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Doyle: " Angel: "Hi, Doyle, it's... it's Angel."
Doyle: " Angel: " Doyle: " Angel: " Doyle: "This is going to be a real long
conversation, isn't it?"
Angel: "Sorry. I guess... I don't know
what to say."
Doyle: "It's good to hear your voice.
Even if you don't know what to say."
Angel: "Yeah, it's... it's good to hear
yours too."
Doyle: " Angel: " Doyle: "Yeah?"
Angel: "I'm sorry. For leaving. I mean...
I'm really, really sorry."
Doyle: "I know. It's okay. Well, not *okay*,
but you don't need to apologise anymore. Least to me."
Angel: "It feels like I should."
Doyle: "Yeah, well you still feel like
you should apologise for that whole Scourge of Europe thing. Sometimes you just
gotta move on. You're sorry. I know that. It's forgiven. Okay?"
Angel: "Okay. Okay... um... how are things?"
Doyle: "Not bad. Angel: "I miss you, too. A lot. More than
a lot."
Doyle: "Where are you, anyway?"
Angel: "About four hours north of you.
Um, if you're still in LA You are, right?"
Doyle: " Angel: "Oh, right. I kind of forgot about
the Wolfram and Hart thing. Yeah, I can honestly say the paperwork is one of
the few things I *don't* miss. Doyle: "He's... quiet."
Angel: "Yeah, you could say that again.
He still hasn't answered my last email. Do you think... he's really mad, isn't
he."
Doyle: "Mad, scared, hurt... Every time
I try to get him to talk about it he changes the subject or... well *changes*
the subject."
Angel: "How can I help?"
Doyle: "Talk to him? I know that that's
like asking you to endure torture with hot pokers, but --"
Angel: "I *was* talking to him. He's the
one who stopped. But... yeah, okay. I mean, I'll email him again and see what
happens."
Doyle: "See, that's where the problem
is -- you can't *stop* talking just because he does. I mean, look at me. Do
you think I would've wormed my way into your life if I'd actually listened when
you said you didn't want to talk?"
Angel: "Okay, you've got a point there.
I'll... I'll try. Okay?"
Doyle: "Thanks."
Angel: "Well it's not like I want him
to be miserable. And it's my fault all of this happened in the first place...
it's no wonder he's mad. And worried. I'd be worried about losing you, too,
if it was me."
Doyle: "*You're* not though, are you?
Worried?"
Angel: "No. Doyle: "What do you think?"
Angel: "You know, that kind of answer
doesn't score real high on the reassurance scale. Am I worried about losing
you? Yes. I probably always will be. You, and... and the baby."
Doyle: "Weird actually saying it out loud,
isn't it?"
Angel: "Yeah, it is. God, Doyle... Doyle: "Everything's going to be fine,
I promise. Angel: "Could you? I mean... would you?
I don't... it's not a nice place. Where I'm staying. I could get a hotel room
or something though, if you wanted to... or two rooms. Whatever you want."
Doyle: "Angel, you do remember what my
old apartment looked like, right?"
Angel: "Yeah... but that's different.
You're... you shouldn't have to see this place, you know? It's not... you just
shouldn't. I don't want you to."
Doyle: "I wouldn't be coming to see the
place. I'd be coming to see you."
Angel: "I don't want you to see me here.
I'll get you a room at the hotel up the street. Okay?"
Doyle: "I won't argue with you. You are
going to be staying with me though, right?"
Angel: "If you want me to? Yes. But you
don't have to decide right now. We might... you might need some time. I get
that. I don't want to rush you."
Doyle: "You're not rushing me. Trust me."
Angel: "Okay. Um... what about Wesley?"
Doyle: "I'll tell him where I'm going.
He'll understand, least as far as my having to do this. He probably won't like
it much though."
Angel: "It's just going to be one more
thing to hate me for, isn't it."
Doyle: "You leave Wes to me. About this
anyway."
Angel: "Are you sure? I mean, that you
want to do this? It's not that I don't want to see you -- I do. But I don't
want to make things harder on him than they already are."
Doyle: "I'm really feeling like I need
to see you. God, you have no idea how much I missed you..."
Angel: " Doyle: "Tell me where you are and I can
leave tonight."
Angel: "I'll email you directions. Are
you sure? I mean, really sure?"
Doyle: "Yeah. I'm sure already."
Angel: "Okay. Give me an hour to make
a couple of calls and email you everything, and... I'll see you tonight. Wow.
That sounds weird."
Doyle: "But good."
Angel: "Great, actually. Do me a favor?
Tell Wesley... well, tell him I say hi. And I miss him. Unless you think it'll
just make things worse."
Doyle: "I'll tell him. Angel: "I love you, too. And Doyle?"
Doyle: "Yeah?"
Angel: "Be careful, okay? On the way here,
I mean. I don't want anything to happen to you."
Doyle: "I will."
Angel had been waiting in the lobby of the hotel for almost an hour, which
was okay, since he'd arrived an hour early. He'd spent the first five minutes
checking in and getting the room key, and the next fifty-five alternately sitting
on a couch that was way too soft and getting up to pace. He was nervous. God,
he was nervous. He wanted to see Doyle so badly, and yet he couldn't help but
worry that he was going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing, or...
The automatic doors made the little clicking sound they made just before
they swooshed open, and Doyle came in.
He looked the same. Angel wasn't sure why he thought he wouldn't. He watched
as Doyle looked around the lobby, his eyes lighting up when they spotted Angel.
The next thing Angel knew, Doyle was across the room to where he was, kissing
him quite thoroughly.
He couldn't help but wrap his arms around Doyle and kiss him back, aware that
other people in the lobby were watching them and not caring at all. "God," he
gasped, running a hand up into Doyle's hair, which was slightly longer than the last time
he'd seen him, "Doyle."
Doyle grinned at him. "Figured I'd have us skip all the recriminations and 'do
you really want this?'s and get to the good stuff."
As much as he wanted to just stand there and kiss Doyle again and again,
Angel thought it probably wasn't the best idea. He smiled in a strained sort of way
and reached into his pocket. "I've got your room key," he said, offering it to Doyle.
"I thought... maybe you'd want to go up on your own, get settled...?"
"Among other things." Doyle's grin turned wicked.
"Okay." Angel pressed the card into Doyle's hand, sticking his own hands into
his pockets awkwardly. "I can hang out down here until you're done. Then maybe
we could go get something to eat? If you're hungry, I mean." He felt on display
and unsure of himself, but the last thing he wanted to do was crowd Doyle.
"Angel?"
"Yeah?" He tried to stop fidgeting and forced himself to look up into Doyle's
green eyes.
"One of the things I was hoping to do right now is you."
Angel dropped his gaze to the floor again. "Oh."
Doyle reached out and took his hand. "Now we could continue this discussion
here, but I don't know if you'd want to put on that much of a show. So it might be a
good idea for both of us to head upstairs, don't you think?"
"Yeah," Angel muttered, squeezing Doyle's hand a little bit tighter than he
probably should have. "Yeah, okay. Sorry."
He let Doyle lead him over to the elevators. "Relax," Doyle told him as he
pressed the up button.
"Sorry," Angel said again, managing to get his voice more normal this time.
"I'm trying. This is just... harder. Than I thought it would be." He wanted to run his
hands over Doyle's body, to feel for the differences, however slight, he knew were there.
"It's just me," Doyle told him, squeezing his hand. "I know you. Not much you can
do that would scare me off."
"I know."
It was like torture to wait for the elevator, and when it finally arrived and they
stepped in, the doors closing, Angel couldn't wait any more. He was trembling when
he asked, "Can I touch you? Just... please."
"Consider that something you never have to ask to do. You can always touch me."
Angel moved behind Doyle and pulled him gently back, an arm around his
waist, until Doyle's back was pressed to his front. Then he ran both hands over
Doyle's breasts -- fuller than they'd been before. He weighed them in his hands, rubbing
both thumbs over nipples that tightened in response to the attention.
He slid his right hand lower, down over the slight outward curve of Doyle's
abdomen, feeling how the muscles had shifted to accommodate what would come later. "I
love you," he murmured in Doyle's ear.
Doyle leaned back against him, eyes drifting closed. "Love you too," he
murmured back, a hand coming down to cover Angel's on his stomach.
"I'm so sorry." Angel thought that he'd keep repeating it for however
long it took for the guilt and shame to fade. "Doyle. I'm sorry."
His hand kept moving in tiny circles on Doyle's stomach, as if he was apologizing
to his child -- *his child*, *his* -- too.
"I know," Doyle responded softly. "It's okay."
"It's not. It's not okay." The elevator doors chimed a warning as the elevator
stopped moving, and Angel released Doyle quickly.
But Doyle deliberately reached out for Angel's arm and wrapped it around his
own waist again. "It is," he said, glancing up at Angel's face. "Or at least it will
be. Promise."
The doors opened, and Angel leaned down and kissed Doyle, just once,
softly, before they disentangled themselves enough to step out of the elevator. There was
a brief pause as they figured out which way to turn, and then they walked down
the hallway to the room.
"I hope you don't have any plans on going anywhere tonight," Doyle
said conversationally as they walked.
"Not as long as you want me here," Angel told him.
"I want you here." Another quick Doyle grin. "I'll prove it to ya when we
get somewhere private."
They reached the room, and Doyle used the key card to unlock the door. As soon
as it was unlocked, Angel used a hand in front of Doyle to keep him where he was
and went inside, checking around quickly to make sure the room was
unoccupied. "Okay," he said. "Come on."
Doyle chuckled as he followed him in. "That's a switch. You inviting me in."
"Yeah, well, you can't be too careful." Angel watched as Doyle closed the
door. "Make sure that's locked."
That earned him another amused, affectionate look, but Doyle also did as
Angel bade, checking the lock and putting the chain on as well. Leaning his back
against the door, he then regarded Angel fondly. "Now that I have you at my mercy..."
"I'll do anything," Angel said. "You know that, right?"
"Anything I ask you to, you're going to like, I promise," Doyle said, stalking
towards him.
Angel just waited there as Doyle approached him, watching him with a mild sense
of wonder and disbelief that they were actually there, together.
Doyle smiled when he reached Angel, reached up and caressed his cheek,
then leaned in and kissed him gently but lingeringly.
Almost immediately Angel felt himself get hard. God, the sweet pressure of
Doyle's body against his own... the smell of him... He knew that this could get out of
control very, very quickly, and he didn't want to care. But he did. "Wait," Angel said,
pulling back. "Wait, just... are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Kissing? Yeah."
"Okay," Angel said, and went back to it, being careful where he put his
hands because he still wasn't sure what was going on.
"You're allowed to take liberties, you know," Doyle murmured against his lips after
a few moments of this.
"I thought we were just kissing," Angel said.
"We are. This second. But we could be doing other things too." Doyle paused,
pulling back to look at Angel. "Or we can just talk if I'm pushing-"
Angel stopped him with another kiss. "Maybe we can do both?" he suggested,
letting some of his concern show on his face. "Are you okay? Tired?"
"I'm fine," Doyle replied quickly.
"Well, *I'm* tired," Angel lied, taking Doyle's hand and leading him over to the
bed. "Lie down with me? We don't... we don't have to do anything else."
"You can stop reassuring me that you're not going to molest me any time,"
Doyle said as he willingly let Angel lead him across the room.
He pulled Doyle down to sit beside him, then just wrapped his arms around him
and held on, breathing in the scent of Doyle. "God, I missed you."
Doyle sighed contentedly, snuggling closer. "Me too."
"Can we lie down?" Angel asked. "I just want to hold you for a while." Or
possibly forever.
"Yeah. I think I'd like that."
It didn't take long to get themselves comfortable -- they just kicked off their
shoes and pulled back the comforter, then lay down facing each other, Doyle safe in
Angel's arms. "Wesley's been taking good care of you?" Angel asked.
"We've been taking care of each other," Doyle replied. He ran his hand down
over Angel's chest to rest over his heart. "Still missed you."
The intimacy of the touch, and of Doyle's breath, warm against Angel's face,
left Angel feeling overwhelmed and shaky. He slid down in the bed, his arm still
wrapped around Doyle but the side of his face pressed to Doyle's chest so that he could
hear the reassuring rhythm of Doyle's heartbeat. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.
"I know." Doyle's fingers stroked through his hair.
For a long time they stayed like that, with Angel letting Doyle's warmth seep into
him. Then, almost without thinking about it, Angel slid down further and pushed
Doyle's sweatshirt up to bare his stomach, pressing an almost reverent kiss to the soft
skin there.
As soon as he'd done that, he wanted to do it again. And again. He brushed a
series of light kisses up along Doyle's stomach and over his ribs, flicking his tongue out
to taste the skin there, his hand sliding down Doyle's back to cup his ass.
"Love you," Doyle murmured softly, with the same reverence that Angel was feeling.
"Love you, too. Want to taste you. All of you." Angel got up onto his knees and
began to undress Doyle, moving slowly, leaving plenty of time for Doyle to stop or
redirect him if that was what he wanted to do.
Doyle showed no sign of wanting to stop; in fact, he stole whatever kisses
and touches he could during the process. But he didn't try to direct the proceedings
or anything, seeming content to let Angel do whatever he wanted.
When he had Doyle lying naked on the bed, Angel kissed his way down to the
curve of one breast, licking wide circles around the nipple until it was tight and Doyle
was making small sounds of encouragement. He kissed his way to the other breast
and gave it the same attention, loving the taste of Doyle's skin, more than happy to
tease Doyle for as long as he was allowed to do so.
Doyle made a sound halfway between a sigh and a purr and wriggled under
the attention. "Missed you," he said again, making the words almost a caress.
Strangely, that threatened to make Angel feel worse instead of better, but
he pushed those feelings aside and concentrated on Doyle, which really wasn't
hard at all. He even smiled at the quick intake of breath Doyle took when he
licked his nipple, and slid his hand down to Doyle's hip, gripping it gently.
"You can keep doing that," Doyle told him. "I won't stop you."
"If you do want me to stop, I will," Angel said. "The most important thing is that
you're happy. Whatever you want is what I want."
"And if I say I want you to be happy too?"
"Well, it's not like I'm going to argue." Angel smiled up at Doyle. "I just need to
know that *you* know that if you change your mind about anything, at any point, you
just have to say."
"Didn't we have this conversation the first time you got me naked?" Doyle grinned
at him.
"Things are different now," Angel said, looking down and tracing a circle
around Doyle's nipple with his fingertip.
Doyle touched his cheek, making him look up again. "Not that different. Promise."
"Actually, yeah. Pretty different. But it's okay." Curious to see Doyle's
response, Angel bent his head and sucked on one nipple firmly, moving his hand down to rub
a fingertip teasingly between Doyle's legs, paying careful attention to the way
Doyle reacted.
Doyle gasped, arching up into Angel's touch. "That's still the same..."
No more teasing -- Angel wanted to see Doyle's release, wanted to hear his
cries. Needed to remind himself what it was like, and prove to himself that what
was between them hadn't faded. He eased two fingers into Doyle, using his thumb
to press against the spot that would give Doyle the most pleasure, his tongue
circling Doyle's nipple wetly.
"God..." Doyle moaned, writhing under Angel's attentions. "Angel..."
"Yeah," Angel said. "Say my name." Doyle was slick and hot inside, tight
around Angel's fingers as they thrust deeper.
"Angel," Doyle obediently said again, moving under Angel's hand.
"Angel."
Angel had to taste Doyle's mouth again, so he kissed him, speeding up
the movement of his hand as his tongue met Doyle's. He felt possessive, his cock
hard and ready inside his slacks, his entire body aching for more of Doyle.
Doyle wrapped his arms around Angel's neck, holding him in place to
continue kissing him.
The grip Doyle had on him, as if he didn't want Angel pulling away, just turned
Angel on that much more. Their mouths moved together forcefully, and no matter
how many times Angel told himself to be gentle, it wasn't happening. He was
desperate for Doyle, wanting to thrust inside him with cock instead of fingers. He groaned
his frustration against Doyle's lips.
"Want you," Doyle murmured, only pulling back enough to speak before
devouring Angel's mouth again.
That was it -- Angel couldn't wait, and what was more, he didn't want to. He
pulled away for the few moments it took to strip off his clothes, Doyle's hands
distracting him with eager touches as he bared his skin, and then he rolled back down onto
the bed, taking Doyle with him until he was flat on his back with Doyle on top. They
were still kissing, touching each other wherever they could reach.
Doyle squirmed on top of Angel in a way that was probably illegal in some
countries, teasing them both with his closeness.
Reaching down to grab onto Doyle's waist, Angel lifted him easily, raising his
own head from the pillows so that they could keep kissing even as the tip of his
erection probed at Doyle's slick entrance. "Can we?" he gasped, pausing at the last
second. "It won't hurt you?"
"At this point, it might hurt me if you don't."
Angel thrust up into Doyle, going as deep as he could, both hands holding
Doyle steady as their bodies came to a shuddering moment in which they were both
still, shivering and gasping.
Doyle's eyes had closed but now he opened them, meeting Angel's gaze full
of emotion. "Angel?"
"Yeah?" It was an effort to say that much.
Doyle's mouth curled up into a wicked smile. "Fuck me."
So Angel pulled back, still holding onto Doyle's waist, and thrust, even deeper
than before if that was possible, the tight clench of Doyle's heat around him... Angel
had almost forgotten what this felt like, had tried to forget and failed, but now he
could remember all of it. He let his body take over, let it lead.
Doyle moved with him, small sounds of pleasure coming from his throat. The
entire time his gaze remained locked with Angel's, another connection between them.
Angel drove in again, harder this time. "Tell me if it's too much," he said. "Don't
let me..."
"You won't," Doyle told him then gasped. "Just like that, keep... just like that."
It would have taken every ounce of control Angel had to have stopped at that
point, so he was predictably grateful that he didn't have to. He kept moving, rocking
back and then thrusting forcefully up into Doyle again and again, feeling himself
getting closer and closer to orgasm with every thrust. "God, Doyle..."
Doyle was getting close too; Angel could see it in his eyes. At that moment
Angel wanted nothing more than to see Doyle come.
He slid a hand down between them, using his grip on Doyle's waist to guide
his movement, each rocking motion causing Doyle to moan softly now that he had
more direct stimulation. Angel gritted his teeth and focused on thrusting so that
those moans got closer together, slightly more high-pitched.
It didn't take much of that for Doyle to come with Angel's name on his lips, his
body shuddering with pleasure.
Angel began to move even more quickly, concentrating on his own pleasure now
that Doyle was gasping out the last of his. He pulled Doyle down for a breathless
kiss, fingers tangled in the short dark hair at the nape of Doyle's neck, and cried out as
he came too, the release rocketing through him and making his body arch like
he'd touched a live wire.
Doyle held him tightly through his climax, continued to do so as Angel slowly
came back down to earth.
He finally pushed Doyle a bit upright, one hand on each side of his face, looking
into those green eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Doyle smiled and leaned back in for another gentle kiss.
"I am now."
That just about melted Angel's heart. "Really?"
"Really." Doyle rested his head on Angel's shoulder, his body limp and sated on
top of him. "Don't go away again."
"I won't," Angel said, wrapping his arms around Doyle and holding on. "I
promise." He hesitated, then asked, "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Well, you're going back, right?" Angel didn't know why he even made it a
question. "How do I fit into that picture? I mean... where do you want me?"
Doyle raised his head to meet Angel's gaze again. "I want you with me. I want
you back home. I know it's not going to be easy, but -- "
"Hey, if it's what you want, we'll figure it out," Angel said soothingly, rubbing
Doyle's shoulder.
Doyle lay back down again. "I just can't see going back without you."
"And believe me, I'm not arguing," Angel said. "Except for the part where I wonder
if going back with me in tow is going to be the best thing for Wesley."
"It probably isn't." Doyle sighed. "But making you stay away isn't the best thing
for you."
Angel lifted his chin and kissed Doyle's hair. "Maybe I could follow you in a day
or two. Give you a little time to work things out with him?" He didn't like the idea
of being separated from Doyle at all, but if the best thing for Doyle was for there to
be as little stress as possible, then Angel figured it was his job not to create any extra.
Doyle shook his head, getting that stubborn look Angel knew so well. "You're
coming back with me."
"Okay, fine. I know better than to argue with you." Angel smiled gently. "At least
listen when I say that me waltzing into what Wesley thinks of as his territory will just
make things worse?"
"I was planning on just walking, save the waltzing for later."
"Good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor," Angel said,
swatting Doyle's ass.
"Ouch," Doyle said without heat.
Angel stroked his hand over the spot he'd just slapped. "Seriously, the last thing
you want is me walking into Cordy's -- *your* apartment like I've got a right to be
there. Trust me, Wesley's not gonna like it."
"You just said it -- it's *my* apartment, not Wesley's. If it's anybody's territory
it's mine." He tilted his head to the side. "And possibly Dennis', but you should be
able to make nice with him if you try."
Wondering for how long he should argue a point that he was sure he was
right about, Angel frowned. "Look, Doyle... you're right, it's your apartment, and it's up
to you. I'm just trying to tell you that I think this is going to make things harder
between me and Wesley."
"It'll put you on more equal footing," Doyle countered. He hesitated then added,
"If you actually keep your penthouse at Wolfram & Hart as your place. Wes has kept
his apartment."
Angel wasn't sure if that surprised him or not. "It's your choice," he repeated. "I
still think it'd be better if the first time Wes and I saw each other we were, I don't
know, somewhere neutral. But if you think this is the best way... I'll do whatever you
want." He owed Doyle that, and a hell of a lot more.
"You could write him before we go back," Doyle suggested. "Maybe even see if
he wants to meet you somewhere?"
"Yeah, okay. I could do that. Do you... do you want me to be the one to tell him?
That I'm coming back with you, I mean?"
Doyle gave that some thought. "It might be better coming from you. From me it
might sound more like an ultimatum or something."
"It kind of is," Angel pointed out. "I mean, you're the one calling the shots here,
and I'm pretty sure he knows it just as well as I do."
Now Doyle frowned. "I don't know if I like that."
Angel rolled them over so that they were on their sides, facing each other.
"You don't like having the two of us wrapped around your little finger?"
he asked, hoping that it would be clear from his tone that he was teasing. Mostly.
"I'm not sure how I got to be the one in charge."
"Well, I can't speak for Wesley, but for me it's because I'm crazy in love with you."
It felt good to say it.
That earned him a smile. "Likewise, ya know that."
Angel smiled back, running his fingers through Doyle's hair even though it was
too short to really get mussed. "I want to give you everything you need."
Doyle reached out and touched Angel's face. "I like that you're just a big
sap underneath all that brooding."
"A sap? Me?" Angel tried to look offended. "Well, maybe. But only where
you're concerned."
"Uh huh."
"Where a select few are concerned?" Angel let his fingers trace down along
Doyle's side, splaying his hand across Doyle's hip so that his thumb could rub over
Doyle's stomach. "Could we talk about... about the baby?"
"Sure," Doyle said, watching him carefully.
"I just..." Angel wasn't sure how to ask what he was thinking. "I want to know. Did
you think about... you know, sometimes people decide they don't want to..."
"No," Doyle said immediately. "Not seriously at least -- not in a way other than
'I'm not going to do that.'"
Something that had been tight in Angel's chest loosened. "Good," he said.
"I'm... that's good. I'm glad."
"I would've thought that you'd..." Doyle began. "When you left, that you'd
have wanted me to -- "
"No," Angel said quickly, moving so that Doyle had no choice but to look at him
and see how serious he was. "No. I just wanted you to be safe. Both of you."
Doyle took that in with a thoughtful expression but didn't speak.
"You don't believe me," Angel said flatly.
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to." Angel pulled his hand back, resolutely staying where he
was otherwise because he'd be damned if he was going to do anything that Doyle
could call running away.
"I didn't say it because it's not true," Doyle insisted.
Angel stayed totally still. "What, then? What are you thinking?" He was afraid
to know.
"I was thinking that it was just as much about protecting yourself as it was
protecting me... us."
"Oh," Angel said awkwardly after a minute. "Yeah." He knew he should
say something more, but he wasn't sure what. It wasn't like any of it could undo
what he'd done. "I don't know what you want me to say. That... that I don't know if I can
do this again? I don't."
Doyle leaned in and kissed him. "You're here. You're trying. That's enough for me."
"What if I fuck up?" Angel asked. "What if... if something happens to you? Or
the baby, because of me, because of what I am? I don't -- "
Doyle kissed him again, stopping his flow of words. "Life doesn't come
with guarantees. Just... opportunities."
Angel pulled Doyle closer, holding him tightly, burying his face in the curve
between neck and shoulder and inhaling Doyle's scent. He didn't want to let this
opportunity escape. He wouldn't. "I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever you want me to do."
"Just be present. Be involved." Doyle stroked Angel's hair. "Like I've been telling
ya since we first met."
Without lifting his head, Angel nodded. "I will. I'll try. And I won't leave again.
I promise."
"Good."
Angel ran his hand down Doyle's back. "We're going to have a baby," he
said, hearing the wonder in his own voice. "This is just..."
"Yeah." Doyle smiled. "It's just... just."
"Must be even more, for you. What with being the one to actually... you know."
Angel reached between them and caressed Doyle's stomach.
"It's not exactly something I'd ever imagined, no. Not that that makes it
much different than most of the other things that have happened to me."
"Yeah, I'm sure." Angel looked up into Doyle's face again. "How are you
feeling? Okay? You look tired."
"I'm fine," Doyle assured him. "Though... maybe something to eat?"
Angel sat up. "Sure. Place has got to have room service, right? Let me find a
menu." He stood and went to the desk on the other side of the room, rifling through
the drawer until he found a thick folder of hotel information. "Yeah, here," he said,
going back and offering the menu to Doyle.
Doyle was eyeing him appreciatively as he took the menu. "Thanks."
"So I guess you already have plans and stuff," Angel said, trying to sound
casually as he sat back down on the end of the bed.
"For food? Depends on what's on the menu." Doyle opened it and began
looking through it.
"No, I meant... for the baby." Plans that Angel hadn't been around to take part in.
"Oh. Not really, nothing concrete. You wanna order me the burger with fries and
the chocolate cheesecake for dessert?"
"Sure," Angel said automatically, taking the menu back. "Wait. What do you
mean, not really?" He didn't see how that was possible.
"Just what I said. I haven't looked much beyond the moment." He glanced up
at Angel. "I guess I was waiting for you to come back first."
If he'd been human, Angel might have said that it felt like there wasn't enough air
in the room. As it was, he felt... kind of like he'd been punched in the gut. "Waiting
for me to come back?" he repeated.
Doyle nodded.
Angel rubbed a hand over his face. "What if I didn't?"
"You did," Doyle pointed out.
"But what if I didn't?"
"But you *did*."
"Okay, look, humor me here. What would you have done if I hadn't had
that... visitation, or whatever, from Cordelia? What if it were six months from now, and
you were due -- " Wow, that was weird. " -- any time? Would you still not have a
plan?" Angel wasn't sure why he was so fixated on this, but he needed to know.
Doyle shook his head. "Wouldn't have happened."
Angel sighed. "It's really kind of disturbing, you know," he said conversationally,
as he reached for the phone.
"What is? That I knew you would come back?"
That you have so much faith in me. But instead of saying that out loud,
Angel just said, "Yeah," and dialed room service. "You want something to drink?" he
asked, glancing at Doyle as the other end of the line rang.
"Coke's fine."
Quickly, distractedly, Angel placed the order, then hung up the phone again. "So
do you not *want* a plan?"
"Course I want a plan! Possibly several. With flow charts."
"Now you're teasing me," Angel said, crawling onto the bed and lying down next
to Doyle again. "Not that I don't probably deserve it..."
Doyle moved to snuggle close. "Maybe exaggerating a little. But I really do want
to get things all organized and planned. Was just waiting for you to make them with."
Angel couldn't help but feel a little bit smug that Doyle had been waiting for
*him* instead of making plans with Wesley. "Well, I'm here now."
"Yeah," Doyle said with satisfaction, pressing closer. "You are."
After so many weeks without, the feel of Doyle's skin against his own was enough
to make Angel's body stir with interest. "Love you," he said. "God,
so much. More than
"Love you too." He leaned in and kissed Angel. "So what exactly were you thinking
of in the way of planning?"
"I don't know," Angel admitted. "I just... I missed all this stuff, last time. I didn't
know about... about Connor until he was almost born. Aren't there things you're
supposed to do? Doctor's appointments and baby name books and picking out clothes
and high chairs..." Connor hadn't been old enough for a high chair, and then he'd
been too old.
"There's all that stuff," Doyle said gently, as if sensing where Angel's thoughts
had gone. "Decisions to be made too. Like do we want to know what it is?"
"Connor was human. Is. Human," Angel said defensively. "If a child of two
vampires could be, I don't see any reason why this baby wouldn't..." Something about
Doyle's expression clued him in that he was on the wrong track. "And you're not
talking about that."
"No, I wasn't -- and for the record, all the tests so far fall within human parameters.
I was talking about whether it's a boy or girl."
Angel ran one fingertip along Doyle's arm, tracing a vein just under the
skin's surface. "Do you want to know?" he asked quietly.
"Do you?" Doyle countered.
"I don't know. Maybe."
"It would make choosing a name easier."
"I guess." Angel tried to change the subject. "Have you thought about names?"
"Not really. Seemed wrong to start considering that sort of thing without you."
Angel wasn't sure he wanted to think about names right then. "Whatever you want
is okay with me."
"Not much of a joint decision if all you do is agree with me," Doyle pointed out.
"Well, I'd say if it was something I *hated,*" Angel said, hoping
to lighten the mood of the discussion. "Like... Hortense."
Doyle wrinkled his nose. "Ew. Yeah, let's try to pick something that won't have the
kid getting teased for life."
"We have plenty of time," Angel said. "We don't need to decide right now. God,
you smell good."
"Do I?" Doyle asked, chuckling.
"Yeah." Bending his head, Angel licked Doyle's collarbone. "Mm. Taste good, too."
"Probably a good thing we have plenty of time, what with the way you keep
getting distracted." Doyle sounded amused.
Angel trailed his tongue up along Doyle's throat, then kissed him. "Nope. I'm
not distracted. I'm focused."
Doyle chuckled, the sound all throaty and sexy. "Is that what you call it?"
"Yup." Angel teased Doyle's lips with his own. "Definitely focused on you."
"I'm getting that impression," Doyle replied, smiling against Angel's mouth.
Angel took his time kissing Doyle, remembering what it was like all over again
and feeling grateful that he hadn't lost it -- and him -- permanently. He slid down a bit
and flicked his tongue over one dark nipple, then sucked on it gently as his hand
rubbed small circles on Doyle's back.
"Mmm, could get used to this kind of focus," Doyle said, voice getting
slightly breathless.
"You should," Angel told him. "I want you to." He continued what he'd been
doing, sliding his hand down to the dampness between Doyle's thighs and teasing
him there too.
Doyle made a sound in the back of his throat, shifting to give Angel better access.
There was something Angel knew he was supposed to be remembering, but at
that moment he didn't care. He wanted to taste every inch of Doyle's skin, touch
every part of him, lick and kiss and bite... okay, so maybe he couldn't do that last one,
but he intended to do the rest.
Doyle squirmed under his touch in a way that only encouraged Angel's attentions,
making appreciative sounds that were almost but not quite words.
"Want to do everything to you," Angel murmured, kissing the curve of Doyle's
hip. "For you. Make you feel good."
Doyle chuckled breathlessly. "I'd definitely say you're on the right track."
Easing a hand between Doyle's thighs, Angel pushed two fingers inside him
slowly, almost teasingly. He raised himself up and looked at Doyle's face, flushed
with arousal. "Tell me you love me?"
"I love you," Doyle responded immediately. He chuckled again, breaking off with
a gasp. "Would even if you weren't playing me like a violin."
Angel smiled, letting his gaze drop down and linger on Doyle's stomach, still
almost unable to believe that he was being given this second chance. He leaned in
and kissed the soft flesh there, rubbed his cheek against it as his fingers continued
to move slowly between Doyle's thighs. "Love you," he whispered silently to the
unborn baby.
Doyle touched Angel's head gently; Angel looked up and met green eyes that
shone with understanding.
He felt his eyes threaten to fill with tears, but fought them. He was so
fucking ashamed of himself for having run out on Doyle at the worst possible time, for
being such a coward, for having destroyed Connor... Angel ducked his head
again, concentrating on Doyle's pleasure, trying not to get lost in his own misery.
But Doyle tugged on his arm, pulling Angel up where he could wrap him in a
tight embrace.
Angel let his head be cradled on Doyle's chest, closing his eyes tightly and
wrapping both arms around Doyle, hanging on. He tried not to tremble, but it was hard.
"It's okay," Doyle murmured, holding onto him tightly. "I've got you."
He opened his mouth to say something -- maybe to apologize again -- but
couldn't. He nodded instead, drew a deliberate, shuddering breath in the hopes that it
would calm him down, but it felt like he was having the reaction he should have had
when he first found out about the baby, and all he could do was try not to break
down completely.
Doyle kissed him softly, then went back to just holding him, seeming to understand
what Angel was feeling.
For what felt like a long time, they lay there quietly, neither of them saying
anything. Angel tried to let himself be calmed by Doyle's even, regular breathing, by
his warmth, by the knowledge that, in that moment, at least, they were both
safe. "Sorry," he said finally, his voice rough.
"Don't be." Doyle kissed him again. "Sometimes ya just gotta let the wall down
and feel."
"It's hard." Angel meant a lot of things by it.
"I know. Letting go always is."
He breathed in Doyle's scent, nuzzled at his skin. "You've got way too
much patience, you know that?"
"Do I?" He heard the smile in Doyle's voice.
Angel lifted his head and then shifted higher so he could kiss Doyle's mouth.
"Yeah. It's unnatural."
Doyle chuckled. "Male half demon brought back from the dead in a woman's
body and pregnant by a vampire, and it's my patience that he finds unnatural."
"Hey, I never tried to claim *I* was going to win any prizes in that category."
Angel ran a fingertip down along Doyle's nose. "Plus you're a hell of a lot cuter than me.
I'm pretty sure anyone voting would declare you way too good for me."
"Can't take credit for the cuteness, but I can assure you that wouldn't be the way
I'd be voting."
Angel looked at him uncertainly. "You're kidding."
"About which -- that I can't take credit for being cute now? Or that I wouldn't vote
that I'm way too good for you?" Doyle asked then shook his head. "Doesn't
matter, they're both true."
"You are too good for me," Angel said, resting his hand on Doyle's stomach
again. He was starting to think he'd be doing that a lot in the coming months. "But I'm
going to do everything I can to make up for it. I swear."
Doyle just smiled at him.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to have a serious conversation with you when
you're looking at me like that," Angel mock-complained.
"When I look at you like what exactly?" Doyle asked, curiously.
"Like *that*," Angel said. "All... adorable. It makes me want to kiss you."
"No one's stopping you."
Angel blinked, then grinned. "Yeah, you're right." He leaned down and kissed
Doyle slowly, pulled back long enough to see the pleased smile on Doyle's face, and
then kissed him again. He was just getting ready to kiss him a third time when there
was a knock at the door.
"Hold that thought," Doyle said with a grin.
"Yeah, and you stay right here," Angel said, getting up. He pulled the covers up
and over Doyle and yanked on his trousers, then went to the door and looked out
through the peephole. "Who is it?"
"Room service," a woman's voice said.
She looked okay, and Angel couldn't see anyone in the hallway behind her, so
he unlocked the door and eased it open just enough so that he could sign for the
meal and bring the tray inside. He closed and locked the door carefully, double
checking before bringing the tray over to the bed.
"Mmm, food," Doyle said, sitting up and eyeing the tray avidly.
Angel handed it over, then went around to the other side of the bed and sat
down, leaning against the headboard. "You're being careful, right?" he asked, since it
was on his mind.
Doyle took the cover off and paused to look at Angel. "Being careful eating?'
he asked with a frown.
"No, I mean in general," Angel said, trying to sound more patient than he
felt. "You're, you know, not doing anything dangerous. Not walking to your car alone
at night. That kind of thing."
"So I shouldn't mention the sky diving and bungee jumping?"
"I'm *serious,* Doyle."
"I don't actually have a car -- borrowed one from your carpool to drive up here --
so no, I haven't been walking to my car alone at night," Doyle replied, picking up a
fry and popping it in his mouth.
Angel crossed his arms over his chest. "But you're being careful? The
correct answer here, in case you're wondering, is 'yes.'"
"Yes Angel, I am being careful," Doyle recited dutifully in between eating more fries.
"It helps if you actually mean it."
"I'm being careful, really," Doyle insisted in a less exasperated tone. "Not
spending my days wrapped in cotton, but I'm not taking any unnecessary chances."
"Okay." Angel tried to relax, since getting Doyle all irritated with him wasn't going
to do either of them any good. "I just... it's important to me."
Doyle reached out and squeezed Angel's hand briefly before taking it back
and picking up his burger.
Angel sat and watched him take a bite. "But anyway, if I'll be around -- you do
want me around, right? -- then I can help. Watch your back, I mean."
"Why do I think it won't be my back you'll be watching?" Doyle asked archly
after chewing and swallowing.
"Hey... I think about other things, you know. Lots of things." Not that he was
having an easy time thinking of any of them right now, with Doyle sitting there naked.
"Such as?"
Angel looked down at his hands. "Uh... weapons. My friends."
Connor. Seemed better not to mention that one, though.
Doyle gave him another knowing look and said, "So tell me more about when
you're not thinking of other things. Tell me what you're thinking when you watch my back."
"You mean, how I want you to be safe?" Angel asked.
"I was thinking more about how you wanted to ravish me, but..."
"Oh. Well, yeah, I always want to do that. Even when I'm not watching
your... back." Angel decided, not for the first time, that he liked watching
Doyle eat. "I kinda like the thought of your body changing. Although I
guess maybe you've had enough of that, huh."
"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Doyle paused to take a drink of his coke. "But this
is different somehow."
"At least in the end you'll have something to show for it," Angel said, then he
cleared his throat and corrected himself. "Someone."
"Yeah." Doyle smiled at him. "We both will."
"Yeah." He tried to imagine it -- another little warm bundle, like Connor had been,
so incredibly alive -- and still found it too hard to believe.
Doyle's smile widened. "Now that's the look I've wanted to see on your face about
all this."
Angel rubbed his foot against Doyle's bare thigh. "It's just... I don't know what I did
to deserve this."
"I think it involved you, me and naked time." Doyle went back to eating
his hamburger.
Sitting forward, Angel stretched out a hand and ran his fingers lightly down
Doyle's side in a gentle caress. "And you really want this? With me?" He didn't just mean
the baby, he meant... everything.
Doyle nodded, then finished chewing and swallowed quickly. "I'm sure. Promise."
He sat back again, never taking his eyes off Doyle, feeling a smile on his face. It
felt good, if unfamiliar. "We're going to have a baby. You and me."
"By George, I think he's got it," Doyle teased.
"Nah, George is almost as bad as Hortense," Angel shot back. The thought that
it might be a boy was more upsetting than he would have guessed, though, and
he figured he should be glad he'd have plenty of time to get used to the idea.
"All right, I agree with you on Hortense. That is a terrible thing to do to a child."
"Are you trying to tell me you like George?" This was easier, keeping
the conversation light.
"It's not that bad a name. But no, doesn't really fit with 'Doyle.'" Doyle
hesitated. "Unless you want to use your last name... which you haven't used in
several centuries so probably not, huh?"
"Probably not," Angel agreed. "When we took..." Sometimes he could say it,
and other times he just couldn't. "Cordy told them my last name was Angel, so I guess
as far as official paperwork stuff was concerned, that was it. But Doyle's fine."
He offered Doyle a smile. "Kind of attached to it, actually."
Doyle grinned back. "Glad to hear that." Two more bites and the hamburger
was gone.
"Have you thought about where to have it?" Angel asked. The idea of the baby
being born in a regular hospital made his chest feel tight. "I mean, vampire father,
part-demon mother..."
"Haven't really got that far yet," Doyle admitted, eyeing his dessert.
Angel wondered what the hell Doyle *had* been thinking about for the past weeks
if it hadn't been this. "You keep saying that."
"Probably because it keeps being true."
"But shouldn't you be thinking about this stuff?" Angel knew he sounded tense.
"I've had other things on my mind that seemed of more immediate importance."
"More -- " Angel deliberately closed his mouth and didn't say whatever it was
he'd been about to say. Mostly stuff that would have pissed Doyle off probably.
"Like what?" he asked calmly.
Doyle glanced at him then turned back to his cheesecake, sinking his fork into
it. "Like getting you back."
That took all the wind out of Angel's sails. Again. "You really thought I was
coming back."
"I did." He paused to take a bite. "Sooner or later."
Angel shook his head and brought a hand up to his face, rubbing his temples
with fingertips and thumb. "Okay. Okay, fine. So we'll deal with it now."
It already felt like they'd left it too long, like there wasn't possibly enough
time to take care of everything they needed to take care of.
Doyle reached out and pulled Angel's hand down, squeezing it gently, then
replacing it at Angel's temple with his own fingers. "Relax. There's months to go yet. But
we can start talking about things and figuring out choices if you want." Doyle smiled
at him. "Together."
He tried to do what Doyle had suggested and relax, but it was hard, and he
couldn't help but think that relaxing should be more, well, relaxing. "Sorry," he said,
closing his eyes, grateful for Doyle's soothing touch. "I promise there'll be at least
five minutes that I'm not a control freak about all of this."
"That long?" Doyle teased gently.
"Only if you're lucky." Angel sighed.
Doyle leaned over and kissed him, tasting of the chocolate cheesecake he'd
been eating. "Okay, you've got my complete attention. What do you want us to
make decisions about?"
Snaking an arm out and wrapping it around Doyle's waist, Angel pulled him in
closer for a more thorough kiss. "We don't have to make the actual decisions right now,"
he said.
"No?" Doyle smiled. "You've something else in mind?"
"I just meant..." Angel bent his head and kissed the tender spot between
Doyle's neck and shoulder. "I just want to know we're *going* to decide. Not put it off."
"We'll decide." Doyle raised a hand to touch Angel's cheek. "I was just waiting
for you."
Angel kissed him again, more hungrily this time. "You have no idea how much
I missed you."
"Gonna show me?" Doyle challenged, eyes bright with anticipation.
"You want me to?" He bit at Doyle's lips, his hand kneading Doyle's ass. "Want me
to show you how you're all I think about?"
"Yeah," Doyle breathed against Angel's mouth.
Deciding to trust that Doyle would tell him if he was too rough, Angel went
to work, kissing Doyle repeatedly and with great enthusiasm. He ran his hands
over Doyle's body, paying attention to which touches made Doyle's breath catch
in his throat and made his heart beat a little bit faster.
"Mmm," Doyle all but purred. "God, I missed you."
Good, Angel thought but didn't say. "Turn around," he said, maneuvering them
until Doyle's back was against his chest so that he could kiss the nape of Doyle's
neck and play with his nipples at the same time. "Love you. Just *think* about you and
I get hard."
"Like the thought of having that kind of power over you," Doyle murmured,
squirming slightly back against Angel.
Angel made a pleased sound and rubbed his erection against Doyle's
ass, continuing to pinch one nipple as he slid the other hand down between
Doyle's thighs into the wet heat there. "Crazy about you."
Doyle spread his legs wider, giving Angel better access. "Feeling's mutual."
He gasped. "'Specially when you do that."
"Oh yeah? You like that?" Angel kept up what he was doing, sucking gently on
the side of Doyle's throat, feeling Doyle's pulse against his lips and tongue.
"Yeah," Doyle replied, his eyes drifting shut.
God, the warmth of him, and the taste of his skin... Angel wanted more. He
shifted their positions slightly, lifting Doyle up onto his knees, letting his cock slide
against slick hot flesh. He groaned softly and scraped his teeth along Doyle's shoulder.
"God yeah. Feel so good."
"You too." Doyle squirmed against him. "Could feel even better..."
Angel didn't need another invitation -- he eased himself into Doyle, trying to
be gentle as his cock slid home, buried deep in Doyle's body.
Doyle gasped at the action. "Yeah," he said, with a breathless chuckle. "Like that."
There was something primal about taking someone from behind -- it made it all
the more difficult not to be rough, not to thrust into Doyle carelessly. Angel
concentrated on how incredible it felt to be inside Doyle, welcomed, loved,
and tried not to think about how good it would be to be able to let go.
Doyle was rocking gently against him making soft sounds of pleasure in the back
of his throat. "Missed this... missed you."
"I love hearing you say that," Angel said, even if maybe he shouldn't admit it.
"I missed you, too. Missed being inside you." He thrust in again, letting Doyle set
the rhythm, taking it slow.
"Me too." Doyle turned his head for a kiss. "Could stay like this forever."
Angel kissed him again, hungrily. "Yeah, just like this." It was a nice fantasy, that
was for sure.
Doyle continued kissing him as he began to move a bit faster.
Their bodies worked well together, rocking in unison, slightly deeper thrusts now
that Angel was getting caught up in how it felt and doing a little less thinking. "God,
yeah. Doyle..."
Bracing himself on Angel's arm around him, Doyle rode him harder, obviously
losing himself in what they were doing as much as Angel was.
Angel let go -- not completely, but enough -- as he let himself meet every one
of Doyle's thrusts with just as much force, making it all feel twice as good until he
was making little pained sounds with every stroke, feeling it in his bones. He slid his
hand down between Doyle's thighs and rubbed his fingertip lightly over the spot
that elicited the same kinds of sounds from Doyle.
Doyle's voice went up in volume as he got closer, but he was completely silent
when he came.
The tight heat clenching around his cock was enough to push Angel over the
edge too -- a couple more thrusts and he came with a soft moan, clutching Doyle to him
as the shudders ran through both their bodies.
They stayed like that for long moments with Doyle leaning against him boneless
and sated.
Finally Angel bent his head and kissed Doyle's ear, his jaw, his neck. "You okay?"
"Yeah." He heard the smile in Doyle's voice. "Okay would be the least of what I am."
Angel glanced over at the dinner tray, which miraculously had managed to stay
on the end of the bed without falling off. "We interrupted your dinner."
"Was worth it."
"Well, good. We still could have waited." Not that it was a big deal, really.
"Take it as a compliment," Doyle suggested. "You won out over
chocolate cheesecake to the pregnant person."
"Huh," Angel said. "I'm better than chocolate cheesecake?"
"If I had to choose between the two? You'd win hands down."
Angel wrapped his other arm around Doyle too, just holding him for a few
seconds. "Good to know."
After a moment, Doyle added, "Of course if I can have both you *and* the
chocolate cheesecake..."
Chuckling, Angel kissed Doyle's ear and released him, easing out of his body
and leaning back against the headboard of the bed again. "I'll get you
chocolate cheesecake whenever you want it."
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