Glossary of Relationship Terms

Marriage, Love Relationships

& Polykoity

 

By

Norman Elliott Anderson

 

 

V - Z

 

Table of Contents

Introduction

- A -

- H -

O

U

- B -

- I -

- P -

- V -

- C -

J

Q

W

- D -

K

- R -

X

- E -

- L -

- S-Si -

Y

F

- M -

- Sk-Sz -

Z

- G -

- N -

- T -

©

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vacation from marriage:

A period of time taken off from marriage, generally with the consent of one's spouse, in order to enjoy the freedoms -- including, in some cases, the sexual freedom -- of single life. Typically it is hoped that such a vacation will engender greater peace with family duties and marital restrictions and will have a renewing effect upon the marriage itself.

See also break, grass-widow, grass-widower, holiday from marriage, marriage sabbatical, pi supuhui, separate vacations, summer lover.

 

valentine, as in "a valentine":

1. A person who accepts one's attentions on Valentine's Day (q.v.).

2. A Valentine's Day card, especially one with a heart (q.v.) on it.

3. A card, missive, or gift delivered to a sweetheart (q.v.) on Valentine's Day per custom.

See also babe, baby, babycakes, beloved, cutie, cutie pie, darling, dear, dearest friend, dearheart, honey, I love you, jaina, love (as in "my sweet love"), love coupon, lover, loverboy, lovey, partner, relationship art, studmuffin, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, term of endearment.

 

valentine, as in "to valentine":

To sing as part of a mating ritual.

Comment: Usually said of birds.

See also love song.


Valentine's Day:

February 14th as a day specially designated by custom for expressing love, for exchanging symbols of love, and for the cultural affirmation of romantic love more generally.

Comments: There are various theories as to the origin of Valentine's Day, among them:

Even the identification of the personage after whom the day is named is in question. There are three St. Valentines, two of them martyred, although the two martyrs may be one and the same. The martyr or martyrs died circa 269. The other St. Valentine lived in the 5th century.3

People in the Roman Catholic and Anglican traditions tend to call the day St. Valentine's Day, whereas those in free church traditions tend to call it simply Valentine's Day.

References

1 To research the Lupercalia, a person would do well to start with ancient sources. See, for example: Varro, De Lingua Latina 6.13, 34; Cicero, Orationes Philippicae 2.34; Pro Caelio 11 = 26; Ovid, Fasti 2.19-36, 267-452; Dionysius of Halicarnassus, Roman Antiquities 1.32.3-5 and 1.80.1; Plutarch, Romulus 21; Caesar 61; Anthony 12; Suetonius, Augustus 31; and Augustine, De civitate Dei 18.12.

2 See Curiosities of Popular Customs and of Rites, Ceremonies, Observances, and Miscellaneous Antiquities, by William S. Walsh (Philadelphia: J. B. Lippincott Co., 1904, c1897): p. 953, some of the wording of which I have borrowed.

3 For the three St. Valentines, see Dictionary of Saints, by John J. Delaney (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, c1980): p. [567]; cf. pp. 602, 624.

See also anniversary, heart, Sadie Hawkins Day, love coupon, rose, valentine.

x Saint Valentine's Day.

Quotation from Geoffrey Chaucer Illustrating "Valentine's Day"

 

for this was on seynt Valentynes day,
Whan every foul cometh ther to chese his make

From: Geoffrey Chaucer, The Parlement of Foules (circa 1380): 309-310.

 

Valentino:

A man with one or more characteristics associated with the Italian-born film actor, Rudolf Valentino (1895-1926; original name: Rodolpho Gugliemi di Valentina d'Antonguolla), especially a man who is a powerfully seductive lover.

See also Casanova, Don Juan, dramatic lover, gay deceiver, God's gift to women, heartthrob, jeune premier, lady-killer, leading man, Lochinvar, Lothario, lover, Mae West, Romeo, sex god.

 

valorem maritagii:

The value of a marriage.

Comments: A legal term under feudal law.

For lexical example and fuller explanation, see under "maritagium."

See also avail of marriage, duplicem valorem maritagii.

x Latin terms.

 

vamp, as in "a vamp":

A seductive woman, especially one who uses her wiles to exploit one or more men.

See also minx, moll, seductress, she-wolf, slut, tramp, whore.

 

vamp, as in "to vamp":

To seduce, especially in order to exploit; to employ one's sexual charms in order to achieve a non-sexual end.

See also flirt, seduce, sleep (one's) way to the top, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, whore (one's) way to the top.

Quotation from Alice Duer Miller Illustrating "Vamp"

 

Vamp the man, if you must,
But give an impression of splendour.

From the "novel in verse": Forsaking All Others, by Alice Duer Miller (London: Methuen, 1941; 7th ed., 1942): p. 2. The second line is meant to be indented.

 

vanity love:

See amour de vanité.

 

variety:

See Coolidge effect, Sherfey syndrome, toujours Perdrix.

 

vates Veneris (Latin term):

See poet of love, prophet of love.


VBD:

Very bad date.

See also date.

 

vee:

A three-person love relationship, where one person is the hinge (q.v.) between the other two; two dyads (q.v.) with one person in common.

Compare and contrast triangle (q.v.) and Z (q.v.). See also biamory, bi-trio, diagramming a love relationship, displaced incestuous triangle, domestic trio, duogamy, eternal triangle, French arrangement, genogram, have two strings to (one's) bow, letter group (V), metamour, polyandry, polygamy, polygyny, reverse triangle, rivalrous triangle, split-object triangle, third party, three-cornered establishment, threesome, triadic notation, troika.

 

vegansexual:

A person who, in choosing a mate, places a premium on a shared set of values that would exclude all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose.

See also ecosexual, vegansexuality.


vegansexuality:

An exclusive or near exclusive orientation to people, as potential love interests or sex partners, who share a set of values that would exclude all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose.

See also ecosexuality, vegansexual, sexual orientation.


Vegas wedding:

See Las Vegas wedding.

 

venereal transgression:

Violation of a code of sexual behavior, such as that contained in the Bible (see especially Leviticus 18-21).

See also adultery, "as with womankind," fornication, illicit love, illicit relationship, inappropriate relationship, incest, klepsigamy, porneia, sex scandal, sexual immorality, sexual sin, stupration.

x Bible.

Quotation from George Foot Moore Illustrating "Venereal Transgressions"

 

The epithet 'holy' (kadosh) is given [by Jewish teachers] to the man who keeps aloof from all unchastity. The juxtaposition of the section 'Araiyot (Lev. 18) with Kedoshim (Lev. 19) is to teach that wherever you find restraint upon sexual relations, there you will find holiness, as is proved by many texts (Lev. 21, 7, 8; ib. 14, 15). It is quite likely that in fact the connection in Lev. 18-20 of the idea of holiness with avoidance of the whole catalogue of venereal transgressions led to the special application of the adjective 'holy' -- we might say 'saintly' -- to men distinguished by scrupulousness in the observance of these laws ...

From: Judaism in the First Centuries of the Christian Era, the Age of the Tannaim, by George Foot Moore (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1927-1930): v. 2, p. 271.

 

venue for attraction:

See attraction venue.

 

Venus' Ceston:

See girdle of Venus.

 

Venus's girdle:

See Aphrodite's girdle, girdle of Venus.

 

Vergeistigung der Sinnlichkeit (German):

Spiritualization of sensuality (q.v.).

x German terms.

 

vert galant (French):

A gay spark; a vigorous ladies' man.

See also agapet, crumpet man, gallant, gay spark, general lover, jock, ladies' man, masher, stud, womanizer.

x French terms.

 

vertical friend:

A person whom one knows and likes but with whom one has not engaged in swinging activities.

Contrast horizontal friend (q.v.). See also friend, swinger.

 

very good friend (VGF):

1. A person, especially a non-relative, of whom one is especially fond.

2. Euphemism for lover (q.v.).

See also amari, friend, partner, VGF.

 

veto rule:

An agreement, tacit or explicit, that one party or any party in a relationship is permitted to nix an activity or involvement that could affect the relationship.

Example: Each partner in an open marriage agreeing to date only those approved by the other partner.

See also adultery-toleration pact, arrangement, boundary, break-up rules, consensual adultery, household rules, polyfidelity, rules of adultery, unilateralism.

x rules.

 

VGF:

Very good friend (q.v.).

 

via tertia (Latin):

"Third way," as in sexual ethics.

See also third way in sexual ethics, Three Ways.

x Latin terms.

 

vibe:

Short for "vibration," which, in a relationship context, can mean:

1. Some level of interest, especially sexual or romantic interest, but sometimes just friendly interest, communicated nonverbally, even unconsciously; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," a repulsion or active dislike communicated nonverbally.

2. Some level of personal resonance between individuals; or, in the case of a "bad vibe," some level of personal dissonance between individuals.

3. A sensation delivered by a vibrator.

Comment: Often cast in the plural, "vibes."

See also affinity, bibe, chemistry of love, compatibility, connaturality, connection, erotic connection, fellow feeling, hit it off, limbic resonance, sexual connection, spiritual connection.


vicarious relationship high:

Delight in a lover's love relationship with another.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, compersion, compreciation, frubbliness, polyamory, polyglow, synletitious.

 

vicars and tarts party:

A social gathering in which the attendees dress up as either collared members of the clergy or daringly alluring women, especially contrary to either personality type or sexual stereotype, this for the purpose of changing social dynamics and loosening inhibitions.

Comment: The term and the practice seem to have originated in Great Britain.

See also open party, sex party, tart, tart party.

x party.

 

victims of unsynchronized passion:

See unsynchronized passion.

 

victualled up:

1. Placing in store what one needs, as for a trip, hence the next two senses.

2. Surfeited from a time of enjoyment ashore, said of a sailor.

3. Satisfied from enjoyment of one's lover before a leave-taking.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 253.

 

video dating:

A process, whereby dates are arranged, that entails the use of one or more personal ads in the form of moving images, typically with sound.

See also alternative dating, date, personal ad.

 

viduage:

1. Widowhood.

2. Widows collectively.

Comment: From the Latin term for "widow," vidua.

See also grief, relicta, seneucia, vidual, viduity, widow.

x Latin terms.

 

vidual:

Having to do with a widow or widowhood.

See viduage, widow.

 

viduity:

Widowhood.

See also seneucia, viduage, widow.

 

village bike:

See bike.


village wife:

A woman for whom a brideprice (q.v.) is paid by a village so that she may live with several of the young unmarried male villagers. Under certain conditions, other men of the village might be allowed sexual access to her as well.

See also polyandrist, wife.

Quotation from G. Robina Quale on the Village Wife

 

Among the Lele of the southern Congo/Zaire basin a village may pay bride-wealth for a "village wife." She is lived with by several of the young unmarried men, and may be approached outside the limits of the village (though not inside it) by other men of the village. High levels of bride-wealth are likely to delay a Lele man's marriage until he is in his mid-30s. As many as 1/10 of Lele women may have been a village wife at some time, even now, after the practice has supposedly been outlawed for more than a generation.

From: A History of Marriage Systems, [by] G. Robina Quale (New York: Greenwood Press, 1988; in series: Contributions in Family Studies; no. 13): p. 94.

 

vincit omnia amor (Latin):

See omnia vincit amor.


violently in love:

1. So romantically engrossed in a person or in each other as to treat other people uncivilly, for instance, by ignoring them.

2. Subjected to the wild passions of an intense period of a romance.

Comment: This is a formulaic phrase subject to many variations, such as "violence of my affection" and "violent young lovers."

Reference

See, for example, Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 19, p. 140 ("violence of my affection"), and chapter 59, p. 469 ("violent young lovers").

See also die with love, folie à deux, in love, head over heels in love, love-cracked, loveydovey, madly in love, religion of two, wildly in love with.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Violently in Love"

 

[Mrs Gardiner]: 'But that expression of "violently in love" is so hackneyed, so doubtful, so indefinite, that it gives me very little idea. It is as often applied to feelings which arise from an half-hour's acquaintance, as to a real, strong attachment. Pray, how violent was Mr Bingley's love?'

[Elizabeth Bennet]: I never saw a more promising inclination. He was growing quite inattentive to other people, and wholly engrossed by her. Every time they met, it was more decided and remarkable. At his own ball he offended two or three young ladies, by not asking them to dance, and I spoke to him twice myself, without receiving an answer. Could there be finer symptoms? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 25, pp. 181-182; cf. chapter 58, p. 456. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

 

virgin: as in "a virgin":

1. A person who has not yet had sexual intercourse with another, at least, another of a different sex.

2. A person who has not yet received a live phallus in a given orifice.

3. A female who has never been vaginally inseminated, especially one who has never received a live phallus vaginally. Commonly an intact hymen has been adduced as proof of virginity.

4. A woman who is sexually pure or who has been restored to sexual purity (for instance, through spiritual rebirth), per some cultic or cultural idea of such purity, and who, at least in part thereby, is eligible for a certain cultic status or for holy marriage.

5. A woman who feels restored to girlhood.

6. Someone new to a particular activity of any sort, as in "dating-service virgin."

See also born-again virgin, damaged goods, demi-vierge, maiden, nullimitus, virginal, virginity, virginity pledger.

Quotation from Mark Twain Illustrating "Virgin"

[Bessie] "Mamma, what is a virgin?"

"A maid."

"Well, what is a maid?"

"A girl or woman that isn't married."

"Uncle Jonas says that sometimes a virgin that has been having a child --"

"Nonsense! A virgin can't have a child."

"Why can't she mamma?"

"Well, there are reasons why she can't."

"What reasons, mamma?"

"Physiological. She would have to cease to be a virgin before she could have the child."

"How do you mean, mamma?"
From chapter 4 of the short story, "Little Bessie," in: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays, 1891-1910, [by] Mark Twain (New York, N.Y.: Literary Classics of the United States [under imprint] The Library of America, c1992):  p. 871. The story was originally published in 1908. Mark Twain was the pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910).

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Virgin, Virgin Girl, Virginal, and Virginity"

... she [Kate Leslie, who had had two husbands] sat, as every real woman can sit, no matter at what age, a girl again, and for him [Cipriano Viedma], a virgin. He held her hand in silence, till she was Malintzi, and virgin for him, and when they looked at one another, and their eyes met, the two flames rippled in oneness....

His innermost flame was always virginal, it was always the first time. And it made her again always a virgin girl. She could feel their two flames flowing together.

How else, she said to herself, is one to begin again, save by refinding one's virginity? And when one finds one's viriginity, one realises one is among the gods....

And when he comes to me he lays his pure, quick flame to mine, and every time I am a young girl again, and | every time he takes the flower of my virginity, and I his. It leaves me insouciant like a young girl.
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 24, pp. 392-393.

 

virgin, as in "virgin girl":

Characterized by being virginal (q.v.).


virginal:

1. Pertaining to or characterized by being a virgin or of a virgin or virgin-like.

2. Untouched.

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

Contrast sexually experienced (q.v.). See also purity, naive, virgin (noun), virgin (adjective).

Quotation from Curt Leviant Illustrating "Virginal"

 

[161] [Regarding Guido and Aviva] It was he who for the first time in her life vivified that abstract concept, that simple monosyllable she'd never comprehended before.

Love.

Which she poured out like -- and he told her this -- a fifteen-year-old in love for the first time. Each kiss, each embrace, each gesture of love was [162] virginal. Like someone treading on freshly fallen snow. Like they did on their first heavenly walk. Each touch was new, never done before. She didn't quite understand the image. The virginal metaphor floored her. But after thinking about it, she gradually realized it was right. She'd never loved like this before.

From: Diary of an Adulterous Woman: A Novel: Including an ABC Directory That Offers Alphabetical Tidbits and Surprises, [by] Curt Leviant ([Syracuse, N.Y.]: Syracuse University Press, 2001; in series: Library of Modern Jewish Literature): pp. 161-162.

 

virginal conception:

See Virgin Mary.

 

virginal disease:

See febris amatoria.

 

virgin birth:

See Virgin Mary.

 

virgines subintroductae:

See subintroducta.

 

virginity:

The state of being a virgin (q.v.).

For an additional lexical example, see under "virgin."

See also born-again virginity, chastity, compromise, cyberginity, devirginator, pucelage, purity myth, revirginization, secondary virginity.

Quotation from Shirley Abbott Illustrating "Virginity"

 

When I was a little girl, "out-of-wedlock" was spoken in a whisper. Childbirh was a function that women still occasionally died of. Virginity was one's dowry.

From: Love's Apprentice, [by] Shirley Abbott (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1998): p. 3.

 

virginity pledge:

A promise to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

Comments: Often, such a pledge covers not just vaginal intercourse, but also oral and anal intercourse.

Typically such a pledge is taken in a religious context. It had been thought that the efficacy of such a pledge varies with the age of the one taking the pledge and with how many people the pledge is taken with, evidently too few or too many negating the effect. However, according to a recent study, teenagers who take virginity pledges are just as likely to have sex as teens who don't make such pledges; and they're less likely to take measures to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.1

Reference

1 "Patient Teenagers? A Comparison of the Sexual Behavior of Virginity Pledgers and Matched Nonpledgers," [by] Janet Elise Rosenbaum, Pediatrics; v. 123, no. 1 (January 2009; online December 29, 2008): pp. e110-e120.

See also abstinence pledge, born-again virginity, celibacy, chastity, chastity circle, condom commitment, purity ball, secondary virginity, sexual counterrevolution, true love pledge.

 

virginity pledger:

A person, ordinarily a teenager, who makes a promise to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

See also celibate, virgin.


Virgin Mary:

Designation for the mother of Jesus, Maria or Mariam (Greek forms derived from the Hebrew Miryam or Miriam), who was said to have conceived Jesus even though she had never engaged in sexual intercourse. Her words, as represented by the Gospel of Luke, were: "I know no man" (1:34; cf. Matthew 1:18-25). According to legends presented in the second-century Protevangelium of James, she was the daughter of Joachim and Anna (1:1-5:2), was betrothed to Joseph at twelve years of age (8:2), and gave birth to Jesus at sixteen (12:3). According to both John 19:25-27 and Acts 1:14, she survived Jesus.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

Also called, among other names, the Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

For nearly two millennia, the Virgin Mary has served as a role model influencing attitudes towards sexuality and marriage, her virginity being represented as an ideal or, frequently, the ideal; although the infancy narratives in the canonical Gospels make no point about sexuality and the Gospel of Luke presents Mary's blessedness as being due to the greatness of her child (1:32-33, 35, 41-55).

There are multiple phases of the alleged virginity of Mary, two key ones being the virginal conception of Jesus and her perpetual virginity.

The Virginal Conception

The earliest writings of the New Testament, the epistles of Paul, say nothing about the virginal conception; nor does any remark in those epistles, theological or otherwise, necessarily presuppose a virginal conception. In fact, Paul has no theological use for genealogies (1 Timothy 1:4). However, he does speak of Jesus as having been known "according to the flesh" (2 Corinthians 5:16), as being born of a woman under Israelite Law (Galatians 4:4), and as being a descendant of David (Romans 1:3); and he speaks of the last datum as being part of his gospel (2 Timothy 2:8). Still, Jesus' Son-of-God status is proclaimed not by his birth, but by his resurrection (Romans 1:4).

Keep in mind that, with regard to Jesus being a descendant of David, the earliest extant lineages of Jesus trace his descent from David through his putative father, Joseph (Matthew 1:6-16; Luke 3:23-31). However, later tradition did assert that Mary too was of the davidic lineage (Ignatius, Ephesians 18:2; Protevangelium of James 10:1; Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 43, 45, 100, 120; Tertullian, Adversus Marcionem 3:17; Origen, Contra Celsum 2:32.) Eusebius provides the explanation that Mary must have at least been of the same tribe as Joseph, because, according to Eusebius' interpretation of Numbers 36:8-9, in Israel "it was not lawful for the different tribes to mix" (Ecclesiastical History 1.7.17, Loeb CLassical Library).

Many scholars regard the earliest of the canonical Gospels to be the Gospel of Mark. Like Paul, it neither mentions nor has any dependency upon a virginal conception. Rather it begins the story of Jesus with his baptism by John the Baptist and speaks of Jesus simply as the son of Mary (6:3; cf. 3:31; contrast Matthew13:55 and Luke 4:22) and a descendant of David (10:47-48), although it advances potential implications of his davidic descent, implications having to do with messiahship (11:10; 12:35-37).

Regarding the next Gospels, Matthew and Luke, each has an infancy narrative; and those narratives are almost completely different from each other. Each narrative presents what appears to be a virginal conception, yet neither quite nails it.

Matthew presents Mary as pregnant before she had come together with the man to whom she was betrothed, Joseph, whose perspective seems to be the chief one represented in this narrative. Yet she was righteous, one indication being that the child was "by the Holy Spirit" (1:18; cf. Luke 1:35), that that which "has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit" (1:20). It is not clear whether being "by" or "of" the Holy Spirit in and of itself was exclusive of natural conception, for divine assistance was sometimes credited with natural conception (e.g. Genesis 21:1-2; 1 Samuel 1:1-20). Mary is called a parthenos (Matthew 1:23), which typically meant "virgin," although it was also used to translate Hebrew terms such as bethulah ("young unmarried, though perhaps betrothed, woman"; cf. parthenos in the Septuagint at Deuteronomy 22:19, 23, 28), na'ar ("child" or, sometimes, "girl"), and `almah. (Note the Septuagint's use of parthenos with a broad sweep, covering each of these terms, in Genesis 24:14, 16, 43, 55.) That there was another Greek word for young woman, neanis, does not resolve the ambiguity. Nor is the ambiguity resolved by the allusion in Matthew 1:23 to a prophecy in Isaiah 7:14, for, although in that verse the Hebrew word `almah, which is translated as parthenos in the Septuagint, is most naturally rendered as "young woman," it can also be rendered as "virgin"; and, in any case, two senses are possible, an immediate sense and a typological sense, whether inherent or imputed. Hence the meaning of parthenos in the Gospel of Matthew has been a bone of contention since at least the second century. However, Mary's continuing eligibility for Joseph (Matthew 1:19-20, 24-25) and the overall tenor of the passage suggest that the Gospel writer had a virginal conception in mind. The idea of a virginal conception is held in tandem with the messianic significance of Jesus' davidic lineage through Joseph (12:23; 21:9; 22:42). The theological import of the virginal conception in Matthew is that Jesus was a special person through whom God's presence was mediated -- "God with us" -- a person who had long been looked for within the Israelite tradition (1:22-23). Although the virginal conception is never again mentioned in the Gospel, this theological theme permeates the Gospel and "withness" even closes it (28:18-20).

The Gospel of Luke, gives the appearance of representing Mary's perspective. Like Matthew, it calls Mary a parthenos (1:27) and makes explicit that Mary had not had sexual intercourse with a man (1:34). However, both her virginal state and her statement about not knowing a man are represented as being prior to her pregnancy. Furthermore, in the same immediate context, Jesus is represented as having David as his ancestor through Joseph (1:27, 32; cf. 3:23-31). Nevertheless, it seems that the author had a virginal conception in mind, for Jesus was "holy offspring" (1:35) and was brought to the Temple (2:22-50) without concern for the law about a mamzer,"bastard," in Deuteronomy 23:2, even though he was only "putatively" the son of Joseph (3:23). (It should be pointed out that even the "putatively" is ambiguous, for instead of referring back to a virginal conception it could have been referring ahead to Jesus' displacement of his natural family with his spiritual family. See 8:21 = Matthew 12:48-50 = Mark 3:33-35. Thus Joseph and Mary would have been, in the mind of the Gospel writer, his putative parents.) The theological import of the virginal conception in Luke has to do with the greatness of Jesus and his special connection to God, including his Son-of-God status (1:32-33, 35). Held in tandem is the theological idea of his perpetual kingdom as rooted in his davidic origin (1:32-33).

Both Matthew and Luke present the birth of Jesus as extraordinary befitting an extraordinary person, and they accord with certain literary conventions of the age in doing so. <References.> However, they seem almost to taunt with their ambiguities (cf. Matthew 11:25-27 = Luke 10:21-22); and their very presentations seemed to some to reflect an imprint of scandal, especially given the Matthaean account in which Joseph was minded to put Mary away (1:19; note that the four earlier women mentioned in Jesus' genealogy all had irregular unions, 1:3-6). So, for example, in the second century after Jesus' birth the accusation was made that he was the son not of parthenos, "a virgin," but of Panthera, a soldier, as though the Gospel stories had become scrambled. (See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2, in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation1 = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32-33.)

The latest canonical Gospel, John, has no infancy narrative or mention of or dependency upon a virginal conception. Instead it has a cosmological passage, which proclaims: "The Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth" (1:14, NASB). The mechanics are left unexplained. Indeed, from the preceding verse, we might be led to think they are unimportant, for believers, children of God , who presumably were all conceived naturally, "were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (1:13). In other words, it's spiritual birth that is important. With regard to Jesus' parentage, his mother is unnamed (2:3; 19:25-27); and he is represented as the son of Joseph (1:45). As for Jesus' descent from David, John allows doubt to be raised unanswered (7:41-42), which accords with the general message: "That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the spirit is spirit" (3:6). Note the similarity to the pauline attitude as described above (cf. Romans 5:12-21; 1 Corinthians 15:45; Galatians 4:29).

Some see an evolution in the New Testament from:

However, this is to omit from consideration other cosmologico-christological passages besides John 1, such as Colossians 1 and Hebrews 1 (cf. Philippians 2:5-11), and to overlook the davidic passages in what is probably the latest book of the New Testament, Revelation (see 3:7; 5:5; 22:16) -- also its literary treatment of the woman with child (chapter 12). Furthermore, the latter is to leave out of consideration later infancy narratives, such as the Protevangelium of James, which spun an elaborate story to reinforce the idea of an actual virginal conception.

Among early Christians to have denied the virginal conception were the Ebionites and the gnostics, Cerinthus and Carpocrates. <For Ebionites, see Justin, Dialogue with Trypho 47; Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26.2; 3.21.1; 5.1.3; Tertullian, De Praescr. 33; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:34; 9:13-17; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.27; Epiphanius, Haer. 30. For Cerinthus, see Irenaeus, Haer. 1.26; 3.11.1; Hippolytus, Haer. 7:33; Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3.28.6.>

The Apostle's Creed pinned down the virginal conception more definitively than did the canonical Gospels:

"I believe ... in Jesus Christ ... who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary ..."

Compare Matthew 1:20:

"that which has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit."

Note (a) the difference from the passive "has been conceived" in Matthew 1:20 and (b) the Holy Spirit represented in the Creed as the active agent of conception, whereas in Matthew 1:20, the preposition ek, "of," in the phrase "of the Holy Spirit," is general and ambiguous, evidently indicative of origin in some sense.

In the twentieth century, the virginal conception became one of the defining points of Christian Fundamentalism. Witness that the inaugural article in The Fundamentals (whence the term "Fundamentalism" was derived) was a defense of it.2 Doctrinally the importance of the virginal conception was described, in part, this way:

"What happened was a divine, creative miracle wrought in the production of this new humanity, which secured, from its earliest germinal beginnings, freedom from the slightest taint of sin." (v. 1, p. 18)

"The birth of Jesus was not, as in ordinary births, the creation of a new personality. It was a divine Person -- already existing -- entering on this new mode of existence. Miracle could alone effect such a wonder." (v. 1, pp. 18-19)

Morally its practical effect was described in terms of counter trend:

"with denial of the Virgin birth is apt to go denial of the virgin life." (v. 1, p. 9)

At stake also, in the view of many in the tradition of The Fundamentals, is the veracity of Scripture and belief in miracles.3

To append to this section a few other data points: Some may find the following from extracanonical Gospels a bit jolting:

 

The Perpetual Virginity of Mary

In the second half of the second century, the Protevangelium of James told the story of Salome checking Mary's condition after Mary gave birth to Jesus and, evidently, finding her hymen still intact (19:3-20:1). From that point forward, if not even earlier, the idea that Mary remained a virgin, not just through the birth of Jesus, but for the rest of her life grew. Howver, this idea had to be reconciled with the New Testament mentions of the siblings of Jesus.

<New Testament references>

What "his brothers" (Matthew 13:55 = Mark 6:3) and "the Lord's brother" (Galatians 1:19) mean have been a matter of conjecture and debate for nearly two millennia. Various theories have been put forward, most notably:

1. Jesus and James were full brothers, each a son of Joseph and Mary.

2. Jesus and James were half-brothers. Three varieties of this view come to mind:

  1. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally (per doctrine). James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus.
  2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived illegitimately (per detracting rumor and some modern scholarship) but accepted by Joseph. James was the son of Joseph and Mary, born later than Jesus. That Jesus was the biological son of a soldier named Panthera was an ancient charge. See, for example, Celsus, On the True Doctrine 2 (in the R. Joseph Hoffman translation, 1987) = Origen, Contra Celsum 1:32.
  3. Jesus was a son of Mary and Joseph or, at least, recognized as such. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife. In that case, the reason "there was no room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7) might have been because of Joseph's other wife or wives and children. This view was held by some early Christians according to Jerome, Contra Helvidium 21.
  4. A permutation of the preceding theory: Conceivably Joseph sired James and Joses of a different Mary by way of levirate marriage in order to insure an heir for his brother Clopas (assuming, insecurely, that the "Mary of Clopas" in John 19:25 was the same as the mother of James the Less and Joses in Mark 15:40; cf. Matthew 27:56, 61 and Luke 24:10; regarding Clopas as brother, see citation in option 4 below); although that idea wouldn't make sense if Clopas is to be identified with the Cleopas of Luke 24:18 or if the two Marys were sisters (cf. a certain interpretation of John 19:25 and Leviticus 18:18). Note well that in some early Christian tradition, levirate marriage was said to have played a major role in the history of Jesus' family (Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.1-17). Yes, this theory would have Joseph saying: "Here's my wife, Mary; here's my other wife, Mary."

3. Jesus and James were stepbrothers. Two varieties of this view come to mind:

  1. Jesus, son of Mary, however conceived, was accepted by Joseph. James was a son of Joseph and a previous wife.
  2. Jesus, son of Mary, was conceived virginally or illegitimately. James was a son of Joseph by another concurrent wife.

4. Jesus and James were considered cousins and thus loosely called "brothers." In this view, James was a son of Clopas and a different Mary; Clopas and Joseph were supposedly brothers (per Hegesippus in Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 3:11.1). If Jesus was conceived either virginally or illegitimately, there would be no evident blood relationship.

What's rather remarkable is that it's pretty clear that the early church rather quickly lost any definitive traditions that would decide the matter, perhaps in part due to partial destruction of Jewish family records; perhaps also because the family relationships were confusing and foreign, even scandalous, to a church that had largely gone Gentile. Consider, for instance:

Jerome would exemplify the tradition that Jesus was Mary's only child. It is, however, not a tradition to which I give great credence.7

The latest piece of evidence now in the scholarly mix is an Aramaic inscription found just two years ago on an ossuary: "Ya'akov bar Yosef achui d'Yeshua." To translate: "Jacob [= James] son of Joseph brother of Jesus."8

<Roman Catholic developments, including virginity of Joseph>

References

1 On the True Doctrine: A Discourse Against the Christians, [by] Celsus; translated with a general introduction by R. Joseph Hoffmann (New York: Oxford University Press, 1987): p. 57.

2 "The Virgin Birth of Christ," by James Orr, in: The Fundamentals: A Testimony to the Truth, compliments of two Christian laymen [i.e. the Stewart brothers] (Chicago: Testimony Publishing Co., [1910]-[1915]): pp. 7-20.

3 For further discussion, see:

  • The Virgin Birth of Christ, by J. Gresham Machen (New York: Harper, 1930). Perspective of a Fundamentalist scholar.
  • The Birth of the Messiah: A Commentary on the Infancy Narratives in Matthew and Luke, by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1977). Perspective of a Roman Catholic scholar.

4 New Testament Apocrypha, revised edition edited by Wilhelm Schneemelcher; English translation by R. McL. Wilson (Cambridge: James Clarke; Louisville, Ky.: Westminster/John Knox Press, c1991): v. 1, p. 119.

5 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 160.

6 Schneemelcher (1991): p. 177.

7 For further discussion, see:

  • "The Brethren of the Lord," in: The Epistle of St. Paul to the Galatians, with introductions, notes and dissertations [by] J. B. Lightfoot (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan Publishing House, 1957): pp. [252]-291. Reprint of the 1865 edition.
  • "The Relatives of Jesus," [by] Wolfgang A. Bienert, in Schneemelcher (1991): v. 1, pp. 470-488.

8 For discussion of the inscription, see: The Brother of Jesus: The Dramatic Story & Meaning of the First Archaeological Link to Jesus & His Family, [by] Hershel Shanks & Ben Witherington III (New Yor, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2003).

See also double paternity, Madonna-whore complex, "saved in childbearing," virgin.

(BVM), the Madonna, the Mother of God (Latin: Dei Genetrix), and Theotokos (Greek for "the one who gave birth to God").

x Bible.
x Blessed Virgin Mary.
x BVM.
x Dei Genetrix.
x Greek terms.
x Hebrew terms.
x Latin terms.
x Madonna.
x Mother of God.
x perpetual virginity of Mary.
x Theotokos.
x virginal conception.
x virgin birth.

 

viricide:

The murder of a man by his wife.

Contrast uxoricide (q.v.). See also abuse, crime of passion, domestic violence, mariticide, spousal homicide, spouse abuse.

 

virilocal residence:

In reference to the married, living in the husband's place of origin and with or near one or more people of his lineage, generally in accordance with custom.

See also ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, group switching, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, walk-in marriage.

 

virtual adultery:

Sexual intimacy online, this on the part of a married person with someone other than his or her spouse, at least when such intimacy violates expectations within the marital relationship.

Comment: The precise parameters for what is considered virtual adultery may vary from speaker to speaker, some throwing the net as wide as to include online flirting or affection for an online partner, others denying that there can be such a thing except as an artificial construction on analogy with real-life adultery. Furthermore, some speakers reject any relativity and would thus omit the last clause in the definition.

See also adultery, chat cheat, cyberadultery, cyber-betrayal, cyber-cheating, cyber-infidelity, virtual affair.

 

virtual affair:

A romance conducted online.

Comment: In some usage, the term carries the overtones of virtual adultery.

See also affair, cyber-affair, cyber-relationship, cyberromance, Internet affair, love at first text message, online affair, online relationship, romance, sexting, text messaging relationship, virtual adultery.

 

virtual community:

1. A group of people who interact in a personal or multidimensional way online and who share a common set of values or lovestyle interests. Such a community may supplement or be preferred over a geographically defined community as a matrix of value formation and value reinforcement for oneself or one's family (q.v.).

2. A group of people who interact online regarding a common interest and who have a sense of belonging to the group.

3. The set of all people who interact online.

4. A city, town, village, or neighborhood that exists only in cyber form, for example, one created through a simulation program.

Coined by Howard Rheingold?

See also cyber relationship, instant messaging, lovestyle, online relationship, sexual morality, toothing.

 

virtue:

1. An internal quality that impells one to practice kindness, to advance the common good, and to resist the temptation to commit evil acts.

2. One's state of chastity and one's resistance from within to undoing that state.

See also chastity, easy virtue, moral code, sexual morality.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "Virtue"

 

[Lady Booby] "... Would you be contented with a kiss? Would not your inclinations be all on fire rather by such a favour?"

"Madam," said Joseph, "if they were, I hope I should be able to control them, without suffering them to get the better of my virtue."

[snip]

"Your virtue!" (said the lady, recovering after a silence of two minutes) "I shall never survive it. Your virtue! Intolerable confidence! Have you the assurance to pretend, that when a lady demeans herself to throw aside the rules of decency, in order to honour you with the highest favour in her power, your virtue should resist her inclination? That when she had conquered her own virtue, she should find an obstruction in yours?"

"Madam," said Joseph, "I can't see why her having no virtue should be a reason against my having any; or why, because I am a man, or because I am poor, my virtue must be subservient to her pleasures."

"I am out of patience," cries the lady: "Did ever mortal hear of a man's virtue! Did ever the greatest, or even the gravest men pretend to any of this kind! Will magistrates who punish lewdness, or parsons who preach against it, make any scruple of committing it? And can a boy, a stripling, have the confidence to talk of his virtue?"

"Madam," says Joseph, "that boy is the brother of Pamela, and would be ashamed that the chastity of his family, which is preserved in her, should be stained in him..."

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 1, chapter 8, pp. 32-33; cf. chapter 10, p. 37. The paragraphing is mine. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Virtue"

 

[The Vicomte de Valmont to the Marquise de Merteuil] Ah, let me at least have time to enjoy the touching struggle between love and virtue.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 96, pp. 219-224, specifically p. 220. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

 

[The French reads] Ah! laissez-moi du moins le temps d'observer ces touchants combats entre l'amour et la vertu.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 96, pp. 208-213, specifically p. 209. Vertu = virtue.

 

virtuous woman:

1. A mature human female who has cultivated a bountiful goodness in her inner life out of which she acts.

2. An allusion to the "virtuous woman" of Proverbs 12:4 and 31:10-31 (King James Version), the latter being a paean to her. The original Hebrew, eshet-hayil, is variously translated, for example:

See also wife.

x Bible.
x eshet-hayil.
x Hebrew terms.

Quotations from the 1611 Edition of the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible

 

Prouerbes XII.4 A vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband : but she that maketh ashamed, is as rottennesse in his bones.

 

Prouerbes XXXI.10 Who can finde a vertuous woman? for her price is farre aboue Rubies.

 


vision of romantic love:

1. A set of ideas about what romanitc love is, how it should be treated, and how it should and should not be acted upon.

2. A beatific perception of a beloved conceived of not as an illusion but as the beloved's ultimate and perfected reality.

Comment: Regarding the second definition, the experience is perhaps most associated with Dante Alighieri (1265-1321) and the sense itself with Charles Williams (1886-1945).

See also crystallization, divine form, dulia, entelechy, eye of love, forma divina, human beauty, husband worship, princesse lointaine, romantic love, romantic theology, salutation of Beatrice, theology of romantic love, way of romantic love.

x romantic love's vision.

 

visiting husband:

A woman's husband or lover, perhaps one of several, who does not belong to her household but who visits her regularly for the sake of maintaining the relationship and for copulation.

Comment: Visiting husbands are common among the Nayars of India.

See also duolocal residence, sambandham, visiting marriage, walk-in marriage.

 

visiting marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners maintain separate households and meet by appointment.

See also commuter marriage, duolocal residence, visiting husband, walk-in marriage.

 

vital relationship:

See five kinds of relationship.

 

 vitricophobia:

Fear or intense dislike of one's stepfather.

Contrast novercaphobia (q.v.). See also -phobia, step-, vitricus.

 

vitricus (legal term):

A stepfather.

Contrast noverca (q.v.) See also step-

 

vivaha (Sanskrit):

A Hindu marriage ceremony.

See also wedding.

x Sanskrit terms.

 

Vive la différence! (French):

"Long live the difference!"In other words, may the contrasts endure! A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of the differences between the sexes, especially as sources of erotic delight.

Comment: Contrast the attitude of this expression with sexual suicide (q.v.).

See also heterosexuality, Vive la similarité!

x French terms.

 

Vive la similarité! (French):

"Long live the similarity!" A phrase used in appreciation and celebration of erotic attraction between members of the same sex.

See also homosexuality, Vive la différence!

x French terms.

 

vocational right:

See droit de la vocation.

 

voidable marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) regarded as valid under the law in proceedings between any parties but which is dissolvable at the initiation of one of the parties by annulment (q.v.) or divorce (q.v.). Contrast void marriage (q.v.).

 

void marriage:

An invalid marriage, that is, one not recognized by law in any proceedings between any parties and which is regarded by the law as having been invalid from its inception, such that neither annulment (q.v.) nor divorce (q.v.) is necessary to dissolve it.

Contrast voidable marriage (q.v.). See also marriage.

 

volage, as in "a volage":

A foolish, fickle, or inconstant person.

Quotation from Anna Laetitia Barbauld Illustrating "Volage"

 

But then he is a general lover, inconstant as he is gay; noted for levity, here today and gone tomorrow, hovering about every beautiful object without attaching himself to one. To fix him would be as difficult as to arrest a sunbeam or to hold a wave between your fingers. Yet I am sorry to say, madam, your daughter absolutely courts this volage, and allows him liberties which a prudent mother like yourself must tremble at.

From: "Zephyrus and Flora: Letter to Mrs. W ----" (1773), in: The Works of Anna Laetitia Barbauld, with a memoir, by Lucy Aikin (London: Longman, Hurst, Rees, Orme, Brown, and Green, 1825): v. 2, pp. [268]-271, specifically p. 269. Transcribed from a digitized image, to which there is a link at: http://www.orgs.muohio.edu/womenpoets/barbauld/work.htm

 

volage, as in "a volage person":

1. Foolish.

2. Fickle; inconstant.

See also infidelious, inconstant, unfaithful.

 

volley dolly:

A woman who hangs around and sexually pursues volleyball players; a female volleyball groupie.

See also betty, groupie.


voluntarily child-free marriage:

A marriage (q.v.) in which the partners have decided not to have children, at least for a while yet.

 

Vulpes:

See fox.


wahine (Hawaiian):

1. Woman.

2. Wife (q.v.).

3. Sister-in-law.

4. A man's female cousin-in-law.

5. Femininity; womanliness.

6. Female; feminine.

7. Mrs. (q.v.).

8. To become a woman.

See also ho'owahine, squaw.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine kane make (Hawaiian):

"Woman with dead husband"; widow (q.v.).

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine kane 'ole (Hawaiian):

"Woman without a husband"; single woman; spinster.

See also single, spinster.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

wahine male (Hawaiian):

1. Married woman.

2. Bride.

See also bride, wife.

x Hawaiian terms.

 

waighembe (Nyaturu):

1. "We who have exchanged a hoe"; a friendly relationship.

2. A partner in a love relationship; an epithet for one's lover (q.v.).

Comment: A term from the Turu of Tanzania.

See also lover, mbuya, partner, taio.

x Nyaturu terms.

 

waist-to-hip ratio (WHR):

A proportion in women -- the circumference around the body between the pelvis and lower ribs relative to the circumference around the body in the pelvic region -- which often has a bearing on attractiveness to men, 70% -- a form of the so-called hour-glass figure -- being the general maximum for attractiveness, hypothetically this having been evolutionarily set on the basis of fitness for child-bearing and thus genetic survival.

Comment: Variations, such as age variations, and contrary data, such as isolated cultures that prefer a different ratio, have been observed. Some suspect the universalization of a Western ideal of female beauty rather than a principle of attraction rooted in human evolution.

See also attraction, callipygian ideal, mate value, objectification, sex appeal, sexy, X-appeal.

x hip-to-waist ratio.
x WHR.

 

Waldbraut (German):

See forest bride.

 

walk-in marriage:

A marital relationship in which the spouses live apart and the relationship is conducted by visitation, as when the man walks to the house of his partner at night and returns to his own home in the morning, that is, "walks to and fro."

Comments: The walk-in marriage is customary among the Mosuo, a matriarchal ethnic group found in the Yunnan and Sichuan provinces of China. The man visits the woman at night by invitation. Walk-in marriages there generally fit the pattern of serial monogamy, but not always.

Also known as a walking marriage or, in Chinese, zou hun.

See also marriage, serial monogamy, walk to and fro, ambilocal residence, amitalocal residence, avunculocal residence, bilocal residence, duolocal residence, erëbu marriage, matrilocal residence, matripatrilocal residence, neolocal residence, patrilocal residence, sambandham, unilocal residence, uxoribilocal residence, uxorilocal residence, uxoripatrilocal residence, virilocal residence, visiting husband, visiting marriage.

x Chinese terms.
x walking marriage.
x zou hun.


walking marriage:

See walk-in marriage.


walk in the woods:

See hiking the Appalachain Trail.


walk out:

To leave a person to whom one has been married or with whom one has been in a love relationship.

See also break up, ditch, divorce, dump, E&E, EwE, flush, get the mitten, get the sack, get the shaft, give the mitten, jilt, leave, sack, separate, split up, throw over.

 

walk to and fro:

1. Perambulate around; go back and forth by foot.

2. Conduct a marital relationship by visiting one's spouse at a separate domicile, as when the husband continues to live with the family in which he was raised and the wife with hers.

See also walk-in marriage.

 

wandering eye:

See roving eye.

 

wanton, as in "a wanton":

A person who refuses to make his or her sexual behavior conform to cultural mores.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also wanton man, wanton woman.

 

wanton, as in "wanton behavior":

1. Licentious; unchaste.

2. Frolicsome.

3. Capricious, mean, and gratuitous, all at once.

4. Unrestrained; uncontrolled.

See also fast, immoral, licentious, unchaste, wanton man, wanton woman.

 

wanton man:

A human male who exhibits wanton behavior.

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also bad boy, wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wanton woman.

 

wanton woman:

A human female who exhibits wanton behavior, especially:

1. A woman who follows her sexual desires past the bounds of behavior considered by the speaker to be socially or morally acceptable.

2. A married woman who engages in extramarital sex (q.v.).

Comment: Generally a pejorative term.

See also bad girl, bimbo, box of assorted creams, flirt-gill, girl who lives her own life, güila, hoochie, lothariette, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, pick up artist, punch board, punchbroad, she-wolf, shiksa, skeezer, slut, tart, tramp, wanton (noun), wanton (adjective), wench, whore.

 

war bride:

1. A woman who marries a man who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A woman who marries a serviceman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bride, grass-widow, hen frigate, war groom, wife.

 

war groom:

1. A man who marries a woman who has been called into active duty in the armed services during wartime.

2. A man who marries a servicewoman, especially of another country, met during wartime.

See also bridegroom, bundle man, groom, husband, sloping billet, war bride.

 

"was Jesus married" question:

The debated issue of whether or not the personage at the center of Christianity, Jeshua ben Joseph also known as Jesus Christ (ca. 4 B.C.E.-ca. 29 C.E.), had one or more wives. The underlying import of the issue bears on Christian attitudes towards marriage, polygamy, celibacy, and sexuality in general.

Comments: <These comments are still under construction, and so the yellow indicates.>

It is widely, but not universally, assumed within Christianity that Jesus was never married. Even a preeminent theologian of romantic love, Charles Williams, had one of the sinister characters in his novels make such an assumption and remark, "Ah, if Christ had known love, what a rich and bounteous Church he could have founded!" Consider:

Is there evidence to suggest that Jesus was married?

Answer: There is evidence of the tantalizing kind, not of the conclusive kind. What follows is a preliminary, tentative presentation of some of the data points to be considered.

References

For one provocative work on the subject of whether or not Jesus was married, a work which, however, deals more with attitudes than evidences, see: Was Jesus Married? The Distortion of Sexuality in the Christian Tradition, [by] William E. Phipps (New York: Harper & Row, c1970).

For the quotation, see the novel: Shadows of Ecstasy, by Charles Williams (London: Faber & Faber, 1948): chapter 5, p. 73. Originally published, London: Victor Gollancz,  1933.  The character speaking is Nigel Considine.

Regarding the celibacy of the Essenes, see Philo, Hypothetica = Apologia pro Iudaeis 380-381 = 633-634, = 11:14-17; Josephus, Antiquities 18:21 = 18.1.5; and his Jewish War 2:119-121 = 2.8.2.
Regaring desposynoi, see Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 1.7.14.

***

Before proceeding to the evidence, it would be wise first to elaborate on the idea that when one asks whether Jesus was married, one must consider the even more controversial possibility that Jesus was married polygynously.

It is widely thought that Jesus' divorce sayings (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) imply a proscribing of polygyny; however, they don't actually say so and that is, likely, an interpretation influenced by social mores of other cultures and later times. For that matter, none of the passages in the New Testament adduced as teaching monogamy for all believers are about monogamy. They all presuppose the Jewish marital system of the Hebrew Bible, which allowed for and in some cases enjoined polygyny. (See Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Monogamy.")

In First Century Palestine, marriage was sometimes polygynous. Polygyny was not only acceptable by custom, but in the case of levirate marriage, when a man's brother or close male relative died and left a wife but no son, taking the widow to wife or finding another close relative to do so was commonly a legal expectation (per Deuteronomy 25), whether or not the man already had a wife. Sifra even represents Scripture as saying, in such a case "take a woman as a co-wife" (Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 12 = 210.2.7K). (For discussion, see glossary entry, "one flesh.") Furthermore, it was evidently in a polygynous context that a man was encouraged to be "in the place of" a husband to the mother of fatherless children, which could, in some situations, be taken as an encouragement to use marriage as a means of charity (Sirach 4:10; compare Job 31:16-18); and so it is that we have the story of R. Tarfon (see below), who used polygyny as a means of charity.

References

Regarding polygyny being acceptable by custom among many Jews of the First Century C.E. and the period leading up to it, see:

  • Josephus (ca. 37-ca. 100 C.E.), Antiquities 17:14 = 17.1.2, which reads (in The Loeb Classical Library translation): "it is an ancestral custom of ours to have several wives at the same time." For specific instances, see, for example:
    • Joseph ben Tobiah (fl. 246-221 B.C.E.) at 12:186-189 = 12.4.6;
    • Alexander Jannaeus = Alexander Yannai (d. 76 B.C.E.) at 13:380 = 13.14.2;
    • Antipater (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:18 = 17.1.3 relative to 17:92 = 17.5.2; and,
    • Herod the Great (d. 4 B.C.E.) at 17:19 = 17.1.3, plus War of the Jews 1:562-563 = 1.28.4.

That the evidence provided by Josephus is part of a continuity from the Israelites of the Hebrew Bible up through some Jews of the first few centuries of the Common Era can be seen in a concrete instance from:

  • the Babatha Archive, Yadin Papyrus 26 (131 C.E.), in which Babatha summoned Miriam regarding seizure of the belongings of "Judah son of Eleazar Khthousion my and your late husband"; for a translation, click here or see The Documents from the Bar Kokhba Period in the Cave of Letters. [Vol. 2] Greek Papyri, edited by Naphtali Lewis; Aramaic and Nabatean Signatures and Subscriptions, edited by Yigael Yadin and Jonas C. Greenfield (Jerusalem: Israel Exploration Society, 1989).

For more on the documentary evidence, see:

  • "The Jewish Family in Judaea from Pompey to Hadrian - The Limits of Romanization," [by] Margaret Williams, in: The Roman Family in the Empire: Rome, Italy, and Beyond, edited by Michele George (Oxford; New York: Oxford University Press, 2005): pp. [159]-165, especially pp. 161-164. "Most papers in this volume were given at the Fourth E. T. Salmon Conference in Roman Studies held at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada, in September 2001"-- Preface. Williams cites, for instance, the Papyri Murabba`at 20, 21, 115, 116; Papyrus Yadin 10; and XHev/Se Gr.2. These are marriage contracts with a clause saying that the woman's sons are to be the sole inheritors of her dowry, that is presumably, not the sons of any other wife married to the same man.

Jewish polygyny was recognized by an early Christian:

  • Circa 135 C.E., the Christian apologist Justin Martyr chided Trypho the Jew for his "imprudent and blind masters, who even till this time permit each man to have four or five wives" (Dialogue with Trypho 134, in the translation by Alexander Roberts and James Donaldson, as revised by A. Cleveland Coxe, in The Ante-Nicene Fathers).

From later rabbinic literature, we learn of a number of instances of polygyny among Jews; however not all of those instances are necessarily true to history:

  • Mishnah Kiddushin 2:7 (Danby translation): "It once happened" that a man betrothed seven women with a basket of figs. Two of the betrothals, to sisters, were ruled invalid.
  • Tosefta Ketuboth 5.1.P (Neusner translation): "R. Tarfon [ca. 50-120 C.E.] betrothed three hundred girls to permit them to eat heave-offering, for the years were years of famine." (Compare Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamot 6b = 4.12.V.B-C.)
  • Talmud Yerushalmi, Yebamoth 6b = 4.12.II: R. Judah the Patriarch [ca. 135-ca. 220] required a man to marry the widows of his twelve brothers.
  • Talmud Bavli, Sukkah 27a: King Agrippa II [28-ca. 94 C.E.] had a head steward, identified as Joseph ben Simai, who spoke of having two wives, one in Tiberias and one in Sepphoris.
  • Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 15b (Slotki translation): "'... I may testify to you, however, concerning two great families who flourished in Jerusalem, namely the family of Beth Zebo'im of Ben 'Akmai and the family of Ben Kuppai of Ben Mekoshesh, that they were descendants of rivals [i.e. co-wives] and yet some of them were High Priests who ministered upon the altar'." If factual, this was prior to the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 C.E.

Furthermore, we see polygyny being used in rabbinic parables, which suggests that it was a commonplace in Jewish life. See, for example:

  • Leviticus Rabbah 4:5 (J. Israelstam translation), which reads in part: "R. Hiyya [fl. ca. 220 C.E.] taught: This may be compared to a priest who had two wives ..."
  • Talmud Bavli, Abodah Zarah 55a (A. Cohen translation): R. Gamaliel replied to General Agrippa, "I will give you a parable: To what is the matter like? To a man who marries an additional wife..." If this was Gamaliel I, then he flourished around 20-34 C.E.; if Gamaliel II, then around 80-110 C.E.

Of course, polygyny was also a matter accounted for in rabbinic legal reasoning. See, for example:

  • the Mishnah (ca. 200 C.E.), which, for instance, speaks of "their co-wives, and the co-wives of their co-wives (and so on without end)" (Yebamoth 1:1, Danby translation; compare 16:1; Kethubot 10:1-2, 4-6; Gittin 8:7; Kiddushin 2:6).

To fill in the, mostly earlier, Hebrew Bible plus Apocrypha/Deuterocanonical Books part of the continuum, see my Human Sexuality in the Bible: An Index, s.v. "Polygyny in the Hebrew Bible."

Evidently polgyyny was not permissible in every Jewish sect of the First Century, for the Qumran sect limited marriage to monogamy. Among the Dead Sea scrolls, see the Damascus Document (CD = 4Q266-272) 4:21 and the Temple Scroll (11Q19-20) 57:17-18.

***

Now to the evidences, such as they are.

Repeatedly in the New Testament, Jesus is represented as having kept perfectly the spirit of the Law, the Torah (Matthew 5:17-20; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Hebrews 4:15; 7:26; 1 Peter 2:21-22; 1 John 3:5). Yet the first commandment in the Torah, not just to Israelites, but to all of humankind was: "Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28). Now, of course, Jesus (as canonically represented) did not necessarily understand that commandment as applying to every single individual (Matthew 19:12). Furthermore, sexual asceticism had evidently found a place in certain Jewish sects. However, the default ideology and practice among Jews was strongly in favor of marriage. Examples:

"No man may abstain from keeping the law Be fruitful and multiply, unless he already has children: according to the School of Shammai, two sons; according to the School of Hillel, a son and a daughter, for it is written, Male and female created he them." Mishnah Yebamoth 6:6 (Danby translation)

"A man has no right to live without a woman and a woman has no right to live without a man." Tosefta Yebamoth 8:4D (Neusner translation)

"It was taught: R. Eliezer stated, He who does not engage in propagation of the race is as though he sheds blood; for it is said, Whoso sheddeth man's blood by man shall his blood be shed [Genesis 9:6], and this is immediately followed by the text, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9:7]. R. Jacob said: As though he has diminished the Divine Image; since it is said, For in the image of God made he man [9:6], and this is immediately followed by, And you, be ye fruitful etc. [9.7]. Ben 'Azzai said: As though he sheds blood and diminishes the Divine Image; since it is said, And you, be ye fruitful and multiply [9.7]." Talmud Bavli, Yebamoth 63b (Slotki translation in the Soncino edition)

References

Regarding sexual asceticism in certain Jewish sects, the Essenes have already been mentioned. Note also the Therapeutae as represented in Philo, De Vita Contemplativa 65, 68.

The Mishnah, translated from the Hebrew with introduction and brief explanatory notes by Herbert Danby (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1933; printed from the corrected sheets of the first edition, 1938 ... 1977): p. 227.

The Tosefta, translated from the Hebrew with a new introduction [by] Jacob Neusner (Peabody, Mass.: Hendrickson Publishers, 2002): v. 1, p. 711.

Yebamoth, translated into English with notes, glossary, and indices by Israel W. Slotki, under the editorship of I. Epstein (London: Soncino Press, 1994, c1984; in set: Hebrew-English Edition of the Babylonian Talmud).

***

Note the physical intimacy of the unnamed woman with an alabaster jar with Jesus in Matthew 26:6-13 = Mark 14:3-9 = Luke 7:36-50 (compare John 12:1-8, where Mary, sister of Martha, wiped his feet with her hair). Luke represents the unnamed woman as continuously kissing Jesus' feet, which may be intentionally reminiscent of the story of Ruth at the feet of Boaz, which was the first step in Ruth becoming Boaz's wife.

<References on men in contact with women, talking to, etc. Judith 8:4; GenR 8:12; tSotah 5:9; y Sotah 1:7 = 17a; bGittin 90a; mKetuboth7:6; tKetuboth 7:6 || mMiddoth 2:5; tSukkah 4:1; ySukkah 5:2 = 55b; bSukkah 51b; bQuiddushin 80b || Aboth 1:5; bNedarim 20a; Aboth de Rabbi Nathan, A 2:9; bErubin 53b>

Now the only scandal in the Matthew and Mark passages was the supposed waste of costly perfume ("ointment" in John). In Luke, the scandal was not Jesus' intimate contact with a woman, even though it was right in front of others. Nor was the scandal focused on the woman per se. The scandal was Jesus' intimate association with a woman classed as a "sinner." If this were a prenuptial situation, that would go a long way towards explaining the scandal imprint in each text.

***

Rewrite: Within the Judaism of Jesus' time, if a man took a woman (other than a close relative) into his household, she was considered his wife or concubine. <References>

In Luke 8:1-3 we have a list of women who were going about with Jesus from one city and village to another. Two of them, Mary Magdalene and Susanna, seem to have been otherwise unattached. Another, Joanna, was attached and yet was traveling with Jesus anyway. All of this, given the aforementioned premise, would have been scandalous and the last a scandal of scandals, adultery punishable by death; and yet there's no hint of scandal and no reluctance on the part of Luke to allow this window onto the female traveling companions of Jesus.

A possible explanation with regard to Joanna is that her husband, Chuza, was non-Jewish (his name may have been Nabatean), that he was the official of John 4:46-54 (per a common scholarly speculation), and that he was showing gratitude to Jesus for healing his son by allowing his wife to be part of Jesus' support network and entourage, perhaps under a chaperone arrangement. Although, a later text, the Book of the Resurrection of Christ by Bartholomew the Apostle (which I don't find credible), says that "Joanna the wife of Chuza ... had renounced the marriage bed" (M. R. James' translation). (By the way, for a chaperone arrangement involving a husband and multiple disciples accompanying a woman, see Mishnah Sotah 1:3 and Talmud Yerushalmi, Ketuboth 26d = 2.9.V, Neusner.)

The easiest explanation with regard to Mary Magdalene and Susanna is that they were considered wives of Jesus, although there's this stickler, that they seem to be represented as being among the women supporting Jesus and his entourage out of their own means. (There's some ambiguity here that I haven't yet been able to clear away.) <Reference for wives supporting husbands: Mishnah Ketuboth 5:5, 9; 6:1; 9:4; etc.>

There's much to unpackage here. For related passages, see Mark 15:40-41 and Acts 1:14.

Cautionary Note

In postulating that Mary Magdalene was the wife or a wife of Jesus, we should be careful not to denigrate her by suggesting either that her spousehood was all that was important about her or that it entirely explains her significance. She was a prominent leader in the early church in her own right. That she was a prominent leader is clear from many sources, but whether or not she was Jesus's wife is a matter obscure.

***

In John 2:1-11, Jesus and his disciples were called to a wedding. Jesus' mother was also there. In fact, not only was she there, but she was in charge of servants and wine. Some infer from this that it might have been a child of hers that was being married, and one stream of tradition has it that Jesus was her only child (see, for example, Jerome = Hieronymous, Contra Helvidium.)

 

***

In John 4:1-42, the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman draws upon nuptial imagery.

Not only do Jesus and the woman discuss her marital past, which has symbolic significance in terms of the history of Samaria, but the story takes place at Jacob's well. The wives of Isaac, Jacob, and Moses were all found at wells (cf. Genesis 24; 29:1-12; Exodus 2:16-21).

Furthermore, Jesus going to the Samaritans is reminiscent of Ezekiel 23, the idea in mind apparently being a restoration not only of Oholibah, the younger wife of God, which is Jerusalem, but also of Oholah, the elder wife of God, which is Samaria.

What we have in this story is a spiritual metaphor which, conceivably (but not necessarily), had a physical basis in Jesus' having had more than one wife, one of them a Samaritan woman. (Notice John 8:48.)

***

In the pericope of the woman caught in adultery, which in many modern Bibles is placed at John 7:53-8:11 (and in some manuscripts elsewhere in John or after Luke 21:38), the woman is brought to Jesus. Why? Was this a wife of Jesus or, given the punishment (stoning), a woman perhaps betrothed to Jesus? Note that Jesus addressed her as gunai (John 8:10), which can be translated as "wife" (however, contrast, for example, 2:4 and 19:26); and she addressed him as kurie = "lord" (8:11), which can be a wife's title for a husband (cf. Genesis 18:12; 1 Peter 3:6). Why was her paramour not brought before Jesus? Because only the woman bore some relation to him and only her case might prove capable of pushing him over the edge with regard to Mosaic Law or with regard to Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule? (A mob lynching might have been one of the dangers.) Why did Jesus not dispute the legitimacy of his involvement in the case, as he did in Luke 12:14 (cf. John 3:17; 8:15-16)? Was it because he was personally connected to it? In at least some adulterous situations, it was the husband alone who had standing to bring charges (Numbers 5:15, 30; Deuteronomy 22:14, 16-17); although, except for the absence of the paramour, it appears that the law being applied here (in John 8:5) was Deuteronomy 22:23-24, which does not specifiy who has standing to bring charges. Note the absence in the story of any other to play the role of cuckolded husband: the witnesses aside, it is Jesus who does not condemn her (John 8:11). What is the simplest explanation of all the above? Perhaps that the woman was indeed Jesus' betrothed. (Of course, this theory leads to yet another set of questions beginning with, Did Jesus divorce her?)

References and Notes

For a discussion of early forms of the story, see: The Apostolic Fathers: Greek Texts and English Translations of Their Writings, J. B. Lightfoot and J. R. Harmer, editors and translators; Michael W. Holmes, editor and reviser (2nd ed. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Book House, c1992): pp. 557-560; cf. Papias, fragments 3:17; 4; 23; 26, which follow. By the way, I am doubtful of the conflation theory of the pericope's composition.

Regarding "why," Raymond Brown wrote, "The most difficult [question about the story] concerns the reason why the scribes and pharisees brought the woman to Jesus." See The Gospel according to John (i-xii), introduction, translation, and notes by Raymond E. Brown (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1966; in set: The Anchor Bible; 29): p. 337.

Part of the problem may be that the usual scholarly supposition is that she was brought to Jesus for trial or sentencing or that she was brought post-trial or post-sentencing. But if she was betrothed to Jesus or was a close relative of Jesus, one under his care -- a sister or a daughter or a wife -- then the moving force of the story becomes simpler, it becomes unnecessary to assume that the case was at or past the point of trial and sentencing, and we can escape the difficulties associated with the usual scholarly supposition.

For stoning as the punishment for a betrothed virgin who has intercourse with another man, see Deuteronomy 22:21, 23-24; compare Mishnah Sanhedrin 7:4, 9.

For strangling as the punishment for having "connexion with another man's wife," see, for example, Mishnah Sanhedrin 11:1, 6; Talmud Bavli, Sanhedrin 52b-53a; 66b; Sifra on Leviticus 20:10 at Parashat Qedoshim Pereq 10 = 208.2.4B = 368a; and Sifre on Deuteronomy 22:22 at Piska 241.

For an earlier lack of distinction, stoning apparently being a punishment for both, see Ezekiel 16:38-40. (Compare, perhaps, Susanna 62.) In that case, the law being applied at John 8:5 could have been Leviticus 20:10 (contrast 18:20, 29) = Deuteronomy 22:22. The disputed question is, When did the distinction in punishments come into effect?

Regarding Mosaic Law vis-à-vis Roman rule: According to John 18:31, the Jews (that is, the high priests) said to Pilate regarding Jesus, "We are not permitted to put any one to death." Two explanations have been suggested:

  • First, that this was "with reference to this season" (so Chrysostom, Homilies on the Gospel of John 83:4) or "on account of the festal day" (so Augustine of Hippo, In Joannis Evangelium 114:4). Evidently a capital case was not allowed to be heard on the eve of or during Passover (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:1).
  • Second, that the right to use the death penalty had been taken from the Jews and reserved to the Roman authorities. Among references commonly cited in support of this explanation are these:
    • Megillat Ta'anit = Fasting Scroll 6, which may allude to a later restoration of the right: "On the twenty-second day thereof [Elul] they began again to execute evildoers";
    • Josephus, Jewish War 2:117 = 2.8.1 (compare his Antiquities 18:2 = 18.1.1), which speaks of the Procurator Coponius being "entrusted by Augustus with full powers, including the infliction of capital punishment"; and,
    • Talmud Yerushalmi, Sanhedrin 18a = 1.1.III.A; 24b = 7.2.III.A (Neusner), which says, to quote the latter passage, "Forty years before the Temple was destroyed, the right to judge capital cases was taken away from Israelite courts": A.D. 70 minus 40 would be around A.D. 30, but the number may have been an approximation or styled after Israel's forty years in the wilderness (cf. Numbers 32:13).

By the way, for the text, with an English translation, of the Megillat Ta'anit, I am consulting A Manual of Palestinain Aramaic Texts, [by] Joseph A. Fitzmyer and Daniel J. Harrington (Rome: Biblical Institute Press, 1978; in series: Biblica et Orientalia; 34): pp. 184-187, 248-250.

Regarding the question of whether Jesus divorced her, it divides naturally into two parts, first, what is the force of Jesus' command to her, poreuou ("Leave!" or "Begone!"); and, second, what would have been in character for Jesus; for instance, would he have felt it incumbent upon himself to divorce her because of porneia (a violation of the sexual code; cf. Matthew 5:32; 19:9)? To comment simply on the first, among the options:

  • Jesus was telling her to go her way, perhaps with the practical concern that she avoid being grabbed again. This comports with the usual interpretation, that the woman had received Jesus' forgiveness; and it is the interpretation I favor, since no more complicated explanation is demanded -- well, except for this: How do we explain that there is no sign of repentance on the woman's part (unless it is implied in her addressing him as kurie = "Lord")?
  • Jesus was telling her to remove herself from the Temple precincts and indeed from the descendants of the Israelites, that is, to go into voluntary exile. In other words, in his judgment an appropriate sentence was the less violent of the Mosaic punishments, to be cut off (Leviticus 18:29 rather than 20:10), which, supposedly, comported with Roman rule; although the Romans may have reserved to themselves not only implementation of the death penalty but also of the punishment of exile.
  • Jesus was divorcing her, a bill of divorcement to come later.

In the Greek, there is a split second of suspense, for we do not know whether Jesus is about to call her pornê ("Whore!"). Instead he gives the command poreuou. If that split second of suspense was meant to be conveyed orally, then the command would have been given emphatically; and that may be suggestive as to its force.

***

John 11:5 says, "Now Jesus loved [ëgapa, from agapaö)] Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus." (Note that agapaö is the word used for love within marriage in Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33.) From Luke 10:38-42, we learn that Martha had her own home and invited Jesus into it. Here again not a lot is making sense in terms of the male-female protocols of early Judaism, unless either Martha or her sister, Mary, was a wife of Jesus -- probably not both, given the prohibition at Leviticus 18:18. (Although note Jeremiah 3:6-10 and Ezekiel 23:2 and following. Each passage has God with two wives who are sisters of one another.)

<References on protocols>

***

<Rewrite> Again back to physical intimacy:

That Mary Magdalene had a strong emotional bond with Jesus is the story that emerges from source after source. As for the sex incident, it is portrayed in mythological terms: Jesus took the other woman from his side. However, it is again suggestive of an unbounded intimacy between Mary and Jesus in at least some early Christian understanding.

***

The Gospel of Philip says almost outright that Jesus was married. The trouble is that it is ambiguous. Was it speaking metaphorically? To quote:

"The Lord [did] all things by means of a mystery: baptism, chrism, eucharist, ransom, and bridal chamber" (67:27 = 60, Layton).

***

In the Gospel of Thomas, Salome says:

"Who are you, O man? Like a stranger(?) you have gotten upon my couch and you have eaten from my table ... I am your female disciple" (43:25-30 = 61, Layton).

Is this a scene from the domestic life of Jesus? It could mean that Salome had been his nursemaid or his hostess or his wife.

The quotation above is an English translation from the Coptic, which was in turn a translation from a Greek text, that portion of which is lost. In Greek, a common word for "man," namely anër, can be rendered also as "husband."

Incidentally, the apocryphal Gospel of the Egyptians has Jesus discussing sexual matters with a Salome. For some of the key fragments of the Gospel of the Egyptians, see Clement of Alexandria, Stromateis 3:45, 63-64, 66, 68, 91ff.

***

Among the names of other women associated with Jesus, perhaps the most notable in extra-canonical literature is Arsenoe. See the First Apocalypse of James 40; Gospel of Mani, Turfan fragment M 18; Coptic Psalm-Book 192:24; 194:22; and Parthian Crucifixion Hymns 1:3.

***

It may be instructive to examine the women who were with Jesus at the end, since, if he had a wife, one would expect her to be among them or, if he had wives, one would expect at least one representative to have been present. So here's a breakdown from canonical sources:

Mary Magdalene stands out alone as nobody's woman except for her strong emotional bond with the man for whom she was mourning.

Mary stands out alone, that is, unless Salome is not to be identified with the mother of the sons of Zebedee and the sister of Jesus' mother. That identification is made by conflating Matthew 27:56; Mark 15:40; 16:1; and John 19:25. Even if Salome were the mother of the sons of Zebedee, Zebedee may have been dead (although still alive in Mark 1:20) or may have divorced her. But if she were the sister of Jesus' mother, there would have been a legal prohibition against Jesus' taking her for a wife (Leviticus 18:13 = 20:19).

***

Now to elaborate on John 20:11-18: It can be interpreted as a nuptial scene in reverse, one that plays off of the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. (Note the mention of a gardener in 20:15.)

In other words, John 20:11-18 can be interpreted as an ending of the bonds of marriage through death, only to be transcended by spiritual communion. In this context, it may be significant that Jesus is represented as sending Mary Magdalene to his brothers (20:17), especially if she had no male child (cf. Deuteronomy 25:5-10) -- the point being, on the Gospel writer's part, not just to set up the announcement of Jesus' appearance (20:18), but to show Jesus' concern that she be cared for, conceivably via levirate marriage, now that he no longer had husbandly duties towards her (compare 19:26-27).

***

If Jesus was married, why is there no sign of his children? There may well be. When Jesus was at "the house" in Capernaum, he took a child and said:

"Whoever receives one child like this in My name is receiving Me; and whoever receives Me is not receiving Me, but Him who sent Me" (Mark 9:37, NASB).

Observe the close identity that Jesus had with the child.

Later the Gospel of Mark has a young man who followed Jesus after Jesus' arrest, this after all the disciples accompanying Jesus had fled (14:50-52). The young man was seized by the authorities but managed to slip away. Was he seized in anticipation that Jesus might be executed as purported King of the Jews and that when the Romans executed kings, they executed kings' sons along with the kings?

According to the Gospel of John, Jesus had a specially beloved disciple who "was reclining on Jesus' breast" at the Last Supper, much as a youngster might do (13:23, NASB). The same Gospel represents Jesus, while hanging from the cross, turning the care of his mother over to "the disciple whom he loved" (19:26-27), which would be natural provided that the disciple was his heir and, if a male, related to her by blood.

It's a little surprising that the Gospel writers did not bring out, as applicable to the Messiah, Isaiah 53:10, which speaks of "his offspring." However, the early Christian community may have thought it prudent to keep any children of Jesus out of the limelight, perhaps because of danger from persecution -- note the murder of his brother, James the Just (Eusebius, Ecclesiastical History 2.1.5; 2.23.3-18) and the persecutions of the family of David (3.12.1; 3.19.1; 3.20.1-7; 3.32.1-6) -- or perhaps because of fear of competition or embarrassment. It is also possible that they simply didn't survive. (That they eventually died out could be taken as an implication of 3.20.1.)

Incidentally, there's been a spate of books recently that claim to be on the trail of the bloodline of Jesus. I myself put no intellectual stock in them.

References

Regarding the recent quest for the bloodline of Jesus, see, for example:

  • Holy Blood, Holy Grail, [by] Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh, and Henry Lincoln (New York: Delacorte Press, c1982);
  • The Woman With the Alabaster Jar: Mary Magdalene and the Holy Grail, [by] Margaret Starbird (Santa Fe, NM: Bear, c1993);
  • Bloodline of the Holy Grail: The Hidden Lineage of Jesus Revealed, [by] Laurence Gardner (Shaftesbury, Dorset; Boston, Mass.: Element, 1998).

***

A recent documentary movie and a recent book present an argument, in part a statistical argument, that the family tomb of the Jesus of the Gospels has been discovered in the Talpiot region of Jerusalem, the so-called Tomb of Ten Ossuaries. Among the ossuaries are those of Matthew, Maria, Joses, Jesus son of Joseph, Mariammê also known as the Master, and Judah son of Jesus; possibly also James son of Joseph. If Mariammê is to be identified with Mary Magdalene, as the authors propose, then her burial in a family tomb with Jesus suggests that she was his wife.

Naturally the entire thesis -- the identification of the Jesus of the Talpiot tomb with Jesus Christ -- is controversial, especially given that an empty tomb was treated in the canonical Gospels as a sign of Jesus' Resurrection (Matthew 28:6; Mark 16:6; Luke 24:6; John 20:1-14).

References

The documentary, which is available in DVD format, is:

  • The Lost Tomb of Jesus, directed by Simcha Jacobovici; executive producer, James Cameron; narrated by Ron White; written by Simcha Jacobovici & Graeme Ball (Port Washington, NY: Koch Entertainment LP, c2007). "The feature-length director's cut of the Discovery Channel special." One of the Web sites devoted to the documentary is at: http://www.jesusfamilytomb.com/movie_overview.html.

The book is:

  • The Jesus Family Tomb: The Discovery, the Investigation, and the Evidence that Could Change History, [by] Simcha Jacobovici and Charles Pellegrino; foreword by James Cameron (New York, NY: HarperSanFrancisco, c2007).

The tomb is designated IAA 80/500-509, which stands for: Israel Antiquities Authority, discoveries of 1980, site with major artifacts numbered 500-509. The major artifacts are the ossuaries. Those with inscribed names are:

  • 80/500: Mariammê (or Mariamnê or Mariamênês) Mara = Miriam also known as Master = Mary Magdalene (supposedly);
  • 80/501: Yehuda bar Yeshua = Judah son of Jesus;
  • 80/502: Matya = Matthew (compare Matthan in Matthew 1:15; Matthat in Luke 3:24; and Matthias in Acts 1:23-26);
  • 80/503: Yeshua bar Yosef = Jesus son of Joseph (compare Matthew 1:16; Luke 3:23; 4:22; John 1:45; 6:42);
  • 80/504: Yosa or Yose = Joseph or Joses (for Joseph, compare Matthew 1:16 and Luke 3:23; for Joses compare Mark 6:3; 15:40, 47); and,
  • 80/505: Maria = Mary (compare Matthew 1:18 and elsewhere in the Gospels).

One of the ossuaries disappeared almost immediately after discovery. The authors of the above-cited book believe it to be the controversial ossuary with the inscription: Yakov bar Iosef, achui d'Yeshua = Jacob (anglicized: James) son of Joseph, brother of Jesus. The last part of the inscription, "brother of Jesus," is regarded by some a forgery. (Compare Matthew 13:55; Mark 6:3; Galatians 1:19.)

That Mary Magdalene was also called Mariammê or Mariamnê is known (according to Jacobovici, pp. 101, 205) from Origen, Epiphanius, the Pistis Sophia, the Acts of Philip, and Greek Orthodox tradition.

For the name Miariammê, see, for starters, the index to The Loeb Classical Library edition of Josephus, which lists seven women with the name:

  • the sister of Moses, known in English translations of the Bible as Miriam;
  • a daughter of Alexander son of Aristobulus, and wife of Herod;
  • a daughter of Simon the high priest, and wife of Herod;
  • a wife of Archelaus the ethnarch;
  • a daughter of Aristobulus and Berenice (possibly the same as the preceding); and,
  • a daughter of Agrippa I and Cypros.

The index mentions also a tower of Mariammê in Jerusalem.

***

So why didn't the Gospels just say that Jesus had one or more wives? It's doubtful that it was because they were trying to present a picture of Jesus either as an ascetic or as too divine. Those sorts of attempts came later. Among the possible reasons:

***

The argument from silence against Jesus having been married can be met with arguments from silence for Jesus having been married. To mention two:

***

To sum up, a reasonable argument can be made that the default position should be that it's likely that Jesus was married, perhaps even polygynously so. The leading candidate for a wife is Mary Magdalene. However, there are also other named women who are candidates, including Martha, her sister Mary (whom some identify with Mary Magdalene), Susanna, Salome, and Arsenoe. And there are at least two unnamed women, the woman with the alabaster jar (whom some identify with Mary, Martha's sister, and from there with Mary Magdalene) and the Samaritan woman.

See also deceased wife's sister question, Pericope de Adultera, New Testament monogamy, Oholah and Oholibah, polygyny, Samaritian woman at the well.

x Bible.
x Jesus as married.


watching:

In swinger parlance, looking on and allowing oneself to be aroused as one's mate engages in sexual activity with another person.

See also ask-and-tell eroticism, candaulism, compersion, confirming, helping, hothusband, hotwife, Mandingo party, martymachlia, mixoscopia, reassurance, reconnecting, sperm comeptition syndrome, swing, troilism, synletitious.

 

water brother or water-sibling (Robert A. Heinlein, 1961):

A fellow member of a nest (q.v. in the second sense); a fellow member of the Church of All Worlds; a person with whom one has shared water ceremonially, with whom, perhaps among others, one exists in a committed and deeply honest love relationship for life, and with whom one tries to realize the vision of Valentine Michael Smith, a character in the science fiction novel, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (1961; uncut edition, 1991). Smith applied the term "water brother" to both men and women; however, some prefer the term "water-sibling" in order to avoid confusion. Water-siblings are free to engage in sex together, and they are also free to decline sex with one another according to preference and mood.

See also adoption, blood brother, partner.

 

water of bitterness that brings a curse:

See water of jealousy.

 

water of jealousy:

The bitter drink of Numbers 5:11-31 administered by a priest to a woman suspected by her Israelite husband of adultery, in order to decide her guilt or innocence.

Comments: The Bible itself does not use the term "water of jealousy," but rather "the bitter water that causeth the curse" (Authorized Version) = "the water of bitterness that brings a curse" (New American Standard Bible). It consists of holy water, dust from the floor of the Tabernacle (later the Temple), and written curses washed off into the water.

The suspected adulteress of Numbers is the topic of the talmudic tractate Sotah.

See also adulteress, adultery, jealousy, sotah.

x Bible.
x bitter water that causeth the curse.
x water of bitterness that brings a curse.

 

way of romantic love:

Romantic love (q.v.) as a spiritual path to enlightenment and to an ennobling participation in something greater than oneself that is true and good and beautiful, even to mystical union with the Divine.

See also romantic theology, vision of romantic love.

Quotations from Charles Williams Illustrating "Way of Romantic Love"

[106] ... no one else [but Dante] has given us so complete an exposition of the Way of Romantic Love. It is, of course, in his own terms; the Way can be followed though the terms are rejected. But at least the Way understood in other terms must not be less than his. It is possible to follow this method of love without introducing the name of God. But it is hardly possible to follow it without proposing and involving as an end a state of caritas of the utmost possible height and breadth, nor without allowing to matter a significance and power which (of all the religions and philosophies) only Christianity has affirmed.

 

[108-109] Hell has made three principal attacks on the | Way of Romantic Love. The dangerous assumptions produced are: (1) the assumption that it will naturally be everlasting; (2) the assumption that it is personal; (3) the assumption that it is sufficient.

From the theological work: He Came Down From Heaven, [by] Charles Williams (Grand Rapids, Mich.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1984): chapter 5, "The Theology of Romantic Love," pp. 106, 108-109. Originally published: London: William Heinemann, 1938; in series: I believe; no. 5.


weak:

1. Not strong.

2. Lacking in moral stamina.

3. Vulnerable to giving in to a sexual advance, especially in any instance where to do so would be to violate a sexual code.

Quotation from P. W. K. Stone's Translation of Laclos Illustrating "Weak"

 

[The Présidente de Tourvel to the Vicomte de Valmont] ... I need not, nevertheless, expect to be judged by you much harshly than by the public, in whose opinion there is still an immense difference between a weak woman and a depraved one.

From the novel: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [by] Choderlos de Laclos; translated and with an introduction by P. W. K. Stone (Baltimore, Md.: Penguin Books, 1961; in: The Penguin Classics; L116): letter 136, pp. 324-325, specifically p. 325. The mark of omission is mine. The original French edition was published in Paris in 1782.

 

... je pouvais m'attendre cependant à ne pas être jugée par vous plus sévèrement que par le public, dont l'opinion sépare encore, par un immense intervalle, la femme faible de la femme dépravée.

From: Les Liaisons dangereuses, [par] Pierre Choderlos de Laclos; chronologie et préface par René Pomeau (Paris: Flammarion, c1981; in publisher's series: GF; 13): lettre 136, pp. 311. The mark of omission is mine. Faible = weak.

 

weapon of sex:

See use sex as a weapon.

 

wear a label:

1. To have attached to oneself a strip of material for purposes of identification or categorization.

2. Metaphorically, to have imposed upon, to accept, or to adopt a categorization of oneself, especially with regard to a matter many view as relating to identity, such as one's ethnicity or one's sexuality.

Comment: The term is sometimes used pejoratively, implying an encroachment upon selfhood in all its dynamic complexity and an impingement upon personal freedom.

See also label, pomosexuality, scarlet letter, sexuality, sexual orientation.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Wear a Label"

[Connie Pen to Molly Bolt] "Do you think you're a queer?"

"Oh great, you too. So now I wear this label 'Queer' emblazoned across my chest. Or I could always carve a scarlet 'L' [for 'Lesbian'] on my forehead. Why does everyone have to put you in a box and nail the lid on it? I don't know what I am -- polymorphous and perverse..."

"No, you don't have to be anything. I'm sorry I asked you if you were a queer. But this is a big jolt. Things your mother didn't tell you and all that. I guess I'm a square, or maybe I'm scared. I don't think you or anyone else should wear a label and I don't understand why who you sleep with is so god-damned important and I don't understand why I'm all strung out over this..."

From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 9, p.  85. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.


wear the breeches, or wear the pants:

1. To exercize chief authority in a household.

2. To usurp the authority of a husband, said of a woman, usually the wife, in a cultural context where it is expected that the husband be the chief authority in the household.

Comment: In this phrase, the breeches or pants symbolize male authority.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, fictive widow, gynocracy, "head of the wife," hen-peck, Lady Macbeth syndrome, patriarchal family, pussywhip, she who must be obeyed, tied to her apron springs, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, womaned.

x breeches.
x pants.
x wear the pants.

 

wear the horns:

To be a cuckold, that is, to have sprouted the imaginary horns associated with a cuckold -- in some cases represented by the donning of symbolic horns.

Comment: I have seen two explanations of the association of horns with being a cuckold:

References

Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, Giving the Derivation, Source, or Origin of Common Phrases, Allusions, and Words That Have a Tale to Tell, by E. Cobham Brewer (New edition, revised, corrected, and enlarged; to which is added a concise bibliography of English literature. Philadelphia: Henry Altemus, c1898): p. 621, s.v. "Horn, Horns."

Webster's Third New International Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged ..., editor in chief, Philip Babcock Gove and the Merriam-Webster Editorial Staff (Springfield, Mass.: Merriam-Webster, c1986): s.v. "horn" 4b.

A Seventeenth-Century Representation of a Cuckold Wearing the Horns

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 137. In the facsimile, the woodcut measures approximately 7.4 x 5.5 cm. For other representations of the horned cuckold, see especially pp. 134 and 194.

A printer would use the same woodcut over and over again. This particular impression of this woodcut appeared in: The Scolding Wives Vindication: or, An Answer to the Cuckold's Complaint, Wherein She Shows What Just Reasons She Had to Exercise Severity Over Her Insufficient Husband: To the Tune of, The Cuckold's Complaint ([London]: Printed for P. Brooksby, J. Deacon, J. Blare, J. Back, [between 1683 and 1696]).

See also bull's feather, cornuted, cuckold, forked order, give horns to, horned, horn-mad (especially the quotation there, which has a description of the variety of horns), horns, horns hung on.

 

wear the pants:

See wear the breeches.

 

Web-husband:

A mail-order husband found through the World Wide Web.

Comment: Coined by me on analogy with "Web-wife." But perhaps it already exists.

See also dating service, electronic wedlock, mail-order husband, online relationship, Web wife.

 

Web-wife:

A mail-order bride found through the World Wide Web.

See also dating service, electronic wedlock, e-mail marriage, mail-order bride, online relationship, Web husband.

 

wed:

To marry; to take a spouse, especially ceremonially.

See also anuptaphobia, become engaged, buckle, cleave, join, lead to the altar, legally married, marry, solemnize, take, take the giggle-trot, take the plunge, tie the knot, tie up.

 

wedbed:

1. A euphemism for conjugal sexual relations.

2. The bed shared by individuals who are married to each other, especially the first such bed.

See also bedding, marriage bed.

 

wedded bliss:

See bliss.

 

wedded life:

Married life (q.v.).

 

wedding:

1. The uniting of people in marriage (q.v.), especially through ceremony.

2. The celebration of the uniting of people in marriage.

A Seventeenth-Century Depiction of a Wedding

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 111. In the facsimile, the woodcut measures approximately 6 x 6 cm.

A printer would use the same woodcut over and over again. This particular impression of this woodcut appeared in: The Easter Wedding: or, The Bridegrooms Joy and Happiness Compleated, in his Kind and Constant Bride... To the Tune of, O so ungrateful a Creature ([London]: Printed for C. Den nisson [i.e. Dennisson?] at the Stationers-Arms, within Aldgate, [169-?]).

See also anniversary, annulment, anti-wedding, bedding, besom wedding, betrothal, bridal, brydthing, celebrity marriage, ceremonial marriage, clandestine wedding, coemption, confarreation, consensus nuptialis, destination wedding, electronic wedlock, engagement, epithalamic, epithalamium, espouse, faux wedding, Flagg marriage, fusion wedding, give away in marriage, hand-fasting, hatunnah, hymeneal, hymeneals, jow-fair, jubilee, kiddushim, Las Vegas wedding, marriage ceremony, matrimony, mock wedding, nissuim, nuptials, open wedding, paper marriage, premarital nerves, prothalamium, relationship commitment, renew vows, shift marriage, shotgun wedding, smock marriage, solemnization, sponsalia, sponsored wedding, spousals, tree marriage, 'umra, 'urs, usus, vivaha, weddingmoon, Westminster wedding.

Some related terms that fall beyond the scope of this glossary: ad ostium ecclesiae, best man, bridesmaid, cestus, drive thru wedding, epaulion, epithalamium, erusin, infare, loutrophoros, paranymph, shtille khuppeh, Tobias nights, wedding reception, yihud.

 

wedding anniversary:

See anniversary.

 

wedding bell blues:

The frustrated desire to marry a beloved.

Comment: Often an allusion to the song, "Wedding Bell Blues" (1966), written and recorded by Laura Nyro (born Laura Nigro; 1947-1997). The song became a number one hit for The Fifth Dimension in 1969.

See also anutaphobia, azygophrenia, itchy ring finger, single, Torschlusspanik, unhappily single.

x blues.


weddingmoon:

A wedding and honeymoon all away at the honeymoon location.

Comment: As coined and trademarked by Sandals Resorts, it refers specifically to a destination wedding at one of its resorts. However, the term has come into more general use.

See also destination wedding, honeymoon, wedding.


wedding night syndrome:

Nervousness, perhaps even terror, as the time approaches for the consummation of one's marriage.

See also consummation.

x syndromes.

 

wedlock:

The state of being in a marriage (q.v.).

Comment: The suffix, "-lock," rather than indicating restriction, indicates instead action. In other words, evidently wedlock is a pledge that's been acted upon.

See also break wedlock, bridelock, electronic wedlock, holy wedlock, matrimony, out of wedlock, spousehood.

 

Welsh terms:

See ban-charach, mercheta, merchetwr.

 

wench, as in "a wench":

1. A woman who is young, low class, or servile.

2. A female child.

3. A lewd woman.

See also slut, wanton woman, wonder-wench.

 

wench, as in "to wench":

To engage in sexual relations with lewd women, generally said of a man.

See also stud, womanize.

 

wencher:

Someone who engages in sexual relations with lewd women, generally said of a man.

See also stud, womanizer.

 

we of me (Carson McCullers, 1946):

1. One's intense identification with both the individual members and the corporateness of a love relationship of which one is a part.

2. Pertaining to such identification.

Comment: The term was first used in reference to a triangle (q.v.).

See also blinded by love.

Quotation from Carson McCullers on the We of Me

 

[291] They are the we of me. Yesterday, and all the twelve years of her life, she had only been Frankie. She was an I person who had to walk around and do things by herself. All other people had a we to claim, all others except her....

[294] Frankie stood looking into the sky. For when the old question came to her -- the one who she was and what she would be in the world, and why she was standing there that minute -- when the old [295] question came to her, she did not feel hurt and unanswered. At last she knew just who she was and understood where she was going. She loved her brother and the bride and she was a member of the wedding. The three of them would go into the world and they would always be together. And finally, after the scared spring and the crazy summer, she was no more afraid.

From: The Member of the Wedding (c1946): part 1; in Collected Stories, including The Member of the Wedding and The Ballad of the Sad Café, [by] Carson McCullers; introduction by Virginia Spencer Carr (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1987).

Quotations from Virginia Spencer Carr Illustrating "We of Me" Usage

 

[147] Nineteen years passed before David Diamond knew the full answer to such ponderings, but the meeting that night [between David Diamond, Carson McCullers, and James Reeves McCullers] was the beginning of another meaningful we of me triangle for Carson ....

[171] But for her [Carson McCuller's] husband to have loved their best friend, to have gone off to Rochester with him and removed him from the we of me relationship that had been so meaningful to them both, was gross and unfair.

From: The Lonely Hunter: A Biography of Carson McCullers, by Virginia Spencer Carr (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1975).

 

weotuma (Old English):

Gifts by which a man effects a betrothal (q.v.), thereby obtaining a wife.

See also amober, arrha, avail of marriage, brideprice, mahr, maritagium.

 

wertheritis:

1. The epidemic of suicides or any suicide supposedly prompted by the romantic novel by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Die Leiden des jungen Werther (1774), which has been translated as The Sorrows of Young Werther.

2. Suicide motivated by unreciprocated love-passion, especially passion for a married woman.

Comment: The term has been attributed to Louis Proal (1905). See Encyclopaedia Sexualis (1936).

See also desperate, erotic suicide pact, Juliet, Liebestod, love-death, lover's leap, Romeo, unreciprocated love, unrequited love.

x suicide.

 

Westermarck effect:

A strong tendency to avoid mating with someone with whom one was closely associated in childhood.

Comments: Named after the Finnish anthropologist, Edvard Westermarck.

The effect conflicts with some elements of Freudian psychology, but has been borne out, in some cases, in anthropological research.

See also exogamy, heterogamy, incest, kinship, negative sexual imprinting, rule of the gift, Westermarck hypothesis.

x effects.

Edvard Westermarck's Own Statement of What Came To Be Called the Westermarck Effect

 

But even if social prohibitions might prevent unions between the nearest relatives, they could not prevent the desire for such unions. The sexual instinct can hardly be changed by prescriptions ... Nevertheless, our laws against incest are scarcely felt as a restraint upon individual feelings. And the simple reason for this is that in normal cases there is no desire for the acts which they forbid. Generally speaking, there is a remarkable absence of erotic feelings between persons living very closely together from childhood. Nay more, in this, as in many other cases, sexual indifference is combined with the positive feeling of aversion when the act is thought of. This I take to be the fundamental cause of the exogamous | prohibitions. Persons who have been living closely together from childhood are as a rule near relatives. Hence their aversion to sexual relations with one another displays itself in custom and law as a prohibition of intercourse between near kin.

From: The History of Human Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (5th edition rewritten. New York: Allerton Book Co., 1922, preface 1921): v. 2, chapter 20, pp. 192-193. First edition published, 1891. Similar statements are found in other works of his, for instance:

  • A Short History of Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (New York: Macmillan Co., 1926): pp. 79ff.
  • Marriage, by Edward Westermarck (New York: Jonathan Cape & Harrison Smith, [1929]): pp. 29ff.


Westermarck hypothesis:

The proposition that prohibitions of sexual intercourse between near kin are generally in line with a natural aversion to mating with someone with whom one was closely associated in childhood.

Comments: Abbreviated WH.

Named after the Finnish anthropologist, Edvard Westermarck.

See also exogamy, heterogamy, incest, kinship, Westermarck effect.


Westermarck trap:

The conflict that arises when children under the influence of the Westermarck effect are expected to marry each other.

Comment: Named after the Westermarck effect (q.v.).

See also endogamy, homogamy, incest, kinship.


Westminster wedding:

1. "A match between a whore and a rogue."1

2. A wedding conducted at a place called Westminster, the most notable example of such a place being Westminster Abbey.

Comment: Note the spelling: "Westminster," not "Westminister."

Of possible relevance may be the English proverb: "Who goes to Westminster for a wife, to Paul's for a man, and to Smithfield for a horse, may meet with a whore, a knave, and a jade."2

References

1 Lexicon Balatronicum: A Dictionary of Buckish Slang, University Wit, and Pickpocket Eloquence, compiled originally by Captain [Francis] Grose, and now considerably altered and enlarged, with the modern changes and improvements, by a member of the Whip Club [Hewson Clarke], assisted by Hell-Fire Dick, and James Gordon ...; and William Soames ... (London: Printed for C. Chappel, 1811). Compare its definition of "Bristol man": "The son of an Irish thief and a Welsh whore."

2 The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs, compiled by William George Smith; with introduction and index by Janet E. Heseltine (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935): p. 586. Smith documents the proverb in this form back to 1659 and in a different form to 1617.

See also blowen, doxy, wedding, whore.

A Seventeenth-Century Ballad Illustrating "Westminster Wedding"

 

The

Westminster Wedding:

Or, Trick for Trick.
 
When Rogues and Whores together meet,
__'tis pity they should parted be,
But taste the bitter with the sweet,
__which still attends such Company.
Tune is, The Winchester Wedding.
 
AT VVestminser was such a Match,
__the like was never known,
A Whore that was painted and patch'd,
__did meet with a French-man alone:
The French-man was wofully Clapt,
__and so was the Whore also,
He askt if she ever was Tap'd,
__but still she made answer no:
The French-man then needs would be doing
__supposing himself for to ease,
At last by his amorous VVooing,
__he added unto to his Disease.
 
He joy'd that so soon he had won her,
__to grant him his hearts desire,
And when he had stoutly done her,
__she set all his Rigging on fire:
The Frenchman began for to mutter,
__and fear'd she had serv'd him a trick,
For he found himself hotter and hotter,
__and wisht she had been at Old Nick:
When he first began for to dally,
__tho' 'twas with a wicked intent,
But yet this same Brazen fac'd Molly,
__did little conceive what he meant.
 
But finding himself out of order,
__he swore by gar she should dye,
Before she went any further,
__for with heat he began for to fry:
And she was as notably pepper'd,
__to torture her it did begin,
She spotted was like to a Leopard,
__from the sole of the foot to the Chin:
At which he did seem to be pleased,
__and could not but laugh in his mind,
Tho' he was as strangely diseased,
__as you by the sequel shall find.
 
He told her that she was a Whore,
__to play such a damnable trick,
She told him she knew that before,
__and then bid a Pox of his P======
For you like a Rogue have beguil'd me,
__I partly do now understand,
But cannot well say you have spoyl'd me,
__because I was spoyl'd to your hand:
But yet I must tell you Monsieur,
__You naught by the bargain have got,
And I think it will cost you full dear,
__for meddling with my merry Spot.
 
A pox of your merry Spot then,
__the French-man aloud he did cry,
'Tis enough for to spoyl twenty men,
__that have no more forecast than I:
But yet I believe you will find,
__your self in a pickled condition,
At Kingsland some help you may find,
__if you draw up a handsome Petition:
You must to the Hospital go,
__if ever you mean to be Cur'd,
For 'tis such a torment I know,
__that well it cannot be endur'd.
 
Was ever poor French-man so serv'd,
__the Monsieur began for to cry,
But yet he said he did deserve it,
__that with common Bitches would lye:
But I do resolve for the future,
__no nattering Jades to believe,
Experience it is the best Tutor,
__who tells me that Whores will deceive:
But yet I am well-enough serv'd,
__that had an intent for to spoyl her,
And 'tis not a plague undeserv'd,
__because I did think to beguile her.
 
And since such a trick she hath shown me,
__I think I had best to be friends,
If she for a husband will own me,
__I'le VVed her and make her amends,
A Rogue and a Whore met together,
__'tis pity they ever should part,
For 'tis forty to one if that either,
__be loyal and true in the heart:
So to her he told his intent,
__how he was dispos'd her to Marry,
Away to the Church then they went,
__for neither was willing to tarry.
 
And thus have you heard of a VVedding,
__where pockish'd couple did VVed,
And there was no need of a Leading
__this Rogue and his VVhore to the Bed:
I wish this may be a fair warning,
__to English as well as to French,
That they e'ry day may be learning
__to dispise a bold impudent Wench:
He thought at the first to deceive her,
__and so to leave her in the lurch,
But he had not power to leave her,
__so both were conjoyn'd in the Church.
Printed for Josiah Blare, Book-Seller at the Looking-Glass, on London-Bridge.

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by W. G. Day (Cambridge [England]: D. S. Brewer, 1987; in series: Catalogue of the Pepys Library at Magdalene College, Cambridge): facsimile volume 4, p. 105.

In the "Broadside Ballad Index" (site 1, 2), this ballad is given the number code, ZN332.

According to A Dictionary of the Printers and Booksellers Who Were at Work in England, Scotland and Ireland from 1668 to 1725, by Henry R. Plomer (1968), Josiah Blare was a bookseller in London from 1683-1706.

Textual notes:

  • Six illustrations accompany the ballad.
  • In the facsimile, the lyrics appear in four columns.
  • The lyrics are in black letter, except for these words: "VVestminster, "French-man" (five times), "Kingsland," "English," and "French."
  • Some would transcribe the black letter "v" as "u."
  • I've tried to reflect "W" and "VV" as they appear.
  • "bed:" In the facsimile, the "d" is indistinct and the colon missing.
  • "dispise" = an obsolete form of "despise."
  • "gar" = "Gad" as an exclamatory substitute for "God."
  • "nattering" = "grumbling." The word is partially indistinct, including the first letter.
  • "Jades" = "hussies." The "J" is partially indistinct.
  • "pickled" = "speckled." Except for a few letters, the word is indistinct.
  • "pockish'd" (a guess) = "infected with pox." The "h'" is indistinct. I feel uncertain of this reading in part because it turns an adjective into a verb.
  • "stoutly" = "valiantly" or "manfully." The "o" is indistinct.
  • Should my formatting drop away, every second line of the caption and lyrics is indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

 

wette (Old English; confirm):

A formal marriage contract. Also called a wed.


WH:

Westermarck hypothesis.


what [one is] to [somebody]:

See keep safe what [one is] to [somebody]. 


when worlds collide theory:

See worlds theory.

 

whirlwind romance:

1. A quick start to a love relationship.

2. A passionate relationship that begins swiftly and is soon over.

See also amourette, comet, coup de foudre, dalliance, escapade romantique, liaison, love at first sight, love at first text message, proceptive phase, romance, short-term relationship.


white magic of marriage:

Appreciation.

See also marriage.

Quotation from Elizabeth Towne Illustrating "White Magic of Marriage"

Appreciation is the white magic of marriage.

Love thrives on appreciation, courtship, little attentions. These are the food that make love grow!

From: The Evolution of a Real Marriage, by Frances Illsley; with foreword ["The White Magic of Marriage'] by Elizabeth Towne (Holyoke, Mass.: Elizabeth Towne Co., c1917): p. [5]. Cover title: The Evolution of a Real Marriage and The White Magic of Marriage. Elizabeth Towne was an editor of the New Thought magazine, Nautilus.


white man's hansom woman:

A Caucasian male's mistress of African descent.

Eric Partridge comments: "Clearly there is a pun on hansom cab and handsome."

See also couple of mixed ethnicity, creolism, interracial couple, mistress, racial commingling.

Reference

A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English: Colloquialisms and Catch-phrases, Solecisms and Catachreses, Nicknames, Vulgarisms, and Such Americanisms as Have Been Naturalized, [by] Eric Partridge (5th ed. New York: Macmillan Co., 1961): p. 954.


white marriage:

A sexless marital partnership, especially one that has never been consummated.

Comments: Translates the French term, mariage blanc.

Some reserve the term "white marriage" for such a marriage entered into in order to protect one of the partners from harm. After the danger has passed, the marriage is often annulled.

See also abstinence, accubitus, agapêtê, agapêtos, agenobiosis, celibacy, celibate marriage, consummation, demi-vierge, diasteunia, drone, intramarital chastity, involuntary celibacy, mariage blanc, marriage, sexless marriage, subintroducta, syneisaktism, syneisaktos.


white-picket-fence polyamory:

Polyamory (q.v.) practiced by people who blend into a typical middle-class or suburban environment.

x picket-fence poly.

 

white sergeant (American spelling), or white serjeant (British spelling):

A woman who comes to the bar or pub to take home her drunk or would-be drunk husband.

Comment: "White" because of her apron? "Sergeant," presumably because like a police officer.

See also alcoholic marriage, she who must be obeyed, uxorodespotism, wife.


white whale:

A person (generally a male) who is sought obsessively or who is otherwise much pursued, especially to have as a sex partner or mate, but who proves elusive.

Comment: An allusion to the white male sperm whale called Moby Dick, which was sought obsessively by the character Captain Ahab, in the American novel: Moby-Dick; or, The Whale, by Herman Melville (New York: Harper; London: Richard Bentley, 1851). Naturally, the name of the whale, Moby Dick, is sometimes used to refer to a large penis or a man who wields one.

See also camp out on (someone's) doorstep, dream date, engouement, genicon, mate selection, perfect catch, pursue.


white widow:

1. A Caucasian woman whose husband is deceased.

2. A dangerously intoxicating woman; a woman who is powerfully attractive and who will be disruptive of one's life if one develops a relationship with her. (She need not have a deceased husband, nor indeed any husband at all.)

Comment: White widow is also (a) a strain of cannabis and (b) a poisonous spider (Latrodectus pallidus). I can only speculate as to whether the second sense above is related to either or both of these other senses.

Source: Jim Lehrer's book with that title.

See also deathbed bride, Delilah, fatal attraction, femme fatale, man bait, siren; widow.

Quotations from Jim Lehrer Illustrating "White Widow"

 

[13] But this was more than just a beautiful woman. Oh, so very, very much, much more. More. She really was a White Widow, the bus driver's ultimate dream woman.


[47] Jack [T. Oliver] wasn't sure where the expression "White Widow" came from but he had heard it from his first day with Great Western. It meant any mysterious, beautiful, perfect woman passenger who was probably not available. A black widow only better.

[48] [Progress Paul to Jack] "The checkers got a guy on Amarillo-Wichita Falls last week. He had a White Widow, some Presbyterian preacher's wife, who was meeting him during the rest stop at Childress. They were going off and getting more than a rest..."
From the novel: White Widow, [by] Jim Lehrer (New York: Random House, c1996): p. 13, 47, 48.

Entry added January 11, 2008


white wife:

1. A married Caucasian woman, especially in relation to a man of another race or in contrast to wives of a different race.

2. An apparition of a woman "dressed in white clothes" and "carrying a child at her breast," a woman who in life had been deceived into supposing herself married, the marriage being an earlier apparition; an allusion to the ghost story by Cuthbert Bede.1

Comments: This entry is provided not because it is formulaic, but to serve as a cautionary note. I came across the character Ellie Dunn's use of "white wife" in the play by George Bernard Shaw, Heartbreak House (the relevant passage of which is quoted below). In its immediate context the "term" seemed to mean "a virgin with whom a man has entered into a spiritual marriage." But on second thought, perhaps it was an allusion to Shakespeare's character Desdemona in relation to her Othello, "a man who had been out in the world."2 Or perhaps it was an allusion to the story by Cuthbert Bede. The last, at least, proved not to be the case. In the end I decided that Shaw meant "white wife" in its ordinary sense, in this case as distinguished from Captain Shotover's absent wife: "a wife somewhere in Jamaica: a black one. My first wife. Unless she's dead."3 Sometimes immediate context is deceiving.

References

1 "The White Wife: A Land's-End Ghost Story," in: The White Wife; with Other Stories, Supernatural, Romantic and Legendary, collected and illustrated by Cuthbert Bede [pseudonym of Edward Bradley, 1827-1889] (London: Sampson Low, Son, and Marston, 1865): pp. [1]-17; for the quotations, see p. 3.

2 Heartbreak House: A Fantasia in the Russian Manner on English Themes (preface dated 1919), in: Six Plays, by Bernard Shaw, with prefaces (New York: Dodd, Mead, 1948): Act 1, p. 506.

3 Shaw (1948): Act 2, p. 568.

See also allotriorasty, biracial couple, couple of mixed ethnicity, creolism, interethnic marriage, intermarriage, interracial couple, interracial marriage, letter group (I), Mandingo party, miscegenation, mixed marriage, mixed race couple, mudshark, racial commingling; mock wedding.

Quotation from Cuthbert Bede Illustrating "White Wife"

 

This was the story that was well known and credited: and the poor girl's spectre went by the name of "The White Wife."

From: Cuthbert Bede (cited above): p. 16.

Quotation from George Bernard Shaw Illustrating "White Wife"

 

ELLIE. I cannot commit bigamy, Lady Utterword....

MANGAN. Bigamy! Do you mean to say youre married already? ....

ELLIE. Only half an hour ago I became Captain Shotover's white wife.

MRS HUSHABYE. Ellie! What nonsense! Where?

ELLIE. In heaven, where all true marriages are made.

LADY UTTERWORD. Really, Miss Dunn! Really, papa!

MANGAN. He told me I was too old! And him a mummy!

HECTOR [quoting Shelley]

"Their altar the grassy earth outspread,
And their priest the muttering wind."

ELLIE. Yes: I, Ellie Dunn, give my broken heart and my strong sound soul to its natural captain, my spiritual husband and second father.

She draws the Captain's arm through hers, and pats his hand. The Captain remains fast asleep.

From: Bernard Shaw (cited above): Act 3, p. 586. The ellipses are mine but the "youre," the square brackets, and the italics are his. The quotation of Percy Bysshe Shelley is an adaptation from the poem, "Rosalind and Helen" (1819): lines 853-854. The actual lines read:

"Our altar the grassy earth outspread,
And our priest the muttering wind."

 

whore:

1. A prostitute.

2. A married woman who engages in extramarital sexual activity.

3. A woman who flouts social conventions regarding sexual behavior by sleeping around or by having one or more lovers to whom she is not married, especially such a woman who takes advantage of those to whom she lends her charms.

4. Any sexually promiscuous person, male or female.

5. A person who wastes his or her charms on one or more persons who are not interested sexually.

6. A term of opprobrium, full of sexual innuendo, heaped on a woman.

See lexical example below. For another, see under "Westminster wedding."

See also adulteress, bedhopper, bedswerver, bike, bimbo, cheat, demirep, flirt-gill, giglet, güila, half-worker, hoe, hoochie, hotwife, intellectual whore, lothariette, Madonna-whore complex, make-out artist, Messalina, minx, multicipara, nymphomaniac, playgirl, pornos, promiscuity, punch board, punchbroad, rabbit, seductress, sex cheat, sex maniac, she-wolf, shiksa, slut, slut wife, sotah, tart, tramp, two-timer, vamp, wanton woman, Westminster wedding, Whore of Babylon; blowen, chippy, courtesan, doxy, moll, parnel, squaw, tottie.

A Ballad, Entitled "A Caveat or Warning," Circa 1620, Illustrating "Whore"

 

[129]

A Caueat or VVarning.

For all sortes of Men both young and olde, to avoid the
Company of lewd and wicked Woemen.

To the tune of Virginia.

1

I Once did loue a bonnie Lasse,
As Oxford Towne doth know,
But now I see all is not gold,
__that makes a glistring show.
The fairest apple to the eye,
May haue a rotten core:
And young men all now by my fall,
____take heed trust not a whore.

2

Shee'l stroke your cheeks shee'l stroke your chin,
Shee'le fling her armes about you,
And shee'le protest with vowes and oaths,
__She cannot liue without you:
Sheele sigh and sob if that you say,
Youle come to her no more:
And Gallants all by this my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.

3

Shee'le buy you bandstrings at the Faire,
Sheele cause you for to wo her:
Sheele make you bracelets of her hayre,
__for to bewitch you to her,
Sheele sit vppon you al the night,
Sheele giue you kisses store:
But Gallants all by this my fall,
__take heed, trust not a whore.

4

If thou shouldst be in heauen (quoth she)
I would not liue in hell:
[130]
If thou shouldst be on earth quoth she,
__in heauen I would not dwell:
If thou shouldst be on sea (quoth she)
I would not be on shore:
Then Gallants all now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.

5

If that you chance for to be sad,
Sheele bid you send for wine:
For that is good sweetheart quoth she,
__for thy choyce heart and mine:
And thus with sweet and smiling words,
Sheele diue into your store:
But Gallants all now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.

6

When she hath had her whole desire,
And all your quoyne is spent,
If you entreat her company,
__sheele say she shal be shent:
Then will she leaue you to your selfe,
Your fortunes to deplore:
Then Gallants all now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.
 

The Second Part. To the same tune.

7

Sheele sit alone with you and sweare,
By God that did her make,
While breath within her body is,
__shee will not you forsake:
Shee'le let you toy, and stroake and kisse,
Shee'le let you doe much more:
But youngmen all, now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a Whore.

8

Now here I lye, my friends doe fly,
My wench doth quite forsweare me,
Her fathers house is but hard by,
__and yet she comes not neere mee:
[130]
In prison I for her doe lie,
Close by her fathers dore:
And young men all now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a Whore:

9

My Creditors they chafe at me,
For my time spent so bad,
And scarse I see no friend I haue,
__is for my griefe now sad:
And those that loud in former times,
They now doe me abhore:
Then youngmen all now by my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.

10

My kinsfolkes they doe send to me,
And oft on me doe raile,
Now am I plagud in misery,
__heere lying in the Iayle:
But if that I come out againe,
Though I be nere so poore:
I neuer more will giue consent,
__to meddle with a whore.

11

You young men that in London liue,
Take heed by this my fall:
For if you still will follow whores,
__they will deuoure you all:
Your quoine, your states, your health and friends,
Then turne you out of doore:
O Young men all by this my fall,
__take heed trust not a whore.

12

Now farewell all you Prentises,
That doe in London dwell,
Leaue all those vices, which will bring
__one day your soules to hell:
[132]
So with my heart[y] prayer for you,
I now will say no more:
But wish you all both great and small,
__take heed loue not a whore.

 

FINIS.

Imprinted at London for H. G.

From: The Pepys Ballads, edited by Hyder Edward Rollins (Cambridge, Mass: Harvard University Press, 1929-1932): v. 1 (1929): item 20, pp. 128-132. The editor writes: "Attention should ... be called to the fact that his [the author's] tirade is directed against women whose vice is not (as the title and refrain would suggest) so much general and professional as individual and private." He also says: "The date of 1620 cannot be far wrong for this 'Caveat or Warning'" (p. [128]).

Textual notes:

  • In the reprint, the title appears in black letter; also, "The Second Part. To the same tune"; also "Finis."
  • "my fall" in the first refrain: Editor's textual note: "my my."
  • "not neere mee": Editor's textual note: "me mee."
  • In stanza 12, I have supplied the "y" in "hearty" per a note by the editor.
  • Should my formatting drop away, every fourth line of the lyrics is supposed to be indented. (The formatting did drop away, so I have inserted a line to represent the indentation.)

 

Whore of Babylon:

 1. A common designation for the "Great Whore," upon whose forehead is written, "Mystery, Babylon the Great, the Mother of Harlots and Abominations of the Earth." She is a symbolic image of profound evil and cultic impurity, as described in the New Testament at Revelation 17-18. (For the quotations, see 17:1, 5, KJV. The NASB translation has a slightly different take on 17:5: "was written, a mystery, 'Babylon the Great, [etc.]'").

2. Picking up on the sexual aspect of the biblical Whore of Babylon, an exceptionally promiscuous person; a slut of sluts.

Comments: The biblical Whore of Babylon is variously interpreted as referring to the earthly Jerusalem (in contrast to the new Jerusalem of Revelation 3:12; 21:2, 10) or to Rome or to some futuristic entity. Since, among other details, it is represented as sitting on seven mountains (17:9) and as a great city, "which reigns over the kings of the earth" (17:18, NASB), many scholars have understood it to refer to Rome. However, according to some counts, First-Century Jerusalem had seven notable mountains, and the language used for the Great Whore is similar to some of that used of Jerusalem by Hebrew prophets (for example, at Isaiah 1:21; Jeremiah 2:20; 3:1-11; and Ezekiel 16:15-17; 23). Furthermore, one of the crimes of the Great Whore is the killing of prophets (Revelation 18:24; cf. 11;8; 17:6); and Jerusalem was specially noted by Jesus for killing prophets (Matthew 23:29-39 = Luke 13:33-35), a saying of Jesus of which the author might well have been taking account. Observe the strength of part of that saying in Luke: "it cannot be that a prophet should perish outside of Jerusalem" (13:33, NASB). The intended referent of the "Great Whore" symbol remains a matter of scholarly and religious debate; and, meanwhile, many apply the image to whatever seems to them to have similarities to the biblical description.

See also abomination, Oholah and Oholibah, promiscuous, slut, whore.

x Babylon the Great, the Mother of Harlots and Abominations of the Earth.
x Bible.
x Great Whore.
x Mother of Harlots.
x Mystery, Babylon the Great.


whore (one's) way to the top:

To exploit in a physcial way one's own sexual charms and the sexual desire of one or more others in order to reach a high level of advancement; to engage in sexual activity with certain people as a means of achieving a high level of success.

Comment: Generally used pejoratively, the implication being that the person has prostituted him or herself and has treated human beings as means to a selfish end rather than ends in and of themselves.

See also casting couch, interoffice romance, office romance, sleep (one's) way to the top, unwelcome admixture with sexuality, use sex as a weapon, vamp.

 

WHR:

See waist-to-hip ratio.

 

wibble:

1. Prattle, especially that on newsgroups, that is, online discussion groups. (Also, to prattle.)

2. A feeling of insecurity upon observing a partner being affectionate in a romantic way with someone else.

Comment: The term has several meanings (for instance, it's a way of pronouncing the "www" in a url). Given here are those most likely to be used in the context of talk about relationships.

In the second sense, contrast compersion (q.v.), frubbliness (q.v.), and synletitia (q.v.). See also cucky angst, jealousy.

 

wibbley:

Pertaining to or characterizied by wibble (q.v.).

 

Wiccan Rede:

See "an it harm none, do what ye will."

 

widow:

1. A woman not currently married whose most recent husband or, in some usage, fiancé has died.

2. A person not currently married whose most recent spouse has died. This early usage of the word has been resurrected in recent decades for the sake of expanding the availability of common-gender words.

3. Wife or, if the term is being used in a gender-free way, spouse of a person who devotes large amounts of time to a particular activity, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time. In this case, the term "widow" is usually modified -- thus, "fishing widow," "golf widow," "media widow," "sports widow," "symphony widow," etc.

See also ace of spades, cyber widow, dowager, female widow, fictive widow, fishing widow, frequently married and seldom divorced, golf widow, grass-widow, husband, `iddah, male widow, maritage, media widow, military widow, Mrs., only parent, parent without partner, recession widow, relict, relicta, re-singled, seneucia, single, single parent, sports widow, suttee, tennis widow, viduage, vidual, viduity, wahine kane make, white widow, widow-bride, widowed, widower, widowhunter, widow man, widows' club, widow woman, wife, wife [a certain number of times] over.

Quotation from Malcom Muggeridge Illustrating "Widow"

 

[Regarding a French woman in Paris as World War II was drawing to a close] Her parents explain what has happened; during the occupation they have a German soldier billeted upon them. He turns out to be a friendly soul who helps them with food and fuel supplies. Almost inevitably, he and Françoise fell in love with one another. Then comes the crux of the story; with some shrugging of shoulders and spreading of hands, it is explained that, as is the way nowadays, Françoise became enceinte [pregnant].

When the German troops retreat from Paris, Françoise's lover stays behind to be near her, but the FFI (Force Françaises Interieures) seek him out, and, turning themselves into an execution squad, shoot him down, so that Françoise is a widow before she is a wife or a mother.

From: Confessions of a Twentieth-Century Pilgrim, [by] Malcom Muggeridge (San Francisco: Harper & Row, c1988): p.115.

 

widow-bewitched:

A woman who is separated from but not divorced from her husband and thus who is unable to remarry.

See also demi-relict, estranged, grass-widow, marital status, separated.


widow-bride:

A woman whose husband is deceased and who is taking another husband.

See also bride, deuterogamy, digamy, remarriage, shift marriage, widow.

 

widow burning:

See suttee.

 

widowed:

Rendered spouseless by the death of one's marital partner. The term is used especially for women but is becoming more and more commonly used for men.

See also bigamy, deuterogamy, digamy, displaced homemaker, ever-married, feme sole, grief, marital status, previously married, relict, re-singled, trigamy, widow, widower.

 

widower:

1. A man not currently married whose most recent wife has died.

2. Husband of a person who devotes large amounts of time to a particular activity, such that time together is significantly cut into because of that apportionment of time. In this case, the term "widower" is usually modified, for instance, "sports widower."

See also fishing widow, frequently married and seldom divorced, golf widow, grass-widow, husband, husband [a certain number of times] over, male widow, military widower, only parent, parent without partner, recession widower, re-singled, single, single parent, sports widow, widowed, widow man.

 

widowhunter:

A person who courts one or more widows in the hope of gaining an estate that has been settled upon a widow thereby.

Source: Samuel Johnson's Dictionary: Selections from the 1755 Work that Defined the English Language, edited by Jack Lynch (Delray Beach, Fla.: Levenger Press, c2002).

See also gold digger, marry for money, order of Saint Beelzebub, widow.

 

widow man:

A male widow.

See also husband, male widow, widow, widower.

 

widows' club:

1. Any group of widows who choose to associate with each other, especially if they do so because they are widows.

2. Persons elected or appointed to a legislative body, such as the United States Congress, who thereby replace their recently deceased spouses as members of that legislative body.

See also political marriage, widow.

x club.


widow woman:

A female widow.

See also female widow, widow, wife.

 

wife; plural, wives:

1. A female partner in a marriage (q.v.).

2. Specifically pertaining to a homosexual couple, the partner who tends to be more passive; the more aggressive or more stereotypically feminine partner in a gay or lesbian relationship.

Comment: The phrase "husband and wife" (or "wife and husband") often is meant to indicate a particular couple or couplehood in the abstract.

The phrase "man and wife" is considered offensive by some because of the gender imbalance.

Contrast, for example, spinster (q.v.) and, in another way, husband (q.v.). See also all women to (me), bat zug, bloss, blowen, boshTomi, bride, bride-wife, buttinsky wife, BW, child-bride, common law wife, concubine, conjux, country wife, couple, co-wife, Daisy Dumpling, DW, esposa, ex-wife, farmer's wife, female widow, feme covert, fishing fleet, Frau, fugitive wife, fulltime wife, girl-bride, goodwife, H&W couple, harem, "hate his wife," headdress keeper, "head of the wife," helpmate, helpmeet, hen frigate, heroina conjunx, his and her marriages, hostages to fortune, hotwife, housewife, intended, junior wife, lesser wife, little woman, loyal wife, mail-order bride, mother, motorcycle mama, Mrs., nuliaqpak, office wife, old lady, old wife, other half, owneress, paperless wife, partner, pastor's wife, personal attachment, pleasing appendage, plural wife, preacher's wife, primary wife, public wife, quondam wife, rabbanit, rebbetzin, recession widow, secondary wife, second-choice wife, second wife, senior wife, shadow wife, she who must be obeyed, sister-wife, sits-beside-him woman, slut wife, social wife, splice, spoffskins, spouse, squaw, starter wife, Stepford wife, stepwife, successful wife, Sunday wife, syzygos, temporary wife, trophy wife, uxor, village wife, virtuous woman, wahine, wahine male, war bride, white sergeant, widow, widow woman, wife [a certain number of times] over, wifedom, wifehood, wife in truth, wived, woman, working wife, work wife; homosexual.

 

wife abuse:

Subjection of one's own wife to violence or persistent psychological cruelty.

See also abuse, batter, domestic violence, marital rape, maritodespotism, ran-tan, spouse abuse.

 

wife [a certain number] of times over:

A woman who has had a certain number of husbands, whether serially or simultaneously.

See also bigamist, husband [a certain number of times] over, polyandrist, widow, wife.

Quotation from Autumn Stephens Illustrating "Wife Three or Four Times Over"

 

But when it came to bureaucratic red tape, even brazen Mrs. Borginnis found her hands tied. It seems the U.S. Army took the official position that single women constituted a dangerous distraction to soldiers; only in the company of a spouse were the ladies welcome to tag along with the troops. Thanks to this peculiar proviso, Borginnis was already a wife three or four times over. But when she applied for permission to march out of Mexico with the Army in 1848, no one seemed to care that neither death nor dissolution had ever punctuated the intervals between her previous bouts of martially-induced marital bliss. All that the Army required was an on-premises Mister, pronto.

From: "Sarah Borginnis (1813-1866): The Biggest Bigamist," in: Wild Women: Crusaders, Curmudgeons and Completely Corsetless Ladies in the Otherwise Virtuous Victorian Era, [by] Autumn Stephens (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, c1992): pp. 36-37, specifically p. 36.

 

wife-capture:

See capture marriage.

 

wifedom:

The realm of all that is overseen by, expected of, and endured by a married woman by virtue of her being a married woman in a given environment.

See also wife, wifehood.

Quotations from Shirley Abbott Illustrating "Wifedom"

 

[169] Both, in different contexts, had already expressed the opinion that being a wife should be job enough for any woman. I would need to organize cocktail parties for his associates, talk with the wives.

Wifedom looked like a mountain I could never climb, a weight I could never lift.

 

[183] I learned the inequalities of wifedom: he never put the milk back in the refrigerator or wiped up spills but reprimanded me when I idly ate lettuce leaves from the salad bowl with my fingers as we lingered at the supper table.

From: Love's Apprentice, [by] Shirley Abbott (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., 1998): pp. 169, 183.

 

wife exchange:

1. Depositing one's wife with a buddy who feels free to do the same in return then or at another time and allowing him sexual access to her.

2. Switching wives for a limited duration.

3. Switching wives on a permanent basis.

Not to be confused with generalized or restricted marital exchange (see under each). See also aiparik, allupaareik, angutawkun, aypareet, aytpareik, intermarital sex, kipuktu, nuliaqatigiit, simmixsuat, spouse exchange, wife swapping.

 

wife-harboring:

Taking in another man's wife without his consent, this being done by a man.

 

wifehood:

The state, quality, position, or feeling of being a married woman.

Contrast husbandhood (q.v.). See also spousehood, spinsterhood, wife, wifedom.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Wifehood"
In her soul, Kate felt Teresa's contempt for her way of wifehood.

"I have been married too," Kate had said. "To a very exceptional man, whom I loved."
From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 25, p. 411. Italics his.

 

wife in darkness:

See night-wife.

 

wife in truth:

A woman who has a deep love bond with a man and with whom he happily lives, especially in contrast to a legally recognized wife from whom he is estranged.

Contrast spouse-of-record (q.v.). See also elective affinity, husband in truth, lover, marriage of true minds, mistress, night-wife, partner, soul-mate problem, spiritual bride, union of hearts, wife.

 

wife lending:

Turning one's wife over to another with the idea of allowing that other person sexual access to her. Typically the motive is alliance or hospitality.

See also aleupaaktuat, sex hospitality, simmixsuat, wife-sharing.

 

wife material:

A woman who is eligible or especially suited to beoome a spouse or the spouse of someone in particular.

See also husband material, marriage material.

x material.

 

wife-purchase:

Acquiring a wife by paying for her.

See also brideprice, divorce-by-purchase, marriage by purchase.

 

wifery:

See spiritual wifery.

 

wife-sharing:

Giving another man sexual access to one's wife, especially for the purpose of his siring children by her.

See also arrangement, brother starling, co-husband, comarital, condone, husband-doubling (which see for lexical example), nangsaegaek, partible paternity, partner sharing, share (one's partner) with, wife lending.

 

wife swapping:

Men sharing with each other their consenting wives for recreational sex.

Comment: This term has been discarded by many, since to some it seems to suggest control over the wives.

See also husband swapping, intermarital sex, mate swapping, partner sharing, spouse exchange, swing, wife exchange.

 

wife worship:

1. Adoration of one's female spouse, either in a specific case or as a practice on the part of some.

2. Domestic servitude on the part of a husband for his wife.

Comment: In the second sense, often used with strong pejorative overtones.

Contrast husband worship (q.v.). See also adoration-lust, adore, dulia, Frauendienst, gyniolatry, mistress, pedestalism, place on a pedestal, uxorodespotism.


wild (with respect to persons or their behavior):

1. Undomesticated; without compliance or living without compliance to social mores or conventions.

2. Without concern for others.

3. Unruly or boistrous.

4. Characterized by sexual activity engaged in without a particular restraint, for example promiscuity.

5. Unwilling to marry.

See also bonobo way, easy, fox, jungle love, minx, nymphomaniac, oversexed, promiscuous, rabbit, satyr, sexually non-monogamous, sex kitten, shark, she-wolf, skate, slutty, sow (one's) wild oats, wolf.

Quotation from Jane Austen Illustrating "Wild"

 

'He [Darcy] is the best landlord, and the best master,' said she [Mrs Reynolds], 'that ever lived. Not like the wild young men nowadays, who think of nothing but themselves...'

From the novel: Pride and Prejudice, [by] Jane Austen (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, c2003): chapter 43, p. 312. Originally published: Pride and Prejudice: A Novel ..., by the author of "Sense and Sensibility" (London: T. Egerton, 1813).

Quotation from Cuthbert Bede Illustrating "Wild"

 

Many years ago in Glen Barr, on the western coast of Cantire, there lived a very respectable Farmer who had a daughter of great beauty, but so wild that she would not suffer any young man to come near her; but if any young man came to court her, or to speak kindly to her, she would run away to the mountains like a wild roe.

From: "How the Sprightly Weaver of Glen Barr Tamed the Farmer's Wild Daughter," in: The White Wife; with Other Stories, Supernatural, Romantic and Legendary, collected and illustrated by Cuthbert Bede [pseudonym of Edward Bradley, 1827-1889] (London: Sampson Low, Son, and Marston, 1865): pp. [147]-152, specifically p. [147].

 

wildly in love with:

1. Passionately infatuated with.

2. Feeling a powerful and uncontrollable romantic attraction to.

See also amour-passion, ardor, besotted, carry a torch for, crush, engouement, go gaga over, have the hots for, hot love, infatuated, in love, limerance, love-passion, madly in love, new relationship energy, passionate love, romantic love, sprung, torchy, torrid affair, violently in love.


wild with jealousy:

Full of intense troubling emotions regarding the attentions of a beloved being given, potentially being given, or ostensibly being given to other than oneself.

See also jealousy, umbrageous.

 

WILF, or wilf:

1. Acronym for "wife I'd like to f*ck"; a sexually desirable woman who is presumed to be married; a married woman with whom one would like to have casual sex; someone else's wife whom one wants as a lover.

2. Acronym for "woman I'd like to f*ck"; a sexually desirable woman.

Comment: The "W" in WILF is sometimes used to stand for other words, such as "whale."

See also GMILF, HILF, -ILF, MILF, wife.


wiles:

See courtesan wiles, feminine wiles, masculine wiles.

 

win a mate:

1. To appeal to and bond with a person so as to become a partner in a marriage or commited love relationship.

2. To overcome obstacles and the competition in order to gain a partner in a marriage or commited love relationship.

3. To perform a great deed or to defeat competition and thereby to gain as a prize a particular person to be one's partner in marriage.

See also ardor, fight for, mate, pursue, win one's heart.

 

wingman:

A male friend who will run interference when one is seeking the attentions of a person of complementary sexual orientation, for instance by distracting that person's friend.

Comment: The term is taken from combat aviation.

Contrast cockblocker (q.v.). See also dating buddy, grenade jumper, wingperson.

 

wingperson:

A friend who will run interference when one is seeking the attentions of a person of complementary sexual orientation, for instance by distracting that person's friend.

See also dating buddy, grenade jumper, wingman, wingwoman.

 

wingwoman:

A female friend who will run interference when one is seeking the attentions of a person of complementary sexual orientation, for instance by distracting that person's friend.

See also dating buddy, grenade jumper, wingperson.

 

wink:

1. A blinking of one eye as a signal or flirtation.

2. Online at a dating site, a mechanism for expressing interest, for instance, an icon placed next to one's name or profile to be seen only by those one has selected; also called a flirting wink.

See also dating service, flirtation, matchmaking, online relationship, personal ad, sexting.

x flirting wink.

 

win one's heart:

1. To become a person with whom one has fallen in love.

2. To appeal, whether actively or passively, to one's emotions and so to be favored.

See also fall in love, give one's heart away, heart, lose one's heart to, pursue, steal one's heart, win a mate.

Quotation from Nathaniel Hawthorne Illustrating "Win Her Heart"

 

Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart!

From: The Scarlet Letter: An Authoritative Text, Essays in Criticism, and Scholarship, edited by Seymour Gross [and others] (3rd ed. New York: W. W. Norton, c1988; "A Norton critical edition"): p. 120.

 

wired:

Predisposed by one's very biological make-up, for instance, genetically or hormonally.

Comment: This is a metaphor taken from electrical wiring.

The extent to which people are wired with regard to their sexuality is highly controversial, and even more so with regard to their relationship preferences.

See also chemistry of love, lovemap, template (for a lover), sexuality, sexual orientation, -wired.

 

-wired:

Predisposed, by one's very biological make-up, so to be.

Examples: Someone who is said to be mono-wired is thought to be biologically predisposed to monogamy or to monoamory; someone who is said to be poly-wired is thought to be biologically predisposed to polyamory.

See also human beauty, wired.

 

withdrawal anguish:

A set of excruciating emotions felt in the wake of some sort of sundering, for instance, following a break-up or after ceasing to take a drug that affects the emotions, such as an antidepressant.

See also aeipathy, broken heart, chemistry of love, cri de coeur, ex-husband syndrome, ex-wife syndrome, ghosts of relationships past, grief, heartache, heartbreak, lasslorn, let go, lovelorn, love trauma syndrome, love withdrawal, miss, on the rebound, pine away, pine for, post break-up funk, postmarital blues.

 

withhold sex:

To refuse to engage in sexual activity with a sex partner who is desirous of it, at least for a while and especially when done out of displeasure.

Comment: The attitudes about the practice and therefore attending the term vary widely, from the view that withholding sex is a natural and normal part of every sexual relationship, to the view that it betrays sexual partnering and naturally jeopardizes a relationship, to the view that it is about power and control, to the view that, when done out of displeasure, it places a price upon sexual relations and thereby prostitutes sexual relations within the relationship. The frequent association of a committed relationship and especially of marriage with the withholding of sex has driven many a person to avoid making a formal commitment altogether. In other words, fear of the dynamics that lead to the withholding of sex is sometimes an element of commitmentphobia.

See also commitmentphobia, conjugal rights, consortium, frigid, mock marriage, quasi-desertion, sex, sexual partnering, unilateralism.


wittee:

A woman who has sex with a man other than her husband at her husband's urging.

See also consensual adultery, swing, wittol.

 

wittol:

1. A willing or complaissant cuckold (q.v.); a man who is aware that his wife has one or more lovers and who is content to let matters be or who may even be encouraging her to have lovers.

2. A person who casually tolerates his or her partner breaking agreements about sex outside the relationship. (This is to define the term in a way that takes account of a non-monogamist position.)

3. A foolish person.

Comment: Typically "wittol" is used as a pejorative term, the connotation being that the cuckolded partner is especially foolish when it comes to marital matters.

See also brother starling, cicisbeo, cornuto, creeper, cucky, hotwife, malakos, meacock, pimp for, share (one's partner) with, wittee, wittolly, wittolry.

 

wittolly:

Having the characteristics of a wittol (q.v.).

See also cuckoldly.

 

wittolry:

Willing or complaisant cuckoldry (q.v.).

See also condone, sexual permissiveness, wittol.

 

wived:

1. Married (q.v.).

2. Provided with a wife (q.v.).

See also womaned.

Quotation from William Shakespeare Illustrating "Wived"

 

FALSTAFF.

... an I could get me but a wife in
the stews, I were mann'd, horsed, and wived.

From: William Shakespeare, The Second Part of King Henry the Fourth (circa 1597-1598): Act 1, Scene 2, lines 56-57. "Stews" = "bath house" or "brothel."

 

WMD:

"Woman married, dammit!" An unhappily married woman.

Comments: Attributed to Gail Sheehy (2006).

Apparently a take-off on the abbreviation for "weapon of mass destruction," the hint being that such a woman feels ready to explode?

Easily adapted to be an expression of frustration that a woman one is attracted to is unavailable for dating.

See also cagamosis, emotional divorce, estrangement, marital blues, poor match, toxic relationship, unfulfilled love, unhappily married, unsuccessful marriage.

x woman married, dammit!

Quotation from Gail Sheehy Illustrating "WMDs"

 

"WMDs" (Women Married, Dammit!) ...

These are women who are frustrated by marriages that have been emotionally dead and sexually moribund for some tme, or who feel victimized by a mate who is a chronic drinker, adulterer, or poor provider, etc. But for utilitarian reasons, they are not ready or able to initiate change. And they don't have a new passion or spiritual direction.

From: Sex and the Seasoned Woman: Pursuing the Passionate Life, [by] Gail Sheehy (New York: Random House, c2006): p. 35.

 

wolf:

1. A carnivorous mammal of the family Canidae, often a reference to the gray wolf (Canis lupus) or a closely related species, which species are similar to and closely related to the more familiar member of the Canidae family, the dog (Canis lupus familiaris). The wolf is often represented in popular folklore as ravenous and aggressive, although the true character of the beast is far more complex.

2. A predatory person.

3. A man who chases women for amatory purposes; a man who is direct and avid in his pursuit of women for sex; a man who treats a multiple number of women as sexual prey.

Comments: Regarding the last sense, sometimes the term is used in such a way as to connote that the man is insatiable in his appetite for women, or domestically unconfined and untamed, or predatory and destructive of women's lives.

Oddly, although wolves, now speaking of those canines of the wild who lend their name to such men, come in both the male and female varieties, it seems that only men and not women are called wolves. The human female equivalent would be a she-wolf (q.v.).

Incidentally, some uses of the term depend upon inaccurate stereotypes of those canines of the wild rather than upon direct and judicious observation.

See also agapet, bimbo, Casanova, crumpet man, Don Juan, fox, general lover, jock, ladies' man, lover, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, masher, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, rabbit, rake, roué, satyr, seducer, shark, she-wolf, skirt-chaser, slut, smellsmock, stud, wild, womanizer.

 

woman, as in "my woman," "your woman," "his woman":

Girlfriend or wife.

See also girlfriend, man, new woman in (his) life, other woman, wife.

 

womaned:

1. Having a female companion, especially one who is a sex partner.

2. Having been provided with a female companion.

3. Under the domination of a human female.

See also doll's house marriage, doll's house relationship, fictive widow, hen-peck, meacock, under petticoat government, pussy-whipped, uxorodespotism, wear the breeches, wived, woman-tired.

 

woman friend:

A physically mature female who returns affection.

Comment: This term is sometimes used as a substitute for the more juvenile sounding "girlfriend," although there is no age limit on "girlfriend."

See also girlfriend, jelly, lady friend, lover, man friend, partner.

 

woman in one's life:

1. A female with whom one is, was, or hopes to be in a love relationship.

2. A female family member.

3. A female who has affected one's life, especially in a beneficial way.

Comment: With this phrase, articles, singulars, plurals, and even tenses, along with context, tend to nuance meaning. Consider:

See also lifemate, life partner, lover, man in one's life, mate, partner.

 

womanism:

1. Touting of the achievements of women and advocacy of the rights of women.

2. Feminism on the part of women of color, especially but not exclusively African-American women. If this sort of feminism has a distinctive flavor, it might be characterized as:

Comments: The first sense goes back at least to 1863. (See The Oxford English Dictionary.) The second sense derives from the term "womanist" as that term was put forward by the American writer, Alice Walker, in her collection of essays entitled In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens (1983). The term "womanism" has since taken on a life of its own. For example, the emphasis on wholeness is sometimes developed as an alternative to the dualisms that emerged in English, French, and German philosophies during the Enlightenment and the period leading up to it. Since such philosophies had little impact upon women of color in African and Hispanic cultures, it is said that women of color are well-positioned to make valuable contributions in the direction of integration.

See also feminist, womanist.

 

womanist:

1. A womanizer (q.v.).

2. A feminist (q.v.) of color, especially one who is African-American.

3. A woman who loves other women and who appreciates women's culture.

Comment: The first sense seems to have largely faded into oblivion and been supplanted by the other senses.

See also womanism.

Quotation from Alice Walker Illustrating "Womanist"

 

[xi] Womanist 1. From womanish. (Opp. of "girlish," i.e., frivolous, irresponsible, not serious.) A black feminist or feminist of color. From the black folk expression of mothers to female children, "You acting womanish," i.e., like a woman. Usually referring to outrageous, audacious, courageous or willful behavior. Wanting to know more and in greater depth than is considered "good" for one. Interested in grown-up doings. Acting grown up. Being grown up. Interchangeable with another black folk expression: "You trying to be grown." Responsible. In charge. Serious.

. . .

2. Also: A woman who loves other women, sexually and/or nonsexually. Appreciates and prefers women's culture, women's emotional flexibility (values tears as natural counterbalance of laughter), and women's strength. Sometimes loves individual men, sexually and/or nonsexually. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female. Not a separatist, except periodically, for health. Traditionally universalist, as in: "Mama, why are we brown, pink, and yellow, and our cousins are white, beige, and black?" Ans.: "Well, you know the colored race is just like a flower garden, with every color flower represented." Traditionally capable, as in: "Mama, I'm walking to Canada and I'm taking you and a bunch of other slaves with me." Reply: "It wouldn't be the first time."

. . .

[xii] 3. Loves music. Loves dance. Loves the moon. Loves the Spirit. Loves love and food and roundness. Loves struggle. Loves the Folk. Loves herself. Regardless.

. . .

4. Womanist is to feminist as purple to lavender.

From: In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens: Womanist Prose, by Alice Walker (San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, c1983): pp. xi-xii. The italics are hers. The triple-dot breaks are also hers.

 

womanize:

1. To engage in casual sex with women promiscuously.

2. To make a man look like a woman.

See also butterfly, casual sex, jump from lap to lap, mercheta, pick up, promiscuity, put it about, queaning, queanry, serial philandering, shark, sleep around, stud, wench.

 

womanizer:

A man who engages in causal sex with women promiscuously and habitually; roughly the male equivalent of a slut.

Comment: Generally "womanizer" is used as a pejorative term, implying that a man is not sufficiently in control of his passions to be sexually exclusive or is narcissistic or is cavalier about relationship commitments.

See also agapet, arsenokoitës, bedhopper, Casanova, casual sex, crumpet man, Don Juan, fribbler, gallant, gay deceiver, gay spark, general lover, God's gift to women, jock, ladies' man, lady-killer, Lothario, loverboy, lovertine, macadam, macadamo, make-out artist, masher, merchetwr, modelizer, multimitus, philanderer, pick up artist, playboy, promiscuity, rake, roué, satyr, seducer, serial philandering, sex maniac, sexual varietism, skate, skirt-chaser, slut, smellsmock, stud, vert galant, wencher, wolf, womanist.

Quotations from Dorothy Eden Illustrating "Womanizer"

 

[172] [Luise to Erik] I heard myself saying in a dreamy voice, "When I first saw you, you were with an attractive girl, and Otto told me you were a womanizer."


[173] "Luise, my darling, will you please me by eating a little?"

My darling, he had said.

"But Otto told me most specifically that you were a womanizer."

Erik began to laugh, his plain face suddenly delightfully merry. I could trust him, I thought.

"So I am. So are many Danes. Why not? It adds to life."

"But you have never married?"

"Not even once. Certainly not falsely."

I ate a little more of the very good smoked trout, wondering whether to pursue the subject of Otto's or of Erik's equally fascinating affairs of the heart.

From the Gothic novel: The Shadow Wife, [by] Dorothy Eden (New York: Coward-McCann, c1968): chapter 11, pp. 172-173.

 

woman-keen:

Keen on women; having an activated female-oriented libido; desirous of mingling with human females, especially for the purpose of finding one or more partners in sex or love. Said especially of a man.

Comment: Coined by me on analogy with "man-keen." But perhaps it already exists.

See also girl crazy, gynecomania, gynophilia, heterosexual, philogeneity, skirt-chaser, straight.

 

woman married, dammit!

See WMD.

 

woman of easy virtue:

See easy virtue.


woman of (one's) dreams:

An individual who appears to fit the image of what one imagines to be an ideal mate for oneself.

See also demon-lover, dream date, fantasy life, ideal, lovemap, man of (one's) dreams, Miss Right, Miss Wonderful, Ms. Right, perfect catch, person of (one's) dreams, template (for a lover).


woman-tired:

Wearied from being hassled by one or more human females; fatigued from being hen-pecked.

See also break, hen-peck, hoddy-doddy, man-tired, pussywhip, under petticoat government, uxorodespotism, womaned.


woman to a man:

See be woman to a man.

 

women are all the same:

1. An expression of the view that any one woman should be sufficient to satisfy a man, especially if she and he are emotionally bonded, since she has the organs common to every female.

2. An expression of the view that the female agenda will never mesh well with the male agenda and that therefore a man will always have to make extraordinary accommodation for a woman.

Comment: Both views, especially the former, entail a measure of myth. With regard to the former, the grain of truth is that most women have in common certain sexual capabilities. However, different women exercise those capabilities in vastly different ways; sexual desire and attraction are complex and vary tremendously; women are of unending variety; people relate to each other in vastly different ways and spur in each other different sorts of personal development; and so on and so on. Beware sounding platitudinous with this phrase.

See also all women to (me), men are all the same.

x all women are the same.
x myths.

Quotation from Rita Mae Brown Illustrating "Women Are All the Same"

[Carrie to her step-daughter, Molly Bolt] "Doc told Carl he was crazy to be with another woman. One was enough, was his thought. Put a paper bag over their head and women are all the same. Why wouldn't Carl be happy with the one he's got? I was right in the room when the doctor said that. At least Doc was on my side. I was a good wife. So Carl broke off with that woman and I forgave him..."

From the novel: Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown (Fifteenth anniversary ed. Toronto; New York: Bantam Books, 1988): chapter 17, p. 187. Originally published: Plainfield, Vt.: Daughters, Inc., 1973.


wonderlust:

Sexual desire that is inflamed chiefly by curiosity.

Comment: Apparently the word was constructed on analogy with "wanderlust."

See also lust, sexual varietism.

 

wonder-wench:

A girlfriend; a female sweetheart.

Comment: A term associated with Yorkshire, perhaps useful in some cases as a term of endearment.

See also girlfriend, sweetheart, term of endearment, wench.


woo:

To attempt to win a particular person to be or to continue to be a mate by arousing his or her romantic interest and keeping it.

See also approach invitation, art of love, bride-wooer, camp out on (someone's) doorstep, court, fight for, love-making, make love to, play hard to get, proceptive phase, pursue, seduction, solicit, step up to, take the dottle-trot, wooer, woo for cake and pudding.

 

wooer:

A person who woos.

See also bride-wooer, caller, courtship, gentleman caller, lady caller, suitor, swain, woo.

 

woo for cake and pudding:

To pretend courtship in order to pursue a different interest.

Source: The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs (1935): s.v. "He woos for cake and pudding."

See also cad, coquette, false heart, false love, false lover, fribbler, gay deceiver, woo.

 

work husband

A male co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with him is platonic.

See also husband, office husband, platonic relationship, work husband, workplace spouse, work spouse, work wife.


working wife or workwife:

A married woman who earns an income from outside the home.

Comment: These terms are problematic for some, since the terms seem to imply that a housewife (q.v.) does not work or that unpaid labor is without value and since marital status should (in their view) be irrelevant in labor matters. Furthermore, "work husband" and "working husband" are not terms that are used, so gender unfairness in language also becomes an issue.

See also dink, two-earner household, wife.

 

workplace crush:

Infatuation with a co-worker, boss, or employee.

See also crush, infatuation, interoffice romance, office romance, workplace romance.

 

workplace spouse:

A co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a husband or wife would, although one's relationship with that person is platonic.

See also office husband, office wife, platonic relationship, spouse, work husband, work spouse, work wife.


workplace romance:

1. A love relationship between employees or between an employee and his or her employer.

2. The budding and development of such a relationship.

See also interoffice romance, love contract, non-fraternization policy, office romance, romance, workplace crush.

 

work spouse:

A co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a husband or wife would, although one's relationship with that person is platonic.

See also office husband, office wife, platonic relationship, spouse, work husband, workplace spouse, work wife.


work wife:

A female co-worker who relates to oneself in some ways as a spouse would, although one's relationship with her is platonic.

See also office wife, platonic relationship, wife, workplace spouse, work spouse, work husband.


workwife:

See working wife.

 

worlds collide theory:

See world's theory.

 

worlds theory:

The idea or fear that, when someone with whom one is in a love relationship comes into routine contact with one's sphere of independence, that is, one's sanctuary away from the love relationship, there will be trouble.

Coinage: The American TV sitcom, "Seinfeld," Season 7, Episode 112 (or 118?), "The Pool Guy," written by David Mandel; directed by Andy Ackerman (first aired, November 16, 1995).

x colliding worlds theory.
x theories.
x when worlds collide theory.
x worlds collide theory.

 

worship one's spouse (or husband or wife):

1. To show singular devotion to.

2. To submit to as to a beloved master or a god; to live dutifully in subjection to; to treat with reverence and obeisance; to obey respectfully.

See also admire, adore, adultery, devotion, dulia, "head of the wife," husband worship, lord, master, place on a pedestal, respect, sex god, sex goddess.

x Bible.

Quotation from Henry Fielding Illustrating "worshipped"

 

She [Mrs. Trulliber] had, in short, absolutely submitted, and now worshipped her husband, as Sarah did Abraham, calling him (not lord, but) master.

From the novel: Joseph Andrews, [by] Henry Fielding; edited with an introduction and notes by Martin C. Battestin (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Co., c1961; "Riverside Editions"): book 2, chapter 14, p. 139. Based on the 4th edition (1748). Originally published, 1742.

The reference is to 1 Peter 3:5-6, which in turn refers to Genesis 18:12. In the Authorized (King James) Version, 1 Peter 3:5-6 reads in part: "... being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord ..."

 

-worthy:

The part of a word formation that indicates that the person or, sometimes, the object being described merits the expense or the use of something or warrants the emotional or sexual response.

See also loveworthy, lustworthy, spongeworthy.

 

wowser:

An obtrusively puritanical person; a censorious person; a prude or killjoy; someone who complains that others are lax instead of stern or given to vice or trivial pursuits when they should instead exercise self-discipline.

See also Junior Anti-Sex League, prude, puritan, square.

Quotation from Robert A. Heinlein Illustrating "wowser"

 

[Regarding the Women's Emergency National Corps, Hospitality & Entertainment Section, Unmarried Mother] went on: "It was when they first admitted you can't send men into space for months and years and not relieve the tension. You remember how the wowsers screamed? -- that improved my chances, volunteers were scarce. A gal had to be respectable, preferably virgin (they liked to train them from scratch), above average mentally, and stable emotionally.

From the science fiction short story, "-- All You Zombies --," in: The Fantasies of Robert A. Heinlein, [by] Robert A. Heinlein (New York: TOR, 1999; "A Tom Doherty Associates Book"): pp. 341-352, specifically p. 343. Originally published in: Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, March 1959.


X:

See ex.

 

Xanadu:

A blissful state of mutual love conceived of as enduring eternally and in which mortals can participate, at least in a transcendent moment.

Comment: Xanadu was a city, also called Shandu or Shangtu, in what is now Inner Mongolia, where Kublai Khan's summering palace was located and which was described in the Travels of Marco Polo 1:61 (Henry Yule numbering); it was romanticized by Samuel Taylor Coleridge in his poem "Kubla Khan" (first published, 1816); and it was transformed into a state of blissful love in the musical number, "Xanadu," written by Jeff Lyme and performed by Olivia Newton-John and the Electric Light Orchestra in the 1980 musical film, "Xanadu." The first lines of that number read: "A place where nobody dared to go, | The love that we came to know, | They call it Xanadu." The movie is in part about a muse, Kira, who inspires the formation of a club named Xanadu.

See also bliss, demon-lover, love, match made in heaven, reciprocated love.

x Shandu.
x Shangtu.


X-appeal:

1. Short for "sex appeal" (q.v.).

2. Desirability of an attractive male; sexiness in a man; magnetic masculinity; manly charisma.

Comment: Regarding the second sense and thinking of chromosomes, one might have expected the term to be "XY-appeal" and female sexiness to be designated "XX-appeal." If the term in that sense has a camp origin, as some maintain, evidently it did not take scientific vocabulary into account.

See also attraction, attractive, it, je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, magnetism, pull, sexy, shiksappeal, waist-to-hip ratio, X-appeal, x-factor, za za zoo.


xenogamy:

1. Cross-pollination.

2. The union of unrelated or distantly related individuals within the same species.

See also exogamy, -gamy, outbreeding, strange union.


x-factor:

An unknown quantity, or undefinable aspect, or invisible element or set of elements; for instance (with reference to the specific topic of this glossary):

1. A certain set of elements of attraction of one for another or between particular individuals, elements that are not obvious to the naked eye or a surface analysis.

2. The more mysterious bonds of or linkages in a relationship taken as a set.

3. Charisma.

See also attraction, chemistry, je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, magnetism, mystery, sex appeal, shiksappeal, X-appeal, za za zoo.

x factor X.

 

X-rated relationship:

A relationship (q.v.) characterized by a high level of eroticism, especially in terms of mental stimulation, and frequent or non-conventional sexual activity, especially when such activity is known to or being made known to others.

See also physical relationship, sexual relationship, steamy relationship.

 

xship:

1. An undefined relationship.

2. A developing relationship in which at least one of the parties is uncertain as to the current status of the relationship.

See also budding relationship, relationship, small "r" relationship.

 

yard on:

To cheat on (one's partner).

Source: The Wordsworth Book of Euphemism, [by] Judith S. Neaman & Carole G. Silver (Ware, Hertsfordshire: Wordsworth Editions, 1995): p. 245.

See also betray, break matrimony, break spousehood, break wedlock, carry on, cheat, commit adultery, cuckold, fool around, infidelity, play around, run astray, sleep around, tip, two-time, unfaithfulness.

 

yarikon (Japanese):

A dating party, whereby a group of women participates in social activities with a group of men in the expectation that casual sexual encounters will follow.

Comment: From the Japanese slang word yaru ("to have sex") + konpa (possibly from the English word "company").

Also called a sex konpa. One variant spelling of konpa is compa.

See also date, goukon, group dating, singles party, swing.

x compa.
x Japanese terms.
x konpa.
x party.


yavam (Hebrew):

A husband's brother.

See also halitzah, -in-law, levir, maamar, onanism, yibbum.

x Hebrew terms.

 

yearn for (someone):

To have an intense desire for (for example, for someone's presence or for greater closeness to that someone or for interaction with that someone or to make love to that someone); to long for; to crave; to have a psychological attachment to (someone), an attachment that is unsatisfied and insisting it be satisfied.

See also long for, pine for, yearning.


yearning:

An intense desire; a longing or craving; a psychological attachment that is unsatisfied and insisting it be satisfied.

See also ardor, attraction, longing, passion, pull, saudade, sexual desire, yearn for.

Quotation from D. H. Lawrence Illustrating "Yearning"

She [Kate Leslie] could feel in him [Don Cipriano, the General] a sort of yearning towards her. As if a sort of appeal came to her from him, from his physical heart in his breast. As if the very heart gave out dark rays of seeking and yearning. She glimpsed this now for the first time, quite apart from the talking, and it made her shy.

From the novel: The Plumed Serpent (Quetzalcoatl), by D. H. Lawrence (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1926): chapter 2, p. 35


yebamah; plural, yebamoth (Hebrew):

1. From the standpoint of a man, his brother's widow (as in Deuteronomy 25:7-9).

2. From the standpoint of a woman, her husband's brother's widow (as in Ruth 1:15).

3. Under the title of Yebamoth, the first tractate in order Nashim of the Mishnah and the complementary talmudic literature (Tosephta, Talmud Yerushalmi, and Talmud Bavli) regarding the Hebrew Law on levirate marriage (q.v.).

See also -in-law.

x Hebrew terms.

 

"ye harm none, do what ye will":

See "an it harm none, do what ye will."

 

yellow fever, or yellow-fever:

1. An obsession with one or more Asian cultures or with aspects thereof.

2. Sexual passion on the part of a non-Asian for some Asians, this or the enhancement thereof being particularly due to their Asian-ness; the tendency on the part of a non-Asian, especially a Westerner, to pursue for sexual reasons primarily or even exclusively Asians.

Comment: The term is often used in a cautionary sense, as in: "Beware, he's not really interested in you; he just has yellow fever."

The term is a take-off on the name of the tropical disease of the same name; and it plays off of racial stereotyping, the "yellow" referring presumably to skin color or, rather, to a hue as misperceived by some non-Asians. Given the racial cast of the term, some find it objectionable.

See also Asian fetish, racial commingling.


yes donor:

See identity release donor.


yibbum (Hebrew):

Levirate marriage (q.v.).

See also halitzah, kiddushim, maamar, onanism, yavam.

x Hebrew terms.

 

Yiddish terms:

See balabusta, bashert, gunsel, mekhuteneste, mekhutn, mekhutonim, rebbetzin, shiksa, shtille khuppeh.

 

YKINMK:

"Your kink is not my kink."

Comment: An abbreviation (found especially on the USENET group, alt.sex.bondage) which is used to say that one is not drawn to the unusual sexual practice or preference of the person or persons being addressed, however without suggesting that there is anything wrong with it. The abbreviation is sometimes used to bow out of a sexual discussion in which one is not interested.

See also kink, RACK, YKIOK,IJNMK.


YKINOK:

"Your kink is not okay."

Comments: An abbreviation (found especially on the USENET group, alt.sex.bondage), which is often used ironically.

Generally implies the view that unusual sexual practices, either those of the person being addressed or of other people generally besides oneself, are to be condemned and not condoned.

See also kink, RACK, sexual ethics.


YKINOKism:

The view that unusual sexual practices, either those of a particular person or of other people generally besides oneself, are to be condemned and not condoned.

See also kink, sexual ethics, YKINOK.


YKIOK,IJNMK:

"Your kink is okay, it's just not my kink."

Comment: An expression (fonnd especially on the USENET group, alt.sex.bondage), which conveys adherence to the principle of tolerating other people's unusual sexual practices and preferences of the consensual variety, even if one oneself is anything but drawn to them.

See also kink, RACK, sexual ethics, sexual toleration, YKINMK.


yoke:

A frame employed to join draft animals together at the neck -- thus, by analogy:

Comment: The term is often employed in such as a way as to connote a sense of oppression on the part of at least one of the partners.

See also marriage, union.

Quotation from Ambrose Bierce Illustrating "Yoke"

 

Yoke, n. An implement, madam, to whose Latin name, jugum, we owe one of the most illuminating words in our language -- a word that defines the matrimonial situation with precision, point and poignancy. A thousand apologies for withholding it.

Humor from: The Devil's Dictionary, [by] Ambrose Bierce (New York: Dover Publications, 1958): p. 144. Originally published in full in v. 7 (1911) of The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce (New York: Neale Publishing Co., 1909-1912). The lexical form of the Latin word is iugum.

 

yoked:

1. Mated.

2. Married (q.v.).

See also been and done it, cash and carried, cut and carried, dot and carried, gone and done it, hitched, mate, syzygy, "unequally yoked."

 

yokefellow:

A person with whom one is partnered, such as a spouse (q.v.).

See also partner, yokemate.

 

yokemate:

A spouse (q.v.) or other person with whom one is partnered.

See also partner, yokefellow.

 

Yoruba terms:

See put the mojo on (mojuba).

 

young people's house:

1. A place set aside by an Eskimo community for young people to meet, to spend the night, and to copulate if they wish to. One of its social functions is to enable the exploration of marital and sexual compatibility, sometimes with a variety of partners.

2. In the Trobriand Islands, a house set aside for young adults, both males and females, to live together. The Kiriwinian term for such a house is bukumatula.

See also bukumatula, doused lights.

x Eskimo terms.

Quotation from Peter Freuchen Illustrating "Young People's House"

 

[Eskimo] parents never worry when their teen-agers fail to return home at the usual hour. They take it for granted that the young people have found a vacant igloo nearby and are spending some time there, either as a couple or as members of a larger party. In fact, at a larger settlement there will always be a house called the Young People's House where young people can sleep together just for the fun of it, with no obligation outside of that certain night. Nobody takes offense at this practice, for no marriage can be a success, Eskimos believe, without sexual affinity.

From: Peter Freuchen's Book of the Eskimos, edited and with a preface by Dagmar Freuchen (Cleveland: World Publishing Co., c1961): pp. 121-122.

 

your cheatin' heart:

See cheatin' heart.

 

yummy mummy:

1. An attractive mother.

2. A woman of mothering age who excites one's sexual desire.

See also milf.


yum-yum:

Love letter or letters.

Source: Sea Slang of the Twentieth Century: Royal Navy, Merchant Navy, Yachtsmen, Fishermen, Bargemen, Canalmen, Miscellaneous, by Wilfred Granville; introduction and etymologies by Eric Partridge (New York: Philosophical Library, 1950): p. 269.

See also love letter.

 

Z or N; Z is pronounced zee or zed:

A four-person sexual relationship connected in the way that the angle points of the letter Z or N are connected.

Compare vee (q.v.). See also diagramming a love relationship, double love triangle, genogram, letter group (Z), quad, quartet, sexual geometry.

x N.

 

zami (Creole of Carriacou; popularized in English by Audre Lorde, 1982):

1. Women who function together and who are friends and lovers.

2. A group of lesbians and/or female bisexuals.

See also bisexual, Boston marriage, female couple, female marriage, lesbian, lover, she-troth.

x Creole of Carriacou terms.

 

zanana:

See zenana.

 

za za zoo:

Sexual charisma.

Comment: This is sometimes also a misspelling of zsa zsa zsu (q.v.).

See also attraction, chemistry, je ne sais quoi, kavorka, kuzbu, magnetism, sex appeal, shiksappeal, X-appeal, x-factor.

 

zelophile:

A person who is aroused by jealousy, whether that person's own jealousy or a partner's.

See also zelophilia.


zelophilia:

Arousal from jealousy.

See also jealousy, -philia, sperm competition syndrome, zelophile.

 

zelophobia:

Fear of jealousy (q.v.).

 

zenana or zanana (Hindi):

The part of a dwelling set apart for the women of the household.

See also harem, haremlik, seraglio, serai.

x Hindi terms.
x zanana.

 

zeoman (Saxon):

A man who has settled down with a wife, especially as distinguished from the more mobile bachelor.

Comment: Also spelled "geoman." Evidently from this word the word "yeoman" is derived.

See also husband, married.

x geoman.


zero-sum view of love:

The position that one can truly or fully love only one person at a time in a romantic way, that either one gives all of one's love to a particular person or one leaves that person deprived of the essential connection.

Comments: Here is a classic expression of the position from the Italian poet Torquato Tasso (1544-1595): "Chè siccome da l'un l'altro veneno | Guardarne suol, tal l'un da l'altro amore" = "For as one poison doth exclude by kind | Another's force, so love excludeth love."

It is usually understood that a similar principle would not apply to one's offspring or friends, since the dynamics of mating and being mated are different from parent-child relationships and friendships.

The zero-sum position is common where the social expectation is of monogamy-only but generally alien to polygamous societies and polyamorous circles, where it is widely considered a myth.

Reference

Torquato Tasso, La Gerusalemme Liberata, canto 5, verse 65, as rendered in: Jerusalem Delivered, by Torquato Tasso; translated by Edward Fairfax; edited by Henry Morley (Revised ed. New York: Colonial Press, c1901; in series: The World's Great Classics): p. 98.

Contrast abundant love principle (q.v.). See also emotional fidelity, emotional infidelity, exclusivity, feel betrayed, hot and cool sex, in love, love, love-ends-interest-in-others myth, monogamism, monogamy-only position, resource dilution hypothesis, starvation economy.

 

z.f.:

See zipless f***.

 

zina (Arabic):

Sexual immorality.

Comment: This is a word used in the Koran, for example in sura 4.

See also crime of honor, honor killing, nikah, porneia, sexual morality.

x Arabic terms.
x Koran and Islamic law. 


zipless encounter:

A zipless f*** (q.v.), but in language considered by many less vulgar.

Quotation from Maureen Dowd Illustrating "Zipless Encounters"

 

Female sexuality has been more a zigzag than an arc. We had decades of Victorian prudery, when women were not supposed to like sex. Then we had the Pill and zipless encounters, when women were supposed to have the same animalistic drive as men. Then it was discovered -- shock, horror! -- that men and women are not alike in their desires, and that you couldn't squander all your fertility years playing at the sexual fair. But zipless morphed into hookups ...

From: Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, [by] Maureen Dowd (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, c2005): p. 176.


zipless f*** (z.f.) (Erica Jong, 1973):

1. A psychologically and relationally unencumbered erotic encounter between a man and a woman entailing copulation, especially such an encounter considered from the woman's point of view.

2. The male participant in a psychologically and relationally unencumbered erotic encounter between a man and a woman entailing copulation.

Comment: The term was invented in the post-pill, pre-AIDS era and in the midst of a culture experiencing the sexual revolution and the feminist movement. It reflects, in part, a vision of one strand of the feminist movement, a vision that, among other things, is both pro women's sexual freedom and pro heterosexual relations.

See also casual sex, dalliance, escapade romantique, feminism, fling, free love, libertinism, ludic love, nonmarital sex, one-night stand, party, pickup, post-pill, pre-AIDS era, promiscuity, recreational sex, sexual revolution, stranger sex, zipless encounter; partner.

x z.f.

Quotations from Erica Jong Illustrating "Zipless F***"

 

[11] Even more to the point: the woman (unhappy though she knows her married friends to be) can never let herself alone. She lives as if she were constantly on the brink of some great fulfillment. As if she were waiting for Prince Charming to take her away "from all this." All what? The solitude of living inside her own soul? The certainty of being herself instead of half of something else?

My response to all this was not (not yet) to have an affair and not (not yet) to hit the open road, but to evolve my fantasy of the Zipless F***. The zipless f*** was more than a f***. It was a platonic ideal. Zipless because when you came together zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like [12] dandelion fluff. Tongues intertwined and turned liquid. Your whole soul flowed out through your tongue and into the mouth of your lover.

For the true, ultimate zipless A-I f***, it was necessary that you never get to know the man very well. I had noticed, for example, how all my infatuations dissolved as soon as I really became friends with a man, became sympathetic to his problems, listened to him kvetch about his wife, or ex-wives, his mother, his children. After that I would like him, perhaps even love him -- but without passion. And it was passion that I wanted...

So another condition for the zipless f*** was brevity. And anonymity made it even better.

 

[14] Zipless, you see, not because European men have button-flies rather than zipper-flies, and not because the participants are so devastatingly attractive, but because the incident has all the swift compression of a dream and is seemingly free of all remorse and guilt; because there is no talk of her late husband or of his finacée; because there is no rationalizing; because there is no talk at all. The zipless f*** is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There [15] is no power game. The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn.

 

[30] I couldn't think of a single witty thing to say. Sweet Jesus, I thought, here he was. The real z.f. The zipless f*** par excellence. What in God's name were we waiting for?

From: Fear of Flying: A Novel, by Erica Jong (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, c1973): chapter 1, pp. 11-12, 14-15; chapter 2, p. 30. Naturally, "f***" is spelled out in the book. There is, as might be inferred from the "all this" in the second paragraph quoted above, more of a set-up -- one might say a feminist set-up -- to the fantasy.

Quotation from Vanessa Grigoriadis Illustrating "Zipless F***"

 

Though a lot of people are certainly searching for soulmates online, it's also become a way, in Jessica's words, to "widen your sexual circle." For some women, it's now the 2003 version of the zipless fuck, an unapologetically no-strings-attached, purely sexual experience.

From: "The New Position on Casual Sex," by Vanessa Grigoriadis, in: New York; v. 36, no. 1 (January 13, 2003): pp. [14]-20, specifically p. 18. Naturally, "f***" is spelled out in the article.

Again a Quotation from Erica Jong Illustrating "Zipless F***"

 

In my twenties, I used to ride the train from Heidelberg to Frankfurt four days a week to visit my analyst. In the rocking of the train, in my early morning drowsiness, I allowed my fantasies to bubble up into consciousness. Suppose on that train I saw a man who moved me, whose face, whose walk, whose smell stimulated lust? Suppose the train entered a gallery or grew suddenly dark and it was possible for us to make love secretly, without ever knowing each other's names? That's how the fantasy of the Zipless F*** was born.

From: Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life, [by] Erica Jong (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, c2006): p. 71. The asterisks are mine.

 

zipper morals:

A set of standards that do not embrace even moderately strong sexual restraint.

Comment: Two possible explanations of the term come to mind:

See also easy virtue, sexual immorality, sexual morality.


zivug (Hebrew):

See zug.


zombie household:

A household (q.v.) burdened with crippling debt however not so much that the home is lost, especially when a crunch is occurring due to rising interest rates.

Source: "Sorry - The House Price Crash Isn't Over Yet," by Edmund Conway, Telegraph, August 10, 2009.

See also recession widow, recession widower.


zone:

See boyfriend zone, friend zone, girlfriend zone.


zoo daddy:

A separated or divorced father.

Comment: So known from the practice of taking his children to the zoo on visiting days.

Finding a comparable term for a woman is complicated by the fact that "zoo mommy" refers to a pet sitter.

See also divorcé, divorced, parent without partner, separated, single parent.


zou hun:

See walk-in marriage.


zsa zsa zsu:

A butterflies-in-the-stomach-like sensation in response to somone, a sensation that serves as a powerful bodily signal that one wishes to be in a love relationship with that person.

Comment: The term lends itself to word play, hence zsa zsa zsu gone bad is zsa zsa eew, and zsa zsa zsu in response to a Jewish person is zsa zsa Jew.

Source: The American HBO TV series, "Sex and the City," season 5, episodes 7 and 8 (or 73 and 74 of the series), "The Big Journey," Michael Engler, director; Michael Patrick King, writer (first aired, September 1, 2002) and "I Love a Charade," Michael Engler, director; Cindy Chupack and Michael Patrick King, writers (first aired, September 8, 2002).

Contrast za za zoo (q.v.). See also admiration, attraction, chemistry, enchantment, incandescence, love-passion, new relationship energy, proceptive phase, za za zoo.

 

zug, plural, zugot (Hebrew):

1. Pair.

2. Couple.

3. Marriage.

Comment: The Hebrew spelling is: zayin, waw (with a qibbus), gimel. The term sometimes appears in English conversation as zivug, I presume because read as pointed a little differently, that is, with this spelling: zayin (with a hireq), waw (with a qibbus), gimel.

See also bat zug, ben zug, couple, marriage, zug r'ishon, zug sheni.

x Hebrew terms.
x zivug.


zug rishon:

"First marriage."

Comments: In Hebrew script, rishon is spelled: resh (with a hireq), aleph, shin, waw (with a holem), nun.

The locus classicus for discussions of the zug rishon is found in the Babylonian Talmud (or Talmud Bavli) at Sotah 2a (see quotation below). The zug rishon there is variously interpreted, for instance:

See also soul mate, zug, zug sheni.

x Hebrew terms.

The Locus Classicus for Discussions of the Zug Rishon and the Zug Sheni: Sotah 2a

R. Samuel b. R. Isaac said: When Resh Lakish began to expound [the subject of] Sotah, he spoke thus: They only pair a woman with a man according to his deeds;8 as it is said, For the sceptre of wickedness shall not rest upon the lot of the righteous.9 Rabbah b. Bar Hanah said in the name of R. Johanan: It is as difficult to pair them as was the division of the Red Sea; as it is said, God setteth the solitary in families: He bringeth out the prisoners into prosperity!10 But it is not so; for Rab Judah has said in the name of Rab: Forty days before the creation of a child, a Bath Kol11 issues forth and proclaims, The daughter of A is for B;12 the house of C is for D; the field of E is for F! -- There is no contradiction, the latter dictum referring to a first marriage [[be-zug rishon]] and the former to a second marriage [[be-zug sheni]].

From: Sotah, translated into English with notes, glossary and indices by A. Cohen; under the editorship of I. Epstein (London: Soncino Press, 1994; in set: Hebrew-English Edition of the Babylonian Talmud): p. [2a].  <Dot under "t" in title.> Square brackets are the translator's. Double square brackets are mine. Diacritics are omitted. The topic of Sotah is the suspected adulteress (in the Bible, see Numbers 5:11ff). The Soncino footnotes are as follow, except that I've edited the biblical references, expanded the abbreviations, and incorporated rather than merely referred to the Soncino edition's glossary entry for Bath Kol:

8 Only if his actions are righteous does he have a faithful wife.
9 Psalm 125:3.
10 Psalm 68:7 (68:6 in the KJV).
11 BATH KOL (Literally, 'daughter of a voice'); (a) a reverberating sound; (b) a voice descending from heaven (see Daniel 4:28) to offer guidance in human affairs, and regarded as a lower grade of prophecy.
12 Since the marriage is ordained even before birth, it cannot be dependent upon a man's conduct.


zug sheni, or zug sheini:

"Second marriage."

For comments, see under zug r'ishon.

See also zug, zug r'ishon.

x Hebrew terms.


zygal-group:

See letter group (H).

 

 

 

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