All the Wrong Places - Part 15 To: Doyle@TheHyperion.com From: Angel Hi. Look, I'm really, really sorry about this morning. About, you know... calling you by the wrong name like that. If I say that it's because I wasn't totally awake yet, does that make it any better, or does it just sound like an excuse? I mean, I know you said it was okay, but... it's not. I'm really sorry. Did you find the clothes okay? Um... did you find the computer okay? Let me know. If I don't hear from you pretty soon I'm gonna call. Just to make sure you're all right. I'm sorry. - Angel __________ To: Angel From: Doyle > Hi. Hi Angel. > Look, I'm really, really sorry about this morning. About, you know... calling you by the wrong name like that. If I say that it's because I wasn't totally awake yet, does that make it any better, or does it just sound like an excuse? I mean, I know you said it was okay, but... it's not. It's okay. Really. I won't say that it wasn't... disconcerting -- disturbing even -- but it's something I'm gonna have to get used to, eh? And I understand. Really. It is Cordelia's body I'm wearing here after all. > I'm really sorry. I get that. > Did you find the clothes okay? Um... did you find the computer okay? Yeah and yeah. She had a lot of clothes, didn't she. > Let me know. If I don't hear from you pretty soon I'm gonna call. Just to make sure you're all right. I'm fine, Angel. Really. > I'm sorry. I know. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > Look, I'm really, really sorry about this morning. About, you know... calling you by the wrong name like that. If I say that it's because I wasn't totally awake yet, does that make it any better, or does it just sound like an excuse? I mean, I know you said it was okay, but... it's not. > It's okay. Really. No, it's really not. > I won't say that it wasn't... disconcerting -- disturbing even -- but it's something I'm gonna have to get used to, eh? Not from me, because it's not going to happen again. I promise. Everyone else, we're gonna have to work on probably. I mean, we'll explain things to people here, so that hopefully it won't happen much, but... you're right that it's going to take some time anyway. > And I understand. Really. It is Cordelia's body I'm wearing here after all. Yeah, but... there's still no excuse for it. Even if I *was* practically asleep. I do know it's you in there. I'm not... pretending it's her. Or anything. You know? > > I'm really sorry. > I get that. Good. I'll keep saying it if it helps. > > Did you find the clothes okay? Um... did you find the computer okay? > Yeah and yeah. She had a lot of clothes, didn't she. Uh-huh. And that's only some of them I think. I'm not sure where the rest ended up. > > Let me know. If I don't hear from you pretty soon I'm gonna call. Just to make sure you're all right. > I'm fine, Angel. Really. Okay. Let me know if you need anything. And you have the number here, so you can call me. > > I'm sorry. > I know. Which means it's really *not* okay. Tell me what I can do? - Angel __________ To: Angel From: Doyle Hi Angel > > > Look, I'm really, really sorry about this morning. About, you know... calling you by the wrong name like that. If I say that it's because I wasn't totally awake yet, does that make it any better, or does it just sound like an excuse? I mean, I know you said it was okay, but... it's not. > > It's okay. Really. > No, it's really not. I'm not going to argue this with you. It is okay. This is new to both of us and you were half asleep... it's not like I couldn't predict it happening. > > I won't say that it wasn't... disconcerting -- disturbing even -- but it's something I'm gonna have to get used to, eh? > Not from me, because it's not going to happen again. I promise. Thank you for the promise. I won't freak if you can't keep it though. > Everyone else, we're gonna have to work on probably. I mean, we'll explain things to people here, so that hopefully it won't happen much, but... you're right that it's going to take some time anyway. The way things stand, it's really only the people who knew Cordelia before who will have a hard time with it. I know this, I'm ready to deal with it. Well, ready as I'm ever going to get, anyway. > > And I understand. Really. It is Cordelia's body I'm wearing here after all. > Yeah, but... there's still no excuse for it. Even if I *was* practically asleep. That would be the excuse, Angel. > I do know it's you in there. I'm not... pretending it's her. Or anything. You know? I know. 'Cept when you're mostly asleep and I'm not talking and I feel and look like her... I get how it could happen. > > > I'm really sorry. > > I get that. > Good. I'll keep saying it if it helps. You don't have to. You got your meaning across the first dozen or so times. > > She had a lot of clothes, didn't she. > Uh-huh. And that's only some of them I think. I'm not sure where the rest ended up. Well this is enough for me for now. I'm not quite the clotheshorse that she was. > > I'm fine, Angel. Really. > Okay. Let me know if you need anything. And you have the number here, so you can call me. I do. I'm fine. I'm just exploring the hotel, going through Cordelia's things, getting used to being alive again. And getting used to this body, which hasn't been all that difficult so far. I'm not sure if that disturbs me or not. > > > I'm sorry. > > I know. > Which means it's really *not* okay. Tell me what I can do? Angel, I keep telling you, it's okay. It's fine. Really. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > No, it's really not. > I'm not going to argue this with you. It is okay. This is new to both of us and you were half asleep... it's not like I couldn't predict it happening. But it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it. You deserve better. > > Not from me, because it's not going to happen again. I promise. > Thank you for the promise. I won't freak if you can't keep it though. Thanks for the vote of confidence. God. I'm sorry. This is what I meant about being bad for people, you know. > > Everyone else, we're gonna have to work on probably. I mean, we'll explain things to people here, so that hopefully it won't happen much, but... you're right that it's going to take some time anyway. > The way things stand, it's really only the people who knew Cordelia before who will have a hard time with it. I know this, I'm ready to deal with it. Well, ready as I'm ever going to get, anyway. I'll do anything I can to help. Anything. > > > It is Cordelia's body I'm wearing here after all. > > Yeah, but... there's still no excuse for it. Even if I *was* practically asleep. > That would be the excuse, Angel. I'm still sorry. But I'll stop saying it if you need me to. > > I do know it's you in there. I'm not... pretending it's her. Or anything. You know? > I know. 'Cept when you're mostly asleep and I'm not talking and I feel and look like her... I get how it could happen. It won't happen again. I think I'm still trying to figure out how we got here, you know? I mean, yesterday I was thinking... hoping... that we'd get both of you back. After that, nothing mattered. But now she's gone for good, and you're here but looking like her, and... I'm not sure how to get it to sink in. > > > > I'm really sorry. > > > I get that. > > Good. I'll keep saying it if it helps. > You don't have to. You got your meaning across the first dozen or so times. Okay. I won't say it again, but I still am. > > > She had a lot of clothes, didn't she. > > Uh-huh. And that's only some of them I think. I'm not sure where the rest ended up. > Well this is enough for me for now. I'm not quite the clotheshorse that she was. We can get new stuff, if, you know, wearing hers is too weird. I mean, how do you even deal with all that... female... stuff? Lacy underwear and bras and... you know you're going to, you know. Right? > > Okay. Let me know if you need anything. And you have the number here, so you can call me. > I do. I'm fine. I'm just exploring the hotel, going through Cordelia's things, getting used to being alive again. And getting used to this body, which hasn't been all that difficult so far. I'm not sure if that disturbs me or not. So it doesn't feel... unnatural? And I'm here if you want to talk about it. > > > > I'm sorry. > > > I know. > > Which means it's really *not* okay. Tell me what I can do? > Angel, I keep telling you, it's okay. It's fine. Really. I want to help. Just promise that if you *do* think of anything I can do, you'll tell me, okay? - Angel __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. Angel told me that you were staying at the Hyperion today. I think that's a wise decision -- good to give yourself a bit of time, after all that's happened. It must be quite a shock. You made a very difficult decision in a short amount of time. I hope you're not having a hard time accepting the end result. If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I'd be happy to take you out... er, I don't mean that in a date sort of way, I just mean perhaps you might like a ride somewhere, to do some errands, or anything else. I also wonder if it might not benefit you to develop a friendship with a woman, someone who could answer any questions that might come up. Are you all right? - Wesley __________ To: Angel From: Doyle Hi Angel > > This is new to both of us and you were half asleep... it's not like I couldn't predict it happening. > But it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it. Because of course you can control everything. > You deserve better. We don't always get what we deserve. > > Thank you for the promise. I won't freak if you can't keep it though. > Thanks for the vote of confidence. I just meant that if you slip I'm not going to take it as a big deal. Not that you would but if you did... > God. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to put a moratorium on apologies I see. Or threaten to dye your hair purple when you're asleep if you keep it up. > This is what I meant about being bad for people, you know. You're not bad for people. Bad with them maybe. But I'm willing to help you work on that. > > The way things stand, it's really only the people who knew Cordelia before who will have a hard time with it. I know this, I'm ready to deal with it. Well, ready as I'm ever going to get, anyway. > I'll do anything I can to help. Anything. I know. > > > > It is Cordelia's body I'm wearing here after all. > > > Yeah, but... there's still no excuse for it. Even if I *was* practically asleep. > > That would be the excuse, Angel. > I'm still sorry. But I'll stop saying it if you need me to. You're making too big a deal out of it, Angel. You're going to make me think that there was more to this than just a slip of a half awake mind if you keep it up. > It won't happen again. I think I'm still trying to figure out how we got here, you know? I mean, yesterday I was thinking... hoping... that we'd get both of you back. After that, nothing mattered. But now she's gone for good, and you're here but looking like her, and... I'm not sure how to get it to sink in. It's difficult -- because you're happy I'm here but you're grieving Cordelia at the same time -- and the emotions are even more confusing because until I open my mouth it looks like *she's* still here and... Yeah, I get it. > > > > > I'm really sorry. > > > > I get that. > > > Good. I'll keep saying it if it helps. > > You don't have to. You got your meaning across the first dozen or so times. > Okay. I won't say it again, but I still am. I know. > > > > She had a lot of clothes, didn't she. > > > Uh-huh. And that's only some of them I think. I'm not sure where the rest ended up. > > Well this is enough for me for now. I'm not quite the clotheshorse that she was. > We can get new stuff, if, you know, wearing hers is too weird. I mean, how do you even deal with all that... female... stuff? Lacy underwear and bras and... you know you're going to, you know. Right? I'm not really ready to try the skirts or dresses yet. But I'm managing fine with pants and tops. Trying not to think about the underwear beyond the thought it took to actually put them on. As for... that... hopefully won't have to cross that bridge for a bit yet. > > And getting used to this body, which hasn't been all that difficult so far. I'm not sure if that disturbs me or not. > So it doesn't feel... unnatural? It doesn't. Not as much as I think it should when I think about it. It feels like my body -- until I run into something that is different from my old body and even then it's just startling not... alien. > And I'm here if you want to talk about it. I know. > > > Which means it's really *not* okay. Tell me what I can do? > > Angel, I keep telling you, it's okay. It's fine. Really. > I want to help. Just promise that if you *do* think of anything I can do, you'll tell me, okay? I will. Or if I start feeling mischievous I might throw outrageous requests at you. Like the aforementioned purple dye. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > > This is new to both of us and you were half asleep... it's not like I couldn't predict it happening. > > But it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it. > Because of course you can control everything. No, more like because I can't control anything. It'd be nice to think I could at least control ONE really important thing. > > You deserve better. > We don't always get what we deserve. Well, you're going to, if it kills me. Um... not literally. But I want you to be happy. > > > Thank you for the promise. I won't freak if you can't keep it though. > > Thanks for the vote of confidence. > I just meant that if you slip I'm not going to take it as a big deal. Not that you would but if you did... Yeah, okay. I get that. But I'm not going to slip. > > God. I'm sorry. > I'm going to have to put a moratorium on apologies I see. Or threaten to dye your hair purple when you're asleep if you keep it up. I'm stopping. With the sorry thing, I mean. And not just because of the purple hair threat. I'm not that deep a sleeper -- you'd never get away with it. > > This is what I meant about being bad for people, you know. > You're not bad for people. Bad with them maybe. But I'm willing to help you work on that. It might be a bigger job than you signed on for. I'm not saying I wouldn't be grateful though. You being back is... really important to me. > > > > Yeah, but... there's still no excuse for it. Even if I *was* practically asleep. > > > That would be the excuse, Angel. > > I'm still sorry. But I'll stop saying it if you need me to. > You're making too big a deal out of it, Angel. You're going to make me think that there was more to this than just a slip of a half awake mind if you keep it up. It felt like a big deal. It wasn't the way I wanted us to wake up together for the first time, that's for sure. That's one of those things you can't get back. You don't get a second chance. I'm gonna make it up to you though, if I can. > > I think I'm still trying to figure out how we got here, you know? I mean, yesterday I was thinking... hoping... that we'd get both of you back. After that, nothing mattered. But now she's gone for good, and you're here but looking like her, and... I'm not sure how to get it to sink in. > It's difficult -- because you're happy I'm here but you're grieving Cordelia at the same time -- and the emotions are even more confusing because until I open my mouth it looks like *she's* still here and... Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Half the time I don't know which one of you I should be missing. > > We can get new stuff, if, you know, wearing hers is too weird. I mean, how do you even deal with all that... female... stuff? Lacy underwear and bras and... you know you're going to, you know. Right? > I'm not really ready to try the skirts or dresses yet. But I'm managing fine with pants and tops. You don't have to if you don't want to. Deal with the skirts and things, I mean. Is it too weird to say you look good? If I do, does it sound like I'm complimenting somebody else? > Trying not to think about the underwear beyond the thought it took to actually put them on. And any time it gets too weird, I could, you know... help you take them off. > As for... that... hopefully won't have to cross that bridge for a bit yet. I couldn't tell you. The medical people had her -- her body, whatever -- kind of frozen. Something about it being a way to keep her body from deteriorating the way it would if she was just in a regular kind of coma. Suspended animation? So I don't know. > > > And getting used to this body, which hasn't been all that difficult so far. I'm not sure if that disturbs me or not. > > So it doesn't feel... unnatural? > It doesn't. Not as much as I think it should when I think about it. It feels like my body -- until I run into something that is different from my old body and even then it's just startling not... alien. They say people are, you know... adaptable. Guess you're going a long way to prove that right. > > And I'm here if you want to talk about it. > I know. Just don't forget. I think about you maybe being scared and not admitting it, or more freaked out than you're letting on, and... I want to help. > > I want to help. Just promise that if you *do* think of anything I can do, you'll tell me, okay? > I will. Or if I start feeling mischievous I might throw outrageous requests at you. Like the aforementioned purple dye. Seriously not going to happen. Oh, we've got Cordy's old apartment back. Turns out it's been empty since we moved her stuff out -- I guess someone tried to move in and Dennis made things interesting for him real fast. Since then they haven't been able to rent it. So it's there. It's ours. Um, yours. If you want it. I mean, we should do something with it. Maybe you'd rather stay there than at the hotel? I'd get that. I've asked my assistant to set up some accounts at the local places, so if you need anything and you don't want to go out, you can just call and have stuff delivered. Money's not an issue. Can't stop thinking about you. - Angel __________ To: Wesley From: Doyle Hi Wesley > Angel told me that you were staying at the Hyperion today. I think that's a wise decision -- good to give yourself a bit of time, after all that's happened. It must be quite a shock. Yeah, a bit. Not something that happens to you every day. I'm coping. :-) > You made a very difficult decision in a short amount of time. I hope you're not having a hard time accepting the end result. Cordelia offered me pretty much the most personal gift that it was possible to offer. Couldn't very well refuse it, could I? > If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I'd be happy to take you out... er, I don't mean that in a date sort of way, I just mean perhaps you might like a ride somewhere, to do some errands, or anything else. I also wonder if it might not benefit you to develop a friendship with a woman, someone who could answer any questions that might come up. I'd like to go out some time -- a night of drinking and talking I do believe you promised me; I'm holding you to it. I don't know about asking a woman I just met any of the kind of questions I'm liable to have -- I think it would be embarrassing for both of us. Maybe I should track down my ex and see if she'd be willing to be my guide in the feminine mystique. After she finished laughing at me of course. > Are you all right? I'm fine. How about you? Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. > > Angel told me that you were staying at the Hyperion today. I think that's a wise decision -- good to give yourself a bit of time, after all that's happened. It must be quite a shock. > Yeah, a bit. Not something that happens to you every day. I'm coping. :-) I'm glad to hear it. > > You made a very difficult decision in a short amount of time. I hope you're not having a hard time accepting the end result. > Cordelia offered me pretty much the most personal gift that it was possible to offer. Couldn't very well refuse it, could I? You certainly could have refused it. I don't think you should downplay the seriousness of the choice you made. I'm not trying to imply in any way that I think you made the wrong one -- I just think you should acknowledge that it's a complicated situation, and give yourself credit where credit is due. > > If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I'd be happy to take you out... er, I don't mean that in a date sort of way, I just mean perhaps you might like a ride somewhere, to do some errands, or anything else. I also wonder if it might not benefit you to develop a friendship with a woman, someone who could answer any questions that might come up. > I'd like to go out some time -- a night of drinking and talking I do believe you promised me; I'm holding you to it. I'd still very much like to do that, if you would. > I don't know about asking a woman I just met any of the kind of questions I'm liable to have -- I think it would be embarrassing for both of us. You're probably right. I am sorry that things turned out the way that they did. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more for you, and for Cordelia. > Maybe I should track down my ex and see if she'd be willing to be my guide in the feminine mystique. After she finished laughing at me of course. I can get someone on that right away if you'd like me to, if you could tell me her name and where you saw her last. Any details that might be helpful. > > Are you all right? > I'm fine. How about you? I'm fine. Thank you for asking. - Wesley __________ To: Angel From: Doyle Hi Angel > > Because of course you can control everything. > No, more like because I can't control anything. It'd be nice to think I could at least control ONE really important thing. From where I'm sitting, you're so busy trying to control everything that you're not enjoying anything as it happens. Like last night. You enjoyed that didn't you? > > We don't always get what we deserve. > Well, you're going to, if it kills me. Um... not literally. But I want you to be happy. Thank you. That means a lot. Really. > > I just meant that if you slip I'm not going to take it as a big deal. Not that you would but if you did... > Yeah, okay. I get that. But I'm not going to slip. You hold on too tight to control, that's when you're most likely to slip y'know. > > I'm going to have to put a moratorium on apologies I see. Or threaten to dye your hair purple when you're asleep if you keep it up. > I'm stopping. With the sorry thing, I mean. And not just because of the purple hair threat. I'm not that deep a sleeper -- you'd never get away with it. Oh, believe me I have my ways. > > You're not bad for people. Bad with them maybe. But I'm willing to help you work on that. > It might be a bigger job than you signed on for. That is the job I signed on for -- so by definition it can't be bigger. > I'm not saying I wouldn't be grateful though. You better be or we'd have to go with the purple hair again. > You being back is... really important to me. Thanks. I'm glad I was able to come back. For you. > > > I'm still sorry. But I'll stop saying it if you need me to. > > You're making too big a deal out of it, Angel. You're going to make me think that there was more to this than just a slip of a half awake mind if you keep it up. > It felt like a big deal. It wasn't the way I wanted us to wake up together for the first time, that's for sure. That's one of those things you can't get back. You don't get a second chance. You know what your real problem is Angel? You're a hopeless romantic. Not that I mind that in you. But life's not a fairy tale -- there's going to be bumps in the road. That doesn't mean we're going off the road. Just makes the ride more interesting. > I'm gonna make it up to you though, if I can. More nights like last night would be a good place to start. Only with less clothes on your part. > > It's difficult -- because you're happy I'm here but you're grieving Cordelia at the same time -- and the emotions are even more confusing because until I open my mouth it looks like *she's* still here and... Yeah, I get it. > Yeah. Half the time I don't know which one of you I should be missing. I'm right here, Angel. Just have to reach out and touch me. > > I'm not really ready to try the skirts or dresses yet. But I'm managing fine with pants and tops. > You don't have to if you don't want to. Deal with the skirts and things, I mean. I'm sure I'll want to experiment when I get more comfortable in this skin. Have to work with what I've got after all. > Is it too weird to say you look good? If I do, does it sound like I'm complimenting somebody else? It's not weird. Does feel a bit like I should be passing on the compliments to Cordelia, since I haven't actually done anything yet other than just go with what the body looked like when I got it. > > Trying not to think about the underwear beyond the thought it took to actually put them on. > And any time it gets too weird, I could, you know... help you take them off. :-) That's what I like to see. You flirting with me. > > As for... that... hopefully won't have to cross that bridge for a bit yet. > I couldn't tell you. The medical people had her -- her body, whatever -- kind of frozen. Something about it being a way to keep her body from deteriorating the way it would if she was just in a regular kind of coma. Suspended animation? So I don't know. As I said, cross that bridge when I come to it. Until then, I'm steadfastly ignoring it. > > > So it doesn't feel... unnatural? > > It doesn't. Not as much as I think it should when I think about it. It feels like my body -- until I run into something that is different from my old body and even then it's just startling not... alien. > They say people are, you know... adaptable. Guess you're going a long way to prove that right. I'm thinking a certain amount of feeling comfortable in this skin was part of the whole getting this body magic in the first place. So I don't know how much adaptability on my part counts in this. > > > And I'm here if you want to talk about it. > > I know. > Just don't forget. I think about you maybe being scared and not admitting it, or more freaked out than you're letting on, and... I want to help. I'm okay, Angel. Maybe I should be freaking out or something, but I'm not. Not yet at least. The weirdest bit so far has been taking a shower. I felt... kinda like a voyeur or something. Not quite used to thinking of this body as mine yet. > > Or if I start feeling mischievous I might throw outrageous requests at you. Like the aforementioned purple dye. > Seriously not going to happen. You keep talking like that I might just have to do it to be contrary. > Oh, we've got Cordy's old apartment back. Turns out it's been empty since we moved her stuff out -- I guess someone tried to move in and Dennis made things interesting for him real fast. Since then they haven't been able to rent it. So it's there. It's ours. Um, yours. If you want it. I mean, we should do something with it. Maybe you'd rather stay there than at the hotel? I'd get that. I don't know. I'll have to think about it. It might be good to have a place of my own... but at the same time, last night with you was wonderful. I'd like more like that. But at the very least, I want to go, talk to Dennis. Tell him what happened. That Cordelia's okay, but that she's not going to be back. And the whole body switching thing. He deserves to know. > I've asked my assistant to set up some accounts at the local places, so if you need anything and you don't want to go out, you can just call and have stuff delivered. Money's not an issue. Thanks. > Can't stop thinking about you. So share some of the thoughts. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > No, more like because I can't control anything. It'd be nice to think I could at least control ONE really important thing. > From where I'm sitting, you're so busy trying to control everything that you're not enjoying anything as it happens. Like last night. You enjoyed that didn't you? Are you kidding? Did I give you some reason to think I didn't? I just want stuff to be right for you. There's nothing wrong with that. > > > We don't always get what we deserve. > > Well, you're going to, if it kills me. Um... not literally. But I want you to be happy. > Thank you. That means a lot. Really. Well, it's true. > > Yeah, okay. I get that. But I'm not going to slip. > You hold on too tight to control, that's when you're most likely to slip y'know. There are some things I need to be in control of. Not really any other options. > > > Or threaten to dye your hair purple when you're asleep if you keep it up. > > I'm stopping. With the sorry thing, I mean. And not just because of the purple hair threat. I'm not that deep a sleeper -- you'd never get away with it. > Oh, believe me I have my ways. And believe *me,* if -- and that's a really big if -- you were able to manage something like that, I'd find a way to get you back. > > > You're not bad for people. Bad with them maybe. But I'm willing to help you work on that. > > It might be a bigger job than you signed on for. > That is the job I signed on for -- so by definition it can't be bigger. > > You being back is... really important to me. > Thanks. I'm glad I was able to come back. For you. Please tell me that's not the only reason you did. Because that's... I mean, don't get me wrong, it means a lot that you would, that I'd even be a reason to come back, but... I don't want to think that you did it for me. Like it was some kind of sacrifice. > > It felt like a big deal. It wasn't the way I wanted us to wake up together for the first time, that's for sure. That's one of those things you can't get back. You don't get a second chance. > You know what your real problem is Angel? You're a hopeless romantic. Not that I mind that in you. But life's not a fairy tale -- there's going to be bumps in the road. That doesn't mean we're going off the road. Just makes the ride more interesting. I don't like the bumps. Actually, I'm fucking sick of them. A smooth ride'd be good about now. > > I'm gonna make it up to you though, if I can. > More nights like last night would be a good place to start. Only with less clothes on your part. I can do that. > > > It's difficult -- because you're happy I'm here but you're grieving Cordelia at the same time -- and the emotions are even more confusing because until I open my mouth it looks like *she's* still here and... Yeah, I get it. > > Yeah. Half the time I don't know which one of you I should be missing. > I'm right here, Angel. Just have to reach out and touch me. Hey, that might have worked when you were actually *in* the computer, but today... I'd have to come back to the hotel to touch you. Not that I wouldn't do that. > > You don't have to if you don't want to. Deal with the skirts and things, I mean. > I'm sure I'll want to experiment when I get more comfortable in this skin. Have to work with what I've got after all. Yeah, but high heels look really uncomfortable. > > Is it too weird to say you look good? If I do, does it sound like I'm complimenting somebody else? > It's not weird. Does feel a bit like I should be passing on the compliments to Cordelia, since I haven't actually done anything yet other than just go with what the body looked like when I got it. You don't need to do anything special. Just be you. Be comfortable. That's what matters. > > > Trying not to think about the underwear beyond the thought it took to actually put them on. > > And any time it gets too weird, I could, you know... help you take them off. > :-) That's what I like to see. You flirting with me. It's a little weird. I mean, it feels different. Not different in a bad way. If there were any things of Cordy's you didn't like, we could play around with them a little. You could put them on and then I could, you know, rip them off you. That could be fun. > > I couldn't tell you. The medical people had her -- her body, whatever -- kind of frozen. Something about it being a way to keep her body from deteriorating the way it would if she was just in a regular kind of coma. Suspended animation? So I don't know. > As I said, cross that bridge when I come to it. Until then, I'm steadfastly ignoring it. Okay. I can take a hint. > > They say people are, you know... adaptable. Guess you're going a long way to prove that right. > I'm thinking a certain amount of feeling comfortable in this skin was part of the whole getting this body magic in the first place. So I don't know how much adaptability on my part counts in this. Maybe. Still, doesn't hurt to give yourself some credit, does it? > > Just don't forget. I think about you maybe being scared and not admitting it, or more freaked out than you're letting on, and... I want to help. > I'm okay, Angel. Maybe I should be freaking out or something, but I'm not. Not yet at least. The weirdest bit so far has been taking a shower. I felt... kinda like a voyeur or something. Not quite used to thinking of this body as mine yet. I'm pretty sure I can help you with that part. Getting used to it feeling like yours, I mean. > > > Like the aforementioned purple dye. > > Seriously not going to happen. > You keep talking like that I might just have to do it to be contrary. If I start suspecting you're serious, I might have to tie you up at night so I can get some sleep without worrying what you're up to. > > Oh, we've got Cordy's old apartment back. Turns out it's been empty since we moved her stuff out -- I guess someone tried to move in and Dennis made things interesting for him real fast. Since then they haven't been able to rent it. So it's there. It's ours. Um, yours. If you want it. I mean, we should do something with it. Maybe you'd rather stay there than at the hotel? I'd get that. > I don't know. I'll have to think about it. It might be good to have a place of my own... but at the same time, last night with you was wonderful. I'd like more like that. It's totally up to you. If you want some space, I can respect that. > But at the very least, I want to go, talk to Dennis. Tell him what happened. That Cordelia's okay, but that she's not going to be back. And the whole body switching thing. He deserves to know. Yeah, you're right. > > I've asked my assistant to set up some accounts at the local places, so if you need anything and you don't want to go out, you can just call and have stuff delivered. Money's not an issue. > Thanks. No problem. > > Can't stop thinking about you. > So share some of the thoughts. Well, it's probably that hopeless romantic thing again, but really I just want to come back to the hotel, walk in the front door, and hold you. For a couple of hours maybe. Just breathe in your scent, feel you warm against me, listen to your heart beating and know you're really there. You want to do anything special tonight? Let me know. - Angel __________ To: Wesley From: Doyle Hi Wesley > > > Angel told me that you were staying at the Hyperion today. I think that's a wise decision -- good to give yourself a bit of time, after all that's happened. It must be quite a shock. > > Yeah, a bit. Not something that happens to you every day. I'm coping. :-) > I'm glad to hear it. It's all a bit weird, but weirdness has been my life's catchword for years now. > > Cordelia offered me pretty much the most personal gift that it was possible to offer. Couldn't very well refuse it, could I? > You certainly could have refused it. No, I don't think I could've. > I don't think you should downplay the seriousness of the choice you made. I'm not trying to imply in any way that I think you made the wrong one -- I just think you should acknowledge that it's a complicated situation, and give yourself credit where credit is due. Thank you. But really, it wasn't much of a choice. This was the only way I could stay and be there for Angel. If I'd chosen otherwise... I don't even want to think about what would've happened to him. And you looked like you could use a friend too. > > I'd like to go out some time -- a night of drinking and talking I do believe you promised me; I'm holding you to it. > I'd still very much like to do that, if you would. Name the night and I'll make sure I'm free. > I am sorry that things turned out the way that they did. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more for you, and for Cordelia. Wesley, don't be shouldering any blame for this. It isn't yours to take. You couldn't bring Cordelia back -- her place isn't here any more. And I'm not complaining on my part -- who knows if I would have gotten this chance if you hadn't done what you did? So thank you for that. > > Maybe I should track down my ex and see if she'd be willing to be my guide in the feminine mystique. After she finished laughing at me of course. > I can get someone on that right away if you'd like me to, if you could tell me her name and where you saw her last. Any details that might be helpful. I enclosed at the end all the information I had about where she was last living, and working. You might have better luck tracing her through her work -- I don't know if Harry would've stayed in LA after... Or maybe I'm overestimating what my dying would have meant to her. > > > Are you all right? > > I'm fine. How about you? > I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Y'sure? Last night was probably just as rough on you as it was on me -- if not more so. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. > > > Yeah, a bit. Not something that happens to you every day. I'm coping. :-) > > I'm glad to hear it. > It's all a bit weird, but weirdness has been my life's catchword for years now. I think we've all had to deal with that, though perhaps not to the extremes that you have. It's good that you're so circumspect about the whole thing. > > > Cordelia offered me pretty much the most personal gift that it was possible to offer. Couldn't very well refuse it, could I? > > You certainly could have refused it. > No, I don't think I could've. Why not? Because of the visions? > > I don't think you should downplay the seriousness of the choice you made. I'm not trying to imply in any way that I think you made the wrong one -- I just think you should acknowledge that it's a complicated situation, and give yourself credit where credit is due. > Thank you. But really, it wasn't much of a choice. This was the only way I could stay and be there for Angel. If I'd chosen otherwise... I don't even want to think about what would've happened to him. Oh, yes. I understand. He's very lucky to have you. > And you looked like you could use a friend too. I assure you, I would have been... I... Thank you. I'd like to say that I'd have been fine, that I know that Angel and I would have worked things out between us, but I don't know that that's true. In any case, I'm glad you made the choice that you did. For my sake, as well as his. Those aren't easy things for me to admit. > > > I'd like to go out some time -- a night of drinking and talking I do believe you promised me; I'm holding you to it. > > I'd still very much like to do that, if you would. > Name the night and I'll make sure I'm free. Perhaps you should give yourself a bit more time to settle in? I suppose I don't feel right taking you away from Angel. Er, not that I could in *that* sense. But the two of you must want to spend a great deal of time together currently, and I wouldn't want to interrupt that. > > I am sorry that things turned out the way that they did. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more for you, and for Cordelia. > Wesley, don't be shouldering any blame for this. It isn't yours to take. You couldn't bring Cordelia back -- her place isn't here any more. And I'm not complaining on my part -- who knows if I would have gotten this chance if you hadn't done what you did? So thank you for that. You're welcome. And you're right, of course, about Cordelia's place being elsewhere. Still, I would have liked to have been able to get you your own body back, rather than have you needing to make this incredible adjustment. > > > Maybe I should track down my ex and see if she'd be willing to be my guide in the feminine mystique. After she finished laughing at me of course. > > I can get someone on that right away if you'd like me to, if you could tell me her name and where you saw her last. Any details that might be helpful. > I enclosed at the end all the information I had about where she was last living, and working. You might have better luck tracing her through her work -- I don't know if Harry would've stayed in LA after... Or maybe I'm overestimating what my dying would have meant to her. No, I'm certain you're not. I know what it did to Angel and to Cordelia -- I'm sure Harry would have been similarly affected. I'll let you know as soon as we find anything. > > > I'm fine. How about you? > > I'm fine. Thank you for asking. > Y'sure? Last night was probably just as rough on you as it was on me -- if not more so. I didn't want to let any of you down, and it's unfortunate that I did despite my best efforts. But I'm, as you say, coping. - Wesley __________ To: Angel From: Doyle Hi Angel > > From where I'm sitting, you're so busy trying to control everything that you're not enjoying anything as it happens. Like last night. You enjoyed that didn't you? > Are you kidding? Did I give you some reason to think I didn't? My point is that you let go of control enough to do what we did. And nothing bad happened. > I just want stuff to be right for you. There's nothing wrong with that. Not at the expense of yourself though. > > > Well, you're going to, if it kills me. Um... not literally. But I want you to be happy. > > Thank you. That means a lot. Really. > Well, it's true. How about we try and work on making us both happy? > > You hold on too tight to control, that's when you're most likely to slip y'know. > There are some things I need to be in control of. Not really any other options. How you deal with me shouldn't be one of those things. I want you to be able to be relaxed and open with me, not worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing. > > > And not just because of the purple hair threat. I'm not that deep a sleeper -- you'd never get away with it. > > Oh, believe me I have my ways. > And believe *me,* if -- and that's a really big if -- you were able to manage something like that, I'd find a way to get you back. Yeah, but I used to have green spiky skinned. Purple hair isn't even a blip on my radar. > Please tell me that's not the only reason you did. Because that's... I mean, don't get me wrong, it means a lot that you would, that I'd even be a reason to come back, but... I don't want to think that you did it for me. Like it was some kind of sacrifice. It wasn't a sacrifice. I love you -- I didn't want you to be alone. > > You know what your real problem is Angel? You're a hopeless romantic. Not that I mind that in you. But life's not a fairy tale -- there's going to be bumps in the road. That doesn't mean we're going off the road. Just makes the ride more interesting. > I don't like the bumps. Actually, I'm fucking sick of them. You've had more than your share of bumps lately, yeah. > A smooth ride'd be good about now. We'll see what we can do about that. > > More nights like last night would be a good place to start. Only with less clothes on your part. > I can do that. I'm looking forward to it. :-) > > > Yeah. Half the time I don't know which one of you I should be missing. > > I'm right here, Angel. Just have to reach out and touch me. > Hey, that might have worked when you were actually *in* the computer, but today... I'd have to come back to the hotel to touch you. Okay, you have to reach really far, but still. I'm here to be touched. > Not that I wouldn't do that. I'll be here when you get back. You can touch me then. > > > You don't have to if you don't want to. Deal with the skirts and things, I mean. > > I'm sure I'll want to experiment when I get more comfortable in this skin. Have to work with what I've got after all. > Yeah, but high heels look really uncomfortable. I never said anything about heels. Though, have to admit they used to make Cordelia's legs look really... Okay, that's a bit disturbing, knowing that they're *my* legs now. > > > Is it too weird to say you look good? If I do, does it sound like I'm complimenting somebody else? > > It's not weird. Does feel a bit like I should be passing on the compliments to Cordelia, since I haven't actually done anything yet other than just go with what the body looked like when I got it. > You don't need to do anything special. Just be you. Be comfortable. That's what matters. That's what I mean -- haven't been in this body long enough to figure out exactly what is the most comfortable for me. > > That's what I like to see. You flirting with me. > It's a little weird. I mean, it feels different. Not different in a bad way. If there were any things of Cordy's you didn't like, we could play around with them a little. You could put them on and then I could, you know, rip them off you. That could be fun. Now you're getting into the spirit of the thing. ;-) > > > They say people are, you know... adaptable. Guess you're going a long way to prove that right. > > I'm thinking a certain amount of feeling comfortable in this skin was part of the whole getting this body magic in the first place. So I don't know how much adaptability on my part counts in this. > Maybe. Still, doesn't hurt to give yourself some credit, does it? Well if you insist... > > I'm okay, Angel. Maybe I should be freaking out or something, but I'm not. Not yet at least. The weirdest bit so far has been taking a shower. I felt... kinda like a voyeur or something. Not quite used to thinking of this body as mine yet. > I'm pretty sure I can help you with that part. Getting used to it feeling like yours, I mean. This involve ripping clothes off me? ;-) > > > > Like the aforementioned purple dye. > > > Seriously not going to happen. > > You keep talking like that I might just have to do it to be contrary. > If I start suspecting you're serious, I might have to tie you up at night so I can get some sleep without worrying what you're up to. Ripping clothes off and now bondage... I can see I have an interesting sex life ahead of me. > > > Oh, we've got Cordy's old apartment back. Turns out it's been empty since we moved her stuff out -- I guess someone tried to move in and Dennis made things interesting for him real fast. Since then they haven't been able to rent it. So it's there. It's ours. Um, yours. If you want it. I mean, we should do something with it. Maybe you'd rather stay there than at the hotel? I'd get that. > > I don't know. I'll have to think about it. It might be good to have a place of my own... but at the same time, last night with you was wonderful. I'd like more like that. > It's totally up to you. If you want some space, I can respect that. I'll have to give it some thought. It's all too new at the moment still. > > But at the very least, I want to go, talk to Dennis. Tell him what happened. That Cordelia's okay, but that she's not going to be back. And the whole body switching thing. He deserves to know. > Yeah, you're right. Which brings up in my mind what you said about Wesley last night -- you asked if making him forget was the right thing. Does that mean you're considering telling him the truth? > > > Can't stop thinking about you. > > So share some of the thoughts. > Well, it's probably that hopeless romantic thing again, but really I just want to come back to the hotel, walk in the front door, and hold you. For a couple of hours maybe. Just breathe in your scent, feel you warm against me, listen to your heart beating and know you're really there. You certainly know how to put a smile on my face. I'd like that a lot. > You want to do anything special tonight? Let me know. Well that sounds like a good start. Then maybe I can find something you can rip off me. ;-) Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Angel Hi Doyle. > > > Like last night. You enjoyed that didn't you? > > Are you kidding? Did I give you some reason to think I didn't? > My point is that you let go of control enough to do what we did. And nothing bad happened. Oh. Okay, I get that. Just... you know that 'enough' is kind of the key word there, right? > > I just want stuff to be right for you. There's nothing wrong with that. > Not at the expense of yourself though. But that's the whole point. That's what atonement means. > > > > Well, you're going to, if it kills me. Um... not literally. But I want you to be happy. > > > Thank you. That means a lot. Really. > > Well, it's true. > How about we try and work on making us both happy? I'm a focused kind of guy -- it's hard for me to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. So this might be one of the things I need your help with. Especially since it seems pretty impossible, from where I'm sitting. > > > You hold on too tight to control, that's when you're most likely to slip y'know. > > There are some things I need to be in control of. Not really any other options. > How you deal with me shouldn't be one of those things. I want you to be able to be relaxed and open with me, not worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing. But I don't want to hurt you. That's pretty much the main thing I'm concentrating on right now actually. > > > > And not just because of the purple hair threat. I'm not that deep a sleeper -- you'd never get away with it. > > > Oh, believe me I have my ways. > > And believe *me,* if -- and that's a really big if -- you were able to manage something like that, I'd find a way to get you back. > Yeah, but I used to have green spiky skin. Purple hair isn't even a blip on my radar. Oh, I wouldn't give you purple hair. > > Please tell me that's not the only reason you did. Because that's... I mean, don't get me wrong, it means a lot that you would, that I'd even be a reason to come back, but... I don't want to think that you did it for me. Like it was some kind of sacrifice. > It wasn't a sacrifice. I love you -- I didn't want you to be alone. Thanks. Love you too. > > > But life's not a fairy tale -- there's going to be bumps in the road. That doesn't mean we're going off the road. Just makes the ride more interesting. > > I don't like the bumps. Actually, I'm fucking sick of them. > You've had more than your share of bumps lately, yeah. > > A smooth ride'd be good about now. > We'll see what we can do about that. Even just, you know, nothing else bad happening for a couple of months would be good. Just long enough to kind of get my balance back. Um, not that I expect you to keep bad stuff from happening. > > > More nights like last night would be a good place to start. Only with less clothes on your part. > > I can do that. > I'm looking forward to it. :-) Me too. > > > I'm right here, Angel. Just have to reach out and touch me. > > Hey, that might have worked when you were actually *in* the computer, but today... I'd have to come back to the hotel to touch you. > Okay, you have to reach really far, but still. I'm here to be touched. > > Not that I wouldn't do that. > I'll be here when you get back. You can touch me then. Good, because I really, really want to. > > > Have to work with what I've got after all. > > Yeah, but high heels look really uncomfortable. > I never said anything about heels. Though, have to admit they used to make Cordelia's legs look really... Okay, that's a bit disturbing, knowing that they're *my* legs now. Yeah. Um, not about the disturbing thing, though I'm sure it is. I mean, they did make her... they DO make YOUR legs look good. Long and curvy. > > You don't need to do anything special. Just be you. Be comfortable. That's what matters. > That's what I mean -- haven't been in this body long enough to figure out exactly what is the most comfortable for me. You've got time. No one says you have to be completely comfortable by Friday, or by next month, or in three months. It'll happen gradually. > > If there were any things of Cordy's you didn't like, we could play around with them a little. You could put them on and then I could, you know, rip them off you. That could be fun. > Now you're getting into the spirit of the thing. ;-) Heck, if we both think it's fun, we could start buying stuff just so I could rip it off you. > > > The weirdest bit so far has been taking a shower. I felt... kinda like a voyeur or something. Not quite used to thinking of this body as mine yet. > > I'm pretty sure I can help you with that part. Getting used to it feeling like yours, I mean. > This involve ripping clothes off me? ;-) Actually I was more thinking about the kind of stuff I'd do AFTER the clothes were off. > > If I start suspecting you're serious, I might have to tie you up at night so I can get some sleep without worrying what you're up to. > Ripping clothes off and now bondage... I can see I have an interesting sex life ahead of me. Does it? Um, sound interesting? Is 'interesting' another way of saying maybe you're not so sure you like the idea? > > It's totally up to you. If you want some space, I can respect that. > I'll have to give it some thought. It's all too new at the moment still. I get that. Take your time. > > > But at the very least, I want to go, talk to Dennis. Tell him what happened. That Cordelia's okay, but that she's not going to be back. And the whole body switching thing. He deserves to know. > > Yeah, you're right. > Which brings up in my mind what you said about Wesley last night -- you asked if making him forget was the right thing. Does that mean you're considering telling him the truth? Maybe? Fuck. I don't know. I guess that's one of those things I'M gonna need to think about. What if telling him, you know, compromised... you know who's safety somehow? I mean, should I even be putting his name in down in type? I don't know enough about any of it. But I can't say there's not this nagging feeling that it's -- the thing about Wes, I mean -- something I need to fix. > > Well, it's probably that hopeless romantic thing again, but really I just want to come back to the hotel, walk in the front door, and hold you. For a couple of hours maybe. Just breathe in your scent, feel you warm against me, listen to your heart beating and know you're really there. > You certainly know how to put a smile on my face. I'd like that a lot. Does it sound bad if I say that I just want somewhere to be that feels, you know... safe? I want you to put your arms around me and tell me it's gonna stop hurting. Even if it's a lie. - Angel Next Part Main Page Send Feedback