cyber form, for example, one created through a simulation program.

Coined by Howard Rheingold?

See also community, cyber relationship, instant messaging, lovestyle, online relationship, sexual morality, toothing.

virtue:

1. An internal quality that impells one to practice kindness, to advance the common good, and to resist the temptation to commit evil acts.

2. One's state of chastity and one's resistance from within to undoing that state.

See also chastity, easy virtue, facile virtue, moral code, morals, sexual morality, theological virtues.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Virtue"

[Lady Booby] "... Would you be contented with a kiss? Would not your inclinations be all on fire rather by such a favour?" "Madam," said Joseph, "if they were, I hope I should be able to control them, without suffering them to get the better of my virtue." [snip] "Your virtue!" (said the lady, recovering after a silence of two minutes) "I shall never survive it. Your virtue! Intolerable confidence! Have you the assurance to pretend, that when a lady demeans herself to throw aside the rules of decency, in order to honour you with the highest favour in her power, your virtue should resist her inclination? That when she had conquered her own virtue, she should find an obstruction in yours?" "Madam," said Joseph, "I can't see why her having no virtue should be a reason against my having any; or why, because I am a man, or because I am poor, my virtue must be subservient to her pleasures." "I am out of patience," cries the lady: "Did ever mortal hear of a man's virtue! Did ever the greatest, or even the gravest men pretend to any of this kind! Will magistrates who punish lewdness, or parsons who preach against it, make any scruple of committing it? And can a boy, a stripling, have the confidence to talk of his virtue?" "Madam," says Joseph, "that boy is the brother of Pamela, and would be ashamed that the chastity of his family, which is preserved in her, should be stained in him..."

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, pp. 32-33; cf. chapter 10, p. 37. The paragraphing is mine. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Virtue"
[The Vicomte de Valmont to the Marquise de Merteuil] Ah, let me at least have time to enjoy the touching struggle between love and virtue.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 96, pp. 219-224, specifically p. 220. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
[The French reads] Ah! laissez-moi du moins le temps d'observer ces touchants combats entre l'amour et la vertu.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 96, pp. 208-213, specifically p. 209. Vertu = virtue.

virtuous woman:

1. A mature human female who has cultivated a bountiful goodness in her inner life out of which she acts.

2. An allusion to the "virtuous woman" of Proverbs 12:4 and 31:10-31 (King James Version), the latter being a paean to her. The original Hebrew, esheth-hayil, is variously translated, for example:

• "worthy wife" (New American Bible, 1970);
• "excellent wife" (New American Standard Bible, 1973);
• "wife of noble character" (New International Version, 1978);
• "capable wife" and "truly capable woman" (New Jerusalem Bible, 1985);
• "good wife" and "capable wife" (New Revised Standard Version, 1989); and,
• "accomplished woman" (Tanach, the Stone edition, 1996).

See also wife, woman.

x Bible.

x esheth-hayil.

x Hebrew terms.

Quotations from the 1611 Edition of the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible
Prouerbes XII.4 A vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband : but she that maketh ashamed, is as rottennesse in his bones.
Prouerbes XXXI.10 Who can finde a vertuous woman? for her price is farre aboue Rubies.

vision:

Besides terms that begin with "vision," see double vision.

vision d'amour (French):

"Vision of love": the beloved as seen or imagined under the influence of romantic passion.

See also amour, babies-in-the-eyes, crystallization, eye of love, have eyes for, look babies, lovers' gaze, vision of romantic love, walk on sunshine.

x French terms.

A Postcard Illustrating "Vision d'Amour"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Pink-tinted postcard, showing a young man in a French sailor uniform, who is holding a bouquet of roses, and a picture of a young woman in the upper left corner, whom he is evidently imagining; with header: "Vision d'Amour"; and with caption: "S'unir, dit-on, est chose grave | Mais c'est un Rêve si suave!" [translated: Uniting they say is a serious matter | but it's a dream so sweet] (Paris: FOX, [192-?]). Numbered 7707. From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

vision of romantic love:

1. A set of ideas about what romanitc love is, how it should be treated, and how it should and should not be acted upon.

2. A beatific perception of a beloved conceived of not as an illusion but as the beloved's ultimate and perfected reality.

3. The beloved as seen or imagined under the influence of romantic passion.

Comment: Regarding the second definition, the experience is perhaps most associated with Dante Alighieri (1265-1321) and the sense itself with Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also crystallization, cult of passion, divine form, dulia, entelechy, eye of love, forma divina, human beauty, husband worship, princesse lointaine, romantic love, romantic theology, salutation of Beatrice, see (them) as a couple, theology of romantic love, vision d'amour, walk on sunshine, way of romantic love.

x romantic love's vision.

x romantic vision.

Quotation from Charles Williams (1886-1945) Illustrating "Vision of Romantic Love"
He [Lawrence Wentworth] was up to her [the false Adela Hunt, a succubus?] now, and he knew it could not be Adela, for even Adela had never been so like Adela as this. That truth which is the vision of romantic love, in which the beloved becomes supremely her own adorable and eternal self, the glory and splendor of her own existence, and her own existence no longer felt or thought as hers but of and from another, that was aped for him then.
From the novel: Descent into Hell, by Charles Williams (New York: Pellegrini & Cudahy, c1949): chapter 5, p.87. Originally published: London: Faber & Faber, 1937.

visiting husband:

A woman's husband (q.v.) or lover, perhaps one of several, who does not belong to her household but who visits her regularly for the sake of maintaining the relationship and for copulation.

Comment: Visiting husbands are common among the Nayars of India.

See also duolocal residence, sambandham, visiting marriage, walk-in marriage.

visiting marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners maintain separate households and meet by appointment.

See also commuter marriage, duolocal residence, visiting husband, walk-in marriage.

vital relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

 vitricophobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepfather.

Contrast novercaphobia (q.v.). See also -phobia, step-, vitricus.

vitricus (legal term):

A stepfather.

Contrast noverca (q.v.) See also step-

vivaha (Sanskrit):

A Hindu marriage ceremony.

See also wedding.

x Sanskrit terms.

Vive la différence! (French):

"Long live the difference!"In other words, may the contrasts endure! A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of the differences between the sexes, especially as sources of erotic delight.

Comment: Contrast the attitude of this expression with sexual suicide (q.v.).

See also heterosexuality, Vive la similarité!

x French terms.

Vive la similarité! (French):

"Long live the similarity!" A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of erotic attraction between members of the same sex.

See also homosexuality, Vive la différence!

x French terms.

vixen:

1. A female fox ( genus Vulpes).

2. An ill-natured woman.

3. A seductive or seductively attractive woman.

4. A sexually promiscuous woman.

Comment: Since the collective term for foxes is "skulk," presumably that would serve too for vixens, so: a skulk of vixens.

See also animalistic, bitch, dog, fox (see comment), promiscuous, seductress, she-wolf, slut, temptress, vamp.

x collective terms.

x Vulpes.

vocational right:

See droit de la vocation.

voice:

See romantic voice.

voidable marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) regarded as valid under the law in proceedings between any parties but which is dissolvable at the initiation of one of the parties by annulment or divorce.

Contrast void marriage (q.v.). See also annulment, divorce.

void marriage:

An invalid marriage, that is, one not recognized by law in any proceedings between any parties and which is regarded by the law as having been invalid from its inception, such that neither annulment nor divorce is necessary to dissolve it.

Contrast voidable marriage (q.v.). See also annulment, divorce, marriage.

volage, as in "a volage":

A foolish, fickle, or inconstant person.

Quotation from Anna Laetitia Barbauld Illustrating "Volage"
But then he is a general lover, inconstant as he is gay; noted for levity, here today and gone tomorrow, hovering about every beautiful object without attaching himself to one. To fix him would be as difficult as to arrest a sunbeam or to hold a wave between your fingers. Yet I am sorry to say, madam, your daughter absolutely courts this volage, and allows him liberties which a prudent mother like yourself must tremble at.
From: "Zephyrus and Flora: Letter to Mrs. W ----" (1773), in: The Works of Anna Laetitia Barbauld, with a memoir, by Lucy Aikin (London: Longman, Hurst, Rees, Orme, Brown, and Green, 1825): v. 2, pp. [268]-271, specifically p. 269. Transcribed from a digitized image, to which there is a link at: http://www.orgs.muohio.edu/womenpoets/barbauld/work.htm

volage, as in "a volage person":

1. Foolish.

2. Fickle; inconstant.

See also infidelious, inconstant, unfaithful.

volley dolly:

A woman who hangs around and sexually pursues volleyball players; a female volleyball groupie.

See also betty, groupie.

voluntarily child-free marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners have decided not to have children, at least for a while yet.

voluptuary:

A person whose life is devoted to sensual pleasure.

See also hedonist, libertine.

voluptuous:

1. Alluringly shapely; usually said of a woman.

2. Soft, plump, and pleasant to touch; euphemism for being fatter than is strictly necessary for a healthy constitution; usually said of a woman.

See also attractive, desirable, human beauty, outer beauty, phat, shapely, sultry, waist-to-hip ratio.

voyeur:

See ethical voyeur.

vrai amour (French):

"True love" (q.v.).

Comment: With the definite article, it's le vrai amour.

See also amour.

x French terms.

A Postcard Illustrating "Le Vrai Amour"

<Picture of postcard not yet posted..>

Romantic postcard, with brown borders, showing an oval vignette with a standing couple in an embrace; she is wearing a turquoise, pink, and purple gown and has eyes uplifted; he is wearing a suit and is focused on her cheek; dusk-gray clouds and a sailboat are in the background; with caption: "Le vrai amour!" followed by four lines of verse in French ([Paris]: DIX, [probably between 1916 and 1919]). Numbered 539/1. "Fabrication française." The lines read: Tes yeux seront mon seul miroir! Ton âme, mon refuge unique! Ta voix < la plus belle musique. Et ton baiser mon Fol espair! From the author's collection, scanned <on such and such a date>.

Vulpes:

See fox, vixen.

wahine (Hawaiian):

1. Woman.

2. Wife.

3. Sister-in-law.

4. A man's female cousin-in-law.

5. Femininity; womanliness.

6. Female; feminine.

7. Mrs.

8. To become a woman.

See also ho'owahine, Mrs., squaw, wife, woman.

x Hawaiian terms.

wahine kane make (Hawaiian):

"Woman with dead husband"; widow.

See also widow.

x Hawaiian terms.

wahine kane 'ole (Hawaiian):

"Woman without a husband"; single woman; spinster.

See also single, spinster.

x Hawaiian terms.

wahine male (Hawaiian):

1. Married woman.

2. Bride.

See also bride, wife.

x Hawaiian terms.

waighembe (Nyaturu):

1. "We who have exchanged a hoe"; a friendly relationship.

2. A partner in a love relationship; an epithet for one's lover.

Comment: A term from the Turu of Tanzania.

See also lover, mbuya, partner, taio.

x Nyaturu terms.

 

waist-to-hip ratio:

A proportion in women -- the circumference around the body between the pelvis and lower ribs relative to the circumference around the body in the pelvic region -- which often has a bearing on attractiveness to men, 70% -- a form of the so-called hour-glass figure -- being the general maximum for attractiveness, hypothetically this having been evolutionarily set on the basis of fitness for child-bearing and thus genetic survival.

Comment: Abbreviated WHR.

Variations, such as age variations, and contrary data, such as isolated cultures that prefer a different ratio, have been observed. Some suspect the universalization of a Western ideal of female beauty rather than a principle of attraction rooted in human evolution.

See also attraction, callipygian ideal, handsome, mate value, objectification, sex appeal, sexy, shapely, voluptuous, WHR, X-appeal.

Beyond the scope of this Glossary: figure-friendly, hourglass figure, svelte.

x hip-to-waist ratio.

x WHR.

Waldbraut (German):

Forest bride (q.v.).

walker:

1. A person who goes by foot.

2. A person who serves as a safe escort to a social event, as for an elderly woman or for a celebrity.

See also arm candy, cavalier, companion, date, escort, plus one.

walk-in marriage:

A marital relationship in which the spouses live apart and the relationship is conducted by visitation, as when the man walks to the house of his partner at night and returns to his own home in the morning, that is, "walks to and fro."

Comments: The walk-in marriage is customary among the Mosuo, a matriarchal ethnic group found in the Yunnan and Sichuan provinces of China. The man visits the woman at night by invitation. Walk-in marriages there generally fit the pattern of serial monogamy, but not always.

Also known as a walking marriage or, in Chinese, zou hun.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, erëbu marriage, marriage, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, sambandham, serial monogamy, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, visiting husband, visiting marriage, walk to and fro.

x Chinese terms.

x walking marriage.

x zou hun.

walk in on:

1. To make an intrusive, privacy-violating entrance, especially by accident.

2. To happen upon erotic activity, as in a room or a cabin; to witness, by stumbling upon the scene, one or more individuals having sex.

See also in flagrante delicto.

walking marriage:

See walk-in marriage.

walk in the woods:

See hiking the Appalachain Trail.

walk into (someone's) affections:

To win (someone's) love quickly and without effort.

See also coup de foudre, love at first sight, love at first text message, whirlwind romance.

walk of shame:

1. One's procession past people, usually family or friends, who are aware that one has recently been engaged in sexual activity, activity that, with them, one is embarrassed about, as when one returns from a one-night stand.

2. A similar procession past people when one is embarrassed about something they know of.

x shame.

walk on air:

1. To defy gravity physically; to overcome the pull of the earth in such a way as to seem to break the laws of physics. Said of an animate being whose usual natural locomotion is by way of legs.

2. To be caught up in the contemplation of celestial matters; often more specifically, to be so intellectually inclined as to be out of touch with the realm of the mundane; roughly equivalent to the expression, "to have one's head in the clouds." In this sense, the expression is sometimes used to translate the Greek word aerobateô, as at Aristophanes, Nephelai = Clouds 225, 1503; Plato, Apologia Sôkratous = Apology 19C; and Lucian, Philopatris = Patriot 12, 24.

3. To be light-hearted; to have buoyant spirits; to feel elated and exhilarated; to feel euphoric, ecstatic, or spiritually transported; to be in a state of delight; to feel jubilantly happy. Often said of a lover in his or her joyful response to romantic developments.

4. To move with grace or lightness.

See also acceptive phase, chemistry of love, crystallization, enchanted, float on cloud nine, incandescence, jouissance, new relationship energy, proceptive phase, romance in the air, romantic atmosphere, walk on sunshine.

x air.

x Greek terms.

walk on cloud nine:

See float on cloud nine.

walk on sunshine:

1. To move with grace and beauty or, at least, to be seen as moving with grace and beauty in the ecstatic vision of a lover's eyes.

2. To feel euphoric, especially about reciprocated love.

Comments: The first sense was popularized in 1979 by Eddy Grant in his Reggae song, "Walking on Sunshine."

The second sense was popularized in 1983 in a pop song, "Walking on Sunshine," written by Kimberley Rew and performed by Katrina nad the Waves.

See also acceptive phase, chemistry of love, crystallization, enchanted, eye of love, float on cloud nine, human beauty, incandescence, jouissance, light of (one's) life, new relationship energy, polyglow, proceptive phase, shine, vision d'amour, vision of romantic love, walk on air.

x sunshine.

walk out, as in "a walk out":

An affair.

See also affair, walk out (verb).

walk out, as in "to walk out":

1. To leave a person to whom one has been married or with whom one has been in a love relationship.

2. To have an affair.

3. To seek privacy with a person in order to cultivate a love relationship with that person.

Comment: Regarding the first sense, "walk out" can stand alone, as in the sentence: "Her husband walked out." But there is also the expression, "walk out on," as in: "Her husband walked out on her."

See also break up, call it quits, ditch, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, fly the coop, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, jump down, leave (someone), plaquer, sack, separate, split up, throw over, walk out (noun); court.

walk to and fro:

1. Perambulate around; go back and forth by foot.

2. Conduct a marital relationship by visiting one's spouse at a separate domicile, as when the husband continues to live with the family in which he was raised and the wife with hers.

See also walk-in marriage.

wandering eyes:

A tendency to examine people for their sexual attrractiveness to oneself, especially when one already has a sex partner.

Comment: Wandering eyes can signify many things, from a simple biological impulse, to lustfulness, to cultivation of taste, to appreciation, to sexual temptation, to a proneness to infidelity. Sometimes one of the factors behind wandering eyes is dissatistfaction with a mate or perhaps simply that one's mate cannot meet the diversity that one's libido demands.

For lexical example, see under "commit."

See also all men to (me), all women to (me), attraction, check (somebody) out, like what (you) see, lust, objectification, oculoplania, ogle, roaming eye, roving eye, rubberneck, sexual acting out.

x eyes.

wanton, as in "a wanton":

A person who refuses to make his or her sexual behavior conform to cultural mores.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also wanton man, wanton woman.

wanton, as in "wanton behavior":

1. Licentious; unchaste.

2. Frolicsome.

3. Capricious, mean, and gratuitous, all at once.

4. Unrestrained; uncontrolled.

See also carnally minded, fast, immoral, lascivious, lecherous, licentious, unchaste, wanton man, wanton woman.

wanton man:

A human male who exhibits wanton behavior.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also bad boy, wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wanton woman.

wanton woman:

A human female who exhibits wanton behavior, especially:

1. A woman who follows her sexual desires past the bounds of behavior considered by the speaker to be socially or morally acceptable.

2. A married woman who engages in extramarital sex.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also bad girl, bimbo, box of assorted creams, extramarital sex, flirt-gill, floozy, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, shiksa, skeezer, slattern, slut, tart, tramp, wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wench, whore, woman.

want (someone):

1. To wish (a person) to be present.

2. To desire assistance from (a person).

3. To wish to keep (a fetus) rather than aborting it or to keep (one's baby) rather than putting it up for adoption.

4. To wish to parent (a child, either some child or a particular child).

5. To desire (a person) sexually.

6. To wish to have (a person, either a particular person or somebody in general) as a mate.

See also attraction, "The heart wants what it wants," interest in (somebody), make want, sexual desire, want (someone) in (one's) life.

want (someone) in (one's) life:

1. To wish to be in close touch with (a person one loves or admires, generally a family member, a friend, a person for whom one has romantic feelings, or an ex).

2. To wish to have (a person) as part of the tapestry of one's own biography, even if the relationship should someday come to an end.

3. To wish to have (somebody in general) or, especially when the only other option is to break off contact, (somebody in particular) as a mate.

See also someone special in (one's) life, want.

x life.

war:

Besides terms beginning with "war," see: culture war, sperm wars.

war bride:

1. A woman who marries a man who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A woman who marries a serviceman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bride, hen frigate, military couple, military marriage, military, war groom, war wife, wife.

war groom:

1. A man who marries a woman who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A man who marries a servicewoman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bridegroom, bundle man, groom, husband, military couple, military marriage, war bride, war husband.

war husband:

A man whose spouse is engaged in fighting in an armed conflict or who is part of the military of a country engaged in an armed conflict.

Comment: The term often implies coping with extraordinary factors, such as long separations due to tours of duty, post-traumatic stress, and the possibility of sudden death or serious wounds.

See also grass-widower, husband, military couple, military marriage, military widower, sloping billet, war groom, war-torn lovers, war wife.

war-torn lovers:

Lovers (q.v.) who have been sadly separated due to circumstances created by armed conflict.

See also grass-widow, sloping billet, war husband, war wife.

war wife:

A woman whose spouse is engaged in fighting in an armed conflict or who is part of the military of a country engaged in an armed conflict.

Comment: The term often implies coping with extraordinary factors, such as long separations due to tours of duty, post-traumatic stress, and the possibility of sudden death or serious wounds.

See also grass-widow, hen frigate, military couple, military marriage, military widow, sloping billet, war bride, war husband, war-torn lovers, wife.

"was Jesus married" question:

The debated issue of whether or not the personage at the center of Christianity, Jeshua ben Joseph also known as Jesus Christ (ca. 4 B.C.E.-ca. 29 C.E.), had one or more wives. The underlying import of the issue bears on Christian attitudes towards marriage, polygamy, celibacy, and sexuality in general.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

It is widely, but not universally, assumed within Christianity that Jesus was never married. Even a preeminent theologian of romantic love, Charles Williams, had one of the sinister characters in his novels make such an assumption and remark, "Ah, if Christ had known love, what a rich and bounteous Church he could have founded!" Consider:

• The canonical Gospels do not say that he ever had a wife, nor does any of the rest of the New Testament.
• His earthly mission had nothing to do with procreation.
• He may have been speaking in a way that was inclusive of himself when he said, "there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:12, NASB). Put that together with the "hate his wife" saying (Luke 14:26) and we might infer that he had no room for a wife in his life, given his overriding commitment to the kingdom of God. (See glossary entry, "hate his wife.")
• John the Baptist may have set a family precedent, given that his practices were similar to those of some of the Essenes, many of whom were celibate, although we have no explicit statement to the effect that John the Baptist was celibate. (Notice Mark 1:6; 2:18; Matthew 3:4; 9:14; 11:18; and Luke 1:15; 5:33.)
• Would not any children have had celebrity status within Christianity? Members of the family of Jesus were known to the early church and were called desposynoi, but children of Jesus were never identified by ecclesiastical writers.
• Furthermore, some have trouble associating Jesus with the sexuality necessary for a fulfilled marriage because of his holiness, as professed, despite the repeated biblical affirmations of the goodness of marriage (for example, Genesis 1:27-31; 1 Timothy 4:3-5; and Hebrews 13:4), and because of his divinity, as professed, despite:
  • the supposition that in order to be "tempted in all things as we are" (Hebrews 4:15, NASB) he would have had to have been susceptible to sexual arousal -- which is not to call sexual arousal itself either a sin or a kind of temptation to sin; and,
  • the assertion of later orthodox creeds, such as the Symbol of Chalcedon (A.D. 451), that Jesus' humanity was complete.

Is there evidence to suggest that Jesus was married?

Answer: There is evidence of the tantalizing kind, not of the conclusive kind. What follows is a preliminary, tentative presentation of some of the data points to be considered.

References
For one provocative work on the subject of whether or not Jesus was married, a work which, however, deals more with attitudes than evidences, see: Was Jesus Married? The Distortion of Sexuality in the Christian Tradition, [by] William E. Phipps (New York: Harper & Row, c1970).
For the quotation, see the novel: Shadows of Ecstasy, by Charles Williams (London: Faber & Faber, 1948): chapter 5, p. 73. Originally published, London: Victor Gollancz,  1933.  The character speaking is Nigel Considine.
Regarding the celibacy of the Essenes, see Philo, Hypothetica = Apologia pro Iudaeis 380-381 = 633-634, = 11:14-17; Josephus, Antiquities 18:21 = 18.1.5; and his Jewish War 2:119-121 = 2.8.2.
Regaring desposynoi, see Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.14.

***

Before proceeding to the evidence, it would be wise first to elaborate on the idea that when one asks whether Jesus was married, one must consider the even more controversial possibility that Jesus was married polygynously.

It is widely thought that Jesus' divorce sayings (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) imply a proscribing of polygyny; however, they don't actually say so and that is, likely, an interpretation influenced by social mores of other cultures and later times. For that matter, none of the passages in the New Testament adduced as teaching monogamy for all believers are about monogamy. They all presuppose the Jewish marital system of the Hebrew Bible, which allowed for and in some cases enjoined polygyny. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Monogamy.")

In First Century Palestine, marriage was sometimes polygynous. Polygyny was not only acceptable by custom, but in the case of levirate marriage, when a man's brother or close male relative died and left a wife but no son, taking the widow to wife or finding another close relative to do so was commonly a legal expectation (per Deuteronomy 25), whether or not the man already had a wife. Sifra even represents Scripture as saying, in such a case "take a woman as a co-wife" (Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 12 = 210.2.7K). (For discussion, see glossary entry, "one flesh.") Furthermore, it was evidently in a polygynous context that a man was encouraged to be "in the place of" a husband to the mother of fatherless children, which could, in some situations, be taken as an encouragement to use marriage as a means of charity (Sirach 4:10; compare Job 31:16-18); and so it is that we have the story of R. Tarfon (see below), who used polygyny as a means of charity.

References

Regarding polygyny being acceptable by custom among many Jews of the First Century C.E. and the period leading up to it, see: Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, which reads (in The Loeb Classical Library translation): "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time." For specific instances, see, for example: Joseph ben Tobiah (fl. 246-221 B.C.E.) at 12:186-189 = 12.4.6; Alexander Jannaeus = Alexander Yannai (d. 76 B.C.E.) at 13:380 = 13.14.2; Antipater (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:18 = 17.1.3 relative to 17:92 = 17.5.2; and, Herod the Great (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:19 = 17.1.3, plus War of the Jews 1:562-563 = 1.28.4. That the evidence provided by Josephus is part of a continuity from the Israelites of the Hebrew Bible up through some Jews of the first few centuries of the Common Era can be seen in a concrete instance from: the Babatha Archive, Yadin Papyrus 26 (131 C.E.), in which Babatha summoned Miriam regarding seizure of the belongings of "Judah son of Eleazar Khthousion my and your late husband"; for a translation, click here or see The Documents from the Bar Kokhba Period in the Cave of Letters. [Vol. 2] Greek Papyri, edited by Naphtali Lewis; Aramaic and Nabatean Signatures and Subscriptions, edited by Yigael Yadin and Jonas C. Greenfield (Jerusalem: Israel Exploration Society, 1989). For more on the documentary evidence, see: "The Jewish Family in Judaea from Pompey to Hadrian - The Limits of Romanization," [by] Margaret Williams, in: The Roman Family in the Empire: Rome, Italy, and Beyond, edited by Michele George (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2005): pp. [159]-165, especially pp. 161-164. "Most papers in this volume were given at the Fourth E. T. Salmon Conference in Roman Studies held at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada, in September 2001"-- Preface. Williams cites, for instance, the Papyri Murabba`at 20, 21, 115, 116; Papyrus Yadin 10; and XHev/Se Gr.2. These are marriage contracts with a clause saying that the woman's sons are to be the sole inheritors of her dowry, that is presumably, not the sons of any other wife married to the same man. Jewish polygyny was recognized by an early Christian: Circa 135 C.E., the Christian apologist Justin Martyr chided Trypho the Jew for his "imprudent and blind masters, who even till this time permit each man to have four or five wives" (Dialogue with Trypho 134, in the translation by Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson, as revised by A. Cleveland Coxe, in The Ante-Nicene Fathers). From later rabbinic literature, we learn of a number of instances of polygyny among Jews; however not all of those instances are necessarily true to history: Mishnah Kiddushin 2:7 (Danby translation): "It once happened" that a man betrothed seven women with a basket of figs. Two of the betrothals, to sisters, were ruled invalid. Tosefta Ketuboth 5.1.P (Neusner translation): "R. Tarfon [ca. 50-120 C.E.] betrothed three hundred girls to permit them to eat heave-offering, for the years were years of famine." (Compare Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamot 6b = 4.12.V.B-C.) Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamoth 6b = 4.12.II: R. Judah the Patriarch [ca. 135-ca. 220] required a man to marry the widows of his twelve brothers. Talmud Bavli, Sukkah 27a: King Agrippa II [28-ca. 94 C.E.] had a head steward, identified as Joseph ben Simai, who spoke of having two wives, one in Tiberias and one in Sepphoris. Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 15b (Slotki translation): "'... I may testify to you, however, concerning two great families who flourished in Jerusalem, namely the family of Beth Zebo'im of Ben 'Akmai and the family of Ben Kuppai of Ben Mekoshesh, that they were descendants of rivals [i.e. co-wives] and yet some of them were High Priests who ministered upon the altar'." If factual, this was prior to the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 C.E. Furthermore, we see polygyny being used in rabbinic parables, which suggests that it was a commonplace in Jewish life. See, for example: Leviticus Rabbah 4:5 (J. Israelstam translation), which reads in part: "R. Hiyya [fl. ca. 220 C.E.] taught: This may be compared to a priest who had two wives ..." Talmud Bavli, Abodah Zarah 55a (A. Cohen translation): R. Gamaliel replied to General Agrippa, "I will give you a parable: To what is the matter like? To a man who marries an additional wife..." If this was Gamaliel I, then he flourished around 20-34 C.E.; if Gamaliel II, then around 80-110 C.E. Of course, polygyny was also a matter accounted for in rabbinic legal reasoning. See, for example: the Mishnah (ca. 200 C.E.), which, for instance, speaks of "their co-wives, and the co-wives of their co-wives (and so on without end)" (Yebamoth 1:1, Danby translation; compare 16:1; Kethubot 10:1-2, 4-6; Gittin 8:7; Kiddushin 2:6). To fill in the, mostly earlier, Hebrew Bible plus Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical Books part of the continuum, see my Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Polygyny in the Hebrew Bible." Evidently polgyyny was not permissible in every Jewish sect of the First Century, for the Qumran sect limited marriage to monogamy. Among the Dead Sea scrolls, see the Damascus Document (CD = 4Q266-272) 4:21 and the Temple Scroll (11Q19-20) 57:17-18.

***

Now to the evidences, such as they are.

Repeatedly in the New Testament, Jesus is represented as having kept perfectly the spirit of the Law, the Torah (Matthew 5:17-20; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Hebrews 4:15; 7:26; 1 Peter 2:21-22; 1 John 3:5). Yet the first commandment in the Torah, not just to Israelites, but to all of humankind was: "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). Now, of course, Jesus (as canonically represented) did not necessarily understand that commandment as applying to every single individual (Matthew 19:12). Furthermore, sexual asceticism had evidently found a place in certain Jewish sects. However, the default ideology and practice among Jews was strongly in favor of marriage. Examples:

"No man may abstain from keeping the law Be fruitful and multiply, unless he already has children: according to the School of Shammai, two sons; according to the School of Hillel, a son and a daughter, for it is written, Male and female created he them." Mishnah Yebamoth 6:6 (Danby translation)

"A man has no right to live without a woman and a woman has no right to live without a man." Tosefta Yebamoth 8:4D (Neusner translation)

"It was taught: R. Eliezer stated, He who does not engage in propagation of the race is as though he sheds blood; for it is said, Whoso sheddeth man's blood by man shall his blood be shed [Genesis 9:6], and this is immediately followed by the text, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9:7]. R. Jacob said: As though he has diminished the Divine Image; since it is said, For in the image of God made he man [9:6], and this is immediately followed by, And you, be ye fruitful etc. [9.7]. Ben 'Azzai said: As though he sheds blood and diminishes the Divine Image; since it is said, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9.7]." Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 63b (Slotki translation in the Soncino edition)

References
Regarding sexual asceticism in certain Jewish sects, the Essenes have already been mentioned. Note also the Therapeutae as represented in Philo, De Vita Contemplativa 65, 68.
The Mishnah, translated from the Hebrew with introduction and brief explanatory notes by Herbert Danby (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1933; printed from the corrected sheets of the first edition, 1938 ... 1977): p. 227.
The Tosefta, translated from the Hebrew with a new introduction [by] Jacob Neusner (Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2002): v. 1, p. 711.
Yebamoth, translated into English with notes, glossary, and indices by Israel W. Slotki, under the editorship of I. Epstein (London: Soncino Press, 1994, c1984; in set: Hebrew-English Edition of the Babylonian Talmud).

***

Note the physical intimacy of the unnamed woman with an alabaster jar with Jesus in Matthew 26:6-13 = Mark 14:3-9 = Luke 7:36-50 (compare John 12:1-8, where Mary, sister of Martha, wiped his feet with her hair). Luke represents the unnamed woman as continuously kissing Jesus' feet, which may be intentionally reminiscent of the story of Ruth at the feet of Boaz, which was the first step in Ruth becoming Boaz's wife.

<References on men in contact with women, talking to, etc. Judith 8:4; GenR 8:12; tSotah 5:9; y Sotah 1:7 = 17a; bGittin 90a; mKetuboth7:6; tKetuboth 7:6 || mMiddoth 2:5; tSukkah 4:1; ySukkah 5:2 = 55b; bSukkah 51b; bQuiddushin 80b || Aboth 1:5; bNedarim 20a; Aboth de Rabbi Nathan, A 2:9; bErubin 53b>

Now the only scandal in the Matthew and Mark passages was the supposed waste of costly perfume ("ointment" in John). In Luke, the scandal was not Jesus' intimate contact with a woman, even though it was right in front of others. Nor was the scandal focused on the woman per se. The scandal was Jesus' intimate association with a woman classed as a "sinner." If this were a prenuptial situation, that would go a long way towards explaining the scandal imprint in each text.

***

Rewrite: Within the Judaism of Jesus' time, if a man took a woman (other than a close relative) into his household, she was considered his wife or concubine. <References>

In Luke 8:1-3 we have a list of women who were going about with Jesus from one city and village to another. Two of them, Mary Magdalene and Susanna, seem to have been otherwise unattached. Another, Joanna, was attached and yet was traveling with Jesus anyway. All of this, given the aforementioned premise, would have been scandalous and the last a scandal of scandals, adultery punishable by death; and yet there's no hint of scandal and no reluctance on the part of Luke to allow this window onto the female traveling companions of Jesus.

A possible explanation with regard to Joanna is that her husband, Chuza, was non-Jewish (his name may have been Nabatean), that he was the official of John 4:46-54 (per a common scholarly speculation), and that he was showing gratitude to Jesus for healing his son by allowing his wife to be part of Jesus' support network and entourage, perhaps under a chaperone arrangement. Although, a later text, the Book of the Resurrection of Christ by Bartholomew the Apostle (which I don't find credible), says that "Joanna the wife of Chuza ... had renounced the marriage bed" (M. R. James' translation). (By the way, for a chaperone arrangement involving a husband and multiple disciples accompanying a woman, see Mishnah Sotah 1:3 and Talmud Yerushalmi, Ketuboth 26d = 2.9.V, Neusner.)

The easiest explanation with regard to Mary Magdalene and Susanna is that they were considered wives of Jesus, although there's this stickler, that they seem to be represented as being among the women supporting Jesus and his entourage out of their own means. (There's some ambiguity here that I haven't yet been able to clear away.) <Reference for wives supporting husbands: Mishnah Ketuboth 5:5, 9; 6:1; 9:4; etc.>

There's much to unpackage here. For related passages, see Mark 15:40-41 and Acts 1:14.

Cautionary Note

In postulating that Mary Magdalene was the wife or a wife of Jesus, we should be careful not to denigrate her by suggesting either that her spousehood was all that was important about her or that it entirely explains her significance. She was a prominent leader in the early church in her own right. That she was a prominent leader is clear from many sources, but whether or not she was Jesus's wife is a matter obscure.

***

In John 2:1-11, Jesus and his disciples were called to a wedding. Jesus' mother was also there. In fact, not only was she there, but she was in charge of servants and wine. Some infer from this that it might have been a child of hers that was being married, and one stream of tradition has it that Jesus was her only child (see, for example, Jerome = Hieronymous, Contra Helvidium.)

 

***

In John 4:1-42, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman draws upon nuptial imagery.

Not only do Jesus and the woman discuss her marital past, which has symbolic significance in terms of the history of Samaria, but the story takes place at Jacob's well. The wives of Isaac, Jacob, and Moses were all found at wells (cf. Genesis 24; 29:1-12; Exodus 2:16-21).

Furthermore, Jesus going to the Samaritans is reminiscent of Ezekiel 23, the idea in mind apparently being a restoration not only of Oholibah, the younger wife of God, which is Jerusalem, but also of Oholah, the elder wife of God, which is Samaria.

What we have in this story is a spiritual metaphor which, conceivably (but not necessarily), had a physical basis in Jesus' having had more than one wife, one of them a Samaritan woman. (Notice John 8:48.)

***

In the pericope of the woman caught in adultery, which in many modern Bibles is placed at John 7:53-8:11 (and in some manuscripts elsewhere in John or after Luke 21:38), the woman is brought to Jesus. Why? Was this a wife of Jesus or, given the punishment (stoning), a woman perhaps betrothed to Jesus? Note that Jesus addressed her as gunai (John 8:10), which can be translated as "wife" (however, contrast, for example, 2:4 and 19:26); and she addressed him as kurie = "lord" (8:11), which can be a wife's title for a husband (cf. Genesis 18:12; 1 Peter 3:6). Why was her paramour not brought before Jesus? Because only the woman bore some relation to him and only her case might prove capable of pushing him over the edge with regard to Mosaic Law or with regard to Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule? (A mob lynching might have been one of the dangers.) Why did Jesus not dispute the legitimacy of his involvement in the case, as he did in Luke 12:14 (cf. John 3:17; 8:15-16)? Was it because he was personally connected to it? In at least some adulterous situations, it was the husband alone who had standing to bring charges (Numbers 5:15, 30; Deuteronomy 22:14, 16-17); although, except for the absence of the paramour, it appears that the law being applied here (in John 8:5) was Deuteronomy 22:23-24, which does not specifiy who has standing to bring charges. Note the absence in the story of any other to play the role of cuckolded husband: the witnesses aside, it is Jesus who does not condemn her (John 8:11). What is the simplest explanation of all the above? Perhaps that the woman was indeed Jesus' betrothed. (Of course, this theory leads to yet another set of questions beginning with, Did Jesus divorce her?)

References and Notes
For a discussion of early forms of the story, see: The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations of Their Writings (2nd ed., J. B. Lightfoot and J. R. Harmer, editors and translators; Michael W. Holmes, editor and reviser. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1992): pp. 557-560; cf. Papias, fragments 3:17; 4; 23; 26, which follow. By the way, I am doubtful of the conflation theory of the pericope's composition.
Regarding "why," Raymond Brown wrote, "The most difficult [question about the story] concerns the reason why the scribes and pharisees brought the woman to Jesus." See The Gospel according to John (i-xii), introduction, translation, and notes by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1966; in set: The Anchor Bible; 29): p. 337. Part of the problem may be that the usual scholarly supposition is that she was brought to Jesus for trial or sentencing or that she was brought post-trial or post-sentencing. But if she was betrothed to Jesus or was a close relative of Jesus, one under his care -- a sister or a daughter or a wife -- then the moving force of the story becomes simpler, it becomes unnecessary to assume that the case was at or past the point of trial and sentencing, and we can escape the difficulties associated with the usual scholarly supposition.
For stoning as the punishment for a betrothed virgin who has intercourse with another man, see Deuteronomy 22:21, 23-24; compare Mishnah Sanhedrin 7:4, 9. For strangling as the punishment for having "connexion with another man's wife," see, for example, Mishnah Sanhedrin 11:1, 6; Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 52b-53a; 66b; Sifra on Leviticus 20:10 at Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 10 = 208.2.4B = 368a; and Sifre on Deuteronomy 22:22 at Piska 241. For an earlier lack of distinction, stoning apparently being a punishment for both, see Ezekiel 16:38-40. (Compare, perhaps, Susanna 62.) In that case, the law being applied at John 8:5 could have been Leviticus 20:10 (contrast 18:20, 29) = Deuteronomy 22:22. The disputed question is, When did the distinction in punishments come into effect?
Regarding Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule: According to John 18:31, the Jews (that is, the high priests) said to Pilate regarding Jesus, "We are not permitted to put any one to death." Two explanations have been suggested: First, that this was "with reference to this season" (so Chrysostom, Homilies on the Gospel of John 83:4) or "on account of the festal day" (so Augustine of Hippo, In Joannis Evangelium 114:4). Evidently a capital case was not allowed to be heard on the eve of or during Passover (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:1). Second, that the right to use the death penalty had been taken from the Jews and reserved to the Roman authorities. Among references commonly cited in support of this explanation are these: Megillat Ta'anit = Fasting Scroll 6, which may allude to a later restoration of the right: "On the twenty-second day thereof [Elul] they began again to execute evildoers"; Josephus, Jewish War 2:117 = 2.8.1 (compare his Antiquities 18:2 = 18.1.1), which speaks of the Procurator Coponius being "entrusted by Augustus with full powers, including the infliction of capital punishment"; and, Talmud Yerushalmi, Sanhedrin 18a = 1.1.III.A; 24b = 7.2.III.A (Neusner), which says, to quote the latter passage, "Forty years before the Temple was destroyed, the right to judge capital cases was taken away from Israelite courts": A.D. 70 minus 40 would be around A.D. 30, but the number may have been an approximation or styled after Israel's forty years in the wilderness (cf. Numbers 32:13). By the way, for the text, with an English translation, of the Megillat Ta'anit, I am consulting A Manual of Palestinain Aramaic Texts, [by] Joseph A. Fitzmyer and Daniel J. Harrington (Rome: Biblical Institute Press, 1978; in series: Biblica et Orientalia; 34): pp. 184-187, 248-250.
Regarding the question of whether Jesus divorced her, it divides naturally into two parts, first, what is the force of Jesus' command to her, poreuou ("Leave!" or "Begone!"); and, second, what would have been in character for Jesus; for instance, would he have felt it incumbent upon himself to divorce her because of porneia (a violation of the sexual code; cf. Matthew 5:32; 19:9)? To comment simply on the first, among the options: Jesus was telling her to go her way, perhaps with the practical concern that she avoid being grabbed again. This comports with the usual interpretation, that the woman had received Jesus' forgiveness; and it is the interpretation I favor, since no more complicated explanation is demanded -- well, except for this: How do we explain that there is no sign of repentance on the woman's part (unless it is implied in her addressing him as kurie = "Lord")? Jesus was telling her to remove herself from the Temple precincts and indeed from the descendants of the Israelites, that is, to go into voluntary exile. In other words, in his judgment an appropriate sentence was the less violent of the Mosaic punishments, to be cut off (Leviticus 18:29 rather than 20:10), which, supposedly, comported with Roman rule; although the Romans may have reserved to themselves not only implementation of the death penalty but also of the punishment of exile. Jesus was divorcing her, a bill of divorcement to come later. In the Greek, there is a split second of suspense, for we do not know whether Jesus is about to call her pornê ("Whore!"). Instead he gives the command poreuou. If that split second of suspense was meant to be conveyed orally, then the command would have been given emphatically; and that may be suggestive as to its force.

***

John 11:5 says, "Now Jesus loved [ëgapa, from agapaö)] Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus." (Note that agapaö is the word used for love within marriage in Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33.) From Luke 10:38-42, we learn that Martha had her own home and invited Jesus into it. Here again not a lot is making sense in terms of the male-female protocols of early Judaism, unless either Martha or her sister, Mary, was a wife of Jesus -- probably not both, given the prohibition at Leviticus 18:18. (Although note Jeremiah 3:6-10 and Ezekiel 23:2 and following. Each passage has God with two wives who are sisters of one another.)

<References on protocols>

***

<Rewrite> Again back to physical intimacy:

• The Gospel of Philip designates Mary Magdalene "his [i.e. Jesus'] companion" (59:6-10 = 28, Layton), and it speaks of Jesus kissing her more than all the disciples (63:34 = 48, Layton). The Coptic for "companion" is a loan word from the Greek, koinönos, which can also mean "partner," "fellow," "confederate," "partaker," "person with whom one associates in a reciprocal manner," or "accomplice." It could be used to refer to a wife, although koinönos is a broader term, much like "companion" is in English. (Note well: The word stem, koin-, by no means excludes sexuality. Consider koinogamia, "communal marriage" or "promiscuity as the norm"; koinolektros, "bedfellow" or "consort"; koinolechës, "paramour"; and koinöma, "sexual intercourse.") As for the kisses, possibly they were "holy kisses" of the sort mentioned in 1 Corinthians 16:20.
• The Greater Questions of Mary represents Jesus as having had sex with another woman right in front of Mary (Epiphanius, Panarion 26.8.2-3).

That Mary Magdalene had a strong emotional bond with Jesus is the story that emerges from source after source. As for the sex incident, it is portrayed in mythological terms: Jesus took the other woman from his side. However, it is again suggestive of an unbounded intimacy between Mary and Jesus in at least some early Christian understanding.

***

The Gospel of Philip says almost outright that Jesus was married. The trouble is that it is ambiguous. Was it speaking metaphorically? To quote:

"The Lord [did] all things by means of a mystery: baptism, chrism, eucharist, ransom, and bridal chamber" (67:27 = 60, Layton).

***

In the Gospel of Thomas, Salome says:

"Who are you, O man? Like a stranger(?) you have gotten upon my couch and you have eaten from my table ... I am your female disciple" (43:25-30 = 61, Layton).

Is this a scene from the domestic life of Jesus? It could mean that Salome had been his nursemaid or his hostess or his wife.

The quotation above is an English translation from the Coptic, which was in turn a translation from a Greek text, that portion of which is lost. In Greek, a common word for "man," namely anër, can be rendered also as "husband."

Incidentally, the apocryphal Gospel of the Egyptians has Jesus discussing sexual matters with a Salome. For some of the key fragments of the Gospel of the Egyptians, see Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis 3:45, 63-64, 66, 68, 91ff.

***

Among the names of other women associated with Jesus, perhaps the most notable in extra-canonical literature is Arsenoe. See the First Apocalypse of James 40; Gospel of Mani, Turfan fragment M 18; Coptic Psalm-Book 192:24; 194:22; and Parthian Crucifixion Hymns 1:3.

***

It may be instructive to examine the women who were with Jesus at the end, since, if he had a wife, one would expect her to be among them or, if he had wives, one would expect at least one representative to have been present. So here's a breakdown from canonical sources:

• Mary Magdalene and other women at the crucifixion of Jesus:
  • Matthew 27:55-56 (Mary Magdalene; Mary, the mother of James and Joseph; mother of the sons of Zebedee);
  • Mark 15:40-41 (Mary Magdalene; Mary, the mother of James the Less and Joses; and Salome);
  • Luke 23:49 (none named);
  • John 19:25 (mother of Jesus; Jesus' mother's sister, Mary, the wife of Clopas; Mary Magdalene).
• Mary Magdalene and another woman at the burial of Jesus:
  • Matthew 27:61 (Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, presumably Mary, mother of James and Joseph; cf. Matthew 27:56);
  • Mark 15:47 (Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Joses);
  • Luke 23:55-56 (not named).
• Mary Magdalene and other women at the grave after Jesus' resurrection:
  • Matthew 28:1-10 (Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, presumably Mary, the mother of James and Joseph; cf. Matthew 27:56);
  • Mark 16:1-11 (Mary Magdalene; Mary, the mother of James; and Salome);
  • Luke 24:1-11, 22-24 (Mary Magdalene; Joanna, Mary, the mother of James);
  • John 20:1-2, 11-18 (Mary Magdalene).

Mary Magdalene stands out alone as nobody's woman except for her strong emotional bond with the man for whom she was mourning.

Mary stands out alone, that is, unless Salome is not to be identified with the mother of the sons of Zebedee and the sister of Jesus' mother. That identification is made by conflating Matthew 27:56; Mark 15:40; 16:1; and John 19:25. Even if Salome were the mother of the sons of Zebedee, Zebedee may have been dead (although still alive in Mark 1:20) or may have divorced her. But if she were the sister of Jesus' mother, there would have been a legal prohibition against Jesus' taking her for a wife (Leviticus 18:13 = 20:19).

***

Now to elaborate on John 20:11-18: It can be interpreted as a nuptial scene in reverse, one that plays off of the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. (Note the mention of a gardener in 20:15.)

• Mary encounters two angels at the tomb (20:12), which are reminiscent of the cherubim of Genesis 3:24 (cf. 1 Enoch 20:7; 2 Enoch, J 42:3-4), the tomb here being the entrance to paradise (cf. Luke 23:43; Testament of Abraham, A 20:9-14; Life of Adam and Eve (Greek) = Apocalypse of Moses 40-41; Odes of Solomon 11:18-19).
• The resurrected Jesus addresses Mary as "Gynai," (20:13, 15) which can be translated either as "Woman" or "Wife." (Compare Genesis 2:23.) Due to the ambiguity of the term (whether spoken in Greek, Hebrew, or Aramaic), she misunderstands him, until he calls her by name, the delay between being called wife and being called by name echoing Genesis 3:20.
• (Incidentally, before Jesus calls her by name, Mary, supposing that she is speaking to the gardener, refers to Jesus as kurion mou = "my lord." The Gospel writer might have intended this to echo Sarah's term for her husband Abraham in the Septuagint version of Genesis 18:12; cf. 1 Peter 3:6.)
• Upon recognizing Jesus, Mary responds, "Rabboni," which, the Gospel writer explains, means "Teacher" (20:16; cf. 1:38). Compare the rabbinic tradition that says, "From the beginning Eve called her husband only 'rabbi'" ('Abot d'Rabbi Nathan 1:6 = 17a). Since the Gospel writer is moving in reverse, conceivably his point of reference is not the beginning, but Genesis 3:16: "And he [your husband] shall rule over you" (NASB). <Reference: Wife calls only husband rabbi>
• Mary was touching or clinging to Jesus' body (20:17). First, note how this fits into the physical intimacy thread. Second, the Greek word, haptou (lexical form haptö), which can mean a marital touch (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:1), even sexual intercourse, here seems to indicate something short of "cleaving" (Genesis 3:24); for, this time at least, Jesus interrupts the touching.
• Jesus is to ascend to his Father, that is, God (20:17), which reverses and transcends the process in Genesis 2:24: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother" (NASB).

In other words, John 20:11-18 can be interpreted as an ending of the bonds of marriage through death, only to be transcended by spiritual communion. In this context, it may be significant that Jesus is represented as sending Mary Magdalene to his brothers (20:17), especially if she had no male child (cf. Deuteronomy 25:5-10) -- the point being, on the Gospel writer's part, not just to set up the announcement of Jesus' appearance (20:18), but to show Jesus' concern that she be cared for, conceivably via levirate marriage, now that he no longer had husbandly duties towards her (compare 19:26-27).

***

If Jesus was married, why is there no sign of his children? There may well be. When Jesus was at "the house" in Capernaum, he took a child and said:

"Whoever receives one child like this in My name is receiving Me; and whoever receives Me is not receiving Me, but Him who sent Me" (Mark 9:37, NASB).

Observe the close identity that Jesus had with the child.

Later the Gospel of Mark has a young man who followed Jesus after Jesus' arrest, this after all the disciples accompanying Jesus had fled (14:50-52). The young man was seized by the authorities but managed to slip away. Was he seized in anticipation that Jesus might be executed as purported King of the Jews and that when the Romans executed kings, they executed kings' sons along with the kings?

According to the Gospel of John, Jesus had a specially beloved disciple who "was reclining on Jesus' breast" at the Last Supper, much as a youngster might do (13:23, NASB). The same Gospel represents Jesus, while hanging from the cross, turning the care of his mother over to "the disciple whom he loved" (19:26-27), which would be natural provided that the disciple was his heir and, if a male, related to her by blood.

It's a little surprising that the Gospel writers did not bring out, as applicable to the Messiah, Isaiah 53:10, which speaks of "his offspring." However, the early Christian community may have thought it prudent to keep any children of Jesus out of the limelight, perhaps because of danger from persecution -- note the murder of his brother, James the Just (Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 2.1.5; 2.23.3-18) and the persecutions of the family of David (3.12.1; 3.19.1; 3.20.1-7; 3.32.1-6) -- or perhaps because of fear of competition or embarrassment. It is also possible that they simply didn't survive. (That they eventually died out could be taken as an implication of 3.20.1.)

Incidentally, there's been a spate of books recently that claim to be on the trail of the bloodline of Jesus. I myself put no intellectual stock in them.

References

Regarding the recent quest for the bloodline of Jesus, see, for example: Holy Blood, Holy Grail, [by] Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, and Henry Lincoln (New York: Delacorte Press, c1982); The Woman With the Alabaster Jar: Mary Magdalene and the Holy Grail, [by] Margaret Starbird (Santa Fe, NM: Bear, c1993); Bloodline of the Holy Grail: The Hidden Lineage of Jesus Revealed, [by] Laurence Gardner (Shaftesbury, Dorset; Boston, Mass.: Element, 1998). Yet another book gives these imaginative details about the family of Jesus: that he married Mary Magdalene (per the Gospel of Philip as discussed above); that he had a daughter and two sons ("the word of God increased" -- Acts 6:7 and 12:24); that he divorced Mary Magdalene, who is to be identified with the Rhoda of Acts 12:13-15, who became a member of an ecstatic order ("You are out of your mind!" -- verse 15); and that he later married the Lydia of Acts 16:14-15. See: Jesus the Man: A New Interpretation from the Dead Sea Scrolls, [by] Barbara Thiering (Sydney; New York: Doubleday, 1992). For a critique, see : "Barbara Thiering: Jesus in Code," being chapter 2 of: Who Was Jesus? [by] N. T. Wright (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., c1992): pp. [19]-36.

***

A recent documentary movie and a recent book present an argument, in part a statistical argument, that the family tomb of the Jesus of the Gospels has been discovered in the Talpiot region of Jerusalem, the so-called Tomb of Ten Ossuaries. Among the ossuaries are those of Matthew, Maria, Joses, Jesus son of Joseph, Mariammê also known as the Master, and Judah son of Jesus; possibly also James son of Joseph. If Mariammê is to be identified with Mary Magdalene, as the authors propose, then her burial in a family tomb with Jesus suggests that she was his wife.

Naturally the entire thesis -- the identification of the Jesus of the Talpiot tomb with Jesus Christ -- is controversial, especially given that an empty tomb was treated in the canonical Gospels as a sign of Jesus' Resurrection (Matthew 28:6; Mark 16:6; Luke 24:6; John 20:1-14).

References
The documentary, which is available in DVD format, is: The Lost Tomb of Jesus, directed by Simcha Jacobovici; executive producer, James Cameron; narrated by Ron White; written by Simcha Jacobovici & Graeme Ball (Port Washington, NY: Koch Entertainment LP, c2007). "The feature-length director's cut of the Discovery Channel special." One of the Web sites devoted to the documentary is at: http://www.jesusfamilytomb.com/movie_overview.html. The book is: The Jesus Family Tomb: The Discovery, the Investigation, and the Evidence that Could Change History, [by] Simcha Jacobovici and Charles Pellegrino; foreword by James Cameron (New York, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2007).
The tomb is designated IAA 80/500-509, which stands for: Israel Antiquities Authority, discoveries of 1980, site with major artifacts numbered 500-509. The major artifacts are the ossuaries. Those with inscribed names are: 80/500: Mariammê (or Mariamnê or Mariamênês) Mara = Miriam also known as Master = Mary Magdalene (supposedly); 80/501: Yehuda bar Yeshua = Judah son of Jesus; 80/502: Matya = Matthew (compare Matthan in Matthew 1:15; Matthat in Luke 3:24; and Matthias in Acts 1:23-26); 80/503: Yeshua bar Yosef = Jesus son of Joseph (compare Matthew 1:16; Luke 3:23; 4:22; John 1:45; 6:42); 80/504: Yosa or Yose = Joseph or Joses (for Joseph, compare Matthew 1:16 and Luke 3:23; for Joses compare Mark 6:3; 15:40, 47); and, 80/505: Maria = Mary (compare Matthew 1:18 and elsewhere in the Gospels). One of the ossuaries disappeared almost immediately after discovery. The authors of the above-cited book believe it to be the controversial ossuary with the inscription: Yakov bar Iosef, achui d'Yeshua = Jacob (anglicized: James) son of Joseph, brother of Jesus. The last part of the inscription, "brother of Jesus," is regarded by some a forgery. (Compare Matthew 13:55; Mark 6:3; Galatians 1:19.)
That Mary Magdalene was also called Mariammê or Mariamnê is known (according to Jacobovici, pp. 101, 205) from Origen, Epiphanius, the Pistis Sophia, the Acts of Philip, and Greek Orthodox tradition.
For the name Miariammê, see, for starters, the index to The Loeb Classical Library edition of Josephus, which lists seven women with the name: the sister of Moses, known in English translations of the Bible as Miriam; a daughter of Alexander son of Aristobulus, and wife of Herod; a daughter of Simon the high priest, and wife of Herod; a wife of Archelaus the ethnarch; a daughter of Aristobulus and Berenice (possibly the same as the preceding); and, a daughter of Agrippa I and Cypros. The index mentions also a tower of Mariammê in Jerusalem.

***

So why didn't the Gospels just say that Jesus had one or more wives? It's doubtful that it was because they were trying to present a picture of Jesus either as an ascetic or as too divine. Those sorts of attempts came later. Among the possible reasons:

• First, although women just as themselves were relevant to the message that the Gospel writers were trying to get out, women in their wifely roles were not. We happen to know from various sources that some, perhaps all, of the Apostles were married (see, for example, 1 Corinthians 9:5 and Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.30.1-2). However, from the canonical Gospels, all that we know is that Peter had a mother-in-law (Matthew 8:14-15 = Mark 1:29-31 = Luke 4:38-39; cf. 1 Corinthians 9:5, where Cephas = Peter).
• Second, any mention of a wife or wives would have distracted from the bigger spiritual picture that early Christian writers were trying to get across by way of nuptial imagery. Take note of these passages:
  • Matthew 9:14-15 = Mark 2:18-20 = Luke 5:33-35 = Gospel of Thomas 104 (Jesus is a bridegroom with wedding guests, namely, his disciples);
  • John 3:25-30 (Jesus is the bridegroom; the bride is unspecified);
  • Ephesians 5:22-33 (the bride of Christ is the church);
  • Revelation 19:7; 21:2, 9 (the bride of "the Lamb" is the new Jerusalem);
  • Gospel of Philip 74:21 = 83, Layton (Jesus -- or is it the receptive person? -- received the Holy Spirit in the bridal chamber);
  • Epistula Apostolorum 33 (the bride of the "Lord" is the Syrian church)
• Third, evidently part of the distinctive message of Jesus entailed breaking down barriers between men and women (Galatians 3:28; Gospel of Thomas 22, 114) and looking forward to a heaven where there is no marrying (Matthew 22:30 = Mark 12:25 = Luke 20:35).
• Fourth, it's conceivable that in the presence of Jesus all conventions melted away and were reinvented as though new, such that the usual language for marriage didn't seem to suffice, except in metaphorical usage.
• Fifth, the Gospel writers may have wanted to avoid weakening any appeal of their message to celibates among the Essenes and Therapeutae. The Gospel of Matthew even gives a special nod to "eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" (19:12, NASB).
• Sixth, by the time finishing touches were put on the canonical Gospels, early Christians had already made a concerted effort to reach out to Gentiles. Just as some Gentile customs were an issue to Jewish Christians, so some Jewish customs, including polygyny, were an issue to some Gentiles. Thus it was in the interest of early Christians to play down their distinctive Jewish marital customs and focus only on the prohibitions.
• Seventh, as suggested above, early Christians may have wanted to keep the family of Jesus out of the spotlight.

***

The argument from silence against Jesus having been married can be met with arguments from silence for Jesus having been married. To mention two:

• As implied above, the default position with regard to any First-Century Jewish man who was free and trying to live righteously is that he was married at some point in his life, exceptions having been notable, often notable enough to mention.
• In 1 Corinthinas 7:8 the Apostle Paul affirms the goodness of the unmarried and widows remaining even as he was. (Compare the affirmation of the goodness of marriage in 1 Timothy 4:3-5.) We do not know precisely what Paul's status was. Was he living celibately while apart from his wife (cf. 9:5)? Had he been widowed? Had he never been married? In any case, it is surprising that, if Jesus had lived unmarried and celibately, Paul did not cite the example of Jesus, especially since, in the passage, he was alluding to sayings of Jesus that applied to marriage. Paul's silence here, notably in one of the earliest testimonies, suggests, just perhaps, that Jesus had been married.

***

To sum up, a reasonable argument can be made that the default position should be that it's likely that Jesus was married, perhaps even polygynously so. The leading candidate for a wife is Mary Magdalene. However, there are also other named women who are candidates, including Martha, her sister Mary (whom some identify with Mary Magdalene), Susanna, Salome, and Arsenoe. And there are at least two unnamed women, the woman with the alabaster jar (whom some identify with Mary, Martha's sister, and from there with Mary Magdalene) and the Samaritan woman.

See also cast the first stone, deceased wife's sister question, "forbidding to marry," Pericope de Adultera, New Testament monogamy, Oholah and Oholibah, polygyny, Samaritian woman at the well.

x Bible.

x Jesus as married.

wasteland:

See romantic wasteland.

watch pornography together:

See use porn together.

watching:

In swinger parlance, looking on and allowing oneself to be aroused as one's mate engages in sexual activity with another person.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, candaulism, compersion, confirming, ethical voyeur, helping, hothusband, hotwife, Mandingo party, martymachlia, mixoscopia, reassurance, reconnect, sperm comeptition syndrome, swinging, troilism, synletitious.

water brother, or water-sibling:

A fellow member of a nest (q.v. in the second sense); a fellow member of the Church of All Worlds; a person with whom one has shared water ceremonially, with whom, perhaps among others, one exists in a committed and deeply honest love relationship for life, and with whom one tries to realize the vision of Valentine Michael Smith, a character in the science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (1961; uncut edition, 1991). Smith applied the term "water brother" to both men and women; however, some prefer the term "water-sibling" in order to avoid confusion or will use the term "water sister" for a woman. Water-siblings are free to engage in sex together, and they are also free to decline sex with one another according to preference and mood.

See also adoption, blood brother, kinship, laotong, partner.

x water sibling.

x water sister.

water of bitterness that brings a curse:

See water of jealousy.

water of jealousy:

The bitter drink of Numbers 5:11-31 administered by a priest to a woman suspected by her Israelite husband of adultery, in order to decide her guilt or innocence.

Comments: The Bible itself does not use the term "water of jealousy," but rather "the bitter water that causeth the curse" (Authorized Version) = "the water of bitterness that brings a curse" (New American Standard Bible). It consists of holy water, dust from the floor of the Tabernacle (later the Temple), and written curses washed off into the water.

The suspected adulteress of Numbers is the topic of the talmudic tractate Sotah.

See also adulteress, adultery, jealousy, sotah.

x Bible.

x bitter water that causeth the curse.

x water of bitterness that brings a curse.

water-sibling:

See water brother.

water sister:

See water brother.

way:

See love will find a way, third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways, traditional ways, way of romatic love.

way of romantic love:

Romantic love (q.v.) as a spiritual path to enlightenment and to an ennobling participation in something greater than oneself that is true and good and beautiful, even to mystical union with the Divine.

See also romantic theology, vision of romantic love.

x way.

Quotations from Charles Williams Illustrating "Way of Romantic Love"

[106] ... no one else [but Dante] has given us so complete an exposition of the Way of Romantic Love. It is, of course, in his own terms; the Way can be followed though the terms are rejected. But at least the Way understood in other terms must not be less than his. It is possible to follow this method of love without introducing the name of God. But it is hardly possible to follow it without proposing and involving as an end a state of caritas of the utmost possible height and breadth, nor without allowing to matter a significance and power which (of all the religions and philosophies) only Christianity has affirmed.

[108-109] Hell has made three principal attacks on the | Way of Romantic Love. The dangerous assumptions produced are: (1) the assumption that it will naturally be everlasting; (2) the assumption that it is personal; (3) the assumption that it is sufficient.

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," pp. 106, 108-109. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.

"way to a man's heart":

An allusion to the proverbial saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." In other words, in order to win a person to one's side, feed that person well; or, romantically speaking, in order to win the affections of a human male and so win him as a mate, be a good cook for him or, more generally, serve him food that he enjoys.

Comments: The saying is often attributed to Sara Willis Parton (1811-1872), who used the pseudonym Fanny Fern. She presumably employed this form of the saying in the Boston weekly True Flag, April 23, 1853. <Not yet verified.> However, the saying, even in this exact form, predates 1853. See the quotations below.

Evidently the saying was not originally a romantic one, but it started being used as romantic advice in the 1840s or perhaps earlier.

Nowadays the saying is often adjusted to avoid the automatic implication that a woman's role in a family is to be the cook. Thus, "The way to a person's heart is through his or her stomach."

Incidentally, there is a monastic tradition that has a more sinister take on food and sex. See, for example, this statement by Evagrius Pontus (346-399): "gluttony is the mother of licentiousness" (On the Eight Thoughts 2:1).

References

The reference to the True Flag, April 23, 1853 is from: Fanny Fern: An Independent Woman, [by] Joyce W. Warren (New Brunswick: Rutgers University Press, c1992): p. 3.

For the translation from the Greek of Evagrius, see: "On the Eight Thoughts," in: Evagrius of Pontus: The Greek Ascetic Corpus, translation, introduction, and commentary by Robert E. Sinkewicz (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2003; in series: Oxford Early Christian Studies): pp. [66]-90, specifically p. 76.

See also casserole parade, heart.

x "nearest way to a man's heart."

x "shortest road to men's hearts."

x Spanish terms.

x "stomach supports the heart."

x "tripas llevan corazón."

x "way to many an honest heart."

Quotation from Cervantes Illustrating "The Stomach Supports the Heart"

[Sancho Panza] ... the stomach supports the heart, and not the heart the stomach.

From the novel: The History and Adventures of the Renowned Don Quixote, translated from the Spanish of Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra; to which is prefixed, some account of the author's life, by T. Smollett (6th ed. London: F. and C. Rivington [et al.], 1792): v. 4 (of 4), p. 76. The Smollett translation was originally published, London: A. Millar, 1755. In this translation, the reference is: part 2, book 3, chapter 15; which is equivalent in many other translations to part 2, chapter 47.

The quotation in Spanish

... tripas llevan corazón, que no corazón tripas.

I am using this edition: El Ingenioso hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha, por Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra; con notas y comentarios del Agustin Millares Carlo (Edicion ilustrada por Gustavo Dore. Mexico: Union Tipografica Editorial Hispano Americana, c1956): t. 2, p. 340. Here the reference is parte 2a, capítulo 47. Parte 2a was originally published in 1615. Compare Sancho's comment in parte 2a, cap. 34: "tripas llevan pies, que no pies a tripas" (t. 2, p. 255 in this edition), that is, "the stomach supports the feet, and not the feet the stomach."

Quotation from John Adams Illustrating "The Shortest Road to Men's Hearts"

If, as I have heard, "the shortest road to men's hearts is down their throats," this is surely a natural route.

From: "Letters to John Taylor, of Caroline, Virginia, in Reply to His Strictures on Some Parts of the Defence of the American Constitutions" §26, in: The Works of John Adams, Second President of the United States, with a life of the author, notes and illustrations, by his grandson, Charles Francis Adams (Boston: Charles C. Little and James Brown): v. 6 (1851), p. 505. The first letter or §1 is dated: Qunicy, April 15, 1814; however the subsequent sections or letters refer internally to dates as late as December 26, 1814.

Quotation from Richard Ford Illustrating "The Way to Many an Honest Heart"

The way to many an honest heart lies through the belly -- aperit præcordia Bacchus ...

Usually cited as being from: A Hand-Book for Travellers in Spain, and Readers at Home: Describing the Country and Cities, the Natives and Their Manners, the Antiquities, Religion, Legends, Fine Arts, Literature, Sports, and Gastronomy: with Notices on Spanish History, [by Richard Ford] (London: John Murrary, 1845): 2 v. However, I'm quoting from the following edition: A Hand-Book for Travellers in Spain, and Readers at Home ..., by Richard Ford; foreword by Sir John Balfour; edited and with an introduction by Ian Robertson (Carbondale, Ill.: Southern Illinois University Press, 1966; in series: Centaur Classics): v. 1 (of 3), p. 49. The Latin phrase is from Horace, Satires 1.4.89 (some editions read "Liber" rather than "Bacchus"), and it can be translated: "the god of wine reveals the heart."

Quotation from Alfred Henry Forrester Illustrating "The Nearest Way to a Man's Heart"

[In prison] we cure villainy by increased rations of beef, bread, beer, and potatoes, in accordance with the maxim, that "the nearest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

From: Comic Arithmetic (London: Richard Bentley, 1844): p. 55. Attributed to Alfred Henry Forrester.

Quotation from Lydia Howard Huntley Sigourney Illustrating "The Way to a Man's Heart"

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," said a caustic writer [presumably A. H. Forrester].

From: "Letter to Females," in: Water-Drops, by Mrs. L. H. Sigourney (New York: Robert Carter, 1848, c1847): pp. [255]-269, specifically p. 258.

Quotation from The Dublin Review Illustrating "The Way to a Man's Heart"

[Re "Notices of Books" on diet] That "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," is an old saying, more strictly true than most would, perhaps, be inclined to admit.

From:  The Dublin Review; v. 24 (March, 1848): p. 250.

Quotation from Julia Simple Illustrating "The Way to a Man's Heart"

Our governess's first axiom is, that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach;" and it is on this foundation she rears the superstructure of our education.

From:  "To the Editress of the Belle Assemblee," signed Julia Simple, in: The New Monthly Belle Assemblée (February, 1849): pp. 121-123, specifically p. 121.

Quotation from Dinah Maria Mulock, afterwards Craik, Illustrating "The Way to an Englishman's Heart"

... John said, musingly, "It will be a hard winter -- we shall have to help our poor people a great deal. Christmas dinners will be much in request." [Phineas] "There's a saying, that the way to an Englishman's heart is through his stomach. So perhaps you'll get justice by spring."

From the novel: John Halifax, Gentleman, by the author of "The Head of the Family," "Olive," &c, &c. (London: Hurst and Blackett, 1856): v. 3, chapter 2, p. 41.

Quotation from W. Jud. Conklin Illustrating "The Way to an Englishman's Heart"

Cupid recognizes the wonderful power of a good dinner in drawing out all one's latent amiability, and uses it as a valuable adjuvant in controlling the affairs of the heart. Fanny Fern says the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I have a friend who, I always fancied, was cooked into the hymenial vows, by the culinary skill of her who now so gracefully rules his heart and table; and thrice happy are they, with no indigestible dishes to mar peace or jostle love.

From: "A Talk about Digestion," by W. Jud. Conklin, in: The Western Monthly; v. 1, no. 2 (February, 1869): p. 107-112, specifically p. 108.

Quotation from Dinah Maria Mulock Craik Illustrating "The Nearest Way to a Man's Heart"

And if, in truth, the nearest way to a man's heart -- not to say his conscience -- is through his stomach, the police-sheets of the Bath magistrates may have been lightened according as these soup-boilers were filled and emptied.

From: "Bodies and Souls," in: The Unkind Word, and Other Stories, by the author of "John Halifax, Gentleman," etc., etc. (London: Hurst and Blackett, 1870): v. 1, pp. [306]-329, specifically p. 322.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Way to a Man's Heart"
[Abigail Washburn narrating] I said, "Bob, didn't you say you were making something delicious for lunch?" The way to a man's heart may or may not be through his stomach. It is definitely the way out of his head. The Rob-Bobs immediately quit obsessing about my bogus scavenger hunt, and began thinking about food.
From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 13, p. 155.

"way to many an honest heart":

See "way to a man's heart."

we:

See ivy motto, there is no "we," "We'll always have Paris," we of me.

weak:

1. Not strong.

2. Lacking in moral stamina.

3. Vulnerable to giving in to a sexual advance, especially in any instance where to do so would be to violate a sexual code.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Weak"
[The Présidente de Tourvel to the Vicomte de Valmont] ... I need not, nevertheless, expect to be judged by you much harshly than by the public, in whose opinion there is still an immense difference between a weak woman and a depraved one.
From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 136, pp. 324-325, specifically p. 325. The mark of omission is mine. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.
... je pouvais m'attendre cependant à ne pas être jugée par vous plus sévèrement que par le public, dont l'opinion sépare encore, par un immense intervalle, la femme faible de la femme dépravée.
From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 136, pp. 311. The mark of omission is mine. Faible = weak.

weapon of sex:

See use sex as a weapon.

wear a label:

1. To have attached to oneself a strip of material for purposes of identification or categorization.

2. Metaphorically, to have imposed upon, to accept, or to adopt a categorization of oneself, especially with regard to a matter many view as relating to identity, such as one's ethnicity or one's sexuality.

Comment: The term is sometimes used pejoratively, implying an encroachment upon selfhood in all its dynamic complexity and an impingement upon personal freedom.

See also label, new scarlet letter, pomosexuality, scarlet letter, sexuality, sexual orientation.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Wear a Label"
[Connie Pen to Molly Bolt] "Do you think you're a queer?" "Oh great, you too. So now I wear this label 'Queer' emblazoned across my chest. Or I could always carve a scarlet 'L' [for 'Lesbian'] on my forehead. Why does everyone have to put you in a box and nail the lid on it? I don't know what I am -- polymorphous and perverse..." "No, you don't have to be anything. I'm sorry I asked you if you were a queer. But this is a big jolt. Things your mother didn't tell you and all that. I guess I'm a square, or maybe I'm scared. I don't think you or anyone else should wear a label and I don't understand why who you sleep with is so god-damned important and I don't understand why I'm all strung out over this..."
From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 9, p.  85. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.

wear the breeches, or wear the pants:

1. To exercize chief authority in a household.

2. To usurp the authority of a husband, said of a woman, usually the wife, in a cultural context where it is expected that the husband be the chief authority in the household.

Comment: In this phrase, the breeches or pants symbolize male authority.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, fictive widow, gynocracy, "head of the wife," hen-peck, Lady Macbeth syndrome, patriarchal family, pussywhip, she who must be obeyed, tied to her apron springs, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, womaned.

x breeches.

x pants.

x wear the pants.

wear the horns:

To be a cuckold, that is, to have sprouted the imaginary horns associated with a cuckold -- in some cases represented by the donning of symbolic horns.

Comment: I have seen two explanations of the association of horns with being a cuckold:

• The feebler stag loses his harem to the more robust stag. Brewer remarks: "As stags are horned, and made cuckolds of by their fellows, the application is palpable."
• Merriam-Webster refers to "the old custom of cutting the spurs from cockerels when they were castrated and implanting them in the comb, where they would grow into hornlike members that made it easy to pick out the capons, capons being frequent symbols of cuckoldry."

References

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 621, s.v. "Horn, Horns."

Webster's Third New International Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged ..., editor in chief, Philip Babcock Gove and the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff (Springfield, Mass.: Merriam-Webster, c1986): s.v. "horn" 4b.

A Seventeenth-Century Representation of a Cuckold Wearing the Horns
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 137. In the facsimile, the woodcut measures approximately 7.4 x 5.5 cm. For other representations of the horned cuckold, see especially pp. 134 and 194.
A printer would use the same woodcut over and over again. This particular impression of this woodcut appeared in: The Scolding Wives Vindication: or, An Answer to the Cuckold's Complaint, Wherein She Shows What Just Reasons She Had to Exercise Severity Over Her Insufficient Husband: To the Tune of, The Cuckold's Complaint ([London]: Printed for P. Brooksby, J. Deacon, J. Blare, J. Back, [between 1683 and 1696]).

See also bull's feather, cornuted, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horned, horn-mad (especially the quotation there, which has a description of the variety of horns), horns, horns hung on.

wear the pants:

See wear the breeches.

Web-husband:

A mail-order husband found through the World Wide Web.

Comment: Coined by me on analogy with "Web-wife." But perhaps it already exists.

See also dating service, electronic wedlock, mail-order husband, online relationship, Web wife.

Web-wife:

A mail-order bride found through the World Wide Web.

See also dating service, electronic wedlock, e-mail marriage, mail-order bride, online relationship, Web husband.

"We cling":

See ivy motto.

wed:

To marry; to take a spouse, especially ceremonially.

See also anuptaphobia, become engaged, buckle, cleave, join, lead to the altar, legally married, marry, marry by proxy, matrimonify, nuptial knot, parsonify, solemnize, take, take a cottage course, take the giggle-trot, take the plunge, tie the knot, tie up.

wedbed:

1. A euphemism for conjugal sexual relations.

2. The bed shared by individuals who are married to each other, especially the first such bed.

See also bedding, marriage bed.

wedded bliss:

See bliss.

wedded life:

Married life.

See also home-fire, married life.

wedded lust:

Erotic activity within a marital relationship, especially as a story line used in erotica.

Comment: Abbreviatred wl.

See also discourse of desire, erotographomania, lust, wl.

wedding:

1. The uniting of people in marriage especially through ceremony.

2. The celebration of the uniting of people in marriage.

A Seventeenth-Century Depiction of a Wedding
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 111. In the facsimile, the woodcut measures approximately 6 x 6 cm.
A printer would use the same woodcut over and over again. This particular impression of this woodcut appeared in: The Easter Wedding: or, The Bridegrooms Joy and Happiness Compleated, in his Kind and Constant Bride... To the Tune of, O so ungrateful a Creature ([London]: Printed for C. Den nisson [i.e. Dennisson?] at the Stationers-Arms, within Aldgate, [169-?]).

See also anniversary, annulment, anti-wedding, bedding, besom wedding, betrothal, bridal, brydthing, celebrity marriage, ceremonial marriage, clandestine wedding, coemption, confarreation, consensus nuptialis, destination wedding, DOM, electronic wedlock, engagement, epithalamic, epithalamium, espouse, faux wedding, Flagg marriage, fusion wedding, give away in marriage, hand-fasting, hatunnah, hymeneal, hymeneals, Jack and Jill party, jow-fair, jubilee, kiddushim, Las Vegas wedding, marriage, marriage ceremony, marriage-tide, married name, matrimony, mock wedding, nissuim, nuptials, open wedding, paper marriage, portal, premarital nerves, prothalamium, relationship commitment, renew vows, seasonal marriage, shift marriage, shotgun wedding, smock marriage, solemnization, sponsalia, sponsored wedding, spousals, tree marriage, 'umra, "until death or distance do you part," 'urs, usus, vivaha, wedding date, weddingmoon, Westminster wedding.

Some related terms that fall beyond the scope of this glossary: ad ostium ecclesiae, best man, bridesmaid, cestus, drive thru wedding, epaulion, epithalamium, erusin, infare, loutrophoros, paranymph, shtille khuppeh, Tobias nights, uchikake (Japanese), wedding reception, yihud.

wedding anniversary:

See anniversary.

wedding bell blues:

The frustrated desire to marry a beloved.

Comment: Often an allusion to the song, "Wedding Bell Blues" (1966), written and recorded by Laura Nyro (born Laura Nigro; 1947-1997). The song became a number one hit for The Fifth Dimension in 1969.

See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, itchy ring finger, kick for a man, single, Torschlusspanik, unhappily single.

x blues.

wedding date:

1. The day set for a wedding to occur.

2. A person, generally of a complementary sexual orientation, whom a wedding guest chooses to be accompanied by to a wedding.

Comment: In the second sense, the term is often laden with romantic overtones.

See also date, wedding.

weddingmoon:

A wedding and honeymoon all away at the honeymoon location.

Comment: As coined and trademarked by Sandals Resorts, it refers specifically to a destination wedding at one of its resorts. However, the term has come into more general use.

See also destination wedding, honeymoon, moon, wedding.

wedding night syndrome:

Nervousness, perhaps even terror, as the time approaches for the consummation of one's marriage.

See also consummation.

x syndromes.

wedlock:

The state of being in a marriage.

Comment: The suffix, "-lock," rather than indicating restriction, indicates instead action. In other words, evidently wedlock is a pledge that's been acted upon.

See also break wedlock, bridelock, electronic wedlock, holy wedlock, marriage, matrimony, out of wedlock, spousehood.

weed:

See widow's weeds.

"Weib, Wein und Gesang":

See "wine, women, and song."

"Wein, Weib und Gesang":

See "wine, women, and song."

"We'll always have Paris":

A famous romantic line, uttered by the character Rick Blaine (played by Humphrey Bogart) to his beloved Ilsa Lund (played by Ingrid Bergman), from the movie "Casablanca," which was written by Julius J. Epstein, Philip G. Epstein, and Howard Koch, and directed by Michael Curtiz (1942). It is a wistful expression of a permanent residence in memory of a past romance together in the given location and of a continuing connection, even though the relationship cannot, for the moment if ever, be resumed.

Comment: The line is often adapted to the history of any given lovers, as in, "We'll always have Moscow" or "We'll always have our months together online."

See also ancient history, city of lovers, ghosts of relationships past, hold an intimacy close, left-over love, love remembered, love reminiscences, oh well!, old boyfriend, old flame, old girlfriend, old sweetheart, once-beloved, past attachment, razbliuto, romance, romantic history together, saudade, swinging city, TOTGA.

x have (a place).

x Paris.

x we.

x "We will always have Paris."

Welsh terms:

See ban-charach, mercheta, merchetwr.

wench, as in "a wench":

1. A woman who is young, low class, or servile.

2. A female child.

3. A lewd woman.

See also betty, flicka, nymph, slut, tottie, wanton woman, wonder-wench.

wench, as in "to wench":

To engage in sexual relations with lewd women, generally said of a man.

See also coitus, sexual intercourse, stud, womanize.

wencher:

Someone who engages in sexual relations with lewd women, generally said of a man.

See also stud, womanizer.

we of me:

1. One's intense identification with both the individual members and the corporateness of a love relationship of which one is a part.

2. Pertaining to such identification.

Comment: Attributed to Carson McCullers, 1946.

The term was first used in reference to a triangle.

See also blinded by love, triangle..

x we.

Quotation from Carson McCullers on the We of Me
[291] They are the we of me. Yesterday, and all the twelve years of her life, she had only been Frankie. She was an I person who had to walk around and do things by herself. All other people had a we to claim, all others except her.... [294] Frankie stood looking into the sky. For when the old question came to her -- the one who she was and what she would be in the world, and why she was standing there that minute -- when the old [295] question came to her, she did not feel hurt and unanswered. At last she knew just who she was and understood where she was going. She loved her brother and the bride and she was a member of the wedding. The three of them would go into the world and they would always be together. And finally, after the scared spring and the crazy summer, she was no more afraid.
From: The Member of the Wedding (c1946): part 1; in Collected Stories, including The Member of the Wedding and The Ballad of the Sad Café, [by] Carson McCullers; introduction by Virginia Spencer Carr (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1987).

Quotations from Virginia Spencer Carr Illustrating "We of Me" Usage
[147] Nineteen years passed before David Diamond knew the full answer to such ponderings, but the meeting that night [between David Diamond, Carson McCullers, and James Reeves McCullers] was the beginning of another meaningful we of me triangle for Carson .... [171] But for her [Carson McCuller's] husband to have loved their best friend, to have gone off to Rochester with him and removed him from the we of me relationship that had been so meaningful to them both, was gross and unfair.
From: The Lonely Hunter: A Biography of Carson McCullers, by Virginia Spencer Carr (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1975).

weotuma (Old English):

Gifts by which a man effects a betrothal, thereby obtaining a wife.

See also amober, arrha, avail of marriage, betrothal, brideprice, mahr, maritagium.

wertheritis:

1. The epidemic of suicides or any suicide supposedly prompted by the romantic novel by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Die Leiden des jungen Werther (1774), which has been translated as The Sorrows of Young Werther.

2. Suicide motivated by unreciprocated love-passion, especially passion for a married woman.

Comment: The term has been attributed to Louis Proal (1905). See Encyclopaedia Sexualis (1936).

See also desperate, erotic suicide pact, Juliet, Liebestod, love-death, lover's leap, Romeo, unreciprocated love, unrequited love.

x suicide.

Westermarck effect:

A strong tendency to avoid mating with someone with whom one was closely associated in childhood.

Comments: Named after the Finnish anthropologist, Edvard Westermarck.

The effect conflicts with some elements of Freudian psychology, but has been borne out, in some cases, in anthropological research.

See also exogamy, heterogamy, incest, kinship, McClintock effect, negative sexual imprinting, rule of the gift, Westermarck hypothesis, Westermarck trap.

x effects.

Edvard Westermarck's Own Statement of What Came To Be Called the Westermarck Effect
But even if social prohibitions might prevent unions between the nearest relatives, they could not prevent the desire for such unions. The sexual instinct can hardly be changed by prescriptions ... Nevertheless, our laws against incest are scarcely felt as a restraint upon individual feelings. And the simple reason for this is that in normal cases there is no desire for the acts which they forbid. Generally speaking, there is a remarkable absence of erotic feelings between persons living very closely together from childhood. Nay more, in this, as in many other cases, sexual indifference is combined with the positive feeling of aversion when the act is thought of. This I take to be the fundamental cause of the exogamous | prohibitions. Persons who have been living closely together from childhood are as a rule near relatives. Hence their aversion to sexual relations with one another displays itself in custom and law as a prohibition of intercourse between near kin.
From: The History of Human Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (5th edition rewritten. New York: Allerton Book Co., 1922, preface 1921): v. 2, chapter 20, pp. 192-193. First edition published, 1891. Similar statements are found in other works of his, for instance: A Short History of Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (New York: Macmillan Co., 1926): pp. 79ff. Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (New York: Jonathan Cape & Harrison Smith, [1929]): pp. 29ff.

Westermarck hypothesis:

The proposition that prohibitions of sexual intercourse between near kin are generally in line with a natural aversion to mating with someone with whom one was closely associated in childhood.

Comments: Abbreviated WH.

Named after the Finnish anthropologist, Edvard Westermarck.

See also exogamy, heterogamy, incest, kinship, Westermarck effect, WH.

x theories.

Westermarck trap:

The conflict that arises when children under the influence of the Westermarck effect are expected to marry each other.

Comment: Named after the Westermarck effect.

See also endogamy, homogamy, inbreeding, incest, kinship, Westermarck effect.

x trap.

Westminster wedding:

1. A wedding (q.v.) conducted at a place called Westminster, the most notable example of such a place being Westminster Abbey.

2. "A match between a whore and a rogue."¹

Comment: Note the spelling: "Westminster," not "Westminister."

Of possible relevance may be the English proverb: "Who goes to Westminster for a wife, to Paul's for a man, and to Smithfield for a horse, may meet with a whore, a knave, and a jade."²

References
1 Lexicon Balatronicum: A Dictionary of Buckish Slang, University Wit, and Pickpocket Eloquence, compiled originally by Captain [Francis] Grose, and now considerably altered and enlarged, with the modern changes and improvements, by a member of the Whip Club [Hewson Clarke], assisted by Hell-Fire Dick, and James Gordon ...; and William Soames ... (London: Printed for C. Chappel, 1811). Compare its definition of "Bristol man": "The son of an Irish thief and a Welsh whore."
2 The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs, compiled by William George Smith; with introduction and index by Janet E. Heseltine (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935): p. 586. Smith documents the proverb in this form back to 1659 and in a different form to 1617.

See also blowen, doxy, wedding, whore.

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Westminster Wedding"
The Westminster Wedding: Or, Trick for Trick.   When Rogues and Whores together meet, __'tis pity they should parted be, But taste the bitter with the sweet, __which still attends such Company. Tune is, The Winchester Wedding.   AT VVestminser was such a Match, __the like was never known, A Whore that was painted and patch'd, __did meet with a French-man alone: The French-man was wofully Clapt, __and so was the Whore also, He askt if she ever was Tap'd, __but still she made answer no: The French-man then needs would be doing __supposing himself for to ease, At last by his amorous VVooing, __he added unto to his Disease.   He joy'd that so soon he had won her, __to grant him his hearts desire, And when he had stoutly done her, __she set all his Rigging on fire: The Frenchman began for to mutter, __and fear'd she had serv'd him a trick, For he found himself hotter and hotter, __and wisht she had been at Old Nick: When he first began for to dally, __tho' 'twas with a wicked intent, But yet this same Brazen fac'd Molly, __did little conceive what he meant.   But finding himself out of order, __he swore by gar she should dye, Before she went any further, __for with heat he began for to fry: And she was as notably pepper'd, __to torture her it did begin, She spotted was like to a Leopard, __from the sole of the foot to the Chin: At which he did seem to be pleased, __and could not but laugh in his mind, Tho' he was as strangely diseased, __as you by the sequel shall find.   He told her that she was a Whore, __to play such a damnable trick, She told him she knew that before, __and then bid a Pox of his P====== For you like a Rogue have beguil'd me, __I partly do now understand, But cannot well say you have spoyl'd me, __because I was spoyl'd to your hand: But yet I must tell you Monsieur, __You naught by the bargain have got, And I think it will cost you full dear, __for meddling with my merry Spot.   A pox of your merry Spot then, __the French-man aloud he did cry, 'Tis enough for to spoyl twenty men, __that have no more forecast than I: But yet I believe you will find, __your self in a pickled condition, At Kingsland some help you may find, __if you draw up a handsome Petition: You must to the Hospital go, __if ever you mean to be Cur'd, For 'tis such a torment I know, __that well it cannot be endur'd.   Was ever poor French-man so serv'd, __the Monsieur began for to cry, But yet he said he did deserve it, __that with common Bitches would lye: But I do resolve for the future, __no nattering Jades to believe, Experience it is the best Tutor, __who tells me that Whores will deceive: But yet I am well-enough serv'd, __that had an intent for to spoyl her, And 'tis not a plague undeserv'd, __because I did think to beguile her.   And since such a trick she hath shown me, __I think I had best to be friends, If she for a husband will own me, __I'le VVed her and make her amends, A Rogue and a Whore met together, __'tis pity they ever should part, For 'tis forty to one if that either, __be loyal and true in the heart: So to her he told his intent, __how he was dispos'd her to Marry, Away to the Church then they went, __for neither was willing to tarry.   And thus have you heard of a VVedding, __where pockish'd couple did VVed, And there was no need of a Leading __this Rogue and his VVhore to the Bed: I wish this may be a fair warning, __to English as well as to French, That they e'ry day may be learning __to dispise a bold impudent Wench: He thought at the first to deceive her, __and so to leave her in the lurch, But he had not power to leave her, __so both were conjoyn'd in the Church. Printed for Josiah Blare, Book-Seller at the Looking-Glass, on London-Bridge.
From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 105.
In the "Broadside Ballad Index" (site 1, 2), this ballad is given the number code, ZN332.
According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968), Josiah Blare was a bookseller in London from 1683-1706.
Textual notes: Six illustrations accompany the ballad. In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in four columns. The lyrics are in black letter, except for these words: "VVestminster, "French-man" (five times), "Kingsland," "English," and "French." Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u." I've tried to reflect "W" and "VV" as they appear. "bed:" In the facsimile, the "d" is indistinct and the colon missing. "dispise" = an obsolete form of "despise." "gar" = "Gad" as an exclamatory substitute for "God." "nattering" = "grumbling." The word is partially indistinct, including the first letter. "Jades" = "hussies." The "J" is partially indistinct. "pickled" = "speckled." Except for a few letters, the word is indistinct. "pockish'd" (a guess) = "infected with pox." The "h'" is indistinct. I feel uncertain of this reading in part because it turns an adjective into a verb. "stoutly" = "valiantly" or "manfully." The "o" is indistinct. Should my formatting drop away, every second line of the caption and lyrics is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

wette (Old English; confirm):

A formal marriage contract. Also called a wed.

"We will always have Paris":

See "We''ll always have Paris."

WH:

Westermarck hypothesis (q.v.).

whale:

See cautionry whale.

"What are you wearing?"

1. An inquiry as to what clothing one has on or as to what clothing one will be donning for a given event.

2. A common flirtatious line used in real-time communication when those communicating are not able to see each other or, at least, not well. Thus it is often one of the questions initiating either phone sex or online sex. A responsive answer sometimes reflects what is actually being worn, and sometimes it is entirely a matter of playful fantasy-building. Either way, it engages the erotic imagination.

Comment: The meaning can change dramatically with a change in intonation. So, "WHAT are you wearing!" suggests that the person being addressed has on something unusual or otherwise remarkable or else objectionable.

See also approach invitation, chat-up line, come-on, cyber, cyberflirtation, e-flirt, flirtation, instant messaging, online affair, opening line, phone sex partner, pick-up line, proposition, "See anything you like," sexting.

Quotation from Susan Yankowitz Illustrating "What Are You Wearing?"
THE WOMAN [on the phone] ... What are you doing? THE MAN I'm in bed. THE WOMAN Oh . . Alone? THE MAN What do you think? Of course I'm alone. THE WOMAN Good! (They both laugh.) THE MAN What are you doing? THE WOMAN I'm in bed too. THE MAN Alone? THE WOMAN With the cat. THE MAN What are you wearing? THE WOMAN Panties. THE MAN Nothing else? THE WOMAN Just panties. THE MAN Are you expecting someone? THE WOMAN Don't be silly! The MAN Can you see through them? THE WOMAN What? THE MAN Your panties. THE WOMAN Oh . . Yes. What are you wearing? THE MAN Nothing. | THE WOMAN You're naked? THE MAN Yes. THE WOMAN Do you have a hard-on? THE MAN It's getting harder as we talk.
From the play: "Boxes," [by] Susan Yankowitz, in: Playwrights for Tomorrow: [A Collection of Plays]. Volume 11, [edited  and with an introduction by Arthur H. Ballet] ([Minneapolis]: University of Minnesota, c1973): pp. 7-36, specifically pp. 24-25.

"What does not kill me ...":

See hurt (someone).

"What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander":

A maxim generally used with one of the following senses:

2. Often more specifically (referring to the preceding definition), what is okay for a male to do is also okay for a female to do; double standards are to be rejected when it comes to matters of gender and sexual behavior.

3. In death, all are at last equal and there is no longer any sort of social superiority, such as male over female; as William Shepard Walsh put it: "Death makes all genders epicene."

Comment: Among the many variations:

• Sauce for a goose is sauce for a gander.
• What is good for the goose is good for the gander. (Currently this may be the most common form of the saying.)
  
• What is good for the gander is good for the goose.
  

Reference
See Handy-Book of Literary Curiosities, by William S. Walsh (Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott, 1893, c1892): s.v. "Goose," pp. 423-424, specifically 424.

See also double standard, feminism, "goose and gander" theory, sexual politics.

x Gander.

x Good for a goose.

x Goose.

x Sauce for a goose.

what (one is) to (somebody):

See keep safe what (one is) to (somebody). 

what (one) sees in (somebody), as in "what I see in you" or "I don't know what she sees in him":

1. Factors about (a person) used in assessment of (that person), such as personal virtues, talents, skills, quality and quantity of output, and experience.

2. That which attracts (one) to (a person), such as certain physical features or personal qualities; whatever it is that explains why (one) wants (a particular somebody) romantically.

3. Factors about (a person), such as personal qualities or much appreciated skills or a shared history with oneself, that feed (one's) continuing bond with (that person).

See also allure, attraction, chemistry, like what (you) see, moe.

x see in (somebody).

wheel:

See fifth wheel, third wheel.

"When all candels be out, all cats be grey":

See "In the dark all cats are grey."

"When the husband's away, the wife will play"; or, "When the husband is away, the wife will play":

A proverb to the effect that when a man is not at home for a significant period of time, his spouse will do as she pleases, the implication often being that she will engage in adulterous affairs if so inclined.

Comment: Apparently a variation on the proverb, "When the cat's away, the mice will play." Note that in that case the husband is represented as the one with power, which the wife may be glad to escape. In other words, the proverb is the product of a patriarchal culture. Nowadays, when and where there is greater equality between the sexes, the proverb might just as easily be reversed: "When the wife's away, the husband will play."

See also extramarital sex, hall pass, hundred-mile rule, husband, play, wife.

when worlds collide theory:

See worlds theory.

where things went wrong with (us):

The point or points at which a relationship broke down leading either to chronic unhappiness in the relationship or a break-up; the precise circumstances that caused a love relationship or marriage to fall apart.

See also break-up, cagamosis, death spiral of a relationship, dysfunctional relationship, emotional divorce, estrangement, fall out of love, heterogamosis, kill the feeling for each other, love-trouble, marital blues, marital conflict, marital issue, marriage problem, razbliuto, relationship obit, relationship trouble, rocky relationship, stormy relationship, strain on a marriage, thing, toxic marriage, troubled marriage, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage.

Quotation from Tamar Myers Illustrating "Where Things Went Wrong With Us"
[Abigail Washburn narrating] He [Buford, Abigail's ex-husband] looked me straight in the eyes, and for a second I could see the Buford I fell in love with almost a quarter century agao. "Abby, I don't know where things went wrong -- with us, I mean. I wish -- uh -- well, I wish we could get it back somehow. You don't suppose there is a chance? ..."
From the mystery novel: Tiles and Tribulations: A Den of Antiquity Mystery, [by] Tamar Myers (New York, N.Y.: Avon Books, c2003): chapter 14, pp. 165.

whipped:

See pussy-whipped.

whirlwind courtship:

A courtship (q.v.) that quickly leads to marriage.

See also whirlwind romance.

whirlwind romance:

1. A quick start to a love relationship.

2. A passionate relationship that begins swiftly and is soon over.

See also amourette, comet, coup de foudre, dalliance, escapade romantique, liaison, love at first sight, love at first text message, passing fancy, proceptive phase, romance, short-term relationship, sweep (somebody) off (her) feet, walk into (someone's) affections, whirlwind courtship.

white:

See color of virginity.

white-hot mama:

See hot mama.

white magic of marriage:

Appreciation.

See also marriage, work at a relationship.

x magic.

Quotation from Elizabeth Towne Illustrating "White Magic of Marriage"
Appreciation is the white magic of marriage. Love thrives on appreciation, courtship, little attentions. These are the food that make love grow!
From: The Evolution of a Real Marriage, by Frances Illsley; with foreword ["The White Magic of Marriage'] by Elizabeth Towne (Holyoke, Mass.: Elizabeth Towne Co., c1917): p. [5]. Cover title: The Evolution of a Real Marriage and The White Magic of Marriage. Elizabeth Towne was an editor of the New Thought magazine, Nautilus.