All the Wrong Places - Part 27 To: Angel From: Wesley Hello Angel, > > Or we could play for beer if you prefer. > That's an idea. I'll bet you're fun when you're drunk. I haven't noticed much fun when I've drank to the point of being drunk, but then again I wouldn't be the most reliable witness in such situations, as I would by definition be drunk at the time. > > I've seen you bluff when you have had to. I just have had several years to study how you react and so perhaps have an advantage on figuring out when you are. > Okay, fair enough. Do you really spend all that much time figuring out how I react to stuff? I'm afraid I do. Rather an ingrained habit by now; I doubt I could stop easily. > > It's more that as a human I doubt being part of a ravening demon horde would be at all healthy for me. > What kinds of things WOULD be? Healthy for you, I mean? A change of profession? Not that that's a serious option, even if I wanted to. > > > Sounds good. All of it. > > I'll mention it to the others then. Maybe I'll even see if they'd want to go out for a drink with me now. > That sounds like a really good idea. It's good to talk to other people outside the office, you know? I mean, people that you usually see inside the office. We have all got out of the habit, haven't we? Not just you and me, but everybody. > > Depends on the vampire and the reasons for living on his schedule. I've always considered it worth any sacrifices I've might have had to make. Besides Angel, for a vampire you do live closer to a human schedule than many of your kind. Your schedule is more like... a musician's than a vampire's. > I know I'm not an all night, all the time kind of vampire anymore, but I still have habits that might be bad for the people who're stuck with me, you know? The brooding for one, you might want to work on. > And I know you've made sacrifices. A lot. And I appreciate it. Thank you. That... It means a lot, hearing that from you. > Didn't you ever feel resentful? Of what? Helping you? No, never. Working with you, helping you, that has always been my choice. It's really the first thing I could truly say that about. > > > > And how we all felt... well, like a family I miss that feeling. > > > Me too. Do you think we could get it back? Without the Connor part, I mean, since obviously that's never going to happen again. > > I think we already are. > You're better with words than I am, I guess, because I'm right back at 'Me too,' again. It's... nice. And weirdly, considering everything we've gone through and how far apart we'd got, it seems almost too easy. Not that I'm complaining. > Okay, Doyle says I'd better go have dinner with him now, so I'll say talk to you later without asking how things are at the office, since I promised Doyle I wasn't going to ask. To answer the question you didn't ask, everything is fine here. No crises that we haven't been able to handle. Wesley __________ To: Wesley: From: Angel Hi Wes. > > That's an idea. I'll bet you're fun when you're drunk. > I haven't noticed much fun when I've drank to the point of being drunk, but then again I wouldn't be the most reliable witness in such situations, as I would by definition be drunk at the time. We could get one of those video cameras and tape you? When you were drunk, I mean. Then at least you'd know. > > Do you really spend all that much time figuring out how I react to stuff? > I'm afraid I do. Rather an ingrained habit by now; I doubt I could stop easily. Well you don't HAVE to. By which I mean, you don't have to do it. Maybe it's too much pressure, or something? People can train themselves out of bad habits, right? This is the place where you reassure me that they can, because if not, I don't stand a chance in hell of being able to work things out with Doyle. I'm kidding mostly. > > What kinds of things WOULD be? Healthy for you, I mean? > A change of profession? Not that that's a serious option, even if I wanted to. Of course it's an option. If you'd be happier, then you should do it. What kind of thing would be good? > > > I'll mention it to the others then. Maybe I'll even see if they'd want to go out for a drink with me now. > > That sounds like a really good idea. It's good to talk to other people outside the office, you know? I mean, people that you usually see inside the office. > We have all got out of the habit, haven't we? Not just you and me, but everybody. Yeah. Different schedule, longer hours -- well, longer officially anyway. Getting settled into a new routine is a lot of work all on its own. Maybe now that things are a little less crazy, we'll get back into the habit? > > I know I'm not an all night, all the time kind of vampire anymore, but I still have habits that might be bad for the people who're stuck with me, you know? > The brooding for one, you might want to work on. I'm trying. Believe me. > > And I know you've made sacrifices. A lot. And I appreciate it. > Thank you. That... It means a lot, hearing that from you. I just wish there was something I could do to make stuff better for you. > > Didn't you ever feel resentful? > Of what? Helping you? No, never. Working with you, helping you, that has always been my choice. It's really the first thing I could truly say that about. But still... I mean, even if you made the choice, that doesn't mean you always had to be happy about the way things went. It's okay to feel resentful. If you do, I'd rather you say it. You know? > > > > Do you think we could get it back? Without the Connor part, I mean, since obviously that's never going to happen again. > > > I think we already are. > > You're better with words than I am, I guess, because I'm right back at 'Me too,' again. > It's... nice. And weirdly, considering everything we've gone through and how far apart we'd got, it seems almost too easy. Not that I'm complaining. You mean maybe we're just fooling ourselves? It doesn't feel like that to me. But then, I could be wrong. > > Okay, Doyle says I'd better go have dinner with him now, so I'll say talk to you later without asking how things are at the office, since I promised Doyle I wasn't going to ask. > To answer the question you didn't ask, everything is fine here. No crises that we haven't been able to handle. Good. I'm thinking we're maybe going to come back a few days earlier than planned anyway. I think Doyle's coming down with something, or maybe he ate a bad clam and got food poisoning, I don't know. Last night he didn't look right -- kind of pale and funny, even though he insisted he was fine -- and then this morning he hardly touched his breakfast, which isn't like him. And right now he's taking a nap. I don't think he meant to... we were talking, and he curled up on the couch with his head in my lap, and next thing I knew he was asleep. Maybe there's such a thing as too much fresh air? I don't know. I'm a little worried. It's probably nothing, but... Anyway, talk to you soon. Take care. - Angel __________ To:Wesley From: Doyle Hi Wes > > > It's not so much that I don't want to -- which isn't to say that I do. It's more that I'm not sure it's a good idea. > > How is it not a good idea? Beyond the obvious of oversharing I mean. > Yes, that's it exactly, I think. There are details that one isn't meant to share with friends. It doesn't mean that you aren't close, just that the possibility exists that someone might become uncomfortable. Well I wasn't about to go spouting off all the intimate details in Wolfram and Hart's lobby or anything. People are going to have to ask before they get the good stuff. ;-) > > Who ever thought waking up one morning and finding yourself green with blue spines would actually be considered training? > No one, I'm sure. And I'd imagine you're the only person for whom that particular experience has actually come in handy. It's been pretty hard to find a support group or anything, yeah. > > > You seem to be handling it all very well. Better than most people would, I'm sure. > > Considering the alternatives were either being bodiless and stuck in a computer or bodiless and dead, this isn't so bad. Keeping that kind of thought in mind helps put everything into perspective. > I can certainly say in all honesty that I'm grateful you're here, regardless of what happened to make that the case. Both for myself and for Angel. Thanks. Always nice to be wanted. :-) > > > Does Angel 'freak on you'? Or do you try not to talk about it at this point? > > Angel doesn't freak so much as fall back into taking the blame for everything that happens in his vicinity. Also, I don't want him thinking so much about it that all he sees is the problem and not *me*, if you know what I mean. > I suppose I can see that, yes. I'm sure things will get easier over time. Yeah, I'm sure they will. Give us a few months -- possibly years -- and we'll look on all this as normal. Yeah, probably not. > > Thank you. But really there's nothing really about this that's a deep dark secret. Or if there is, it's a deep dark secret to me too. > I'd just hate to get in between the two of you -- for you to be sharing something with me because you felt it was too difficult to share it with him. I don't want to take anything away from him, you see. Well, not that I could in this case, but... I'm sure you understand. It doesn't have to be an either or situation, y'know. I can talk to Angel *and* talk to you. > > Probably not. So what should I be doing then to make you smile? > Just be yourself. It's good to have someone to talk to, someone who knows everything and understands, and especially someone who knows Angel so well. Being myself I can do. Given the whole new body thing, that may be an accomplishment all by itself. But whatever body I'm wearing, I'm always going to be willing to listen. > > Or you for that matter. You thought about taking some time off? > Angel and I have been talking about that, actually. First he suggested that I take a vacation, and then when I said I thought it would be a rather solitary activity, he thought I should take Gunn along with me. It was hard to explain to him that that really wouldn't make for the best experience. At this point we've settled on all of us trying to go out for a drink when the two of you get back. Sounds like fun. I haven't forgotten about us talking about going out for a beer. Dragging Angel along will be... an accomplishment. I never was able to get him to go out for a drink with me back when I was alive the first time. And believe you me I tried. > And I'm going to see if anyone would like to go for one tonight too, although I'm busy both trying not to get my hopes up and worrying that it might not turn out the way I'd like it to. Or it could turn out to be a great evening. But either way, let me know? > > > That I'm envious of your and Angel's happiness? I know that's a terrible thing to think, let alone to say, but it's there. I'm sorry. > > It isn't terrible at all. Just human. > Terribly human. And I'm truly pleased that the two of you are happy. I don't begrudge you that at all. I know. But thank you. > > When we get back, we'll work on getting you some happiness of your own, okay? > I don't think it's the sort of thing you can work at exactly. But I appreciate the sentiment. We'll start with that going out for a drink. Then we'll take it from there. > I'll talk to you soon. Count on it. Doyle __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. > > Yes, that's it exactly, I think. There are details that one isn't meant to share with friends. It doesn't mean that you aren't close, just that the possibility exists that someone might become uncomfortable. > Well I wasn't about to go spouting off all the intimate details in Wolfram and Hart's lobby or anything. People are going to have to ask before they get the good stuff. ;-) Yes, I understand. I suppose I should be grateful that you're capable of being so discreet. (Again, I'm smiling.) > > > Considering the alternatives were either being bodiless and stuck in a computer or bodiless and dead, this isn't so bad. Keeping that kind of thought in mind helps put everything into perspective. > > I can certainly say in all honesty that I'm grateful you're here, regardless of what happened to make that the case. Both for myself and for Angel. > Thanks. Always nice to be wanted. :-) I'm very glad of your friendship. > > > Angel doesn't freak so much as fall back into taking the blame for everything that happens in his vicinity. Also, I don't want him thinking so much about it that all he sees is the problem and not *me*, if you know what I mean. > > I suppose I can see that, yes. I'm sure things will get easier over time. > Yeah, I'm sure they will. Give us a few months -- possibly years -- and we'll look on all this as normal. Yeah, probably not. Probably not. But at least in that amount of time you should expect for things to settle down and become less stressful. > > I'd just hate to get in between the two of you -- for you to be sharing something with me because you felt it was too difficult to share it with him. I don't want to take anything away from him, you see. Well, not that I could in this case, but... I'm sure you understand. > It doesn't have to be an either or situation, y'know. I can talk to Angel *and* talk to you. I know. As long as you *are* doing both. > > Just be yourself. It's good to have someone to talk to, someone who knows everything and understands, and especially someone who knows Angel so well. > Being myself I can do. Given the whole new body thing, that may be an accomplishment all by itself. But whatever body I'm wearing, I'm always going to be willing to listen. The same holds true on this end. Whenever you need to talk, I'll be here. > > Angel and I have been talking about that, actually. First he suggested that I take a vacation, and then when I said I thought it would be a rather solitary activity, he thought I should take Gunn along with me. It was hard to explain to him that that really wouldn't make for the best experience. At this point we've settled on all of us trying to go out for a drink when the two of you get back. > Sounds like fun. I haven't forgotten about us talking about going out for a beer. Dragging Angel along will be... an accomplishment. I never was able to get him to go out for a drink with me back when I was alive the first time. And believe you me I tried. I'm sure it was quite a challenge. Between the two of us -- with reinforcements -- we just might be able to manage it. > > And I'm going to see if anyone would like to go for one tonight too, although I'm busy both trying not to get my hopes up and worrying that it might not turn out the way I'd like it to. > Or it could turn out to be a great evening. But either way, let me know? It didn't pan out for last night -- scheduling conflicts -- but we're going to try again tonight. Wish us luck. > > Terribly human. And I'm truly pleased that the two of you are happy. I don't begrudge you that at all. > I know. But thank you. You're welcome. You both deserve it. > > I don't think it's the sort of thing you can work at exactly. But I appreciate the sentiment. > We'll start with that going out for a drink. Then we'll take it from there. All right. And by then who knows, there might be a nightly after-work drink routine already in place. No, not likely, I know. But one can always hope. How are you feeling? Angel said he thought you might have got a touch of food poisoning. - Wesley __________ To Angel From Wes Hello Angel, > > > That's an idea. I'll bet you're fun when you're drunk. > > I haven't noticed much fun when I've drank to the point of being drunk, but then again I wouldn't be the most reliable witness in such situations, as I would by definition be drunk at the time. > We could get one of those video cameras and tape you? When you were drunk, I mean. Then at least you'd know. Why, Angel, are you saying you want to get me drunk? But really, I doubt any video would be interesting. Just me sitting and drinking and getting progressively broodier. > > > Do you really spend all that much time figuring out how I react to stuff? > > I'm afraid I do. Rather an ingrained habit by now; I doubt I could stop easily. > Well you don't HAVE to. By which I mean, you don't have to do it. Maybe it's too much pressure, or something? People can train themselves out of bad habits, right? The problem being, I don't know if I consider spending time figuring you out a habit I want to break. > This is the place where you reassure me that they can, because if not, I don't stand a chance in hell of being able to work things out with Doyle. I'm kidding mostly. People -- even vampire people -- can change. And from where I am sitting, you and Doyle seem to be working things out just fine. > > > What kinds of things WOULD be? Healthy for you, I mean? > > A change of profession? Not that that's a serious option, even if I wanted to. > Of course it's an option. If you'd be happier, then you should do it. What kind of thing would be good? I have no idea really. But I fear this sort of profession is another ingrained habit. It's not exactly what I saw myself doing when I thought about it as a boy, but I'm still helping, still fighting those forces of darkness that threaten, if I can be that dramatic. In some ways this is better than being a Watcher would have been. > > > That sounds like a really good idea. It's good to talk to other people outside the office, you know? I mean, people that you usually see inside the office. > > We have all got out of the habit, haven't we? Not just you and me, but everybody. > Yeah. Different schedule, longer hours -- well, longer officially anyway. Getting settled into a new routine is a lot of work all on its own. Maybe now that things are a little less crazy, we'll get back into the habit? Do things ever get less crazy? Or is it just the type of craziness changes? Nonetheless making an effort at reconnecting wouldn't be a bad thing. > > > I know I'm not an all night, all the time kind of vampire anymore, but I still have habits that might be bad for the people who're stuck with me, you know? > > The brooding for one, you might want to work on. > I'm trying. Believe me. I'm sure Doyle is helping in that regard? > > > And I know you've made sacrifices. A lot. And I appreciate it. > > Thank you. That... It means a lot, hearing that from you. > I just wish there was something I could do to make stuff better for you. You are. This... reclaiming the friendship we had, it's made things far better than I can put into words. > > > Didn't you ever feel resentful? > > Of what? Helping you? No, never. Working with you, helping you, that has always been my choice. It's really the first thing I could truly say that about. > But still... I mean, even if you made the choice, that doesn't mean you always had to be happy about the way things went. It's okay to feel resentful. If you do, I'd rather you say it. You know? If I did, I would tell you, but I never have, not of helping you. > > > > > Do you think we could get it back? Without the Connor part, I mean, since obviously that's never going to happen again. > > > > I think we already are. > > > You're better with words than I am, I guess, because I'm right back at 'Me too,' again. > > It's... nice. And weirdly, considering everything we've gone through and how far apart we'd got, it seems almost too easy. Not that I'm complaining. > You mean maybe we're just fooling ourselves? It doesn't feel like that to me. But then, I could be wrong. I don't think we're fooling ourselves. It's just... it's going so well, so easily... I find myself waffling between waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering why we took so long to get here. > I'm thinking we're maybe going to come back a few days earlier than planned anyway. I think Doyle's coming down with something, or maybe he ate a bad clam and got food poisoning, I don't know. Last night he didn't look right -- kind of pale and funny, even though he insisted he was fine -- and then this morning he hardly touched his breakfast, which isn't like him. And right now he's taking a nap. I don't think he meant to... we were talking, and he curled up on the couch with his head in my lap, and next thing I knew he was asleep. Taking a nap while curled up with a lover while on vacation could just be Doyle taking advantage of said vacation. Is he complaining of any symptoms? It's possible he did get a bad clam as you said, but if it's only what you've mentioned here, it doesn't sound too serious. I wouldn't worry too much. > Maybe there's such a thing as too much fresh air? Not that I've ever heard of. > I don't know. I'm a little worried. It's probably nothing, but... If he isn't feeling better, then by all means come home. We can have the medical department here check him out, so they can confirm it's nothing and you can stop worrying. > Anyway, talk to you soon. Take care. You too. Both of you. Wesley __________ To: Wesley From: Angel Hi Wes. > > We could get one of those video cameras and tape you? When you were drunk, I mean. Then at least you'd know. > Why, Angel, are you saying you want to get me drunk? But really, I doubt any video would be interesting. Just me sitting and drinking and getting progressively broodier. Well, yeah. Because it could be fun. Not, you know, insanely drunk, but no matter what you say, I think when you're that drunk you're probably entertaining. I can't picture it making you all broody. Does it? > > Well you don't HAVE to. By which I mean, you don't have to do it. Maybe it's too much pressure, or something? People can train themselves out of bad habits, right? > The problem being, I don't know if I consider spending time figuring you out a habit I want to break. I... okay, somehow I think I'm supposed to have something pithy to say here. (Is pithy even a word? Does it mean what I think it means? A dictionary could be a thing.) Anyway... why? > > This is the place where you reassure me that they can, because if not, I don't stand a chance in hell of being able to work things out with Doyle. I'm kidding mostly. > People -- even vampire people -- can change. And from where I am sitting, you and Doyle seem to be working things out just fine. Yeah. Things are okay for now. I just worry. I've managed to destroy everything good that ever came into my life, pretty much, and I can't help but think that he's next in line. I feel sick just thinking about it. Which is why I try not to, since Doyle can tell when I'm getting upset about something. > > > A change of profession? Not that that's a serious option, even if I wanted to. > > Of course it's an option. If you'd be happier, then you should do it. What kind of thing would be good? > I have no idea really. But I fear this sort of profession is another ingrained habit. It's not exactly what I saw myself doing when I thought about it as a boy, but I'm still helping, still fighting those forces of darkness that threaten, if I can be that dramatic. In some ways this is better than being a Watcher would have been. But if you want to be doing something else... we can figure something out, Wes. Honest. > > > We have all got out of the habit, haven't we? Not just you and me, but everybody. > > Yeah. Different schedule, longer hours -- well, longer officially anyway. Getting settled into a new routine is a lot of work all on its own. Maybe now that things are a little less crazy, we'll get back into the habit? > Do things ever get less crazy? Or is it just the type of craziness changes? Hell, I don't know. But then, I try to figure I'm not a good example of what life is like for the world at large -- how could I be? What's crazy now? > Nonetheless making an effort at reconnecting wouldn't be a bad thing. Then we'll do it. As soon as Doyle and I get back, we should all sit down together and talk about it. Really talk, I mean. As much as we can. Ever think you'd hear me say something like that? > > > The brooding for one, you might want to work on. > > I'm trying. Believe me. > I'm sure Doyle is helping in that regard? He is, yeah. Partially because he distracts me, keeps me busy, and partially because he can tell when I'm brooding, and then HE gets upset. And I don't want that. So I think I'm better. Having him back... it's made a big difference. And I've got you to thank for it. Don't think I don't know that. > > I just wish there was something I could do to make stuff better for you. > You are. This... reclaiming the friendship we had, it's made things far better than I can put into words. Good. I'm glad. I know we've all been through a lot, but we deserve to be happy. There, see? All it takes for me to internalize something like that is for Doyle to repeat it a few hundred thousand times. > > > Working with you, helping you, that has always been my choice. It's really the first thing I could truly say that about. > > But still... I mean, even if you made the choice, that doesn't mean you always had to be happy about the way things went. It's okay to feel resentful. If you do, I'd rather you say it. You know? > If I did, I would tell you, but I never have, not of helping you. Okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad. It's good to know there's at least one thing I don't have to feel bad about. > > > It's... nice. And weirdly, considering everything we've gone through and how far apart we'd got, it seems almost too easy. Not that I'm complaining. > > You mean maybe we're just fooling ourselves? It doesn't feel like that to me. But then, I could be wrong. > I don't think we're fooling ourselves. It's just... it's going so well, so easily... I find myself waffling between waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering why we took so long to get here. I don't know either. I... you know that I care about you, right? I probably never said it the way I should have. Having you at my side all these years... it's meant a lot to me. That you had faith in me. That there was someone who chose to stick around and help. There's a lot that's happened between us, but I haven't stopped caring about you. I can't imagine doing that. > > I'm thinking we're maybe going to come back a few days earlier than planned anyway. I think Doyle's coming down with something, or maybe he ate a bad clam and got food poisoning, I don't know. Last night he didn't look right -- kind of pale and funny, even though he insisted he was fine -- and then this morning he hardly touched his breakfast, which isn't like him. And right now he's taking a nap. I don't think he meant to... we were talking, and he curled up on the couch with his head in my lap, and next thing I knew he was asleep. > Taking a nap while curled up with a lover while on vacation could just be Doyle taking advantage of said vacation. Is he complaining of any symptoms? It's possible he did get a bad clam as you said, but if it's only what you've mentioned here, it doesn't sound too serious. I wouldn't worry too much. He just says it's nothing, but I can tell he's downplaying it. Don't get me wrong -- I don't think it's anything serious, but I DO think we probably should have had him checked out after he ended up in Cordy's body. Stuff goes wrong sometimes... what if something did here, and he needs... I don't know, vitamins or something? Ending up in someone else's body can take a lot out of you, I know that from personal experience, and... Okay, I'm worried. I know it's probably nothing, but I'm worried. He's not eating like he should be, and he just seems... off. I can't really put it better than that. > > Maybe there's such a thing as too much fresh air? > Not that I've ever heard of. Hey, come on. Give me something to work with here. Has he said anything to you? > > I don't know. I'm a little worried. It's probably nothing, but... > If he isn't feeling better, then by all means come home. We can have the medical department here check him out, so they can confirm it's nothing and you can stop worrying. He keeps telling me he's fine, that it's nothing. I'll give him another day, and if he's not better, I'll insist that we head home. It's only a couple of days until we were going to leave now anyway. Thanks for listening. Some more reassurance wouldn't be out of place here. - Angel __________ To Wesley From Doyle > > Well I wasn't about to go spouting off all the intimate details in Wolfram and Hart's lobby or anything. People are going to have to ask before they get the good stuff. ;-) > Yes, I understand. I suppose I should be grateful that you're capable of being so discreet. (Again, I'm smiling.) Oh, I'm the very soul of discretion. Though if you do ever want to hear the good stuff... ;-) > > > I can certainly say in all honesty that I'm grateful you're here, regardless of what happened to make that the case. Both for myself and for Angel. > > Thanks. Always nice to be wanted. :-) > I'm very glad of your friendship. That's mutual. In case you hadn't figured that out already. > > > I suppose I can see that, yes. I'm sure things will get easier over time. > > Yeah, I'm sure they will. Give us a few months -- possibly years -- and we'll look on all this as normal. Yeah, probably not. > Probably not. But at least in that amount of time you should expect for things to settle down and become less stressful. Yeah, because the kind of lives we lead are usually so stress free. I'm sure we'll all get used to it. I got used -- mostly -- to turning green and spiny every time I sneezed, this is just a matter of degree. > > > I'd just hate to get in between the two of you -- for you to be sharing something with me because you felt it was too difficult to share it with him. I don't want to take anything away from him, you see. Well, not that I could in this case, but... I'm sure you understand. > > It doesn't have to be an either or situation, y'know. I can talk to Angel *and* talk to you. > I know. As long as you *are* doing both. Believe me, I've made a career out of talking to Angel. And getting him to talk to me. Quite literally a career of it before I died. Now it's more personal. But at least I've got all this experience behind me. > > But whatever body I'm wearing, I'm always going to be willing to listen. > The same holds true on this end. Whenever you need to talk, I'll be here. Thanks. Always good to know there's a friendly ear out there when you need it. > > Sounds like fun. I haven't forgotten about us talking about going out for a beer. Dragging Angel along will be... an accomplishment. I never was able to get him to go out for a drink with me back when I was alive the first time. And believe you me I tried. > I'm sure it was quite a challenge. Between the two of us -- with reinforcements -- we just might be able to manage it. A worthy goal to shoot for. I'm hoping using my feminine wiles (and having feminine wiles is a novelty that's taking some getting used to, believe me!) will help tip the scales on this one. But reinforcements are always welcome. > > > And I'm going to see if anyone would like to go for one tonight too, although I'm busy both trying not to get my hopes up and worrying that it might not turn out the way I'd like it to. > > Or it could turn out to be a great evening. But either way, let me know? > It didn't pan out for last night -- scheduling conflicts -- but we're going to try again tonight. Wish us luck. All the luck I can. So how did it go? > > > Terribly human. And I'm truly pleased that the two of you are happy. I don't begrudge you that at all. > > I know. But thank you. > You're welcome. You both deserve it. I think that's the part that's taking the most getting used to -- the idea that I might actually deserve to find this kind of happiness -- weird, crazy and completely unbelievable but happiness nonetheless. I spent so much time feeling like I was doing a penance that would never be fully paid, it sometimes feels like I'm missing something. And my dark and sordid past is nothing compared to Angel's so it's little wonder he's having problems letting go of it. > > > I don't think it's the sort of thing you can work at exactly. But I appreciate the sentiment. > > We'll start with that going out for a drink. Then we'll take it from there. > All right. And by then who knows, there might be a nightly after-work drink routine already in place. No, not likely, I know. But one can always hope. Sounds like a tradition that is worth working towards if you ask me. > How are you feeling? Angel said he thought you might have got a touch of food poisoning. Angel's a big old worry wart. But yeah, stomach's been just a bit unhappy with me the last day or so, nothing serious as I keep telling Angel. Not that he's listening. He's making noises about cutting our vacation short so he can drag me back to be poked and prodded. I'm counting on you to be the sane rational one here and help me talk him out of it. Doyle. __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. > > > Well I wasn't about to go spouting off all the intimate details in Wolfram and Hart's lobby or anything. People are going to have to ask before they get the good stuff. ;-) > > Yes, I understand. I suppose I should be grateful that you're capable of being so discreet. (Again, I'm smiling.) > Oh, I'm the very soul of discretion. Though if you do ever want to hear the good stuff... ;-) To be perfectly honest, I doubt that will happen. > > I'm very glad of your friendship. > That's mutual. In case you hadn't figured that out already. Thank you. I'm absurdly pleased that you feel that way. I can't imagine that Angel and I would have worked things out between us if you hadn't been here, so I owe you for that as well. > > > Yeah, I'm sure they will. Give us a few months -- possibly years -- and we'll look on all this as normal. Yeah, probably not. > > Probably not. But at least in that amount of time you should expect for things to settle down and become less stressful. > Yeah, because the kind of lives we lead are usually so stress free. There's stress and then there's stress. If you've a strong relationship as your base, I'd imagine that the "normal" stress of the sorts of lives we lead don't seem as bad. > I'm sure we'll all get used to it. I got used -- mostly -- to turning green and spiny every time I sneezed, this is just a matter of degree. Exactly. Your attitude there is just right, I think. > > > It doesn't have to be an either or situation, y'know. I can talk to Angel *and* talk to you. > > I know. As long as you *are* doing both. > Believe me, I've made a career out of talking to Angel. And getting him to talk to me. Quite literally a career of it before I died. Now it's more personal. But at least I've got all this experience behind me. You're certainly better at it than anyone else is. Cordelia managed occasionally, but I think it was more that she bullied him into it, and I suspect that was a less effective method in the long run. I'm just glad he has someone he can open up to that much. It's important for him. > > The same holds true on this end. Whenever you need to talk, I'll be here. > Thanks. Always good to know there's a friendly ear out there when you need it. There is. > > > Sounds like fun. I haven't forgotten about us talking about going out for a beer. Dragging Angel along will be... an accomplishment. I never was able to get him to go out for a drink with me back when I was alive the first time. And believe you me I tried. > > I'm sure it was quite a challenge. Between the two of us -- with reinforcements -- we just might be able to manage it. > A worthy goal to shoot for. I'm hoping using my feminine wiles (and having feminine wiles is a novelty that's taking some getting used to, believe me!) will help tip the scales on this one. But reinforcements are always welcome. He seems to think that getting me drunk and videotaping my behavior will be entertaining for some reason, so perhaps we can use that to our advantage. > > > Or it could turn out to be a great evening. But either way, let me know? > > It didn't pan out for last night -- scheduling conflicts -- but we're going to try again tonight. Wish us luck. > All the luck I can. So how did it go? Fine. Lorne and Gunn and I went out and had a few drinks. Nothing serious, and the conversation was mostly about work, but still, it was something. > > You're welcome. You both deserve it. > I think that's the part that's taking the most getting used to -- the idea that I might actually deserve to find this kind of happiness -- weird, crazy and completely unbelievable but happiness nonetheless. I spent so much time feeling like I was doing a penance that would never be fully paid, it sometimes feels like I'm missing something. And my dark and sordid past is nothing compared to Angel's so it's little wonder he's having problems letting go of it. You'll be fine. I'm sure of it, because I find it totally unacceptable to think that either of you would have to go through anything else. It's only fair that you're happy together now. > > All right. And by then who knows, there might be a nightly after-work drink routine already in place. No, not likely, I know. But one can always hope. > Sounds like a tradition that is worth working towards if you ask me. I consider the first attempt a mild success, so that's something. > > How are you feeling? Angel said he thought you might have got a touch of food poisoning. > Angel's a big old worry wart. Yes, I'll grant you that, he is. Where people he cares about are concerned, at least. > But yeah, stomach's been just a bit unhappy with me the last day or so, nothing serious as I keep telling Angel. Not that he's listening. He's making noises about cutting our vacation short so he can drag me back to be poked and prodded. Make sure you're only drinking bottled water -- sometimes the local water in an area can bother people who aren't used to it. That might be enough to make a difference right there, although if you *have* picked up something, chances are good that it will take a while to clear. Make sure you get enough sleep. > I'm counting on you to be the sane rational one here and help me talk him out of it. I did tell him that it's probably nothing, if that's any consolation. On the other hand, if you start feeling worse, I know you'll be responsible and say so that you can come home and get yourself taken care of, no matter how unattractive the thought of poking and prodding is. I hope you're feeling better by the time you get this. - Wesley __________ To Wesley From Doyle Hi Wes, > > Oh, I'm the very soul of discretion. Though if you do ever want to hear the good stuff... ;-) > To be perfectly honest, I doubt that will happen. Maybe after Angel gets you drunk... > > > I'm very glad of your friendship. > > That's mutual. In case you hadn't figured that out already. > Thank you. I'm absurdly pleased that you feel that way. I can't imagine that Angel and I would have worked things out between us if you hadn't been here, so I owe you for that as well. Ah, I'm sure you would've eventually. May have involved being locked together in a closet or something -- and don't think that didn't cross my mind as a possible solution at some points -- but I'm sure you would've got your collective heads out of your collective arses at some point. > > > > Yeah, I'm sure they will. Give us a few months -- possibly years -- and we'll look on all this as normal. Yeah, probably not. > > > Probably not. But at least in that amount of time you should expect for things to settle down and become less stressful. > > Yeah, because the kind of lives we lead are usually so stress free. > There's stress and then there's stress. If you've a strong relationship as your base, I'd imagine that the "normal" stress of the sorts of lives we lead don't seem as bad. Strong relationship huh? I guess I do have that now, huh? Been a while since the last time I could claim that. > > I'm sure we'll all get used to it. I got used -- mostly -- to turning green and spiny every time I sneezed, this is just a matter of degree. > Exactly. Your attitude there is just right, I think. I seem to be getting some of these things right this time around. :-) > > Believe me, I've made a career out of talking to Angel. And getting him to talk to me. Quite literally a career of it before I died. Now it's more personal. But at least I've got all this experience behind me. > You're certainly better at it than anyone else is. Cordelia managed occasionally, but I think it was more that she bullied him into it, and I suspect that was a less effective method in the long run. I'm just glad he has someone he can open up to that much. It's important for him. The trick, I've found, is to just ignore his (many) attempts at stopping the conversation. Eventually he starts talking back to get me to shut up for a minute or two. Though he's developed a few new techniques to do that now too. ;-) > > > > Sounds like fun. I haven't forgotten about us talking about going out for a beer. Dragging Angel along will be... an accomplishment. I never was able to get him to go out for a drink with me back when I was alive the first time. And believe you me I tried. > > > I'm sure it was quite a challenge. Between the two of us -- with reinforcements -- we just might be able to manage it. > > A worthy goal to shoot for. I'm hoping using my feminine wiles (and having feminine wiles is a novelty that's taking some getting used to, believe me!) will help tip the scales on this one. But reinforcements are always welcome. > He seems to think that getting me drunk and videotaping my behavior will be entertaining for some reason, so perhaps we can use that to our advantage. He seems to be loosening up more than I thought. Is there something unusual about you while you're drunk that has him so curious? > > So how did it go? > Fine. Lorne and Gunn and I went out and had a few drinks. Nothing serious, and the conversation was mostly about work, but still, it was something. You gotta start somewhere. Sounds like it was a pretty good first step. > > > You're welcome. You both deserve it. > > I think that's the part that's taking the most getting used to -- the idea that I might actually deserve to find this kind of happiness -- weird, crazy and completely unbelievable but happiness nonetheless. I spent so much time feeling like I was doing a penance that would never be fully paid, it sometimes feels like I'm missing something. And my dark and sordid past is nothing compared to Angel's so it's little wonder he's having problems letting go of it. > You'll be fine. I'm sure of it, because I find it totally unacceptable to think that either of you would have to go through anything else. It's only fair that you're happy together now. Listen to you. We'll make an optimist out of you yet. ;-) > > > All right. And by then who knows, there might be a nightly after-work drink routine already in place. No, not likely, I know. But one can always hope. > > Sounds like a tradition that is worth working towards if you ask me. > I consider the first attempt a mild success, so that's something. It is. So does Angel want to videotape the others drunk as well or is it just a drunk Wesley that he has a fixation on? > > > How are you feeling? Angel said he thought you might have got a touch of food poisoning. > > Angel's a big old worry wart. > Yes, I'll grant you that, he is. Where people he cares about are concerned, at least. Still working on the optimist thing with him. > > But yeah, stomach's been just a bit unhappy with me the last day or so, nothing serious as I keep telling Angel. Not that he's listening. He's making noises about cutting our vacation short so he can drag me back to be poked and prodded. > Make sure you're only drinking bottled water -- sometimes the local water in an area can bother people who aren't used to it. That might be enough to make a difference right there, although if you *have* picked up something, chances are good that it will take a while to clear. Make sure you get enough sleep. I've been doing that the last few days at least. Angel can be very soothing when he puts his mind to it. Can have me dropping off with just a few minutes when he tries. It's almost embarrassing. > > I'm counting on you to be the sane rational one here and help me talk him out of it. > I did tell him that it's probably nothing, if that's any consolation. Thank you. > On the other hand, if you start feeling worse, I know you'll be responsible and say so that you can come home and get yourself taken care of, no matter how unattractive the thought of poking and prodding is. Okay, now you're starting to sound like him. > I hope you're feeling better by the time you get this. I'm not feeling any worse. Doyle. __________ To: Doyle From: Wesley Hello Doyle. > > > Though if you do ever want to hear the good stuff... ;-) > > To be perfectly honest, I doubt that will happen. > Maybe after Angel gets you drunk... Is there some reason you're so interested in sharing those personal details? Let me add, as an attempt to deflect the typical problem of written correspondence, that I'm not upset, merely curious. > > Thank you. I'm absurdly pleased that you feel that way. I can't imagine that Angel and I would have worked things out between us if you hadn't been here, so I owe you for that as well. > Ah, I'm sure you would've eventually. May have involved being locked together in a closet or something -- and don't think that didn't cross my mind as a possible solution at some points -- but I'm sure you would've got your collective heads out of your collective arses at some point. Possibly, but I find it difficult to believe. Either way, I'm grateful. > > > Yeah, because the kind of lives we lead are usually so stress free. > > There's stress and then there's stress. If you've a strong relationship as your base, I'd imagine that the "normal" stress of the sorts of lives we lead don't seem as bad. > Strong relationship huh? I guess I do have that now, huh? Been a while since the last time I could claim that. It certainly seems strong from where I'm standing. (Or sitting, as the case may be.) You're both so committed to making things work out. I do think that's necessary for a successful relationship -- the ability to acknowledge that there are hard times, downswings as well as up. > > Exactly. Your attitude there is just right, I think. > I seem to be getting some of these things right this time around. :-) Most of them, I'd say. > > You're certainly better at it than anyone else is. Cordelia managed occasionally, but I think it was more that she bullied him into it, and I suspect that was a less effective method in the long run. I'm just glad he has someone he can open up to that much. It's important for him. > The trick, I've found, is to just ignore his (many) attempts at stopping the conversation. Eventually he starts talking back to get me to shut up for a minute or two. Though he's developed a few new techniques to do that now too. ;-) I can see why Cordelia had some luck then -- she did have a talent for ignoring what one said if it didn't suit her purpose. She must have put it to good use with Angel. > > > A worthy goal to shoot for. I'm hoping using my feminine wiles (and having feminine wiles is a novelty that's taking some getting used to, believe me!) will help tip the scales on this one. But reinforcements are always welcome. > > He seems to think that getting me drunk and videotaping my behavior will be entertaining for some reason, so perhaps we can use that to our advantage. > He seems to be loosening up more than I thought. Is there something unusual about you while you're drunk that has him so curious? He seems to think so, but no. It depends on the situation, really, but... well, alcohol is a depressant, and for the most part, that's what it does. There are exceptions -- or there have been, in the past -- but in general I tend to do a remarkable job of imitating certain brooding vampires we both know and... we both know. > > Fine. Lorne and Gunn and I went out and had a few drinks. Nothing serious, and the conversation was mostly about work, but still, it was something. > You gotta start somewhere. Sounds like it was a pretty good first step. Yes, it was fine. At least we managed to talk outside the office, so it's an improvement. > > > I think that's the part that's taking the most getting used to -- the idea that I might actually deserve to find this kind of happiness -- weird, crazy and completely unbelievable but happiness nonetheless. I spent so much time feeling like I was doing a penance that would never be fully paid, it sometimes feels like I'm missing something. And my dark and sordid past is nothing compared to Angel's so it's little wonder he's having problems letting go of it. > > You'll be fine. I'm sure of it, because I find it totally unacceptable to think that either of you would have to go through anything else. It's only fair that you're happy together now. > Listen to you. We'll make an optimist out of you yet. ;-) Do you think so? I used to fancy myself quite an optimist actually, on the outside at least, but I fear those days are long gone. > It is. So does Angel want to videotape the others drunk as well or is it just a drunk Wesley that he has a fixation on? As far as I know it's just me, but I could be wrong. We don't spend a lot of time talking about the others really, so perhaps the topic just hasn't come up as far as they're concerned. I'll try to remember to ask him. > > > Angel's a big old worry wart. > > Yes, I'll grant you that, he is. Where people he cares about are concerned, at least. > Still working on the optimist thing with him. He's worried about you. While I agree that he may be going overboard a bit with the current situation, I wouldn't try to convince him to stop worrying about you altogether. I don't blame him. > > Make sure you're only drinking bottled water -- sometimes the local water in an area can bother people who aren't used to it. That might be enough to make a difference right there, although if you *have* picked up something, chances are good that it will take a while to clear. Make sure you get enough sleep. > I've been doing that the last few days at least. Angel can be very soothing when he puts his mind to it. Can have me dropping off with just a few minutes when he tries. It's almost embarrassing. You may just be adjusting to being in Cordelia's body. She did spend a number of months in what amounted to stasis, after all, and that may have lowered her reserves, made your physical body a bit less capable of bouncing back when overtired. > > I did tell him that it's probably nothing, if that's any consolation. > Thank you. You're welcome. But I feel that it's only fair to point out that, if I felt it were necessary, I'd be standing right beside him insisting that you seek medical attention. We're both on your side, even if it feels as if we're being unreasonable. > > On the other hand, if you start feeling worse, I know you'll be responsible and say so that you can come home and get yourself taken care of, no matter how unattractive the thought of poking and prodding is. > Okay, now you're starting to sound like him. I hope not. I tend to use bigger words, for one thing. > > I hope you're feeling better by the time you get this. > I'm not feeling any worse. That's hardly reassuring. Please take care of yourself. - Wesley __________ To Angel From Wesley Hello Angel, > > Why, Angel, are you saying you want to get me drunk? But really, I doubt any video would be interesting. Just me sitting and drinking and getting progressively broodier. > Well, yeah. Because it could be fun. Not, you know, insanely drunk, but no matter what you say, I think when you're that drunk you're probably entertaining. I can't picture it making you all broody. Does it? When I drink to excess I usually seem to end up in a dark corner with a bottle of single malt or the equivalent, thinking dark thoughts. All right, I take it back. It's not that being drunk makes me all broody. It's that being drunk makes me imitate a certain broody vampire of my acquaintance. But if you truly want to see me drunk... I make no promises. But we can go out for a drink or two and see where that goes. > > The problem being, I don't know if I consider spending time figuring you out a habit I want to break. > I... okay, somehow I think I'm supposed to have something pithy to say here. (Is pithy even a word? Does it mean what I think it means? A dictionary could be a thing.) Anyway... why? Because you are someone that is more than necessary. You're unique. And despite everything you've been through you still continue to do what you can to help and to fight the good fight. I'm sure I would be fascinated by you even if I didn't consider you a friend. As for the pithy question: pitháy adj. pitháiáer, pitháiáest 1. Precisely meaningful; forceful and brief: a pithy comment. 2. Consisting of or resembling pith. Would you like the definition in any other languages as well? > > And from where I am sitting, you and Doyle seem to be working things out just fine. > Yeah. Things are okay for now. I just worry. I've managed to destroy everything good that ever came into my life, pretty much, and I can't help but think that he's next in line. You haven't. And you won't. I've seen the way Doyle looks at you, and I've certainly heard him when he talks about you. Do you really think there's anything you can do to scare him off? > I feel sick just thinking about it. Which is why I try not to, since Doyle can tell when I'm getting upset about something. Perhaps you should talk to him about this? > > I have no idea really. But I fear this sort of profession is another ingrained habit. It's not exactly what I saw myself doing when I thought about it as a boy, but I'm still helping, still fighting those forces of darkness that threaten, if I can be that dramatic. In some ways this is better than being a Watcher would have been. > But if you want to be doing something else... we can figure something out, Wes. Honest. I don't want to do anything else, Angel. But I'm beginning to wonder if you want me to do something else... > > > Yeah. Different schedule, longer hours -- well, longer officially anyway. Getting settled into a new routine is a lot of work all on its own. Maybe now that things are a little less crazy, we'll get back into the habit? > > Do things ever get less crazy? Or is it just the type of craziness changes? > Hell, I don't know. But then, I try to figure I'm not a good example of what life is like for the world at large -- how could I be? I don't think any of us have anything remotely approaching what would be considered a normal life by the world at large. > What's crazy now? Actually, things are remarkably calm right now, at least for us. I expect they would still seem rather crazy to, say, a typical schoolteacher from the American midwest. > > Nonetheless making an effort at reconnecting wouldn't be a bad thing. > Then we'll do it. As soon as Doyle and I get back, we should all sit down together and talk about it. Really talk, I mean. As much as we can. Ever think you'd hear me say something like that? It isn't the first thing I would predict you saying. Doyle's influence has been good for you. > > > > The brooding for one, you might want to work on. > > > I'm trying. Believe me. > > I'm sure Doyle is helping in that regard? > He is, yeah. Partially because he distracts me, keeps me busy, and partially because he can tell when I'm brooding, and then HE gets upset. And I don't want that. So I think I'm better. Having him back... it's made a big difference. I'm glad. > And I've got you to thank for it. Don't think I don't know that. Doyle is an extraordinary individual. I'm glad to have been of whatever assistance I have been. > > > I just wish there was something I could do to make stuff better for you. > > You are. This... reclaiming the friendship we had, it's made things far better than I can put into words. > Good. I'm glad. I know we've all been through a lot, but we deserve to be happy. There, see? All it takes for me to internalize something like that is for Doyle to repeat it a few hundred thousand times. That you have at all means there's hope for anyone. > > > > Working with you, helping you, that has always been my choice. It's really the first thing I could truly say that about. > > > But still... I mean, even if you made the choice, that doesn't mean you always had to be happy about the way things went. It's okay to feel resentful. If you do, I'd rather you say it. You know? > > If I did, I would tell you, but I never have, not of helping you. > Okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad. It's good to know there's at least one thing I don't have to feel bad about. On the contrary, you've done a lot of things you should feel extremely good about. > > > > It's... nice. And weirdly, considering everything we've gone through and how far apart we'd got, it seems almost too easy. Not that I'm complaining. > > > You mean maybe we're just fooling ourselves? It doesn't feel like that to me. But then, I could be wrong. > > I don't think we're fooling ourselves. It's just... it's going so well, so easily... I find myself waffling between waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering why we took so long to get here. > I don't know either. I... you know that I care about you, right? I probably never said it the way I should have. Having you at my side all these years... it's meant a lot to me. That you had faith in me. That there was someone who chose to stick around and help. There's a lot that's happened between us, but I haven't stopped caring about you. I can't imagine doing that. Thank you. I know I've made mistakes -- some with horrible consequences -- things I would give anything to be able to take back. It means a lot to me that after everything that has happened, you can still say that. It's the same for me, I hope you realise. That I care for you, I mean. You had faith in me and gave me a chance when no one else would -- when I wasn't sure I had faith in myself. I don't know if I've ever been able to convey just how grateful I am for that. > > Taking a nap while curled up with a lover while on vacation could just be Doyle taking advantage of said vacation. Is he complaining of any symptoms? It's possible he did get a bad clam as you said, but if it's only what you've mentioned here, it doesn't sound too serious. I wouldn't worry too much. > He just says it's nothing, but I can tell he's downplaying it. Don't get me wrong -- I don't think it's anything serious, but I DO think we probably should have had him checked out after he ended up in Cordy's body. Stuff goes wrong sometimes... what if something did here, and he needs... I don't know, vitamins or something? Ending up in someone else's body can take a lot out of you, I know that from personal experience, and... Okay, I'm worried. I know it's probably nothing, but I'm worried. He's not eating like he should be, and he just seems... off. I can't really put it better than that. We'll have medical check him out when you get back. I'm sure it's nothing but it can't hurt to make certain. > > > Maybe there's such a thing as too much fresh air? > > Not that I've ever heard of. > Hey, come on. Give me something to work with here. Has he said anything to you? He mentioned having some stomach problems. I suggested he avoid local water and try to drink only the bottled kind; it's possible that that's all it is. > > > I don't know. I'm a little worried. It's probably nothing, but... > > If he isn't feeling better, then by all means come home. We can have the medical department here check him out, so they can confirm it's nothing and you can stop worrying. > He keeps telling me he's fine, that it's nothing. I'll give him another day, and if he's not better, I'll insist that we head home. It's only a couple of days until we were going to leave now anyway. That sounds like a prudent plan. > Thanks for listening. Some more reassurance wouldn't be out of place here. I'm sure he's fine, Angel. Even if Doyle has picked up a stomach bug or has come under the weather in some other way, I'm sure it's nothing that can't be taken care of quickly. Try to enjoy the rest of your vacation. Wesley __________ To: Wesley From: Angel Hi Wes. > > Well, yeah. Because it could be fun. Not, you know, insanely drunk, but no matter what you say, I think when you're that drunk you're probably entertaining. I can't picture it making you all broody. Does it? > When I drink to excess I usually seem to end up in a dark corner with a bottle of single malt or the equivalent, thinking dark thoughts. All right, I take it back. It's not that being drunk makes me all broody. It's that being drunk makes me imitate a certain broody vampire of my acquaintance. But if you truly want to see me drunk... I make no promises. But we can go out for a drink or two and see where that goes. Hey, if you're not comfortable with it, we won't do it. I thought it would be, you know, something to do. Loosen you up. Not that you're uptight. Okay, I should shut up now, shouldn't I. > > > The problem being, I don't know if I consider spending time figuring you out a habit I want to break. > > I... okay, somehow I think I'm supposed to have something pithy to say here. (Is pithy even a word? Does it mean what I think it means? A dictionary could be a thing.) Anyway... why? > Because you are someone that is more than necessary. You're unique. And despite everything you've been through you still continue to do what you can to help and to fight the good fight. I'm sure I would be fascinated by you even if I didn't consider you a friend. I'm... fascinating? I kind of like the idea of that. Thanks. > As for the pithy question: pitháy adj. pitháiáer, pitháiáest 1. Precisely meaningful; forceful and brief: a pithy comment. 2. Consisting of or resembling pith. Would you like the definition in any other languages as well? Nope, not necessary. And no, it didn't really mean what I thought it did. Guess I should leave the big words to you. > > Yeah. Things are okay for now. I just worry. I've managed to destroy everything good that ever came into my life, pretty much, and I can't help but think that he's next in line. > You haven't. And you won't. I've seen the way Doyle looks at you, and I've certainly heard him when he talks about you. Do you really think there's anything you can do to scare him off? Um... yeah. There probably is. I'm not being fatalistic or whatever, I just think it's true. He's said that that's not going to happen to him, and I... well, I want him so much that I can't imagine anything that would make me walk away. It'd take something pretty big to convince me that he'd be better off without me, and most of that's due to the fact that he's really good at making me believe that he wants me that much too. > > I feel sick just thinking about it. Which is why I try not to, since Doyle can tell when I'm getting upset about something. > Perhaps you should talk to him about this? We have, a little bit. But then HE gets upset too -- he tries to act like it doesn't bother him, but I can tell he's just, you know, suppressing it so that I can get it off my chest. So it seems cruel to keep bringing it up. > > But if you want to be doing something else... we can figure something out, Wes. Honest. > I don't want to do anything else, Angel. But I'm beginning to wonder if you want me to do something else... No. No, of course not. God, I don't even know what I'd do without you. Seriously. No. Do I need to say it a few more times? No. I don't want you doing anything else. > > > Do things ever get less crazy? Or is it just the type of craziness changes? > > Hell, I don't know. But then, I try to figure I'm not a good example of what life is like for the world at large -- how could I be? > I don't think any of us have anything remotely approaching what would be considered a normal life by the world at large. > > What's crazy now? > Actually, things are remarkably calm right now, at least for us. I expect they would still seem rather crazy to, say, a typical schoolteacher from the American midwest. Okay, fair enough. I still think a souled vampire is further away on the scale from normal than any human, but I get your point. > > > Nonetheless making an effort at reconnecting wouldn't be a bad thing. > > Then we'll do it. As soon as Doyle and I get back, we should all sit down together and talk about it. Really talk, I mean. As much as we can. Ever think you'd hear me say something like that? > It isn't the first thing I would predict you saying. Doyle's influence has been good for you. Yeah, I think so too. I've got the better end of the deal, that's for sure. > > > I'm sure Doyle is helping in that regard? > > He is, yeah. Partially because he distracts me, keeps me busy, and partially because he can tell when I'm brooding, and then HE gets upset. And I don't want that. So I think I'm better. Having him back... it's made a big difference. > I'm glad. Me too. I think. Most of the time. It's not that I LIKE brooding, so much as I'm just... used to it. It feels normal to me. But I'll do whatever he needs, you know? > > > You are. This... reclaiming the friendship we had, it's made things far better than I can put into words. > > Good. I'm glad. I know we've all been through a lot, but we deserve to be happy. There, see? All it takes for me to internalize something like that is for Doyle to repeat it a few hundred thousand times. > That you have at all means there's hope for anyone. Thanks a lot. > > Okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad. It's good to know there's at least one thing I don't have to feel bad about. > On the contrary, you've done a lot of things you should feel extremely good about. Most of the time it's easier to remember the bad stuff. Guess that's what the gypsies were thinking when they gave me the soul, huh? I do know there's been good stuff. > > I don't know either. I... you know that I care about you, right? I probably never said it the way I should have. Having you at my side all these years... it's meant a lot to me. That you had faith in me. That there was someone who chose to stick around and help. There's a lot that's happened between us, but I haven't stopped caring about you. I can't imagine doing that. > Thank you. I know I've made mistakes -- some with horrible consequences -- things I would give anything to be able to take back. It means a lot to me that after everything that has happened, you can still say that. It's the same for me, I hope you realise. That I care for you, I mean. You had faith in me and gave me a chance when no one else would -- when I wasn't sure I had faith in myself. I don't know if I've ever been able to convey just how grateful I am for that. You just needed someone to give you a chance, Wes. With the one exception, I came out on the better end of the deal, I think, and in the end I have to tell myself that even that worked out for the best. Really. > > He just says it's nothing, but I can tell he's downplaying it. Don't get me wrong -- I don't think it's anything serious, but I DO think we probably should have had him checked out after he ended up in Cordy's body. Stuff goes wrong sometimes... what if something did here, and he needs... I don't know, vitamins or something? Ending up in someone else's body can take a lot out of you, I know that from personal experience, and... Okay, I'm worried. I know it's probably nothing, but I'm worried. He's not eating like he should be, and he just seems... off. I can't really put it better than that. > We'll have medical check him out when you get back. I'm sure it's nothing but it can't hurt to make certain. It's still early, and I snuck out of bed to try to let him get some more sleep. He hardly ate anything at dinner last night, and he fell asleep right after we... you know. I don't know. I was going to wait and see how he was this morning. > > Has he said anything to you? > He mentioned having some stomach problems. I suggested he avoid local water and try to drink only the bottled kind; it's possible that that's all it is. I guess it could be. Hang on. Okay, I've gotta go. I heard him stirring in the bedroom and went in there just in time to catch him throwing up in the bathroom. That's it, I'm bringing him home whether he likes it or not -- he looks like hell, I think he's losing weight, and I don't care if it turns out to be nothing, I want to hear the doctor tell me he's okay. We'll leave as soon as we can get our stuff together. See you soon. - Angel Next Part Main Page Send Feedback