All the Wrong Places - Part 5 To: Angel From: TTZRCLBDXRQBGJSNBOH Hi Angel :-) > > > > Aw, come on. Just one little grin? It only takes three keys; two if you don't give yourself a nose. You can even do one with fangs: :-[ > > > I said no. Nope, not even one. > > Not even a little one? > Haven't you ever heard that "no means no" thing? This is peer pressure, that's what it is. The tv commercials tell me that I should ignore you. Guess I'll have to keep doing them for both of us then. How's this for you? @:-[ > > Offended by your hair? I dunno, that would be between you and your hair, wouldn't it? > Guess that whole thing about the funny bone is a myth, huh. If that's where your sense of humor is supposed to be, I mean. Wesley thinks I'm funny. > There's NOTHING wrong with my hair. Of course not. > Okay, be honest. Is it really funny looking? Funny ha-ha or funny strange? > Look, you'd tell me if there was something wrong with my hair, right? Paranoid a bit there, boyo? > > > I don't even have a watch. > > I'll make note for Christmas time. ;-) > Ha. Very funny. I thought so. I mean what do you buy for the vampire who has everything? The watch he doesn't have. > > > Oh. Guess you don't either. > > Or an wrist to put it on. > Or a FUNNY BONE. Where is that anyway, in your elbow? The humerous yeah. And before you say it, no I don't have any elbows at the moment. > > I guess I'm taking the 'important part in the machinery' thing a bit literally here, huh? > I meant the machinery of the company. Um, the machinery that the company makes up. Well not MAKES UP like imagines, but, you know. Is composed of. That kind of thing. What was I saying? I've missed you. Even though I was, y'know, dead. > Oh, yeah. You know, how everyone is important, all the way down to the lowliest cleaning person, blah blah blah. Or the disembodied guy in the computer system? > > > And Fred gets to play around up there figuring out how to make a microwave run on M&Ms or something. Again, not really, although every time I see her she's got a pack of those things in her hand. It might be a taco replacement, come to think of it. > > She could just like chocolate, y'know. > A little too much, if you ask me. I dunno Harry used to be quite a chocoholic just made it easy to figure out what to get her for a present. > > What exactly is a taco thing? > Like, you know, a THING. She had a thing for them. Like, she really liked them a lot. Like the chocolate. Haven't you ever had a thing? Now that's a rather personal question there, Angel, don't you think? > > So did he make you sing? > Yeah. Let's not talk about it. What did you sing? > > You might want to see what you could do about stepping out from behind the beauracracy a bit. > I do, sometimes. Probably not enough. Everything runs so smoothly, it kind of seems like a shame to mess it up by stepping in and doing stuff myself. But it's driving you nuts right? So that's not running as smoothly as it could be. > > Well I can listen as well as talk if you feel like doing some of that making up. > Probably done more talking to you, here, than I have in the past few months. I might wear myself out, if I'm not careful. Don't think so. Though you might give yourself carpal tunnel talking this way. ;-) > > Anytime. I may not have ears right now but I can still listen. > Yeah. How does that work exactly? I dunno. Magic? > > Besides, you sound like you could use a vacation too. > I don't know. Seems a little bit like running away. I think I've spent enough time doing that. Time to stick around and face the music. No, running away is when you go and don't come back. A vacation is when you go for a short time to de-stress and unwind and then come back more ready and able to face the music. > > So we'll think about it. And talk about it. Maybe it'll help. Can't hurt, can it? > I'm TRYING. Jeez. Does it seem to you like I'm not talking? Sorry. I'm not mad. Just... trying to keep going, you know. I'm trying. I know, Angel. I know. You're doing fine. I haven't poked you lately, have I? > > There's never any guarantees. But there's probabilities, and it's far more probable than not that Cordelia would've. > Better not to think about it. If we can figure out some way to get her back, she's gonna be confused, upset... no way to know how much she's gonna remember. I'm putting it behind me. We'll get her back and then we'll deal with who feels what for whom. Maybe we can start our own soap. "All My Demons" or something. > > I know if it had been me, I would've in a heartbeat. Y'know, if you'd ever had feelings for me. Which you wouldn't because I'm not a gorgeous woman with spirit. But for the sake of the argument... > You think I didn't have feelings for you? Oh I knew we were buddies. But we're talking about romantic, make you weak in the knees type feelings, right? You're not saying that you... > > And even if I wasn't, you're underestimating yourself. Who cares about breathing and eating food? What's really important is who you are, not what you are. And who you are is someone anyone would be crazy not to choose. > See, now it sounds like you're flirting with me. And how would you feel if I was? > Cordy and anyone else, for that matter would be better off without someone like me. I mean, dead. Undead. Whatever. Vampire. Brooding. Not so good with the talking and sharing. Don't know how to do the social thing. Doesn't seem to me like the kind of thing people -- key word PEOPLE -- would want to settle for. You're making that decision for everybody huh? > > > I was probably just trying to fool myself the whole time. > > Or, here's a radical thought, maybe you were reacting to real genuine feelings. On both sides. > It doesn't matter now. Maybe not right this moment, no. We can wait and revisit when Cordelia wakes up. > > Yeah, but not as much fun. You should give yourself some of those assignments , keep your hand in. Find something evil and annoying to work your frustrations out on. > Again, I do, sometimes. Doesn't sound like you do it enough though. > > Or at least go down to that fully equipped gym Wesley tells me you have and beat on a punching bag for a while. > I do that too. More than you might want to know. Maybe I can find the security feed to the gym and watch you sometime. > > Bet you're wishing yourself back to those alleys in New York sometimes, huh? > Actually, not often. But yeah, sometimes. Not often, huh? Guess that just shows how far you've come. > > So this means you can stand in the sun in your office? Wow. Bet that's something. > Sure is. I'm happy for you. :-) See? > > You deserve a bit of sun; I know why you destroyed the Gem of Amara and respect your reasons, but I still say you deserved what it gave you. I wish you could've had more than the one sunset. Guess now you can. Even if it's through glass. > Yeah, I guess I could. So you *are* taking advantage of this and letting the daylight in. Right? Right? > > > Nah, I guess incorrigible works pretty well. > > My picture's under the word's entry in the dictionary. ;-) > Yeah, I thought I saw it there. There's another one of you under 'smart-ass.' Yeah but you love me this way. > > Because your life (or unlife, if you prefer) is worth less than mine? > Yeah. That is, in one word, bullshit. > > Sorry, don't buy that. > You don't have to. It's just this bit of free advice I'm offering you. Thanks, but I think I see this situation clearer than you do. > > > > I apologise for hitting you though. > > > Sucker punch. > > Hey, I'm not stupid. Anything else and you would've cleaned the floor with me. > Well, yeah. As I said, not stupid. > And it's okay. I mean, there are times when I wish it'd been me, but... thanks. I appreciate what you did, for me and for Cordy. You're welcome. > > > Right. Don't hit the computers. > > Good man. > Nope, neither. You're both. > > > > Just covering the bases. :) Wesley seems to be an okay guy. > > > Yeah, he is. > > There's some stuff going on with him I think. I don't know him much yet, but I'm getting a vibe off of him. > What kind of a vibe? You think he's sick or something? Not physically, but... he seems depressed. > > > > :-p < me sticking my tongue out > > > Okay, you win, because I am NEVER going to make those little faces. > > Come on. Just one little face. > No means no. @:-[ Every time you say that I'm going to do my Angel emoticon. > > If telling me is going to help you, I can deal with whatever fallout sharing the secret brings. > I don't know if it helped, but... it's kind of good not to be the only person who knows. It's nice to know you're not the only carrying the burden. > > If I had a mouth at the moment, it would be hanging open. Though not sure if that would be more for you having a son or doing what you would need to do to get a son with Darla. But wow. > Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction when she showed up 9 months pregnant. I can bet. Cordelia must've ripped you a new one, huh? > > Tell me about him? > I... will at some point. Not now. Okay? Whenever you're ready, whatever you feel like sharing. The bad, the good, I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me. > > > But Wesley doesn't remember, has a whole bunch of false memories in his head about that time. Also, supposedly, an inclination not to want to talk about them. I think it's some kind of failsafe, make it less likely for people to be able to look at those memories and examine them too closely. > > That would explain the incredible stubborness that he's been exhibiting about not talking about that time period. > Huh. Good to know that it's working, I guess. Very well if my experience is anything to go by. > He thinks what happened between him and me is all about Darla. It's still so weird to think that he doesn't remember Connor. That none of them do. Will, in Cordy's case. Whatever he does remember still seems to bother him a great deal. > > You're a hell of a role model to look up to, my friend. > Jesus, don't even go thinking that. You'd be better off to look at what I did with my life and then go and do the exact opposite. That's how crappy a role model I am. You were a good role model for me. And a better inspiration than I could put into words. > That's actually carpal tunnel, you know. > > > Oh, right. I thought there was something wrong about that. > > You're really endearing sometimes. > Thanks a lot. You are. > > Yeah. Found the security systems and am starting to figure out how to tap into their camera feeds. Only problem is I can't tell which feed is for what place... You've got a very big lawfirm, you know that? > Yeah, I know. Really big. > Um... could you see my hair? Haven't found the feed to your office yet, but I'm working on it. I'll let you know when I find it. > > You're doing fine. You know I'll poke you if I think you need it. > Just remember to be careful where you go poking with those pointy sticks, okay? Trust me. > > But I'm here for you, man. Whatever you need. You know you can tell me anything. > After Cordy came back from the Higher Being stint when she wasn't herself really, but still... she and Connor... god it's such a long story. Trying to keep it short: It was a good summary. You're better at this talking thing than you give yourself credit for. > So Darla couldn't give birth to Connor. I don't know why, don't know if it was part of some prophecy, or just one of those things that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place because, you know, vampires don't have kids. She staked herself to save Connor. Little while later, Wes found this prophecy, this other prophecy, saying that I was gonna kill Connor. So he took him. Stole him away from me. Was gonna take him to Holtz, who for some fucked up reason he trusted, but Justine (um, friend of Holtz's) tricked him. Cut his throat and left him for dead, took Connor to Holtz. I... Maybe this isn't really important now, but are you sure Wesley was going to give him to Holtz? I mean, I haven't known him for very long or anything, but... It wouldn't have been what I would've done. The taking Connor to keep you both safe, yeah, I can see that. But I would've just kept going. Besides, if Wesley was going to give Connor to Holtz why would they attack him to get Connor? > Holtz took Connor into Quor-toth. Hell dimension. Not a good place for anyone, but especially not a baby. Fuck. I'm sorry. > When I found out what happened, I... well, I lost it. Went to the hospital where Wes was and... tried to kill him. While not the right thing to do, I don't think anyone could blame you under the circumstances. I mean... You knew Harry and I wanted kids. If we'd had, and someone had taken my kid, I wouldn't have been entirely sane. > We tried to get Connor back. Me and Fred and Gunn and Lorne (Cordy was off on a trip, and I didn't know how to call and tell her I'd lost Connor, so I didn't) -- we tried everything. But before we could figure out what the hell was going on, Connor was back. As a teenager. Him and Holtz, though we didn't know about Holtz being back at first. And they... Is this all too much to take in at once? Can you save stuff to look at later? Well, it doesn't matter, if anything doesn't make sense, I'll repeat it. I do seem to be able to look back on older emails. And you tell me what you feel like telling me when you feel like telling it. I'll keep up, promise. > Cordy came back. Holtz killed himself, with Justine's help, and set me up, made it look like I'd done it. Connor went nuts. The same night I was going to meet Cordy and tell her, you know, how I felt, Connor and Justine put me in a box and sank me to the bottom of the ocean. Fuck. > It was supposed to be, you know, eternal punishment. Yeah. More because it was Connor that did it, huh. > Wes was the one who got me out. I didn't deserve it, but he came after me. Made Justine help him. Hell, let me feed from his fucking *arm* when what he'd brought wasn't enough. Sounds like someone doing his best to atone. > Got back to the hotel, found out that Cordy'd disappeared the same night I had and no one'd seen her since. This would be when she'd been higher being'ed then? > And Connor had been there all summer with Fred and Gunn, pretending that he didn't know where I was. Told him I loved him, and threw him out. Tough love. Good for you. That's about all you could've done at that point. > Turns out Wes had been investigating Cordy's disappearance, pointed me in the right direction to find out that she'd been made a Higher Being. But then *she* came back. Except it wasn't really her, but we didn't know that. She was, you know, possessed or whatever. She didn't remember much at first, but after we did a spell to get her memory back, she said she'd loved me, but that she couldn't be with me because she'd seen all the terrible things I'd done in the past. You know, as Angelus. She went to Connor, and then... her and Connor... Christ Angel, I'm sorry. > That's how she got pregnant. Sort of. I don't know. She was pregnant with your grandkid? Okay, this is really starting to sound like a soap opera. Sorry. I know it's not something to be joking about. > God. Anyway, that's pretty much everything. Wes and the others think that it was all about Darla and Holtz. They don't remember Connor. Only me. That's gotta be hard too. > And now you. Does it help? Knowing you have someone you can talk to about this now? > > > Thanks, Doyle. I'm really glad you're back. > > Yeah, so am I. And not just for me. > That little story turn you off the talking thing? I'd understand if it did. Angel, I'm more honoured than I can express that you trusted me enough to share this with me. It'll take more than this to drive me off. I'm not even sure you could. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > Haven't you ever heard that "no means no" thing? This is peer pressure, that's what it is. The tv commercials tell me that I should ignore you. > Guess I'll have to keep doing them for both of us then. How's this for you? @:-[ What the hell is that supposed to be? Someone with cotton candy on their head? > > > Offended by your hair? I dunno, that would be between you and your hair, wouldn't it? > > Guess that whole thing about the funny bone is a myth, huh. If that's where your sense of humor is supposed to be, I mean. > Wesley thinks I'm funny. Guess you should be glad SOMEONE does. > > There's NOTHING wrong with my hair. > Of course not. > > Okay, be honest. Is it really funny looking? > Funny ha-ha or funny strange? EITHER. > > Look, you'd tell me if there was something wrong with my hair, right? > Paranoid a bit there, boyo? Okay, yeah, I guess maybe. Just... in Pylea, I could see my reflection. First thing I noticed was the hair. It'd been a long time since I'd seen it, you know? Was... kind of a surprise. > > > > I don't even have a watch. > > > I'll make note for Christmas time. ;-) > > Ha. Very funny. > I thought so. I mean what do you buy for the vampire who has everything? The watch he doesn't have. Yeah, well there's a reason I don't have one. > > > > Oh. Guess you don't either. > > > Or a wrist to put it on. > > Or a FUNNY BONE. Where is that anyway, in your elbow? > The humerous yeah. And before you say it, no I don't have any elbows at the moment. Ha. Thought so. Um, yeah, I didn't mean that in a... whatever way. It must be weird, not really having a body. But don't worry, we'll get ya back. > > > I guess I'm taking the 'important part in the machinery' thing a bit literally here, huh? > > I meant the machinery of the company. Um, the machinery that the company makes up. Well not MAKES UP like imagines, but, you know. Is composed of. That kind of thing. What was I saying? > I've missed you. Even though I was, y'know, dead. I missed you too. Even though you were, you know, dead. Should I be scared that me forgetting what I was talking about is what prompted that? > > Oh, yeah. You know, how everyone is important, all the way down to the lowliest cleaning person, blah blah blah. > Or the disembodied guy in the computer system? Exactly. You're very important. > > > > And Fred gets to play around up there figuring out how to make a microwave run on M&Ms or something. Again, not really, although every time I see her she's got a pack of those things in her hand. It might be a taco replacement, come to think of it. > > > She could just like chocolate, y'know. > > A little too much, if you ask me. > I dunno Harry used to be quite a chocoholic just made it easy to figure out what to get her for a present. Oh, should I have gotten her chocolate for her birthday do you think? I got her clothes. She was really easy to shop for. I think maybe it weirded her out a little bit. Just, I remembered how much Cordy liked the clothes I got her this one time, so it seemed like a thing. To do. > > > What exactly is a taco thing? > > Like, you know, a THING. She had a thing for them. Like, she really liked them a lot. Like the chocolate. Haven't you ever had a thing? > Now that's a rather personal question there, Angel, don't you think? Maybe. Are we not asking personal questions now? > > > So did he make you sing? > > Yeah. Let's not talk about it. > What did you sing? Which time? Anyway, you probably don't want to know. Some Manilow, and then that Wang Chung thing. Once they play a song enough on the radio, sometimes you start to almost like it even though you don't, you know? > > > You might want to see what you could do about stepping out from behind the beauracracy a bit. > > I do, sometimes. Probably not enough. Everything runs so smoothly, it kind of seems like a shame to mess it up by stepping in and doing stuff myself. > But it's driving you nuts right? So that's not running as smoothly as it could be. Well, the COMPANY is. I mean, it probably would whether I was here or not. > > > Well I can listen as well as talk if you feel like doing some of that making up. > > Probably done more talking to you, here, than I have in the past few months. I might wear myself out, if I'm not careful. > Don't think so. Though you might give yourself carpal tunnel talking this way. ;-) Ha ha. Laugh a minute with you. > > > Anytime. I may not have ears right now but I can still listen. > > Yeah. How does that work exactly? > I dunno. Magic? Magic put you there, yeah. Don't know if it's what's keeping you there. Talked to Wes earlier, he said they've got a lead on spells for both you and Cordy. He sounded kind of distracted. > > > Besides, you sound like you could use a vacation too. > > I don't know. Seems a little bit like running away. I think I've spent enough time doing that. Time to stick around and face the music. > No, running away is when you go and don't come back. A vacation is when you go for a short time to de-stress and unwind and then come back more ready and able to face the music. Well, taking one now -- a vacation, I mean -- would feel like running away and not coming back. Until a couple of days ago, I would have said there wasn't really anything here for me to come back TO, you know? > > > So we'll think about it. And talk about it. Maybe it'll help. Can't hurt, can it? > > I'm TRYING. Jeez. Does it seem to you like I'm not talking? Sorry. I'm not mad. Just... trying to keep going, you know. I'm trying. > I know, Angel. I know. You're doing fine. I haven't poked you lately, have I? Just remember what I said about the pointy sticks. > > Better not to think about it. If we can figure out some way to get her back, she's gonna be confused, upset... no way to know how much she's gonna remember. I'm putting it behind me. > We'll get her back and then we'll deal with who feels what for whom. Maybe we can start our own soap. "All My Demons" or something. Daytime TV is evil. You know that, right? > > > I know if it had been me, I would've in a heartbeat. Y'know, if you'd ever had feelings for me. Which you wouldn't because I'm not a gorgeous woman with spirit. But for the sake of the argument... > > You think I didn't have feelings for you? > Oh I knew we were buddies. But we're talking about romantic, make you weak in the knees type feelings, right? Thought we were, yeah. > You're not saying that you... I'll give you whichever answer you want to hear, Doyle. Just tell me. Once it's said, kind of hard to take it back, you know? And how I feel about you... us being FRIENDS, I mean... is more important to me than anything else. So you think about it. > > > And even if I wasn't, you're underestimating yourself. Who cares about breathing and eating food? What's really important is who you are, not what you are. And who you are is someone anyone would be crazy not to choose. > > See, now it sounds like you're flirting with me. > And how would you feel if I was? I dunno, it might give me another one of those goofy smiles that I am NOT going to put into type. People flirt with me sometimes. You know, when I go places. At night, mostly. I think it's happened so many times that I don't really notice it anymore. Too wrapped up in my own... you know, stuff. Plus it never means anything. > > Cordy and anyone else, for that matter would be better off without someone like me. I mean, dead. Undead. Whatever. Vampire. Brooding. Not so good with the talking and sharing. Don't know how to do the social thing. Doesn't seem to me like the kind of thing people -- key word PEOPLE -- would want to settle for. > You're making that decision for everybody huh? Not a decision. More an observation. > > > Or, here's a radical thought, maybe you were reacting to real genuine feelings. On both sides. > > It doesn't matter now. > Maybe not right this moment, no. We can wait and revisit when Cordelia wakes up. Oh yay. That sounds like so much fun. Um, not that I don't want her to wake up. > > > Yeah, but not as much fun. You should give yourself some of those assignments, keep your hand in. Find something evil and annoying to work your frustrations out on. > > Again, I do, sometimes. > Doesn't sound like you do it enough though. Did last night. Went out and took on a whole nest of Chlarthwark demons myself. Killed about five or six, then the last two got the jump on me and held me down pretty good, beat on me. Came out of there with a broken face, but I felt... I dunno, almost alive again. It was good. > > > Or at least go down to that fully equipped gym Wesley tells me you have and beat on a punching bag for a while. > > I do that too. More than you might want to know. > Maybe I can find the security feed to the gym and watch you sometime. Yeah, that'd be exciting for you. > > > Bet you're wishing yourself back to those alleys in New York sometimes, huh? > > Actually, not often. But yeah, sometimes. > Not often, huh? Guess that just shows how far you've come. Most of it was probably thanks to you. Leaving Sunnydale, leaving Buffy, that was hard. Much harder than deciding to help her in the first place. She's good, by the way. Off in England right now with Giles, trying to figure out what to do with all these new Slayers. > > > So this means you can stand in the sun in your office? Wow. Bet that's something. > > Sure is. > I'm happy for you. :-) See? Yeah, I see. Stupid smiley faces. > > > You deserve a bit of sun; I know why you destroyed the Gem of Amara and respect your reasons, but I still say you deserved what it gave you. I wish you could've had more than the one sunset. Guess now you can. Even if it's through glass. > > Yeah, I guess I could. > So you *are* taking advantage of this and letting the daylight in. Right? Right? I... think about it. Sometimes. Besides, can't control what other people do in their parts of the building. Not like I can order everyone to keep their shades drawn. > > > > Nah, I guess incorrigible works pretty well. > > > My picture's under the word's entry in the dictionary. ;-) > > Yeah, I thought I saw it there. There's another one of you under 'smart-ass.' > Yeah but you love me this way. Yeah. I do. > > > Because your life (or unlife, if you prefer) is worth less than mine? > > Yeah. > That is, in one word, bullshit. It's also true. > > > Sorry, don't buy that. > > You don't have to. It's just this bit of free advice I'm offering you. > Thanks, but I think I see this situation clearer than you do. I'm sure you think you do. > > > > > I apologise for hitting you though. > > > > Sucker punch. > > > Hey, I'm not stupid. Anything else and you would've cleaned the floor with me. > > Well, yeah. > As I said, not stupid. It was a good punch. Took me by surprise, did the job. My jaw hurt for a couple of days afterward, too. Gave me something to remember you by. For a little while. > > > > Right. Don't hit the computers. > > > Good man. > > Nope, neither. > You're both. Well, I guess good is a judgement call, but still. Vampire. > > > There's some stuff going on with him I think. I don't know him much yet, but I'm getting a vibe off of him. > > What kind of a vibe? You think he's sick or something? > Not physically, but... he seems depressed. You think? Yeah. Guess I haven't been paying that much attention. He... kinda lost someone. Someone that he was... well, I don't know if he loved her. Guess he probably did. You think I should talk to him? Shit, not that I'd know what to say. > > > Come on. Just one little face. > > No means no. > @:-[ Every time you say that I'm going to do my Angel emoticon. Is that what that is? Looks more like Elvis. God, please tell me I don't look like Elvis. > > > If telling me is going to help you, I can deal with whatever fallout sharing the secret brings. > > I don't know if it helped, but... it's kind of good not to be the only person who knows. > It's nice to know you're not the only one carrying the burden. Yeah. Maybe it shouldn't feel like that. A burden, I mean. But it does. > > > If I had a mouth at the moment, it would be hanging open. Though not sure if that would be more for you having a son or doing what you would need to get a son with Darla. But wow. > > Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction when she showed up 9 months pregnant. > I can bet. Cordelia must've ripped you a new one, huh? Um, actually not really. She more did that quietly disappointed thing. Tried to take care of Darla, to get back at me I think. Let Darla get the jump on her. If I hadn't gone in there when I did, Darla might have... but it was okay. Cordy was fine. That time, I managed to save her. > > > Tell me about him? > > I... will at some point. Not now. Okay? > Whenever you're ready, whatever you feel like sharing. The bad, the good, I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me. I'm so fucking bitter, that's the thing. About all of it. That I was cheated out of watching him grow up, especially. He was such a great baby. When he came back, Holtz had... poisoned him. His mind, I mean. Against me. He hated me for being what I was. What I am. Smart kid. > > > That would explain the incredible stubborness that he's been exhibiting about not talking about that time period. > > Huh. Good to know that it's working, I guess. > Very well if my experience is anything to go by. Well you can imagine that I don't try to talk to him about it, so... your experience is pretty much the only thing we've got to go by. > > He thinks what happened between him and me is all about Darla. It's still so weird to think that he doesn't remember Connor. That none of them do. Will, in Cordy's case. > Whatever he does remember still seems to bother him a great deal. Yeah. I mean, for the most part, replace "Connor" with "Darla" and that's what he remembers. Well, I know it's more complicated than that, but I didn't see a script or anything. Lilah dealt with that. > > > You're a hell of a role model to look up to, my friend. > > Jesus, don't even go thinking that. You'd be better off to look at what I did with my life and then go and do the exact opposite. That's how crappy a role model I am. > You were a good role model for me. And a better inspiration than I could put into words. Don't say stuff like that. It's not true. Plus I think it might make me blush, and not like I can look in a mirror to check. > > > You're really endearing sometimes. > > Thanks a lot. > You are. Yeah, well... you're not so bad yourself. No matter what I say about those little smiley faces, I like that YOU use them. Even if I'm not going to. Well. Could live without the Elvis one. > > > Yeah. Found the security systems and am starting to figure out how to tap into their camera feeds. Only problem is I can't tell which feed is for what place... You've got a very big lawfirm, you know that? > > Yeah, I know. > Really big. Uh-huh. Seen anything interesting yet? > > Um... could you see my hair? > Haven't found the feed to your office yet, but I'm working on it. I'll let you know when I find it. Got to say, I'm a little bit afraid to find out. > Trust me. I do. > It was a good summary. You're better at this talking thing than you give yourself credit for. I end up feeling like I've left so much out. > > So Darla couldn't give birth to Connor. I don't know why, don't know if it was part of some prophecy, or just one of those things that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place because, you know, vampires don't have kids. She staked herself to save Connor. Little while later, Wes found this prophecy, this other prophecy, saying that I was gonna kill Connor. So he took him. Stole him away from me. Was gonna take him to Holtz, who for some fucked up reason he trusted, but Justine (um, friend of Holtz's) tricked him. Cut his throat and left him for dead, took Connor to Holtz. > I... Maybe this isn't really important now, but are you sure Wesley was going to give him to Holtz? I mean, I haven't known him for very long or anything, but... It wouldn't have been what I would've done. The taking Connor to keep you both safe, yeah, I can see that. But I would've just kept going. Besides, if Wesley was going to give Connor to Holtz why would they attack him to get Connor? Been sitting here looking at the keyboard for a long time. You're right. I mean, I know you are. I already knew that. Wesley made a lot of mistakes, but I know he thought he was doing the right thing at the time. Sometimes it's like I need to keep believing that he was really trying to betray me, so that I can stay mad at him. Wow, that sounds really fucked up, doesn't it. > > Holtz took Connor into Quor-toth. Hell dimension. Not a good place for anyone, but especially not a baby. > Fuck. I'm sorry. Me too. > > When I found out what happened, I... well, I lost it. Went to the hospital where Wes was and... tried to kill him. > While not the right thing to do, I don't think anyone could blame you under the circumstances. I mean... You knew Harry and I wanted kids. If we'd had, and someone had taken my kid, I wouldn't have been entirely sane. I'd like to blame it on that, say that I was insane with grief, but... I'm not sure it's true. I don't think I even wanted Wesley dead, not really. I just... wanted him to know. How mad I was. How much it hurt me, that he could do something like that. Fuck. > > Is this all too much to take in at once? Can you save stuff to look at later? Well, it doesn't matter, if anything doesn't make sense, I'll repeat it. > I do seem to be able to look back on older emails. And you tell me what you feel like telling me when you feel like telling it. I'll keep up, promise. Okay. But if you need me to repeat anything, I can do that. I can try, anyway. > > Cordy came back. Holtz killed himself, with Justine's help, and set me up, made it look like I'd done it. Connor went nuts. The same night I was going to meet Cordy and tell her, you know, how I felt, Connor and Justine put me in a box and sank me to the bottom of the ocean. > Fuck. Uh-huh, that's about as eloquent as I was at the time too. > > It was supposed to be, you know, eternal punishment. > Yeah. More because it was Connor that did it, huh. Yeah, I think so. > > Wes was the one who got me out. I didn't deserve it, but he came after me. Made Justine help him. Hell, let me feed from his fucking *arm* when what he'd brought wasn't enough. > Sounds like someone doing his best to atone. I know. That's why I tried to tell him that things between us were okay again, after that. But he didn't really believe me, and I don't think he was wrong, not completely, you know? > > Got back to the hotel, found out that Cordy'd disappeared the same night I had and no one'd seen her since. > This would be when she'd been higher being'ed then? Yeah, we're pretty sure that's when it happened. Can't say for sure, not to the hour or day or anything, but yeah. > > And Connor had been there all summer with Fred and Gunn, pretending that he didn't know where I was. Told him I loved him, and threw him out. > Tough love. Good for you. That's about all you could've done at that point. It was really fucking hard, and really easy, at the same time. > > Turns out Wes had been investigating Cordy's disappearance, pointed me in the right direction to find out that she'd been made a Higher Being. But then *she* came back. Except it wasn't really her, but we didn't know that. She was, you know, possessed or whatever. She didn't remember much at first, but after we did a spell to get her memory back, she said she'd loved me, but that she couldn't be with me because she'd seen all the terrible things I'd done in the past. You know, as Angelus. She went to Connor, and then... her and Connor... > Christ Angel, I'm sorry. I saw them. Together, I mean. It was this whole thing with this Beast, and I needed to make sure they were safe. So I went to where they were staying and... pretty much couldn't have had worse timing. > > That's how she got pregnant. Sort of. I don't know. > She was pregnant with your grandkid? Okay, this is really starting to sound like a soap opera. Sorry. I know it's not something to be joking about. No, it's okay. I know what you mean. Sometimes you've gotta laugh about it. Well, not that I do. But I can see how if you look at it from the right angle it's funny. > > God. Anyway, that's pretty much everything. Wes and the others think that it was all about Darla and Holtz. They don't remember Connor. Only me. > That's gotta be hard too. > > And now you. > Does it help? Knowing you have someone you can talk to about this now? Yeah. More than I can say. Thanks. And I hope you don't regret it later. > > That little story turn you off the talking thing? I'd understand if it did. > Angel, I'm more honoured than I can express that you trusted me enough to share this with me. It'll take more than this to drive me off. I'm not even sure you could. Not right now anyway, you're kind of a captive audience. This would be where the smiley face would go, if I was going to type one. - Angel Next Part Main Page Send Feedback