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¥ Session Ident: #angelsoffice ¥ Now talking in #angelsoffice Angel: Doyle? It's Angel. Um... you in there? Doyle: Angel? Angel: Okay, cool. Fred came in and downloaded
this chat thing. I was a little nervous about getting it to work. Doyle: Wow. Real live interaction! This is great. :-) Angel: Unless you want to count the fact that I have no idea what to say. This is
harder than email, somehow.
Doyle: Course it's harder. With the email you can delete stuff and take your time to figure out what to say. This is faster. Angel: I dunno, I don't usually delete stuff. Seems like cheating somehow. Censorship. Um... self-censorship. Something. So... you okay? Doyle: Yeah. :-) Still disembodied, but yeah. You? How you doing? Angel: Okay.
Doyle: Hey, it's just me. You don't have to be nervous. Angel: I'd be nervous anyway. If it was someone else, I mean. Well maybe not THIS nervous. But still. Doyle: Angel? Angel: Yeah? Doyle: Relax, will ya? You know how to talk to me. You've been doing it since we met. Angel: Okay. Right.
Doyle: It's going fine. Really. Just type the words you'd say if I was in the room instead of the computer. Angel: I didn't realize how much I missed you until you came back. Doyle: ...Wow. You say things like that and...
Angel: You are. Both of those things.
Doyle: It's the only way I can smile right now. So yeah. Angel: We've got to get you out of there. As soon as we try this thing on Cordy tomorrow night -- whether it works or not. Doyle: I'm not going to argue. Be nice to be me again.
Angel: Of course. Don't worry -- we haven't stopped looking for other options just because we found one. And when I say "we" I mean, you know, people who are not me. Doyle: You have people now. I'm still getting used to that.
Angel: If it means I don't have to spend hours or days or weeks looking up stuff in books that might as well be written in some language I don't read, then I think people is a great idea. Doyle: Yeah, seem to recall Cordelia and me getting stuck with that back in the old days. Angel: And one of the reasons for that is I really, really suck at it.
Doyle: See you standing in sunlight. Angel: Jesus. You can't think of anything better than that? Doyle: I've got some other thoughts about what I could do with
you standing in sunlight, but...
Angel: Assuming you're talking about my office and not, you know, outside, where the answer'd be something like "watch me burst into flames and try to put me out with a blanket" yeah. I mean, I wouldn't mind. I mean... yeah. Doyle: Yeah, was talking about the office. I like you too much
to set you on fire.
Angel: Okay doesn't really start to describe it actually. Doyle: Really? You sure about that? Because I'm going to take you at your word when I get outta here. Angel: Yeah, I'm sure. And you'd better take me at my word.
Doyle: What, ya think *you're* the consolation prize?
Angel: That's not in the cards, Doyle. I mean, I want her back, sure. Love her. But that's, you know, in the past. We're talking about the future. Aren't we? Doyle: Yeah. Hope so.
Angel: Well, you're... both, I think. Because I wouldn't want to forget the past, with you. It's important. But yeah. Doyle: Y'know, that really makes me want to get outta this computer. Angel: Sorry. Think it's gonna be a couple more days at least. I can try to keep you entertained in the meantime though. Doyle: I'm sure you will. :-) Angel: Okay...
Doyle: Look up. Over the bar.
Angel: Oh great.
Doyle: I never said I thought it was stupid. Just stylised.
Angel: Which means what? It's stupid, but you're kind of used to it? Doyle: It means that it's what I think of Angel style.
Angel: Next time, give a guy some warning, okay? Besides, it's not fair... you can see me, but I can't see you. Doyle: There's not really any me to see right now. Angel: That's what I mean. It's
not fair -- I want to see you too. Doyle: If all goes right.
Angel: Yeah, I know. Neither of us want to be disappointed, huh? Doyle: Yeah.
Angel: Good. Because I really, really want you out of there. Doyle: Ha! I was right -- there's that "stubborn vampire, don't get in my way or I'll knock you across the room" face Angel: I'm going to have to put something over that camera, aren't I. Doyle: Don't you even think about it!
Angel: Okay, okay. Sorry. I'll leave it alone.
Doyle: Nah, they're mostly officse with
office people doing office people things. Angel: Yeah. You said something about his hair being like mine. I hadn't noticed until you mentioned it, but I guess it sort of is. Doyle: Despite all the crap that's happened between you, it's obvious he still thinks a lot of you, y'know. Angel: Right. Of course he does. People always think a lot of other people who try to kill them. Doyle: Oh, I'm not saying there's not some hostility about the pillow incident being harboured there. Angel: Well, we're gonna talk about that tonight. I told you I would, and I'm going to.
Doyle: Yeah.
Angel: You've got a thing for that word.
Doyle: Well not to say it's the most cuddly look, but yeah. As vampires go, yeah. Angel: It doesn't turn you off? Doyle: Does my Brachen face turn you off? Angel: That's not an answer. Doyle: So it turns you off then. Angel: No. Did I say that? Jesus, don't put fucking words into my mouth, Doyle. No, I couldn't care less that you're half Brachen. I care about YOU. The face that you're wearing isn't important at all. Doyle: Why do you think that it's any different for me? Angel: Because you still haven't answered the question. Doyle: That *is* my answer. I was trying for some kind of revelation there. Angel: Oh.
Doyle: Whatever face you wear, I still feel the same way about
you. That's the revelation.
Angel: Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Doyle: I'm sure about how I feel about you. Angel: I don't know what to say. I want to keeping asking 'Are you SURE you're sure?' but that's probably gonna get old real fast, huh. Doyle: I can keep saying yes, I'm sure. But if you don't believe me the first time... Angel: I don't. Believe you, I mean. I WANT to, and it's not that I think you're lying or confused or whatever, just... it doesn't seem possible. Doyle: Why? Angel: Because of who I am. The things I've done. Stuff I can't ever make up for. But
you can just... forget all that? Like it doesn't matter?
Doyle: No! Don't go!
Angel: I'm sorry. I'm not going anywhere. I just thought maybe this wasn't the kind of
thing you needed to be hearing.
Doyle: Thanks.
Angel: Yeah. It must really suck.
Doyle: Could get boring after a while. Angel: Well yeah. I've never claimed to be a brilliant conversationist. It'd
probably deteriorate into talking about sex after a few hours.
Doyle: I thought you didn't want to talk about it. Or was it just that I love you that you didn't want to talk about? Angel: No, that was more not wanting to talk about my history of being a complete shit and how you could care about me despite it. Doyle: I may not have as long a history as you, but I've had my moments of shitness too y'know. Angel: I don't think they really compare.
Doyle: Believe I'm a better person than you if you want -- I don't buy it, but you're entitled to your opinion -- but I'm a better person that loves you then. Angel: Do you? I mean, really? Doyle: Yeah. Angel: Wow. That's... not that I want to scare you or anything, but if you looked, I
think you'd see me smiling.
Doyle: Wow.
Angel: I'm sure.
Doyle: :-D Angel: Well to be honest, if I was going to wish you a body part, it wouldn't be knees.
Doyle: Angel, you got the part when I said I love you right?
Angel: Well, because I shouldn't think about you like that. As, you know, some kind of sex object. Doyle: Why not? Angel: Um...
Doyle: Just because I don't have a body doesn't mean I don't have bawdy thoughts. Angel: About me being all sweaty in the gym, right? Doyle: Yeah.
Angel: Not much, no.
Doyle: And that's a bad thing? Angel: Well again, you don't have a body right now, and since you're the one I'm thinking about touching... Doyle: Yeah, but I'm watching you. That could be a thing, couldn't it? Me watching you? Angel: But I'm just sitting here.
Doyle: Considering I've been having thoughts in that kind of
subject matter and I've seemed to have survived, I think I'll be able
to handle it.
Angel: Okay... hang on a minute. I mean, pretty much everyone's gone home, but I'd hate to have someone walk in on me. Doyle: Yeah, could blow your entire dark and broody image, couldn't it? Angel: People already give me some strange looks, last thing I need's to get a
reputation for being some kind of pervert.
Doyle: Hm. Let me try something here. Angel: Was that you?
Doyle: Yeah. Sorry. Had to find the right
circuit to cut. Angel: Hey, I'm impressed. You really know what you're doing in there. Doyle: Nah, not really. Just keep hitting switches and see what they do. Angel: That... doesn't sound like a very good idea. Just be careful, okay? Don't want you to hurt yourself. Doyle: Haven't hurt myself so far,
have I? Angel: No, I know. I just don't want anything to happen to you.
Doyle: Yeah. I do.
Angel: That too. But not just that. I want you around. Even if this is the only way I
can have you.
Doyle: I'm looking forward to finding out how good. Angel: God, me too. You have no idea how much I want you. Doyle: Yeah?
Angel: So much it hurts. Literally. I've been thinking about you all the time... it's almost like... Doyle: Almost like what? Angel: Um, okay, maybe this is going to sound bad. It's kind of like when Darla
first showed up, about... six months after you died. I was having these dreams about her.
I was... pretty obsessed. This is kind of like that.
Doyle: I think about you a lot too. Not that I have a lot
to distract me, but yeah. Obsessed wouldn't be completely out of
the ball park here.
Angel: Um, no, somehow you never got around to mentioning that.
Doyle: I know. Really. :-) Angel: You're cranky?
Doyle: Not right this moment, no.
Angel: Okay, well good, but... the next time you're cranky, tell me. Okay? Because I want to help. Doyle: I know. That's what you do.
Angel: Um... so now you're cranky? Or are
you just trying to confuse me? Doyle: I like how your mind works.
I confuse you and you want to touch me. :-) Angel: I think part of me's having a hard time believing this is real. Being able to
touch you, that'd help.
Doyle: Yeah, I get the hard to believe this is real.
Angel: Been thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. What you taste like, you know? Doyle: That would be nice, all right.
Angel: Huh. At least that would have been some kind of justice. I mean, I was the one
that needed them, would have been more fair if I was the one that HAD them too.
Doyle: I didn't think *you* thought of *me* that way. If I had... Angel: We both did a pretty good job of keeping ourselves alone, didn't we. Doyle: Could you imagine Cordelia's reaction if we had managed to get together? Angel: She probably would have been pissed off that we didn't have the better sense to fall for her. Doyle: Yeah, completely ignoring that I did my best to do so.
Angel: I had no idea. Completely clueless. Which I guess would explain why you
didn't think there was any chance.
Doyle: So that would be a legitmate reason to punch you? ;-) Angel: I didn't say punch, I said hit. But yeah, I guess it would. Doyle: I'll keep that in mind.
Angel: Other than run in the opposite
direction away from this conversation? I'm surprised you haven't said
anything about that yet -- the way I keep sort of changing the subject
when we start talking about sex, I mean. Not that I don't want to, I'm
just... a little freaked out about it. Doyle: Oh it's very okay.
Angel: Well, it's not like I'd jump you two minutes after you got back, whether we had
an audience or not.
Doyle: Just until we can get some privacy. Once we're alone, I'll be perfectly happy to have you peel me out of my clothes. Or blanket. Angel: You might feel like crap when you first get out of there, for all we know. You might not be, um, up for anything. But maybe I could take you back to the hotel? We could touch each other without, you know, TOUCHING each other. Doyle: You'll take me back to your place? Hold me till I feel better? Feel like I'm real again? Angel: Yeah. Whatever you need, whenever you need it. Just say the word and it's yours. Doyle: The word would be you. I want you. Angel: You got me. Doyle: Oh, I've got an idea or two. I'm sure I can keep
your attention... at attention.
Angel: Doyle, I've been at attention pretty much since we started this conversation. Doyle: Just proves my point then, doesn't it?
Angel: Are you kidding? Yeah, of course I do. Doyle: Ya sure? I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or embarrassed or anything... Angel: Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm sure. Tell me. Please? Doyle: If you're completely certain... Angel: Hey, I'm the one who can get up and walk away from this computer, you know.
Doyle: Actually from what I can see from here -- did you know
these cameras have a lovely zoom option? -- walking looks like it might
be difficult.
Angel: Was I saying something earlier about actually LIKING you? Because I'm starting
to have second thoughts.
Doyle: If was actually there I'd be very nice to you.
Angel: What if I don't want to stop? I could kiss you other places while you're catching you breath. Doyle: I could go along with that. Any places in particular you thinking about? Angel: I was thinking about maybe moving around behind you and kissing the back of your neck. You sensitive there? Doyle: I'm thinking for you I would be. Angel: And see, from there it's real easy to put my arms around you. And then my
hands can reach all kinds of places.
Doyle: Am I? Angel: Yeah. Not a lot -- maybe half a degree or something. But I noticed it right away. Must be the Brachen thing. Doyle: Must be.
Angel: If you're trying to make me blush, I've gotta tell ya that I think all my blood's busy elsewhere. Doyle: Yeah, I've noticed that. I mentioned the zoom on the camera, right? Angel: I don't think I want to know how good a zoom that is.
Doyle: I can't help noticing that you're not taking advantage
of this amazing ability.
Angel: I guess it just feels weird. In the office, I mean. It's not the kind of place that
I usually do... that.
Doyle: Yeah, kinda figured that.
Angel: Maybe.
Doyle: Yeah. Get that.
Angel: Exactly. I try to do... that... as little as possible. I think you're right though, that's probably why I get so worked up about fighting -- gotta relieve the tension somehow. Doyle: Beat up instead of beat off.
Angel: Yeah. I mean, not in an 'I don't want to do it' kind of way. Just... I feel stupid.
Guilty. Like I'm doing something I shouldn't.
Doyle: You can take the boy out of the catholic but you can't take the catholic outta the boy. Angel: I guess.
Doyle: Yeah. And I'm not just talking about you. You're not the only boy raised Irish Catholic in this conversation y'know. Angel: So you get it. The whole guilt thing, I mean.
Doyle: I'll tell you. I promise.
Angel: Okay. If you change your mind, you tell me. I'm not saying I wouldn't be disappointed, but I'd rather be disappointed than do something to hurt you. Doyle: I know.
Angel: It's not like I'm going to wake
up tomorrow or the next day and suddenly be comfortable with it. Doyle: Can't have that. Don't want you to be in pain after all. Angel: Yeah. I get all broody. Trust me,
you don't want that. Doyle: Don't worry. I wouldn't leave you hanging.
Angel: I think I was standing behind you. One hand up under your shirt, just feeling how warm your skin in. My mouth on your neck, tasting your skin. Doyle: I'm still wearing clothes? Will have to see what we can
do about that.
Angel: Um, you do remember that I'm a vampire, right? Don't worry though, I'd be careful... I wouldn't get carried away or anything. Doyle: I trust you. Besides, not sure vampires can drink
Brachen blood.
Angel: Can't say I've ever tried, but you're half human... Anyway, not important. You wanna share some of your own more sensitive spots? I mean, if we're gonna have the chance to sort of have a little practice session in here, it'd be nice if I could learn something from it. So that our real first time together's good. Doyle: Oh I've no doubt it's going to be good.
Angel: Really?
Doyle: Person focuses on those and I just melt.
Angel: I'd like to get my hands on those body parts. Want to touch you so fucking
bad, Doyle.
Doyle: Oh yeah. Wish I could be doing that for you.
Angel: Yeah. I want to. Is that okay? Doyle: Angel, please believe me when I say that is very okay.
Angel: God, you're right... that's so much better. I can't even remember the last time
I... well, it's been a long time.
Doyle: Watching you, idiot is not the first word that is
popping into my brain
Angel: Um... wow. Thanks. Jesus, this feels good. And yeah, I wish it was your
hand instead.
Doyle: Really.
Angel: Ha ha.
Doyle: I wanna run my hands all over you.
Angel: I'd like that. Your warm hands on me. Doyle: Yeah. My warm hands all over you.
Angel: God.
Doyle: S'okay. I wanna see you come.
Angel: (long pause)
Doyle: I was hoping, yeah. :-D Angel: Was it? I mean, it was for me.
Doyle: Watching you is good enough. For now at least.
Angel: Well unless you want to do it alone, you aren't going to have to. I don't want to miss a single chance to watch you come, to MAKE you come. Doyle: I think we've managed to successfully overcome the Irish Catholic guilt here. :-D Angel: Yeah, I think so. Can you see me smiling? I don't... Christ. I think I really needed this. You. Doyle: I'm glad. And not just because it's nice to be needed.
Angel: I'll... try.
Doyle: Good. Because here I am. Angel: You okay? Not too frustrated? Doyle: Nah.
Angel: Soon as you're out of there, and you feel up to it, I want a chance to get my hands on your second biggest, okay? Doyle: :-D It's a date. Angel: Wow. Long time since I had one of those. I mean, Buffy, and before her there wasn't anyone but Darla really. And we never dated, unless you want to count, you know, killing people. Doyle: We can skip the killing people on ours.
Angel: I think no killing would be good.
They say it's important not to repeat the same patterns in relationships.
Doyle: Yeah. Can see that.
Angel: Uh-huh. Doyle: Should I not talk about him...? Angel: I don't know. Not like it'll change anything. Doyle: Maybe not. But...
Angel: No, I'm not.
Doyle: I know.
Angel: I think I need a drink, if we're going to talk about this.
Doyle: But you did it anyway. Because it was the best thing for him.
Angel: I hope so. God, I hope so.
Doyle: Do you know where he is? Angel: Yeah. I went to see him. He didn't know I was there, just... I had to know. Had
to see it for myself.
Doyle: He's still your son.
Angel: He'd be better off if he wasn't. The Powers screwed up on that one, big
time. Luckily, I managed to get it fixed so as far as he knows, he's not.
Doyle: I wish there was some way I could give him back to you. Angel: Well you can't.
Doyle: And you've good reason to be! Man, Angel, what you've been through... Angel: But I did it to myself, you know?
Doyle: Y'know, one of your less endearing
qualities is your habit of taking all of the blame onto your shoulders.
From where I'm sitting, the blame about what happened with Connor lies
with Holtz more than anyone. Angel: Maybe not, but I'm the one who made Holtz obsessed with killing vampires.
Well, me and Darla together.
Doyle: I'm never going to ignore you.
Angel: No. I think it'd be better if I did it without an audience. Or you as the audience, anyway. Last thing you need's to see me like this. Doyle: Bullshit. Angel: There, see? You're getting all pissed off at me. Doyle: I'm not getting -- Look, I don't like to see you
hurting, true, but I'd much rather see you hurting than think you're
off somewhere hurting all alone.
Angel: But you don't get it. You shouldn't HAVE to be there. It's just a big fucking mess that no one can fix. Doyle: You're the one not getting it. I WANT to be there. I love you, idiot. Angel: Yeah, obviously I don't get it. Because I have no fucking idea WHY. And I
don't want you to tell me, because even if you do, I'm not going to believe it.
Doyle: Do you love me? Angel: Yeah. I do. Doyle: Do you want me to have what I want? Angel: Yeah.
Doyle: Well that's going to be kinda difficult to do since what
I want is YOU.
Angel: I can't. Get used to it, I mean.
Doyle: I-
Angel: No. Don't even say that.
Doyle: No you don't.
Angel: At least I'm not going to destroy my kidneys or whatever it is that alcohol messes with. Doyle: Liver. Angel: Right.
Doyle: You were talking about how you weren't going to have another drink. Angel: Liar.
Doyle: You were telling me how I wasn't supposed to even think about exchanging myself for your son. Angel: Yeah.
Doyle: I wish I could make it better. I know I can't but- Angel: It's okay, Doyle. Don't feel bad about it. It's done. I just have to let it go.
Doyle: You can keep him in your heart and your soul. Even if you have to let him go in life. Angel: Yeah.
Doyle: If you could just remember that I usually am, it could
cut down these kind of discussions a lot.
Angel: Um, I don't know. He said he'd come find me if he could get away from
the research/spell prep thing.
Doyle: Yeah. As much as I like you the way you are now, that might not be how you want to start the conversation with Wesley. Angel: Probably not. If he even shows up -- he's really pushing himself on this whole Cordy thing. I mean, we've got people to do stuff like this, but he wants to oversee everything himself. Doyle: He's terrified of letting people down, y'know. Of making a mistake. Angel: Considering where the last mistake got him, I'm not surprised. Doyle: Yeah. But do you want him feeling like that? Angel: No. But... he's always been like that, Doyle. I mean maybe not to the current extent. Nothing I said ever made a difference before. Heck, most of the time I think I made stuff worse, trying to make him relax. Doyle: I don't think he thinks very much of himself. Angel: Deep down? No, I don't think he does either.
Doyle: Yeah. Though 'he means well' is the kind of compliment
that you say when you can't think of anything better.
Angel: I didn't mean it like I couldn't think of anything better to say. He did a hell of a thing, getting me out of the ocean like he did. Don't know if anyone else could have done it. Doyle: I'm just the new guy come to this but I'm glad he's the
one working to get me outta here. And to help Cordelia.
Angel: Well, he's wrong about that. I guess it's kind of hard to explain...
Doyle: Yeah. All but the feelings.
Angel: I don't want to write him off. I guess I'm just not convinced there's any way to
save it. How do I forgive him for something he doesn't remember? How does he forgive me
for trying to kill him?
Doyle: He doesn't.
Angel: I said I'd apologize.
Doyle: It'll help. Angel: Okay, I'm gonna take your word for that. So you'd better be right. If you're wrong, I'm going to... well, I can't think of anything right now. Doyle: Yell at me?
Angel: Yeah, but I'm good at it. Doyle: Don't I always? :-) Angel: Yeah. One of the things I like about you.
Doyle: I'll be okay.
Angel: No, it's okay. I don't think we'll be much to look at, but if you want to, I don't mind. Doyle: Least I'll know if you come to blows or anything.
Angel: No, we're not. Don't know what kind of impression I've given you, but it's not that bad. We even talk, it's just... short and a little bit awkward. Doyle: Yeah, I get the feeling that he's about as good at heart to hearts as you are. Angel: He's from England, AND he was a Watcher. So yeah, he might be better at
them than me, but not by much.
Doyle: Sure. Angel: You think he still wants to be here? Um, working at Wolfram and Hart?
Doyle: I think he wants to be somewhere he can do good.
Angel: So you think he's staying here because he doesn't think we're his friends
and that's what he deserves? Or that's why he doesn't go looking for somewhere else?
Or both?
Doyle: He stays because you are doing good here.
Angel: If he hasn't given up on being friends with me, then he's... well, I'm impressed.
Doyle: Tell him that too.
Angel: I wish you could come with me and tell me what to say. Doyle: I suppose I could feed you lines over a computer.
Angel: Well yeah. Plus I'm not trying to get him to fall in love with me. Doyle: That could get a little crowded. Since I'm already in love with you. Angel: Me too. With you, I mean. It's hard to say it, but it's there. You believe me, right? Doyle: Yeah.
Angel: Oh yeah. I... oh hey, Wes is at the door. And it's locked, geez. Hang on a second...
Doyle: Go ahead.
Angel: I will. And I promise not to overdo it with the drinking.
Doyle: Not much else I can do.
Angel: Thanks. For everything.
Doyle: I won't. Same here. Angel: Okay. See you in a while. Doyle: I'll be here. Angel: Yeah, you said that already. Okay, I'm going now. For real.
¥ Angel has left #angelsoffice
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