Fiction

Pig Roast (Part 1 of 5) ▪► Bill Bukovsan

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Dr. Valentine kicks the soccer ball as hard as he can and Billy sees it coming and throws his arms up and then it hits him.  The back of his hand flies into his face and he falls down and he knows he’ll have a black eye and he starts to laugh because he doesn’t want to cry.  But then Dolly screams and they’re all above him, Danny and Dolly and Glenn and Carl and Dr. Valentine closest of all and he says don’t move, don’t move, and Billy laughs up at them and says my eye hurts and Dr. Valentine says what’s the matter with your eye, what’s the matter with your eye and Billy says my hand hit it and Dr. Valentine says oh and then he says don’t worry about that.  Dolly’s screaming and Dr. Valentine says you’re going to be all right and Billy says I know but my mom’ll get mad if I don’t put ice on my eye and Dr. Valentine says don’t move and then he touches Billy’s arm and it hurts.  Does that hurt he says and Billy says does what hurt and he can’t stop laughing and Dr. Valentine says don’t move again but Billy moves anyway, lifts his head and looks down at his arm where Dr. Valentine touched it and sees that it’s crooked like the letter zee.  Dolly’s still screaming and Dr. Valentine looks at her and says go get your mother, honey and Danny says should I go get Billy’s mom and Billy says no and Dr. Valentine says yes and Carl says is it ruined, is it going to be like that forever and Dr. Valentine says what and then says I don’t know and then says of course not, it’s just broken and Billy keeps laughing.  It sure looks weird says Glenn and Dr. Valentine looks at Glenn and then looks at Billy’s arm and touches it again and says you sure that doesn’t hurt and it does but Billy’s laughing too hard to say so.

Dolly comes back and Mrs. Valentine is with her.  What’s going on she asks and Dr. Valentine says I broke Billy’s arm and Danny says should I get Billy’s mom and Billy says no again and Dr. Valentine says I already told you you should and Danny says but Billy says I shouldn’t and Mrs. Valentine says who cares what Billy says, go get his mother right now and Danny says yes ma’am and runs off.  How did it happen says Mrs. Valentine and Dr. Valentine says I kicked the ball, that’s all, I kicked the ball and it hit him and Mrs. Valentine says you’re not a kid, you know that, you can’t play kids’ games because this is what happens and Dr. Valentine doesn’t say anything.  Billy’s still laughing but he doesn’t feel like he’s laughing, it just feels like he’s shaking and laughter is coming out of his mouth while he shakes and what he’s really doing is lying on his back in the Valentines’ backyard looking at the sky and thinking that he needs ice for his eye even if his arm is broken and that this is the exact spot where Dr. Valentine’s going to dig the fire pit for the pig roast and that he’s going to throw up if everybody doesn’t go away.  He’s really white says Carl and Dolly says he’s shivering and Glenn says he’s laughing, why’s he laughing so hard and Mrs. Valentine says he’s in shock, he doesn’t know what to do and Dr. Valentine says what do we do and Mrs. Valentine says you’ve got to take him to the hospital and Carl says can I come and Mrs. Valentine says of course not, go home right now and Glenn says how about me, can I come, I’m his best friend and Mrs. Valentine says no, go home right this instant, go home, go home.  Then she tells Dolly to run inside to get a blanket and some ice and Billy says I’m going to throw up and Mrs. Valentine says no you’re not, just hold it in, where’s Danny, where’s your mother.  She starts shouting for Danny and Danny bursts through the honeysuckle hedge between his lawn and Billy’s and says I can’t find her, she’s not home, and Billy tries to say yes she is, she’s in the bedroom working on her lectures but it doesn’t come out right because he’s laughing and even though he doesn’t want to cry he’s beginning to wish he would because laughing is worse because at least when you cry you know why you’re crying.  Mrs. Valentine says he can’t hear you, speak up and Dr. Valentine says don’t move and Billy says she’s in the bedroom, she’s in the bedroom and Danny says well, she didn’t answer the door and I rang the doorbell a lot of times and Mrs. Valentine says for Pete’s sake, just go into the house and get her, just do it, just do it now and Danny runs off again.  Wait calls Mrs. Valentine, we can’t wait for her, tell her we’ve taken him to the hospital.  Danny stops and says so should I still get her and Mrs. Valentine says yes, of course, just tell her to meet your father in the emergency room.

Dolly is back with a blanket and some ice in a plastic bag.  Give me that blanket says Mrs. Valentine and takes it from her and lays it on the ground behind Billy.  Lift your shoulders she says and Billy tries but he can’t because he’s laughing too hard to do anything and Mrs. Valentine says come on, do it, lift your shoulders and Billy says I can’t.  Yes you can says Mrs. Valentine and Billy tries again but nothing happens and Mrs. Valentine says help him Ron and Dr. Valentine says this is going to hurt, I’m really sorry and he lifts Billy’s shoulders and it hurts really bad but at least Billy stops laughing.  Dr. Valentine says sorry and pulls the blanket around him and lifts Billy up off the ground and Billy says I’m going to throw up and Mrs. Valentine says no you’re not, just swallow it and Billy swallows and doesn’t throw up.  Mrs. Valentine puts the ice on Billy’s arm and says don’t just stand there Ron, take him to the car and Dr. Valentine runs toward the driveway until Mrs. Valentine shouts don’t run, Ron, walk, he’s got a broken arm, remember?

Dr. Valentine carries Billy to the driveway and digs in his pocket for his keys and then he’s got the back door of the Cadillac open and is putting Billy inside.  Mrs. Valentine runs up beside them and says not the Cadillac Ron, take the station wagon and Dr. Valentine says I’ve already got him in there, I’m not moving him again and Mrs. Valentine says I said take the station wagon Ron and Dr. Valentine doesn’t say anything. Glenn and Carl come up and Glenn looks into the back seat and says aw, man, you get to ride in the Cadillac.  I told you two to go home, now go home says Mrs. Valentine and Glenn says aw, man and Mrs. Valentine grabs his collar and pulls him away from the Cadillac and says go home, both of you and Dr. Valentine says I’m not going to move him.  Mrs. Valentine looks at Dr. Valentine and then she looks at Billy and says don’t you dare throw up.  If you feel like you’re going to throw up, swallow it.  Roll down the windows, Ron.

Dr. Valentine gets into the Cadillac and rolls down the windows and says don’t worry, we’ll be there in record time.  Mrs. Valentine says you drive that car sensibly, Ronald and Dr. Valentine starts the car and pulls out of the driveway and starts off down Willow Street.  Billy hears his mother’s voice calling Billy, Billy and then Brandy, what happened Brandy and then he can’t hear anything except the Cadillac’s engine and Dr. Valentine saying you’ll see, we’ll be there in record time.  The back seat of the Cadillac smells like old French fries and cheeseburgers and Billy says I’m going to throw up and Dr. Valentine says you go ahead and throw up if you have to and Billy does and then the back seat of the car smells like old French fries and cheeseburgers and vomit.  Do you feel better says Dr. Valentine and Billy says uh huh.  And then he says can I please come to the pig roast Dr. Valentine and Dr. Valentine slows down and looks back over the seat at him and looks away and doesn’t say anything for a while.  Then he speeds up again and says of course you can.  Of course you can.

The Valentines’ have their pig roast every year on Labor Day and nobody’s invited except for people that go to their church and it’s not fair because the Valentines come to Billy’s family’s caroling party every December and they come to the Harwood’s Easter egg hunt every April but Billy’s family and the Harwoods don’t get to go to the pig roast.  It’s not fair but that’s the way it is, every September on the last Sunday before school starts Dr. Valentine brings home a pig and the next day he cooks it on a spit over a fire pit he digs in his backyard and all afternoon and into the night the sides of Willow Street are lined with cars that belong to people nobody but the Valentines know and the air is full of the smell of onion and garlic and rosemary and roasted pig.  It smells better than anything else in the world and each year Billy tries to get his parents to complain, to tell Dr. Valentine that it’s not right for him to have a pig roast and not invite his neighbors, especially his next door neighbors.  But his parents won’t do it and when Billy asks why not his father says because they don’t have to invite us, there’s no law, besides it not doing us any harm and Billy says yes it does too do us harm, we have to smell the pig and we don’t get to eat it and besides what about all the cars, aren’t you afraid I’m going to get hit and his father laughs and says we’re going to have to live next door to the Valentines for a long, long time, I’m not going to make any waves and Billy’s mother says you don’t want to eat roast pig anyway, it’s too greasy, it’s bad for the heart.

Billy knows he’d get to go if it were up to Dr. Valentine.  Everybody’d be invited if it were up to Dr. Valentine because Dr. Valentine’s the nicest guy anybody knows and it’s not just Billy who thinks so, it’s not just because any time he’s taking Danny and Dolly out for ice cream or to McDonald’s and Mrs. Valentine’s not going he always takes Billy too, it’s because even though there are other surgeons he’s always on call and Billy gets woken up all the time at two o’clock in the morning by the Cadillac racing down Willow Street on the way to the hospital and because on winter mornings after it’s snowed he shovels out Billy’s family’s driveway and the Harwood’s too before Billy’s father or Mr. Harwood are even awake.  Billy’s father likes Dr. Valentine but he doesn’t like it when he shovels the driveway and when he does he sometimes says Ron’s crazy and Billy’s mother says no he’s not, he’s a Christian, that’s what Christians do and Billy’s father says like I said, he’s crazy.

 But it’s not up to Dr. Valentine who gets to go to the pig roast, it’s up to Mrs. Valentine and she’s mean and so nobody gets to go but people who go to her church.  Billy’s father says she’s not mean, she’s just unusual, she just does things her own way but that’s easy for him to say because he only really sees her at the caroling party and the Easter egg hunt and even then he doesn’t have to talk with her because he’s already busy talking with Glenn’s father and Dr. Valentine.  Everybody else except maybe Glenn’s father knows she’s mean.  Glenn thinks there’s a rule that in every family one of the parents has to be mean and the other has to be nice except in his family it’s his mother that’s nice and his father that’s mean but at least Glenn’s father’s nice sometimes and besides he’s busy at the college so he’s not home most of the time and anyway it’s not at all like Mrs. Valentine who isn’t ever nice, who hardly ever smiles and when she does it’s bad because you know she’s only pretending, that she’s about to tell you that there’s something wrong with you, that if you can’t speak in civilized tones in this house you’ll have to leave even though Danny was shouting just as loud or that if you keep on using that kind of language you’re not going to be able to come over ever again even though all you said was fart which isn’t really a bad word or that when she bought this bottle of Coke it was intended for her family, not for every child in the neighborhood.  Besides it’s better if Glenn’s father isn’t mean because otherwise Glenn’s rule might be right and then one of Billy’s parents would have to be mean and he wouldn’t know which one because sometimes they’re both mean and sometimes neither one’s mean and sometimes one’s mean but the other’s not and he’s afraid that if he sat down and thought about it for too long he’d end up deciding it’s his mother.

Right now Billy doesn’t have to worry about any of that though because Dr. Valentine just said he could go to the pig roast and everybody knows that when an adult says something like that they can’t take it back.  They get to the hospital and Dr. Valentine stops the Cadillac in front of the emergency room right next to an ambulance and gets out and opens the back door and picks Billy up and carries him through the sliding glass doors shouting I need a bed, I need some ice, I just broke this boy’s arm.  People are sitting in the green and brown vinyl chairs around the edge of the waiting room and they all look up except for one woman who’s got her head between her knees and Billy feels like telling them that he gets to go to the pig roast but he doesn’t have time because a nurse comes up and looks at Billy and says oh goodness, he’s white as a sheet, come on, I’ll find you a bed and they go through a wooden door with a small window with wires in it and into a little room with a bed in it and a curtain around it.  Dr. Valentine puts Billy on the bed and says how are you feeling, does it hurt and Billy says not very much because his eye still hurts worse than his arm and Dr. Valentine looks at him and says well, stay here for a minute, I’m going to get some help, don’t move, stay right here, I’ll be right back and pulls the curtains closed around the bed and goes away.  Billy looks at the creamy yellow walls and the blood pressure gauge and the plastic box with the red cross on it and one empty plastic glove coming out of the hole in its bottom and the sink with the spigot like a flamingo’s neck and the paper towel dispenser above it and beside it the cart for the defibrillating machine and then someone pulls the curtains back again and Billy thinks it’s going to be Dr. Valentine with help but instead it’s his mother and he wants to tell her about the pig roast but she looks at his arm and so he looks at it too and sees that it’s still twisted into a zee and then she looks at Billy and says you stupid, stupid boy and starts to cry and so he doesn’t say anything.

Dr. Valentine comes up behind her and the nurse who met them at the hospital door is with him.  I don’t know where the radiologist is, he’s supposed to be on duty but I can’t find him says Dr. Valentine and Billy’s mother turns around and stops crying and Dr. Valentine says I’m so sorry and Billy’s mother said oh no, there’s nothing to be sorry about Ron, Brandy told me what happened, it was an accident and Dr. Valentine said I know it was an accident but I still feel awful, I should be more careful, I can’t play with kids like I’m a kid myself and then he says Billy, you’ve been very brave up until now, I just need you to be brave for a little while longer while we set your arm, can you do that for me, can you be a big brave guy for just a little while longer?  The nurse has a tray with syringes on it and she picks up the biggest one and takes the plastic cover off the needle and Billy knows she wants to stick it in him and he doesn’t want her to but he doesn’t want Dr. Valentine to think he’s a baby and maybe decide it wasn’t such a good idea to invite him to the pig roast after all so he says I’ll be brave.  Dr. Valentine says that’s a good boy and the nurse takes his broken arm in her hand and says you might not want to look and Billy’s mother says don’t look, Billy but he can’t help it, he watches as the nurse puts the needle on his arm right where it’s broken and it’s bright silver against his pink skin and she sticks it in and it only hurts a little compared with how much his arm hurts and then she pushes the plunger down and he can feel whatever’s in the syringe going into his arm and it’s hot and it really hurts.  She takes the needle out again and there’s a little drop of blood on his skin where it was and Dr. Valentine says that wasn’t too bad, was it and Billy says no even though it was.  Good boy says Dr. Valentine and touches Billy’s broken arm with two fingers and says does that hurt and it does a little and so Billy says not really and he can feel the hot stuff spreading out under his skin and everything it touches feels dead.  Dr. Valentine touches Billy’s arm again and says how about now, does it hurt now and Billy can’t even feel Dr. Valentine’s fingers and he says no and Dr. Valentine says good, that’s just the way it’s supposed to be.

The nurse leaves the room and when she comes back she’s pushing a cart with a metal tube on it and the tube has a hole in it and a screen at one end.  The nurse wheels the cart over and Dr. Valentine says this is a fluoroscope, it’s like an X-ray machine, I’m going to use it to look inside your arm.  The nurse lifts Billy’s arm and Dr. Valentine says you’re sure that doesn’t hurt, you need to tell me if it hurts but it doesn’t, Billy can’t feel it at all, it’s like he’s been sleeping on it wrong and it’s gone to sleep except there’s not even that prickly feeling of pins and needles telling him that it’ll wake up soon and he gets a little scared and says I don’t feel anything, shouldn’t I feel something and Billy’s mother says he gave you a local anesthetic sweetie, of course you shouldn’t feel anything and Dr. Valentine says maybe we gave you more than we needed to but don’t worry it won’t hurt you and the nurse puts Billy’s arm into the hole in the fluoroscope and presses a button and there’s a whirring sound inside the tube and then she presses another button and there’s a picture on the screen and it looks like two black clouds in a white sky except both of the clouds are snapped in half so there’s really four clouds.  Oh good Lord, you broke both bones, how could you break both of them says Billy’s mother and Dr. Valentine says I’m sorry, that soccer ball hit him pretty hard and Billy’s mother says it was an accident Ron, don’t worry, I just can’t believe he broke both bones and Dr. Valentine says well, I’m really, really sorry but at least they’re clean breaks, Billy, this is going to feel strange, don’t look at your arm and Billy says can I watch the screen and Dr. Valentine says it’d be better if you just closed your eyes.  The nurse comes up behind Billy and he can see her hands come up around his shoulder but he can’t feel them at all even though he can feels her breath on his neck.  You need to hold him very steady, this boy’s a pianist says Dr. Valentine to the nurse and the nurse’s voice is in Billy’s ear saying are you and Billy’s mother says yes, he’d be good too if he’d just buckle down and practice and Dr. Valentine says he sounds pretty good to me already and Billy’s mother says well, he’d be better if he’d practice more and Dr. Valentine says okay Billy, it’s time to close your eyes now and Billy closes his eyes and all he can feel is the nurse’s breath against his neck and Dr. Valentine says hold him steady and the nurse says I am holding him steady and Billy knows Dr. Valentine is doing something with his arm because the skin on his right side gets tight and he starts to sweat and his sweat is cold but he can’t feel what Dr. Valentine’s doing so he opens his eyes just a little and sees that Dr. Valentine’s holding his hand and his elbow and the clouds are moving around on the fluoroscope screen and out of the corner of his eye he can see a lump moving inside his arm like there’s something alive swimming around beneath his skin.  Dr. Valentine told you to keep your eyes closed says Billy’s mother but Billy can’t close his eyes, he has to watch because he can’t feel anything and the clouds keep moving around on the screen and the thing keeps swimming around beneath his skin and Billy’s mother says please be careful, oh please be careful and Dr. Valentine says don’t worry, we’re almost there and the ends of two of the clouds hit the ends of the other two and wiggle around against each other and then stop and Dr. Valentine says got it, how’s that feel Billy and Billy says I don’t feel anything and Dr. Valentine says well, of course. 

The worst thing about Billy’s broken arm is that it itches all the time and the only way he can get it to stop is to pound on it as hard as he can with his left fist and even that doesn’t work very well because it only stops itching while he’s hitting it and as soon as he stops it starts up again.  The itching’s mostly worth it because Billy’s arm wouldn’t itch if Dr. Valentine hadn’t broken it and if Dr. Valentine hadn’t broken it he wouldn’t have invited Billy to the pig roast so Billy tries to remember that when it’s really bad but he can’t always especially at night because it’s been really hot for the last couple of weeks and because he has to lie on his back which is a position he’s never been able to get comfortable in so he can’t fall asleep so he just has to lie there in the dark feeling his arm itch and pounding on it and wishing he could get up and do something, watch TV or read or play piano or something.  But his mother won’t let him get up because she says he needs to sleep or his arm won’t heal properly and so all he can do is lie on his back and listen to the crickets outside and feel the itches scramble around under his cast like a swarm of ants and know that when he wakes up his chest and shoulder will be sore from holding up the cast all night.  A few days ago the itching was so bad that he got out of bed and got one of his plastic army men off the floor and stuck its rifle under the cast to scratch with and that was working for a few minutes even though the rifle wasn’t very long and so he couldn’t reach very far up but then he started scratching too hard and the rifle broke off so now it’s stuck there under his cast just beneath his wrist and that spot itches worst of all and not only that but he knows his mother’s going to be mad when Dr. Valentine cuts the cast off and she sees the little green gun on his skin.

 His mother doesn’t like it when he pounds on his cast because she says his arm’s fragile and the bones are just starting to knit back together and he doesn’t want Dr. Valentine to have to reset them, does he and so he can’t do it when she’s around even though his father says there’s no harm in it, why do you think they put casts on in the first place.  So in the daytime when he can’t stand it anymore he has to pretend to have to go to the bathroom in order to pound on his cast which is what he’s doing right now, sitting on the toilet with his shorts up because he’s only pretending to go to the bathroom and hitting his right arm as hard as he can with his left fist.  He must be in here fifty times a day now and his mother’s worried that there’s something wrong with his stomach even though he tells her there isn’t, he just has to go to the bathroom a lot these days for some reason and he sort of likes it because his mother doesn’t bug him as much while he’s in here and because it’s cool and everywhere else in the house is boiling hot.  The window’s above him with its white curtain with the embroidered flowers at the bottom blowing out a little in the breeze and in front of him’s the peach-colored counter with his mother’s perfume and bath lotions on it and behind that’s the mirror in which he can see the bottles again and behind them just the top of his head and his face down to his nose rocking back and forth as he pounds because he isn’t tall enough to see any more.  To the right is the shower with the peach bathmat hanging from the frosted glass door’s handle and past that are the towel racks with the peach-colored towels and nothing’s changed in here since he broke his arm and even before except the towels and sometimes Billy thinks what if he stayed in here forever, he wouldn’t want to but what if he had to, it wouldn’t be the worst place and at least he could pound on his cast as much as he needed to and then his arm wouldn’t itch except when his fist got tired.

 He hears footsteps in the hall and then his mother knocks on the door and says Billy, are you okay in there and Billy says yes mom, I’m almost done, just a minute and he pounds on his cast two or three more times and then stands up and flushes the toilet and watches the empty water spin away.  When he gets to the living room his mother calls from the kitchen did you wash your hands and Billy says yes and his mother says I didn’t hear the water, go back and wash your hands please and Billy goes back to the bathroom and washes his left hand even though he didn’t really go to the bathroom and then comes back into the living room and his mother says so how are you feeling sweetie, you want to try it again and Billy says okay and sits down at the piano and wishes that he had stayed in the bathroom longer because his arm itches.  He puts his left hand on the keyboard and begins to play, A with his pinky and D with his pointer finger and F-sharp with his thumb and then his mother starts to sing and it’s her favorite song, the one about the blackbird and the willow tree and the boy with golden hair and normally he doesn’t mind playing it even though it’s boring because she likes it so much and he knows that the boy with golden hair is supposed to be him but his arm itches and somehow every note he plays sounds dead like stone falling on stone but there’s nothing else to do especially now that he’s started playing and he wonders when he can pretend to have to go to the bathroom again.

 The stairs behind him creak and then his father comes up out of the basement and he’s singing bent my fender now I’m blue in his opera-singer voice and then he says honey, do you want to knock it off with the Elvis tune, I’m trying to work down here and Billy stops playing and his mother stops singing and says it’s not an Elvis Presley tune, he stole it, it’s an old Confederate song, Jim Reeves used to sing it and Billy’s father laughs and says even worse and Billy’s mother says why do you say things like that and Billy’s father says besides, he can’t play with a broken arm, can you Billy and Billy’s mother says he’s doing just fine, aren’t you sweetie, you shouldn’t say things like that, you make me feel crummy when you say things like that and Billy’s father says it sure is hot today, boy is it hot, I’m going back downstairs where it’s cool now that the music’s stopped and Billy’s mother says the music hasn’t stopped, I’m not done singing and Billy’s father says I’m going back downstairs and he goes.

 Let’s try it again says Billy’s mother and Billy says I have to go to the bathroom and Billy’s mother says again, you’re too young to be shutting yourself up in the bathroom all day, that’s not supposed to happen for a few years yet and Billy says my arm itches and Billy’s mother says I know it itches sweetie, maybe next time you’ll think about that before you go and do something stupid like break your arm, there’s nothing anybody can do about it now, you just have to ignore it and Billy says I can’t ignore it, it won’t let me ignore it and Billy’s mother says maybe if you played a different song, do you want to play a different song instead, trust me, it’ll help if you find something else to concentrate on and Billy says can’t I please just go to the bathroom and then he sees the Valentines’ station wagon go by through the picture window and Dr. Valentines’ driving and Billy shouts the pig’s here and runs to the dining room so he can look out the window and into the Valentines’ driveway and watch Dr. Valentine unload the pig.  The station wagon stops next to the Cadillac and Dr. Valentine gets out and opens the tailgate and reaches inside and then there’s the pig, Dr. Valentine’s cradling it in his arms like it’s a baby.  It’s a big one says Billy and his mother comes up behind him and looks out the window over his shoulder and says I guess it is and then Danny and Dolly and Glenn and Carl come running out of the Valentines’ house and Danny’s jumping around next to his father and putting his hands all over the pig and last year Billy did that too, they were all playing inside the Valentines’ house waiting for Dr. Valentine to get home with the pig and then he did and they all went outside to see it and touch it except Dolly didn’t want to touch it and Billy remembers what it felt like, like soft sandpaper that used to be warm but wasn’t anymore.  But this year it’s only Danny and Carl that are touching it because Glenn’s standing off to the side next to Dolly and Billy can’t figure out why because he knows she thinks the pig’s gross because it’s head and feet have been cut off and it’s dead and so she’s probably saying things like I don’t want to look, I just came outside because you guys did, let’s go back in and there’s no way Glenn wants to go back in, not when the pig just got here.  Dr. Valentine lays the pig down on its back in the grass next to the driveway and Billy wants to go outside so he can look at it up close and touch it too but he doesn’t ask if he can because he just broke his arm six days ago and even though Dr. Valentine said it was okay to go outside and play with the cast on as long as he was careful and didn’t try anything too wild his mother probably won’t let him and he could argue with her and maybe even win but then if something happened or maybe even if something didn’t happen she might decide that enough was enough, no ifs ands or buts about it, he was staying inside for the rest of the weekend and then he’d miss the pig roast.

 Well that’s it, there’s the pig, you want to come back to the piano now sweetie says Billy’s mother and Billy says I think that’s the biggest one ever and he can feel his mother’s chest against his back and she says oh, how can you tell from this distance and Billy says I just can, it’s the biggest and Billy’s mother says how come it doesn’t have a head, isn’t a roast pig supposed to have a head with an apple in its mouth and cherries in its eyes and Billy says Mrs. Valentine thinks the head is gross and Billy’s mother says she thinks everything’s gross, I just don’t see the point of doing something if you’re not going to do it right, speaking of which why don’t you get back to that piano sweetie, it’s bad enough that your right hand’s going to forget everything it knows, I don’t have to sing but you really should practice and Billy says I have to go to the bathroom and Billy’s mother says I’m worried about this bathroom thing, I hope you’re not coming down with something, I don’t want you sick when school starts and Billy says I’m fine and Billy’s mother says I hope so because I tell you what, if it’s not cleared up by tomorrow there’s no way I’m letting you go and eat that greasy pig and Billy says Dr. Valentine said I could go and Billy’s mother says we’ll see, right now it’s time to practice, come on Billy, chop chop and Billy says this year I get to go.

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