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Shouldn't Be Here
by WesleysGirl
Rating: NC-17
Angel/Wesley
Wesley waited outside the hotel for hours. He assumed that Angel wouldn't
notice him when he headed off for parts unknown, and he was right. The
vampire didn't look left or right - as soon as darkness fell he left the
hotel, and he didn't look back, either.
Wesley went through the door like he owned the place.
Knew he wouldn't start locking the door, he thought.
He had no idea what Angel was up to, really. He'd been planning this for
days, but he'd been careful not to let Cordelia and Gunn know what he
was going to do. He assumed they'd recommend against it, talk him out
of it. They were so angry at Angel that there wasn't any kind of understanding
left in them. Given the chance they might stake him, themselves.
I know what comes after this, Cordelia had said. Lame line drawings of
your friends, dead fish on a string. And then dead friends - not on a
string, though.
He's gone off the deep end, Gunn had said. Time for us to move on, do
what we've gotta do.
Wesley went into the office feeling like an intruder. He searched through
the piles of papers on the desk without finding anything enlightening.
Old case files that Cordelia had been responsible for filing, receipts
from the endless rounds of breakfast burritos and Chinese food, notes
he'd taken himself about one thing or another. Nothing that told him the
true story, nothing that cleared the confusion that clouded his mind.
He hadn't truly expected to find anything. If he had chosen to be honest
with himself, he would have admitted that he really only wanted to be
in Angel's space again. He wanted to immerse himself in what Angel was
thinking, feeling. He didn't expect any sudden flashes, any breakthroughs,
but he couldn't stay away.
He went slowly up the stairs and into Angel's room. He could almost smell
him, the slightly musky - dare he think it, dead - scent of the vampire
hanging low in the air. He shouldn't have come, but he couldn't stay away.
He went over to the mirror that Angel hadn't gotten around to removing
from his room and looked at himself in the dim light. Somehow, it didn't
seem right to turn the lights on. No, still the same rather thin Englishman,
looking uncharacteristically pale and drawn.
Without letting himself think about it, he went into Angel's bathroom
and piece by piece removed his clothing until he stood naked on the cold
tile floor. He turned the shower on and stepped in, standing under the
hot spray without soap or movement, still trying not to think. He ran
a hand down his chest to the heaviness between his legs, unconsciously
fondling himself in an idle fashion.
No thinking about Angel, now, he reminded himself sternly, and even that
thought caused his penis to stiffen in his hand. Even without soap the
water was enough, and picturing the vampire's dark eyes he stroked himself
to a panting completion against the shower wall. Before he finished he
was fighting back tears, salt mixing with salt and rinsed away down the
drain like a memory.
But the feeling of utter rejection continued, and he had to shut off the
shower and stagger, still wet, to Angel's spartan bed. He wouldn't cry
against Angel's clean white pillow, his tears wouldn't dampen the pristine
fabric. There was a tight feeling in his throat and chest. No matter how
much he tried to understand, he couldn't. He and Cordelia, especially,
had been at Angel's side, fighting the darkness and trying to shed some
light on Los Angeles. Why they had been abandoned now, after all their
hard work and loyalty, was incomprehensible.
The only explanation was one that he was unwilling to accept. That the
Angel they had known was gone, somehow. Replaced by Angelus, or at least
a somewhat paler shadow of him - a man they didn't know, couldn't understand.
Who did crazy, insane things like sanctioning the death of human beings
(if one could even consider lawyers to be human beings.) Who kicked his
friends out onto the doorstep with nowhere else to go. Leaving said friends
to decide whether or not to continue in the work they has started together.
Except that there never was a choice, was there?
Still reeling in confusion, Wesley stood up and slipped on Angel's robe,
which had been hanging over a chair. He went over to the dresser and opened
the drawers one by one, looking for - he didn't know what. Longingly touched
Angel's slacks, t-shirts. He went over to the small stack of CDs on a
side table and flipped through them casually. He read the names of the
albums and artists, but the letters flowed over him like water and were
gone without imparting any meaning.
He shouldn't have come. He knew Angel wouldn't forgive the intrusion.
He wandered over to the small desk in the corner and noticed a scribbled
letter sitting there. He picked it up and managed to pick out a few words
- "Dear Boy" and "Meet me." He couldn't read any more.
(It wasn't my writing.)
Angel might be back soon.
(It wasn't my writing.)
There was a noise and Wesley looked up. Frozen, unable to move or breathe.
Angel was standing in the doorway.
"Get out," he said.
Wesley couldn't move. Couldn't breathe.
"Get out, now," growled Angel. "Or I won't be responsible
for what happens."
Didn't move. Didn't breathe.
Angel strode over to him and grabbed his shoulder in a crushingly hard
grip.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he said, and then his lips came
down hard over Wesley's, and breathing was no longer an option.
Their tongues playing a mad version of keep away, the two staggered backward.
Angel was propelling Wesley toward the bed in a deliberate and desperate
fashion.
Angel shoved him down onto the bed roughly, and he gasped for air. The
vampire leaned down and ripped the robe (his robe) open, exposing Wesley's
chest to his hungry mouth. Wes gasped as Angel's lips claimed his skin,
suckling with a frenzy that could only belong to a vampire. Angel smelled
of the sea, of smoke, and just faintly of gasoline.
"Wes," said Angel in a low voice. "Why did you leave me?"
Wesley shoved Angel's face away from himself and grabbed the other man
by the collar of his shirt. "You're mad," he said. "You
threw us out."
"But I didn't want you to go," Angel said, leaning in and kissing
Wes once more, and no less ferociously.
"Then perhaps you shouldn't have fired me," Wesley said when
he could speak again, hoping that Cordelia and Gunn would forgive him
for leaving them in the dust.
Angel groaned and pressed his weight down onto the slighter man, moving
his lower body against Wesley's before reaching a hand down to grip Wesley's
erection. Wes groaned even more loudly than Angel had and thrust upward
into the other man's grasp, unable to stop himself, unable to believe
that this wasn't a dream. The feeling of Angel's lips and tongue against
his throat was intoxicating.
Wesley grabbed Angel's hair and pulled him back for another searing kiss.
Angel's mouth tasted salty and sweet at the same time. The feel of Angel's
slightly cool hand exploring every square inch of his cock was enough
to make him groan again.
"I've missed you so much," said Angel, before shifting his body
lower and taking Wesley into his mouth.
Wes twitched and let out a little cry, unable to respond to Angel's words.
Angel let his tongue trace Wesley's cock lovingly, from tip to shaft and
back again. He grasped Wesley's hips with both hands to hold him still
and then quickly took his entire length deep into his throat with one
swift movement. Wes bucked violently but managed to stay relatively silent
by biting his lower lip with bruising force. The exquisite feeling of
Angel's mouth and throat around his shaft was almost more than he could
bear.
"Angel..." he panted. "I..."
The vampire paused and looked up at Wesley, whose face was flushed with
desire. "Too much?" he asked. He didn't wait to hear the answer,
but instead lifted Wes bodily by the hips and flipped them neatly, so
that Angel was lying, still fully clothed, beneath the slighter man. He
shoved at the robe that was still hanging from Wesley's shoulders and
dropped it to the floor beside the bed. Grabbed Wesley's ass in both hands
and reached his mouth up for another kiss.
Wes returned the kiss with avid fervor, exploring the inside of Angel's
mouth with his tongue and running one hand down the side of the vampire's
face to his throat. Fumbling, he managed to undo the top three buttons
on Angel's shirt, enough so that he could slide his hand inside and run
his eager fingers across Angel's chest. He felt almost light-headed with
desire - the touch of Angel's clothes against his own bare skin was maddening.
"Please, Angel, I..."
"What?"
"I want to..." Wesley's fingers plucked at the waistband of
Angel's pants.
"What, Wesley? Feel me naked against you? Feel my skin against yours,
my cock against yours?"
Wes gasped and ground his erection against Angel helplessly. "Yes,
please..."
Angel slid over and stood up, leaving Wes lying naked on the bed to watch
as he quickly stripped off his clothes. He took a step closer to the bed,
so that his knees were pressed against the mattress and his erection was
within inches of Wesley's hand.
Taking the hint, Wes reached out and wrapped his fingers around this most
intimate of Angel's parts. His fingers explored the hardened cock, sliding
down to cup his balls gently. Angel made a tiny sound - it couldn't have
been called a moan, but it was definitely meant as encouragement. Wes
shifted his body slightly to get a better grip and wrapped his lips around
the tip of Angel's cock, circling the end with his tongue in a widening
spiral of wetness. He could taste the faint, slightly salty hint of pre-ejaculate.
"Wes...yeah, that's it," said Angel quietly. "Just like
that."
Wesley grasped Angel's cock in his hand and slid his fingers slowly down
to the base while his tongue continued to play with the tip. Then he moved
his hand all the way back up to the tip, sliding Angel's foreskin gently
up and over, easily because of the combined lubricant of pre-come and
saliva. Angel didn't make a sound but thrust his hips forward wantonly,
seeking more contact with Wesley's skin. Wesley didn't deny him - he licked
the head of Angel's cock again and then took him completely into his mouth,
moving up and down purposefully.
"God, that feels so good. Your mouth is so warm," whispered
Angel. He put a hand on Wesley's head, caressing his hair and urging him
to continue. Wesley was more than happy to oblige. His left hand was wrapped
around the base of Angel's shaft, and he slid his right hand over to hold
on to the vampire's hip. Angel's movement quickened.
And then suddenly Angel was on top of him, skin on skin, their cocks rubbing
together and against each other's thighs and bellies. Angel's cock was
slippery with Wesley's saliva and it dampened everything it touched, causing
a slick friction that was delicious and made it impossible for Wesley
to keep still. Angel grabbed Wesley's ass in both hands and pulled him
even closer, grinding their bodies together. Wesley began to pant heavily
as the stimulation became almost too much to bear, and in an attempt to
stave off the inevitable, he reached down between their bodies and grasped
Angel's cock in his hand, pumping fiercely.
"Wes..." Angel whispered. "Want you so bad... Oh, God,
I'm coming..."
With a shout, Angel came, throwing his head back as the waves of pleasure
washed over him. Wesley didn't loosen his grip on Angel's penis, and as
his orgasm faded Angel whimpered at the continued pressure. Wesley arched
his back, pressing his own aching hardness against Angel's hip bone.
And then Angel was up again, standing beside the bed and pulling his slacks
on. He kept his eyes carefully averted from Wesley's as he bent and picked
up his shirt from the floor. "I thought I told you to get out,"
he said coldly, and walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway without
looking back.
End
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