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All the Wrong Places - Part 23
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Wesley,
Hi.
Uh, hope I'm not interrupting anything...
Are you busy today?
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
I was thinking about going in to the office for a few hours -- I often do on the
weekend, partially because it's quiet and there's less distraction. But I certainly don't have to.
Is something wrong?
- Wesley
__________
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Hello Wesley
> I was thinking about going in to the office for a few hours -- I often
do on the weekend, partially because it's quiet and there's less
distraction. But I certainly don't have to.
Oh. Well, I don't want to interfere with your work.
> Is something wrong?
No. Not really. Maybe?
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > I was thinking about going in to the office for a few hours -- I often
do on the weekend, partially because it's quiet and there's less
distraction. But I certainly don't have to.
> Oh. Well, I don't want to interfere with your work.
No, honestly, it's more something I do to fill the time. Er, not that I find my work a chore, as
I do rather enjoy it on a number of levels, but I certainly wouldn't be averse to
doing something else.
> > Is something wrong?
> No. Not really. Maybe?
That's the sort of maybe that sounds like a "Yes." And somehow, I doubt you would
have emailed me out of the blue on a Saturday morning if everything were fine. Tell me?
- Wesley
__________
To Wesley
From Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > Oh. Well, I don't want to interfere with your work.
> No, honestly, it's more something I do to fill the time. Er, not that I
find my work a chore, as I do rather enjoy it on a number of levels,
but I certainly wouldn't be averse to doing something else.
You sure?
> > > Is something wrong?
> > No. Not really. Maybe?
> That's the sort of maybe that sounds like a "Yes." And somehow, I doubt
you would have emailed me out of the blue on a Saturday morning if
everything were fine. Tell me?
Short version is Angel took a runner this morning.
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > No, honestly, it's more something I do to fill the time. Er, not that I
find my work a chore, as I do rather enjoy it on a number of levels,
but I certainly wouldn't be averse to doing something else.
> You sure?
Yes, I'm sure.
> > > > Is something wrong?
> > > No. Not really. Maybe?
> > That's the sort of maybe that sounds like a "Yes." And somehow, I doubt
you would have emailed me out of the blue on a Saturday morning if
everything were fine. Tell me?
> Short version is Angel took a runner this morning.
Oh dear.
Are you all right?
No, obviously you're not, stupid question. I won't ask what happened -- you can tell me,
or not, as you choose. But I will ask what I can do. Is there anything I can do?
- Wesley
__________
To Wesley
From Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > > No, honestly, it's more something I do to fill the
time. Er, not that
I find my work a chore, as I do rather enjoy it on a number of levels,
but I certainly wouldn't be averse to doing something else.
> > You sure?
> Yes, I'm sure.
If you're sure... I was thinking of going out... somewhere. Wouldn't mind some company.
> > Short version is Angel took a runner this morning.
> Oh dear.
Are you all right?
No, obviously you're not, stupid question. I won't ask what happened --
you can tell me, or not, as you choose. But I will ask what I can do.
I'm okay, really.
It's not like I'm not used to Angel brooding and taking off when things get to him. I'm just
not used to being the thing that's getting to him.
> Is there anything I can do?
You're doing it.
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > > > No, honestly, it's more something
I do to fill the time. Er, not that
I find my work a chore, as I do rather enjoy it on a number of levels,
but I certainly wouldn't be averse to doing something else.
> > > You sure?
> > Yes, I'm sure.
> If you're sure... I was thinking of going out... somewhere. Wouldn't mind some
company.
Where would you like to go? I could come and pick you up? Unless you preferred to
meet me somewhere.
> > > Short version is Angel took a runner this morning.
> > Oh dear.
Are you all right?
No, obviously you're not, stupid question. I won't ask what happened --
you can tell me, or not, as you choose. But I will ask what I can do.
> I'm okay, really.
It's not like I'm not used to Angel brooding and taking off when things get to
him. I'm just not used to being the thing that's getting to him.
I'm sure it wasn't you. Do you know what set him off?
It's quite true that he's prone to needing some space when situations become
emotionally charged. It's part of his personality -- no doubt part that we'd prefer wasn't there, but part
of him all the same. I'd imagine it's because he spent so many years running from his
past, unable to escape it and yet thinking that if he just went far enough he might be able to...
> > Is there anything I can do?
> You're doing it.
I'm happy to do whatever I can to help.
- Wesley
__________
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > If you're sure... I was thinking of going out... somewhere. Wouldn't
mind some
company.
> Where would you like to go? I could come and pick you up? Unless you
preferred to meet me somewhere.
I'm not sure where I want to go. I just... I don't want to stay here all day again.
I don't know if it's starting to feel more like a prison or a sanctuary but either
way getting out in the world is something I need to start doing.
And yeah, picking me up would be good. I don't think Angel left me a car.
Besides, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to go out completely on my own just yet.
> > It's not like I'm not used to Angel brooding and taking off when
things get to him. I'm just not used to being the thing that's getting to him.
> I'm sure it wasn't you. Do you know what set him off?
I was... I had this dream. Or vision, visitation, something. With Cordelia. We talked, and
she told me some things, and, well you know Cordelia. She couldn't resist giving me
fashion tips and telling me what I should be wearing out of her wardrobe. Namely the sexy,
girly stuff that I'd so far been avoiding. Short skirts, low-cut tops, that sort of thing.
So when I was getting dressed this morning, I gave her advice a try. Angel seemed to like
it at first but then he... well, the only real word for it is freaked.
Because I look like Cordelia.
> It's quite true that he's prone to needing some space when situations
become emotionally charged. It's part of his personality -- no doubt
part that we'd prefer wasn't there, but part of him all the same. I'd
imagine it's because he spent so many years running from his past,
unable to escape it and yet thinking that if he just went far enough he
might be able to...
Yeah, I know that song and dance. Done a few run-throughs of it myself. It never works.
And I get the needing space for brooding. I never really had that much of a problem giving
it to him in the past when he really needed it.
But somehow it's different when I'm the cause. It's like I can't even check on him to see
if he's all right or feeling any better because *I'm the cause.* and seeing me is just going
to make it all that much worse.
> > > Is there anything I can do?
> > You're doing it.
> I'm happy to do whatever I can to help.
Thanks.
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > > If you're sure... I was thinking of going out... somewhere. Wouldn't
mind some company.
> > Where would you like to go? I could come and pick you up? Unless you
preferred to meet me somewhere.
> I'm not sure where I want to go. I just... I don't want to stay here all day
again. I don't know if it's starting to feel more like a prison or a sanctuary
but either way getting out in the world is something I need to start doing.
I think you're right -- there's nothing wrong with taking some time to adjust, but
perhaps now it's best to get, well, back on the horse so to speak.
What sounds most appealing? Somewhere quiet? There's a small park not far from
the hotel -- actually, come to think of it, chances are good it won't be too quiet on a weekend.
I could take you out somewhere for lunch? Or shopping? There must be things you need.
> And yeah, picking me up would be good. I don't think Angel left me a car.
We'll have to talk to him about that. Not that public transportation in L.A. isn't
quite adequate, but there's no reason you shouldn't have access to a vehicle.
You'll need a driver's license. I'll look into it -- Cordelia's is most likely still valid; you
could use it immediately while you think about what else you might like to do.
> Besides, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to go out completely on my own just
yet.
I understand. I'm happy to take you wherever you'd like to go.
> > > It's not like I'm not used to Angel brooding and taking off when
things get to him. I'm just not used to being the thing that's getting to him.
> > I'm sure it wasn't you. Do you know what set him off?
> I was... I had this dream. Or vision, visitation, something. With Cordelia. We
talked, and she told me some things, and, well you know Cordelia. She couldn't
resist giving me fashion tips and telling me what I should be wearing out of her
wardrobe. Namely the sexy, girly stuff that I'd so far been avoiding. Short
skirts, low-cut tops, that sort of thing.
So when I was getting dressed this morning, I gave her advice a try. Angel
seemed to like it at first but then he... well, the only real word for it is
freaked.
Because I look like Cordelia.
It's very hard on both of you, of course. I'm sure it's perfectly natural that you'll both
need time to adjust to the situation. Communication is key, which makes it all the more
difficult, as Angel's first instinct is most decidedly *not* to open up about what he's feeling.
Perhaps, until he comes round, it might be best to get some clothing that you've
chosen yourself? Something that he doesn't recognize as belonging to Cordelia.
> > It's quite true that he's prone to needing some space when situations
become emotionally charged. It's part of his personality -- no doubt
part that we'd prefer wasn't there, but part of him all the same. I'd
imagine it's because he spent so many years running from his past,
unable to escape it and yet thinking that if he just went far enough he
might be able to...
> Yeah, I know that song and dance. Done a few run-throughs of it myself. It never
works.
And I get the needing space for brooding. I never really had that much of a
problem giving it to him in the past when he really needed it.
But somehow it's different when I'm the cause. It's like I can't even check on
him to see if he's all right or feeling any better because *I'm the cause.* and
seeing me is just going to make it all that much worse.
You may be the cause, but it's not your fault. You did make the choice to come back
in Cordelia's body, and clearly Angel is very grateful that you did -- however, none of
that makes it any easier to deal with, I'd imagine.
It's obvious to me, even in the brief amount of time that I've seen the two of you
together, that it *is* you he's reacting to. He's different with you than he was with Cordelia. No
matter how hard it is for him to set aside your appearance, he does know it's you.
> > > > Is there anything I can do?
> > > You're doing it.
> > I'm happy to do whatever I can to help.
> Thanks.
Let me know when you'd like me to pick you up. Even if you haven't decided where
you'd like to go.
- Wesley
__________
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > I'm not sure where I want to go. I just... I don't want to stay here all day
again. I don't know if it's starting to feel more like a prison or a sanctuary
but either way getting out in the world is something I need to start doing.
> I think you're right -- there's nothing wrong with taking some time to
adjust, but perhaps now it's best to get, well, back on the horse so to
speak.
Or at least get out of the barn.
> What sounds most appealing? Somewhere quiet? There's a small park not
far from the hotel -- actually, come to think of it, chances are good
it won't be too quiet on a weekend. I could take you out somewhere for
lunch? Or shopping? There must be things you need.
Lunch and shopping maybe. The idea about the clothes you had is a good one.
> You'll need a driver's license. I'll look into it -- Cordelia's is most
likely still valid; you could use it immediately while you think about
what else you might like to do.
I dunno. Using Cordy's ID seems like compounding the problem of who I am exactly. I
think I'll wait until I can get all of that in my own name. I'm assuming what with the formerly
evil law-firm at our disposal that that won't be too difficult to do.
> > Besides, I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to go out completely on my
own just yet.
> I understand. I'm happy to take you wherever you'd like to go.
Thanks.
> > I was... I had this dream. Or vision, visitation, something. With Cordelia. We
talked, and she told me some things, and, well you know Cordelia. She
couldn't resist giving me fashion tips and telling me what I should be wearing
out of her wardrobe. Namely the sexy, girly stuff that I'd so far been avoiding.
Short skirts, low-cut tops, that sort of thing.
So when I was getting dressed this morning, I gave her advice a try. Angel
seemed to like it at first but then he... well, the only real word for it is freaked.
Because I look like Cordelia.
> It's very hard on both of you, of course. I'm sure it's perfectly
natural that you'll both need time to adjust to the situation.
Communication is key, which makes it all the more difficult, as Angel's
first instinct is most decidedly *not* to open up about what he's
feeling.
Yeah. I've had some luck in getting him to do so in the past, but since my tactics
were mostly just hanging around until he spilled, and my hanging around this time is just a
huge reminder of what's got him all broody in the first place. So we go in a circle with me trying
to get him to talk and every time he looks at me, he's retreating further.
Makes a person want to go hit something.
> Perhaps, until he comes round, it might be best to get some clothing
that you've chosen yourself? Something that he doesn't recognize as
belonging to Cordelia.
Yeah, I've been thinking that. Maybe get some things that are less... girly. Even
Cordelia's more tomboyish outfits are girly.
Also maybe I should do something with the hair. The hair hasn't been bothering me
as much as maybe it does Angel -- and you? -- because this isn't the way I remember
Cordelia wearing it. But it is still pretty girly.
> > And I get the needing space for brooding. I never really had that much
of a problem giving it to him in the past when he really needed it.
But somehow it's different when I'm the cause. It's like I can't even
check on him to see if he's all right or feeling any better because *I'm the
cause.* and seeing me is just going to make it all that much worse.
> You may be the cause, but it's not your fault. You did make the choice
to come back in Cordelia's body, and clearly Angel is very grateful
that you did -- however, none of that makes it any easier to deal with,
I'd imagine.
Yeah. We really should've been having these problems right from the start; I guess
the strangeness and the shock and all that delayed it for a couple of days.
> It's obvious to me, even in the brief amount of time that I've seen the
two of you together, that it *is* you he's reacting to. He's different
with you than he was with Cordelia. No matter how hard it is for him to
set aside your appearance, he does know it's you.
I... Thanks. I knew that, I really did, but it still feels good to have it confirmed.
> > > > > Is there anything I can do?
> > > > You're doing it.
> > > I'm happy to do whatever I can to help.
> > Thanks.
> Let me know when you'd like me to pick you up. Even if you haven't
decided where you'd like to go.
Oh, whenever is good for you.
Speaking of good for you, how are you doing -- what with the new memories and all?
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > I think you're right -- there's nothing wrong with taking some time to
adjust, but perhaps now it's best to get, well, back on the horse so to
speak.
> Or at least get out of the barn.
Is it difficult? The thought of going out?
> > What sounds most appealing? Somewhere quiet? There's a small park not
far from the hotel -- actually, come to think of it, chances are good
it won't be too quiet on a weekend. I could take you out somewhere for
lunch? Or shopping? There must be things you need.
> Lunch and shopping maybe. The idea about the clothes you had is a good one.
Whatever you like. I'm happy to take you anywhere you want to go.
> > You'll need a driver's license. I'll look into it -- Cordelia's is most
likely still valid; you could use it immediately while you think about
what else you might like to do.
> I dunno. Using Cordy's ID seems like compounding the problem of who I am
exactly. I think I'll wait until I can get all of that in my own name. I'm
assuming what with the formerly evil law-firm at our disposal that that won't be
too difficult to do.
No, not at all. A name change is a relatively simple process in any case, even for those
who aren't acquainted with, as you say, formerly evil law firms.
> > > So when I was getting dressed this morning, I gave her advice a try.
Angel seemed to like it at first but then he... well, the only real word for
it is freaked.
Because I look like Cordelia.
> > It's very hard on both of you, of course. I'm sure it's perfectly
natural that you'll both need time to adjust to the situation.
Communication is key, which makes it all the more difficult, as Angel's
first instinct is most decidedly *not* to open up about what he's
feeling.
> Yeah. I've had some luck in getting him to do so in the past, but since my
tactics were mostly just hanging around until he spilled, and my hanging around
this time is just a huge reminder of what's got him all broody in the first
place. So we go in a circle with me trying to get him to talk and every time he
looks at me, he's retreating further.
Makes a person want to go hit something.
I'm sure. You'd be more than welcome to use the gym at Wolfram and Hart, of course,
if you were so inclined. It might not be a bad idea in any case -- it could help you get
more familiar with your new centre of gravity.
> > Perhaps, until he comes round, it might be best to get some clothing
that you've chosen yourself? Something that he doesn't recognize as
belonging to Cordelia.
> Yeah, I've been thinking that. Maybe get some things that are less... girly.
Even Cordelia's more tomboyish outfits are girly.
I wasn't really thinking about how feminine her clothes were -- more about the fact that
we were all rather used to seeing certain outfits, and that it would be more difficult not
to associate them with her -- but I think that's a wise idea. Getting some things that are a
bit more androgynous, I mean.
> Also maybe I should do something with the hair. The hair hasn't been bothering
me as much as maybe it does Angel -- and you? -- because this isn't the way I
remember Cordelia wearing it. But it is still pretty girly.
I suppose so. Would you consider getting it cut quite short? Or were you thinking
about colouring it?
> > > But somehow it's different when I'm the cause. It's like I can't even
check on him to see if he's all right or feeling any better because *I'm the
cause.* and seeing me is just going to make it all that much worse.
> > You may be the cause, but it's not your fault. You did make the choice
to come back in Cordelia's body, and clearly Angel is very grateful
that you did -- however, none of that makes it any easier to deal with,
I'd imagine.
> Yeah. We really should've been having these problems right from the start; I
guess the strangeness and the shock and all that delayed it for a couple of
days.
I'm sure you're right. The initial shock may have just postponed the inevitable
realisation that this is something he's going to have to live with. To come to terms with.
> > It's obvious to me, even in the brief amount of time that I've seen the
two of you together, that it *is* you he's reacting to. He's different
with you than he was with Cordelia. No matter how hard it is for him to
set aside your appearance, he does know it's you.
> I... Thanks. I knew that, I really did, but it still feels good to have it
confirmed.
I'm glad I could help.
> > Let me know when you'd like me to pick you up. Even if you haven't
decided where you'd like to go.
> Oh, whenever is good for you.
Speaking of good for you, how are you doing -- what with the new memories and
all?
Old memories, more like.
I'm all right. It's actually rather interesting from a certain perspective. Now, if only I
could figure out how to maintain that perspective all the time...
I need to do a few things here before I leave -- would around noon work for you? That
way we can have lunch at a reasonable time and still get some shopping in, if that's what
you'd like to do.
- Wesley
__________
To: Wesley
From: Angel
Hi Wesley.
I don't know if you're even going to get this. Do you check your email at home? Maybe
you use the weekends to actually get away from work. I mean, I know you usually come into
the office over the weekends, because when I've been here I...
Right. Anyway, if you get this, could you do me a favor and call Doyle or something? At
the hotel. Just to make sure he's okay. We kind of had this... thing. Where I kind of freaked
out and took off on him. And I think he's okay -- I hope -- I know it was dumb and I should
have stuck around and... I don't know, talked it through or something, because that's what
you're supposed to do, right? Only I just had to get out of there. It was too much, him looking
like Cordy, and wearing her clothes. Sometimes I think it's just his voice and his eyes that
keep me from completely freaking out.
Makes me crazy. I've already made too many mistakes, and I don't know how to keep
from making more. Shouldn't I be able to figure that out at some point?
Anyway. If you could kind of check on him and make sure he's okay, I'd appreciate it.
Thanks.
- Angel
__________
To: Angel
From: Wesley
Hello Angel.
> I don't know if you're even going to get this. Do you
check your email
at home? Maybe you use the weekends to actually get away from work. I
mean, I know you usually come into the office over the weekends,
because when I've been here I... You what?
And I do regularly check my email no matter my location. The advanced palm unit
provided by the firm makes it simple to stay in touch.
> Right. Anyway, if you get this, could you do me a favor and call Doyle
or something? At the hotel. Just to make sure he's okay. We kind of had
this... thing. Where I kind of freaked out and took off on him. And I
think he's okay -- I hope -- I know it was dumb and I should have stuck
around and... I don't know, talked it through or something, because
that's what you're supposed to do, right? Only I just had to get out of
there. It was too much, him looking like Cordy, and wearing her
clothes. Sometimes I think it's just his voice and his eyes that keep
me from completely freaking out.
Doyle emailed me earlier. We've been talking. I'd say he's a bit shaken up, but nothing
too bad. I think he's mostly focusing on what he can do to make the situation better.
He wants to go out shopping; I'm going to head over there to play chauffeur for him after
I finish this.
> Makes me crazy. I've already made too many mistakes, and I don't know
how to keep from making more. Shouldn't I be able to figure that out at
some point?
It's only been a couple of days; of course you're still getting used to the situation, we all
are, Doyle included.
None of us could have foreseen this situation, we're all fumbling with how to deal with
it. You're doing your best Angel, and that's all you can do.
> Anyway. If you could kind of check on him and make sure he's okay, I'd
appreciate it.
As I said, I'm going to be with Doyle for most of the afternoon so if you'd like updates...
> Thanks.
You know I'll do what I can to help.
- Wes
__________
To: Wesley
From: Angel
Hi Wes.
> > I don't know if you're even going to get this. Do you check your email
at home? Maybe you use the weekends to actually get away from work. I
mean, I know you usually come into the office over the weekends,
because when I've been here I...
> You what?
Um. Can smell you.
Sorry.
> And I do regularly check my email no matter my location. The advanced palm unit
provided by the firm makes it simple to stay in touch.
Oh yeah, that's what those things are for, huh. Mine's still in my desk here
somewhere. Never really figured out what to do with it. Maybe you can show me some time?
> > Right. Anyway, if you get this, could you do me a favor and call Doyle
or something? At the hotel. Just to make sure he's okay. We kind of had
this... thing. Where I kind of freaked out and took off on him. And I
think he's okay -- I hope -- I know it was dumb and I should have stuck
around and... I don't know, talked it through or something, because
that's what you're supposed to do, right? Only I just had to get out of
there. It was too much, him looking like Cordy, and wearing her
clothes. Sometimes I think it's just his voice and his eyes that keep
me from completely freaking out.
> Doyle emailed me earlier. We've been talking. I'd say he's a bit shaken up, but
nothing too bad. I think he's mostly focusing on what he can do to make the
situation better.
That's kind of the thing, you know? He can't. It's just one of those things you have to
adjust to, I guess.
> He wants to go out shopping; I'm going to head over there to play chauffeur for
him after I finish this.
Thanks. I appreciate it. A lot.
> > Makes me crazy. I've already made too many mistakes, and I don't know
how to keep from making more. Shouldn't I be able to figure that out at
some point?
> It's only been a couple of days; of course you're still getting used to the
situation, we all are, Doyle included.
I didn't just mean stuff with Doyle, I meant... everything. There's some point
when continuing to make mistakes becomes really pitiful, and I think I past it a long time
ago. Shouldn't I, I don't know, *know* more than this by now? You know, have figured out how
to do things right?
> None of us could have foreseen this situation, we're all fumbling with how to
deal with it. You're doing your best Angel, and that's all you can do.
What if it's not? My best, I mean? Because if this is the best I can do, I'm in big trouble.
> > Anyway. If you could kind of check on him and make sure he's okay, I'd
appreciate it.
> As I said, I'm going to be with Doyle for most of the afternoon so if you'd like
updates...
That'd be great. I mean, I don't need a play by play or anything, but if you could just let
me know every once in a while that he's okay... that'd be good.
> > Thanks.
> You know I'll do what I can to help.
Yeah, I know you will. Means a lot to me. You know that, right?
- Angel
__________
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > > I think you're right -- there's nothing wrong with taking some time to
adjust, but perhaps now it's best to get, well, back on the horse so to
speak.
> > Or at least get out of the barn.
> Is it difficult? The thought of going out?
Yes and no? The actual going out not so much. The going out in this body a little bit. If
you get the difference.
> > Lunch and shopping maybe. The idea about the clothes you had is a good one.
> Whatever you like. I'm happy to take you anywhere you want to go.
Thanks.
> > I dunno. Using Cordy's ID seems like compounding the problem of who I am
exactly. I think I'll wait until I can get all of that in my own name. I'm
assuming what with the formerly evil law-firm at our disposal that that won't be
too difficult to do.
> No, not at all. A name change is a relatively simple process in any
case, even for those who aren't acquainted with, as you say, formerly
evil law firms.
Yeah but the formerly evil law-firm connection certainly can't hurt.
> > > It's very hard on both of you, of course. I'm sure it's perfectly
natural that you'll both need time to adjust to the situation.
Communication is key, which makes it all the more difficult, as
Angel's first instinct is most decidedly *not* to open up about what he's
feeling.
> > Yeah. I've had some luck in getting him to do so in the past, but since my
tactics were mostly just hanging around until he spilled, and my hanging around
this time is just a huge reminder of what's got him all broody in the first
place. So we go in a circle with me trying to get him to talk and every time he
looks at me, he's retreating further.
Makes a person want to go hit something.
> I'm sure. You'd be more than welcome to use the gym at Wolfram and
Hart, of course, if you were so inclined. It might not be a bad idea in
any case -- it could help you get more familiar with your new centre of
gravity.
What with being more top heavy than I used to be, ya mean?
But yeah, the gym sounds like a good idea; I need to gauge how well my fighting
skills carried over and how much compensating/training I'm going to need.
> > > Perhaps, until he comes round, it might be best to get some clothing
that you've chosen yourself? Something that he doesn't recognize as
belonging to Cordelia.
> > Yeah, I've been thinking that. Maybe get some things that are less... girly.
Even Cordelia's more tomboyish outfits are girly.
> I wasn't really thinking about how feminine her clothes were -- more
about the fact that we were all rather used to seeing certain outfits,
and that it would be more difficult not to associate them with her --
but I think that's a wise idea. Getting some things that are a bit more
androgynous, I mean.
It'll make Angel more comfortable I think.
> > Also maybe I should do something with the hair. The hair hasn't been bothering
me as much as maybe it does Angel -- and you? -- because this isn't the way I
remember Cordelia wearing it. But it is still pretty girly.
> I suppose so. Would you consider getting it cut quite short? Or were
you thinking about colouring it?
I was thinking of cutting it shorter, yeah. Colouring.. I hadn't considered, though I
s'pose maybe I could get it darkened a bit. As it is, it's just enough off the colour my hair used to
be that it's noticeable.
> > > You may be the cause, but it's not your fault. You did make the choice
to come back in Cordelia's body, and clearly Angel is very grateful
that you did -- however, none of that makes it any easier to deal with,
I'd imagine.
> > Yeah. We really should've been having these problems right from the start; I
guess the strangeness and the shock and all that delayed it for a couple of
days.
> I'm sure you're right. The initial shock may have just postponed the
inevitable realisation that this is something he's going to have to
live with. To come to terms with.
Or to decide he can't.
> > > It's obvious to me, even in the brief amount of time that I've seen the
two of you together, that it *is* you he's reacting to. He's different
with you than he was with Cordelia. No matter how hard it is for him to
set aside your appearance, he does know it's you.
> > I... Thanks. I knew that, I really did, but it still feels good to have it
confirmed.
> I'm glad I could help.
You are.
> > Speaking of good for you, how are you doing -- what with the new memories and all?
> Old memories, more like.
I'm all right. It's actually rather interesting from a certain
perspective. Now, if only I could figure out how to maintain that
perspective all the time...
The one where your emotions aren't involved? Yeah, I've been doing a bit of trying to
hold onto that perspective myself. Not sure if it's doing either of us any good in the long
run though.
> I need to do a few things here before I leave -- would around noon work
for you? That way we can have lunch at a reasonable time and still get
some shopping in, if that's what you'd like to do.
Whenever is convenient. It's not like I have a schedule that's going to get messed up here.
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > Is it difficult? The thought of going out?
> Yes and no? The actual going out not so much. The going out in this body a
little bit. If you get the difference.
I suppose it would be intimidating, yes. If it's any consolation, I believe the chances of
your running into anyone who knew Cordelia well enough to say 'hello' is extremely
small. Otherwise, you're no more likely to attract attention than any other attractive... person
in LA.
> > > I dunno. Using Cordy's ID seems like compounding the problem of who I am
exactly. I think I'll wait until I can get all of that in my own name. I'm
assuming what with the formerly evil law-firm at our disposal that that won't be
too difficult to do.
> > No, not at all. A name change is a relatively simple process in any
case, even for those who aren't acquainted with, as you say, formerly
evil law firms.
> Yeah but the formerly evil law-firm connection certainly can't hurt.
True enough. In any case, you'll have to let me know what you want done about
legally changing your name before I can do anything more to start the paperwork rolling.
There's no reason at all, of course, for you not to use your original name, other than the fact
that you may get some double takes at certain times.
> > > Makes a person want to go hit something.
> > I'm sure. You'd be more than welcome to use the gym at Wolfram and
Hart, of course, if you were so inclined. It might not be a bad idea in
any case -- it could help you get more familiar with your new centre of
gravity.
> What with being more top heavy than I used to be, ya mean?
Er, actually, a woman's centre of gravity is lower than a man's, due to the extra
weight around the hip area. Although your initial assumption, especially considering your
newly-acquired... attributes... is a reasonable one to have made.
> But yeah, the gym sounds like a good idea; I need to gauge how well my fighting
skills carried over and how much compensating/training I'm going to need.
I'm sure Angel can help you with that.
> > > Yeah, I've been thinking that. Maybe get some things that are less... girly.
Even Cordelia's more tomboyish outfits are girly.
> > I wasn't really thinking about how feminine her clothes were -- more
about the fact that we were all rather used to seeing certain outfits,
and that it would be more difficult not to associate them with her --
but I think that's a wise idea. Getting some things that are a bit more
androgynous, I mean.
> It'll make Angel more comfortable I think.
I think you're right, although one would hope that in time he'd be able to make
the adjustment so that you could wear whatever makes you most comfortable. I suppose
you'll have to wait to see what that is.
> > I suppose so. Would you consider getting it cut quite short? Or were
you thinking about colouring it?
> I was thinking of cutting it shorter, yeah. Colouring... I hadn't considered,
though I s'pose maybe I could get it darkened a bit. As it is, it's just enough
off the colour my hair used to be that it's noticeable.
Again, whatever you think will make you most comfortable at this point in time is
probably what you should do. If nothing else, a shorter cut would be simpler to take care of,
I'd imagine.
> > > Yeah. We really should've been having these problems right from the start; I
guess the strangeness and the shock and all that delayed it for a couple of
days.
> > I'm sure you're right. The initial shock may have just postponed the
inevitable realisation that this is something he's going to have to
live with. To come to terms with.
> Or to decide he can't.
No, don't think that. It's selling Angel short, in addition to being fatalistic. That's not like
you. He'll come around, he just needs a bit of time to adjust.
> > > Speaking of good for you, how are you doing -- what with the new
memories and all?
> > Old memories, more like.
I'm all right. It's actually rather interesting from a certain
perspective. Now, if only I could figure out how to maintain that
perspective all the time...
> The one where your emotions aren't involved? Yeah, I've been doing a bit of
trying to hold onto that perspective myself. Not sure if it's doing either of us
any good in the long run though.
Probably not. It does make it easier to get through the day though, doesn't it?
> > I need to do a few things here before I leave -- would around noon work
for you? That way we can have lunch at a reasonable time and still get
some shopping in, if that's what you'd like to do.
> Whenever is convenient. It's not like I have a schedule that's going to get
messed up here.
Let's say noon then. Do you have any thoughts about lunch?
- Wesley
__________
To: Wesley
From: Doyle
Hi Wesley
> > > Is it difficult? The thought of going out?
> > Yes and no? The actual going out not so much. The going out in this body a
little bit. If you get the difference.
> I suppose it would be intimidating, yes. If it's any consolation, I
believe the chances of your running into anyone who knew Cordelia well
enough to say 'hello' is extremely small. Otherwise, you're no more
likely to attract attention than any other attractive... person in LA.
A damned sight more attractive than I'm used to being.
> > > No, not at all. A name change is a relatively simple process in any
case, even for those who aren't acquainted with, as you say, formerly
evil law firms.
> > Yeah but the formerly evil law-firm connection certainly can't hurt.
> True enough. In any case, you'll have to let me know what you want done
about legally changing your name before I can do anything more to start
the paperwork rolling. There's no reason at all, of course, for you not
to use your original name, other than the fact that you may get some
double takes at certain times.
I never went by Alan anyway so if it has to be changed or gone entirely, I can live with
it. Francis Doyle is the name I've gone by, and luckily that is pretty androgynous.
> > > I'm sure. You'd be more than welcome to use the gym at Wolfram and
Hart, of course, if you were so inclined. It might not be a bad idea in
any case -- it could help you get more familiar with your new centre of
gravity.
> > What with being more top heavy than I used to be, ya mean?
> Er, actually, a woman's centre of gravity is lower than a man's, due to
the extra weight around the hip area. Although your initial assumption,
especially considering your newly-acquired... attributes... is a
reasonable one to have made.
Oh. Right.
It hasn't really seemed to be a problem. Whatever method was used to put me into
this
body seems to have taken care of all those kind of things.
Still, some working out will be a good thing.
> > But yeah, the gym sounds like a good idea; I need to gauge how well my fighting
skills carried over and how much compensating/training I'm going to need.
> I'm sure Angel can help you with that.
If it doesn't send him off brooding again.
Or we don't get distracted.
> > > I wasn't really thinking about how feminine her clothes were -- more
about the fact that we were all rather used to seeing certain outfits,
and that it would be more difficult not to associate them with her --
but I think that's a wise idea. Getting some things that are a bit more
androgynous, I mean.
> > It'll make Angel more comfortable I think.
> I think you're right, although one would hope that in time he'd be able
to make the adjustment so that you could wear whatever makes you most
comfortable. I suppose you'll have to wait to see what that is.
Pretty much. I haven't really been uncomfortable in Cordelia's clothes, except maybe
when Angel started freaking out this morning. *That* made me uncomfortable.
> > I was thinking of cutting it shorter, yeah. Colouring... I hadn't considered,
though I s'pose maybe I could get it darkened a bit. As it is, it's just enough
off the colour my hair used to be that it's noticeable.
> Again, whatever you think will make you most comfortable at this point
in time is probably what you should do. If nothing else, a shorter cut
would be simpler to take care of, I'd imagine.
Shorter would be closer to what I'm used to at least. So yeah, think I'll do that.
> > > I'm sure you're right. The initial shock may have just postponed the
inevitable realisation that this is something he's going to have to
live with. To come to terms with.
> > Or to decide he can't.
> No, don't think that. It's selling Angel short, in addition to being
fatalistic. That's not like you. He'll come around, he just needs a bit
of time to adjust.
I hope so. It's just... he doesn't let go of things easily and losing Cordelia is a big thing
to have to let go of and adjust to.
> > > I'm all right. It's actually rather interesting from a certain
perspective. Now, if only I could figure out how to maintain that
perspective all the time...
> > The one where your emotions aren't involved? Yeah, I've been doing a bit of
trying to hold onto that perspective myself. Not sure if it's doing either of us
any good in the long run though.
> Probably not. It does make it easier to get through the day though,
doesn't it?
Until it all blows up in your face.
Sorry. I guess this morning has shaken me up more than I'd like to think.
> > Whenever is convenient. It's not like I have a schedule that's going to get
messed up here.
> Let's say noon then. Do you have any thoughts about lunch?
Noon's good. And any kind of food will do; I'm not picky.
Doyle
__________
To: Doyle
From: Wesley
Hello Doyle.
> > I suppose it would be intimidating, yes. If it's any consolation, I
believe the chances of your running into anyone who knew Cordelia well
enough to say 'hello' is extremely small. Otherwise, you're no more
likely to attract attention than any other attractive... person in LA.
> A damned sight more attractive than I'm used to being.
That's not true -- from what I briefly saw, you were far from unattractive in your
original form. Although it strikes me now that perhaps that's one of those things that's better
left unsaid.
> > True enough. In any case, you'll have to let me know
what you want done
about legally changing your name before I can do anything more to start
the paperwork rolling. There's no reason at all, of course, for you not
to use your original name, other than the fact that you may get some
double takes at certain times.
> I never went by Alan anyway so if it has to be changed or gone entirely, I can
live with it. Francis Doyle is the name I've gone by, and luckily that is pretty
androgynous.
Shall we change the spelling to the more traditional Frances? Or leave it?
> > Er, actually, a woman's centre of gravity is lower than a man's, due to
the extra weight around the hip area. Although your initial assumption,
especially considering your newly-acquired... attributes... is a
reasonable one to have made.
> Oh. Right.
It hasn't really seemed to be a problem. Whatever method was used to put me into
this body seems to have taken care of all those kind of things.
Still, some working out will be a good thing.
I agree, it's good to be in shape, especially when one's life revolves around Angel. He
does seem to attract all sorts of situations in which one can get injured.
> > > But yeah, the gym sounds like a good idea; I need to gauge how well my fighting
skills carried over and how much compensating/training I'm going to need.
> > I'm sure Angel can help you with that.
> If it doesn't send him off brooding again.
He's prone to that sort of thing, that's definitely true. Perhaps it might be best, since
that's the case, for you to try not to let it bother you? He's unlikely to change in any
dramatic fashion any time soon, I'd imagine, and if it upsets you every time...
> Or we don't get distracted.
I'm... sure he's prone to that sort of thing as well.
> > I think you're right, although one would hope that in time he'd be able
to make the adjustment so that you could wear whatever makes you most
comfortable. I suppose you'll have to wait to see what that is.
> Pretty much. I haven't really been uncomfortable in Cordelia's clothes, except
maybe when Angel started freaking out this morning. *That* made me
uncomfortable.
I can imagine. It must be very difficult when it seems there's nothing you can do to
improve the situation.
> > Again, whatever you think will make you most comfortable at this point
in time is probably what you should do. If nothing else, a shorter cut
would be simpler to take care of, I'd imagine.
> Shorter would be closer to what I'm used to at least. So yeah, think I'll do
that.
Sounds like a wise decision.
> > No, don't think that. It's selling Angel short, in addition to being
fatalistic. That's not like you. He'll come around, he just needs a bit
of time to adjust.
> I hope so. It's just... he doesn't let go of things easily and losing Cordelia
is a big thing to have to let go of and adjust to.
But getting you back, when his feelings for you are reciprocated, is a big thing as well.
> > > The one where your emotions aren't involved? Yeah, I've been doing a bit of
trying to hold onto that perspective myself. Not sure if it's doing either of us
any good in the long run though.
> > Probably not. It does make it easier to get through the day though,
doesn't it?
> Until it all blows up in your face.
Sorry. I guess this morning has shaken me up more than I'd like to think.
It's understandable that you'd be upset. There's nothing wrong with honest emotion, or
with expressing it.
He'll come around, he just needs a bit of time. I'm confident of that.
> > Let's say noon then. Do you have any thoughts about lunch?
> Noon's good. And any kind of food will do; I'm not picky.
All right -- I'll be leaving here shortly. I'll see you in a little while.
- Wesley
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